2018 Issue 10 Creative Loafing Charlotte

CLCLT.COM | APRIL 26 - MAY 2, 2018 VOL. 32, NO. 10

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PHOTO BY STEVE PARKE

Author, activist, educator and badass bassist Victor Wooten hits town with Sinbad — yes, that Sinbad — for the Fun & Funk Xplosion on April 30 at Neighborhood Theatre.

We put out weekly 10

NEWS&CULTURE AMERICAN DREAM AT A STANDSTILL Craft Freedom lawsuit puts local brewers’ plans on hold for now

BY ALEXANDRIA SANDS 9 EDITOR’S NOTE BY MARK KEMP 12 THE BLOTTER BY RYAN PITKIN 15 NEWS OF THE WEIRD

16

FOOD&DRINK A BEER GUIDE FOR BROKE FOLKS What to drink when you’re

boozing on a budget

20 22

BY CL STAFF

TOP 10 THINGS TO DO THIS WEEK

MUSIC TAKING CHARLOTTE MUSIC (BY STRATEGY) Casey Malone’s Zodiac Lovers release a mind-blower of an album

BY GREY REVELL 23 MUSICMAKER: AMIRAH BRUNACHE OF DEATH OF AUGUST BY MARK KEMP 24 MUSICBITE: SCOTT WEAVER BY ERIN TRACY-BLACKWOOD 26 SOUNDBOARD

28

ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT PAPERHOUSE PUTS THE ‘HER’ IN SHERLOCK The local theater group offers a fresh and playful look at the great detective

BY PAT MORAN 30 FILM REVIEWS BY MATT BRUNSON 31 PUSH BY DANA VINDIGNI 32 MODERN EROTIC BY ALLISON BRADEN

34

ODDS&ENDS 34 NIGHTLIFE BY AERIN SPRUILL 35 CROSSWORD 36 SAVAGE LOVE BY DAN SAVAGE 38 SALOME’S STARS

GO TO CLCLT.COM FOR VIDEOS, PODCASTS AND MORE!

COVER DESIGN AND PHOTO

BY DANA VINDIGNI

CLCLT.COM | APRIL 26 - MAY 2, 2018 VOL. 32, NO. 10

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NEWS

EDITOR’S NOTE

CRAFT OR CRASH For this year’s beer issue, we offer cheap alternatives WHEN CRAFT BEER became all the rage

Miller High Lifes for our “Beer Guide for several years ago, it opened a pandora’s box Broke Folks,” on page 16.

“It’s watered down, but it’s like they of choices for American beer drinkers. And CL has followed this trend ever since with use Fiji water or something,” Black Linen observes with a sense of nuance you’d expect beer-loving gusto.

But when the staff gathered to plan this from an ROB drinker raised in the craft year’s beer issue, we decided we’ve offered beer era. “When they make High Life,” Black enough on fancy craft beer for a while. After continued, “they use that top H2O. They all, there’s plenty of folks in Charlotte who’d call themselves the Champagne of Beers, so rather just pull up a stool at a local dive and they’re selling an idea. It’s got a lot of flavor, order a PBR — or even a less hip brand like too, so it’s not tasteless like Rolling Rock.”

Oh, good lord. Kids today! . . . oh, I dunno, Schlitz or Miller. Anything We didn’t totally ignore craft beers this other than a beer with a name like Smooth Hoperator, Blitzkrieg Hops Double IPA or The year, though. In the news feature on page 10, CL intern Alexandria Sands looks at where the Great, Big Kentucky Sausage Fest (all real Craft Freedom lawsuit currently stands. names of craft beers in other parts Craft Freedom, you may recall, of the country, by the way). is the coalition John Marrino For our 2018 beer guide, of Olde Meck Brewery and we deployed a team of Todd Ford of NoDa Brewing resident experts — plus formed to fight a state law one FOCL (that’s friend requiring craft brewers of a of Creative Loafing) — to certain size to use outside hit some local bars and distributors. The coalition assess the city’s ROBs calls this requirement (that’s regular old beers). unconstitutional and is now We put news editor Ryan finally awaiting the court’s Pitkin in charge, because . . . decision. well, he’s the resident staffer MARK KEMP Local brewer Chris Harker, who diligently monitors beer of Triple C Brewing, told Sands trends afterhours at Small Bar, that while he chooses to work with the watering hole attached to the CL office here at the Music Factory. Ryan recalled an outside distributor, he disagrees with a conversation he’d had last year with Small the N.C. law and says brewers should be Bar owner Brian Heffron about local craft free to choose their method of distribution.

“I think it’s just common sense,” Harker beer vis-à-vis ROBs. “People will eventually figure out that said. “There’s a lot of alcohol laws that are spending $10 on a beer because it smells like outdated, hanging around since Prohibition, a strawberry juniper is not the best decision,” and this is a key example. It feels like there’s Heffron told Ryan one evening over some a penalty here for being successful.”

Speaking of successful craft beer cold Miller Lites. “If you want to go across town and buy a beer for $8 or $10 because it endeavors — we’ve been quite successful has a blueberry in it or whatever, that’s fine. with our own annual craft beer event, the But I believe at some point people will come Creative Loafing Moo & Brew Craft Beer and to their senses and realize that beer and a Burger Festival, which takes place here at good bite to eat should be reasonably priced the Music Factory this year on Saturday, April 28. The fourth edition of our popular the way it’s been for generations.”

That’s language I understand, having bacchanal features some fantastic music — stopped drinking beer years before the craft the great Americana duo Shovels and Rope, craze began. Back when I drank (entirely too from Charleston, S.C., and country singermuch) beer, expensive brews meant imports songwriter Charley Crockett, a descendent like Pilsner Urquell, which we’d only have for of the original coonskin-wearing king of the special occasions. Otherwise, it was Rolling wild frontier, folk hero Davy Crockett.

Charley told the Moo & Brew crew in a Rocks or Millers or Buds with a slice or a burger. Or, if we were on a really tight budget recent Q&A that his ancester Davy’s “rugged — a case of Milwaukee’s Best and frozen individualism” is “most certainly part of pizzas at somebody’s apartment after the what’s driven me down deep.”

It’s that rugged individualism that allows Bad Brains show at whatever punk dive was you to choose whether you want to suck down in vogue at the time.

And we would never sit around assessing a craft beer or a PBR. It’s all about choice, and those beers like our FOCL, rapper Black Linen, we’re here to give you a few.

MKEMP@CLCLT.COM did when the CL team was contemplating CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 9

NEWS

FEATURE

AMERICAN DREAM AT A STANDSTILL Craft Freedom lawsuit puts local brewers’ plans on hold for now

BY ALEXANDRIA SANDS

I

T WOULD BE HARD

to counter the statement that John Marrino is responsible for kick-starting the now-booming craft beer scene in Charlotte.

Nine years ago, when orginal ’90s breweries like Johnson Beer Co. and Dilworth Brewery were but fleeting memories, Marrino looked around and realized that Charlotte was severely lacking in craft beer establishments. That’s when he opened Olde Mecklenburg Brewery.

Just less than a decade later, Charlotte easily competes with Asheville, long known as the state’s craft beer hub.

OMB had rapid success. Before the company reached six years old, it built a larger facility next door, and it plans more growth, including a second brewery in Cornelius by 2020.

It is the definition of the American dream. But that dream, for the time being, has been deferred.

OMB and NoDa Brewing Company have both sold nearly 25,000 barrels of beer each in past years, and they have the demand to go beyond that, but neither of the microbreweries want to bring in a distributor, something they’d be forced by law to do if they wanted to continue to grow.

In North Carolina, once a brewery hits the self-distribution cap at 25,000 barrels a year, it must hire a distributor and enter into a contract that can be very difficult to get out of.

Craft Freedom, a coalition Marrino formed with Todd Ford of NoDa Brewing, sued the state for the “unconstitutional” laws they say have stunted their businesses’ growth. The hearing before Superior Court Judge Allen Baddour was held last month, almost a year after they filed the original lawsuit on May 15, 2017. Now, the brewers await the decision that will determine the future of their businesses.

The complaint calls the distribution cap and franchise law “the opposite of the American dream.

“They punish small business owners for their hard work by stripping them of their businesses when they achieve ‘too much success,’ forcing them to hand over their businesses to private parties who reap the profits,” the complaint reads.

And who stands against it? For one, members of the N.C. Beer & Wine Wholesalers 10 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

Olde Mecklenburg Brewery is a plaintiff in the pending Craft Freedom case.

PHOTO COURTESY OF CONCENTRIC MARKETING

“There’s a lot of alcohol laws that are outdated, hanging around since the Prohibition, and this is a key example.”

CHRIS HARKER, OWNER, TRIPLE C BREWING

Association, an organization that represents distribution companies, have been outspoken in their opposition to the Craft Freedom initiative.

“North Carolina courts have repeatedly held that current laws governing the industry are unquestionably legitimate and constitutional,” said Tim Kent, NBWWA’s executive director.

Kent’s organization has been known to contribute financially to political campaigns throughout the state, which leads the breweries to believe backdoor politics are taking place.

“This is an economic protectionism scheme designed to enrich one private party at the expense of another; a private party that contributes millions of dollars in campaign

contributions to this General Assembly,” Craft Freedom’s attorney, Andrew Erteschi, told the Associated Press in March.

Erteschik turned down requests for an interview for this story, as the case is ongoing.

However, some local brewery owners not involved directly with the lawsuit gave us their thoughts about the legal dispute.

Chris Harker, owner of Triple C Brewing, works with a distributor by choice, but added he still disagrees with the current laws.

“I think it should always be our choice to do that,” he said. “I think it’s just common sense.

There’s a lot of alcohol laws that are outdated, hanging around since the Prohibition, and this is a key example. It feels like there’s a penalty here for being successful.”

Phil Buchy, co-owner of Legion Brewing, said he hasn’t come near the cap yet, but predicts it could be a likely he’ll hit it in the next three years.

“It would be nice if [laws] changed before we got to that point, because we would be faced with some difficult decisions,” he said.

Buchy has yet to look into his limited options in case laws stay the same. He assumes Craft Freedom will be success because, “it just makes sense.

“The laws are old and archaic and they need to be updated, so I think it’s going to change before I get [to the cap],” he said.

Chris Goulet, owner of Birdsong Brewing, also supports Craft Freedom. He explained that the cap rules were originally lobbied

by distributors who felt threatened by the mega-breweries that dominated the market before small breweries like OBM and NoDa popped up.

Back in the 1980s and ’90s, Goulet said, distribution companies were mostly small family-run businesses. Over time, they consolidated to become the major distributors that are in North Carolina today.

“It’s kind of ironic, because now they’re the group keeping the rule in place, but it actually only impacts small craft breweries started in North Carolina,” Goulet said.

WHEN BREWERIES SIGN a contract

with an outside distributor, that distributor gains ownership of the brand and takes control of pricing, sales, delivery and quality control during transportation. The breweries can only be released from the agreement under rare circumstances. The purchase of distribution rights is permanent, meaning there is no expiration date at which they are turned back to the brewers. A brewery can always go under the 25,000-barrel limit, then buy back the rights. However, those rights could cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

“Like any business, the plaintiffs are entitled to enjoy the fruits of their own labor,” the Craft Freedom complaint reads.

“As well as the freedom to choose where, when, to whom and for how much their own product is sold.”

Craft Freedom didn’t anticipate a twoyear fight. In fact, the breweries thought they had won last year after they campaigned to the General Assembly.

In April 2017, language was included in House Bill 500 that would increase the barrel limit to 200,000. The bill passed, but without that crucial detail. The cap increase was removed last minute after a House ABC Committee meeting.

According to an INDY Week review of campaign finance records, the NCBWWA and individual distributors gave a total of $53,000 to 16 House ABC committee members in 2016, a year prior to the vote.

“It appears that backroom political pressure is more important than public opinion or fighting for North Carolina small businesses,” Craft Freedom wrote on Facebook after getting news of its loss.

Kent told Creative Loafing that the beer laws don’t need revisions because they “promote a healthy, balanced marketplace offering a wide variety of choice to consumers and opportunities for industry participants.

“Craft Freedom seeks to deregulate the beverage alcohol industry for its own benefit at the expense of consumers, competing breweries and other industry participants who do not enjoy the special privileges Craft Freedom seeks,” he said.

The barrel limit was increased to 25,000 in 2003 before anyone could imagine the craft beer industry would explode the way it did over the past decade.

A game-changing piece of legislation signed in 2005, known as “Pop the Cap,” is often credited with initiating the craft beer boom.

It granted brewers the right to create beers with alcohol content higher than 6 percent, meaning brewers could create new, unique flavors with virtually endless possibilities.

North Carolina currently has ovee 200 breweries, more than four times the number in 2010. The plaintiffs are arguing the

NoDa Brewing wants to up its production without having to sign with a distributor.

