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ONLY

£2

MARCH 2020

FIND THE ONE ...YOUR DREAM JOB, THAT IS*

ON SEX, LOVE AND THE JOYS OF SELF-CARE To t a l GIRL S’ girl

*First stop: nailing the interview

WOULD YOU

hate date?

WHY IT’S TIME TO DITCH YOUR ‘TYPE’

‘My month in the clean beauty cult’ DOES GREEN DEFINITELY EQUAL GOOD?

Psych ward stories

Out, proud & under attack DEATH AND DANGER IN LGBTQ+ BRITAIN

03 9 770141 055313

Lena Dunham

THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING SECTIONED

CLAIRE HODGSON Editor-in-Chief

R A ND O M QU E S TI ON O F T HE M ON TH What breed of dog are you most like?

Executive Editor (Print) AMY GRIER Executive Editor (Digital) JESS EDWARDS Creative Director STUART SELNER

ENTERTAINMENT A Dandie Dinmont: “an old Scottish breed with a profuse knot of hair that does not require extensive exercise”.

Entertainment & Special Projects Director LOTTIE LUMSDEN (maternity) Acting Entertainment & Special Projects Director NICOLA FAHEY Entertainment Editor ZOE SHENTON Senior Digital Entertainment & Lifestyle Writer DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT

FEATURES Features Director CATRIONA INNES Senior Editor CYAN TURAN Digital Sex & Relationships Editor PAISLEY GILMOUR Digital Features Editor CATRIONA HARVEY-JENNER Features Writer JENNIFER SAVIN Editorial Assistant & Junior Writer DANIELLA SCOTT Features Intern EMILY GULLA

DESIGN

I just Googled “least sociable dog breed” and got Basset Hound. So now we know.

Art Editor JESSICA LOCKETT Senior Designer (Digital/Motion) ALICE COWLING Designer KATIE WILDE

PICTURES Picture Director CAT COSTELLOE Picture Editor JODIE MCEWAN

PRODUCTION A Corgi, so that I’d have a remote chance of being loved by the royals in the same way I love them.

Chief Sub-Editor HANNAH JONES Deputy Chief Sub-Editor STEPH JACKSON

BEAUTY Beauty Director INGEBORG VAN LOTRINGEN Digital Beauty Director VICTORIA JOWETT Beauty Editor CASSIE POWNEY (maternity) Acting Beauty Editor LAURA CAPON Acting Senior Digital Beauty Writer GABRIELLE DYER Beauty Writer KATE PASOLA

FASHION Fashion Director AMY BANNERMAN Senior Fashion Editor SAIREY STEMP Digital Fashion Editor NATASHA HARDING Bookings Editor SOPHIE LEEN Senior Fashion Assistant MADDY ALFORD Fashion Intern NATHALIE OWEN

I have short-person syndrome, so in my head I’m a Great Dane. In reality, I’m probably a quivering, yappy Chihuahua.

SOCIAL & VIDEO Video Lead ALEX HERING Social Media Manager SOPHIE BOYDEN Snapchat Editor FIONA HAYWARD Junior Video Editor/Producer TYRA CHUCK

CONTRIBUTORS A mongrel living on the beach with unbrushed hair.

AMANDA STATHAM (Travel) Group Managing Editor CONNIE OSBORNE Finance Business Partner STACEY TOMLIN

C H I E F B R A N D O F F I C E R , E N T E R TA I N M E N T & W E L L N E S S

MATT HAYES

A Labrador.

Enthusiastic, but showing myself up almost constantly.

Executive Assistant to the Chief Brand Officer, Entertainment & Wellness TANYA STEWART Group Brand Director STEVEN MILES H E ARS T M AG AZ I N E S I N TE RN ATI O N A L Senior Vice President/Editorial & Brand Director KIM ST CLAIR BODDEN Deputy Brands Director CHLOE O’BRIEN Editor-in-Chief, Cosmopolitan (1965-1997) HELEN GURLEY BROWN I N TE RN ATI O N AL E DIT I ON S Editor, Bulgaria SAVINA PETROVA Editor, China YVONNE LIU Editor, Croatia ALEKSANDRA ORLIĆ Editor, Czech Republic SABRINA KARASOVA Editor, Finland JOHANNA LATTI Editor, France MARIE LA FONTA Editor, Germany LARA GONSCHOROWSKI Editor, Hong Kong RUQIYAH LAW KAM YING Editor, Hungary JOHANNA SABJÁN Editor, India NANDINI BHALLA Editor, Indonesia FILISYA THUNGGAWAN Editor, Italy FRANCESCA DELOGU Editor, Kazakhstan ANEL ABDUALIYEVA Editor, Korea HYE SOO PARK Editor, Latin America LUCÍA SOTELO SANTOS Editor, Malaysia NISA HALID Editor, Middle East KAVITA SRINIVASAN Editor, Netherlands JOSEPHINE KAY Editor, Poland JOANNA MROCZKOWSKA Editor, Romania DIANA COLCER Editor, Russia ALIONA PENEVA Editor, Serbia NASJA VELJKOVIC Editor, Slovenia AJDA HOVNIK PLEŠEJ Editor, South Africa HOLLY MEADOWS Editor, Spain CECILIA MÚZQUIZ HERRERO Editor, Sri Lanka SHIHAAM HASSANALI Editor, Turkey ÖZGE ZEKI Editor, Ukraine OLEKSANDRA BURYNSKA Editor, USA JESSICA PELS

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Cosmopolitan UK is printed in Poland by Quad/Graphics Europe and distributed by Frontline Ltd, Peterborough (01733 555161)

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Cosmopolitan is a member of the Independent Press Standards Organisation. We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice and are committed to upholding the highest standards of journalism. If you think we haven’t met those standards and want to make a complaint, contact complaints@hearst.co.uk or visit hearst.co.uk/hearst-magazines-uk-complaints-procedure. If we are unable to resolve your complaint or you’d like more information about IPSO or the Editors’ Code, call IPSO on 0300 123 2220 or go to ipso.co.uk.

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

H EA RS T M AG AZ IN ES U K CEO, Hearst UK|President, Hearst Europe JAMES WILDMAN Executive Assistant to the CEO, Hearst UK|President, Hearst Europe FAYE MCNULTY Chief Financial Officer|Chief Operating Officer CLAIRE BLUNT Chief Strategy Officer ROBERT FFITCH Chief People Officer SURINDER SIMMONS Chief Content Development Officer BETSY FAST Director, PR & Communications EFFIE KANYUA Director, Hearst Live VICTORIA ARCHBOLD 020 7312 4105 Marketing & Circulation Director REID HOLLAND Head of Consumer Sales & Marketing JAMES HILL Head of Subscriptions JUSTINE BOUCHER Head of Marketing Promotions AOIBHEANN FOLEY Digital Marketing Director SEEMA KUMARI Deputy Head of PR BEN BOLTON Head of Business Management LUCY PORTER Business Manager BETH RONAN 020 3757 1004 H EAR ST COM M ERCI A L Chief Commercial Officer JANE WOLFSON 020 7439 5685 Head of Partnerships MARK MCCAFFERTY Head of Clients OLLIE LLOYD Head of Digital Sales JONI MORRISS Branded Content Director ALI GRAY Client Director, Health & Wellness NATASHA BAILEY Client Director, Beauty LEE BAILEY Client Director, Fashion EMMA BARNES Client Director, Motors JIM CHAUDRY Client Director, Finance PETE CAMMIDGE Client Director, Travel DENISE DEGROOT Head of Classified LEE RIMMER 020 3728 7707

S e l f- c a r e ex traordinaire

THIS MONTH IN COSMO

THIS PAGE: CLAIRE’S PHOTOGRAPH SARAH BRICK. HAIR AND MAKE-UP JOLANDA COETZER AT LHA REPRESENTS, USING URBAN DECAY AND SACHAJUAN. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS AGATA PEC, ALAMY. COVER PHOTOGRAPH MATTHEW EADES. FASHION DIRECTOR AMY BANNERMAN. HAIR BY KEN O’ROURKE AT PREMIER HAIR AND MAKE-UP, USING CHARLES WORTHINGTON. MAKE-UP AMANDA GROSSMAN AT THE WALL GROUP, USING TATA HARPER SKINCARE. NAILS KIM TREACY AT STELLA CREATIVE ARTISTS, USING PEACCI POLISH IN “NUDE”. SEAMSTRESS ALICE RATCLIFFE AT CHAPMANBURRELL.COM. SENIOR FASHION ASSISTANT MADDY ALFORD. FASHION ASSISTANT LOTTIE KEMP. LENA WEARS, NEWSSTAND COVER: BLOUSE, DOLCE & GABBANA AT MYTHERESA. BRA, AGENT PROVOCATEUR. JEANS, VINTAGE LEVI’S AT ATIKA. EARRINGS, ANNA + NINA. OTHER JEWELLERY, ALL LENA’S OWN. SUBSCRIBER COVER: DRESS, ALESSANDRA RICH AT BROWNS. JEWELLERY, ALL LENA’S OWN

From

i

COVER STORIES

the

editor

love you. Yep, you. You right there.

Whether this is the first issue of Cosmo you’ve bought, or the 500th.

Whether you’re one of the millions who read Cosmopolitan.com/uk or follow us @CosmopolitanUK on social media. Whether you watch our YouTube videos or come to our events. Hi. You’re great. And I love you. Because reading, watching or following Cosmopolitan makes you part of our club. Except, unlike most clubs, you can totally wear trainers and falling asleep in the corner at 10pm is very much encouraged.

Valentine’s Day felt like a good time to tell you how I feel about you. To tell you I really appreciate you. That I think you’re great. You’re funny. You’re clever.

You’re not afraid to challenge the way you think, or debate important issues.

You want to have adventures, be happy and love fiercely. You want to be a force for good in the world around you. You believe in lifting other women up and you’re a proud champion of equality.

I love you for that. For being brave, for being kind and for being a bloody good laugh. How do I know you’re all of those things? Because you’ve picked up this magazine. And I’m so glad you did. It’s our meet-cute, if you will. I wish I could send you all chocolates this Valentine’s Day, but take this letter, and this issue, as your card.

This month, we’re all about self-love.

Whether that’s taking a mood-boosting mini break (p128), nailing the interview for a job that’ll make you happy (p64),

finding the time to exercise when life is hectic (p34) or just treating yourself to a new outfit (p48).

If anyone knows the value of self-care, it’s our cover star Lena Dunham (p74).

The last two years have seen her face a major break-up, check into rehab and undergo a hysterectomy. So we settled in for a duvet day with Lena, who opens up on what she’s learned about love, health and happiness.

Whether you’re spending 14th February with friends, family, a partner or a pet, don’t forget to spend at LEAST the other 365 days of the year loving yourself.

PS: I hope I get to see you at the same time next month. And just in case you’ve forgotten, you’re, like, really pretty.

64

How to land your dream job

74

Lena Dunham

94

Would you hate date?

100

The clean beauty cult

106

P h ward Psych d stories t i

112

Out, proud & under attack

P53

P57

INSIDE

9 CL AI RE H OD D G S ON E di to r-i n- Chief

Keep in touch by follow ing me on Twitter @ C la ir e _H o dge and Instagram @ C la ir e _H o dge

PLAY

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GLOW

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47

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63

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82

AD

119

LOVE

127

E

LOVES 2020

When you see this l anywhere, you can be guaranteed these products are Cosmopolitanteam-approved.

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This month at Who us? Oh, we’re just here to love-bomb you, because why not?

WORDS AMY GRIER. LENA PHOTOGRAPH MATTHEW EADES. LENA WEARS: ROBE, GILDA & PEARL. T-SHIRT, RAGLAN. JEANS, VINTAGE CARHARTT AT ATIKA. TOP NECKLACE, EDGE OF EMBER. BOTTOM NECKLACE AND RINGS, LENA’S OWN. FLOWERS COURTESY OF FLOWERBX.COM

Flower power Think being a fashion director is all about style? Amy had to crawl on the floor and throw roses around our cover star Lena Dunham for one of our shots.

The glamour…

Author extraordinaire!

Features director Catriona wrote a book – and here she is posing with it (and, randomly, some homemade brownies) at the launch.

Selfie smiles Well, if Lena Dunham was nestling into your hair, wouldn’t you smile this widely? Acting entertainment director Nicola is one lucky lady.

Crown jewels Picture editor Jodie does her very best to take a disco nap on set… and fails miserably. Ever the professional, she still manages to get a good shot out of it.

Act neutral You know what they say about couples who live together starting to look and dress alike? Well, the exact same thing applies to colleagues – at least, if you work at Cosmopolitan anyway.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

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play

WORDS NICOLA FAHEY. PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF WARNER BROS PICTURES

TV, M OV I E S, MUS I C, BOO KS, P O DC A ST S, CE LEBR ITY

Harley Quinn returns Halloween might be eight months away, but dust off your costume because Margot Robbie is back as our favourite anti-heroine this month in Birds Of Prey. Told from Quinn’s perspective, it picks up with her revealing she’s finally broken free from Jared Leto’s Joker, her toxic love interest in 2016’s Suicide Squad. Spreading her message of emancipation to her all-new female crew, they come together to protect young girl Cassandra Cain (Ella Jay Basco) from crime lord Black Mask (Ewan McGregor).

A thrilling comic book adventure and a story of women escaping toxic masculinity. Win-win.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

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play

From soap star to superstar How Margot Robbie went from Neighbours to silver-screen queen in nine years THE WOLF OF WALL STREET (2014)

SUICIDE SQUAD (2016)

Playing psychologist-intern-turnedpsychopath Harley Quinn, alongside Will Smith, Jared Leto and Cara Deleving gne, Margot found the role she’ll forever be known for – and invented a whole new Halloween costume.

Margot shot to fame as Leonardo DiCaprio’s on-screen wife, Naomi. Her killer performance, Brooklyn drawl and that nursery scene stole the critics’ (and our) hearts from the get-go.

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT (2016)

BIRDS OF

WORDS EMILY GULLA, SOPHIE BROWN. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, MOVIESTILLSDB

PREY (2020)

Our favourite baseball-batwielding delinquent – adorned with the obligatory postbreak-up haircut – is back. Margot stars as Harley Quinn in her umpteenth lead role before the age of 30.

Feeling inferior?

Us? Never.

Another day, another accent.

Playing a British reporter alongside Tina Fey, Margot gives us the movie duo we never knew we needed.

I, TON YA (2017)

BOMBSHELL (2020)

Based on the true story of the female Fox News hosts who exposed the network’s CEO Roger Ailes for sexual harassment, Margot joins forces with Charlize Theron and Nicole Kidman in the film that perfectly captures the tone of the #MeToo movement.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLY WOOD (2019)

In Quentin Tarantino’s ninth film, Margot returns to Leo’s side, playing real-life actress Sharon Tate, to tell the dramatic story of the end of Hollywood’s Golden Age. With Brad Pitt in tow, watch as the trio of dreams is born. We just wish she’d had more lines.

MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS (2019)

Margot as you’ve never seen her before – pock-marked, pale and ginger, complete with a prosthetic nose. Playing Queen Elizabeth I to Saoirse Ronan’s Mary Stuart, Margot adds actual royalty to her CV. Well, almost.

As Tonya Harding, a real-life figureskating champion who was at the centre of a scandal involving an attack on her rival, Nancy Kerrigan, Margot nabbed a Best Actress Oscar nomination.

She even pulled off most of her own stunts after learning to skate.

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The only date you need this

Valentıne’s Day The To All The Boys I Loved Before sequel hits Netflix this month. And while our Noah Centineo obsession rages on, it’s nothing compared to our Lana Condor crush…

e

ighteen months ago, Netflix dropped what could have been “just another teen romcom”. But by the end of 2018, To All The Boys I Loved Before had become one of the most re-watched original films of the year on the streaming service and is now one of its mostviewed original films ever. Star Lana Condor became an overnight sensation – as did her Instagram, which jumped from 100,000 followers to 7.7 million in a blink.

Relationship goals Fans (read: we) went especially wild for the on-screen chemistry between Condor and love interest Noah Centineo’s characters. But if you think Lara Jean Covey and Peter Kavinsky’s relationship was goals, prepare to be floored

by Condor’s IRL boyfriend,

actor Anthony De La Torre. They locked eyes across a crowded bar at Condor’s first-ever showbiz party in Beverly Hills in 2015 and have been inseparable since.

“He writes me love letters all the time,” says Condor, who now lives with De La Torre in California. “He’s the freaking best. He’ll leave me little messages taped to my bathroom mirror on days I have to wake up early for work. He once picked up my favourite take-out food after work and served it up properly on our kitchen table, with little sticky notes attached to each plate saying how proud of me he is.

“He does flowers and cute things, like every day he’ll fold my PJs and put them under my pillow.

Although, I just asked him, ‘Baby, what’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for me?’ and he said, ‘Be

there for you emotionally and physically, because romance is a lifestyle, not an act.’ So, there you go!”

Work hard, play hard While Condor says the TATBILB sequel is more introspective, dealing with growing up, failed friendships and heartbreak, the cast still found plenty of time to goof around on set.

“We spent a day playing hide and seek, hiding all around the school in between takes. We got pretty creative. Noah hid under coats, but he’s a pretty big dude so he’s easy to find! I hid under four crew members and nobody could find me. Noah was ‘it’ and he was so genuinely confused about how I could have vanished.”

Keeping it real When she’s not filming, it’s easy to imagine Condor schmoozing celebrities and hitting up

glamorous Hollywood parties. But think again…

When it comes to the person she’s been most starstruck by since becoming the reigning Queen of Netflix, she excitedly answers Tina Tchen, president and CEO of Time’s Up. “She is truly the most inspirational woman I’ve ever met in my life.” That is, alongside Michelle Obama, who Condor has spent much of her downtime working with, helping to empower young women through the former First Lady’s educational programme.

So when she’s not breaking Netflix records or doing charity c a y work wo with two icons, how does Condor u unwind? “I am a HUGE binge-watcher!

I absolutely love New Girl, The Office and Parks And d Recreation.

I’ve seen all three shows probably five timess.”

“He writes me love letters all the time”

C O S M O P O L I TA N

WORDS NICOLA FAHEY. PHOTOGRAPH BEN WATTS. STYLING JAMES WORTHINGTON DEMOLET. HAIR JOHN RUGGIERO AT THE WALL GROUP. MAKE-UP CHRISTIAN MCCULLOCH AT TRACEY MATTINGLY. NAILS JOLENE BRODEUR. PRODUCTION CRAWFORD PRODUCTIONS. DRESS, ERMANNO SCERVINO. EARRINGS, MAISON MIRU

play

Fine dining = pizza in a dress

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play celebrity

Ask sk me e

Q&A

anything

Cara’s nudis t g al a x y b e gins w ith jus t should e r s

WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

Cara Delevingne, actress, model, activist and other-worldly being, tells Cosmo what’s going on in her real world and beyond If you ruled your own galaxy, what laws would you implement? ?

I would ab the word and it w a nudist – all lov naked b How do take a br selfie?

I like to see how ugly I c make my fac I challenge myself to see how many chins I can have. But the key to a good selfie is the angle – high is always better – and the lighting.

What’s the most surprising thing about Hollywood?

It’s not that glamorous.

It’s a lot of smoke and mirrors, and it’s harder than people think. Oh, and it can definitely get a little dull.

Do aliens exist?

I’m an alien so… who nows? I definitely think ligent life forms exist ewhere because here’s just so much ace, but I don’t w if there’s a allel universe. w do you rk out? e exploring and llenging my dy in new ways. just learned how ghtrope-walk, which I’m actually quite good at.

What’s at the top of your bucket list?

To be involved in pushing the government to change policies about the environment.

Who would you like to play you in a film about your life?

I’m definitely too young for a film about my life.

I think Margot Robbie would do a good job, or Charlize Theron

if I was portrayed as a little bit older.

What would you do if you weren’t acting or modelling?

I’d be a therapist.

I’ve always been very interested in psychology and anthropology and why people do what they do. I’d love to pecialise in sp hildren’s ch herapy. th What’s the W ast thing la ou do yo before you go to bed?

I try to meditate evvery night and evvery morning, o I’ll be on so he floor doing th

this thing called a “shaky leg”, which helps people get to sleep. I love sleep – sometimes I’ll be out for 12 hours.

What’s your go-to binge-watch?

I’m really loving my British TV at the moment. Love Island, The Great Brittish Bake Off, Gogglebo ox…

I’ve just rewatcheed Fleabag, and Phoeb be Waller-Bridge should be Prime Min nister.

She’s one of my really close friend ds.

When are you happiest?

When I’m travelling or doing something I’ve never done before.

I like to be out of my comfort zone.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Don’t stress. Life moves on. No matter what you’re doing, or stuck in, or are feeling, it will change. Just breathe and know that nothing is stuck, there’s always hope.

Things always move.

Don’t stay stagnant.

Cara is the face of Samsung’s #SpaceSelfie campaign C O S M O P O L I TA N

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play books

Join the club

FOUR MORE READING-GROUP WINNERS

This month is packed with ideal book-group releases – so gather your tribe and get reading

BOOK OF THE MONTH

SUCH A FUN AGE

THE BETTER LIAR

by Kiley Reid, out now Who’ll love it? Those looking to understand the term “white saviour”.

What’s it about? Two women – Alix, a US social-media influencer, and her children’s babysitter, Emira. When Emira experiences racism on the job, Alix is determined to help, but goes about it in entirely the wrong way… #BookClub kick-off question: Alix refers to Emira as “family” but doesn’t pay her health insurance. What’s the difference between being close and supportive of the people you work with and remaining professional?

by Tanen Jones, out 6th February Who’ll love it? Those who enjoyed the literary side of Gone Girl.

This thriller is smarter – and less disposable – than others in the genre.

What’s it about? When estranged sister Robin dies of an overdose, Leslie’s first thought is of the inheritance that she needs Robin’s permission to claim, so she ropes in a stranger to pose as her sibling.

What could possibly go wrong? #BookClub kick-off question: Do you understand why Leslie is so angry with her sister or is she being unfair?

ADULTS

AMERICAN DIRT

by Emma Jane Unsworth, out now Who’ll love it? Everyone who loved Unsworth’s debut, Animals (or the 2019 film adaptation).

What’s it about? Jenny, whose life is slowly unravelling – she’s broken up with her boyfriend, lost her job and is too involved in social media to notice her friends are increasingly angry with her. Then her chaotic mum shows up – but is she a help or hindrance? #BookClub kick-off question: Did you understand Jenny’s obsession with Instagram? Or was she too addicted for you to relate?

by Jeanine Cummins, out now Who’ll love it? Fans of novels that give political issues a heart and soul.

What’s it about? Lydia and her eight-year-old son Luca attempt to cross the border from Mexico into the US after a drug cartel murders the rest of their family. In 2017, a migrant died every 21 hours along this divide, and this is a vivid look at the human story behind terrifying numbers. #BookClub kick-off question: OK, we know he’d never actually read it, but “What would Donald Trump tweet after finishing American Dirt?”

by Kiran Millwood Hargrave, out 6th February Who’ll love it? Historical-fiction fans looking for a Handmaid’s Tale-style twist.

What’s it about? Based on a true story, this follows 20-year-old Maren, who lives in Vardø, a Norwegian village which is only home to women. When sinister preacher Absalom arrives with his young wife Ursa and begins inflicting his will on the women, Maren’s life changes dramatically. But then Ursa meets Maren and encounters something she has never seen before: a strong independent woman. A story of danger, love and power – with Big Offred Energy. #BookClub kick-off question: Are there parallels between The Mercies’ hostile climate and the hysteria in today’s politics?

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WORDS CATRIONA INNES, CYAN TURAN. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

THE MERCIES

play movies

WORDS DANIELLA SCOTT. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, SHUTTERSTOCK, MOVIESTILLS DB

An anti-Va alentine’s watch list for those over unrealistic happy-ever-afte ers. Cynics unite!

