Planet JH 12.09.15

JACKSON HOLE’S ALTERNATIVE VOICE | PLANETJH.COM | DECEMBER 9-15, 2015

Pressure from predators and interest groups challenge elk managers.

BY JAKE NICHOLS

2 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

JACKSON HOLE'S ALTERNATIVE VOICE

VOLUME 13 | ISSUE 48 | DECEMBER 9-15, 2015

10 COVER STORY

WAPITI WELFARE Pressure from predators and interest groups challenge elk managers.

Cover photo illustration by Lori Iverson, USFWS

6

GUEST OPINION

18

8

THE BUZZ

24 IMBIBE

14 CREATIVE PEAKS

30 SATIRE

16

23

MUSIC BOX

GET OUT

ASTROLOGY

THE PLANET TEAM

EDITOR

SALES EXTRAORDINAIRE

Robyn Vincent / editor@planetjh.com

Caroline Zieleniewski / caroline@planetjh.com

PUBLISHER

ART DIRECTOR

COPY EDITOR

Cait Lee / art@planetjh.com

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SALES DIRECTOR

CONTRIBUTORS

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Copperfield Publishing, John Saltas GENERAL MANAGER

Andy Sutcliffe / asutcliffe@planetjh.com

Aaron Davis, Kelsey Dayton, Elizabeth Koutrelakos, Dr. Monique Lai, Carol Mann, Andrew Munz, Jake Nichols, Ted Scheffler, Chuck Shepherd, Tom Tomorrow, Jim Woodmencey MEMBER: National Newspaper Association, Alternative Weekly Network, Association of Alternative Newsmedia

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December 9, 2015

By Meteorologist Jim Woodmencey

D

ecember is usually a snowy month for Jackson, although, there will be times when the moisture flowing inland from the Pacific will act like the warm-water faucet is turned on alongside the cold-water faucet. The result is rain or a rain/snow mix in Town and points south to Hoback Junction, which are the lowest elevations in the valley. Precipitation there may not appear as white as the precipitation received in the north end of the Jackson Hole Valley.

SPONSORED BY GRAND TETON FLOOR & WINDOW COVERINGS

Consider this to be the last week before we enter the coldest weeks of the year, late December and early January. Typically, the overnight low temperatures will be in the upper single digits, on average, during this week. Record low temperatures though have reached 40-below zero during this week, like it did on December 11th, 1961. The 1960’s and 1970’s were some cold decades in Jackson. The last 30-below zero day we had here in mid-December was back in 1997.

While December is most famous for its cold temperatures in Jackson Hole, occasionally we do heat up. This week’s mini warm-up early in the week is no match for some of the record high temperatures during this second week of December. Most of the record high temperatures this week are from the 1930’s and 1940’s, records that still stand today. The hottest temperature during this week though was on December 12th, 1921 when it reached 61-degrees in Jackson.

AVERAGE PRECIPITATION: 1.52 inches RECORD PRECIPITATION: 5.95 inches (1964) AVERAGE SNOWFALL: 17 inches RECORD SNOWFALL: 47 inches

Carpet - Tile - Hardwood - Laminate Blinds - Shades - Drapery Mon - Fri 10am - 6pm Open Tuesdays until 8pm 1705 High School Rd Suite 120 Jackson, WY 307-200-4195 www.tetonfloors.com | www.tetonblinds.com

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 3

Jim has been forecasting the weather here for more than 20 years. You can find more Jackson Hole Weather information at www.mountainweather.com

WHAT’S COOL WHAT’S HOT

NORMAL HIGH 29 NORMAL LOW 8 RECORD HIGH IN 1921 61 RECORD LOW IN 1961 -40

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JH ALMANAC

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4 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

FROM OUR READERS Marvin Gaye’s great song, “What’s Going On,” keeps coming to mind whenever I glance up at Snow King. During the 15 years that we have lived at the base of these wild, sunless, forested slopes, it’s forever been uncommon to see more than 25 skiers on the hill, except on race days.

To see a revitalized Snow King is certainly appealing. But what really matters is that we go into this with our eyes wide open.

From the perspective of those who have watched Snow King over many years, it seems foolhardy at first glance for many millions of dollars to be spent there on upgrades.

On the other hand, what’s there now is anachronistic and timeworn. On a more personal note, I have also hoped Snow King will find the right balance point to honor the memory of Manuel Lopez, who kept the resort alive through thick and thin before he passed away earlier in the year.

Perhaps now that moment has arrived? Beaucoup dollars are being spent. But given the past, there’s still a feeling that re-grading the bottom of the hill, building an obstacles course and the high tech Cowboy Coaster can’t really make a difference to the bottom line.

Phase 2 is being launched into the approvals process, and suddenly a re-branded future looms large. Among the next round of upgrades are a gondola to take the place of the Summit Chair, a zip line from top to bottom, a new lift further to the east, lift-serviced bike paths and a restaurant observatory to be built at the top.

Even with all of these improvements, it’s still hard to picture how all of this will come together, until, that is, the image of an all-inclusive resort comes into view. With undeveloped large lots still sitting at the bottom of the hill and room for shops and restaurants, Snow King might then really take off, even though it will always be hard to picture hundreds of skiers on the slopes on a sub-zero day.

My own nickname for Snow King is the “town beach.”

For anyone who lives nearby, it’s like living on the coastline in a city or on the north shore of Oahu, because in a matter of minutes one can cross over from the socialized world of human affairs into a very deep nature. And like the ocean, so do the moods of the hill vary, drawing one to its slopes like a wolf’s call.

When there’s enough fresh snow and a good base, the skiing is every bit as good as anything one can find in mobbed resort settings. The straight shot boot pack to the top of the hill is amazing, so are the ticket prices. And from the point of view of skiing individual lift lines, one can easily make the argument that the Summit Chair, with its 1,571 feet of vertical, is one of the West’s best for its pure fall line.

And then there’s the summer (which seems painfully irrelevant this morning). But now during the coldest months of winter, I always feel a little sad that there aren’t more people there. To feel this way seems strange because I wouldn’t stand on a serious surf beach and think how unfortunate it is that there aren’t hundreds of people in the water, and Snow King is not for the faint of heart. It’s cold, steep and serious like the north face of a mountain, which, after all, it is.

During the summer, though, the potentials really come into focus. With all of the new amusement park like attractions, packaged vacations at Snow King will be every bit as appealing as those that resorts in Teton Village or anywhere else can offer, especially given how close to the center of town it is.

A few points that most would agree on is that resorts are more inward facing and more detached from their communities and their surroundings than, say, smaller local hotels are. People come to relax and be pampered, and if one is talking about beaches, it really doesn’t matter very much if it’s Cancun this year or Puerto Vallarta the next.

If one were to ask the people who live in Myrtle Beach or the Costa del Sol what they thought of the resorts that their

JAKE NICHOLS

King Confusion

Curious about all the construction hubbub happening at Snow King? Attend the informational meeting Friday at Grandview Lodge. communities are famous for, there would be a wide range of responses. The developer certainly has a vision. But the question is, is it the same as ours?

– Ben Read There will be an informational meeting from 3 to 6 pm, Friday, December 11 on the next phase of development at Snow King in the Grandview Lodge

Save the Corridor Forty or 50 years ago, when the West Bank and South Park were starting to be developed, South Park Road should have been extended to WY 22. A northern route between U.S. 89 and WY 390 should have been built. Those things weren’t done and we are paying the price now in the form of valley wide traffic congestion that only promises to get much worse.

This negatively affects our lives and our visitors’ experiences.

The Moose-Wilson Corridor has become a de facto pressure valve for the huge cul-de-sac called the Moose-Wilson Road in the summer season. It is a transition zone, where the mountains meet the valley. These life zones tend to be the richest, the most sensitive, and the most deserving of protection.

The single greatest impact to park wildlife, values, resources, and budgets is the private motor vehicle. Were that special interest subject to the same scrutiny and vetting as pedestrians, bicycles or fancy inner tubes, private cars would never have been allowed in our parks in the first place.

Many major western National Parks are working to severely limit or eliminate private vehicles in favor of mass transit, non-motorized travel, and permitted interpretive tours. In Denali Park, for example, only private vehicles with lodge or campground reservations are allowed in. Zion National Park is the same during high season. Grand Canyon and Bryce close their main Rim roads to all but shuttles and non-motorized use in the crowded time of year. Yosemite pursues many strategies to limit autos and their impact. They plow their pathways all winter as well as provide free shuttles, so a visitor doesn’t have to drive for their whole stay in the valley, but has access to everything. These parks are still very popular in spite of their discouragement of private motor vehicles. It seems that Mom, Dad, Buddy and Sis actually like not having to deal with the traffic jams, road rage, and parking hassles they left back home in Anytown.

While the national as well as local trend is to try and lessen the almost total domination of petroleum burning travel, Grand Teton National Park, in its preferred alternative,

actually doubles down on automotive abuse of a fragile environment. That narrow emphasis does a disservice to the corridor, its users and potential users. Pedestrian use is not even paid lip service to, even though it is the biggest use in the closed season. If it was perceived as safe and pleasant to walk, many would. As it is, they are shut out even though front country walking is the kind of benign use that should be promoted. This major omission of the EIS is due to not even bothering to take a look at the seven off-season months.

The Moose-Wilson Corridor is a perfect area to eliminate private traffic to protect resources. It is already closed most of the year. Nobody lives between Poker Flats and Moose anymore. The Rockefeller, Galey and Hartgrave Ranches are gone and reclaimed. There are no campgrounds or lodges. The few destinations, Phelps Lake and Death Canyon trailheads, are easily served by a small shuttle system, bona fide interpretive tours, and non-motorized travel. In short, conservation should trump convenience. It should not be a through route.

It arguably should be paved the full length to stop siltation, dust and thousands of gallons of dust suppressant dumped on it each year, but not widened. A new asphalt desert for car storage on the beautiful plateau adjacent to the historic Whitegrass Ranch should just be a small bus turnaround instead. The current parking areas could be reclaimed. Two hundred cars might not sound like much until you realize that half of them will be stopped willy nilly all over the road as soon as a bear pokes his head out of the bush. Transit and tour shuttles would eliminate that.

The problem is, of course, the corridor’s above-mentioned role as pressure valve for a national park, a growing resort community, and Wyoming’s largest and busiest airport. A road and bridge from the south end of the airport roughly paralleling Zenith Road on the east side and Range Road on the west and elevated enough to make it a continuous wildlife overpass would solve many issues such as the MooseWilson Corridor controversy and a possible four lane WY 390. It would reduce pollution, carbon footprint, human and wildlife mortality, wasted time and gas, and give the valley a coherent traffic system.

Jerry Blann, the Resors, county officials, WYDOT, Governor Mead, and the Park Service all need to cooperate on this option. The Moose-Wilson Corridor does not exist in a vacuum, and must be considered as part of a bigger picture.

– Keith Benefiel

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 5

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

6 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

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Know Before You Go Outdoor winter revelry can come at a high cost to our wild neighbors.

BY CRAIG BENJAMIN

W

e knew it was wrong, but we didn’t care.

Over the past few seasons we’d logged hundreds of laps in Granite Canyon, exploring and enjoying nearly every inch of arguably the sickest slackcountry zone in North America. On each lap, after passing through the Jackson Hole Mountain Resort backcountry gates that prominently display areas closed seasonally to protect wildlife, we’d look longingly at the south face of Mt. Hunt. I know it’s impossible, but it felt like the thousands of feet of consistent pitch was calling out to us like a siren: “I’m lonely, come ski me.”

One late March day, we gave into temptation and decided to answer her call. We knew Mt. Hunt was closed until April 1, but we figured since that date was only a week away, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Besides, the weather was teeing up a potential epic day of corn, so we went for it. It felt wrong from the moment we put on our skins.

Instead of calling us to ski her, it felt like the mountain gods were cautioning us to stay away. I could feel their warning in the pit of my stomach as we began ascending the slope we’d all fantasized about skiing for years. Halfway up, it became clear to all of us the mountain gods were indeed sending us a message. The heat of the late-March sun was baking the snow. We were no longer looking at corn; we were dealing with mush and potential wet slides. So we made the safe call and bailed.

Traversing out of Granite Canyon, I felt a mix of disappointment and relief. Yeah, I was bummed we didn’t get to cruise down a few thousand feet of corn. But more than that, I felt relieved that I was done doing something I knew was wrong, and it looked like we weren’t going to get caught and face the consequences of our choice.

While I had seen the “Don’t Poach the Powder” ads, I had never taken the time to think about what they meant. It wasn’t until years later when I began working at the Jackson Hole Conservation Alliance that I realized just how wrong we were that day.

Winter is the most stressful time of the year for wildlife. Deep snow, scarce food and cold temperatures make conserving energy critical for winter survival. Keep in mind, there were almost no year-round settlements in Jackson Hole until a century ago – winter is just too harsh (or at least it was until we changed the climate through our burning of

fossil fuels, but that’s a story for another time).

When people — or their pets — disturb wildlife, it forces them to burn calories that are incredibly difficult to replace while foraging through several feet of snow. It’s not like they can pop into Lucky’s to replenish their larder. Some stressed animals suffer a long and lingering death, and spring, even after the snow melts, still presents a challenge in terms of survival.

Imagine you’re a bighorn sheep, scraping by through the long cold winter on the high windswept ridges of the Tetons.

Consider that conserving every calorie is essential to your survival. Think about how the energy you waste scrambling away from people skiing by could be the tipping point between whether you live another year or not. Heck, even when you don’t run away, research shows the stress you feel when people travel past you in the winter could make the difference between life or death.

Winter closures protect wildlife during a time of year that proves the most difficult to their survival.

Finding a solution

More of us mean more impact on them

This is why our public lands agencies came together decades ago and decided to close targeted areas seasonally to protect wildlife. Bridger-Teton National Forest, Caribou-Targhee National Forest, Grand Teton National Park, National Elk Refuge, and Wyoming Game and Fish Department worked together to determine areas for seasonal closure through extensive research, cross-agency consultation and a robust public review process. They didn’t close down all areas important to wildlife. They selectively chose areas to close that are important winter wildlife habitat where few people go, while leaving others open (like Cache Creek).

Fifteen years ago, with winter backcountry use on the rise and people starting to poach closed areas, these agencies approached the Alliance and other local organizations about collaborating to help them get the word out about seasonal habitat closures. This request gave rise to the Don’t Poach the Powder program, a partnership between local agencies and organizations to educate recreationists about seasonal closures to protect wildlife.

The concept is simple: Since most of us in Jackson Hole respect and care about wildlife, if we know before we head into the backcountry which areas are closed to protect wildlife, we won’t go there. So the Don’t Poach the Powder program focuses on letting people know the dates and locations of seasonal habitat closures. For jerks who don’t care (like myself a decade ago), we gently remind folks that poaching wildlife closure areas is a crime, carrying a penalty of up to $5,000 or six months in jail.

Look, I know it’s hard to resist hitting untouched lines on Prospectors and Static Peak or that pristine pow just sitting there on Josie’s ridge (not so much this year, yet).

