Hindrance to Transcendence

Hindrances are all around us, they can show up as obstacles, frustrating emotions & thoughts that we can’t seem to get control of. Hindrances even show up in things that we want to do or are passionate about, but sometimes when they come up we push them off to the side, or we tell ourselves we are too tired. We often tell ourselves lies like “oh that’s not for me” or “I could do that if I wanted to when I have a free moment then I will” or “I’m just too busy and have other responsibilities”.

The new beginning, the old story.

One of the old stories I had is supported by my old beliefs: who are you to speak? You are stupid! You are dumb! You don’t have the right to be anyone! I can remember sitting in class and wondering about everyone else. What marks did they get? They don’t have trouble learning, why do I? What do they think of me? Maybe they don’t like me because I’m dumb!

I also had a hard time with friends and started to not feel accepted for myself. Anytime I tried to be myself, for the most part, I got shut down hard. They wouldn’t talk to me or they would make fun of the things I liked. As a result, I would become defensive and mean.

Early in elementary days I remember my friends making fun of me for loving the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys. A couple of years later the same group of girls were talking about how much they loved that music. When I brought up that I thought they hated that music they gave me a weird look, said “no” and then turned away. In junior high I remember sitting on a friend’s bed listening to music and saying “Oh I like this song”, she literally turned to me and said “No you don’t”.

These two stories and many others began the feelings of shame around myself and the thoughts of non-acceptance. I remember thinking: I am not and never will be smart. I would constantly have the belief that it’s not safe to be me, anytime I am myself I am going to get shut down. These stories were the catalyst into training and creating the pathways of anxiety. As soon as a trigger would hit the pathway, instant replay took over. I would either lash out or retreat, I would become super defensive and mean, become frustrated, angry or sad. By the time I hit junior high I started to numb with drugs and alcohol. I would shove my emotions back down deep into my subconscious body, where as soon as a trigger would happen it would become instant replay over and over again in my body. I could feel my body screaming on the inside, with no tools to shut this screaming off. The only thing that helped was drugs. One of the biggest hindrances I put on myself, is truly never allowing myself to see the real me. Let’s say that I lost who I was at a young age. I learned to look outside myself for permission to be me but the permission never came. I can’t remember a time in my younger years where I truly felt safe. Even as I write these words, I feel the instant reaction, the anxiety springs up just thinking of showing myself to the world, or showing myself who I truly am. The old stories, old beliefs, are all entwined together almost like balls of yarn all mixed together and you have to untangle them, sometimes there’s a knot that gets so stuck that it takes months to get it loose, months to work and unravel. For me, it was years of burying and numbing, massive denial, and awakening that needed to happen. That’s exactly what happened. I laugh as I think back to my awakening, I believe it took close to 3 years to even get close to the first mask that I put up because I was still in so much denial, but also because I thought I could do this alone, that I didn’t need help; boy was I wrong. The universe needed me to heal, learn, grow and transcend. Not by myself, but with others and that’s when I started to ask for help. That awakening led me to uncover some of my deepest desires. One of them was to speak in front of women, using the power of my voice to help other women transcend their pain. To find connection, courage and strength to stand in the power of my being, of who I am being loud and proud. I took action on my deepest desire, the universe guiding me to push past all my fears, I gained knowledge and tools over the years that allowed me to go after my dreams, my purpose, my mission. I once feared talking out loud to others, I wouldn’t dare want to get up on stage, the anxiety would be too much. You know what I did? I did get on a stage and speak my truth in front of 30 plus women. It didn’t go the way I wanted. As soon as I got on that stage and touched that microphone, my body, and mind instantly had anxiety triggering and taking me back to grade 5, standing in front of my whole class. As I started to talk to all these women sitting in front of me, I could feel the anxiety all over me. My thoughts: What are they thinking? Are you speaking clear enough? They don’t like you. You are not saying the right stuff. They think you’re dumb! I ran off that stage so fast, mostly because my mouth was so dry! All I could feel is the terror in my body, and my higher self yelling BATH, BATH, BATH. That’s what I did. I grabbed some bath salts, went home, and had a bath. I was so mad at the universe and my spiritual guides. Why did I do this, why didn’t I take my notes with me onstage? Why did I fail? All I heard was: You wouldn’t be doing the next thing that you are. You wouldn’t have any idea that this fear, this memory was stuck within you and was causing you so much pain, stopping you from showing up as your true authentic self. By seeing that fear, reliving that anxiety through my body, I took the steps forward to transcend the old story of hinderance into inspiration, into deeper self-love, deeper acceptance for my journey that I have taken on. By asking for help and getting guidance from others I’m turning the stories that once only caused pain and sadness, into stories of inspiration, healing, learning, growing, and transcending into the woman I meant to be. Taking my power back, the power that I gave away a long time ago, to help other women move past their hindrances and transcend and unfold into their true authentic self. Place your hands over the heart, feel the heart beating, listen to your breath, ask yourself how do I feel in this moment, how do I want to feel, and breath that in. Is there something in your life that is stopping you from creating the world that you’re madly in love with. Reach out for guidance, for support, and I would be honoured to sit with you to help move you from a place of hindrance to a place where you are going after your deepest desires: transcendence.

Author - Hailey Henituik

Hailey is the CEO and founder of Go Within Guidance. She is a psychic intuitive medium and intuition coach. Her passion is to help women like you receive the guidance and inspiration that you need in the present moment to navigate what you are experiencing and what you want to manifest. She guides you through seeing different parts of your path and how they all come together. She empowers you to turn inwards and tap into your internal guidance to find awareness, healing, and transformation. For over 5 years she has been working with crystals to strengthen her psychic abilities, heal from within, and shift her energetic frequency. She has a passion for crystals and loves to pass along knowledge that she has integrated into her life. Hailey guides others in learning how to connect and integrate the energy of crystals.