dr yjdyrs4 5ys

NO TIME TO EXERCISE?

FIVE MINUTES IS ALL IT TAKES!

MUST-READ TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH THE KHUMALOS?

THERE'S MORE TO TANTRUMS

10

MEAL PLANS FOR HAPPY TUMMIES

BABY FACTS

SINGLE PARENT

FESTIVE G IFT IDEAS

UNDERSTAND THE LAW

NOT ALL BUGS ARE BAD

BABY'S 1 SUMMER SAFE IN THE SUN MAKE YOUR OWN ICE CREAM ST

•

ISSUE 243 NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 R55 (VAT incl.) N$55 (Namibia) 12243

9 771023 927001

YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE ADDICTED TO PRAISE

64

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

REGULARS

20 Toys for boys, goodies for girls?

24 Why grandparents matter 26 Inquisitive kids 28 Parental burnout 30 Single parent? Know your rights 34 Keeping up with the Khumalos

52 Newborn Q&A 53 Health Notebook: Newborn care 54 Help for sick baby 58 Baby eyesight 60 Ten poisons in your possession 61 Expert Q&A 63 Health Notebook: Curing colic?

64 Here comes the sun 68 Ice cream recipes for babies 70 Raising a praise-junkie?

72 Discipline Q&A 73 DIY: Sparkly Christmas balls 76 What is behind toddler tantrums?

78 Superfood for superkids 82 Bake your own gingerbread house 84 Real Life: Cystic fibrosis 87 Babies of the heart

DOSSIER

LIFESTYLE

06 From the team 08 Letters 10 Little Angels 12 Baby & Me 16 Baby Talk 18 Shopping: Top Toys 67 Shopping: Sunscreen

88

FEATURES

20 78

39 The Big Guide to Good Bugs

BABY FILES 48 Prem babies. What to expect 50 The first 10 days

74 88 90 92

Books Decor Party Exercises

26

24 NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 3

39

Editor-in-chief Helen Schöer (editor@yourbaby.co.za) Deputy Editor Pearl Rantsekeng Art Director Denise Khoele Lifestyle & Shopping Editor Elaine Schoeman

LAST SAY

MARKETING Marketing Executive Zoë Smith zoe.smith@media24.com Marketing Assistant Cathy Muthee cathmuthee@gmail.com

98 All I want for Christmas

NATIONAL ADVERTISING Pinpoint: Zoë Smith: zoe@pinpoint.co.za, 082 457 6984

MARKETING 37 Cuddlers photo page 33 Digital and print subscriptions 96 Bonus corner 97 Classifieds

SUBSCRIPTIONS, RENEWALS & ENQUIRIES Call: 087 353 1300, 021 065 0033 Email: subs@media24.com SMS: “YBSUBS” to 32361 (R1.50 per SMS) FAX: 086 296 6681 CONTRIBUTORS Camilla Rankin, Julia Boltt, Samantha Toweel-Moore, Lori Cohen, Zelda Ackerman, Bianca Wright, Kerryn Massyn, Karen Read, Rofhiwa Maneta, Ziska Baumgarten, Thumeshni Mudeliar, Colette du Plessis

COVER PHOTOGRAPHER Robyn Prevost from Robyn Prevost Photography in Pretoria | C: 073 871 1132 | E: info@rpphotography.co.za CLOTHING Kylie sequined gold dress R599; Hair pins R99 for set of six both from Keedo CONTENTS Adel Ferreira; Gallo Images/Getty Images; Supplied

Our beautiful cover model, Victoria Muthee, was 3 years old when this image was taken.

PUBLISHING Publisher Nikki Rüttimann Circulation Manager Adele Minnaar 011 713 9440 Product Manager Janine Snyman 011 713 9918 General Enquiries (Cape Town) Anita Grindlay-Whieldon 021 408 1278

92

76 34

78 30

39

48

18 64 68 70

4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

CORPORATE Published by Media24, 19th Floor, ABSA Building, 4 Adderley Street, Cape Town, 8000 Tel: 021 406 2121 CEO: Media24 Ishmet Davidson CEO: Print Media Rika Swart GM: Lifestyle Minette Ferreira GM: Monthlies Nerisa Coetzee Head of Finance: Media24 Lifestyle Jameelah Conway Printed by CTP printers and distributed by On the Dot. Copyright Media24. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without the prior permission in writing from the publisher. While reasonable precautions have been taken to ensure the accuracy of advice and information given to readers, the editor, proprietors and publishers cannot accept responsibility for any damages or inconvenience that may arise therefrom. Your Baby has the right to make alterations to any material submitted, and cannot be held responsible for the loss of or damage to any material submitted for publication. All prices quoted were correct at the time of going to press, and may vary from shop to shop.

This publication is a member of the Publisher Research Council. All our reader research conforms to best practice. Our sample and survey results are audited by global experts to ensure that they provide advertisers with an accurate representation of our readers.

A revolutionary head support – the first solution for keeping kids’ heads up comfortably and securely while napping in the car.

When the child is awake, the forehead strap is moved to the ‘up’

himself.

high-back booster.

Machine washable

Breathable materials

“No sweat” panels

car seat companies run safety tests on their products, including car The tests showed that the addition of the product did not alter the way the car seat or high-back booster will perform in a crash.

car seats and high-back boosters

Tel: +27 31 564 8805 www.mynapup.co.za info@mynapup.co.za

Available at Baby City, Takealot.com, and selected Babies R Us and Dischem stores.

non-restraining

6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

My Christmas wish this year is to have a drama free and very restful December! It might not seem like something worth wishing for, but over the festive season I tend to over extend myself and end up doing more running around than the actual sitting down and relaxing to a sip of something cold. Spending time with loved ones is a given and I always look forward to that, but I would be extremely grateful if Father Christmas could, this year, leave some rest and relaxation under my tree.

DENISE KHOELE, ART DIRECTOR

ABY TEAM B R U O Y E FROM TH

My Christmas wish (or two!) for this year has no price tag, as this year has proven to be one of the most testing and challenging years of my adult life. As a wife and mother, I wish for love, joy, peace and happiness in abundance in my home; for us to realise how blessed we are and learn to appreciate each moment spent together and not take it for granted, and to be grateful for life’s little mercies. And as a daughter – I wish for complete healing for my mother who is bedridden with arthritis! Have a blessed festive season everyone.

PEARL RANTSEKENG DEPUTY EDITOR

As Christmas is the time of miracles, I wish for a truly magical gift – a big box of extra time under the tree.

Ideally I’d like an extra day in the week, just for me.

With the whole world frozen on pause I could get ahead with all the little things I just never seem to get around to, like sewing on buttons or sorting out the linen cupboard.

Of course, I would also use Helenday (yes, that’s what I’m calling it) to sleep late, do more yoga, soak in the bath and read without interruption. They say you should be careful what you wish for though. While I’m giving my imagination free rein here, I remember that at one point in my life when my girls were really little I wished for, above all things, a third arm. I’m sure every mother knows that feeling – that an extra arm and hand would be so useful for holding and carrying and rocking and feeding and bathing and loading and fetching and stroking and rocking and cooking and playing. Now that my daughters are teenagers though, the need for a third limb is long gone and I’m lucky if I can get in a proper two-armed hug! Seriously though, when it comes to real gifts in the real world: I’m going to drop big hints for a pair of proper sunglasses this summer. Santa, are you listening?

HELEN SCHÖER, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 7

My Christmas wish would definitely be a voucher for a welldeserved rest. A week’s holiday by the beach and another at my parents’ farm will do! From sea shells, waffles and sunscreen to horses, farm veggies and bicycle rides, hopefully I can come back refreshed to start the rat race all over again.

My heart goes out to those people who have no leave or can’t take leave. I’m filled with gratitude when I think of how well looked after I am.

CATHY MUTHEE MARKETING ASSISTANT

My Christmas wish would be for everyone to live with gratitude. My sister gave me a gratitude journal, A Life of Gratitude

by Lori Roberts, for my birthday this year and it means so much to me. I wish, if it were possible, to give everyone I know such a journal. This way we can focus on mindfulness and gratitude and appreciate it all – big and small – and live a more positive life. If we could choose to notice the good stuff more often and reflect on what is positive and joyous in our lives, I’m sure we will be happier and more appreciative to life and the people around us.

ELAINE SCHOEMAN LIFESTYLE & SHOPPING EDITOR

The years just seem to fly by the older we get! This year one of my wishes is to be more mindful and to truly appreciate all we have. My next Christmas wish for all my family and friends is plenty of love, good health and happiness.

NIKKI RÜTTIMANN PUBLISHER

My ultimate wish is to really see my son and sister happy and healthy, being able to spend time with them all, celebrating one of the most important days of the year. Merry Christmas everyone, may it be a blessed day for all!

ZOË SMITH MARKETING EXECUTIVE

LETTERS

Share your stories and connect with moms. Send your comments to letters@yourbaby.co.za

WINNING LETTER

BREASTFEEDING IS THE BEST We receive so much advice about breastfeeding… If it’s not about how long you should breastfeed, it’s about the reasons why.

With all this advice – coming from grandmoms and nurses to random strangers sitting in the booth behind you at a restaurant – there’s still so much that is untold.

We hear all the good things about breastfeeding – the benefits – but no-one really prepares us for some of the cons: that it can really be difficult to start, painful as hell, and how challenging it can be to get the baby to stop.

As I write this letter, my other hand is helping my 13-month-old baby, whom I love to death, breastfeed.

I cherish these moments, even more so now that they are about to come to an end, as the memories stay with us forever.

Breastfeeding has been the most relentless, yet most amazing experience. I would recommend, to those mothers who can, to do it for as long as they possibly can. Even though, for me, it means overloading on water intake every day as well as having to deal with a toddler who tries to lift my top in public in order to get her feed.

Like many things in life, there are pros and cons to breastfeeding.

For example, did you know that breastfeeding makes not only baby sleepy but mommy too? At least it does with me… Or, that when your first milk comes in, your breasts swell like soccer balls? And guess what?

They’re as hard as soccer balls too, making them super painful!

However, given a chance, I would do it all over again, as it’s such an incredible experience looking into those innocent eyes staring up at you as they hold on to you and your boobs for dear life. Not even a glass of wine can be that fulfilling.

And the plus is that breastfeeding has more pros than cons, not only for Baby but for Mommy too!

My baby girl has only been sick twice in 13 months, and I believe 100 percent of that is thanks to my magical breastmilk.

So, cherish those moments for as long as you possibly can because, before you know it, you’ll be having a big girl asking you for a sip of your wine. Happy mommying!

TYLER TITTLETON KUILS RIVER, CAPE TOWN

A R750 Baby City gift voucher goes to the best letter each month. So share your views on parenting, and your story could make you a winner!

EMBRACE THE CHANGE AS A NEW MOM

When you’re a first-time expectant mom, there’s no shortage of advice offered by friends, family and strangers.

In the beginning it’s all quite welcome.

I appreciated some of it while I took some with a pinch of salt and an awkward grin.

One of the most common things I was told was that, “It’s going to change your 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

life” or “Life will never be the same” or “You don’t know what you’re in for.”

These often ended in a scary giggle or a shake of the head.

This doesn’t in any way help a new mom’s anxiety. I mean, of course having a baby is life changing, but all these comments make you wonder if it really is that bad.

Well, nine months down the line, and your precious bundle arrives, and

from that moment, your life sure does change. As a mom, you change, your relationship with your partner may change, your priorities change and your outlook on life also does change. You think “they” were right!

But it isn’t all that bad. In fact, the gift of being a mom, the new-found purpose of nurturing your child, and the new interests, friends and the experience of having a child far outweigh the sacrifice of your old independent life.

Yes, it does change your life, but what people don’t tell you is that despite how hard it can get, you’d never want to change a thing. I am embracing the change and loving being a parent!

SAMANTHA JOHNS PARKHURST, JOHANNESBURG

YOUR BABY IS A LIFE SAVER

After a tormenting week with a very tired little baby refusing to sleep all day, and whats-apping friends for help, I received my July&August 2019 issue of Your Baby. It was truly a life saver!

I want to thank your magazine for awesome editions, but particularly this one, because it was jam packed with so many articles tackling some of my frustrations. From breastfeeding on the go to the health notebook on colic – my worst nightmare, as my baby has colic.

I am so glad to know that I did the right thing by insisting on breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months – even though it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. I learnt it plays a role in helping babies with tummy issues, as they tend to have less wind issues. I definitely will be trying those probiotics. The article on the milestones of the first 12 weeks really helped comfort us that we were not doing such a bad job as new parents.

As much as I hate to admit it, the article titled: “Mommy! Put down your phone” spoke to me about the dangers of being on the phone forever – I confess I’m a culprit. I also loved “A richer life”.

And the star-charts article has made me wiser – now I’ll know when and how to use them in the future.

Thank you for all the good work you do. Much appreciated. Your magazine works as a manual for some of us new at this job. Keep it up.

THANDIE VAN ZYL NELSPRUIT, MPUMALANGA

I RECENTLY EVEN MANAGED TO GET MYSELF A COPY OF THE DAD’S GUIDE, AND IT HAS TAKEN MY ROLE AS A PARTNER AND FATHER TO A WHOLE NEW ‘CLUED-UP’ LEVEL A WELL-INFORMED NEW DAD

I am a new dad and am proud to declare that I am a hands-on dad!

It wasn’t easy at the beginning, but having to watch my girlfriend have the responsibility of looking after this new whole being – with no manual – just made me realise that I have to up my game, as she wasn’t alone when the baby was made.

So, I’m proud to say that I can expertly feed, burp and change my son, who recently turned six months.

The experience of having a newborn has been life changing. It has opened my eyes to a whole new world as a parent, making me appreciate my parents even more.

I’ve quietly been reading my wife’s copy of Your Pregnancy, then graduated with her to Your Baby magazine, and I must say I’m hooked!

I recently even managed to get myself a copy of the Dad’s Guide, and it has taken my role as a partner and father to a whole new “clued-up” level.

I haven’t been able to put the magazine down, as I’ve made sure that I thoroughly read through each article and suck out as much information as I can. I can’t wait for the next one.

The magazines have elevated me to some kind of “expert” at home. I’m no longer that helpless novice dad, as I can now offer tips – read in your mags – on what to do during bathtime and how to hold the baby while breastfeeding. I also make an effort to always have bonding time with my son – from skin-to-skin therapy to massages.

A new baby can bring strain to even the strongest of relationships – and thanks to magazines like the Dad’s Guide I have made sure that I have played my part in preventing that.

SIZWE MHLONGO BENONI, GAUTENG

WE ASKED YOU...

Have you already bought your little one’s Christmas present? What is it? And how much did you spend?

If the answer is no… why haven’t you?

Shasha Ogbonna: No money!

Lauren Inge Henry: Not yet, waiting for specials and for them to lower their expectations. Besides, Father Christmas still has to decide if one of them is getting plastic coal or not – I’d do real coal, but that child would just destroy the house with the black soot

Rouchell Piek: My baby is turning 3 on the 1st of December. I need a birthday gift first

Andrea Marince: No! Would love to but sadly, I’m unemployed and still have two out of three birthdays coming up next month

Dorothy Shantell Mutizwa: Not yet… waiting for a new member of the family, then have to buy birthday presents before Christmas presents

Rochelle van Bavel: No haven’t yet.

We’re waiting for January specials

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 9

Little Angels WIN A BABY CITY VOUCHER VALUED AT R350 Send a clear, good-quality photo to littleangels@yourbaby.co.za Each photo published receives a R350 Baby City Voucher

Esethu Sikhosana, 11 months old, from Pinetown, KwaZulu-Natal

Hlelolwenkosi Zwane, 8 months old, from Bronkhorstspruit, Gauteng

Jayden Pillay, 1 year old, from Aspen Hills, Gauteng

Kaboentle Makatong, 2 years old, from Kathu, Northern Cape

Mikaeel Haffejee, 8 months old, from Midrand, Gauteng

Sibusiso Nkwanyana, 14 months old, from Pretoria, Gauteng

Murunwa Ratshilumela, 1 year old, from Ladysmith, KwaZulu-Natal

Indiana Kallis, 1 year old, from Cape Town, Western Cape

Baby & Me WIN A PURITY HAMPER VALUED AT R800

PURITY, through the Purity Journey Journal App, will help you document your unique parenting journey. It provides you with expert tips and advice for every stage of your child’s development – from pregnancy to after birth – and gives you 24/7 access to medical support, emergency contacts and info from baby nutrition to care-product ranges. Sign up today for the journey of a lifetime: purityapp.co.za

Angelique and 2-month-old Hendrik Pienaar from Cape Town, Western Cape

Louise and 5-week-old Bjeurn Kennedy from Durbanville, Western Cape

Michele and 23-month-old Brooklyn from Wentworth, KwaZulu-Natal

Mpho and 6-month-old Thoriso Nkwe from Pretoria, Gauteng

Sirdain and 9-month-old Tye Johnson from Durban, KwaZulu-Natal

Nacqulene and 3-month-old Sai Zylan Naidoo from Queensburgh, KwaZulu-Natal

Nomawethu and 10-month-old Alondwe Ngubane from Ladysmith, KwaZulu-Natal

Zayn and 3-month-old Zoe du Plessis from Johannesburg, Gauteng

Send a clear, good quality photo to us at littleangels@yourbaby.co.za

Wh hether she is sashaying down the roaad in Mama’s beautiful new dress ma aterial, making friends with the chicken Gogo has bought or dreaming of a pair of Princess Shoes, there is always something happening in Jamela’s bright, busy world.

Thhis bumper hardback gift edition contains all five Jamela stories.

Books for

perfect for learning the animal names and sounds in Afrikaans.

Prepare your child for school with brainy learning materials in the

series Don’t miss the New All-In-One Activity Books for Preschoolers for toddlers aged 18 months to 5 years old.

These full-colour activity books contain topical and interactive 2D and 3D activities and interesting facts that will stimulate early incidental knowledge discussion with the pre-school child. The activity books cover the Early Learning Development Areas (ELDAs) including “Creativity”, “Exploring Numeracy”,“Communication” and more. A comprehensive manual with 40 lesson plans which covers three age groups for use by parents or educators is also available.

these titles comply with caps requirements and are available in english and afrikaans.

The New All-In-One Grade R Reading Series comprises forty readers – one reader per teachinng week. It is graded from easy-to-read language (level 1-4) to more difficult reeading (level 5-8).

Each reader contaains a lesson plan to guide the parent or o educator.

The New All-In-One Grade R Workbooks have been compiled by experts in the subjects Home Language, Life Skills and Mathematics.They are jam-packed with fun topic-orientated activities and enrichment exercises that can be used at home to inculcate concepts to prepare your child for Grade 1.

ENQUIRIES: storierak@nb.co.za BOOKS AVAILABL AVAILABLE IN STORES now!

STORIERAK

BABY TALK

The latest in parenting buzz and trendy finds

BRING ON THE ADVENTURE

After years of working in the corporate world, Natasha Sandhir and AJ Ratani packed their bags and travelled the world, like many a young couple before them. But with one big difference: they were parents, to a son, Aarav. The result of their experience of travelling with a baby and then a toddler in tow to six continents and 41 countries is this book called How to Travel with Kids Without Losing Your Mind.

If the thought of doing something similar has ever crossed your mind, this book might just be that nudge you need. It reads as a step-by-step survival guide of where to start and how to go about your preparation before lift-off. Get a copy through Amazon or from 2idiotstravel.com

GET FIT AND STRONG – IN 20 MINUTES

We know how hard it is to get your body, strength and energy back after having a baby or two. The main obstacle seems to be time – that precious resource that no parent has enough of.

An option to consider is one 20-minute session per week at Bodytec, which has branches popping up all over Mzansi. The technology promises to help you build muscle and regain strength in your pelvic floor, as well as stabilise muscular imbalances that lead to lower back pain.

Visit bodytec.co.za or email info@bodytec.co.za for more.

CRANK IT UP!

The drive to school or Grandma’s place is no longer going to be the same, if you crank up Dinosaur Stomp and other pretend play songs. Your little ones are going to love singing along to these catchy tunes that ignite the imagination, encouraging them to pretend.

Developed by a teacher and occupational therapist, the lyrics focus on spatial and number concepts, so that your toddler will learn while having fun. Get the CD at playsense.org or through your favourite music app.

Into the blue Now Joburg has an aquarium too!

Cresta Mall in Randburg recently launched CrestAquarium, part of a spectacular marine educational centre with 32 exotic reef fish from the IndoPacific region. You’ll even be given the opportunity to feed the fish. So, if you aren’t going to the seaside this holiday, you can still get an ocean vibe going with a soothing visit to look at the fish and learn about how important it is to protect our oceans.

FOR MORE INFORMATION on feeding times and dates, follow Cresta on Facebook (@crestashoppingcentre) or Instagram (@crestacentre) 1 6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

MAKE

FIVE TIPS FOR FLYING WITH BABA

Shannon McLaughlin, founder of Ubuntu Baba baby carriers, asked frequent flyer femmes for advice

MEMORIES s’ Trail of Durban Botanic Garden runs ever y Lights opens on 12 and save for night until 30 December, kets are the night of the 25th. Tic l and are limited to 2 000 in tota st. Your little expected to sell out fa – will love ones – and the big ones ent. This the fun and entertainm tive market year, there will be a fes – perfect with locally made gifts opping. for some last-minute sh

1.

Travel as light as possible.

Use your baby carrier to hold all your travel documents, so you can whip them out as needed, without having to scratch in your bag. – EMMA DAVIES

2.

If you’re breastfeeding, ask for a better seat at the check-in counter. Also ask for assistance with luggage. You’re allowed to use a pram all the way until you enter the plane.

– KAT KONCZAK-FLANIGAN

ETS cost EARLY BIRD TICK or Pick n R50 at webtickets.co.za tickets will Pay. From 1 December, d R80 at the cost R65 per person an e go free. door. Children under on

3.

PLAY’S THE WAY TO GOOD HYGIENE In a campaign to make solid daily hygiene habits accessible to all of us in South Africa, Unilever and the Department of Basic Education have adapted the National Schools Hygiene and Sanitation Programme – currently being taught to Grade 1 learners in 15 000 schools around the country – into a free online educational website called Hygienica Castle. It makes learning fun for kids – and rewards parents.

Aimed at children five years and up, Hygienica Castle teaches children good hygiene habits – for hands, mouth, bums and more – through play. They get rewarded for washing and cleaning the right way every day. Their ultimate aim is to become Hygiene Superheroes with their own super-cool avatars.

Unileverschoolsprogramme.co.za is where you should sign up. Don’t delay – do it right now!

Try to book the aisle seat right at the back of the plane, as the changing table is usually in that toilet. If your baby starts stirring, it’s also easy to get up and bounce/settle at the back of the plane – CLAIRE ROSS

4.

Baby’s ears hurt the most during descent – so get them to suck. As soon as your own ears start popping, get them sucking a dummy, your boob or a bottle. I don’t know if it’s the pressure, but be prepared for some serious poo action – either during the flight or once you’re waiting to get off. Pack spare clothes for baby – and for you too – in your hand luggage. And a small towel to place on your lap. – SAMANTHA CAPEWELL

5.

Use a backpack as a nappy bag. If you plan to breastfeed on the flight, take a window seat. This will make breastfeeding and resting your arm easier. Change Baby’s nappy just before the flight. Put some toys in the bag to keep Baby busy. Mine usually sleeps right through because the white noise of the plane helps.

– MARUSCKHA SCHOLTZ NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 17

T

YB S H O P P I N G

VTech Toot Toot Drivers Fire Station (1-5yrs) R930 Toys R Us/Babies R Us Wonder Wheels Car Carrier (12m+) R369.99 City Toys, Lilliputs, My Toy, Nicau, Play World, Present Time, Sams Hobbies And Toys, The Toy Cabin, Toy Factory, Toy Toy

Disney Baby Musical Drive R79 Toys R Us/Babies R Us, kidsemporium.co.za, takealot.com, loot.co.za & thekidzone.co.za

O P

T O Y S

Tolo Toys Spinning Clowns R219.95 takealot.com, loot.co.za & leading retail outlets

Qplay Rito Air Trike (10m+) R2 699.99 Baby City & Toy Zone

Make their dreams come true with these gorgeous gifts Baby Einstein Flip & Riff Keytar (changes from keyboard to guitar) (12m+) R419.99 Baby City, Edge Toys, My Toy, Toy Toy, Toy Zone

Compiled by Elaine Schoeman

Chicco Happy Music DJ Mixy R499 Kids Emporium, takealot.com, loot.co.za & thekidzone.co.za

Bright Starts Go Grip Cargo Jet (18m+) R289.99 Baby Boom, Baby City, My Toy, Toy Toy

Top Wing Swift Deluxe Rescue Vehicle (2-5yrs) R629 Toys R Us/Babies R Us, Toy Kingdom, Toy Zone, Checkers, takealot.com & Game

GroFriends Light & Sound Sleep Aid Ollie The Owl R580 milaandmoo.co.za

VTech Baby My First Gift Set Blue/Pink R599.90 Toys R Us/Babies R Us

Play-Doh Stamp ‘n Top Pizza Oven (3yrs+) price on request takealot.com, Toy Kingdom, Toys R Us & Toy Zone

1 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Playgro Music and Lights Comfy Car R899.99 Baby City, Toys R Us/ Babies R Us

Fisher-Price Laugh ‘n Learn First Words – Sis R549.90 Toys R Us/ Babies R Us

Rag Doll with Dress-Up Hood (38cm) R149.99 each The Crazy Store

Baby Sweetheart Bath Time (2yrs+) R339.99 Sam’s Hobbies & Toys

BKids 3-in-1 Elephant R999.90 Toys R Us/Babies R Us

Giant Ellie R199.99 Mr Price Home

Chicco Move & Grow Activity Walker R799 kidsemporium.co.za, takealot.com, loot.co.za & thekidzone.co.za Melissa & Doug Multi-level Solid Wood Dollhouse R2 450 milaandmoo.co.za

Evo Comfort Lights Scooter (15m+) R1 999.99 Baby City

Bright Start Hab 3-in-1 Step and Ride Lion (6m+) R974.99 Baby Boom, Baby City, My Toy, Toy Toy

Djeco Musical Carriage Ride Jewellery Box R480 milaandmoo.co.za

Images: Supplied

LeapFrog Scoop & Learn Ice Cream Cart (2yrs+) R1 900 Toy Kingdom & Toy Zone

Playgro Up and Away Teething Gift Pack R399.90 Toys R Us/Babies R Us

Bootoo Wooden Rocking Horse R799 bootoo.co.za & takealot.com

Rag Doll (30cm) R69.99 each The Crazy Store

Unicorn Ball (30cm) R129.99 each The Crazy Store

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 19

TOYS FOR BOYS, GOODIES FOR GIRLS?