PHOTOS BY JEFF HAHNE

PHOTO BY RHIANNON FIONN

Olde Mecklenburg owner John Marrino around the time he first opened his brewery in 2009.

changed landscape calls for updated laws.

The outcome of this lawsuit won’t just affect the breweries, though. The more breweries grow, the more jobs they create, in turn boosting the economy. According to Charlotte Business Journal, OMB has more than 140 employees.

Hiring a distributor also drives up beer prices, since the brewer must pay for the additional service. The distributor puts the beer in their portfolio, which some believe has a negative effect on the brewer’s business.

“I have 650 restaurants carrying my

products, over 200 retail outlets,” Marrino told WFAE in March 2017. “Frankly, if I was in a distributor’s portfolio with 980 brands, I’d be lucky if I had 100 restaurants carrying my beer.”

In a deposition, Andrew Erteschik, the plaintiff’s attorney, asked State ABC Commission Administrator Robert Hamilton, who is responsible for the “day-to-day oversight of beer regulation,” how to avoid the two options. Hamilton responded, “They could become a distributor and not be a brewer.”

“So they could change professions, essentially?” Erteschik asked.

“There’s a lot of different opportunities,” Hamilton said. “People do it all the time.”

“They could become barbers too, right?”

Erteschik chided.

“Absolutely,” said Hamilton.

When asked again about those options, Hamilton added, “Well, they could go back to school.”

We don’t know if Marrino has plans for school enrollent, but we do know of his plans to build a second brewery, possibly start selling in the Triad again (which he stopped to avoid hitting the cap) and get back to brewing beer rather than fighting for change.

BACKTALK@CLCLT.COM CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 11

NEWS

BLOTTER

BY RYAN PITKIN

HOME THIS WEEKEND! Charlotte Knights vs. Norfolk and Gwinnett

FRIDAY

FRIDAY NIGHT FIREWORKS AFTER THE GAME VS. NORFOLK

GAME AT 7:04 PM

SATURDAY VS. NORFOLK

GAME AT 7:04 PM

SUNDAY

KIDS RUN THE BASES VS. NORFOLK GAME AT 2:05 PM

MONDAY

DAVID JUSTICE APPEARANCE MEET TWO-TIME WORLD SERIES CHAMPION DAVID JUSTICE AT BB&T BALLPARK ON APRIL 30TH.

$1 HOT DOGS

VS. GWINNETT GAME AT 7:04 PM

TO PURCHASE TICKETS VISIT:

charlotteknights.com 12 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

PAINT THE TOWN Throughout the first couple weeks of April, a bevy of reports started popping up regarding various driveby shootings throughout the city; at least 10 incidents in the first 10 days of the month.

The reason this is not quite as troubling as it sounds is that each of these incidents involved paintball guns as opposed to actual guns. A woman living on McLean Road in the Newell area reported that her house was hit 12 times. An east Charlotte man told police he saw a car back into his fence, and when he walked outside to confront the driver, multiple suspects inside the car opened fire on him with paintball guns. Things took a more serious turn in west Charlotte last week when a 2-year-old girl was pelted with nine paintballs in her front yard while her mother took groceries into the house. As of April 23, CMPD reportedly responded to 150 incidents involving paintball guns since January 1. I think it’s about time we all masked up.

MOVE YOURSELF You should never ask someone you don’t know very well to help you move, not only because it’s a social faux pas, but because it could make you vulnerable to theft or even put you in danger, as happened recently to one man in east Charlotte. The victim told police he was moving into his new home in the Central Pointe Apartments and had enlisted the help of a man whom he did not know. Just after 3 p.m., the helper saw one of the victim’s handguns and picked it up.

Without warning, he pointed it at the victim and began shooting. The victim was not hit, but after he ran away, the suspect grabbed a Macbook, a pair of Gucci sunglasses and some jewelry then fled on foot, gun still in hand.

IT’S NOT FARE Despite the recent opening

of the light rail extension, CATS bus drivers are still going through the same old shit they have to deal with on a regular basis. One local driver filed a police report after being harassed and having his bus vandalized in east Charlotte last week. The driver told officers that the suspect jumped on the bus while it was sitting at a stop on Lawyers Road and began calling him derogatory names and shouting obscenities while multiple people were on the bus. The suspect never assaulted the driver, but instead punched the fare box, doing $2,074 in damage, according to the report. He then fled on foot.

BIG BROTHER Employees at CATS were also involved in a noncriminal incident recently when they called police to report that they had found a camera recording on their property and then

realized that nobody with the agency had put it there. The reporting person told police that they found a solar panel camera on CATS property near the Old Concord Road light rail station. Further investigation found that the camera did not, in fact, belong to CATS, but was placed there to help with a study on Blue Line trespassers being done by NC DOT and N.C. State University, making it only slightly less creepy.

THE HAND THAT HELPS YOU If you

think bus drivers have it hard, please take a moment to think about the ER nurses in our city who sometimes put up with ridiculous harassment despite being there simply to help save lives. One 23-year-old nurse was the victim of an outrageous assault from a patient while working the graveyard shift at Novant Health Presbyterian Medical Center in the Elizabeth neighborhood recently. The nurse told officers that she was working in the emergency room when a suspect waited for her to begin talking and then spit into her mouth. It’s at that point that you just have to let the suspect suffer from whatever brought them into the ER in the first place, just on principle alone. Go find treatment elsewhere.

GOOD GRIEF It’s never OK to leave your

dog sitting inside a locked vehicle, but perhaps you’ll be worse off if you leave it inside a running, unlocked vehicle. A 49-yearold man in Hidden Valley found this out the hard way when he thought he could run into a store quickly with no problem and lost his dog for it. The man told police that he left his Buick Rendezvous running in the driveway of a home that he ran into for seven to 10 minutes. That was all someone needed, apparently, because when he came back out it was gone. The worst part of the story is that the victim’s Chihuahua, Charlie Brown, was in the back seat.

DELIVERY DENIED On the day following

the above-mentioned theft, a delivery driver went through a similar problem with his work vehicle just down the street. The man told police he went into a business on the corner of Sugar Creek Road and North Tryon Street to make a delivery for his employer, Innovative Courier Solutions. He told police he left the keys to the company’s Ford Econoline van in the cupholder and went into the business for 20 minutes. When he came out, of course, the van was gone. This time, there was no pet in the back of the van, thank God, but there was something just as valuable to the driver. The only three items listed as stolen in the report were: “vehicle, Metro PCS cell phone and assorted drugs, to include narcotics.”

All stories are pulled from police reports at CMPD headquarters. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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NEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

LANDLORD

WOES On Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts, a home rental agreement took an X-rated turn when Leah Bassett, artist and longtime resident of Aquinnah, unknowingly leased her home to an employee of Mile High Distribution Inc., a pornography production company. In September 2014, the Boston Globe reported, Joshua Spafford approached Bassett about renting her home from October through May 2015. In March 2015, Spafford informed Bassett he had left the house because he was fired, prompting Bassett to ask her parents to stop by and check it out. They were “shocked by the deplorable state of condition in which they found their daughter’s personal residence,” according to court documents.

As “circumstances evolved,” Bassett began reviewing internet sites maintained by Mile High, which “publicly boasted about their porn shoots on chic and tony Martha’s Vineyard.” Bassett filed suit in late March in U.S. District Court, alleging the sites featured photos showing her home, artwork and furnishings, “utilizing nearly every room of her home” including scenes on top of her dining room table, sofas and in her laundry room. Defense lawyer Stephen A. Roach said the suit “arose out of a basic landlord-tenant dispute.”

COMPELLING EXPLANATION Fort

Pierce, Florida, police pulled over a car on March 21 after observing it swerving down the roadway. As they approached, they smelled marijuana, and during the ensuing search, passenger Kennecia Posey, 26, was shocked — shocked! — when police found two bags in her purse: one containing marijuana, the other cocaine.

WPLG TV reported that Posey admitted the marijuana was hers, but told officers: “I don’t know anything about any cocaine.

It’s a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse.” Posey was charged with felony possession of cocaine and misdemeanor possession of marijuana.

QUESTIONABLE

JUDGMENT On March 20, the U.S. Marine Corps fired Navy Cpt. Loften Thornton, serving as a chaplain for the Marine Forces Reserve in New Orleans, after Thornton was captured on video having sex with a woman on the street in front of the Crown & Anchor Pub, according to USA Today. Marine Reserve spokesman Lt. Col. Ted Wong said only that Thornton had been fired for “loss of trust and confidence.” According to the Navy’s strategic plan for religious ministry, chaplains “provide a source of comfort and refuge” to service members, which Thornton had apparently extended to members of the general public.

DANGEROUS FOOD Some people don’t

like ham. When Beverly Burrough Harrison, 62, received a gift of ham from her family

on Feb. 12, she waited until they left, then set it on fire and threw it in a trash can at the Bomar Inn in Athens, Alabama, where she was living. As smoke filled the room, AL.com reported, Harrison took her dog and left without alerting anyone to the fire. As a result, she was spared from being a victim of the ham bomb that blew out the front wall of the room when a can of butane fuel was ignited. Harrison was held at the Limestone County Jail on a felony arson charge and could face life in prison if convicted.

FAILURE

TO

COMMUNICATE

Things went from bad to worse for soccer player Sanchez Watt during a match in Hertfordshire, England, on March 6.

Awarded a yellow card, Watt was asked his name by referee Dean Hulme, who mistook “Watt” for “What.” As Watt repeated his name over and over, the referee became perturbed and changed the yellow card to red for dissent, BBC Sport reported. Hulme rescinded the card when someone explained the mixup. “I think everybody found it amusing afterwards, including the referee,” said team chairman Dave Boggins. “He was very apologetic.”

OUR WEIRD ADDICTION On March 6,

Royal Canadian Mounted Police participating in an awareness campaign set up several large electronic signs in North Vancouver, British Columbia, that warned drivers: “POLICE AHEAD — STAY OFF YOUR PHONE.” Despite that, within just two hours, officers ticketed 89 drivers, 74 of them for distracted driving, which results in a $368 fine, plus a $175 penalty payment on a first offense.

“It is evident there is still more education and enforcement needed to make our roads safer,” remarked Cpl. Richard De Jong to CTV News.

DISAPPOINTING Organizers of the Big

Cheese Festival in Brighton, England, on March 3 were forced to offer refunds to patrons after the event failed on several levels: 1. The festival ran out of cheese. 2.

The promised “craft” beer was Bud Light and Stella Artois. 3. The wet weather prompted some to call the event #BigMudFestival and prevented some cheese-mongers and entertainment acts from making it to the site. “Sadly, due to this, a few compromises had to be made,” festival organizers said. The BBC reported the festival has offered halfprice tickets to next year’s event for anyone who bought a ticket this year.

REPEAT OFFENDER Jonathan Rivera,

25, of Hartford, Connecticut, dutifully appeared in Hartford Superior Court March 7 to answer charges of stealing a car on Feb. 17. While he waited his turn, the Hartford Courant reported, parking authority agents outside the courthouse spotted a 2014 Subaru Legacy with license plates

that had been reported as stolen. The car itself had also been stolen from Newington, Connecticut. Police waited for the driver to return and arrested Rivera as he started to drive away in the Subaru. He was charged with second-degree larceny and taking a car without the owner’s permission.

HE IS RISEN Phoenix mom Sharron

Dobbins, 40, was determined to get her two teenage sons out of bed for Easter services on April 1. When one of them sassed her back, she grabbed a Taser and “I said, ‘Get up!

It’s Jesus’ Day!’” she told KNXV TV. Dobbins said she “sparked” the weapon just to make noise, but the 16-year-old called police, who found two small bumps on the boy’s leg and arrested Dobbins for child abuse. Dobbins told KNXV, “I did not tase my son ... all I was trying to do is tell my kids to put God first.”

CHRONICLES Last September, a celebration at a recreational lake in Wichita, Kansas, caught the eye of someone who reported seeing people “dressed in Muslim garb” with an American flag “desecrated with ISIS symbols,” reported The Kansas City Star. Shortly thereafter, Munir Zanial, an engineer for Spirit Aerosystems, was notified by Facebook that authorities were seeking information about his account, and soon a call came from the FBI, saying it had determined that the flag reported to them was a Malaysian flag and its investigation would be closed. Zanial, a Muslim from Malaysia, had rented the lake to celebrate a Muslim holiday with friends and commemorate the 60th anniversary of Malaysia’s independence. In March, Zanial filed a discrimination lawsuit in U.S. District Court after he was barred from renting the lake again.

and found no one inside, but about two hours later, her ex-boyfriend’s legs punched through the ceiling in her living room, the Salina Journal reported. Tyler J. Bergkamp, 25, of Salina had been hiding in the attic.

