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PAGE 100
Yo u r b e s t m o i s t u r i z e r c o m e s i n a l i t t l e R e d J a r. L E A R N
Self-care isn’t selfish enough
A PSA FOR
J O H N M AY E R
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BY
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march cover stories
ve you e ve
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How to scam your boss
100
Lucy Hale started breaking rules a long time ago—you just weren’t paying attention
112
Exclusive! Shirtless! Pilot Pete! Photos! Inside! That is all.
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So this sign is the best at sex
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First inside cover: Christian Cowan dress. Jennifer Fisher earrings Second inside cover: Salvatore Ferragamo top and shorts. Cano Jewelr y earrings. Jennifer Fisher rings Fashion by Cassie Anderson. Photographs by Ben Watts. To get Lucy’s look, try Rouge Coco Flash in Rush, Crayon Sourcils in Noir Cendré, Ultra Le Teint in Beige 20, Le Volume de Chanel in Noir, and Baume Essentiel in Transparent, all by Chanel. Hair: Laura Polko at The Wall Group using Texture Sexy Hair. Makeup: Jenna Kristina at The Wall Group using Chanel. Manicure: Julie Kandalec using Chanel Le Vernis. Props styled by Kaitlyn Du Ross Walker for Honey Artists
75 FURBABIES!
A V, V S P E C I A L SECTION ALL ABOUT PETS ( YOURS + THE ONES YOU * S H O U L D * H AV E )
6 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
irl? rg
ON THE COVER Salvatore Ferragamo top and shorts. Cano Jewelry earrings
inside 12
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life
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R U B E N C H A M O R R O. S E E PA G E 131 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .
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Editor-in- Chief
SVP/Publishing Director, Chief Revenue Officer
JESSICA PELS
NANCY BERGER
CRE ATIVE D I REC TO R Andy Turnbull E X ECU T IVE ED I TO R Sascha de Gersdorff D EPU T Y ED ITO RS Rosa Heyman, Jen Ortiz CH I EF FASH I O N D I REC TO R, WOM EN ’S G RO U P
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Ed letter Edited by EIC Jessica Pels
Meet sex and relationships editor Carina Hsieh, who has one of those Cosmo job titles that’s really fun to mention at parties. She’s also, like, obsessed with us? She interned in our fashion closet (twice), was our weekend social media editor (while still in college!), and worked on our Snapchat team before landing her current gig. Here’s a day in her (very dog-obsessed) life.
D us e n D us e n d o g swe a t e r, $80, s h o p d o g a n d c o.c o m
9 A.M.
I used to set my alarm to NPR,
4 P. M .
before bed, then
to get up. Today, it’s Spider-Man 2.
her hair and makeup
Sorting messages than prioritizing on otic energy about for us messes—we still get shit done!) to work, but today is special: She’s a
1 P. M .
5 P. M .
The shoot is wrapped, and my story is live. I start a piece I’m doing for our Insta Itinerary series about the most Instagrammable spots in Tokyo. Yes, I actually went there to find them—mail the Pulitzer to my work address, please. (I couldn’t afford to study abroad in college, but I get paid to travel now. Bitter 19-year-old me is shook.)
6 :15 P. M .
BB and I head to a puppy playdate. We order Taco Bell (and pay an insane $7 delivery fee on a $4 Crunchwrap Supreme). I’m not dating right now, but my friend is, so I mine our convo for story ideas. Gossiping about boys “for research” is a perk I’ll never take for granted. Also, hating your BFF’s BF carries lots more weight when you have what I have on your business card.
Carina Hsieh S ex and Re l at io nships Edit or @CARINAHSIEH
C a r i n a’s st o r i e s i n t his issu e
1 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
Are they mad at you o r s o m e t hing? Pg. 28
Whic h plant c hild you should a d o pt, p g. 68
D o g f ashun, p g. 77; Tr ue crim e: Whe re S prout at? Pg. 78
Pure l y evil reve ng e f ant asie s, p g. 94
TO P : R U B E N C H A M O R R O.
breaks things up in a fun way. Instead of having HALF THE DAY left until couch time, I have only a few hours (remember: chaotic energy).
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Before
After
c e l e b Bad news for y o u r I G f e e d, great news for your internal o r g a ns.
A Coachella eulogy H o n e st l y, sh e h a d a gre a t r un.
ALL: GET T Y IM AGES.
By HANNAH CHAMBERS
1 2 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
D I O R .C O M NORDSTROM
THE NEW FRAGRANCE
THE NEW FRAGRANCE LIFT TO DISCOVER DIOR HOMME THE NEW FRAGRANCE
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Greetings, OG micro-influencers, festiphiles, and former icons of everything hot and happening. We are gathered here today to mourn the tragic passing of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. A notorious ripper that came into this world as a bb indie event in 1999, Coachella really was That FOMO Bitch (especially during our peak hot girl years, for better or for worse). Now, let’s take another minute to really remember: For the better part of a decade, going to Coachella was unquestionably the coolest thing anyone could do. Cooler than asking Drake to murder your vagina. Cooler than Kim Kardashian’s naked motorcycle straddle in that creepy Kanye video. Cooler than the ice-bucket-challenge thing. I myself once lived for frolicking all
over the desert in a pair of shredded high-waisted shorts. But eventually, like the rest of you, I thought, Wait...why am I paying hundreds of dollars to get dehydrated in an awkwardly heavy crochet top? In a crowd of people wearing the exact same crochet top? It became impossible to justify Coachella’s difficult party conditions when her lineup started to include acts we’d already seen at our college’s springfling concert. (A heartfelt RIP to you, too, Chainsmokers.) In painful times like these, we shouldn’t look to place blame on anyone for Coachella’s demise. But if I were forced to venture a guess, I would say the name of the perp starts with an “I” and
produced video that anyone could watch anytime, justifying the trek for a few posts quickly lost its appeal. (Still love you, Bey.) Speaking of celebrities—aka those among us who loved
ends with an “nstagram.” Because at the risk of sounding like a total boomer, I can’t help but notice that Coachella began as a place where people didn’t want to be photographed— because ou k n ow yo y ur a n g l e s, If they were u can get c sweaty and yo aq pi y u t a i l doing illeyour own n gal things. fro i nt yard. Now, posting a selfie from in front of the and used Coachonce-iconic ferris ella best—we’ll wheel is a tired social always treasure the media trope. days when the festiOr maybe it was val gave regular ol’ Beyoncé who did it. music fans the chance Ever since she turned to party alongside her 2018 perforfamous people. mance into an intiWhen all of us had mate, gorgeously a decent chance of spilling our Solo cups
on Paris Hilton or seeing Leo dancing in your dad’s cargo shorts IRL. After the weekend took a turn for the Influencer Olympics, with exclusive, branded pool parties stripping normals of star access, it was honestly just never the same. Moving on is always difficult, and our IG algorithms will likely take the longest to heal. But when the going gets rough, we must remember that if you know your angles, you can get a quality pic in your own front yard. And that metallic fanny pack you ordered from ASOS in anticipation of Coachella 2020 need not go to waste. You can always wear it to a local concert with a cluster of porta potties. Bring some warm tequila in a flask shaped like a tampon. It’s what Coachella would have wanted.
M a rc h 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n
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celeb
S hiny n ew b a e R i c h a r d E l l is t o l d m e eve r y t hin g a b o u t his k in g -siz e b e d The 25 -year- old I Am Not Okay With This actor talked to me about condoms, red wine, and his decor for half an hour. Then he but t - dialed me. This! Guy! B y E M M A B A T Y Gu ys never do that! Give me a visual: Where are you sit ting right now? On my couch in my apartment. There’s not much on the walls. I do have a nice music setup, guitars and amps. I’m just waiting for someone to come in here and spruce it
I know, because people usually tell me, “Wow, you ask a lot of questions.” Then I try to go as long as I can without saying anything because I wait for it to naturally swing back. L et ’s continue t his conversation in your b e dro om. What size mat t ress are we t alking? I indulged in this kingsize one that I probably didn’t need. I Amazon’ed it. Some memory foam. It’s pretty fantastic, actually, if I’m being honest. I like honest y. Can you share w hat ’s going on in your night st and?
NIGHT PHONE CALL
Richard Ellis is…confusingly attractive. Confusing because he somehow looks like both Tom Holland and Harry Styles at the exact same time. (You see it, right?) Yet his sleepy eyes and prep-school hair have tragically stayed under the radar until, well, right now. His new Netflix fantasy-ish high school series (think: less feel-good Heroes, more dark and twisty Buffy) is finally putting him where he belongs—in that heavenly stratosphere of internet boyfriends where infinite artistic Tumblr tributes are born. Here’s how we fell in love, er, conducted a strictly professional work call.
1 4 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
apartment smelling like a dude when someone walks in. Dimmer lighting. You gotta set the mood! It’s probably just gonna be a movie, a little bit of wine, a lot of conversation. Just sitting on the couch and really getting to know a person. I ask a lot of questions.
I’m guessing that hair b and was lef t b ehind by a “friend”? No comment.
B E N J O A R WA S .
F R I DAY-
I’ve got my glasses on top, because I do need glasses. Inside, we have condoms, a deck of cards, some lube, a hair band, Post-it Notes, Tic Tacs, a pair of headphones, my spare car key, a stapler, and then, last but not least, an iPhone 5 that I keep in case my phone breaks.
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Correct the appearance of redness.
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T h e b e ginn e r ’s g ui d e t o M a r ve l
A n t -M a n: I s s a t e e ny t iny Pa u l Ru d d!
ossary
HYDRA A terrorist org. The enemy, big-time.
Because, wow, there are a lot of these movies!!! By ELIZABETH ENTENMAN
Infinit y Stones
16
More people you want by your side when shit gets real.
Did I mention this would get confusing? 1. Captain America: Chris Evans A ’40s supersoldier who wakes up in 2011, midcentury charm still intact.
4. Captain Mar vel: Brie Larson A badass Air Force pilot (with powers, obvs).
3. Star-Lord: Chris Pratt Part human, part sortaalien. A lil full of himself, but somehow it works.
5. Black Panther: Chadwick Boseman The king of Wakanda and also our hearts.
2. Thor: Chris Hemsworth God of Thunder. Has a (very heavy) hammer and knows how to use it.
6. SpiderMan: Tom Holland You know the 5
basics. He is just a kid but wants to be an Avenger real bad.
Loki
7. Black Widow: Scarlett Johansson A scary-smart former Russian superspy.
Thor’s sometimes bad, sometimes good adopted bro. He’s complicated, okay?
8. Iron Man: Robert Downey Jr. Bad-boy tech genius with endless money. Spoiler alert: Don’t get too attached.
Multiverse Alternate universes that may or may not be a thing. So basically anything is possible. Cool-cool.
2
Thanos
6 3
A super-bad dude. Like, whoa. Pretty much just killing whoever it takes to get himself total control of everything.
8
Extremely rare, nearly indestructible element found in Wakanda. It’s what Black Panther’s suit and Captain America’s shield are made of.
4
1 7
A L L I M A G E S ( 9 ): A L A MY.
Vibranium
ossary
*Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and Aquaman all exist in the rival DC Comics Universe, so you won’t see them here. Spider-Man straddles both the DCU and the MCU bc of some v, v complex rights stuff. IDK, man.
h e r oin es
T h e o n es p l a ye d by Chris es
gl
Welcome to the Mar vel Cinematic Universe, aka the MCU, aka the home of almost every superhero you’ve seen in spandex heard of*, including the Avengers. And if you’ve been just half-watching for the muscly Thor scenes (no judgment), you should probably GAF about the details before ScarJo’s unmissable Black Widow this May. Is there a ridic number of big characters (some human, some—most?—not)? Sure. But nearly all the movies are tied together, so learn ’em at once (read: right now) and you’ll suddenly be able to get every nefarious threat and inside joke. So let’s start with the basics—and also accept the fact that you’ll probably spend your first few Marvels googling questions. It’s fine.
Six precious gems representing mind, power, reality, soul, space, and time. Together, they make you all-powerful.
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Eat in peace. For once.
celeb
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f o u r -s c r e e n d a y i n t h e l i f e o f a
do th
8 p.m.
i
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O n e f r a n t i c, t wo - p h o n e,
’s et
4 p.m.
Ky li e -J e nn e r - f a n It’s a GD hustle, people. By EMMA BATY
Jessica readies her two iPhones: one for posting, the other for constant feed-refreshing in hopes of finding something like a blurry screenshot of a security guard carrying a case of Bulgari jewelry to Kylie’s hotel.
The M e t G ala is her Sup e r Bow l.
5 p.m.
You might think the night slows down once Kylie’s in the no-photos-allowed zone, but Jessica’s DMs are blowing up with requests for juicy leaks. And— huzzah!—Jessica nabs the first repost of an epic photo of Kylie and Kim with Miley Cyrus.
12 a . m .
6 p.m. Dominating tonight’s coverage is all about snagging and reposting the first pic of Kylie, so it’s time to get sneaky: Jessica inspects vids on Snapchat Maps and refreshes tagged photos. The adrenaline is fucking real.
TBH, the previous six hours are now kinda hazy, like a fully sober brownout. Jessica finally falls into bed, her two phones on her pillow, and sets alarms to wake up every couple of hours. Y’all, the girl is dedicated.
2 a.m. 2 018
2 017
2 019
Just when she’s thinking she might be able to spare a hand to inhale a burrito, it happens: Jessica catches a glimpse of that now-famous sleek black gown via a fan’s tagged pic from outside Kylie’s hotel. She reposts it immediately.
G E T T Y I M AGES.
7 p.m.
Time to troll for after-party leaks, JIC some Beyoncé-inan-elevator-type shit goes down. Nope, Kylie’s a drama-free mama TN. Still, that 4 a.m. alarm gets set—in case anything changes.
gning off
18 Cosmop olitan M arch 2020
9 p.m.
Si
There are but a handful of moments that can make or break the street cred of an Instagram-fan-account runner—that is, one of the few, the proud, and, yes, the wildly obsessive peeps who dedicate hours each day to cataloging a certain celeb’s every OOTD and comment reply. For Jessica, the mystery woman behind @KylieSnapchat, that moment was the 2018 Met Gala, Kylie’s first big event since she surprisebirthed one Miss Stormi Webster. What started out as a casual hobby to memorialize the Lip Kit queen’s Snap vids had turned into a full-on ~1-million-followers (mostly unpaid!) side hustle, and fans were depending on Jessica to break the first looks of Kylie’s “I’m back, bitches” dress. And also, ofc, keep tabs on any KarJenner drama. Jessica couldn’t let her Ky-or-die crew down. Not tonight.
Her war room is now complete with a laptop (for following hashtags) and a TV playing E!’s Red Carpet preshow. No sign of Kylie yet, not even a glam-squad candid. Jessica’s got nothin’, so she takes a pee break before the real action starts.
Fourteen photo reposts in, Jessica has moved on to the sound-bite search, holding her phone at the ready to record any live Kylie/Travis red-carpet interviews in real time. She’s desperate for either wine or coffee. Maybe both?
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celeb
W h a t yo u r f a vo r it e L a w & O r d e r: SV U ye a rs s a y about yo u
e
Ignore ever y thing post - Stabler? We get it.
By LEAH MARILLA THOMAS
W h e n A l ex C a b o t steps on ever yone with a stiletto
W h e n f a m o us people play killers
(s e a s o n s 2 t o 6)
(s e a s o n s 6 t o 10 )
This ADA is a Harvardeducated bitch in pinstripes. Literally nothing fazes her (like, if a killer were to spit on her face, she’d say, “Alexa, play ‘IDGAF,’ by Dua Lipa”). She even fakes her own death. YOUR ISH IRL
Rules are the best and you love following them. You might rebel once in a while, maybe cancel a plan or two last minute. No one knows any of your secrets, and they never will.
There’s something about seeing legit stars like Sarah Hyland, Hilary Duff, and Cynthia Nixon as their evil twins. Robin Williams even got an Emmy nom for his season 9 episode, playing one of the creepiest villains ever. YOUR ISH IRL
You care deeply that there’s an ep with Bradley Cooper and Angela Lansbury, but your friends do not. After dropping too many screenshots of celeb pics in the group chat, you’ve been muted.
2 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
When Elliot Stabler melts down (s e a s o n s 9 t o 10 )
Our man, a hard-core Hulk-like detective who spent his first eight seasons thisclose to punching a wall...finally punches a wall. Catholic angst, an affair with a Danish lady...it all ends with him and his bipolar mom on an empty beach. YOUR ISH IRL
Stabler addicts tend to be Scorpio-esque. Not to say you’re a terrifying real-life Scorpio, but you think everyone is guilty until proven innocent, even your coffee-cart guy.
When Olivia and L e w i s = t h e d a r ke s t corner of SVU (s e a s o n s 14 t o 15)
Pornstache from Orange Is the New Black terrorizes Olivia in her own apartment, burns her with lit cigarettes, and eventually cuffs her to a bed in some remote house. (This show has no chill.) YOUR ISH IRL
You dressed up as a detective when you were 5 years old and still fantasize about being one from your couch midbinge, mainly because Olivia always wins.
When the show ke e p s g o i n g, f o r some reason (s e a s o n s 15 t o n o w )
Official new ADA Rafael Barba is a dudebro with anger issues. Sick of finding Olivia partner after partner, SVU writers just give up and make her head of the bureau. Oh, and she’s now a mom. YOUR ISH IRL
You’re pretty low maintenance, maybe a “guy’s girl,” perpetually tardy for every party. Also, we can never be friends because you don’t understand TV. Our first and last convo ends here. DUN DUN!
G U N S A N D M E G A P H O N E P H OTO S: G E T T Y I M A G E S . G R O U P P H OTO S: © N B C/C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N .
ver notice a pattern when you’re in the mood for SVU? You know: It’s a cloudy weekend afternoon, you’re in the same T-shirt-as-pj’s you’ve been wearing for days, and your own TV is sending you “Still watching?” alerts. Yes, you are, still, bc 21 seasons is a lot to get through, okay? Especially when you hate 19 of them and are re-bingeing the same weirdly specific episodes, like the ones…
© 2020 KAO USA Inc.
Bioré® Deep Cleansing Charcoal Pore Strips use patented C-Bond technology to bind to blackheads, not to skin. Instantly unclog pores so it feels like you can unleash your true potential. That’s how we #DoDifferent. Your turn. *#1 trusted blackhead remover based on Nielsen Data latest 52 weeks ending 4/13/2019
Think you can last a whole day without your phone? Good f*cking luck. By SARAH WELDON
RT S TA
A.
You put down the phone, lick your finger, and hold it out the window like back in, um, yore. GO TO 1 B.
You head outside and start the day without looking at your phone? In this economy? Fine. GO TO 1 C.
Yeah, yeah, you know you lost this one already. GOODBYE! PLS TRY AGAIN TOMORROW
PA F F/S TO C K S Y.
Q Q: W h a t does one do w it h t h e ir h a n d s?
1
Cool, you made it outside (with your phone...because stranger danger). But then you remember those booties you ordered and wonder if they’ve been stolen or gotten lost in the mail. You:
A.
C.
Go on a walk and listen to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants soundtrack on the Walkman you found in the trunk of your car. This is your life now.
3
AirDrop an “SOS” to ever yone in the restroom to bring you a tampon.
You suddenly have to pee. You run to the nearest public restroom (read: Starbucks) and your period is two days early! Nope, you don’t have a tampon. You:
YES, IT’S DEF OVER B.
Google how to MacGyver a tampon out of one-ply toilet paper and a toiletseat cover. So creative! You can keep playing!
GO TO 3
B.
Pull up Google Maps to search for nearby hot dogs, pizza, or (and) ice cream. FAIR, BUT YOU LOSE
GO TO 4
R I P, a l l t h e m :( isse d memes.
C.
#FreeTheBleed GO TO 4
A.
Get yourself to the nail salon for a pedi and pull out your...aah! DAMN, IT WAS THAT EASY TO FAIL?
A.
4
Apologize and swear to drop cash on their desk tomorrow.
You forgot about your brunch plans with your work wife (miss you, iCal!), but you make it last minute. Now, it’s time to split the bill and your wallet is still in that bag from your date last night. You:
GO TO 5 B. 2
After that spiral, you need to clear your head a bit. You:
Fuuuck it. Just pull up Venmo. UGH, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU
5
B.
Speed-walk to the public librar y and log in to your email to check for a deliver y confirmation. Ha, but you need a t wo-step authentication. You power up that phone and get that code! HOPE THE BOOTS WERE WORTH IT
A.
Trust your package is okay. If it’s stolen by garden gnomes, you’ll just report credit-card fraud.
Warning: Text your mom before this journey.
Hi, you’re home now. Thank god. But your stomach’s growling. You:
A.
B.
C.
Throw together an original recipe of fridge orphans.
Open Pinterest for some inspo because you really just can’t.
Remember Seamless started as a website and order pasta from your computer.
GO TO 6
GAME OVER, BUT I GET IT
GO TO 6
6
You win! Time to check TikTok and set your alarm for tomorrow. Blue light’s never felt so golden.
GO TO 2
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COSMO Q
Cosm o’s o f f icial g e t t in g - r e a d y su r vey Brought to you by vodka, dr y shampoo, and Ariana Grande. By TAY LO R A N D R E WS
H ow r o u t i n e is yo u r g o i n g - o u t r o u t i n e? W h o’s t a k i n g p r e p a r t y s h o t s w i t h yo u?
85% Spotif y’s Top Hits. I need to know what I’ll be dancing to on the table tonight.
8% My tears as they hit the vanit y. I really, really
82%
1%
My friends?
My neighbs
17%
across the hall
Me, myself, and
who I just met. Is that
Instagram.
weird?