F E A T U R E S YB

Is it time we moved away from conventional thinking of Barbie for girls and trucks for boys? Are we not perhaps harming our children by sticking to gender stereotypes? Should we care that everything is colour-coded for the different sexes? Julia Boltt investigates IF YOU’VE EVER walked through a major toy shop, you’ll know what we mean when we talk about gender marketing. Aisle upon aisle of candypink “girl” toys – and, on the other side, blue, yellow and red stacks of toys for boys.

Even Lego, long the last outpost of gender-neutral toys, caved in and produced, at the end of 2011, a line of pink and purple blocks themed “Friends” aimed explicitly at girls. What infuriated many women was the notably curvier figurines and the storyline – a beauty salon, bakery, pet shop and design studio, among others, set in “Heartlake City”.

It caused an outcry, and a pair of American consumer activists even launched an online petition that garnered nearly 50 000 signatures to make Lego back down. Lego, however, was unrepentant, saying that its intensive market research indicated there was a demand for it. Infuriating as it may be to irritated mothers the world over, it seems that Lego was right – the company couldn’t keep up with demand for the range.

There isn’t a parent alive who is going to be able to turn the tide on genderbased marketing.

This marketing tool means big money to big companies, so you might as well accept that it’s here to stay.

NO HARD SELLS

Opposite to what you might think, big toy retailers are not in a position to determine or influence the trends. That is left to the big toy manufacturers – the Mattels, Disneys and Hasbros of the world – who base manufacturing decisions on extensive market research.

Retailers buy what is available from the toy manufacturers, and will sell whatever sells, as indicated by the Lego example. Lego Friends sold like hotcakes, and Lego was extremely successful in expanding the category.

Lego was historically regarded as a boy’s toy and was missing out on half the market.

It is clear when you look at the shop shelves that pink sells.

STEREOTYPING STINKS

To be clear, no one is suggesting that there is anything wrong with girls embracing their love of princesses and dolls or boys enjoying playing with trucks and cars. The danger lies in indulging these stereotypes. The ways in which children play can encourage a range of aptitudes – or discourage them. Allowing your children to develop an attitude that those toys are only for their sex, and that any child that does not fit in with convention is either a “tomboy” or a “sissy” and open to mockery and ridicule for choosing activities “outside the box” of what is considered sex appropriate, is limiting and could have a long-term impact on their potential.

If we assume these stereotypes in toys for our children, does it then mean that we follow that logic that girls are biologically more adept with empathy, but lack maths skills while boys excel at spatial reasoning, but lack empathy? Surely we need girls who are technologically proficient and boys who have good EQ? The question is what you as a parent can do, and why it might be important.

What role are we playing in reinforcing gender roles?

THE DIFFERENCES ARE ACTUALLY ALL THE SAME

“There is growing evidence that points to certain biological differences between boys and girls, but gender roles are largely socialised,” says clinical psychologist Ruth Ancer.

“The problem is we limit and pigeonhole our children.

“There’s no reason that girls shouldn’t be playing with gender-neutral toys.

To try to appeal to girls more because you’re making toys pink and giving them a beauty salon is ludicrous. It just reinforces the gender stereotypes, and it doesn’t give children the choices,” Ruth says.

WHY YOU SHOULD STEER CLEAR OF CONVENTION • Sticking to conventional ideas of who is allowed to play with what can create the wrong impression about the role of the opposite sex.

Keeping dolls away from your boy might leave him thinking that girls have to be carers. And Legodeprived girls might expect boys to always become breadwinners.

• It prevents children from experimenting with new ideas that might not be based on perceived gender interests.

• It dictates play within set gender boundaries and prevents children from learning skills conventionally associated with the opposite sex.

• It limits the scope of career choices. “Stereotype toys” encourage children to remain within their gender roles, and this acts as a barrier to learning skills associated with the opposite sex and thus eventual career choice.

• It kills creativity and innovation: stereotype toys narrow down the thought process of children by sticking with their specific roles, so it nips creativity and innovation to do things in the bud.

In her book Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps – And What We Can Do About It, neuroscientist Lise Eliot comments on the dangers of exaggerating the differences between the sexes, which she believes are overstated.

Lise believes that infants and small children have such malleable brains that what are relatively small differences in brain structure at birth become much larger differences because parents, teachers and other societal influences unwittingly reinforce stereotypes.

Genes and hormones do play a role in gender differences, Lise says, but she argues that this is reinforced by the different ways parents interact with NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 21

YB F E A T U R E S

GENDER-NEUTRAL TOYS

Yes, they do exist! But sometimes you’ll need to go the extra mile to get past the pink and blue

WAVES OF CHANGE

It’s apparent that a big part of the challenge is for us as parents to look at our own gender stereotypes and think about what our own role is in reinforcing them.

“Challenge your children, help extend them, give them the opportunity to play with different kinds of toys, so that they can learn what it is that they’re interested in. Encourage them to think broadly and widely about what they enjoy, and to do things because they really enjoy them, not because they’re told they should enjoy them. Give them the opportunity to experiment,” is Ruth’s 2 2 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

pretty sensible advice.

South Africa is still a very conservative patriarchal society, and it’s not hard to imagine the unease that some (perhaps many) parents would feel if their boys wanted to play with dolls, or favoured pink as a colour.

No matter how gender neutral we like to think we are, we’re probably nowhere near it.

“Nevertheless, I think we do our children a disservice if we pander to it.

We are all caught up in it, and we should try to challenge it in the way that we choose toys for our children.

“If your little girl likes to play with cars, let her do that, and if your little boy likes fluffy toys and softer things, that’s okay. Give them the space to experiment, and don’t freak out. Action figures are just dolls,” Ruth says.

SO, IS THERE HOPE FOR HOPELESSLY PINK OR BLUE-BIASED PARENTS?

“We’ve got to be aware of the way we make assumptions about what boys and girls are like, because we might have children who are different to that, and we shouldn’t be alarmed by that. I do feel that parents need to be sensitive enough that their children might not fit into these stereotypes and that that

needs to be okay,” Ruth explains.

The bottom line seems to be that as parents, we all want the best for our children. And although Barbie, Ben 10 and the Disney princesses all have their part, we as parents have to consciously engage with our children and teach them not to accept any self-limiting stereotypes about what their sex says they can or can’t do. YB

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

their sons and daughters.

She writes: “The male-female differences that have the most impact – cognitive skills, such as speaking, reading, math, and mechanical ability; and interpersonal skills, such as aggression, empathy, risk-taking and competitiveness – are heavily shaped by learning.

“Yes, they germinate from basic instincts and initial biases in brain function, but each of these traits is massively amplified by the different sorts of practises, role models and reinforcement that boys and girls are exposed to from birth onwards.”

✓ Play dough is a great genderneutral toy. It can be made into anything a little imagination can think of, is reusable, has hours and hours of play in just one tub and is great for tactile play. ✓ South African-made Planx is another perfect example of a gender-neutral toy. This versatile set of wooden blocks can be used in myriad different ways by children of both sexes. ✓ Bicycles, tricycles and scooters are another gender-neutral favourite – if you’re willing to forsake the obvious pink/blue models and go for something less obviously colour coded, of course. ✓ The Leapfrog LeapPad is an excellent educational toy that appeals to both boys and girls – again, it’s up to you as a parent to choose the more gender-neutral packaging. Interestingly, this toy originally only came in green, but subsequently Prima Toys have introduced a pink version. ✓ Balls in various shapes and sizes can be wonderfully neutral.

But they are often used as merchandising, so you might need to search a bit to get your hands on something that’s not bedecked with Disney princesses or Ben 10’s little face.

(Additional info by munchkinsplanet.com)

2 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

OUMA, GOGO, NANA… We all have

different names for our grandparents, but they play a similarly important role in our lives, whatever our culture.

If you were lucky enough to have a grandparent in your life, you’d likely remember them with fondness. You may not recall details, but when you think of your gran or mkhulu, you still get a warm, fuzzy feeling, right?

It’s a mixture of nostalgia and a memory of feeling safe and adored.

MORE THAN A BABYSITTER

While grandparents often play a very practical role as secondary, or even primary caregivers, it’s the emotional role they play in a child’s life that interests Cape Town family counsellor Mimi Hewett, who specialises in families and relationships.

“Grandparents, in my opinion, should be the soft cushion and provide their grandchildren with space where they can feel safe from judgement and strong

Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

Grandparents make great babysitters – and they come with many more benefits, writes Lori Cohen

F E A T U R E S YB

discipline. They allow your children to feel loved and accepted just the way they are, without feeling that they need to ‘perform’ to earn that love,” Mimi says.

With decades of experiences behind them, grandparents can also offer your children a unique perspective on problems. Your kids may even find it easier to confide in them than sharing their problems with you.

As parents, explains Mimi, we often try to fix or solve problems (enter the helicopter parent), while an older person may take a different approach by telling stories about how things were done when they were young.

This allows your child to learn and build problem-solving skills.

Your parents fill the role of historians in the family too. Encourage them to share your heritage with your children and pass on family traditions. Children will be naturally interested to hear stories about what you were like as a child and hear funny family anecdotes.

The role of a grandparent can have profound effects. A study found that close grandparent-grandchild relationships led to fewer emotional and behavioural problems in children and fewer difficulties with their friends. The bond also helped reduce the impact of tough times, such as divorce or bullying episodes. It turns out an afternoon spent with Gogo is pretty good therapy.

BUILDING A BOND

So, how do you help bridge the gap between your parents and your children, so they can both benefit from this bond?

Living in different cities (or continents) can pose a challenge, but thanks to technology such as WhatsApp and Skype, your kids can have regular “face-to-face” interactions.

Children can be shy when they’re expected to “perform” or answer questions, so you may need to help mediate the chat by prompting your child to answer.

Take the pressure off by keeping conversations short and simple.

Suggest your child shows their grandparents a new picture they’ve drawn or a new toy they’ve received.

For older children, suggest your parents write them personal text messages they can read themselves.

If you’re divorced, you may also find that the non-custodial set of grandparents feel the loss of contact.

Whatever you think about your ex,

encourage exchanges with both sets of grandparents. Do your best to bring them into your children’s lives, so they can form part of their support circle too.

The closeness your kids feel with your parents has a lot to do with your attitude. Research shows that when grandparents and their adult children are close, closeness with grandchildren comes naturally and easily. However, the previous generation also needs to make an effort to build the bond.

Grandchildren don’t automatically consider their grandparents to be part of their inner circle.

“Our children don’t necessarily do what we tell them, they do what we do.

They copy our behaviour,” Mimi says.

If you want to build a better relationship with your child’s grandparents, she recommends you consider how you role model.

“You need to show them what it looks like when you respect your parents, demonstrate positive communication, love and acceptance.

You can’t force relationships.

“I’ve found that when you try to control your children with your power, they will rebel against it, or operate out of fear, rather than love.

“It’s important that our children have good relationships with their grandparents because they want to and because it makes them feel good, not because you tell them to,” she adds.

OVERCOMING CONFLICT

Encouraging closeness can be easier said than done, particularly when you feel your parents are overstepping boundaries or criticise the way you parent.

Mimi says if you’re feeling tension, rather confront it and discuss it with your parents. “The key to changing any behaviour that’s unacceptable – whether it’s from your children, or from the grandparents – lies in having open and honest communication,” says Mimi, who runs parent effectiveness training courses, which help to build these skills in families.

Do you feel uncomfortable that your parents are “spoiling” your children?

Mimi thinks that it’s impossible to spoil someone with too much love and attention, but when it comes to gifts and food and sweets, it’s a different story.

“Talk to the grandparents about what you, as the parent, find acceptable and what is unacceptable. Discuss your

THE MISSING LINK What you can do to fill the gap in a child’s life if they don’t have any living grandparents ✓ Place photographs of their grandparents in the home, and share stories and anecdotes about them with your children. ✓ Build a basic family tree with your child, and explain their heritage and the people that came before them. ✓ Ask a senior family member or friend if they are willing to take on the position, and cement it by assigning them the official role by including them in significant moments in your child’s life, encouraging them to spend time together and even letting your child choose a unique nickname for them. needs and boundaries and encourage true relationships instead of buying love and acceptance with objects,” she explains.

Also, remember you come from different generations, and your values will naturally differ.

“You can force your parents to take on your values, but you run the risk of destroying your relationship. Instead, you can opt to value the relationship with your parent more than the differences in the opinions you have.

Unless it’s directly harming your child, you can simply ‘agree to disagree’ on specific values, for the sake of the relationship,” Mimi says.

Like all relationships, they take time and authenticity to develop. Make the time available for your children to get to know their grandparents better by spending more time with each other.

“Be sensitive to the needs of both the grandparents and the grandchildren. Let them decide what works best for them, and allow the relationships to develop naturally,” Mimi says.

“The love will be there, but you also want to build a friendship between the people that raised you and the ones you are raising.”

And then, of course, grandparents make the best babysitters – plus it’s good for them.

A study showed that grandparents who babysit their grandchildren live longer than those who don’t.

It’s a win-win situation where they get to spend time together, their health is boosted – and you get a little time out. YB NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 25

Why, mommy? Why? Why?

But why?

YES, OF COURSE your child is a genius

for being so interested in the world and asking you so many, many questions, all the time, about every tiny detail of just about everything she sees or touches, or tastes, or smells, or thinks… But there is also that moment after the umpteenth “but why?” comeback when you start to realise that it must have been the parent of a toddler in the “why phase” 2 6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

who coined the phrase “curiosity killed the cat”! You’re not alone: all those sweet, bright questions flowing from your toddler are adorable, but they can also drive you nutty (just one moment’s silence, please!).

So, here is why your toddler asks why all the time, and some tips on how to manage all those questions before you lose your parenting cool.

WHAT IS THE ‘WHY PHASE’ ALL ABOUT?

Interestingly the “why phase” has more to do with your child’s burgeoning communication skills than her innate curiosity – although that is part of it too.

“This is a terribly exciting and important exploratory phase for children ,” says Catherine Normand, a Stellenbosch-based educational

Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

… because they want to connect with you, that’s why!

Camilla Rankin explains why your toddler asks you so many questions – and how best to deal with them

F E A T U R E S YB

psychologist. “They start to develop and use their newfound language skills, begin to understand the nuances of language and start to connect with their caregivers on a different level, as well as broadening their world-view.”

Not only is your child starting to see that there is a big wide world out there beyond home, family, playtime, bedtime and mealtimes, and so developing a curiosity about their world, they are also starting to understand how words and conversations – especially the question “why” – can help connect them to the people they care about.

WHY IS IT SO ANNOYING, THEN?

“We’re frustrated for two reasons: often we don’t know the real answers to the innocent questions they ask, but even when we do, our answers don’t slow the pace of their relentless questions,” says Alan Greene, an American paediatrician and author. “That’s because we’ve misunderstood their language and think that when they ask ‘why?’, they mean the same thing we do when we ask ‘why?’.”

Dr Greene believes that when a toddler asks “why”, they are not looking for a cause-and-effect answer, they are simply looking for a way to interact with you, to connect with you.

Which explains why, when you are so proud of your clear, age-appropriate answer to their question, it doesn’t stop them from asking for more.

“After conversing with thousands of children,” Dr Greene says, “I’ve decided that all they need is animated attention and me saying whatever came to mind about that subject. After a brief interchange, we were both happy.”

MANAGING THE SITUATION

Okay, so your child is just trying to connect with you in a new way – that is really sweet, but knowing that can sometimes just fuel our parenting guilt, especially at those times when you just don’t have the patience, and just want the questions to stop for a bit!

The first step, Catherine says, is to give yourself permission to be frustrated.

“It is a totally normal response, but be honest and explain this to your child, ‘I can’t concentrate right now, I am driving.’ Or ‘I need to focus on getting the shopping done.’ Not only does this teach emotional reciprocity, but it will also teach your toddler patience,” Catherine says.

When a toddler asks ‘why’, they are not looking for a cause-and-effect answer, they are simply looking for a way to interact with you, to connect with you The next step is to find a practical tactic for dealing with incessant why questions, so that your child is satisfied, and you can still feel like a top-notch parent.

HERE ARE FIVE TRIED-ANDTESTED SUGGESTIONS

1 Fire a question back. You can try meeting a question with a question, “Why do you think the sky is blue?”

This way you are teaching your child to think independently, to develop confidence in their own thoughts, ideas and problem-solving skills. It will also give you insight into how your child’s imagination and thought processes work – and it means you don’t have to be a walking talking encyclopaedia!

2 Be okay with saying, “I don’t know”.

This can be tough for some parents, but it really is okay to let your child know that there are some things you simply don’t know.

“There is great value in children becoming aware that their parents are fallible,” says Catherine, “but along with this is starting the process of finding the answer together.” Suggest asking another adult (such as a grandparent, friend or teacher). Google it, or find a book to read about the topic – and you will teach your child invaluable research skills along the way, and a thing or two about life-long learning.

3 Make them ask the full question. This way, you really can answer the question

they are asking, and it will stop them from just blurting out “why?” incessantly.

4 Change the topic. An effective way of curbing a particular strain of why question is to change the topic before another “why” can creep in. What your toddler really wants is your attention, so if you are still chatting with them, they will usually be happy to bounce from topic to topic.

5 Expand on the question. More often than not, your child just wants to learn more about something, so you can respond to their why question with a more general explanation or discussion about the topic. Reply to, “Why is there a dog sitting there?” with “I noticed that dog too. Did you see his big ears and his fluffy tail?” And then talk about different dogs that you have seen or know, or compare this dog to one you have at home.

Whichever tactic you use, it’s essential to always be honest, explains Catherine.

If you don’t know the answer, tell your child. If you say you’ll look up the answer later, then make sure that you do – after all, this phase is as much about building a relationship as it is about finding answers.

CAN THERE EVER BE ‘TOO MANY’ QUESTIONS?

“Yes, in some cases, incessant questioning could potentially be a cause for concern,” Catherine says.

“But it’s essential to look at your child’s behaviour and interactions more broadly.” Are there any other indicators of repetitive behaviour, impulsivity or perseverance – repeating a word, phrase, or gesture over and over again?

If the questioning or behaviours begin to impact on a family’s functioning and becomes intrusive, then it may be useful to seek advice or investigate further. But bear in mind that all children develop differently and at their own pace.

In the end, this too shall pass – as do all of those developmental phases that seem so unmanageable or tricky to deal with.

In fact, there may even be a moment when your gorgeously curious toddler has morphed into a sulky, silent teenager and you find yourself thinking, “Why? Why? Why!” YB NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 27

YB F E A T U R E S

JUGGLING WORK, home, relationships, me-time and more is tough to do, right? Add a newborn baby into the mix, and all the sleep deprivation and insecurity that goes with it, and it’s easy to see why more and more new parents are suffering what experts have coined as “parent burnout”.

And, to be honest, it’s no surprise that the fatigue and stresses of parenting in the early days – and even later in your baby’s life – could have an effect on your mental state. And from our side, there is no judgement either.

“Parental burnout is a relatively new term, surfacing in the 1980s and gaining traction in the last four years,” says Johannesburg-based clinical psychologist Jana Morgan. Its symptoms include physical and emotional exhaustion, emotional distancing from one’s children, and a sense of incompetency in one’s parenting role.”

Of course, new parents do feel exhausted beyond comprehension, 2 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

but it’s when the fatigue of parenting becomes overwhelming and takes you away from your baby that burnout steps in. As Jana adds: “When parents stop having space for their own feelings and thoughts, they stop having space for their baby’s feelings, and then the connection – which is what babies, children and people need most – vanishes. Feelings of guilt, shame and embarrassment are also rife in parental burnout, which correlate with symptoms of depression.”

SO, WHAT’S GOING ON?

Ask your mom if she had new baby burnout, and she’ll probably look at you strangely. As Jana says, this is a relatively new concept.

So, what is it about parenting in the 21st century that has us breaking down?

“Modern mothers are expected to work and parent in an equal and perfect way. They aren’t allowed to make mistakes, yet they are expected

to mother without help while still contributing to the bottom line.

“Meanwhile, fathers are expected to ‘dad’ better – be more hands-on, make as much money but be home more.

Increasingly, good parenting has become something we expect to be done as well as one would complete a degree.

There are now rules to follow: birthing and feeding a certain way, attachment parenting, sleep training, do this, don’t do that. There is always a sense of a better way to do things – raising perfect children by being perfect parents and building a perfect world around them.”

Blanche Rezant, a programme manager at The Parent Centre (theparentcentre.org.za), agrees that we’re putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect parents – and so is society – and that this is contributing to parental burnout. “What I call The Perfect Parent Myth is ruining our child-rearing experience,” she says.

“In striving for perfection, parents

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

Yes, it is a thing. But that doesn’t mean you have to let this kind of mental collapse get the better of you. Kerryn Massyn gets help from the experts

are draining their resources and energy, pushing themselves too far, and depriving children of vital growth experiences. These standards are untenable – parents can’t be perfect.”

We’re human and so are our children.

“Robots would be much easier to parent.

They are predictable, and when they are unruly, we can shut them down.

Parenting is nothing like that. And yet, parents still strive for perfection, feeling that if we can’t do all of those very difficult tasks, then we are not doing right by our children,” Blanche says.

GOOD ENOUGH

Yes, perfection is impossible to achieve.

And, a perfect parent is not what your baby needs. Your baby needs you in your flawed and exhausted glory.

Burnout is what we experience during periods of high stress, such as coping with the demands of a newborn baby.

“A baby needs her needs met by someone who can read her cues and anticipate what she might need to keep her in a calm relaxed state.

“This takes time, patience and practice. But it also means that caregivers of newborns need to be taken care of, so that they can fulfill this very demanding job, because it’s this that develops the emotional bond between a child and parent,” Blanche says.

Jana adds that this is the important stuff – the stuff that aids connection.

Not whether you’ve bought the right toys or done exactly five minutes of tummy time 20 times a day. She advises parents to focus on building a relationship with their baby, rather than accomplishing specific parental goals they’ve set for themselves like getting the baby to sleep through the night. “Be curious about who your child is, and create space for that. That’s the priority,” she adds.

“And as your baby grows, you might just find that good enough is more than enough, because it’s real. Our efforts to meet every single want and desire of our children can hurt them in the end, because they fail to understand that real life is full of disappointments and struggles. Learning at an early age to press on through adversity builds strengths,” says Blanche. “Of course, this doesn’t mean we leave our kids on the side of the road when they start school and wish them good luck in life. No, we still have to parent. It just means there is flexibility and room for real-life mistakes and limitations to our parenting abilities.”

SIX STRATEGIES TO DEAL WITH STRESS

There’s no getting away from the fact that parenting is hard work, and you will have days where you doubt yourself and question everything you do. But before you let the doubt and pressure overwhelm you, put some strategies in place to keep new baby burnout at bay.

Build yourself a village You don’t have to parent in isolation. Try to make friends with other mothers pre-birth. Join a group, ask questions. Get integrated into some kind of mothering community that does not feel judgemental – doulas, lactation consultants and antenatal classes can fulfill this role. Create a network of trusted caregivers, godmothers, grandparents, aunts, mom friends. “The more stable and familiar loved ones in your and baby’s life, the better for everyone,” says Jana.

Do something for yourself You don’t stop having needs just because you’ve become a parent.

“Make time for yourself – whether it is going for a short walk, having a bath, visiting a friend or having your own space, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day.

Make sure you protect this time and make it a priority,” suggests Blanche.

Asking for help is not defeat Carve out time and space for you to focus on your baby. “Think about all the things you dislike doing, and get them outsourced as much as possible, ask for favours, and delegate chores and errands.

“Ask your aunt to do the laundry, get your husband to sterilise bottles and breast-pump equipment, employ a laundromat if you can,” Jana says.

Don’t compare yourself to others Everyone parents differently. “If you want to be happy, stop comparing yourself,” says Blanche. “It’s unreasonable, as everyone is different. This only adds to pressure, stress, feelings of inadequacy and – most importantly – takes away from the great work that you do as a parent. No one is perfect. If you notice you are putting pressure on yourself to be the perfect parent, try letting this go. Do you and don’t worry about what others think.”

Nourish yourself in all aspects “Make a list of what is nourishing for you, and commit to building on it. Keep in mind food, exercise, relaxation and the like,” says Blanche. “Things that can deplete your energy even more can often be working after the children go to bed, going to bed late, and mindless internet or social media use. These all contribute to stress and an active mind. Take steps to let go of what is not healthy for you.”

Jana has advice that can help with this, especially in the early days: “Create a nest that you and baby can hide from the world in for a bit. It needs to be comfortable for you and baby, and it’s worth spending time and money on this.

Make sure you have the right pillows, water, snacks, and playthings.”

Be kind to yourself “Show yourself some compassion, rather than criticising yourself,” says Blanche. “Too much criticism can often lead to low selfesteem, irritability and eventually burnout. In times of doubt, ask yourself what you would say to a friend if they were feeling the same. More than likely you would be compassionate and realistic about the situation. Apply this same advice to yourself.” YB

Is it parental burnout or postnatal depression?

The difference, says Joburg-based clinical psychologist Jana Morgan, may not be altogether clear-cut.

Jana says maternal burnout differs from postnatal depression in that it generally occurs in mothers with children over 18 months of age. It is predominantly linked to parental traits and to a lesser extent to social and marital factors. Lastly, with burnout, the depressive mood is not generalised but experienced in relation to one’s parenting role and tasks.

“It’s not normal for a woman to suffer in new motherhood. It is also not normal for her to feel anxious most of the time or for her to feel overwhelmed most of the time, and it is not normal for her to

feel trapped and angry and uncertain most of the time,” says Blanche Rezant, a programme manager at The Parent Centre in Cape Town.

“There’s no doubt that new motherhood is overwhelming and scary for most of us, but when these feelings take charge – when they become more dominant than feelings of relative wellbeing – there is something else going on.”

If you are worried about how you are feeling about being a new parent or about your baby – and especially if you have thoughts of harming your baby or yourself – it’s important that you talk to someone, like your doctor, clinic sister, gynaecologist or a therapist, right way.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 29

Know your rights as a parent and make single parenting a lot less stressful

in billowing black togas and its piles of paperwork and archaic terms, the law can be scary. When it may impact your role as a single parent, it may even be terrifying.

But it does not have to be. Your desire to ensure the well-being of your child is at least one thing you may have in common with the law.

The Children’s Act 38 of 2005 specifically prescribes that your child’s “best interest is of paramount importance” (Section 7) in all matters concerning their care, protection and well-being.

Safeguarding your child’s best interests is not always easy, but learning your legal ABCs will help. As it has an effect on your baby from their first breath, all parents should have at least a basic understanding of family law.

3 0 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

If parents are unmarried, a baby is registered under the mother’s surname, unless both parents jointly request in writing that the father’s surname be used

AFTER YOUR BABY’S BIRTH

Within 30 days of a baby’s birth, you have to give notice to the Director of Home Affairs in terms of the Births and Death Registration Act 51 of 1992.

A birth certificate will then be issued.

If you’re married (same- or oppositesex marriage), notice is given under either or both parents’ surnames (or a double-barrelled one).

