Planet JH 12.30.15

JACKSON HOLE’S ALTERNATIVE VOICE | PLANETJH.COM | DECEMBER 30-JANUARY 5, 2016

NewsmreakofeJarck2so0n1Ho5le: The Futu

change transform Will unchecked growth, climate recognize? the valley into a place we don’t

By Jake Nichols

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

2 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

GIVE A LITTLE HISTORY THIS SEASON Give a little history this season!

Now open for the Winter Season!

Now through January 2nd

WINTER HOURS: WEDNESDAY-SATURDAY, 10AM-4PM 225 N. CACHE STREET, JACKSON, WY – 307-733-2414

participating businesses A Touch of Class Accentuate Beaver Creek Hats & Leathers Boyers Indian Arts Cowboy Bar Mercantile Diehl Gallery Eddie Bauer Figs Restaurant Hotel Jackson Full Steam Subs Haagen Dazs Jackson Hole Hat Company Jackson Hole Jewelry Co. Jackson Hole Market Place Jackson Mercantile Jackson Toy Store Lees Tees Leslie Local Restaurant

Lucky You Gifts Made Jackson Hole Made Teton Village Mangleson Images of Nature Moos Gourmet Ice Cream Mountain Dandy Native Pinky G’s Pizzeria Roam Mercantile & Makery Skinny Skis Snake River Brewing The Liquor Store Trio Restaurant Wort Hotel Silver Dollar Bar Wort Hotel Mercantile Wyoming Outfitters Yippi I-O Candy Company

Shop Local

SHOP LATE INVEST IN OUR COMMUNITY AND SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESSES OPEN PAST 6PM

JACKSON HOLE'S ALTERNATIVE VOICE

VOLUME 13 | ISSUE 51 | DECEMBER 30-JANUARY 5, 2016

10 COVER STORY

NEWSMAKER 2015: THE FUTURE OF JACKSON HOLE Will unchecked growth, climate change transform the valley into a place we don’t recognize?

Top cover photo courtesy Jackson Hole Historical Society; bottom photo rendering by Jake Nichols.

Cover design by Cait Lee.

4 OPINION

18 GET OUT

8 THEM ON US

19 WELL, THAT...

14 CREATIVE PEAKS

27 COSMIC CAFE

16 MUSIC BOX

30 SATIRE

MEMBER: National Newspaper Association, Alternative Weekly Network, Association of Alternative Newsmedia

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EDITOR

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Robyn Vincent / editor@planetjh.com

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ART DIRECTOR

COPY EDITOR

Cait Lee / art@planetjh.com

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Mike Bressler, Rob Brezsny, Aaron Davis, Kelsey

Copperfield Publishing, John Saltas GENERAL MANAGER

Andy Sutcliffe / asutcliffe@planetjh.com

Dayton, Kerry Drake, Elizabeth Koutrelakos, Dr. Monique Lai, Carol Mann, Pete Muldoon, Andrew Munz, Jake Nichols, Scott Renshaw, Ted Scheffler, Chuck Shepherd, Tom Tomorrow, Steve Weiss, Jim Woodmencey

567 W. BROADWAY | P.O. BOX 3249 | JACKSON, WYOMING 83001 | 307-732-0299 | WWW.PLANETJH.COM

December 30, 2015

By Meteorologist Jim Woodmencey

W

Jim has been forecasting the weather here for more than 20 years. You can find more Jackson Hole Weather information at www.mountainweather.com SPONSORED BY GRAND TETON FLOOR & WINDOW COVERINGS

The coldest New Year’s Day ever was in 1979 with a morning low of 50 below zero on the official thermometer at the Jackson Climate Station. Unofficially, there were thermometers around the valley that registered temperatures as low as 63 below zero on that day. The afternoon high that day only made it up to 22 below zero. So, if you think the last few days this week were cold, you probably weren’t here in 1979.

Fewer and farther between are the exceptionally warm New Year’s Days. The hottest ever was 47 degrees, which has happened twice, once in 1971 and again in 1997.

However, you’d have to travel back in time even further to get to the hottest day ever during this week, that was on January 5, 1927 when the high in Jackson was 51-degrees That’s more than 100 degrees warmer than it was here on January 1, 1979.

AVERAGE PRECIPITATION: 1.52 inches RECORD PRECIPITATION: 5.95 inches (1964) AVERAGE SNOWFALL: 17 inches RECORD SNOWFALL: 47 inches

Carpet - Tile - Hardwood - Laminate Blinds - Shades - Drapery Mon - Fri 10am - 6pm Open Tuesdays until 8pm 1705 High School Rd Suite 120 Jackson, WY 307-200-4195 www.tetonfloors.com | www.tetonblinds.com

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 3

e have reached the end of another year, and it is usually during this last week of December and the first week of January that we can experience some of the coldest temperatures of the year.

That might have something to do with the fact that we also have the shortest days and longest nights of the year going on, as well.

As a rule, if it is snowing, it’s warmer than normal, if it isn’t, then it’s colder than normal this time of year.

WHAT’S COOL WHAT’S HOT

NORMAL HIGH 25 NORMAL LOW 3 RECORD HIGH IN 1927 51 RECORD LOW IN 1979 -50

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

JH ALMANAC

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

4 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

GUEST OPINION Dude, Where’s My Car? Trading your car keys for a seat on the bus could ultimately result in more housing options.

BY PETE MULDOON

O

ne of the most striking things I notice while walking (and yes, driving) around Jackson is how much land is dedicated to parking cars. Restaurants, grocery stores, retail shops, churches, and many other local commercial entities have set aside large amounts of the most valuable real estate in North America for the purpose of occasionally parking vehicles.

It’s difficult to see this as anything other than a grossly inefficient use of a scarce and valuable resource. In an era in which Jackson has a severe shortage of affordable housing for low- and middle-income residents (while we contemplate building an additional 5.1 million square feet of additional commercial space), this is an issue we should address.

We all love our cars and no one (least of all this writer) is proposing their abolishment. That’s not a realistic option short of some massive breakthrough in teleporting technology. But when we use them for crosstown driving, we’re not only exacerbating

our traffic problems, we are driving the need to keep large pieces of land dedicated to parking.

Of course all driving is not the same.

When we drive to Idaho Falls or Curtis Canyon or pretty much anywhere out of the county, we are not contributing to our parking problem, and having a bus route to those places isn’t very efficient. And sometimes you need to drive across town; maybe you’re picking up something that’s too big to fit on the bus, or there’s an emergency, or you aren’t capable of walking to the nearest bus stop.

But I believe that for the vast majority of our in-town transportation, a bus ride would work just fine. In many cases, it’ll be easier.

I’m as guilty as the next person of driving when I don’t need to. Why do I do this?

Well, habit is one reason. Being too lazy to look up the bus schedule is another. And the lack of truly comprehensive bus transportation is a big one, though that excuse is becoming less and less valid each year.

I just opened Google Maps on my phone and asked for directions to Lucky’s. I can walk out of my front door on Glenwood and be at Lucky’s in 11 minutes, and Google Maps gives me step-by-step directions to the bus stop and then tells me which bus to get on. It takes me longer than that just to warm up my car in this weather. START has recently signed on with RouteShout, an app that gives you real-time bus updates and scheduling. And START has also added a new town shuttle, as well as a weekend latenight shuttle.

But we need more. No reasonable person can imagine a future in Jackson where we build another 5.1 million square feet of commercial space, have housing for workers, and yet continue to dedicate large amounts of land so that people can drive

their cars from East Jackson to West Jackson.

We are going to have to lower or eliminate many of our parking requirements (google “Review of Minimum Parking Standards” for a 1:26 video explanation of why that needs to happen); install parking meters in downtown areas, and most importantly, continue to build a convenient, reliable and comprehensive transportation system in town.

Convenience might be the biggest hurdle.

We are very accustomed to being able to go wherever we want, whenever we want. If we want to grow START usage, we’re going to have to make START competitive with cars on a convenience basis. The biggest impediment to doing this might not be technology or even money, but people who believe public transportation is some sort of communist plot, and revel in underfunding the system so they can then point out its flaws.

But public transportation has a long and important history in the United States. In densely populated areas with extremely high real estate prices, it’s the preferred method of transportation for most people.

Spend an hour in gridlock in a car in downtown San Francisco and you’ll quickly wish you’d had the foresight to take the BART. And there is no possible future in Jackson that doesn’t involve a drastic increase in density.

We can talk about the need to widen Highway 22 all we want, but that isn’t going to solve our in-town traffic problems;

SNOW PACK REPORT T

his has been one of the more interesting snowpacks I have personally seen. Interesting as in I am not that interested to ski it. The sky has opened and the storm snow has settled making powder runs unforgettable, and making us able to finally see what has been going on out there. So why would I not want to ski it?

Deep below our beautiful, roughly 55 inches of new snow, the dragon sits waiting. The “dragon” being the deep facet layer that is ready to suddenly trigger our current fragile situation for the next unexpecting skier/rider. This is evident when you see how big crowns are from the past avalanches that have slid. There have been a total of 10 natural slides occurring from Dec 21 to 26, ranging from 3 to 5 feet in depth. There have been four human triggered slides.

The most notable being the one from Mt Glory hitting the road and the other from Horseshoe Bowl. The Glory slide looks like it was the new snow that had fallen, breaking to the ground. The Horseshoe Bowl slide was 5 feet in depth,

if anything, it’ll just make them worse.

If we continue to grow (and we clearly will) we’re going to need to drive less.

I should reiterate what I said above so that it’s clear. I’m not proposing, nor would I ever, that we take away people’s cars, or prohibit them from driving, or limit their ability to drive in any way. If you like driving, or are morally opposed to riding buses for some reason, you’ll love the conveniences of having other people riding transit.

You’ll find reduced traffic and better parking at your destination.

But if we create a convenient and comprehensive transportation system, people will voluntarily and happily use it.

It will do wonders for our traffic problems, and eventually help free up land that we so desperately need for housing. START has done some great things and has made great progress; let’s give them the support they need to finish the job.

Happy New Year! I’m hopping on the shuttle to grab a burrito. PJH

“No reasonable person can imagine a future in Jackson where we build another 5.1 million square feet of commercial space.”

SPONSORED BY HEADWALL RECYCLE SPORTS

labeled a D4 (could destroy a railway car), and based on the account, was remotely triggered.

Remotely triggered slides will be a continuing concern.

Meaning, when traveling, know what you are skinning under and what is nearby that could go. You might hear a “whump” out there and notice shooting cracks around you, but see nothing slide. Well, the slope a hundred feet away can propagate from that initial crack, making it slide. That would be my concern when planning how to get people up and down safely without putting them in harm’s way.

Simply put, the chances of triggering something is slowly diminishing but if it does slide on you, your survival rate is really low, as massive deep slabs break. Traveling in the backcountry, currently, will take careful planning and route finding.

Stay safe out there, friends and pray for snow.

– Steve Weiss

Pete Muldoon is a 15-year Jackson resident, a small business owner, writer and musician.

January 2016

St. John’s Calendar of Events Most events are free unless otherwise noted.

Support Groups

Health Education

Breastfeeding and Back to Work: NEW! Growing Through Grief A six-week guided support group for How to keep your milk supply up anyone experiencing the loss of and your stress level down!

Lunchtime Learning

A lecture/presentation. Some advance preparation is required.

Class size is limited.

Monday, January 4 1:00 pm-2:30 pm Registration required RSVP to jwood@tetonhospital.org

a loved one.

Wednesday, January 13 (through February 24) 5:15–6:30 pm Enrollment is limited For information, call 307 739 7482

Is Your Home Safe?

An exploration of radon and other hazards Teton County Public Health Tuesday, January 19 Noon - 1 pm Teton County Library 125 Virginian Lane For information, call 307 739 7466

Cancer Support Group for Patients, Survivors, and Caregivers

Teton Mammas

For newborns and their families.

Wednesday, January 13 1-2:30 pm Moose-Wapiti Classroom St. John’s Medical Center For information, call 307 739 6175

Joint Classes

Led by cancer survivor Carol Poole, RN, OCN Thursday, January 7 Thursday, January 21 3 pm SJMC Boardroom For information, call 307 739 6195

Type 2 Diabetes Support Group

Get helpful tips about managing diabetes.

Friends/supporters welcome.

Tuesday, January 12 1-2:15 pm Bison Classroom, St. John’s Medical Center For information, call 307 739 7678

Teton Parkies

(Parkinson’s Disease Client & supporter)

Grief Support Group

tetonhospital.org/calendar

!

NEW Weight Management

Support Group

Open to everyone interested in weight loss and those considering (or completed) bariatric surgery Thursday, January 21 5:15-6:15 pm SJMC Boardroom For information, call 307 739 7634

Type 2 Diabetes Prevention Group in Spanish

In Spanish! ¡En Español!

Every Thursday 5-6 pm Moose-Wapiti Classroom, St. John’s Medical Center For information, call 307 739 7678

Foundation Auxiliary Meeting

Thursday, January 7 12-1 pm SJMC Boardroom For information, call 307 739 7517

Upcoming Volunteer Opportunities Spiritual Care Volunteer Training Saturday, January 23 Apply by January 11 Call Kathy Kjellgren at 307 739 7541 for details

625 E. Broadway, Jackson, WY

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 5

Led by Christina Riley, LCSW Drop-ins welcome, but please call ahead Wednesday, January 13 12:00-12:50 pm Eagle Classroom Call 307 739 7482

For those suffering from persistent memory problems; family members and caregivers welcome.

Thursday, January 14, Noon-1 pm Morningstar Senior Living For information, call 307 739 7434

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

Gather for mutual support, discussion of disease and therapies, excursion planning, and more Tuesday, January 12 5:30-7:00 pm Community Room Jackson Whole Grocer Contact 307 733 4966 or 614 271 7012

Memory Loss Support Group

Information for people considering or scheduled for joint replacement.

Thursday, January 7, 8-9:30 am Tuesday, January 12, 4-5:30 pm Thursday, January 21, 8-9:30 am Tuesday, January 25, 4-5:30 pm Moose-Wapiti Classroom St. John’s Medical Center For information, call 307 739 6199

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

6 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

GUEST OPINION 2 More Reasons to Raise Minimum Wage In Wyoming, increasing workers’ pay promises benefits to everyone.

BY KERRY DRAKE/WYOFILE.COM

T

ime and time again, people in Wyoming vote against their own best interests.

Many who live in poverty — if they vote at all — inexplicably select candidates who continually work to cut the social safety nets that exist to protect them. Some oilfield workers vote for candidates who adamantly refuse to pass safety measures that could extend their lives. Motorists who depend on well-maintained, safe roads for their survival often pick candidates who don’t want to spend any money for critical transportation upgrades.

You get the picture. But the one issue that constantly amazes me is why so many voters — from the working poor to the wealthy — keep electing officials who maintain that raising the minimum wage will kill jobs, raise prices and cripple the economy.

In reality, millions of workers across the country would take home more money to spend on both essential products and other items they can’t afford now. The federal minimum wage has been raised 22 times since it was set at 25 cents in 1938, and not one of those increases has resulted in fewer jobs or higher prices.

Company presidents who oppose any minimum wage hike may benefit from a substantial increase because it would give people more money to buy their products and services. In turn, it may be necessary to hire more workers to keep up with demand.

The most well-known example of this strategy is when Henry Ford more than doubled the daily wages of his workers in 1914, from $2.25 to $5. After he did it, his auto manufacturing company became the most successful in the industry.

The reason Ford dramatically increased wages has long been debated. Some argue that his main motivation was to reduce turnover on his assembly lines, thus cutting the huge expense of training new workers. That certainly was a factor.

But Ford supplied his own answer in his 1926 book, “Today and Tomorrow.” He wrote: “The owner, the employees, and the buying public are all one and the same, and unless an industry can so manage itself as to keep wages high and prices low it destroys itself, for otherwise it limits the number of its customers. One’s own employees ought to be one’s own best customers.”