Here’s the thing, we have thousands of acres of terrain where we can play, while there are only a few small areas closed to protect wildlife. As stewards of this incredible place, we have a responsibility to respect wildlife when we recreate.

As there are exponentially more of us recreating in the backcountry than even a few years ago, wildlife have even fewer places where they can make it through the winter without being disturbed. That’s why it’s more important than ever we don’t poach the powder. To know before you go, please visit JHAlliance.org/dontpoach/ to download high-resolution maps of which backcountry areas are closed seasonally to protect wildlife. To take the next step and become a “Don’t Poach the Powder Ambassador,” stop by our office to grab a big pack of stickers you can share with your friends.

The Don’t Poach the Powder program is a partnership of the Bridger-Teton and Caribou-Targhee National Forests, Grand Teton National Park, the Greater Yellowstone Coalition, the Jackson Hole Conservation Alliance, the National Elk Refuge, the Wyoming Game and Fish Department, and sponsored by Eco-Tour Adventures.

Craig Benjamin is the executive director of the Jackson Hole Conservation Alliance.

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DUD e , WHere’s my Car? The Town of Jackson’s overnight parking ban has gone into effect.

SO, if you want to void all kinds of hassles, listen up!

SHOVELING REQUIREMENTS Additionally, we would like to remind people: Town residents are responsible for keeping sidewalks shoveled.

• The TOJ assists with snow removal in the downtown core and along Broadway.

• Residents should not put their garbage cans out the night before, but rather after 7:00am on garbage days.

• Please keep trash cans, cars, and other obstacles out of the streets and off of the curbs.

This saves your property and makes the streets more clear of drifts and snow.

• Residents are also encouraged to help keep fire hydrants clear of snow.

BROUGHT TO YOU

BY THE FRIENDLY FOLKS AT THE TOWN OF JACKSON

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 7

it is illegal to park overnight on Jackson streets, including public parking lots, regardless of weather (rain or shine, snow or bikini). Crews begin plowing at 3am. Parked cars on town streets make the job of keeping roads clear of snow more difficult.

Consequently, cars left on town streets between 3am & 7am will be ticketed and may be towed by Jackson police. To retrieve your car, contact Ron’s Towing at 733-8697, 1190 S. Hwy 89. Overnight parking is allowed in the public parking structure at W. Simpson Ave. and S. Millward St. but not on other town parking lots.

4 2 8 0 W. L E E P E R • W I L S O N • 3 0 7 - 7 3 3 - 4 3 3 1

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

PARKING RESTRICTIONS

Through April 15th, between 3:00am & 7:00am,

RABBIT ROW REPAIR

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

8 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

THE BUZZ MAINTENANCE DESIGN GROUP

Presentation Without Taxation Officials stall on best approach to fund housing and transportation.

BY JAKE NICHOLS

C

ivic leaders continue to struggle with the best approach for funding their commitment to provide for future housing and transportation needs in the valley.

Monday’s joint meeting with town and county leaders bogged down once again on a potential tax hike to bring in revenue.

A board of eight — both the town and county had one person missing — split between an added penny of general sales tax or a special purpose excise tax (SPET) approach to funding the Community Priorities Fund. Signs that the wheels were coming off the bus, however, began cropping up before the vote was ever taken.

STARTing off A presentation by START Bus leaders that painted a foreboding fiscal future should the Integrated Transportation Plan’s goals be realized muddied the waters at the onset.

Capital expansion, more buses and drivers and ongoing maintenance and salaries come with a price tag — one that startled some elected officials.

“By 2019, START is running in the red,” public works director Larry Pardee told the panel at the meeting. “And it goes up exponentially. It’s kind of scary, but you set a big target in the ITP, and you are going to have to put some big money behind it to achieve those.”

START leaders were optimistic that their $15 million wish list, presented at the meeting, could be partially covered by federal grants.

“We received very good news from the federal government when they passed and signed on Friday increases in funds for transportation. We may be seeing opportunity for more funding from the feds,” said START director Darren Brugmann.

Councilman Jim Stanford — who has been a vocal advocate for using sales tax to fund housing and transportation because of SPET’s inherent inability to be used for ongoing operational expenses — grilled Pardee on anticipated escalation of the START budget each year as the transit system grows.

“You’re looking at an increase of $500,000 a year in operational costs. This expense is not covered by anything right now, correct? And it can’t be covered by SPET,” Stanford stated.

Councilman Don Frank hinted that expansion goals for START might not be the most prudent course if they can’t get people to ride.

“Creating the opportunity for use is only one part of the goal,” Frank said. “Getting people to take advantage of increased service is another thing. Your predecessor [Michael Wackerly] thought that would be a difficult thing to do.”

During public comment, citizen Jim Lewis echoed Frank’s concerns.

“Transportation is a huge issue, and I hope I’m not speaking out of turn, but Councilman Frank asked the right question,” Lewis said. “I’m worried about this ‘fund it and they will come’ approach. The question is how do you change the behavior to get people to ride? Especially with gas prices where they are now. Just because you have more buses doesn’t mean people are going to ride them.”

Brugmann admitted ridership was not something he could control.

“In everything we do we are making assumptions. It’s difficult to do,” Brugmann said. “We are transporting less, currently, in this calendar year even with increased offerings. Will

The escalating START budget, along with the Housing Authority’s rising costs, has elected officials sweating. changes translate into ridership? We hope so and think so, but we aren’t sure. My goal is to change behavior. We believe transit can reduce the level of traffic on the road.”

Frank questioned potential improprieties concerning Jorgensen and Associates’ work on preparing costs analysis for START. “These documents have been prepared by Jorgensen. Have they been paid for their services? And going forward the numbers will now be prepared by someone not standing to bid on future contracts?” he asked.

Pardee assured Frank that START was looking for an independent construction cost adjuster from Salt Lake City.

Housing Authority operational expenses are also expected to increase by $240,000 next year, according to county administrator Alyssa Watkins. The annual budget for the authority is $400,000, but town manager Bob McLaurin said that does not include additional hires, including a new director/manager.

The Housing Authority’s SPET wish list totaled $17 million, $15M of which was earmarked for construction costs.

“The 15 is for what?” commissioner Paul Vogelheim asked.

“Primarily the Grove,” Watkins answered.

public than a SPET ballot measure. Despite assurances from town leaders that a penny increase in sales tax will indeed be dedicated to fund housing and transportation, nothing prevents current or future government officials from changing their minds or making balance sheet ‘adjustments.’

A SPET ballot item is perceived by some elected officials as being more palatable to the public because it would more clearly define and ensure where taxpayers’ money would go.

It’s considered a short-term fix, however, and funds generated could not be used to pay salaries or make repairs. Officials have the option of putting housing and transportation projects on the SPET ballot while including additional community needs, but it’s unlikely much would be left after town and county needs.

Before tackling which tax to choose, commissioner Natalia Macker asked her peers to consider an official resolution establishing a Community Priorities Fund. Commissioner Mark Newcomb agreed, but the idea hit a wall with Lenz.

“I’m not worried about whether we have a fund or not. You don’t have a fund until you have money to put in the fund,” he said.

More bad news

How they voted

If doom-and-gloom budget projections from START and the Housing Authority weren’t enough to sour officials with money woes, McLaurin made the sky fall with a presentation of 17 potential organizations and projects eager to get a shot at SPET money. The ‘Christmas’ list total comes to $148 million.

A penny of SPET tax generates about $11.5 million, annually.

Vogelheim worried that community wants and needs were outpacing dwindling revenue sources.

“We heard the governor saying state funding is going to be cut by 50 percent at least. Municipalities in the state are selling off their plow trucks and equipment to make payroll,” Vogelheim said. “Things are changing throughout the rest of the state, and we are looking at these ‘asks’ and trying to sort out what is critical.”

McLaurin agreed.

“We’ll know the first week of March where we are, but it’s going to be a substantial reduction for sure. We are going to be somewhere between zero and 90 million [dollars]. Even if we get $90 million, we want all of that going to operations. We have to pave and plow roads. We have to respond to 911 calls. Other costs are going up as well — Fire/EMS, public safety,” he said.

County commissioners favored a general sales tax approach with a 3-1 vote, Vogelheim opposed. Town council members split 2-2 on the approach, deadlocking the joint board with no decision. A special joint meeting is being scheduled. Commissioner Barb Allen was absent from Monday’s meeting. She has leaned toward SPET in past discussions.

Councilwoman Hailey Morton Levinson is on maternity leave and is not expected to participate in the vote.

Sara Flitner (SPET): “I honestly do not have strong feelings one way or another about SPET or general. In listening to outside sources I hear a great appetite for both. But I think we have a few trust building exercises with the public to do first.

I want to have as few obstacles as we can between us and the voters.”

Bob Lenz (SPET): “People are looking for earmarked money and that sounds to me like SPET. General sales tax is too open.

Electeds have a way of spending every penny you give them.”

Don Frank (General): “We have $131 million in all SPET requests. They are not all fundable. Increase in demands are a certainty. Revenue decline is a probability. I’m going to support extending the sixth cent.”

Jim Stanford (General): “The town has a very strong and long track record of fiscal discipline. I reject the argument that we can’t be trusted to budget accordingly. As far as the argument future councils will not be bound [by our decisions today] — that’s how democracy works.”

Paul Vogelheim (SPET): “I’m a fan of SPET. I much prefer the accountability in it. Taxpayers deserve to know where their money is going.”

Smokey Rhea (General): “The one cent tax gives us a little more time to get the right projects.”

Mark Newcomb (General): “If we stick with SPET, we will fail with operational expense in terms of transportation and housing.”

Natalia Macker (General). PJH

Taxing issues Looking at three possible revenue sources for housing and transportation — sales tax, lodging tax, and property tax — authorities quickly dismissed a property tax as a long shot.

Legal questions about using lodging tax money for housing quieted discussion on that approach, though councilman Bob Lenz was miffed as to why it wasn’t being more fully explored.

That left sales tax. Civic leaders are divided on several fronts concerning the better funding source for the Community Priorities Fund.

General sales tax could be used for ongoing operation and maintenance expenses. Some elected officials worry an added dedicated penny of sales tax might be a tougher sell to the

But Isn’t That Their Skill Set?

NEWS

By CHUCK SHEPHERD

four-year prison term)—because Ciftci had joined a Turkish Facebook thread that was denouncing Erdogan with facial images comparing him to the “Lord of the Rings” character Gollum. The judge, admitting his unfamiliarity, appointed a five-person group of experts to advise him whether the Erdogan-Gollum comparison was “insulting.” (“The Lord of the Rings” film director Peter Jackson immediately protested that the images depict not Gollum but his benign alter ego Smeagol, making the comparison obviously uninsulting.)

OF THE

In November, lawyer Michael Petersen of Appleton, Wis., was ordered by county judge Philip Kirk (in a sentence for contempt of court) to inform every client he acquires in the following 12 months that Petersen is a “crook,” “cheat,” “thief” and “liar.” Kirk concluded that Peterson had lied about a plea deal with the prosecutor and created phony documents for backup, leading a client to plead guilty to armed robbery when the prosecutor said there was never such a deal. According to the Appleton Post Crescent, Kirk (after dressing down Petersen in colorful language) told him, “I want you to have as much business as a pimp in a nursing home.”

WEIRD

Can’t Possibly Be True

Pastor Thom Miller, 60 (of the United Christian Ministries International in Mansfield, Ohio), told an international news crew recently that he had “married” his 19-year-old pregnant girlfriend (Reba Kerfoot), but that some in his congregation disapprove—because Miller is already married (though his incumbent wife, Belinda, 44, apparently does approve). Said Belinda, “Thom is the love of my life and Reba is the blessing of my life, so it all works.” Said Miller, “Sexually I have no preference and look forward to my time alone with both wives.” (Bonuses: 1. Miller was an enforcer for organized crime in Cleveland until he “found God” in prison. 2. He is annoyed that Ohio recognizes same-sex marriage but not polygamy. 3. The local Mansfield News Journal was apparently scooped on the story but is now catching up.) n Mexican artist Renato Garza Cervera’s work usually involves realistic-looking figures created to startle (e.g., a “piggy bank” as a scowling hog of a man down on all fours), but his recent “gang member” floor rugs seem a career peak. Rejecting bear rugs and lion rugs, Cervera’s “Of Genuine Contemporary Beast” project features exquisitely constructed, life-size, snarling, naked, heavily tattooed men’s bodies (as if skinned) as rugs, representing “modern” beasts—Salvadorean gang members. Actually, Cervera told Vice.com he intended sympathy: “Societies always invent new beasts in order to make others responsible for their problems.”

The Finer Points of the Law

n Dr. Bilgin Ciftci was fired in October from Turkey’s Public Health Institution and later charged with violating one of President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s favorite laws— against “insulting” the president (which carries a maximum

n After all, leeches are interesting and thus someone has to study them, and Mark Siddall, curator of invertebrates at the American Museum of Natural History, is that person. These leeches are easily found, but only in the rear ends of hippopotamuses, he noted, and told Wired. com in August that if a creature can exploit a niche others cannot, it has a monopoly on food. “The only part on the hippo that’s vascularized enough to get a good blood meal (is) the rectal region.” (Making life worse for these leeches, they lack the strong jaws of other leeches and must instead use a nose-like organ that, writes Wired, it “snakes” into the vascular tissue.)

Least Competent Criminals

Damon Matthews, 19, surrendered to police in Bay City, Michigan, in November and confessed to robbing a 7-Eleven. His sister had convinced Matthews that police would soon arrive to apprehend him because, even though he wore a ski-mask “disguise,” Matthews is 7-foot4 and a former high school classmate of the clerk. It was left unreported why Matthews thought the mask would help him.

Recurring Themes

Once again, someone minding his own business here became royalty elsewhere. This time, it was a 32-yearold Vancouver, British Columbia, man with a wife and baby, working as a gardener—until he learned that a 6,000-person tribe in Ghana wanted him for their king.

Thus, Eric Manu, a nephew of the king who died in 2013, was asked in July 2015 to come take over (part-time, at least), and by tradition, Manu’s Canadian wife will join him as queen (“mother of all mothers”). Eric said the couple will do whatever they can to improve lives in their village. n Achan Agit presents a worst-case scenario for the weirdness in how some state governments over-regulate professions, and she is currently suing the Iowa Board of Cosmetology Arts & Sciences for burdening her right to make a living. As Forbes.com reported in October, Achan was a war refugee from what is currently South Sudan and is now a permanent resident of the United States— and skilled in braiding hair, which she learned from elders when she was five. However, a licensed braider in Iowa (maximum penalty if caught unlicensed: prison, plus a $10,000 fine) needs a high school diploma or equivalent and 2,100 hours of cosmetology coursework—more than the combined training for dental assistants, bus drivers, EMTs, child care workers and security guards—and for which Iowa’s 27 cosmetology “schools” might charge up to $22,000.

Thanks This Week to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

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DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 9

Justice! In September, federal judge Cathy Seibel ordered the town of Liberty, New York (100 miles from New York City), to stand trial for failure to teach police and prosecutors proper free-speech law—thus giving plaintiff Willian Barboza revenge for his arrest for writing a “crude” message on the speeding ticket he paid three years ago.