If parents are unmarried, a baby is registered under the mother’s surname, unless both parents jointly ask, in writing, that Dad’s surname be used.

An unmarried father needs to obtain the mother’s consent to register the baby under his name. Should a mother refuse or be unable to give the consent, a father may apply to a court for a declaratory order in respect of his paternity, in terms of Section 26 of the Children’s Act.

Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

WITH ITS PRACTITIONERS dressed

F E A T U R E S YB

THE RIGHTS AND DUTIES OF UNMARRIED FATHERS

“One should be careful to attach too much weight to the absence of a biological father’s name on a birth certificate,” says Cape Town advocate Cathy McDonald.

Being registered as a father on a birth certificate may only serve as a provisional indication of paternal rights and responsibilities in respect of a baby.

An unmarried father, in terms of Section 21 of the Children’s Act, gets parental rights and duties if he: (1) at the time of the child’s birth, was living with the mother in a permanent life partnership or (2) regardless if he was living with the mother, consents to being identified as the father or (3) contributes or has attempted to, in good faith, contribute to the child’s upbringing and (4) contributes or has attempted to, in good faith, to the child’s maintenance for a reasonable period of time.

As Cathy warns, “The Children’s Act has made it increasingly difficult for mothers to keep fathers away from their children.”

THE DUTY TO CARE FOR YOUR CHILD

The Children’s Act provides extensive lists detailing the rights and responsibilities of parents in Section 18 of the Children’s Act in respect of dependent children.

In line with international developments, terms such as custody have been replaced with wider and more descriptive ones such as “care” and “contact”. In addition to caring for your child, this includes maintaining contact, acting as a guardian and contributing to the maintenance of your child.

The Act has brought about an approach whereby the weight of parental rights and responsibilities are shared by both parents.

“The tendency is toward more responsible parenthood,” explains Cathy. “Parents are encouraged to act like adults and to make decisions together.” And where parents are experiencing care and contact difficulties or disagreements, remedies such as mediation must be considered before approaching a court, unless the urgency of the situation requires immediate court intervention.

GUARDIANSHIP

Unless a court awards sole guardianship to one parent, which usually happens only in exceptional circumstances, both parents are regarded as joint guardians of a child in terms of Section 18 of the Children’s Act. This right entails making major decisions affecting a child while taking the child’s wishes into consideration (for instance giving consent for a child to leave the country or to get married).

The Children’s Act, however, prescribes that even guardians are not permitted to make certain decisions for a child. These generally relate to specific religious, cultural or social practices (for example the marriage, genital circumcision or mutilation of young children).

CARE AND CONTACT

When separated parents live close to one another, a court will often decide that the child should stay with both parents on a rotational basis.

Parents then share care duties.

Should such an arrangement be impractical, however (for example when parents live too far apart or really struggle to get along), a court will direct that one parent be the primary caregiver of the child.

The above care-and-contact routine will be set out in a document called a parenting plan, which can be negotiated between the parents with the help of a specialist matrimonial attorney or social worker, endorsed/approved by the family advocate as being in the child’s best interest and then made an order of court. For the content of the parenting plan and the formalities, see Section 22 of the Children’s Act. To make a decision, courts will thoroughly consider factors such as the child’s age, sex and background; the child’s views and wishes as to where they want to live if they are old enough; reports from psychologists and possibly a family advocate; and the parents’ respective circumstances.

The parent with whom the child’s not staying still has a right to reasonable contact with the child.

When there may be some risk involved in granting contact with a child (for example when a parent has a history of substance abuse), a court may order that contact only

HELPFUL RESOURCES

Be careful of legal advice you find on the internet, as it can often be outdated or even false.

A good starting point is reading applicable legislation such as the Children’s Act 38 of 2005, the Maintenance Act 99 of 1998 and the Domestic Violence Act 116 of 1998, as these may help you handle situations that often arise during single parenthood.

In making difficult legal decisions or taking legal steps, it is important to make an appointment with an attorney who has sufficient experience in family law, in other words, a specialist matrimonial attorney and not a general practitioner. You can contact the Legal Practice Council (lpc.org. za) in the province where you live to obtain contact details of such specialist attorneys. As Cape Town advocate Cathy McDonald notes, however, remember to trust your instincts and be informed. In this way, you can save money and time and ensure that your child’s best interests are indeed catered for.

occurs under supervision or with certain restrictions until the parent has proven that they are rehabilitated.

CHILD MAINTENANCE

Paying child maintenance is an absolute duty of both parents, in terms of Section 15 of the Maintenance Act 99 of 1998.

The duty remains in force until a child turns 18 or becomes selfsupporting, whichever is last.

Being registered or not as a parent on a baby’s birth certificate does not detract from this duty.

Maintenance contributions toward a child’s expenses are calculated pro rata in accordance with the parents’ respective salaries and financial abilities.

“You can’t draw blood from a stone,” says Roelof Steyn, an attorney and family law expert at the law firm Cluver Markotter in Stellenbosch.

If one parent is, therefore, struggling financially, a court will not force them to contribute maintenance that cannot be afforded.

A child’s share of expenses is NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 31

YB F E A T U R E S

normally (although not always), half the amount of what the primary caregiver’s expenses are.

INCREASING AND ENFORCING PARENTAL RIGHTS AND DUTIES

A SINGLE PARENT’S RESPONSIBILITY

When consulting with single parents engaged in court processes, Cathy says she often wishes that they (the single parent) had known more about family law before taking inappropriate steps that later have to be resolved through costly and lengthy litigation.

“Be informed,” she urges. Although taking sole or large responsibility for your child’s interests is not always easy, if you do the necessary homework, you can banish a lot of fears – and save some money. YB 3 2 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

WHEN DISPUTES ARISE Litigation (or time in court) is costly.

So try and settle any disputes with the other parent. Cape Town advocate Cathy McDonald advises that parents should try to co-operate as far as is reasonably possible.

“When parents play games with litigation, it leads to major problems,” she says. Should you be unable to reach an agreement with your child’s other parent, agree to at least see a facilitator or mediator who

will guide and help you toward an agreement.

“Although this option may also be expensive, it may cost you much less than litigation and will often lead to a much quicker outcome. Should you be unhappy with the outcome of a facilitation process, you are still able to apply to the court for appropriate relief,” explains Cathy.

Professional facilitation bodies exist across South Africa.

If parents fail to agree, they will have to move through a congested court system and complete several administrative steps before the matter will be allocated a trial date In Gauteng, contact the Gauteng Family Law Forum – info@gflf.co.za, 011 783 1066.

The South African Association of Mediators (saam.org.za, 086 719 1811) can also provide details of mediators and facilitators in Gauteng.

In the Western Cape, the Family Mediators’ Association of the Cape (famac.co.za, 021 801 6176) provides facilitation and mediation services. Their members consist of attorneys, advocates, psychologists and social workers who have experience in a variety of family law matters.

(Article updated by Shando Theron, senior partner at Theron & Theron Attorneys, divlaw.co.za)

Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

When you need to increase maintenance, you may approach a maintenance court, in terms of Section 6 of the Maintenance Act, in the area where the child lives, or the person in whose care the child is, lives, carries on business or is employed.

If parents can agree to increase maintenance before a maintenance officer, the matter can be finalised immediately by the granting of an order by consent.

If, however, you fail to agree, you will have no choice but to move through the (congested) court system and complete several administrative steps before the matter will be allocated a trial date.

Note, however, that in terms of Section 16 of the Maintenance Act (a recent amendment), to mitigate the undue hardship caused by waiting for a trial date, the court may grant an interim order.

In order to safeguard your children’s interests, it is best to approach an attorney for assistance.

If you neglect your parental duty to pay maintenance or to grant another parent contact with a child, an attorney may furthermore assist the other parent to lay a criminal charge at any police station (in terms of Section 31 of the Maintenance Act), request a warrant for arrest or apply that you go to prison for contempt of court.

It’s unfortunate that the court hardly ever throws maintenance defaulters in prison, even just for short periods (like over the weekend).

This measure has had good results in other countries, in terms of stopping repeat defaulting.

D I G I T A L & P R I N T S U B S C R I P T I O N S YB

Subscribe now

save!

SUBSCRIBE NO W AND GET

25% off!

FOR ONLY R2 47.50 GET SIX ISSUES OF YOUR ESSENTIAL PAR ENTING MAGAZINE!

Subscribe to Your Baby magazine and never miss an issue!

Get the latest news, must-have information and expert advice delivered right to your door with our hand delivery option!

Call us to subscribe and find out about our hand delivery option!

ST 2019 JULY & AUGU ISSUE 241 incl ) N$40 50 (Namib a) 50 (VAT

NEW PRINT SUBSCRIPTIONS: SMS YBSUBS to 31069 with your details and we’ll contact you. SMS costs R1.50.

Free minutes don’t apply.

WE T BED! SOLVED

N THE

RENEWAL OF PRINT SUBSCRIPTIONS: Call 087 353 1300 or +27 21 065 0033 for international subscription rates.

Whatsapp 087 353 1333 Email subs@media24.com DIGITAL: www.magzter.com/ZA/Media24/Your-Baby/ Women's-Interest/

DISCIPLINE

Offer is valid for delivery in SA only.

This offer is valid until 15 December 2019.

10242

AZ TO

FEEDING YOUR

BAB

2019

TOP 10 FOODS TO FEED BABY

OF CHILDHOOD ILLNESSES 2019

page 26

Subscribe to Your Baby digitally for just R20.63 PER ISSUE

FROM BIRTH TO SOLIDS AND BEYOND

MEAL PLANS FOR EVERY STAGE page 28

UN-FUSS YOUR FUSSY EATE

WITH ADVICE ON SOLIDS BROUGHT TO YOU BY

EMERGENCY & SAFETY

• SYMPTOMS AND SIGNS • SOLUTIONS • WHEN TO CALL THE DOCTOR BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

You’ll receive three digital Your Baby booklets for free when you subscribe: Feeding Guide, A-Z of Childhood Illnesses and Your Emergency and Safety Guide

TO: TO SUBSCRIBE DIGITALLY, GO

https://www.magzter.com/ZA/Media24/Your-Baby/Women’s-Interest/ READ YOUR DIGITAL MAGAZINE ON YOUR SMARTPHONE, IPAD, ANDROID DEVICE, LAPTOP OR COMPUTER. NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 33

We’re throwing our children OTT parties – the bigger, the better – and showering them with expensive gifts.

Bianca Wright investigates our need to keep up with os through

“I’M HAVING A unicorn party,” says

four-year-old Hlelolwenkosi*.

“And And her whole class of 26 kids and her cousins are all invited,” her mother, Thandekile*, boasts.

Not only have they hired a R12 000 venue – a popular hotel used for live music performances in Ekurhuleni in Gauteng – for just a few hours of fun, they’re also bringing in their own chef, hiring a magician and also making sure the party planner has budgeted for enough entertainment for the kids.

Hlelo is one of a generation of children whose parents believe in giving them everything they want while ensuring 3 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

that their peers can’t compete.

Entertainment these days ranges from hiring a live ballerina to having a soccer star or celebrity show face at the party – at a tab that runs at an hourly rate – says Lerato Disemelo, a party planner.

She often finds parents turning to fashion designers for tailor-made outfits – for the whole family – to wear on the day of the party.

“I’ve hosted kiddies birthday parties with budgets bigger than that of an ordinary person’s wedding,” Lerato says.

To top it all off, each guest often leaves with a party pack that’s even more

extravagant than the birthday present they brought.

Lerato remembers how at one of the parties she helped plan, little guests went home with iPods.

Other extravagant goodie bags that have come across her path have included jewellery, themed handbags and shoes.

It seems the days of simple superhero and fairy-tale princess parties are gone, as parents now go out of their way to outshine each other.

Each year the party has to be bigger and better.

It’s Keeping Up With the Khumalos – taken to the next level.

F E A T U R E S YB

developmental stage. It also involves excessive parental attention (hovering and smothering).

• Soft structure: not having rules, not enforcing rules, not having chores, giving too much freedom, allowing children to dominate the family.

WHY DO WE DO IT?

TYPES OF OVERINDULGENCE

The OTT party is just one of the ways in which we coddle our children. Dr David Bredehoft – educational psychologist, researcher and co-author of How Much Is Too Much? Raising Likeable, Respectful, Responsible Children in an Age of Overindulgence – identifies three types of overindulgence of children: • Too much: too many toys, clothes, activities, sports, lessons, camps, privileges, entertainment.

• Over-nurture: doing things for children that they can and should be doing for themselves at each

All of us are sometimes more permissive than we probably should be. The reasons for our behaviour are pretty complex.

Guilt is often a big part of it, with the experts saying competitive parenting is often guilt parenting. The guilt typically stems from our perceived lack of time to spend with our children and a need to ensure that they’re able to compete with peers at school – or at the very least not stand out against them.

Our children are themselves not immune to competition and peer pressure, of course. Whether it be in terms of having fancy parties or owning brand-name clothing, children feel disempowered if they don’t keep up with their friends.

“Instead of empowering themselves with choice, kids are actually choosing things that disempower them,” explains Bev Milun, self-esteem engineer and author of The Survival Guide to Parenthood. “These choices are made because that’s what everyone is doing, and they want to be like everybody.

It’s not an empowered choice, because it isn’t necessarily their actual style, or they don’t make a choice that feels good for them first.”

Children who don’t follow the trends or have the must-have things are sometimes “othered” at school, and this can often give rise to bullying, says clinical psychologist and mom Kevashini Govender-Naidoo.

“These pressures on children are known to cause stress, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety among children – leaving them vulnerable to the pressures of commercialisation.”

Advertising and marketing messages latch on to the feelings of disempowerment and low self-esteem that many children feel and amplify them – communicating the idea that if you own this particular branded item, it will make you more liked, “cooler” and ultimately more acceptable.

“The branding and marketing of what to own, what to play with, what to wear, what phone to speak on and so

WHAT YOUR CHILDREN REALLY NEED

All families are different, says Zelna Lauwrens of Equal Zeal, a company that offers personal development programmes (equalzeal.com). How much you want to spend on parties and presents depends on your approach to raising children.

But Zelda warns to be aware of the power of brands on children.

“They know exactly what they want, and the generic substitute simply won’t do,” she says. “This is not only happening in the teen years, but increasingly in primary school.”

Fortunately, there are some basic parenting principles that hold true across class and culture: • Children need to feel safe and loved.

• They need your time and attention with no conditions attached.

• They need boundaries and limits but also the space to take risks and make mistakes.

• They need to spend time outdoors rather than in front of a screen.

• They need to be ranked and measured with less pressure to be the best, the prettiest, the cleverest and so forth.

• They need to be encouraged by mentors to aspire to something bigger than owning the next brandname gadget. on is overpowering a lot of the time,” Bev says.

The most worrying trend resulting from this “commercialisation of childhood” – and the resultant guilty overindulgence by parents – is the loss of individual and unique manifestations of the self, Bev observes.

“There’s an evident cloning and blending that’s happening that loses the self in the sea of people dressing the same way and having the same things,” she says.

Call it pester power or the nag factor, it’s hard to ignore the incredible influence that children, from toddlers to teens, have over our spending as parents. Subsequently, they’re a lucrative market for the advertising and marketing community.

“Marketers have growing access to South African children and are ‘coNOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 35

YB F E A T U R E S

SETTING THEM UP FOR FAILURE

While indulging our children often comes from a good place – who doesn’t want to give their child the best? – experts say this kind of competitive parenting is not healthy.

Studies have shown that overindulged children generally tend to struggle with waiting for something they want and taking personal responsibility.

They also tend not to develop skills related to self-care and dealing with others – and they often demand to be at the centre of attention.

Their sense of identity is also compromised, and they have difficulty determining how much is enough and what is normal for other people.

Essentially, overindulging a child is setting them up for a lifetime of struggles and disappointments, because the truth is life won’t always be easy, and things won’t always go their way.

“Next year I’m going to have a Lion King musical themed party,” Hlelo says proudly. “I’m going to have a big stage and a band and a cake with a lion on it.

It’s going to be awesome.”

Her mom smiles knowingly, already making a list of the items needed for next year’s extravaganza. YB * Names have been changed.

3 6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

WE ASKED: DO YOU FEEL PRESSURE TO HOST AN OVER-THE-TOP CHILDREN’S PARTY, AND HOW MUCH DO YOU USUALLY SPEND? Andrea Marince Not at all. I just buy a cake, some snacks and cooldrinks, have mom cook two meals and invite my bro and sis with their kids for supper – done! Can’t be spending R1 000s for people to enjoy, then leave and talk crap about it. And trust me, there is always that bit.

Megan Little I don’t feel any pressure.

I live for parties, and I thoroughly enjoy throwing them. I DIY most things off Pinterest and make my own platters.

I do end up spending a lot, but it’s my one chance to really spoil my children and get rid of some mom guilt! Usually spend around R2 000.

Sunika Nattrass Nope. I don’t. Hosted a really cheap party for my son this year and the kids loved it. We entertained them with a few “survival” skills and a zipline in the backyard. I’ve sometimes thought about it, but then I get tired thinking about it and generally revert to “plain and simple”.

I sometimes hire a big water slide or zorb, but that’s about as fancy as you’re going to get.

Samkele Mkhwanazi Ngwane I didn’t feel any pressure. I just wanted to host a perfect party for my one-year-old baby girl. I spent around R20 000.

Mindy Kay Heck yeah. We’ve had a dollar tree birthday, we’ve had a Vegas birthday, we’ve had a Chuck-E-

Cheese birthday, and we’ve had a Bounce house birthday, and sometimes we’ve had to just bake a cake. (Chuck-E-Cheese is an American restaurant and family entertainment franchise offering arcade games, amusement rides and animatronic displays.)

Carlynne Johnson-Loverlot I love hosting parties for my kids but go the DIY route, getting ideas off Pinterest and the internet and making it myself. Turns out absolutely stunning and cheap.

Lioba-Hassan Robiso-Lotfi I hold my son’s birthday party at school. Cake, juice, donuts and loot bags and very little decor.

Mbalirene Mathephe We spent over R5 000 on the first birthdays. We saved well before the time. After that, it’s mostly cake, eating out and mainly trips.

Desiree Lee I don’t feel pressure. Just had my daughter’s fourth birthday, and I felt like I wanted to go all out this time.

R18 000 later – got the happiest little Moana girl.

Ntombi Simanye Gazi-Mbeleni Thank God for Spur – I usually just buy a cake and invite their closest friends and let them go play. I’ll probably do something themed when they turn six.

TebaTso Pebetse Magongoa Niks. The girls tells me what theme they want, and I do it myself. The only expense is cake.

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

parenting’ these children within their homes, schools and playgrounds,” Kevashini warns.

Advertising and media messages aim to convince children that they need things to be happy. Little value is placed on the personal attributes that children should possess. Instead, emphasis is placed on possessions.

“Children are bombarded with images of how they should look,” Kevashini says. “It becomes about obtaining those external ideals – of princess, diva, rock star – rather than striving to be kind or intelligent or honest.”

“We found that when overindulged children grow up, they are more likely to become ‘externals’ rather than ‘internals’,” David explains.

“Externals are focused on themselves by being concerned about wealth, fame and image. Internals are focused on personal growth, relationships, and giving back.” Overindulgence, he says, is the process with which we – often unintentionally – instill materialistic values in our children.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SMILES! After months of gummy grins, the Cuddlers Happy Baby Competition has come to an end.

We wish everyone could be a winner, and while deciding between the six finalists was a tough task, in the end one little star stole the show…

Congratulations tions to the 2019 Cuddlers s Happy Baby Competitio on Winner – Bray yleigh!

BRAYLEIGH WINS A PHOTOSHOOT TO THE VALUE OF R7 500.

We’d like to send out a big THANK YOU to all the moms and dads who took the time to sha are their little one’s special smile with h us. Together, we spread happiness across a South Africa.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 37

Why take baby steps? #Balancedbelly #Infant

Support your baby’s overall development with a unique three strain combination probiotic. ProbiFlora Infant Drops take care of the entire gastrointestinal tract from oral health, small intestine to the colon.

Probiflora Probiotic Infant Drops 3 strain-Regular drops. Each dose per 4 drops (0,167 ml) contains Bifidobacterium lactis 400 million CFU; Lactobacillus rhamnosus 300 Million CFU; Lactobacillus salivarius 300 million CFU, Lactobacterium salivarius 187.5 million cfu. Health supplement. This unregistered medicine has not been evaluated by the South African Health Products Regulatory Authority for quality, safety or intended use. 2019081210154615 Adcock Ingram Limited. Reg. No. 1949/034385/06. Private Bag X69, Bryanston, 2021, South Africa. Tel.+27 11 635 0000. www.adcock.com

BIG guide to THE

GOOD BUGS

WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE...

Defining probiotics Where to find them The benefits Baby’s digestive issues Winter ailments Mom’s health Breastfeeding & baby’s gut NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 39

GOOD BUGS

By now you’ve certainly heard of probiotics, and possibly even prebiotics, and you might have a vague idea that they have something to do with digestion.

But do you really know what they are and how they work?

We made the science easy for you, so read on…

The where, what and how of

probiotics Brought to you by 4 0 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

FOR YOUR BODY and your little one’s

body to work optimally, a healthy digestive system is essential. More than 500 different kinds of bacteria are hard at work in the digestive track. Exactly how many and what their characteristics are differs from place to place. Every person on earth has a unique gut microbiota profile that is shaped early in life. However, this profile, or biome, isn’t fixed, but is constantly being impacted upon by all kinds of factors, for example diet or illness to name just two.

Dr Anton Janse van Rensburg from Johannesburg says that unfortunately many aspects of our modern lives aren’t conducive to a healthy biome.

“Because of antiobiotic use, smoking, stress, anti-inflammatories, antacids for the stomach and the absence of fermented food in our diets, we just don’t have healthy biomes anymore.

This is called dysbiosis,” says Dr Janse van Rensburg. The establishment and maintenance of a healthy balance of bacteria is clearly rather complex, but scientists are increasingly getting to grips with how it all fits together.

LET’S DEAL WITH SOME DEFINITIONS FIRST

Probiotics are living, natural microorganisms that occur normally in the digestive tract, explains Professor Renée Blaauw from the University of Stellenbosch’s Division of Human Nutrition.

If you take in adequate amounts of these beneficial bacteria on a regular basis, it can help the microbiotic balance in the intestines and give your health a boost. There are many different types of probiotics, with the most widely studied ones including strains of Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium. Don’t be put off by the Latin – just remember that human beings have thousands of these beneficial bacteria in our gastrointestinal tract.

Prebiotics are natural substances that occur in food. They are not digested by the body and are a form of fibre.

They improve your general health by

If you take in adequate amounts of these beneficial bacteria on a regular basis, it can help the microbiotic balance in the intestines and give your health a boost stimulating the growth of beneficial bacteria in the gut. In short, prebiotics are food components that improve the food supply in the gastrointestinal tract so that the beneficial bacteria (probiotics) can grow and flourish.

It is more effective to take probiotics and prebiotics together, than separately.

HOW DO PROBIOTICS WORK?

Probiotics function in a number of different ways to help improve overall health. They also play a large role in immune function. For example: • When the body is attacked by infections, the gut wall is disrupted and the pathogens cross over into the gut. Probiotics help to improve the permeability of the gut wall.

• Probiotics also attach to the intestinal mucous preventing pathogens from causing disease.

• Probiotics are also beneficial in stimulating the immune response in the gut.

• They help with digestion or fermentation of starches and also produce vitamins.

• Probiotics also increase the uptake of important minerals from the gut, thus preventing deficiencies which lower immunity.

• Probiotics such as the Lactobacillus type mentioned before produce lactic acid, which in turn changes the environment in the intestine to being acidic and thereby preventing the growth of harmful bacteria.

FIND THEM HERE

By now you’re probably keen to know where and how you can get these good bugs and their food source into your system.

Sources of prebiotics ✓ Bananas, berries and other fruit ✓ Oats ✓ Barley ✓ Wheat ✓ Tomato ✓ Onions ✓ Leeks ✓ Asparagus ✓ Other whole grains ✓ Legumes (lentils, beans, chickpeas) ✓ Spinach and other greens Sources of probiotics ✓ Yoghurt, if specifically stated on the label that it contains living cultures. ✓ Some formula or follow-on milks, or baby cereals, if it states that it has been added on the label. ✓ It is sometimes added to juice, energy bars or breakfast cereals – check the label. ✓ Fermented foods like kefir, kombucha, sauerkraut and amasi ✓ Probiotics are also found in supplements in various forms.

The best results occur when you ingest a combination of probiotics and prebiotics. So, for example, you can give your child yoghurt and banana together.

If you are giving a supplement, stick to the recommended dose, as too much can lead to gas and winds. Discuss with your doctor or pharmacist which supplement to use as the health benefits are associated with adequate amounts and strain-specific properties.

BENEFITS GALORE

Not only do the digestive system and immune system benefit from a good balance of these bacteria, your skin can also benefit. Every surface of your body is covered in microscopic creatures, mostly bacteria. These organisms create their own micro-ecosystem called the microbiome and it helps you stay healthy, as your skin is your first line of defence against outside attack.

Brought to you by NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 41

GOOD BUGS

Probiotics also feed the skin microbiome, helping them thrive and multiply further, and ultimately outcompete the not so good bacteria.

They encourage the health and growth of your body’s natural micro-ecosystem.

Turn the page for a closer look at more conditions that can benefit from some probiotic know-how.

COLIC

If your baby is otherwise healthy, but cries inconsolably for three hours or more a day, three times a week, for three weeks, you’re most likely dealing with colic. It can start as early as four weeks, and usually starts to fade at about 16 weeks. Mostly the crying starts in the late afternoon or early evening and can carry on for hours. Your baby might pull her legs up to her tummy and squirm and get red in the face. The causes of colic are a bit of a mystery. You aren’t alone though – 20 percent of visits to the paediatrician in the first four months are due to colic.

Things like allergies, digestive issues, lactose intolerance, hormones, temperament, an immature immune system, the environment and over stimulation, or a combination of these could possibly be to blame. If your paed has checked your baby out and found nothing amiss you can try a variety of measures to help, such as swaddling, white noise, a dummy and comforting your baby in a carrier against your chest.

Probiotics specially formulated for infants are also worth a go, as there is more and more evidence that they make a difference. When ingested regulary, probiotics should improve or normalise the microbial balance in the human intestines, which means that the gut functions better.

Babies are born without any microflora. That’s why they are so susceptible to opportunistic gut conditions. Adding probiotics to their diet can increase the levels of beneficial bacteria in the gut, creating an environment that is unfavourable for harmful bacteria to grow.

DIGESTIVE ISSUES

It is hard to know what is normal when it comes to your baby’s stools and many moms worry about constipation when the nappy has been empty for a while and baby seems to be straining.

However, the best indication of constipation is not frequency, but rather stools that are dry and hard, even if they are passed frequently. It is important to keep your baby well hydrated, as this is the best way to prevent constipation.

