Reaping The Benefit of the Pain of Friendship - by Joseph Akinrinola

To every relationship come both pain and gain. Whether it is a horizontal or vertical relationship or friendship, there is always something to gain and lose. Horizontal friendship is a relationship between people or groups of equal status, while vertical friendship is that of a relationship between people or groups of unequal status. In any case, each party in the relationship will have the pain to bear.

At the same time, there is a gain or benefit to enjoy. However, to reap the benefit of the pain of a friendship depends on your disposition to such pain. I believe what happened to you is not as important as your reaction to it. While some build a wall with the stones of the pain in their relationship, others build a bridge for a better and fruitful relationship.

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17 KJV)

Let us go over this scripture to dissect the benefits associated with pains in any relationship. This principle could apply to any relationship. Whether it is marriage, church, community, business, or social relationship there will always be gains and pain. Often it comes as rejection, disappointment, abuse, ungratefulness, backstabbing, betrayer, etc.

Look at sharpening your knife or cutlass. Both the grinder and the knife have something to gain and lose. For the gain, the knife becomes sharp while the grinder fulfills its purpose as a grinder. But note both the knife and the grinder loses a bit of their body. This is the painful part.

The same principle applies to a fruitful relationship. Then, how do you reap the benefits of the pain of a relationship or friendship?

1. Surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth. You don’t truly love your child if you will shield him from the pain of injection if need be. You should have a few friends that will not mince words when you are wrong, as many who would not hurt your feelings. Equally, be ready to accept the truth. People tell you either what you want to hear or what you need to hear. King Ahab fits into this situation. (2 Chronicles 18:1-27) He had multitudes that will make him feel good and a person who will tell the raw truth. The only way to benefit from the hurts of friendship is to be ready to accept the truth.

2. You should always be concerned about the result. The scriptures say, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:14 KJV) In any painful situation, look beyond the pain to the gain. “Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2 KJV)

3. Accept friendship, pain as a learning process. We become mature through pain, failure, and disappointment. You wouldn’t have your bones and muscles strengthened without some rising and falling. David became an unusual mentor through the pain of betrayal and hatred of King Saul. He painstakingly mentored the debtors, disoriented, frustrated, and forsaken people who eventually became skilled warriors. (1 Samuel 22:2, 2 Samuel 8:23-39) Their life lessons we couldn’t have learned otherwise, if not through pain.

4. Friendship pain leads to self-discovery. One benefit of relationship pain is discovering your limits and weakness. Sometimes we do not realize how vulnerable we are until we face disappointment from our closest ally. You may not discover your full potential until those you rely on have failed you. Now you have no option but to face the challenge headlong. I relied on a few friends when I began a monthly church program for praise singers and equipment. They feature fully the first two months. In the third month, they never turned up. My daughter, because of that disappointment, stood in the gap as a chorus singer. Today, that friendship pain made her hone her singing skills.

5. Acknowledge the imperfection of all human beings. You are not likely to gain anything from the pain of a relationship if you do not accept all mortals are imperfect. That imperfection includes you. Have you disappointed anyone before? Sure, I have. In addition, I know you have failed a friend before. Therefore, if they felt bad when you didn’t live up to their expectation, then you can understand their feelings. Let me draw the curtain by saying, pain and disappointment are part of life. Therefore, mastering the art of a positive outlook on life experiences is germane to benefit from the pain of friendship.

Joseph Akinrinola

I am Joseph, an author, blogger, and content writer from Nigeria. In the field of writing, I deliver unique, grammatically correct, and plagiarism-free content. Currently, I work with three online firms specializing in motivation, human capacity development, lifestyle, relationship, and spiritual writings.

You can find Joseph on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/2228667160717043