Police arrested him and took him to Salina Regional Health Center to recover from his fall. Five days later, he left the hospital and broke into another woman’s house, where he left his hospital gown, exchanging it for one of her T-shirts and a pair of sneakers.

Bergkamp was rearrested a short time later and faces a number of charges.

COPYRIGHT 2017 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

REDNECK

RECYCLE ME, PLEASE (Only after you’re done reading me)

CRIME REPORT A 23-year-old Salina,

Kansas, woman arrived at her home around 9:30 p.m. on March 29 to find that the door had been locked and chained from the inside.

She called police, who searched the home

Account Sales Representative Womack Publishing, is seeking a creative Account Sales Representative for several newspapers in North Carolina to promote and market the business community through our products in print and online. A college degree is preferred but not required.

A good work ethic, positive attitude and willingness to be part of a team will be an important consideration in selecting a candidate for this position.

If you enjoy meeting people, this may be the perfect opportunity for you. Womack Publishing offers a competitive salary and a full benefit program. Womack Publishing is a family owned, growing multimedia company that publishes 19 regional newspapers.

Please send your resume to: Ron Cox, Human Resource Manager, P.O. Box 111, 30 N. Main Street, Chatham VA or to rcox@womackpublishing.com CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY 2, 2018 | 15

FOOD

FEATURE

A BEER GUIDE FOR BROKE FOLKS What to drink when you’re boozing on a budget As I approached the bar at Thomas Street Tavern on a recent Thursday afternoon, I took a look at the many options before me, and went with what I believed to be the worst one.

I asked the bartender for a Schlitz and a Mickey’s, and then I paused.

“What’s another beer that is cheap as hell and rarely gets ordered?” I asked.

She looked at me like I was the cheapest bastard at the bar, which I was for the day, and she suggested an Old Milwaukee.

“Perfect. I’ll take it.”

I found myself in this discussion after an editorial staff meetign for this week’s Beer Issue, at which time I recalled a conversation I had with Brain Heffron, co-owner of Small Bar in the Music Factory, back in January 2017. Heffron was telling me why his bar prioritizes the cheap stuff over craft beer.

“People will eventually figure out that spending $10 on a beer because it smells like a strawberry juniper is not the best decision,” he told me over a couple cold Miller Lites. “If you want to go across town and buy a beer for $8 or $10 because it has a blueberry in it or whatever, that’s fine. But I believe at some point people will come to their senses and realize that beer and a good bite to eat should be reasonably priced the way it’s been for generations.”

And such is the crux of this week’s feature story. The staff did a little research and found that a certain triangle of Plaza Midwood dive bars — Thomas Street Tavern (ok, divish), Thirsty Beaver Saloon and Elizabeth Billiards — offered up the best selection of cheap beers within a walking distance of each other in the city.

Then we set out to drink them all.

On one recent Thursday night, news editor Ryan Pitkin (yours truly), art director Dana Vindigni, sales associate Justin LaFrancois and local rapper Black Linen hit Plaza Midwood to turn up on each of 12 different beers under $5 that we decided would make for a nice, diverse line-up of cheap beers.

Sure, there are some missing from the list that weren’t being served at any of the three bars we visited that night. But if you must have a Natural Light, Busch Light or Colt 45 while following along on our tour, there’s always Harris Teeter within walking distance as well.

We tested a baker’s dozen that night, and the following is the un-researched, non-expert, beyond buzzed analysis that followed…

MILLER HIGH LIFE, 4.6% ALCOHOL BY VOLUME Ryan Pitkin: High Life is, as we all know, the Champagne of Beers, and I think it’s on the higher end of the spectrum for what we’ll be drinking here today, just in that it doesn’t make you cringe to think about. This is what you get into when you’re trying to prep yourself to do some heavy drinking later on.

Dana Vindigni: This is when you transition from junior high to high school. This is what you do. You start off and say, “I’m going to start drinking Miller High Life.”

Black Linen: It’s watered down, but it’s like they use Fiji water or something. When they make High Life they use that top H2O. They call themselves the Champagne of Beers, so they’re selling an idea. It’s got a lot of flavor, too, so it’s not tasteless like Rolling Rock.

RP: The thing about High Life is that it tastes way different out of a bottle than out of a can. I can’t stand it from a can.

PABST BLUE RIBBON, 4.7% ABV DV: On the nose we’ve got a little dead tree bark smell. Miller High Life is golden, this is lighter; more of like a honey or a hay color.

BL: This beer, no matter where you go, it always fits the budget. It’s traditional. It doesn’t taste all watered down. You’re definitely getting a beer.

RP: This is my beer. The typical Plaza Midwood hipster beer. I find it hard to review in any meaningful sense because it’s just my go-to. I don’t need to know why. It just feels right.

DV: Who hasn’t had a PBR? It’s an American standard. What kind of hipster hasn’t gotten their hands on a PBR in the last 15 years?

It’s woodish. It tastes like lumber. That’s what it tastes like to me. Not sawdust, but like fresh wood. Like when you smell a real tree and you’re like, “Hmm.” It’s a little piney. It’s not bad, but that’s kind of what it reminds me of. It’s an OK beer.

16 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

OLD MILWAUKEE, 4.6% ABV

SCHLITZ, 4.6% ABV

DV: Look at how pretty this can is! Look at the sexy girl on this right now. This beer, which incidentally is strawberry-hued, is strawberry flavored as well. It’s kind of light, almost as light as the Schlitz, but with more of a straw color to it.

JL: This is the first time I’ve ever had Schlitz.

It kind of tastes like a really old PBR. I would call this lighter than both High Life and PBR. I get way more of a beer taste out of either of those.

This is just like really bad water.

They distill liquor to make it smoother, so this is like a distilled PBR. Way smoother.

Sometimes when I drink beer it feels like I’m holding Pop Rocks in my mouth. This is just dirty water. Whoever doesn’t like fizzle on your tongue too much and dry your mouth out, this is that one.

Justin LaFrancois: It kind of tastes like you rolled your cat around in blueberries then licked on it.

This is the kind of stuff I like to drink in the summer. It doesn’t get me full, it doesn’t bubble up inside me, and it’s $2.

RP: I don’t like that one as much. It’s definitely light. It tastes similar to Schlitz without the club soda vibe. I’m not quite getting the same fruity vibe y’all are getting.

RP: This tastes like an old, very-expired LaCroix — like club soda that has something terribly wrong with it.

DV: I’m really into the fact that I think Old Milwaukee has a fruity overtone and is super approachable for a beer. And it also looks completely sexist, but I wish I was wearing this girl’s outfit.

This is cool because it’s antiquated now. Like it’s so cool it’s gone out of style, come back in style, gone out of style again and now we’re resurrecting it from the dead.

JL: This is actually delicious. It doesn’t sting the tongue too much. I’m going to start drinking Schlitz wherever I can find it. I always thought Schlitz was shit, but now I think that Schlitz is the shit.

LABATT BLUE, 5% ABV JL: This Labatt Blue is definitely wheatier than the Schlitz. I can taste the malt more. It tastes darker.

This tastes like two Canadian men shaking hands in my mouth. It’s very nice. I thought this was going to be way worse.

RP: It’s maybe because I’m just bringing the Canadian into it subconsciously, but this tastes like a log cabin vacation. I can taste the Canada in it.

JL: When you say it, yeah. I just always thought, “This beer has got to taste like shit.”

But no, that was a good pilsner. [Editor’s note: It’s a lager]

RED STRIPE, 4.7% ABV JL: I always pictured this tasting like medicine, just because of the bottle. But it doesn’t. It’s like a sweet lager.

RP: It’s got that tropical vibe to it. Again, I wonder how much of the marketing plays into these tastes, when we talk about these Canadian, Mexican and Jamaican beers. I feel like this is a good beach beer, but maybe that’s just because of its Jamaican roots.

JL: This one’s a little too heavy to be a beach beer. I want something like Old Milwaukee on the beach. Something super fuckin’ light.

DV: There’s like a lime back-taste to it, it tastes citrusy kind of, which is what makes you think of the beach.

JL: It’s crazy what craft beer can do to the minds of people, because there’s nothing wrong with this beer. I could drink this for the rest of the day. But people see this as taboo. Like who the fuck orders a Red Stripe?

DV: I don’t think of Red Stripe as a taboo beer. It’s not super cheap. We’re not at $2 anymore.

RP: This is more full-bodied than anything we’ve had so far.

JL: Yes, definitely, this is that heavier bodied one that we were looking for.

Black Linen [left] and Dana Vindigni force down a Hamm’s beer at Thirsty Beaver Saloon.

CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 17

SINGHA, 5% ABV DOS EQUIS, 4.2% ABV DV: Oh yeah, oh, now I remember why I like this beer, because it tastes like I just ate a mouthful of guacafuckin’-mole. It is super delicious and kind of sweet, which you kind of take for granted when you have a bunch of light beers.

I like things that are sweet because if I’m eating candy or any garbage food I want a sweet garbage beer to go with it, and I like Dos Equis because I feel like I’m on vacation a little bit.

JL: That tastes like shit. I don’t like that one at all.

DV: The color of this one is definitely pee — cat piss, yellow, very little bubbles.

This one is all the bad things about hops. This is what you want to clean a toilet with. Not ideal.

JL: It’s like they took super old barley and washed a toilet with it.

DV: This is not an ideal beer if you want to taste anything.

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, that’s a 9.

JL: It kind of smells like a freeway underpass.

DV: Uh huh, gym socks.

JL: Like a storm drain under a freeway underpass that has old gym socks in it.

DV: But you have to admit that it’s sweeter than all the other beers.

JL: I think the Red Stripe is sweeter.

RP: Well, they’re both closer to the equator.

JL: Right, a lot of sugars down there.

DV: Dos Equis is light, but body-wise it doesn’t taste super light. It’s a little bit more medium. It’s a little heavier in the mouth.

INTERMISSION JL: My least favorite thing about drinking is feeling full, and most of these are great beers to drink when you don’t want to feel full. They’re mostly at 4.7% [ABV]. I mean, most craft beers are between 3.8 and 7.5 so that’s right in the middle.

DV: I thought these shitty beers were supposed to suck, and it turns out that none of them are sucking. We’re going to go back from the craft beer revolution to the cheap beer.

These beers we can definitely surmise are not heavy, they’re not overly complicated as far as taste, they’re simple. They’re all pretty clean, they’re all light, and they were all created in the 1850s, so they were all probably made by children. [laughs]

MICKEY’S, 5.6% ABV DV: Mickey’s is a little spicy.

RP: That tastes like a broken home. I don’t like it. It tastes like what would be on an abusive stepdad’s breath. And it even looks like a grenade.

You’re right that it has a spiciness to it. It’s got this weird burning aftertaste.

BL: My cousins up north, this is all they drink; Heineken, Mickey’s and Hennesey. That stuff is crazy.

I don’t drink Mickey’s. I had my malt liquor days. Malt liquor is the dev-il.

JL: So this is a malt liquor, ok, so now I’m picturing what it tastes like.

[From left] Black Linen, Ryan Pitkin and Justin LaFrancois at the Beaver.

DV: The spiciness kind of somehow works a little.

JL: I still have too much nachos in my mouth to taste it.

DV: No, you taste it, it tastes like regret. I totally agree that it tastes like an old man’s beer breath. And presenting it in — what is this supposed to be, a barrel?

Are we supposed to think it was stolen?

JL: It’s very cold. This is so much colder than all the other beers we’ve had.

RP: I’ve never understood why big beer companies like Coors Light advertise themselves that way. “It’s the coldest beer ever brewed!” Who cares? You put in a fridge, it’s going to be cold. Put it in a freezer, it’s going be colder. Take it out, gonna get warm.

LaFrancois early on in the mission.

18 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

YUENGLING, 4.4% ABV DV: This is a light, kind of chocolatey, midtoned beer.

JL: Heavy malt, definitely a little chocolatey.

I would call it the most craft out of everything that we’ve tasted so far.

BL: Yuengling is a good balance.

DV: It’s almost like a real beer.

JL: Well now, haven’t we decided that these beers are all real and the craft beers are just trying to take that and change it for nothing?

BL: Naw, some of these beers are fake, though. [laughs] This shit [holding a [Pinner Throwback IPA] is fake as hell.

HAMM’S, 4.7% ABV RP: This tastes like what I was expecting all of today’s beers to taste like.

JL: Yeah, this is definitely the worst tasting of them all.

This is a beer that I have to drink when I’m already drunk. I can’t start with this.

DV: This is college beer. This is the stuff that you hope you can find in your parent’s garage at night.

BL: It’s got a lot of water in there. It’s definitely been cut, so they can just make their margins on the shit.

JL: I’m getting slight notes of water, hops, yeast and malt.

And toilet.

BL: I can taste the malt liquor in there, too.

DV: I don’t think I would give this to my dog.