The bold move worked. Ford sold 398,000 Model Ts in 1914, 501,000 the next year, and topped 1 million cars annually by 1920.

Ford noted his company increased the buying power of its own workers, and they increased the buying power of others. “It is this thought of enlarging buying power by paying high wages and selling at low prices that is behind the prosperity of this country,” he wrote.

Five states do not have minimum wages on the books. In the rest of the nation, the state minimum wages are all set at or above the federal $7.25 per hour minimum — except Wyoming and Georgia, which both have only a $5.15 per

hour minimum requirement.

Wyoming politicians and businesses maintain that raising the state minimum wage to $7.25 an hour isn’t necessary, because most employers pay at least the federal level. But not all of them do. A worker who is in any occupation not covered by the Fair Labor Standards Act is subject to the state minimum wage, not the federal. An employee at a business that makes less than $500,000 annually and does not engage in interstate commerce is not covered by the federal minimum wage.

There are other exceptions to the federal law. There are no minimums for agricultural workers, domestic service workers, workers on commission or employees of educational, charitable, religious or nonprofit organizations. The Equality State Policy Center reports that about one-third of Wyoming workers are not covered by the federal law.

According to the Department of Labor Statistics, about 9,000 workers in Wyoming are paid at or less than the minimum wage.

Meanwhile, it’s outrageous that tipped employees such as restaurant workers are subject to a $2.13 state minimum wage. Some may make more in tips to regularly bring in more than $7.25 an hour, but many do not. The state’s “tipped offset” law requires employers to make up the difference between the state tipped minimum and the federal minimum wage, but in Wyoming, that’s a joke.

There is absolutely no enforcement of the requirement.

I’ve talked to wait staff in local restaurants and national franchises, and the universal answer is they don’t request the tipped offset because they are afraid of losing their jobs.

The real issue Wyoming should be debating is an increase to a livable wage for all workers in the state. A full-time worker who now makes $7.25 an hour earns $15,080 a year.

The federal poverty level for a family of two is $15,930. For a family of three, it’s $20,090.

The latter obviously cannot get by with one adult working for minimum wage and another adult staying at home with a child. The second adult would also have to work, at least part-time, and child-care costs could easily wipe out most of that second income.

That means the family must be dependent upon government welfare programs such as food stamps and housing

subsidies to survive. But requiring all employers to pay livable wages would greatly reduce the government’s high cost of operating such programs. All taxpayers should welcome that change, but too many fail to see the connection between wages and the use of social services. They would apparently rather rant about “welfare queens.”

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology calculated livable wages in all 50 states. In Wyoming, MIT estimated the living wage for an individual in the state is $9.93 an hour.

For single parents with one child, it increases to $20.80.

State Rep. James Byrd (D-Cheyenne) will make his third straight run at increasing the state minimum wage during the Legislature’s budget session beginning Feb. 8. His first two attempts were soundly defeated: in 2014, the House voted 51-9 against the proposal, and earlier this year it was shot down 8-1 by a legislative committee.

The bill’s chances in 2016 have not improved. Byrd wants to raise the state minimum wage to $9.50 an hour, and the tipped minimum from $2.13 to a more reasonable $5 an hour. But in the budget session, bills must receive a twothirds vote in both chambers just to be introduced. The same legislators who killed the 2015 bill will be back next year.

But they don’t have to return in 2017, when a newly elected Legislature is sworn in. Candidates running for re-election should be asked at every door they knock on and at every campaign forum they attend to explain why they voted to keep stifling the Wyoming economy and keep workers below poverty by not raising the state minimum wage.

Candidates seeking a first term in office should be made by voters to state a clear position on raising the state minimum wage.

If Wyoming voters are better educated about the issue, they should stop buying state lawmakers’ whoppers about massive layoffs and higher prices and vote in the best interests of all Wyoming residents. We can follow the example of Henry Ford, who knew that a rising tide lifts all boats.

WyoFile is a nonprofit news organization focused on Wyoming people, places and policy.

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DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 7

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8 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

THEM ON US

By JAKE NICHOLS

S hop local, Save big!

Leno truckin’ with JH Winslow Bent, owner of Legacy Classic Trucks in Jackson Hole, stopped by “Jay Leno’s Garage” to show the comedian some of the finer points of the 1942, six-wheeled Dodge Power Wagon his company built for him.

Motor Authority said Bent tries to use many of the original parts. His company has now built about 60 Power Wagons. He is fully booked out for 2016, and prices range from $150,000 to $250,000.

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Hollywood celebrities have officially discovered Jackson Hole, according to a Christmas Day story in the Hollywood Reporter. Writer Jacquelyn Ryan doesn’t actually mention anyone but the usual – Harrison Ford, Sandra Bullock, and Lyle Waggoner – but she does go out of her way to help sell the valley to A-listers.

“While Angelenos may pull on sweaters and boots when temperatures drop below 70, they hardly experience what most people call ‘winter,’” Ryan wrote. “Those looking for something more authentic head out of town for snow and crisp air. Wyoming, where many stars, executives and tech startup billionaires have been scooping up high-end lodges, has a unique appeal: The state doesn’t charge income tax.”

Real estate agents Josh Flagg (Beverly Hills) and Matt Faupel (Jackson Hole) were both quoted saying Wyoming offers a great tax haven for owners, calling Wyoming their main residence – even if they are rarely here.

Teton County bucks trend Wyoming posted some gains last month despite the downturn in the state’s energy sector. Statewide, sales and use tax collections declined by $61 million (16.4 percent) in the first five months of FY2016. But the trend didn’t hit every county.

State economist Jim Robinson told Wyoming Business Report that six of the state’s 23 counties experienced gains in sales and use tax collections over the past five months.

Teton County (8.2 percent increase) joined Weston (24.4), Lincoln (7.3), Albany (4.6), Uinta (4.1), and Sheridan (2.8). Teton led the pack in monetary increase with 44.4 million.

Dazzling data available in the December issue of government publication Wyoming Insight.

Third time lucky?

One Wyoming lawmaker will try again to raise the minimum state wage from $5.15 an hour to $9.50. Rep. Jim Byrd, D-Cheyenne, sponsored House Bill 4 for the upcoming session in February.

“It’s not going away,” Byrd told the Star Tribune. He’s tried since 2014. Last year, the minimum wage bill was shot down in the House Revenue Committee. The measure faces an uphill battle this shorter session. As a non-budget item it will require a two-thirds majority vote to clear. It will also be pressed for time in the shorter 20-day budget session.

Back in the saddle Jackson saddle maker Keith Valley stepped into the national spotlight with an appearance on the Small Business Revolution, a spinoff of the popular Shark Tank TV series starring host Robert Herjavec.

Valley moved to Jackson in 2004 after a three-year apprenticeship in Montana. He custom designs and crafts about 13 saddles per year under his Keith Valley Saddle Company moniker.

Wyoming Business Report’s Mark Wilcox penned the short item on December 23.

College kids forgiven Some Wyoming college students will catch a break on their student loans after a complaint filed against Education Management Corporation (EDMC) resulted in $127,441 in loan forgiveness refunds.

Complaints against EDMC included allegations the for-profit education organization misled students about program costs, falsely claimed students would earn higher incomes with a degree, and unfairly charged students even when they dropped classes.

Wyoming joined 39 other states in the complaint against EDMC. Wyoming Tribune Eagle carried the story.

Suntanned Moose “It’s not easy for any visiting men’s hockey team to pull off a victory at Snow King Center in Jackson Hole, Wyo. Seven hundred partisan Moose fans usually raise a ruckus, and the Moose usually respond with enormous offensive pressure for goals,” wrote Jeff Cordes for Idaho Mountain Express.

The Suns blanked the Moose Saturday, December 19, 5-0. It was Sun Valley’s first ever shutout at Snow King. PJH

One-man Arsenal

NEWS

According to the flabbergasted sheriff of rural Chesterfield County, South Carolina, “This has completely changed our definition of (what constitutes) an ‘ass-load’ of guns.” Brent Nicholson, 51, had been storing more than 7,000 firearms (most of them likely stolen) in his home and a storage building on his property. Every room of the house was stacked with weapons, and it took four tractor-trailer trips to haul everything away, with help of 100 law-enforcement officers. Nicholson also had 500 chainsaws, at least 250 taxidermied deer, elk, and alligator heads, and more. No motive was obvious to deputies.

(Nicholson would still be living in the shadows today if he hadn’t run that stop sign on Oct. 21 with bogus license plates on his truck.)

By CHUCK SHEPHERD Wait, What?

Kuala Lumpur International Airport took out ads in two Malaysian daily newspapers in December to find the owners of three Boeing 747-200Fs parked there for months (one for at least a year) and threatening to auction them off in 14 days if not claimed. Two are white, and one is “off-white” (if the reader is checking his inventory). The planes’ last listed owner said it sold them in 2008.

OF THE

WEIRD

Police Report

The Human Fanny Pack: Brandon Wilson, 26, was arrested in November in Cedar Rapids, Iowa—his second bust of 2015 in which a substantial number of crack cocaine “baggies” were found in his rectum. Fifty-one were recovered this time (counting the ones with marijuana), down from the 109 discovered in his February arrest.

Police in November also found $1,700 cash on him (but just in his pocket).

Leading Economic Indicators

Following the release of Apple’s yearly financials in October (and based on sales of its iPhone 6), the company announced that, apart from other assets, it was sitting on $206 billion in cash—about like owning the entire gross domestic product of Venezuela, but all in cash. Another way of expressing it: Using only its cash, Apple could buy every single NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL team, plus the 20 most valuable international soccer teams—and still have plenty left. Or, as the BGR.com blog also pointed out, it could instead simply give every man, woman and child in America $646 (coincidentally, about what a new iPhone 6 sells for).

The Continuing Crisis

In November in Harare, Zimbabwe, Mison Sere, 42, was judged winner of the 4th annual “Mister Ugly” contest after showcasing his seemingly random dental arrangement (some teeth there, some not) and “wide range of grotesque facial expressions,” according to an Associated Press dispatch. However, many in the crowd thought their favorite was even uglier and threatened to riot. “I am naturally ugly,” said a jealous (former winner) William Masvinu; “He (Sere) is ugly only when he opens his mouth.”

n Following prosperous news reported here (from New York, the Czech Republic and Massachusetts), the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster of New Zealand announced on Dec. 10 that the country’s official records now recognize the Church as a legal sanctioner of marriages. The Church must now nominate an “official marriage celebrant” (who will be known as “His Noodly Honour”).

Least Competent Criminals

Matthew Riggins had told his girlfriend earlier that he and a pal were planning to burglarize some homes around Barefoot Bay in Brevard County, Florida, and was apparently on that mission on Nov. 23 when an alert resident called 911, and the men scrambled. The accomplice was caught several days later, but Riggins himself did not survive the night—having taken refuge in nearby woods and drowning trying to outswim an apparently hungry 11-foot alligator. n According to police, Ryan Liskow, 36, badly violating the crime-novel “rule” about not returning to the scene of the crime, is now awaiting trial for robbing the Sterling State Bank in Rochester, Minnesota, on Dec. 14 —and 15.

An on-scene reporter for KIMT-TV was on the air on the 15th describing the first robbery, unaware that Liskow was inside robbing it again, and as Liskow emerged on foot with a bank employee in pursuit, reporter Adam Sallet helped point out Liskow, who was soon arrested.

HELP WANTED

PLANET JACKSON HOLE IS HIRING FOR A

PART-TIME DELIVERY DRIVER

Names in the News

Arrested for burglary, in Porthcawl, Wales, November: Christopher Badman. Charged in two shootings in Medina County, Texas, November: Shane Outlaw.

Arrested for allegedly having sex with a child, in Springfield, Massachusetts, December: Mr. Long Dinh Duong. Arrested for trespassing at a Budweiser brewery in St. Louis, Missouri, December: Mr. Bud Weisser, 19.

Credited with rescuing two women from a man who was terrifying strangers on the street in Toronto on Nov. 22: the local professional clown Doo Doo (Shane Faberman).

(Bonus: Doo Doo was in costume when he made the rescue.) (Also in the news was a “Vietnamese man” supposedly named Phuc Dat Bich, who had trouble getting Facebook to register his name. Despite having several mainstream-media outlets gullibly cover his complaint in mid-November, he admitted a week later that the name is bogus.) Badman: Thanks This Week to Michael Brozyna, Bruce Leiserowitz, Paul Peterson, Robin Daley, Edgar Pepper, Neb Rodgers, Steve Dunn, Dan Bohlen, Peter Wardley, Joseph Brown, Brian Rudolph, Elaine Weiss, D.I. Moore, Jack Miller, Gwynne Platz, Charles Lewer, Dave Shepardson, Chuck Hamilton, and Katy Miketic, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

1-2 MORNING SHIFTS PER WEEK MUST HAVE OWN VEHICLE CLEAN DRIVING RECORD HOURLY WAGE + MILEAGE Inquiries: Call 307. 732.0299

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 9

n Cool Moms? 1. Jennifer Terry, 44, was charged with driving her daughter and several other minors around Riverdale, Utah, in August to facilitate their tossing eggs at 10 to 20 homes. Some damage was reported, but so far, Terry is the only one charged. 2. Mandy Wells, 32, told police that she thought “for a minute” that it was a bad idea, “but did it anyway”—she invited 10 kids (aged 12 to 14) to her home for a party and served beer and marijuana. Wells, of Springtown, Texas, said her daughter, 14, smokes marijuana because the girl (go figure!) suffers from depression.

Russian artist Pyotr Pavlensky, 31, has devoted his career to getting on the government’s nerves and succeeded once again in November. (News of the Weird last mentioned him in 2013 when he nailed his scrotum to the floor in Moscow’s Red Square to protest police oppression.) In his latest event, he set fire to the front door of the headquarters of Russia’s security service (the FSB, formerly KGB) and has been detained—though from his cell, he demanded his charge of “vandalism” be changed to “terrorism.” A member of the Russian band Pussy Riot called the door fire “the most important work of contemporary art of recent years.” Pavlensky once sewed his lips together protesting arrests of Pussy Riot.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n Even if Armageddon doesn’t happen, the CEO of the massive online retailer Overstock.com believes there is a “10 to 20 percent” chance of a world financial meltdown in the next few years, and he is arranging to be back in business in the aftermath. Patrick Byrnes told the New York Post in November he has stashed away enough food in a well-fortified facility in Utah’s Granite Mountain to serve his 2,000 employees for “30 to 60 days,” along with several thousand other emergency preparations and $10 million in gold. But, he insisted, he’s not a gun-toting “prepper”; the plan is only about tiding employees over until the Internet and banking systems are back up and running.

Updates

omething changed this past summer.

We all felt it. It could be measured in part with quantifiable data, but much of it was a visceral reaction to what we knew was happening but would not admit to. We might have pushed it too far.

Somewhere in the 45-minute West Bank-to-town trip that should have taken 15 minutes, we lost our community character and small town charm. We raced each other to stoplights and flipped off the world in frustration. We started locking our cars and houses. We talked in earnest about a workforce internment camp – peon pup tents where the valley’s serfs could rest until called upon to wash dishes and fold sheets.

Yes, the summer of 2015 was different.

It was the hour of our decision; an awakening from the anesthetizing nature of growth in the name of prosperity that numbs a community headed for big city headaches. The visit from the Ghost of Jackson Hole Yet to Come was most terrifying. It is a newsmaker.

Visitation records for Yellowstone were trashed in 2015. More than four million vacationers crammed themselves into the nation’s oldest national park, shattering the record by nearly a half million. Traffic in the Hole was historic. Summer roadway use was up an estimated 10 to 15 percent. County dispatch recorded 40 crashes in the first nine days of August, more than that entire month last year. U.S. Census data shows 20 percent of Teton County households (the national average is 12 percent) experienced severe housing problems.

Half the jobs in Teton County are in retail or hospitality, while nearly half the homes (43 percent) sit empty.