THE FIRST W I V E S C LU B

Three friends, played

by Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton (AKA the holy trinity), seek post-divorce revenge while wearing exceptional shoulder pads.

Romantic life lesson: These women, with their champagne, blowdries and high-flying careers, are the original advocates for self-love. Oh, and for the wearing of white leather trousers.

Valentine’s antidote score: 10/10

THE SHINING

Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson), his wife, Wendy (Shelley Duvall), and their son Danny (Danny Lloyd) move to the creepy Overlook Hotel when Jack takes a job as a caretaker.

But, as you’d expect from Nicholson, things get weird.

Romantic life lesson: Following your fella to the countryside for a job he doesn’t even really want will likely end in him sprinting around the gaff brandishing an axe. You’ve been told.

Valentine’s antidote score: 5/10

GONE GIRL

Amy Dunne (Rosamund Pike) has disappeared, and her husband, Nick (Ben Affleck), becomes the chief suspect. Many twists and turns ensue.

Romantic life lesson: On the one hand, this is the ultimate revenge film, where f*ckboys get framed for murder.

On the other, it’s a cautionary tale about the reality behind “happy” couples’ smiles. All in all, single life and a locked door look grand.

Valentine’s antidote score: 9/10

THE DEVIL WEARS P R A DA

Budding journalist Andy (Anne Hathaway) gets a job as the assistant to magazine editor-de-force Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), turning her life upside down.

Romantic life lesson: The villain here has and will always be doesn’tsupport-his-girlfriend’ssuccess Nate (Adrian Grenier). She should have binned him and embraced her career. #JusticeForMiranda.

Valentine’s antidote score: 6/10

ON CHESIL B E AC H

A young and so-in-love couple (Saoirse Ronan and Billy Howle) hastily get married before everything falls apart on their honeymoon.

Romantic life lesson: You know those couples you see on Instagram who move in together approximately 0.7 seconds after meeting? This is the 1962 version of that.

Hun, if you’re going to be “togevs 4evs”… what’s the rush?

Valentine’s antidote score: 6/10

FATA L AT T R AC T I O N

Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) has a weekend affair with Alex Forrest (Glenn Close), but when his wife returns from a trip, Alex starts stalking the family.

Romantic life lesson: Spoiler alert!

The movie ends with Alex shot to death, the family bunny rabbit boiling away in a pot in the kitchen and Dan showing zero sign of remorse for his affair.

Single life sounds pretty good now, eh?

Valentine’s antidote score: 8/10

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glow BS -FREE BEAUTY THAT WORKS FOR YOU Acting beauty editor Laura Capon on this month’s empties USING UP YSL VOLUME EFFECT FAUX CIL S TH E CU RLER MASCAR A , £26 When it comes to misleading names, beauty products are often the worst offenders, but not in this case. Similar to Kim Kardashian’s gravity-defying boob tape, “The Curler” manages to lift my painstakingly straight lashes, taking them from horizontal to vertical in one coat and, more importantly, keeping them there all day.

PHOTOGRAPH DENNIS PEDERSEN

USING NEXT M AY B E LLI NE T HE FA LS I E S L A SH L IF T M A S CA RA , £ 9.9 9 Nothing in life is certain, except the fact that Maybelline make damn great mascaras. Their latest offering gives an immediate eye-opening effect that rivals a salon lash lift, thanks to its hourglass-shaped brush and fancy film-forming technology that manages to curve and stretch my lashes to new inky-black heights.

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Ingeborg van Lotringen BEAUTY DIRECTOR

Gabrielle Dyer ACTING SENIOR BEAUTY WRITER

Victoria Jowett DIGITAL BEAUTY DIRECTOR

Keeks Reid

Beauty lab New-age serums

Modern serums like to promise skin nirvana, but which are worth your hard-earned pennies? Ingeborg van Lotringen picks apart the latest crop of miracle drops Glossier Futuredew, £23 A pinky oil-serum hybrid that feels weirdly tacky when you first put it on.

Despite being packed with jojoba, evening primrose, grape seed and rosehip oils, which leave skin glossy, plump and healthy, it’s not greasy at all. a Supercharged with brightening plant extracts and soft-focus shimmer, it goes over your moisturiser or “normal” serum, acting as a skin finish that says: “I am a Glossier woman and I woke up like this.”

Sand & Sky Australian Emu pple Dreamy Glow Drops, Ap £44.90 Ah, that well-known skincare ingredient, emu apple! Along with a bunch other obscure plants from of o m the e Australian outback, thiss se erum drip-feeds your c mplexion protective com oxidants and vitamin C. A Add hyaluronic acid some lightweight oil for a bi-phase* mula (shake form before use) that feels like water and will bri hten, lock in moisture and nd poll ollution-proof your skin.

CONTRIBUTING BEAUTY WRITER

S PICK EDITOR’

Laura Capon ACTING BEAUTY EDITOR

Kate Pasola BEAUTY WRITER

Medik8 Liquid Peptides, £45 Quick science lesson: peptides are made from amino acids (compounds that help form proteins) and without them, skin loses its firmness, wrinkles appear deeper and, for want of a better word, things just get a bit saggy. This clear, slightly tacky serum is proven to help minimise those pesky expression lines, refine skin texture and boost collagen production. If you don’t get on with retinol, add this alternative to your basket immediately.

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Shiro Neem Oil In Serum, £140 Neem oil: it’s great at subduing my athlete’s foot. On a more glamorous note, extracts from the neem tree are anti-inflammatory, antibacterial and immuneboosting, so they will heal and comfort skin. This chic potion teams them with gagome kombu seaweed and Japanese liquorice for what’s basically a broth of age-halting super-nutrients for your face. It’s very rich, oily and smells alarmingly like peppery spice, but it’s a great salve for stressed-out, dry skins.

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Making sense of serum 1 MAIN PHOTOGRAPH SOPHIA BECK/GALLERY STOCK/TRUNK ARCHIVE. TEAM PHOTOGRAPHS SARAH BRICK. HAIR AND MAKE-UP JOLANDA COETZER, USING URBAN DECAY, ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS AND SACHAJUAN; JENNI DAVIS, USING MAC AND KENRA, BOTH AT LHA REPRESENTS. STILL LIFES LUCKY IF SHARP. ESSE, AVAILABLE AT ESSESKINCARE.CO.UK. SHIRO, AVAILABLE AT SHIRO-SHIRO.UK. *A SERUM WITH AN OIL AND WATER-BASED LAYER THAT YOU SHAKE TO ACTIVATE, GIVING YOU THE HYDRATING BENEFITS OF OIL IN A LIGHTWEIGHT FORMULA

W HAT I S I T? Traditionally, a serum is a treatment designed to tackle a skin “problem”, such as spots or wrinkles. It’s intended to sink below the skin’s very top layers. A moisturiser is designed to sit on the surface of the skin, keeping it supple and preventing water loss.

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For our beauty editors’ favourite serums, head to Cosmopolitan.com/ uk/serums

WH E N D O I P U T I T O N ?

Serum comes after cleansing (and potentially toning). If you use more than one serum, those with exfoliating acids (lactic, glycolic) come first, followed by those with corrective ingredients (vitamin C, niacinamide, retinol), followed by hydrating serums (hyaluronic acid, glycerine). Top these off with moisturiser and/or SPF.

3 Tropic Glow Berry Brightening Serum, £42 Sounds like juice, and features a huge squeeze of Australian (them again) “superberries” to fight offf environmental skin foes.

But there’s also tranexam mic acid (a top pigment buster) and lactic acid (a brightening peeling agent). Gives an instan nt gleam and used long enough, this will soften the look of dark spotss.

Just be sure to top with SPF30 or higherr – non-negotiable when there’s acids in your skincare!

Esse Hyaluronic Serum, £40 This very high-grade hyaluronic acid is ace at hydrating skin, but I’m more intrigued by the million freezedried microbes in here.

They serve as food for skin-barrier-repairing “friendly” bacteria, helping them multiply.

Sounds delicious (not) but these bugs are your friends – they bring peace to your face and allow skin to reach peak performance. The result: a better, healthier complexion overall.

D O I H AVE TO U SE A S E RU M A N D A M OI ST U RI S E R? If you have oily or normal skin, an oilfree hydrating serum (alone or over a corrective serum) may give you enough moisture. But don’t forget to top it with an SPF30 lotion during the day.

4 BUT WHAT IS AN OIL-SERUM? Usually a bi-phase,* the oils are meant to seal in the active serum ingredients, letting you dispense with moisturiser even if your skin is dry.

You can apply them neat after cleansing, or mix them with your moisturiser for rich hydration.

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Words INGEBORG VAN LOTRINGEN & LAURA CAPON

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Fed up of forking out on professional beauty treatments that cost you an arm and a leg but don’t deliver on results? Here’s our guide to what actually works

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h it comes to hen professional treatments, p we have tried them all in w he line of duty. In fact, th we’re more thoroug gh than DS Arnott.

We’ve been stripped to our (paper) pants, forced to listen to ukulele lullabies and been massaged head-to-toe with chocolate (they promised baby-soft skin, we got an allergic reaction). We’ve had our eyelashes painstakingly “pinned” one by one to a curling rod for two hours straight – they said we wouldn’t need to wear mascara again, we got nausea from lying down too long, not to mention eyelashes that never grew back the same. Not forgetting the time we laid on a fake beach (read: sandpit) in the middle of England, in the middle of winter, while inhaling essential oils in a bid to help seasonal affective disorder. It’s fair to say that not all beauty treatments are created equal, so before you pay £60 to listen to a YouTube compilation of Tibetan panpipes, here’s our round-up of the professional treatments that really work, and will transform your skin, hair, nails, body and mind.

Y O U W A N T:

Clear skin YOU NEED :

HydraFacial When it comes to spots and blackheads, a lot of salons still recommend microdermabrasion facials – an abrasive peeling treatment that works for very congested, oily or scarred skin. But here’s the thing: the technology is dated (it’s been around since the ’90s), and not only can it lead to inflammation and broken veins on dry skin, but like any gritty scrub, it should never be used on active acne, as it will only exacerbate matters.

This is why we recommend booking a HydraFacial instead: it hoovers out pores with a suction tool (grim, but oh-so satisfying), then treats skin by “washing” your pores with a jet of pressurised, bespoke serum containing 24 ·

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ingredients such as salicylic acid (to decongest) and hyaluronic acid (to plump). It doesn’t scratch and irritate delicate skin but does work deeply to unblock, peel and drive in active ingredients. Dr Esho, an award-winning cosmetic doctor, swears by it. He says, “There’s no other treatment out there for decongesting skin that’s as gentle but gives results.”

A HydraFacial isn’t just for acneprone skin either. There are also antiageing versions available that contain a cocktail of cell stimulants, which minimise the appearance of fine lines.

But if it’s a clear complexion you’re after, then, over time, HydraFacial acne treatments should rebalance your skin, and your breakouts should start to reduce after around two sessions. Trust us when we say: you’ll never reach for a pore strip again.

Available nationwide, from £130. Find your nearest clinic at Hydrafacial.co.uk

Y O U W A N T:

Healthy nails YOU NEED :

IBX If you’ve wrecked your nails with acrylics or gel manicures, then you’ve also no doubt wasted your money on various bottles of nail strengthener that you inevitably forgot to use. However, there is hope for bringing your talons back from the brink. Created by the ex-CEO of Shellac, IBX remains the single best nail-repair treatment out there – think of it as the yin to the Shellac yang.

The treatment contains conditioning monomers (molecules that bond together) that, under gentle heat, penetrate the nail plate. This strengthens the nail by filling in any ridges and provides a protective shield to prevent breakage. IBX is also used to target imperfections and weaknesses that can stop your natural nails growing

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long. The three stages of the treatment – rehab, cure and clean – take just 20 minutes, and you can have a regular manicure over the top.

The effects will last until your nails grow out, although for very weak nails it’s recommended to have an IBX treatment every fortnight for a few months to get them back on track. Otherwise, once a month (or even less) will keep nails hard, hydrated and far less prone to breakage.

Available nationwide, from £15. Find your nearest salon at Treatwell.co.uk Y O U W A N T:

Strong, shiny hair YOU NEED :

PHOTOGRAPHS IVAN GENASI/BLAUBLUT EDITION, ARTHUR BELEBEAU/TRUNK ARCHIVE, LUCIA GIACANI/TRUNK ARCHIVE. *AVAILABLE FROM CULTBEAUTY.CO.UK

O l a p l ex If we had £1 for every time a celebrity hairstylist has namechecked Olaplex as a staple in their kit, let’s just say we wouldn’t be sitting here writing this feature. For years, the message has remained the same: the only way to repair damaged hair is to cut it. But not any more – Olaplex is able to legitimately repair broken bonds caused by chemical, thermal and mechanical damage. Not only that, but it can actually prevent breakages from happening in the first place, which is why colourists are so obsessed with adding it to their hair dye.

The three-step system consists of No.1 Bond Multiplier, which is applied either directly to hair or mixed with dye/bleach in-salon; No.2 Bond Perfector, which works as a 20-minute post-colourant conditioning treatment and contains a smaller amount of bis-aminopropyl diglycol dimaleate (the chemical that repairs broken bonds) along with conditioning agents; and No.3 Hair Perfector, which has the smallest amount of the chemical we can’t pronounce and is designed to be used at home like a deep conditioner. Olaplex also now sells a Bond Maintenance Shampoo, Conditioner and Oil,* so you can minimise damage and stretch out those pricier salon treatments.

Available nationwide, from £15.

Find your nearest salon at Olaplex.com

Y O U W A N T:

To boost your mood YOU NEED :

Light therapy Before you splurge on a body treatment, remember: no cream can get rid of cellulite. So instead of throwing your hard-earned money down the drain, invest in something that boosts your mood, circulation and overall skin health.

Light therapies are used to treat a number of health conditions, but are increasingly being used in the beauty industry due to their ability to not only improve your wellbeing (they can help with seasonal affective disorder), but also to combat acne, improve skin tone, encourage lymphatic drainage and stimulate collagen production.

“Full Body LED is the ultimate wellbeing and holistic experience,” says Laura Ferguson, who co-founded The Light Salon in Harvey Nichols with her best friend Hannah Measures. “LED has been shown

to benefit the circulatory system and nearly every tissue and organ, through reactions triggered by correct wavelengths of light,” adds Ferguson. “The full-body benefits include lower blood pressure, tissue repair (great for before and after surgery), improved skin tone and texture, healing of scars and stretch marks, detoxifying and restoring the body, all alongside relaxing the mind and refreshing the skin,” she adds.

If you’re looking for a lunchtime pit stop, Sasha Sabapathy founded London’s Glow Bar, which offers 45-minute infrared sauna sessions. But don’t get this confused with your local leisure centre’s steam and sauna rooms. Infrared therapy stimulates collagen production, relaxes muscles, and improves sleep and overall mood. In fact, Lady Gaga is such a fan she even has an infrared sauna in her home to help manage her chronic pain condition.

Infrared sauna session at Glow Bar London, from £40. LED Light Therapy at The Light Salon in Harvey Nichols, from £35. For nationwide light-therapy treatments, find your nearest salon at Treatwell.co.uk ◆

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My life in

beauty Victoria Beckham’s MUA and Max Factor’s global creative director Wendy Rowe’s hero products

AS TOLD TO INGEBORG VAN LOTRINGEN. STILL LIFES LUCKY IF SHARP. URIAGE AVAILABLE AT FEELUNIQUE.COM. *OUT IN MARCH. †OUT IN APRIL, £12.99

Alex Steinherr x Primark Supreme Sheet Mask, £3 “A sheet mask is essential as plumping skin prep. Many leave a residue and that causes pilling, but this one doesn’t.”

Max Factor False Lash Effect Max Out Blue Primer, £11.99* “Layering blue pigment under black mascara brightens eyes – try it! It also makes for the deepest black.”

Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick in Heather Shimmer, £5.49 “In my teens, I only wore make-up that came with magazines. The one thing I did buy was this ’90s classic.”

Burberry Face Contour, £25 “I created this, and I can do anything with it. Think outside the box with makeup; you don’t have to use a product the way it’s ‘intended’!”

Uriage Bariésun Mineral Cream SPF50+, £15.49 “Mix with foundation to get the best glow. It may have inspired the Max Factor Miracle Second Skin† I developed…”

Pai Chamomile & Rosehip Calming Day Cream, £38 “I work in this gentle moisturiser using lymph drainage movements.

It really gets rid of puffiness.”

Dr Dennis Gross FaceWare Pro, £430 “This LED-light mask is SO good. It’s weightless and fast, and calms my skin. My best friend’s always having a go on it. So is Sienna Miller.”

Hair By Sam McKnight Lazy Girl Dry Shampoo, £25 “I have straight, fine hair, and this just makes it look more than it is.”

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STR AIGHT TO WAV Y

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WORDS BROOKE SHUNATONA. ADDITIONAL WORDS LAURA CAPON. PHOTOGRAPH JEFFREY WESTBROOK/STUDIO D. *JUSTMYLOOK.CO.UK

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s someo one who has cut a whopp ping 11 inches off their hair, I can tell you that boob-leength locks negate two daily concerns – the first f being food stains.

How I miss the carefree days of slurping my Pret tomato soup, safe in the knowledge thatt my head carpet covered my red-splattered T-shirt. The second? Visible V bra straps. Who needs to spend the evvening hoisting up their breasts in a multiway bra when your hair covers your straps… me now, evidently.

The one thing my Rap punzel locks never covered? My A to Z of damage, aka split ends. Here’s how to stop your strands doing a Miley and Lia am, without cutting them all off...

Drier than a cream cracker in the desert

TO ADD BASKET

It’s A 10 Miracle Leave-In Plus Keratin, £16.50* The protein-packed cult product I used to bulkbuy from the US is finally available here.

Prevention is the first step according to celebrity hairstylisst Cash Lawless. If you or hear a scraping o ripping noise as you brush, you’re being too forceful, he says.

Grab a brush witth gentle, flexible brristles h. like the WetBrush When styling, alw ways ant, use heat protecta make sure your tools n aren’t hotter than 200ºC and resistt the urge to pick yyour frayed ends. “You’re basically welcoming even more split eends to appear fartherr up the hair shaft,,” warns Lawless.

If it’s too late for prevention, leave-in creams work like magic to disguise splintered ends by temporarily sealing them together.

Try Olaplex No.3 Hair Perfector, £26, to help repair broken bonds and add shine and smoothness. You can also swap conditioner for a protein-packed mask to help fill in gaps along the hair shaft and draw in repairing moisture.

Erase split ends altogether by asking your stylist for a “dusting” – a method that removes split ends without losing length.

C U R LY TO C O I LY “The main cause of split ends in 3a tto 4c hair types [curls slightly looser than ringleets to tight coils] is a lacck of trimming,” explains rena Williams’ hairstylist Lorraine Dublin. “It’s a myth that afro hair doesn’t split,” she w ns. Make sure war you book a cutt every six to eight weeks.

Don’t forgett to practise ssome split-end selff-care w when you’re a at home h to oo.

Oribe Moisture & Control Deep Treatment Masque, £57 Invest in this almond protein hair mask, which helps seal and smooth h damaged cuticles.

Dublin recommends a deep-conditioning treatment every two weeks: “Great products include Philip Kingsley’s Elasticizer range.”

Lastly, try to minimise the amount of heat you use on your hair. “A product I use regularly on clients is Curlformers [spiralled mesh that curls without heat]. I recommend sleeping in them and removing the next day,” says Dublin.

Or wear protective hairstyles, such as wigs, braids and weaves, but remember to keep hair moisturised by spraying braids regularly with a leave-in conditioner.

Ghd Helios Professional Hairdryer, £159 Minimise heat damage (a and arm ache) by investing in G Ghd’s fastestdrying tool to da ate.

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Hot right now

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The latest beauty launches we’re eyeing up and taking home immediately

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WORDS LAURA CAPON. PHOTOGRAPH AGATA PEC

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LOVES 2020

Nars Tinted Glow Booster, £28 Like a genie in a bottle, this granted our wish of year-round luminous, dewy skin.

Jo Malone 2 Wisteria & Lavender Cologne, £50 (30ml) Smells like the perfect English countryside walk… sans eau de cowpat.

Dior Lip Glow 3 Pink Diormania Edition, £28 A pink monogrammed tube that makes us feel like Elle Woods.

With Ted 4 Miamii Bronzer in Sunrise, £29 Ted Baker now does make-up, and with beautiful textures and packaging, it’s not to be sniffed at.

Kevin Murphy 5 Young Again Dry Conditioner, £24 Revives dull hair between washes for more bounce than Kate Middleton’s ’do.

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Clinique iD Dramatically Different Moisturizing BB-Gel, £36 The light formula adapts to your skin tone and boasts all the benefits of your favourite moisturiser.

SkinCeuticals 7 Glycolic Renewal Cleanser Gel, £30 Promotes cell turnover to take your complexion from Croydon to California.

L’Oréal Paris 8 Revitalift 1.5% Hyaluronic Acid Serum, £24.99 America’s best-selling hyaluronic-acid serum is launching here. We will be bathing in it.

Rodial Instant 9 Filler Primer, £39 Perma-perplexed?

This stops foundation sinking into frown lines.

NYX Born To 10 Glow! Radiant Concealer, £9 Our No1 foundation of 2019 has a concealer.

Finally life is complete.

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Cosmopolitan promotion

Better

beauty buys It’s easier than ever to give your beauty regime a vegan makeover. These products are as friendly to the planet as they are to your bank balance

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B. Cosmetics make-up brushes, from £3.99 Thanks to their soft synthetic hairs, these brushes dry really quickly after cleaning – so no excuses not to.

Me+ 100% Squalane Booster, £6.99 Squalane improves skin elasticity and boosts radiance, but is usually made from shark-liver oil. Luckily, this 100% vegan squalane alternative will give exactly the same benefits.

B. Luminous Lipstick in Blazing Berry, £6.99 The perfect rich red – absolutely no carmine (a colouring derived from cochineal beetles) necessary.

Solait Mousse Medium Tan, £4.99 For a year-round glow, this vegan formula is packed with nourishing sweet almond oil and vitamin E. B. Lengthening Mascara in Black, £9.99 A cruelty-free mascara that lengthens without any sign of smudging? It’s all our lash dreams come true. 6 Superdrug Black Castor & Shea Leave In Conditioning Cream, £5.49 Ditch the frizz with this luxe formula. Plant keratin strengthens hair, while shea butter and castor oil add shine.

Naturally Radiant Glycolic Acid Daily Cleansing Pads, £5.99 These pads use natural fruit acids to buff away dead skin for a serious glow.

B. Confident Hyaluronic Acid Facial Spritz, £8.99 Containing plant-derived hyaluronic acid, this spray will boost your skin’s moisture levels in a flash.

Superdrug’s Own Brand range is exclusively available in-store and online at Superdrug.com

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WORDS CHLOE LAWRANCE. PHOTOGRAPHS LUCKY IF SHARP

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WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. *ACCORDING TO STUDIES PUBLISHED ON NCBI.NLM.NIH.GOV

STRETCH YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND

Float like a butterfly…

Disclaimer: it sounds like hippy nonsense, but with swank studios (including London’s 3Tribes and the Oxford Floatation Centre) springing up everywhere, it’s clear that floatation tanks are on the rise. These dark, soundproof, saltwater pods use around 1,000lb of Epsom salt to keep users totally suspended, while the water replicates skin temperature at 34-35°C. The relaxing effect is said to reduce anxiety and chronic pain.* Warning: do not try it in your bath at home.