46% Whoever takes one for
7%
the team. Sharing is caring.
Any Bravo -related podcast.
40% Me. I’ll Venmo -request ever yone later.
47%
Thanks to my bedhead and
TBH, at least three hours. One
perfume,
of those
maybe an hour?
hours is for showering.
14% We got Jenni’s bae to drop us off fo’ free. Thanks, boo!
3% If they don’t love me in my ponytail and leggings, I’m not interested.
2 6 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
I literally do the same
thing every Friday and Saturday.
T h e b a r is w a i t i n g . Who will call t h e r i d e s h a r e?
50%
Sometimes, I shave
22% My roommates never know how long I’m going to take, and neither do I.
19%
hate leaving my bed.
O o h, yo u j ust l a n d e d a d a t e. H ow m u c h t i m e d o yo u n e e d?
59%
my entire body. Other times, I’m good with just a lil mascara.
“ L o o k in g r o u g h. L e m m e h e l p.”
S h i t. Yo u ov e r s l e p t a n d h a ve t wo minutes till brunch. Yo u r e a c h f o r t h e…
50 Deodorant.
%
Definitely the deodorant.
30%
20%
Moisturizer
Flatiron. Good
and I’m outtie.
hair days make ever ything better.
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K /S T U D I O D; S T Y L E D BY A L M A M E L E N D E Z .
I t ’s S a t u r d a y a n d yo u’ve g o t p l a ns w i t h the girls. What are yo u l is t e n i n g t o w h i l e b a k i n g yo u r f a c e?
See The
GrandeLASH-MD: Apply once every night for longer looking lashes in 4-6 weeks.
‘Best Ey el MD H
reatment ’ hT as
GrandeLAS
GrandeDIFFERENCE
1
Before
After*
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3 GrandeBROW: Apply once daily for bolder brows in 6-8 weeks. Before
91% Saw Longer
After*
you
A r e t h ey m a d a t yo u o r s o m e t hin g? Instead of spiraling, do this flowchar t!
e. FI N E!”
fi
n
Fin e.
By CARINA HSIEH
“Nope
,
I ’m
A
Just walk away RTFN. Anything you did is way less annoying than constantly asking if they’re annoyed. Unless being the worst is your goal (?) because you love drama. In that case, start crying and skip to answer C. B
They dislike things that are not you. T A R S T H E R E
Hold up. What ’s happening at home for them?
Okay, for real: Is there a concrete reason they should hate you? *tugs collar nervously*
I’m thinking….
They did mention they’d be moving out of their ex’s place “next month,” which would be...now.
What could they possibly be thinking about other than our relationship?
Uh. I totally know the answer to this, I’m just blanking.
B
C
I’m baby Yoda.
C
Are they being frost y to ever yone or just you? Just moi.
WHO CARES ABOUT ANYONE BUT ME?
C
A
Have you already asked, “Hey, are you mad at me?” Like, four times, obviously.
Only once.
Historically, when you ask people if they’re mad at you or something, does it end well? Point taken. A
Dawg, IDK how it ends. I just remember the anxiety of wondering if everyone hates me. B
2 8 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
Something is going on with them, so close out of your nineteenth draft of “Subject line: ‘Hey, we need to talk,’” and ask if they need help. (DW, that’s also grownup speak for “U mad?”)
Yo u k n o w what you did. Your intuition is on point (also, how could you?). Best to avoid them rn— they’ll come to you when they’re good and ready. Don’t want to wait? Throw some Venmo $ at them and see what happens.
GABRIELLE. THE ESSENCE OF A WOMAN.
discover EAU DE PARFUM
chanel.com
MACY’S
discover EAU DE PARFUM
you
The ultimate (and probably only) Instagram caption crossword puzzle I.e., how millennial are you? ACROSS
By HANNAH CHAMBERS
9
7
Consider these a warm-up. DW, they’re easier than a messy bun.
PSST... #3 h a s t o d o w it h L it t l e C a e s a r s.
1
2. Felt cute, might later
8
2
3
3. Probably thinking about 4.
weather
5. Pop the she’s changing her last name
,
6. *insert Cardi B here*
10
4
5
6
DOWN Okay, let’s up the ante. Give these ’grams the most obvious captions you can think of.
7. Two girls in similar outfits
8. Bikini pic from literally six months ago
A N S W E R K E Y A C R O S S: 1. G O A L S 2. D E L E T E 3. P I Z Z A 4 . S W E AT E R 5. C H A M PA G N E 6 . LY R I C S . D O W N : 7. T W I N N I N G 8 . TA K E M E B A C K 9. G O L D E N H O U R 10 . T H I S G U Y
C A R D I B A N D R I N G S: G E T T Y I M A G E S . 7: K R I S T I N A Z I A S , @ M I S S Z I A S . 8: @ M A D E L E I N E F R A N K R E E V E S . 9 : @ S A M A N T H A F E H E R . 10 : K R I S T E N C U R E T T E & DA E M A I N E H I N E S/S TO C K S Y.
1. Squad
9. Fresh photo with the bomb (natural) lighting
10. Serial dater with her brandnew boyfriend
M a rc h 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n
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you
THIS =
S o we c a n g u e ss yo u r p e r s o n a l i t y
THAT
The safest spot o n t h e p l a n e t.
b as e d o n w h e r e yo u r d e b it c a r d is r i g h t n ow Keeping it in your bra is an *energy*. By TAY LO R A N D R E WS
THE PL ACE
Your wallet THE PL ACE YOUR ENERGY
A college bar
Beautifully b asic
Subt le hoarder
You like Lizzo and millennial pink and often wonder why everyone’s birth chart isn’t in their Tinder bio. So pure!
Your 2004 ~Toyota Camrí~ is still in your parents’ garage. Sure, it hasn’t run since high school, but you’d never give up your first car, first Jo Bros ticket stub, or first-haircut hair (JK...I hope).
YOUR ENERGY
THE PL ACE
YOUR ENERGY
THE PL ACE
Somewhere in your purse
S erial-killerobsesse d
The car cupholder
Although you appear to have it together, you have 50 unread texts on your phone and can’t remember the last time you washed your hair.
Yes, that’s a personality trait. Your friends don’t even ask you to hang on Friday nights because they know you’re busy Datelineing. What of it?
YOUR ENERGY
Impatient You get a lil hangry waiting for McD’s fries and comment “New music?” all over RiRi’s IG pics. (The world says ty!)
L ow-key backslider
Your dog’s bed
Remembering someone’s name two minutes after they introduce themselves is your weird flex. Also you: going to din solo but leaving the table with plans for brunch tomorrow.
THE PL ACE
Pret t y-messy
The laundry
The friendliest
Your bra
YOUR ENERGY
THE PL ACE
YOUR ENERGY
THE PL ACE
You’re notorious for cycling (see what I did there?) through exes. One minute you’re singing T-Swift breakup anthems, the next you’ve slipped into he-who’s-beenworking-out’s DMs.
3 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
THE PL ACE
THE PL ACE
Literally no idea
Your freezer
Your phone case
YOUR ENERGY
YOUR ENERGY
YOUR ENERGY
Way t oo nice
Big sist er
Grudge-y
You drop $$$ on smelly oils—and not because you don’t recognize an MLM. You just can’t say no.
You were the first to use a vibrator in high school, so ofc you gave sexing advice to anyone who listened... and also explained calc like a pro.
Your boyfriend Snapchatted a gorge brunette last month and you’re still mad. (It was his cousin.)
THE PL ACE
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K /S T U D I O D; S T Y L E D BY J U L I E F LY N N / H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S .
YOUR ENERGY
NEXT LEADING BRAND
LEAKGUARDTM BRAID
Ikh\m^k @Zf[e^% Bg\' +)*2
MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE Bm l mbf^ mh ]bm\a ma^ e^Zdl' :g] `^m ma^ ikhm^\mbhg h_ hnk E^Zd@nZk] ;kZb]TM'
f a s h i o n we t r ust Ag o l d e je ans, $198, n o rds t ro m .c o m. Aqu a z zu r a h e e ls, $895, a q u a z z u ra .c o m
f o ot is ce m e nt e d in pla ce.
A countdown clock of
h ow l o n g yo u c a n we a r e a c h t ype of heel before it hurts Your poor lil piggies deser ve this info. By L AUREN ADHAV
3 2 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
Tickto
Weird flex but oka y
ck!
L O W
If t he st y le c o nce als it, t aping your t hird and f our t h t o e s t o g e t he r he lps distribut e weight m o re eve nl y.
A l d o, $6 5, a l d os h o e s.c o m
-O
Kur t G eig e r L o n d o n, $120, n o rds t ro m .c o m
8-
t
10
-h
ou
r
N i c o l e S al d añ a, $375, nic o l e s a l d a n a.c o m
w
a
lk
H E I G H T
5-
Ch ar l es & Keit h, $79, charles keit h.c o m
CBD oil is a t hing!
to
7-
A n d als o a s e c re t re d-car p e t ha ck.
ho
H E E L
Take risks (but not, like, huge ones) A n arc hit e c t ural
ur
m
-V
-E
-R
R
R
R
R
e ASOS D esign, $40, as os .c o m
Slather it on t o m ake p ain
w
a
vanish.
lk
ti e
ho
ti
-E
m
he e l isn’t scar y t o walk in if it ’s l ow (ish).
4-
ur
D o l c e V it a, $125, d o l c evit a.c o m
w
a
lk
ti
ou
r
w
a
e
Duchess M e g do es it
-h
m
>1
M al o n e S o ulie rs, $695, simil a r st y l e s at malone s o u lie rs.c o m
Paris Texas, $515,
lk
S o l S an a, $170, s o l - s a n a.c o m
ti
m
A quick not e ab out PVC
e
r ub bing.
Avoid it in hot t e mps b c plastic = $1, 420,
H I G H
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K ; P R O P S S T Y L E D BY J U L I E F LY N N . S T Y L E D BY K I A G O O S BY. P E D I C U R E: S H I R L E Y C H E N G W I T H S E E M A N A G E M E N T.
By Far, $505, by f a r.c o m
-R
.c o m
T H I N
N i c h o l as K ir k wo o d, $750, nic h o l as kir k wo o d.c o m
H E E L
T H I C K N E S S
swe at y f e e t = m o re b list e rs.
T H I C K
M a rc h 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n
33
f ashion
Fashion flipping is
a
thing
and it ’ll make you hella rich
g
Like house flipping but HGT V hasn’t caught on yet.
eneral life announcement: There are real people out here turning the clothing-resell biz into a full-time job. Sure, they probably started out by purging their closets of the Urban Outfitters dresses they wore just three times (@ myself), but they have now moved far beyond Marie Kondo and are hitting up thrift stores for gems they’ll turn around and sell for double. So, like, getting paid to shop. I know! Obviously, going from Lifestyle to Business requires some effort (and basic skills for dealing with pricing, shipping, and random fees). It’ll also require these insider tips. Grab a pen. You’ll want to take notes.
By L AUREN ADHAV
YOU WILL NEED AN ~AESTHETIC~
It’s alllll about branding, and you’ve gotta think big—as in on par with any other online shopping experience (watch your back, Revolve). This means a clear, preplanned POV for your collection. If a customer can get a good sense of your style and you’re constantly bringing in more that fits that mold, she’ll return because you’re consistent. Voilà: Now, you’re known for killer high-waisted denim or a breezy, boho Free People mood. YOUR MERCH DOESN’T HAVE TO BE DESIGNER
Luxury things aren’t the *only* things that make it rain. Stuff like Lululemon leggings, Zara dresses, and vintage tees work too.
POSHMARK
DEPOP vintage finds, ’90s vibes
BEST FO R
The platform has 10+ million(!) users. Prices are v, v accessible—$10 graphic tees, $30 or less for Wrangler jeans.
3 4 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
brands like Adidas, Madewell, and Anthropologie
BEST FO R
Clothes and accessories (sneakers were 2019’s most-purchased item) are the biggest categories, but you can also sell makeup and home goods.
THREDUP J.Crew blazers, Gucci purses, and everything in between
BEST FO R
Instead of pricing things yourself, you can mail in anything you want to sell in bulk and Thredup does the work for you. Great if you’re lazy, not so much if you like control.
THE REALREAL luxury items, special designer pieces, rare finds
BEST FO R
The clothes can obvi be costly, but sellers earn up to 85 percent for each sale...so you can make bank and give that retro Chanel bag a new life.
I L L U S T R AT I O N BY LO U I S A C A N N E L L .
The main resell players
Get the new iPhone 11 on Straight Talk. With a plan that fits in your budget and an Ultra Wide camera that fits in everything else.
Switch to Straight Talk Wireless and get the new iPhone 11 on the same networks as big carriers but a plan that’s up to half the cost. $45 for the Unlimited plan with no contract. And enjoy all the new features, like the Ultra Wide camera, slow-motion selfies and more. All on America’s largest and most dependable 4G LTE† networks.
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f ashion
Sellers who are raking it in
YES, VINTAGE—BUT NOT ON LY VINTAGE
3 6 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
H O P E YO U R S .O. FI N DS A C H A I R :
SEPAR ATION + ORGANIZ ATION = EVERY THING
“When I go thrifting, I’m there for a minimum of three hours, flipping through every single item.”
True, not all of us have giant walk-in closets in which to store stuff. But your inventory shouldn’t be mixed in with your actual clothes, where it can get tangled up, stretched out, or snagged. Keep it in another room or somewhere out of the way in nice, clear, dustand mothproof garment bags or bins.
IT’S C A L L ED GROW TH: “My Depop inven-
tory went from my mom’s basement to my living room to a live-work studio, and now I have my own office in L.A.!”
Pret t y nice for fresh o u t t a hi g h s c h o o l!
M O I R A C A M P O S , 19 @DepopMoira AV ER AG E YE ARLY I N COM E:
$34,000 J US T G E T TI N ’ S TA RT E D: “After graduating
high school in June 2019, I decided to go full time, since I knew that I could triple my earnings if I put in more hours.”
TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY Sticking to a sched is the secret to customer loyalty: Shop every Monday, take pics and price out your merch on Tuesday, and upload it on Wednesday (or whatever timeline works for you). Then repeat. Hold yourself accountable, because your customers will. They’ll be checking for new arrivals each week. Look at you!
B I G M O N E Y M OV E S: “I make at least
$15 profit per top, $25 per jacket, and $30 per jeans.”
C A N D I C E V I L L A N O, 4 6 @CandiceCouture AV ER AG E YE ARLY I N COM E:
$60,000
lo
s
o W e ’r e g o i n g t o G e r.
od
E Y E BA L L S O N IT: “I browse consignment and clearance racks in person because it’s important to look over the product.” BE PI C K Y: “I’d one hundred percent wear
everything you see in my store. I could pick up a Valentino shirt and everyone else might say, ‘Oh, you have to get that.’ No, I don’t. Not if I don’t think it’s cool.”
I L L U S T R AT I O N BY LO U I S A C A N N E L L .
S O U R C E: T H R E D U P ’S 2019 R ES A L E R E P O R T
$100,000+
.
o f wo m e n h a ve bought or are willing to buy s e c o n d h a n d.
PUT ON THAT M ATH HAT (OTHER HATS, PG. 4 4) The real money comes from doubling, tripling, or even quadrupling what you spent to buy something. Here’s a scenario: Say you found a Dior sweater for $7 (true story!). If you sell it for $21, you’d technically be doubling your profit (although pls don’t forget to factor in mailing costs, transaction fees, and any cash you might spend on dry cleaning). You’re never gonna get the true OG price back (so don’t even try for hundreds on that Dior knit), but you also shouldn’t inadvertently swindle yourself. Read up on
AV ER AG E YE ARLY I N COM E:
ill
64
%
same, whether that’s a profesh white seamless or a mirror selfie. Style a full look on yourself or a pal and nail some cute poses to help sell that turtleneck or the whole dang outfit (aka “bundle” in resell lingo).
@InternetGirl
w
Photograph everything like you’re taking your BFF’s next Insta post. Get multiple angles in good lighting and pay attention to detail. The background in all your shots should be the
—M O I R A C A M P O S , 19
B E L L A M C FA D D E N, 2 4
(Ye s, r e a l l y!)
ti n,
SAY IT WITH ME: PRODUCTION VALUE
“I star ted out buying 10 items from a thrift shop with just $25 I earned from babysitting.”
the site’s fine print (boring but necessary) so you’re aware of any extra fees—each platform and shipping company has different ones. And do a quickie search to see what similar finds are selling for before you price something.
Ge
In addition to thrift stores, source your fashun at places like liquidation centers, garage sales, flea markets, swap meets (where you exchange items with ppl virtually or IRL), eBay, or dead-stock warehouses (they’re where all unsold retail items go to die). You can even raid your mom’s closet. Feeling overwhelmed? Most resale sites tell you what’s popular, so start there. This is key because sellable trends are more important than NWT (new with tags) stuff. Also crucial: Set your initial budget before you shop—successful sellers spend anywhere from $300 to $1,600 a month, but if all you have is $30, start with $30 and build momentum.
E
KES ME
H
A PY
SL
MA
P
E
P
Yo u sn o oz e yo u l os e w in! MEET THE COS MO M AT T R E S S Charcoal memory foam regulates body temperature and wicks moisture. You get full edgeto-edge support and 10-year warranty, plus it ships to your door. Perfect for ALL the things you do bed. Made in Italy.
F U R N I T U R E | U P H O L S T E R Y | L I G H T I N G | D É C O R | R U G S | M AT T R E S S E S | B E D D I N G
f ashion M o ns e x M o r g e nt h al Fr e de rics sun gl as s e s, $ 475, m o rg e n t h a l f re d e ric s.c o m
I n d e cisio n just b e c a m e a trend
Fr e n c h s k ir t, $98, us a.f re n c h c o nn e c t io n .c o m
Trick all your friends into thinking you’re a walking before/af ter pic. By L AUREN ADHAV
Cy nt hia Row l ey T- s hir t, $80, c y nt hia row l ey.c o m
For all the ppl (read: myself) who can’t settle on just one type of blazer, shirt, pants, anything really, these fun halfand-half styles won’t make you choose. Go subtle with pink on red or more out there with mismatched prints. (If only this also solved all my dating-app commitment issues, lol.)
t o o!
Ka t e S p a d e N ew Yo r k e a r rin gs, $88, ka t e s p a d e.c o m
J os e p h & St a cey b a g, $98, us.jos e p h a n d s t a c ey.c o m
3 8 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
S h ein b l a ze r, $35, shein .c o m
M I D D L E: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
Silk L aundr y d re s s, $375, silk l a un d r y .c o m
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This is the out fit that always gets me tons of compliments OG st yle star Brit tany Xavier breaks down her go - to lewk. As told to RACHEL TORGERSON
1
THE BLAZER th
W
at
es
e ni sun chic og it ab out et t is com ntire lo ok an e
ak
ha
m
1
3
s
et
2
4
he
r?
I love pairing it with cool denim to keep it modern and less interview-y. I have a ton of black versions, but this gray print lightens up the whole thing for spring. My usual blazer style is oversize—so I can also cinch it with a belt to wear as a dress with sneakers. That vibe gets a lot of love too. ;)
4
THE PURSE I get asked about this nylon bag all the time. I love how sporty the material is—not to mention how easily it can be wiped down (important with kids!). The clip-on and silver hardware also make it stand out. Prada b a g
Zara b l a ze r 5
THE JEANS
THE JEWELS
When I go boxy with my jackets, I pair with ultrahigh-waisted denim that still shows my shape.
Sticking to just one metal for your accessories is outdated. I’m never afraid of mixing gold and silver hardware and jewelry. It’s so chic. Dior sun gl as s e s. Missoma e arrings and rin gs
3
THE TOP 6
My favorite compliment? “I love your out fit— it all goes but I wouldn’t have put it together like that.” I felt semi basic that day, so it was nice to know that to others, I looked fresh! 4 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
This white turtleneck is actually a bodysuit! That’s my hack for avoiding the whole have-tokeep-retuckingall-day thing. It stays sleek— literally forever. N:Philant hropy b o d ysuit
N ob o d y Denim je ans
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THE BOOTS My boots are definitely the most complimented piece here. They’re so unique. Combat style with no laces? Very commentworthy. Bot t e ga Venet a b o ot s
A N T H O N Y X AV I E R .