S : 5 1 0 2 r Newsmake The Future of Jackson Hole

Will unchecked growth, climate a change transform the valley into place we don’t recognize?

By Jake Nichols

Valley forged

A Jackson Hole known only to its pioneers from the early 1900s.

JACKSON HOLE HISTORICAL SOCIETY

10 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

Was the summer of 2015 a “tipping point?” Was it a glimpse at the new norm for the valley: out-of-control growth

hurtling toward a Vail and fail?

Local politicians and the citizens who elected them took notice and took action.

Emergency summits were convened including a two-day housing summit opened by joint planner Alex Norton with the declaration that, “Skepticism will not be tolerated here.” The statement may have been prompted by doom-and-gloom forecasts from the likes of local economist Jonathan Schechter who lamented in his Jackson Hole News&Guide column, “Jackson Hole’s housing problems will never be solved,” as demand for the last 50 years, he explained, has outrstipped supply.

Added to a visionary document already three-and-a-half years old and balked at implementation for LDR revisions, were two more plans: an Integrated Transit Plan (ITP) and Housing Action Plan (HAP). The ITP passed on September 14 after eight joint meetings, two public workshops and nearly two years in the making. Among some of its eye-popping numbers were an estimated $8 million annual START budget by 2024 and a targeted quadrupling of ridership by 2035 – something outgoing director Michael Wackerly admitted would be “an extreme challenge.”

The HAP identified a need to revamp the Housing Authority after a perceived lack of oversight caused some county commissioners to be surprised at budget figures associated with The Grove.

Most importantly, guidelines in the HAP suggested raising $20 to $30 million for the building of subsidized workforce housing. A tax strategy for generating revenue for a Community Priorities Fund is still being debated at year’s end.

Pushback and public displays of rejection seemed to have an effect on elected officials. The Planet story, “Silently Opposed,” by editor Robyn Vincent (July 7), explained how the Jackson Hole Conservation Alliance’s planned “protest” – that beckoned 50 concerned citizens to a town council meeting in July – was poopoo’d at the time by town

“Never coming back here,” “Take your family elsewhere.” Munz found families packed into 14-person rafts despite booking more intimate trips, restaurant diners served lousy food by surly waiters, and dirty log cabins at exorbitant prices.

All indications of a tourist locale that has overextended itself.

JOSH METTEN/JH CONSERVATION ALLIANCE

planning commissioner John Stennis as “activist tactics ... that have no place in our community.” Signs reading, “Housing not Hotels,” “Middle Class not Marriotts,” and “Community not Resorts,” did not immediately change the minds of town councilors. However, officials recently approved LDR revisions that completely nixed any additional commercial zoning in District 2 – Jackson’s core downtown area outside the lodging zone.

Growth node concepts were abandoned in the county. Suddenly, out of the pedal-to-the-metal recession recovery experienced in Jackson Hole, nearly everyone was ready to pump the brakes. BCC chair Barb Allen called the summer, “emotionally draining” at one meeting. Town councilman Jim Stanford lamented the increased traffic on numerous occasions.

Even some retailers and lodging owners admitted to a law of diminishing returns when it comes to jamming too many people into a finite space. Sherrie Jern told the News&Guide her guests at the Wildflower Inn had had it with the crowds in Jackson. TripAdvisor reviews for almost anything Jackson related lost their stars. Visitors were perturbed – about lines, rudeness, traffic jams, prices – some vowing never to return.

Over and over again, reviews for Jackson eateries, hotels, and attractions said the same thing: “Too crowded,” “Too rude,” “overpriced.”

One Tripadvisor reviewer from Austin, Texas, wrote about an August visit: “[The help] comes from Europe. Another one from Europe was working the front desk when we checked in. She said she knew nothing about the area parks because she was from Europe. Great personality for a summer tourist spot. Can’t they get any one from the U.S. to work in a summer tourist area?”

The Planet columnist Andrew Munz collected a summer’s worth of disses (“Jackson Hole Grievances,” September 8) from Jackson Hole tourists who vowed: “We will never return,”

Glitterati, greed and gapers

How fitting for the year to begin with an episode of HGTV’s “House Hunters,” featuring “NCIS: LA” star Eric Christian Olsen and his wife, “Marry Me” star Sarah Wright. The celebrity couple were followed by cameras as they property shopped in Jackson Hole for an episode that aired on January 28.

“I remember falling in love with the town,” Olsen said to the camera, recalling family trips he’d taken to Jackson when he was a kid. “I just knew that I wanted to come back here.”

And come back they do. Not every tourist, of course, but with 290 new worldwide billionaires added last year to a record 1,826, already, according to Forbes; and millions of millionaires (anywhere from 14.6M to 35M, depending on who is doing the estimate), is it any wonder why the high-end real estate market in Jackson Hole is bustling?

When Wall Street is bullish, renters, for one, get gored. Trickledown economics never seems to reach bottom feeders on the valley floor. The rising tide in Jackson floats all yachts but drowns the rest.

Jonathan Thompson’s piece for High Country News entitled, “When living where you work is out of reach,” just about summed it up for the Hole, blaming our problems on a abnormally skewed percentage of income that is derived from investments rather than labor. We simply don’t know what it means to work for a living. “According to Headwaters Economics research, nearly half of the total p e rso n a l

Concerned citizens filled Jackson Town Council chambers this past summer to display their disapproval for more commercial development.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 11

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

12 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

WIKIPEDIA

ROBYN VINCENT

A study released this year warns that the Yellowstone Fires of 1988 may not be a thing of the past for very long.

‘NCIS: LA’ star Eric Christian Olsen and his wife, ‘Marry Me’ star Sarah Wright hunt for homes in Jackson Hole.

Conservationist and filmmaker Charlie Craighead is focusing on this area’s most cherished resource.

LISA RULLMAN

Blair Place denizens Matt Grabowski and Renee Knutson faced a 40 percent rent increase this summer.

income in Teton County … comes from investment-related sources,” Thompson wrote.

The housing crunch squeezed the community in its suffocating grip by spring. Some elected officials called it the worst they’d ever seen. Still, the crisis didn’t have a face.

Until July. “The Faces of Blair” series in The Planet introduced readers to the personality of the problem.

A 44 percent rental increase at the 294-unit apartment complex became the poster child and whipping boy for Jackson Hole’s housing shortage.

Law enforcement officers, teachers, nurses, river guides, UPS drivers, volunteers, and small business owners were among the shafted when Blair Place Apartment owners jacked the rent on a two-bedroom apartment from $1,250 to $1,800 a month.

“I always felt like this town was going to chase me out,” Matt Grabowski told The Planet’s Robyn

Vincent. “It feels more and more like working class people are not welcome here anymore.”

Blair resident Sgt. Matt Carr is one of the last Teton County Sheriff deputies to actually live in the county he works in. Until he was faced with the prospect of leaving the valley he had invested in for 22 years. “For my colleagues who don’t live where they work, the county is saying, ‘We want you to work here, but we don’t want your kids to go to school here or recreate here or be a part of the community here,’” Carr said. “My colleagues don’t have the sense of community enjoyed by people who live here.”

Another Blair denizen, Renee Knutson, nailed the sentiment of a crumbling community. “This area still has a small-town feel,” she said, “because there is that sense that we are in it together. But if we take the ‘together’ part away, what is left?”

Toyota executives employed an iterative interrogative technique called the 5 Whys, designed to get to the root cause of any problem.

Let’s try it. Problem: Jackson Hole is losing its luster.

Why 1? It has big city problems already. Housing issues, traffic jams, cost escalation, and a rising crime rate (22 percent higher overall than the state average, and 204 percent higher violent crime rate than the state average).

Why 2? It’s growing too fast into a soulless, fractured community.

Why 3? Too often, we’ve let greed trump need.

Why 4? Money talks, blue collar walks … or commutes.

Why 5? Our priorities and values are ill defined or out of sync with a formula for a sustainable future.

My colleagues don’t “have the sense of

community enjoyed by people who live here.

The Jackson 5

How did we get here? If we truly did turn a corner last summer, is there a path back to the road we used to be on? Has our “precious” turned on us?

During their rise to corporate success,

”

Climate trumps all

If we don’t love our valley to death, Mother Nature may do that for us. A seminal study released this year by the Charture Institute and the Teton

Research Institute of Teton Science Schools, The Coming Climate, predicts a serious ecological and economic impact on the county should global warming continue at its current pace.

Annual average minimum temperature has risen 1.3 degrees since 1948, and is predicted to increase another 3.5 degrees by 2100. The frostfree season at Philip’s Bench weather station on Teton Pass is about 20 days longer than it was in 1980.

All this spells major trouble in a place dependent on its long, cold winters. First, we’ll lose our iconic cutthroat trout. Reliant on cold water, these fragile fish have already taken population hits throughout the region.

Next, winter ski seasons will be shortened, if not impossible to maintain in Jackson Hole.

In fact, in Kendall Brunette’s Planet feature story May 6, “Climate Change Casualty,” professional skier Bode Miller said he had so little faith in the future of skiing due to climate change that he wouldn’t even think about investing in the industry. The United Nations Environment Programme identified the ski industry as one of the most vulnerable industries to climate change, worldwide.

Water will become a scarce resource, even in Wyoming, according

TOMORROW’S HEADLINES FEBRUARY 18, 2040 City leaders unveiled the new high-speed monorail system yesterday. The Teton Tube will allow commuters to make the trip to downtown Jackson from Drictor in less than seven minutes via the Teton Pass tunnel. Old Pass Road may soon go the way of Old Old Pass Road as authorities worry Google-Apple driverless cars will never be able to navigate the treacherous pass safely during winter.

Both Autonom and RoboRide vehicles were involved in separate slide-offs earlier this year.

County officials are considering reinstating START Bus. The mass transit system was disbanded in 2037 after budget overruns and the popularity of autonomous vehicles spelled the end for START. START would revive runs on the MooseWilson Expressway from Teton Village to the airport, and south to Alpine City via the 8-lane highway expansion completed in the fall of last year.

APRIL 4, 2040 Park geologists believe they have uncovered the reason Old Faithful stopped erupting last summer. Groundwater levels have been reduced to all-time lows after 21 years of drought. Real estate values in the Old Faithful Villa and surrounding residences

JULY 4, 2040 The Chamber of Commerce is predicting a banner year for Jackson this summer. Lodging capacity numbers are already soaring thanks to promotional packages offered by many area hotels including the Wilson Wyndham, Hog Island Hilton and Four Seasons Kelly. Area retailers are cautiously optimistic about this summer’s tourist season. A spokesperson for the Super Walmart in downtown Hoback said sales in June had already set a record for the month.

Executives representing Walgreens announced they were considering opening up a store in Jackson. Some residents may recall the first attempt at a Jackson brick-andmortar ended prematurely back in 2015, when Walgreens announced it was pulling out after a landslide damaged their new building.

DECEMBER 26, 2040 Jacksonites celebrated Santa Day in true western fashion yesterday. Surviving members of the Shootout Gang (1955-2019) were on hand to reenact their historical gun battle. The Jackson Hole Shootout was the longest running event of its kind when it was discontinued in 2030 after the ban of civilian firearms in Wyoming. The Equality State was the last to comply with the federal abolishment of guns in 2028.

Real estate sales have been brisk headed into the new year when legislation capping property sales takes effect. Beginning in 2041, the maximum price a 12-bedroom, 16-bath home can be listed at will be $585 million.

Five-bedroom condos will be capped at $175 million. A shrinking affordable housing pool has worried civic leaders. Rising costs of housing and transportation in the bedroom communities of Dubois, Blackfoot and Big Sky are fueling the current workforce shortage.

WHAT NEXT?

t now as they focus on the Some folks are taking action righ spheres. An upcoming iad myr future of Jackson Hole across happens Jan. 14, when e issu this on event slated for real talk “22 in 21: The State of Our The Charture Institute hosts t will explore some of this Community.” The daylong even nities. Leaders of the Teton area’s key challenges and opportu park officials to town and region’s major public entities from mic. For more info visit the take will county elected officials, www.22in21.com

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 13

But the new Jackson Hole won’t be all bad. It has stuff we want, right? Opportunity and choices. Why have just a handful of restaurants when you can have dozens and dozens of options?

The question is, will we need more centers for art or recreation, grocery stores, banks, golf courses, five-star hotels, and four-lane highways to get there?

Exclusive, gated communities can wall themselves in, protected from the suffering masses. College kids and foreign workers will always be available for the valley’s labor needs. And look how we are growing, developing, and raising sales tax revenue during a decline in state mineral extraction returns.

We claim to care about wildlife and open space, but only right after we pass this one little thing. And sprawl is something that happens to those other cities. But as long as we have those magnificent Tetons in the background we will never become Anytown, USA, right? Indeed, the valley stands to see dramatic changes as more and more people throughout the country, and the world, look to Jackson Hole to plant new roots. PJH

SEPTEMBER 22, 2040 Game and Fish managers confirmed today that it was indeed an elk spotted in the Gros Ventre suburbs of Elk Refuge Village. The refuge was sold to California developers in 2027 after CWD devastated local herds to near extinction. An elk in the wild has not been spotted for more than a decade in Wyoming.

Wildlife biologists hope to capture the wayward wapiti and add him to the Aspens Zoo. The facility, renowned for its collection of grizzly bears and wolves, has been without an elk for nearly four years.

A few Jackson Hole old-timers recalled days when numerous species of wild animals roamed former park and forest zones in the decades before the Great Land Auction of 2022.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

to conservation experts such as Charlie Craighead, who was interviewed by Jeannette Boner in The Planet’s September 1 issue (“Craighead’s Water World”).

“No matter what we do, things are going to change,” Craighead said. “My personal belief, based on [information from] people I have interviewed, is that we have started the ball rolling and now it’s a question of whether we can correct it or get out of the system ourselves to let it go back to where it should be. My fear is that it is not just a question of weather patterns, but [the climate] has gone beyond the point where there won’t be ‘normal’ for a long time. But then that normal will be very difficult and very different from what we know it as today.”

Whatever is left, “The Coming Climate” asserts, will be consumed by wildfires. Major fires, akin to the calamitous Yellowstone Fires of 1988, are a grave concern of the future. Study co-author Dr. Corinna Riginos explained to Robyn Vincent in a July Planet piece: “The potential for much more frequent large fires would radically alter the ecosystem as we know it. We are not just talking about a few species going locally extinct or needing to shift to higher elevations; we are talking about fires so frequent that they could wipe out forests in most parts of the region.”

“The Coming Climate” also pointed out that more frequent fires will threaten summer visitation rates.

However, a silver lining to climate change might be found by realtors selling homes to people looking to beat the heat in the relatively cooler environment of Jackson Hole. But the added demand on a finite market would likely further dwindle the valley’s housing inventory and burden natural resources.

in Yellowstone plummeted after the famous geyser gave up the ghost.

In related news, there may be some call for optimism regarding a reopening of Jackson Hole Mountain Resort for next season – just in time to celebrate the resort’s 100th anniversary. Tourism took a huge hit when JHMR cut skiing from its winter sports recreation package in 2033. Daytime highs since have averaged 46 degrees with less than 10 days from December to February registering below freezing for overnight lows. But a new synthetic “snow” developed by scientists in South Japan has promise, and may be employed on a trial basis next season.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

14 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

CREATIVE PEAKS Vertical Dreams An image long etched in Mike Tierney’s mind has become a powerful piece for snow loving masses.

BY KELSEY DAYTON @Kelsey_Dayton

MIKE TIERNEY

M

ike Tierney had to think hard before he agreed to enter a contest to create artwork for Jackson Hole Mountain Resort’s 50th anniversary.

He knew if he entered, he would win. He knew because he had a vision he’d been holding onto for years.

Tierney, 38, still remembers his first tram ride about 20 years ago. The crowds smashed him, but he still caught a view of Corbet’s Couloir.