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move fitness

How to

exercise during work (without getting fired)

Fitting fitness around your 9-to-5 isn’t easy, but with these genius hacks, you’ll evade your boss’s suspicious glances Nail your work-toy workoutt outfit ng into your gym Don’t waste time changin stuff. Instead incorporate exercise gear into gh-necked shirt or your office outfit. Try a hig bra, ditch jewellery dress to hide your sports b nside your work and wear trainer socks in shoes to save five more sseconds. When possible, wear black exercise leggings as tights or trousers. You can always pack a change for afterwards if yyou get too sweaty.

Schedule classes like meetings Add gym time to your work calendar as if it was a meeting. Check your account settings – internal systems like Outlook can block off the time, so colleagues will know you’re unavailable, but not why. You could use the initials of the workout, like “ST” for “strength training”, so it looks like you’re at a one-to-one with a colleague, not a running machine. Well done, you sneaky genius.

Sync y you y ur calendar ur boss’s with you That way, you’ll be ablee to book an exerrcise class when you know your ger will be on their manag lunch break, or in a long meeting. Take your phone into the classs and change your settings so only your boss’s ome through. messages co

Prep to stay fresh Stick to a low-impact class like yoga or barre to avoid the need to shower after. Look as fresh back at work as you did when you left by prepping your hair before class. Hairstylist Natasha Leibel suggests pulling hair into a high ponytail, wrapping it into a bun and securing with grips. The heat generated from the workout and cooldown will create a setting effect.

When you shake it out after class, you’ll have a better style than you started with.

STEP 1

STEP 2

Even a short bout of exercise can boost brain power* – so really, your boss should be happy…

If you’re short on time, try these winning workouts

Sworkit This app has an area on quick workouts, including nute abs and five-min

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STEP 4

S P E E DY WAY S TO S W E AT Couch To 5k You’ll be running a 5k nine weeks with in just n p from Public this app Health England, which builds through a g programme training e short runs of three a week. Available on d Android iOS and

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STEP 3

five-minute yoga blasts. You can choose the duration of any workout, from one to 60 minutes. Available on iOS and Android Group Cycle Get your ride fix faster at your local Virgin Active gym. Spin classes can be as short as 30 minutes, meaning you could squeeze one in on your lunch break.

Virginactive.co.uk

F45 Short but sweet workouts – the classbased chain offers a mix of circuit and HIIT classes, which can be modified for beginners.

F45training.co.uk Kor, Manchester Lunchtime spin and resistance classes at this gym are kept at a breaktime-friendly 30 minutes long.

Madebykor.co.uk

WORDS ELLIE TRUSCOTT, CAITLIN CARLSON. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. *ACCORDING TO A STUDY BY THE STANFORD UNIVERSITY DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY

ver had the urge g to slam yyour laptop shut and get you ur sweat on, only to be thwarted d by an eagle-eyed manager? Us too.

But you can squeeze a workout into o your daily routine without your boss even noticing you left. These time-eefficient tips will make working out within your lunch hour (and, erm, in the middle of the afternoon) a breeeze…

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This cannabis compound has become a wellness wonder ingredient, used in skincare, supplements and even bath bombs. But what’s the science behind the buzz?

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n recent years three letters have taken the £5-billion UK health and wellness industry by storm. You can now get CBD (cannabidiol) in your cocktails, chocolate and, across the pond, even top off your #selfcaresunday with a CBD bath bomb or treat your dog to a CBD chew. Users say its powers range from easing anxiety and pain to reducing seizures and shrinking tumours; claims that, if proven, would be transformative.

There’s just one problem with CBD. No one seems to really get it. Let us explain… i

hat is CBD? You’ve all heard of cannabis. It’s a species of plant that includes marijuana and he which are made up of compounds called ll d nnabinoids, including THC ahydrocannabinol) and CBD (c a abidiol). It’s the ycho iive compound THC that makes u unfunniest friend suddenly hilarious and convinces you that stale pizza is i helin-star-worthy, and the marijuana plant’s full of it – growing it is illegal and being caught with it is an offence. Hemp, however, contains only trace amounts of THC (a product must contain less than 0.2% THC to be legal) – so delivers no high. Instead, it’s full of CBD and it’s this non-psychoactive compound that you’ll find in the CBD oils and capsules in shops.

Is CBD legal?

Before you start Googling prison time for drugs offences, remember that while THC might get you in trouble with the law, skincare and health foods containing CBD are legal provided they don’t contain too much THC, according to Amean Elgadhy, a barrister at London’s One Pump Court Chambers.

“Difficulties often arise in this area because CBDcontaining products bought online can contain traces of THC [significant enough to mean] they are illegal.”

The upshot? It’s key that you do your research, shop from well-known and reputable brands and look for products with a Certificate of Analysis (COA).

Can it benefit my health?

CBD has broken the internet in a way that a Kardashian could only dream of.

Forum after forum is filled with accounts of how it’s cured chronic pain, reduced seizures and eased anxiety. So how does it work? The answer, if there is one, lies in a balancing system in your brain and body called the endocannabinoid system (ECS), says Dr Dani Gordon, a practising GP and vice chair of the Medical Cannabis Clinicians Society. “It helps to regulate eating behaviours, sleeping patterns, stress and anxiety responses, pain perception and the ability to forget traumatic experiences.” Since the ECS was first discovered, about 30 years ago, research into it has been slow due to the stigma of its association with cannabis.

But if this system exists naturally within the human body, what does CBD have to do with it (we hear you ask)? It’s all down to receptors in the body called CB1 and CB2, which can be activated by cannabinoids naturally produced in the ECS. CBD works with these receptors, and can also affect

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RIGHT CBD PRODUCTS

IGNORE PERCENTAGES

“Choose a product that lists the dosage (usually in milligrams) on the label, rather than the percentage.” Dosages give a better indication of how much CBD you’re actually taking each time, rather than just how much is in the bottle.

AVOID CLEAR CONTAINERS

“Look for a product that comes in a tinted bottle or wrapped in a label, rather than a clear one that you can see right through.

CBD is vulnerable to light and degrades if it’s exposed to it.”

MAKE SURE IT’S AC TUA LLY CB D

“A lot of products look like they contain CBD when actually it’s hempseed oil, which contains no CBD. Skincare brands often use hempseed oil as an ingredient, but if you want the product you’re buying to contain CBD, look for a clear CBD dosage on the packaging.”

breast-feeding women to avoid CBD until further research determines its effects on a developing foetus.

The dose

For now, you can’t ask your doctor to prescribe CBD. But you can try the high-street options – which are more confusing than Leo DiCaprio’s love life. Health-food shops are likely to have a 30ml bottle of CBD oil for £79.99 next to a £1.99 tea, with little to help you discern the difference. Plus, trying to figure out whether the dose will be strong enough is difficult; the quantities of CBD in consumer products are nowhere near those used by scientists to test the effects of the compound. “The amount used in research might be around 600mg; far higher than the 10-60mg you’d find in wellness products,” says Dr Gordon. While the low doses make these products safe, it could also render them less effective. “Besides,” she continues, “There’s no one dose that’ll work for everyone, and each product will be absorbed differently. For wellness purposes, choose a brand that has a COA – this verifies that it has been tested by a third-party lab, and that the amount of CBD it says it contains is accurate.”

To take CBD in the hope that it will ease a specific symptom is to do so without the protection that would apply to a pharmaceutical sold in th UK for the same condition. Supplements and cosmetics are governed by different rules.

So far, the side effects of CBD appear to be limited to the gastrointestinal (read: variety. But without steadfast rules, r operators sense an opportunity. A on the quality of high-street CBD ucts found that of the 35 tested, nine had a THC level that represented a risk to the user – the risk being they didn’t know they were taking a psychoactive compound. So do your homework.

While some are buying CBD-based products to alleviate pain, others are sipping on CBD cocktails and waiting to feel something. In the latter camp?

You might want to save your money until the science catches up. Some clinical trials are nearing completion and researchers are currently exploring the use of CBD for improving transplant acceptance, reducing symptoms of schizophrenia and even treating alcohol and drug addictions.

One thing’s for sure, CBD is going nowhere. ◆

“Within a week of using CBD oil, the pain had gone”

Where’s the proof?

Like all drugs, CBD can only be considered to aid a certain condition if it is proven in trials and granted a medical licence. At the moment, there’s only one licensed CBD drug, Epidiolex, for the treatment of two kinds of rare epilepsy.

And while promising research exists, much of it is based on cell and animal studies, leaving scientists unwilling to say for certain that CBD will live up to its potential in humans. As time goes on, though, more studies produce findings on the effects of CBD. Research (by New York’s Addiction Institute Of Mount Sinai) has found CBD effective in treating heroin addiction, and that CBD applied to the skin of animals could help lower pain and inflammation caused by arthritis (The European Journal Of Pain). But the CBD wellness boom is way ahead of the science, which needs time to verify effectiveness. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the US governing body for these products, recently urged pregnant or

C O S M O P O L I TA N

WORDS DANIELLA SCOTT, NIKKI OSMAN. PHOTOGRAPHS MARTINA LANG, STOCKSY. THE CBD BIBLE BY DR DANI GORDON IS OUT IN JUNE. *BY THE INTERNATIONAL CANNABIS AND CANNABINOIDS INSTITUTE

DR GORDON ON HOW TO PICK THE

other receptors in the body, including those responsible for reducing anxiety.

It’s these interactions that explain why the list of conditions being studied in conjunction with CBD reads like a medical dictionary. A recent review from the University Of Salerno, Italy, suggests that diseases for which CBD may have therapeutic benefits include degenerative brain illnesses, such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, inflammatory conditions, like rheumatoid arthritis and Crohn’s, and pain, psychosis, depression and cancer.

“People ask if CBD is some kind of snake oil as they see it being used for a number of issues,” says Dr Gordon. “But that’s because it can affect our [ECS], which helps to regulate all of these things.”

Dr Anna Persaud, CEO of science-led beauty company This Works, started taking CBD oil after being diagnosed with dysplasia [the abnormal growth of a tissue or organ] in her hips almost three years ago. “Faced with a double hip replacement in my forties, I looked for alternatives.

I started taking approximately 40mg of CBD oil per day under my tongue. Within a week, the pain and inflammation had gone, and 18 months later, I’ve still avoided surgery. CBD has allowed me to manage my dysplasia in a way no other medication could and has completely changed my day-to-day life.”

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move fitness

How to nail the Get ready for all-over tone. No hiking boots required

YOUR BU M Yes, we know you’re proud of it, but your bum shouldn’t be reaching skywards during this move (something that happens quite naturally as the reps wear on). Resist the urge by keeping your core engaged and your back neutral.

YO U R B ACK The magic word here is neutral: if it’s rounding, you need to, yep, engage your core, and slow the pace if you’re struggling.

YO UR LEG S Keep driving them towards your chest, alternating legs – but watch your torso, it shoulldn’t move. Want to take it up a notch? Hook your feet into TRX ca ables to provide more of a challe enge. Steadyy now.

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

YO U R TIME It’s a tough g move but,, thankfully, y, one you y won’t have to do for too long. “The mountain climber is a great addition to a workout between resistance sets to keep your heart rate elevated – but it’s not an exercise you want to do in isolation,” says biokineticist David Fabricius. Attempt to do it for more than a minute and you’ll probably find your elbows begin to buckle. Stick to 30-second bursts.

YOU R H A N D S They should d always be within yo your eyeline.

Forget this and you’ll work your legs more than your core, which misses the point entirely.

WORDS CATRIONA INNES. PHOTOGRAPH BETH BISCHOFF

YOUR YOU R A RM S Keep them fully extended. “Your core, chest and triceps will be doing most of the work here,” explains personal trainer Aneeka Buys. “To reap the rewards, focus on form, otherwise you risk shoulder strain.” Talking of shoulders, make sure they’re always over your hands.

move kit

Try before you train...

To p o f t h e crops

GYMSHARK

sports bras Team Cosmopolitan get it all off their chest

ZIP FRONT

Shock Absorber Ultimate Fly Bra, £46 Sleek, black and with a flattering racer back, it’s nice to find a higher-support bra that isn’t full of padding. I tested this in a HIIT class that involved lots of jumping, and it provided good support and excellent sweat-wicking.

My only feedback is that it’s not the most stylish-looking bra around, and I’m not sure I’d trust the support enough to run in it.

A m y G Executive Editor (Print)

Gymshark Form Sports Bra, £35 This is without a doubt the comfiest and most supportive bra I’ve ever tried. The struggle of speedily getting changed in a tiny cubicle (especially when sweaty) is avoided by the zip on the front, making it easy to whip on and off. It has adjustable straps and the material is extra soft, too. Want something cool and supportive? This is the bra for you.

J e s s i c a Art Editor

FOR BIGGER BUSTS

COMPILED BY SOPHIE LEEN

SOFT & COMFY

Lululemon Enlite Bra, £78 Made from sweat-wicking Ultralu fabric, this is lightweight and soft with no wires that dig in (it’s also just low-cut enough to give you a great cleavage). Getting it on is like a yoga class in itself – although there is a version with a front zip for easier entry – and it’s a bit pricey, but when it stops your boobs going north, south, east or west, it’s worth it.

A m y B Fashion Director

Under Armour Seamless Longline Sports Bra, £30 The soft fabric and tight fit mean this truly does feel like a second skin. The cross-back design and thick under-band are supportive, but mostly it felt like I wasn’t actually wearing anything at all (ideal). Admittedly there isn’t much support needed in my case, but if you’re an A to C cup, I highly recommend it.

S o p h i e Bookings Editor

Freya Active Epic Moulded Crop Top Sports Bra, £42 As a lifelong casual runner (er, jogger), who happens to be on the bustier side, I have tried my share of high-impact bras. This comes with a covered underwire and optional J-hook fastening to create a supportive racer back and wins top marks for support. It’s high-quality, affordable and super-effective.

M a d d y Senior Fashion Assistant

Panache anache Sports Wired Bra Bra, £4 £42 Any DD+ girls out there know that finding a sports bra that keeps the balls from bouncing during any kind of semi-strenuous activity (read: walking) is a struggle. This bracrop-top hybrid is comfy, thick and padded enough to protect you from underwire pokes. I also like that it comes in a few different colours if you feel like mixing it up.

J e s s Executive Editor (Digital) C O S M O P O L I TA N

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Life in

my

body... after going through early menopause Anna, 37, an HR manager from Warwick, shares what life is like when you go through the menopause as a teenager…

i

remember being 17, hanging out of a classroom window because I was so hot and just couldn’t cool myself down. I’d also frequently wake up in the middle of the night, dripping with sweat. My periods started at 14, but by 16 they were irregular… and then stopped. My GP referred me for tests but it was decided that my symptoms, which also included mood swings, were down to

W H AT HELPS ANNA

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

being a teenager and exam stress. They put me on the Pill to regulate my hormones and that was that. At university, aged 21, I decided to come off the Pill and the old symptoms came back.

I had an ultrasound on my ovaries, and blood tests to detect my hormone levels. They confirmed I’d gone through the menopause and wouldn’t be able to conceive. I was devastated but refused to talk about it. That’s

Looking after her body My body has been through a lot, so I take care of it as much as I can. I run regularly and do weight-bearing exercise to help reduce my risk of my osteoporosis.

1

how I dealt with my diagnosis for my twenties: I put it in a box and wouldn’t address what had happened.

Anna with h e r f i a n c é, Then, two Russell years ago, my sister got pregnant and the anger been harder to deal and sadness returned. with than the physical I went to see a specialist symptoms. I’m on the fertility counsellor, on Pill, as oestrogen is the NHS, and worked incredibly important – through my issues for it helps your body five months. The impact absorb calcium. If, like on my mental health has me, you have low levels, Stepping back from social Social media can make you feel like everyone is pregnant. If you’re not in the right headspace you can just feel resentful. When I’ve been in a bad place I’ve removed myself from it.

2

it can put you at risk of osteoporosis. When I’m off the Pill I get hot flushes again, my hair will begin to fall out and my nails will go brittle.

But that can all be managed with treatment.

Women are brought up to believe they will be mothers. We’ve come a long way, but that idea is still entrenched.

It meant I felt like my body had let me down and I had to grieve for my lost fertility.

In the past I pushed people away when they started to have a family.

I’d hear people talking about pregnancy and feel very excluded, or mothers would moan to me about how hard it is and I’d think, “You don’t know how lucky you are.”

I’m getting married this year and hope to have a family. We’ll start fertility treatment soon, using an egg donor. It’s not guaranteed, which has been hard to accept, but I feel much more positive now. There are still other options, like adoption.

What I’ve been through is what has made me the person I am today, and I might not have a lot of the qualities I possess if it wasn’t for this. It’s an experience that has shaped my life.

Saying how she feels Talking about it with my counsellor and the support group Daisy Network* helped me hugely. I’d been isolating myself before but they showed me the power of opening up.

3

AS TOLD TO CATRIONA INNES. PHOTOGRAPHS RUNNINGONBEANS/INSTAGRAM. *DAISYNETWORK.ORG

move health

Cosmopolitan promotion

When it comes to family,

Drag queen and reality star Courtney Act reveals why she’s streaming movies and TV shows that embrace doing things differently

A

t this time of year, I’d love to be spending time with my nephew, Billy.

He’s three, and watching cartoons with him (is Toy Story a cartoon? ‘Animated feature’ doesn’t have quite the same ring…) would be the perfect way to spend a cold, grey day – the only problem is, he’s in Australia and I live in the UK. But I make the effort to see him at least once or twice a year. At the moment he has a penchant for trucks that I can’t quite relate to, so I buy him as many fluffy pink toys as I can.

I started to get clucky when Billy was born and tried to

conceive, but with no luck at the time. I’m not sure I want kids now, though. I feel like a partner and family are what you’re supposed to do, but I’m fine if it doesn’t happen for me.

The cool thing about being queer is that often there isn’t a precedent, so you get to make your own rules; but I think everyone should do that.

Whether it’s partners, babies, careers or fashion, cast off people’s expectations and do what’s best for you; it always works out better in the long run.

Take Mark Wahlberg in the comedy-drama movie Instant Family, streaming on NOW TV; he plays a hot foster dad to three kids. I’ve had a crush

on Mark ever since I saw him in those ‘90s underwear ads.

Forget what I said earlier; I would totally bear Mark’s children and live with him happily ever after if I could.

Next up, I’ll be streaming The Favourite. With a stellar cast of Emma Stone, Olivia Colman and Rachel Weisz, a wickedly funny plot and some serious costume inspiration, I can. Not. Wait.

Another thing I’m really excited about is that Parks

And Recreation is streaming on NOW TV. I’ve heard so many good things about it and I love Amy Poehler. Confession: I’ve never seen The Office (either version), but Parks And Recreation is produced by the peeps who made the US version of that, and it’s won heaps of awards. If that isn’t enough, my friend Brad, who hates most things, says it’s brilliant, so I’m going to stream it all and ease my winter blues with a good dose of laughter.

C O U R T N E Y ’ S T O P 3 F A M I L Y- F R I E N D L Y M O V I E S The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part With an 85% score on Rotten Tomatoes, what’s not to love?

Grown-ups will enjoy this sequel just as much as kids.

Streaming now Sky Cinema

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

Toy Story 4 Buzz and Woody are back, this time with a toy ‘spork’ – which, topically, totally fits the green agenda of reduce, reuse, recycle…

Streaming now

Shazam!

One part comingof-age story, one part superhero blockbuster, all parts delightful. I can always get behind a hot Marvel hero.

Streaming now

Discover more movies at NOWTV.COM/COSMO

18+ ENTERTAINMENT AND SKY CINEMA PASSES SOLD SEPARATELY. PASSES AUTO-RENEW UNLESS CANCELLED. MIN 2.5MBPS. TERMS APPLY. THE LEGO MOVIE 2: THE SECOND PART © 2019 WARNER BROS ENT. © 2019 THE LEGO GROUP. TOY STORY 4 © 2019 DISNEY•PIXAR. SHAZAM! © 2019 WARNER BROS ENT. TM & © DC COMICS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

make your own rules

WORDS AMY BANNERMAN. PHOTOGRAPH ROSALINE SHANAVAZ AT ADB AGENCY. MODEL CAI LEE AT WILHELMINA

FASHION THAT MAKES

S GREAT AS YOU LOOK

Want to say it loud? Say it on a jumper. These Hades alphabet sweaters are hand-crafted in Scotland and come in a range of colours. It would take quite a few to spell out a message as romantic as “Happy Valentine’s to myself, I love you”, so maybe stick to one of your initials – or your crush’s. Subtle? Us? Never!

Jumpers, £220 each, Hades

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First dates are as unpredictable as the night bus, but you can always rely on a great outfit, right..?

STYLING

C h e c k e d j a c k e t, £ 8 5; t o p, £ 3 4, b o t h U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s . W h i t e j a c k e t, £ 59, To p s h o p . J e a n s , £ 95, L e v i’s . E a r r i n g s , £ 2 0 .95, S e o l + G o l d .

C h a i n n e c k l a c e ( t o p), £ 24 .9 9, P i l g r i m . “ D ” n e c k l a c e, £ 5 0, P e r n i l l e C o r y d o n . T- b a r n e c k l a c e, £119, D a i s y.

B a g, £ 8 0, N ú n o o

MADDY ALFORD

PHOTOGRAPHER ABBIE RODEN

The

LEWK of LOVE

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the style guide

The outdoorsy date Keep it cosy and casual – high-waisted jeans, fleeces and cropped knits will make you look cuddlier than a baby duckling 3

L AY E R U T I L I T Y JACKETS OVER CROP TOPS

4 2 1

STRIPY BASE L AY E R S

5 6

9 8 7

WEAR WITH RELAXED JEAN

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C O M F Y, STURDY BOOTS 11

17 7

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WHITE TRAINERS

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10

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LOOSE FIT JEANS

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1 E a r r i n g s , £17.95, S e o l + G o l d 2 B a g, £18 , To p s h o p 3 J a c k e t, £ 45, V B y Ve r y 4 B o o t s , £179, C a r v e l a J e a n s , £ 45, R i v e r I s l a n d 6 S h i r t, £ 6 8 , N o i s y M a y 7 S h o e s , £ 52, Va n s 8 To p, £18 , We e k d a y 9 H a t, £ 2 9.95, M u j i 10 S o c k s , £ 3 , R i v e r I s l a n d 11 N e c k l a c e, £17, & O t h e r S t o r i e s 12 B o o t s , £ 59.9 9, Wr a n g l e r a t D e i c h m a n n 13 B r a c e l e t, £75, M i s s o m a 14 J e a n s , £ 5 0, B o d e n 15 J e a n s , £ 2 9.9 9, L i n d e x 16 To p, £12, G l a m o r o u s .c o m 17 Tr a i n e r s , £ 6 5, Va n s 5

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the style guide

The coffee date Straight-leg leather trousers, a baggy shirt and accessories strike a balance of “casual but totally could stay out till 2am” WEAR CARDIS OFF THE SHOULDER

1

2

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’90S SMILEY JEWELS

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5

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6 12

LOOSE SILKY SHIRTS

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10 11 14

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16 15 5

MIX BRIGHTS WITH L E AT H E R

1 5

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COOL, SMART STRIDES

RETRO TINTED SUNNIES

C a r d i g a n, £ 45 , J o e B r o w n s 2 B a g, £ 2 5, To p s h o p 3 Tr o u s e r s , £79.9 9, H & M 4 N e c k l a c e, £ 27.95, S e o l + G o l d R i n g, £ 5 5, Pa n d o r a 6 S k i r t, £ 2 5, M o n k i 7 S h i r t, £ 8 5, P u r e C o l l e c t i o n 8 To p, £ 12, P r i m a r k 9 B a g, £ 2 8 , V B y Ve r y 10 J u m p e r, £ 2 5, V B y Ve r y 11 1 Tr o u s e r s , £12 9,, Z a r a 12 Tr o u s e r s , £ 4 6 , U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s 13 S k i r t, £12, P r i m a r k 14 Tr a i n e r s , £116 , S u p e r g a x Yo o x 15 N e c k l a c e, £70, Pa n d o r a 16 S u n g l a s s e s , £15, A c c e s s o r i z e

C O S M O P O L I TA N

S h i r t, £ 59.9 9, H & M .