5
2
®
’s
100% Hormone Free
Over 99% Effective
1 Simple Active Ingredient—Copper
Paragard (intrauterine copper contraceptive) is a small IUD (intrauterine device) that prevents pregnancy for as long as you want up to 10 years. It works differently using one simple active ingredient—copper—instead of hormones. • No hormone-related side effects • Lasts up to 10 years but can be removed at any time if you decide you want to get pregnant*
• No hassle or daily birth control routine provider in just a few minutes
want hormone free? ASK FOR Paragard. Visit Paragard.com Important Safety Information IUDs, including Paragard, have been associated with an increased risk of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). Don’t use Paragard if you have a pelvic infection, certain cancers, a copper allergy, Wilson’s disease, or PID. If you miss a period, have persistent abdominal pain, or if Paragard comes out, tell your healthcare provider (HCP). If it comes out, use backup birth control. Paragard may attach to or go through the uterus and cause other problems. Pregnancy with Paragard is rare but can be life threatening and may cause infertility or loss of pregnancy. Periods may become heavier and longer with spotting in between. Bleeding may be heavier than usual at first. Paragard does not protect against HIV or STDs. Only you and your HCP can decide if Paragard is right for you. Available by prescription only. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA at www.fda.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
See next page for Brief Summary of Patient Information. *Paragard must be removed by a healthcare provider. Paragard® is a registered trademark of CooperSurgical, Inc. © 2019 CooperSurgical, Inc. US-PAR-1900160 November 2019
The only IUD FDA approved for over 30 years
Brief Summary Paragard ('par-uh-gahrd) (intrauterine copper contraceptive) Paragard T380A intrauterine copper contraceptive is used to prevent pregnancy. It does not protect against HIV infection (AIDS) or other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This information is not comprehensive. Please see the full prescribing information at paragard.com for additional information. Read this Patient Information carefully before you decide if Paragard is right for you. This information does not take the place of talking with your gynecologist or other healthcare provider who specializes in women’s health. If you have any questions about Paragard, ask your healthcare provider. You should also learn about other birth control methods to choose the one that is best for you. What is Paragard? • Paragard is a copper-releasing system that is placed in your uterus by your healthcare provider to prevent pregnancy for up to 10 years. • Paragard can be removed by your healthcare provider at any time. • Paragard does not contain any hormones. • Paragard can be used whether or not you have given birth to a child. Paragard is a small, flexible plastic “T” shaped intrauterine system with copper wrapped around the stem and placed on arms of the “T”. Two thin white threads are attached to the stem (lower end) of Paragard. The threads are the only part of Paragard you can feel when Paragard is in your uterus; however, unlike a tampon string, the threads do not extend outside of your body. How does Paragard work? Paragard works by preventing sperm from reaching the egg, preventing sperm from fertilizing the egg, or possibly preventing attachment (implantation) in the uterus. Paragard does not stop your ovaries from making an egg (ovulating) each month. How long can I keep Paragard in place? You can keep Paragard in your uterus for up to 10 years. After 10 years, you should have Paragard removed by your healthcare provider. If you wish and if it is still right for you, you may get a new Paragard during the same visit. How is Paragard placed in the uterus? Paragard is placed in your uterus during an in-office visit. First, your healthcare provider will examine your pelvis to find the exact position of your uterus. Your healthcare provider will then cleanse your vagina and cervix with an antiseptic solution and then, measure your uterus. Your healthcare provider will then slide a plastic tube containing Paragard into your uterus. The tube is removed, leaving Paragard inside your uterus. Two white threads will extend into your vagina. The threads are trimmed so they are just long enough for you to feel with your fingers when doing a self-check. As Paragard goes in, you may feel cramping or pinching. You may have some bleeding. Some women feel faint, nauseated, or dizzy for a few minutes afterwards. Your healthcare provider may ask you to lie down until you are feeling better, and to get up slowly. Who might use Paragard? You might choose Paragard if you: • want long-term birth control that provides a low chance of getting pregnant (less than 1 in 100) • want birth control that works continuously for up to 10 years • want birth control that is reversible • want a birth control method that you do not need to take daily • are willing to use a birth control method that is inserted in the uterus • want birth control that does not contain hormones Who should not use Paragard? Do not use Paragard if you: • are or might be pregnant • have a condition of the uterus that changes the shape of the uterine cavity, such as large fibroid tumors • have an untreated pelvic infection called pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) now • have had an infection in your uterus after a pregnancy or abortion in the past 3 months • can get infections easily. For example, if you: have problems with your immune system have multiple sexual partners or your partner has multiple sexual partners use or abuse intravenous drugs
• have or suspect you might have cancer of the uterus or cervix • have unexplained bleeding from your vagina • have an untreated lower genital infection now in your cervix • have Wilson’s disease (a disorder in how the body handles copper) • are allergic to copper, polyethylene, or barium sulfate • have an intrauterine system in your uterus already Before having Paragard placed, tell your healthcare provider if you have: • any of the conditions listed above • slow heart beat (bradycardia) • dizziness (syncope) • seizures • recently had a baby or if you are breastfeeding • AIDS, HIV, or any other sexually transmitted infection Should I check that Paragard is in place? Yes, you should check that Paragard is in proper position by feeling the threads. It is a good habit to do this 1 time a month. Your healthcare provider should teach you how to check that Paragard is in place. First, wash your hands with soap and water. You can check by reaching up to the top of your vagina with clean fingers to feel the 2 threads. Do not pull on the threads. How soon after placement of Paragard should I return to my healthcare provider? Call your healthcare provider if you have any questions or concerns (see “When should I call my healthcare provider?”). Otherwise you should return to your healthcare provider for a follow-up visit after your first menses after Paragard is placed to make sure that Paragard is in the right position. What if I become pregnant while using Paragard? Call your healthcare provider right away if you think you may be pregnant. If you get pregnant while using Paragard, you may have an ectopic pregnancy. This means the pregnancy is not in your uterus. Unusual vaginal bleeding or abdominal pain especially with missed periods may be a sign of ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy is a medical emergency that often requires surgery. Ectopic pregnancy can cause internal bleeding, infertility and even death. There are also risks if you get pregnant while using Paragard and the pregnancy is in the uterus. Severe infection, miscarriage, premature delivery, and even death can occur with pregnancies that continue with an intrauterine system (IUS). Because of this, your healthcare provider may try to remove Paragard, even though removing it may cause a miscarriage. If Paragard cannot be removed, talk with your healthcare provider about the benefits and risks of continuing the pregnancy. If you continue your pregnancy see your healthcare provider regularly. Call your healthcare provider right away if you get flu-like symptoms, fever, chills, cramping, pain, bleeding, vaginal discharge, or fluid leaking from your vagina. These may be signs of infection. It is not known if Paragard can cause long-term effects on the fetus if it stays in place during a pregnancy. How will Paragard change my periods? Your period may become heavier and longer. You may also have frequent spotting between periods. Is it safe to breastfeed while using Paragard? You may use Paragard when you are breastfeeding. The risk of Paragard becoming attached to (embedded) or going through the wall of the uterus is increased if Paragard is placed while you are breastfeeding. Will Paragard interfere with sexual intercourse? You and your partner should not feel Paragard during intercourse. Paragard is placed in the uterus, not in the vagina. Sometimes your partner may feel the threads. If this occurs, or if you or your partner experience pain during sex, talk with your healthcare provider. What are the possible side effects of Paragard? Paragard can cause serious side effects, including: • ectopic pregnancy and intrauterine pregnancy risks: There are risks if you become pregnant while using Paragard (see “What if I become pregnant while using Paragard?”). • life-threatening infection: Life-threatening infection can occur within the first few days after Paragard is placed. Call your healthcare provider immediately if you develop severe pain or fever shortly after Paragard is placed. • pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or endometritis: Some IUS users get a serious pelvic infection called pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or endometritis. PID and endometritis are usually sexually transmitted. You have a higher chance of getting PID and endometritis if you or your partner has sex with other partners. PID and endometritis can cause serious problems such as infertility, ectopic pregnancy, and pelvic pain that does not go away. PID and endometritis are usually treated
with antibiotics. More serious cases of PID or endometritis may require surgery. A hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) is sometimes needed. In rare cases, infections that start as PID can even cause death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any of these signs of PID or endometritis: low abdominal (stomach area) or pelvic pain, pelvic tenderness, painful sex, unusual or bad smelling vaginal discharge, chills, long-lasting or heavy bleeding, fever, genital lesions or sores. • embedment: Paragard may become attached to (embedded) the wall of the uterus. This may make it hard to remove Paragard. Surgery may sometimes be needed to remove Paragard. • perforation: Paragard may go through the wall of the uterus. This is called perforation. If this occurs, Paragard may no longer prevent pregnancy. If perforation occurs, Paragard may move outside the uterus and cause internal scarring, infection, damage to other organs, pain, or infertility and you may need surgery to have Paragard removed. Excessive pain or vaginal bleeding during placement of Paragard, pain or bleeding that gets worse after placement, or not being able to feel the threads may happen with perforation. You are not protected from pregnancy if Paragard moves outside the wall of the uterus. The risk of perforation is increased in breastfeeding women. • expulsion: Paragard may partially or completely fall out of the uterus by itself. This is called expulsion. Expulsion occurs in about 2 out of 100 women. Excessive pain, vaginal bleeding during placement of Paragard, pain that gets worse, bleeding after placement, or not being able to feel the threads may happen with expulsion. You are not protected from pregnancy if Paragard is expelled. • changes in bleeding: You may have heavier and longer periods with spotting in between. Sometimes the bleeding is heavier than usual at first. Call your healthcare provider if the bleeding remains heavier or longer and spotting continues. • reactions after placement or removal: Some women have had reactions such as dizziness (syncope), slowed heart rate (bradycardia), or seizures, immediately after Paragard was placed or removed. This happened especially in women who have had these conditions before. Common side effects of Paragard include: • anemia (low red • expulsion (complete or partial) blood cell count) • spotting • pain during sex • painful periods • prolonged periods • vaginal discharge • vaginal irritation • pain and cramping • backache This is not a complete list of possible side effects with Paragard. For more information, ask your healthcare provider. Tell your healthcare provider about any side effect that bothers you or does not go away. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088. After Paragard has been placed, when should I call my healthcare provider? Call your healthcare provider if you have any concerns about Paragard. Be sure to call if you: • think you are pregnant • have pelvic pain or pain during sex • have unusual vaginal discharge or genital sores • have unexplained fever, flu-like symptoms or chills • might be exposed to sexually transmitted infections (STIs) • are concerned that Paragard may have been expelled (came out) • cannot feel Paragard’s threads or can feel the threads are much longer • can feel any other part of the Paragard besides the threads • become HIV positive or your partner becomes HIV positive • have severe bleeding that lasts a long time, or bleeding that concerns you • miss a menstrual period To learn more, talk about Paragard with your healthcare provider and see the FDA-approved Full Prescribing Information found on paragard.com or call CooperSurgical, Inc. at 1-877-PARAGARD (727-2427). Paragard® is a registered trademark of CooperSurgical, Inc. The other brands listed are trademarks of their respective owners. Manufactured by: CooperSurgical, Inc. Trumbull, CT 06611 US-PAR-1900199 (1)
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H
’ GOIN OUT A luxe sheen turns these pants from boho to bo-who dis? (So sry.) Pair ’em with a sweet but sassy floral top.
R U B E N C H A M O R R O. S T Y L E D BY K I A G O O S BY. H A I R : N E A L P I T T M A N U S I N G O R I B E . M A K E U P : C L A R A R A E .
On M ADELEINE FR ANK REEVES, deput y articles director, @MadeleineFrankReeves
CH BRUN O’CLO C
OW
THE
EFF DO I WEAR
TH
AT
?
ESS BUSIN BADDIE
Bell-bottoms are back, baby Here’s how to keep ’em out of costume - par t y territor y. By L AUREN ADHAV
Proof these pants are officeworthy! A dark hue makes ’em dressy, especially with a pastel blouse and trendy heels. On NNEK A UGOCHUKWU, sales assistant, @NnekaFromNeptune
K
Important info: A classic white tee and denim jacket play v nice with bold patterns. Also: Vertical stripes add lots of height! On ALEX ANDR A WHIT TAKER, senior news editor, @AlexaWhit taker
, CHILL JUST GIRL Channel a relaxing vacay without actually booking one (help, I’m poor!) in breezy jeans and a loosely tucked printed shirt. On R AYDENE SALINAS HANSEN, senior visuals editor, @HeyRayHansen
On Madeleine: Amur top, $348, amur.com. J Brand pants, $298, jbrandjeans.com. Sarah Flint sandals, $385, sarahflint.com. Mounser earrings, $195, mounser.com. Maya Brenner ring (left), $650, mayabrenner.com. Shashi ring (right), $64, shopshashi.com. Imago-A bag, $385, imago-a.com. On Alexandra: Slvrlake jacket, $450, net-a-porter.com. ATM Anthony Thomas Melillo T-shirt, $68, atmcollection.com. Peter Pilotto jumpsuit, $488, theoutnet.com. Laurence Dacade heels, $495, laurence-dacade.com. Sophie Monet earrings, $170, sophiemonetjewelry.com. Ariel Gordon necklace, $1,420, arielgordonjewelry.com. Aurate ring, $120, auratenewyork.com. On Raydene: R13 top, $395, r13.com. Citizens of Humanity jeans, $258, dianiboutique.com. Gola sneakers, $85, golausa.com. Jennifer Zeuner necklace, $238, jenniferzeuner.com. Xouxou smartphone necklace, $66, xouxou .com. Roxanne Assoulin bracelets, from $77 each, roxanneassoulin.com. On Nneka: Pari Passu top, $325, paripassushop.com. Free People jeans, $98, freepeople.com. Kurt Geiger London heels, $160, zappos.com. Jennifer Zeuner earrings, $165, jenniferzeuner.com. F + H Jewellery bracelet, $89, fandhjewellery.com. Via Saviene ring, $65, viasaviene.com. Apede Mod bag, $298, apedemod.com
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A l l t h e t hin gs h a t p e o p l e d o t h a t yo u need t o st a r t d oin g 1. They wear hats and you don’t. Yet. By RACHEL TORGERSON
Q U I C K H A I R TH O U G HT Two f a c e - f ramin g
Mmm, yeah, no. All those excuses—“My head’s too big,” “It’ll mess up my hair,” “I can’t pull it off”—don’t fly anymore. Because new conspiracy theory: Every outfit looks better with a hat, and we’ve all been doing clothes wrong until this very moment. Scandal!
L ack of Color hat. Yest erday N ew York s c ar f. St and St udio t o p
t e n d rils m a ke f o r a n ove ra l l f ire sit u a t io n.
2. THEY DO M AT C H Y- M AT C H Y The more intentional a hat (hi, crochet cloche) seems, the easier it is to con folks into thinking you were one of the HP (Hat Ppl) all along. HAIR
THOUGHT
Stick t o simple wa ve s that let your hat
y
be
st ’ 4 0 s-
f ilm-st ar lif e.
d o all t he t alking.
m
Now
liv
i
ng
3. THEY ADD ~WHIMSICAL~ ACCESSO RIES Fait hfull The Brand hat. Balmain dre s s. L ele S adoughi e arrings
4 4 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
Why stop at a fedora? You know what else unlocks major personal flair? A fedora paired with a chic scarf. (“I didn’t choose the brim life, the brim life chose me. #BrimLife”—just a great new Insta caption for you.)
R U B E N C H A M O R R O ; S T Y L E D BY R E B E C C A A L A N I Z . F O R P R I C I N G A N D M O R E I N F O, V I S I T C O S M O P O L I TA N .C O M / H AT S .
QUICK
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MOARRR HATS ing r andom fans w ho d on ’t which team I r e p.
4. THEY COME OUT TA LEF T FIELD
HAIR
THOUGHT
epp
L o ng and straight, shor t and wa v y—your o ptio ns are pre t t y e nd-
sid th
5. THEY’RE BFFS WITH GLITZ
at
M
e
m a y b e.)
est
le ss he re. (Just st a y a wa y f ro m p o ny t ails,
Cl yd e, $318, c l yd e.wo r l d
Id on
QUICK
’t c are
...with a well-worn cap/ funky suit combo. Such an impressive flex.
ge
t
New cowgirl, who dis? The louder the outfit, the better—truly. It’s all about commitment here. QUICK
HAIR
l a c ko f c o l o r.c o m
THOUGHT
L aid-b a ck t ex t ure’s t he o nl y wa y t o g o wit h a m e t allic hat.
Yest erday N ew York hat. M at ériel suit
Eu g e nia K im, $ 425, e u g e nia kim.c o m
Bri x t o n, $30, b rix t o n.c o m
Kelsey Randall hat. Rot at e by Birger Christ ensen dre s s
6. THEY’RE ZEN ABOUT IT ALL
Poust ovit viso r. Zara t o p. A S ensible H abit e arrin gs
Eric J a v it s, $298, e ricja vit s.c o m
The moment you overthink it is when it stops working. Just throw on a hat and watch the “Okay, girl, yesss!!”-es roll in. QUICK
HAIR
THOUGHT
A cur l y t o pk not = your vis or ’s new BFF.
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Wa it...y o u’r e s t il l s p e n d in g $3 0 o n a m a ni?
T h e r e’s a $9 s e c r e t t o g e t t in g I nst a -wo r t hy n ails Psst:
They’re called press - ons, and yes, you heard me right. By A M A KWARTENG
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SOOO, HOW LONG DO THESE BBS LAST?
U p t o s eve n d a ys. A n d unlike g e ls o r a c r y lic s, t h e re m ova l p ro c e s s is n’t t o r t u re. J ust a d d a f ew d ro ps o f c u t ic l e oil t o a b ow l o f h o t wa t e r, s o a k yo u r f in g e rs f o r f i ve mins t o b re a k d ow n t h e glu e, an d p o p o f f yo u r p re s s - o ns.
Find your size Cardi-style claws aren’t the goal here, so get yourself a set of press-ons labeled “short” if you have smaller nails or “medium” if you have bigger ones. Shapewise, you want the tips to mirror the shape of your nail bed—round with round, square with square, you get it.
Pinch before you place Press-on packs typically contain about 30 nails. But you’ll need only around a third of those, which can complicate things when it comes to matching up nails to
fingers. (So. Many. Options.) Start by placing them over your nails, one by one, without using the glue or adhesive backing. Once you have a set that looks right, pinch each fake nail between your thumb and forefinger to give it a C-like curve—*this* is what makes pressons look realistic and not like the fake little pieces of plastic they are.
Buff like crazy You know how when you get a mani, the nail tech buffs your nails before painting to make polish last longer? Same deal here. Gently rub your bare nails with the gritty side of a file to make your press-ons clingier than your ex. Then run an alcoholsoaked pad over your natural nails to remove any oil or residue that could eff with the sticking process.
M A R T I N S W E E R S/ T R U N K A R C H I V E .
S O U R C ES: A S H L E Y B R O CCO, M A R K E T I N G M A N AG E R AT DA S H I N G D I VA ; G I N A E DWA R D S, C E L E B R I T Y M ANICURIST AND K I S S N A I L S G LO B A L NAIL A MBASSADOR
Add some shine
Get ready to glue and hold Most nail kits come with glue, which... isn’t usually the best quality. Invest in a pro-level adhesive (like Nailene Ultra Quick Nail Glue, $2, drugstores). If your press-ons come pre-glued, you can still double up with your own glue for a little extra wear time. Put one dot on the back of the press-on and another on your natural nail, then, holding the press-on at a 45-degree angle from the base of your nail, press it up toward the tip. Hold firmly for 30 seconds (aka roughly two TikTok videos).
Trim and shape Imagine the thickness of four stacked credit cards—that’s approx how far your nails should extend past your fingers. So go ahead and trim, working your file slowly, repeatedly around the edges in one direction instead of back and forth. Sawing = tearing your press-on = jagged nails. No thanks, we’re good.
Give your pressons a gel-like finish with a thin layer of your favorite clear top coat. Also impt (if, you know, you want your hard work to last): Keep your hands dry for at least an hour after the application— water can prevent the glue from setting completely.
WOW
The most reallooking press-ons 1
THE BEST M AT TE ONES I m Pr ess Pre s s - O n M anic u re in Lu c k y 2, $8, d r u gst o re s 2
THE BEST FRENCH MANI ONES I m Pr ess Pre s s - O n M anic u re in S q u a d S pirit N ails, $8, d r u gst o re s 3
THE BEST CHROME ONES D ashin g Di va M a gic Pre s s in G l ow O n, $9, d as hin g diva.c o m 1 3
2
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b e aut y
2020: t h e ye ar of t h e sk in car e st ic k Your next weekend trip just got waaay easier to pack for. By LAUREN BALSAMO
Cleanser
Hi, bring us on spring break, pls.
Rub this bb onto damp skin and watch it transform into a creamy face wash that’ll leave you feeling soft, not stripped. St. I ves Ca c t us Wa t e r an d Hibis c us Cl e ansin g S t ic k, $8, d r u gs t o re s
Exfoliator Use this cute slougher on wet skin twice a week. It’s infused with heartleaf plant powder that buffs away dead cells for a v smooth, wheredid-my-pores-go finish.
Moisturizer Face mask
Serum
You’re so very welcome for this nonirritating, nondrying, no-mess stick that just rolls right on.
Hydrating squalane + antioxidant-rich green tea + lemon balm = skin that’s ridiculously bright.
O l a y M as ks Fre s h Re s e t Cl a y S t ic k, $10, d r u gs t o re s
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Ta t c h a T h e S e r u m Stic k, $48, s e p h o ra.c o m
Skip your usual face cream and tap on this beeswaxinfused formula instead. It hydrates just as well and absorbs fast, leaving zero goopy residue behind. M ar y Ka y N a t u ra ll y M oist u rizin g S t ic k, $28, m a r y ka y.c o m
Eye cream Swipe this under your eyes and let the caffeine and cucumber extract work their “oh, hello, you’re radiant and de-puffed” magic. Pe a c h & Lil y Co l d B rew E ye Re c ove r y S t i c k, $28, u l t a.c o m
Face oil Avocado and jojoba are here to give you the dewy-ass skin you want/deserve. M ilk M ake up H yd ra t in g Oil S t ic k, $26, s e p h o ra.c o m
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K /S T U D I O D; S T Y L E D BY A L M A M E L E N D E Z .
M am o n d e Po re Cl e an S tic k, $15, u l t a.c o m
b e aut y
Read this before you buy yo u r n e x t s e t of f a k e l a s h e s Just a few quick musts.
By C A R LY C A R D E L L I N O VACC A RO
Strips
Individuals
THE RIGHT BAND FO R YOU
O N ES TH AT M ATC H YO U R SKILL LEVEL
No-makeup makeup ppl: Opt for translucent strips. They’ll give you a full fringe without looking like you’re t-r-y-i-n-g. On the other hand, solid-black bands say, “Imma glam girl,” since they make it look like you’re wearing a fullon lined eye.