Seibel ruled that Barboza’s phrase (urging intercourse upon the manure-like town) posed no “imminent” threat and, besides, was obviously just a complaint about government services. Seibel also raised the possibility that money damages will come from the prosecutor’s own pocket.

Scientists from Australia’s University of Queensland have developed “swimsuits” to act as diapers for six giant loggerhead turtles as they study their diets by examining their feces. “To our great surprise,” said one researcher, they “worked perfectly.” The suits were easy to put on, comfortable for the sea turtles to wear (according to the researchers, not the turtles), looked great (ditto), and we were “able to collect the entire fecal sample,” he bragged to a London Daily Telegraph reporter in Sydney.

THE 2015/16 Jackson Hole Snowboarder Magazine MAKES ITS WAY TO THE VALLEY CHRISTMAS WEEK!

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n Las Vegas police continue to investigate Kimberly Knight after a video surfaced on her fetish pornography website purporting to be of a medical doctor performing a breast-enlargement procedure and then immediately having sex with the patient. KTNV-TV has questioned Knight on the authenticity of the claims, and she seemed to back off slightly, describing the surgeon as a “medical student,” then characterizing the whole thing as a “mistake.” As of early December, Knight had not been charged with a crime.

The Job of the Researcher

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

10 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

wapiti

welfare

Pressure from predators and interest groups challenge elk managers.

LORI IVERSON, USFWS

BY JAKE NICHOLS

Elk are fed in relatively tight groupings because they eat fast and pellets degrade quickly in snow. It also ensures calves get a better chance at feed.

A

few years ago, at least two elk did something astounding. Out of 50 radio-collared wapiti in the Buffalo Valley, this adventurous pair climbed out of the valley, over the Continental Divide, and wintered in the upper Wind River. Those animals reconnected with an ancient migration pattern thought to be long lost to time. More notable still, they made the conscious decision to forgo the lure of a lunch line headed to the National Elk Refuge, in favor of a more natural winter in wild country.

In fact, eight of the 50 elk tracked in the Teton Wilderness near Moran have switched up where they winter over the past few years. It’s an encouraging sign for wildlife managers who are desperate for some way to teach elk there is a preferred alternative to what has become a highly debated handout on government land.

Refuge Catch-22

As a multiagency management plan nears finalization, officials from Grand Teton National Park, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, Bridger-Teton National Forest and Wyoming Game and Fish Department are cooperatively trying to agree on an approach to wildlife management that will ensure the health and longevity of the most iconic elk herd in the world.

At the core of any discussion regarding elk in Jackson Hole is the artificial feeding program and sanctuary created in 1912. The elk refuge is seated geographically between national forest and park lands, with its antlered inhabitants within spotting scope distance of Game and Fish offices.

Supplemental feeding began as a knee-jerk reaction to particularly brutal, back-to-back-to-back Jackson Hole winters from 1908 to 1911. After that the feeding program

was entrenched as tradition and eventually became a culture of welfare seen by some as necessary due to development encroachment of historic winter habitat. Others believe it unnatural and ultimately detrimental to ungulate species that have come to depend on the assistance.

There is nothing on earth to compare it to. Thousands of native animals are fed each winter like cattle yet return to the high country in the spring fully wild. Highly huntable and viewable for Jackson’s eco-tourism industry, herd numbers are pushed to the max by state interests, including the Game and Fish Department, with the backing of outfitters and ranchers concerned with keeping elk out of their haystacks and disease from their livestock.

But artificial feeding has become a self-perpetuating problem. Elk flock to the valley floor once snow covers available forage at higher elevations. To keep them out of subdivisions and off roadways, it’s crucial the elk be fed in a concentrated area, some say. But are elk being pulled to town by the lure of a free lunch? Or are they being chased from natural forage by predators? Would they eventually push through to points south, remembering a forgotten migration corridor, or did elk ever really migrate in great numbers and distances hundreds of years ago? And will thousands of elk drop dead if feeding is ended?

Migration deliberation

“How far they used to have migrated back in presettlement times is pretty speculative,” said elk refuge biologist Eric Cole. “Probably some elk did migrate long distances beyond Jackson Hole. But we don’t know for sure.

All we know is there were a lot of elk in the Red Desert.

Where they were coming from is more speculative.”

Veteran environmental advocate and conservation

director of the Wyoming chapter of the Sierra Club, Lloyd Dorsey, believes elk have several choices when it comes to eking out a living on the land come winter. The reason they don’t — and the data indicates long-distance migrations are becoming increasingly rare — is the allure of the refuge.

“It’s likely many elk passed through the valley and went elsewhere into easier lands to sustain themselves. In all directions of the compass from the Buffalo Valley, the Gros Ventre, the upper Green River basin, the upper Wind River, or the Sand Creek country in eastern Idaho near Idaho Falls and Ashton. Those are all ancestral wintering grounds for elk, and luckily those migration routes are still intact,” Dorsey said. “But that lure of hay bales and alfalfa pellets is very strong. You can kind of keep intensifying that compulsion to feed through the rationale that most of elk winter range in Jackson Hole has already been developed.

It’s very real. But elk are still are able to make other decisions.”

Steve Cain studied the habits of elk and other wildlife for more than 25 years as the senior biologist for Grand Teton National Park. He is one scientist who believes elk still remember where to find food when the snow flies.

“They are pretty savvy about making a living on the landscape,” Cain said. “Winters here are tough, and that’s why I’m one of the people who believe elk probably migrated in significant numbers from here down to the Green River basin. Whether they went all the way to the Red Desert or not I’m not sure anybody knows.

“But every now and then you get these little snippets of information. While studying pathways in the park we had an elk that was collared near Moose that went through South Park and all the way out to almost Idaho Falls near Heise. That’s an area that’s known as a former significant winter range for ungulates back in the early settlement

Doug Brimeyer looks over a migration map from the 1950s.

days. If one elk out of 30 that we collared did it, I guarantee you it wasn’t the only one. This knowledge of an old migratory pathway still exists. It’s really interesting stuff.”

But elk aren’t moving anymore. Whether it’s wolves, highways or feedgrounds, long distance migrations of 60 miles or more are a thing of the past.

Doug Brimeyer, wildlife management coordinator with Wyoming Game and Fish Department, is skeptical about historic long-distance migrations. He prefers to rely on scientific data collected through collars and ear tags. Since the 1940s, Yellowstone elk migrating south stopped in Jackson Hole, according to Brimeyer. What is alarming to Brimeyer and his agency is that migration, in general, is no longer occurring.

Wapiti move from nearby river bottoms and subdivisions to the refuge and back. They’re townies.

“In the late ’80s and early ’90s, if you tagged 10 elk on the refuge, four of them would go to the Teton Wilderness or southern Yellowstone, and one out of the 10 would go to Spring Gulch. Today we have the exact opposite. We’ve got one going to Yellowstone and four going to Spring Gulch,” Brimeyer said.

JAKE NICHOLS

Disbursement dilemma

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 11

CWD encroaches ever closer on Jackson Hole.

On one hand, managers of elk have a lot to pat themselves on the back for. With increasing numbers of predators nipping at their heels, decreasing habitat, and disease knocking on the door, the total population of the Jackson elk herd is right at objective: 11,000. The bad news is the animals aren’t where anyone wants them to be.

Overpopulation on the refuge is a result of elk all but abandoning other wintering options. Elk numbers in the Gros Ventre Wilderness are dismal — 1,162 were counted last year compared to an interagency goal of 3,500. Buffalo Valley and the Moran area, once teaming with elk and prized for its hunting harvest, is a virtual ghost town. Wildlife managers would like to see 2,500 elk in there. There’s less than a thousand.

It can’t all be blamed on the refuge. Where elk winter is subject to change, depending on the animal. Where they summer is sacred to elk, and they are fiercely loyal about it. And more and more elk are choosing to make shorter commutes between seasons, teaching their young to do likewise.

“It’s not animals switching summer ranges over time, it’s a learned behavior from momma cow,” Cole said. “Our research suggests that it’s based on calf recruitment into the population. Once a calf is born they have a lot of fidelity to their summer range; they don’t switch very often.

And over time these short-distance migrants survive a lot more, their recruitment is double that of long-distance migrants in Yellowstone.”

And, boy, how they survive. A cow-calf ratio is a measure of how many new animals are recruited into a herd per 100 cows. Calf ratios in the Gros Ventre dropped to alarmingly low levels a few years ago — less than 10 calves per 100 cows. The ratio in southern Yellowstone and the Teton Wilderness is about 20 — most wildlife managers would like to see that a bit higher, in the 30-35 range. But in the region known to Game and Fish as Hunt Area 78 (South of Phelps Lake, through the airport and on down Fish Creek and Spring Gulch) the calf ratio is an eye-popping 60.

The only tool at the disposal of Game and Fish to balance the distribution of animals they say is “out of whack” is hunting. Pressure in Buffalo Valley and the Gros Ventre has been scaled back dramatically since 2000 with little effect so far. Tags issued in Hunt Area 78 can’t keep up with growth there.

“The state’s doing the best they can getting as many hunters into 78 as they safely can. But it’s really, really tough,” Cole said. “Those long migrants are the ones that provide high-quality hunting opportunities. If they are in decline, that’s a big problem from a management perspective.

If you like to hunt in the backcountry on horseback you don’t want a bunch of suburban elk hanging out around town. They come right to the refuge and are not huntable on the subdivisions and private land. People don’t have a lot of tolerance for hunting in there.”

Brimeyer says Game and Fish has seen the trend develop over the past 10-15 years. “We recognize animals were using that Snake River corridor, using the Snake River Ranch and moving across Highway 390 over toward Fish Creek,” he said. “We picked up a couple radio collars right by the gas station in Teton Village. Historically, we’ve never seen that — elk hanging out in there in any great numbers.”

Game and Fish spokesman Mark Gocke called the fertile river bottomland near town a “little elk factory.”

“It’s frustrating because you are managing for the same number of elk — 11,000 — but the proportion is way out of whack,” Gocke said.

“Area 78 is the only place where we can have a shot at these elk that are

cranking out 50 to 60 calves per 100 cows. But our options are getting limited. It’s pretty concerning.”

Not only is the eating good, but elk know they won’t get shot at much near town. “Elk learn really quickly how to avoid lead poisoning,” Cain admitted.

The elephant in the room, however, is the wolf.

12 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

MARK GOCKE

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

DAN HARTMANN, PLOS BIOLOGY

WYOMING GAME AND FISH

Predation escalation

TOP: Game and Fish infrared aerial photos allow the department to count ‘suburban’ elk with more accuracy than ever before possible.

MIDDLE: Wolves and grizzly take their share of elk.

BOTTOM: Too many elk are choosing to live in subdivisions.

Since the reintroduction of the wolf to Wyoming, elk have responded predictably and accordingly. First, they vacated Yellowstone. Officials there point to the benefits to habitat once ungulate species were thinned out.

“In Yellowstone, the willows are coming back, and the aspen are coming back,” Dorsey said. “That’s an indicator you’ve got too many herbivores out there. We know those shrub communities are so important to a host of species from beavers to songbirds to moose.”

Elk disappeared from the Teton Wilderness next. As wolf populations propagated, elk fled. This spring, the Lava Mountain Pack numbered 24 lobos — the largest pack recorded in North America. They roam the Gros Ventre. The elk have left there, too.

So is it alfalfa pellets drawing elk close to town or wolves chasing them here?

“Without a doubt wolves have influenced elk distribution pretty much in most of the areas where pack structure gets fairly large. We’ve seen it in the Gros Ventre and in the Teton Wilderness,” Brimeyer said.

“It’s going to be hard to influence those animals to stay up in some of that country with the density of predators there.”

Cole says the lack of elk dispersal is probably linked to predation, but points out the wolf is only partly to blame. “Bears probably more than wolves are playing a role,” he said. “There certainly are a lot of grizzly bears in the Teton Wilderness and Yellowstone, and they do depredate calves at a high rate. That’s probably what is driving it.”

Initial fears from the guide and outfitter community that wolves would decimate elk populations turned out to be a whole lot of Chicken Little. Targets for overall elk population, statewide, are 84,000. The latest count was 111,000. Harvest rates for Wyoming hunters averaged over the past three years hovers around 42 percent. In neighboring states it’s in the 20s.

Wildlife biologists agree, the wolf and the bear are doing just what they are supposed to do, culling herds by taking the weak and sick.

“From a Park Service standpoint, we saw the wolves as a big benefit to reestablishing natural patterns. Once again, you had a forest that required elk to be more vigilant,” Cain said. “Everything about the way an elk has adapted revolves around it having to avoid and withstand predation over tens of thousands of years. When predators are not on the landscape those forces go away. We view both increasing numbers of wolves and grizzlies as a good thing. It reinforces the natural processes that were here before humans intervened.”

Dorsey, too, believes predators are essential to an intact and healthy functioning ecosystem. As far as where exactly elk go to avoid snapping jaws, Dorsey thinks it’s a bit of micromanaging by wildlife officials.

“I’ve heard that rationale that elk find refuge from predation in more settled areas of the valley. I think we and other communities have to understand that when you have this amount of public land — millions of acres — and the dominate paradigm is to have free-ranging wildlife, that what we are accustomed to seeing 10 or 15 years ago doesn’t necessarily mean those animals are going to be in the same places,” Dorsey said.

“These metapopulations — that model of managing elk herds or any ungulates in a fairy tight space — well, is that the right model to manage wildlife in sub herd units? You can’t hold it against wildlife and predators for mixing it up out there. That struggle is what we are working our way through right now, where the elk aren’t where we want them to be. But to say it’s out of whack? Out of whack according to who?”

Disease danger

For the past two seasons, head counts on the refuge have been disturbingly high. Some 8,296 elk enjoyed free lunch in 2014. Last year, 8,390 snacked on alfalfa pellets while tourists gawked in captivation from horse-drawn sleighs.

It’s been worse. In the mid-’90s, numbers were ridiculous, topping 10,000, twice.

“It’s too many,” Cole said. A robust new irrigating system now waters 3,600 acres, allowing the refuge to realize a 10 percent yield over baseline in any given year. But it’s not enough.

“When we have the amount of elk we’ve been having it doesn’t matter

how much we’ve irrigated, really,” Cole said. “It’s still too many mouths on too little land.”

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service officials in 2007 adopted a goal of 5,000 elk on the main refuge at the north end of the town of Jackson. In all, between the state and feds, there are about a dozen elk feedgrounds operating during winter months. The vast majority of wapiti prefer the 25,000-acre spread north of town, where they cram themselves into about a fifth of that space on the open flatlands December through March.

Throw in a thousand bison, a growing headache for refuge managers, and that density is the perfect incubator for disease. Growing infestations ranging from the more benign foot rot, to troublesome brucellosis, to potentially devastating chronic wasting disease (CWD), have officials worried that a recipe for disaster awaits.

“Bison and elk have had brucellosis for a long time. It’s not ecologically important for them. CWD is a completely different story for elk,” Cain said. “I’m one of the people who believes it’s not if, but when. I think it will get here eventually. And when it does, it’s really unknown about the extent to which the current feedground will exacerbate a CWD infection, but I think any disease ecologist would tell you the situation is not good.”