On the other side of the poo spectrum, moms worry about diarrhoea. Typically though, breastfed babies have very wet poo. Some babies can produce 10 dirty nappies a day, and others just one per week – all normal. Be on the lookout though for slime in the stool, or an explosive poo as this indicates diarrhoea. Your baby might also vomit and have a temperature. Dehydration is a real concern, so it is best to see the doctor.

The many advantages of probiotics include that they help with improved gut motility, and therefore are beneficial in the treatment of diarrhoea and constipation.

Probiotics strengthen the gut wall and protect against infection and inflammatory bowel diseases.

In premature babies with a very low birth weight the use of probiotics for six weeks decreased fatalities due to necrotizing enterocolitis.

This is a disease where part of the gastrointestinal tract gets infected and dies.

Probiotics also help with the digestion of lactose in food and they help with the absorption of nutrients, specifically minerals like calcium.

If your little one has diarrhoea caused by the rota virus, probiotics will also help. Studies have shown that the right strains of bacteria can help reduce the incidence of acute diarrhoea in babies by up to 50 percent.

WINTER AILMENTS

We’re all keen to make sure that our little ones get vitamin C for protection

Brought to you by 4 2 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Babies are born without any microflora. That’s why they are so susceptible to opportunistic gut conditions. Adding probiotics to their diet can increase the levels of beneficial bacteria in the gut, creating an environment that is unfavourable for harmful bacteria to grow against the winter nasties, but you could be better off supplementing with probiotics. Certain strains of Lactobaccillus and Bifidobacterium have been proven to reduce the rates of otitis media (ear infection) and recurrent respiratory tract infections in babies and in children.

ECZEMA, ALLERGIES AND ASTHMA Probiotic supplementation before and after birth can possibly reduce the incidence of asthma, allergies and eczema in children, according to Professor Bengt Björkstén, professor of Allergy Prevention and Paediatrics at the Karolinska Institut in Stockholm, Sweden.

Scientists have observed that the gastrointestinal flora differs between allergic and non-allergic children.

According to a theory known as the

Brought to you by NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 43

GOOD BUGS

WHAT ABOUT ANTIBIOTICS?

If your child is taking antibiotics, it is a good idea to give him extra probiotics. This is because antibiotics change the balance of organisms in the gut which could lead to an increase in harmful bacteria. As a result of this, your child might experience gastritis and diarrhoea, or bloating and intestinal pain. If your doctor doesn’t prescribe probiotics, ask her about it. Also ask when you should start with the probiotics, as taking them at the same time as the antibiotics might interfere with the efficacy of the antibiotics.

Brought to you by 4 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Source: Your Baby and Baba & Kleuter archive articles, parent24.com.

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

Not only are you helping your baby by having a healthy gut, you are also helping yourself “hygiene hypothesis”, babies who are born in sanitised hospitals and come home to sparkling clean homes may be more prone to develop allergies.

“It has been suggested that modern living is associated with too little microbial stimulation early in life and that allergic disease and autoimmune disease could be regarded as a consequence of a ‘microbial deprivation syndrome’,” Björkstén says.

Because children’s bodies don’t have to fight off as many bacteria as they did in the past, their immune systems start mistakenly attacking harmless substances, such as pet dander or pollen, causing allergic diseases.

Researchers hope to get more proof that, by giving the infant probiotics, his or her immune system is stimulated as it would be if the baby were exposed to bacteria in less clean surroundings.

Studies have shown that infants with atopic eczema improve with probiotic Lactobacilli.

This type of eczema affects up to 20 percent of the population and is associated with asthma and hay fever.

Research further suggests that by changing the gut microflora in early infancy with the help of Lactobacilli, the child’s risk of developing atopic eczema at a later stage is also reduced.

Björkstén also says that preliminary research shows that vaginal flora during pregnancy can play a role in whether a child develops asthma by the age of 5.

The risk is linked to a lack of Lactobacilli, which can easily be remedied by a good supplement taken by the momto-be during the last four weeks of pregnancy... Which brings us to more fascinating fact...

MOM’S HEALTH MATTERS TOO

The first 1 000 days of life is a critical window of early childhood growth and development, and is counted from conception. Foetal growth and development are influenced by the health of the mom.

Simply put: by ensuring a healthy microbial balance in the gut, a pregnant woman can boost the number of good bacteria present in other mucous membranes, such as the vagina. Why would that matter, you might wonder.

Well, during childbirth, the baby is exposed to these good bacteria, which immediately start to colonise the gastrointestinal tract. (Assuming of course that the mom’s biome is healthy.)

There is also evidence that microbes in the vagina interact with the developing foetus long before birth, affecting prenatal growth and the duration of the pregnancy.

Babies born by c-section don’t get the same exposure to the mom’s bacteria and the necessary colonisation of the gut happens at a slower rate, according to Dr Janse van Rensburg. This could lead to dysbiosis with far reaching consequences for the child, such as a weakened immunity during the first few years of life.

In optimal conditions this colonisation process seems to have long-term positive effects on a child’s immunity – and his or her protection from allergies and asthma.

Gestational age is also of interest when it comes to your baby’s gut flora.

The earlier your baby is born, the more immature the gut.

Not only are you helping your baby by having a healthy gut, you are also helping yourself. Studies have shown that pregnant women who take probiotic supplements which contained Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium starting in the first trimester are less likely to develop central obesity after they’ve given birth. The findings were reported by researchers from the University of Turku in Finland, at the European Congress on Obesity.

BREASTFEEDING AND BABY’S GUT After birth the process of colonising your baby’s gut with good bacteria continues through breastfeeding when

millions of microbes are sent into the baby’s gut every day, with every gulp.

Breastmilk bacteria play several roles in the baby’s intestines. They reduce the incidence and severity of infections; improve the intestinal barrier function by increasing the amount of mucous that acts as a shield; train the immune system to recognise good bacteria from bad; produce anti-inflammatory substances which keeps the gut alive and thriving; and burn energy, which determines how much fat the baby stores, and break down sugars and proteins.

The bacterial makeup of your breastmilk is in turn affected by the type of birth you had, as mentioned before, as well as your diet and wellbeing, your environment and even your geographic location and age! Of course, your use of antibiotics and probiotics during pregnancy also has an effect.

Fascinating, right?

Breastmilk is so unique to you that it could be regarded as a fingerprint. The study of breastmilk is therefore a critical part of understanding how newborns build their immune systems and ward of disease later in life.

Elloise du Toit, a medical microbiologist from the University of Cape Town says that the millions of microbes in breastmilk are critical to preventing babies from suffering diseases and other acute infections later in life. These include ear infections, meningitis, urinary tract infection, asthma, type 1 diabetes and obesity. To develop their immune systems, babies need an optimal slew of bacteria to colonise their gut.

There is global medical consensus that breastfeeding is best for babies. Yet only 38 percent of all babies are fed for half a year. The effect on their health has been extensively studied. Sadly, in developing countries babies who are not breastfed are nearly 15 times more likely to die in the first months of life from diseases such as diarrhoea and pneumonia than babies who are breastfed. YB

Brought to you by NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 45

Why take baby steps? #Balancedbelly #Infant

Support your baby’s overall development with a unique three strain combination probiotic. ProbiFlora Infant Drops take care of the entire gastrointestinal tract from oral health, small intestine to the colon.

Probiflora Probiotic Infant Drops 3 strain-Regular drops. Each dose per 4 drops (0,167 ml) contains Bifidobacterium lactis 400 million CFU; Lactobacillus rhamnosus 300 Million CFU; Lactobacillus salivarius 300 million CFU, Lactobacterium salivarius 187.5 million cfu. Health supplement. This unregistered medicine has not been evaluated by the South African Health Products Regulatory Authority for quality, safety or intended use. 2019081210154615 Adcock Ingram Limited. Reg. No. 1949/034385/06. Private Bag X69, Bryanston, 2021, South Africa. Tel.+27 11 635 0000. www.adcock.com

NEWBORN 48 Ten things you need to know about your premmie 50 Hello world!

52 Q&A:HIV+ and breastfeeding 53 Health Notebook: Caring for your newborn BABY 54 Help! I have a sick baby 58 I spy with my little eye 60 Ten poisons found in your home 61 Q&A: Gate safety 63 Health Notebook: Colic 64 Summer is here!

67 Shopping: Sunscreen 68 Recipes: Baby ice cream TODDLER 70 Raising a praise junky?

72 Q&A: Differences in disciplining methods 73 DIY: Christmas balls 74 Books: Christmas gifts ideas 76 How to handle tantrums 78 Superfood for superkids 80 Recipes: Bake and build a gingerbread house

Practical advice for ages 0-3

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 47

10

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR PREMMIE Your early arrival is a blessing but brings with him a specific set of circumstances to get used to

1

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

The early arrival of your baby can be quite traumatic, but many moms have been where you are now.

Approximately 14 percent of babies born in private care in South Africa are premature. This statistic climbs to as much as 23 percent in babies born in public healthcare. So you have a readymade support system in the other moms visiting the neo-natal intensive care unit (NICU) and their babies – get to know them. It also means that maternity hospitals and doctors have lots of experience looking after tiny babies, so your little one is in good hands.

4 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

2

THERE’S A GOOD CHANCE OF SURVIVAL

3

HE LOOKS A LITTLE DIFFERENT

Thanks to ongoing advances in medical science, more than 90 percent of babies born prematurely and weighing 800 grams or more will survive. As a general rule, the smaller the baby and the younger the gestational age, the greater the chance of complications.

Your preterm baby’s size and the sight of his fragile body may alarm you.

He will be very small, and his head may appear too big for his body. The reason for this is that preterm babies lack the subcutaneous fat that fills babies out in the last few weeks before birth. Your baby’s skin colour may also be reddish and transparent. Depending on his gestational age, he may also be underdeveloped in various areas – for instance, some preterm babies have no nails yet, or their genitals appear immature.

4

SIZE MATTERS

Your baby’s prognosis will depend on a number of factors.

Generally babies born at 26 weeks and later have a greater chance of survival, as a preterm baby’s chance of survival increases according to the time it is born.

A baby born earlier is much smaller and less developed and will probably need a prolonged period of medical care. Other factors that play a role are size, the maturity of the organs (lungs in particular) and whether there is an infection or other medical problem.

5

YOUR BABY NEEDS YOU

All babies, but particularly preterm babies, thrive on a parent’s touch. According to Prof Welma Lubbe, clinical education specialist and head of the South African Neonate, Infant and Toddler Support Association (Sanitsa), holding your baby against your chest helps to improve his physiological stability, alertness levels,

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

IF YOU’VE JUST had a baby prematurely, you are probably filled with worries, questions and hopes.

Over the coming weeks, you’ll get used to how he looks, what he needs and how to look after him. In the meantime, here are some essential facts that will help you along.

B A B Y F I L E S : N E W B O R N YB

breastfeeding success and bonding.

Depending on your baby’s medical condition, you may be able to help feed or hold him, even though he is attached to monitors. Discuss with your doctor whether you can implement this with your baby.

Even if you can’t hold your baby, you can still give him positive touch, which also has benefits and is an essential component of preterm care. Ask the nurses if you can hold his hand with your finger. Your baby needs your love and your touch. Try to be involved in your baby’s care, to the extent that you can. Scrub your hands well (infection is always a danger in the NICU, and prems are particularly at risk) and gently stroke your baby’s arms or legs, if the medical staff recommend it.

6

THE HOSPITAL IS PART OF YOUR LIFE

Your baby will be admitted to the NICU, which is equipped to give premmies the care they need, under the watchful eye of expert doctors and nurses. It is a strange environment at first, with its medical equipment and low lighting, but this is the best place for your baby at this time.

It’s hard to see your tiny infant attached to tubes and wires, but it’s comforting to know that these things enable him to be fed and for his vital signs, breathing and temperature to be monitored. It’s not uncommon for premmies to spend an extended period in hospital. Most stay until around their intended due date, but other factors that influence when they can go home include being able to breathe on their own, feeding by breast or bottle without problems and being able to sustain body temperature.

7

YOUR PREMMIE HAS SPECIAL NEEDS

Because he has so little fat on his body and is not fully developed, your premature baby has difficulty maintaining his body heat. Incubators and other machines are used to keep him warm and at a constant temperature. The other important need is for nutrition. He grows at a fast rate, so his nutritional requirements are relatively high, but at the same time his digestive systems is underdeveloped, and he’s probably unable to suck directly from the breast or bottle. Milk

is fed to the baby’s stomach via a tube.

Consider breastfeeding your premmie.

At first, you will have to express breastmilk to be fed via tube. If you persist, you may be able to switch your baby to the breast when he is strong and mature enough to suckle. If you can’t, your baby will be fed with formula specially designed for preterm babies.

8

THERE MAY BE MEDICAL PROBLEMS

Prof Lubbe says, ”Although technology has advanced very well during the last decades, the preterm baby is still exposed to an environment that is not the best for his development during this time.

“Scary things may also happen to your premmie. A preterm baby usually experiences a honeymoon period during the first 72 hours, when he does very well, and then suddenly seems to slide backward and develop complications.

This is a normal occurrence, but very frightening for parents.

“Challenges the prem baby is exposed to during this period are physiological instability, which include swings in blood pressure, periods of apnoea and difficulty breathing with an additional demand for oxygen.” Potential longterm complications of preterm births include brain bleeds, eye and heart conditions and feeding complications.

9

YOUR BABY WILL DEVELOP DIFFERENTLY

Try not to compare your baby to your friends’ babies of the same age.

The milestone development of preterm babies is very different to that of babies at full term. When considering your baby’s development, don’t think of his actual age but of the age he would have been if he’d been born on his due date.

Dr Lubbe says that to calculate this, you take your baby’s age from the day he was born (chronological age) and deduct the time he was early.

For example, an eight-month-old (chronological age) who was born eight weeks premature has a corrected age of six months.

Your baby only needs to reach his milestones when he reaches the corrected age, so this eight-monthold should start sitting at around six months corrected age.

“Remember that preterm babies may lag behind their peers until two

A preterm baby usually experiences a honeymoon period during the first 72 hours, when he does very well, and then suddenly seems to slide backward and develop complications years of age, at which time they need to have caught up with their full-term counterparts,” Prof Lubbe says.

1

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF TOO

It’s very normal for you to feel a roller coaster of emotions, such as anger, depression, helplessness or guilt.

Because of this, it’s important to have support. Talk to the nurses in the NICU, or join a support group (see the box below for details). Remember that your little baby needs you now more than ever, and to give him the best possible chance, you really need to look after yourself too. YB

HELP IS AT HAND If you find yourself needing a bit of support with your preterm baby, have a look at these websites: Littlesteps.co.za Sanitsa.org.za Skintoskincontact.com Kangaroomothercare.com Prematurity.org You can also search for your community forum for a support group for moms of premmies or search Facebook for groups and pages devoted to preterm babies.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 49

YB B A B Y F I L E S : N E W B O R N

What your first 10 days with baby are really like

WHAT WILL YOUR baby do – and how

can you care for her best in the 10 days following birth? And, just as important – what is happening to you right now?

And how can you nurture yourself during this somewhat daunting time?

5 0 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

DAY 1

BABY After birth, your baby will receive

an Apgar score to test her state of health and vital signs, and then snuggle up to you for some bonding time and possibly a first attempt at breastfeeding. (The Apgar test is given to newborns soon after birth to check heart rate, muscle tone, and other signs to see if extra medical or emergency care is needed.

The test is usually given twice: once at one minute after birth, and again at five minutes after birth).

You’ll be amazed at how alert your newborn is. Although her vision is still blurry, she can focus at a distance of around 20 to 25cm, may intensely study your face, use her senses to hear, smell and feel her world, and grab your finger if you place it in her palm.

Newborns will sleep for around 20 hours a day. The time in-between is spent establishing breastfeeding, changing nappies and being cuddled and held.

YOU Now in your fourth trimester, you’re recovering from either a caesarean section or natural birth. This is a time of mixed emotions – elation that the birth is over and your baby is here, and feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand.

If you’ve had a caesarean section, remember that this is major surgery, so you need adequate recovery time. Once you leave hospital, your responsibilities are only to yourself and your baby – everybody else must pitch in to do housework, care for other children, cook meals and look after any guests who arrive.

If you gave birth vaginally and had an episiotomy, you might be more swollen than expected, so use ice packs and take advice from nursing staff about how to urinate more comfortably and how to care for any wounds or swelling.

DAYS 2 TO 4

Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

BABY Colostrum or “pre-milk” is

packed with calories and nutrients, keeps baby warm and snug after birth and cleans out the first stools, called meconium, from her intestines.

Medical staff will look out for jaundice, a common condition that may affect newborns. Photo therapy may be used to help your baby’s liver get rid of the extra bilirubin, but in more moderate cases, jaundice should clear up within one to two weeks.

YOU If you’ve arrived home, try to

maintain the routine that was established in hospital, so that you have some sense of order during this upside-down time.

Be flexible though – learn to follow your instincts and let baby take the lead.

You’ll soon settle into a relaxed pattern of doing things.

If you’re breastfeeding, don’t schedule feeds. Rather feed your baby on demand, since she may wish to eat more at one feed, very little at the next, or “cluster feed” in a series of courses, especially in the early evening.

When your baby suckles, your hormonal system starts producing milk, so practise feeding your baby often.

You may also experience “the baby blues”, which sometimes kick in around day three after birth but can affect you at any time.

If you feel down, depressed or unable to cope as a result of feelings of gloominess or despair, call your doctor immediately.

DAYS 5 TO 6

BABY Your baby will need to be burped after a feed or whenever necessary, which is a skill some people master faster than others.

Experiment with different positions, and remember that holding your baby in an upright position after a feed, snug against you, is a great aid in digestion and getting rid of unwanted wind.

Posseting (when your baby burps up milk with her wind) may occur now.

Since it’s messy and sour-smelling, always have a towelling nappy or burp cloth handy for your shoulder or lap.

Keep your baby’s umbilical cord clean by following the instructions given to you by medical staff. Clean the cord gently every time you change your baby’s nappy. If you notice redness, pus, smelly discharge, an unpleasant odour, a ring or rash, call your doctor.

YOU Your hormones are changing, and you may be struggling with the physical aspect of recovery, too.

Rescue Remedy drops and having someone else change, clean or hold your baby whenever you feel the need for a break will help to see you through this time.

Keep an eye on your caesarean wound or vaginal area for signs of infection and, if you are in severe discomfort, have a fever or simply don’t feel right, call your doctor.

DAYS 7 TO 8

BABY A whole week has gone by! You

will have changed your baby’s nappy dozens of times and are getting to grips with breastfeeding too.

Your baby will enjoy looking at you, especially while feeding, so use this time for bonding.

When cleaning your baby, pay special attention to her eyes, ears and nose.

If her eyes are puffy, pus filled or otherwise seem inflamed or infected, call your doctor. Your baby may also sneeze a lot, and her nasal passages are clearing quite a bit of excess mucous.

When cleaning her ears, dry very gently and thoroughly behind the earlobe, and never push an ear bud into her ear.

Don’t be tempted to take baby all over the place now – especially into crowded places such as shopping centres. Her immune system is still very immature, and it’s best that she’s not handled or surrounded by too many people.

YOU By now you may be feeling well enough to get out of the house.

While you must not overdo it, this is an important step. Vitamin D, which you get from sunshine, will help your mood, improve your hormonal system and generally increase your energy levels.

Grab your sling or the pram, and go for a short stroll around the garden or your neighbourhood.

DAYS 9 TO 10

BABY You’ll visit your local clinic during the first two weeks for a check-up, weighin and vaccinations if necessary.

By now your baby’s stools will be more yellow and grainy if breastfeeding, or yellowish-brown, pale yellow and more smelly if bottle fed.

Don’t feel you should have established a firm routine – just do your best, and watch your baby for signs of discontent or discomfort. If all else fails, call your doctor or midwife.

YOU This is the time you may be feeling the effects of sleep deprivation, especially if your baby has digestive difficulties or tends to prefer being awake at night!

There is no right or wrong way to handle things; all that matters is that you keep baby and yourself fed and watered, baby clean (a top and tail in the first two weeks is just fine; you don’t have to bath her yet) and keep visitors to a minimum if too many people cause you more stress than pleasure. YB

THE GOLDEN RULE: During this “babymoon” period, sleep when your baby sleeps.

Having a nap not only recharges you but also speeds up healing and recovery time.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 51

Lindsay Archibald-Durham Registered dietician

BREASTFEEDING WITH HIV

Q:

My baby is due very soon.

I am HIV positive. I want to do what is best for my baby. I would like to breastfeed, but I’m finding a lot of conflicting advice on whether I should or should not. Please help me. Should I breastfeed?

Congratulations on your impending arrival.

Understandably you will want the best for your baby, and therefore it is fantastic that you want to breastfeed.

Before you decide whether it will be right for yourself and your baby, you’ll need to consider the following information.

Breastfeeding provides significant benefits to both you and your baby – such as supplying your little one with the perfect balance of nutrients as well as a variety of antibodies.

Breastfeeding has also been shown to reduce the risk of illnesses and disease in infants as well as promote healthy weight gain and prevent childhood obesity. Some studies even suggest that breastfed babies are smarter!

For you, the benefit of uterine contraction and weight loss is a good motivator to breastfeed and return to your pre-pregnancy size.

In addition, breastfeeding is both very convenient – and free.

Formula costs money, and you need to have access to enough of the right brand of formula for your baby.

You also need clean, boiled water (so electricity) to mix the formula. You also

A:

OUR EXPERT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS Email your question for our experts to: letters@yourbaby.co.za. Please note that experts unfortunately cannot respond to each question personally. The answers provided on these pages should not replace the advice of your doctor.

need to be able to sterilise bottles, teats and dummies.

So, that’s why we often say breast is best. However, if you’re HIV positive, your breastmilk does contain HIV, so there’s a small risk of your baby getting it. That is why it’s very important to take note of the World Health Organization’s guidelines.

According to these guidelines, if you do decide to breastfeed, both you and your baby must be on antiretroviral treatment (ARVs) in order to make the risk of your baby ending up HIV positive as low as possible.

You will continue to take ARVs, and your baby will need to be on ARVs until he or she is at least 12 months old. The evidence suggests that breastfeeding while both Mom and Baby are on ARVs has the potential to greatly improve an infant’s chances of surviving and remaining uninfected by HIV. Breastfeeding will, however, need to be exclusive (so your baby should only get breastmilk) for six months, as mixing breastmilk and other foods before this time increases your baby’s risk of becoming infected.

But after six months, you can start mixing things up by adding solid food and/or formula milk to breast milk.

If you have access to a constant supply of ARVs, it’s worth considering breastfeeding. If you’d prefer formula for peace of mind, that’s okay too!

If you’re still in doubt, talk to your healthcare professional. YB

Island Tribe Kids Clear Gel Sun Stick from R59.99 Kids Light Lotion Tube (200ml) from R129.99 Kids Clear Gel Tube (50ml) from R114.99 Kids Invisible Continuous Spray (320ml) from R189.99 Kids Light Lotion Trigger Spray (300ml) from R189.99, leading retail stores and pharmacies

Carriwell Padded Gelwire support nursing bra (now available in XL and XXL), R750, takealot.com 5 2 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

CUT OUT & KEEP

HEALTH NOTEBOOK

Once you’re home with your new baby, daily care becomes part of your routine. We have tips on some of the things you might very well be concerned about

newborn

CORD CARE

After birth, the cord is cut and clamped.

You can leave the plastic clamp on until the whole stump falls off. This can take seven to 14 days. Be patient, and don’t tug at it to get it off earlier. These days, dry care is recommended. This simply means that you keep the cord clean and exposed to air. In other words, covered loosely by clothes. Use nappies that have a cut-out for the cord stump, or fold the top of the nappy down. Be assured that there is very little risk of infection. Signs of infection are when the stump turns red and there is a yellow discharge, or when the skin around the cord is red and raw.

The stump should not smell either.

VACCINATION SITE

Your baby will be inoculated against tuberculosis at birth. This shot is given just under the skin of the upper arm.

Often a pimple forms at the spot where it was given. Do not be tempted to pop this pimple, and don’t put any ointment on it either, as this can interfere with the efficacy of the vaccination.

Best practice is to simply leave the pimple alone. It will clear up by itself.

GENITAL CARE

Your baby’s genitals (both boys and girls) may look outsized or swollen for a while after birth. No need to be alarmed – your paediatrician will check that everything is as it should be. When cleaning the nappy area, be gentle with your son’s foreskin. There is no need to pull it back.

You also don’t have to pull on your daughter’s labia. Use the gentle newborn wipes to clean from front to back. Watch out for little boys – they like to pee when the nappy comes off. A bit of time with the skin exposed to fresh air can do wonders for preventing nappy rash.

SKIN CONCERNS

Tiny white bumps across your baby’s nose, chin or cheeks are very common. It is called milia. Resist the urge to squeeze or pick at them, as you could damage your baby’s delicate skin. Milia does not need to be treated. Rest assured, they will disappear in a few weeks. The same

Your little one’s skin is soft and sensitive and needs the best and gentlest care. Cherubs Newborn Wipes are extra soft and gentle, so you can provide the most delicate care for your baby’s delicate skin.

goes for cradle cap. Don’t pick at it, and wash your baby’s hair as you would normally. If it is really bad, you can apply a product especially for cradle cap – ask your pharmacist.

BATH ROUTINES

Most hospitals show you how to bath your baby before you leave. If you don’t feel confident about doing it at home, make sure you have help when bathtime does come around. Many hands make light work, after all. Also know that it is not necessary to bath your baby every day, especially if he doesn’t enjoy it and it stresses you out. You can easily keep your newborn clean by topping and tailing. In other words, wash his face, neck and head, and wipe his upper body and clean under the arms and also the hands. Then dress his upper body, and wash the lower body. YB NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 53

YB B A B Y F I L E S : B A B Y

Your child’s first fever or earache can be super scary.

But, don’t worry, most babies fall ill a couple of times in their first year – and they usually come out stronger on the other side. Colette du Plessis looks at the most common baby ailments BABIES YOUNGER THAN three

months – especially those who have no older brothers or sisters – usually only suffer from niggles such as a blocked nose, nappy rash or oral thrush. The more serious illnesses – like flu and pneumonia – only hit between four and six months.

We look at the illnesses your baby can catch during the first 12 months of his life.

Lise Yzelle, an experienced clinic sister from Bloemfontein, describes the symptoms and tells us how these conditions are usually treated.

COMMON COLD

HELP! I have a sick baby 5 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Children under two catch between six and eight upper-respiratory-tract infections per year. Most often, the condition is rhinitis, a term that broadly refers to a runny or blocked nose.

Symptoms Cold begins with a low-grade fever accompanied by a runny nose. The discharge from the nose is usually clear but later becomes purulent (consisting of, or being pus). A common cold usually clears within five to seven days.

