Dear Carl by Anna Friend

Hello, Dear Carl fans,

I am thankful for your support of Carl’s mom. She has made a fresh start in the new year. In her mid- 80s, continuing to thrive for quality of life and establishing a legacy of family love.

Carl’s mom had lived in North Carolina for most of her life. She was a southern transplant and had enjoyed the culture, hospitality, and high regard for kin—family closeness. She became a widow in her early 40s and has only one son. Carl was just entering college when his dad died. Carl married a beautiful woman (Donna) with ties in Arizona. He moved and established his home in Arizona soon after college. Carl has 2 sons and is a grandfather of 3 children. Carl’s mom had friends and community work she enjoyed in North Carolina that kept her from moving to Arizona upon her husband’s death. She had lived in the home where she and her husband shared most of their married lives. She eventually moved into a senior living cottage, where every week she sat at her dining table and wrote her son a handwritten letter, though he called her almost every Sunday. Near her ending years, she moved to Arizona to live with her son and his wife in Arizona. She continues to write her son letters to put away for him to read after her passing for comfort and encouragement. This letter is one he would read after her death. She writes in the present tense because she is alive while writing them. I hope you enjoy. — Anna

Dear Carl,

I accompanied Donna on her travels to see her “dermatologist”. I didn’t let on that I knew she was seeing a surgeon who does facelifts and such. I confess while waiting in the car with my book that I took time to pray she wouldn’t be tempted to inquire of the procedure for clown-looking lips. You know I love her to pieces, but I could see her considering it. It’s none of my business, though. Anyway, driving through the desert highway to get there, I looked for a tree, a bush, or something that would reflect that we were in the fall season. Nothing. I must say fall in the Carolinas is beautiful. Flamboyant leaves are almost boisterous in their presentation. “Glory be to God” is their statement. Their leaves are so attractive that people schedule vacations and day trips just to see them. They are drawn to the beauty and the introduction to a season of settling in and slowing down. Just as I was lost in my memory of fall back home, I remembered that the leaves fall. They twirl and float about to the ground. The tree remains. I remember the landscape of a bunch of sticks secured in the ground. There is a lesson with every fall season. In the fall, we prune.

My heart is broken for my grandson, and for you, who is enduring his pain of disappointment, discouragement, and doubt. Losing a job at his age and in the midst of a thriving career is truly a devastating mind blow. Blindsided has new meaning for all of us. As a Christian family, we are praying, and our faith is in an all-powerful God who knew this would happen. When our faith pulls thin, we must reach out. I have shared all this with you today at supper. In my encouragement and support, I wanted to document some truths we shared around the table. By the way, the supper you made us was tasty and not too spicy. I am loving some Mexican food these days. I am still getting used to you doing most of the cooking. Donna says you love it and I finally believe it. I wish y’all would let me help do the dishes. I think she has taught me to load the dishwasher well now. I miss the green soap and hot bubbles on my hands, though. Junior has experienced a huge loss, all while he has a child that started college, a wife with a questionable mammogram, and recent costly car repairs. I often wonder how much God will allow. I am reminded of Job just a bit. There truly is no comparison. Job had an adversary that wanted to disprove God and try Job’s faith and character. What I am reminded of is that Job has successive tragedies. In it all, he held on to trust, acknowledging His sovereignty. God placed boundaries around Job, and the enemy could only go so far. God has boundaries around my grandson.

Son, we all have a season of pruning. It’s uncomfortable. We get tempted to ask God why. We get comfort sometimes from people who share the idea of the unfairness and unjustness of this life. We go numb. We can make rash or quick decisions. When you are in a season of pruning, Carl, slow down. Consider how good our God has been to you, all the blessings, even your breathing. Then consider that it is written that testing and trials in life will come. Look for ways that these setbacks, worries, and devastations can ultimately be used for self-assessment. Pray for God’s revelation of your heart. This is not to chastise you. He will purge you of any actions or mindsets of our sinful nature. This is an opportunity to prune back areas in life that are not productive, including competing thoughts and priorities. You see, while the trees are barren after a season of a green thriving life, they are still growing new life within, creating new representations, and new songs will be sung. There is a purpose for pruning. It can be painful, but it gets our attention. He will make good out of what the world has inflicted on Junior because Junior loves Him. He loves you too, Carl.

Now I must complete my letter with a confession. Tonight, before I sat to write this letter, Donna knocked on the door. She sat on the bed, glistening with her heavy moisturizer. She told me she didn’t want to share but had to. She had to have a cancerous mole removed from her back. My heart squeezed, first in fear, then in conviction. I apologized to her for my earlier thoughts. She said I didn’t have to because she, in fact, used the opportunity to ask about cosmetic surgery. I was told to rest easy. She doesn’t anticipate any more plastic procedures. Love that girl. Let’s fall into our faith. God has our family in His sovereign care.

Love, Mom

“But he said to her, ‘You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?’ In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” (Job 2:10 ESV)

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5 ESV)