CWD is a fatal neurological disease of cervids. It has been detected in deer within 100 miles east of Jackson. The disease advances approximately 1.8 million acres per year.

Dorsey says CWD made a 3 million acre jump this past year.

From its epicenter in north-central Colorado, the endemic zone for the disease covers Colorado, Wyoming, South Dakota, Nebraska, Utah and Kansas. “It’s perhaps the largest epidemic of prion disease in the world,” Dorsey said.

Some proponents of supplemental winter feeding claim CWD is being made the latest bogeyman by those desiring to phase out feeding. The disease, while fatal, is slow moving and has a low prevalence where it does show up. A recent study, headed by former Game and Fish veterinarian Terry Kreeger and published in the journal Ecosphere in July 2014, stated CWD would not wipe out entire herds should it get a foothold in crowded feedgrounds, according to modeling simulations.

Given wildlife managers’ inability to develop vaccines or effectively control the spread of milder contagions, CWD, a form of mad-cow disease, should be impetus enough to end

feeding immediately, according to Dorsey.

“Game and Fish are very [agriculture] oriented by tradition, so that’s going to be a heavy lift,” Dorsey said.

“They want that silver bullet. It’s not going to happen.

They’ve been using a brucellosis vaccine for 30 years and they just abandoned it last year after they learned it didn’t work.”

Feeding fuss

Game and Fish advisory secretary John Baughman termed the supplemental feeding program in Jackson Hole as perhaps the most complicated wildlife management issue in North America. Multiple jurisdictions oversee animals that know no boundaries. And passion runs high in every camp.

As wildlife managers work on a new Bison and Elk Management Plan for 2016 — they are still running off the 2007 blueprint —– the biggest interagency friction seems to be between the feds and the state.

Grand Teton National Park officials would like to see lower elk numbers in order to maintain a proper ecosystem balance that would ensure a healthy habitat supporting all flora and fauna within its borders. A more manageable population might also allow the park to end the controversial elk reduction hunt program. U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service reps wouldn’t mind feeding less, either.

They are congressionally mandated to provide sanctuary for more than just elk.

“There’s really no way we are going to be able to reduce our reliance on supplemental feeding until we get elk down to that 5,000 level or below. The only thing we can do is make the refuge a little bit less desirable. And make it less likely that animals that are on winter range will be able to find us,” Cole said. His agency is looking at scaling down artificial feeding, if not completely eliminating it, within a few years.

Cain said the phaseout should be done slowly and thoughtfully, but total elimination of supplemental feed must be the goal.

“It could require a reduction of the overall herd size to numbers lower than where some people want to see them,” Cain admitted. “But there is not a biologist I’ve ever talked to, no matter what agency they work for, that says artificial feeding is a good thing. It’s been invested heavily

in this area. It’s a tradition. It’s within the culture of wildlife management now. The question is how do we move beyond that for the long-term interest of the wildlife?”

But leadership at Game and Fish become troubled when hunting revenues are threatened. The state targets a higher number of elk for Jackson. So far, the agencies have worked obligingly together toward a new plan.

“Our agency’s overall goal is 11,000 [elk]. It will be a challenge. We are going to have to move forward with the [U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service] plan that we agree to, but understanding that it is the National Elk Refuge’s plan, and they have their own goals that they want to reach, too,” Brimeyer said. “We are going to help them as much as we can in the future. But obviously no one wants 5,000 elk standing on the highway by the museum.”

Cole responded: “That is the big tension between the refuge and the state right now. Because we want to support state herd objectives, too, but we haven’t really worked out the solution yet. That’s what we are trying to do in this new plan.”

Dorsey said it will be a case of tough love but feeding must end, the sooner the better.

“We could do with fewer elk in Wyoming. What is a target for the Jackson elk herd? Calculations run from 7,000 to 10,000. I would counsel to be on the lower end of that and see how it works for a while,” Dorsey said. “Is that enough elk for the tourism industry, the sleigh rides on the refuge, for the hunting industry? I suspect that it is. That’s not to get rid of three or four thousand elk in one fell swoop, whatsoever, but I think we should ratchet it back for a while.

We can serve future generations by making some difficult decisions now.”

If feeding ended tomorrow, no, the National Elk Refuge land would not be sold to developers. Cole has heard that rumor more than once.

“To say that the refuge would go away if we didn’t feed anymore is totally wrong. I’ve heard that before,” Cole said.

“It’s probably the most important point you could make in this story. The refuge will still be a place elk can ride out a winter, in lower numbers than what we’ve seen, without artificial feeding. Just because we end feeding doesn’t mean this land will become a golf course.” PJH

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 13

LORI IVERSON, USFWS

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

Artificial feeding of elk in Jackson Hole has come under fire in recent years.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

14 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

CREATIVE PEAKS Ultimate Dance Party DW and the San Diego Ballet perform ‘The Nutcracker’ with wide array of audiences in mind.

BY KELSEY DAYTON @Kelsey_Dayton

DANCERS’ WORKSHOP

A

s members of Dancers’ Workshop’s Junior Repertory Company practice the dance of the mirlitons in “The Nutcracker,” they have an instructor who knows exactly what they are going through to learn the challenging dance — performed entirely on pointe — with the added pressure of sharing the stage with professional dancers.

In 2002 Cady Cox was a high school student and member of the same junior repertory company for which she is now co-director.

She was one of the student dancers chosen to perform as a mirliton during a performance of “The Nutcracker” the first time the San Diego Ballet visited Jackson.

The production created a magical world for the audience, but also taught Cox and the other dancers what it was like to perform with professionals.

The San Diego Ballet is back in Jackson this week and once again the pros will share the stage with Dancers’ Workshop students.

The classic story of “The Nutcracker” begins at a Christmas party when Clara, danced by Dancers’ Workshop student Annika Peacock, receives a toy nutcracker.

Told through dance, the story follows Clara as she travels through a dream world in the Land of Snow and the Kingdom of Sweets.

“It’s become a classic and tradition around the holidays,” said Rachel Holmes, school director at Dancers’ Workshop.

Featuring wonderful music and mysterious, whimsical and magical characters, “The Nutcracker” is a fantasy story that transports people back to childhood.

Dancers’ Workshop presented the same ballet last year with the Eugene Ballet after several years of putting on original productions during the holiday season.

The goal is to expose students, but also the community, to different types of dance and productions, Holmes said.

Creating an original production is totally different from bringing in professional dancers to work with students, she said. It’s

‘The Nutcracker’ veterans San Diego Ballet team up with Dancers’ Workshop pupils to perform a classic holiday story. a rare chance to dance beside and learn from professionals.

“Younger dancers have the older girls to look up to, and the older girls have the pro dances to look up to,” Holmes said.

This combination elevates the level of dance of the students, but also of the entire production, making it an event that appeals to people other than just the parents of Dancers’ Workshop students, she said.

Every version of “The Nutcracker,” is different. The San Diego Ballet’s production offers more roles for students. There were more than 100 parts available for dancers six years old and up. During the Saturday and Sunday matinee performance, older students at Dancers’ Workshop will perform some of the more challenging featured roles. Along with Clara, another main role, that of the Prince, is also played by a local student, Mac Needham.

San Diego Ballet has toured “The Nutcracker” for about 18 years, Javier Velasco, the company director, said. They take the production on the road, arriving in communities with all the costumes and set pieces.

For many kids it’s their first time performing on stage.

“There’s a joy in seeing young performers and what they can discover being on stage and the reward that can come from hard work,” he said.

The company designs roles specifically

for dancers as young as 6 and scales other parts progressively so there is something for every level of dancer, he said.

“We are sensitive to the tradition, but we are also sensitive to the fact that we are living in the 21st century and people take in information differently,” he said. “Our show is quick, with humor and beauty. Some productions are very leisurely, ours is the opposite.”

For many people, “The Nutcracker,” is the only ballet production they’ll see. The goal is to make the experience exciting, entertaining and accessible, Velasco said. It’s beautifully danced and colorful and should leave audience members with a positive impression of seeing a ballet.

“We don’t want people to think or feel they are looking at a museum piece,” he said.

The show runs this weekend. After the Saturday matinee performance, the audience can stay for a special meet-and-greet tea party where people can look at the sets and costumes up close and collect autographs from the dancers. PJH

“The Nutcracker,” featuring San Diego Ballet and Dancers’ Workshop students, 7 p.m., Friday and Saturday; 1:30 p.m., Saturday; 3 p.m., Sunday, Center for the Arts, $35 for adults, $15 for students for evening performances; $30 for adults and $10 students for matinees.

THIS WEEK: December 9-15, 2015

WEDNESDAY DEC. 9

n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Chess Club: Grades K to 12 3:30pm, Teton County Library Youth Auditorium, Free, 307733-2164 x118 n Semi-Private Painting + Drawing 4:00pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $20.00 - $130.00, 307-733-6379 n Jackson Hole Real Estate Associates Holiday Open House 5:00pm, Main Office, Free n An Evening with the Bantwana Initative 6:00pm, Tayloe Piggott Gallery, Free n Evening Yoga 6:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Handbuilding Clay Vessels + Surface Techniques 6:00pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $130.00 $155.00, 307-733-6379 n Book Club “The Martian”

by Andy Weir 6:00pm, Valley of the Tetons Library, Free, 208-787-2201 n St. John’s Hospice Presents Light Up a Life 6:00pm, St. John’s Medical Center Lobby, 307-739-7493 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-9025 n Salsa at Dancers’ Workshop 7:00pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Oneness Deeksha Meditation 7:30pm, Akasha Yoga, $5.00, 307-413-3965 n Tavern Trivia w/ Crazy Tom 8:00pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-733-3886 n Vinyl Night hosted by KHOL 9:00pm, The Rose, Free, 307733-1500 n Brad O’Brien 10:00pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-733-3886

THURSDAY DEC. 10 n Kettlebells 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025

n Community Blood Drive 8:00am, Shepherd of the Mountains Lutheran Church, Free, 800-365-4450 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, Free, 307-733-6398 n Yoga 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Art Market Days 9:00am, Art Association Gallery, Free, 307-733-6379 n Intermediate/Advanced Ballet @ Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Tech Tutor 10:00am, Teton County Library, Free, 733-2164 ext. 218 n Storytime 10:30am, Teton County Library Youth Auditorium, Free, 307733-2164 n Storytime - Youth Auditorium 11:00am, Teton County Library Youth Auditorium, Free, 307733-2164 n Crystal Sound Bowl Experience with Daniela Botur 12:00pm, Intencions, Free, 307-733-9290 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 12:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-9025 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n bootybarre® at Dancers’ Workshop 1:30pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n All About Handbuilding 3:30pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $125.00, 307733-6379 n Yoga 4:15pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Rusty Parrot Lodge & Spa Chamber Mixer 5:00pm, Rusty Parrot, Free, 307-201-2309

SATURDAY & SUNDAY BRUNCH 10:30am - 3:00pm Bottomless Mimosas & Bloody Marys $15

HAPPY HOUR

1/2 Off Drinks Daily 5-7pm

•••••••••••

Monday-Saturday 11am, Sunday 10:30am 832 W. Broadway (inside Plaza Liquors)•733-7901

December 12, 6:00pm E.Leaven Food Co. 175 Center Street • Jackson, WY Suggested Donation: $10 adults, $5 kids (Pay what you can) Includes latkes, wine, beer, non-alcoholic drinks, games, activities & favors.

Come to this action-packed party complete with kids Chanukah games and activities, wines and beers, great Israeli music and the poignant community candle lighting so bring a Hanukiah (menorah) and we'll provide the candles.

POTLUCK: BRING A MAIN DISH TO SHARE. SALADS AND SIDES NEEDED, BUT LESS SO. This will be the last chance to purchase a limited supply of Mountain Chai Chanukah gelt from Bet Sefer students or to pick your pre-orders up.

Any questions: info@jhjewishcommunity.org or 734-1999

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 15

SEE CALENDAR PAGE 17

Compiled by Caroline Zieleniewski

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n Ski Fitness with Whitney Wright 7:00am, Dancers’ Workshop, $225.00, 307-733-6398 n Boot Camp 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Pilates Mat Classes at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n A Strategic Approach to Finance and Funding 8:30am, Community Foundation of Jackson Hole, $10.00 - $20.00, 307-739-1026 n Yoga 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Art Market Days 9:00am, Art Association Gallery, Free, 307-733-6379 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 10:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n Tech Tutor 10:00am, Teton County Library, Free, 733-2164 ext. 218 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Fables, Feathers, and Fur 10:30am, National Museum of Wildlife Art, Free, 307-733-5771 n Lap Sit 11:00am, Valley of the Tetons Library, Free, 208-787-2201 n The Women’s Business Roundtable 11:45am, Teton County Library, Free, 307-690-4848 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n Total Fitness 12:10pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Community Blood Drive 12:30pm, Shepherd of the Mountains Lutheran Church, Free, 800-365-4450

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

16 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

MUSIC BOX Play that Funky Western Decorated songwriter reinvents eclectic at Pink Garter.

BY AARON DAVIS @ScreenDoorPorch

I

t’s evidence of genuine versatility when an artist’s current album defines his sound. The latest snapshot for Canadian roots-country singer-songwriter Corb Lund is “Things That Can’t Be Undone,” produced by Dave Cobb (Chris Stapleton, Jason Isbell, Sturgill Simpson) at Lund’s Nashville studio. Friday’s performance at the Pink Garter Theatre will mark Lund’s first show in Jackson, but not his first visit.

“I came to Jackson as a kid, a tourist,” Lund said from the road. “I remember the gunfight. Does that still go on? One of the actors had a ‘pro rodeo’ sticker on his truck, and I thought it was cool that he could be both.”

Lund started his career as bassist for the Edmonton cowpunk band The Smalls, which released four albums through the ’90s, selling more than 35,000 copies. Lund formed and fronted the The Corb Lund Band in the mid 90s as a side project. That band’s third studio album, “Five Dollar Bill” (2002), became a breakout work that earned the praise of critics and reached gold sales status in Canada. All the while the spectrum of the band’s music expanded from rockabilly to Western swing, cowboy balladry and country rock, maintaining a wacky sense of humor along the way.

Lund has won seemingly every roots-country award in Canada, including 11 Canadian Country Music Association Awards, a Juno Award and six Western Canadian Music Awards. Fans of Hayes Carll (who Lund has collaborated with), Justin Townes Earle, Billy Bragg and Leo Rondeau will likely dig what Mr. Lund has to offer.

Lund’s latest work “Things That Can’t Be Undone” finds him pushing his wry observations, darkly biting tales, rural balladry and keen storytelling into musically and

Take a trip through some new musical milieus care of roots country songwriter Corb Lund, performing Friday at the Pink Garter. thematically new terrain. Recorded with his longtime band The Hurtin’ Albertans — Grant Siemens on electric guitar and lap steel, Kurt Ciesla on bass and Brady Valgardson on drums —the album is a self-assured and mature set of songs that pairs Lund’s characteristically sharp song craft with a mix of earnest Americana, honky-tonk,’60s rock, soul and even some Eastern psychedelia. Three weeks after the album’s release, it rose to number 10 on the Americana Radio Music Chart.