These bbs come held together by a small ball or a teeny flat band. Single-ball lashes can flip around as you apply them, making them the hardest to put on. Two- to three-ball clusters are the easiest to grip and apply with tweezers. And flat-band versions are fairly simple to pick up but can be challenging to lay flat on the lash line.
A GOOD HEIGHT Shop for falsies that end slightly below your brow bone (aka they won’t tickle your perfectly filled-in arches when your eyes are open). You’ll have to guesstimate the length before buying, but don’t stress—you can always make tiny snips to too-long hairs later.
M U LTI PL E LENGTHS Since a ~custom look~ is what you’re after, mix and match different sets from the same brand. Or look for a set that comes with a bunch of lengths so you can wear a low-key fringe one day and a doe-eyed look the next.
A REUSABLE STYLE Quality strips can be worn multiple times, if you give ’em a refresh. Pour some makeup remover into a clean jar and toss in the lashes to soak. Once the glue dissolves, pat them (gently!) with a paper towel, and that’s it. They’re ready for round two.
FLUFFINESS
O GREA ALS YS T? T HESE GU
H u d a B e aut y Kahl an a #21, $19, s h o p h u d a b e a u t y.c o m
L ashif y A mp lif y G os s am e r L as h e s in A .14, $20, l as hif y.c o m
S O U R C E: M A K EU P A R T I S T K AT I E J A N E H U G H ES
5 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
A bs o lut e N ew Yo r k Cl as sic Fl a re B l a c k I n divid u a l L as h e s in A EL 47, $ 4, a bs o lu t e n ew yo r k.c o m
PSA: A fuller effect doesn’t require crazy-long falsies. Shorter, fluffier individuals along your lash line look more natural than super-lengthy ones because you’re adding to something you already have.
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K /S T U D I O D; S T Y L E D BY A L M A M E L E N D E Z .
K iss Tr u e Vo lum e Rit z y, $ 4, kis sus a.c o m
Neither does her period. U by KotexÂŽ ClickÂŽ compact tampons are more comfortable
her double-bank shot.
*vs Tampax Pocket Pearl. Super absorbencies. Among those with a preference.
b e aut y
TRY OR BYE
8 n ew b e aut y t r e n ds t h a t ’l l m a ke yo u a c t u a l l y wa nt t o l e a ve yo u r h o us e And 8 you should tuck into storage with your winter clothes.
T R Y…
COLORFUL C AT EYES But warning: only if you’re willing to field compliments from every girl in line for the bar bathroom. “Did we just become best friends?”
E E… BY E
ALLOVER GEMS
POLISHED WAV E S
CLIP-IN CHAINS
M AT TE LIPS
Tooooo much of a good thing.
Who. Has. The. Time?
Kinda a one-’gramonly sitch.
It’s been real... drying.
5 2 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
M I C R O F R E N C H N A I L S: P H OTO BY S S A M K I M , N A I L S BY B E T I N A G O L D S T E I N . H A I R C O M B S A N D P O L I S H E D WAV E S: G E T T Y I M A G E S . N E C K K N OT S: A L A MY S TO C K P H OTO. B E J E W E L E D B O B B I E S: S H U T T E R S TO C K . A L L OT H E R S: I M A X T R E E .C O M (11).
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C H I L L E D - O U T WAV E S Sleep in braids, then unravel them in the morning for beauteous bends on bends. The style is “in” and gives you precious extra time to Insta-scroll in bed.
HAIR COMBS Aka a sneaky way to do next to nothing and *still* look like you give a shit.
GLOSSY LIPS Like, so glossy that people can see their reflection when they talk to you. Go for a wet—never sticky—finish (try Kosas Wet Lip Oil Gloss, $27, sephora.com).
ACCENT SCARVES
HALF-UP BB BUNS Never in the history of ever has there been such a cool-girl fix for that one stupid piece of hair that won’t lie right no matter what. Just twist up the top and GTFO the door.
DELICATE DECALS So easy, so pretty, so guaranteed to get your hot date to stare into your eyes all night. Stick one right under each of your lash lines.
MICRO FRENCH NAILS Not your thick tips of yesterprom, these fresh thin lines make your fingers look dainty and miles long.
CUTICLE ART
NECK KNOTS
SMOKY EYES
BEJEWELED BOBBIES
Take that, flip it, and reverse it.
Weddings? Sure. Every day? Nah.
Sexy but expected.
The tweens can have this one back.
M a rc h 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n
53
b e aut y
“I w ip e d p e e o n my Real words that came out of my colleague’s mouth. By CHLOE METZGER
Recently, a Cosmo coworker made this exact confession to me, and I felt...nothing but fascinated. Was it weird? Did it smell? But most important, DID IT WORK? And because I’m sure half of you reading this are more than willing to do a whole lot worse for good skin (hi, I once took an acne drug that made me get my period every eight days for a year), I went ahead and reported this beautiful lil story to uncover how it all worked out. Or didn’t.
L e t ’s a l l t r y something that actually helps, k?
But why?? “It was not my first choice in treatments,” says Christina, who asked that her name be changed to protect her privacy and also to pay homage to her childhood idol, Christina Aguilera, who has probably not put pee on her face. “I had terrible cystic acne in college that wouldn’t clear with products or prescriptions, so I would sit on Google, crying and looking for a cure.”
WA S H W I T H B ar e M in e r als Pu re n e s s G e l Cl e ans e r, $22, b a re min e ra ls.c o m
5 4 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
She ended up in an online community that swore by urine as an exfoliating zit fix (sounds crazy, but there are still plenty of blogs and Reddit threads out there full of people cosigning this claim). “It was gross, but I was desperate, so before bed, I peed on a Q-tip like a pregnancy test and wiped it all over my cheeks,” says Christina. “I remember looking in the mirror like, This is what it’s come to; this is what I’m doing.”
KILL ZITS WITH L a Ro c h e - Pos a y Ef f a c l a r A d a p a l e n e G e l 0.1% A c n e Tre a t m e nt, $30, l a ro c h e - p os a y.us
“The sites said the odor would go away when it dried—it didn’t—and that I should apply pee daily with my skincare routine,” says Christina. “I was hoping for a miracle, but my skin looked the exact same the next morning and I The TL;DR just couldn’t do it again.” Listen, if no other zitFair. Buuut what if killing treatments existed someone (hi again) were and if you could someto rub pee on their face how catheter yourself for weeks, months, even (pls, no) to get that years? sterile urine straight “What? No,” says from its golden source... dermatologist Mona fine. Go forth. But even Gohara, MD. “I have then, there isn’t really no problem with urine a legit scientific reason itself—it’s sterile—but urine would be supewhat that urine comes rior to proven out of definitely pee-free acne isn’t.” Basiproducts. cally, your A c n e c u re s n ow c o m e As for pee can t o yo u r inb ox—sign Christina, introduce u p f o r o u r we e k l y zit she has a host of d e st roy in g n ews l e t t e r moved on issues and a t Cos m o p o lit an.c o m/ from her bacteria that Ac n e - S u c ks. deep-web could lead to experimentations anything from and has this parting take: pink eye to some weird “Honestly,” she says, “if face infection. the pee had worked, I IDK, guys, and would still be rubbing it maybe it’s just me, but on my face today—and when I hear “weird face probably would have infection,” I also hear convinced all my friends “not worth it.” Like, I get to do it too.” that urine is technically high in urea, an exfoliant
MOISTURIZE WITH Ce r aVe M oist u rizin g Cre am, $17 f o r 16 oz., d r u gst o re s
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I L L U S T R AT I O N BY S A N C H I O B E R O I . M O D E L A N D Q - T I P : G E T T Y I M A G E S .
That smell tho
that, yes, can break down your top layer of skin cells to smooth bumps. And that it works kinda like salicylic, glycolic, and lactic acids— but “all of those are safer and more effective and don’t carry the possible risk of E. coli,” says Dr. Gohara. So.
MASTER EVERY MOVE Your
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Find ‘em at WomensHealthMag.com/ challenges
WOMENSHEALTHMAG.COM START YOUR MORNING HERE.
b e aut y
THE REAL REVIEW
Lip stains are so much better than they used to be, guys
“Multitaskers I’ve tried in the past have all been...meh. This one was sheer and lasted longer than I expected. It also felt weightless and sank right into my lips. If you’re going for a minimalist vibe, it’s a solid choice.”
The
vegan option “First, let me talk about the pink color. I’m obsessed with its brightness and depth. Second, the formula is incredible. It’s matte-ish, vegan, cruelty-free, and supremely hydrating.”
By LAUREN BALSAMO
—KRISTEN, 29
t s.
2 - i n -1 o p t i o n
No more dr yness, no more fading.
to all your other lip produc
The
—A B I G A I L , 2 5
My
con
dole
nces
B e n e f it Love tint Lip & Ch e e k S t ain, $18, b e n e f it c os m e t ic s.c o m
Bit e B e aut y O u t b u rst L o n g we a r Lip S t ain in S t ra w b e r r y Frozé, $24, s e p h o ra.c o m
The
The
drugstore option
tattoo-like option
“I was intimidated by how red the red is...but once I put it on, I refused to take it off. I wore it all day at work, and unlike most mattes, it never feathered or got crackly. I reapplied just once after lunch (bc olive-oil dressing is the devil).”
“I used the thin end to line my lips and the thicker one to fill them in. And the color legit didn’t budge. At all. All day. 10/10 would recommend for a night of eating and drinking when you don’t want to deal with checking in on your lip sitch.”
—K ATH E R I N E, 2 4
— L I N D S A Y, 2 7
L’O r é al Paris Ro u g e Sign a t ure Light weight M a t t e Co l o re d I nk in A r m o re d, $12, d r u gst o re s
Avo n 2- in -1 Lip Ta t t o o Lip Lin e & Fill D u o in Re b e l Ras p b e r r y, $12, a vo n.c o m
5 6 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
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b e aut y
A N
I N S I D E R ’S
G U I D E
T O. . .
p u llin g o f f ye ll ow eyesh a d ow
Two makeup pros help you stay on the “not ill” side of this cool but trick y lewk. By AMA KWARTENG
3
1
2 4
5
1
Brighter is best
D o n ’t b e e x t r a elsewhere
Pastels are fine for some occasions. This is not one of them. Sheer, pale yellows will just make you look sickly, so stick to vivid hues like rich mustard or nearly neon. You’re going for ~intentional~ here, babe.
Yellow lids don’t play well with others. So leave your strong brows, contoured cheeks, and bold lips at home. Your only other friends here are a dab of concealer where you need it, some brow gel, and a swipe of tinted lip balm.
5
2
Use powder *a n d* c r e a m
5 8 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
3
This is for tops only You’re gonna want this sunshine all over—except on your lower lash lines, where it will amplify any redness or shadows. (Shy? Start with a hint of yellow in your inner eye corners or as a lil line above your lashes.)
4
Pause on black liner Adding it to yellow lids can make your eyes look smaller and also give you very obvi bumblebee vibes that are cute only on Halloween (if even then?).
Tips courtesy of Robin Black, celebrit y makeup artist (@Beaut yIsBoring), and Sarah Lucero, global executive director of creative artistry for Stila Cosmetics (@SarahLuceroGlam)
M AT T E O S C A R P E L L I N I / I M A X T R E E .C O M .
Start with an eyeshadow primer (to keep color from sliding all over), then use your fingers to swipe on a cream shadow. Let it sit for a sec before packing on a yellow powder with a small, dense brush. Your lids now = ultra saturated.
OPEN YOUR EYES TO BAMBI EYE BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT.TM
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l i f e c ’ h n ’ ees c a t ast e $$$$ e m
Add a healthy pour of Buffalo sauce, some blue-cheese crumbles, and lil nuggets of rotisserie chicken.
She’s wor th the investment. By MIA LARDIERE
O
re Ho
I O N PT 2 O
my future ch ild
Stir in three kinds of grated extramelty cheese, like Gruyère, Gouda, and cheddahhh.
na re t h i s p r e t t y.
I O N PT 1
pe
O
M a ke yo u r $ b oxe d
Top with BBQ sauce and rotisserie chicken torn into bite-size pieces.
6 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
I O N PT 3
I O N PT 4
Pop in a blob of truffle butter. (And note to self: Manifest your future wealth with expensive dairy products.) O
I O N PT 5
Literally just dump a jar of pesto sauce on top and mix it in. O
I O N PT 6
Throw in fresh basil, balls of mozzarella, and black pepper. *chef kissy fingers*
C H E L S E A K Y L E . F O O D S T Y L E D BY S U E L I F O R H E L LO A R T I S T S . P R O P S S T Y L E D BY K A L E N K A M I N S K I F O R A P O S T R O P H E .
All I want is to eat a Michelin-star meal with a handsome date...except in bed, for almost $0, and also totally alone. With a storebought carton and a few ~fancy~ ingredients, you, too, can create versions of this magical experience. Feast!
O
Award your breakfast with cream cheese made with only the freshest milk and cream.
Š2020 Kraft Foods
lif e
“I’ve recently come into some money.” —you By KARA CUZZONE
I t ’s
like graduatio
e t th hang over!
6 2 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
tw
ou
Welcome to your new debt-free life. But, um, what now? Our financial experts have ~thoughts~ about where to put all the cash you’re no longer spending on that degree you got years ago. We simplified their advice into this flowchart. You are welcome.
nb u
ith
So you finally paid off your student loans...
AN
T A R S T
SWERS
I can afford rent and groceries. Is that what you mean?
Amaze. I now have my own Netflix, Hulu, HBO Go, and Disney+.
2. Do you have specific savings goals rn? DUH.
Like what?
LOL! I. JUST. PAID. OFF. MY. LOANS. Isn’t that enough?
Hmm, how does one retirementinvest?
Yes.
Not unless you count Pinterest saves….
7. Wanna start a company or make your side hustle a full-time gig? Already designing my CEO business cards.
DA N S A E L I N G E R / T R U N K A R C H I V E .
I’m being frugal now so future me can get what she wants.
TBH, you’ve earned it. It’s okay to splurge a little since you’ve already been saving and budgeting to afford a luxe purchase. Just make sure it doesn’t send you back into debt or become a regular thang. Add to cart and get right back to being thrifty. Eightyyear-old you thanks you for your service.
My 9-to-5 salary is solid.
4. Which of these sounds the most like your strategy? I’m looking to treat myself to something like a puppy or designer boots.
Let’s all applaud your grown-ness. You’ve got big-girl plans, so keep saving like the responsible human you are. To find out how long it’ll take to make your dreams happen, divide your money goal by the amount you can put away monthly while still making rent. You’ve got this!
6. Are you saving for a down payment on a house?
3. Have you been investing for retirement? I put 10 percent of my paycheck into my 401(k) every month.
Get planning, sis.
Strapped.
I’ve literally been stockpiling $1s while paying off my loans.
S a v e n o w, s p e n d l a t e r.
1. How would you describe your current cash sitch?
5. Have you been putting $ toward this goal?
It’s time to clarify what you wanna spend your money on and set a monthly budget. Think about your short-term goals (like that puppy or AirPods Pro) and long-term needs. Then pinch pennies accordingly. It’s also time to start saving for retirement. Really.
Buy that expensive ish!
H E R E
8. But are you aiming for an Instaworthy vacay? Paris 2021!
Nah, I’ve got other worlddomination plans.
S O U R C ES: E R I N LOW RY, AU T H O R O F B R O K E M I L L E N N I A L TA K ES O N I N V ES T I N G, A N D T E R R A N C E O D E A N , P H D, R U D D FA M I LY F O U N DAT I O N P R O FES S O R O F FI N A N C E AT U N I V E R S I T Y O F C A L I F O R N I A AT B E R K E L E Y ’S H A A S S C H O O L O F B U S I N ES S
lif e
4 b a t ht u b sn a c k s t h a t just make s e ns e Cute influencers are snacking while bathing, so now I’m snacking while bathing. By ASHLEY OERMAN
An ice-cream cone
Frozen fruit You’re hot; it’s cold. That is all.
A mug of Luck y Charms
A jar of Nut ella “I mean...if you’re going to eat it straight out of the jar, I’d rather have you do it in a tub.” —Love, Mom
Ice cream: *drips* You: *licks elbow, dips elbow, repeat*
Use a spoon or just slurp and chomp. If you spill, it doesn’t matter. (JW, are bath ’mallows the new bath bombs?)
6 4 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
SA M ANTHA SCHN U R O F @TH ENAU GHT YFO RK.
Ever tricked out a ’gram-worthy soak with bubbles, bombs, and face masks only to say to yourself, Le something is missing here? Yes, it’s food. Please consider these perfect suggestions.
B e h o l d: a w e llbalanced snack.
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lif e
LEVEL UP
76%
Taylor
Tue 3:10
Yo u r d esk t o p ico ns could be cuter
PSA:
Let the makeover montage begin! By ASHLEY OERMAN
Today in random things that make you feel super accomplished and boss-like: an organizational glow-up. Follow these steps to turn those boring blue folders into lil works of art (or a secret code that only you understand). Let’s do things.
MAC
ST ST
untitled
16 KB
ST
modified: Today, 3:09 PM
General:
66
EP 3
Still in Preview, use the Select tool (this thing at the far left of the toolbar) to highlight the entire image. Press Command + C.
untitled
ST
f o r g e t.
EP 2
Drag it to your desktop and open it in Preview. Click on the Show Markup Toolbar icon (it looks like this), select the wand, and slowly drag it across the image. After the background (and only the background) turns red, hit Delete.
EP 1
Do a Google search for an emoji .ico (icon) of your choice or download one from a site like IconArchive.com. ST
ST
Fo
EP 1
Do a Google Images search for any emoji .png or .jpg your desires.
sunsout.jpg
PC
EP 2
Right-click on your emoji and save it to your desktop, making sure it’s saved as a .ico file. ST
e bills I w l th an
o tt
r
al
EP 3
Right-click your desktop folder and select Properties. Then click the Customize tab. Click Change Icon and browse your desktop to find your image. Boom.
EP 4
Right-click your desktop folder and choose Get Info from the dropdown menu. Click on the top left folder icon and then hit Command + V.
If you don’t want a label, rename the folder with a bunch of spaces. Voilà.
MORE COVERAGE
TO LOVE. Rely on GEICO to help you with property and car insurance.
JHLFR FRP _ $872 _ /RFDO 2IĆFH Some discounts, coverages, payment plans and features are not available in all states, in all GEICO companies, or in all situations. Homeowners, renters and condo coverages are written through non-afďŹ liated insurance companies and are secured through the GEICO Insurance Agency, Inc. GEICO is a registered service mark of Government Employees Insurance Company, Washington, DC 20076; a Berkshire Hathaway Inc. subsidiary. GEICO Gecko image Š 1999-2019. Š 2019 GEICO
lif e
W hi c h
M O S T LY A’ S
p l ant c hil d yo u s h o u l d a d o p t U g h, w e g e
There is plant - parenthood hope for us all. By CARINA HSIEH
t. ti
Yo
u ’r
Fake plant You’re not a cactus person. Those require dirt and light and, therefore, are too hard. Spend enough time researching realistic-looking fakes and it counts because so much thought went into it.
. e g o o d a t t his
How much sunlight do you get in your place? A Um...none. B I have windows, so? C More than enough,
per Google. D Exposure in the south and east corners.
Your friend asks you t o do g-sit for the we ekend. How do you prepare?
M O S T LY B ’ S
Snake plant Bare minimum, come through! The snake plant is foolproof, helps with air quality (allegedly, but mostly it’s cute), and can grow impressively tall quickly. You’ll appreciate the instant gratification.
A I don’t? She’s drop-
ping off the dog, I think? chocolate or nails lying around, so I think I’m Gucci. C I stocked up on
wee-wee pads even though he’s allegedly potty-trained.
Your Ub er ’s here. Where are you? A In the shower. B Changing (again) with
one eye on my phone. C Ready to go. I literally
just got the notification. D Corralling my group to meet me out front while sweet-talking the driver.
D I ordered dogproofing accessories and vegan chew toys before she finalized her travel plans.
You’re most likel y t o sp end your P TO on… A Nothing rn. I’m using it all for my big 2021 European getaway, since it rolls over each yea—wait, what do you mean it doesn’t roll over? B Sporadic mental
health days. Planning is work. C Just one long weekend with the gals. I like my job! D A preplanned multi-
country tour through Asia.
6 8 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
M O S T LY C ’ S
D e v i l ’s ivy You’ve got it together...most of the time, so you can handle a liiittle more than a set-it-andforget-it potted thing. And if shit comes up (as it always does for you), this guy will stay green—even in darker conditions.
Real quick: Where’s your phone right now? A IDK or I’d be on it. B If I grope around
a 3-foot radius, it will probably turn up. C On the table. D Tucked neatly into my Cuyana tote’s designated phone pocket. (I paid extra for the organizer.)
M O S T LY D ’ S
Bird-ofradise pa A v needy plant for a dedicated and organized helicopter parent to anything that lives. This new project *might* mean you need to cancel your 15-year Neopets subscription, but TBH, you could probs handle both.
B A U E R S Y N D I C AT I O N / T R U N K A R C H I V E . S I D E B A R : G E T T Y I M A G E S .
B I mean, there’s no
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SO, ANIM ALOBSESSED PERSON:
A r e yo u r e a d y f o r yo u r own pet yet? If you che ck ever y b ox, IT. IS. TIME. By SARAH WELDON
There’s a snack treat chillin’ in your bag, just in case. You always say no to extra guac and put that ~$2 into an emergency “future vet bills” fund. Your friends have flexible schedules and also owe you favors of the “Yeah, I’ll pet-sit while you go on vacay” variety. You know that pills taste better wrapped in Kraft Singles. Always.