To p, £ 8 , A S O S .

Tr o u s e r s , £ 3 5 .9 9, M a n g o. H a i r c l i p s , £3.50 (for a pack o f 12), C l a i r e’s .

E a r r i n g s , £ 6 0; chunky necklace ( t o p), £13 5, b o t h

By Alona. Thin n e c k l a c e ( b o t t o m), £ 26 .95; r i n g ( l e f t h a n d ), £19.95, b o t h S eol + Gold. Ring (r i g h t h a n d ), £ 9 0, P a n d o r a . B a g, £ 5 0, Va g a b o n d .

Tr a i n e r s , £ 8 4 .95, Nike

S h i r t, £15 0, A S O S White. Rollneck, £14 .9 0, U n i q l o.

S k i r t, £ 2 5 .9 9, B ershka. T ights, £8 for 3 pairs, M&S. E a r r i n g s , £115, Pandora. Necklaces, f r o m £12.95, a l l S e o l + G o l d . B a g, £ 3 5, V B y Ve r y. B o o t s , £169, Dr Mar tens at Schuh

the style guide

ate Pair a cute miniskirt with stompy boots to a a) tone it down a bit and b) make a hasty exit if neccessary 2

1

WHEN IN DOUBT T, W E A R BLACK

4

3

HIGHGLOSS PVC

SWEET FLORAL MINIS

6 5

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TOP IT OFF WITH L E AT H E R

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8 10 0 BIG BOOTS BALANCE SHORT SKIRTS

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11 14

5

GOLD SO YOU SHINE

1 E a r r i n g s , £ 2 0 .95, S e o l + G o l d 2 B a g, £110, N ú n o o 3 C o a t, £ 49.9 9, B o n 4 D r e s s , £ 52, Wa r e h o u s e S k i r t, £ 2 0, B o o h o o 6 C o a t, £79.9 9, B e r s h k a 7 S h i r t, £ 6 0, R i v e r I s l a n d 8 R i n g, £ 2, P r i m a r k 9 To p, £17.9 9, B e r s h k a 10 B o o t s , £ 42, To p s h o p 11 To p, £14. 4 0, B o o h o o 12 J u m p e r, £ 26 , L i p s y 13 B a g, £79, A b b o t t Ly o n 14 B r a c e l e t, £12 9, L u c y W i l l i a m s x M i s s o m a 15 B o o t s , £179, D r M a r t e n s a t S c h u h

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the style guide

The dinner date Ready to pull out all the stops? A high-shine vinyl trench + ruffled minidress + tall boots = can we get the bill, please?

2

BAGUETTE BAGS ARE BACK

3

CHIC L E AT H E R BIKERS

4

1

5 6 EYEC ATC H I N G M E TA L L I C S

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REV UP YOUR RUFFLES

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12 11

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SHINE, CHECKS, FLORALS

15 13

TA L L B O OT S ADD COVERAGE TO MINIS

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14 4 16

1 B a g, £145, W h i s t l e s 2 E a r r i n g s , £ R i a r d 3 D r e s s , £ 3 0, B o o h o o 4 J a c k e t, £149.9 9, M a n g o C o a t, £ 9 9.9 9, M a n g o 6 E a r r i n g s , £ 2 3 , & O t h e r S t o r i e s 7 C u f f, £10 5, M i s s o m a 8 R i n g, £ 3 6 .95, S e o l + G o l d 9 S k i r t, £179, W h i s t l e s 10 E a r r i n g s , £ 8 , M o n k i 11 B a g, £ 2 2, To p s h o p 12 D r e s s , £12 0, & O t h e r S t o r i e s 13 B o o t s , £ 3 9.9 9, B o n p r i x 14 E a r r i n g s , £12, J o h n L e w i s 15 To p, £ 42, A S O S 16 M u l e s , £ 4 0, R i v e r I s l a n d

C O S M O P O L I TA N

C o a t, £13 9, R a i n s .

D r e s s , £ 59, U r b a n Out fit ters. Rings ( l e f t h a n d ), m i d d l e f i n g e r £19.95, r i n g f i n g e r £ 2 5 .95, b o t h S eol + Gold. Ring (r i g h t h a n d ), £ 9 0, P a n d o r a . B a g, £ 3 2, Skinnydip. Boots, £19 0, D u n e Model Gabrielle D y e r. F a s h i o n assistant Greta Swif t

Handbags under £300 Credit card, meet your new favourite arm candy…

Senior fashion editor

£ 2 2 5, L u l u G u i n n e s s

£75, H a i a t L i b e r t y L o n d o n

SAIREY STEMP

£119, G u e s s

£209 9, S a n d r o

£ 275, H i l l & F r i e n d s

£115, G u e s s

£220 0, R i x o

£ 2 95, L u l u G u i n n e s s

Col ourblocck bags

FE NDI S/S 20 Candy crush

£195, J a c q u e m u s a t F a r f e t c h

*PRICE HAS BEEN CONVERTED AND MAY VARY

Bold, ba ad-moodeliminatting and almost ble to lose impossib in your floordrobe. fl Clash with w your outfit a “Oh-thisfor extra old-thing?” points.

style shop me now

Spring tex ture es The new season n’s bringing all the feels with pearls, tassels, velvet and something that looks a bit like Big Bird’s younger, hotter cousin. £170, C u l t G a i a a t H a r v e y N i c h o l s

HER MES S/S 20 Big sof tie

£19 0, I s a b e l M a r a n t

£ 2 95, S o p h i a We b s t e r

£181. 3 2, N a n n a c a y

£30 0 Loef fler Ran all

£ 2 3 5, R i x o

£195, S h r i m p s a t M y t h e r e s a

£ 2 95, R e j i n a P y o a t L i b e r t y L o n d o n

£79, G u e s s

£101,* E m i l y L e v i n e

£175, O s p r e y L o n d o n

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£ 245, L u l u G u i n n e s s

£10 9, J o h n L e w i s

£ 3 0 0, L o e f f l e r R a n d a l l

£ 2 95 95, S t r a t h b e r r y

£16 4, 4 R e b e c c a M i n ko f f a t T h e O u t n e t

£ 26 0, S e e B y C h l o é a t M y t h e r e s a

£ 2 0 9, S a n d r o

£ 26 5, L o n g c h a m p

£ 2 5 0, C a l v i n K l e i n

£ 2 5 0, H i l l & F r i e n d s

Classi c shape s

PR A DA S/S 20 T h a t ’ 70 s satchel

£ 270, C o c c i n e l l e a t F e n w i c k

PHOTOGRAPHS JASON LLOYD-EVANS

After an invesstment piece that’s as stylish as it is totally ageless?

Sadly Pharrell Williams is taken, but these t babies are available.

style shop me now

M ini-bag gs & purses Because big joy is found in the little things (see also kittens, espressos and pick ’n’ mix), we’re downsizing this sprin ng.

£ 275 275, E n n i g a l d i a t F e n w i c k

DOLCE & GABBANA S/S 20 Small but might y

£ 26 5, K a t e S p a d e

£195, A s p i n a l O f L o n d o n

£13 5, G i a n n i C h i a r i n i a t F e n w i c k

£ 3 0 0, M a r c J a c o b s a t L i b e r t y

£195, L u l u G u i n n e s s

£ 270, A l e x a n d e r M c Q u e e n

£195, L o e f f l e r R a n d a l l

£ 275, M u l b e r r y

£ 6 0, R a i n s a t L i b e r t y

£175, S a n d r o

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Style lab

Wardrobe storage hacks Because we can’t all have Carrie Bradshaw ’s walk-in…

1 Hack your hangers Bulky hangers are space stealers – save them for heavy coats, and whack everything else onto thin wire or velvet slimline hangers. Try the ring-pull trick – loop one hole of the ringpull over the head of a hanger, then hook a second hanger in the other hole for a cascading effect – you’ll squeeze more in.

2 Store your accessories Look after the fun finishing touches to your outfit.

Why not turn IKEA bookshelves into shoe and bag storage? Or give some old crates a coat of paint, stick them on the wall and boom – unique shelving.

Save hat boxes – they’re a stylish way to stack and protect a few at once. To see your sunnies at a glance, store them on a tray in a shallow drawer.

3 Marie Kondo it If you’re short on drawer space, YouTube a Marie Kondo folding tutorial – you can origami everything from T-shirts to knickers into smaller, more visible rows. And drawer organisers are your friend, especially for small items like knickers and bras.

style

4 Trouser storage Clip hangers mean your jeans are hung as a single thickness, rather than doubled over a normal hanger, so it saves space. Cosmopolitan’s fashion director likes to hang her jeans by their belt loops on “S” hooks on a rail to free up cupboard space.

FOR A DECISIVE CLEAROUT… Pile clothing, accessories and shoes into one room so you can see it all at once. *Deep breaths*

DECLUTTER LIKE A BOSS Make these four piles during your clearout:

5 Bag it up Nest smaller bags inside larger ones – it’ll help your big totes keep their shape. Save dust bags for this reason. Designer handbags can be padded with tissue, socks or bubble wrap to prevent warping. Less expensive bags can be hung up on hooks.

DESIGNER (OR EVEN HIGH STREET)

These items can earn you cash on resale sites like Depop, Ebay, Vestiaire Collective or Rebelle. Clear photos sell your stuff more quickly. Find a white wall with a nice hook and good lighting, and snap away.

CUSTOMISE

7 Find free space Doors have lots of wasted space on either side – add hooks for scarves, belts and bags, or hang a shoe holder on the back – you’ll be surprised how much fits in. Fit tension rods across awkwardly small nooks for bonus hanging storage.

Hidden storage Invest in under-bed storage boxes, or make your next bed frame one that has built-in drawers under the mattress.

Vintage trunks can double as coffee tables, and opt for a bedside table with drawers.

Group shorter items (like skirts and tops) together in your wardrobe to create space underneath for a small set of drawers.

M AYBE WORDS MADDY ALFORD. PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY OF IKEA, GINA LUKER, GETTY IMAGES

6

This pile is for items to salvage. Expensive boots looking a bit knackered?

Take them to be resoled and polished. Can a button be sewn back on? Can the stain on your jeans be patched with a cool bandana?

Reminder: if you haven’t worn something in over a year, it’s unlikely you will in the future (barring specialoccasion items like party dresses). Only put items in this pile if you’re truly torn.

TOSS

We don’t mean into the landfill. Have a clothing swap or donate to a charity shop.

Even damaged items needn’t be thrown away – search on Loveyourclothes.org.uk to find local textile recycling drops.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

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earn

WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER

WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. COMPOSITION COLIN BEAGLEY, BIMMILL.CO.UK. *ACCORDING TO BUSINESSINSIDER.COM, DATA FROM CITI RESEARCH AND THE OFFICE FOR NATIONAL STATISTICS SHOWS THAT THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE “UNDEREMPLOYED” IS GREATER NOW THAN IT WAS IN 2008 AND 2009

Us, working wheely hard (sorry)

Going nowhere at work?

Then you might be “underemployed” – which has become the latest workplace buzzword. It means either your salary or title don’t match your skills or the work you do because you’re overqualified.

Sadly, there are now more women who are underemployed than a decade ago.* Derek Jenkins, MD of careers site Monster, advises researching similar job adverts (including those that are one above your role), looking at salary and required experience, then arranging a meeting with your manager: “Give specific examples of how you outperform your current position. If there’s no room to progress, ask if it’s possible to move into another area of the business to learn new skills.”

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t s s o B

t a h

ob Not sure where you see yourself in five years or what your biggest weakness is?

Here’s how to nail that crucial next career step

earn

Congratulations: you’ve scored an

inter

interview for the job equivalent of

view

“The One”. But wait – before you pack your pot plant and plan your leaving do, there’s the actual meeting to get through first. Often thought of as the most terrifying part of the application process, interviews are – nonetheless – a necessary evil. Here’s our guide to nailing it at every stage – from prep to the post-chat follow-up…

STEP 1

Escape the office Nope, you probably can’t get away with three dental appointments in a month.

Try these suspicion-free approaches…

Keep it simple A cat got stuck up a tree... and you had to save it in your very best suit. An elaborate story will come back to haunt you.

“Make sure any white lies are an extension of the truth,” says relationships expert Peggie Temple. If you attend meetings outside the office, try to bolt your interview onto the meeting.

Colleagues will be aware that you are out the office – but for an understandable reason.”

Use flexi-working Put in a request to work from home and present your boss with a plan of tasks you intend

to do that day. If your company isn’t that flexible, maybe you’re waiting on an electrician to fix your buzzer?

Schedule the interview out of working hours It’s not always a no-no.

“Negotiating time is not negative,” says Temple. “It shows you’re accountable within the workplace. Make the interviewer aware, outline why you can’t meet from 9 to 5, and provide alternative times, thanking them in advance if they’re out of work hours.”

Be strategic with your leave Yes, we know you wanted to go on a girls’ trip with those extra days. But using annual leave is the only route to going through this entirely guilt-free. David Baddeley, MD at Finance.co.uk, advises submitting several job applications over a week, and if you’re invited for interviews, take multiple days of annual leave and try to create a schedule. “You’ll be able to attend several interviews, including second rounds, without causing speculation.” i C O S M O P O L I TA N

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ST

EP 2

“Whe re do you see y ourse lf in five y ears time? ’ ”

ea ll m “ Te a b o u t e lit tl rself ” you

Do your prep Ad-libbing your way through an interview is a surefire way to f*ck it up. Interviewer extraordinaire and BBC Radio 5 Live presenter Emma Barnett gives her advice for getting ahead, and LinkedIn careers expert Darain Faraz explains how to tackle that dreaded “weaknesses” question…

Ask if there is anything you should prepare “It shows initiative,” says Emma. “But even if they don’t give you much of a steer, do some extra work.

Write down your vision for the role on a well-written single side of A4 to leave them with at the end of the interview. It shows you care, have a spark and are somebody who will go the extra mile unasked.”

Go fact-finding “Find out about the role: who had it before, how long for and what did they do with it? Research the company and learn as much as you can about your interviewer.

Find a way to personally connect with them.”

Don’t natter to anyone you don’t trust “Hug your good news to yourself,” says Emma. “It’s not a good idea to confide in those you don’t trust. And

don’t overthink things: it’s important to still be yourself.”

Think about your weaknesses It’s the dreaded question – and “I’m a perfectionist” is not the right answer. Use it to frame things you’re proud of, says Faraz. For example: “I try to solve problems by myself”: Rising to a challenge is important, but so is knowing when you can’t do something alone. Give examples of when you’ve successfully delegated, which has made getting the task done far more efficient.

“I can be cautious about taking risks”: This is a chance to show you’re willing to consult others before coming to a decision, rather than making a snap judgement. Use an example of when a risk has paid off and explain how you weighed up the pros and cons.

“I get nervous speaking in front of large groups”: Talk about a time you’ve challenged yourself by doing this – and mention you want to take advantage of any presenting opportunities to help overcome your nerves.

ST

EP 3

Nail the interview Repeat after us: you can do this. Deepa Somasundari, director of strategic projects at Indeed, tells you how…

Practise strong answers “Candidates should prepare for interview favourites like ‘Tell me about yourself’ and ‘Why are you interested in this role with our company?’” says Somasundari. “Plus, give examples of times when you’ve used a specific skill.

Try to tell STAR stories: ones with a clear Situation, Task, Action and Result structure.”

“Treat every person you encounter – from reception staff to security – as if they ’re the hiring manager ”

Think about first impressions “Dress for the job you want,” Somasundari continues. Think about the type of dress code the office you’re entering may have and choose an appropriate outfit.

“If you’re speaking to a recruiter, ask them for advice.

Make sure your nails are tidy, check your clothes for holes and stains, and arrive 10 to 15 minutes early. Map out your route to the interview location and identify a backup plan if there are delays.”

Watch your manners and body language Interviewers’ top peeves?

Surveys have shown those who cross their arms and don’t make eye contact can be less likely to get the job.* “Non-verbal communication can be just as important as anything you say,” says Somasundari. “Smile often, look your interviewer in the eye and sit tall. Treat every person you encounter – from reception staff to security – as if they’re the hiring manager.

earn

“Wh ys I hire hould you? ”

ST

Role changes are

3x

Ask the right questions

m o r e l i ke l y t o h a p p e n by switching employers than via a promotion†

40%

of inter viewers think not smiling is a good enough reason to reject a c a n d i d a t e* The average length of a job-inter view process is

WORDS CYAN TURAN AND DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. *ACCORDING TO TWIN EMPLOYMENT AND TRAINING. †ACCORDING TO CMD RECRUITMENT

Even if they aren’t, your potential employer might ask for their feedback.”

Be authentic, concise and upbeat “Your interviewer obviously saw something in your CV that made them want to meet you. Help this shine through by responding truthfully to what you’re asked and tying your answers back to your skills by providing examples of results you’ve achieved,” says Somasundari. Keep your answers short and focused – your time with each interviewer is limited.”

Follow up afterwards “It may seem old-fashioned but the vast majority of people don’t do this, so by emailing your interviewer you’ll instantly set yourself apart,” says Ellie Green, a spokesperson for Totaljobs.

“Thank them for their time, briefly remind them of something you think went well in the interview, and correct any answers you gave that you didn’t feel hit the mark. Keep it short, though.”

33%

27.5 da ys

of inter viewers say they k n o w i f t h e y ’l l h i r e s o m e o n e within 90 seconds of m e e t i n g t h e m*

EP 4

†

The end of the interview is your final chance to communicate that you’re knowledgeable and interested, but it’s also an opportunity for you to size up the company where you could be working. Quiz them on the following...

“What are the characteristics of someone who would succeed in this role?”

Deepa Somasundari says, “The answer to this question will help you understand the kinds of skills and attitudes you’ll need to display in order to be a success. It’s a surefire way to find out whether the role would suit you, and if you’d be a good fit for the company.

It will also give you an insight into the people you might be working with if you accept the job.”

“If I were to get the job, how would my performance in the role be measured?”

“Asking your interviewer this question will give you more specific information on how you can succeed in the job,” says Somasundari.

Knowing exactly how your work achievements will be assessed can help you to perform better – and also more efficiently – in the workplace. ◆ C O S M O P O L I TA N

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Influencer Awards 2020

y o u e t h e ne x t Ar b i g S TA R o f social media?

politan Influencer Awards, in a o m s o ssocia nd A The C t . i o e t k i r c u o o n n v c t e a f w n a t creato ith Pandora, are b r your r, cou you, o g ld be in with a chance of winnin

i

t might be the middle of winter, but it’s time to put 12th May in your diaries, because the Cosmopolitan Influencer Awards, in association with Pandora, are back and you too can get involved.

We want to hear from you about the brightest new names in the business, so go to Cosmopolitan.com/uk/influencerawards2020 and tell us who you want to nominate in the Best Newcomer category. Know of an influencer who really made their mark in 2019? Or someone who’s new on the scene but already making waves? Tell us all about them! And if that sounds like you, you can also nominate yourself (of course).

Nominations are open until 10am on Monday 17th February. Entrants will then be shortlisted and you’ll be able to vote for the winner from the beginning of March.*

It’s time to get nominating!

2020 WITH

*TERMS AND CONDITIONS: Best Newcomer Award, The Cosmopolitan Influencer Awards 2020 in association with Pandora. All entrants must be aged 18 years or over, based in the UK and (if invited) available to attend the awards ceremony in central London on Tuesday 12th May 2020 at their own expense. Entrants can nominate themselves or another influencer. There are no minimum or maximum number of followers required to enter this competition. Entries must be submitted via the online nominations form at Cosmopolitan.com/uk/influencerawards2020, which requires information including (but not limited to): 1. Name; 2. Relevant social handles; and (for those nominating themselves) 3. Relevant URL, website details and follower and website statistics. Nominations open at 10am on Monday 27th January and close at 10am on Monday 17th February 2020. Incorrect entries and entries received after the closing date will not be considered. Entries for the Best Newcomer Award will be shortlisted by our experts and editorial team and voted for by Cosmopolitan readers. Entrants who reach the first stage may be required to sign up to a third-party platform to analyse their social channels. Entrants must agree to freely participate in all editorial, publicity and marketing activity pertaining to the promotion of the event. Winners will be required to take part in a photoshoot at the awards. The final shortlisted influencers will be notified no later than 14 days before the date of the awards ceremony and must be able to attend. Hearst’s decision is final in every situation. For full terms and conditions, visit Cosmopolitan.com/uk/influencerawards2020.

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WORDS AMY GRIER. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

So… what are you waiting for?

earn

Spend it

like a... talent manager She forges glittering careers for famous folk, but how does Emma Bunning, 40, founder and MD of On The Box Talent, spend her own hard-earned cash each month?

WHERE THE MONEY GOES

15%

£6 5 0

£150 goes on self-care treats like massages, facials and seeing my chiropractor. I splurge on beauty buys from Nars, Jo Malone and Charlotte Tilbury, and I recently spent £350 on sex toys [see below].

£1 ,2 1 0

£8 7 6

28%

goes on fashion.

I snapped up a £350 Nadine Merabi dress for my birthday and paid a stylist £500 to overhaul my wardrobe.

Now that I know what works for me, I’ll do online bulk-buys from ASOS or Topshop.

20%

AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN

I worked as a TV producer and at various PR agencies before setting up my business. I’ve learned never to be complacent – this industry can be fickle and a celebrity on your books may be flavour of the month one minute and dropped the next.

…IS MY ANNUAL SALARY Talent management is well-paid, but your earnings depend on your clients. I take 20% of everything they earn.

FEELING PERKY There are heaps of perks that go along with my job. I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy all-expenses-paid trips abroad with clients, sit front row at Fashion Week and attend redcarpet events. Plus, there are free clothes and as much champagne as you can manage.

On a non-work night out, I’ll spend £100 to £150 on dinner and drinks with friends.

My miscellaneous spending (including travel, my Soho House membership, gym pass and paying off my Porsche) comes in at £876.

£6 5 0

15%

THE FAME GAME

£75k

22%

£950

goes on rent and bills.

I probably spend £250 a month on a supermarket shop and £400 on eating out.

BEST TO WORST BUYS HE L L YE S

I spent £350 on sex toys – my boyfriend and I went a bit wild in the aisles in London’s Soho.

HE L L NO

I dropped £360 on some Alexander McQueen trainers, only to discover they’re half a size too small and now I can’t return them.

My attitude to saving is terrible – I have money in the bank but not a dedicated savings account. Nor do I have a pension. Instead, I own a second property that I rent out. I see that as my savings.

M Y N AM E’ S O N T H E L IS T… I spend a fair bit of time at festivals, movie screenings and comedy gigs but because I’ve got friends in film and music, I’m really fortunate to be able to bag free tickets most of the time.

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earn

US TELL A TINY

BIT

MORE…

Which Twitter account do you love?

Tech and science writer @gemmamilne.

She posts a weekly newsletter on science, tech, books and ideas – it fuels my curiosity.

How I got my job...

a professor of forensic science

as

AS TOLD TO EMILY GULLA. PHOTOGRAPH LOUISE PERKINS

Dr Ruth Morgan is a professor at University College London. Here’s how she got to the top of her field There are many ways to make an impact As a child, I loved crime fiction and dramas like CSI, but I only thought about studying forensic science – how evidence is interpreted at crime scenes – during my geography degree at the University of Oxford. I did a module in forensic geography, where I used my environmental reconstruction skills to recreate crime scenes.

I loved it, so applied for a scholarship which

funded my PhD in forensic geoscience.

