Culinarian | Issue 3 | The Cosmopolitan Issue

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ulinarian THE COSMOPOLITAN ISSUE Volume I, Issue III | Spring 2014

get classy with a guide to becoming a true

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Oenophile (that’s a knowledgeable lover of wine)

explore a few of Culinarians’ best food

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Internships

take an inside look at a New York City

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supper society

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restaurant reviews CHEF INTERVIEWS FOoD TRENDS ADVENTURES RECIpes and much more

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Photo by Tara Mohtadi | Cover Photo by Amelia Edwards

C EDITOR IN CHIEF Amanda Tien (CC’14) MANAGING EDITOR Manon Cooper (BC’14) CREATIVE CO-DIRECTORS Amanda Tien (CC’14) Alycia Gideon (BC’16) Tiffany Ong (CC’15)

ulinarian

a food magazine at columbia EXECUTIVE BOARD Amanda Tien (CC’14) Manon Cooper (BC’14) Rebecca Pottash (CC’15) Amy Fu (SEAS’15) Tiffany Ong (CC’15) Ortal Isaac (GS’16) Jenny Xu (CC’15) Amelia Rosen (BC’15) Alycia Gideon (BC’16) Meena Lee (CC’15)

President Vice President Secretary Treasurer Structure Advisor Content Advisor Human Resources Director Events Manager Design Representative Editorial Representative

EDITORS Zoe Baker-Peng (BC’16) Isabel Genecin (CC’15) Meena Lee (CC’15) Rebecca Pottash (CC’15) Lizzy Wolozin (BC’16) Jenny Xu (CC’15) BUSINESS MANAGER Amy Fu (SEAS’15) PUBLIC RELATIONS AND EVENTS MANAGER Amelia Rosen (BC’15) PHOTOGRAPHY MANAGER Ortal Isaac (GS’16) DESIGNERS Alycia Gideon (BC’16), Tiffany Ong (CC’15), Amanda Tien (CC’14) CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS Sofia Davis (BC’16), Lacy Minot (BC’17), Joanne Raptis (BC’16), Hannah Sotnick (CC’15) STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Amelia Edwards (CC’17), Ortal Isaac (GS’16), Mei Li Johnson (BC’17), Katherine Moon (CC’17), Alex Nguyen (CC’17) Minh Tam Nguyen (CC’15), Martin Ong (SEAS’16), Hannah Park (SEAS’16), Amanda Tien (CC’14), Matthew Tsim (CC’16), Bethany Wong (SEAS’17) CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Sophia Cantizano (CC’16), Manon Cooper (BC’15), Alycia Gideon (BC’15), Taylor Grasdalen (BC’17), Yoon Ji Han (CC’16), Yvonne Hsiao (CC’16), Ortal Isaac (GS’16), Erin Larson (CC’16), Meena Lee (CC’15), Tiffany May (CC’17), Kelcey Otten (BC’14), Ben Rashkovich (CC’15), Hannah Sotnick (CC’15), Amanda Tien (CC’14), Nazli Tuncer (SEAS’16), Rebecca Walden (GS’16) WEBMASTER Amanda Tien (CC’14)

who is a culinarian?

The magazine was started by Amanda Tien (CC’2014) and Manon Cooper (BC’2014) in the fall of 2012. This issue marks the product of a year-long endeavor to create professional content and a brand new infrastructure.

The other members of the Executive Board answered when Amanda and Manon put out a request for a team of leaders to assist them with this project. The Executive Board has met weekly since January 2013, even Skyping and e-mailing over the summer. The team for this issue is over 60 people. Issue 3 signifies a success of perseverance and student leadership.

We salute and congratulate our graduating founders, Amanda and Manon. Our new Editor in Chief, Meena Lee, will be leading Volume II with production to start in the summer and fall of 2014. Visit our website to apply to become a part of our staff, learn more about the magazine, and read our previous online issues that follow students’ food travels throughout the world in a curated blog format.

We hope you enjoy this issue of Culinarian.

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letter from the editor During one of our weekly meetings this past semester, Culinarian’s Executive Board brainstormed theme titles for the amazing collection of articles, photos, and artwork that came together as the magazine’s third issue. Buzzwords included “Gotham,” “classy,” and “urban sophistication.” Finally, one of us got it: we’d call this one the “Cosmopolitan Issue.” This installment of Culinarian was originally going to be published as a part of the Passport Issue, but because we received so many articles, photos, and artwork that we couldn’t bear to leave unpublished, we decided to divide the content and publish two separate editions instead. As voiced by Culinarian’s up-and-coming Editor in Chief, Meena Lee, “The Cosmopolitan Issue has the implication of internationalism and culture, which is a great way to follow up on the Passport Issue.”