Ta g
yo
I ’m t h a
tf l
ur
oo
fy
s e l f. e a r.
Your Instagram Search & Explore tab could easily be mistaken for that of a pets-only Etsy shop. You actually take out your trash on a regular basis, so it’s not full of tasty old food containers.
A L I C I A T E R R Y/@ A L I C I A D R O W N .
All the
p et inf o yo u n e e d r n So smol. So pure.
Pulling a stale little dingleberry off some matted fur doesn’t faze you. (Related: You know what a dingleberry is.) You’ve got a name (and social handles) picked out. You may now proceed to your nearest adoption center.
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furb abies
4 wa ys t o t r i c k yo u r f r i e n d ’s d o g i n t o
l ov in g yo u m o r e Not to be…p et t y or any thing….
*put s my last t hre e p ennies to get he r so my bb can live t he lif e she d ese r ves*
By MADELEINE FRANK REEVES
1
C R A Z Y S H * T YO U ’ R E NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO RESIST BUYING F O R YO U R P E T
3
Ta k e a k n e e .
2
How would you like talking to someone five times your height? Exactly. So get on the ground. Dogs tend to feel more comfortable when you’re on their level. Like you’re buds. Like you’re one and the same. Like you’re the Elle Woods to their Bruiser Woods. Hi, you live on the floor now.
Head out for off-leash walks. Even stressy pups feel more at ease when they can wander. It’ll help build up that *trust* between you. And tbh, their “actual mom” (whatever) will appreciate your taking something off her to-do list.
B u y a t o y. S l e e p w i t h t h a t t o y. G i f t t h a t t o y. The lil critter will start to associate your smell with the oxytocin release they get during tugof-war. You can also leave behind a piece of your clothing—the sweatier, the better. A lone sock is perfect. Just hide it subtly. Let’s not make this weird.
4
Bring t re at s, o b v i o u s l y. Or at least offer some high-pitched praise. (The pros we talked to do not endorse sneaking bits of pizza or fries while your friend isn’t looking, but in our ~personal experience~, this a hundred percent works.)
CBD TRE ATS New nightly ritual: one 10 -mg gummy for you, one 5 -mg bone for your pup. FOMO Bones CB D D o g Tre a t s, $39 for 20, fomobones.com
S o u r c e s : A n n H o h e n h a u s , s t a f f d o c t o r a t N Y C ’s A n i m a l M e d i c a l C e n t e r, a n d P h i l i p T e d e s c h i , p r o f e s s o r a n d r e s e a r c h e r o n t h e h u m a n - a n i m a l b o n d a n d m e m b e r o f R o v e r ’s D o g P e o p l e P a n e l
86
%
of you know the glor y of being a p e t p are nt.
What? I know my a n g l e s.
C AT “ WINE” It’s not booze, but your kitt y may get a buzz from catnip -infused Pinot Meow. Apollo Pe ak Ca t Wine Paw t y Pack, $25 for 4 1.6 - oz. bot tles, pet wineshop.com
S o urc e: Cosmo p o ll
N O N - C AT O R
- D O G
A N I M A L S, FROM TO
MOST
LE A ST
Fish
PREBIOTIC DOG FOOD Chi c ke n
For the Goop -iest doggo, a cute kibble that’s all about ~gut health~. H e e d Fo o ds Kib b l e, $35 for a 4.5 - lb. bag, heedfoods.com
Rabbit
Horse
Bird
Guinea pig
QUIZ
LEAST
How to tell if your pet really Cow
Snake
deser ves its own Instagram Is it really that cute? T h a t 's it. T h a t 's t h e w h o l e q u iz.
7 6 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
DOG ACUPUNCTURE But really. It boosts blood flow in pups with stuff like allergies or arthritis. Check rates with a local practitioner.
C AT, L E F T: C H A L I T S A P H A P H A K /S TO C K S Y. C AT W I N E: L U C Y S C H U LT Z .
MOST
P O PU L A R
furb abies
D o g f ashun Cute clothes that won’t get yanked of f in t wo se conds.
Y RAIN D AY
F YCOM COZ Y
By MADELEINE FRANK REEVES and CARINA HSIEH
Yes, it’s adorable, but it’ll also spare you that whole toweling-off thing.
R MAJO BAGGAG E
On ARCHIE, Pomsky, @DweebKing
For the good girl who can carry her own things, tyvm.
Pick a sorta casual, sorta dressy top that’s stretchy enough to wear all day.
Your boring old collar is s-h-a-k-i-n-g over this pretty patterned upgrade.
On OLIVE, pug, @OliveTheNYCPug
On KIWI, mixed breed, @3_ Legged_ Scooby
a
you t ’d
t h i n k , I ’d g !N o N AKEY?
a
W
h
w.
On BAO BAO, French bulldog, @BaoBunBun
R SUPE FA N C Y
On Archie: Ware of the Dog anorak rainco at, $72, shop do gandco.com. Wag we ar b o ot s, $49, wa gwe ar.com. On Bao Bao: Charlie’s Back yard b a c kp a c k, $36, sho p d o gand co.com. On Kiwi: Crew L aL a b ow co ll ar, $46, c rew l al a.com. On Olive: American Beagle Out fit t ers swe a t e r, $30, a e.com
li
ke
…*
They’ll make you happier in the long run.
il
d
TO P : R U B E N C H A M O R R O. C Y R U S: B A U E R G R I F F I N .
T h e we ir d e st c e l e b r i t y p e t f a c t s yo u d i d n’t k n ow yo u n e e d e d
*p
re
ten
on din g I ’m a n
ly
ch
Miley Cyrus has 15 pets but just 4 pet tattoos. Three are for pups and one’s for her dearly departed blowfish, Pablow. Justin Bieber once had a monkey seized by German authorities. JIC you forgot about that 2013 mess that probably single-handedly paid all of Perez Hilton’s bills.
BY SARAH WELDON
George Clooney had a (allegedly) homewrecking pig. The 300-pound potbelly, Max, was rumored to have caused the demise of at least one of the actor’s relationships. Bradley Cooper got his dog an agent. At least, that’s what he joked to People after Charlie’s breakout role in
A Star Is Born. And I’m just praying it’s actually true bc the world needs more of that precious fluff monster. Karl Lagerfeld’s cat had an iPad. Yes, the late designer’s feline friend, Choupette (don’t ask me how to pronounce it), could binge-watch The Office until 4 a.m. if she wanted to.
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furb abies Pa w s (s r y
)f or a
P R E S E N T I N G:
qu
i
ck
THE ZODIAC SIGNS AS DOG BREEDS By A L IZ A K E L LY
•
as
tro
break.
Illustrations by MEGAN ROY
ARIES
TAURUS
GEMINI
CANCER
LEO
Pitbull
Bulldog
Pomeranian
Chihuahua
Chow chow
VIRGO Beagle
Feisty and competitive but also total sweethearts!
The adorably smushy slobber-babies just want to get cozy.
Always down to hang out with their puppy pals.
The *most* loyal—but will yap at anyone outside the inner circle.
That giant, lionesque mane demands attention.
True detectives of the dog kingdom, beagles stick to the trail.
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGIT TARIUS
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
PISCES
Poodle
Doberman pinscher
Golden retriever
German shepherd
A c t u a l l y…a c a t
Siberian husky
Iconic with a certain je ne sais quoi. (That’s French for “fancy.”)
Playful and smart…and not someone, er, a dog you want as a nemesis.
Happy and adventurous with a little side of athleticism.
All about the hustle. (Seriously, some of them have jobs.)
Dog breeds? How dare you!
Those water-blue eyes gaze deeply into souls everywhere.
Tr u e c r i m e: M y m o m b o u g h t m e a p u p py. M y d a d r e t u r n e d i t h o u r s l a t e r One Cosmo staf fer dares to ask, “What happ ened to Sprout?” Fluffaluffagus
By CARINA HSIEH
Rabbit Kardashian Slopes C AT Catticus Finch White Claw Chicken DOG Baby Yoda Canine West Frederick O’Donohue Friedman III HAMSTER Peanut Prince Hairy Dragon SNAKE Lil Miss Hiss Britney Spears Cuddles FISH Tiny Tim Noodle Oscar the Grouch
61
%
of you would break up with someone if your p e t d i d n ’t l i k e t h e m . ( F a i r.) S o urc e: Cosmo p o ll
7 8 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
LIZARD Tr e a t. I s. L if e.
Green Monster Sparky Lizzie McGuire
M U G : G E T T Y I M A G E S . R A B B I T: M A U R O G R I G O L LO/S TO C K S Y. C AT: C R U M B S & W H I S K E R S/@ C R U M B S _W H I S K E R S . D O G : L I Z R O S E C H M E L A /@ H E Y L I Z R O S E . B I R D : G E T T Y I M A G E S .
already gone! Desperate to keep him close to my heart, I had a custom mug made with the only photo I had of us. It sits on my desk all these years later, and at least once each day, I wonder… Could I find Sprout? And so my side hustle as a detective begins. Er, okay, I decide to contact the store. A lead: They have Sprout’s owner’s info on file but can’t give me a number (because
~privacy~). But they’ll forward my pleading email. I follow up relentlessly and still, nothing. So one recent Saturday, I post up at a nearby dog park to show passersby a picture of Sprout. Nobody’s seen the guy. He’s just…gone. But before you feel too bad for me, know this: Now that I am a grown-ass woman and can make my own questionable financial decisions, I have a perfect little Frenchie nugget of my own. And honestly? She was worth the wait.
J us t a l i s t o f p e t n a m e s u g g e s t i o n s
The year is 2 0 1 0 . I walk to the All Pets Club in Branford, Connecticut—the scene of the crime, if you will— not long after that fateful day my dad came home to drop a shocking bombshell on his Frenchbulldog-clutching daughter. Apparently, no, I didn’t qualify for a spontaneous $3,000 parental loan for a random Tuesday puppy just because “he’s so cute though!” So back to the store Sprout went, where at least, I could visit him. Except he was
Purina trademarks are owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A.
With Added Vitamins & Minerals
Small dog worthy. Small dog adored.
Public ser vice announcement:
Pis c es a r e the b est in b e d Thoughts and prayers to the Capricorn lying next to you as you read this. By EMMALEA RUSSO
No offense to anyone else, it’s just a fact: Pisces deliver more heat between the sheets than any Scorpio and Leo combined, multiplied by every Gemini you’ve ever met. And I have proof (besides, like, every Pisces you’ve slept with). Pisces is a water sign—they are easygoing and nonjudgmental and will almost never call the police when you want to try something a little
8 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
HOW TO COMFORT YOUR LOCAL PISCES Yes, they’re good in bed— but they’re also crybbs. By JAKE REGISTER
1
GIVE. TH EM . SPACE. When a Pisces is upset, they can be inconsolable. But this is *not* the time to blow up their phone asking what’s wrong. Leave them alone so they can process their feels. 2
LET TH EM VENT. You’ll know when they’re ready to talk—because it’ll all come out at once and not necessarily make a whole lotta sense. If they trust you enough to unload on you, let them— without giving unsolicited advice. 3
TRY TO CHEER TH EM U P. That all over? Now it’s time for some words of affirmation (a little goes a long way for this super-sensitive sign). Or offer to Netflix and veg with them while they recharge. Keep it chill and they’ll soon be as good as new.
C H R I S C R AYM E R / T R U N K A R C H I V E .
I f t h e r e’s a Fi n d i n g N e m o porn parody o u t t h e r e, I d o n’t w a n t t o k n o w.
freaky in bed (consensually freaky stuff only, pls). Whether you’re in an LTR with a Pisces or you’ve hooked one (did you really think I wouldn’t do a fish pun?) in your DMs, they’re gonna listen to your fantasies and *get* why you want what you want. Count on them to act understanding. Emphasis on the word “act.” The head-in-theclouds dreaminess that annoys you IRL makes Pisces extra creative at sex and able to commit fully, Anne-Hathaway-inLes-Mis style, to role-play, dirty talk, dressing up like Beanie Babies, oldfashioned network-TVstyle lovemaking... where was I? Oh, yeah: Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the planet of imagination, so if you don’t feel like supplying the fantasies, they’ve gotchu. They have ~ideas~. But wait! That’s not all. If you order now, you’ll also get a free supply of high emotional intelligence. So if you, say, need endless attention (hi again, Leo) or lots of postcoital cuddling (ILY, Cancer), a Pisces is exactly who you want spooning you. Go fish already!
The cutest fragrance ever created.
THE NEW FRAGRANCE
ast r o l o g y
Mc
N eve r p a y a b r o ke r ’s f e e a g a i n:
Yo u r b i r t h c h a r t is yo u r n ew r e a l t o r
s
It’s called astrocar tography, ever heard of it?
o you can’t change your *actual* birth chart, or what astrologer Angel Eyedealism (yes, her name is awesome) calls your “astrological DNA.” But you can take that wow-I’m-bad-at-adulting part of yourself and reorient it, sort of, using astrocartography. That’s a very fancy name for a mapping method used in “relocation astrology,” the process of looking at what your life might be like if you lived somewhere else. Think of it as going down a Zillow spiral…but vibe-ier. True astrocartography is wildly complicated (um, just look at that map), but the gist is that it takes your birth-chart data and scatters it all over the world to recreate snapshots of the sky in other places you might have been born. The new hypothetical birth charts that this creates can then show you where the planets would
L S T. PAU
By RACHEL TORGERSON
land in each of the 12 houses on your chart—and what that would mean for your relationships, career, literally everything. Remember when I said that this was wildly complicated? Yeah. IRL example: Say restrictive Saturn is currently in your 7th house of relationships, giving you only so-so luck with finding love. Moving far enough away (aka changing time zones) could reposition Saturn somewhere less meh. (This is a good time to point out that relocation astrology is a superindividualized practice, which explains why Paris might be amazing for one of your friends but totally stressful to you. Not for me though. I look great in berets.) Real pros like Eyedealism can pre-
8 2 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
dict what would happen if you migrated to your dream city or help you zero in on the best possible spots for you based on your specific goals. Within reason, of course: “You can relocate your chart, but you’ll still have the same contentious planetary angles wherever you go,” says Eyedealism. As in, if you have Pluto squared to Mercury in your birth chart, you’re always gonna have defensive tendencies. Your MIP (most important planet, duh) here is Jupiter (more on this to the far right) and your most important move is placing it in a house you want to dominate. If you want all the money, you’ll want Jupiter in your 2nd house. Sex? Get it over to the 8th house. Its overall best spot would be right on your Midheaven line, which sits at the very top of your chart between the 9th and 10th houses. This lucky spot sets you up for success, fame, and wealth—think of it like
LOS S ANGELE
Ds
Tell your landlord the stars made you break your lease. He’ll understand.
M e p a c k in g u p my lif e a n d i g n o r in g a l l my p r o b s.
Mc
Mc
H o n e s t l y, t h o u g h, i t *i s* a l l a b o u t J u p i t e r By COLIN BEDELL
LONDO
The lorge-boi planet is associated with luck and big cash flows—and also wisdom and success. No matter where you live, take a look at which sign it’s in on your birth chart and use its prosperity vibes to win at life.
N
PA R IS
IF YOU WERE BORN WITH JUPITER IN...
W O M A N : C A C T U S C R E AT I V E S T U D I O/S TO C K S Y. M A P : G E T T Y I M A G E S .
NEW YORK
BEHOLD!
E
ROM
A very simplistic astrocartography map. The curved blue lines flowing from the funky “4” symbols show where the planet Jupiter and yours truly are most likely to hit it off.
your own personal Kylie Jenner line. Now, I know what you’re thinking: How can I possibly figure this ish out on my own? While it’s definitely best to get a pro reading (you won’t get the full picture without it), you can technically test out where our pal Jupe lands for you in various cities around the world. Just generate an online birth chart with your OG info changed to reflect what it would have been had you been born at the same time but in L.A. or Buenos Aires or Bangkok or wherever. If you need me, I’ll be starting my life over in Rome, where Jupiter is waiting for me on my Midheaven. Arrivederci!
A FIRE SIGN A R I ES, L EO, SAG I T TA R I US
Courageous, audacious self-expression is your pathway to your goals. So make some noise! I see traveling to glam, hot, highenergy countries in your future.
AN EARTH SIGN
My astro DNA
TAU RUS, V I RG O, C A PR I CO R N
S e e Jupit e r hanging out in my 12t h house? I f I move to Paris or Rome, t he b e autif ul planet gets closer to that Midhe a ven “f ame” line…ot he r wise known as “Ciao, bitc h e s!” I ’m a c el eb rit y now.
You’ll need to stay more organized than a Trapper Keeper to land success (and you will land success). Your main mantra: Keep things simple.
Mc
AN AIR SIGN GEMINI, LIBRA, AQUARIUS
Thank Jupiter for your intellectual, peopleperson-y energy. Volunteer to take the lead on work projects—you were *born* for this. 10
9
11
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA
12 00
8
˚
7
Ds
RACHEL 1
6
J U LY 22, 1988 2:01 A . M . 2
5 4
3
A WATER SIGN C A N C E R, S CO R PI O, PIS C ES
Tap into your empathy and artsy, creative side to problem-solve like a boss and help others. Keep your Kayak.com searches to soulful places with spiritual history.
P. S . KEY
The lessons learned while Jupiter is direct in Capricorn (now through May 14th) will reveal
MERCURY
SATURN
SUN
VENUS
URANUS
MOON
MARS
NEPTUNE
Mc M I D H E A V E N
14th until September 12th). Use all that wisdom
JUPITER
PLUTO
Ds D E S C E N D A N T
to become your best self.
themselves during its Retrograde (May
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Y O U R M A R C H H O R O S C O P E By JAKE REGISTER
ARIES
TAURUS
GEMINI
( 0 3. 21– 0 4 .19)
( 0 4 . 20 – 0 5. 20 )
( 0 5. 21– 0 6. 20 )
You’ve got major dramz with your squad, but Venus in Taurus on March 4th makes it so you’re too busy making money to GAF. And as Mercury Retrograde ends on March 9th, so will the beef with your friends—just in time for *pops confetti* Aries season!
Your fave planet Venus enters your sign on March 4th. You’re looking and feeling hawt—all month long. Expect huge surprises in your love life (maybe as a result?) on the 8th. It’s gonna be pretty wild until Aries season gives you time to chill.
Okay, first the bad: Since you’re feeling feisty, you’re looking at big arguments and fallings-out in early March. But: Things simmer by the time Aries season starts on March 19th, and before the month ends, you can expect extra cash to come your way!
CANCER
LEO
VIRGO
( 0 6. 21– 07. 2 2)
( 07. 23 – 0 8. 2 2)
( 0 8. 23 – 0 9. 2 2)
Feeling kind of weird in the bedroom? Hi, it’s Mercury Retrograde. Don’t stress—it ends on March 9th, when your social life becomes your biggest focus. You’ll be the most popular person around, feeling supes confident and attracting hotties.
Mercury Retrograde is fucking with your relationship, your job is stressing you TF out, and you’re basically always busy. So. Yeah. Do your best to hang on tight...knowing that the end of the month could bring a bonus or promotion.
So, March brings t-o-n-s of potential for your love life. Especially after fiery Aries season starts on the 19th and you’re feeling more hot and bothered than literally ever. You’re pretty much guaranteed to get lots of action. *wiggles eyebrows*
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
( 0 9. 23 –10. 2 2)
(10. 23 –11. 21)
(11. 2 2–12. 21)
Brace yourself for missed calls from boo, 24/7 bickering, and all the angst until March 9th, when Mercury Retrograde ends. Venus in Taurus means you’ll be feeling sexy (also: fire hookups). Then Aries season, starting on March 19th, is all about ’ships.
Fam stressing you out? Yup, it’s Mercury Retrograde. After the drama dies down on March 9th, your love life will get a glow-up that’ll make you (almost) forget all about it. You’ll have serious chemistry with someone new—JSYK, they like you too!
You’re feeling uncharacteristically introverted at the start of the month. That’s okay: You need to rest up and recharge your batteries, because once Aries season starts on March 19th, your chart’s love/sex/fun zone gets Lit Up. Expect tons of right swipes.
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
PISCES
(12. 2 2– 01.19)
( 01. 20 – 0 2.18 )
( 0 2.19 – 0 3. 20 )
Venus is warming up your chart’s zone of sex and romance rn. This is perf astro weather for getting on Tinder, going on dates, and having hotterthan-hot hookups. All that and a major upgrade to your love life is coming at the end of March.
March starts off with Mercury Retrograde in your sign, but DW, it ends on the 9th. That said, don’t feel bad for becoming BFFs with your Seamless delivery driver, staying in on weekends, and bingeing all seasons of Grey’s. This is the R & R you need.
Unfortch, Mercury Retrograde is making life feel blech, but once the planet reenters your sign on the 16th, things get exciting. Venus in Taurus and Mars in Capricorn are helping expand your social circle times, like, a billion. Live it up!
Wait, w il l t his w h o l e l e ap ye ar t hin g a f f e c t my h o r os c o p e? No! Astrology has been around for at least two millennia, shorter years and all, and it hasn’t ever (nor *will* it ever) GAF about a leap year. You’re safe, babe. Carry on.
8 4 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
PRESENTED BY PANTENE
H e r e’s exa c t l y w h a t yo u r h air n e e ds b as e d o n yo u r si g n
8 6 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
m d
,r ea se
r, rin
he Lat
ou already let astrology run, like, 89 percent of your life. (“Should I go out tonight? Lemme check my daily ’scope real quick.”) Why not let it take charge of your hair? Hear me out: Bad hair days/months/years can mess with your vibe worse than Mercury Retrograde, but the ~power of the stars~ can turn that around. Especially if you match your hair care to your sign (because, duh, if you’re a Scorpio, your hair is gonna act all Scorpio too). To make this super easy for ya, we’ve divided the signs into their elements and tapped astrologer Jake Register to reveal which of Pantene’s new Nutrient Blends collections is best for you. Each is centered around a specific, powerful ingredient, and all are free of parabens, dyes, and mineral oil. Go ahead—say goodbye to that I-give-up ponytail.
y
ho
ro
sc
op
e,
re
pe
a t.