During my PhD I studied a criminal case where two people were convicted – but, once it was researched, the forensic evidence turned out to be weaker than originally thought and their convictions were quashed. I realised that working in the police or the law wasn’t the only way to help create a more effective justice system – I could do so by researching how to better interpret forensic

evidence. Science can do so much if we ask the right questions.

In academia you have to prove yourself After my PhD, I taught at Oxford for a year, then

“There is a set idea of what a scientist looks like”

What’s your favourite podcast?

Countercurrent: Conversations With Professor Roger Kneebone about unorthodox thinking.

The best bit of advice you’ve ever received?

“Never underestimate the impact of a thank you and, when you make a mistake, the value of an apology.”

applied for a lecturer role at University College London (UCL) in 2007, which I was surprised to get. I climbed the ranks and, in 2017, became UCL’s first professor of crime and forensic science. Six international academics had to recommend me, and I needed to prove that my research contributed to my field and impacted the real world. Day to day, I’m doing research, then teaching students.

I worked on one study where we found

unknown DNA on a knife, which belonged to a participant’s partner. They’d walked to work holding hands.

That participant shook hands with another, who touched the knife and transferred the partner’s DNA onto it – proving that DNA can show up in locations someone has never set foot in.

By doing this research, we can stop evidence being wrongly interpreted and people being wrongly convicted – which was the topic of my TED Talk in 2018.

Challenge prejudice When I joined UCL, there wasn’t a unit for forensic science research – so I set up the Centre for the Forensic Sciences in 2010 and launched a Master’s programme in crime and forensic science. Seeing my students graduate is a highlight of my job.

The associate professor working alongside me is a woman and 70 to 80% of our Master’s students are women – but it doesn’t mean there aren’t prejudices. Once, I told a hotel receptionist I had a reservation for Dr Morgan and they asked me when he was arriving. I felt about one inch tall. Another time, a flight attendant gave the meal for Dr Morgan to my husband. He said, “The professor’s next to me.” That felt good.

People have a set idea of what a scientist looks like, I think, and often it’s not me – but hopefully that’s changing.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

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C o s m o p o l i t a n p r o m o t i o n f o r Te a c h i n g

What makes

a great

teacher? stude e h

nt

T

Enthusiasm, passion and the ability to engage young minds. Cyan Turan catches up with the teacher who made a lasting impression on her

Cyan Turan, senior editor

Seeing your maths teacher doing a headstand in front of a classroom full of pupils might sound like a slightly unusual scenario, but those were the lengths Mrs Shekleton (who I now know as Sarah) went to in order to teach my GCSE maths class how to do reciprocal fractions. And the fun didn’t stop there… she made up songs to help us remember formulas, like how to calculate the area of a circle: “π r², π r², that’s the area, and if you want circumference, then it’s 2πr, hey!”

Fourteen years later and I remember these moments as if they were yesterday, because Sarah was the most engaging teacher I had in all my years of schooling.

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

subjects, like English, but maths was definitely my nemesis. I just couldn’t get my head around probability or algebra, but Mrs Shekleton genuinely seemed to care about making numbers click for me and wouldn’t give up until she knew I’d completely understood something. She was really dedicated to helping my class do well in our GCSEs, and we wanted to make her proud. I worked hard, revised endlessly and got an A. In her classes, the focus was always on getting good grades at GCSE. It was only after I left that I realised being taught by her had a bigger impact than I’d understood at the time. Even though I now work with words, my mental arithmetic is, I like to think, pretty good because of what I learned in her classroom. She was also patient and kind, showing that you can be both those things and get great results at work.

I went on to be a writer and last year I got my dream job at Cosmopolitan.

I’ll always be incredibly grateful to Mrs Shekleton for being such a beacon of positivity during my school days, as well as showing me how to be both sympathetic and successful – and making maths make sense!“

T

er

teach e h

Sarah Shekleton, maths teacher

In 2003, I moved from the charity sector into teaching. After completing my PGCE, my first job was at an inner-city school in Oxford, where Cyan’s Year 9 maths class were preparing for their GCSE studies.

I’ll never forget those students: they were a brilliant bunch who wanted to do well but had a sense of fun. They got on board with anything I asked of them – including singing songs about Pi! I’ve never been a fan of classes where pupils work alone, because we learn so much more when we collaborate – and they did. I used different teaching techniques to help them remember different concepts, though I have no idea why I decided to do a headstand.

Although Cyan left the school in 2006, I remember her well. She always had a love for words, writing wonderfully articulate replies to my comments in her workbooks.

When her class got its GCSE results, I felt ridiculously proud. Back then, I didn’t comprehend the impact I’d had. Cyan’s class was my first, so I didn’t know it could

“I’ll always be grateful to her for making maths make sense!”

PHOTOGRAPH PIXELEYES

be any different. Hearing that I’ve made a long-lasting impression is a lovely feeling.

All that matters when I’m in the classroom is helping a student learn.

Teaching can be hard work, so when students write you a card at the end of the year, it makes everything worthwhile.”

If you’re inspired to learn more about a career in teaching and the options available to you, search ‘Get Into Teaching’

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She was once – and arguably still is – hailed as the storyteller for a generation of young women. Now, Lena Dunham opens up about how falling in love with herself became her greatest love story of all ›

74

Words NICOLA FAHEY Photographs MATTHEW EADES

s a cold winter morning hen Lena Dunham arrives n set in silk pyjamas. er face is bare apart from shiny gold septum piercing nd a warm, infectious smile. rms thrown open wide, she reets each and every one of s, before professing her love r all things Cosmopolitan. he has a modest entourage just two managers and her exican hairless pug, Ingrid, ho dashes off to explore.

As she flicks excitedly through e clothes our fashion team as assembled, the confidence f someone who is at home her body radiates across e room. But it was not always at way. Just two years ago, she was at war with it, checking herself into rehab for an addiction to prescription drugs while recovering from a hysterectomy (to relieve the symptoms of endometriosis), and dealing with fibromyalgia, a chronic condition causing pain and fatigue, as well as connective-tissue disorder Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. When the latter flares up, she uses a walking stick. She was also heartbroken, after her five-and-a-half-year relationship with Bleachers frontman Jack Antonoff fell apart in full view of the world’s media. He got their home in Brooklyn, she got custody of their two poodles Susan and Karen.

“It got really complicated,” she says, as we sprawl on either side of a huge king-sized bed in the master bedroom of our shoot location in South London.

“I realised I wasn’t just taking medication for physical pain, I was taking medication for the emotional pain too. And then suddenly, especially this stuff, the benzos [benzodiazepines, a common type of anxiety medication], it changes your brain chemistry and suddenly you’re not yourself. You’re not present. You’re not functional. One day, I looked around and I was lying in a bed in my parents’ apartment under two blankets, in the same pyjamas I’d been in for three days, and I was

like, ‘This isn’t me.’ It wasn’t that I was suicidal. I felt nothing. I didn’t want to live.”

That darkness, and sense of hopelessness, is hard to imagine. The woman in front of me is a 33-year-old powerhouse, peaceful and content in herself and yet wide-eyed and energetic about everything from the salt beef at lunch to the crimson dress she reaches for instinctively on the rail. I put it to her that even one of those life events – a chronic illness, a relationship breakdown, a serious operation, addiction – would have been enough to floor most people. Why not her?

“Work has always been my medicine,” she says, suddenly serious. She spent 28 days in rehab, but once she was out, she threw herself into project after project – making an appearance in Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In… Hollywood, launching a new feminist podcast, The C-Word, and directing and executive-producing TV finance drama Industry (for which she relocated to rural Wales). A 10-part high-school series she’s execproducing, Generation, has been commissioned

by HBO Max, and this spring she starts filming her first major movie, with a second in the pipeline.

It sounds like a lot, but unlike the hamster wheel of her twenties, this time everything was passed

“IT WASN’T THAT I WAS SUICIDAL. I FELT NOTHING. I DIDN’T WANT TO LIVE”

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through a self-care filter. “Now I tell my staff, my manager, the people I work with, ‘I’m not going to take any calls today because I’m not feeling well’.

I’ve learned to really protect myself.”

That hamster wheel included, of course, Girls – the seminal show about four friends living and loving in New York, which first aired on HBO in 2012.

Dunham was just 25 when she created, co-directed and starred in the first series, winning two Golden Globes plus a legion of fans across the world. ›

PREVIOUS SPREAD: DRESS, ALESSANDRA RICH AT BROWNS. BRA, AGENT PROVOCATEUR. HEART HOOP EARRINGS, SCREAM PRETTY (WORN THROUGHOUT).

ROUND HOOP EARRINGS, ANNA + NINA (WORN THROUGHOUT). TOP NECKLACE, EDGE OF EMBER. BOTTOM NECKLACE AND OTHER JEWELLERY, LENA’S OWN. THIS SPREAD: CARDIGAN, MIU MIU AT MYTHERESA. BRA AND TROUSERS, BOTH SAVAGE X FENTY. JEWELLERY, AS BEFORE

celebrity

celebrity

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a life with someone. There are definitely moments where I was catty, rude or sassy, but he has been beautifully accepting of those and I’ve been able to be accepting of his anger too. What’s really nice is we don’t try to pretend that we don’t have this history together, but we’re also willing to move forward.”

But two years ago, she was grappling with the stages of heartbreak that anyone who has been through it will recognise – devastation, anger, self-doubt, humiliation and rebound romances. Attempting to date away her

LEFT: PYJAMA TOP, GOODHOOD X SOULLAND. JEWELLERY, AS BEFORE

“THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIVING YOURSELF LOVE AND ISOLATING YOURSELF FROM THE WORLD”

Of that time, Dunham says that “my entire twenties was me jeopardising my health. I remember [during] the first season of Girls I would go out with guys and stay out until four in the morning, and then show up at work at 9am and slay it, but it was like, ‘What if I had a full night’s sleep and I didn’t feel the need to go out to the bar with every Tom, Dick and Harry who asked me because I was afraid I was unlovable?’ That’s one of the reasons medication was so easy and breezy for me, because I thought, ‘Oh, there’s a pill I can take?’

“So the thing is, now my nights out are sober, it’s such an amazing feeling to stay out until 2am and wake up the next morning clear-headed and joyous and know that if I’m really tired, or if I’m in a lot of pain, it’s because my illness is flaring up and I can pay attention to it. Self-care can mean getting under a duvet, but there’s a difference between giving yourself love and isolating yourself from the world. Now if I spend my day under a duvet it’s either because I’m having a bad illness flare or, as you would say here, I’m having a nice lie-in. I’m not shutting the world out.”

It’s not just her worklife that she’s shifted her emotional perspective on. Love, dating and sex are all different in the clearer light of her early thirties. Lena is now back on good terms with Antonoff, with the pair having worked hard at salvaging a friendship. Dunham attributes the split to their age when they got together.

“We fell in love when I was really young,” she says. “I was 25. I look back and we had a great ride, we cared for each other, but you know what? We were both starting our careers and that was our true passion. The love you have for someone doesn’t disappear because you don’t have them; it’s just logistically it doesn’t work any more.

I love him so much. He is a dear, dear friend of mine.

Has it been easy every second? No, it’s not easy to divide

RIGHT: ROBE, GILDA & PEARL. T-SHIRT, RAGLAN. VINTAGE CARHARTT JEANS, ATIKA. JEWELLERY, AS BEFORE

pain, she moved from one short-lived relationship to the next, even briefly getting engaged to one boyfriend who proposed with the lace of a Timberland boot while they were snowed in at her parent’s apartment. Until one day she realised what she was actually looking for was the love she had lost for herself.

“I’d just had a hysterectomy, I’d broken up with my boyfriend, I was in the process of breaking up with my

business partner – I had no business buying a pair of shoes, [let alone] getting engaged. Then I just went, ‘You know what? I’ve been dating since I was 15 years old. I’m allowed to take a break. Sobriety for me means so much more than just not doing drugs, it also means that I abstain from negative relationships. It means I’ve taken a hiatus from dating, which has been amazing for me.

“I think it’s been 14 months now that I’ve just been totally single. I may have smooched a guy at a party › C O S M O P O L I TA N

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once, but that’s not illegal. I hang out with my dogs, my cats. It’s created a lot of clarity because I think [for] so many of us, even though the world has become much more sex-positive, as young, ambitious, independent women our relationship to sex is fraught and complicated. On the one hand, we’re taught to demand what we want; on the other hand we’re scared we’ll never find anyone and have to settle. We’re contending with the prevalence of porn and having to be performative during sex, and once my body started to break down I just didn’t have that option any more and I started to feel really vulnerable. I realised that until I was in a dynamic with someone who made me feel super-safe, I didn’t want to do it. People right now will go, ‘Oh my god, you haven’t had sex in over a year,’ and I’m like, ‘No, actually it’s been the most healing thing.’”

Dunham’s reclaiming of her own body would – you assume – not be necessary.

From the outside at least, she has been a body- and sex-positive icon since she first graced our TV screens eight years ago. But her body – like so many others that, according to some, don’t fit the mould of what is considered “obviously” beautiful – has at times become a battleground that people fight her on again and again.

In an episode of Dunham’s Women Of The Hour podcast series, she detailed the range of insults she has been subjected to on social media – including

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“warthog”, “cooked pig”, “toe” and “fat ugly bitch”, as well as countless death threats. But the most hurtful moment for Dunham came after she landed her first cover of Vogue, the February 2014 issue.

“I was on a trip to England and I remember my Vogue cover had come out and [US website] Jezebel put out a $10,000 bounty for anyone who could get unretouched images. And people sent them in, and

FASHION DIRECTOR AMY BANNERMAN. HAIR KEN O’ROURKE AT PREMIER HAIR AND MAKE-UP, USING CHARLES WORTHINGTON. MAKE-UP AMANDA GROSSMAN AT THE WALL GROUP, USING TATA HARPER SKINCARE. NAILS KIM TREACY AT STELLA CREATIVE ARTISTS, USING PEACCI POLISH IN “NUDE”. SEAMSTRESS ALICE RATCLIFFE AT CHAPMANBURRELL.COM.

“IF SOMEONE SWEET CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED ME TO DINNER AT A PUB, I’D BE LIKE, ‘ YEAH, TOTALLY’”

SENIOR FASHION ASSISTANT MADDY ALFORD. FASHION ASSISTANT LOTTIE KEMP. WITH THANKS TO FLOWERBX.COM. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, SHUTTERSTOCK. DRESS, KIMHEKIM. SLIP, KATYA KATYA. JEWELLERY, AS BEFORE

LENA DUNHAM ON: they were comparing the retouched and unretouched images. I remember thinking, ‘You want to basically prove this image of me that I’m so proud of isn’t real?’

“It’s interesting how numb you become to it. I remember when I was 22 looking in the mirror and thinking, ‘I’m just gorgeous! Look at me! What a babe!’ And then my career happened, life happened, and instead of growing as it should, that feeling dwindled and I started to look in the mirror and see my pain on the inside rather than beauty on the outside.

“It’s funny, I’m probably the heaviest now that I’ve ever been in my entire life, and I’ve been through so much physically, but I look more like when I was 22 than at any other point because I can feel the peace inside me. Sometimes I’ll even find – and you’re not allowed to say this as a woman – that I’ll be sitting there staring in the mirror for two minutes because I like the way I look.

I look at myself and think, ‘Woah, I just got lost looking into my own eyes’.”

It is from that place of self-acceptance, and self-love that Dunham is now contemplating her next move, be it romantic, maternal or anything in between. “If someone came up to me and they were sweet and asked me to dinner at a pub, or whatever you people do in England, I’d be like, ‘Yeah, totally’. Or if they brought Celebrity Love Island back, I would be so tempted.

But, for me, the freeing thing about my hysterectomy is that I know that I’m going to become a mother in a non-traditional way, whether it’s through eggs that I’ve frozen or through adoption, and so I’m not stuck in that race.

I don’t care if I’m in a relationship. Here’s the thing: if I meet someone who I think would be great to raise children with, that’s wonderful, but I’ve compromised on too many things in my life. I’m not going to compromise on that. The last two years have been the best time of my life. I feel like it’s pretty damn hard for someone to knock me down.” ◆

Tatt oo s

L zz o Li

os I have 35 tattoo because I love of taking control o my body in thatt way. I got my firrst one when I wass 17 – my dad came with me and then it was just downhill fro om there! I know people say the girls on Love Island look crazzy [with the cosmetic surgery they’ve had], but I think any body is allowed. I’ve modified mine in lots of ways.

B Beautiful a iconic. and I remember t first time the I spoke to her I thought, “This p person is going t be a huge to s star.”

It’s so important she’s e experienced on e every level – as a brilliant artist, a an important as p political voice, as a sex symbol, as a glam star, as an actress… I love that she’s taking over every sphere.

Pet s

H o l ly W ill o ug h b y

I have five cats and three dogs. My Sphynx Irma is the original cat. I got her on the day of my break-up [with Jack Antonoff], and because I was never allowed to have cats in our house.

The thing about animals is I love the opportunity to mother [them], but they totally mother me. Animals are so intuitive, so caring.

Wales All I knew was the Welsh dragon! I lived in this beautiful house in the middle of nature, surrounded by sheep and trees and blue skies – except for when it rained, it really poured – and I felt like I was in the Brontë novel of my dreams.

It was so healing.

D r e am n igh t I get into a beautiful nightgown, curl up in bed and write with a heating pad on.

When I feel like I’ve achieved something, I watch television on my iPad and fall asleep in a pile of cats and dogs.

I turn on This Morning and I just love watching her. It’s like the greatest hug from the television. I like that she’s funny, she’s real, and she’ll tear up if something makes her emotional, she’ll laugh really hard, and she’ll talk about getting drunk. She’s just a rad chick.

Ta y l o r S w if t The one thing I’ve always loved about her music is she always returns to this place of hope and love. I mean, she’s also one of my best friends, but her music – she’s such a slayer. She’s just the most talented, tough queen. I’m so proud of her.

Sunhats and sundresses OTT bucket hats and perfect summery maxis ready for a picnic in the park

MARTHA WILKINSON-ROBERTS (LEFT) D E S I G N A S S I S TA N T D r e s s , £ 59; h a t, £ 2 5, b o t h Wa r e h o u s e . B r a c e l e t s , M a r t h a ’s o w n CAITLIN THORNTON S E N I O R A S S I S TA N T B U Y E R D r e s s , £ 49; h a t, £ 2 5, b o t h Wa r e h o u s e . J e w e l l e r y, C a i t l i n’s o w n

Get on board with the key S/S 20 trends from your favourite brands, as worn by the real-life mates who work for them

Styling MADDY ALFORD Photographer MICK DE LINT

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Can a dian tu xe do Polish up your denim in ’80s power separates and smart indigo

J Ú L I A W YAT T VISUAL MERCHANDISING M ANAGER To p, £ 2 5 .9 9; s k i r t, £19.9 9; e a r r i n g s , £12.9 9, a l l Z a r a .

N e c k l a c e ( j u s t s e e n), £ 2 2, A c c e s s o r i z e

PEDRO UGEDA VISUAL MERCHANDISER J a c k e t, £ 2 9.9 9; r o l l n e c k , £ 2 5 .9 9; j e a n s , £ 49.9 9; g l a s s e s , £19.9 9; n e c k l a c e, £15 .9 9; c h a i n b r a c e l e t, £15 .9 9, a l l Zara. Ring and rope b r a c e l e t, P e d r o’s o w n

M inim al sep ar a tes A chic leather trench is a cool-girl investment you’ll keep for life

N ATA S H A M B AYA (LEFT) FINANCE A S S I S TA N T J a c k e t, £ 8 9; t o p, £12; s k i r t, £ 5 5; b a g, £ 2 9. 5 0, a l l M & S .

Hoop earrings, £ 8 , C l a i r e’s .

Stud earrings, N a t a s h a ’s o w n CHONA REYES F I N A N C E A N A LY S T C o a t, £ 2 9 9; T- s h i r t, £19. 5 0; j e a n s , £ 45; b a g, £ 3 5, a l l M & S

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B e a c hy b r ight s Breezy dresses are just right for sundowners by the sea

Z E LT A D E N H A M (LEFT) PR PROJ E C T M ANAGER D r e s s , £79.9 9; r i n g s , £ 6 .9 9 (for a pack of 11), a l l H & M HANNAH KINGSMAN PR PROJ E C T M ANAGER D r e s s , £ 9 9.9 9, H&M

S p r in g tim e la yer in g Clashing checks and fresh florals – spring is in the air

L AUR A ANDERSON (LEFT) PR & SOCIAL MEDIA M ANAGER C o a t, £10 0; t o p, £ 52; s k i r t, £ 42, a l l L a R e d o u t e .

G l a s s e s a n d n e c k l a c e, L a u r a ’s o w n . Tr a i n e r s , £70, Va n s LEEL A HARRISON SENIOR CONTENT & MERCHANDISING M ANAGER C o a t, £75; T- s h i r t, £16; s k i r t, £10 0; b a g, £12 5; s h o e s , £ 4 6 , all La Redoute. Earrings, £6, Accessorize

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Ret r o b a sic s ’70s knits and denim staples feel fresh in pastels

TA S H PA R K E R ( L E F T ) TEAM LEADER C o a t, £ 5 5; t o p, £ 2 0, b o t h M o n k i . J e w e l l e r y, Ta s h’s o w n MEG BASS A S S I S TA N T STOR E M A N AGE R J u m p e r, £ 3 0; r o l l n e c k , £ 3 0; earrings, £8, all Monki

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Pa s tel suitin g Tailoring in sorbet shades is summer-party perfect

SACHA THOM AS (LEFT) INTERNAL COM M U N I C AT I O N S EXECUTIVE B l a z e r, £ 5 0; t o p, £ 2 5; s h o r t s , £ 2 8 , all River Island JA ZMINE THOM AS RECEPTIONIST B l a z e r, £ 5 0; d r e s s , £38, both River Island

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H a waii Fi ve - 0 Pair a 14-carat-gold Hawaiian shirt with bike shorts. Job done

ALEX WHITEHOUSE (LEFT) BUYERS ADMIN A S S I S TA N T B l a z e r, £ 69; t o p, £ 6; trousers, £46, all To p s h o p . E a r r i n g s , £ 6 , C l a i r e’s . B r a c e l e t s , £ 45 e a c h, P a n d o r a . O t h e r j e w e l l e r y, A l e x ’s o w n SIMMY SHIN A S S I S TA N T MERCHANDISER S h i r t, £ 59, To p s h o p .

J e w e l l e r y, S i m m y ’s o w n

We s t- c o a s t Cali gr un ge Hang 10 in ’90s surf separates and hippie dungarees

J O R DA N WE AV E R (LEFT) PRINT GR APHIC DESIGNER S h i r t, £ 5 5; t o p, £ 2 9; s h o r t s , £ 4 0; b a g, £18; r i n g, £14, a l l U r b a n Out fit ters. S andals, £ 9 0, Te v a ALISSA LAD D I G I TA L G R A P H I C DESIGNER D u n g a r e e s , £ 59; s h i r t, £ 4 4; n e c k l a c e, £14; b a g, £ 2 9, a l l Urban Out fit ters.

S a n d a l s , £149, Kur t Geiger

Photographer Mick de Lint a t W i t m a n K l e i p o o l A g e n c y.

P h o t o g r a p h e r ’s a s s i s t a n t s Fraser Thorne, Chris topher K e n n e d y. F a s h i o n a s s i s t a n t s E m m a C h a r d, Khadra Salad. Hair Sven Bayerbach at Carol Hayes, using Aveda. A ssisted by John Katsikiotis. M ake-up M e g u m i M a t s u n o, u s i n g S uqqu. A ssis ted by N aomi Nakamura and A ki S akabe.