“I’ll never forget that first tram and thinking ‘people ski that? No way,’” he said. “And then the next thing you know you are in there skiing it. It’s profound.”

Tierney also knew winning did not promise many financial fruits. While there was the chance to receive a cash prize and a ski pass, and he would retain rights to his work, he wouldn’t receive royalties for the years the resort used the piece for marketing.

But it meant the opportunity to create the image he’d ruminated on for years, and to have thousands of eyes on it.

“It was a chance for me to make art for the power of the mountain,” he said. “It was a way to say thanks to the mountain for providing us all that. It was an opportunity to connect to every skier that has ever ridden this mountain.”

Tierney says his piece wasn’t the best of the five final artists. But he knew his bold design captured the feeling of the mountain while remaining simple enough for use on marketing materials.

Sure enough, if you visit Jackson Hole Mountain Resort this year, you’ll see the image adorning the bottom of the tram as it flies toward Rendezvous Peak. It’s on the cover of the mountain’s trail map, too.

It is an image you’ll see everywhere in Jackson this winter, created by an artist with no formal art training.

Tierney grew up in Massachusetts and moved to Colorado for college. One day he read a story about a small ski company called Igneous, based in Jackson, which was churning out custom skis that all looked the same.

Mike Tierney’s winning piece for Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, ‘The Wildest Mountain Alive,’ captures the anticipation we experience gazing into Corbet’s from the tram.

Tierney wanted the skis, but he also wanted them to look better.

He didn’t have a portfolio, just a few doodles, but he drove to Jackson, walked into Igneous’ factory and said, “Your skis are awfully boring, anything we can do better than all black?” Suddenly he found himself hired as the company’s graphic department.

He dropped out of college and moved to town in 1996.

Tierney discovered spray paint to work on skis. That eventually gave way to computer and graphic designs.

He also quickly found his way to Jackson Hole Mountain Resort and was soon spending all his time skiing or sitting behind a computer, painting houses for extra money.

When the economy crashed in 2008 he found himself competing with more house painters for fewer jobs. He knew he had to figure something else out.

At about the same time, while house sitting, he picked up the coffee table book “Wall and Piece,” by the artist Banksy, whose work led Tierney to discover stencils.

He could suddenly control the spray paint down to a small degree, key for the detailed work Tierney wanted to create.

“You need some way to harness the power,” he said.

Tierney emerged on the Jackson art scene in 2008 with a show at the Teton Artlab that featured three of his paintings of Cody Peak.

He credits Teton Artlab founder and artist, Travis Walker, with introducing him as a

legitimate artist.

Tierney had never sold a piece of art before, but that night he sold two of the three paintings on display, including one he’d created for his parents.

“I felt a little like a sellout selling that one, but it sure felt good to get paid,” he said.

Only a few years later, art is more than a full-time job for Tierney.

He’s working on finishing murals at the new mid-mountain restaurant, Piste, at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort.

He regularly shows his art at Daly Projects.

His work features familiar landscapes with a unique twist, like the spray paint he works in or the glow-in-the-dark paint he uses that offers a surprise element when the lights go out. He’s also been experimenting with drywall mud to bring another dimension.

His new piece at WonderSpot, installed this week, features thousands of empty spray cans from his work through the years put together to recreate his winning design for the mountain resort.

Tierney says his success is in part due to the supportive art community and growing contemporary art scene in Jackson. People appreciate art in all forms, sizes and shapes, he explained.

“That’s what art is about, looking at things in new ways and experimenting, and people here get that,” Tierney said. “The art scene here is really coming into its own.”

As is the artist. PJH

THIS WEEK: December 30-January 5, 2016

Compiled by Caroline Zieleniewski

SATURDAY & SUNDAY BRUNCH 10:30am - 3:00pm Bottomless Mimosas & Bloody Marys $15

HAPPY HOUR

Thursday, 6pm Snow King NYE Torchlight Parade and Fireworks

1/2 Off Drinks Daily 5-7pm

Snow King’s annual event – one of the only parades in the country open to participants from the community – kicks off the new year with a bang and is just as much fun to watch as it is to ski down.

WEDNESDAY DEC. 30

THURSDAY DEC. 31

n Kettlebells 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, Free, 307-733-6398 n Yoga 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Intermediate/Advanced Ballet @ Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Tech Tutor 10:00am, Teton County Library, Free, 733-2164 ext. 218 n New Year’s Eve Popper Making 10:15am, Jackson Hole Children’s Museum, $8.00, 307733-3996 n Storytime 10:30am, Teton County Library Youth Auditorium, Free, 307733-2164 n Storytime - Youth Auditorium 11:00am, Teton County Library Youth Auditorium, Free, 307733-2164 n Crystal Sound Bowl Experience with Daniela Botur 12:00pm, Intencions, Free, 307-733-9290 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 12:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-9025 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n Refuge Wildlife Excursion 1:00pm, Jackson Hole & Greater Yellowstone Visitor Center, Free, 307-201-5433

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DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 15

SEE CALENDAR PAGE 17

n Winter Scavenger Hunt 1:30pm, Teton Village, Free, 307-733-5898 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Chess Club: Grades K to 12 3:30pm, Teton County Library Youth Auditorium, Free, 307733-2164 x118 n Grand Teton Distillery Tasting 4:00pm, The Liquor Store, Free, 307-733-4466 n Apres with Maw Band 4:00pm, Mangy Moose, Free, 307-733-4913 n Winter Wonderland: Ice Skating on Town Square 4:30pm, Town Square, Free n Evening Yoga 6:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Great Until Late 6:00pm, Local Businesses, Free, 307-201-2294 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-9025 n Salsa at Dancers’ Workshop 7:00pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n STACKHOUSE 7:00pm, Mangy Moose, Free, 307-733-4913 n Oneness Deeksha Meditation 7:30pm, Akasha Yoga, $5.00, 307-413-3965 n Tavern Trivia w/ Crazy Tom 8:00pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-733-3886 n Hot Buttered Rum 9:00pm, Pink Garter Theatre, $15.00 - $20.00, 307-733-1500 n Brad O’Brien 10:00pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-733-3886

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n Boot Camp 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Women’s Avalanche Awareness & Backcountry Freedom Clinic 8:00am, CWC-Jackson, $299.00, 307-733-7425 n Pilates Mat Classes at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n Yoga 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Toddler Gym 10:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n Tech Tutor 10:00am, Teton County Library, Free, 733-2164 ext. 218 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Snow Globe Making 10:15am, Jackson Hole Children’s Museum, $8.00, 307733-3996 n Fables, Feathers, and Fur 10:30am, National Museum of Wildlife Art, Free, 307-733-5771 n Lap Sit 11:00am, Valley of the Tetons Library, Free, 208-787-2201 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n Total Fitness 12:10pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025

•••••••••••

Monday-Saturday 11am, Sunday 10:30am 832 W. Broadway (inside Plaza Liquors)•733-7901

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

16 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

MUSIC BOX

Rock-In the New Year Welcome 2016 with lots of funk, a little bit of country-grass, some R&B and a couple of hopping DJ parties.

BY AARON DAVIS @ScreenDoorPorch

P

icking a New Year’s Eve party to ring-in sweet ’16 will be a fun endeavor in Jackson this year with lots of options to choose from. Do you want something close to your bed? A bluegrass hoedown? An EDM dance party?

Mainstream country? A funk-nasty soul groove vibe? This year’s party menu is local-heavy, featuring a smattering of Teton County’s favorite party bands and a pair of traveling acts.

Starting on Town Square, you’ll find a band that has taken the region by storm over the last year. There’s good reason that groove-funk band Sneaky Pete and the Secret Weapons have found a homebase as Town Square Tavern’s go-to holiday and event band — they have that beat, that dance-party vibe with funky keys and a punchy horn, and they do it with an original stamp. The band recently downsized from a six piece to a five piece as drummer Zach Zimmerman left (he’s now station manager at KHOL 89.1 FM), and Gregory Miles switched from perscussion to drum kit. The Weapons’

Don’t miss the majorly talented local outfit Major Zephyr at The Wort on New Year’s (left), or dig into some soulful rock ‘n’ roll at the Pink Garter care of Seattle’s Down North. debut album “Breakfast” reached number five on the Relix Magazine/Jambands.com radio chart. Sneaky Pete and the Secret Weapons start playing at 10 p.m., Thursday at Town Square Tavern. $15 advance, $20 day-of-show. 733-2886, 307Live.com.

A human jukebox band from Nashville, Beyond Control has a two-week stand at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar and will be putting on a show for New Year’s Eve. Popular country (the Judds), classic rock (Fleetwood Mac) and Top 40 (Lady Gaga, Lady Antebellum) are sure bets. Beyond Control, 9 p.m., Thursday at Million Dollar Cowboy Bar. $15. 733-2207.

If it’s alternative and outlaw country that shakes your boots, don’t look any further than Major Zephyr with guest Ben Winship. Zephyr alone is a highly talented outfit with top-notch soloists and a Johnny Cash-voiced frontman a la Pete Muldoon. Add the Winship factor, a world-class mandolinist, and this seven-piece band will not only pack the dance floor but also keep the seated crowd fully engaged. Major Zephyr featuring Ben Winship, 7:30 to 11 p.m., Thursday at the Silver Dollar Showroom. Free. 732-3939.

Across the street at the Pink Garter Theatre, it’s Seattle four-piece Down North making an appearance. Mixing party-fueled soul and rock, the group is fronted by vocalist/ dancer Anthony “RenaGade” Briscoe.

“People think we’re a funk band,” Briscoe told Inlander this month. “Three of the dudes are black, and we’re playing rock ’n’ roll, and so people don’t know what to call it. But there are no horns on the stage. We’re soul. Rock ’n’ roll has soul. We’re about bringing musicianship back to pop music, because that’s what it used to be.”

Bo Elledge and Sheena Dinesh, of Canyon Kids, open the show. Down North with late night set by DJs Souly Hitz and OH!

Nassi from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m., Thursday at Pink Garter Theatre/ The Rose. $25-$30. PinkGarterTheatre.com, 733-1500.

An early-eve-into-late-night dance party can be found at the Virginian, where DJs Londo and Cut la Whut will spin for several hours. DJs Londo and Cut la Whut, 9 p.m., Thursday at the Virginian Saloon. Free. 739-9891.

Moving onward to Teton Village, one of the valley’s most intriguing shows will feature monster banjoist and slide guitarist Tony Furtado joining local jamgrass/Americana purveyors One Ton Pig. The Pig already performs at a high level at its mainstay Tuesday gig at the Silver Dollar, but you can’t help imagining that this performance has had the sixpiece band rehearsing with a new fire lit beneath it. One Ton Pig featuring Tony Furtado, 9:30 p.m., Thursday at the Mangy Moose. $20. MangyMoose.com.

Road tripping over Teton Pass to Teton Valley, the Knotty Pine will host Montana’s greatest funk export in recent years, Cure for the Common. The “electro thunder funk” quintet may play Teton County as much as its home in Bozeman, banking on the fact that we love our live band dance grooves.

Cure for the Common, 10 p.m., Thursday at the Knotty Pine in Victor. $12. KnottyPineSupperClub.com, 208-787-2866.

Up Ski Hill Road at Grand Targhee Resort’s Trap Bar, you’ll find Jackson’s Uncle Stack and the Attack, a band focused on playing what the cover-loving crowd wants to hear — Led Zeppelin, forgotten disco gems and R&B classics. Uncle Stack and the Attack, 9 p.m., Thursday at the Trap Bar. $10 advance, $15 day-of-show. GrandTarghee.com. PJH Aaron Davis is a songwriting troubadour, multi-instrumentalist, founding member of Screen Door Porch and Boondocks, and host of Songwriter’s Alley.

FRIDAY JAN. 1

n Boot Camp 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Toddler Gym 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n bootybarre® at Dancers’ Workshop 9:00am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Yoga 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Ballet Workout at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 10:00am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 10:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-7399025 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Yoga 12:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n Total Fitness 12:10pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Winter Wonderland: Ice Skating on Town Square 4:30pm, Town Square, Free n ART WALK in Driggs 5:00pm, Downtown, Free n Friday Night Meditation 6:00pm, Zendler Chiropractic, Free, 307-699-8300 n Great Until Late 6:00pm, Local Businesses, Free, 307-201-2294

n Open Gym - Adult Soccer 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-0925 n Pam Drews Phillips Plays Jazz 7:00pm, The Granary at Spring Creek Ranch, Free, 307-7338833 n Free Public Stargazing 7:30pm, Center for the Arts, Free, 307-413-4779 n Bootleg Flyer 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307-733-2190 n Friday Night DJ 10:00pm, The Rose, Free, 307733-1500 n The Clydes 10:30pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-733-3886

Are you motivated, have a sense of humor and do what it takes to get it done? Planet Jackson Hole is currently looking for an Advertising Associate who can help us stay in touch with some of our awesome advertisers as well as be our on-the-streets super star for Planet JH. The ideal person will be outgoing, hard-working, a team player and must have some experience. All inquiries, please send your resume and a brief explanation of why you think you're the one to: Jen@planetjh.com

SATURDAY JAN. 2

n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 9:00am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Adult Oil Painting 10:00am, The Local Galleria, $25.00 - $80.00, 208-270-0883 n Health Insurance Marketplace Assistance 10:00am, Teton County Library Computer Lab, Free, 307-7332164 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Tram Jam 11:00am, Base of the Bridger Gondola, Free n Winter Wonderland: Ice Skating on Town Square 12:00pm, Town Square, Free n Raptor Encounters 2:00pm, Teton Raptor Center, $10.00 - $12.00, 307-203-2551 n Great Until Late 6:00pm, Local Businesses, Free, 307-201-2294 n Open Gym - Adult Soccer 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-0925 n Bootleg Flyer 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307-733-2190 n John Wayne’s World 10:00pm, The Rose, Free, 307733-1500

SUNDAY JAN. 3

n First Sundays 9:00am, National Museum of Wildife Art, Free, 307-743-5424 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 17

SEE CALENDAR PAGE 18

n New Years Eve! Cure for the Common 10:00pm, Knotty Pine, $12.00, 208-787-2866 n Disco Night 10:00pm, Stagecoach Bar, Free, 307-733-4407 n Sneaky Pete & the Secret Weapons 10:30pm, Town Square Tavern, $15.00 - $20.00, 307-733-3886

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-2011633 n Apres with Stack and the Attack 4:00pm, Mangy Moose, Free, 307-733-4913 n Yoga 4:15pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Winter Wonderland: Ice Skating on Town Square 4:30pm, Town Square, Free n New Year’s Eve Torchlight Parade & Fireworks 5:00pm, Grand Targhee Resort, Free, 800-TARGHEE n Jazzercise 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $10.00, 307-739-9025 n Total Fitness 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307-739-9025 n Glow Worm Parade for Kids 5:30pm, Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, Free, 307-733-2292 n Knit Nite 6:00pm, Knit on Pearl, Free, 307-733-5648 n Kids’ Night Out 6:00pm, Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, $100.00 n Torchlight Parade and Fireworks 6:00pm, Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, Free, 307-733-2292 n Snow King NYE Torchlight Parade and Fireworks 6:00pm, Snow King Mountain Resort, Free, 307-201-5096 n Great Until Late 6:00pm, Local Businesses, Free, 307-201-2294 n Open Gym - Adult Soccer 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307-739-0925 n New Year’s Eve Party 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307-732-3939 n New Year’s Eve Party with Down North, Canyon Kids, Souly Hitz, Oh! Nassi and More!

