ESPN 3D | Script

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ESPN 3D. AARON STOLLER. BISCUIT.


Hi. And thank you for thinking of me. Again. First and foremost…and perhaps most importantly, I must implore you to not mention any of this to my Dad. For better or for worse, the old man is perhaps the most pure of all purists ever. He does not like change in any way, shape or form. Has no interest in it. His TV is a 1981 19” Zenith Space Command unit and he thinks it looks fine. He also swears it was built in America. And while I’m not exactly sure what he’s doing about getting reception these days, my Mom tells me he spent weeks sobbing uncontrollably, curled up in the fetal position on his waterbed during the whole HD switchover last year. So sad. Me though, I love 3D sports. Best thing for the industry since telestrators as far as I’m concerned. In fact I’ve got a custom ordered, Mizzou branded pair of Fendi 3D glasses set to arrive any day now. You cannot begin to understand how excited I am. Keep that on the DL though. Please. My Dad doesn’t know about my 3D setup, and God forbid, if he ever found out I was helping to promote any of this newfangled technology, I’m afraid he’d excommunicate me from the Stoller fold and force me to take my Mom’s maiden name…Dikshitz.

FILM LOOK AND FEEL I’d like to step deeper into these moments a bit more than you guys have done previously. A real and observed filmic style that subtly punctuates the inherent, nonchalant awkward in both will be what serves the comedy best.


We want the strangeness of these moments to come off as oddly legit and a certain looseness from our camera will do just that. Nothing forced in terms of handheld wacky, rather it’ll just be a little restrained float, the slightest bit of camera breathing, that’ll keep everything firmly grounded in reality throughout. An easy to grasp point of reference is this season’s Curb Your Enthusiasm. Look wise, that show has evolved so incredibly nicely over the years. They’ve got the non-distracting “float” down pat. As a whole, it’s put together so simply but smartly and looks so filmic and refined without throwing off airs of any kind…so, so good. Certainly a fantastic bench mark for something like this. Just like it, the aesthetic nature of our film will also have an unaffected richness to it. Longer observational lenses…cut with interesting graphic wides. The idea is to create a series of films that feel quietly stylized and never overdone to the point that they force us out of the reality of each situation. So whether it’s a marching band unexpectedly entering the living room or a little snuggle time with the crusty old hot dog vendor; the more cinematic and real it all feels, the more awkward and funny it’s all gonna be. ART DIRECTION To up that legit “of the moment” feel we’re after, we must be sure to make each of our spaces feel exactly like the real deal. Working in tandem with the guys that inhabit them, each of our rooms will help to paint a bigger picture, selling the unspoken subtleties of our backstories via a plethora of richly understated textures and details. In their own way, they’re the very sorts of spaces we’d expect to see each of our characters in. Even if we shoot these on stage, it’s gonna be all about those awesome, lived-in intangibles we include that’ll make these feel less like commercial sets and more like little slivers stolen from great photos featuring our exact demo.


So no matter how bizarre any of this might become, what keeps things so grounded (aside from the nonchalant demeanour of our leads) is that they occur within the cozy confines of a normal, everyday world. CASTING We need some seriously restrained, easygoing dudes to masterfully play each of these roles. This is one of those instances where the situation is the funny, and our actors are just there to help it along…to be the conduit. That said, all our leads (including Hot Dog Man) have got to have the natural comedic instinct that keeps them from ever playing into the comedy. That’s not to say they can’t add some of their own special flavor, they’ve just always got to keep it contained and under control. It’s a delicate thing. Stone cold and blasé is no good and neither are overt comic reads and or broad comic gesturing. Instead, it’s about achieving a happy balance – one where they’re able to add a little, nuanced something-something to the mix while still being confident enough to allow everything happening around them (big = marching band, little = snugly hot dog man) to do most of the heavy lifting. In actuality, we’re playing a metaphor game here. As such, their job is to nonchalantly react, no matter how crazy any of it might be, as if all this is just the way watching 3D on ESPN is meant to be. They’re immersed in the realities that have been allowed to spring to life just by wearing those glasses. It’s important that they appear to be quietly impressed with ESPN’s 3D capabilities, though not at all surprised. Again, in that Curb vein, their restrained manner of performing will help to make these little stories feel awkwardly funny and witnessed rather than ever coming off as stilted, scripted bits that have been tailor made just for this occasion. Subtle and believable performances with a perfect dash of unpredictability thrown in for good measure will help to evoke the real life feel we’re after.