RP: You know that feeling when you’re really hungover and a beer sounds like the worst thing ever and the smell of one can make you puke? This tastes like that feeling. It is that beer you smell in your hangover nightmares.

BL: This is faux pimp beer. It’s C-list Colt 45.

DV: We had at least seven beers that were all good and now we’re really running into some bad beers.

DALE’S PALE ALE, 6.5% ABV RP: This tastes like a bad rip-off of a craft IPA. I can’t mess with this stuff. It’s always on special here and there, but I stay away from it. It’s been a while but now I remember why. It takes me a while just to finish one of these.

COORS BANQUET, 5% ABV RP: Is this any different than regular Coors Light? I’ve drank so many of these beers I can’t really tell anymore.

JL: This tastes like if I took a bunch of river rocks and ground them up until they were liquid and put them in a bottle.

BL: This bottle looks like it has a label on it that reads. “Drink this to cure all your ailments.”

Any virus, any bacteria you have in your body, it will kill it and it will all come out in your piss. It looks like you’re drinking lean.

DV: This is good, what’s wrong with you guys? This is not shit. “Ground up rocks” my ass.

From there, our drunken conversations veered elsewhere and we forgot about our mission and our short-lived career as beer critics...

RPITKIN@CLCLT.COM

BL: That shit just looks funny as hell in your hand, that can.

CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 19

FRIDAY

27 MODEST MOUSE

FRIDAY

27 TIME OUT YOUTH PROM

What: Maybe it’s because the band’s frontman Isaac Brock was busy in court being sued for nearly $1 million over a traffic accident.

Or maybe it’s because he just took on a new job as a bar owner in Portland. Whatever the reason, Modest Mouse hasn’t released an album in three years. But that won’t stop the indie rock band from hitting the road again. They’ll be performing in support of their 2015 album Strangers to Ourselves and hopefully writing a new one along the way.

What: There’s already a lot of anxiety surrounding prom for kids who aren’t marginalized; for young members of the LGBTQ community, it can be a nightmare. That’s where Time Out Youth comes in, and this year TOY is throwing a Masqueerade-themed social for youth 13 to 20, featuring live entertainment from Miss Charlotte Latin Pride 2017 Kourtni’ee Pope Kollins and Miss Charlotte Pride 2017 Aurora Carlisle. Too old for prom? Check out The Queen’s Royal Drag Ball at Rooftop 210.

When: 8 p.m.

Where: The Fillmore, 820 Hamilton St. More: Sold out. fillmorenc.com

When: 7-10 p.m.

Where: eXtravaganza, 1610 N. Tryon St. More: $5. timeoutyouth.org

20 | MAPR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

THINGS TO DO

TOP TEN

Modest Mouse FRIDAY

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE FILLMORE

SATURDAY

28

SATURDAY

28

Q.C. FEMME FEST

WALK A MILE IN HER SHOES

What: It has a definition, clearly, since Merriam-Webster’s named it Word of the Year in 2017. Yet feminist remains controversial.

However you define feminism, it’s never not cool to support women.

The Queen City Femme Fest is a great way to do that. The event celebrates female-owned small businesses, artists, performers, activists, educators and speakers.

The annual event raises money for Flo Charlotte, a nonprofit that provides feminine hygiene products to local homeless women.

What: Some folks say “beauty is pain,” and if you’ve ever walked a mile in high heels you’ll understand that expression. However, this temporary pain is nothing compared to the rape, sexual assault and domestic violence that so many women face. Walk A Mile in Her Shoes invites men and women to walk a literal mile in heels, all to raise money for local domestic violence organization Safe Alliance. It’s a playful way to shine light on a serious topic that is not talked about enough.

When: 5-10 p.m.

Where: Plaza Midwood More: $10 ($5 with maxi pad donation). qcfemmefest.com

When: 9 a.m.

Where: NoDa Brewing Company, 2921 N. Tryon St. More: $15 and up. safealliance.org

SUNDAY

29 OPEN STREETS 704 What: We live in a world where we mindlessly reach for car keys when going from point A to point B. But what if we didn’t? During this week’s Open Streets 704, the fifth such event to be held in Charlotte, cars are non-existent and streets are for biking, walking and dancing.

The city is shutting down four miles of roads through Plaza Midwood, Belmont, Villa Heights, NoDa, Optimist Park and Commonwealth.

They’re divided into four zones, each with its own activities: Arts and Science, Family, Green and Wellness. Now, put down the keys.

When: 1-5 p.m.

Where: North Charlotte More: Free. openstreets704.com

Open Streets 704 SUNDAY

NEWS ARTS FOOD MUSIC ODDS

Walk a Mile in her Shoes SATURDAY

Beck SUNDAY PHOTO COURTESY OF BECK

PHOTO BY TROY HULL

SUNDAY

29

MONDAY

TUESDAY

30

1

BECK

VICTOR WOOTEN

MIGOS

What: Somebody at this media company has written two cover stories on Beck for national magazines. That was a long time ago, though — circa “Loser” and Odelay, respectively. Today’s fortysomething Beck is a different animal from twentysomething avant-hip-hop-folkie Beck. He’s since gone through his funk phase, his singer-songwriter years and most recently Colors, which is practically a straight-up mainstream pop-rock record.

What: Look up the definition of polymath and you’re likely to find a picture of Victor Wooten.

The author, activist and educator is also one of the most eclectic bassists in the music business.

His supple playing has enhanced releases by fellow bass players like Bootsy Collins and Stanley Clarke. Comedian Sinbad, who was in every movie and TV show produced in the ‘90s, supplies the “fun” portion of Wooten’s Fun & Funk Xplosion Tour.

What: You’d think Appalachian State would be the last place you’d get busted for marijuana. But police weren’t having it when they smelled the odor from Migos’ tour bus. Three people were arrested for having 420 grams of marijuana (nice) and some lean. Good news for fans: the hip-hop trio got off scot-free. We doubt they’ll be back in Boone anytime soon, but luckily they’re still cool with CLT. As long as no one asks Takeoff why he was left off “Bad and Boujee.”

When: 8 p.m.

Where: CMCU Amphitheatre, 1000 N.C. Music Factory Blvd.

More: $28-up. amphitheatercharlotte.com/

When: 7 p.m.

Where: Neighborhood Theatre, 511 East 36th St. More: $22-$32. neighborhoodtheatre.com

When: 7:30 p.m.

Where: Charlotte Metro Credit Union Ampitheatre, 1000 NC Music Factory Blvd.

More: $35 and up. livenation.com

PHOTO COURTESY OF SAFE ALLIANCE

TUESDAY

1

THE HUMANS What: What better time than springtime for a play about Thanksgiving. In Stephen Karam’s hopeful-but-heartbreaking play, Erik Blake brings his Pennsylvania family to his daughter’s lower Manhattan apartment. As night falls, things turn creepy, and the Blake family is forced to face their fears — both literally and figuratively. The play takes a humorous and compassionate look at our deepest familial anxieties.

When: 7:30 p.m., runs through May 6 Where: Knight Theater, 430 S. Tryon St. More: $25 and up. blumenthalarts.org

WEDNESDAY

2

THE WORMHOLES What: If the first two singles off The Wormhole’s upcoming album, Cosmic Propaganda, are any hint, it’s going to be a hell of a spaceship ride. Their music goes “Coursing through your veins like viper venom, coloring your brain,” according to their song “The Antidote,” and the black-lit, fogged-out atmosphere at their shows adds to the spaced-out vibe. To kick off their May residency — with the album dropping halfway through — they’ll be joined by fellow CLT rockers Modern Primitives and The Business People.

When: 9 p.m.

Where: Snug Harbor, 1228 Gordon St. More: $5. snugrock.com

CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 21

MUSIC

FEATURE

TAKING CHARLOTTE MUSIC (BY STRATEGY) Casey Malone’s Zodiac Lovers release a mindblower of an album

BY GREY REVELL

I

N HIS EARLY YEARS on

Charlotte’s underground music scene, Casey Malone would amble into shows at spots ranging from the Evening Muse to the storied Yauhaus, his guitar and looper in hand, and create stunning works of aural art. No two Malone shows were ever alike. He remembers once playing three separate sets at one venue, each completely different from the others.

Malone laughs. He’s sitting at Boulevard 1820, just minutes from his home in the Wilmore neighborhood, in a worn blue-andwhite windbreaker and gold knit cap, talking about My Life in the Bush of Real People, his latest release as Zodiac Lovers. On April 19, Malone will perform at Petra’s in Plaza Midwood as Zodiac Lovers, along with fellow local acts Pretty Baby, Bince and Hoozy.

Right now, the 30-year-old is contemplating how he might tailor his performance for this specific spot.

“They have a nice piano in there,” Malone says with a chuckle. “I could use that.”

My Life in the Bush of Real People is hardly piano-bar music, but the new Zodiac Lovers album certainly involves keyboards. It’s a haunting soundtrack to post-modern urban living that teems with sputtery beats and plaintive, treated voices which melt into whines and whispers of static. It’s the drive home from a party in the wee hours as the towers of uptown Charlotte gleam and wink in pre-dawn half smiles, disembodied voices of friends and strangers jockeying for space in an addled brain.

But the mad director of this nocturnal urban soundscape isn’t really mad at all — not apparently, anyway. With his crooked glasses, big smile and slightly bemused gaze, Malone could be the hacker with a heart of gold in some ’80s tech-noir flick like WarGames, or a DJ in post punk-era Manchester, England.

Luckily for lovers of homegrown electronic music, Malone is Queen City born and bred. He grew up in a working-class family in west Charlotte listening to the music most white kids grew up listening to — “The Beatles and the Rolling Stones, of course,” he says — and attending the 22 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

PHOTOS COURTESY OF CASEY MALONE

Casey Malone makes ambient music for hoot owls and other nocturnal animals. magnet school Phillip O. Berry Academy of Technology. By the time he graduated a year early, in 2005, Malone’s musical tastes had expanded exponentially.

“I have early memories of downloading Loveless [My Bloody Valentine’s 1991 shoegaze classic] and knowing a lot about the album before I had heard it,” Malone remembers. He’d already begun to explore similar acts, such as the Lillies, an early-’90s super-shoegaze group featuring members of dreampop innovators Cocteau Twins and Lush, as well as the more electronic sounds of Björk. And Malone had discovered the adventurous hip-hop of acts ranging from A Tribe Called Quest to Kanye West.

“Hip-hop was a big interest to me. I wanted to understand how it was all made,” Malone says. Exploring hip-hop led to his fascination with samplers and sound manipulation, and after high school, Malone set about playing in various bands, bringing his skills and ear to local acts like Blossom, Black Congo and Great Architect.

By then Malone was hanging out at the Yauhaus, the home of Calabi Yau’s Bo White and Davey Blackburn, where some legendary house concerts took place. “Bo was working at Manifest Discs at the time, and invited me to play a show at his house,” Malone remembers.

White became a big supporter of Malone’s atmospheric performances, and those early Yauhaus shows led to Malone’s appearances at the Recess Fest, an experimental music series put on by White and Snug Harbor’s Zach Reader.

White, currently of Patois Counselors, remains an ardent supporter of Malone’s work. In a recent Facebook post, he praised Malone’s latest work, writing, “If it doesn’t quite resonate at first but you think it’s kind of cool, I’d advise to keep listening.”

The title of My Life In The Bush Of Real People is a nod to My Life in the Bush of Ghosts, the 1981 collaboration between Talking Heads front man David Byrne and experimental music legend Brian Eno, known for ambient and rock classics ranging from

Music for Airports to Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy). For Malone, the strategy in his new work is a bit of a shift, stylistically, for Zodiac Lovers. Like the Byrne/Eno collab, Malone’s Real People utilizes the treated human voice as a disconcerting juxtaposition of man and machine, but while Ghosts seemed to be more of a comment on the rocky relationship between people and machines, Real People seems more like the sounds of people already living in a technologically super-charged world — and feeling every moment of it.

“Eno and Byrne used sampling to make the human seem more modern and alien; Zodiac Lovers is doing the reverse,” White noted. “This was a conscious technique — taking the alien, removing any sterility, and placing it firmly into a soulful human sound.”

Malone’s earlier Zodiac Lovers set, the 7-song EP Paltry All the Time, released in 2015, was heavy on the atmospherics and melancholy, but it was more rooted in conventional song structures than the new album is. On that set, Malone offered a delicate and minimal cover of the Big Star song “Big Black Car,” along with quirky originals such as the acoustic-based “Sonny” and piano-based “One on One.” My Life in the Bush of Real People, by contrast, is abstract. Vocals slip in and out of the fog, or transform into blips and drones, as lo-fi buzzing and insect-like melodies vie for attention in the complex mixes.

“Malone’s music feels completely abstract and personal at the same time,” says Jeremy Davis of the Charlotte indie-folk group Elonzo Wesley. “It evokes particular emotions from song to song without telling you how to feel.”