8:00pm, Pink Garter Theatre, $25.00 - $30.00, 307-733-1500 n New Years Eve: One Ton Pig Featuring Tony Furtado 8:30pm, Mangy Moose, $20.00, 307-733-4913 n Karaoke 9:00pm, Virginian Saloon, Free, 307-739-9891 n New Years Eve at the Trap 9:00pm, Grand Targhee Resort, Free n Gondi Gala 9:00pm, Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, $75.00, 307-7332292

SALES ASSOCIATE POSITION AVAILABLE

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

18 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

MONDAY JAN. 4

n Boot Camp 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307739-9025 n Pilates Mat Classes at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-739-9025 n Jazzercise 9:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $10.00, 307739-9025 n Blacktail Gala Tickets Go On Sale 9:00am, National Museum of Wildlife Art, 307733-5771 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Gym 10:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $0.00 - $2.50, 307-739-9025 n Open Hockey 10:15am, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-201-1633 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n Total Fitness 12:10pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307739-9025 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-201-1633 n Apres with Tucker Smith 3-piece Band 4:00pm, Mangy Moose, Free, 307-733-4913 n Chance Meeting 5:00pm, The Rose, Free n Barre Fusion at Dancers’ Workshop 5:30pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Hootenanny at Dornans 6:00pm, Dornans, Free, 307-733-2415 n Monday Sitting Group 6:00pm, Chiropractic and Sports Injury Center, , 307-733-7584 n Evening Yoga 6:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307739-9025

SEE CALENDAR PAGE 19

GET OUT

ELIZABETH KOUTRELAKOS

n Jackson Reads 12:00pm, KHOL Radio Show, 307-733-2164 n Winter Wonderland: Ice Skating on Town Square 12:00pm, Town Square, Free n Open Gym - Adult Volleyball 4:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307739-9025 n Apres with Major Zephyr 4:00pm, Mangy Moose, Free, 307-733-4913 n Stagecoach Band 6:00pm, Stagecoach, Free, 307-733-4407 n Wine Tasting on a Budget 6:00pm, Dornans, 307-733-2415 n Taize 6:00pm, St. John’s Episcopal Church, Free, 307733-2603 n Great Until Late 6:00pm, Local Businesses, Free, 307-201-2294 n Hospitality Night - Happy Hour 9:00pm, The Rose, Free, 307-733-1500

The Art of Flight When it comes to attitude and preparation, air travel is a lot like mountain travel.

BY ELIZABETH KOUTRELAKOS

C

onsidering its meager size, Jackson Hole Airport provides some surprising avenues of escape for residents with nonstop flights from Seattle to Atlanta.

With the holiday season in full swing, I figured it might be good to touch on traveling in and out of the airport.

In 2014, this landing strip in Grand Teton National Park was named the busiest airport in Wyoming. That may not surprise the average resident, but the fact that Teton County is the ninth most populated county in Wyoming testifies to the true locational popularity of the airport.

Traveling outside of the Hole can be comparable to just about any mountain excursion you may embark on within it. The journeys of mountaineers are often subject to change with variations in weather, delays due to encounters with other parties, and myriad unforeseen circumstances that make things take longer than planned. Keeping this in mind, tips for the common traveler offer ease of mind and peaceful respite amidst the business of flying.

The only truth is that nothing is certain Once travelers walk through the security gates, they are subject to a wide array of possibilities. From seamless passage to unintended flight delays, the airport lifestyle may morph into a journey in itself. Yes, the destination may be mapped and scheduled with the click of a mouse, but the chances of

It is an interesting social experiment when humans come together to journey through the skies. staying true to the itinerary are beyond one’s control. We are individuals traveling through a system of the masses.

Upon hearing those intercom folks dictating flight delays, I sometimes imagine what life would be like if I had to propel myself through this journey. If you lived in Jackson 100 years ago, the current airport wouldn’t even exist. I remember hearing the story of the Davis family who, in 1928 attempted a fishing vacation in Jackson Hole. They tipped their wagon in Granite Creek, losing their two-year-old child. I cannot imagine how many countless delays settlers experienced when attempting to vacation outside of the valley. Thus, our appreciation for the current ease of options is necessary for the adventure.

Embrace the journey My mindset for air travel is similar to my mindset for non-rando-racing journeys in the mountains: I embrace the travel to enhance my wellbeing. Taking extra steps to make myself comfortable along the way helps with the experience. One simple move entails the layering of clothing. Oftentimes I find myself on either end of the temperature spectrum and go from extreme perspiration to frozen. Keeping a dry base layer on hand and a small bar of soap can enhance comfort and dispel the stench of unpleasant traveling odors.

Always, always, bring food and water Dehydration really can ruin a vacation. It takes about 36 hours to recover from dehydration, and low-blood sugar can take a toll on mood, sleep and energy levels. When traveling, I pack food as though I’m going into the backcountry for the day. With short connections and ample opportunity for empty stomachs, refillable water bottles and good food should be a priority along with quick blood sugar fixes like Emergen-C powder and granola bars. This may seem insignificant, and almost excessive, but a satiated belly can

be the key to happiness.

Not all humans are meant for air travel

The world of unpredictability can induce fear and anxiety for even the most seasoned mountain travelers. I know some fearless highland wanderers who are absolutely terrified of flying. This nervousness could come from the fact that one is less in control of airplanes or takeoffs and landings than they are when traveling in the high peaks.

Statistically, this fear doesn’t hold up. The odds of dying while flying are about one in 11 million, while the odds of dying while walking in the mountains are about one in 16,000.

There’s a whole new world out there

The experience of landing outside of the Jackson Hole bubble can be rather enlightening. The news of the day no longer consists of stories of avalanches or parties of the night before. The front page in the real world often reads of things far more global. Sometimes a trip outside of the valley can serve as an eye opener to things normal people do that can be more dangerous than what a regular Jackson resident does on a daily basis.

On a recent trip, I noted the sketchiest activity to be people taking selfies. A gadget known as a selfie stick was being attached to iPhones so that people could take pictures of themselves in scenic places, such as the middle of roads in our nation’s capital. City humans often hold these things at a high angle while staring deep into its digital abyss in half-fledged attempts to gain flattering perspectives of their faces. This thing bewildered me, and after looking into it I found that more people have died taking selfies than from shark attacks this year.

In this day and age, we have ample opportunity to explore the world and everything in between. Flying out of Jackson can provide life lessons and a bit of perspective if one embraces the unpredictable journey. PJH

WELL, THAT HAPPENED

Spoiling the Force Preserving movie thrills in the information age means exercising serious restraint.

BY ANDREW MUNZ @AndrewMunz

DISNEY/LUCASFILMS

TUESDAY JAN. 5

Rey, BB-8 and Finn escape from [spoilers] in order to [spoilers] and meet up with [spoilers]. boys who grow up thinking they’re worth less than nothing, only to learn that they will change the course of the galaxy forever.

Anakin Skywalker, once a slave boy, grows up to become one of the most menacing villains in history, and his son, Luke Skywalker, a farmer, matures into the hero he never thought he would become. The films are classic tales told in extraordinary ways with beautiful scenery, memorable characters and epic space battles. And when you’re a little Austrian-American boy like me, there was something really special about growing up thinking that one day I, too, might be able to become a Jedi, not unlike a sailor’s young son might grow up thinking he could become an explorer like Christopher Columbus.

There’s been great unity on the Internet among fans and media organizations who have avoided posting spoilers on Facebook and other websites for at least a few weeks after “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” began playing. I’m thankful to those people who recognize the joy of experiencing a film series they’ve grown up with and admired unspoiled; those who choose not to wreck it for others by plastering plot points all over their Facebook pages. And then there are those people who think it’s hilarious to ruin things for others.

As we enter the New Year with another Star Wars film (“Rogue One”) releasing next winter, hopefully we can be less dickish to each other. May the force be with us. PJH

FOR COMPLETE EVENT DETAILS VISIT PJHCALENDAR.COM

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 19

incredibly positive, indicating that director J.J. Abrams has truly revamped the Star Wars saga for a new generation while staying true to the original trilogy that got everyone stoked in the first place.

So what’s the big deal? Why are so many people so terrified of spoilers?

Star Wars is famous for having one of the biggest twists in cinema history. When audiences saw “The Empire Strikes Back” in cinemas, it was a huge surprise when Darth Vader was revealed to be Luke Skywalker’s father.

No one saw that bait and switch coming.

However, nowadays it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t know the infamous line, “No …

I am your father,” because it’s been talked about for so long.

The information age we live in allows us to answer just about any question or mystery in the history of humanity with the tap of a few buttons. This technology, while useful in solving petty arguments about whether the quote is actually “Luke, I am your father,” or not (it’s not), completely takes away the beauty and wonder of discovery. Imagine if Christopher Columbus prepared his crew and his mind for their Atlantic journey, only to have some asshole show up at the last minute and tell them they wouldn’t actually arrive in India.

It’s a drastic comparison, but Star Wars is kind of a big deal for a lot of people, myself included, and not always in the obsessed, dressed-up nerd convention way that you might imagine. The experience of watching a film can be as important as the content of the film itself, especially when it’s so directly linked to one’s childhood.

For me, the Star Wars saga is about two

n Kettlebells 7:00am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307739-9025 n Zumba at Dancers’ Workshop 8:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, Free, 307-7336398 n Yoga 8:30am, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307739-9025 n Ballet Workout at Dancers’ Workshop 9:30am, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Toddler Time 10:05am, Teton County Library, Free, 733-2164 ext. 118 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 12:00pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307739-9025 n Public Skating 12:00pm, Snow King Sports & Events Center, $6.00 - $8.00, 307-201-1633 n MELT at Dancers’ Workshop 12:10pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Freestyle Skating 3:00pm, Snow King Sports & Event Center, $10.00, 307-201-1633 n Apres with Fresh Roy and the Winch Cats 4:00pm, Mangy Moose, Free, 307-733-4913 n Yoga 4:15pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307739-9025 n Winter Wonderland: Ice Skating on Town Square 4:30pm, Town Square, Free n Jazzercise 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $10.00, 307739-9025 n Total Fitness 5:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $8.00, 307739-9025 n Women in Leadership Workshop 5:30pm, St. John’s Church, Hanson Hall, $15.00, 307-690-2110 n Great Until Late 6:00pm, Local Businesses, Free, 307-201-2294 n Open Gym - Adult Volleyball 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307739-9025 n Hip Hop at Dancers’ Workshop 7:00pm, Dancers’ Workshop, $12.00 - $16.00, 307-733-6398 n Language Exchange Night 7:00pm, Valley of the Tetons Library, Free, 208787-220 n One Ton Pig 7:30pm, Silver Dollar Showroom, Free, 307-7323939 n BoomBox: Bits & Pieces Tour 8:00pm, Pink Garter Theatre, $20.00 - $23.00, 307-733-1500 n Whiskey Duo 10:00pm, Town Square Tavern, Free, 307-7333886

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

T

he first trailer for “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” debuted Nov. 28 of last year and since then I’ve been doing everything in my power to avoid spoilers about the movie. I limited myself to only watching or reading official promotional material and avoided anything having to do with the production, including not listening to behind-the-scenes rumors, hints, leaks and otherwise. And I’m not alone. Star Wars fans all around the world have been trying to avoid having the movie spoiled for them for months, eager to avoid any “Bruce Willis was dead the whole time!” mishaps.

Sadly, my home in Neskaupstaður, Iceland, is a four-hour drive from the closest movie theater, which means, no, I have not seen Star Wars yet, and I’m not entirely certain when I’ll have the chance to. Therefore, every step I take into the world of the Internet is a hesitant one. There’s no knowing what random Star Wars tidbit might be lingering somewhere on a web page.

The reviews, I’ve heard, have been

n Great Until Late 6:00pm, Local Businesses, Free, 307-201-2294 n Open Gym - Adult Basketball 6:30pm, Teton Recreation Center, $3.75, 307739-9025

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

20 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

The Science of Brewing...

Who’s up for a road trip? There’s plenty to do down south in Salt Lake City next weekend.

Whether your interests lie in music, theater and the arts—or something a bit more downto-earth—here’s what’s going on in the Beehive State. (Visit cityweekly.net/events for complete listings.) So hit the road! But be sure and bring a snack—because, now and then, everybody craves something salty.

1200 S State St. 801-531-8182 / beernut.com www.facebook.com/thebeernut

Beer & Wine brewing supplies

Hours: Sun 10-5pm M-Sat 10am-6:30pm

Gastro Pub Open for lunch and dinner 365 days a year Enjoy Dinner and a Show nightly Enjoy our Monday Night Jazz Sessions 7:00pm-10:00pm Play Geeks Who Drink every Tuesday at 6:30 Enjoy Brunch every Saturday and Sunday 10:00am-3:00pm

2014 Now taking holiday reservations: 1-385-424-2592 326 S West Temple  801-819-7565

WEEKEND OF JAN. 1

n 24 Hours in China: Photography from the China Overseas Exchange Association Part One Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Birds of Paradise: Amazing Avian Evolution Fri - Sun Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, Salt Lake City, 10:00am, $9.00 - $13.00, 801-581-6927 n Brian Bress: Make Your Own Friends Fri - Sun Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, Salt Lake City, $12.00 - $14.00, 801-581-7332 n The Nerd Fri - Sat Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 West 400 North, Salt Lake City, $11.00 - $35.00 n Occurrences: A Further Examination of Phenomena in Nature Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Statewide Annual Photography, Craft & Video & Digital Works Fri Rio Gallery, 300 S Rio Grande St, Salt Lake City, 8:00am, Free, 801-245-7272 n Taylor Williamson Fri, Fri, Sat, Sat Wiseguys at the Gateway, 194 South 400 W, Salt Lake City, 9:30pm, $15.00 n Downtown Winter Market Sat Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande Street, Salt Lake City, 10:00am n John Moyer Sat Wiseguys Ogden, 269 Historic 25th St, Salt Lake City, 8:00pm, $10.00 n Memphis Grizzlies at Utah Jazz Sat EnergySolutions Arena, 301 W South Temple, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm

WEEKEND OF JAN. 8

n 24 Hours in China: Photography from the China Overseas Exchange Association Part One Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Brian Bress: Make Your Own Friends Fri - Sun Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, Salt Lake City, $12.00 - $14.00, 801-581-7332 n Fortune Feimster Fri, Fri, Sat, Sat Wiseguys at the Gateway, 194 South 400 W, Salt Lake City, 9:30pm, $20.00

n The Nerd Fri - Sat Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 West 400 North, Salt Lake City, $11.00 - $35.00 n Occurrences: A Further Examination of Phenomena in Nature Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Statewide Annual Photography, Craft & Video & Digital Works Fri Rio Gallery, 300 S Rio Grande St, Salt Lake City, 8:00am, Free, 801-245-7272 n Tom Clark Fri - Sat Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 8:00pm, $10.00

WEEKEND OF JAN. 15

n 24 Hours in China Photography: from the China Overseas Exchange Association Part Two Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Firelei Baez: Patterns of Resistance Fri - Sat Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S West Temple, Salt Lake City, Free n Hello, Dolly!