Nails Loui Marie Ebanks a t J A Q M a n a g e m e n t, using Mavala

Pink ever y t hin g Noughties separates in millennial pink – Elle Woods would be proud

K AT H R Y N WAT T S (LEFT) A S SO C I AT E B U S I N E S S A N A LY S T C a r d i g a n, £ 2 5; d r e s s , £ 3 0; b a g, £ 2 2, a l l A S O S .

E a r r i n g s , £ 6 , C l a i r e’s L AUREN JOHNSON E N T RY A S S I S TA N T MERCHANDISER To p, £16; j e a n s , £ 3 6 , b o t h A S O S . N e c k l a c e, £ 5, C l a i r e’s

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ating I hate After more than a decade of dating, Faye McNulty knew exactly what she did and didn’t want in a man. But what happened when she turned her checklist upside down? › Photographs SARAH BRICK

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est-wearing, bicep-showing gym guy?

Nope. Two years younger? Absolutely rs over the screen, guiltily. But my guilt doesn’t last long. It’s a swipe left all the same. There’s a very real man waiting for me at the bar. And I should probably get back to him instead of sitting mindlessly judging men on the loo.

The guy in question’s called Dan.* And he is exactly my type on paper: has curly brown hair, describes himself as an “adventurer” and he lured me in with a profile picture featuring a puppy as bait. Basically he’s a budget Harry Styles.“Where were we?” I ask, taking a sip of my gin.“We were talking about how you were gagging to come back to mine, weren’t we?” So close, Dan. So damn close. Repressing the urge to actually gag, I staunchly retort, retort “Definitely Definitely not. not” This man, man who is the absolute epitome of what I’ve been looking for – to whom I granted a Super Like – asks me,“Oh, is that because you’re menstruating?”

My dating life is, according to my mother,“an absolute disaster”. My flatmate, a tad more forgiving, calls it “colourful”. I would consider it a circus. I’ve grown sick of spending Friday nights entertaining my coupledup friends with stories like the above. With tales of men like Connor,* who got high at Winter Wonderland and screamed at children. Or Greg,* who bailed after saying he thought life was meaningless, and later sent a text offering “makeup sex” as an apology.

I’m one traumatic date away from a full public tantrum. I’m 30, single and have been tirelessly looking for a sidekick since my first crush at 14 years old (the boy in my class with buck teeth and a bowl cut). And apps have made it easy: I can pick a desired height, distance, age range, star sign, even whether I want a prolific drug user or someone who wants a family. Digitally dismiss one curly haired brunette… and another will pop up p in his place place.

But every time I meet men like Dan (and, believe me, I’ve met a few) I ask myselff if I really know what I’m looking for? When did I decide that men no ot only had to look a certain way, but act a certain way too (unfortunattely for me,“free spirit” also seems to trans “cheater”)? Where did my “type” even come from? Something needs to change. So I set myself a challenge: I’m going to look for the exact opposite of my type, and agree to date those who have traits that would previously have had me swiping left. Maybe it’ll finally result in love.

Hell, at this point I’d probably settle for a halfdecent night out.

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THE BALD GUY

Despite my friend reminding me that I recently had a vivid sex dream about Phil Collins, I’ve never been attracted to a bald man. Is it simply because I prefer a thick mane? Because I’m terrified of Voldemort? Or because of my shining-dome-headed Dad? Still reeling from my sloppy snog, I match with 35-year-old Geordie Jonathan* on Hinge. He has a beaming smile, a glint of mischief in his eyes, and on his profile, he really owns that bald head. There’s no effort to disguise his

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polished scalp, no cunning crops midforehead, nor does he sport a dodgy beanie. It’s just there. In all its glory.

A beacon, calling me to land.

When we meet, though, all I can think is that he looks like a giant newborn with a full set of teeth. Thankfully, this prompts me to take my contraceptive pill. His smile seems to take over his entire head. But pretty instantly, my preconceived judgements dissipate; he’s bold, charismatic and, after the initial shock, I am unmistakeably attracted to him.

Three pints deep and a little tipsy, I brazenly shout, “Are you bald everywhere?”

While this initially throws him, he laughs, replying, “Only when I’ve shaved my armpits.” Jonathan is becoming more interesting by the minute.

As we go to leave, he asks to kiss me, but I tremble, wanting to save it for our next date, because I definitely want to see him again… i

C O S M O P O L I TA N

PREVIOUS PAGE, LEFT: FAYE WEARS TOP, NASTY GAL. JEANS, TOPSHOP. SHOES, ASOS. RIGHT: JUMPER, RESERVED. NECKLACE, HER OWN (WORN THROUGHOUT). THIS PAGE: DRESS, & OTHER STORIES

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The age parameters on all my apps are set firmly between 28 and 35. Why? There was the time I dated someone a tiny bit younger and earned the nickname “cougar”. Oh… and that regretful night I snogged my friend’s 20-year-old brother. I didn’t manage to shake off the teasing for years. But why should I let stigma (and a tiny bit of name-calling) get in the way of true love? Especially when true love looks like 22-year-old Xander.* He approaches and smiles at me with the kind of grin that only comes from the collagen of youth, his chiselled jawline framed by chocolate-brown curls. OK, admittedly he is my type… it’s just his age would usually render him a hard no. But not today.

Despite looking like them, he’s so much more open than the men I usually date. It’s easy to let my guard down with him and talk soon turns to our pasts; he’s fresh out of a three-year relationship, which ended amicably. I reveal how I seem to be attracted to men who have

an aversion to monogamy, and then I realise that I am now, in turn, afraid of commitment.

As he grabs my hand, he looks intensely into my eyes and whispers, “That’s such a shame.” I find myself twiddling with my hair and wondering if I’ve slathered on enough concealer to hide the fact I’m eight years his senior.

Just as I start to consider the prospect of Xander and I getting it on, a text flashes up on my phone: “How’s the child? Got arrested yet?” My flatmate’s zinger quickly brings me back to reality.

As we say farewell, he urgently kisses me, and it’s so tantalisingly nostalgic, I don’t want to stop. He makes me feel like I’m 18 again; the kiss is rapid, sloppy and just like those of my teens. After a stealth wipe of my face, I feel like the girl I used to be, who didn’t have a type yet and who was excited about dating, and all the possibilities it had to offer.

Back then I didn’t want to meet identikit clones: all I wanted was to meet new, exciting people.

I wonder how that got so lost.

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3

THE GYM GUY

I haven’t heard from Jonathan (and it’s been a week) when, mid squat thrust in my m local park, Brad* confidently saunters up to me and asks for my number. To most, Brad is quite the catch – laterr, when I show his picture to my friends, th here’s a resounding chorus of “FIT”. But Brad isn’t my type.

And not just beccause he smells of meat.

Is it because I deem him superficial?

Or have I become accustomed to the stereotype that the gym guy is ap player? y Perha y is

of an aubergine and the necessity to speak to a real-life human, he’d have to communicate genuine emotion…

As I stand at the bar of a Wetherspoon (his choice), Jason walks up to me and greets me with a fist bump. Ten minutes in, he winks at me and something in my stomach lurches – not in a good way.

I think back to Brad and how I stayed longer than I should have simply because I worried I was being over-critical. But there’s a difference between being rigidly restricted by a type and sticking with someone you know is just not right.

I have to trust my gut. I call it after one drink, making it clear I’m not interested.

He shows his first real human emotion, sneers “I don’t need this” and storms out. s there an emoji for “dodged a bullet”?

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5

THE SINGLE DAD

Feeling no more hopeful than when I started out, I consider cancelling date five. I always discount men with children. I’m as fussy as Ryanair with the amount of baggage I’ll take on.

As my nerves whirl away, I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to meet Tom.* He has Jonathan’s grin, Brad’s physique, Xander’s eyes, a bushy beard and a little scar on his nose.

He kisses my cheek and hugs me.

As we flit from bar to bar, I enjoy how excitable he is. I get a sudden pang of regret that we didn’t meet prior to him having children. And yet, there’s a feeling with Tom that I’ve only had once or twice before. He tells me I’m not his usual type either, but that when we matched, he felt something he couldn’t explain. I’d felt it too.

This was it. He’d gone outside of his normal type so why couldn’t I? Perhaps all the things I liked about him – his maturity and playful streak – are a consequence of his experiences as a parent? I’ve been so glued to my type I’ve forgotten what makes a relationship work – they’re ever-changing and not just about who we meet, but at what point in our lives we meet them.

The traits I was looking for were hooked on my ex. Our relationship had been passionate, but toxic. He’d been easy to love, but impossible. I’d

thought he was perfect, so I’d been searching for his replacement. But he was right (and wrong) for me at 24.

And now I need someone different.

Online, we create a virtual version of ourselves that’s limited to a few photos and tick-boxes. We may miss out on love because someone’s the wrong star sign, an inch shorter than desired or younger than we’d like.

My best friend found love on Tinder with a man who wasn’t at all her type. They’re now married. That’s a success story because they had a connection, not because they ticked certain boxes. And that is the point: maybe, just maybe, the “perfect” match doesn’t exist. And if they do, I’m almost certain they’re nothing like you expect them to be. ◆

HAIR AND MAKE-UP CAMILLA AKEHURST AT LHA REPRESENTS, USING KMS HAIR AND MILK MAKEUP. STYLING ITUNU OKE. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, POSED BY MODELS. ILLUSTRATIONS KATIE WILDE. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

dismiss him until I actually know him, we start exchanging messages. I feel entirely confident that I’ve made a great decision… when suddenly he starts sending me a barrage of gym selfies alongside a YouTube video of him rapping about “crossroads” over the melodic sound of a jazz flute.

From the very start of our date, the chat is stale and he doesn’t make any eye contact. Despite this, I stay longer than I would have in the past.

He begins to inch his way over to me.

Thinking he’s a narcissist lunging for his own reflection in the window behind me, I don’t react, until he gathers himself behind me and begins nibbling at my neck. Two minutes later, I excuse myself. It was imperative I immediately took a long shower.

Did he disgust me? Yes. Should I have . Was I surprised that he l ft li ? pic before I even got t door? Absolutely not.

Sometimes a type is eption. And sometimes rom men like Brad.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Faye McNulty “I went on another date with Tom but it didn’t work out, and then on a spontaneous trip to Portugal shortly after, I got the meet-cute I was yearning for. I was leaning against what I thought was a wall – but the wall turned out to be a guy.

A great one. He’s not my type; he’s unexpected and, well, he’s pretty damn brilliant actually.”

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? up ses i g in om t › k r f*c y p ou p d n sto ma fin to to its h d t an r on on G ce ive a m N a l A L r f de for u A ” o y IN ty ine T r u R t o a A M r f be rou e s r tt an h e e p h b le s ra g be n “c aul to o a o t h r h c s P m but ove i l a t, la c e o It an Pas l p e ate h t K

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Alright, I’ll admit it, I’m a couple of years ago I went vegan, because opting out of animal products makes me feel healthier. And, as I’m part of a generation that’s told we’re ruining everything – especially the planet – I also feel a responsibility to help rein in that havoc we’re collectively wreaking. So, with my Chilly’s water bottle in one hand and my bamboo fork in the other, I chomp on my lentils in the hope that it might alleviate some of the guilt I feel. Sue me (genuinely – I have nothing to offer but my KeepCup).

I’m aware how smug that paragraph sounds – so it’s a perfect time to tell you about that hypocrisy I mentioned earlier. Yes, I interrogate the labels of my food for animal products and limit the plastic waste I create.

But beauty-wise, it’s a different story – I’m as unnatural, synthetic and plastic-wrapped as Trump’s monthly toupee delivery. Unfazed by gel-manicure cancer rumours/ hair dye scaremongering/suggested links between eyelash curlers and the black death (lol, jokes), I’ve always maintained that if the EU (who are typically super-strict, cosmetically speaking) are OK with an ingredient, I am too.

But change is in the air. The beauty industry is being shaken to its core by a movement intent on taking the toxic out of intoxicating: “clean beauty”. The movement is, apparently, free of “nasty ingredients” and other assumed evils. The invitees?

Everyone. The rules? Well, confusing as hell, it turns out.

hypocrite.

T H E C U LT O F C L E A N

It’s easy to get hooked. Ever begged Google to explain why you need sulphate-free shampoo? Dabbled in wooden toothbrushes? Considered using coconut oil on any part of your body? Then you’ve dipped a toe.

“Free-from” beauty has been around for over a decade, with the likes of Pai, Trilogy, Soaper Duper and Ren championing ingredient-focused, non-toxic formulations. But its descendant, clean beauty, is a difficult beast to wrestle, linked only by hundreds of companies’ different marketing strategies. There is no agreed definition, but consensus points to “free of undesirable ingredients”. However,“clean” also calls to mind cruelty-free status, naturalness, veganism, sustainability, ethics, avoidance of “chemicals” and lab synthetics – and way more besides. Those using the term often know they’re capitalising on such virtuous associations.

In 2019, the movement snowballed. Space NK, Sephora, Net-a-Porter, Cultbeauty.co.uk and Lookfantastic.com host entire online campaigns dedicated to terms like “clean”, “natural” and “vegan”. It’s happening in-store, too – Boots’ new flagship shops dedicate sections to vegan, green and ethical beauty. Every brand that appears brings a new interpretation of the term clean. Take Millie Bobby Brown’s lavender-hued collection Florence By Mills. The range baits a gen-Z audience with notions of

being free from not only ingredients like parabens, sulphates, dyes, animal testing and animal by-products – but also from “boring beauty standards”.

For Jessica Alba’s company, Honest Beauty, the focus is label transparency, cleaner ingredients, education and the use of “renewable resources”.

But the biggest indicator that this movement is here to stay lies in its infiltration of the luxury market.

Most trends begin at the runway and trickle down, but these days, compassion and concern are the status symbols. When it comes to beauty, forget Miranda Priestly’s blue jumper speech in The Devil Wears Prada – this is bottom-up trend-setting.

Luxury approaches include makeup artist Gucci Westman’s “consciously

“After a long day, my organic mascara has left me looking like 2010 Taylor Momsen” crafted” Westman Atelier cosmetics, and Victoria Beckham’s tortoiseshellclad beauty collection, which launched in September 2019. Alongside lip liners, slabs of shimmery pigment and other clean cosmetics – guaranteed to be free from a list of 30+ “excluded ingredients” – Beckham’s range includes a £92 moisturiser, dreamed up in collaboration with world-leading stem-cell and biomedical scientist Professor Augustinus Bader. “Clean beauty will become the new standard,

Organ

I start by overhauling my own make-up bag and bathroom cabinet.

How hard could it be? …Very hard, it transpires. Even though I work in beauty and have access to a cornucopia of products, it leaves me exasperated. What’s better: a free-from shampoo that’s tested on animals and packaged in plastic, or one that contains some sneaky sulphates but is vegan and refillable?

I curate a make-up collection that’s as clean as possible, though the hues on offer are limited (my eyelids remain

five-a-day

CLEANING UP MY ACT

shimmering russet for the whole experience). Attempting to tame my brows with my vegan brow gel proves futile and my base, a tinted moisturiser in a passable beige, slides off by 3pm.

But the worst is yet to come.

I’m acne-prone, so my face needs a double-cleanse, featuring the likes of salicylic acid and niacinamide.

My new balm cleanser feels dangerously oily – I can practically feel cysts forming in real time.

Following up with a “natural” wash doesn’t help much – it reeks of essential oils and leaves my face tightened like a bedsheet in the wind.

Don’t get me started on my organic, fluoride-free tooth powder, into which I prod a rapidly deteriorating bamboo toothbrush. It tastes of baking soda and coital fluids (sorry). The peppermint “oil-pulling mouthwash” (which I’m supposed to keep in my mouth for 20 – two-zero – minutes) also disappoints. I snap the labels and DM them to a dentist friend, who

ur

and we want to be on the right side of history,” I’m told by VB beauty co-founder Sarah Creal. “The clean conversation is definitely ‘trending’,” agrees Gucci Westman. “But… it’s the only way in my mind to enter the cosmetic world today.” Who am I to disobey the will of Westman? I’ve cleaned up my diet – time to scrub up my beauty regime, too.

yo

b

dly not one of

ic,

sa ut

responds immediately, comparing fluoride-free tooth products to antibacterial-free hand-wash. Fluoride strengthens the teeth, so unless you’re allergic or an infant, it’s worth opting in if you’d rather your teeth didn’t dissolve. At this point, my will to go on has diminished even more than my tooth enamel.

I’m stressed to say the least. And stress equals cortisol, which equals wrinkles, so I enlist a £391 serum

by Tata Harper. It’s 100% natural, 38% organic, vegan, cruelty-free and free from parabens, synthetics and petroleum, packaged in a recyclable glass bottle with airless dispenser pump in a 100% post-consumer paper box – surely my hot ticket to cosmetic smugdom? Truly, it’s an absolute dream to use, seeping into my skin at lightning speed. Plus, that forehead stress-line does begin to diminish with a couple of weeks of use. I cling to the hope this “natural” serum could change the game. › C O S M O P O L I TA N

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n co

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But on closer inspection, the serum does contain ingredients like limonene (which research shows can sensitise the skin), along with fragrance ingredients like citral and geraniol, which have been shown to be potentially allergenic, and even eugenol, which researchers believe may be “cytotoxic” (toxic for skin cells). Maybe I’m splitting hairs, but at £391 for a bottle, I expect a better effort. In its defence, all of the above are, indeed, “natural” ingredients. Unfortunately, it seems “natural” isn’t for me.

Also, I predict this serum to last no more than eight weeks, so that’s around £6 per day – double what I’d spend on a sandwich. “Who spends four hundred English pounds on skincare?” I wonder as I drift off to sleep. Someone terrified into loosepursed paralysis by fear of putting the wrong thing on their skin, it occurs to me. That’s who.

…

GETTING HANDS-ON

Next up, nails. Usually I’d pick the longest-lasting polish, with little regard for ingredients. But that’s the old me – now I must get my head around terms like “3-free”, “5-free”, “7-free” and beyond. A polish that’s “3-free” cuts out the “toxic trio” of dibutyl phthalate, formaldehyde and toluene. These ingredients have benefits like reduction of cracking and improved flexibility, but phthalates, formaldehyde and toluene have all been linked to potential health risks by researchers.

It seems easier to book a non-toxic nail appointment with Still salon in London’s edgy Dalston. Panicking my way through Still’s doors after a long working day, my aluminium-free deodorant has jumped ship and my organic mascara has left me looking like 2010 Taylor Momsen. The silver-

“There’s no regulation and no consensus on what clean beauty actually means”

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haired salon owner, Shelly Elson, instructs me to chill. My nose traces spicy incense, rather than manicurerelated fumes. “It’s our own,” Elson smiles. “Hand-rolled, smoke-free.”

My radiant manicurist, Marissa, also appreciates the salon’s olfactory situation. “We’re trained in acrylics, but we don’t offer the service here…” she tells me, a soft look of relief in her eyes.

“In places I’ve worked before that did, I’ve had headaches and sore eyes.” It dawns on me that while I may not give

a shit about the dizzying fumes in my manicures, those whose noses spend hours twitching might feel otherwise.

While she creates a masterpiece of nude with black-and-gold geometric accents on my nails, it becomes clear that the business of clean beauty is about far more than just me.

For a haircut, I head to London’s Buller And Rice, an uber-sustainable salon that uses only products from eco, sustainable and biodynamic brands, with product refill stations. Beverages are locally sourced, colour foils are, well, not foil – instead, made from recyclable paper – and they partner with Matter Of Trust to donate hair to aid oil-spill clean-up. The anarchic decor, featuring eclectic rugs, tapestries and plants, sets me on edge – which proves entirely irrational when I

The idea that scaremongering or malpractice panics consumers into boycotting benign ingredients is shared

by Paula Begoun, founder of Paula’s Choice. Her brand’s motto is “smart, safe and effective” beauty – and she isn’t afraid of synthetics or lab-engineered ingredients. “Clean is just a new way to focus attention on the endlessly repeated myth that natural is good and synthetic is ‘dirty’,” she laments. “There is a complete lack of regulation and no consensus on what clean beauty actually means – it is an ambiguous term that doesn’t help consumers get better or even safer beauty products.” She continues, “Until formal regulations are in place to clearly define the term, clean beauty is a clever marketing term and nothing else.”

That lack of regulation means brands such as Paula’s Choice, VB Beauty and Westman Atelier are tasked with educating their consumers. Meanwhile, Westman predicts a “clean beauty approval system” complete with necessary criteria to seal the deal. The term has become a catch-all for a growing public awareness of things like provenance,

Pick your

F

CLEAN TEAM O

R

L ATI O MU N E N RD

Your priorities: Ingredients that do right by your skin, created in a lab or otherwise.

Avoid: Sulphates (SLS or ALS), parabens, alcohol, perfume.

Check out: Drunk Elephant, Milk, Briogeo and Incidecoder.com, which explains ingredients simply.

Q

N O UEE E EN F GR

Your priorities: Sustainability.

Avoid: Greenwashing, and brands prioritising sustainable packaging over safe products.

Check out: UpCircle, Ren, Paradox and Lush. Cultbeauty. co.uk’s Provenance and Feelunique.com’s Beauty Decoded features, too.

-NATU LL UROT RA E A IC N

L

FOOD STYLING LAURIE PERRY. ADDITIONAL RESEARCH AND PRODUCT SOURCING HANNAH TURNER. *B-CORP CERTIFICATION IS THE ONLY CERTIFICATION THAT MEASURES A COMPANY’S ENTIRE SOCIAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL PERFORMANCE. AT THE TIME OF GOING TO PRESS, BLUE TIT’S B-CORP CERTIFICATION WAS PENDING

THE CLEAN DREAM

environmental impact and the sheer volume of chemicals we’re exposed to daily. Growing awareness is applaudable; taking control of the one area we can when we feel powerless to halt wider societal tangles. The fact we’re all so keen to throw money at clean and green shows how far we’ve come ideologically.

But when it comes to how effective the products grouped into the clean category are, to quote Begoun,“There are good and bad natural ingredients for skin, just as there are good and bad synthetic [ones].

It all comes down to the individual ingredients, how they’re formulated, and what the research has shown they can (and cannot) do to help skin.” She points out that there are many “state-of-the-art ingredients [that] so-called clean products wouldn’t contain, and a large number of irritating ingredients [like essential oils] that products sold as clean often include.”

For example, she points out, boycotting lab engineering would mean missing out on ceramides, retinol, niacinamide, peptides, AHAs and BHAs – rarely spied in “clean” products. Not to mention the environmental trauma and overharvesting involved in the production of essential oils (15ml of lavender oil demands 3lb of lavender flowers).

Overhauling my regime has taught me that, for now, getting clean means pinning down your priorities first. Do you care about safety, natural ingredients, the planet, or something else altogether?

In 2020, clean beauty can’t do it all.

But watch this space, because by 2025, it’s about to get cleaner. ◆

S

emerge looking like a ’70s-singer-slashexpensive-Hinge-date (exactly the brief).

For my colour, I visit a branch of Blue Tit (on course to become one of the world’s first B-corp hair salons*) and request “clean, toxin-free highlights with a wash of red… but make it sustainable”.

Declan Haworth, my colourist, nails it – the “plant-butter-based high-lift” he uses, rather than bleach, is ammonia-free.

Ammonia lifts the cuticles of the hair to deposit colour, which can cause breakage and damage with repeated use (plus, it’s responsible for that nose-aching “hair salon” smell). Ammonia-free products make for a “gentler” treatment; the benefits being less trauma to the hair and scalp, and negatives being less penetrative colour. Haworth admits that ammoniafree colourants wouldn’t cut it if I’d asked for a lighter blonde. Hair colouring is a chemical reaction, after all – it doesn’t make sense to try to cut out all chemicals.

Your priorities: Keeping Mother Earth happy.

Avoid: Products promising all-natural ingredients that swap out gentler synthetics for potential irritants like alcohol, essential oils or exfoliants.