HALFTIME SHOW I’m seeing these two as moderately successful guys on the up and up. They have real jobs and are probably ten years out of college. Think 30-35 year old city dwellers. Their pad has some interesting, though not overly pronounced architectural detailing. The kind of thing you’d expect to see in a split up Brooklyn brownstone or something of that nature. Clearly these are those types who have neither the time nor the energy to do anything other than go to the mall, point at things and have them delivered to their homes. As a result, things are well appointed in your classic Pottery Barn sort of way…cozy but not trying too hard to be cool. We’ll be sure though to add some appropriate detailing throughout that allows it to feel not so generic…as if they’ve still etched their mark into things. In general, these are those NYC bachelor types that get together every Saturday in order to get their weekly fix of college football. They’re super comfortable with one another – total homies. They’ve got the requisite game watching supplies out in front of them, clearly having prepped themselves for a nice, long 3D enhanced day in front of the tube. In terms of performance, at the top these, our dudes are totally stoked. We’ll want some true blue enthusiasm up front to fully throw us into things. Clapping hands and all around excitement as they’ve just watched an exciting half come to an end. We can hear the honest, thrilled giddiness in their voices (no doubt it’s their alma mater in action). From the TV (which isn’t necessary to actually show) come the familiar sounds of the halftime show going down -- the big crowd that gathers round ESPN’s Gameday setup with Chris Fowler, Desmond Howard, Corso and whoever else is now part of their posse at the helm (it’s funny in fact that they still wear their glasses during the halftime show).


** So while we’re clearly selling the concept of 3D broadcasts here, I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to feature a piece of the TV up front. Watching the previous incarnations, it just feels like we’re showing the obvious at the expense of what could be a far better shot. The fact that we hear the GameDay crew, Musburger’s and Herbstreit’s or whoever’s voices ringing out across the room coupled with our fellas wearing 3D goggles while seated in traditional football watching positions, really says it all without having to force the issue.** The two fellas do their back and forth about the last drive when Guy 2 is suddenly interrupted by the appearance of a big time college marching band. We cut wide just after they enter to show the vast expanse of their presence. They come in rocking, all in stride, totally lockstep, quickly filling the space and obscuring the guys from our view. I say we pack as many as we possibly can into our room. It should feel like they’re entering in one continuous wave. Along with musicians, we’ll also include the requisite flag and baton twirlers. The song is huge here, would be great if you could get the rights to something like “Sussudio” by Phil Collins…I love it when the marching band breaks out of the normal songbook. It’s what they do, plus a song like this’ll add the perfect touch of wry. Your suggestion for the S.W.A.T theme for is good (saw some mighty good renditions on you tube) as is, if affordable, Prince’s “1999” or the new industry standard, The White Stripes “7 Nation Army”. All the while, neither dude shows any sort of immediate reaction other than the fact that they must speak much louder in order to effectively communicate. After all, in their book, this is par for the course with ESPN 3D. Anyways, as the crowd grows, we cut in tighter, shooting in across this growing mass of players via long lens. At this point we’ll really want the guys to interact with it all just a bit. Something that really challenges their conversation beyond just battling the volume…meaning that this needs to become a personal space issue as well. Imagine in the midst of their being unable to hear one another during their back and forth, a trombone slide comes in towards one of the guys. He very nonchalantly moves his head to the side to get out of the way. Timed right and delivered with ease, it’ll prove to be the perfect kind of funny add on we’re looking for.