Fri - Sun The University of Utah, 201 Presidents Cir, Salt Lake City, 7:30pm n John Shulian: A Better Goodbye Fri The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm, Free n Mick Foley Fri, Fri Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 9:00pm, $25.00 n The Nerd Fri - Sat Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 West 400 North, Salt Lake City, $11.00 - $35.00 n Occurrences: A Further Examination of Phenomena in Nature Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Two Dollar Bill Fri, Sat, Sat Pioneer Memorial Theatre, 300 S 1400 E, Salt Lake City, 8:00pm, $25.00 - $39.00 n Downtown Winter Market Sat Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande Street, Salt Lake City, 10:00am n Mick Foley Sat Wiseguys Downtown, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 9:00pm, $25.00 n Shay & Gavin Butler: Fat Dad, Fat Kid Sat The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 2:00pm

WEEKEND OF JAN. 22

n Harry Reuben Reynolds Exhibit Fri Merrill-Cazier Library Atrium, Logan, 3:30pm, Free n USC vs UTAH Hockey Fri - Sat The University of Utah, 201 Presidents Cir, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm n 24 Hours in China Photography: from the China Overseas Exchange Association Part Two Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n 30th Annual HOF Germanfest Fri - Sat Golden Spike Event Center, 1000 North 1200 West, Ogden, 11:00am n Afton Shows Presents: Shepherd The Flock, Jasen Brown, Jim Fish & Friends, Karlie McKinnon, Our Future Selves, Samserrah, Sorrow for Virtue Fri Kilby Court, 741 Kilby Court, Salt Lake City, 6:15pm

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 21

n Little Chicks Fri - Sat Tracy Aviary, 589 E 1300 S, Salt Lake City, 9:30am, $12.00 - $18.00, 801-596-8500 X 116 n Live Broadcast: RFH at Wasatch Brew Pub Fri Wasatch Brew Pub, 250 Main St., Park City, 6:00am, $0.00 - $15.00 n Live Music at The Aerie Fri - Sat Snowbird Resort, Highway 210 Little Cottonwood Canyon, Snowbird, 7:00pm n Live Music at Wildflower Fri Iron Blosam Lodge, Highway 210 Little Cottonwood Canyon, Snowbird, 6:00pm, 801-933-2222 n Lupe Fiasco Fri The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, Salt Lake City n Magic Show 2 Fri - Sat Utah Children’s Theatre, 3605 South State Street, Salt Lake City, $14.00 n Meet the Avalanche Dogs Fri The Canyons, 4000 Canyons Resort Drive, Park City, 4:30pm n The Merry Wives of Windsor Fri - Sat Westminster College - SLC, 1840 South 1300 East, Salt Lake City, 7:30pm, $10.00 n Monster Jam Fri, Sat, Sat Vivint Smart Home Arena, 301 W South Temple, Salt Lake City, 7:30pm, $10.00 - $45.00 n Mummies of the World Fri - Sun The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, Salt Lake City n My Valley Fair Lady Fri, Fri, Sat, Sat, Sat, Sat Desert Star Playhouse, 4861 S. State, Murray, 9:30pm n The Nerd Fri - Sat Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 West 400 North, Salt Lake City, $11.00 - $35.00 n Next Door | Out of Balanz [Denmark] Fri, Sat, Sat Brigham Young University, 1 University Hill, Provo, 8:40pm n Northwest Dance Project Fri Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 E #106, Salt Lake City, 7:30pm, $30.00 n Occurrences: A Further Examination of Phenomena in Nature Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 9:00am n Oh, Be Clever Fri The Loading Dock, 445 S 400 W, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm n Oregon State Beavers at Utah Utes Womens Basketball Fri Jon M. Huntsman Center, 1825 S Campus Dr, Salt Lake City, 8:00pm n The Outer Vibe Fri - Sun Snow Basin Ski Resort - Cinnabar, Huntsville, 3:30pm n Portraitures of Life: Works by Bea Hurd Fri - Sun Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, Free, 801-524-8200 n Postfontaine Presents: Half Moon Run Fri The Urban Lounge, 241 S 500 E, Salt Lake City, 7:00pm n Primrose Memorial Concert: Shelia Browne Fri Harris Fine Arts Center, 1 University Hill, Provo, 7:30pm n Raw and Cooked Fri Rio Gallery, 300 S Rio Grande St, Salt Lake City, 8:00am, Free, 801-245-7272 n Rio Tinto Kennecott ACT Fri South Towne Expo Center, 9575 S. State Street, Sandy n Scott Markewitz Photography Workshop Fri - Sun Snowbird Resort, Highway 210 Little Cottonwood Canyon, Snowbird n Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Fri - Sat Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna,7:30pm

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

n Alta Lodge Women’s Intermediate to Advanced Ski Camp Fri - Sun Alta Lodge, Alta, 6:30pm n Alta’a 3 Day Off Trail Workshop at the Snowpine Lodge Fri Snowpine Lodge, Alta, 8:00am, $1.00 - $600.00 n American Chronicles: The Art of Norman Rockwell Fri - Sat Museum of Art, North Campus Drive, Provo, Free n Après Ski + DJ Gawel Fri Gracie’s Bar, 326 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 5:30pm n ATL Fri LoFi Cafe, 445 S 400 W, Salt Lake City, 9:00pm n Beckett Fri Muse Music Cafe, 151 N University Ave, Provo n Brian Christensen: RECONFIGURE Fri - Sat CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, Salt Lake City, Free n BYU Athletics: Women’s Swimming and Diving vs. Washington State Fri Richards Building, 1 University Hill, Provo, 5:00pm n Center for the Arts: Artists’ Gallery Open Fri - Sat Logan, 6:30pm n Chamber Annual Awards Banquet Fri Adele C. Young Interemediate School (830 Law Drive), Brigham City n Comedy Sportz Fri - Sat Comedy Sportz, 36 West Center St., Provo, 8:00pm, $5.00 - $12.00, 801-377-9700 n David Brothers: Rolithica Fri - Sat Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S West Temple, Salt Lake City, 11:00am, Free n Dirt Road Devils Fri - Sat The Westerner, 3360 S. Redwood Road, Salt Lake City n DJ Dolph Fri Gracie’s Bar, 326 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 10:00pm n Dueling Pianos Fri - Sat The Tavernacle, 201 E 300 S, Salt Lake City, 9:00pm n Gleewood Fri The Hog Wallow, 3200 E. Big Cottonwood Canyon Road, Salt Lake City, 9:30pm n Halfpipe and Slopestyle RevTour Qualifier Fri The Canyons, 4000 Canyons Resort Drive, Park City n The Highway Thieves Fri Garage on Beck, 1199 N. Beck Street, Salt Lake City, 9:00pm, $0.00 - $5.00 n Huntsman Cup Fri The Canyons, 4000 Canyons Resort Drive, Park City n Ice Castles Fri - Sat Soldier Hollow, 2002 Olympic Drive, Midway, $6.95 - $12.95 n Ice Skating At Station Park Fri Station Park, 833 Clark Lane, Farmington, 4:00pm, $4.00 - $6.00 n In Word and Deed: Five Centuries of Religious Art Fri - Sun Museum of Art, North Campus Drive, Provo n January Exhibit Fri - Sat Union Station, 2501 Wall Avenue, Ogden, 10:00am n Jump After Dark Fri - Sat The wAIRhouse Indoor Trampoline Park, 3653 South 500 West, Salt Lake City, 6:00pm n Karaoke Fri - Sat Willie’s Lounge, 1716 S Main Street, Salt Lake City, 9:30pm n Karaoke Fri Cisero’s, 306 Main St., Park City, 10:00pm n Kehinde Wiley: Smile Fri - Sat Museum of Art, North Campus Drive, Provo n Lazy Susan + Brain Bagz Fri The Woodshed, 60 E 800 S, Salt Lake City, 9:00pm

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

22 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

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CINEMA Silver Screen Sweethearts Looking back at the top 20 films of 2015.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW @scottrenshaw

E

very year, it feels as though I start this column in the same way: I don’t know exactly what it means to say “it was a good year for movies.”

Some years, it’s about knowing you’ve seen movies for the ages; there may be only a few of them, but you know they’ll stick with you forever. Other years, it’s about depth.

And that’s what 2015 felt like to me: My favorite 20 films were all good enough that reshuffling the order wouldn’t change things all that much.

I feel obliged to go all the way to 20 this year, because stopping arbitrarily at 10, or even 15, risks omitting something I know I want to mention—especially some films that were released primarily to video-on-demand, or otherwise never made their way into theaters. So with that, here we go.

20. Spotlight 19. Girlhood 18. Creed 17. It Follows 16. Son of Saul:

For all MEETING AGENDAS AND MINUTES WEEKLY CALENDAR JOB OPENINGS SOLICITATIONS FOR BIDS PUBLIC NOTICES AND OTHER VALUABLE INFORMATION

Visit our website

TetonWyo.org The public meeting agendas and minutes for the Board of County Commissioners and Planning Commission can also be found in the Public Notices section of the JH News and Guide.

Géza Röhrig’s fierce performance—as an Auschwitz prisoner determined to find a way to give a young boy a ritual Jewish burial— drives this drama that’s not just “another Holocaust movie,” but a tale of how focusing on one small act of humanity can somehow overcome incomprehensible horror.

15. Shaun the Sheep Movie:

Aardman Animation makes charming family entertainment seem so effortless, and the Plasticine adventures of farm animals looking for their missing owner is both hilarious and a better-choreographed example of action filmmaking than most Hollywood blockbusters.

14. The Burgundy:

Duke

of

Please get by Peter Strickland’s basic premise—a period piece about two women in a dominant/submissive

lesbian relationship—to find a pair of terrific central performances, and a story of the hard work of trying to be the person your partner needs you to be.

13. Bone Tomahawk:

In a year full of violent Westerns, S. Craig Zahler’s revenge yarn was the best, somehow taking elements like cannibalistic “troglodytes” and crafting a suspense tale full of great performances, phenomenal dialogue, hard-to-watch brutality and startling moments of heartbreaking humanity.

12. Clouds of Sils Maria:

The stellar performances by Juliette Binoche and Kristen Stewart—as a middle-aged actress and her personal a s s i s t a n t— p r o v i d e d the anchor for Olivier Assayas’ complicated examination of how hard it can be to deal with the simple passage of time.

11. Brooklyn & 10. Carol:

Unexpectedly, two of the year’s best were both stories of young women trying to define themselves while working in department stores in 1952 New York. Saoirse Ronan’s lovely central performance as a fresh-off-the-boat Irish immigrant lifted Brooklyn’s perfectly-pitched narrative of love and homesickness, while Carol found Todd Haynes’ breathtaking directing powering the “love that dare not speak its name” story between Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara.

9. Jafar Panahi’s Taxi:

The Iranian filmmaker—banned in his country from making movies—takes his camera undercover for a disorienting mix of documentary and fiction, creating a perfect portrait-in-miniature of a culture where it’s never clear how much “reality” you ever get to see.

8. Phoenix:

Nina Hoss gave the performance of the year as a Holocaust survivor essentially forced to pretend to be herself, in a psychological thriller that featured 2015’s most devastating final scene.

7. Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter:

The Zellner brothers took a story loosely based on an urban legend—about a Japanese woman trying to find the snow-buried treasure

from Fargo—and turned it into a wonderfully mournful meditation on loneliness and the need to be understood.

6. The Forbidden Room:

Guy Maddin’s fascination with silent film and other vintage forms explodes into a wild series of nested narratives, each one more hilariously absurd than the last.

5. Inside Out:

Pixar takes a high concept—personifying the emotions inside the head of an adolescent girl—and uses it to find resonant truths about the experience of growing up, and making peace with what’s left behind in the process.

4. 45 Years:

A long-married couple (Charlotte Rampling and Tom Courtenay) finds preparations for an engagement party shaken by information from the past in Andrew Haigh’s wrenching study of the way an entire lifetime of memories can be re-framed in an instant.

3. The Look of Silence:

Joshua Oppenheimer’s follow-up to The Act of Killing continues exploring the legacy of the Indonesian genocide, this time discovering how hard it can be to find closure and grant forgiveness when those who have done harm can’t imagine seeing what they’ve done as a crime.

2. Timbuktu:

Abderra hmane Sissako’s portrait of a village overrun by a fundamentalist Muslim militia isn’t just a compelling drama, but probably the 2015 that feels most essential for every American to see and grasp some sense of this complex world.

1. Mad Max: Fury Road:

It’s hard enough to revisit a decades-old franchise and make it seem like anything but a cash-grab. George Miller took huge risks all over the place— recasting Max (Tom Hardy), focusing the story instead on a woman (the magnificently minimalist Charlize Theron)—and created something that exploded with both visual imagination and genuinely powerful emotional content. PJH

IMBIBE Year of the Grape Memorable, affordable sips of 2015.

BY TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

U

This is a softer, more feminine, spicy wine that’s mostly Grenache, with a smidgeon of Mourvédre and what Randall calls “a homeopathic amount of Syrah” blended in.

It’s a wildly versatile food wine.

Although Rick Longoria is best known as a California Pinot Noir pioneer, I really love his Longoria Pinot Grigio 2014, Santa Barbara County ($14.99). This is no flimsy Pinot Grigio. It’s brimming with pear and apple on the nose, and on the palate offers ripe melon flavors along with crisp acidity to harmonize with the wine’s rich texture and flavors. It’s a slam-dunk with most seafood dishes.

Anyone who follows this column even sporadically knows I’m an unrepentant fan of Rosé wines. I love them for their overall lightness and versatility. For a sunny taste of southern France, I recommend trying the 2014 Whispering Angel ($18.99) from Caves D’Esclans Sacha Lichine in Côtes de Provence. It’s a peachy-sa l mon-colored Rosé with notes of sweet strawberry, raspberry and cherry, yet it’s completely dry with a solid acidity and a long, clean finish.

Here’s to tasting more wine in 2016!

PJH

cool ways

to PERK

UP

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

1110 W. Broadway • Jackson, WY Open daily 5:00am to midnight • Free Wi-Fi

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 23

nlike wine writers at publications such as Wine Spectator, I don’t get cases of the biggest, baddass Bordeaux or luxury Burgundies sent to me to sample.

Granted, I do on occasion get to taste wines that would be far beyond my budget, but for the most part I purchase the wines I write about, and my bosses graciously reimburse me for them. If there’s an upside to not being able to sip luxury wines all that often, it’s that I’m forced to discover high-quality ones that are also affordable. So, here are a handful of the wines that left the biggest impression on me in 2015, most of them priced well within the average wine drinker’s budget.

I think the biggest bang-for-the-buck wine of the year is Mezzocorona Anterra Chardonnay delle Venezie IGT, Italy, priced at—and this isn’t a typo—$5.99. It’s a new product that isn’t easy to find in the U.S. Buy a case or two to make sure it stays! My wife, who eschews cheap wine and has a very good palate, loves Anterra Chardonnay, and was dumbfounded when I told her how much it sells for. She thought I’d splurged on something special. Well, it is special; it’s just not a splurge.

Speaking of bargains, a couple of South African wines come to mind. First, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better quality Rosé sparkling wine for the price than Graham Beck Brut Rosé ($17) from South Africa’s Western Cape. There are gorgeous cherry and raspberry fragrances, and more red berries to kiss the palate.

Recently I poured a splash of wine for a sommelier while I was out to dinner. “This is lovely,” he remarked. That lovely wine is Bellingham Bernard Series Old Vine Chenin Blanc 2014 ($22), another South African gem. Made from 100 percent Chenin Blanc (South Africa’s most popular varietal) by maverick winemaker Bernard Podlashuk, the vines for this wine average 43 years in age. Beautiful white peach and guava fragrances invite you in, while fruit-forward flavors on the palate—along with hints of oatmeal—entice you to sip, sip, and sip some more.

While I’m a longtime fan of Bonny Doon wines and winemaker/philosopher/ wordsmith/raconteur Randall Grahm, I especially like the latest vintage of his Clos de Gilroy 2014 ($19). As Grahm puts it, Clos de Gilroy isn’t made from the “weapons-grade Grenache” that he uses to produce Bonny Doon Le Cigare Volant.

BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

24 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom and pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves!

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Serving the world’s most exciting cuisine.

Teton Thai offers a splendid array of flavors: sweet, hot, sour, salt and bitter. All balanced and blended perfectly, satisfying the most discriminating palate. Open daily. 7432 Granite Loop Road in Teton Village, (307) 733-0022 and in Driggs, (208) 787-8424, tetonthai.com.

Good between 5:30-6pm • Open nightly at 5:30pm

733-3912 160 N. Millward

Make your reservation online at bluelionrestaurant.com

KAZUMI THE LOCALS

FAVORITE PIZZA 2012, 2013 & 2014 •••••••••

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Under the Pink Garter Theatre (307) 734-PINK • www.pinkygs.com

Kazumi is a family-owned and operated restaurant serving unique sushi rolls, fresh sashimi and nigiri, and off-the-charts specialty items. Located near the Town Square, we also feature hot noodle soups and the spiciest rolls in town! Open Monday through Saturday at 11 a.m - 9:30 p.m. 265 West Broadway, 307-7339168, jacksonholesushi.com.