You’d be surprised how well this works.
By MADELEINE FRANK REEVES
ast r o l o g y
PRESENTED BY PANTENE
Pant e n e Silic o n e - Fre e H air Vo lum e M u l t ip lie r Shampoo and Co n dit io n e r a n d T hi c kn e s s M u l t ip lie r L e a ve - I n Tre a t m e nt, $6.9 9 e a c h
FIRE S I G N S Aries, Leo, Sagittarius T R Y The Bamboo Collection
No, you’re not imagining things. All eyes *are* on you when you walk into a room (and, TBH, pretty much always?). People are drawn to your contagious passion, so you need to be lathering up with a shampoo that’ll keep your mane just as radiant. This collection’s B vitamins (extracted from legit bamboo shoots!) nourish hair and build attention-grabbing volume. Basically, prepare for even more compliments than usual.
Pant e n e S u l f a t e - Fre e Fo r t if y in g D am a g e Re p air S h a m p o o a n d C o n dit i o n e r an d O ve r night Re p air
EARTH S I G N S Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn T R Y The Castor Oil Collection
You’re results-driven and practical—no surprise, since you’re kiiind of an overachiever. But even if you’re fried from a long week, your hair doesn’t have to be. The Sulfate-Free Overnight Repair Serum’s restorative castor oil works all night long to get your strands shiny and healthy, so you can wake up and get right to your pre-work Spin class as soon as your alarm blares. Next stop, world domination.
AIR S I G N S Gemini, Libra, Aquarius T R Y The Jojoba Oil Collection
Pant e n e S u l f a t e - Fre e M ira c l e M oist u re B o ost Shampoo and Co n dit io n e r an d Pe t a l S o f t H air Tre a t m e nt, $6.9 9 each
WAT E R J OY W O N G/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.
S I G N S Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces T R Y The Rose Water Collection
You’re creative, dreamy, and, yes, just a little bit sensitive, so gentle relationships products are a must. The Rose Water Collection is as kind to your hair as your friends know to be to your feelings. It leaves your strands soft, soft, soft and frizzfree. Next time you run your nightly bubble bath (you do you, bb), apply the Sulfate-Free Miracle Moisture Boost Petal Soft Hair Treatment for an added major dose of moisture.
Pant e n e S u l f a t e - Fre e Co mp l e t e Cu r l C a re Sha m p o o a n d Co n dit io n e r an d M ois t u re L o c k Cu r l M ist, $6.9 9 e a c h
Connecting to others is kinda your thing, making your baseline status running from one friend’s b-day dinner to another’s charity event. You’re tired of attempting touch-ups on the way, which is why jojoba oil is your new BFF. This sulfate- and silicone-free collection’s shampoo releases tangles, and the conditioner will keep curls defined and bouncy every time you need to bounce (sorry) to your next event.
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ast r o l o g y
How
to
Astrology > HR.
By A L IZ A K E L LY
GEMINI
CANCER
LEO
VIRGO
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGIT TARIUS
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
PISCES
Kick and scream
Butter them up with cupcakes
Attend ever y “optional” happy hour
Create an “us against the world” pact
Make them a productivit y playlist
Show them your fearless side
Be lighthearted
Cut to the chase
Work as hard as you play
Praise their work ethic
Discuss long-term growth
Read their mind
TAURUS
Shameless flatter y
Say, “It takes money to make money”
Convince them it’s their idea
Make matching T-shirts
Tell them about a project you wanna do
Be practical
Wear something nice for the occasion
Form an alliance
Start dressing like them
Get down to business
Share your revolutionar y ideas
Tell them to meditate on it
GEMINI
Fill ’em in on the office goss
Save them the hassle by writing your own offer letter
Get the last word in
Hypnosis
Create a schedule together
Write a long- ass email
Leverage outside offers
Make yourself indispensable
Be friends outside of work
Make them feel important
Display your individualit y
Talk after lunch
CANCER
Be vulnerable
Buy them cute office decor
A surprise bouquet!
Infuse their office with the smell of baked goods
Ask them how they’re doing... and really mean it
Be extra helpful
Pitch a thoughtful proposal
Blackmail. JK! (Or not?)
Find common ground
Discuss “strategy”
Prepare for tough questions
Say you had a dream about this
LEO
Call them your role model
Write them a poem
Charm their pants off
Start copying their lunch order
Order them a “World’s Best Boss” mug
Respond to their emails immediately
Bring in coffee and doughnuts
Tell them a secret
Plan an office part y
Make a PowerPoint packed with GIFs
Be serious yet approachable
Aromatherapy
VIRGO
Be firm but gentle
Crunch the numbers
An IRL convo
Be a suck-up (they’ll love it!)
Compliment their car
Tell them all pros, no cons
For ward an article that sup ports your POV
Call an Uber for them
Highlight your social side
Email your five -year plan
Do up an info graphic
Make them feel like a celebrit y
LIBRA
Sweeten the deal with a handselected gift
Order bagels... but get something special for them
Remember their birthday
Create a problem, then fix it
Display leadership potential
Present your vision board
Clean their computer screen
Preorder business cards with your new title
File expense reports early
Give them data
Prove you’re a team player
Be prepared with backup umbrellas
SCORPIO
Say you’ve already been scouted by a recruiter
Find a common enemy
Throw someone under the bus
Give them an ultimatum
Write anonymous Glassdoor reviews
Keep them hydrated
Kiss their ass (not literally though— that’s an HR issue)
STARING CONTEST
Write a proposal, slide it under their door
Threaten to “walk”
Brainstorm together
Be a good listener
SAGIT TARIUS
Invite them to some thing that’ll make them feel cool
Show up early and stay late for a solid month
Bond over shared musical interests
Be the Dwight to their Michael Scott
Never, ever complain
Plan a team happy hour
Discuss your shared interest in HGTV
Show your gratitude
Dance. Off.
Speak with confidence
Arrive at work on time (lol)
Ask over text
CAPRICORN
Slip some references into their DMs
Catch them on a good day
Kick off a standing ovation at the next meeting
Applaud their professionalism
Share stock market tips
Show them your favorite TED Talk
Find out their political opinion
Hard negotiation
Knit them a sweater
Leave your updated résumé on their desk
Add them on LinkedIn
Be specific with your wants
AQUARIUS
Say some thing shocking
Intimidation (not really but kind of)
Fix some thing that’s broken
Buy them an office aquarium
Show your admiration
Don’t take no for an answer
Replace bottled water with filtered
Serenade them at office karaoke
Poke them on Facebook
Bring candy
Create an acrostic poem for “RAISE”
Explain how you’d make a difference
Read them their horo scope... which says “yas” to your raise
Send them an e - card
Change your desktop background to puppies (trust me)
Ask about a book on their shelf
Mention their purple aura
Appeal to their vices
Communicate clearly and efficiently
Shed a tear
Put a pillow on their chair
Speak kindly about a coworker
Bring them coupons
Forge an emotional connection
G E T T Y I M AGES.
TAURUS
ARIES
ARIES
PISCES
Your sign
Your boss’s sign
lift to experience viva la juicy juicy couture
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ast r o l o g y
nt u wa r o y f I of ou more ve astro si exclu dness… goo ” s c rib e
ub t e x t “s n d g e t t h e 7 17 a o n t h. to 7 7 ve r y m mag e DATA AND LY. AG E MESS Y APP S MA R AT E
A S K Y O U R A S T R O L O B E S T I E Real - talk advice from astrologer, author, and Instagram meme queen Aliza Kelly.
Dear Stumped Sagit t arius,
G E T T Y I M AGES.
Dear Aliza, I’ve had a huge crush on my Pisces coworker for about a year now, and I sometimes have this feeling that she likes me too. We’re very close, and our one-on-one hangouts feel a lot like dates. The problem: She keeps getting in and out of relationships, and the latest one she’s in seems pretty serious. I’m confused. Should I tell her how I really feel or just let it go? Since re ly, St ump e d Sa git t arius
Ah, if only all office romances were as cute as Jim and Pam’s. Alas, they usually aren’t.... But back to you two: Pisces are committed to exploring the depths of emotional expressions, including romantic feels. Basically, they’re natural lovers—but they’re also really bad at setting boundaries. This is probably why your girl keeps getting swept up in something
faster than she can say, “I’m not sure if I’m interested” (which, granted, is a mouthful). The fact that most of her fast-andfurious relationships fail proves she’s throwing herself in before she’s ready. You, Sagittarius, are also adventurous. And outspoken. So it’s no surprise your biggest conundrum is whether or not you should spill your feelings. I’m going to help you out (in blunt Sag fashion): You *need*
to speak your mind. If you don’t, your crush will morph into an obsession, that obsession will hinder your job performance, your hindered job performance will stunt your professional development…you get the idea. Protect your sanity and let it out. (Note: Do not— Do! Not!—tell her in a way that makes her uncomfortable at work.) Share how you feel and let her know that she doesn’t have
to respond right away. The less pressure you put on her, the more honest and solid your relationship—platonic or romantic—will be in the long run. Based on her previous behavior, she still hasn’t found her perfect match—maybe you’re the one she’s been missing all along. To t he M o on and b ack, x x Aliza @Aliza Ke lly
Need some cosmic help to cope with your dram a? Hit m e up: A strolobestie@ Cosmopolitan.com.
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l us t Acc
epting an y
and
all
ap
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S o I ’m a voice f e t ishist... Some people like jawlines. I like vocal registers. By TAY LO R A N D R E WS
9 0 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
wi
th
ac
ce
nt
s.
CELEBS WHO PASS AND
SOUND TEST
R yan Rey nol ds
Kour t ney Kard ashian
FAIL MY
Unquestionably hot. With a voice that’s unquestionably *not* growly...at all.
S o p hia Bush You know how when some people talk on the phone, their voice shoots up, like, four octaves? That’s KK. But 24/7/365.
Her subdued, raspy voice always has and always will make me question my sexuality.
Ant oni Porowski H e nr y Golding
His low groans and “hmms” in The Witcher are the only things I want to hear between the sheets.
Ah, just the right blend of “Why, yes, I am foreign” and “No, my pitch never gets high.”
C O L L A G E BY K AT I E B U C K L E I T N E R . C O L L A G E S O U R C E I M A G E S: S TO C K S Y ( L I P S ), G E T T Y I M A G E S ( A L L OT H E R S ). H E A D S: G E T T Y I M A G E S .
l
et me be clear: The sound that comes out of a man’s mouth is the only deal maker or breaker I am a thousand percent ruthless about. If I encounter a v sultry speaker, it won’t matter that he owns only two T-shirts and counts one of them as formal wear. If, though, I’m greeted on a first date with a shaky, “Oh, hi,” I don’t care if he’s Michael B. Jordan— you better believe I’m leaving 20 minutes later because my roommate’s nonexistent cat, Cornelius III, is missing.
Now, obviously, most people can’t change their range or control any speech issues they may have been born with (FWIW, I couldn’t articulate “r” until middle school). So I never judge or point out less enticing (to me) tenors. I’m just saying that I like what I like, and what I like is when guys with gravelly voices *also* add some assertive swagger to their delivery. Husky, commanding baritones = take me now, and narrate every sweet, sweet move along the way. Like, sometimes, I’ll catch myself panting while watching a specific Nicholas Sparks movie (omg and that accent, Liam). And if a
stranger confidently asks me something like, “Is this seat taken?” in a deep rumble, my nipples literally perk up. This is why I always insist on predate calls with any prospects I meet online. If someone’s voice can make my vagina sing over the phone, I’m horny until he’s buying me a vodka soda. But if I’m not into what I’m hearing, I’ll hit him with a “My ex recently came back into my life, so sorry.” I even conned one guy—who used a
I can’t with words that get squeakier at the end. Like, is every one its own question?
P.S. This is also my plea to people much smarter than me to create a “Hi, my name is __________” voice feature for dating-app bios. Pls and t y.
H e nr y Ca vill
damn good throaty whisper to hide our chats from his nosy roommates—into four (four!) phone dates before we met up in person. I really didn’t want his normal voice to ruin the aural fixation I had with him. Guess what? It did. Listen, I know I sound...particular. But before you cast me off as shallow, think about your own fixations. Is it possible you won’t go out with anyone who’s under 5'6"? Or who bites their fingernails? Or who wears shoes with no socks? To each her own.
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lust
Behold: the ideal sex position for you based on your dude’s penis
Penis shape Mushroom
A not too complicated formula.
57
By TAY LO R A N D R E WS
*m e 2 0 s e c o n d s
aft
er
re
p e r c e n t o f y o u w o u l d n’t change the size o f y o u r b o y f r i e n d’s p e n i s . B u u u t...
Hammer
a
di
ng thi
ha sc
r t*
58
percent of you admit that size mat ters in the bedroom.
5
i n c h e s i s t h e a v e rage length of the erect American p e n i s . ( T h e a v e rage vag depth is ~3.8 in c h e s, F YI.)
Banana
59
S O U R C E: CO S M O P O L L
Pencil
Cucumber
9 2 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
L E A H F LO R E S/S TO C K S Y.
percent of you still repor t being less than satisfied sexu a l l y. C o n s i d e r t h i s c h a r t y o u r s a v i o r.
Penis size
Ideal sex position RIGHT VS. LEFT
Small Fewer than 4 erect inches (around 5 percent of men fall into this wee category)
Doggy ”Having him behind you provides a completely full feeling,” which smaller ’shroom and hammer peens can otherwise have trouble offering, says sex coach Jenn Gunsaullus, PhD. Push your thighs together for even deeper feels.
Spooning He’s curvy and/or wide, so you should be lying on your sides. This lets you angle your hips just right to control exactly where (and how far) he goes, says Good Vibrations sexologist Carol Queen, PhD.
Medium
Missionary Okay, so he’s not Jason Derulo. NBD! His skinnier wang can still stimulate your deeper hot spots in man-ontop, says Queen. Simply lie on your back and hoist your legs over his shoulders.
From 5 to 6 erect inches (most men)
Cowgirl Fifty-eight percent of you love being on top...probs because this position lets you decide how much of that thicc D you want to accommodate. Go ahead: Sit on his lap and (carefully) lower yourself down.
Anal Large More than 6 erect inches (a v different 5 percent of men live here)
Since his penis already kinda resembles a beginner butt plug (small and a lil plump), why not try the back door? Stock up on lube for easy entry, then explore booty play by bending over or getting on all fours.
Which wa y do es it cur ve t ho? If you truly can’t tell, go ahead and assume it’s straight. Otherwise, “position your body to match where his penis faces,” says Queen. “This focuses his curve toward your anterior vaginal wall, where you can try to achieve a penetrative orgasm.” (Fact: Clitoral nerve endings live there.)
AND IF HE’S NOT CIRCUMCISED… FWIW: 8 p e rc ent of U.S. men aren’t. Unsnipped shafts can be...more moist...than circumcised ones, says Queen. For this reason, the wet-to-wet contact of his P in your V can feel amazing in a super-snug position. Try hooking up while sitting, facing each other, with your legs wrapped around each other’s body. Rock back and forth slowly. You’re welcome!
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lust
8 purely evil revenge fantasies for your worst ex I thought of them so you don’t have to.
Maybe they cheated on or gaslighted you. Maybe you’re just furious you wasted months of your life on a squid. Release that wrath by imagining any or all of these scenarios that I have lovingly concocted for you. And also maybe a little bit for myself.
You write a lightly fictionalized account of your relationship and turn it into a movie that sweeps awards season. Zach Galifianakis plays your ex.
It’s cute how they were convinced they were “on the brink of a promotion” for 18 months straight. You decide to join their industry to show ’em just how easy it is. A few months later, when you wind up becoming their boss, you fire them for incompetence.
You make it your mission to date a pro athlete from their favorite sports team so that during every game, the jumbotron pans over to you—sipping champs in your private box— as you support your new (v famous, v rich) number one.
You date someone exactly like them but taller.
there Good luck out ad , Ch
.
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You write their silver fox of a dad an email saying how much you miss dinnertime with the fam and talking about your shared love of old movies. Turns out, he misses you too. Six months later: Oops, did you accidentally wind up dating your ex’s daddy? And then literally becoming their stepmother? And then claiming their childhood bedroom as your new Pilates studio?
TO M S C H I E R L I T Z / T R U N K A R C H I V E .
You buy their beloved apartment from their landlord and evict them.
You date someone exactly like them.
You sign them up for a new retail newsletter every day. And every week, you re-subscribe them manually so there’s no way out.
By CARINA HSIEH
Lov e, sex . . . and magic!
A v a il a b le r whereve books a r e s o ld !
Find your magic and true love with Cosmo’s two potent, sexy collections of enchantments. Cast one of Cosmopolitan’s Love Spells to open your heart, attract your perfect partner, and heat up the bedroom with goddess fire. Or go to Cosmopolitan’s Love Potions to whip up aphrodisiacs, healing balms, or “hex your ex” oil.
lust
I masturbated ever y morning f o r a m o n t h a n d I *h i g h l y *
recommend it Swear to god one of my managers even commented on my “improved demeanor.” By KRISTA McHARDEN
t
e Answering th ca
of
ll
he second my life becomes remotely stressful, I forget that I have a clitoris. And things have been pretty fucking stressful recently (minus the fucking part). I’ve been working three jobs, taking care of a sick dog, totally exhausted at all times—oh, and the hubs is traveling nonstop. It’s the opposite of horny in every way. Feeling neglected, my clitoris staged an intervention. “Hey, maybe you should try masturbating every day before work!” she said...or maybe I dreamed that? I mean, once I get home from work, not even serial killers can keep me awake, so that’s not exactly a stretch. Regardless, I jumped vagina-first at the idea, because if this kind of “self-care” could give me more energy and less angst, then it would truly be worth all the hand workouts.
my
ne
glec
ke t e d va g li
…
.
F R O M L E F T: J A M I E N E L S O N / B L A U B L U T - E D I T I O N .C O M ; S T U A R T T Y S O N /S T U D I O D.
We e k o n e Monday morning, I busted out my reliable Hitachi Magic Wand, which made me orgasm in minutes because it’s amazing at its job and I was obvi pretty sexually repressed. I felt instant relief and wished I could go right back to bed for a blissful nap. You know what though? I actually went to work with a clear head, and when one of my bosses snapped at me, I took it in stride, feeling surprisingly zen despite his douchebaggery. (Climaxing: the cure for dealing with dick bosses.) The rest of the week, I felt like a caj business bitch who was getting hers. I even had phone sex with my husband— unusual for us, since I typically struggle to get over the cheese factor. But as it turns out, feeling sexy makes you feel… more sexy? We e k t wo I stuck with my Magic Wand (which I thought would get old fast, but no) and continued to crush it at all my jobs. And there was that annual review where my boss noted my recently “improved
When is best?
TEAM MORNING “I love my designated morning masturbations! My boyfriend is at work, so I can have some metime without having to pleasure or think about anyone else— and it makes my orgasms *that* much stronger.” —ELIZABETH, 25
TEAM NIGHTTIME “I normally cram so much into the beginning of my day that I don’t have time for anything else. And that means I actually need to masturbate by the time I’m ready for bed. It takes my mind off things so I can fall asleep. It’s all about winding down.” —MIKAILA, 25
demeanor.” Could solo sex be the key to world peace? Hmm.... Oh, and when my husband got back from his work trip on Thursday, we had actual sex. Rubbing one out in the morning + having sex in the evening = way easier than I’d thought. Perhaps I’d been psyching myself out about how much effort it really takes. We e k t h r e e With my husband gone again, I switched to my Womanizer, a sex toy that simulates oral sex. TBH, I was starting to feel a little like...Woof. Can’t I have a break? But I’m no quitter, and on the scale of terrible things we’re forced to do in life (brush teeth, pump gas, buy expensive serums), well, selfpleasure isn’t even on that scale. It’s like complaining about having to cuddle a pony. It’s still a pony. Plus, I was seeing major sleep bennies from my new habit: I was finally able to snooze through the Whole. Entire. Night. We e k f o u r The last stretch felt similar to what it’s like when you “have to go to the gym in the
You know that glowing skin you get after a sweat sesh? Same applies here.
4 THINGS YOU
morning.” I was all, Hell no! but then dragged myself onto the treadmill (or, you know, my vibrator) and afterward was all, Wow, I’m proud of myself. To get through the grind, I pulled out every orgasmic tool: my hand, dildos, vibes, and the Magic Wand. You know that glowing skin you get after a sweat sesh? Same applies here. Who needs to burn cals when you can legit just whack it every morning? I live for an endorphin rush. Fi n a l t h o u g ht s Masturbating before work for a month didn’t kill my vag or cause my clit to fall off (surprise! At least, I was surprised). It actually reignited my sex drive—my husband and I had sex three times the week after the experiment. I was happier... and I think healthier too? I mean, I’m not more physically fit (“Alexa, how many muscles does diddling yourself work?”), but I am more chill. Plus, every day started on a high that not even caffeine can replicate. So thank you, my friends, for coming to my TED Talk. Everyone should orgasm (often) in the a.m. The end.
DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED FOR YOUR ~ALONE TIME~
1. A R H Y T H M Don’t just start rubbing your clitoris like you’re applying self-tanner the day before prom. According to research, the four motions that women love most on their vulva are up and down, circular, side to side, and rapid pulsating. Find your favorite. 2. A MASTY P L AY L I S T PSA: Cardi B isn’t reserved for partnered sex only. If you’re one of the 81 percent of readers considering music during solo time, do it. DJ your own crescendo. 3. LUBE Please, please, please invest in some water-based lubricant. The extra liquid makes every touch feel so much better (this got me through week three, when I thought it wasn’t possible for my body to produce any more wetness). 4. CUTE UNDIES When you look good, you feel good, you play good, you do good. Wear a sexy pair to bed so you can wake up in the mood to give your lower parts attention.
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w t o use it b u loo
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Dating apps low-key make the best travel guides Only a local knows which bar is ser ving free beer tonight.
s
orry to be that girl who starts a story with “When I was studying abroad in Prague...,” but it’s relevant, okay? (I’m also vegan, but I swear this is the only time I’ll mention it.) My friends and I were looking for an ~immersive~
By SOPHIE FRANK
international experience with local color, life-changing food, and unreal weekend getaways. So we came up with a new pre-game ritual: We’d open our dating apps and swipe on nearby singles who looked fun, then message them asking where to go at night, which breakfast spot we *had* to try, and what tourist traps to avoid. The plan was never to go on actual dates with these
9 8 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
matches...we just used them for their expertise (go ahead and ding me, app police). TBH, though, most seemed happy to just chat about their recs. Ever since, we’ve had the wildest trips. H/T to the dude who clued us in to the
place in Mammoth Lakes, California, that gives you a free drink if you sign up for their email list. And in Santa Barbara, we had a critical mass of matches suggest a bar nicknamed the Shitty Kitty, which was so trashy in the best way—like a sweaty middle school dance for grown-ups. Hinge has become our go-to app, since it already includes an “I know the best spot in town for...” line in user bios. Too easy. But we have hit the occasional snag: Some chats stop once matches realize you’re only passing through (fair), and we’ve gotten at least two “Best spot in town? My bed. ;)” But there’s also potential for a plot twist: actual romance. Last fall, our crew got cheap flights to Maui, and one girl matched with a surfer whose bio read, “Use me for free lessons.” He met us at the beach with his friends and we ended up hanging long after sunset. Those two? They still keep in touch. So if you’re ever in San Francisco, swipe right on me. I happen to know an amazing, under-the-radar vegan (I know I promised, but...) bakery that you cannot miss.
O K AY, BUT LET’S COVER S A F E T Y, YA H? Fo l l o w my r u l e s r e l i g i o u s l y, because there are def some fun - ruining creeps o u t t h e r e. Don’t go it alone. If you’re traveling solo, stick to trusted tour guides not of the dating-app variety. (My method is to be used only with friends.) Make some solid pacts. WYD when one of your squad wants to break off from the group to *actually* meet her match? Or when a “tour guide” won’t stop blowing up your phone? Decide ahead of time how you’ll tackle awk situations together. Never reveal where you’re staying. It can be easy to drop details like the name of your hotel or even the specific neighborhood. Don’t. Do. It. Keep your end of all convos vague. Don’t follow your matches on social media. Message them only within the dating app and delete any of your social handles from your bio. Otherwise, they may be watching your every vacay move on your Insta Story.
The plan was never to go on actual dates with these matches....
J E N N I E R O S S/G A L L E R Y S TO C K .
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vegan hair care
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T H E L I B E R A T I O N O F
L CY H A L E
S h e b ro ke b a d a l o n g t im e a g o. We ju s t di d n’t n o t i c e.
F a s h i o n
P h o t o g r a p h s
Wo r d s
b y
b y
b y
C A S S I E
B E N
WAT T S
J E S S I C A G O L D S T E I N
A N D E RS O N
100 C O S M O P O L I TA N M A RC H 2 0 2 0
Gucci top, skirt, and boots. Jennifer Fisher earrings. Sylvia Toledano ring
Her mom told her not to do it.
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F E E L S
N I C E
T O
A B O U T F * C K A
J U S T
N O T
G I V E
C E R T A I N
T H I N G S . ”
FOR THE SAKE OF BOTH OUR MOMS,
“ I T
But back then, Lucy Hale was only 15, smack in the middle of Britney mania, of spray-tanned midriffs and whale-tailing thongs, of low-rise denim’s prime time. Who among us did not at least consider getting their belly button pierced? Lucy did more than consider. “I had the long, dangly, trashy…” she gestures in what I believe is the universal sign language for “mall kiosk’s finest, circa 2004.” Pulling up the bottom of her ribbed white tank top, she reveals the hole beneath her navel that has never closed. “It took me so long to convince my mom,” she remembers. “And then I didn’t have the nerve to tell her that after a month, I hated it.” One might think this cautionary tale would end with “...and I never pierced anything again.” But we’re currently standing in a back room at Maria Tash, the bougie piercing boutique in New York City’s SoHo neighborhood, because Lucy, who just turned 30, is here for piercing number 10. And maybe 11, “if I’m feeling really insane.” She hops up on the table, swinging her bright-white high-top Converse back and forth like a kid in a big-girl chair as one of the salon’s artists uses a Sharpie to prep her triangular fossa (that’s science for “upper ear”). Within seconds, a cluster of diamonds is sparkling from the right side of Lucy’s head. The pain, she swears, was nothing. Nothing! She is delighted. And this is the moment in which everything I thought I knew about Lucy turns out to be full-stop wrong. The actress, ostensibly one of the rare goody-two-shoes stars floating above the detritus and decadence of Hollywood, is
actually a charismatic, con-woman-level partner in crime. I had started my day responsibly prepared for an interview with a famous person and will somehow end it with two new piercings of my own. Or as Lucy puts it, watching me grit my teeth while tiny drops of my blood spatter on the floor, with “treating myself.”
it’s a good thing we’re meeting at a piercing place and not, say, a tattoo parlor. Because who knows what interesting life decisions would have been made there. Lucy is between sessions for the long, painful process of having six tattoos removed, including an elephant (“I got it done out of the country and it was not done well”), a light bulb (“just over it”), and a Bible verse on her rib cage (“I’m not religious by any means at all anymore,” plus the “thick font” doesn’t vibe with the singleneedle aesthetic she has on the rest of her body). Some of her surviving ink, for now: her grandmother’s handwriting on her arm, an evil eye, and a quote from the Insta poet Atticus: “Love her but leave her wild.” Need a minute to check this magazine’s cover and make sure this is still a profile of Lucy Hale? I get it. She gets it too. She’s fully aware of her scandal-free image. She probably also knows there isn’t a single negative rumor tucked 50 pages deep into a Google search (I checked). No history of doing that thing where a tweenybop star suddenly takes a sharp, noisy U-turn in the opposite direction (see: Selena Gomez in Spring Breakers, 15-year-old Miley Cyrus exposing her braless back in a photo shoot, Lindsay Lohan yelling at her parents via catchy bop). In other words, you’re right, she does *seem* tame. Except that this Lucy Hale is
Isabel Marant top, skirt, and belt. Salvatore Ferragamo heels. Dannijo earrings. Mary MacGill ring
P R E S S E D
Y E S
P R E S S E D H E T H I N K D O N ’ T I
F O R
J O H N
M A Y E R ,
B U T
Y E S
F O R
M E . ”
“Katy is kind of an It Girl but also the really relatable girl next door.” All of which is, frankly, appealing to a commercial audience (read: you, and also me). So Katy Keene—even though, like PLL, it has plenty of sexy stuff—will continue to perpetuate Lucy’s innocent image. (Yes, Lucy’s PLL character, Aria, killed someone and buried a corpse and, okay, fine, her long-term boyfriend was also her high school English teacher. But even after seven seasons, Aria was always the “good one.” The morally superior murderer with a heart of gold.) Smart enough to realize she would forever be linked to Aria, Lucy has also taken a couple of swerves—but instead of the Selena/Miley/LiLo route, she’s followed the Zooey Deschanel playbook of projecting a conservatively dressed indie-band-singer vibe. Over the years, Lucy’s had roles in promising shows like Life Sentence and Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television, although both were
“ I
now deliberately lasering off an innocent lil elephant—and keeping the “wild.” At first, I blame New York for turning a darling angel person onto her wilder side. The city does have a legendary rap for crushing souls, and Lucy is living here for the first time, taking a several-month break from Los Angeles, where she’s lived since her gold-belly-chain years. She’s in town to shoot The CW’s Katy Keene, the latest shiny spin-off inspired by the Archie comics. An aspiring fashion designer in her 20s, protagonist Katy is a happy-go-lucky dream chaser, a smart girl in love with falling in love. Like Carrie on Sex and the City. Or what I might have called a “Lucy Hale type” before meeting Lucy Hale. Lucy has been playing the good girl for so long that Katy Keene executive producer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa used her face all over his mood boards before the show had even been greenlit, let alone cast. “She was our prototype,” he says.
quietly canceled after a season or two. She has horror flick Fantasy Island coming out this year plus two lead roles in movies based on the buzzy books The Hating Game and Pornology (the latter neatly retitled A Nice Girl Like You for the film version). Basically, she’s been hustling and trying hard to grow up onscreen and IRL. “Looking back on it now, it’s like, Oh, that was really tough,” she says, pointing out that she spent the bulk of her 20s in a show with “pretty” in the title. She kept getting older, the way humans tend to do, but her character never aged a day, magically remaining a high school sophomore for, like, five years straight. “You did feel like you had to uphold some sort of image,” she says. “I’ve always been very petite, but over the course of eight years, my body changed. I gained a little bit of weight, and seeing how people reacted to that really messed with my head.” As the show became more and more popular, all that internalized self-doubt got harder to hide. “I started getting all these stress-related, hormone-related breakouts,” she remembers. On days when her skin flared up, “they had this specialty light for me.” Ultimately, she missed out on her 20s, that decade you begin as a lump of clay, soaked in fratparty spilled beer, and end as a one-ofa-kind work of art. “I look back and I think of all the minutes and hours I’ve wasted upset over how I looked or something that was out of my control,” says Lucy. “I wish I could get that time back, although it has led me to where I’m at now.” A N D W H E R E E X A C T LY I S L U C Y N O W ?
For starters, she’s downright relieved that she’s finally 30. “It feels nice to just not give a fuck about certain things,” she says. And since she hadn’t yet had the
THIS PAGE ATM Anthony Thomas Melillo bodysuit. RtA Brand pants. Giuseppe Zanotti mules. Sachin & Babi earrings. Jennifer Fisher rings OPPOSITE PAGE Alessandra Rich cardigan. Carine Gilson bralette. Levi’s jeans. Rebecca de Ravenel earrings. Judith Leiber Couture bag
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chance for life to shape her, she did a lot of the sculpting herself, in just one day. Enter: The Haircut. “It was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done,” she says of the sudden decision to chop off about eight inches of her dark-brown hair. People still come up to Lucy to tell her they liked it better before. And by “people,” she means men. “I couldn’t tell you the amount of times when guys were like, ‘You should grow your hair out again. I like long hair.’ I’m like, ‘I’m not cutting my fucking hair for you.’ I cut my hair for me. And I feel great with it this way.” She leans in, more animated than she’s been all day: “Or a lot of guys don’t like a bold lip color. I love a bold lip color. I don’t care. I don’t care! I truly don’t dress for men at all. I dress for me and what I think is cool.” Her preferred aesthetic is “a nontraditionally sexy look. More masculine stuff is really cool to me. I’ve never been the girl who’s like, ‘Ooh, tighter, lower, shorter.’ I constantly want to dress like an Olsen twin.” AS A KID IN NASHVILLE, LUCY DIDN’T
expect—and certainly didn’t want—this life. She always figured she’d be married with kids by now. You know, the same basic-betch dream most of us have before anyone breaks our heart, before we break someone else’s, before life burns through our childhood fantasies. “When I was younger, I was constantly wanting to be with or date someone because I was so deathly afraid of being single or by myself,” Lucy explains. “Now, I’m at the point where if I meet someone, they better really elevate my life, because I love being single.” (Her family plans? Also on hold. When I’d asked the Maria Tash crew how bad the pain would be from zero to IUD insertion, Lucy sidebarred that she loves her Kyleena IUD because “I don’t want kids for a while.”) Like pretty much everyone on the planet, she went through a phase of
THIS PAGE ATM Anthony Thomas Melillo bodysuit. RtA Brand pants. Giuseppe Zanotti mules. Sachin & Babi earrings. Jennifer Fisher rings OPPOSITE PAGE Salvatore Ferragamo top, shorts, and heels
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falling for bad boys, convinced she alone could fix them. But also like pretty much everyone else, Lucy eventually figured something out: Nice guys are better. “I used to be really drawn to, like, damaged people who had been through some shit,” she says. “Now, I’m like, You can be nice but not boring. Nice but not a dud.” (Teens will, of course, roll their eyes at this, clinging—loudly, all over social, so everyone knows—to their preference for Billy over Steve on Stranger Things, Nate over McKay on Euphoria. I once would have. Lucy definitely once would have.) So she gave dating apps a try—specifically, a so-VIP-it-can’t-be-named app. Not to find a husband but maybe to meet a kind, non-boring guy to hang out with. And, okay, maybe also a very famous bad boy, just for fun. “John Mayer is on there,” she says. “And I pressed yes for him, but I don’t think he pressed yes for me.” I feel obligated to ask Lucy if she’s not even a tiny bit worried about his, er, reputation (Taylor Swift pun intended). “I’m
so drawn to musical talent, I don’t care,” she says, truly unbothered, totally unafraid of any potential pain. This is, after all, someone who just smiled through cartilage destruction for the tenth time, and did we mention that tats—and their removal—are no walk in the park either? At this point, I’m still shaken to my core after meeting this legitimate badass disguised as Lucy Hale. And now, I desperately want to be her partner in crime, especially after she mentions this: “Okay, so I’ve wanted that Cartier Love bracelet for a long time,” Lucy says, looking down at her wrists. “But I was like, Oh, I need to wait for someone to buy it for me. Now, my friends are like, ‘No, you buy it yourself.’” I fantasize about us heading uptown and watching her do just that. “You’ve got to reward yourself,” she asserts. “Otherwise, what are we doing?” I cosign, and we part ways on a crowded SoHo street. I glance over my shoulder, thrilled to know that everyone else is looking at her and seeing sugar. I got to see the spice, and it’s fucking delicious.
“ I ’ M M Y
N O T
C U T T I N G
F * C K I N G
H A I R
F O R
Y O U .
M Y
H A I R
F O R
I
C U T
M E . ”
Hair: Laura Polko at The Wall Group using Texture Sexy Hair. Makeup: Jenna Kristina at The Wall Group using Chanel. Manicure: Julie Kandalec using Chanel Le Vernis. Props styled by Kaitlyn Du Ross Walker for Honey Artists. See page 131 for shopping information.
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T H I S W A S S U P P O S E D T O
B E
e n d o ’s big moment. As the government quietly cuts funding for endometriosis research, what’s already a bleak situation for
6.5 million American women is far from get ting bet ter.
WHAT HAPPENED? Wo r d s
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It got popular the way a lot of things d o: c e l e b r i t i e s and social media. There was Halsey on Instagram, posting, “For those of you who have followed this battle of mine...you know the extremes to which it can be mentally exhausting and physically painful….I’m in total agony right now.” Alexa Chung wrote about how much it “sucks.” Lena Dunham described it as something “eating me from the inside.” Julianne Hough hid the “emotional trauma” from loved ones. Sarah Hyland called it “one of the most painful things I’ve dealt with.” So much star power and yet... nobody cared. Well, not nobody: Regular women cared—a lot.
The average endo patient will s p e n d 10 y e a r s seeing 5 doctors for a diagnosis. Especially those who have endometriosis and so many others who suspect they do. In 2018, “What is endometriosis?” was a top trending health question on Google (beat out only by the keto diet and ALS, another disease that has benefited from famous people speaking out on social). #EndoWarrior became a thing, used hundreds of thousands
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of times. There were fancy fundraising balls. A worldwide march. It was the kind of high-wattage awareness that often leads to better treatments, big breakthroughs, and major cash being spent to find a cure. Just like it has for conditions like Parkinson’s and breast cancer. Except, for endo, the opposite is true: At the same time that patients were getting vocal, the government was putting less money toward the debilitating disease, not more. Since 2016, funding for endo has dropped by millions of dollars. This year, it’s estimated to receive about the same amount as hay fever, which causes...stuffy noses. On the list of conditions kept by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the largest federal agency responsible for medical research, endo is one of the least funded: number 276 out of 288. THE BIG LIE ABOUT ENDO IS THIS:
It’s just “a painful period.” In fact, it’s an often severe condition in which endometrial tissue grows outside the uterus, like a freckling of cigarette burns that bleed, which can lead to inflammation and scarring. It has no definitive cause and
no cure. Symptoms can include heavy, irregular, or painful periods; bowel or urinary problems; chronic pelvic pain; and infertility. Sometimes, it even fuses internal organs together. At least, that’s how a medical professional would explain it. People living with endo describe the symptoms differently: “like my insides are being twisted until they bleed,” “blackout-level cramps,” “I gush blood for weeks,” “pain bad enough that I’ve spent days in a ball on the floor,” “like a razor is being scraped inside my stomach.” For these women, the disease is like a second job. The average patient will spend 10 years seeing 5 doctors for a diagnosis, go through multiple surgeries, and be forced to fork over thousands of dollars (insurance doesn’t always cover the costs associated with necessary endo care). Autumn, 33, waited 11 years for a diagnosis and has seen more doctors than she can remember. “For years, all I was told was, ‘You’ve got bad periods—buy a heating pad, wear extra-thick pads,’” she says. “Every time I heard that, I felt so small, like I was just a woman who couldn’t manage her periods.” It was a relief when she finally found out why she’d been bleeding through her clothes multiple days out of the month, waking up so many mornings smeared in blood, once even leaving a red puddle on a chair in her boss’s office. Stories like hers make it all the more maddening that the NIH
S O U R C E: 2013 H U M A N R E P R O D U C T I O N S T U DY S O U R C E: 2017 J O U R N A L O F M A N AG E D C A R E & S P E C I A LT Y P H A R M AC Y S T U DY
percent of women say their job has suf f ere d.
the average number of hours women lose ever y week in workplace productivit y
S O U R C E: 2013 H U M A N R E P R O D U C T I O N S T U DY
percent of women say the dise ase has negatively impacted their relationships.
51 5.3
50 Endometriosis Foundation of America (EndoFound). After all, it’s easier to de-prioritize a “period” problem over “real” problems like addiction and cancer and diabetes.) Still, where the NIH chooses to spend money has a ripple effect throughout the medical community, says Stacey Missmer, scientific director of the Boston Center for Endometriosis. Less endo funding means fewer researchers applying for grants, fewer young scientists choosing to focus on the disease, and fewer doctors deciding to specialize in endo care. Currently, there are only an estimated 200 true endometriosis specialists in the U.S., says Heather Guidone, surgical program director of the Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta. And most are located in urban areas. Meaning that for many women, help is states
R e s e a r c h s h o w s w o m e n ’s d a y - t o - d a y s a r e a f f e c t e d d r a s t i c a l l y.
SO THIS IS LIFE WITH ENDOMETRIOSIS P R O P S S T Y L E D BY E L I Z A B E T H P R E S S F O R J U DY C A S E Y.
projects its endo funding to be just $6 million this year. That’s less than $1 per patient—and $4 million less than endo research received just four years ago. For context, Alzheimer’s disease gets about $344 per patient. (Alzheimer’s, by the way, affects roughly the same number of people in the U.S. as endo yet is projected to receive nearly two billion dollars in funding from the NIH this year.) “Despite its high prevalence and cost, endometriosis remains underfunded and under-researched, greatly limiting our understanding of the disease and slowing muchneeded innovation in diagnostic and treatment options,” reads a recent article in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. (And it’s not *just* a money problem: “No other disease has been downplayed as much as endometriosis has,” says Tamer Seckin, MD, an endometriosis specialist and cofounder of the
away, leaving them to see doctors who barely heard the word “endometriosis” in medical school and with no one qualified to turn to for a second opinion. Let alone a third or fourth or fifth. With NIH funding what it has been, it’s hard to imagine things getting better anytime soon. It’s even harder imagining a cure. “I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t see a cure in sight in the next 5 to 10 years,” says Hugh Taylor, MD, the chair of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive sciences at Yale School of Medicine. CHEEKS PRESSED TO THE COOL
tile of the bathroom floor, hips awkwardly in the air. This is the position Autumn often lies in when her endo flares up, and, she says, it’s getting worse. The excessive bleeding now comes with cramps that leave her unable to C o n t in u e d o n p a g e 13 0
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As luck would have it, the women stepped straight out of hair and makeup into a full-on tropical storm. Somehow, everyone’s lewks stayed intact. And then Peter did this, so...we were fine. FROM LEFT
Do these abs make my bandage
Kelsey W., 28 Gigi C Bikinis one-piece
Victoria P., 27 L* S p a c e t o p a n d bottom
Peter W., 28 Rodd & Gunn shir t. Onia shorts.
