Reflect

of how to behave and treat other people in a way that is morally upright, just, and equitable, with a view of promoting positive and productive relations that are free from unfair prejudices, hate, and discrimination. These three descriptions will be explained below. By morally upright, we refer to thoughts, speech, actions, and motivations that adhere to a standard of right and wrong. On the other hand, just refers to speech, actions, and behaviors that are in-line with a fixed standard of justice— a system that promotes and rewards good and at the same time punishes wrongdoing. Any system of justice, whether national, regional, or local, requires a body of rules or laws by which to measure and administer rewards and punishment. Equitable are the speech, actions, behaviors, and decisions that treat others fairly, regardless of background or circumstances. Not to be confused with equality, which connotes a fixed standard of treatment for all people, equity seeks the good of others, and labors to find means by which everyone gets “what they need” rather than simply “everyone gets the same thing in the same amount.” Peers and schools play a formative role on the social skills development of children. These social skills are often expressed as consisting of three inter-related components: social perception, social cognition and social performance (Arthur, Davison, & Stow, 2000). Increasing emphasis has been placed on the last component, particularly in terms of outcomes. Social skill is defined in literature as ‘the ability to interact with others in a given social context in specific ways that are socially acceptable or valued and at the same time personally beneficial, mutually beneficial, or primarily beneficial to others.’

There are several types of social skills that must be mastered for a child to be socially adept. These range from the ability to initiate, maintain, and end a conversation to reading social signals to more complex skills such as solving problems and resolving conflict (Lawson, 2003). The following.examples represent some of the fundamental principles of relating well to others. Children with social skill deficits can be taught these skills directly by parents, teachers, and/or professionals using the strategies of modeling, role-playing, rehearsal, and practice. • Greeting - Children develop relationships with peers by interacting with them. The first step in a social interaction is greeting someone. Greeting others is done not only with words like “Hi!” or "H o w are you?" but with facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures such as a nod or a wave. The nonverbal part of greeting someone is just as important as the words. It is not so much what one says but how he/ she says it that lets people know he/she is glad to see them. • Initiating Conversation - In order to carry on a conversation, a child must be able to initiate, maintain and close conversation appropriately. This requires good listening and attention skills, as well as the ability to take

turns and probe for missing information. Being a good conversationalist requires turn-taking and reciprocity. Children have to listen as well as talk. If they do not show an interest in what the other person has to say, they probably will not be interested in talking. Impulsive children often have trouble knowing when to talk and when to listen. Understanding the listener - Once a conversation is initiated, it has to be maintained. In order to do that, it is important to understand the audience one is talking to. A socially adept child quickly and unconsciously identifies and categorizes his listener, measures what he/she has planned to say against the anticipated response of the listener, and then proceeds, alters, or avoids what she has planned to say. He/She knows that talking to authority figures is not done in the same way when talking to peers. A misread of the listener often leads to a misunderstood message and potential social rejection. To converse in a socially appropriate manner, children must be able to take the perspective or point of view of the other person, i.e., think the way they think. To do this a child must pretend that he/she is the listener and think about what he/she needs to hear to understand what is being said. Empathizing - Empathy is more than perspective taking; it means that one is able to feel what the other person feels. Empathy allows one to really connect with other people. Other children often think of children who lack empathy as mean, unkind, or self-centered. Reading Social Cues - It is very important to read social cues in a conversation. Cues are the hints and signals that guide us to the next thing to say or do. Social cues can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal cues are the words that the other person is saying. Tone of voice is an important part of verbal cues. Good detectives pay very close attention to nonverbal cues.

Previewing or Planning - Conversations also require that one previews or thinks about what effect the words or actions may have on the listener before she says or does them. If the impact will be negative, one can adjust what she might say or do. Problem-Solving - Problems and conflict are often a part of social interactions. Someone may not agree, get angry, insult, or become aggressive at something that one says. How one reacts to these conflicts depends on how good her problem solving skills are. Conflicts cannot be avoided and are often necessary to "c lea r the air." Turning a conflict from a “win-lose” situation to a "w in -w in " situation is the best way to resolve conflict. This requires negotiation and compromise, give and take that results in a situation where all parties can live with and help maintain friendships.