Those last words

REMEMBERING DADDY

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son Jai plus my Taylor, 13. fect way e bankweekend. g home 10.30pm, tucked Jai ai into bed nd closed he door to

is bedroom. But it dn’t drown ut the loud hattering f Joe and our neighbour who he’d invited over to carry on the weekend’s celebrations. I marched downstairs and burst into the lounge.

‘You’ll wake Jai J I protested.

As our neighbour slammed down his beer. ‘You always spoil my fun,’ he spat before storming out. Joe and I first met over Facebook in June 2013. We’d got engaged on Christmas Day that same year.

After five years together, I knew all too well when he was in one of his moods.

And this was one of them. In the garden, we continued to bicker.

Joe grabbed his new bike and started wheeling it down the driveway, unable to get it started.

I tried to stop him. ‘You’ve had a beer!’ I said. But I was fighting a losing battle.

He just wanted to get away. ‘What do I tell your son when you don’t come home?’ I shouted after him.

I never meant a word of it. It was just a stupid row.

But for the next half hour

I think twice about silly squabbles these days edge as I sat on the sofa.

Something didn’t feel right. I told Taylor to grab her coat while I got Jai Jai out of bed and put him in his pushchair. ‘We’re going to look for Daddy,’ I told Jai Jai. I knew Joe wouldn’t have got very far, especially with his bike not working. But after walking five minutes down the road, we saw a crowd of people and some blue flashing lights. Somehow, I knew it was Joe.

‘Great,’ I said to Taylor. ‘A night in A&E over a broken arm is just what we need.’ Then, in the midst of my sarcasm, one of our neighbours came rushing over to me... ‘You need to go down there,’ she exclaimed. But, still annoyed after our squabble, maybe in shock, I turned around and took the kids back to the house. A few minutes later, the police were at my door. My heart hammered in my chest as I invited them in. ‘There’s been an accident,’ an officer explained. All I could do was sit and listen as they explained Joe had managed to get his bike started then crashed it into a van parked on a bend. He’d suffered serious injuries. Medics had tried to perform emergency surgery on him as he lay in the road. But it was to no avail. While I’d thought Joe had just had a minor bump, I’d been oblivious to the reality. Then the officer broke the truth I had tried to walk away from. ‘I’m afraid Joe didn’t make I’ll tell Jai Jai all about him Happy times: me, Taylor and Joe

it,’ the officer said. ‘Why are you lying to me?’ I hissed, in sheer denial. But as they explained more about what had happened, I realised… Joe was dead. I couldn’t believe it. ‘But I was with him just half an hour ago,’ I tried to reason to the police officer through streams of tears. As Taylor came into the room, I had to tell her. Her sobs fell in sync with mine. I looked over at Jai Jai, blissfully unaware his daddy was gone. I called Joe’s family and I ran door-to-door around our close-knit neighbourhood. Tears streamed down my face as I told them the terrible news. Joe was loved by everyone. His kind and caring nature meant he made friends wherever he went. How can he just be gone? We soon found out Joe had sustained seven fatal injuries in the crash. He’d broken his ribs, the bones puncturing his vital organs.

Harrowing. In the days that followed, I set about organising Joe’s funeral.

As I sat in the chapel, I burst into tears. Why my Joe? I thought. Joe’s funeral was held on 19 May 2018, and huge crowds turned out to celebrate his life.

Both Taylor and I delivered speeches. Now, we visit Joe’s grave every week.

Each night before I tuck Jai Jai into bed, we look at photos of us all together. ‘This is when me and Daddy went caravanning,’ I tell him, pointing at the pictures.

Even if Jai Jai doesn’t remember that much about his dad, he knows exactly who he is.

And I will never let him forget.

Just as I never will. Jai Jai is a lovely reminder of Joe.

He has the same eyes and hair as him and is just as mischievous. Now I have to walk past that same spot where I saw the blue lights every day. And every time I do, I can still see exactly how things looked that fateful night. You never think it’s going to happen to someone close to you. I wish my last words had been different, wish we hadn’t argued. But Joe knew how much I loved him and that serves as a comfort for me. I think twice about silly squabbles now. Senseless words you’ll live to regret. I always tell my babies that I love them before they go to sleep. Because you just never know when your time is up.

A HEADSTONE Leanne is fundraising to buy a headstone for Joe’s grave. For more information, visit: justgiving.com/ crowdfunding/ leanne-bale-1