Another local musician who feels Zodiac Lovers is Derrick Hines, of the electro-pop duo Bless These Sounds Under the City. Hines is fond of Malone’s fragile vocals. “The dude has a ‘lived-a-lot-of-life’ kind of voice that seems to come straight from the soul,” Hines says. “Lots of depth — but still fun.”

Says Malone, “I try to make the lyrics more or less experiential. Some of the stories are personal, or they’re stories that should be

Malone drops a beat.

ZODIAC LOVERS (W/ PRETTY BABY, OTHERS) 8 p.m. April 30. Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave. $6. petrasbar. com

told, truths that need to be heard, but always in fragments. I try to keep it open.”

When asked if he thinks the rise of digital-download culture has had a negative effect on how we discover, experience and create music today, Malone balks. “I’ve had so many awesome musical experiences that didn’t involve buying a physical album,” he says, adding that “old-school curating kinda — sucked.” What’s more, he adds, the easier access to music-making tools has been a phenomenal development. “I can’t imagine being 10 years old and having a Moog synth on my iPad,” he says. “That’s pretty much normal now. I can’t imagine what that would have been like.”

Malone takes a drink and gets reflective.

“That being said, I just bought a Soft Machine album,” he continues, referring to the pioneering jazz-based rock band associated with the 1960s U.K. Canterbury progressive music scene. Then he rethinks his previous enthusiasm about the massive shift in both the creation and consumption of music in the 21st century. “But yeah, sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s awful,” he confesses.

One thing that’s great about the easy access to so much earlier music and to musicmaking tools is that it’s made cities like Charlotte more open to the kinds of sounds Malone and others make. “I’m lucky to have known a lot of great people and collaborated on shows [in Charlotte],” Malone says. “But it can always be better. The city is coming into its own and growing, but with a little more inclusivity and open-mindedness, it can always be better.”

BACKTALK@CLCLT.COM

MUSIC

MUSICMAKER

IRON MAIDEN Death of August’s lead shredder is young, she’s hard and she rocks

BY MARK KEMP

AMIRAH BRUNACHE was only 15 when

she met 13-year-old Helena Radeva at the Guitar Center near UNC Charlotte. The two budding shredders began jamming together, eventually forming Death of August. Soon, the band was gigging around at local and regional venues like the now-shuttered Amos’ SouthEnd, the Somewhere Else Tavern in Greensboro and the Underground at the Fillmore Charlotte.

Last year, Death of August recorded and released a monster of a song, “Equinox,” that’s powered by Brunache and Radeva’s beefy slabs of vintage Black Sabbath-like riffs over gurgling bass and clattering drums.

Radeva writes and sings the lyrics, and plays a Schecter Hellraiser; Brunache strikes the rock-star poses and kicks out the jams on her koa-topped Epiphone Les Paul or red Fender Strat. They’ve enlisted Emily Cox to lay down the bottom end.

Brunache, now 20, and Radeva and Cox, both 18, have gone through drummers like the fictional headbangers of Spinal Tap, but that hasn’t kept Death of August from writing tons of new songs or planning an upcoming full-length album.

In the mean time, the band will be playing an April 27 gig at The Milestone — minus Cox, who’s undergoing surgury on her hand and will be temporarily replaced by bassist Angus Smith of the Charlotte band Written in Gray. Smith’s band mate, drummer Brooks Anders, will be holding it down behind the kit and (warning: another obligatory Spinal Tap joke here) hopefully won’t blow up.

For her part, Brunache cuts a commanding figure on stage, shaking her multi-colored hair and power-riffing on her sleek and curvy axes. We recently spoke by phone to the Brooklyn-born, Charlotte-raised guitar hero about her six-string pyrotechnics and powerhouse rock band that marries the metal menace of Metallica with the vintage, husky, femme-empowering shout-alongs of the Runaways or L7.

Creative Loafing: In “Equinox” I hear a lot of old-school influences — Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath in the guitars, and maybe some Blue Oyster Cult in the melody. Have you listened to a lot of old ’70s and ’80s-period metal?

Amirah Brunache: Oh yeah, I’ve definitely listened to those bands, Metallica especially, and Black Sabbath. Some of the guitarists that I really love are like Eddie Van Halen, Tony Iommi, Marty Friedman and Steve Vai. When I was younger I was basically listening

Amirah Brunache (left) rocks her Strat with Death of August; her longtime band mate Helena Radeva is at far right. to a lot of hard rock and classic rock, like Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, stuff like that. I had a friend who was into a lot of those bands, and I was playing a lot of Guitar Hero at the time, which has a lot of that music on it, and I found it really interesting.

probably not as much as we should, but you know, we’re always playing around in the house, so it gets really loud sometimes. [laughs] Actually, I have a show with his band next month. [Death of August and Battle Axe will share the bill at the Rabbit Hole on May 25.]

Is Death of August your first band?

Yeah, this is my first band. When I started playing guitar I never really had the intention of playing in a band. I just played because it was fun. And then I started playing with Helena, our singer/guitarist, in like 2013 when I was 15 and she was 13. I was in high school and she was just finishing middle school. We weren’t initially a band, we were just kind of jamming together. Then we were like, ‘Oh, we should form a band.’

Really? What’s it gonna be like playing on the same stage with your dad?

It’ll be real fun. Playing with bands in general is a lot of fun, but when your dad’s in the band, it’s like, yeah, that’s even cooler.

What was the first guitar you owned?

My very first guitar was one of those little First Act acoustics that you get at Walmart.

But I didn’t learn to play on that, because I accidentally broke it. The first electric I got was like a knockoff of a Fender Strat.

How did you get started playing?

I started playing guitar when I was 12. I was in seventh grade. For the first month I tried to teach myself, but that didn’t really go anywhere, so I started taking lessons at the Guitar Center. That’s where I met Helena.

Also, my dad [Newton Brunache] plays bass in a couple of bands. His older band did a lot of classic rock covers, but he has a newer band [Battle Axe] that’s a lot more on the metal side.

Do you ever jam with him?

We’ve played together a couple of times,

I’ve watched a few of your YouTube videos and notice you really understand the importance of stage presence. In metal, maybe even more than other genres, a guitarist’s stage presence has always been super important, putting the lead guitarist on equal footing with the lead singer — like Jimmy Page was always at least as important as Robert Plant. Have you spent a lot of time studying other guitarists’ moves and looks?

Definitely. A lot of the guitarists I love — whether it be like Slash or Eddie Van Halen or Steve Vai — whenever they play, the focal point is always on them, because they just have so much stage presence. I remember always wanting to look like that onstage, because they look so cool, you know? Like when you see a guitar player shredding — it just looks cool.

So yeah, I think stage presence is very important, because I don’t want to be standing there just playing, I want to put on a show and look exciting onstage. No one’s gonna want to watch you if you’re just standing there. They’ll get bored and watch something else.

PHOTO BY OBSCVRE PHOTOGRAPHY

You also play a Gibson Les Paul, which not only sounds great but looks great.

Was looks a factor in your choice of guitars?

Yeah, well, that’s actually an Epiphone Les Paul, but… [laughs] Eh, that’s Gibson enough…

Yeah.

Any other guitars?

The other guitars that I have are a Strat — like now I have an actual Fender Strat — and an Ibanez acoustic.

I saw a photo of Death of August doing an acoustic show — do you do the same songs in your acoustic sets that you do plugged in?

When we do acoustic shows or acoustic open mics, it’s just kind of a way to play without having to have a full band. It’s more laid-back, you know. We do some of the same songs, but a lot of our original songs wouldn’t really work acoustically, so we do some covers — like we do the Ramones song “Needles and Pins,” and we do a Rise Against song, and we even do Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds.” So it’s kind of like half and half.

Charlotte has a pretty robust metal scene. How close is your band with other bands, like Den of Wolves or Blackwater Drowning?

I would say we’re pretty tightly knit with the other bands. I mean, the metal scene really is great in Charlotte. There’s so many great bands. Every time I go to a show I’m just blown away, and I try to go to as many local CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 23

PHOTO BY STEVE MOORE

Brunache strikes a pose.

‘WHEN YOU SEE A GUITAR PLAYER SHREDDING, IT JUST LOOKS COOL.” AMIRAH BRUNACHE shows as I can, just because I love to get out there and support the scene. You mentioned Blackwater Drowning — they’re one of my favorites, they just blow me away every time I see them live. We’ve played with them maybe once. And then there’s also this band called Kairos — I don’t know if you’ve heard of them, but I like them a lot, too.

I understand this is the first time you’re playing The Milestone. What’s it feel like to be performing at such a legendary club that’s had so many great bands over the years: Bad Brains, COC, Fugazi, Hole, Nirvana — on up to all the cool bands that play there nowadays?

Nirvana played there? I didn’t know that. [pauses] I’ve been going to The Milestone for like the last two years, and it’s such a great venue. Every time I go there, there’s always a great lineup of bands, so it feels really good to finally be able to play there myself.

24 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

You recorded “Equinox” with Barry Sams of Skinn Jakkitt. Now that you have that out there, when will you have enough material for a full-length album?

We already have enough material for a fulllength album. We have quite a few songs that we haven’t even played live yet, so material is not really the issue — it’s the recording part that we have to do. But we’ll hopefully have something out later this year.

Where would you like to be five years from now?

I’d like to be playing more shows on a regular basis. I think it’d be cool to do some touring, out of state and all that.

How about just a year from now? [laughs] I’d like for us to have a drummer.

MKEMP@CLCLT.COM

MUSIC

MUSICBITE

THE DREAM WEAVER RETURNS Shiprocked! founder launches new bi-monthly party at Snug Harbor

BY ERIN TRACY-BLACKWOOD

LAST WEEK an event post appeared

on Facebook that began with some of the happiest words an O.G. Charlotte party kid can hear: “Hey y’all, it’s Weaver and I’m back with a new party...”

That’s Scott Weaver, for those new to Charlotte (or maybe just to partying in Charlotte). He’s the Wolf of Plaza Midwood and the former captain of a weekly go-go, drag and debauchery extravaganza called Shiprocked!, which ran for a decade at Snug Harbor before ending in May of 2017.

Each year during the Shiprocked reign of glitter and glam, it picked up awards for being the best party in Charlotte. It was the first party to combine drag, burlesque, rockn-roll and ass shaking in an environment where people of all cultures, sexualities and backgrounds came together comfortably and without pretense. Weaver’s new concept promises to follow the trail that he blazed himself. Its name? MUTHAFCKR, of course.

Weaver describes MUTHAFCKR as

“fun, campy and funky” with a focus on live performances. What will differentiate it from other parties is “a very healthy dose of girl and queer power...and serious dance party vibes.” Think female emcees like Missy Elliot and Cardi B, queer hip hop a la Cakes Da Killa, vogue, trap and some good ol’ Nola bounce.

“I’m gonna style it though,” says Weaver, “There’ll be glitter, dancers, make-up, live performances…it won’t just be me up there DJing. It’s gonna be a thing.”

The inaugural edition of this “thing” is going down Friday night at Snug Harbor, and it will feature a live performance by the queer Chicago rapper Big Dipper. You may know him from his viral video “La Croix Boi.” It’s a 90s-style R&B ode to the seductive power of America’s favorite sparkling water that’s been viewed about half a million times and hailed

by NPR as “peak summer.”

“I’ve wanted to bring Big Dipper to Charlotte for a long time and he fit perfectly for this event. I plan to bring in a lot of cool

Weaver’s back at the helm. guest artists for these parties,” said Weaver.

Weaver says MUTHAFCKR is “bimonthly” but that word can be misleading.

You’ll be disappointed if you show up at Snug for the event every other week month, because it will actually take place every other month. He also plans to resurrect Shiprocked! on a quarterly basis. “It works out so that I have a party every month for three months,

PHOTO BY BRIAN TWITTY

and then I take the fourth one off.”

In that downtime, he’ll just be running several of the stores he owns, playing in his band, Miami Dice, maybe doing a little interior design on the side — no big deal. Just kidding, Scott Weaver is totally a big deal and if he’s taking the time to curate and DJ one of his signature parties for us, we’ll be there bi-monthly.

