Essay Writing 201 | Senior Academy slides

Please note: This webinar is being recorded.

Mary Allen Conforti

Crosby Scholars

Junior/Senior Program Coordinator

maconforti@crosbyscholars.org

jhancock@crosbyscholars.org

Jess Hancock

Crosby Scholars

Junior/Senior Program Specialist

Different resources we use and reference come from College Essay Guy!

Other College Essay

Guy free resources: Podcast Youtube Videos

Quick Review of Essay 101

What makes a great Personal Statement?

1.

Values (aka info)

2.

Insight (So what?)

3.

Vulnerability (Is it personal?)

4.

Craft (clear, logical, well-written)

Every paragraph should have:

1) a value

2) an example

3) an insight

It's all about the details!

Essay Example #1

From the time I was able to realize what a university was, all I heard from my mother's side of the family was about the University of Michigan and the great heritage it has. Many a Saturday afternoon my grandfather would devote to me, by sitting me down in front of the television and reminiscing about the University of Michigan while halftime occurred during a Michigan Wolverines football game. Later, as I grew older and universities took on greater meaning, my mother and uncle, both alumni of the University of Michigan, took me to see their old stamping grounds.

From first sight, the university looked frightening because of its size, but with such a large school comes diversity of people and of academic and non-academic events.

In Springfield High School, non-academic clubs such as the Future Physicians and the Pylon, both of which I have belonged to for two years, give me an opportunity to see both the business world and the medical world. These two clubs have given me a greater sense of what these careers may be like. In Future Physicians, I participated in field trips to children's hospitals and also participated in two blood banks.

In the community I am active in my church Youth Group. As a high school sophomore, I was our church's representative to the Diocesan Youth Fellowship. I helped organize youth group events, the largest being "The Bishop's Ball," a state-wide event for 300 young people. I also played high school junior varsity soccer for two years. As a senior I will be playing varsity soccer, but in the off-season. As a junior I coached a girls' soccer team for the town. This gave me a great deal of responsibility because the care of twenty-four girls was put into my custody. It felt very satisfying to pass on the knowledge of soccer to another generation. The girls played teams from other parts of Florida. Though their record was 3-8, the girls enjoyed their season. This is what I taught them was the greatest joy of soccer.

Currently I hold a job at Maas Brothers. This lets me interact with people outside my own immediate environment. I meet different kinds of people, in diffrent moods, with different attitudes, and with different values. This job teaches me to be patient with people, to have responsibility, and to appreciate people for what they are.

The past three years of my life have given me greater visions of my future. I see the University of Michigan as holding a large book with many unread chapters and myself as an eager child who has just learned to read. I intend to read and probe into all the chapters. The University of Michigan offers me more than the great reputation of this fine school, but a large student body with diverse likes and dislikes, and many activities, both academic and non-academic, to participate in. With the help of the University of Michigan, I will be successful after college and be able to make a name and place for myself in our society.

Let's chat!

What are this essay's strengths and weaknesses?

Does this essay pass the Great Essay Test?

Values, Insight, Vulnerability, Craft

Essay Example #2

Are you tired of seeing an iPhone everywhere? Samsung glitchy? It’s time for a change. I present to you, the iTaylor. I am the iTaylor. On the outside, I look like any smart phone, but when you open my settings and explore my abilities, you will find I have many unique features. The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year. Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School. For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-a-day keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends. Next up, language settings. I’ve worked hard to be bilingual so the iTaylor can be set to either English or Spanish. Fun fact: In middle school, I set my phone to Spanish so that messages like “Alexis te envió un mensaje en Instagram,” would increase my fluency. I learned nuances of the language by watching Spanish sitcoms like Siete Vidas and Spanish movies like Como Agua Para Chocolate. I appreciate the emphasis Spanish culture places on relationships, the way siblings take care of each other, and how grandparents’ wisdom is valued. Inspired, I began creating family events and even making efforts to grow closer to my second cousins.

At eight years old, I was diagnosed with what some might call a glitch: epilepsy. Fortunately, a new IOS software update cured my condition by the age of 15, but through epilepsy, I gained a love of exploration. Whereas at 10, I couldn’t bathe without supervision, I now enjoy snorkeling in unknown waters. While at 11, I couldn’t be left alone with my friends, I now explore the subways, crowded streets, and Broadway shows of New York City. Overcoming epilepsy taught me to take risks and explore new places.]

...

The rollout plan for the iTaylor is to introduce it to the theater market. My goal is to use performance and storytelling to expose audiences to different cultures, religions, and points of view.

Perhaps if we all learned more about each other's lifestyles, the world would be more empathetic and integrated. So what do you think? Would you like an iTaylor of your own?

The iTaylor College Edition is now available for pre-order. It delivers next fall.

Let's chat again!

What are this essay's strengths and weaknesses?

Does this essay pass the Great Essay Test?

Values, Insight, Vulnerability, Craft

You've got a draft, yay!! Now what?

Take 3 minutes to read aloud your essay to yourself and ask yourself the following:

Does your essay feel like a strong representation of you?

Are my values clear?

Does the essay flow well and have a running theme?

Let's Edit!

Example Essay

The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year. Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School. For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-aday keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends.

Example Essay

The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year. Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School. For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-aday keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends.

Example Essay

The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year. Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School.

For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-aday keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends.

The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year. Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School. For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-aday keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends.

The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year. Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School.

For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-aday keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends.

The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year. Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School. For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-aday keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends.

Example Essay

The iTaylor’s best feature is its built-in optimism. Thanks to my positivity, I was chosen to give the morning announcements freshman year.

Now, I am the alarm clock for the 1,428 students of Fox Lane High School.

For the past three years, I have been starting everyone’s morning with a bubbly, “Good morning, foxes!” and ending with “Have a marvelous Monday,” “Terrific Tuesday” or “Phenomenal Friday!” My adjective-aday keeps people listening, gives me conversation starters with faculty, and solicits fun suggestions from my friends.

Let's edit: Hightlighter Method

Choose one paragraph of your essay, and assign each of the three aspects to a good paragraph a color:

1) Value

2) Example

Are you able to find and highlight a value, an example, and an insight in your paragraph?

3) Insight

Supplemental Essays/Short Answers

What is the purpose of these supplemental essays?

learn more about you further justify your admittance to their college demonstrate interest

Dos & Don'ts of the Supplemental Essay/Short Answer

Consider using all of the space allotted to explain your answer

Always include the 'why' Get specific Offer a variety of things you are interested in

Make your answers super obvious

Repeat the same adjectives about yourself from another part of your application

Worry about upsetting your readers

Six Common Mistakes for the "Why Us" Essay

Writing about the school's size, location, reputation, weather, ranking, etc.

Only using emotional language or phrases that are too conversational

Getting the mascot, school colors, stadium name, or important details wrong

Repeating language used on the school website or brochures

Describing traditions for which the school is well-known

Thinking of the topic as "why them"

Ask for feedback from:

Someone who knows you well: a friend, family member, a teacher, a mentor. They can help assess to if the essay feels representative to you, if there is something missing, etc.

Someone who doesn’t know you well: A new teacher? Crosby Essay Review Service? They can give insight to what it's like to read your essay from an outside perspective (like an Admissions Counselor).

Reminder of Crosby's Essay Services!

1:1 Essay Coaching: available now through Oct. 1

Sign up for a 30 minute virtual meeting just to discuss your essay!

Essay Review Service: available Aug. 7 - Dec. 1

Submit a completed draft of your essay and receive reader's feedback within a week. Instructions will be in your Crosby Student Portal soon.

Questions?