On the album single and its accompanying CMT video, “Run this Town,” Lund reminisces about a relationship that might have been by singing, “If I’d have sped up and you’d have slowed down/You and me together coulda run this town.”

“This album is the most live of them all with very little overdubbing, just musicians in a room with a lot of mic bleed,” Lund said of the recording process. “Song-writery albums can tend to be monotonous, and I’ve always been a fan of making albums diverse. Acoustic, electric — I’ve

recorded with an orchestra — I want to stretch. We’ve done well in Canada for a while, but our profile was raised over the last several years in the States, and fans want to hear what they know. It gets harder on a bigger scale trying to grab the attention of fans.”

One of Lund’s intentions with the new album was to “get out of my comfort zone.” As with lead track “Weight of the Gun”—a catchy, lyrically poignant and a sort-of Louis L’Amour Western tale crossed with Motown—it’s eclectic even within the piece itself. Give Mr. Lund a big Jackson welcome and he’ll reciprocate. PJH 11:11 Presents Corb Lund, 9 to midnight Friday at Pink Garter Theatre. $16-$20. PinkGarterTheatre.com, 733-1500.

Aaron Davis is a touring singer-songwriter, trout whisperer, multi-instrumentalist, member of Screen Door Porch and Boondocks, and founder/host of Songwriter’s Alley.

PR

Please support keeping abortion safe and legal.

Choice Take away a woman’s right to choose and she’s left to take matters into her own hands.

IT’S PRO-CHOICE OR NO-CHOICE. Paid for by the KCR Coalition for Pro-Choice Kristyne Crane Rupert | www.naral.org.

Locals Appreciation Party Saturday, 7:30pm at the Silver Dollar Showroom Live music with 6 Foot 2. Great raffles prizes include a Full Season Pass to Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, plus snowboards and cool give-aways!

FRIDAY DEC. 11

n Boot Camp 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025

n Three Year Anniversary Party 8:00am, Healthy Being Juicery, Free, 307-200-9006 n Toddler Gym 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n bootybarre® at Dancers’ Workshop 9:00am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Yoga 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Art Market Days 9:00am, Art Association Gallery, Free, 307-733-6379 n Ballet Workout at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 10:00am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 10:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Yoga 12:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025

GIVE A LITTLE HISTORY THIS SEASON Give a little history this season!

Now open for the Winter Season!

Now through January 2nd

WINTER HOURS: WEDNESDAY-SATURDAY, 10AM-4PM 225 N. CACHE STREET, JACKSON, WY – 307-733-2414

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 17

SEE CALENDAR PAGE 18

6:00pm, Teton County Library Ordway Auditorium, Free, 307733-2164 n Vigil to #END Gun Violence 6:00pm, Town Square, Free, 307-733-2603 n Modern Dance Class at Dancers’ Workshop 6:15pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Open Gym - Adult Soccer 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-0925 n Old Tyme Christmas 7:00pm, Wort Hotel Jackson Room, $5.00, 307-733-2190 n Teton Village Menorah Lighting 7:00pm, Teton Village Commons Area, Free, 307-200-4074 n Major Zephyr 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307-732-3939 n Salsa Night 9:00pm, The Rose, Free, 307733-1500 n Karaoke 9:00pm, Virginian Saloon, Free, 307-739-9891 n Disco Night 10:00pm, Stagecoach Bar, Free, 307-733-4407 n BOGDOG 10:00pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-733-3886

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n JHJC Chanukah Festival 5:00pm, JHJC Center in the Centennial Building, Free, 307734-1999 n Avalanche Level 1 5:30pm, CWC-Jackson, $375.00, 307-733-7425 n Jazzercise 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Total Fitness 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Health Insurance Marketplace Assistance 5:45pm, Teton County Library Computer Lab, Free, 307-7332164 n Financial Aid Fundamentals 6:00pm, JH High School Auditorium, Free, 307-733-2164 n Knit Nite 6:00pm, Knit on Pearl, Free, 307-733-5648 n Mix’d Media 6:00pm, National Museum of Wildlife Art, Free, 307-733-5771 n Intro to Camera Operation + Photoshop Basics 6:00pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $120.00 $145.00, 307-733-6379 n Elk Ivory + Stone Bezel Setting 6:00pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $60.00 - $70.00, 307-733-6379 n Teton Writers: Kit DesLauriers “Higher Love: Skiing the Seven Summits”

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

18 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

SATURDAY DEC. 12

n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 9:00am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Holiday Art Bazaar 9:00am, Snow King Resort, $0.00 - $5.00, 307733-6379 n Art Market Days 9:00am, Art Association Gallery, Free, 307-7336379 n Barre Fusion at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Light Catching Pendants 9:30am, Center for the Arts, $70.00, 307-7336379 n Holiday Gift Show 10:00am, Old Wilson Schoolhouse Community Center, Free, 307-413-9507 n Adult Oil Painting 10:00am, The Local Galleria, $25.00 - $80.00, 208-270-0883 n Health Insurance Marketplace Assistance 10:00am, Teton County Library Computer Lab, Free, 307-733-2164 n Tram Jam 11:00am, Base of the Bridger Gondola, Free

SEE CALENDAR PAGE 20

RAVEN COWARD-LONG

n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n Total Fitness 12:10pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 $82.50, 307-739-9025 n Cory Mon at the Trap 3:00pm, The Trap Bar & Grill, Free, 307-3532300 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-201-1633 n Snow King Mountain Phase 2 Public Meeting 3:00pm, Grandview Lodge, Free, 307-201-5004 n Holiday Feast Fundraiser 5:30pm, Elks Lodge, $15.00, 307-690-7654 n Friday Night Meditation 6:00pm, Zendler Chiropractic, Free, 307-6998300 n Jackson’s Got Talent 6:00pm, Hotel Terra, $75.00 - $100.00, 307734-0828 n Open Gym - Adult Soccer 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307739-0925 n Pam Drews Phillips Plays Jazz 7:00pm, The Granary at Spring Creek Ranch, Free, 307-733-8833 n The Nutcracker 7:00pm, The Center Theater, $10.00 - $35.00, 307-733-4900 n 6 Foot 2 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307732-3939 n Corb Lund 8:00pm, Pink Garter Theatre, Free, 307-7331500 n DJ Therapy 10:00pm, The Rose, Free, 307-733-1500

GET OUT

Imperfect Is Just Perfect Recreating the Christmas traditions you used to dread.

BY ELIZABETH KOUTRELAKOS

T

he holidays are creeping in and for me that means attempting to fill myself with nostalgia by performing rituals that were once the bane of my existence throughout my childhood. Every December, on a random weekend following Thanksgiving, my mother corralled my siblings and father into the daunting task of picking out a Christmas tree. Nobody ever felt like going, but for some reason everyone did. Whatever the weather, we piled into the car and headed down winding roads to the Christmas tree farm to search for a tree, debating the perfections and imperfections of various green entities that would reside for mere weeks in our living room.

There was always motivation for finding a tree in the beginning. Then, like clockwork, someone in our family would prove to be stubborn and a small falling out would occur.

By the end of the journey, all but one of us would conclude that we didn’t care what kind of tree we got, only that we were all starving and wanted to pick a tree and go home.

While tree farms flourish on the East Coast, the tree experience is a bit different

LEFT: Family trudge through snow in search of the perfect tree.

TOP RIGHT: Up and decorated. BOTTOM RIGHT: Tree farming back east. here in Wyoming. Gone are the days of accessible Christmas tree stations offering the simple comforts of toy trains, candy canes and warm hot cocoa. Instead, all those who desire trees are given a choice between picking up a tree from the grocery store or going out on their own to find a slice of holiday.

Around the nation, efforts have been made to cut back on the number of trees that die in the name of the holidays. San Francisco, for example, has a ludicrous business of selling trees in pots and recycling them to various owners throughout the years. In Jackson there are more places to get trees than there are rooms for rent.

This winter I began on my own outing to find the perfect tree — by my standards. The first step in this mission involved going to the U. S. Forest Service’s office in town. There, a friendly face gave me the rundown on tree gathering. One can buy a permit for a tree less than 10 feet, or less than 20 feet tall, for between 10 and 15 dollars. A map provided information on what areas were allowed for harvest. Also attached were directions for selecting a tree.

While most of the guidelines covered proper areas for collecting trees and specifications for cutting the stumps close to the ground, my favorite tip on the sheet was: “Select trees with defects and leave the healthiest trees to grow.” If this rule had been in place during my childhood, we could have saved a lot of time and effort in debating over the perfect tree. I love trees with red branches that appear to be on the verge of dying, and the idea of a Charlie Brown Christmas tree

in my living room is better than any idea of a basic little tree.

With these guidelines in mind, we set off into the still shallow snowpack and began our search. Feeling each tree proved to be the best avenue for selection. Some needles felt like daggers, and I could only imagine a stray leftover finding its way into my foot in April.

After touching countless prospects and looking for the most imperfect, deformed tree in the area, I settled on a twig-like thing with a couple of branches barely hanging on.

As I was cutting the tree down, my mind wandered to a warm house, a kitchen filled with the smell of fresh sugar cookies, and the sweet melodies of Amy Grant’s early 90s Home for Christmas album. While this music makes it difficult to find willing participants to assist in decorating the tree, I had no doubt that I could find someone who enjoys Ms. Grant as much as I do.

Dragging the tree back to the car, I observed two parents trekking through the snow. Their pre-adolescent children were whining a bit, complaining about walking too far and the usual minor catastrophes that exist in the preteen mind. The kids, wearing impractical tennis shoes with jeans, continued to ask the same question over and over again. “Can we go home now? How about now?” The mother, a few strides ahead of them looked back and smiled, “Just a little bit longer. After all, we have to find the perfect tree.” PJH

WELL, THAT HAPPENED

Dead of the Winter Fighting zombies to endure Iceland’s long, dark nights.

BY ANDREW MUNZ

A

THE PLANET’S INAUGURAL

Foodie DECEMBER 23

2015

EDITION

Take a bite out of The Planet’s delicious Foodie Edition.

We’ve imported a renowned food critic to sample culinary delights from a host of local restaurants.

Book your ad space today!

307.732.0299 or sales@planetjh.com

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 19

beer and playing board games, and no game could have been more appropriate to our situation than “Dead of Winter” by Plaid Hat Games.

Fans of “The Walking Dead” will find comfort (and heaps of hair-pulling frustration) in the game due to the fact that the odds are always stacked against the players.

A colony of survivors faces one crisis after another as a lurking zombie hoard continues to grow stronger every turn. Morale is slipping. Players control a handful of expendable survivors who must travel to dangerous locations to acquire food, fuel and other supplies to last the winter. But once a person returns to the colony, he can become infected and then the virus spreads to just about everyone.

During our windy lock-in, my coworkers and I ended up playing eight full games; not once were we able to win against the zombies.

That, of course, is no thanks to the occasional random “betrayer” card, which can be dealt to one person in the group. While everyone else is trying to stay alive, the betrayer may very well be working against you, eating extra food, killing helpless survivors and allowing zombies to breach the colony.

The game is unlike anything I’ve played because it really forces you to work with other people, despite whatever course of action you think is best to take. There is no group leader, and if things get hairy you can be voted out of the group and left to fend for yourself as an exile.

For the past few days, Reykjavík (a ninehour drive west from Neskaupstaður) has shut down due to a massive snowstorm the Reykjavík Grapevine newspaper has called “Snowpocalypse.” That same blizzard reached our town today, and people are already flocking to the stores to stock up on food, fuel and other supplies to last the storm.

As the days grow darker and the Icelandic winter weather gets more ferocious, destroying more Christmas trees, we’d be lucky not to have to endure a zombie outbreak as well.

But even if we do, my group of friends will be ready. PJH

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

t 5:00 p.m. the residents of Neskaupstaður, Iceland, gathered around a large spruce tree near the Hildibrand Hotel on the town’s main street.

While smaller than Jackson’s Town Square lighting ceremony, this celebration was full of live music, singing carolers and running children swishing in their snow pants.

Iceland has thirteen different Santa Clauses, known as the Yule Lads, and two of the Yule Lads were rumored to appear that night.

Everyone counted down as we waited for the lights to illuminate the tree, and the town rejoiced when they did. Children held hands and danced around like the Whos of Whoville, and all was merry and bright. Well, merry and dark because we have only four hours of sun.

And then a windstorm blew in two days later and obliterated the tree, scattering broken lights and branches across the street, leaving nothing but a claw of a trunk emerging from the ground.

So much for that.

There is only one road into Neskaupstaður and it closed for two days because of the storm, so no one could get in or out of town.

The supermarket’s products were lessening, and you couldn’t even stand outside without having the wind try to tear you limb from limb like that poor tree. Everything from small stores to banks closed, and we all were stuck inside. Not even the biggest cigarette addicts dared to step outside for a smoke.

Thankfully, when Neskaupstaður shuts down, we have a backup plan of drinking

Fighting zombies and boredom during long winter nights in Iceland.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

20 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

n Winter Wonderland Family Day 11:00am, Teton County Library Ordway Auditorium, Free, 307-733-2164 n Home for the Holidays 11:00am, Animal Adoption Center, Free, 307739-1881 or 307-734-2441 n Yoga & Essential Oil 12:00pm, Inversion Yoga, $20.00, 858-4059803 n The Nutcracker 1:30pm, The Center Theater, $10.00 - $35.00, 307-733-4900 n Raptor Encounters 2:00pm, Teton Raptor Center, $10.00 - $12.00, 307-203-2551 n 37th Annual Chanukah Party 6:00pm, E. Leaven Food Co, $5.00 - $10.00, 3077341999 n Wine Dinner 6:00pm, Dornans, 307-733-2415 n Open Gym - Adult Soccer 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307739-0925 n Journeys School Gala 6:30pm, Jackson Campus of Teton Science Schools, $85.00 - $100.00, 307-734-3764 n Live Music 7:00pm, The Virginian Saloon, Free, 307-7399891 n The Nutcracker 7:00pm, The Center Theater, $10.00 - $35.00, 307-733-4900 n Chanukah Menorah Lighting 7:00pm, Town Square, Free n Locals Appreciation Party 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307732-3939 n Holiday Latin Dance Party 9:00pm, Pink Garter Theatre, $15.00, 307-7331500 n World’s Finest 9:00pm, Knotty Pine, $5.00, 208-787-2866 n Freda Felcher 10:00pm, The Rose, Free, 307-733-1500 n Canyon Kids 10:00pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-7333886

SUNDAY DEC. 13

n Brunch at Roam ~ Floral Crowns and Mimosas 10:00am, Roam, Mercantile & Makery, $35.00 n Jackson Reads 12:00pm, KHOL Radio Show, 307-733-2164 n The Nutcracker 3:00pm, The Center Theater, $10.00 - $35.00, 307-733-4900 n Open Gym - Adult Volleyball 4:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307739-9025 n Stagecoach Band 6:00pm, Stagecoach, Free, 307-733-4407 n Taize 6:00pm, St. John’s Episcopal Church, Free, 307-733-2603 n Decorate Gingerbread Houses at Roam 7:00pm, Roam Mercantile + Makery, $45.00, 307-690-8998

SEE CALENDAR PAGE 22

CINEMA Child’s (Scottish) Play A new Macbeth explores the ripple effects of violence across generations.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW @scottrenshaw

Michael Fassbender & Marion Cotillard in Macbeth.