Possible complications The illness can deteriorate into a bacterial infection such as acute sinusitis and middle-ear infection, as well as feeding problems in small babies, as they can mostly only breathe through their nose.

Treatment The symptoms are treated with antihistamine and antiinflammatory agents.

A blocked nose is also effectively treated with a saline (salt-water) solution that you can spray into Baby’s nose.

You can also drip some breastmilk into Baby’s nose, as it has anti-inflammatory properties.

EAR INFECTIONS Babies are unfortunately more prone than the rest of us to contract ear infection. There are three kinds: infection of the middle ear (otitis media),

infection of the exterior ear (otitis externa or swimmer’s ear) and otitis with effusion. Middle-ear infection occurs most often.

Symptoms Sore ears, high fever, a weepy or niggly baby, wax and/or any other runny yellow liquid coming out of the ear. Your child’s ears can also itch. Babies often touch their ears. In severe cases, a baby can suffer temporary hearing loss and be off balance.

Treatment Pain meds, antibiotics and sometimes cortisone are three popular treatments. In the case of repeated infection, an ear, nose and throat specialist will probably recommend draining pipes (grommets).

Don’t administer drops in your baby’s ears without a script. Also avoid using any oils in baby’s ears, and don’t try and clean his ears with a bud CROUP This is a viral infection that causes the vocal cords to swell.

Symptoms A child with croup has a characteristic barking cough that’s compared to the call of a seal or walrus. It’s also accompanied by a hoarse voice and having difficulty breathing. Croup happens suddenly, unfortunately usually at night. It is also sometimes accompanied by cold symptoms and fever.

Treatment Keep your child as calm as possible and administer an adrenalin inhaler. In severe cases, children go to hospital, where they’re given oxygen.

BABY MEASLES Baby measles (roseola infantum) is a condition caused by two human herpes viruses named HHV6 and HHV7, and it’s not contagious.

Symptoms A sudden high fever followed by a rash of small raised red spots, mostly behind the baby’s ears. The rash always only disappears once the fever has disappeared.

Treatment Your doctor will only prescribe fever medication. There is also no specific immunisation against baby measles.

PNEUMONIA The most common lung infection that occurs among young children is pneumonia. Bacterial pneumonia follows a viral infection like a common cold because the latter makes the respiratory tracts more susceptible to a bacterial infection.

Symptoms Cough, high fever, rapid breathing and ribcage moving up and down during breathing.

Coarse rasping sounds can be heard across the lung area with a stethoscope.

Children often also lose their appetite and are listless.

They sometimes vomit and can be short of breath.

The diagnosis is confirmed with a lung X-ray but saliva is also sometimes analysed to confirm that it’s pneumonia.

Treatment Antibiotics is the cornerstone of treatment, while inhaling agents and physiotherapy are also effective as supplementary treatments.

Oxygen is also given if there is loss of breath.

Children with tonsillitis usually don’t feel like eating and appear listless TONSILLITIS This is a very common infection during the baby years.

Symptoms High fever, sore throat and bad breath. The tonsils are enlarged, and the doctor is able to spot purulent spots on the tonsils.

Children with tonsillitis usually don’t feel like eating and appear listless. They can even struggle with swallowing and are generally very uncomfortable.

Treatment Mainly with antibiotics.

It’s important that your child is given enough fluids. Pain is managed with paracetamol or something similar. Some doctors also prescribe a throat spray.

If your child repeatedly (at least three times a year) contracts tonsillitis and is older than three years, you can consider having them removed. But, consult a good ear, nose and throat specialist first.

5 6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

BRONCHIOLITIS

SKIN CONDITIONS

It’s one of the most common airway infections and mostly occurs in babies of three to four months old. Infection through the respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) and other viruses – like influenza, para-influenza and the adeno virus – are the main culprits, but other contagious illnesses that usually occur in children during autumn and winter are also sometimes blamed for bronchiolitis.

Symptoms One or two days after an upper-respiratory-tract infection has been contracted, babies develop a cough and start breathing rapidly. They also have problems eating and often run a fever. The baby may appear restless and sometimes even anxious.

Treatment Pain relief for the symptoms above is the usual treatment. In more serious cases, like when RSV hits, the baby could be referred to hospital.

Many babies have eczema. Doctors describe it as inflammation of the top layer of the skin (epidermis).

It occurs especially in children with a history of allergies, asthma or a sensitive immune system.

Treatment If the skin is just dry, it can be relieved with an oily cream or ointment, but in more serious cases a steroid cream is prescribed by a doctor. As with constipation and allergies, prevention is very important. Wash your baby’s clothes with special soap for sensitive skins, and avoid products that contain colourants and flavourants.

Prematurely born babies can get a special temporary vaccination against RSV

ORAL THRUSH It’s a fungal infection of the species Candida.

Symptoms There’s a white rash in the mouth and red spots on the nappy area.

If a baby with an oral infection is still nursing, your nipples can also become infected. They’ll be covered in round red spots and be very painful.

Thrush usually occurs on the tongue, inside the cheeks, on the gums and

Extra source: Babycentre.co.uk. Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

YB B A B Y F I L E S : B A B Y

even on the tonsils and palate. It’s recognisable as a solid white layer that looks like cottage cheese.

Treatment Anti-fungal medication is very effective. It’s also wise to use probiotics with medication to promote good bacteria in the gut. Clean your baby’s mouth before applying the ointment. Use 1 cup cooled boiled water, ½ teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon baking soda. Apply this with a swab of gauze.

Golden tip It’s very easy to distinguish between oral thrush and milk deposit in small babies. The latter is usually limited to the tongue and sometimes the inner cheeks. It’s easily removed when you try with a tooth brush or your nail.

Thrush occurs more widely in the mouth and can’t be scratched off CONSTIPATION A constipated baby is something with which all parents battle at some point.

Symptoms Hard, dry stools and a baby that really needs to exert himself to make a poo. The stool usually looks like little balls.

Treatment It’s important to first treat the causes of constipation. So for instance consider whether your baby’s formula has been correctly mixed.

It could also be that the milk does not agree with him.

Discuss these kinds of feeding issues with your clinic sister or paediatrician before switching to a new formula.

If you are using a scripted medication for constipation, never deviate from the dosage and manufacturer indications, and also obey the instructions given by your doctor.

Babies who are exclusively breastfed are usually not prone to constipation.

Breast babies sometimes only have one soiled nappy per week, but if the texture is soft and the poo comes out without much trouble, it’s all good.

FLU

PROTECT YOUR BABY Here’s Sister Lise Yzelle’s five top tips for preventing illnesses in babies

Influenza can hit babies of any age, and symptoms can occur very shortly – one or two days – after exposure to the virus.

Symptoms Fever, a runny nose, body aches, headache, listlessness, runny or red eyes and/or a red nose and throat.

Treatment Prevention is important, and the most effective way is getting a flu shot for babies older than six months.

Your baby will have to be jabbed twice in the first year and once a year after.

The infection can also be controlled with good hygiene.

Here are a few useful tips: wash your hands often; avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth; and don’t share cutlery.

It often takes longer to recover from the flu than from a cold.

1

BABY ALLERGIES

5

An allergy is an ailment where our bodies are hypersensitive to something specific (called an allergen).

It’s usually hereditary.

The most common allergens (elements causing allergies) are: ❯ Pollen from specific grasses and some trees ❯ House dust mites that live on human skin flakes – these mostly occur in bed linen ❯ Skin flakes from animals such as dogs, cats and even rabbits ❯ Feathers of different birds ❯ Fungal spores that grow in moist spots or in rotting plant material ❯ A variety of foodstuffs such as the lactose in cow’s milk, eggs, wheat, nuts, berries and fish How do you know which allergen should be blamed for your child’s allergy? Skin and blood tests can determine this.

Symptoms An allergy can cause reactions such as asthma, hay fever and rhinitis (runny or blocked nose), or eczema or a rash that itches, or eyes that sting and/ or itch.

Treatment It’s difficult to cure an allergy, as it’s most often an inherited condition.

The main aim, therefore, is prevention.

But your doctor will also prescribe something to relieve the symptoms.

DIARRHOEA AND NAUSEA Diarrhoea is common in children and could point to illnesses such as gastroenteritis; infections, such as

Ensure your baby’s vaccinations are up to date, as this is the only antidote to a bunch of the serious childhood illnesses. Visit a baby clinic near you for an updated schedule of when babies need to be immunised and for what.

Stick the numbers of the emergency services, fire brigade, your GP, paediatrician, clinic sister and poison centre on your fridge.

Breastfeed if possible. Breastmilk protects babies against infections and contains ingredients that help boost your baby’s immunity.

Always complete a course of antibiotics, and never store leftovers and use them again for your baby or your other children.

Keep track of all your baby’s illnesses. Jot down the illness and how old baby was when he contracted it. This information might come in handy at a later stage.

2 3

4

a respiratory or urinary-tract infection or encephalitis; allergies and poisoning.

In most children with acute diarrhoea, the cause is either a bacteria that affects the small and large intestine, or a virus such as the notorious rota virus.

Possible complications The main one is dehydration, and you’ll recognise it with skin that becomes less elastic.

Other symptoms include dry mouth, substantially fewer wet nappies or none at all, and rapid weight loss.

A baby that’s busy dehydrating is very listless and usually refuses any form of food.

Treatment The main goal is to prevent dehydration by giving your child lots of fluids.

If your baby is already dehydrated, he needs to get to a doctor immediately. A baby that doesn’t take in any liquid, goes to hospital and gets it intravenously.

In the case of gastroenteritis, hygiene is very important, since it’s contagious.

Make your own rehydration mix to prevent dehydration. Mix a litre of water that’s boiled and then been left to cool down, eight teaspoons of sugar and a ½ teaspoon of salt, and give it to your baby regularly.

You can also buy rehydration agents at the pharmacy or supermarket. YB

Thanks to Sister Lise Yzelle and Dr Jaco Neser, both from Bloemfontein, for help with this article NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 57

YB B A B Y F I L E S : B A B Y

her hands to catch the ball. For example, she may need to raise her hands above her head. This spatial information also helps her to know how close to stand to a friend and guides her ability to pack a lunch box.

PROBLEMS YOU MAY SEE DUE TO POOR VISUAL SKILLS

Your child may: • complain of regular headaches • have difficulty placing drawings on her page in the correct direction; for example, she may draw a person upside down rather than on their feet as she intended • find it difficult to understand what she reads because her ability to recall what she has seen is poor • often reverse her items of clothing • find it difficult to dress on her own, as she becomes frustrated with trying to do up her buttons, as her fingers and eyes don’t work together, and she is unable to line up the button hole with the corresponding button • often bump into moving objects such as friends, because her eyes don’t tell her about the movement around her

I spy with my little eye When Baby learns to see her world, she sharpens the tool that will help her acquire over 80 percent of her knowledge, writes occupational therapist Samantha Toweel-Moore MODERN LIFE HAS made your child

most reliant on her visual sense. Vision is not merely her ability to see, it is also the ability of her eyes to distinguish details and detect similarity and differences between objects and light. It is a survival sense. It makes her aware of what and whom are in her environment.

For example, her visual sense will detect the movement of a snake in the bush nearby. It helps her remain safe.

But it also helps her notice details in the world that make her performance 5 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

in practical life fun and efficient. For example, when she looks at a cup of juice, her eyes inform her that it is tipping downward and needs to be levelled before the juice spills out.

Her vision also provides her with information about timing and space.

When your child needs to catch a ball, her eyes will give her information about the speed at which the ball is moving.

This will guide her to move her hand at the right time to grasp it. It will also tell her where in space she should place

0 TO 12 MONTHS See the world: There is no better classroom for the senses than the big outdoors. Allow your baby to lie on her back and watch the leaves on a tree sway in the wind.

Vary her position from time to time; for example, place her on her tummy on the grass. As your baby looks at everyday aspects of her world, her sense of vision is being tickled by an array of textures, sizes, colours and forms.

When her hands are ready and able to grasp and explore things, provide her with space to crawl about in the garden in her nappy, so her sense of touch allows her to enjoy her world.

As your baby motors about, her little hands feel her world and bring her mind to question what it is that is so soft, or rough, or slimy and the like. Her eyes are drawn to these items. She studies them, and the next time she sees them, she’s able to recall their properties.

TIP: Allow time and repeated encounters with her touch and visual sense, so she is able to build up her ability to recall images in her mind’s eye without them being physically available to her.

Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

HELP YOUR BABY GROW HER VISUAL SENSE

12 TO 24 MONTHS Spot the sock: Gather pairs of colourful and patterned socks. Choose those that provide a variety of visual details for your toddler to observe, such as spots, stripes and bright colours. Grab as many socks as you both can hold, and toss them into the air on the count of three.

She will use her eyes to watch them fall, which will develop visual tracking that is necessary for writing and reading.

Draw her attention to certain socks by pointing to them and commenting on their colour, size and appearance. For example, “Look at the dark-blue sock with the green spots lying under the chair.”

Once they have all landed, ask her to identify the sock pairs and place them in a plastic bowl. You could set a timer for three minutes and see how many she finds. Help her, and praise and encourage her as you hunt.

TIP: This is a great game to play when the washing has dried and needs to be packed away. Increase the challenge by using socks that are similar in appearance.

24 TO 36+ MONTHS Bombs away: In the late afternoon, when evaporation is minimised and the garden is begging for water, take your preschooler outside armed with the garden hose. Line up a row of plastic bottles, the more the merrier, filled with interesting goodies gathered from the garden such as sand, water (add a drop of food colouring or some glitter), leaves, stones or feathers.

Place a stick on the grass to mark the point where your child needs to stand to start. This should be at least 1 to 2m away from the bottles. When your child is ready, with hosepipe in hand, open the tap and let her fire away to knock over each bottle with her water “gun”.

Aiming to shoot the target develops her ability to fix her eyes and use both eyes together. Spraying the water at the target helps develop her eye-hand coordination. YB TIP: Dress your child in swimming gear for this game, so her clothes don’t get wet, and be sure to apply sunscreen to her sensitive skin so that she doesn’t get sunburnt.

EARLY SCREENING

Eye tests for babies? Yes! Vision defects in babies are difficult to pick up, as you can’t have a talk with your baby about what she can see or not. That doesn’t mean her eyesight can’t be tested. In fact, it should be tested, as one in every five 4-year-olds has an undetected visual disorder.

The first screening should take place as early as possible, and a new bit of technology makes this possible. The plusoptiX Vision Screener performs a non-invasive test that takes just seconds to do and provides accurate screening in children as young as six months. The outcome is given as a simple “pass” or “refer” result, indicating whether a comprehensive eye examination by a paediatric ophthalmologist is necessary.

Ask your health care provider about it, as the device is popular with paediatricians, midwives and clinic nurses. See Plusoptix.co.za for more.

YB B A B Y F I L E S : B A B Y

POISONS your baby can easily get his hands on Babies explore the world by putting things in their mouths, which is why locking up hazardous materials is a must. Just to be sure, lock away these dangerous substances that are commonly ingested by babies and children – especially as many of them appear appetising

The terrible 10 This includes mouthwash, nail polish, hair remover and even baby oil.

SIGNS OF POISONING

✓ Burns or redness around the mouth ✓ Empty or half-empty containers ✓ Pieces of plants or berries in your child’s mouth ✓ Drowsiness or unconsciousness

WHAT TO DO?

If you suspect your baby has been poisoned, assess what has been swallowed, when it was done and how much was ingested before calling for medical assistance or for an ambulance if your baby is unconscious. ✓ Remove any visible objects from his mouth. Keep these and the container of the product with you, and tell the paramedics exactly what he has taken ✓ Do not try to make your baby vomit anything up ✓ Also don’t give your baby anything to drink until he has been assessed or you’ve been told it’s okay

TIP: Call the National Poisons Information Helpline (24 hrs) on 0861 555 777 6 0 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

2

Medication

Yes, it’s an obvious one, but be careful with anti-depressants and sleeping pills as well as medication for heart and blood-pressure conditions, diabetes and pain relief. Also be wary with medications you take regularly – the routine of it all makes it easy for you to forget and leave them lying around.

3

Vitamins

This is especially true in the case of iron supplements – overdoses can be really dangerous.

4Cleaning products

Move all your household cleaning products to a cabinet out of baby’s reach – not the cupboard under the sink!

Think high here! Not even dish-washing liquid is safe. Put away the drain cleaner, oven cleaner, bleach, bathroom cleaner, washing powder, furniture polish. Do the same in the garage with paint, kerosene and antifreeze.

5

House plants

Some plants that we use to add a bit of greenery to the home are actually

poisonous. Some of the prime suspects include daffodils, holly berries and philodendron. Check before you buy, or keep them out of reach.

6Fruit pips and seeds

Many can look like sweet treats, but hide danger, so throw them away.

7

Alcohol

Just imagine the effects of alcohol poisoning on a tiny body. Rather keep the drinks under lock and key.

8

Bum creams and antiseptic lotions

Babies can easily get their hands on these and suck a whole tube of cream down, but what works topically can be harmful if ingested.

9

Arts and craft materials

While it’s fun gluing sequins to the collage you and your tot just made, poisoning by art supplies is not. So keep a close eye on your child during the activity, and pack everything safely away once the fun is done.

10Batteries and coins

They’re a choking hazard and could be poisonous, so coins in the piggy bank, and old batteries in the bin!

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

1Cosmetics and toiletries

I THOUGHT GATES WERE SAFE!

& QA OUR EXPERT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS

René Grobler Netcare national systems manager (trauma division)

Email your question for our experts to: letters@yourbaby.co.za. Please note that experts unfortunately cannot respond to each question personally. The answers provided on these pages should not replace the advice of your doctor.

Q:

There was a terrible accident in our street a while ago where a small child got trapped in a closing gate. This was a real wakeup call for me, as I think of gates as things that guarantee our safety, not endanger us!

Is there a particular type of gate that is safer, or what can I do to make sure that the same thing doesn’t happen to my children? They often play in the front garden where the gate is, and a car arriving can’t necessarily see if they are near the gate’s path.

It’s an unfortunate truth: too many children have already died due to a lack of legislation around the installation of electric gates. Gates can be deadly; especially if they are not installed correctly, or if the safety devices are not installed as part of the system installation.

It is scary to think that at its most fundamental level, an automatic gate is roughly 227kg of metal being moved with a respectable amount of force and speed by a mostly mindless machine.

If care is not taken to ensure that the system is safe, it is unnervingly easy for someone to be seriously injured or killed by a driveway gate.

It is crucial that you need to know the following about the gate at your home, or even the gate at the grandparents’ home: • Does the gate reverse automatically if it hits someone or something?

• Does the gate have sensors that can stop it if something has been detected in its pathway?

• Have a closer look at the gate. Is there a part of the gate where someone could be trapped or get crushed while it is moving?

• Does your gate have an emergency release mechanism in case someone gets trapped?

• Do you check all safety devices and features on your gate on a regular basis? Check these on a regular basis to ensure that the gate is functioning in accordance with the manufacturer’s instructions and ensure they continue to function as designed and that safety is maintained.

Now that you have done the checks, there are a few easy things that you can do to ensure your electric gate is safe and will not cause injury to any adult, child or even your beloved pet.

A:

There are differences in ensuring the safety of swing and sliding gates.

Please take the time to follow these easy steps.

If you have a swing gate, the first thing you should do is to place a dustbin in the middle of the gate’s pathway, where it closes or opens.

The gate should not close while the bin is there.

The second step is to push a dustbin toward the gate when it’s opening or closing. The gate should stop and go back slightly.

Thirdly, when the gate is opening, try to hold it at the leading edge. The gate should stop without you having to push hard.

And lastly, if the gate is opening against a wall, place the bin against the wall. You should be able to remove the bin once the gate has opened and come to a standstill.

Sliding gates are the most common type of electric gates and can also be checked for safety in just a few steps.

To start, place a dustbin in the middle of the gate pathway. The gate should not close while the bin is in its path. Secondly, place a dustbin behind the gates and press to open – the gate should not move.

Thirdly, push a dustbin toward the gate when it is closing. The gate should stop and go back slightly.

And then lastly, when the gate is opening, try to hold the gate at the leading edge. The gate should stop without you having to push hard.

The most important guideline of all is to keep the area of travel clear. No matter how cautious one is, no matter how vigilant, accidents do happen.

Therefore the best course of action is, before attempting to operate an automated gate, first ensure that no children or pets are in the vicinity.

A courtesy light can also be installed to provide visual indication prior to and during gate travel.

We all know that our children are curious. But curiosity can quickly turn to tragedy if proper care isn’t exercised when it comes to securing the gate motor controls. Ensure that only adults have access to the controls. Operator covers should be locked in place and the keys kept in a safe location where little eyes can’t see it and little hands can’t reach it. YB

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 61

BABY HEALTH PROBIOTIC

from FGIDs? Unexplained episodes of crying in babies, also known as colic, is a Functional Gastro-Intestinal Disorder (FGID)¹

Clinically proven to reduce crying time in babies with colic1

Reference: 1. Indrio F, et al. Prophylactic use of a probiotic in the prevention of colic, regurgitation, and functional constipation.

A randomised clinical trial. JAMA Pediatr 2014;168:228-233.

Reuterina™ Drops 5 ml: Protectis®

8

Marketed by Ascendis Pharma (Pty) Ltd. Applicant: Akacia HealthCare (Pty) Ltd. Co Reg No. 2002/001567/07.

www.reuterina.co.za

CUT OUT & KEEP

HEALTH NOTEBOOK

Curing colic?

One in five otherwise healthy babies suffer from colic. Here’s a multi-pronged approach to helping your baby FIRST, MAKE SURE you are in fact

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

dealing with colic and not something else, so rule out that your baby is ill.

A temperature, vomiting or listlessness are not symptoms of colic.

Be sure to see the doctor before you self-diagnose colic.

If baby is otherwise healthy, the rule of threes can be your starting point.

This is how it goes: babies with colic cry for more than three hours a day, for more than three days a week, for more than three weeks. It typically starts a few weeks after birth and can last until the age of four months. Scientists don’t all agree on the cause, so you might have to try many solutions before you find a combination that works.

Here are some ideas:

LOW LIGHT AND NOISE

A 2012 study found that moms who get migraines are more than twice as likely to have a baby with colic. Also, more than 73 percent of children between six and 18 years of age who suffer from migraine had colic as babies. So scientists speculate that colic is an early symptom of migraine. Try reducing overstimulation by dimming lights and keeping noise levels down.

LEOPARD IN THE TREE

A long-suspected cause of colic is digestive pain, particularly trapped wind.

A technique that can help is to hold your baby over your forearm as if she is a leopard lying over a branch, with her limbs dangling down. Let her head rest in the crook of your elbow. Jiggle her a little to dislodge the wind.

BREAST ONLY

Statistics confirm that exclusively breastfed babies generally have less tummy issues, so less wind – and therefore fewer bouts of colic. If you can, stick to breast only for at least six months.

It might also be worth keeping a food diary to see if anything you are eating leads to colic in your breastfed baby.

If you keep a detailed food diary, you might see a pattern emerge, for instance, whenever you have orange juice, baby becomes colicky.

well to expel trapped wind. Touch is also healing and soothing. Skin-to-skin cuddles can work to comfort her.

TRY PROBIOTICS

Reuterina™ Drops 5ml (R155 to R176) and Reuterina™ Vit D Drops 10 ml (R235 to R265) have been trusted by South African healthcare professionals and parents for 21 years. The probiotic strain in Reuterina™ Drops (L. reuteri DSM 17938) has been clinically proven to help balance babies’ tummy flora, helping reduce colic, constipation and regurgitation. Reuterina™ Drops are also available with added vitamin D in a convenient easy dropper tube.

GENTLE MASSAGE

Use oils or lotions especially for newborns, and gently rub her tummy in a clockwise motion around the belly button. This follows the direction of the intestines. As part of the massage, you could also cycle her legs, as this works NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 63

HERE COMES THE

THERE’S NOTHING QUITE like a South

African summer – and all the great family time that comes with it. Many of us are headed to an annual beach holiday or are planning a staycation around the pool at home. But before we mix sun, swimming and babies, let’s look at ways to ensure everyone has a fun, relaxing time.

6 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Baby, it’s hot outside! But before you rush out to enjoy some rays with the light of your life, run through our summer safety checklist. Remember, your little one doesn’t respond to high temperatures and blasting UV rays quite like you do, writes Kerryn Massyn

THE SUN

There’s no doubt that the South African sun is amazing! But the stronger the rays, the stronger their effect on the skin. And because your little one’s skin is still developing, it’s very important to look after it in the summer sun.

“Just one blistering sunburn in childhood or adolescence more

than doubles a person’s chances of developing skin cancer later in life,” warns the Cancer Association of South Africa (CANSA).

With a few tips and tricks, you can keep this from happening.

Limiting the amount of sun exposure your baby’s skin gets is first prize. This means staying in the shade

B A B Y F I L E S : B A B Y YB

or indoors – the younger the baby, the more important this is.

“Ideally, babies under three months should not be exposed to sunlight,” says Dr Larisse Badenhorst, general practitioner from the Well Family Practice in Bryanston.

“If you do have to go out, limit exposure to between 10am and 3pm, and dress your child in protective clothing with a wide-brimmed hat with back-flaps to protect her eyes, face and neck.

“This applies to babies and children of all ages,” Dr Badenhorst says.

Be wary of using sunscreen on a baby younger than six months. As CANSA points out, a baby’s skin is a lot more sensitive than that of toddlers and adults. This means that they are more likely to experience any side effects from the sunscreen, so it’s best to avoid using it if you can. As mentioned, avoiding direct sunlight and covering up is key for young babies.

For babies and children older than six months, however, using sunscreen is a must – every single day, whether you’re hitting the beach or not.

“You want to use a sunscreen of at least SPF 30 to 50 that protects against both UVA and UVB and is approved

by CANSA, all of which you can see on the label,” Dr Badenhorst says. “Before you apply it all over, do a small patch test to see if your baby reacts to it. Then, always liberally apply sunscreen 30 minutes before going outdoors, and reapply it often (every 30 minutes to an hour) and after every swim.”

Sometimes even the most careful prevention is not enough. “When you do realise that baby has burnt in the sun, it is important to take it seriously and treat it as soon as possible,” Dr Badenhorst says.

“Typically, sunburn is redness of the skin that can only be picked up about two to four hours after exposure.

Pain and bad burns (with blistering) only peaks around 12 to 14 hours after exposure. This applies to all ages.”

Dr Badenhorst’s recommendations for treating sunburn: ✓ Give baby a cool bath, or apply cool compresses for 10 minutes about four times a day. ✓ Moisturise the skin while it is damp, such as after a bath, and continue this for a few days. Do not use petroleumbased moisturisers or oil-based creams, so read the contents on the label first.

You could use something soothing like aloe vera gel.