Victoria F., 25 Bond-Eye top and bottom
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Deepest apologies for keeping such a juicy secret to ourselves. But we—and the contestants, who styled their own looks for this shoot, bt w—prefer bikinis to jail onesies. P h o t o g r a p h s T Y L E R
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J O E
AYA
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Fo r m e r B a c h e l o re t t e f in a lis t Pe t e r “Pil o t ” We b e r h a s h a d a jo u r n ey. Fa m o us f o r m a kin g win d mil l s ex a t hin g (n o t o n c e b u t Fo u r! T im e s!), h e’s n ow A m e r i c a’s B a c h e l o r. We h o p p e d o n a f li g h t t o C o s t a Ri c a t o c ra s h his s e a s o n wit h o u r ow n p h o t o - s h o o t c h a l l e n g e a n d (in c o min g: o b l i g a t o r y p i l o t m e t a p h o r ) t o o k t h e c o n t ro l s f o r a g ro u p d a t e. T h e g o rgin a pic s a re n ow yo u rs, a l o n g w i t h s o m e M PH (m a ke - o u t s p e r h o u r ) s t a t s f ro m t h e s e t a n d a ~juic y~ digit a l c ove r f e a t u r in g t h e w inn e r. Pl e a s e e nsu re t h a t yo u r s e a t b e l t is f a s t e n e d, a n d p re p a re f o r t a ke o f f.
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*in t e r n a l d i a l o g u e
Every time Peter made out with a girl on-set—it happened at least twice, with lots of tongue— the other women booed. “Privacy” is not a word in the Bach dictionary. (Also: Tammy made this face approx 5,018 times, esp when we tried to rest a ginormous boa constrictor on her shoulders.)
with self* N o t b a d , W e b e r. Not. Bad.
FROM LEFT
Mykenna D., 22 Agent Provocateur one-piece
Tammy L., 24 Moeva one-piece
Hannah Ann S., 23 Norma Kamali one-piece
OPPOSITE PAGE, FROM LEFT
Shiann L., 27 Inamorata top and bottom
Madison P., 23 Montce Swim top and bottom
P E T E R ,
O N
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: S E E L
“ I t ’s w e i r d a n d a w k w a r d . I k n o w t h a t o t h e r w o m e n a r e l o o k i n g a n d I t r y m y b e s t n o t t o t h i n k a b o u t t h a t , b u t I ’m h u m a n . I d o n ’t k n o w t h a t I e v e r g o t a h u n d r e d p e r c e n t c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h i t .”
This rock was wet and slimy AF, but Shiann hopped on up before we could even assist her. And, yes, there was almost a nip slip. Almost.
Still mad at this rock tho.
, P E T E R
O N
H I S
FAV O R I T E
E N T R A N C E
F R O M
T H E
S T F I R
G N I
H
T:
“ L e x i ’s . T h a t w a s s o b a d a s s . I j u s t s e e t h i s g o r g e o u s r e d Co r ve t t e p u l l a r o u n d a n d t his g o r g e o us gir l c o m e o u t, y o u k n o w, w i t h m a t c h i n g h a i r. . . . I w a s l i k e , ‘ T h a t ’s s e x y.’”
Just my our best goddess vibes, N B D.
Fun fact: Natasha found this leaf on the literal ground and put it in her hair herself. It looked cuter than the accessories we brought, so we just let her have it. FROM LEFT
Natasha P., 31 Onia top and bottom
Lexi B., 26 Myra Swim one-piece
Cosmo Team Accommodations:
Hair and makeup:
Mary Guthrie
OPPOSITE PAGE, FROM LEFT
Peter W., 28 Onia shorts
Victoria F., 25 Bond-Eye top and bottom
S E E PA G E 131 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .
Nayara Hotel, Spa and Gardens in Arenal Volcano National Park, Costa Rica
Ding, ding, ding—we have a winner! Victoria F. gets to star with Peter on our first-ever digital cover (check it out at right, but it’s better online bc it ~moves~!). Head to Cosmo politan.com/ The-Bachelor for the real deal— plus an interview with Peter that’ll leave you sweating even more than these pics.
I t ’s n o t a w i n d m i l l , but it ’ll do.
f a s h i o n p h o t o g r a p h s w o r d s
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L E E C O L L I N S
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shiniesthair
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- y o u ’ v e - e v
e r - h a d
h a n d b o o k
This isn’t one of those “put away your hot tools and use 1,000 dif ferent hair masks” kinds of guides. I’m not an asshole. Here, legit easy ways to get glossier.
5
REASONS YOUR HAIR LOOKS DULL... AND E X AC T LY HOW TO FIX IT YOU USE MORE DRY SHAMPOO THAN REGULAR SHAMPOO
Don’t get me wrong, the stuff is m-a-g-i-c. But too much makes hair look...dry. And matted. And meh. An apple-cidervinegar rinse either in place of your shampoo or between washing and conditioning. It’ll gently remove product buildup and restore shine.
T H E S O LV E
THE WEATHER (STILL) SUCKS YOU’VE BEEN LIVING IN A BEANIE FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS
Hats, scarves, and earmuffs rough up hair’s cuticles, or outermost layers, making it so they can’t reflect light. Dry conditioner. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a waterless conditioning mist you spritz on dry hair to smooth down damaged cuticles.
T H E S O LV E
YOU LOVE BEING A BLONDE
Sry, but any kind of bleach = dulllooking hair. First, get your hands on Olaplex—a hair care system designed for damaged hair—and use it religiously. Next, invest in an at-home lightreflecting gloss (dpHue makes a bunch of options, $35) and apply it all over—it acts just like your makeup highlighter does to add a subtle glow.
T H E S O LV E
And bone-dry indoor air can steal the life (and by “life,” I mean moisture) out of your hair. Move to a tropical island. JK (sort of?). You need hydration. Look for any combo of shampoo/ conditioner/styler with hyaluronic acid, a humectant used in skincare that’s just as effective in hair products.
T H E S O LV E
YOU DON’T EAT ENOUGH PROTEIN
Take it from me (and my zero-shine, thinner hair) after I tried to go vegan.... Lots of steak! If, of course, you like steak. Otherwise, any dietary protein will do. It’s the building block of keratin (the stuff your hair is made of). Aim for around 50 grams of protein daily from things like beans, meat, eggs, and soy, says Gabby Geerts, RD, at Green Chef.
T H E S O LV E
L e t ’s talk about silicones for a sec
They’re used in tons of products to help seal hair cuticles, making detangling and styling easier. Are they “natural”? No. Do they work? Yes. Instantly. (Don’t believe me? Go use a silicone-infused conditioner rn and then report back on your softer, glossier, more manageable hair.) Buuut there’s a catch. When silicones build up over time, they weigh hair down, attract dirt and oil, and lock out moisture—leaving strands dry and the opposite of shiny. So! If you’re going to use silicone hair care, and I *do* think you should, make sure you’re also washing with a clarifying shampoo once or twice a week.
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FAC T
O R
FI C T I O N :
shiny-hair edition Eddie Parra, a hairstylist at Serge Normant at John Frieda in NYC, explains. Rinsing your hair with cold water makes it all glowy. Cold water seals hair cuticles so they lie flat, allowing light to bounce off them. FAC T
One hundred daily brush strokes will make your hair stronger and shinier. F I C T I O N Over-brushing is the fastest way to create friction, turning your frizz factor way up. Brush when you need to—just, pls, never 100 times a day.
Boar-bristle brushes are the secret to glossy hair. They’re expensive but worth it (try Raincry’s Large Pure Natural Bristle Paddle Brush, $115). They help distribute the oils from your scalp down to the ends of your hair for root-to-tip shine. And they work on all hair types.
FAC T
Beer, mayo, avocados, eggs—all genius when it comes to DIY treatments. F I C T I O N Okay, well, maaaybe avocados since they’re full of nourishing oils, but pass on everything else (because gross, and also, who has the time?).
Sleeping on a silk pillowcase will give you the best hair of your life. Unlike cotton, silk creates minimal friction between your hair and the pillow. Plus, sleeping on silk helps your hair retain moisture, which by now you totally get (right?) is a must for shine.
ISABEL LENNSE EARRINGS.
FAC T
Hair: Thomas Dunkin at Bridge using R+Co. Makeup: Jennifer Nam at Honey Artists
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FINE HAIR
SHAMPOO + CONDITIONER 1
Joico HydraSplash Hydrating Shampoo, $17.50, Conditioner, $18.50 This hydrating duo is specifically designed for finer, thinner hair types.
SHAMPOO + CONDITIONER 5
Maui Moisture Shine + Awapuhi Shampoo and Conditioner, $9 each Aloe and awapuhiflower extract don’t just hydrate your hair, they also set you up for easier styling, whether you want to air-dry or use hot tools.
TREATMENT 6
TREATMENT 2
L’Oréal Paris Elvive 8 Second Wonder Water, $10 Skip the heavy cream masks and try a fastacting water treatment. Leave it on wet hair for eight seconds (literally just eight) to make hair significantly silkier.
Living Proof No Frizz Intense Moisture Mask, $38 Twice a week, work this mask through wet hair, let it sit for five minutes, and allow the de-frizzing, deep-conditioning formula to make your strands smooth as hell.
L E AV E- I N 7
9
L E AV E- I N 3
T H I S S P R E A D : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K /S T U D I O D; S T Y L E D BY J U L I E F LY N N / H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . S E E PA G E 131 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .
TRESemmé Pro Pure Leave-In Conditioner, $5 An ultra-lightweight spray—spritzed on towel-dried hair—helps you detangle, tame flyaways, and get a pretty sheen.
Garnier Whole Blends Smoothing Coconut Oil and Cocoa Butter Leave-In Conditioner, $4.50 Nourishing coconut oil and cocoa butter are exactly what you need for shiny, easy-tomanage hair.
MIST 8 MIST 4
OGX Extra Strength Shine & Revitalize + Argan Oil of Morocco Dry Oil Shine Mist, $9 This micro mist imparts a shit ton of shine without feeling heavy or greasy. Use it on dry hair (avoiding your roots).
Herbal Essences Hemp Seed Oil and Aloe Hair Mist, $6 Part hemp oil, part aloe juice, this dual-phase mist hydrates, cuts down on frizz, and adds a ridiculous amount of shine.
NATURAL HAIR
SHAMPOO + CONDITIONER 9
Dove Amplified Textures Hydrating Cleanse Shampoo and Super Slip Detangling Conditioner, $7 each Use the sulfate-free shampoo to gently cleanse and the coconut-milk conditioner to give your hair maximum shine.
TREATMENT 10
Emerge Back to Life Hair Mask, $7 Made specifically for curly and coil-y textures, this almond-milk treatment mask can be used pre-shampoo in the shower or overnight to deliver deep conditioning and smoothing.
L E AV E- I N 11
Pat tern Leave-In Conditioner, $25 Post-wash, work a quarter-size amount of the oil-infused cream through your hair to lock in moisture for a crazyglossy finish.
MIST 12
Pantene Gold Series Curl Awakening Spray, $8 Refresh, reset, and rehydrate dull curls with a few spritzes of this shine-inducing argan-oil mist.
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I T ’ S N
O T
M E S S Y , I T ’ S
~ fashion as
decor~ Why clean up when you can just
leave your wardrobe out on display like the laz y person fancy lady you are? F a s h i o n
b y
C L E O
P h o t o g r a p h s Wo r d s
b y
b y
M A R C O P O U L O S JAC Q U E S
R AC H E L
W E Y E RS
TO R G E RS O N
“ Th e m o re m e t allics, t h e b e t t e r.” —A lb e r t Einst ein, pro b abl y
Zara rainbow clutch. Swarovski ring. Uterqüe hoop earrings. Alma en Pena stone heels. Swarovski long earrings. Liu.Jo metallic bag. Miu Miu green heels
M a rc h 2020 C o s m o p o li t a n
1 25
What makes something good enough to show off? Eye - catching deets, mostly. Think cr ystals or embroider y. Another fab concept: scattering your earrings, bangles, and other baubles on a mirrored tray.
Aquazzura mules. Roger Vivier pink bag. Jimmy Choo boots. Atelier Swarovski brooch. Swarovski earring, gold necklace, green ring, choker, and bracelet. Zara gloves. Sophia Webster silver bag. Pepe Jeans cup-shaped perfume. Stradivarius headband
O N E
T H I N G
I’ve always wondered: Why do we store our prettiest things behind closed doors? Stashed inside a closet or drawer—or, let’s be real, balled up on The Chair—our precious statement pieces only ever make ~statements~ when we wear them. And that ain’t right. So I’m kinda thrilled that it’s now trendy to put our most covet-worthy items—lookin’ at you, beaded black-tie gown I’ve worn to exactly one wedding—on display. The secret is in the staging. Placed *just so* on any surface, your stuff will look like a masterpiece, not a bunch of junk you didn’t have time to tidy up.
1 26 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
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If you learn one new thing in 2020, let it be this: Draping a special dress on a hanger and displaying it on a wall or the back of a door is the equivalent of hanging up a piece of art. Look at this fringe detail! Michelangelo would be proud.
JC de Armas dress. Sophia Webster butterfly heels. Jimmy Choo bow clutch. Dior perfume. Furla glasses. Lodi pink clutch. Yves Saint Laurent nail polish. UterqĂźe stone ring. Stradivarius hair clips. Fenty makeup
BT
1 28 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
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C R E AT I V E D I R E C T I O N : J U A N G E E L . B E A U T Y: Z I P H O N T LO KO.
brush. Swarovski bracelet
If you invest thousands in an It Bag, you should be able to look at it ever y damn day of your life. Put that ish on your bookshelf next to your wedding pictures. Def more fashionable than one of those shot glasses from your trip to Europe.
Dior bags, pearl earrings, and necklace. Zara belt. Gloria Ortiz for El Corte InglĂŠs sandals. Furla sunglasses. Guerlain gold mist.
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Chanel mirror
W h a t h a p p e n e d t o e n d o m e t r i o s i s ’s b i g m o m e n t ?
walk. The medication she was prescribed doesn’t really help. Oddly, contorting her body into made-up yoga moves sometimes does. But only for a few seconds. For her, the loss of endo funding is something she feels. And it’s mostly someone else’s fault, according to nearly everyone Cosmo asked. It’s the NIH that’s largely to blame…or it’s Congress or researchers or advocacy groups, in a dizzying game of finger-pointing. For its part, the NIH can’t hand out money that researchers don’t ask for, says Diana Bianchi, MD, director of the NIH’s National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. So if there aren’t enough new, credible applications for endo funding, that could create a dip in grants. (The NIH says it’s not at liberty to publicly share the number of endo grant applications it gets.) Sounds fair, except that some researchers are asking for money— they just aren’t getting it. Albert Hsu, MD, an ob-gyn and reproductive endocrinologist in central Missouri, says he’s applied for nearly two dozen research grants (five specifically with the NIH) to study endometriosis. All but two were denied. “It’s really hard to get funding,” he says. “Endometriosis, pelvic pain, and infertility—women’s health in general—are treated like the redheaded stepchildren of the research world.” And then there’s Congress, which approves the NIH budget and has sway over how it’s allocated. The latter process is impacted by a variety of factors, like public awareness, policy advisers, and lobbyists. “What generally happens is interest groups will meet with members of Congress to advocate for a specific condition,” says Dr. Bianchi (she adds that NIH employees, who work for the federal government, are not allowed to advocate personally for certain conditions). This can result in funding being funneled to the splashiest disease areas. Lately, that’s been the opioid epidemic.
1 30 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
It’s not that endo advocates haven’t tried to take their case from social media to the halls of Washington. EndoFound sent a group to Capitol Hill in 2018 for a congressional briefing on why endo needs greater attention. The visit yielded…no new funding. “In the congressional committees, sometimes I see eye-rolling from men when we start talking about women’s issues,” says Representative Brenda Lawrence (D-Michigan), cochair of the Democratic Women’s Caucus. “We are fighting constantly to try to resolve funding around women’s issues like endometriosis.” Not enough women in office is one part of the problem. “The more women in Congress bringing their personal experiences means more issues around women’s health will be addressed,” says Representative Jackie Speier, (D-California), who is also a cochair of the Democratic Women’s Caucus. Of course, we also got a new president in 2017, the same time endo funding took a nosedive. And who sits in the Oval Office can influence how NIH funds are allotted by Congress, says Dr. Bianchi. “This administration has been very heavy-handed in supporting issues that are in their agenda,” says Rep. Lawrence. “Women’s health has not been one of those issues.” Instead, the White House has focused on gutting Title X funding, defunding Planned Parenthood, threatening “punishment” for doctors who perform abortions, and pushing for abstinenceonly sex education in schools. Then, it bears repeating, there’s the elephant-in-the-room reason. A frustrating why behind research dollars sliding to just short of nonexistent and Congress overlooking endo. It’s not just that it’s a quote unquote woman’s problem. “The condition is often dismissed because of its association with periods,” says Dr. Seckin. This is nothing new, he points out. Endo was long thought of as a “careerwoman’s disease,” seen by many as
C o n t in u e d f r o m p a g e 111
problematic only in relation to its negative impact on fertility. That stigma, says Dr. Seckin, hasn’t gone anywhere. F O R N O W, A N Y P R O G R E S S , A S I T
comes, is in baby steps. In 2018, a medication called Orilissa received FDA approval. It was the first new endo drug to come out in more than a decade. It’s not anything close to a cure, but it does help some women manage pain. Hope might also come from Big Tech, which is working on a blood test that will help women get diagnosed quicker and less invasively, or nonprofits like EndoFound, which has awarded $1 million in research funding. Patients, too, are leading the fight. Frustrated by a lack of resources, they have created their own in the form of thriving online communities. More than 1.3 million people have used the #endometriosis hashtag on Instagram. The Facebook group “Nancy’s Nook Endometriosis Education” has more than 90,000 members, adding as many as 700 new ones each week. Sites like these often serve as de facto doctors, allowing women to talk out their symptoms and discuss pain-management techniques, some even self-diagnosing when their actual MDs go too slow. “If women keep speaking up about endometriosis, we can change this,” says Mary Lou Ballweg, founder and president of the Endometriosis Association. None of this compares to big government money though. Ask people at the NIH and they’ll tell you that revolution takes time and that focusing on endometriosis in the next five years is one of their “aspirational goals.” Meanwhile, Autumn’s doctor told her that her next step should be surgery, but she hasn’t saved up enough for the thousands of dollars in medical costs that her insurance won’t cover. Or the nearly 250-mile trek from her rural hometown in Maine to Boston, where her specialist is based. She’s hoping to pick up a second job to make some extra money for the procedure. But right now, it’s just an aspirational goal.
PROMOTION
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COSMOLIVING RUGS
Cosmopolitan (ISSN 0010-9541) is published monthly, 11 times a year, by Hearst, 300 W. 57th Street, New York, NY 10019 U.S.A. Steven R. Swartz, President & Chief Executive Officer; William R. Hearst III, Chairman; Frank A. Bennack, Jr., Executive Vice Chairman. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc.: Troy Young, President; Kate Lewis, Chief Content Officer; Debi Chirichella, Executive Vice President, Chief Financial Officer & Director of Global Operations; Catherine A. Bostron, Secretary. © 2020 By Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Cosmopolitan is a registered trademark of Hearst Communications, Inc. SUBSCRIPTION PRICES: U.S.A. and possessions: $29.97 for one year; $57.94 for two years; Canada add $15 per year; all other countries add $24 per year. SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES: Cosmopolitan will, upon receipt of a complete subscription order, undertake fulfillment of that order so as to provide the first copy for delivery by the Postal Service or alternate carrier within four to six weeks. For customer service, changes of address, and subscription orders, log on to Service.Cosmopolitan.com or write to Customer Service department, Cosmopolitan, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. To assure quicker service, enclose your mailing label when writing to us or renewing your subscription. Renewal orders must be received at least eight weeks prior to expiration to assure continued service. Manuscripts, drawings, and other material submitted must be accompanied by a stamped selfaddressed envelope. Cosmopolitan cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. MAILING LISTS: From time to time, we make our subscriber list available to companies that sell goods and services by mail that we believe would interest our readers. If you would rather not receive such mailings via postal mail, please send your current mailing label or exact copy to: Cosmopolitan, Mail Preference Service, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. You can also visit Preferences .HearstMags.com to manage your preferences and opt out of receiving marketing offers by email. Periodicals postage paid at New York, New York, and at additional mailing offices. Printed in U.S.A. Canada BN number 10231 0943 Rt. POSTMASTER: Send all UAA to CFS (see DMM 507.1.5.2). NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: Send address corrections to Cosmopolitan, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. Vol. 268 no. 2.
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M a rc h 2020 C o s m o p o lit a n
1 31 COSMOPOLITAN.COM/PROMOTIONS
t h e last p a g e
In
my
ni g h t st a n d
Zoey’s Extraordinar y Playlist star Jane Lev y has mastered the ar t of going to sleep. B y M O L L Y S T O U T
go als.
MY OVER ALL NIGHTSTAND VIBE
A pink Fisher Space Pen and something that smells nice— fresh flowers, dried lavender, or essential oils
lb ed h
ua cas
Just some
WHAT’S ON TOP
ead
Reflection and relaxation
WHAT I STEAL FROM MY PA R T N E R ’S SIDE Nothing, but I am very bossy when it comes to the lighting…including the lamp on their nightstand. MY NIGHTSTAND BOOKS ARE... Mostly weeks-old magazines FAVO R I T E PRODUCTS
THE MOST SURPRISING THING I KEEP INSIDE A Many Moons yearly planner. It’s a workbook/ journal that suggests weekly activities and meditations according to the phases of the moon.
Weleda hand cream
SLEEP MASKS: Y E A O R N AY ? I sleep with a mask and a pillow over my head.
AND WHAT’S IN THERE AT ALL TIMES Earplugs
I have a pretty cool mom. I’m not sure much would surprise her.
1 32 C o s m o p o lit a n M a rc h 2020
HEY! Te x t “s u b s c r ib e ” t o 7 7 17 to get th 7 is m a g ever y m o nt h. M ES SA GE A R A T ES M N D DA TA AY A P P LY.
C L I F F WAT T S/ N E T F L I X .
I WOULDN’T WA N T MY MOM TO FIND...