A

dapting Shakespeare for the screen may be the easiest thing any filmmaker can do. It may also be the hardest.

In terms of reducing the risk of failure, any director would love to begin with the most iconic stories, the most psychologically complex characters, and the richest turns of phrase in the English language. On the other hand, that director also wrestles with 400 years of history that almost certainly includes comparison with previous film versions of the same material. In the case of Justin Kurzel—an Australian director making only his second feature, after the gritty thriller The Snowtown Murders—that means if you’re going to make another Macbeth, you’ll be measuring up to interpretations of the same material remade by Orson Welles, Akira Kurosawa and Roman Polanski. So, you know, no pressure or anything.

There’s a fine line between defining a unique enough perspective to justify yet another version, and screwing with the root text so that it’s nearly unrecognizable. And Kurzel walks that line startlingly well, grounding everything in the familiar story of Macbeth (Michael Fassbender), the Scottish warrior/nobleman who successfully leads the battle defending the rule of King Malcolm (David Thewlis) from a rebellion.

Then comes the prophecy of three “weird sisters” that Macbeth is to become king himself, and the instigation by Lady Macbeth (Marion Cotillard) that her husband should consider turning to violence to take his place on the throne.

Kurzel is smart enough to understand that the ambition and guilt of the Macbeths are central to the story, and he understands how

to showcase the moments revealing those emotions. He opts for long, sustained takes of crucial monologues like Lady Macbeth’s “out damned spot” speech and Macbeth’s “all the world’s a stage,” allowing Cotillard and Fassbender to dig deeply into the impulses that push people towards terrible actions, and the regret that follows that weakness.

The supporting cast is uniformly terrific— including Paddy Considine as Banquo and Sean Harris as MacDuff—but the two lead actors provide a sturdy foundation as they venture into portrayals of madness that never veer into caricature.

That foundation allows Kurzel the freedom to explore decidedly non-canonical ideas in his interpretation of Macbeth, leading to some fascinating thematic connections. Where the text only hints at the possibility that the Macbeths ever had a child, Kurzel opens with them at their young son’s funeral, linking their desire for immediate power to being severed from a connection to the future. He also makes Malcom’s son and heir, Malcolm (Jack Reynor), a witness to his father’s murder at Macbeth’s hands, and echoes it later as another child sees his father’s violent death first-hand.

All those decisions are part of a bigger picture in which children play a constant, generally unsettling role. That opening battle—only referred to retrospectively in Shakespeare’s text—shows a group of soldiers who are little more than boys coming to fortify the ranks of Macbeth’s army; their deaths haunt Macbeth, with one of them later appearing during the “is this a dagger I see before me” speech. The three witches/sisters

also appear as different phases of motherhood—one with a baby, one with a young girl, and the other alone. A story that rests on lines of succession, and making sure by whatever means necessary that they have no chance of being continued, is repeatedly transformed

by Kurzel into a story about the trickle-down effect of violence on the young. Every death sends ripples across generations.

Kurzel does become a bit too infatuated with portraying all of that death. The opening battle sequence becomes a melee of flying blood, occasionally stopped for showy bits of slow-motion, with the narrative’s other key acts of violence getting equally graphic depiction. But Kurzel also shows a willingness to consider unique dimensions to nearly every key moment, as when he presents the respective scenes of Lady Macbeth and Macbeth convincing the other of the need for violent action as mirrored appeals to actual sexual lust. This Macbeth digs into the collision between the urge to create life and the urge to destroy it, and in so doing addresses the challenge facing any re-telling of an ofttold tale: It provides a justification for its own existence. PJH

MACBETH BBB.5 Michael Fassbender Marion Cotillard Paddy Considine Rated R

TRY THESE Macbeth (1948) Orson Welles Jeanette Nolan Not Rated

Throne of Blood (1957) Toshiro Mifune Minoru Chiaki Not Rated

Macbeth (1971) Jon Finch Francesca Annis Rated R

The Snowtown Murders (2011) Lucas Pittaway Daniel Henshall Not Rated

Photos courtesy of The Metropolitan Opera

ARTWORK BY JASON ROHLF AT DIEHL GALLERY PHOTO AND SYNOPSIS COURTESY OF THE METROPOLITAN OPERA

A ME TR OPOLITAN OP ERA LIVE IN HD BROADC A ST PRESENTED BY

THE GRAND TETON MUSIC FESTIVAL AND THE CENTER OF WONDER

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 17 | 6PM | CENTER FOR THE ARTS

Please note—due to its length, this opera will begin at 6PM.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

Levine has shaped the Met Orchestra into one of the finest in the world and it is never more evident than in the opening bars of the glorious Pilgrim’s Hymn theme.

METROPOLITAN OPERA MUSIC DIRECTOR James Levine conducts Wagner’s early masterpiece in its first return to the stage in more than a decade. Johan Botha takes on the daunting title role of the young knight caught between true love and passion. Eva-Maria Westbroek is Elisabeth, adding another Wagner heroine to her Met repertoire after her acclaimed Sieglinde in the Ring a few seasons ago. On the heels of his recent triumph in Parsifal, Peter Mattei sings Wolfram, and Michelle DeYoung is the goddess Venus.

- Huffington Post

PURCHASE TICKETS AT GTMF.ORG OR 307.733.4900

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 21

ADULTS & SENIORS $20 | STUDENTS & CHILDREN $12

MONDAY DEC. 14

22 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

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n Boot Camp 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Adult Mental Health First Aid Training 8:00am, St. John’s Medical Center Moose/Wapiti Classroom, , 208-705-7898 n Pilates Mat Classes at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n Jazzercise 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 10:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Little Hands, Little Feet 10:30am, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $70.00 - $80.00, 307-733-6379 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n Total Fitness 12:10pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Story Time - Victor 1:00pm, Valley of the Tetons Library, Free, 208-787-2201 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n After School Kidzart Club 3:30pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $135.00 $165.00, 307-733-6379 n Hand + Wheel 4:15pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $125.00 $150.00, 307-733-6379 n Open Range 4:30pm, Archery Range at the Recreation Center, $8.00 $82.50, 307-739-9025 n Explore Archery 4:45pm, Teton County Parks and Rec Gym, $7.00, 307-7399025

n Barre Fusion at Dancers’ Workshop 5:30pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Hootenanny at Dornans 6:00pm, Dornans, Free, 307733-2415 n Evening Yoga 6:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Beginning Throwing 6:00pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $155.00 $185.00, 307-733-6379 n Chocolate Tasting 6:00pm, CWC-Jackson, $40.00, 307-733-7425 n Booze-N-Brushes 6:30pm, Town Square Tavern, 307-733-3886 n Open Level Ballet at Dancers’ Workshop 6:30pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-9025 n National Theatre Live: Hamelt 7:00pm, The Center Theater, $12.00 - $20.00, 307-733-4900

TUESDAY DEC. 15

n Kettlebells 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, Free, 307-733-6398 n Yoga 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Ballet Workout at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Time 10:05am, Teton County Library, Free, 733-2164 ext. 118 n Crystal Sound Bowl Experience with Daniela Botur 12:00pm, Intencions, Free, 307-733-9290 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 12:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-9025 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n MELT at Dancers’ Workshop 12:10pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398

n bootybarre® at Dancers’ Workshop 1:30pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Photo Editing & Uploading 3:00pm, Teton County Library Computer Lab, Free, 307-7332164 n The Night before Christmas 3:30pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $35.00 - $45.00, 307-733-6379 n Yoga 4:15pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Winter Wonderland: Ice Skating on Town Square 4:30pm, Town Square, Free n Santa on the Square 5:00pm, Town Square, Free, 307-201-2309 n Jazzercise 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Total Fitness 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00 - $82.50, 307739-9025 n Photo Editing & Uploading 5:30pm, Teton County Library Computer Lab, Free, 307-7332164 n Beginning Throwing 6:00pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $155.00 $185.00, 307-733-6379 n Glass Critters + Beads 6:00pm, Art Association of Jackson Hole, $40.00, 307733-6379 n Open Gym - Adult Volleyball 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-9025 n Hip Hop at Dancers’ Workshop 7:00pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Adult Oil Painting 7:00pm, The Local Galleria, $25.00 - $80.00, 208-270-0883 n Language Exchange Night 7:00pm, Valley of the Tetons Library, Free, 208-787-2201 n One Ton Pig 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307-732-3939

FOR COMPLETE EVENT DETAILS VISIT PJHCALENDAR.COM

Who’s up for a road trip? There’s plenty to do down south in Salt Lake City next weekend.

Whether your interests lie in music, theater and the arts—or something a bit more downto-earth—here’s what’s going on in the Beehive State. (Visit cityweekly.net/events for complete listings.) So hit the road! But be sure and bring a snack—because, now and then, everybody craves something salty.

WEEKEND OF DEC. 11

WEEKEND OF DEC. 18

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 23

n 24 Hours in China: Photography from the China Overseas Exchange Association Part One Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City n Art Dog Fri - Sun Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm, $16.00 - $26.00 n Birds of Paradise: Amazing Avian Evolution Fri - Sun Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, Salt Lake City, 10:00am, $9.00 - $13.00, 801-581-6927 n Brian Bress: Make Your Own Friends Fri - Sun Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, Salt Lake City, $12.00 - $14.00, 801-581-7332 n Christmas in Color Fri - Sat Kearns Oquirrh Park Fitness Center, 5624 S Cougar Lane, Kearns, $20.00 - $25.00 n Enter a Tiny World: Miniature Scenes by Gail Clingenpeel Fri - Sun Chapman Branch, 900 W. 577 South, Salt Lake City n Firelei Baez: Patterns of Resistance Fri - Sat Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S West Temple, Salt Lake City, Free n Glass Art Guild of Utah Show Fri - Sun Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, Salt Lake City, 9:00am, $6.00 - $10.00 n The Great Christmas Adventure Fri - Sat Gardner Village, 1100 West 7800 South, West Jordan, 5:30pm, $5.00 - $7.00 n Grouch Who Stole Christmas Fri - Sat The Off Broadway Theater, 272 South Main St, Salt Lake City, 7:30pm, $8.00 - $16.00

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n 24 Hours in China: Photography from the China Overseas Exchange Association Part One Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Art Dog Fri - Sun Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm, $16.00 - $26.00 n Between the Wars: The Great Depression in Northern Utah Fri - Sat Brigham City Museum of Art and History, 24 N. 300 West, Brigham City, Free n Birds of Paradise: Amazing Avian Evolution Fri - Sun Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, Salt Lake City, 10:00am, $9.00 - $13.00, 801-581-6927 n Brian Bress: Make Your Own Friends Fri - Sun Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, Salt Lake City, $12.00 - $14.00, 801-581-7332 n The British Passion for Landscape: Masterpieces from National Museum Wales Fri - Sun Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, Salt Lake City, $12.00 - $14.00, 801-581-7332 n Christmas in Color Fri - Sat Kearns Oquirrh Park Fitness Center, 5624 S Cougar Lane, Kearns, $20.00 - $25.00 n Enter a Tiny World: Miniature Scenes by Gail Clingenpeel Fri - Sun Chapman Branch, 900 W. 577 South, Salt Lake City n Firelei Baez: Patterns of Resistance Fri - Sat Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S West Temple, Salt Lake City, Free n Glass Art Guild of Utah Show Fri - Sun Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, Salt Lake City, 9:00am, $6.00 - $10.00 n The Great Christmas Adventure Fri - Sat Gardner Village, 1100 West 7800 South, West Jordan, 5:30pm, $5.00 - $7.00 n Grouch Who Stole Christmas Fri - Sat The Off Broadway Theater, 272 South Main St, Salt Lake City, 7:30pm, $8.00 - $16.00 n Holiday Store Event: Kate MacLeod Fri Ken Sanders Rare Books, 200 E. 268 South, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm, Free n It Happened One Christmas Fri - Sat Pioneer Theater Company, 300 S. 1400 East, Salt Lake City, 7:30pm, $40.00 - $62.00

n Macbeth Fri, Sat, Sat Egyptian Theatre Company, 328 Main St, Park City, 7:00pm, $9.00 - $14.00 n Mystery Escape Room Fri - Sat The Gateway, 157 S. Rio Grande St., Salt Lake City, 9:30am, $29.95 n Occurrences: A Further Examination of Phenomena in Nature Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Statewide Annual Photography, Craft & Video & Digital Works Fri Rio Gallery, 300 S Rio Grande St, Salt Lake City, 8:00am, Free, 801-245-7272 n Stefan Lesueur: Obscura Fri - Sat Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 11:00am, Free n Strayboots Interactive Scavenger Hunt Fri - Sun Salt Lake CIty, Salt Lake City, 10:00am, $10.00, 877-787-2929 n Utah Arts Festival and Art Access: 70 Artists in 2015 Holiday Show Fri Utah Arts Festival, 230 S. 500 West, Salt Lake City n 7th Annual Christmas Art Adoption Sat Signed & Numbered, 2320 S West Temple, Salt Lake City, 10:00am n 9th West Farmers Market Holiday Market Sat Sorenson Unity Center, 1383 S 900 W, Salt Lake City, 10:00am, Free n Brandon Sanderson / Jason Denzel Sat Barnes & Noble, 330 E 1300 S, Orem, 2:00pm, Free n Jane Hawking: Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen Sat Sundance Mountain Resort, 8841 N. Alpine Loop Road, Sundance, 11:30am, $110.00 n Kevin Allison: Risk! Live Sat The Urban Lounge, 241 S 500 E, Salt Lake City, 8:00pm, $18.00 - $20.00

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

24 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

Gifts for (Wine) Geeks Holiday treasures for those who treasure wine.

BY TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

S

tumped on what to buy your favorite wine geek this Christmas? I’m here to help. Any wine lover I know would be thrilled to find one of the following under the tree.

Most wine aficionados I know like to save the empty bottles of their most precious wines and display them. A particularly chic and eye-catching method of doing so is with a High Heel Wine Holder & Stopper ($19.99 at Home Goods). Mine is festooned with sparkles and is especially fetching. Or, I suppose you could just use an actual high heel, if your foot width is wide enough.

Wine lovers can never have too many corkscrews lying about. One of my favorites is the iconic, award-winning Original Rabbit Corkscrew ($50), which pulls a cork

in a mere three seconds and then automatically releases it. There’s a built-in foil cutter which means you don’t have to fiddle around with the dull little knife that comes with most corkscrews. For more traditional wine drinkers, I can guarantee they would love a classic French corkscrew made by the five-century-old Chateau Laguiole.

Laguiole makes a variety of corkscrews— mine happens to be made of gorgeous cherry wood and high-carbon stainless steel—that sell for around $100, including a leather carrying case. Don’t be fooled by knock-offs; there are a lot out there.