KIM’S CORNER Best ski food in the area! Korean and American style, from breakfast sandwiches, burgers, chicken tenders, Philly cheese steaks to rice bowls and noodles. Something for everyone!

Open Tuesday through Thursday, 9:30 a.m. to 7 p.m.; Friday through Sunday, 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m.

At base of Snow King between the ski patrol room and the ice rink. 100 E. Snow King Ave. Order ahead (307) 200-6544, facebook.com/ Kimscornercafe.

THAI ME UP - Snow King Mountain -

Home of Melvin Brewing Co. Freshly remodeled offering modern Thai cuisine in a relaxed setting. New tap system with 20 craft beers.

New $8 wine list and extensive bottled beer menu. Open daily for dinner at 5pm. Downtown at 75 East Pearl Street. View our tap list at thaijh. com/brews. 307-733-0005.

Cafe

KOREAN & AMERICAN BREAKFAST & LUNCH BURGERS • FRIES RICE BOWLS • NOODLES

CONTINENTAL THE BLUE LION A Jackson Hole favorite for 37 years. Join us in the charming atmosphere of a historic home.

Ask a local about our rack of lamb. Serving fresh fish, elk, poultry, steaks, and vegetarian entrées.

Live acoustic guitar music most nights. Open at 5:30 p.m. Off Season Special: 2 for 1 Entrees.

Good all night. Must mention ad. Reservations recommended, walk-ins welcome. 160 N. Millward, (307) 733-3912, bluelionrestaurant. com

Tues-Thur 9:30am-7pm | Fri-Sun 9:30am-4pm 100 E. Snow King Ave

(at Snow King Mtn between Ski Patrol & Ice Rink)

307.200.6544

CAFE GENEVIEVE

Mangy Moose Restaurant, with locally sourced, seasonally FRESH FOOD at reasonable prices, is a always a FUN PLACE to go with family or friends for a unique dining experience. The personable staff will make you feel RIGHT AT HOME and the funky western decor will keep you entertained throughout your entire visit.

Reservations at (307) 733-4913 3295 Village Drive • Teton Village, WY

www.mangymoose.com

Serving inspired home cooked classics in a historic log cabin. Enjoy brunch daily at 8 a.m., dinner nightly at 5 p.m., and happy hour daily 3-5:30 p.m. featuring $5 glasses of wine, $5 specialty drinks, $3 bottled beer. 135 E. Broadway, (307) 732-1910, genevievejh.com.

ELEANOR’S

Celebrate 50 Years of Fine Dining!

ALPENROSE • ALPENHOF BISTRO 307.733.3242 | TETON VILLAGE

Enjoy all the perks of fine dining, minus the dress code at Eleanor’s, serving rich, saucy dishes in a warm and friendly setting. Eleanor’s is a primo brunch spot on Sunday afternoons. Its bar alone is an attraction, thanks to reasonably priced drinks and a loyal crowd. Come get a belly-full of our two-time gold medal wings.

Open at 11 a.m. daily. 832 W. Broadway, (307) 733-7901.

FULL STEAM SUBS The deli that’ll rock your belly. Jackson’s newest sub shop serves steamed subs, reubens, gyros, delicious all beef hot dogs, soups and salads. We offer Chicago style hot dogs done just the way they do in the windy city. Open daily11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Located just a short block north of the Town Square at 180 N. Center Street, (307) 733-3448.

LOCAL Local, a modern American steakhouse and bar, is located on Jackson’s historic town square. Our menu features both classic and specialty cuts of locally-ranched meats and wild game alongside fresh seafood, shellfish, house-ground burgers, and seasonally-inspired food. We offer an extensive wine list and an abundance of locallysourced products. Offering a casual and vibrant bar atmosphere with 12 beers on tap as well as a relaxed dining room, Local is the perfect spot to grab a burger for lunch or to have drinks and dinner with friends. Lunch Mon-Sat 11:30am.

Dinner Nightly 5:30pm. 55 North Cache, (307) 201-1717, localjh.com.

LOTUS CAFE Serving organic, freshly-made world cuisine while catering to all eating styles. Endless organic and natural meat, vegetarian, vegan and glutenfree choices. Offering super smoothies, fresh extracted juices, espresso and tea. Full bar and house-infused botanical spirits. Open daily 8am for breakfast lunch and dinner. 145 N. Glenwood St., (307) 734-0882, tetonlotuscafe.com.

MANGY MOOSE Mangy Moose Restaurant, with locally sourced, seasonally fresh food at reasonable prices, is a always a fun place to go with family or friends for a unique dining experience. The personable staff will make you feel right at home and the funky western decor will keep you entertained throughout your entire visit. Teton Village, (307) 733-4913, mangymoose.com.

SNAKE RIVER BREWERY & RESTAURANT America’s most award-winning microbrewery is serving lunch and dinner. Take in the atmosphere while enjoying wood-fired pizzas, pastas, burgers, sandwiches, soups, salads and desserts. $9 lunch menu. Happy hour 4 to 6 p.m., including tasty hot wings. The freshest beer in the valley, right from the source! Free WiFi. Open 11:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. 265 S. Millward. (307) 739-2337, snakeriverbrewing.com.

SWEETWATER Satisfying locals for lunch and dinner for over 36 years with deliciously affordable comfort food.

Extensive local and regional beer list. Lunch 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. features blackened trout salad, elk melt, wild west chili and vegetarian specialties. Dinner 5:30 to 9 p.m. including potato-crusted trout, 16 ounce ribeye, vegan and wild game. Reservations welcome. (307) 733-3553. sweetwaterjackson.com.

TRIO

Take-out just got easier!

Order online at PizzeriaCaldera.com or via our app for iOS or Android.

11am - 9:30pm daily 20 W Broadway 307 - 201 - 1472

®

Large Specialty Pizza ADD: Wings (8 pc)

Medium Pizza (1 topping) Stuffed Cheesy Bread

$ 13 99

for an extra $5.99/each

(307) 733-0330 520 S. Hwy. 89 • Jackson, WY

Owned and operated by Chefs with a passion for good food, Trio is located right off the Town square in downtown Jackson. Featuring a variety of cuisines in a relaxed atmosphere, Trio is famous for its wood-oven pizzas, specialty cocktails and waffle fries with bleu cheese fondue. Dinner nightly at 5:30 p.m. Reservations.

(307) 734-8038 or bistrotrio.com.

ITALIAN CALICO

HOUSEMADE BREAD & DESSERTS FRESH, LOCALLY SOURCED OFFERINGS TAKE OUT AVAILABLE

MEXICAN

• FREE ONLINE LISTING ON PLANETJH.COM

EL ABUELITO

• 6 MONTH MINIMUM COMMITMENT

Serving authentic Mexican cuisine and appetizers in a unique Mexican atmosphere.

Home of the original Jumbo Margarita.

Featuring a full bar with a large selection of authentic Mexican beers. Lunch served weekdays 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Nightly dinner specials. Open seven days, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

385 W. Broadway, (307) 733-1207.

• $25 A WEEK CASH OR $40 A WEEK TRADE ON HALF OFF Trio is located just off theJH town square in downtown Jackson, and is owned & operated by local chefs with a passion for good food.

Our menu features contemporaryCONTACT American dishes inspired by classic bistro cuisine.

Daily YOUR ACCOUNT specials feature wild game, fish and meats.

Enjoy a glass of wine at the barEXECUTIVE in front of TODAY TO the wood-burning oven and watch the chefs perform in the open kitchen. LEARN MORE

A Jackson Hole favorite since 1965

Hot and delicious delivered to your door.

Hand-tossed, deep dish, crunchy thin, Brooklyn style and artisan pizzas; bread bowl pastas, and oven baked sandwiches; chicken wings, cheesy breads and desserts. Delivery.

520 S. Hwy. 89 in Kmart Plaza, (307) 733-0330.

PINKY G’S The locals favorite! Voted Best Pizza in Jackson Hole 2012, 2013 and 2014. Seek out this hidden gem under the Pink Garter Theatre for NY pizza by the slice, salads, stromboli’s, calzones and many appetizers to choose from.

Try the $7 ‘Triple S’ lunch special.Happy hours 10 p.m. - 12 a.m. Sun.- Thu. Text PINK to 71441 for discounts. Delivery and take-out. Open daily 11a.m. to 2 a.m. 50 W. Broadway, (307) 734-PINK.

PIZZERIA CALDERA

••••••••• Open daily 8am 145 N. Glenwood (307) 734-0882

WWW.TETONLOTUSCAFE.COM

HAPPY HOUR Daily 4-6:00pm

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307.201.1717 | LOCALJH.COM ON THE TOWN SQUARE

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SALES@ PLANETJH.COM 307.732.0299 Dinner Nightly atOR5:30pm

45 S. Glenwood Available for private events & catering For reservations please call 734-8038

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 25

Breakfast Lunch & Dinner

Jackson Hole’s only dedicated stone-hearth oven pizzeria, serving Napolitana-style pies using the freshest ingredients in traditional and creative combinations. Five local microbrews on tap, a great selection of red and white wines by the glass and bottle, and one of the best views of the Town Square from our upstairs deck. Daily lunch special includes slice, salad or soup, any two for $8. Happy hour: half off drinks by the glass from 4 - 6 daily. Dine in or carry out. Or order online at PizzeriaCaldera.com, or download our app for iOS or Android. Open from 11am - 9:30pm daily at 20 West Broadway. 307-201-1472.

Lunch 11:30am Monday-Saturday Dinner 5:30pm Nightly

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

Dining room and bar open nightly at 5:00pm (307) 733-2460 • 2560 Moose Wilson Road • Wilson, WY

307-733-3448

Sun-Wed 11am-4pm, Thur-Sat 11am-8pm 180 N. Center St. | 1 block n. of Town Square Next to Home Ranch Parking Lot

• FREE PRINT LISTING (50-75 WORDS)

DOMINO’S PIZZA

PIZZAS, PASTAS & MORE

The Deli That’ll Rock Your Belly

A Jackson Hole favorite since 1965, the Calico continues to be one of the most popular restaurants in the Valley. The Calico offers the right combination of really good food, (much of which is grown in our own gardens in the summer), friendly staff; a reasonably priced menu and a large selection of wine. Our bar scene is eclectic with a welcoming vibe. Open nightly at 5 p.m. 2560 Moose Wilson Rd., (307) 733-2460.

PIZZA

FAMILY FRIENDLY ENVIRONMENT

Steamed Subs Hot Dogs Soups & Salads

Local is a modern American steakhouse and bar located on Jackson’s historic town square.

Serving locally raised beef and, regional game, fresh seafood and seasonally inspired food, Local offers the perfect setting for lunch, drinks or dinner.

NATURAL MEDICINE Stifle the Flame, Part Two Understanding your digestive system helps you understand how to minimize its flare-ups.

BY DR. MONIQUE LAI

R

ecently I wrote about how inflammation affects your health and how to treat it naturally with food and supplements. Now I’d like to address the causes of inflammation and how to treat the root of the problem.

What are the signs of inflammation? If your face often looks puffy, if you can’t get your rings off, or if you have chronic pain, you may have systemic inflammation. If that inflammation is severe, there are two blood tests to consider: the erythrocyte sedimentation rate (ESR) and C-reactive protein (CRP).

Among my patients, the root of the inflammation problem is usually in the digestive tract.

The basics of digestion are as follows: 1. Chewed food is broken down into smaller particles and mixed with enzymes. (Mom was right when she said to chew your food 40 times.)

2. The chewed food, called the “bolus,” moves to the stomach where it combines with acid, pepsin, an intrinsic factor to digest protein, B vitamins and minerals.

3. As the food moves out into the small intestine, the gallbladder (with the help of the liver) squirts bile into it to aid in the digestion of fats.

4. Next, while still in the small intestine, the pancreas adds enzymes to digest fats, carbohydrates and proteins. This is where digestion occurs. The food is then absorbed from the small intestine.

5. The large intestine is where fluid balance is achieved, and fluids are either absorbed or eliminated.

26 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

Inflammation occurs when the digestive system does not

Addressing the underlying causes of inflammation starts with exploring what’s happening in your gut. break down food completely. As a result the small intestine becomes hyper-permeable, and large food particles and/ or bacteria and viruses enter the blood stream. The normal response of the body is to see this as an invasion, and the body’s natural reaction to such an invasion is inflammation.

There are tests available to determine if you are suffering from compromised digestion and permeability. Certain labs offer a functional stool analysis that helps determine stomach acid, biliary function, pancreatic enzyme function and absorption. Working on our digestive tracts should be something we think of as regular maintenance — like changing the oil in our cars.

One method of working on the gut is by working on your diet. To do this, consider the following: • Minimize your intake of saturated fats and increase your intake of omega 3 oils found in fish and grass-fed meat.

• Avoid processed foods such as soda, candy, chips and canned foods with large amounts of salt.

• Eat fruits and vegetables with color. The more color in your food, the more antioxidants in your diet. Make a goal to have half of your plate be vegetables.

• Cook with olive oil and eat raw nuts. The healthiest diet is the Mediterranean diet, which includes a large amount of monounsaturated fats compared to saturated fats.

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• Use anti-inflammatory seasonings like ginger, garlic, onions and turmeric.

• Eat fiber, it lowers C-reactive protein.

• Drink in moderation.

Two of my go-to healthy meals include:

1) Sole steamed with ginger and scallions and served with brown rice and bok choi.

2) Shrimp with old bay seasoning, broccoli with truffle oil and sea salt, and a baked sweet potato.

Both of these meals will digest easily and help reduce inflammation.

Bon Appétit!

Monique Lai, ND, has been practicing family naturopathic medicine in Jackson for 15 years. She treats everything from gastrointestinal issues to menopause, allergies, thyroid disorders, autoimmune disease and depressed immune systems. For more information visit drmoniquelai.com.

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pjhcalendar.com

THE 2015/16 Jackson Hole Snowboarder Magazine IS ON STANDS NOW

Become a better, more fulfilled version of your inner self by changing habits and listening to your soul.

T

he New Year always brings the opportunity to reflect on something you can do to become a better and more fulfilled version of yourself. There are two approaches to identifying what you’d like to upgrade. One way consults your mind and often carries self-criticism.

The other way accesses your soul, which bypasses the mind and is completely free of judgment.

Setting Goals and Changing Habits

Your soul or your higher self is always ready to guide you to evolve and to let you know the path of your greater good and higher destiny. The heart is the portal though which we have access to the intelligence and wisdom of our soul. The heart/soul knows things for your greater good, which your mind can never figure out. Soulful guidance bypasses the mind.

Our part is learning to recognize soulful signals, to listen to them and then to take action.

Here are some of the many ways the soul tries to get through the distractions of daily life to guide you: • You have a thought, idea or dream about something that persists.

• Your inner voice or intuition keeps telling you the same message.

• The right people and/or opportunities show up in your life at just the right time.

• An injured body part or illness invites you to notice something about your life that is no longer working for you.

• You have a series of dreams telling you the same message.

An Exercise for Soulful Guidance • Create about 15 minutes when you can sit quietly and not be interrupted.

• Sit comfortably with a straight spine.

• Close your eyes and take five relaxing deep breaths.

• With eyes closed, focus your awareness on your heart and greet it with love and gratitude for all it does for you.

• Imagine you can breathe in and out of your heart and do this for about a minute.

• Ask your heart the following questions and listen with your heart for the answers: What does my soul want to express through me in this new year (or at any time)? What is the simplest and most elegant way to begin this?

• Gently open your eyes, review and write down the guidance you have received.

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Important to Remember

Carol Mann is a longtime Jackson resident, radio personality, former Grand Targhee Resort owner, author, and clairvoyant.

Got a Cosmic Question? Email carol@yourcosmiccafe.com

CONTACT SALES@PLANETJH.COM OR 732.0299

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 27

Keep in mind that whether you set mental goals, follow your heart/soul or use both approaches, this is not about what’s wrong with you. It is about making the desire to become more self-aware and self-actualized an important priority in your life. PJH

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

This approach requires making a mental assessment of what you already know you’d like to improve and helps you set a strategy to make those improvements.