SUMMER SAFETY ESSENTIALS

All our experts agree that these are the things you simply cannot do without. ✓ A good SPF ✓ Burn shield ✓ Paracetamol (or other medication for pain and fever) ✓ A non-sedating antihistamine ✓ Disinfectant solution ✓ Insect repellent containing DEET in a concentration of 10 to 30 percent (safe for babies from two months) ✓ A rehydration solution (you can make your own using 1 litre of water, ½ teaspoon of salt and 8 teaspoons of sugar) ✓ Topical antiseptic cream ✓ Antibacterial ointment ✓ Antifungal cream ✓ Saline drops for rinsing eyes, blocked noses and cleaning wounds ✓ Medicine for diarrhoea, nausea and vomiting ✓ White wine vinegar (deactivates venom from stinging sea creatures) ✓ Talcum powder for removing beach sand from skin

✓ Give your baby something for pain, like paracetamol. Remember that you shouldn’t use anti-inflammatories, such as medications that contain ibuprofen, on babies younger than a year. ✓ Always dress baby in loose, breathable clothes. ✓ Give baby extra fluids for two to three days after she got burnt. If she’s younger than six months, throw in some extra feeds. And if she’s older than six months, bring on the water. ✓ See a doctor if there is severe blistering over a large area of the skin, or any oozing from the sunburn, or a fever. If signs of sunburn are accompanied by vomiting, your child may have heatstroke and needs to be taken to a doctor urgently. ✓ Do not pop any blisters.

THE HEAT

Babies aren’t yet able to regulate their body temperature in hot or cold conditions.

“Environmental factors, therefore, have a greater influence on their body temperature compared to adults,” explains Dr Candice Royal, paediatrician and allergologist at the Kids Allergy Paediatric and Allergy Centre in Cape Town.

She adds that the high temperatures

we experience in summer could leave your baby feeling quite uncomfortable (and fussy as a result) but can also lead to dehydration and other serious conditions.

If you’ve ever spent a sleepless night tossing and turning in the heat, then you’ll understand that the right room temperature is key to your baby’s comfort (and rest).

“The recommended room temperature for a sleeping baby is between 20 and 22°C,” Dr Royal says.

“Studies have shown that higher body temperatures reduce the normal pattern of arousals during sleep, making babies more vulnerable to sudden infant death syndrome.”

Dr Royal recommends that Baby sleeps in a well-ventilated room. Use a fan or air conditioner to cool things down. But make sure that the air doesn’t blow directly onto the baby.

Discomfort is one thing, but there are some serious conditions associated with hot temperatures that we need to try and prevent if possible.

These include heat exhaustion, heat rash – and dehydration.

As we’ve said before, little bodies don’t adapt as quickly as adult ones to changes in temperature. So children sweat less (and perspiration helps us cool down) and build up more heat during activity than us.

“Heat exhaustion happens when the body can’t maintain a normal core temperature by using natural cooling mechanisms such as sweating,” explains Dr Diana Griffiths, a GP based in Sandton. “Symptoms include weakness, nausea or vomiting, a rapid heart rate, clammy skin, irritability, rapid breathing and thirst.

“Fussiness is another symptom that something is wrong and can be the indication that your child is uncomfortable or in pain.

“Lethargy, faster breathing and vomiting can be signs of heatstroke and this needs immediate medical attention,” adds Dr Badenhorst.

“So, make sure your child is drinking enough and isn’t wearing too many layers of clothing,” Dr Griffiths advises.

“Remember, your baby only needs one layer more than the one you are comfortable wearing.”

If you think your baby or tot has heat exhaustion, go to the doctor or NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 6 5

YB B A B Y F I L E S : B A B Y

6 6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Did you know?

Sunscreen should ideally be applied 30 minutes before going out, and then reapplied often – every 30 to 60 minutes – thereafter.

“For breastfeeding moms, know that your milk will have a higher water content during times of hot weather – this is nature’s way of accommodating your baby’s needs,” Dr Griffiths explains.

“For non-breastfed babies, water can be given in between feeds. Trust that your baby will guide you by their inclination to drink or not. If your baby is alert, engaging, drinking well and has no fever, you are likely giving your child just what she needs.”

THE WATER

Swimming is a great way to cool down.

It’s also a wonderful physical activity that helps develop all kinds of skills in your child. It’s an excellent social activity too – is there anything better than going for a swim together?

But it’s important to be smart about swimming and always keep water safety top of mind. Dr Sarah Karabus, a paediatric allergologist at the Chest and Allergy Centre in Cape Town, reminds us all that we need to be vigilant with children around water at all times.

“The biggest thing to remember is that drowning is silent – you will not hear your child drown. This is why prevention and vigilance is key.

“Never allow your children to swim without you watching over them.

Even with floats, arm bands and other swimming aids, accidents can happen, so don’t let your guard down.

“Pool owners need to be responsible for all children at their pool. It is

actually a legal requirement to have a secure pool fence or cover installed.”

Remember too, that any open source of water is a danger zone, be it the ocean, an inflatable pool – and even buckets, tubs or baby baths.

The other thing to be kept in mind when it comes to water, is that not all water is equal. When it comes to your baby or toddler’s sensitive skin, it’s important to choose your swimming spots wisely.

“The water in which children swim should be exposed, clean and free of bugs that can cause illness,” Dr Royal explains. “Swimming in fresh-water rivers and lakes can be great fun, but be aware that bilharzia can be found in many parts of Limpopo, North West, Mpumalanga and KwaZulu-Natal and in some areas in the Eastern Cape. If you live in an area where bilharzia is prevalent, it is best to keep small children out of rivers and streams.”

When it comes to swimming, says Dr Royal, the best water temperature for babies and children is between 25 and 28°C – anything over 37.8°C is a no-no.

Remember, she adds, that the salt in sea water can dry out or irritate the skin, so try to rinse your child off after swimming and apply moisturiser. The same applies to pool chemicals, as they can irritate the skin and eyes and can cause nose and chest symptoms. Again, rinsing off after a swim will help, as well as using eye protection and ear plugs. YB

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

emergency room.

Heat rash looks like tiny red dots on the skin – especially in the nape of the neck and the groin area – and is quite common.

“It happens when the sweat glands of the body become blocked, particularly in hot and humid weather,” Dr Griffiths explains. Taking off extra layers of clothing should help solve heat rash.

But she warns to be on the look-out for other associated symptoms, which might point to a bigger problem. “If your child has a fever, it is most likely not heat rash, and you should seek medical attention immediately,” Dr Griffiths advises.

Dehydration is perhaps the most serious heat-associated condition.

It’s one of summer’s biggest dangers in babies and young children. It can happen and become a lot worse quicker than you may think. It should not be taken lightly – it’s dangerous and can even be fatal.

“When there’s a sudden loss of fluid, the body’s fine balance is disturbed – and it can have disastrous consequences, like dehydration,” Dr Griffiths warns.

“But if you know what to look out for, you can prevent the severe stages of dehydration.”

So what do we need to look out for?

When a child is mildly dehydrated, she might be restless and irritable.

She might have a dry mouth and dry nappies because she’s not weeing that much. She’ll drink easily – and more than usual – because she’ll be very thirsty. Voluntary intake of fluids is one of the biggest distinctions between mild and severe dehydration.

If your child refuses fluids, this might point to severe dehydration.

Your child might also be severely dehydrated when she’s running a fever, has diarrhoea or is vomiting. Other signs are six hours without a wet nappy, wee that’s darker than usual, lethargy, sunken eyes or fontanelle (the soft part of a baby’s head), and Baby’s skin going back very slowly when it’s pinched.

If you notice these symptoms or suspect severe dehydration, seek medical help immediately.

Prevention is, of course, better than cure, so especially when temperatures are blazing, make sure your child is getting enough to drink.

Cover up!

1

These sunscreens will keep your little one safe from the sun’s harmful UV rays

2

1 Sunumbra Sun Kids SPF40 R299 (100ml) wellnesswarehouse.com & selected independent stockists 2 Bettamed Oxygen Spray R66 & Care Cream R78 Dis-Chem, Alpha Pharm, wellnesswarehouse.com and independent pharmacies 3 Sun Protect Sensitive Kids SPF50 Lotion R150 Clicks 4 Pradiance Sun Stick R235 pradiance.co.za 5 Diego Dalla Palma Sun Shine DNA Smart Protection Milk Spray SPF50 R630 (50ml) skin clinics and spas

Oh-lief Natural Sunscreen Baby & kids Face Stick SPF30 R134.95 Dis-Chem, Clicks, wellnesswarehouse.com and faithful-to-nature.co.za

Images: Supplied

Pure Beginnings Baby & Kids Sensitive Sun Milk R249.95 (100ml) Baby City, Dis-Chem, wellnesswarehouse.co.za, selected Babies R Us/Toys R Us, takelot.com, faithful-to-nature. co.za and other health stores

Compiled by Elaine Schoeman

3 4

5

Everysun Water Babies Sunscreen Spray SPF50 R149.95 & Sunscreen Lotion SPF50 R139.95 all major retailers and baby stores

Oh-lief Natural Sunscreen Body SPF30 R245.95 Dis-Chem, Clicks, wellnesswarehouse.com and faithful-to-nature.co.za

Sun Protect Baby SPF50 Lotion R89.99 (50ml), Kids SPF50 Water-resistant Lotion R150 (200ml), Kids SPF50 Roll-on Lotion R69.99 (50ml), Kids SPF50 Trigger Spray R180 (300ml) & Kids SPF50 Light Lotion Spray R87.99 (100ml) Clicks

Uriage 1st Mineral Cream SPF 50+ R205 (50ml) selected Dis-Chem stores

Childs Farm 30SPF Sun Spray R238.14; 30SPF Sun Cream R238.14 & 50+SPF Sun Cream R238.14 babiesafrica.com and takealot.com NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 67

YB B A B Y F I L E S : B A B Y

suitable from 6 months

STRAWBERRY FROZEN YOGHURT 1 cup frozen strawberries 1 cup plain yoghurt 1. Place all the ingredients in a blender 6 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

and blitz until smooth, scraping down sides of bowl as needed.

2. Pour into squeeze pop moulds and freeze.

Recipes and styling: Ziska Baumgarten Photos: Adel Ferreira

… we all scream for healthier, baby-friendly ice cream! It’s your baby’s first holiday season.

Time to start some new family traditions – and introduce your baby to family festive flavours

suitable from 6 months

2

suitable from 9 months

1

1 CHOCOLATE BANANA POPS 2 tablespoons cocoa powder 1 tablespoon boiling water 1 tablespoon pure maple syrup 2 ripe bananas 1. Grease an ice cube tray with olive oil.

2. Mix cocoa powder and boiling water in a small bowl to form a paste. Place paste and the rest of the ingredients in a blender

or food processor and blitz until smooth, scraping down sides of bowl as needed.

3. Pour into the oiled ice cube tray, filling each hole almost to the top. Cover with foil and make a small slit in the centre of each cube. Place a paper straw (cut straw in half) into each slit (the foil should keep the straw upright) and freeze for a few hours until solid.

suitable from 6 months

3

2 AVOCADO ICE CREAM 1 ripe avocado ¼ cup cream or coconut cream 2 tablespoons maple syrup juice of 1 lime or ½ lemon 1. Place all the ingredients in

a blender and blitz until well combined. Transfer to a small sealed container and freeze for about 4 hours or until set.

2. Once frozen, blitz it again to make a smooth ice cream.

3 NICECREAM 6 ripe bananas ¼ cup coconut cream pinch of cinnamon 1. Cut bananas into 1cm slices.

Lay in a single layer on a baking sheet and freeze until firm.

2. Puree frozen banana and coconut cream in a blender until smooth, scraping down sides of bowl as needed. Serve immediately or transfer to a sealed container and freeze until needed.

Nicecream is made without eggs or dairy and has no added sugar, so it’s suitable for babies and definitely healthier than shop-bought ice creams. You can add any other frozen fruit (like strawberries, blueberries, mango, pineapple or kiwi fruit) to make it into fruit ice cream.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 69

JUST ABOUT EVERY childcare

and parenting book touts the importance of praise or positive reinforcement for building your child’s self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lays the foundation for healthy learning, exploring and development. It is true that children need praise, but how much praise is optimal, and where exactly is the boundary between developing your child’s self-esteem and encouraging arrogance, brattyness or, as some research claims, raising a “praise-junkie”?

TO PRAISE OR NOT TO PRAISE?

Opinions vary. Some experts recommend giving praise freely and lavishly. Many psychologists recommend praising your child each time he completes a task, helps out or is 7 0 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

kind to his family, for example, in order to ensure your child develops a healthy, positive sense of self.

Others, on the other hand, warn that constant praise will render a child unable to judge his own achievements accurately.

According to What To Expect: The Toddler Years, “Constantly telling children they’re the best can turn out paralysed perfectionists who are so afraid of not being able to live up to overblown parental expectations that they stop trying.”

Some experts go further by claiming that praising everything a child does does in fact not build self-esteem, as the praise becomes meaningless.

This doesn’t mean that all compliments, all thank yous and all expressions of delight are pointless

or harmful. Rather, as education and parenting author and lecturer Alfie Kohn suggests, we need to think about why we say what we say, as well as the actual effects of doing so.

“Are our reactions helping the child to feel a sense of control over his life or to constantly look to us for approval?”

Alfie asks. “Are they helping him to become more excited about what he is doing in its own right – or turning it into something he just wants to do to receive a pat on the head?”

So, if too much praise is harmful, but praising your child is essential, how do you strike the balance between helpful praise and praise that actually stunts healthy development?

“At two to three years, you cannot praise too much, but you need to praise realistically,” advises Johannesburg-

Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

. way to do this? And is it possible we’re overdoing it? Camilla Rankin finds out

B A B Y F I L E S : T O D D L E R YB

based playgroup teacher Uke Collins.

Recent research seems to support Uke’s approach. It’s not too much praise per se that is a problem but praising inappropriately. “Blanket, automatic or empty praise is useless; children see through it. The praise has to be grounded in something real,” says Benjamin Mardel, a nursery-school teacher turned education researcher.

The wrong kind of praise, overpraising or praising inappropriately can develop a need in your child to be praised and teaches children that it is praise itself that is valuable and not the intrinsic joy or pride associated with good behaviour or a job well done.

APPROPRIATE PRAISE

What then is “appropriate” praise?

Instead of praising a child for his accomplishments, experts suggest: ✓ Praising your child’s effort itself, even if the outcome is not a success – “I can see that you tried really hard to do that puzzle, well done.” ✓ Reinforcing your child’s feelings of pride in his achievements – “Aren’t you proud of yourself for sharing your apple with Tsepi?” ✓ Praising attributes – “That was a very kind thing to say.” ✓ Being specific when offering praise – “Well done for picking up all those buttons,” rather than just, “Well done.” ✓ Avoiding praise that’s not earned.

Children can easily tell when adults are not being sincere. ✓ Not reserving praise for your toddler alone. Let him see you honestly and spontaneously appreciating other family members, the person who fixed the door bell or visiting children.

Praise does not always have to be verbal. Sometimes a pat on the back, a hug or a proud smile is all that’s needed. Finding the right balance between praise that boosts self-esteem and overdoing it, is about recognising your child’s individual needs. Each child is different, as is every parent’s parenting style, so pick an approach that feels honest to you and that best suits your toddler.

Maxine, mother to Samuel (4) recognises that her son needs lots of constant praise, “Otherwise he just withers,” so she has specifically chosen

a nursery school whose teacher is very generous with her praise.

Conversely, Zanele – mother of Amahle, Anda and Zandile – saw that lavish praise made her younger sons blasé and lose interest in the activity at hand. “So I cut back and tried a more honest approach, such as, ‘That was very good, but I bet you can finish that puzzle if you try a little harder.’”

In keeping praise individual, it is also very important to avoid comparing your child to others. Children whose achievements are compared to others often start to feel that it’s their ranking rather than their achievement that matters. Another dangerous side effect of comparison appears when a child slips from first place and no longer wants to try because he’s worried about failure. You can avoid these problems by focusing specific praise on your child’s individual and specific progress.

SELF-ESTEEM BOOSTERS

Developing your child’s self-esteem is not only about giving appropriate praise. There are many other ways of developing your child’s self-esteem, Uke reminds us. “Give them achievable tasks to complete, such as packing away toys or putting dirty clothes in the washing basket,” she says. “The joy they get out of being able to do the task, and do it right as well as independently, is a great self-esteem booster in and of itself.

I knew I was doing my job well as a parent when I overheard my 3-year-old son telling himself, ‘Well done, Luca’ as he packed clothes from the washing line into the basket.”

Sheila Riddall-Leech reiterates this in her book Managing Children’s Behaviour.

“Giving children specific responsibilities can help them to feel empowered, provided that the tasks are manageable,” she writes. “When a child carries out his tasks of responsibility, he feels inwardly rewarded and motivated. Not only does this make them feel empowered but also helps to build up self-confidence and self-esteem.”

Other ways to boost your child’s selfesteem include: ✓ Believe in your child and show it – let him know he is worthwhile and lovable. ✓ Practise active, reflective listening – listen carefully, repeat what you’ve

Resources: Uke Collins; Managing Children’s Behaviour by Sheila Riddall-Leech; What To Expect: The Toddler Years by Heidi Murkoff, Arlene Eisenberg and Sandee Hathaway

heard to make sure you understand and give positive prompts to encourage your child to continue. ✓ Acknowledge your child’s feelings and help him express them verbally. ✓ Criticise behaviour, not your child – be clear that it’s an action you’re angry about or behaviour you don’t like. ✓ Respect your child’s interests – take a genuine interest in your child’s friends, and what’s happening at school, and comment to show you’re listening. ✓ Accept any fears or insecurities your child expresses as genuine. Even if they seem trivial to you, don’t just brush them aside. ✓ Laugh with your child, never at him.

All parents want to raise happy, well-adjusted children who have high self-esteem, but we don’t want to raise pompous children that behave like spoilt brats. Self-esteem is an important thing to instill in our children, but so is humility. By balancing sincere praise with other confidence-boosting techniques, you can make sure that you do not cross that fine line when helping your child to have a healthy, positive self-image. YB

Q:

Are star charts an effective way to praise good behaviour, or do they build an expectation that good behaviour equals gifts?

If used appropriately, reward charts can be a great way of providing praise to encourage wanted behaviour. The real joy of using a reward chart is that it provides a structured platform to give sincere, honest praise and positive encouragement that children really respond to. Mom of Samuel (4) Maxine uses a “Christmas list” as a novel reward chart. “Each time Sam does a good job like tidying his room, he is allowed to add a wish to the list. This is usually a toy but can be anything he likes. It is also a great way of avoiding tantrums in shops when he wants a toy, as I just suggest we add it to the list before he has a meltdown. We also take items off the list if he has been behaving in an unacceptable way. At the end of the year, I then choose a few items to give him as Christmas presents and circulate the rest to family as gift ideas. It works a treat and lasts the whole year!”

A:

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 71

Questions Answers OUR EXPERT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS Email your question for our experts to: letters@yourbaby.co.za. Please note that experts unfortunately cannot respond to each question personally. The answers provided on these pages should not replace the advice of your doctor.

7 2 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Steven Kaplan Clinical psychologist

SPOUSES & DISCIPLINING DIFFERENCES

Q:

My husband and I hold very different views on discipline.

I believe in giving our two-year-old a smack when he’s naughty, and my husband is really against smacking.

As you can imagine, this leads to quite a heated debate. I don’t understand why he’s so against smacking or how to resolve this. Do you have any advice?

Presumably the debate is not about whether or not discipline is required at all. Rather it is about what form that discipline should take.

If you take that as your starting point, the problem is simple enough.

The traditional argument in favour of corporal punishment is that it’s convenient, and that, “It never did me any harm.” The truth is that it is very convenient for the parent, but generally ineffective as a consequence because it easily becomes the standard parental response for any behaviour deemed inappropriate. Consequently, children either become terrified of the parent, or, more commonly, perceive a smack on the bum or hand as fair trade for being rude, disobedient, having a tantrum, stealing, lying or any other misdemeanor.

If the aim is to teach your son self-restraint, smacking is generally pointless because consequences should have meaning to a child specific to the misdeed.

Parents who vehemently oppose smacking normally do so either because they were never on the receiving end and find the notion barbaric or, more commonly, because they were extensively on the receiving

A:

end and remember it very clearly. It is, after all, quite a trick to justify the perpetration of violence toward a loved one without coming across as abusive. Having said that, a verbal debate with a two-year-old about the inappropriateness of his behaviour is like trying to nail jelly to the ceiling!

Both of you have a point.

Punishment for toddlers should be tangible for the child and conceptual for the parent.

So, the conversation between you and your husband should be about the long-term goals of discipline.

Hitting only works in the very, very short term.

And sometimes that is okay if your aim is to administer a short sharp shock. I stress, though, that this is only effective in very extreme circumstances, but still limited. The aim of discipline is generally to extinguish bad behaviour and encourage healthy behaviour.

Would you make much of a point with your husband if part of your argument was to punch him in the face?

I suggest that the two of you establish a hierarchy of rules for your child where you determine a consistent response for specific behaviours.

Debate is pointless with a twoyear-old who throws tantrums, just as hitting is pointless with a two-year-old who bites other children.

Punishments must be unanimous and consistent, or they just breed fear and mistrust. Your child will take far more notice if both of you respond in the same way to the same naughtiness and in the same different way to different naughtiness. YB

B A B Y F I L E S : T O D D L E R YB

They’re not only for the Christmas tree! Throw a whole bunch into a big glass vase, which is an ideal table decoration. You don’t need to put thread through them.

TIP:

Sparkly Christmas balls Times are hard, so make sure that every cent counts this festive season. Why not decorate the Christmas tree with your child’s handmade decorations and save a little?

Difficulty rating: **** Time to prepare: *** Cleaning up: ***** Activity time: 60 minutes

Children love Christmas time – not only because of the gifts, but also because of the decorations. Let your little one take part in decorating the house while encouraging his creativity and developing his fine motor skills at the same time.

1 Paint small polystyrene balls (available at craft stores) with non-toxic poster paint, and allow them to dry. You can also use different methods like colouring them in with felt-tip pens or spray-painting them.

2 Help your child to cover the surface of the balls with glue or make small glue

By making your own decorations, you not only get a new look each year, but the money saved can go toward buying gifts or entertaining.

dots all over the balls.

3 Roll the balls in glitter.

4 You can also ask your toddler to decorate the balls with star stickers.

5 You will have to take over for this step.

Thread a large needle, and carefully push it through each balls. Tie the ends of the two pieces of thread together to make a loop.

6 Hang these balls on the tree for something extra special and homemade.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 73

Books that keep on giving Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a book under the tree. Pearl Rantsekeng rounds up the best of them

OLAF’S NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

by Disney Book Group with a Glitter Globe R270

Based on the life of Olaf, possibly the most famous snowman ever, this book is an ideal read for the night before Christmas, as the family gathers around the tree anxiously awaiting the arrival of Christmas Day and the opening of presents. Fans of all generations will delight in Olaf’s innocent and funny account of the night before Christmas when all through the house, not a creature is stirring… until Olaf wakes up from a sound coming from the roof. Read along as he has the adventure of a lifetime with a mysterious stranger in red. The 32-pager is designed as a paper-over-board picture book and includes your very own glitter globe to keep and cherish.

HUG AND LEARN BEARS BOOK by Leapfrog R499

This adorable, interactive book introduces early language skills to pre-readers. The six-page story is full of family love and big bear hugs and it teaches numbers, shapes, colours, creative expression as well as music and rhythm. Listen to music and sweet sounds as you turn the pages. Press the four light-up faces to hear phrases from each bear, encouraging lots of love and hugs.

WE’RE GOING ON BEAR HUNT: LET’S DISCOVER BIRDS

by Andrea Cascardi R180

If you’ve ever thought of increasing your knowledge about the different types of birds or are a budding birder, then this book is for you. Not only is it educational and offers more than 100 stickers of birds, it is also an enticing guide to the world of birds. It’s filled with fun facts – about ducks, owls, eagles and many other birds – and also offers tips on planning an adventure. It offers bird-watching and -spotting instructions as well as many other, er, high-flying activities. Think your kid is an aspiring ornithologists?

Then a grab a copy of We’re Going on a Bear Hunt: Let’s Discover Birds.

Your little one will be very busy, and you won’t regret it.

7 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

B O O K S YB

THE TWELVE UNICORNS OF CHRISTMAS

by Timothy Knapman R175

Are you or your children a fan of Oscar the Hungry Unicorn and Ten Minutes To Bed Little Unicorn? If the answer is yes to any one of the two, then this book is the book for you.

The story is about a little girl who is counting down to Christmas with her unicorn friend. There’s lots to do before Father Christmas comes, but the unicorn is a bit mischievous.

He munches all the mince pies, scribbles on the Christmas cards and makes a mess until late, when the carol singers arrive. Full of humour, warmth and family fun, this picture book is just perfect. Will the two friends get their Christmas wish?

Read on and find out. See what happens between them as the big day comes closer and closer. Join in the songs, and count each gift on the page as you go along, ending with a grand festive finale full of unicorn celebrations.

WANDA by Sihle Nontshokweni and Mathabo Tlali R130

If you have a daughter and money for just one gift this Christmas – make it this book.

Wanda tells the story of a young girl who learns how to accept and embrace – no, own!

– her skin, which is darker than Mary’s, and her hair, which is not as long and straight as Keira’s. All while the nasty Mrs Stone asks her to neaten her “bird’s nest”…

This book is, of course, wonderful for black girls and black women of all ages. But it’s as enjoyable for all who wish to learn about the beauty of difference.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 75

There’s much more to toddler troubles than tantrums, writes Thumeshni Mudeliar BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, the once

chubby baby that you cradled peacefully in your arms is suddenly a busy bouncy toddler who just can’t seem to sit still.

The onset of toddlerhood signals many developmental milestones for your tot, from walking, running and climbing to colouring in, dressing himself and developing an imagination.

However, the once agreeable infant you knew has been replaced by a 7 6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

mercurial creature with a flurry of emotions.

Clinical psychologist Christine Scolari, owner of the Sandton Psychology and Wellness Centre explains: “There are a lot of big things going on in your toddler’s life – big feelings to manage and big things to achieve on a developmental level,” Christine says. “He needs to find his own little person and move away from

being overly dependent on mom or dad as he was in the baby stage.

“This can cause immense frustration.

Also, exploring a brand-new world is exciting – but it can be overwhelming.

Toddlers do – and it is normal for them to – have lots of emotions where they can quickly go from being excited to frustrated or angry in the space of a day.”

Your toddler’s behavioural changes or “growing pains” are an expected part of his development, but certainly not his right to run riot in your home.

Your challenging tot can be reined in by simply understanding why it happens and what it means to his overall development.