Check out: RMS Beauty, Codex, Evolve, Kloris.

IMAL AN LOVER

BEHIND THE SCENES

Kate Pasola “Despite the… er… roadbumps, I stuck with the natural deodorant, and now that my body seems to have acclimatised, I love it. My favourites are Malin+Goetz’s Eucalyptus and Dr Hauschka’s Sage Mint numbers.”

Your priorities: Furry friends.

Avoid: “Vegan-friendly” products tested on animals, or “cruelty-free” ones containing animal-derived ingredients.

Look for the Leaping Bunny and a vegan certification.

Check out: E.L.F, Inika, Maria Nila and IGK.

Stories from the psych ward More and more young people are

being admitted to hospital for their mental health. But what really happens and how does it feel? Three women open up to Jennifer Savin… › Photographs ANTONIO PETRONZIO

2½ MONTHS

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It’s never been more acceptable to talk about our mental health. And yet there is a gap in the conversation: last year, 49,988 people were sectioned (admitted to hospital for treatment of a mental health condition, possibly against their will, for anywhere from 72 hours to six months). Of that group, those aged 18 to 34 were the largest proportion.* This is at a time when funding for mental health services has been slashed, leaving the NHS buckling under the pressure of soaring patient numbers. Campaigners, including the charity Mind, are calling for a reinjection of cash and to widen the discussion – so we asked three women how it feels to be admitted to hospital because doctors deem you a risk to yourself, or to others…

“A shortage of beds meant I was sent miles from home” Kimberley Giles, 28, from Fife, was sectioned multiple times between 2014 and 2016. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, generalised anxiety and OCD.

My voice was hoarse, but I carried on yelling: “I don’t want to be here!

You should have left me alone!” My words hung limply in the air as the

police car I was sitting in the back of continued on towards a psychiatric ward. An hour earlier, the police, my then-boyfriend and a stranger had persuaded me not to take my own life.

Shortly before, I’d texted my family telling them I loved them and to always do their best. It was 2014, I was 23 years old and I’d been struggling with my mental health since I was 10.

I simply didn’t want to exist any more.

For years, the world had felt too intense: I’d swing between laughing and then, just hours later, feeling completely overwhelmed by anger – even being lightly touched made me want to lash out. I have borderline personality disorder, which went undiagnosed for years. It’s often accompanied by other conditions, such as OCD. I pull at my hair and eyebrows when I’m stressed – and

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We're in the midst of a huge, brilliant cultural shift.

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when I was first sectioned, the symptoms had been getting worse.

On the ward, the team were reluctant to section me (possibly thinking that as I had somebody at home, I could be treated there), until my partner said, “I can’t look after her 24/7. She’s prone to self-harming.” So they issued me with a Section 2, meaning they could hold me in a secure hospital for up to 28 days. I tried to plead with the doctors, but they wouldn’t listen.

Straight away, all my belongings were confiscated. I felt a complete loss of identity, especially when they put me in a rip-proof tunic dress. The days felt like they stretched on forever: bar the odd activity, there was little to do. You might think you’d receive intensive therapy while inside, but in total, I probably only had two group sessions.

The whole place smelt of fresh paint – the white walls had to be regularly redecorated because they were stained

with blood or scrawled pen marks.

I remember seeing one patient throw boiling water at staff, and others being restrained or sedated. I spent the majority of time alone in my room, staring at the cheap, green curtains or waiting for visitors. When anyone else tried to speak to me, I’d refuse – and when my family did come in, I apparently just rambled and ranted at them (my memory of this is patchy, even now). I slept as much as possible, partly to block out my surroundings but also as a result of my medication.

There were nurses floating around if you needed somebody to talk to, but they were usually agency staff, meaning there was little consistency. Once, when I had the sleeves on my jumper pushed up, a nurse said to me, “Oh, don’t you want to keep those covered?” referring to my self-harm scars. I felt like I was being told off for being naughty when, in reality, I was really unwell.

I was sectioned initially for wanting to hurt myself, and for two years I was stuck in a vicious cycle. I was an in-patient five times: my mental health would decline, I’d be detained until I could answer “yes” when asked “Are you able to keep yourself safe?” then I’d leave and it’d start all over again.

The first couple of times I was sectioned close to my home in Norfolk, but for my third admission, a shortage of beds meant I was sent to a hospital over 40 miles away, making it harder for people to visit me. That didn’t help – I already felt isolated from the world. The turning point came when I ended my relationship and moved to Scotland to be closer to my mum, who has been instrumental in my recovery.

Life is now very different. I still battle with my mental health, but my fiancé, who I met three years ago, is so patient and we have a baby boy – he gives me purpose and motivates me to take care of myself. I’m back at university, too.

It’s amazing that people are discussing mental health more openly, but we need real action from those controlling the purse strings – not just words.

“I was sectioned one morning on my way to work ” Hollie Brooks, 30, from Essex, was detained for 16 days in 2017 after telling her therapist that she felt suicidal while suffering from PTSD.

It must have been around noon because I remember the smell of stale hospital food wafting through the corridors. My handbag, containing my laptop, weighed my shoulder down as I followed my regular therapist, tearful and afraid, wondering what would happen next. I’d just told him › C O S M O P O L I TA N

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I wanted to end my life. It was a sunny July morning and I was only supposed to be popping in to Mile End Hospital to see him on my way to work, as an editor at a pop-culture website.

I’ve had various mental health problems since I was a teenager, but after a traumatic experience in my late twenties, it felt like everything in my life was held together by a thin thread, which had suddenly snapped. I’d been seeing my therapist for months, but hadn’t noticed any improvement – and my confession had meant he was required to take me for a psychiatric assessment. I sat silent, not really understanding what was happening, as it was quickly decided that I wouldn’t be leaving. Staff said that if I went into

hospital “voluntarily” it’d make my life a lot easier, so in a daze, I agreed. I believe they’d have sectioned me under the Mental Health Act had I refused.

They placed me on a female-only ward, with security-locked doors, and showed me to my room, which was reminiscent of a bare-bones student dorm. I was allowed to keep my phone (but not the charger, in case I used the wire to hurt myself), so I messaged my boss, to explain what had happened, and then my housemate, asking if he could bring me some clothes.

During my time there, I’d spend hours making beaded bracelets. It was typical art therapy, and while it might sound pointless, the simplicity of it helped me to refocus my thoughts.

As it was summer, Love Island was on, and rather surreally, all of us patients would pile in on the sofas to watch it together. I became friendly with a few girls on the ward, many of whom had been sectioned in other hospitals previously. Some patients were older; there was an 80-year-old who would just smile and stare into space all day.

Some were violent too – one night I was awoken by alarms buzzing, staff running past my room and a crashing sound. In the morning the TV was gone. A nurse said a new patient was admitted, but had grown aggressive and been sent to a high-security unit.

I don’t know how I’d have coped without anything to occupy me – staff were great at ensuring we had at least one activity booked in per day. I also had weekly visits from the assessment team, who would ask how you felt.

They all seemed overworked, which at times made me feel like a burden, but I know that wasn’t really the case.

Being in hospital allowed me to start processing the trauma I’d been through – while some of the issues surrounding it weren’t in my control, I had the time and space to work on the things that were.

“I was convinced the nurses were poisoning me” After a manic depressive episode left Luyando Malawo, 29, from Kent, with severe psychosis, she was sectioned for a month.

I could hear it, the radio newsreader saying that he’d been caught: the man who had sexually assaulted me six months earlier. It was May 2014, and the police had knocked on our door for an unrelated reason, but upon seeing them, I’d thrown

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myself on the floor, hysterically crying, then raced up the stairs and turned the radio on. My brain was muddled – I thought the officers were there to see me about the assault. My mental health had plummeted ever since it happened.

I’d failed to hand in my university work, so had been told to leave, and was suffering with panic attacks.

To keep busy and to prove that I was still strong, I started studying an online marketing course. Without realising it, I was isolating myself – I stopped going to work and to church, instead preferring to stay in my room, obsessively watching YouTube videos about becoming an entrepreneur. I’d do this until daybreak, then sleep until 6pm.

When I heard that news report (or at least thought I did), I tried to prove it to my mum by searching on Google for an article to back up what I was saying, but there were no results.

My attacker hadn’t been caught. But in that moment I was so convinced he had been. The days that followed are a blur: I didn’t sleep at all, too terrified that if I did, I’d be kidnapped. I chatted away non-stop, updating my Facebook status with long, nonsensical messages. I was sure that I had built this incredible business empire, which had made me a millionaire. It’s clear now that I was in the grip of a manic episode – one that lasted for several weeks.

My mum could see something was wrong, so encouraged me to take sleeping pills, thinking that if I rested I might calm down, but I refused them, certain that they were secretly poisoned. Eventually, things got so bad that the community mental health team were called – at first, I was able to have a relatively normal conversation with them, but when they tried to leave, I sprinted into the

kitchen and grabbed a knife. In my head, my life was a TV show, and this was merely following the script. The police were called, I was handcuffed – for mine and others’ safety – and put into the back of a van, then taken to hospital and sedated.

When I awoke, I had no idea where I was. My memory kept blacking out – I’d come round in the middle of being bathed by nurses. I think it took me a fortnight to really understand what was going on. Another manic episode in there saw me believing that I was “queen of the universe”, so I was walking around the ward, demanding attention and telling everybody I was part of the black royal family. One of the nurses, who became frustrated, said, “Oh, I could just murder you!” which sent me down another path of paranoia. I took it literally. My tongue dried up because I kept tipping my water away, in case it killed me, now convinced that the medical team were out to poison me too.

Things improved when I finally started eating and drinking again, after a kind and patient doctor – who was coincidentally a family friend – sat down with me and said, “You’re ‘rapid cycling’; I think you’re bipolar.”

Looking back now, it’s clear to see my mood had followed patterns of extreme highs then very low lows for some time. It was then that I began to take medication that helped me to stabilise. When I was well enough to go home, I felt supported with a good amount of aftercare. It’s not a race to recover: I utilised NHS services, therapy and group outings as part of my recovery for three years, but I know that’s not an option for everyone. Since then, I’ve moved area and have had to fight for the same level of support. It’s a postcode lottery.

Although every person’s experience is

“I’ve had to fight for support – it’s a postcode lottery ”

different and it’s been tough, I think that people with, say, schizophrenia are far more stigmatised than those with bipolar. Access to treatment shouldn’t be down to sheer luck. ◆

BEHIND THE SCENES

Jennifer Savin “Despite having worked as an admin temp within the mental health sector of the NHS, I knew very little about the process of being sectioned (you undergo a thorough psychiatric assessment, usually with three professionals) or what life is like as an in-patient. It really struck me how varied Kimberley, Hollie and Luyando’s experiences were, depending on which hospital they stayed in.

The phrase ‘postcode lottery’ cropped up a lot.”

MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS 101

What to look out for: “[A mental health crisis] could happen when people are struggling to manage difficult experiences or feelings, or an ongoing condition,” explains Stephen Buckley, head of information at mental health charity Mind. “They may express suicidal feelings or signs of self-harm, experience panic attacks, flashbacks, mania, or hear voices.” Stressful life experiences such as abuse, bereavement, addiction, money or housing problems could also be triggers.

What can you do?

Encourage them to get help: If someone is suicidal, get an emergency GP appointment, dial 999 or go to A&E. Ask the person about how they feel: Listening non-judgementally can help them to feel less scared and alone.

Plan for a crisis: When someone is feeling well, discuss practical things like treatment and hospital visits.

Focus on feelings rather than experiences: If someone sees, hears or believes something that you don’t, focus on their feelings, instead of denying or confirming anything.

For more information, visit Mind.org.uk

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After decades of progress for the LGBTQ+ community, hate crimes are on the rise. But why? And,

How

crucially, what can we do to stop them? Amelia Abraham investigates ›

really?

Photographs SARAH BROWN

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e y o u r T- s h i k i l r t, ” I “I s a y, s m i l i n g he teena at t

ger s ittin g n ex t to me. w i t h k c w a l hite b s ’ writi It ng and it reads:

w o rld h e h T as bigger “ problems than boys who kiss boys r i l s g who d n a kiss girls.”

In this linoleum-floored community centre in Stockport, Greater Manchester, sit 25 teenagers. The playfighting and felt-tip pens scattered across the table make me feel like I’m back in a classroom. But unlike the single-sex Catholic school I went to, the room is filled with people who identify across the gender spectrum, from trans and non-binary to queer, pansexual and “I don’t know yet”. This support meeting is a place to talk among like-minded others: a safe space. That is, until April last year, when it was attacked.

On a Wednesday night much like this one, a teenage girl burst through the doors during a meeting, spewing homophobic abuse. She threw furniture at the people there, physically attacking one, until she was restrained and the police were called.

“She tried to scare the gay out of us,” one teenager jokes now,“but seriously?

It wasn’t funny… it was terrifying.”

Sam, the man who runs this meeting and other support groups around Greater Manchester on behalf of LGBTQ+ charity The Proud Trust, tells me that since the incident, he bolts the doors and lowers the blinds during meetings so no one can see

who’s inside. Still, on a recent group outing to a park, boys on bikes circled the kids, shouting, “Are you lot gay?”

Aggression like this is currently playing out all over the country – and indeed the world. But in an era of seemingly globalised acceptance, commercialised Pride events and more inclusive freedom around pronouns than ever before, why is the LGBTQ+ community I’m a part of experiencing such significant levels of violence?

The rise of hate

lesbian and bisexual pop and sports stars are coming out in greater numbers, shows like RuPaul’s Drag Race and Queer Eye have gained mainstream success, and around two million people attended Pride events across the UK in 2019.

And yet these groundbreaking, celebratory moments sit in stark contrast to an entirely different kind of newsworthy occurrence. In June last year, the bloody, beaten faces of Chris (bisexual) and Melania (gay) went viral when they were attacked by a gang of teenage boys on a London bus because they refused to kiss for the pack: a mixture of fetishisation and abuse many queer women know well.

“Chris and I were being affectionate to each other, so clearly this was a hate crime,” explains Melania. That same month, a couple in Southampton had stones and slurs thrown at them from a car on their way to work, while in July, a teenage boy in Dundee was jumped on and kicked by two men – both were reported as homophobic attacks. When I saw these stories, I felt a familiar jolt of vulnerability. As a gay woman living in London, I have to moderate my behaviour with my girlfriend depending on where I am. One lesbian couple I know had a pint poured over them in a pub, and a non-binary friend who is a drag queen was punched in the face.

Many trans people I’ve spoken to say they rarely feel safe in public.

The statistics support their fear. The rate of LGBTQ+ hate crime in England and Wales rose by 144% between 2013-14 and 2017-18.† Between 2018 and 2019, hate crimes recorded by police rose 25% for LGB people and 37% for trans people.† Often when higher crime statistics emerge, it’s because more people are reporting them. Whether this is the case with the rise in LGBTQ+ attacks, we don’t ›

“Many trans people say they rarely feel safe in public”

Recently it’s felt like we’re viewing the world through rainbow-tinted glasses.

Over the past few decades, the UK has made phenomenal strides towards equality and acceptance for the LGBTQ+ community. There have been huge legal changes: advances in marriage equality,* adoption rights and the addition of gender reassignment as a protected characteristic to the latest Equality Act. At the same time, a cultural shift has taken place: gay,

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know. But Laura Russell, director of campaigns, policy and research at LGBTQ+ rights charity Stonewall, says the numbers are “the tip of the iceberg” because four out of five people still don’t go to the police.‡ I wondered if, perhaps, these statistics only applied to the older generation – that today’s teenagers were rewriting a brighter, more accepting future. But back at the community centre, a queue forms to speak to me, each person with their own tale of violence and shaming. Take Leanne,** a 16-year-old who came out as gay a year ago. School bullies have targeted her ever since, and not long ago someone drove past and threw a bottle of Coke at her head, shouting abuse. She didn’t report it.

“The bottle hit me, but it wasn’t that bad; I wasn’t beaten up,” she offers.

Then there’s Dani,** a trans man, who says he’s called “lesbian” or “freak” most times he leaves the house. Billie,** 18, who is nonbinary and has been coming to the group for two years, says it’s the only place they can truly be themselves. In public, they wear jeans and a hoodie, but at the group they change in the toilets, putting on a dress, make-up and heels. “There aren’t many places like this,” they shrug.

Other support groups I speak to echo their experiences, including one for non-binary adults in Leeds, co-run

by Joni Clark. Once or twice a month, up to 20 people meet for coffee or go to the theatre, and discuss how to cope after experiencing the abuse that

LGBTQ+ people fear what will happen if they do make a report, including Joni Clark. “I think we distrust the police because it used to be illegal for LGBTQ+ people to love who we want to. Even now, with a non-binary person, the police might say, ‘You’re a man’ if they see a beard, or ‘You’re a woman’ to someone with boobs. We feel vulnerable and worry the police won’t understand us or will make the situation worse.” The City Of London Police say, “There is never any excuse for M elania (lef t) abuse, racism or hate and Chris crime of any kind. We are were at tacked committed to tackling on a bus this sort of crime and want people to feel they can go about their daily business is a mainstay of their lives. Joni says without fear of violence or threat.” members have been shouted at on the street, cornered on nights out and threatened with knives.

Critical conditions What they, and so many others who For hate to thrive, particularly at a time have experienced similar instances of when LGBTQ+ culture has arguably physical and verbal never been so mainstream, a certain violence, might not set of conditions has to exist. Perhaps realise is that all these the political climate and general swing things count as hate to the right, both here, in the US, crimes in the UK. and in places like Turkey and Brazil, A hate crime can be is creating such a melting pot. anything from a slur “Several commentators in the to a physical attack US have debated whether Trump’s or repeated online election has affected hate crimes in the abuse, but it is country,” explains Amin Ghaziani, clearly motivated by a professor of sociology at the discrimination based University of British Columbia. He on gender or sexuality. Yet LGBTQ+ points to research by the Washington people tend to shrug them off because Post, which showed that hate crimes they don’t necessarily realise they’ve jumped a staggering 226% in experienced a crime, or don’t want counties that hosted 2016 Trump to take the time or emotional energy campaign rallies. “There is a palpable to report it; they just want to get on sense of xenophobia and licensed with their lives. As Melania explains, bigotry on the streets. It feels real and speaking out about her attack meant more pronounced since he became that she had to “go through it all president.” And in 2019, the American again”, dredging up the trauma. Other Medical Association described the

“We feel that our very existence is up for debate”

HAIR AND MAKE-UP LILLI KELLY, USING BECCA COSMETICS SKIN LOVE FOUNDATION AND MAC COSMETICS STUDIO FIX CONCEALER. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPH LINDA NYLIND/GUARDIAN/EYEVINE. *SAME-SEX MARRIAGE WAS DUE TO BE LEGALLY RECOGNISED IN NORTHERN IRELAND IN JANUARY 2020. †HOME OFFICE STATISTICS. ‡ STONEWALL/YOUGOV. **NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. ††GALOP.ORG.UK. WITH THANKS TO ESSIE DENNIS @KHAL_ESSIE AND TANYA COMPAS @TANYACOMPAS

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level of violence against trans people as an “epidemic”, with trans women of colour falling victim to a particularly hostile trio of deeply ingrained societal misogyny, racism and transphobia.

In 2019, it’s thought 23 transgender people were murdered in the USA. This might sound extreme, but a similar thing could be happening here. Evelyne Paradis, executive director of ILGA Europe, a panEuropean LGBTQ+ rights organisation, says that while UK laws are relatively progressive (Italy and Greece do not allow same-sex marriage and Russia has an anti-gay-propaganda law), “people are starting to see the words of prominent figures in the UK as permission to be violent”.

Boris Johnson has called gay men “tank-topped bum boys”, Jacob Rees-Mogg is against same-sex marriage and Nigel Farage defended Ann Widdecombe’s claim last year that there could be an “answer” to homosexuality, which was widely viewed as an endorsement of conversion therapy. When LGBTQ+ people see these comments in the media, we feel our very existence is up for debate, which can be profoundly damaging to our mental health, as well as stoking hostility from the wider public.

B r ig g h te er future?

I’m hopeful, though, that I’ll find a few glimmers of optimism for the years to come in the young people at the Stockport support group. Before I leave, I ask

IF YO U SE E O R EX PER IEN CE A HA TE CR IM E, HE RE’ S WH AT

TO DO:

Try to offer support “We experience hate crimes all the time, but the really crushing bit is when no one around us does anything,” says Joni Clark.

Ask “Are you alright?

Is there anything that I can do to help?”

Report it Contact the police to make a statement, or contact Galop, the LGBTQ+ anti-violence charity,†† who can assist you.

Speak up Stonewall says, “If you hear things that contribute to biphobia, transphobia and homophobia in society, try to challenge it, if you feel safe doing so.”

its members whether they have seen any positive steps towards a future where they won’t have to fear being who they are. Emily,** who identifies as pansexual, is heartened by the number of LGBTQ+ celebrities young people have to look up to now, like Cara Delevingne and Troye Sivan. “I had a crush on Ruby Rose when Orange Is The New Black was first on,” she tells me.

“I remember talking to the straight girls I’m friends with, and them saying, “Yeah, Ruby’s beautiful,” which meant it wasn’t such a shock for me to say it.” Another sign of hope is improved language: there are more ways to define your identity than ever before.

While I worry about how normal these kids seem to think it is to experience homophobia, biphobia, transphobia and hate crimes, I take comfort in how normal they also know it is to be non-binary, queer or pansexual – identities we didn’t even have the language for when I was at school 10 years ago.

But famous role models and labels only go so far. All the teenagers I spoke to agreed that the answer to reducing hate crime, if there is one, is education; if kids were taught about LGBTQ+ rights and relationships in schools, it would make life a lot easier for them, but also for generations to come, because those taught acceptance now would grow up to be more accepting adults.

“It’s not that people don’t agree [with LGBTQ+ issues], it’s often that they don’t know enough,” says Billie.

This year, their wishes will become a reality: in 2019, the government made teaching about same-sex relationships in

primary schools mandatory.

This change will be brought into classrooms from September. Stonewall is also working with the Crown Prosecution Service and police to make sure hate crime is better understood. Police officers receive regular training on how to deal with these reports, and prosecution rates are higher as a result.

These shifts give me hope – I love being invited to friends’ same-sex weddings, watching Drag Race and seeing LGBTQ+ celebrities on the red carpet.

But high-profile media moments don’t always reflect what LGBTQ+ people are experiencing on the ground.

In the real world – in clubs, on buses, at the cinema – being LGBTQ+ can be scary. Unless I’m in a gay bar or at home, I feel nervous being affectionate with the person I love. Melania, who is still suffering the lasting effects of her attack, has now left Britain because she doesn’t feel safe. In Spain, where she is living, she often feels frightened when she sees a group of men together. “It’s not fair to be targeted just for being who you are,” she tells me, and I agree.

Why should being ourselves and loving who we want leave us vulnerable to violence? ◆

BEHIND THE SCENES

Amelia Abraham “I’d expected talk at the support group to focus on social issues, but it wasn’t all doom and gloom. We bonded over tea, Jaffa Cakes and The Sims. The 10-year age gap melted away.”

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WORDS EMILY GULLA. PHOTOGRAPH JONATHAN KAMBOURIS/TRUNK ARCHIVE. *FROM 2014 TO 2018, ACCORDING TO EVENTBRITE. †MORE LOCATIONS TO BE ANNOUNCED

SINGLE? SETTLED? WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED

Turn your back on digital dating Sick of swerving catfishes and dodging dick pics? We’re all getting swipe fatigue, it seems, as IRL dating events have increased by 400% since 2014.* Human interaction expert Jonathan Bradshaw says, “Trust and co-operation improve when we meet face to face.” Single this Valentine’s Day? Try Dirty Scrabble Dating in London and Bristol† or, if you’re feeling adventurous, London’s Dateinadash (hosts of Jenga Dating) now runs naked speed dating. Catfishes, begone.