Research suggests that the amount of time it takes to establish a new habit is on a continuum from 21 days to almost a year.

There are many contributing factors at play in this. Everything from the kind of habit you want to change to your level of commitment and perseverance, the deep emotional roots of the habit, and how much you really want to grow and evolve affect how long it takes to make a change.

Bottom line: You have to want to change, and it takes dedicated commitment and practice to succeed.

Here is some advice for helping you set goals and change habits: • Choose something you will really do.

• Get professional help and support if you are choosing to upgrade a habit of deep underlying emotional issues.

• Notice if you are making excuses like: “ It takes too long,” “I don’t have time,” “I don’t have the money,” or “I’ll try” (trying is not doing). These excuses are likely indications that making the change is not your top priority right now. That’s OK. It’s better to be honest with yourself and go for

Listening to Your Soul

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Breaking Down Barriers

it when you are really ready.

• Regroup and choose something you really want to change.

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

28 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

SUDOKU

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

L.A.TIMES “ONLINE CHAT” By C.C. Burnikel

SUNDAY, JANUARY 3, 2016

ACROSS

10 Fightin’ with 50 Avid bird watcher?

80 Tournament passes 12 Dogie collar?

18 Anderson of “WKRP in Cincinnati” 19 Anise-flavored aperitif 20 Place to have poi 21 Fall color 22 Fictional detective whose first name is Endeavour 25 Reprobate 26 “Wanna __?”

27 Guitarist Paul 28 Namely 29 Fannie __ 30 Paranormal power 31 “Somewhere in Time” band 34 First-rate 37 Apple Watch assistant 38 Wichita-to-Duluth dir.

39 Jobs for grad students 42 “Now I see!”

43 Counterfeit watchdog, for short 46 Staying power 48 1994 comedy with an oxymoronic title 51 Plan in detail 53 Celestial circles 55 Times for reflection 57 Self-reflective musing 60 Record book 62 Cheese in some bagels 63 PC hookup 64 Interstate giant 66 Magazine extra 68 Sci. concerned with climate change 69 Digital readouts, briefly 71 Uses a straw 73 Hotel with a Gold Passport loyalty program 75 Fruit-eating fictional race 77 Exercise units 79 Decorative plaster

81 Fray, say 83 Golfer Poulter 84 Go by 86 Tapped into 88 Chocolate-filled cookie 90 Best Actress Tony winner in “Wicked” 92 “No bickering!”

94 Like some rats 95 Unconventional 97 Fifth pillar of Islam 100 Pitcher Sparky 101 Throw hard 103 That, to Juanita 104 Bugs with horns 106 Afternoon TV fare 108 “Fifty Shades of Grey” author 111 Motel convenience 114 Casino convenience 116 Form attachment?

117 Mother __ 120 Cortez’s gold 121 Dot follower, at times 122 Slightly larger than tall, at Starbucks 124 Knowledge seekers 127 Less stuffy 128 Molokai neighbor 129 Nice concept?

130 Skinny 131 Nudge 132 “American Dad!” dad 133 Express 134 __ debt of gratitude

DOWN

10 Courtroom vouchers?

20 Sister of Cordelia 30 Coming up 40 Playful bite 50 Affects adversely 60 __ dye: food-coloring compound 70 Calorie-laden dessert 80 Botch 90 Cold War KGB chairman Andropov

10 Bridge positions 11 Take to court 12 County bordering Santa Fe County 13 Disney mermaid 14 Sought a seat 15 Xanadu locale, now 16 Years and years 17 U. of Maryland player 19 Mermaid’s home 23 Spreading tree 24 Spanish peak 29 “Whatever” 32 Time to see stars 33 Remiss 35 Stun with a gun 36 Resting easy 40 Make true 41 Circus attraction 44 Car owner’s obligation 45 Some Windows systems 47 Popular buying club 49 Put to work 50 The king of Spain?

52 De Beauvoir, to Sartre 54 Wranglers alternative 56 Lipstick characteristic 57 Not up to par 58 With reverence 59 Sharpie output 61 Unconnected 65 __ du Louvre 67 Sensitive thing to touch 70 Lady in a 1955 film 72 Intrusive vine 74 “Dust to Dust” author Hoag 76 Rescuer of Odysseus 78 Bridge measure

80 TD Garden NBA team 82 High in calories 85 Environmental warning 87 2008 honor for

Joe Cocker: Abbr.

89 Spot check?

90 Potent ending?

91 Squat 93 Uninherited wealth 96 Creole-speaking island nation 98 Icon after “Not a member?”

99 Anonymous one 102 She played Fantine in “Les Misérables” (1998) 105 Boot camp nickname 107 Upscale boarding facility 109 Roman province governed by Pontius Pilate 110 96-Down governing group 112 Rock of comedy 113 Dot follower, at times 114 Thing to fill or bridge 115 Rush or Cream 118 Water color 119 Downfall 123 Never, to Nietzsche 124 GroupMe exchanges, briefly, and a hint to this puzzle’s eight longest answers 125 Where I-86 and I-15 meet 126 2015 Etsy milestone, initially

WELLNESS COMMUNITY

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Professional and Individualized Treatments • Sports/Ortho Rehab • Neck and Back Rehab • Rehabilitative Pilates • Incontinence Training • Pelvic Pain Rehab • Lymphedema Treatments Norene Christensen PT, DSc, OCS, CLT Rebekah Donley PT, DPT, CPI Mark Schultheis PT, CSCS Kim Armington PTA, CPI No physician referral required.

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Call now to schedule your free 15 minute phone consultation with Dr. Raniolo!

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View our class schedule online.

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TO ADVERTISE IN THE WELLNESS DIRECTORY, CONTACT JEN AT PLANET JACKSON HOLE AT 307-732-0299 OR SALES@PLANETJH.COM

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 29

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• Expert Bio-identical Replacement therapy for men and women • Concierge medical plans and house-calls available • We identify and correct the underlying causes of your symptoms and disease, and often eliminate them

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30 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY REDNECK PERSPECTIVE

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19) John Koenig is an artist who invents new words. Here’s one that’s applicable to your journey in 2016: “keyframe.”

Koenig defines it as being a seemingly mundane phase of your life that is in fact a turning point. Major plot twists in your big story arrive half-hidden amidst a stream of innocuous events. They don’t come about through “a series of jolting epiphanies,” Koenig says, but rather “by tiny imperceptible differences between one ordinary day and the next.” In revealing this secret, I hope I’ve alerted you to the importance of acting with maximum integrity and excellence in your everyday routine.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) The coming months look like one of the best times ever for your love life. Old romantic wounds are finally ready to be healed. You’ll know what you have to do to shed tired traditions and bad habits that have limited your ability to get the spicy sweetness you deserve. Are you up for the fun challenge? Be horny for deep feelings. Be exuberantly aggressive in honoring your primal yearnings. Use your imagination to dream up new approaches to getting what you want. The innovations in intimacy that you initiate in the coming months will keep bringing you gifts and teachings for years to come.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) In ancient times, observers of the sky knew the difference between stars and planets. The stars remained fixed in their places. The planets wandered around, always shifting positions in relationship to the stars. But now and then, at irregular intervals, a very bright star would suddenly materialize out of nowhere, stay in the same place for a while, and then disappear. Chinese astronomers called these “guest stars.” We refer to them as supernovae. They are previously dim or invisible stars that explode, releasing tremendous energy for a short time. I suspect that in 2016, you may experience the metaphorical equivalent of a guest star. Learn all you can from it. It’ll provide teachings and blessings that could feed you for years.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) Be alert for an abundance of interesting lessons in 2016.

You will be offered teachings about a variety of practical subjects, including how to take care of yourself really well, how to live the life you want to live, and how to build the connections that serve your dreams. If you are even moderately responsive to the prompts and nudges that come your way, you will become smarter than you thought possible. So just imagine how savvy you’ll be if you ardently embrace your educational opportunities.

(Please note that some of these opportunities may be partially in disguise.)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) The silkworm grows fast. Once it hatches, it eats constantly for three weeks. By the time it spins its cocoon, it’s 10,000 times heavier than it was in the beginning. On the other hand, a mature, 60-foot-tall saguaro cactus may take 30 years to fully grow a new side arm. It’s in no hurry.

From what I can tell, Leo, 2015 was more like a silkworm year for you, whereas 2016 will more closely resemble a saguaro. Keep in mind that while the saguaro phase is different from your silkworm time, it’s just as important.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) “The sky calls me,” wrote Virgo teacher and poet Sri Chinmoy. “The wind calls me. The moon and stars call me. The dense groves call me. The dance of the fountain calls me. Smiles call me, tears call me. A faint melody calls me. The morn, noon and eve call me. Everyone is searching for a playmate. Everyone is calling me, ‘Come, come!’” In 2016, Virgo, I suspect you will have a lot of firsthand experience with feelings like these. Sometimes life’s seductiveness may overwhelm you, activating confused desires to go everywhere and do everything. On other occasions, you will be enchanted by the lush invitations, and will know exactly how to respond and reciprocate.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) In the 19th century, horses were a primary mode of personal transportation. Some people rode them, and others sat in carriages and wagons that horses pulled. But as cities grew larger, a problem emerged: the mounting manure left behind on the roads. It became an ever-increasing challenge to clear away the equine “pollution.”

In 1894, a British newspaper predicted that the streets of London would be covered with nine feet of the stuff by 1950. But then something unexpected happened: cars. Gradually, the threat of an excremental apocalypse waned. I present this story as an example of what I expect for you in 2016: a pressing dilemma that will gradually dissolve because of the arrival of a factor you can’t imagine yet.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) The longest river in the world flows through eastern Africa: the Nile. It originates below the equator and empties into the Mediterranean Sea. Although its current flows north, its prevailing winds blow south. That’s why sailors have found it easily navigable for thousands of years. They can either go with the flow of the water or use sails to harness the power of the breeze. I propose that we make the Nile your official metaphor in 2016, Scorpio. You need versatile resources that enable you to come and go as you please -- that are flexible in supporting your efforts to go where you want and when you want.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) In many cases, steel isn’t fully useful if it’s too hard.

Manufacturers often have to soften it a bit. This process, which is called tempering, makes the steel springier and more malleable. Car parts, for example, can’t be too rigid. If they were, they’d break too easily. I invite you to use “tempering” as one of your main metaphors in 2016, Sagittarius. You’re going to be strong and vigorous, and those qualities will serve you best if you keep them flexible. Do you know the word “ductile”? If not, look it up. It’ll be a word of power for you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) In his essay “The Etiquette of Freedom,” poet Gary Snyder says that wildness “is perennially within us, dormant as a hard-shelled seed, awaiting the fire or flood that awakes it again.” The fact that it’s a “hard-shelled” seed is a crucial detail. The vital stuff inside the stiff outer coating may not be able to break out and start growing without the help of a ruckus. A fire or flood? They might do the job. But I propose, Capricorn, that in 2016 you find an equally vigorous but less disruptive prod to liberate your dormant wildness.

Like what? You could embark on a brave pilgrimage or quest. You could dare yourself to escape your comfort zone. Are there any undomesticated fantasies you’ve been suppressing? Unsuppress them!

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Frederick the Great was King of Prussia between 1740 and 1786. He was also an Aquarius who sometimes experimented with eccentric ideas. When he brewed his coffee, for example, he used champagne instead of water. Once the hot elixir was ready to drink, he mixed in a dash of powdered mustard. In light of the astrological omens, I suspect that Frederick’s exotic blend might be an apt symbol for your life in 2016: a vigorous, rich, complex synthesis of champagne, coffee, and mustard. (P.S. Frederick testified that “champagne carries happiness to the brain.”)

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) My Piscean acquaintance Arturo plays the piano as well as anyone I’ve heard. He tells me that he can produce 150 different sounds from any single key. Using the foot pedals accounts for some of the variation. How he touches a key is an even more important factor. It can be percussive, fluidic, staccato, relaxed, lively, and many other moods. I invite you to cultivate a similar approach to your unique skills in 2016. Expand and deepen your ability to draw out the best in them. Learn how to be even more expressive with the powers you already possess.

Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

SATIRE

Porky Politics Threatened ban could drive Hog Islanders from town grocers.

BY CLYDE THORNHILL

S

hock waves reverberated through Hog Island with the news that the World Health Organization has declared bacon is unhealthy. Alarm spread from the most modest single-wide trailer to the largest, most stunning and panoramic double-wide.

Disbelief turned to dismay — “Bacon bad for you?” — who would have guessed.

Fear turned to panic when Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton stated she would outlaw bacon that came in packages larger than one pound and would require background checks on all bacon purchasers to be sure the buyers don’t have high blood pressure. Smith’s Food and Drug reported stampedes of Hog Islanders buying up not only stocks of Hormel bacon, but Oscar Mayer and even artisan Applewood smoked bacon. As supplies dwindled, those with less sophisticated palates and no sense of personal pride resorted to turkey bacon.

Luckily sanity reigned among GOP presidential candidates who decried the study.

“It’s phony science,” stated New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. “I’ve been eating bacon all my life, and it hasn’t affected me.”

Donald Trump claimed the bacon study is the result of Muslim extremism. “Jesus ate bacon,” he explained. “And Muslims don’t.

Everyone wanting to enter America should be required to eat bacon. If they refuse, they should be executed.” Several polls showed Trump’s bacon comments provided an upward bump in his popularity with likely GOP primary voters

as well as with those traveling to the U.S. hoping to score a free piece of bacon while checking through customs.

Locally, focus has been on Whole Grocer, where rumors linking the food store to potential bacon bans are running amuck.

Unlike most conspiracy theories, there appears to be evidence supporting claims of Whole Grocer’s complicity. Whole Grocer bacon prices are the most expensive in town, leaving some to believe the store is trying to increase tofu sales.

Most damning of all is Whole Grocer’s decision to remove bacon from its $8.99 a pound breakfast buffet. In a recent Jackson Hole News&Guide column, economist Jonathan Schechter claimed bacon was removed because Hog Islanders were filling up to-go boxes with pounds of bacon, which has a smaller profit margin than other foods. Schechter theorized that by removing bacon, Whole Grocer would increase sales of the more profitable $8.99 per pound oatmeal, resulting in upward trending, dynamic microeconomic growth, as outlined by short-run Keynesian theory in anticipated aggregate demand.

However, #Hobackmatters — a group seeking equality for Hoback Junctioners — claimed the removal of bacon was specifically designed to discourage Hoback Junction types from entering the store. Wilson moms discussing the latest Deepak Chopra book and how karma has touched their lives, while checking out the selection of organic Bulgarian lavender essential oils, are offended when Hoback Junctioners walk by dressed in Carhartts, carrying to-go boxes dripping with bacon fat, and engaging in loud conversations about NASCAR, trucks, intestinal gas and chainsaws. Their discriminatory attitude seems to be, “If people want to mingle with Hobackers, they can go to the Hill Climb!”

Given the controversy surrounding bacon, the World Health Organization has announced it is postponing its research into beer. PJH

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

DECEMBER 30, 2015 | 31

| PLANET JACKSON HOLE |

32 | DECEMBER 30, 2015

Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan.

Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan.

Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan.

Plan.ENOUGH Plan. Plan. Plan.

Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan.

PLANNING. Plan.

Plan. Plan. Plan.

Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan.

Plan. Plan. Plan. Plan.

Community Housing.

We Have A Solution.

We appreciate that our elected officials are working on our affordable housing crisis. We really do.

But every day we delay, the problem gets worse. Today, we have a shovel-ready rental project that will demonstrate a sustainable path forward. Recurring rental revenue from this project will help build the next project… and the next… and the next.

We need your help to make these homes a reality in 2016.

HousingTrustJH.org/Donate. Invest in this model today.