MOODY MAYHEM

Your toddler may be moody for a variety of reasons. He is in a phase of his life where he wants to be independent and do more things on his own. It’s great,

Resources: Christine Scolari, clinical psychologist, Sandton Psychology and Wellness Centre, sandtonpsychologists.co.za. Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images

Growing pains

B A B Y F I L E S : T O D D L E R YB

THERE ARE A LOT OF BIG THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR TODDLER’S LIFE – BIG FEELINGS TO MANAGE AND BIG THINGS TO ACHIEVE ON A DEVELOPMENTAL LEVEL

but it can also be frustrating for him. He may become moody from being unable to express his feelings as he is still learning to master his verbal skills, or simply because his fine motor skills do not as yet allow him to do the things he wants to do.

What to do? Christine says that while it’s okay for your tot to be moody, be wary that your child doesn’t stay moody for lengthy periods. For example, your toddler may wake up moody and just won’t “snap” out of it. This, says Christine, could signal other difficulties such as feeling hopeless, frustrated and generally uncontained. “Toddlers by their very nature are egocentric and require lots of attention, as this reinforces their sense of security and awareness. Try to ensure that your toddler is receiving your attention,” says Christine.

BEDTIME BATTLES

Getting your toddler to bed can be

mission impossible at times. It could be he is not tired enough or that his afternoon naps are longer than they should be. Also, being overstimulated before bedtime could mean that he hasn’t learnt the necessity of having down or “relaxing time”, making it difficult for him to settle down.

What to do? A tired child is a miserable child. A lack of sleep can make your child cranky and whiny, so it is vitally important that you sort out a good sleeping routine for him as soon as possible.

• Simply: make sure your toddler goes to bed at the correct time.

• Don’t overstimulate the child – no TV, running around or rough-housing before bedtime.

• Develop calming activities before bedtime to get your tot to unwind and relax, like lying in bed together and reading a book.

MINI MELTDOWNS

Separation anxiety is a phase most younger babies will go through, but it can strike now too. They simply cannot be without you and will cry, scream, roll on the floor and pretty much hang onto your legs to prevent you from leaving them. Separation anxiety is your child’s way of ensuring you remain close to provide for him. The intensity of anxiousness at separation depends on your child’s temperament and the bond he shares with his parents.

What to do? Sneaking out is not a good idea at all. It only causes more stress for your little one. Always say goodbye with confidence and offer a toy as a distraction while you exit. Ensure your tot is left in the care of people he knows and trusts, as familiarity will help him feel less anxiety when you are away.

TV-OBSESSED TOT

Television is an entertaining distraction for your little one. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children under the age of two should not be exposed to any TV, and those between the ages of three and eight should watch only 30 minutes a day.

TV watching is a passive activity, according to Christine, robbing your child of development opportunities, from fine motor skills to imaginative play.

What to do? Do not make TV the focus of your home – the TV is not

a babysitter. Encourage toddlers to play by themselves or with friends. Take them outside to explore, and read or build puzzles together.

FIVE TIPS FOR TV VIEWING

• Limit TV viewing to one educational programme a day.

• Sit and watch with your tot. Let him ask you questions if there is something he doesn’t understand, and ask him questions to gain a sense of what he does understand. Join in on the fun with your tot when there are sing-a-longs, dancing or clapping instead of just sitting still and watching the screen.

• Have a special TV room away from where the family usually spends most of its time. The TV distracts from families spending quality time together by interacting with and talking to one another. Don’t put a TV in your tot’s room for any reason.

• There should be no TV time when your toddler has a playdate. The kids should rather play with toys or run and jump outside with you, so that they can keep active.

• Switch off the TV when no one is watching. This limits your toddler’s exposure to programmes he shouldn’t be watching. It also lets him know that TV viewing is a special time.

AFRAID-OF-THE-DARK TOT

It wasn’t a problem before, but suddenly your tot is afraid of the dark. He associates the dark with feelings of fear or anxiety. An already anxious child is likely to be more afraid of the darkness. Christine warns: “Watch that your toddler doesn’t talk about things he shouldn’t really be exposed to such as ‘ghosts’ or ‘witches’, as this could be the influence from TV. Remember that a toddler won’t be able to distinguish between reality and cartoon characters, therefore what is seen on a cartoon is real to them.”

What to do? Try and be supportive and reassuring. Ask him why he is afraid of the dark. It could be that when it’s dark the monsters come out from under his bed. If so, chase them away together, and show him there is nothing to be afraid of. Leave on a night light if it helps him feel better, and don’t shout or ridicule your tot for being “silly” or a “baby”.

Being afraid of the dark is normal for your growing child. YB NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 7 7

YB B A B Y F I L E S : T O D D L E R

When it comes to eating, toddlers usually have very strong likes – and dislikes. How can you make sure your little munchkin is getting what she needs in her diet? Registered dietician Zelda Ackerman has the best advice HAVE YOU EVER wondered why you

still love your mom’s ting ya mabele and just can’t swop cabbage and potatoes for anything in the world? Studies show that eating habits you picked up during childhood continue into adulthood.

Healthy eating habits are not only important for your young child’s optimal physical and cognitive development, they can also protect her against heart disease, diabetes, cancer, osteoporosis and obesity later in life. So, if you want to help your little one, now’s the time to make apples and spinach her favourite – and also ensure she gets loads of exercise.

PICKY EATER

To get the right foods into a child’s little body is an art. In the process of growing 7 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

up, your child discovers that she can choose for herself, and often the dinner table is where she proves her independence.

She can decide to eat only one kind of food, or not to eat anything at all. She can decide to suddenly refuse what has been her favourite food since forever, just because she can and usually because she knows she gets more attention in this way than when she sits and finishes her meal quietly.

For some children, the different foods on their plate are not allowed to touch, and if the sarmies have been cut in the “wrong” way, you can forget about them eating them. Unfamiliar smells can put your child off, and food that’s slightly warm and not hot or cold is usually preferred. Less concern with food in

young children makes way for interest in other things in their world. They can easily become bored with the same foods, but they’re also more careful of new dishes compared to their baby brothers and sisters.

Serve familiar foods in different ways, and continue giving new kinds of foods, even if she’s not interested initially.

Some children need to see a new food several times before hazarding a taste.

Don’t force her, because this can derail the acceptance of this kind of food.

Young children prefer food that’s easy to eat, finger food and separate items rather than mixed ones.

Presentation is everything – serve food with different colours, flavours and shapes on one plate. Allow her to decide what she wants to eat and how much.

In this way, you teach her how to listen to her own body. If she doesn’t eat something, encourage her once, and if she refuses, take it away without saying anything. Small children want to please their parents, and if she sees you’re satisfied when she eats, she’ll do it again.

While she’s with you, tell others how well she eats, or reward her by spending time with her. But be careful of paying too much attention, as this could lead to overeating for attention and could later contribute to weight gain.

Don’t use food to distract your child, reward or punish her.

A positive attitude to food for life is much more important than what your child eats today. All young children have periods during which they don’t eat that well; that too shall pass.

But if your child’s fussiness affects her development, it can help to consult a dietician.

HEALTHY FOR LIFE

Your toddler’s belly is small and needs small regular meals. So serve three meals a day and two to three healthy snacks that consist of small portions of a wide variety of food.

A meal should consist of food from at least three food groups, and a snack should cover two food groups at least.

Portions that are too big might be intimidating for a small body, so keep portions appropriate for her age.

Here’s a guideline: one tablespoon of each food for each of her years, so two tablespoons of each food for a 2-year-old and so forth. You can rather give more if she wants; allow her appetite to lead you. Children copy what they see in adults and other role-models. So the first step is, in other words, to lose your own fussiness and enjoy that morogo leaf!

Don’t force her to finish her food or limit her when she wants more healthy food. Focus on nutrient-dense food from the main food groups. To ensure every meal is balanced, the plate should look like the pie chart above. If she refuses one meal, you can relax, since the other meals also contain enough healthy food.

SWEET TOOTH

Besides foods from the main groups, your child also needs oils and fats.

Choose healthy food high in fat like avocado, peanut butter, nuts and cheese.

Rather avoid high-fat foods with few or no vitamins and minerals, like chocolate, potato chips, biscuits and other baked goodies.

Takeaways and treats should only be

given occasionally, as they’re high in energy, saturated fats, salt and sugar, and they contain few or no nutrients.

Don’t keep treats in the home, then your toddler won’t raid the cupboards for them. Rather ensure that there’s always enough fresh fruit and veggies available.

MEAT OR MILK

BREAD AND GRAINS

FRUIT AND VEGETABLES

SOMETHING TO DRINK

Give your toddler a drink with every meal and snack. The best is unsweetened water – and every child also needs 500ml milk per day.

From two, you can give low-fat cow’s milk if your child is overweight, otherwise stick with the full-cream milk until her fifth birthday. Hundred percent fruit juice diluted with water can be given with meals or snacks, but limit this to 125ml per day.

Sweetened drinks such as fruit juice, cooldrinks, sports drinks or tea with sugar that is given between meals or throughout the day can be bad for her health. It can lower her appetite, and she can develop nutritional shortages, and her growth can suffer as a result. It can also contribute to tooth decay.

Large quantities of fruit juice can lead to obesity, and apple and pear juice could lead to diarrhoea. Also avoid drinks that contain caffeine.

DINNER IS SERVED…

Children who regularly eat meals with their families have better and healthier eating habits. Plan your day in such a way that you have as many meals as possible together. Your little one should not be tired, because then she’ll not eat as well. To work up an appetite, she should play outside a lot, but before mealtimes, calm things down with some indoor activities.

Switch off the television, and pack toys away, so that there are no distractions.

Make sure she’s comfortable in a high or other suitable chair for a small body, and use colourful plates and cutlery that’s child-friendly.

SNACKS

Toddlers should eat between meals, but stick to planned snacks.

If you allow her to snack all day, she’ll never be hungry come mealtimes, and her diet will be unbalanced.

Don’t offer snacks fewer than 90 minutes before a meal, as these will take away her appetite. Water is a good drink to offer at snack times.

Choose healthy snacks rich in nutrients. Although dried fruit is

Use this pie chart to get the perfect ratio of food for your tot

healthy, it can contribute to tooth decay.

So only give dried fruit if you can brush teeth soon thereafter.

TIPS FOR BETTER EATING

✓ Involve your toddler when shopping for food and planning meals. Allow her to choose fruits, for instance, and which vegetables you’ll be having on the day. ✓ When you cook, she can wash the veggies, pick off lettuce leaves, add ingredients or set the table. While she helps, you can talk about healthy food and explain why her body needs it. ✓ You can also have tasting parties where children can taste different kinds of fruits and vegetables and compare tastes.

Tell stories with fruit and vegetable characters. Grow your own vegetables and plant a fruit tree together.

SUPPLEMENTS

Most toddlers don’t need supplements.

If your child follows a healthy and balanced diet, she’ll get everything she needs from it.

Children who could benefit from supplements are those who have one or more food allergies or suffer from food intolerances. Children who aren’t big eaters, suffer from chronic illnesses or are strict vegetarians also often need supplements. Speak to a dietician if you’re unsure if your child needs supplements.

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

Being active is as important as healthy eating habits. It’s usually not too difficult, as toddlers love running around.

Limit television and computer time to no more than an hour per day.

Encourage at least an hour’s worth of physical activity, and set an example.

Physical activity should be fun for young children.

Kick a ball to each other, play together in the park or go on an outing before dinner.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 7 9

BREAD AND GRAINS

FRUIT AND VEGETABLES

Serve one of the below with every meal.

At least half should be whole grains. Choose mainly those with low or intermediate glycaemic index (GI).

Choose a fruit or vegetable for every meal and snack.

Serve with the peel or skin where possible, and alternate cooked and raw vegetables.

Oats Oat bran Whole-wheat breakfast cereal Low GI whole-wheat bread Low GI whole-wheat crackers Pasta (durum wheat) Brown rice Crushed wheat Couscous Mealies Pap (maize porridge, cooled) Sweet potato Potato

Guava Citrus fruit Apple Pear Plum Strawberry Peach Fruit salad Grapes Mango Kiwi fruit Apricot Banana Pawpaw Pineapple Melon

MEAT AND MEAT ALTERNATIVES

MILK AND MILK PRODUCTS

Choose one twice a day.

A young toddler needs about 2 tablespoons, and the older ones about 4 tablespoons per day.

Choose three per day with a meal or snack.

Give 500-600ml in 24 hours.

Beef, mutton or pork Fish (2 times per week) Lentils Dried beans

Milk Yoghurt Cottage cheese Cheese

8 0 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Chicken Nuts Dried peas Soya products

Carrot Pumpkin Peas Tomato Beetroot Broccoli Cauliower Spinach Green beans Asparagus Cucumber Lettuce Cabbage Baby marrows

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

Have tasting parties where children can taste different kinds of fruits and vegetables and compare tastes

B A B Y F I L E S : T O D D L E R YB

MORNING SNACK

BREAKFAST

MEAL

EXAMPLES OF A BALANCED EATING PLAN FOR TODDLERS Food groups

DAY 1

DAY 2

DAY 1

DAY 2

1c full cream milk

1c full cream milk

1c low fat milk

1c low fat milk

½c cooked oats

¼c ProNutro Toddler

1c oats

1c All-Bran Flakes

1 peach

¾c pawpaw cubes

1 guava

1 small banana

Bread and grains

3 Provitas

½c Maximize breakfast cereal

1 slice low-GI bread

3 Provitas

Fruit

10 grapes

2T raisins

1 peach

2 apricots

Fat

1t margarine

1T chopped nuts

1T peanut butter

6 almonds

2 slices low-GI bread

1 low-GI roll

2 slices seed loaf

2 slices low-GI bread

2T cottage cheese

1T fish paste

2T tuna

3 thin slices cheese

cucumber

tomato

baby tomatoes

cucumber, tomato

Fat

¼ avocado

2t margarine

2t margarine

2t margarine

Milk

½c full cream milk

½c full cream milk

½c low fat milk

½c low fat milk

1 carrot & nut muffin

2 fibre crackers

3 Provitas

2 fibre crackers

Fruit

2 apricots

½c fruit salad

3 dried apple rings

1c strawberries

Fat

(nuts in muffin)

2t peanut butter

1T chopped nuts

2t peanut butter

½c spaghetti

½c rice

½c crushed wheat

Meat

1T mince (tomato)

1 chicken wing

2T mince (tomato)

2T shredded chicken

Veggies

¼c beetroot salad

¼c butternut ¼c spinach

¼c broccoli ¼c carrot salad

¼c coleslaw ¼c mix vegetables ¼c gem squash

100ml pineapple juice

100ml orange juice

Milk Bread and grains Fruit

AFTERNOON SNACK

LUNCH

Bread and grains Meat & other protein Veggies

Bread and grains

Bread & grains

DINNER

One to three-year olds

EVENING SNACK

Fruit

c pasta

Fat

(oil)

(oil)

(oil)

(oil)

Milk

½c yoghurt

½c full cream milk

½c low fat milk

½c low fat yoghurt

Fruit

1 small banana (fruit shake)

1 pear

1 apple

1 slice pawpaw (fruit shake)

HEALTHY SNACKS

Fresh fruit or fruit salad Cut raw vegetables, with cottage cheese for dunking Fruit shakes Sandwiches made with whole-wheat bread Whole-wheat crackers with cottage cheese, fish paste or peanut butter Fruit and yoghurt lollies Dried whole-wheat breakfast cereal that’s low in sugar Milk or yoghurt

FUSSY EATER? HOW TO WIN THE BATTLE ✓ Give the same food as the rest of the family gets – never make a separate meal for her. ✓ Every meal should contain at least one kind of food you know she will eat. ✗ Don’t show your anxiety or concern if she doesn’t eat. ✗ Don’t make a big deal of weird eating habits. ✗ Don’t reward your child with food

like dessert if she finishes her vegetables. ✗ If your child refuses food, don’t take it away and replace it with something else. ✓ Keep at it! You may have to offer new food up to 20 times before your child eats it. ✓ Make sure that all her caregivers have the same approach. ✓ Be a good role-model.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 81

YB B A B Y F I L E S : T O D D L E R

If building a house seems too daunting, why not make a gingerbread advent calendar instead? Use any shape cookie cutter to cut out 24 gingerbread shapes, use the icing to write the numbers 1-24 on them, and let your toddler choose a biscuit to count down to Christmas day.

&

Bake build Holiday time is made for playing, exploring and just having fun with your children.

One way to do that (and start a great family tradition) is to make a gingerbread house together. Here’s an easy stepby-step recipe.

8 2 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Step-by-step gingerbread house 1 cup butter ½ cup brown sugar ½ cup golden syrup 1 egg 2 cups cake flour 3 teaspoons ground ginger 1 teaspoon mixed spice 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda

Sugar glue: 1 cup castor sugar

Icing: 3 cups icing sugar, sifted 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1-2 tablespoons boiling water To decorate: Smarties, Jelly Tots, white marshmallows

1. Use an electric hand or stand mixer to cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the syrup and egg, and whisk until well combined. Add the remaining ingredients, and beat until a dough forms. Cover the dough in plastic wrap and let it rest in the fridge for 30 minutes.

2. Preheat the oven to 180ºC. Line a baking sheet with baking (parchment) paper, and set aside until needed.

3. On a floured surface, roll out the dough to about ½ cm thickness. Place template pieces on dough and cut out.

(Remember, you can re-roll the offcuts to get all the pieces you need.)

4. Transfer the pieces to the prepared baking sheet, and bake for 12-15 minutes or until golden. Remove from oven, and let cool completely before you assemble and decorate the house. (You may need to re-cut the pieces to get sharp edges, as it tends to deform while baking in the oven.)

5. To make the sugar glue: place the castor sugar in a medium non-stick pan on medium heat and let melt. Do not stir! It will take about 10-20 minutes to melt and turn into a golden liquid. (Please be very careful and keep little toddler hands well away from this super-hot syrup. In fact, we would recommend that grown-ups assemble the house and children only help to decorate.)

Recipes and styling: Ziska Baumgarten Photos: Adel Ferreira

6. Now you are ready to assemble the gingerbread house.

Use the syrup as the glue for the walls, door, roof and chimney. Dip the sides of each piece in the sugar syrup, then assemble the house on a wooden board, tray or large serving dish.

7. To make the icing: sift the icing sugar into a large mixing bowl. Add the lemon juice and 1 spoon of boiling water and mix well. Only add the second spoon of boiling water if the icing is too stiff. Spoon into a piping bag, and use to pipe snow on the roof, windows on the front gables panel and an edge around the door (use a sweetie for the door handle).

8. Now for the fun part – decorating your house! Let your toddler go wild with the Smarties and Jelly Tots while you use a pair of scissors to snip the marshmallows into rounds for the roof tiles. Smear icing all over the roof, and then stick the marshmallow tiles on, overlapping a little. There really are no rules for how the house should look, so just have fun with your tot decorating it the way you want. YB Build your house using the template on justeasyrecipes.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/GingerbreadHouseTemplate.pdf NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 83

YB R E A L L I F E

Nicole Capper with Tatum, her little girl who has cystic fibrosis.

Nicole Capper loves climbing mountains and conquering them.

But, she loves nothing more than conquering her little girl Tatum’s illness one breath at a time, writes Pearl Rantsekeng

NICOLE CAPPER, a pharmacist

and mother of two from Fourways in Gauteng, is the picture of perfection.

But she’s quick to dismiss this as an illusion.

“Oh no, I’m far from perfect. I’ve gone through a lot of trials and tribulations in my short life – especially in my role as a mother,” she says.

One of her trials, no doubt has been living with the cystic fibrosis (CF) of her daughter, Tatum (3). It was diagnosed at six weeks.

CF is an illness that changes the secretions of certain glands in the body, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. The major organs that are affected by CF are the lungs, pancreas, liver, reproductive system, sweat ducts and the bowel.

8 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

The lungs are the most important organs affected and largely responsible for the limited life span associated with the illness.

Dehydrated sticky airway secretions and impaired mucociliary clearance means the airways can become colonised by micro-organisms and be persistently inflamed. Chronic infection and inflammation leads to progressive damage to the airways and lungs and – ultimately – respiratory failure.

For a child to get CF, both parents must be carriers of the gene.

WHEN BREATH STOPS

Tatum was born weighing a whopping 4kg, but instead of gaining weight, she just kept on losing it.

Nicole says Tatum suddenly stopped

breathing for the first time at about three weeks old.

“I was home alone and had to frantically drive her to Sandton Mediclinic,” Nicole recalls.

“I had one hand on the steering wheel and the other on her head as she was in the back seat. I was driving like a lunatic.”

For the next three weeks doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with her baby.

“Initially, they thought it was bronchitis, and they were busy nebulising her. Eventually, they decided to run different tests – and that is when they established what it is: CF.” By this time, Tatum’s weight was down to 3.6kg.

“All this time she was in ICU and didn’t have energy to breathe or

breastfeed. She was using gastric tubes to feed, and I had to leave her at the hospital, so I could express milk in order to feed her 10 times a day.”

Nicole says she felt blinded by her daughter’s illness. Because CF is inherited, many parents feel guilty about their child’s illness. But being a carrier does not necessarily mean your child will be born with it. According to the South African Cystic Fibrosis Association (SACFA), if both parents are carriers, a child has a: • One in four chance of being born with CF. • Two in four chance of being a carrier – but not having the illness themselves.

• One in four chance of being completely free of it, in other words neither having CF nor being a carrier.

Nicole says that following Tatum’s diagnosis, she and her husband, Brian Capper, discovered they’re both carriers of the gene. Their son, Joshua (7), doesn’t have CF but is also a carrier.

SACFA says that, like Nicole, most carriers of the CF gene are unaware because they’re completely healthy.

Most people find out only when they have a child with CF, or when a close relative is affected and they get tested.

It’s estimated that one in every 2 000 white babies and one in every 12 000 babies of mixed ancestry will be born with CF in South Africa. For the black African population, it varies between one in every 1 000 and one in every 33 000, depending on ethnicity.

Because CF is a multi-organ disorder, it often requires multiple continuous therapies. Optimal CF care involves a multi-disciplinary team approach in a specialised centre.

SACFA has found that people living with CF who receive this kind of care and treatment tend to live longer and better quality lives.

Photo: Clinton Austin Photography

LIVING WITH A CHRONIC ILLNESS

It can be difficult to know how to engage with a child who has a chronic condition or illness. You may try and over-protect your child because you want to keep them safe and healthy.

However, one of the most valuable gifts that you can give your child (and yourself) is to treat them as a normal child who just happens to have CF. “After all, it is just a label,” Nicole says. “They have to learn to overcome it, deal with it and carry on.”

Nicole says this experience has taught her to learn to look outside of herself.

“It’s hard, but try and not live in fear,” is her advice.

“This is the best way to protect them.

I know the first instinct is to put them in a big plastic bubble.

“Don’t also be pressured to think life is short and want to live it all in one day. I let Tatum play in the sand, go to school, and try not be overprotective of her. We don’t know what Tatum’s quality or quantity of life would be. But we can only hope for the best.”

Her daughter is getting a lot of therapy in order to keep breathing.

“Her life is now a fight every day – a fight to breathe,” Nicole says. “She has to eat a lot, has a much higher calorie requirement and is on effective nebuliser therapy. It’s a lifestyle. She goes to The Kids Gym and will only start school when she turns four, as she will be a little stronger.”

The physical exercise Tatum gets during The Kids Gym visit (thekidsgym. co.za) helps counter the effects of the CF. “She has a personality for days and is a lot stronger. I call her my hurricane,” Nicole says, proudly.

TAKING UP THE FIGHT

Inspired by her daughter and other little CF patients and their parents, Nicole has taken up the fight against rare illnesses.

She says Melissa Platt, another “CF mom”, was the one who initially inspired her to become involved with the organisation Rare Diseases South Africa (RDSA). She’s an ambassador for them today.

They met Melissa and her baby boy, Sam, in hospital. Sam also lived with CF and eventually lost his battle against the illness at only 15 months.

“Before he passed away we were invited to his birthday, and we got to see the baby room that he never got to see, as he had never gone home,” Nicole remembers.

“I watched Melissa turn her pain into purpose, and I realised how fortunate I was that my daughter was going home. I walked away grateful and realised how blessed we were that she has a life.”

Moving from this point of gratitude, Nicole used her Mrs South Africa 2016 crown to raise awareness and funds.

“I started a campaign to raise funds for people with limited lung function,” she says.

She heard about Sibusiso Vilane from Mpumalanga who summited Mount Everest’s base camp at about 5 400m without oxygen.

“Last August, I joined Sibusiso on another climb, and on Women’s Day we summitted Mount Kilimanjaro for RDSA.

“Everybody has something to climb.

It’s not always physical, like mine for my daughter and those rare disease patients. I want to create awareness.

When I ask my kids why does mommy climb mountains? their answer is.

‘So that we can climb anything.’

I can’t just tell Tatum, I have to show her that I believe I can go on brave adventures too.”

THE STRENGTH OF THE TRIBE

Nicole says Tatum’s illness has taken its toll on their family and the relationship between her and Brian.

This is not uncommon in families with special needs children.

The SACFA website (sacfa.org) prepares you: “You may experience that relationships with some family members and friends become strained.

Or you may feel and think that some people don’t care, because their actions or lack thereof do not make you feel cared for, supported, or understood.

Most people, however, just don’t know how to appropriately respond to the news of a CF diagnosis – or for that matter – to you who is experiencing and grieving the loss of a healthy child.

It is important; however, that during this time, you try to find at least one relationship where you can openly express and share with them.”

Nicole’s built a tribe around her, a trick she learnt from Brian, of people who are there to support and take care of her needs and those of her family.

“As a mom, I don’t try and be everything,” Nicole says.

“Learn the skills needed, but get everybody involved – from granny to nanny to neighbour – in order for everyone to help when you’re not there.

That’s what families should be all about.”

Thanks to her tribe, she can now go away and climb mountains and do her other awareness work without feeling guilty about leaving her children.

“I can go away now, as I know my daughter is happy and taken care of and is actually proud of her mom.

“It’s a skill that I learnt from my husband, who’s in sports medicine. He has built the tribe.

“My daughter has also taken ownership and knows exactly what to do and how to do it,” Nicole explains.

“This experience has been an eyeopener for me.

“It’s been the biggest gift to realise that I’m not the worst off.

“Instead of asking what people can do for me, I ask myself what I can do for others.” YB NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 85

Anımal Antics ¨

ON SALE NOW With advice from experts (also Fido and Felix!) on pet care.

YOUR ULTIMA TE

15

things your dog

GUIDE TO PE TS

HOW CLEVER IS CHLOE?

WISHED YOU KNEW

Do the dog IQ test

‘I WON THE

H EA RT

MAKE IT AT HOME • Gour

OF A

met re

FERAL CAT’

pes • A designer kecinn • A chicken hoteell

+

6

THE DOS & DON’TS O

F CARING FOR YOUR NEW • KOI • PARROT • SNAKE • BUNNY • PIG • CHICKEN

OF THE BEST RUNNING BUDDIES (AND HOW TO T RAIN THEM)

6 009879 9643 25

19001

RSA R65 (VAT incl) Namibia N$65

CAN YOUR PET YES, ‘SPEAK HUMANS THEY ’?CAN!