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What I’ve learned about sex from...

my first time with a woman

by Franki Cookney, whose hook-up with Sara* taught her to understand her own pleasure y first date with Sara began in the usual way: we matched on Tinder and met up for a drink. A glass of wine turned into two, which turned into a bottle. We had animated conversations about work, travel, music, food – in particular, falafel.

I realised we weren’t far from my favourite Middle Eastern restaurant and it seemed like fate. After dinner, we kissed and she invited me back to hers.

In her tiny, swelteringly hot flat, I recall our hands and mouths and skin; I remember her dark hair falling over my face. Lying naked together in her bed, our limbs entwined, she asked a question that left me speechless: “How do you like to be touched?”

I’d been having sex for over a decade. Surely I knew the answer? The truth was I’d never been asked before. Ever since I was a teenager, I’d known I was attracted 120 ·

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to men and women, but somehow it didn’t seem relevant. Growing up in a small town, I didn’t know any queer women (dating apps didn’t exist yet) so hooking up with men became the default.

By my late twenties, I was starting to wonder whether it had to be.

I updated my profile, switched my settings and, several swipes later, there was Sara. On the day of our date, I was hellishly nervous. But we got along so well

and flirted so easily that I thought the sex would just fall into place. I soon learned, however, that just because someone has the same type of genitals as you doesn’t mean you necessarily know what to do. Luckily Sara wasn’t shy about asking for what she wanted. I like to think I was an enthusiastic student but when she turned her attention to me, it threw me off kilter.

It’s not that I didn’t know what I enjoyed –

“There’s no secret lesbian orgasm trick” I just didn’t know how to articulate it. Most guys I’d been with had stumbled their way to success through trial and error. There was never a conversation. Figuring out what I wanted Sara

to do required me to really tap into my own body and desires. And even then it wasn’t exactly foolproof.

Statistics suggest that women who have sex with women orgasm more than other groups. But there’s no such thing as a secret lesbian orgasm trick.

The adrenalin and excitement of this “first time”, all the wine we’d drunk and my awkwardness combined to make an orgasm out of the question.

But it didn’t matter.

I’d been concerned about killing the mood, but sex doesn’t have to flow constantly; you can talk, take breaks, get a glass of water, start again. And while I might not have managed to orgasm that first time, it’s a lesson I’ve taken with me. In fact, it made me wonder why I wasn’t having conversations about pleasure in all my relationships. Then again, I can’t blame my male partners for not asking what I want when I’ve never extended the courtesy to them.

Sleeping with a woman allowed me to break away from what I’d become used to. Our attraction wasn’t about novelty, but genuine chemistry that grew from the same things I value in any partner – sincerity, wit, curiosity, empathy, good conversation.

It was a first step on the road to feeling comfortable calling myself bisexual. And yes, now I can explain exactly how I like to be touched.

PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

love

love

I met up with a guy after giving him my number using the only tools I had – a receipt for a verruca removal cream and a lip liner.

After a couple of dates, I found out that he was married and his wife was pregnant.

E V I E,* 2 3

Worst dates ever!

Hey, we’ve all been n there He was a few shots in with his workmates when I arrived. After half an hour he said he needed the loo, but when he stood up it looked as if he’d already been.

I noticed the st

I fell asleep on her in the cinema and started snoring. When I woke up, everyone was staring at me.

SEAN, 20

He was in town with his mum and asked to meet me while she was shopping. To my r, he ended up ing her on the uring which she eded to ask me my job, where I self in five years at I was looking a relationship. fter one drink.

SZULA, 25

AS TOLD TO EMILY GULLA, ANDREA ARHAGBA. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

ELLE, 24

On a first date I ordered a Ferrero Rocher waffle, not realising it contained nuts. I have an allergy and started vomiting.

I left and spent the rest of the evening in bed feeling sick.

s

VICKI, 21

It was going we he started pla me his mixtape an rapping along. It was awful. I stared out of the window and waited for it to end.

SASHA, 21

on a date with I’d met while with a friend. minutes in, he d my friend’s showed me her gram to check as the girl he inking of, then for her number.

ILLIE, 20

Got a dating nightmare to share? Email your tales of woe to WorstDatesEver @cosmopolitan.co.uk or Tweet, Insta or DM us @CosmopolitanUK using #CosmoWorstDates

as two hours tried to hit on rmaid and then the audacity to gest I go back his. (I didn’t.)

K I R S T Y, 2 7

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Firs love

Each month, we send two former lovers on a date to see what happens

“I thought we were going to get married” Zoe, 19, is a student from London I instantly fancied Aiden when I met him three years ago at a mutual friend’s party. He asked for my number and I said no at first because I was so shy.

But, later, when he messaged me on Instagram, I agreed to go on a date. I liked that he’d made the effort to contact me. We went to Nando’s – he sorted out the cutlery and sauces, and I was impressed by his manners.

Aiden met my whole family at my birthday party after four months – they really liked him, which was important to me. I realised I loved him about six months in. I was only 16 and it was my first relationship, but he showed me what a boyfriend should be like – kind and patient.

We spent Christmas together and I went on holiday with his family. In hindsight, we might have moved too fast. We’d stay at each other’s houses every day, and when I started university a year and a half in, I’d come back every weekend.

After two years, I saw messages on Aiden’s phone and found out he’d kissed someone else at the start of our relationship. It shattered my perspective of our time together. I’d thought we were going to get married, but suddenly felt I couldn’t trust him. After two and a half years, I told him I couldn’t do it any more.

I never explained my reasons for ending it at the time, so this date gave me a chance to. It felt like Zoe and meeting up with an old friend, but Aiden in it hurt to discuss the break-up.

2017

WOULD YOU SEE HIM AGAIN?

“I feel like we’ve got closure now, so meeting up again wouldn’t achieve anything. But I’m happy to stay friends as I know he misses my family.”

love

“I felt like half of me was missing” Aiden, 20, is a footballer from London

WOULD YOU SEE HER AGAIN?

“I would go on another date with Zoe, but it’s down to her. I know that she doesn’t want to.

For now, we’re both doing our own thing.”

I was so nervous on our first date. I’d been the one pursuing her, but I ended up being too shy to talk so she asked all the questions. I warmed to her straight away, though. I’m a baby at heart and like to be looked after, so I loved that Zoe made all the decisions, choosing what we’d watch and eat. She’d cook for me and I’d do the cleaning. It just felt natural. I loved being around her, it felt like home. We spent Christmas together in 2017, after being together for 10 months, and I realised I loved her. We’re both family-oriented and took part in each other’s traditions – my family’s European so we celebrate on the 24th December.

I think our downfall was that we spent too much time together – we ended up isolating ourselves. Even when Zoe was studying, I’d go to the library just to sit with her.

I was fine for the first two weeks after we broke up, but then it flipped. I felt like half of me was missing – Zoe was my best friend and the only person I could open up to.

However, in hindsight, it was the right thing. Now, we both see our friends more and my life feels balanced.

On the date, I felt like I finally got some closure. We spoke about what went wrong in our relationship and both explained where our heads are now. I told Zoe I wanted her back, but she’s only keen to be friends.

Want to be reunited with your first love? Email us at first.love@cosmopolitan.co.uk AS TO L D TO E M ILY GU LLA . PHOTOGR APH AN TON IO PETR ON ZIO. HA IR AN D MA KE U P J U L IA WR E N AT CAR OL HAYES M AN AGE MEN T, USIN G KAT VO N D AN D IGK HAI R. Z O E A ND AID E N DI NE D AT EN OTE CA R OSSO ( EN OTE CA R OSSO.CO M)

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My

best sex ever

was...

t s i t r a o o t t a t with a

PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

Alice’s* night out ended in an entirely unexpected way...

It was Saturday night in a heaving Manchester bar and the party was in full flow. Music blared and the room was full of gyrating bodies, yet finding a guy was the last thing on my mind. Then I spotted him, standing by the bar in a black T-shirt and jeans.

A million miles from my usual type, he had tattoos in almost every visible spot, from the cobweb that began on his neck and circled onto his left cheek to the incomprehensible words on his arm; a far cry from the suited and booted (yet slightly vanilla) groomed men I was dating at the time.

I downed my drink and went to order another, not-so-subtly positioning myself next to him.

As soon as we got chatting, I knew I wanted him, but my friends called me back over.

An hour and many drinks later, I felt someone’s eyes on me: it was him. At 5am, Michael* and I left the club hand in hand. He took me to a dishevelled building nearby, which had a tattoo shop on the ground floor. I thought we would get it on that night, but we ended up just chatting – Michael had work in four hours and we spoke for so long I fell asleep on the sofa.

The next morning, I woke up confused. It took me a couple of seconds to realise why I could hear the buzzing of a tattoo gun. Soon after, Michael reappeared. We glanced at each other and within seconds we were passionately kissing.

As he pulled away, I assumed he had to go back downstairs to work, but instead he slowly took his top and trousers off, revealing his toned, tattooed

body. Every centimetre of his torso was heavily inked in delicately designed illustrations, and his arms were almost entirely covered. I’d never seen anything like it – but the novelty turned me on.

He pulled me forward by my legs, pushed my underwear

“Every single centimetre of his toned torso was heavily inked” to the side, and began to go down on me – skilfully.

As I cried out with pleasure, he put a hand over my mouth.

“There’s someone downstairs; we have to be quiet.” The danger of the situation unleashed my riskier side.

“I don’t care,” I moaned.

After a few minutes I pulled

down his boxers and guided him inside me, wrapping my legs around his waist as he thrusted hard. Then he turned me over and entered me from behind. Suddenly we heard footsteps: someone was coming upstairs. We managed to make ourselves look presentable at lightning speed, just as his colleague opened the door. Clearly he could see exactly what had happened and I took my cue to leave, making my excuses, gathering my things and heading for the door. As I left, I took in the tattoo guns lying around next to faux-leather adjustable chairs. It was the first time I’d ever been in a studio – and the last.

I never saw Michael again, but I think about our tryst all the time. Although it was cut short, our liaison brought out a side of me I’d long forgotten and showed me I’ve got the confidence to be daring in the bedroom – or the backroom.

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WORDS CYAN TURAN. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. *ACCORDING TO AUTOEXPRESS.CO.UK, FEWER NEW CARS WERE BOUGHT IN NOVEMBER 2019 COMPARED TO NOVEMBER 2018

BECAUSE LIFE’S ALL ABOUT THE 5-9

Time to #trainbrag We get it, trains aren’t the sexiest subject. But hear us out. With increased climate consciousness and fewer of us owning cars,* rail travel is getting a major holiday glow-up. Forget interrailing – try an 18-day tour of America with Amtrak or a mountain odyssey of Switzerland via Railbookers.co.uk. Even luxury travel company Belmond recently commissioned artists to paint their trains in Peru. All aboard…

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h s i t i r B t a e r G If, like us, you’ve rreached peak internet scroll, it’s probably time to step away from the cheap Euro flights and book a simple staycay instead, guaranteed to refresh mind and mood

G o o s e b u m p s: big news for S/S 20

explore travel

THE FIFE ARMS CAIRNGORMS

The lowdown Nestled in Scotland’s Cairngorms (the UK’s biggest National Park) and a 15-minute drive from the Queen’s summer pad, Balmoral, The Fife Arms is a luxury hotel of KanyeWest’s-ego-sized proportions. This 46-room Victorian pile, which sits in the village of Braemar, reopened last year after a particularly extra makeover.

The walls are upholstered in green tartan, a Picasso hangs in the drawing room and antiques cram every corner. But if all that sounds a bit trad – it’s not. Roll-top baths, clashing prints and bonkers murals makes this eclectic hideaway feel more “achingly cool members’ club” than “your gran’s living room”. The guests are as fancy as the decor – Judi Dench and Princess

Eugenie have stopped by. But be warned: the weather is always cold, so wrap up.

Worth getting out of bed for…

The Charlotte Flower smoked sea salt chocolate discs, which you’ll find (for free) in your room – trust us, they’re as good as they sound. If you wolf them too fast, ask the hotel staff for more – they might just oblige. Then stroll down to breakfast in the uber-grand Clunie Dining Room – where drop scones come slathered in syrupy stewed plums and crème fraîche, and the eggs To t a l l y Florentine is To. Die. For.

fine to cuddle the chairs, y e s?

In the know Don’t miss the unpronounceable “Mousquetaire Assis” cocktail, which is designed for sharing and comes served in a huge glass contraption with taps. Like a goldfish bowl for adults, it’s a lethal but delicious combination of homemade absinthe, cherry liqueur and gin. Then, blow off any cocktail-induced cobwebs with a walk (or a ski at one of two nearby slopes) – the scenery is Game Of Throneslevel stunning, and there are waterfalls, woods and deep, rocky gorges nearby. Grab

a map and start the sweaty, 90-minute woodland trail up Creag Choinnich – panoramic views of Braemar await at the top, where breathing in is like drinking oxygen. If you’d like company, ask to go on a foraging tour with the hotel’s very own expert, Natasha. She’ll have you munching on nettles and dandelion leaves in no time. Psst… the hotel has a boot room with wellies and wet-weather gear, leaving more room in your case for essentials like, erm, jumpers. i

GET ME THERE Rooms from £250 per night, including breakfast; Thefifearms.com. For more information on the area, go to Visitscotland.com

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TUDOR FARMHOUSE G LO U C E S T E R S H I R E

The lowdown Stress of modern life left you in desperate need of some R&R? Consider Tudor Farmhouse your Cosmoprescribed remedy. Set in 14 acres of grassland, by the Royal Forest Of Dean and Wye Valley, this former working farm is tucked away on a rural road where the air’s pure, the vibe’s chocolate-box village and the scenery’s so idyllic it’s like you’ve stepped into a laptop screensaver. Pack something smart/casual for dinner (the restaurant’s small but attracts a welldressed crowd), jumpers, a beanie and wellies for forest walks. We stayed in The Loft, which is separate to the main hotel so feels like a real hideaway. It’s decked out like a country home, with the comfiest bed you’ll possibly ever sleep in, ultra-modern, massive bathroom and even a mini lounge (hi, movie night).

Worth getting out of bed for…

The bath alone, tbh. Lie in The Loft’s freestanding tub, lather up with the Bramley The Forest Of Dean (not Gaf fney)

products provided and gaze at the stunning views around you through the skylights. Just switch on the Marshall radio and switch off from the world. Missed breakfast? No problem. Order the Wye Valley honey glazed ham, wholegrain mustard mayonnaise and heritage tomato sandwich to go – but be prepared for every packed lunch you subsequently make for work to feel like a cheap imitation – and head five minutes down the road to Puzzlewood. It’s an ancient woodland that’s so magical and unique-looking, it’s been used as a filming location for Doctor Who and Star Wars. Prepare to get snap-happy.

In the know All that exploring and taking photos with your hood around your head pretending to be Baby Yoda (just us?) got you ready for dinner?

Perfect! Book a table at the awardwinning restaurant. Pre-dinner drinks are best taken in The Lounge, where the wood-burner crackles, the sofas are sink-into-able (totally a word) and the lighting’s like golden hour every hour.

For dinner, order the pig’s cheek to start, stone bass for main and end with the

chocolate delice, dulce de leche, hazelnut praline tuille and milk ice cream – no, we don’t know what all those dessert descriptions mean, but yes, we can confirm every element was glorious.

Wash it all down with the locally produced Tintern Parva Rosé, and lots of it – you deserve it after that tough day of basking in the beauty of mother nature.

GET ME THERE Rooms from £129 per night based on two sharing a Hatchling Double, including breakfast; Tudorfarmhousehotel.co.uk

BEAVERBROOK SURREY

The lowdown Beaverbrook is the UK’s best-kept secret so keep this just between us, yeah? It would be most appropriate to sweep up the driveway past lakes and woodland on a Pride And Prejudice-esque horse, if you have one lying around, until a very impressive country house appears out of nowhere with a backdrop of Versailles-style gardens and rolling Surrey hills. The house belonged to Lord Beaverbrook, a media magnate with very boujee pals, including Winston Churchill and Lady Diana Cooper (a famously glamorous socialite, not Princess Di). Make sure you pack your swimsuit and gym stuff as the pool is beautiful, and there are complimentary Pilates and yoga classes each morning; if you forget some of your kit they thoughtfully provide spares. And don’t worry about bringing wellies as they have an array to choose from if you fancy

tackling the walking paths that wind through the grounds. Guests are casually dressed, but you could put on a fancy frock and not stand out. Our hotel-mates were an eclectic mix: two older ladies who were SO chic and styled like Audrey Hepburn, and young heart-emoji-eyed couples whispering sweet nothings.

Worth getting out of bed for…

The holistic, ultra-luxurious Coach House Spa is reason enough. We spent the day swimming, flitting between the sauna, steam room and Jacuzzi and using all of the Bamford products at once. We also had a deep-tissue massage with a magical woman called Carrie, who was petite in stature but stronger than an Iron Man champion. She listened earnestly to our catalogue of aches and pains and lovingly worked the knots out. If you want to go

The Coach House Spa

deeper, combine it with a consultation with Beaverbrook’s naturopath and even get realigned by the in-house osteopath.

In the know There are two restaurants – we opted for the Japanese Grill, feasting on a 10-course tasting menu of yellowtail tiradito and popcorn shrimp with a dipping sauce made of liquid butter that we will dream about forever. Sit in the romantically lit bar for a pre-dinner sharpener – the best seat in the house is the enormous velvet sofa ideal for people-watching other guests. Afternoon tea is served in the lounge, where you can lie back on the vast sofas and plan your next manoeuvre. Ours was to stay where we were with a trashy book and eat homemade banana and chocolate cake filled with fresh whipped cream. i

GET ME THERE From £385 per night (room only); Beaverbrook.co.uk

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THE SWAN COTSWOLDS

The lowdown If you look up the word “cosy” in the dictionary, don’t be surprised to find a picture of this dinky Cotswolds hideaway, in the village of Ascott-UnderWychwood. This is a kind of fantasy country pub for anyone secretly praying that The Holiday is actually a very glossy documentary. And in a rare instance of reality being better than Hollywood, you can also dine like a queen here, then stumble up to one of the eight highly desirable bedrooms and dream sweet dreams of the breakfast menu.

This 16th-century former coaching inn was taken over last year and given a slick makeover, with a palette of sage and forest green, petrol blue and fuchsia, warm, dark wood, and the printed wallpaper and textiles of your Pinterestpinning reveries. Downstairs, framed by exposed beams and an open fireplace, the humming bar and dining room play host to both rosy-cheeked locals and mini-breakers with laid-back conviviality.

Upstairs, meanwhile, you’ll find all the trappings of a boutique hotel – capacious, lounge-able baths, snuggly robes, a jar

of homemade cookies and spa-worthy 100 Acres products that make you feel 87% calmer just by sniffing an open bottle. Calling the individually designed bedrooms welcoming is like saying Beyoncé “can sing a bit”.

Ascott-Under-Wychwood is tiny, so if you want to explore, you’ll need a car to truly take in the swooping hills and picturesque neighbouring villages that convinced Kate Moss the Cotswolds were good-looking enough to make her home outside the capital.

Worth getting out of bed for… Two words: the food. Elevated, comforting classics are the order of the day – the burger comes with toffee-apple sauce and a cheese you’ve never heard of; the bread basket comes with goat’s butter and bacon crumbs. Or try the hearty sharing platters (sure, have one to yourself, we’d never judge) – there’s baked potatoes with chilli, guac and all the trimmings, or The Swan Mixed Grill (more meat

than a Magic Mike audition queue).

Room for some afters? Then a) we salute you and b) how about Jaffa Cake chocolate pudding with pistachio ice cream?

In the know If you’re planning a visit in summer, there’s an expansive terrace outside that’s all impeccable rustic-chic styling and trailing bowers – ideal for a spot of balmy outdoor drinking. If you’re made of sterner stuff and want to embrace it earlier in the year, the hot-chocolate section of the menu is quite something…

GET ME THERE Rooms from £90 a night, including continental breakfast; Countrycreatures.com/the-swan

explore travel

even in winter weather, as you feel the refreshing air on your face while your body stays deliciously warm in the water.

In the know Book the Chef’s Table at in-house Shaun Rankin restaurant for intimate dining, and head to nearby Fountains Abbey for a medieval history lesson. Oh, and ask the hotel employees to tell you the hall’s ghost story… if you dare.

GRANTLEY HALL YORKSHIRE

WORDS CYAN TURAN, AMANDA STATHAM, AMY GRIER, AMY BANNERMAN, HANNAH JONES, STEPHANIE JACKSON, EMILY GULLA. PHOTOGRAPHS @IVETAZALC, GETTY IMAGES

The lowdown Tucked away in the Yorkshire Dales, this Grade II-listed mansion dates back to the 17th century but is fresh from an extensive renovation project. The bedrooms feature perfect white linen, huge squishy pillows, fresh flowers, standalone bathtubs surrounded by marble and a beige-gold colour scheme that looks like it’s straight out of the Hollywood Hills. Pack your swimming costume and best leggings because there’s a huge pool and lots of wellness activities, but don’t forget some glam

The lowdown Question: what do you get if THE you cross a STANDARD ’70s style icon (let’s say Bianca LONDON Jagger) with a very modern trend-setter (eg Dua Lipa) and reimagine it in hotel form? You get The Standard, the UK outpost of the cult chain that’s become a byword for cool celebrity glamour. The rooms are all warm polished wood and shades of yellow, brown and beige (much better than they sound, promise) with views that stretch across the entire city. But it’s the common areas you go for: be it breakfast and people-watching in Isla on the ground floor, or Mexicaninspired low-lit glamour at the 10th-floor restaurant, Decimo. Book well in advance, even as a guest, or you won’t get a table.

Worth getting out of bed for…

Breakfast. It might have been our imagination, but we swear we could smell the waft of artisanal coffee all the way up

clothes for the evening. Grantley Hall has SIX restaurants!

Worth getting out of bed for…

The Three Graces Spa, which boasts a steam room, sauna, snow room, outdoor hot tub, tropical rain shower (complete with sound effects) and even a cryotherapy chamber – basically a massive freezer that you spend up to three minutes in, to help with everything from depression to skin conditions. Swimming between the indoorto-outdoor hydrotherapy pool is uplifting

GET ME THERE Rooms from £300 per night, including breakfast; Grantleyhall.co.uk

I s l a: w h e r e breakfast dreams come true

to our room on the seventh floor. Follow the smell downstairs to Isla, and you’ll find an open bakery counter with fresh cinnamon rolls and raspberry pastries, and so many ways with eggs you’ll want to make it a two-course affair.

it the Instagram-famous Decimo tortilla (a caviar omelette) – even if it will set you back as much as a new Topshop jumpsuit. ◆

In the know To be honest, just to step foot in this place is to be “in the know”.

But if you’re going to try one thing, make

GET ME THERE Rooms from £229, Standardhotels.com

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one last thing...

FEBRUARY

2000 “ D o n’t l o o k b a c k i n a n g e r, mate”

Taylor and Kanye might have put celebrity feuds back on the map, but two decades ago it was Britpop delivering the red-carpet drama. “Would anybody like to see me fight Liam? Liam, £100,000 of your money, £100,000 of mine… we’ll get in the ring and have a fight,” taunted Robbie Williams as he collected his Best Video Award at the Brits in 2000 (back when fronting a Weight Watchers campaign would have been inconceivable). Liam wasn’t in the country at the time, but at the Q Awards a few months later, Liam snidely dedicated his gong to Rob. While the Brits have been disappointingly tame ever since, their feud is still raging 20 years on.

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WORDS NICOLA FAHEY. PHOTOGRAPH SHUTTERSTOCK, GETTY IMAGES

RO BBIE AN D LI AM SQUA RE U P