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CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 25

MUSIC

SOUNDBOARD APRIL 26 BLUES/ROOTS/INTERNATIONAL Jeff Whittington (Cabarrus Arts Council, Concord) Walter Trout, Tinsley Ellis (Neighborhood Theatre)

CLASSICAL/JAZZ/SMOOTH Davidson College Symphony Orchestra: Bernstein Birthday Bash (Davidson College’s Duke Family Performance Hall, Davidson)

COUNTRY/FOLK Lydia Loveless, Amigo (Visulite Theatre)

DJ/ELECTRONIC DJ Matt B (Tin Roof) Le Bang presents SLAY! (Snug Harbor)

POP/ROCK Carmen Tate Solo Acoustic (Eddie’s on Lake Norman, Mooresville) Open Mic at Studio 13 (Studio 13, Cornelius) Act II (RiRa Irish Pub) Chris Jones Trio (Summit Coffee Co., Davidson, Davidson) Coughing Dove, Blank Ocean, Death For Hours, iamyou (Petra’s) Hectagons!, Black Fleet (Milestone) Karaoke (Hattie’s Tap & Tavern) Kerry Brooks, Emily Lord, David Childers (Comet Gril) Lydia Loveless, Amigo (Visulite Theatre) Open Mic music with Willie Douglas (Crown Station Coffeehouse and Pub) Rockin’ Road To Dublin (Ovens Auditorium) Shana Blake and Friends (Smokey Joe’s Cafe)

APRIL 27 CLASSICAL/JAZZ/SMOOTH Charlotte Symphony: Brahms Piano Concerto No. 1 (Belk Theater) Eileina Dennis sings Sarah Vaughan (Stage Door Theate) Jazzy Fridays (Freshwaters Restaurant)

COUNTRY/FOLK The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)

DJ/ELECTRONIC DJ Soden (RiRa Irish Pub) Mirror Moves - 80’s Dance Party! (Petra’s) 26 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

POP/ROCK The Darkness, Diarrhea Planet! (The Underground) Den of Wolves, Divine Treachery, Arms Of Venus & Death Of August (Milestone) The Devon Allman Project, Duane Betts (Neighborhood Theatre) Empire Strikes Brass (The Rabbit Hole) Firefall (Don Gibson Theatre, Shelby) The Freeway Revival (Heist Brewery) Green Apple Gig: Gary & Larkin Dodgen, The Bad Daddies (Visulite Theatre) In Plain Site, Milk & Honey (Crown Station Coffeehouse and Pub) Jay Taylor (Tin Roof) Jimmy Buffett, The Coral Reefer Band (PNC Music Pavilion) John R. Miller Band (Hattie’s Tap & Tavern) Mannish Boys (Comet Grill) Modest Mouse, Mass Gothic (The Fillmore) Pluto for Planet (RiRa Irish Pub) Rod Fiske (Shore Club, Tega Cay) Side Effect (Jack Beagles)

APRIL 28 COUNTRY/FOLK Nashville Hitmakers: Legends of Country Music: Even Stevens, Scotty Emerick, Tony Arata, Wynn Varble (Don Gibson Theatre, Shelby)

CLASSICAL/JAZZ/SMOOTH Charlotte Symphony: Brahms Piano Concerto No. 1 (Belk Theater) Eileina Dennis sings Sarah Vaughan (Stage Door Theater)

DJ/ELECTRONIC DJ Duplex (Tin Roof) DJ Ynot (RiRa Irish Pub) Tilted DJ Saturdays (Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Black Masala, Jouwala Collective (The Music Yard) Lyricist’s Lounge (Upscale Lounge & Restaurant)

POP/ROCK Apples Brothers Band (Jack Beagles) Atlas Road Crew, C2 & The Brothers Reed (Visulite Theatre) Bully, Shellshag (Snug Harbor) Fireball’s Birthday Bash: Lil Skritt, Dip, Trout

SOUNDBOARD Mouth, Grade A Grooves, Asbestos Boys (Milestone) ISH (Smokey Joe’s Cafe) Larger Than Life - A Boyband Tribute (Tin Roof) Rick Spreitzer and the Antique Babies (Summit Coffee Co., Davidson) Shwizz (Heist Brewery) Todd Snider, Rorey Carroll (Neighborhood Theatre) Truckstop Preachers (Comet Grill) Twiddle, Midnight North (The Underground) Wicked Powers (RiRa Irish Pub)

APRIL 29 CLASSICAL/JAZZ/SMOOTH Carolina Voices’ Festival Singers Presents Celestial Sounds (Central Piedmont Community College - Tate Hall) Charlotte Concert Band: Music from Stage to Screen (Knight Theater)

DJ/ELECTRONIC Bone Snugs-N-Harmony (Snug Harbor) More Fyah - Grown & Sexy Vibes (Crown Station Coffeehouse and Pub)

POP/ROCK Beck (Charlotte Metro Credit Union Amphitheatre) Don Telling’s Island Mysteries (Lunchbox Records,) High Cube, Granddad, Meangirls, Dollhands (Milestone) Kate Nash, Miya Folick (The Underground) Omari and The Hellhounds (Comet Grill) The Temptations, The Four Tops (Belk Theater)

APRIL 30 CLASSICAL/JAZZ/SMOOTH Student Recital - Katherine Copenhaver (Davidson College Tyler-Tallman Recital Hall, Davidson) Jazz Jam (Crown Station Coffeehouse and Pub)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B #MFGD Open Mic (Apostrophe Lounge) Knocturnal (Snug Harbor)

POP/ROCK Jamorah (Smokey Joe’s Cafe) Music Bingo (Tin Roof)

Music Trivia (Hattie’s Tap & Tavern) Open Mic with Lisa De Novo (Legion Brewing) Patois Counselors, Giggly Boys, Julian Calendar, Gasp (Milestone) Victor Wooten, Sinbad (Neighborhood Theatre) Zodiac Lovers, Pretty Baby, Bince, Hoozy (Petra’s)

MAY 1 CLASSICAL/JAZZ/SMOOTH Herb Alpert, Lani Hall (McGlohon Theater)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Eclectic Soul Tuesdays - RnB & Poetry (Apostrophe Lounge) RapCaviarLive: Migos, Lil Yachty, Trippie Redd, Lil Baby, City Girls (Charlotte Metro Credit Union Amphitheatre) Soul Station (Crown Station Coffeehouse and Pub)

COUNTRY/FOLK Red Rockin’ Chair (Comet Grill)

POP/ROCK Brie Capone, Matt Townsend & The Wild Lights, Larkin Dodgen (Snug Harbor) Open Jam with the Smokin’ Js (Smokey Joe’s Cafe) Uptown Unplugged with Brooke Blackburn (Tin Roof) Open Jam with the Smokin’ Js (Smokey Joe’s Cafe) Open Mic hosted by Jarrid and Allen of Pursey Kerns (The Kilted Buffalo, Huntersville)

4/26 LYDIA LOVELESS 4/28 ATLAS ROAD CREW 5/2 TAUK 5/4 COSMIC CHARLIE 5/6 (the) MELVINS 5/11 SOUTHSIDE WATT 5/12 MAGIC GIANT 5/19 TheCLARKS 5/15 TANK AND THE BANGAS 5/18OF GOOD NATURE 5/22 LILLIE MAE 5/25 MATTHEW SWEET 6/9NIGHT RIOTS 5/31 Justin Townes Earle 6/16 Town Mountain 6/21AMERICAN AQUARIUM 7/19 ROOSEVELTS 7/20 JGBCB 7/21JUPITER COYOTE 7/23 FANTASTIC NEGRITO

POP/ROCK 10 Years (The Underground) Emerald Empire Band Showcase (Jack Beagles) May Residency: The Wormholes, Modern Primitives, The Business People (Snug Harbor) Open House & Karaoke (Sylvia Theatre, York) Songwriter Open Mic @ Petra’s (Petra’s) TAUK (Visulite Theatre) Trivia & Karaoke Wednesdays (Tin Roof)

COMING SOON Blue October (May 3, Fillmore) Carbon Leaf (May 5, Neighborhood Theatre) David Byrne (May 9, Ovens Auditorium) Buddy Guy, Mavis Staples (May 10, Ovens Auditorium) Steely Dan, Doobie Brothers (May 10, PNC Music Pavilion) David Bromberg Quintet (May 16, Neighborhood Theatre) St. Vincent (May 21, Fillmore) Khalid (May 23, Charlotte Metro Credit Union Amphitheare) Bishop Briggs (May 25, Fillmore) Foreigner (July 4, PNC Music Pavilion) Sam Smith (July 6, Spectrum Center) Barenaked Ladies (July 5, Charlotte Metro Credit Union Amphitheare) Weezer, Pixies (July 25, PNC Music Pavilion) Alan Jackson (September 15, Spectrum Center) Maroon 5 (October 4, Spectrum Center)

MAY 2

IT’S OK TO STALK US. WE DON’T MIND.

BLUES/ROOTS/INTERNATIONAL Bugalú: May Edition (Petra’s) The Gipsy Kings (Belk Theater)

HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B Free Hookah Wednesdays Ladies Night (Kabob House, Persian Cuisine)

DJ/ELECTRONIC Karaoke with DJ Alex Smith (Petra’s) Cyclops Bar: Modern Heritage Weekly Mix Tape (Snug Harbor)

COUNTRY/FOLK Open Mic/Open Jam (Comet Grill)

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MUSIC

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FRIDAY, MAY 4

COYOTE JOE’S 27TH BIRTHDAY BASH

STARRING

GRANGER SMITH FEATURING EARL DIBBLES JR BUD LIGHT $2.25 HOUSE VODKA $3.50 LIMITED ADVANCE $10 ALL OTHERS $12

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CLCLT.COM | MAPR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 27

ARTS

FEATURE

PAPERHOUSE PUTS THE ‘HER’ IN SHERLOCK The local theater group offers a fresh and playful look at the great detective

BY PAT MORAN

N

ICIA CARLA HAS MADE it her business to know Sherlock Holmes. For instance, she knows The Sherlock Project, PaperHouse Theatre’s latest immersive and interactive adventure at The Frock Shop, cannot skimp on the props.

Sherlock’s pipe, violin and magnifying glass are no mere bric-a-brac one finds at 221B Baker Street, the lodgings the great detective shares with his steadfast companion Dr. John Watson. For the legion of hardcore Holmes aficionados, these items are totems, almost magical items Sherlock uses to impose order on a chaotic, crimeridden universe. The magnifying glass pinpoints clues that lesser minds are sure to miss. The violin comes into play when Holmes grapples with a particularly puzzling clue. And for extremely knotty problems, the master of deduction fires up the contemplative clay pipe.

So, Carla’s got all that stuff covered — but she’s also added an accoutrement that Sherlock fans do not normally associate with the world’s most famous consulting detective. This version of Sherlock Holmes has a vagina.

“When I first got the idea to do The Sherlock Project, I knew Sherlock was going to be a woman,” Carla says. The PaperHouse Theatre artistic director and producer and director of the show is speaking by phone as she walks the bustling hallways of North Mecklenburg High School where she has been teaching Theater Arts since midFebruary. Upon reaching the relative quiet of her office, she settles in to talk about putting the “her” in Sherlock. Carla admits she was surprised that in all the iterations of Sherlock essayed in books, films and TV shows; she hadn’t encountered a female Holmes. She asked herself, “Why not?”

“Sherlock is direct, unapologetic and intelligent,” Carla explains, attributes we usually give to a man. “Often if a woman is that way, we find it less attractive, even abrasive.” Holmes’ self-assurance, which can border on arrogance, is also part of the character’s charm, Carla feels.

“That’s why a client goes to Sherlock, “ she reasons. “Sherlock is certain. Sherlock is going to know how to figure things out.”

28 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

Private Eyes. Clockwise from top left-Berry Newkirk, Angie Chandler, Chaz Pofahl, Andrea King Befitting its title, The Sherlock Project is a playful experiment, so Carla wondered what those attributes — intelligence, confidence and self-assurance — would look like in a woman. She asked herself if a female Sherlock would be demure and apologetic. The answer was a resounding no. A diffident air would not be in keeping with the character first introduced by Arthur Conan Doyle in the 1887 story “A Study in Scarlet.”

“Sherlock can’t stop being Sherlock,” Carla explains. “She can’t help it that she’s brilliant.”

Though Carla and her collaborators flipped the scrip on Sherlock’s sex, there was never any doubt that Watson would remain masculine.

“Watson is comfortable with being number two,” Carla says. “He has that helper quality, which so often in movies, plays and life, we attribute to women.” Drawing on her

background as a drama teacher, Carla explains the relationship between Watson and Holmes in acting terms, primarily the ideas of status — which character is preeminent in any given situation.

“Not only does Sherlock take status, but Watson gives Sherlock status. It takes a lot of grace to do that.” In Conan Doyle’s stories, we see Holmes through Watson’s eyes, Carla maintains, and that conceit carries through to film and TV versions. Watson is the lens through which we view Sherlock.

“We only know Sherlock is brilliant because Watson tells us that Sherlock is brilliant.”

In the Sherlock Holmes stories and shows, even the most ghastly doings in gas lit, fogbound Victorian England have a cozy feel. So it is fitting that The Sherlock Project will be staged in The Frock Shop, an intimate

PHOTO BY CHAD CALVERT

comfortable dress shop in Plaza Midwood.

It’s also ideal, Carla says, because the Frock Shop jump-started The Sherlock Project. Two years ago, the troupe staged She Who Watches an adaptation of Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu’s lesbian-themed vampire tale “Carmilla,” at the Central Avenue dress shop. That was the show that convinced PaperHouse to attempt another Victorian-era adaptation at the venue.