#1 CAMPING WITH

YOUR CANIN E

... WHERE TO

STAY & PL AY ¨ ¨

Animal Antics is a joint project of 11 magazines in the Media24 stable, including go!, and will melt your heart.

BABIES

HOW TO

of the

HEART

BUILD A FAMILY

Some grow in your tummy, others grow in your heart

Infertility can be a crushing blow that dashes a couple’s hopes of ever being parents.

But not for Capetonians Tanzi and Jonathan Cruise, writes Karen Read

The Cruise family: Tanzi, Jonathan and little Liyakha “ADOPTION WAS ALWAYS something

that tugged at our heart – the idea of having a child not from our flesh. We discussed it before marriage but assumed biological children would come first,” Jonathan Cruise says.

In April, a few months before celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary, the Cruises became the smitten parents of Liyakha, a beautiful baby boy, 10 months old at the time.

“We asked for a healthy boy – and were blessed with one!” Jonathan says.

“Liyakha” which means “to build up” in isiXhosa – was the name given to him by his biological parents. “When we heard the name, we just loved it. In any case, he had been hearing it for 10 months, so we decided to keep it. It has meaning for us and will for him, and it honours his biological parents,” Tanzi Cruise explains.

The bond between the Cruises – all three of them – is visible. Love has bound them together.

“Liyakha is loving and warm,” says Jonathan. “He’s inquisitive and likes to explore his surroundings and test how things work. He makes the most hilarious facial expressions and has a contagious giggle,” adds Tanzi.

The Cruises say while they’re in a season of joy, they’ve had to work through the sorrow that comes with infertility, which has impacted their families too.

“One of our parents expressed a need to mourn not having a biological grandchild, which helped us process our infertility journey,” Jonathan says.

Preparing some of their friends for adoption has also come with challenges.

“At first, it’s exciting to family and

friends that you’re pursuing adoption.

People say things like, ‘That’s so good!’ and ‘That child will be so blessed.’ Then, after a while, the excitement fades, and some project their views about infertility or even push you to pursue artificial insemination or the surrogacy route,” says Tanzi.

Although their social worker told them to expect some of this, the Cruises thought they wouldn’t experience it, that everyone would get behind their decision.

“Thankfully, our immediate families were on board well before the adoption.

But we had some resistance from some friends and extended-family members.

While we’ve been able to walk a road with most of them, we’ve had to part ways with those who couldn’t accept a bit of colour in their lily-white lives,” says Jonathan. Then there have been the well-intentioned but insensitive things people say: “The worst was being told that once you adopt, your body will start to ‘work properly’ and comments like, ‘You’ll have your own child soon after you adopt’,” says Tanzi.

To prepare themselves for adoption, the Cruises attended seminars and interviewed a number of adoptive parents. This helped shape their expectations and decision to adopt first.

“We had heard from non South African friends that the adoption process in first world countries is long, arduous and expensive. Thankfully, that’s not the case here. The process took under a year from meeting with our social worker to adopting. We felt we had just enough preparation. We highly recommend adopting as a way to grow your family.

The number of painful stories around

failed medical interventions also just put us off that route.”

Prepared as they were, there have been some surprises. “The process of expressing our preferences (concerning sex, race, age) to our social worker, and saying what we would find hard to cope with, emotionally or physically, left us feeling a little ashamed, in a sense, that we had excluded certain categories of children,” Tanzi says.

The Cruises say the biggest surprise has been how Liyakha has taught them to be parents. “He’s patient with us and has been a great sleeper and eater since the day he came home. He just fitted in.”

The Cruises belong to a close-knit church community that is multicultural and comprises families that are trans-racial through adoption. “We’ve developed a good friendship with a couple we met through our adoption agency, ABBA,” says Jonathan.

The couple decided on ABBA after reviewing four other agencies and private social workers, and on the recommendation of a close friend who had adopted via ABBA. Their advice to those considering adoption, besides bracing yourself for the paperwork? Prepare your heart to be more patient with others, especially those who don’t appreciate the complexities of trans-racial adoption.

“Be open to hearing stories. Listen to adoptees’ stories, and maintain friendships with people who’ve adopted children the same age as yours and older.

“Block out the negative talk. One person’s struggle may not be yours. And trust that what happens is part of your process,” says Tanzi. YB NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 8 7

YB D E C O R

NEUTRAL

safari Teepee R1 190 cleverlittlemonkey.co.za

MOODS

Use a warm beige colour palette to create a cosy spot for your baby – and have some fun by adding a few wild furry friends and textures!

Xander pendant light R1 799 Coricraft

by Elaine Schoeman

Our Gift R725 Mila & Moo

Plush scatter cushion (50cm X 50cm) R229.99 Mr Price Home

Sophia armchair and stool R5 499 Coricraft

8 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

National Geographic plush zebra R349.99 toy stores countrywide

Fields scatter cushion R399 Coricraft

Bentwood play set R1 600 Mr Price Home

Cloud-shaped rug R499.99 Mr Price Home

Downton trunk R799 Coricraft

Images: projectnursery.com

Baby Animals A3 print set unframed R495 studiocollection.co.za

Livi Leopard R725 petitlove.co.za Lombok square basket R699 Coricraft Parker display cabinet R9 499 Coricraft

Shaker cot with drawers from R6 999 hollyandjack.co.za

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 89

YB P A R T Y

Yelizavetah Grace Luck from Burgersfort in Limpopo recently turned one, and her mom, Tiffany Luck, finally got to throw her the lavish party she’d been dreaming off since Yelizavetah was two months old

The guests’ tables all set up in matching gold and pink.

The party was held in the lush gardens of Sterkfontein Guesthouse in Middelburg, Mpumalanga.

The backdrop could not be more ideal… A small stream runs through the garden, and plentiful birdlife – ducks and swans – kept the littlies entertained. All the guests were asked to dress in pink, same as the birthday girl.

Her dress was by Infinity. Since Yelizavetah was two months old, Mom Tiffany has been dreaming of throwing her the party of the year.

And the planner didn’t disappoint.

From candy stations to personalised toys and thank-you gifts as well as – wait for it – not one or two but four jumping castles, a softplay area and different activities, Yelizavetah’s party had it all.

Standing from left: Dad Tyron Luck, Mom Tiffany and Aunt Tanita Hahn.

Seated from left: Proud grandparents (maternal) Dolores and Charles Hahn with birthday girl Yelizavetah and her cousin Levi Hahn (Tanita’s son) 9 0 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Treats – one of the many candy stations at the party

If you would like your child’s party featured on these pages, please send some photographs and information to letters@yourbaby. co.za

The party was fit for a princess – the birthday girl even had a throne SUPPLIERS Venue Sterkfontein Guesthouse in Middelburg, Mpumalanga Photography nadineduttonphotography. co.za Cake Kleinzuikerbosch Cake Studio in Lydenburg 082 300 5301 Party planner SMS All Events Hire in Middelburg 013 244 5016 Crystal glassware as you’d expect at a palace party

A monogrammed four-tiered pink and gold wonder of a cake, complete with bow

Boys went home with wooden cars and girls with princess carriages filled with chocolate bonbons NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 91

Once you’ve put Baby down for his nap, and before you tackle the next load of laundry, get a few of these moves in for fast fitness

THE BICYCLE

Activate the oblique muscles in your abdomen What to do ✓ Lie flat on the ground with your knees bent and your feet hip width apart. ✓ Gently lift your one knee up toward your chest, and then lift the other. ✓ Interlace your fingers, and put your hands behind your head. ✓ Inhale to prepare, drawing your belly button in toward your spine and tightening your pelvic floor. Lift your chin to your chest while you exhale. ✓ Straighten one leg as far as you are able to without losing the contraction of your core, while twisting the opposite shoulder toward the bent knee. Exhale through the movement. ✓ Inhale to prepare and as you swap your legs, exhale. Repeat for a minute.

Look out for Resist the temptation to arch your back, as it makes the exercise easier and also places pressure on your lower back.

Instead, concentrate on pushing your ribs into the mat.

9 2 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

E X E R C I S E YB

THE DOUBLE LEG EXTENSION Activate both upper and lower sixpack, as well as your core muscles

What to do ✓ Assume the same start-up position as you did for the bicycle exercise. ✓ Draw your belly button in toward your spine; lift your chin to your chest and place your hands on either side of your knees. ✓ Inhale to prepare. ✓ As you exhale, stretch both legs out simultaneously, extending both arms behind you. ✓ Inhale while bringing both legs and arms back to your starting position. ✓ Repeat 10 times for a set, rest and complete another set.

Round it off After completing both exercises, gently bring your knees down onto the floor, interlace your fingers, and put your hands behind your head. Do mini crunches, bouncing for 30 repetitions before holding the last bounce while counting to 10.

THE MILITARY PRESS A full workout for your stabilising muscles

Don’t forget to breathe as you do these exercises! It’s best to inhale to prepare your body for a specific move, and then exhale during the movement itself. Keep your belly button pushed in toward your spine throughout

What to do ✓ Lie face down with your legs straight and your feet slightly separated. ✓ Bend your elbows, and put them under your shoulder joints. ✓ Draw your belly button in toward your spine, and tighten your pelvic floor while lifting your body up onto your forearms and toes. Exhale as you do this. ✓ Inhale deeply as you move back down. ✓ Repeat for a minute. Try to build up to two or three sets (of a minute each).

Look out for ✓ Concentrate on keeping your belly button drawn in as you exhale. ✓ If you are feeling this work your lower back instead of your stomach, legs and arms, then the likelihood is high that you are sinking into your back and arching it.

Try to keep your back straight throughout this move.

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 93

THE ONE-LEG STAND

Target your mobilising muscles What to do ✓ Stand on one leg on a firm surface.

Concentrate on your posture and imagine someone pulling your head up to the ceiling. ✓ Draw your belly button in toward your spine at all times. ✓ While you’re on one leg, place your arms out with your palms facing up. ✓ Bounce your arms backward, doing 30 repetitions before swapping your legs around for another set. ✓ Swap your legs again, remembering to check your posture. ✓ Now raise your arms above your head with your palms facing each other, and bounce backward for 30. Swap legs and repeat. ✓ Swap your legs yet again, checking your posture, and place your arms next to your side with your palms facing backward. ✓ Bounce your arms backward as far as you can for 30, swap legs and repeat.

1

2

3

4

5

6

Look out for ✓ Your posture is crucial in this exercise. ✓ Don’t sink into your hip when standing on one leg.

✓ To prevent neck pain, always pull your shoulders down toward your bra strap clasp when doing any movements.

SINGLE LEG CIRCLES Tone your inner and outer thighs, as well as your quadriceps

1

2 9 4 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

What to do ✓ Stand with your feet together on a tiled or wooden floor with a sock on one foot. If you prefer a carpet, stand with one foot on a paper plate or an A4 piece of paper. ✓ With the opposite leg do a one-leg squat. Go as low as you can, making sure your knee is behind your big toe and in line with your hip and foot.

Your foot should be straight (not turned in or out), and your toes should be relaxed. ✓ With the opposite leg resting on the paper or with the sock, glide your foot out, bring it round in front of you and back to your starting position.

Imagine you are drawing a big circle with your foot. Now reverse the circle while keeping the opposite leg bent. ✓ Do five circles clockwise and five anticlockwise, then swap your legs. Repeat.

1

2

ARM WRITING Tone your arms

What to do ✓ Assuming an all-fours position and using the same paper or sock as in the single leg circle, place the paper under one of your hands. ✓ Without leaning to the opposite side, move the arm and pretend to write your name using the plate. ✓ Keep your tummy tight, and put your full weight on the opposite shoulder. ✓ Repeat three times on each side.

E X E R C I S E YB

TRICEP BURNERS

Time to tone your triceps ✓ Keep your elbows tucked in, and bend them halfway. Hold for 15 seconds. ✓ Repeat two to three times.

What to do ✓ Assume a lady’s push-up position, with your weight over your shoulders and your ankles crossed.

1

THE BIG THREE

Tone and strengthen your bum!

2

FOOT TAPS

Target your calves and hamstrings What to do ✓ Stand on your toes at one end of your room or passage. Make sure your posture is correct. Pull your belly button to your spine, and pretend that someone is drawing your hair up to the ceiling. Stand tall. ✓ Using one foot at a time, tap your toes on the floor while walking forward. ✓ Turn around and walk back the way you came. ✓ Lift your toes as high as you can before you tap. ✓ Repeat for four lengths.

What to do ✓ Lie on your side with your knees bent. Use the arm of the side that you are lying on to support your neck [1]. ✓ Lift the free leg and move your knee forward while touching the ground in front of the supporting knee [2], then move the leg back and touch the ground behind you with your toes [3]. Repeat for 30 counts.

What to do ✓ Assume the same start-up posture as for the exercise before [1]. Lift your free leg with your knee bent and hovering directly over the supporting knee [4]. ✓ Glide your knee toward your chest, hold for five counts, and glide back to its starting position. Now move the knee backward, so that it is in line with your body [5], hold for five counts, and move the leg back to your starting position. ✓ Repeat six times for each movement.

What to do ✓ Continue in the same posture with bent knees. ✓ Lift your foot, so that it’s higher than your knee – your whole leg should be higher than hip level. Bounce for 30 counts, then straighten your leg out and hold for 30 counts. ✓ Swap sides, and repeat on the opposite leg.

Look out for ✓ Make sure you’re not lifting your head off the arm that you are supporting it on. ✓ Fix your leg as if your leg is one unit and can only move from the hip.

Always pull your belly button toward your spine to support your back.

Concentrate not to arch your back or lean backward with your body in an attempt to get your leg higher.

Pull your shoulders toward your bra strap clasp and away from your ears so as not to strain your neck.

1

2

3

4

5

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019 | 95

&WIN!

SMS

SMS the prize code, your name and surname, physical address, email address and your y contact number to 36480

SMS YB243NIVEA

FIVE 1 MONTH’S BODYTEC® TRAINING WORTH R1 300 EACH BODYTEC® is South Africa’s leading Electro Muscle Stimulation training franchise offering a time-efficient strength workout using innovative technology. BODYTEC® uses a medically approved device with the capacity to contract your muscles via an electrical current passed through your muscles. The programme is tailor made to suit each individual. A personal trainer guides your training – a full-body workout – to ensure you get the full benefit. Up to 90% of muscles are activated simultaneously and the muscle contractions are of higher quality and more intense than a voluntary exertion.

Whether you want to tone up to look and feel your best or get rid of that baby weight, BODYTEC® can help you achieve your goals.

TWO NIVEA SUN PROTECTION HAMPERS WORTH R2 600 EACH Your little one’s skin needs to be specially protected from sun damage while outside. NIVEA Sun has protection for the whole family and now also offers a new sensitive range for kids. The NEW NIVEA Sun Kids Sensitive Protect & Play SPF 50+ Trigger Spray is paediatrically tested, light, non-greasy and extra water resistant to protect sensitive and allergy prone skin. For added fun and easy application, NIVEA Sun Kids Protect & Play SPF50+ coloured roll-on’s in pink and green make it fun for kids to stay protected from the sun. And for Mom? NIVEA Sun UV Face Shine Control SPF50 is light enough to wear under your make up, absorbing excess oil with a hydrating formula.

SMS YB243YOOKIDOO

SMS YB243PURITY

FOUR YOOKIDOO HAMPERS WORTH R1 500 EACH Yookidoo celebrates the importance of discovery by embracing your baby’s natural curiosity for fun and learning through creative play. Every baby’s development is a unique breakthrough, a wonderful journey of trial and error that engages the senses, stimulates the mind and body and fosters baby’s continuing growth – physically, emotionally and intellectually. Yookidoo toys are designed to be interactive and stimulating so playtime and bathtime are fun and educational. Yookidoo’s range of innovative, awardwinning products stems from a design studio repeatedly credited for developmental toys never seen before and instant best-sellers worldwide. Available at Baby City and major toy stores.

FIVE PURITY JUNIOR INSTANT OATS & MUESLI HAMPERS WORTH R1 170 EACH Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and it is crucial to teach your child the benefits of a good, nutritious breakfast before they go off to preschool. Purity Junior introduces a new range of breakfast-cereal products that offer you a choice of better options that your child will love! With finer and softer textures for young children and made with real fruit, these cereals are free from preservatives, artificial flavours and colourants. Establishing good eating habits in early childhood has never been easier.

Purity Junior – helping your little ones to be the best they can be.

For more info visit purity.co.za or @PurityPromise on Facebook.

Each SMS is charged at R1.50 and free minutes do not apply. Entries close 31 December 2019. By entering a competition, you agree to receive further communication and direct marketing material from Media24 (Ltd). Winners will be published on parent24.com 15 days after closing date. Go to page 97 for terms & conditions.

9 6 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

Claim reference: *Source: Euromonitor International Limited; NIVEA in the category Sun Care; incl. Sun Protection, Aftersun and Self-Tanning; retail value terms, 2018 data

SMS YB243BODYTEC

RULES FOR ALL COMPETITIONS, SUBSCRIPTIONS AND GIVEAWAY PAGES 1 The prize will be awarded to the first correct entry drawn at random. 2 The competitions are only open to readers in South Africa. 3 The judges’ decisions are final and no correspondence will be entered into. 4 Staff members of Media24, their advertising, PR, and digital agencies, and their immediate family members, may not enter. 5 Entries must reach us by 31 December 2019. 6 Prizes are not transferable and cannot be exchanged for cash. 7 The winner will be contacted by the sponsor to arrange delivery of the prize. 8 Winners will appear on www.parent24.com 15 days after the competition has closed. 9 Entry into the competition constitutes acceptance of the conditions. 10 Discounts and gifts only available to subscribers with a South African postal address. 11 Prizes must be claimed within 3 months of the competition date or forfeited.

12 Please allow six to eight weeks for delivery after the offer closes. 13 By entering a competition, you agree to receive further communication and direct marketing material from Media24 (Ltd).

UNCHES

L SCHOSOTHLE IDEAL MENU YOUR

BY 241 OUR BA

BABY 24 2

DELICIO

2019

D•

BIG TO FEEGDUINIDE G WEANING AD

LY PEE L I Y AY P ES •

FRUIT INSP VICE IRAT VEGGIE M ION AGIC

GH

SOLV

pes

Fully washable.

HOW BOD Y IMAGE PASSED ONIS

INE

Available at Baby Boom, Baby City, Babies ‘R’ Us at Toys ‘R’ Us, selected Checkers Hyper stores, Dis Chem, Takealot.com and leading baby and maternity stores.

Carriwell SA (Pty) Ltd • P.O. Box 272, Umhlanga Rocks, 4320 Tel: (031) 564 8805, Fax: (031) 564 9647 • www.carriwell.co.za, info@carriwell.co.za

N CLLA A H

ST B S TO BOO

TIP

(

inn l

TOBBER 201

9

2 9 7710

0 1

08241

E PL AN TCHT E L AYDAT

KEN RECIPE S S

NEWBOR N UM M ME R S O MINNGG SEE O HINNGG SEE ASICS EASTFEED CRETS ING TIPS

WE T BEEDD!

TRITIOU

100% Cotton.

WINNER!

! PUT MOMMPYHONE YOUR WN! DO

Ultra absorbent to keep skin dry.

Non-irritating.

US & NU

EASY CHIC

USE THEM

Soft Touch Cotton Washable Breast Pad

Padded for extra nipple protection

OUR COVER BABY

ARTS STAR CHWISELY

FOR ADDED COMFORT AND ABSORPTION

Ƃ Ã ] ÃÕ«Ài i Þ V v ÀÌ>L i wÌ°

HERE'

9 UST 201 ibia) JULY & AUG ISSUE 241 incl ) N$40 50 (Nam R40 50 (VAT

Carriwell’s Breast Pads are fully washable and reusable, making them both environmentally friendly, and far more economical than regular disposable breast pads. The unique slim, padded design offers an extremely V v ÀÌ>L i wÌ Ü Ì ÃÕ«iÀ À «« i «À

2 2

1

2

1

A

C

Soothing relief for tender and painful breasts. During breast feeding some mothers may experience pain and discomfort caused by blocked ducts, mastitis and engorgement...

®

Breast Soother

Breast Soother® provides natural, safe, pain relief and makes breast feeding easier. Ƃ `Ã y Ü° Gives mothers the added choice of warm or cooling therapy.

Is reusable and simple to use. >à Lii ëiV wV> Þ `ià } i` with the help of Midwives and Breast Feeding Counsellors.

Endorsed by leading Child Birth Educators, Doula’s, Midwives and Breast Feeding Counsellors.

TO ADVERTISE IN THE CLASSIFIEDS EMAIL ZOE.SMITH@MEDIA24.COM

Available at Baby Boom, Baby City, Babies ‘R’ Us at Toys ‘R’ Us, selected Checkers Hyper stores, Dis-Chem, Takealot.com and leading baby and maternity stores.

Carriwell SA (Pty) Ltd • P.O. Box 272, Umhlanga Rocks, 4320 Tel: (031) 564 8805, Fax: (031) 564 9647 • www.carriwell.co.za, info@carriwell.co.za

All I want for Christmas...

Our backpage columnist, Rofhiwa Maneta, ponders the good and sometimes hard realities that come with being a new dad I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT of Christmas as just another day.

This often surprises people, especially when you consider the fact that my twin brother, late grandmother and I are all Christmas babies.

This isn’t an indifference I’ve always carried.

Like all children, I bought into the pomp and ceremony of Christmas. I’m one of four children, and the gifts I received were never expensive and over-elaborate – there simply wasn’t any money for this – but always wellconsidered and from the heart.

A set of toys, a piece of clothing I’d been badgering my parents about throughout the year and, always, a handwritten note from my father wishing me both a happy birthday and a merry Christmas.

But toward teenagehood, I’d bought out of the lie. It was obvious that there was no cherub-like man breaking into our house to deliver gifts.

I’d also grown tired of the capitalist excess that had come to shadow what’s meant to be a quiet day with family. The message of Christmas seemed to be: the more excessive the celebration, the deeper the expression of love, and I just couldn’t buy into that anymore.

9 8 | NOVEMBER & DECEMBER 2019

But myths serve a functional purpose, don’t they? They offer us hope, they restore our belief in the collective kindness of the human spirit and, if only for a moment, make us believe the world isn’t so bad after all.

In November 2017, my son came into the world, almost a month to the day from Christmas and, by extension, my birthday.

This inspired a renewed thinking in me about the festive season.

I thought of my own childhood and the unbridled excitement that came as the days edged closer to 25 December.

There were gifts, there was food (by the bucket-load), there was laughter and singing and – most importantly – there was family.

My greatest memories were never of the gifts but the small pleasures that came with being surrounded by friends and family. Memories such as my father letting his tough exterior down and singing around the house.

Or phone calls with my grandmother punctuated by the same joke every year without fail: “Happy birthday, grandma,” I’d say. To which she’d respond: “You too, Rofhiwa,” with a hearty laugh.

I hope for nothing but the same with my son.

This year will be his third Christmas, and all I want for him is a renewed assurance that he is loved by myself, his mother and our extended family.

Sure, he’ll get his expensive play sets and Christmas gifts, but long after he’s grown out of both, there will linger a certainty that Mom and Dad love him

not only on the 25th but 24/7/365.

That said, what exactly do I plan to do on his third Christmas?

There’ll be plenty of play dough, I can tell you that much. As young as he is, my son has a fascination with building things and bending them into his will. And why not keep it Christmas-themed for good measure?

I imagine I’ll be spending the whole day building something that resembles Santa Clause with him (hood included).

Second on the list, is a box of Lego.

I have what seems to be an architect in the making here, and I’m pretty certain he’d love nothing more than a day building skyscrapers, chimneyed houses and miniature cars.

Toward the end of the day there’ll be the traditional bedtime story, the retelling of the Christmas story (sans the religious overtones) and, perhaps, a second gift for him to fall asleep to.

Does it matter that the gifts actually come from Toys R Us instead of the North Pole? I don’t think so.

He’s none the wiser and, for a child that young, nothing is better than the small miracle of a gift hand-delivered and produced especially for you by a set of Santa’s helpers.

Three years ago, I could have easily been characterised as the Grinch who stole Christmas. It’s a title I probably would have deserved. But if my son has taught me anything, it’s that there’s a time and place for myth and magic – and that’s something I’d never want to steal from him. YB

SYMPHONY GEARS™ MUSICAL TOY

• Character gears layer up instrument sounds.

• Crank the big gear to activate baby’s symphony.

• Practise turning and gripping.

• Baby’s decisions cause toy to light up.

Kwazulu-Natal Springfield Umhlanga Westville PMB Hillcrest Ballito Free State Bloemfontein Limpopo Polokwane

031 263 0196/7/8 031 566 1893/920 031 265 0135/6 033 342 8801/4 031 765 4900/12/13 032 586 0580 051 430 2522/05 015 296 0710/2/4

Gauteng Benmore Heathway Craighall Fourways Woodmead Kensington Alberton Northgate East Rand West Rand

011 883 9574 011 476 9797 011 442 2920/30 011 465 0454/16 011 802 8290/1 011 615 2304 011 907 4906 011 794 8560 011 823 2356 011 475 0751/2

Vanderbijlpark Mall@Carnival Pretoria Centurion Olympus Mall@55 Kolonnade Retail Park Mpumalanga Nelspruit North West Klerksdorp

016 985 1027/8/9 011 915 0330/4 012 653 2363 012 991 2277 012 656 0597/87 012 548 5065/2689

Western Cape Greenpoint Bellville Tokai Tableview Sable Square Somerset West Eastern Cape Port Elizabeth

021 419 6040 021 914 1444/5 021 701 0804 021 557 7532/7270 021 528 7570/1 021 851 2140 041 368 1400/02

013 752 4360/1/2 018 462 0930/2/7

www.babycity.co.za

we know you care

54285 Fire Tree e&oe

South Africa’s leading baby hyper!

meet

every stage fx ™

car seat

The ultimate transporter with forward facing group 1 ISOFIX install 1 seat. 4 stages. 12 years.

• Group 0+/1/2/3 car seat • Suitable rearward facing (birth to 18kg/4 yrs) • Suitable forward facing (9kg to 36kg/12 yrs) • Side impact protection provides added security for the head, body and hips • AutoAdjust™ side wings widen as headrest is raised to accommodate growing children • One-hand, 10 position height adjustable headrest • Grow Together™ multi-height headrest and harness system adjusts simultaneously and requires no re-threading of harness • ISOSAFE connectors keep seat positioned in vehicle for group 2/3

easy installation using ISOFIX

6 recline

positions

2 rear facing forward 4 facing

‘Two Tone Black’

Share the joy at www.joiebaby.co.za Stockists South Africa: Baby City, Babies “R” Us @ Toys “R” Us Stockists Namibia: The Baby Company Superstore Windhoek Trade Enquiries: Bambino International (Pty) Ltd. • 031 205 8309

SCAN FOR MORE INFO