Champagne glasses have come a long way. In the old days, bubbly was usually served in clunky, shallow, short-stem coupes. However, those coupes allowed a lot of air into the glass and, in turn, a lot of bubbles to escape. Plus, they’re difficult to drink out of without spilling valuable Champagne down the front of your tux.

So, along came Champagne flutes. These are tall, narrow glasses that serve to keep air out of the Champagne and to keep the bubbles in. That’s an improvement, yet most wine benefits from some aeration. And so, on to Plan C: Designed and produced by the premium wine glass manufacturer, Riedel, the Riedel Veritas Champagne Wine Glass (2/$69) is a hybrid wine glass and Champagne flute, made specifically for

IMBIBE sparkling wine. I’ve tried virtually every Champagne glass on the market and I have to admit: The Riedel Veritas Champagne Wine Glass is the bomb!

Most of the knowledgeable wine experts I know swear by the Coravin Wine System.

What’s a Coravin? Well, it a tool that functions as both a bottle opener and wine pouring/wine preservation system. A thin needle pierces the foil and the wine cork, leaving the cork in place. The wine is extracted and poured out through the needle while the Coravin simultaneously replaces the displaced wine with pressurized argon, an inert gas.

When the needle is removed, the cork reseals itself.

Viola! You can take a sip of a prized wine and come back to it in a year and it’ll be

completely preserved. It’s a $299 splurge, but one that wine lovers will never forget.

Almost all wine benefits from aeration, which is the main reason to decant wines. The unique and stylish Twist Decanter ($29.99-$39.99) serves both as a decanter and an aerator—a new twist in wine pouring. The ingenious “twisting” design of the decanter serves to aerate the wine both as it’s going in, and again on the way out. It’s available in 12.7 oz. and 25 oz. sizes.

True wine lovers never want to stray too far from their wines, which is why Oopsmark of Montreal, Canada, created the Leather Bicycle Bottle Holder. It’s made of vegetable-tanned leather that clamps to the top tube of the bike frame (where some people would stow a water bottle) with antique brass fasteners, and available at Etsy.com for $34, plus shipping. PJH

SCOOP UP THESE SAVINGS

1/16TH COLOR AD Local is a modern American steakhouse and bar located on Jackson’s historic town square.

Serving locally raised beef and, regional game, fresh seafood and seasonally inspired food, Local offers the perfect setting for lunch, drinks or dinner.

Lunch 11:30am Monday-Saturday Dinner 5:30pm Nightly

Trio is located just off the town square in downtown Jackson, and is owned & operated by local chefs with a passion for good food.

Our menu features contemporary American dishes inspired by classic bistro cuisine. Daily specials feature wild game, fish and meats.

Enjoy a glass of wine at the bar in front of the wood-burning oven and watch the chefs perform in the open kitchen.

Dinner Nightly at 5:30pm

HAPPY HOUR Daily 4-6:00pm

307.201.1717 | LOCALJH.COM ON THE TOWN SQUARE

45 S. Glenwood Available for private events & catering For reservations please call 734-8038

• FREE PRINT LISTING (50-75 WORDS) • FREE ONLINE LISTING ON PLANETJH.COM • 6 MONTH MINIMUM COMMITMENT • $25 A WEEK CASH OR $40 A WEEK TRADE ON HALF OFF JH

CONTACT YOUR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE TODAY TO LEARN MORE

SALES@PLANETJH.COM OR 307.732.0299

Mangy Moose Restaurant, with locally sourced, seasonally FRESH FOOD at reasonable prices, is a always a FUN PLACE to go with family or friends for a unique dining experience. The personable staff will make you feel RIGHT AT HOME and the funky western decor will keep you entertained throughout your entire visit.

Reservations at (307) 733-4913 3295 Village Drive • Teton Village, WY

www.mangymoose.com

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom and pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves!

ASIAN & CHINESE TETON THAI Serving the world’s most exciting cuisine.

Teton Thai offers a splendid array of flavors: sweet, hot, sour, salt and bitter. All balanced and blended perfectly, satisfying the most discriminating palate. Open daily. 7432 Granite Loop Road in Teton Village, (307) 733-0022 and in Driggs, (208) 787-8424, tetonthai.com.

KAZUMI

Take-out just got easier!

Order online at PizzeriaCaldera.com or via our app for iOS or Android.

11am - 9:30pm daily 20 W Broadway 307 - 201 - 1472

Kazumi is a family-owned and operated restaurant serving unique sushi rolls, fresh sashimi and nigiri, and off-the-charts specialty items. Located near the Town Square, we also feature hot noodle soups and the spiciest rolls in town! Open Monday through Saturday at 11 a.m - 9:30 p.m. 265 West Broadway, 307-7339168, jacksonholesushi.com.

KIM’S CORNER Best ski food in the area! Korean and American style, from breakfast sandwiches, burgers, chicken tenders, Philly cheese steaks to rice bowls and noodles. Something for everyone!

Open Tuesday through Thursday, 9:30 a.m. to 7 p.m.; Friday through Sunday, 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. At base of Snow King between the ski patrol room and the ice rink. 100 E. Snow King Ave. Order ahead (307) 200-6544, facebook. com/Kimscornercafe.

THE PLANET’S INAUGURAL

Foodie DECEMBER 23

2015

EDITION

Book your ad space today!

307.732.0299 or sales@planetjh.com

cool ways

to PERK

UP

THAI ME UP

Steamed Subs Hot Dogs Soups & Salads

The Deli That’ll Rock Your Belly

- Snow King Mountain -

Cafe

KOREAN & AMERICAN

Tues-Thur 9:30am-7pm | Fri-Sun 9:30am-4pm 100 E. Snow King Ave | 307.200.6544

(at Snow King Mtn between Ski Patrol & Ice Rink)

NOW OPEN

THE BLUE LION A Jackson Hole favorite for 37 years. Join us in the charming atmosphere of a historic home.

Ask a local about our rack of lamb. Serving fresh fish, elk, poultry, steaks, and vegetarian entrées.

Live acoustic guitar music most nights. Open at 5:30 p.m. Off Season Special: 2 for 1 Entrees.

Good all night. Must mention ad. Reservations recommended, walk-ins welcome. 160 N. Millward, (307) 733-3912, bluelionrestaurant. com

CAFE GENEVIEVE Serving inspired home cooked classics in a historic log cabin. Enjoy brunch daily at 8 a.m., dinner nightly at 5 p.m., and happy hour daily 3-5:30 p.m. featuring $5 glasses of wine, $5 specialty drinks, $3 bottled beer. 135 E. Broadway, (307) 732-1910, genevievejh.com.

ELEANOR’S Enjoy all the perks of fine dining, minus the dress code at Eleanor’s, serving rich, saucy dishes in a warm and friendly setting.

Eleanor’s is a primo brunch spot on Sunday

1110 W. Broadway • Jackson, WY Open daily 5:00am to midnight • Free Wi-Fi

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 25

BREAKFAST & LUNCH BURGERS • FRIES RICE BOWLS • NOODLES

CONTINENTAL

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

307-733-3448

Sun-Wed 11am-4pm, Thur-Sat 11am-8pm 180 N. Center St. | 1 block n. of Town Square Next to Home Ranch Parking Lot

Home of Melvin Brewing Co. Freshly remodeled offering modern Thai cuisine in a relaxed setting. New tap system with 20 craft beers. New $8 wine list and extensive bottled beer menu. Open daily for dinner at 5pm.

Downtown at 75 East Pearl Street. View our tap list at thaijh.com/brews. 307-733-0005.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

26 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

THE LOCALS

FAVORITE PIZZA 2012, 2013 & 2014 •••••••••

BUY 1 GET 1 APPETIZERS LIMIT 1 PER A TABLE

265 WEST BROADWAY 307-733-9168 JACKSONHOLESUSHI.COM

$7

$4 Well Drink Specials

LUNCH

SPECIAL Slice, salad & soda

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TV Sports Packages and 7 Screens

Under the Pink Garter Theatre (307) 734-PINK • www.pinkygs.com

afternoons. Its bar alone is an attraction, thanks to reasonably priced drinks and a loyal crowd.

Come get a belly-full of our two-time gold medal wings. Open at 11 a.m. daily. 832 W. Broadway, (307) 733-7901.

FULL STEAM SUBS The deli that’ll rock your belly. Jackson’s newest sub shop serves steamed subs, reubens, gyros, delicious all beef hot dogs, soups and salads. We offer Chicago style hot dogs done just the way they do in the windy city. Open daily11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Located just a short block north of the Town Square at 180 N. Center Street, (307) 733-3448.

LOCAL

Breakfast Lunch & Dinner

2 for 1 DINNER ENTREES

Good Dec 4-11. Must mention ad to receive discount.

Open daily 8am 145 N. Glenwood • (307) 734-0882 WWW.TETONLOTUSCAFE.COM

®

FAMILY FRIENDLY ENVIRONMENT PIZZAS, PASTAS & MORE Large Specialty Pizza ADD: Wings (8 pc)

Medium Pizza (1 topping) Stuffed Cheesy Bread

$ 13 99

for an extra $5.99/each

(307) 733-0330 520 S. Hwy. 89 • Jackson, WY

HOUSEMADE BREAD & DESSERTS FRESH, LOCALLY SOURCED OFFERINGS TAKE OUT AVAILABLE Dining room and bar open nightly at 5:00pm (307) 733-2460 • 2560 Moose Wilson Road • Wilson, WY

A Jackson Hole favorite since 1965

EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

20%OFF ENTIRE BILL

Good between 5:30-6pm • Open nightly at 5:30pm

733-3912 160 N. Millward

Make your reservation online at bluelionrestaurant.com

Local, a modern American steakhouse and bar, is located on Jackson’s historic town square. Our menu features both classic and specialty cuts of locally-ranched meats and wild game alongside fresh seafood, shellfish, house-ground burgers, and seasonally-inspired food. We offer an extensive wine list and an abundance of locallysourced products. Offering a casual and vibrant bar atmosphere with 12 beers on tap as well as a relaxed dining room, Local is the perfect spot to grab a burger for lunch or to have drinks and dinner with friends. Lunch Mon-Sat 11:30am.

Dinner Nightly 5:30pm. 55 North Cache, (307) 201-1717, localjh.com.

LOTUS CAFE Serving organic, freshly-made world cuisine while catering to all eating styles. Endless organic and natural meat, vegetarian, vegan and glutenfree choices. Offering super smoothies, fresh extracted juices, espresso and tea. Full bar and house-infused botanical spirits. Open daily 8am for breakfast lunch and dinner. 145 N. Glenwood St., (307) 734-0882, tetonlotuscafe.com.

MANGY MOOSE Mangy Moose Restaurant, with locally sourced, seasonally fresh food at reasonable prices, is a always a fun place to go with family or friends for a unique dining experience. The personable staff will make you feel right at home and the funky western decor will keep you entertained throughout your entire visit. Teton Village, (307) 733-4913, mangymoose.com.

SNAKE RIVER BREWERY & RESTAURANT America’s most award-winning microbrewery is serving lunch and dinner. Take in the atmosphere while enjoying wood-fired pizzas, pastas, burgers, sandwiches, soups, salads and desserts. $9 lunch menu. Happy hour 4 to 6 p.m., including tasty hot wings. The freshest beer in the valley, right from the source! Free WiFi. Open 11:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. 265 S. Millward. (307) 739-2337, snakeriverbrewing.com.

SWEETWATER Satisfying locals for lunch and dinner for over 36 years with deliciously affordable comfort food.

Extensive local and regional beer list. Lunch 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. features blackened trout salad, elk melt, wild west chili and vegetarian specialties. Dinner 5:30 to 9 p.m. including potato-crusted trout, 16 ounce ribeye, vegan and wild game. Reservations welcome. (307) 733-3553. sweetwaterjackson.com.

TRIO Owned and operated by Chefs with a passion for good food, Trio is located right off the Town square in downtown Jackson. Featuring a variety of cuisines in a relaxed atmosphere, Trio is famous for its wood-oven pizzas, specialty cocktails and waffle fries with bleu cheese fondue. Dinner nightly at 5:30 p.m. Reservations. (307) 734-8038 or bistrotrio.com.

ITALIAN CALICO A Jackson Hole favorite since 1965, the Calico continues to be one of the most popular restaurants in the Valley. The Calico offers the right combination of really good food, (much of which is grown in our own gardens in the summer), friendly staff; a reasonably priced menu and a large selection of wine. Our bar scene is eclectic with a welcoming vibe. Open nightly at 5 p.m. 2560 Moose Wilson Rd., (307) 733-2460.

MEXICAN EL ABUELITO Serving authentic Mexican cuisine and appetizers in a unique Mexican atmosphere. Home of the original Jumbo Margarita. Featuring a full bar with a large selection of authentic Mexican beers. Lunch served weekdays 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.

Nightly dinner specials. Open seven days, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. 385 W. Broadway, (307) 733-1207.

PIZZA DOMINO’S PIZZA Hot and delicious delivered to your door. Handtossed, deep dish, crunchy thin, Brooklyn style and artisan pizzas; bread bowl pastas, and oven baked sandwiches; chicken wings, cheesy breads and desserts. Delivery. 520 S. Hwy. 89 in Kmart Plaza, (307) 733-0330.

PINKY G’S The locals favorite! Voted Best Pizza in Jackson Hole 2012, 2013 and 2014. Seek out this hidden gem under the Pink Garter Theatre for NY pizza by the slice, salads, stromboli’s, calzones and many appetizers to choose from. Try the $7 ‘Triple S’ lunch special.Happy hours 10 p.m. - 12 a.m. Sun.- Thu. Text PINK to 71441 for discounts.

Delivery and take-out. Open daily 11a.m. to 2 a.m. 50 W. Broadway, (307) 734-PINK.

PIZZERIA CALDERA Jackson Hole’s only dedicated stone-hearth oven pizzeria, serving Napolitana-style pies using the freshest ingredients in traditional and creative combinations. Five local micro-brews on tap, a great selection of red and white wines by the glass and bottle, and one of the best views of the Town Square from our upstairs deck. Daily lunch special includes slice, salad or soup, any two for $8. Happy hour: half off drinks by the glass from 4 - 6 daily. Dine in or carry out. Or order online at PizzeriaCaldera.com, or download our app for iOS or Android. Open from 11am - 9:30pm daily at 20 West Broadway.

307-201-1472.

Purging Toxins Fear cannot prevail in the face of loving acts.

I

am often asked if I can offer any wisdom on how to take the high road in the face of all the wanton violence, volatility, toxicity, stress and distress in the world. The simple answer is I wish I had a magic wand to immediately and gracefully bring in a new world paradigm where everything and everyone thrives. But I don’t have that wand. Instead I can offer a bigger picture perspective to consider and some recommendations with which you might choose to experiment.

A Big Picture Perspective

Elizabeth Kingwill,

MA/LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor • Medical Hypnotherapist

Counseling: • Individual • Premarital • Marriage/Family • Anxiety, Stress

• Anger Management • Pain Relief • Depression • Stop Smoking

733-5680

Practicing in Jackson since 1980 • www.elizabethkingwill.com Flexible Hours - Evening & Weekends • Now Accepting Blue Cross Blue Shield

The big picture metaphysical view of what’s going on in the world is that we are on the cusp of an important upgrade in our human and planetary evolution. Negativity of all kinds and on all levels, which has been part of the status quo of the fear-based paradigm fueling the world for thousands of years, is being flushed out and brought to the surface to clear the slate.