“The Frock Shop has it’s own personality and presence,” Carla explains. “I wondered who would live at this place?” The answer of course was Sherlock.

“It makes sense that Sherlock is here.”

Drawing on her family’s love of crime fiction — she remembers her mother constantly reading mystery novels — Carla started workshopping The Sherlock Project with a group of collaborators including

“SHERLOCK IS DIRECT, UNAPOLOGETIC AND INTELLIGENT. OFTEN IF A WOMAN IS THAT WAY, WE FIND IT LESS ATTRACTIVE, EVEN ABRASIVE.” NICIA CARLA

‘The Sherlock Project’

The Frock Shop, 901 Central Ave. Thursday-Saturday, 8 p.m, April 26-May 12. $30. paperhousetheatre.com.

Top: Accusations! - Top L-R- Nicia Carla, Angie Chandler, Chaz Pofahl- Bottom L-R -Berry Newkirk, Andrea King Top Right: Sherlock fiddles- L-R -Berry Newkirk, Angie Chandler, Andrea King, Chaz Pofahl Right: Astounding! Top L-R- Nicia Carla, Angie Chandler, Chaz Pofahl- Bottom L-R -Berry Newkirk, Andrea King

Rebecca Costas, Karina Caporino, Chester Shepherd, MB Schaffner, Devin Clark, Jenn Grabenstetter, Sarah Provencal, Chaz Pofahl, Andrea King, Angie Chandler Chad Calvert and Kelly Nicholson.

“We approached it like a book club,” Carla remembers. Members of the fluid group were assigned stories to read, and then they would meet at Carla’s house to discuss the readings and brainstorm for the production. Carla and her cohorts discovered that the canon of Canon Doyle stories is far from consistent.

For example, the wound Watson received as a British army doctor in Afghanistan jumps disconcertingly from his shoulder to his leg depending on which story you are reading.

“The timeline in the stories is inconsistent,” Carla notes, “so that gave us permission to craft out own timeline.” The troupe also rediscovered the sheer fun of reading Sherlock and Watson’s adventures.

“I think some of the stories are funny,” Carla says. She cites “The Blue Carbuncle,” where a would-be thief absconds with a

precious gem and hides it in the gullet of a typically English goose at Christmastime.

Holmes discovers the theft and lets the failed miscreant go, figuring he’s learned his lesson through his failed attempt at grand theft.

“It’s like a Doctor Who Christmas Special,” says Carla laughing. “It’s so silly.” Carla also points out that Holmes can be vain, and that she possesses a certain theatrical flair.

“We stage the scene where Sherlock and Watson meet,” she continues. “Sherlock has just successfully completed an experiment and she stands up bows to an imaginary audience. It’s such a fun and funny thing.”

“Sherlock is a genius, but she’s not [Star Trek’s] Mr. Spock,” Carla concludes. “She has a playful side.”

For The Sherlock Project, like many of PaperHouse’s past productions at the venue, refreshments and snacks will be served, the audience will move about the shop as the show progresses, and their participation will be encouraged. The show starts with an interactive party at 221B Baker Street with

PHOTOS BY CHAD CALVERT

puzzles to solve, which are inspired by clues from the Conan Doyle stories, Carla explains.

Once the play proper begins, the audience will be asked for the input to move the plat forward, she adds. Carla herself will play Mrs. Hudson, Holmes and Watson’s landlady and de facto housemother, the woman who facilitates events and sees to all guests’ needs.

“It’s a natural part for me,” says Carla laughing. “It’s fun because I haven’t acted in a PaperHouse show in a while.”

Andrea King portrays Holmes. Carla praises the crispness and clarity King brings to the role, as well her innate likability.

Likeability, Carla says is a far more important component to Holmes than people often realize.

“Sherlock feels no need to connect to anyone,” Carla explains. “Sherlock doesn’t care.” That said, the audience must empathize with the great detective, Carla feels. The trick, which King accomplishes through her innate warmth, is to forge a bond without seeming to work for it. Chaz Pofahl also brings comfort

and kindness to his role as Watson.

“Chaz has told me, ‘I am Watson,’” Carla says. “He has so much comfort with his masculinity that he doesn’t need to project it.” The cast also includes Angie Chandler and Berry Newkirk who portray multiple characters at a dizzying pace, Carla promises.

Amid all this mayhem and mystery, the emotional core of the material rests with the characters of Holmes and Watson, Carla says.

There is an enduring platonic love between them.

“They exist together,” she says. “They are at their best together.”

There is also a sense of security with Holmes, Carla maintains. We love that Sherlock can solve a mystery with reason and science, and that the solution is not just Sherlock’s opinion, she adds.

“Many times Sherlock says be careful about jumping to conclusions because once you’ve done that, you’re going to shape the facts to fit your own understanding. That’s an important thing for us to think about now.”

CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 29

ARTS

and McCarthy — and also unlike Hanks’ man-child in Big — Renee doesn’t remain a decent human being; instead, her delusion leads her to start treating those she deems not beautiful, like older people and even her longtime best friends (Aidy Bryant and Busy Phillips), with a certain measure of contempt and dismissal. It’s a perplexing plot point that renders her far less sympathetic, and if the film’s notion is that people should be judged by their inner beauty, then what are we to think when the lead character displays an ugliness at her core?

Of course, Renee learns her lesson by the end — treat everyone equally! — but the film’s muddled messages do little to similarly educate viewers. Renee’s speech about loving yourself for who you are arrives as she’s hawking a new makeup line — umm, OK? The efforts to push across the notion that the pre-bump Renee is a complete ogre are absurdly over-the-top, as evidenced by such cringe-worthy bits as a jerk mistaking her for a “Sir.” (Really? With those lips, those curves,

FILM

Amy Schumer in ‘I Feel Pretty’ (Photo: STX Entertainment)

STX ENTERTAINMENT

MIXED MESSAGES

Fine performances aid muddled movie

BY MATT BRUNSON

IMPORTANT ISSUES receive an often problematic presentation in I Feel Pretty (** out of four), an exercise in empowerment that ultimately proves to be less than the sum of its parts. Or should that be body parts, given the film’s laser-like focus on outward appearances?

Amy Schumer stars as Renee Bennett, a woman who’s miserable because she doesn’t look like all the wafer-thin beauties who work out alongside her at SoulCycle classes or who appear in ads for Lily LeClaire, the makeup conglomerate for whom she toils in their remote basement office. But after catching the Tom Hanks comedy Big on television — and studying the scene in which little Josh Baskin is granted his wish by a Zoltar machine — Renee makes a similar plea to become beautiful (instead of Zoltar, her wish is directed at what she imagines to be a magic fountain).

The next day, Renee’s wish is granted — sort of. Falling off a stationary bike, she bumps her head and wakes up believing she has been physically transformed into a RoboBabe. Of course, she looks exactly 30 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

the same, but her belief in her physical makeover results in a newfound confidence that, among other developments, nabs her a boyfriend in the sweet and sensitive Ethan (Rory Scovel) and emboldens her to become the receptionist at LeClair HQ, where her unflagging enthusiasm captures the attention of founder Lily LeClaire (Lauren Hutton) and her grandkids, superstar models Avery LeClaire (a great comedic turn by Michelle Williams) and Grant LeClair (Tom Hopper).

As the self-loathing Renee, Schumer delivers a strong performance that poignantly punches across the feelings of insecurity and anguish experienced by anyone who has ever believed they don’t measure up to a shallow society’s lofty standards of perfection. And as the self-confident Renee, she’s effective in her ebullience, even if she’s nowhere near as endearing as Rebel Wilson in Pitch Perfect or Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids (two plussized actresses allowed the rare opportunity to play assertive and sex-positive roles). Part of the problem here rests in the unfortunate character turn devised by writer-directors Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein. Unlike the aforementioned heroines essayed by Wilson

that hair?) The attitudes toward some of the supporting characters are also ill-advised, such as the insulting gags involving Renee’s socially awkward and overweight colleague (Adrian Martinez) and his image problems (the “highlight” finds him dropping his toilet paper roll as he’s combating diarrhea) and the patronizing bits directed at the pretty people (Renee is shocked — shocked! — to learn that hotties have problems, too).

Kohn and Silverstein were the scripters responsible for such dismal endeavors as He’s Just Not That Into You (sagely described by my wife as “the type of movie where feminism goes to die”) and Valentine’s Day, so it’s admirable that I Feel Pretty is at least reasonably entertaining and doesn’t actively kill brain cells. But while it seems to have its heart in the right place, it’s ultimately too flat-footed and wrong-headed to do a body good.

BACKTALK@CLCLT.COM

CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 31

ARTS

MODERN EROTIC

WILLING AND ABLE Dating with disabilities involves misperceptions and wrongful assumptions MYRON, 28, has had the Tinder dating app on his phone off and on for the past two is a “visible” disability, meaning that it’s years. apparent to others. In his high school A few months ago, he joined OkCupid, geometry class, a classmate asked whether where he’s had a little more luck. Recently, he he could feel when he peed. matched with a girl who, early in their virtual Myron came right back with something conversation, said something like this: to the effect of, “Can you?”

“Before we go any further, I just want to He’s always preferred that people ask get something out of the way.” direct questions, because he was raised to be Myron knew what was coming. He’s open to educating others about his disability. had many conversations like this. Myron He’s always wanted people to know that he has cerebral palsy, which affects his motor and others like him are just like everyone function. else.

He says it’s hard to describe how his daily There’s a false assumption that dating a life is affected because he’s so used to it, person in a wheelchair or a person with like an article of clothing he doesn’t a disability means that you’ll have even think about. But he does say to provide care for that person, it generally takes him longer which is not the case. Myron to do things. He also uses a hasn’t had to grapple with wheelchair. this issue personally, So, he wasn’t surprised but he says that people when his OkCupid match who require an aide or asked, “Can you have intensive day-to-day care sex?” work to keep romance In fact, he was glad and care separate. she asked.

Myron addresses Many people avoid another assumption, too: ALLISON having the conversation.

“Don’t automatically assume Myron commended her for BRADEN that we can’t have sex, because having the gumption to ask the you would be assuming wrong.” question. He’s always been open He wants others to be as interested about answering others’ questions, in getting to know him as they are in getting but even so, the exchange left him feeling to know others. awkward. Not because she asked or because “It’s ok to be curious,” he says. “I want of the topic, but because the question forced people to always feel like they can ask a Myron to confront a stubborn reality of his question.” dating life.

Myron knows that asking can be “Other people might have a problem with uncomfortable. In fact, most of the time, seeing me as sexual,” he says. “Maybe my when awkward questions arise, he doesn’t disability influences attractiveness.” feel any discomfort about the topic.

But despite his disability and the He’s been answering questions his whole way others see him, Myron has had a life. Instead, he feels awkward because he dating experience similar to most other knows the other person is uncomfortable.

20-somethings: He’s had crushes and desires, That’s how he felt when his OkCupid match chemistry and missed signals. quizzed him about his capabilities. After Like everyone, he’s had to adapt his sex answering her questions, their conversation life to his desires and capabilities, finding sex fizzled. positions that work and grappling with self“I’m disheartened with how the consciousness and body-image issues. experience on the dating sites has gone,” he Talking about his first sexual experience, says. “I guess people are superficial.”

Myron could be anyone on earth: “I didn’t But Myron hasn’t given up yet. Like have any prior experiences that told me what millions of other dating app users, he’s going to expect.” to keep swiping, with the hope that love— His sex education mirrored that of most real, deep, curious, sexual, transcendent other adolescent Americans: He hit puberty love—is just around the corner. and figured it out, picking up on the way “I’m just going to continue being open,” things worked from Robin Williams bits, he says, “and we’ll go from there.” movies and his friends and parents.

BACKTALK@CLCLT.COM But despite these commonalities, Myron’s 32 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 33

ENDS

NIGHTLIFE

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the door and donning wristbands, we walked “AERIN WHY don’t you ever write about to the inside bar. We waited for around 15 bad experiences you have in your articles?” minutes to order while other patrons and the boyfriend asked as we exited Suffolk Punch on Saturday evening. I’d already made couples rotated in and out. I started to up my mind that — after vowing to never sweat. Customer service is one of the first become that person who only writes a review things I always pay attention to at a nightlife after a bad experience — I was going to venue. When we were finally greeted by a write “healthy” reviews on Yelp and Google. bartender, there was no warm greeting or an I laughed at my boyfriend because I’d been acknowledgement of our wait time, but the asked that many times before. And the truth equivalent of, “Yes?” and a nod. is complicated. But before I go into that, let What made it worse? The $12 cocktails me rewind. we ordered were beyond lackluster.

