The Benefits of Oversharing at the Firehouse

By: Simon Matthews, MHlthSc FASLM

EVER BEEN HIT BY A FLOOD OF TMI?

Have you ever had someone tell you something that was a massive overshare? Way too personal, to the point of making you feel uncomfortable? Something that made you want to yell “Dude…TMI!!!”

WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE.

But, by contrast, we’ve probably also had someone else share similar, very personal information that we’ve been completely okay hearing. Context is everything. It’s all about who you’re with, the nature of your relationship with that person and how important they are to you.

I was lucky enough to take a tour of Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral, Fla. late last year and was fortunate to book a spot on the Launch Director’s tour. The Launch Director, who had retired at the end of the shuttle program, told us that his responsibilities had been to oversee the entire process of launching and returning a shuttle after a mission. He had been the director at the time of the final shuttle launch in 2011, as well as the tragic re-entry break-up of Columbia in 2003. And it was clear to everyone who listened to him that he was still deeply moved by that event. But it was his description of how he approached his work that really got my attention.

First, he described his job as making sure the shuttle didn’t launch. In other words, he needed to be beyond satisfied that every aspect of the mission was in place and going according to plan before he would give the final launch order. A part of his motivation was his sense of personal responsibility for each of the astronauts on board any shuttle mission. This responsibility was something he believed was essential to their safety. He knew all the astronauts intimately – their likes, dislikes, their favorite foods and fondest memories. And he knew their partners, children and extended family too. He would spend hours and hours with the families over many months of preparation for a launch, getting to know them in a way very few others in their lives knew them. This deep and intimate connection strengthened in him a sense of responsibility and a desire to do everything in his power to ensure that they all returned to Planet Earth safely.

First responders seem to get this. They share stories about their intimate relationships, their health and the challenges they may be facing, as well as the embarrassing situations they have found themselves in. To an outsider, it might seem like a massive overshare. But is it? And if so, why does it matter?

We’d be smart to wonder what function this behavior serves, and how we can understand it better.

Why do babies cry, sometimes loud and long? It’s a way of drawing attention to an urgent need they have. Maybe they need food, comfort, pain relief or sleep. When your partner sits quietly in a corner at home, not saying much, it’s easy to dismiss his or her behavior as sulking. But what function might that behavior be serving? There’s a good chance it could be indicating that they need some time and space alone, or – at the other end of the spectrum, that they are signaling a need for more connection or closeness with you. Maybe they are waiting for you to initiate an approach. Don’t you sometimes wish people were more communicative?

So what might be the function of over-sharing? What might it signal? I think it may be a way of saying: “I want you to know me so well that you’ll look out for me.” When we feel closely connected to someone, they matter more to us. When they matter more, we look out for them. If that is the purpose that over-sharing serves, then thinking about it as TMI isn’t helpful. In fact, it’s just the right amount of sharing, and just the right amount of information to make the type of connections that are so important for first responders.

Part of being able to work to the best of your ability as a first responder is knowing that others have your back – in the same way that you have their backs. We can’t have our attention everywhere all the time, so it’s vitally important to know that any danger we haven’t seen could be noticed by someone else who’s looking out for us. Humans are most likely to care for those they’re closest to. If you had one organ to donate and it could go either to your child or to a stranger, who would you select?

If you created a list of things that would help to keep you safe on the job, no doubt you’d include proper PPE, good training, regular drills of skills you must be proficient in, and having a safety-conscious mindset. To that, I would add making sure the people you work with know you really well and see you as someone important and valuable in their lives. One of the best ways to do this is to share with them personal things about yourself and your life.

For someone who is not a first responder, it might be TMI. But in the world of first responders, it’s just the right amount.