From this perspective every country, every institution in every country and every person is part of a global-healing crisis. This is much like what happens on a smaller scale when clearing out toxins stored in the body or when you go to therapy and resolve negative emotional patterns.

Whether those poisons or misperceptions are from years of eating poorly, emotional abuse, or alcohol or drugs, it requires focusing on the positive outcome and remaining committed to endure the uncomfortable process of purging ourselves of a toxic load.

Never Fear The good news is all this is not meant to do us in. Everyone has a part in creating the tipping point to a new way of being whose focus is honoring the fact — now proven by science — that all life is part of one interconnected, interactive living matrix. And what we put into that matrix matters.

Hopeful and positive evidence that we are moving into this long-predicted upgrade is abundant. It’s just less publicized.

Five Recommendations

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

1. Whatever you focus on increases; this is science. Focusing on what’s right in your life and on gratitude, as well as practicing kindness and compassion as consistently as possible is very powerful. It measurably increases your well-being, brings more positive events into your life and boosts the frequency of the entire matrix of life.

2. In the face of all the violence, feel the appropriate initial emotions of shock, anger and fear, and then let them pass through like weather. This does not mean you forget what occurred, it does not mean you go numb, and it does not mean you don’t give a damn. It means you will not allow your health to be undermined by harboring negative emotions, and you will not feed the perpetrators with your fear.

3. Be aware and informed without emotional drama. Drama adds to chaos as it undermines all levels of cognitive and emotional clarity. Be mindful that negative and positive energies are equally contagious.

4. More science: Imagining a positive outcome accelerates the momentum for the desired outcome to manifest. Begin to look for and envision a positive evolutionary shift that can come out of a tragic event(s).

5. The first priority for upgrading your own life is to — with an open human heart — choose love.

One Last Thing

Carol Mann is a longtime Jackson resident, radio personality, former Grand Targhee Resort owner, author, and clairvoyant.

Got a Cosmic Question? Email carol@yourcosmiccafe.com

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 27

When large numbers of people perish together, the caring responses of so many people around the world create a scientifically measurable and contagious, high-frequency wave of love around the planet in which fear cannot prevail. Our challenge is to sustain it. Are you in? PJH

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

28 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

SUDOKU

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

OLLOW US ON FACEBOOK FOR THE LATEST PLANET HAPPENINGS!

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L.A.TIMES “MORNING ADDITION” By Matt Mckinley

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2015

ACROSS

10 Opinionated assortment 70 Biblical shepherd 11 Polaris Rangers, e.g., briefly 15 Asian cookware 19 Start a bulleted list, perhaps 20 Forecast 21 Painful, in a way 23 Harsh criticism of an old Pontiac?

25 Superman or Spider-Man 26 Unavoidable end 27 Unprincipled operator?

29 “__, I’m flying in my taxi”: Harry Chapin lyric 31 Table salt, in chem class 32 Pool stroke 33 Therapists’ org.

36 Corporate rule 39 Something for a fan to support 42 Fan appreciation event 45 Personal: Pref.

47 Pleads not guilty 51 Soviet cooperative 52 Loud salutes 55 Type of cell or cent 56 “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” constable 57 Salesperson who doesn’t take your offer seriously?

61 [Uh-oh!]

62 Annual August golf tournaments, familiarly 63 Classic theaters 64 Aiming devices 66 Mexican dish you were warned not to eat?

71 Current king of Spain __ VI 73 Silents star Negri 74 Time to beware 75 Truth stretcher 76 “Missionary squad loses big in softball game”?

83 Rink legend

84 Tee sizes: Abbr.

86 Done like Donne 87 Rancor 88 If it’s orange, it’s really black 91 Physics unit 092 Strengthen 93 Race on the water 96 Kidney-related 98 Match in size 99 Doo-wop band instruments 102 After-hours 104 Hoods 107 Memoirs of a penitent bookie?

112 WWII bond designation 116 Carefree 117 Really large items thrown overboard?

119 Life partners 120 Snack in a stack 121 Nails the test 122 Doesn’t have to ask about 123 Egg holder 124 Sign of boredom 125 Techniques involving falsetto

16 Chiwere speakers 17 Bust measurements?

18 Not a good thing to make 22 Marine myth 24 “Goodness!”

28 Traitor 30 Woman in a “Paint Your Wagon” song 33 Simple rhyme scheme 34 Veal __ 35 Largest of the Near Islands 37 Purim month 38 Like most zoo animals 40 La., once 41 Lincoln-to-Des Moines dir.

43 Give up 44 Advantage to get 46 Like talent, in a Geoff Colvin best-seller 48 Liquid courses 49 Not working 50 Beats 53 Vanilla-flavored, as wine 54 Machine displaying fruit symbols 58 Go out with 59 CBS drama since 2000 DOWN 60 Spanish “that” 10 Texas city nickname 61 Throws a fit 20 About 64 Iraq’s __ City 30 Some govt. lawyers 65 Monty Python 4 “The Flying Dutchman” co-founder soprano 66 First name in 50 Conclude with superhero lore 6 One awaiting a cancellation 67 W, vis-à-vis E 70 Six-pack set 68 Don Knotts denial 8 Two-balled weapon 69 Too 9 European cheese town 70 Open __ night 10 Bar fruit 71 Disaster 11 Hook on 72 Where the 12 Warbled Shannon flows 13 Winery fixtures 76 Fishing, perhaps 14 Course-plotting “Star Trek” 77 Interstellar crewman dist.

15 Simulated military exercise 78 Berlin article

79 Canine attraction 80 Annoy 81 Decorative sewing case 82 Cabinet part: Abbr.

84 Phrase on a fortuneteller’s business card 85 Office conf.

89 Son of Agamemnon 90 Travelers’ references 92 Rogers Centre player 94 Least likely to bite 95 Downed 97 “Sure, I get it” 99 Magic center?

100 Be gaga over 101 Marked for deletion 103 Relish 105 Artist El __ 106 Located 108 Classic showdown time 109 Went off the deep end 110 Commercial prefix with “cell” 111 Fish-eating duck 113 Forum infinitive 114 Zip (through) 115 First responders, for short 118 __ mot

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DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 29

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30 | DECEMBER 9, 2015

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY REDNECK PERSPECTIVE

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Happiness sneaks through a door you didn’t know that you left open,” said actor John Barrymore. I hope you’ve left open a lot of those doors, Aries. The more there are, the happier you will be. This is the week of all weeks when joy, pleasure and even zany bliss are likely to find their ways into your life from unexpected sources and unanticipated directions. If you’re lucky, you also have a few forgotten cracks and neglected gaps where fierce delights and crisp wonders can come wandering in.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) What state of mind do you desire the most? What is the quality of being that you aspire to inhabit more and more as you grow older? Maybe it’s the feeling of being deeply appreciated, or the ability to see things as they really are, or an intuitive wisdom about how to cultivate vibrant relationships. I invite you to set an intention to cultivate this singular experience with all your passion and ingenuity.

The time is right. Make a pact with yourself.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Like Metallica jamming with Nicki Minaj and Death Cab for Cutie on a passage from Mozart’s opera The Magic Flute, you are redefining the meanings of the words “hybrid,” “amalgam” and “hodgepodge.” You’re mixing metaphors with panache. You’re building bridges with cheeky verve.

Some of your blends are messy mishmashes, but more often they are synergistic successes. With the power granted to me by the gods of mixing and matching, I hereby authorize you to keep splurging on the urge to merge. This is your special time to experiment with the magic of combining things that have rarely or never been combined.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) I hope you can figure out the difference between the fake cure and the real cure. And once you know which is which, I hope you will do the right thing rather than the sentimental thing. For best results, keep these considerations in mind: The fake cure may taste sweeter than the real one. It may also be better packaged and more alluringly promoted. In fact, the only advantage the real cure may have over the fake one is that it will actually work to heal you.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) There’s a sinuous, serpentine quality about you these days. It’s as if you are the elegant and crafty hero of an epic myth set in the ancient future. You are sweeter and saucier than usual, edgier and more extravagantly emotive. You are somehow both a repository of tantalizing secrets and a fount of arousing revelations. As I meditate on the magic you embody, I am reminded of a passage from Laini Taylor’s fantasy novel Daughter of Smoke & Bone: “She tastes like nectar and salt. Nectar and salt and apples. Pollen and stars and hinges. She tastes like fairy tales. Swan maiden at midnight. Cream on the tip of a fox’s tongue. She tastes like hope.”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) I bought an old horoscope book at a garage sale for 25 cents. The cover was missing and some pages were water-damaged, so parts of it were hard to decipher. But the following passage jumped out at me: “In romantic matters, Virgos initially tend to be cool, even standoffish.

Their perfectionism may interfere with their ability to follow through on promising beginnings. But if they ever allow themselves to relax and go further, they will eventually ignite. And then, watch out! Their passion will generate intense heat and light.” I suspect that this description may apply to you in the coming weeks. Let’s hope you will trust your intuition about which possibilities warrant your caution and which deserve your opening.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) “The secret of being a bore is to tell everything,” said French writer Voltaire. I agree, and add these thoughts: To tell everything also tempts you to wrongly imagine that

you have everything completely figured out. Furthermore, it may compromise your leverage in dicey situations where other people are using information as a weapon. So the moral of the current story is this: Don’t tell everything! I realize this could be hard, since you are a good talker these days; your ability to express yourself is at a peak. So what should you do? Whenever you speak, aim for quality over quantity. And always weave in a bit of mystery.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Ducks are the most unflappable creatures I know. Cats are often regarded as the top practitioners of the “I don’t give a f—-” attitude, but I think ducks outshine them. When domestic felines exhibit their classic aloofness, there’s sometimes a subtext of annoyance or contempt. But ducks are consistently as imperturbable as Zen masters.

Right now, as I gaze out my office window, I’m watching five of them swim calmly, with easygoing nonchalance, against the swift current of the creek in the torrential rain.

I invite you to be like ducks in the coming days. Now is an excellent time to practice the high art of truly not giving a f—-.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) My old friend Jeff started working at a gambling casino in Atlantic City. “You’ve gone over to the dark side!” I kidded.

He acknowledged that 90 percent of the casino’s visitors lose money gambling. On the bright side, he said, 95 percent of them leave happy. I don’t encourage you to do this kind of gambling in the near future, Sagittarius. It’s true that you will be riding a lucky streak. But smarter, surer risks will be a better way to channel your good fortune.

So here’s the bottom line: In whatever way you choose to bet or speculate, don’t let your lively spirits trick you into relying on pure impulsiveness. Do the research. Perform your due diligence. It’s not enough just to be entertained.

The goal is to both have fun and be successful.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus was a pioneer thinker whose ideas helped pave the way for the development of science. Believe nothing, he taught, unless you can evaluate it through your personal observation and logical analysis. Using this admirable approach, he determined that the size of our sun is about two feet in diameter. I’m guessing that you have made comparable misestimations about at least two facts of life, Capricorn. They seem quite reasonable but are very wrong. The good news is that you will soon be relieved of those mistakes. After some initial disruption, you will feel liberated.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison owned 1,093 patents.

Nicknamed “The Wizard of Menlo Park,” he devised the first practical electrical light bulb, the movie camera, the alkaline storage battery and many more useful things. The creation he loved best was the phonograph. It was the first machine in history that could record and reproduce sound. Edison bragged that no one else had ever made such a wonderful instrument. It was “absolutely original.”

I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I think you’re due for an outbreak of absolute originality. What are the most unique gifts you have to offer? In addition to those you already know about, new ones may be ready to emerge.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Here’s an experiment that makes good astrological sense for you to try in the coming weeks. Whenever you feel a tinge of frustration, immediately say, “I am an irrepressible source of power and freedom and love.” Anytime you notice a trace of inadequacy rising up in you, or a touch of blame, or a taste of anger, declare, “I am an irresistible magnet for power and freedom and love.” If you’re bothered by a mistake you made, or a flash of ignorance expressed by another person, or a maddening glitch in the flow of the life force, stop what you’re doing, interrupt the irritation and proclaim, “I am awash in power and freedom and love.”

Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

SATIRE

Bodhi Calling That’s the same as a booty call, right?

BY CLYDE THORNHILL

S

usie stopped by my trailer last night.

“I’ve been going to meditation class at the Sports Injury Center,” she told me. “It’s wonderful. I sit with a meditation group; we empty our minds and practice breathing.”

I had been seeing Susie off and on for years, but I looked at her to be sure I hadn’t missed something. Nope, not a blonde.

“Are you planning on dyeing your hair?”

She would need an empty mind if she wanted to be accepted as a natural.

“Of course not,” she replied.

Why would Susie, someone who ingests vegetable juice and vegan “food,” want to empty her mind? Plainly she doesn’t have that much mind left to empty.

Then it hit me — the empty mind thing, the need to concentrate on basic breathing — I knew what happened to Susie. She had been mind-washed by an evil cult that had penetrated the Jackson area. I was at once filled with compassion and revulsion.

I wanted to touch her, to comfort her, but was afraid I might get a disease.

“Susie,” I asked. “Have you become a Dallas Cowboy fan?”

“No silly,” she said. “Buddhists believe meditation is the first step to enlightenment.”

I didn’t know meditation was a Buddhism thing. The last time Susie went Buddhist on

me she brought over a figurine of a laughing Buddha with a beer belly. I can relate to a guy like that! She also brought a copy of the Karma Sutra. It’s a book but don’t let that put you off. The ancient Indian text has lots of pictures. Needless to say we had spent an amusing evening together engrossed in the study of that sacred text. I have since developed a reverence for all things Buddhist.

“What does it mean exactly to be enlightened?” I asked, trying to keep the subject on Buddhism, hopefully moving us toward more Karma Sutra lessons.

“The Sanskrit word for enlightenment is Bodhi,” she said. “It means to be awake, to be mindful.”

I realized then, to my shame, that while I had been mentally ridiculing Susie, it was I who was not enlightened. Granted, I experienced enlightenment from time to time, mainly during football season. Sitting in my chair, beer and pizza in hand, I am awake, mindful of each play and replay, each stupid call missed or made by the refs against the Broncos. Then there are the beer and truck ads and the way the cheerleaders’ dresses fluttered in the breeze. But what about the rest of the year? Would I have to become a basketball, hockey and baseball fan to have continual enlightenment? It all made my head hurt. I grabbed the copy of the Karma Sutra that I use as one leg of a chair after Alice, my Republican girl, broke it when she attached silk-lined handcuffs to it.

“Let’s go meditate!” I said. “Nothing makes me wake up and be mindful more than a little booty!”

“It’s pronounced Bodhi,” She said. Then she smiled. “I could use some practice breathing.”

Namaste. PJH

TetonWyo.org The public meeting agendas and minutes for the Board of County Commissioners and Planning Commission can also be found in the Public Notices section of the JH News and Guide.

DECEMBER 9, 2015 | 31

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