Just before Guy 2’s last line,

Never mind. We’ll talk after halftime. …we cut out wide to see that part of the cheer squad has now entered the room and are in mid-performance. They toss a girl up into the air and she blasts right through the drywall ceiling. Drywall dust rains down on our two heroes while the band and cheerleaders continue doing their thing just as if they were on the 50-yard line. As we hold and the Super comes up, suddenly it all makes perfect sense.

HOT DOG GUY I like the idea of creating some real visual separation between this spot and the other. How about we play this out at night, in a single man’s bedroom? Imagine a moody practical lamp sitting on a nightstand and our guy tucked in all nice and cozy in his bed. Some intimate, supposed alone time in a bedroom, featuring one lonesome dude watching Sunday Night Baseball in 3D will play nicely and most definitely serve to up the level of awkward going on between our hero and Mr. Hot Dog Guy. His pad is in no way downtrodden but should definitely have a more distinctly flavourful and lived-in vibe than the one belonging to the guys from “Half Time Show”. Clearly, from first glance, we understand that décor is not his forte. Either a straight up bachelor taking some time out for himself or recent divorcee, this dude is in his late 30s / early 40s and in many ways feels like one of those types that just can’t ever really grow up. Think Paul Giamatti, Todd Barry, Louis CK or JB Smoove.


Regardless of outward appearances, I love the idea of our hero having a Smoove / Leon-like delivery. It’ll be a nice contrast if it feels just a little smidge sad with him watching football all alone in his bedroom yet he’s still completely stoked by it all (Ed Helms gives that same thing, though from an entirely different angle). His excitement for all this ESPN 3D action knows no bounds. So no matter how it looks, as far as he’s concerned, this is f#@king awesome and life is good. The hot dog guy should be either a bit of your classic, curmudgeonly old-timer vendor type or possibly a late 40s, hard working Latino with the slightest hint of an accent. Someone who feels as if they’ve been around the block and are able to say as much without words as they can with them is a crucial attribute for us to be on the lookout for (this isn’t to say a younger, rough around the edges Matt Damonesque Boston type couldn’t work either). Either way, it’s important, based on our finds in casting, that we create a nice unexpected visual dichotomy between the two --- the kind that’ll immediately have audiences whispering “WTF” to themselves when they see these guys lying next to one another. I love the hot dog guy there in bed, sitting on top of the covers, wearing his uniform and holding his hot dog warmer on his lap. Both men wear 3D glasses. Again, this is less about having to feature the actual TV up front and more about establishing the sounds of the broadcast and the feel of some real game watching. Upon the words, “Definitely”, we cut in to cover the scene in a way that further ups the awkward of the whole exchange. Inserts of the guy fixing up the dog, dirty singles and a series of vibrant and loose 2 shots will allow us to tell the most complete story. I like that the whole pricing of the dog doesn’t necessarily diminish the nature of his high pitched responses, but it does take his enthusiasm down a notch. The dog man quietly draws the hot dog closer when he feels our hero putting up a price fight. He’s gonna hold that dog close until he receives payment.


Our hero reaches over to his old wood grained nightstand to pick up his weathered wallet. Muttering to himself, he flops the wallet open and hands him a five and two ones. He hands the money over and says with deadpanned acceptance,

“I know I’m not getting that 75 cents back, either.” The Hot Dog Man tucks the cash into his shirt just like a hooker does with her bra while very quietly yet assuredly shaking his head “no”. Our hero responds in kind by narrowing his eyes and giving him the “whatever” face, but before he has time to sulk, he's distracted by the meaty goodness he now holds in his hands. We finish with an off-axis medium wide, him biting into the hot dog, mumbling something about the game. We hear the crack of the bat and with a mouth full of dog he says, “You see that? Now that’s how you do it” just as the super comes up.

Thanks again for sending these over. I absolutely love what’s on the page. Now all I want to do is nudge things in the way outlined above so we’re sure to give the entire campaign the perfect little lift it so rightfully deserves. I look forward to discussing it all with you further. Hugs, Kisses (and possibly, if you’re lucky, my babies).

-Aaron


















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