This year, my birthday falls on a I ordered the blonde Bloody Wednesday. I have negative PTO Mary and the boo ordered a time so going all out Wednesday margarita. You’d think those night is most likely not going were safe bets. But when I to happen. In anticipation of this unfortunate reality, say I left the full Bloody I decided to spend this Mary resting on a table past weekend doing outside, I mean it. The whatever it was that I marg we shared but it was wanted to do. Not that clear no love went into the that’s not a regular making of that drink. I felt occurrence with me and so embarrassed of making the boyfriend, but on this AERIN SPRUILL the suggestion I almost went occasion I can whine as much back in to have another drink as I want (sung in Lesley Gore’s made. But the boyfriend pointed voice) – or at least that’s what I out that it would probably take 155 told myself. more minutes to even speak with someone When we finally woke up on Saturday, so I relented. we decided to go to NoDa Company Store.

Even though the flea market we wanted to *Don’t be an angry black woman* I’d go to was over, The Dumpling Lady was still thought to myself when my emotions serving up tasty dumplings for us to eat. started to run high. And to my earlier point, We’d been talking about giving this food that’s where my issue with writing negative truck a try for quite some time so it didn’t reviews lied. On the one hand, any publicity take too much to convince him it was worth is good publicity. On the other, I was raised the drive despite having a short window of by parents who were constantly saying, “If time to also attend the Girl Tribe Pop Up you can’t say anything nice, don’t say nothin’ Event in South End. And let me tell you: It. at all.”

Was. Worth. It. As we walked out and he casually asked Fast forward. After shopping the pop-up the question, I knew that my answer was boutiques in South End, we were trying to embedded in that moment of “not wanting decide what we wanted to do next. We try to be perceived as an angry black woman.” I to avoid the day-drinking train early on so explained to him how I felt that sometimes we wanted to keep it low key. But as you know, it’s hard to imagine how you’re going it feels counterproductive to write a negative to stay busy during the day on weekends review. Half the battle is believing that half — unless you’re renting a bike or getting of my audience will expect me to act a certain physical — without drinking. I ran through way, think a certain way or enjoy a certain a short list of places I’d want to go in South space. So, why reinforce those expectations?

End that may lead to a cocktail but not a To which, he wholeheartedly disagreed. In day-drinking shitshow. Suffolk Punch won. fact, he felt remaining silent is almost doing I knew it wasn’t necessarily our scene but the nightlife scene a disservice. Feedback is thought the pace would be slow enough for different than ignorance. us to still enjoy. I was wrong.

How do you deal with or approach I’d visited the venue twice before and negative experiences at bars, restaurants or while it wasn’t my favorite place of all time, venues in the Queen City? Share it with me I didn’t mind grabbing a couple beers with at backtalk@clclt.com. friends in the past. The third time, however, BACKTALK@CLCLT.COM wasn’t the charm. After showing our IDs at

ENDS

CROSSWORD

WILLIAM’S WAIF ACROSS

1 Fuel dispenser 8 Beat, as wings 12 Pairs 16 Boohoo 19 Waldorf -- (hotel) 20 Instantly 22 Stan of comics 23 Start of a riddle 25 Eggs in a lab 26 Lock insert 27 AAA request 28 -- Aviv 29 Entryways 31 Riddle, part 2 39 Said aloud 41 Zebra’s kin 42 Very gloomy 43 “Electric” fish 44 One of the 12 apostles 45 Post-Q string 46 Alternative to Zoloft or Paxil 48 Riddle, part 3 55 Olive of comics 56 2004-10 nickname on the Houston Rockets 57 Actor Mineo 58 Biting comedy 59 Boozed up 61 Slangy assents 65 Arcade coin 66 Not firm 69 Riddle, part 4 72 Allows to 73 Less diluted 75 Opening for a lettershaped bolt 76 Like part of the heart 78 “The Simpsons” voice actor Hank 80 Disk in a 1990s fad game 82 “Milk” Oscar winner Sean 83 OR figure 86 Riddle, part 5 92 Crystal-lined stones 93 Scepter 94 Mobster’s code of silence 95 Fair-minded 99 Take -- (sample the drink) 100 The “E” of PEI: Abbr.

101 Having as a foundation 102 End of the riddle

106 Persona non -- (outcast) 107 Quadrennial games org.

108 Brain wave test, in brief 109 Chest bone 112 Address for a knight 113 Riddle’s answer 121 Koko or Kong 122 Most itty-bitty 123 Decorated pilots 124 Get married 125 Hedge shrubs 126 Lofty works 127 Least slobby

DOWN

1 Rubberneck 2 Court great Arthur 3 “Don’t move” 4 Lobster trap 5 Geller with a psychic act 6 Prefix with represent 7 Gave a gentle touch 8 Whizzed by 9 Ignited 10 Some spitzes 11 Actor Finch 12 Lao- -13 “Says --?”

14 Gut-punch sound 15 Exaggerated 16 Dress 17 Let slip 18 Leavenings 21 Quickly, musically 24 Santa’s laugh sounds 30 Swallowed 32 Utter agony 33 Noble Brit 34 Said nothing 35 “Como --?” (Juan’s greeting) 36 Univ. lecturer 37 Minnelli of “Arthur” 38 Garner 39 As many as 40 “So -- say” 45 School break 46 Volcano that destroyed St. Pierre 47 Small talk 49 Knows the answer 50 Be really flattering 51 Ringlike isle 52 Tandem, e.g.

53 Pitcher Saberhagen

54 Hankers 59 Far from lax 60 650, in old Rome 62 Gardner of old films 63 Table protector under a warm dish 64 Not as iffy 66 Fix, as a dog or cat 67 Liqueur akin to Sambuca 68 Herr’s wife 70 Pueblo dwellers 71 Vocalize loudly 74 Actress Diana 77 Absence of vigor 79 “Save me --” 81 Avant- -- (totally new) 83 Cajun dish 84 Painter Dix 85 Bluish green 87 “Baloney!,” to Brits 88 Falco or Adams 89 Patches 90 Costs for cheap apartments 91 Jail unit 95 Many-pieced puzzle 96 Still green 97 Roped in 98 Trike rider 100 Cut in glass 101 Enthusiast 103 Run-down 104 Lead-in to economic or political 105 Lead-in to colonial 110 Glazes, e.g.

111 Unequaled 114 “-- -haw!”

115 “Gross!”

116 Little -- (tykes) 117 British verb ending 118 Be in the running (for) 119 Noted time 120 Actor Faxon

SOLUTION FOUND ON P. 38.

CLCLT.COM | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | 35

ENDS

SAVAGE LOVE

CRUSHED P.S., it’s the therapy edition

BY DAN SAVAGE I’m a straight male in my 30s. I’ve been with my wife for 12 years. I have had several affairs. Not one-night-stand scenarios, but longer-term connections. I didn’t pursue any of these relationships.

Instead, women who knew I was in an “exclusive” relationship have approached me. These have included what turned into a one-year affair with a single woman, a three-year affair with a close friend of my wife, a seven-month affair with a married coworker, and now a fairly serious four-months-andcounting relationship with a woman who approached me on Instagram. On the one hand, I do not regret my time with any of these women. On the other hand, I have been deceitful and manipulative for almost my entire adult life. I am a terrible husband in this respect. Also, I’m going to get busted eventually, right?

Finding out about this would crush my wife. I love her, we get along great, and the sex is good — if I wasn’t such a lying piece of shit, you could even say we make a pretty good team. We are also very socially and financially entangled. I don’t want to leave, but I suspect I should.

And if so, I need help considering an exit strategy. Part of my motivation for writing is that I am particularly attached to the woman I’m having an affair with now, and both of us fantasize about being together openly. I’m a liar, a cheat, a user, and a manipulator — and it just keeps happening.

P.S. I’m expecting you to rip me to shreds.

A SERIOUSLY SHITTY HUSBAND ON LOSING EVERYTHING

It doesn’t “just keep happening,” ASSHOLE, you keep doing it. And these women didn’t “turn into” one-year, three-year, sevenmonth, and four-months-and-counting affairs on their own. You turned them into affairs by continuing to show up. And while you claim that each of these women pursued you despite knowing you were in an exclusive relationship, it doesn’t sound like you ran from any of them. At best, you broke into (or slowed to) a trot, which allowed each one of these lady predators to overtake you.

The first step toward holding yourself accountable for your appalling actions — a close friend of your wife? really? — is doing away with the passive voice. Don’t ask yourself, “How’d that happen?!?” as if the universe were conspiring against you somehow. You weren’t hit by a pussy meteor 36 | APR. 26 - MAY. 2, 2018 | CLCLT.COM

every time you left the house. You did these chance it would crush your wife to be told things. You had these affairs. You. everything, just tell her about Ms. Instagram.

Zooming out: If all it takes for some That should be enough. rando to get her hands on your otherwise P.S. Get your ass into therapy, ASSHOLE. committed cock is to DM you on Instagram, you have no business making monogamous commitments. If you’d sought out a partner I’m a 42-year-old gay man. I’ve been who wanted an open relationship — a wide- with my husband for 21 years. We met in open one — you could have had concurrent, college and, except for a six-month break, committed, nonexclusive relationships and we’ve been together ever since. I made an avoided being “a liar, a cheat, a user,” etc. open relationship a requirement at the Seeing as you’re a reader, ASSHOLE, I start. While my husband had jealousy and suspect you knew an honest open relationship trust issues, he hooked up with others was an option — that ethical nonmonogamy regularly. After a few tense years, we was an option — but you didn’t pursue that. started couples therapy. During therapy, And why not? Maybe because you don’t want my husband revealed that he was never in to be with a woman who is free to sit on other favor of the openness. After trying some new arrangements — only together, dicks. Or maybe the wrongness only at sex parties, DADT — he and the self-loathing — the realized he wasn’t comfortable whole bad-boy-on-the-rack with any situation. He told routine — turn you on. our therapist that every time Or maybe you’re the I hooked up with someone, wrong kind of sadist: he was retraumatized the un-self-aware because it reminded him emotional sadist. of the time I broke up You say you love your with him for six months wife, but you also 20 years ago. I agreed to a say she’d be crushed monogamous relationship, — destroyed — if she DAN SAVAGE and I’ve gone a year without discovered what you’ve hooking up with anyone else. been doing. Be honest, He seemed genuinely relieved ASSHOLE, just this once: Is and said he felt more secure. But the destruction of your wife a almost immediately, he began talking bug or is it a feature? I suspect the latter. Because cheating on this scale isn’t about how he wanted to hook up with about succumbing to temptation or reacting others. I’m at a loss. I feel tremendous to neglect. It’s about the annihilation of your guilt for even thinking about splitting partner — a (hopefully) subconscious desire up, so I keep hoping we’ll stumble on to punish and destroy someone, anyone, fool the thing that will work for us. I don’t know what to say when he says I should enough to love you.

The tragedy is how unnecessary your be monogamous to him while he gets to choices have been. There are women out there hook up with others. He says this would who aren’t interested in monogamy, there be best, since my hooking up triggers are female cuckolds out there (cuckqueans) him. We are at an impasse. It sucks that who want cheating husbands, and there are we could break up over this.

GAY MARRIAGE HAVING CRISIS masochistic women (and men) out there who get off on the thought of being with a person who would like to crush them. So long as I’ve written about a few gay couples — and those desires are consciously eroticized, fully a few straight ones — where one half gets compartmentalized, and safely expressed, to hook up with others while the other half you could have done everything you wanted, doesn’t. But they were cuckold couples, GMHC, and the half who didn’t “get to” hook ASSHOLE, without harming anyone. up with others didn’t want to hook up with So what do you do now?

It seems like you want out, and your wife others. The cuck half of a cuckold couple definitely deserves better, so cop to one affair, gets off on their partner “cheating” on them. since copping to all of them would crush While people outside the relationship might her — or so you think. People are often way perceive that as unfair — one gets to cheat, more resilient than we give them credit for, the other doesn’t — what’s more ideal than and convincing ourselves that our partners both halves of a couple getting just what they can’t handle the truth is often a convenient want?

But if an eroticized power imbalance — an justification for lying to them. But on the off

honestly erotized one — doesn’t turn you on, the creepily manipulative arrangement your husband is proposing certainly isn’t going to work.

Which means it’s both ultimatum and bluff-calling time. So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized. So with your couples therapist there to mediate, tell him your marriage is either open or closed. You’re not interested in being his cuckold and he can’t point to his trauma to force you into that role. You’re a handsome couple — thanks for enclosing the lovely picture (sometimes it’s nice to see the face of the person I’m responding to!) — with a long history together, and here’s hoping things work out. But if they don’t, GMHC, neither of you is going to have a problem finding a new partner. He can get himself a guy who likes being dictated to, if that’s really what he wants. And you can find a guy who wants an open and egalitarian relationship, which is what you deserve.

P.S. If your therapist is taking your husband’s side in this, GMHC, get a new therapist.

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