The final edition of this volume (and of my tenure at the helm of Culinarian) is bursting with creativity. The cover feature, written

by Co-Founder and Managing Editor Manon Cooper, explains the basics about wine and how to enjoy it (see “The World of Wine” on page 27). You’ll also want to check out our two articles about the post-grad successes of Columbia University alumni Chad Brauze and Melissa Daka (see “The Culinary Arts” on page 11 and “Date Night” on page 42). There’s even a full set of hilarious and heartwarming instructions about the art of eating pretzels and pickels, among other food items (see “How to Eat” on page 53).

x.o.,

The Editor in Chief on her road trip to the oldest whiskey distillery in New York (see “Adventure Time” on page 15).

BEHIND THE SCENES Countless hours go into producing a magazine, whether it be time spent meticulously designing or copy-editing.

Below, see co-founders Amanda Tien and Manon ­Cooper on a photo shoot for our alternative cover. Visit our website to check out more behind the scenes content.

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Amanda Tien, Editor in Chief

ulinarian THE COSMOPOLITAN ISSUE Volume I, Issue III | Spring 2014

get classy with a guide to become a true

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Oenophile

(that’s a knowledgeable lover of wine, ooh la la)

explore a few Culinarians’ best foodie

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Internships

a guide to understanding and utilizing Indian

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SPICES

restaurant reviews CHEF INTERVIEWS FOoD TRENDS ADVENTURES RECIpes and much more

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For me, the Cosmopolitan Issue is both a salute to the wonderful people I’ve met and worked with at Culinarian, as well as to my four years at Columbia. While this magazine has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done, it became one of my favorite things about this school. It’s been an honor to co-create this publication and to hear such positive feedback about it. I cannot wait to see where the magazine goes next.

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issue 03 TABLE OF CONTENTS

16 45

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Restaurant reviews

RECIPES

14 | X Marks the Spot

13 | Ask Sophia

Swanky Asian dessert tapas

21 | A Bite of a Different Era Enter a Times Square Victorian restaurant

42 | Date Night

Bring a date to this Lower West Side pasta joint

44 | Secret Supper Society

The N.Y.C. mystery that you’ve been looking for

49 | Your New Favorite

Farm fresh in Washington Heights

FEATURES

For her Pomegrante-Lychee Mojito

23 | Easy versus Gourmet

Lemon desserts for the novice and pro

INFORMATIVE 7 | Neighboorhood Profile Go to the Upper West Side for great vegan fare

39 | Spice it Up

Incorporate Indian spices into your life

41 | Chinese Turkey

A history lesson about a classic dish

11 | The Culinary Arts

45 | Tips from the Pros: Knife Skills

An interview with a Columbia graduate turned chef

Slice and dice those onions, baby

15 | Adventure Time

OP-ED

Road trip to the oldest N.Y. whiskey distillery

27 | The World of Wine

The ultimate guide to classing it up

53 | How to Eat

Creative and heartwarming insturctions

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Plus, original artwork throughout the magazine! Check out the beautiful back cover by Lacey Minot.

25 | Foods from Home Getting homesick for great Chinese food

35 | The Professional Foodie

Students’ internships in the food world

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Neighborhood Profile

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The Upper West Side for Vegans Text By Rebecca Walden | Photos by Katherine Moon

One such establishment is the casual sit-down restaurant Peacefood Café that opened in 2009 with the intention of promoting the vegan lifestyle. Everything on the menu is entirely vegan, with several raw and gluten-free options available as well. Be sure to order their famous chickpea fries, as Indian spices and a crisp exterior make for a perfect appetizer. You’ll also want to save room for dessert for the raw, cashew cream cheesecake that is just as delicious as its non-vegan counterpart. Pour a swirl of agave on top to bring out its nutty, zesty creaminess for a rich end to the meal.

At the end of the weekend when you’re in need of a liver-cleanse after the nights’ libations, check out Juice Press and order one of their delicious juices or smoothies.

Known for its juices and cleanse

programs, Juice Press uses organic, vegan, kosher, unpasteurized, and cold-pressed fruits and vegetables. Prices might seem a bit high, but their energy-inducing Gravity drink, for example, (made with cucumber, celery, and kale juices, aloe vera, and blue-green, live algae E3) is totally worth the expense. Staff is particularly friendly and will let you taste just about anything on the menu. You’ll leave feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, ready to take on the week (or another party-filled weekend).

Living in the food mecca that is New York City isn’t always easy for those trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle, but the Upper West Side is a great place for health-conscious vegans to eat out. New Yorkers do care about their health, and eating healthfully doesn’t mean losing wonderful flavor.

There are of course many other great options on the Upper West Side. Try Café Blossom, Spring Natural Kitchen, Organic Avenue, or G-Free NYC. Peacefood Café is located on 460 Amsterdam Avenue. For more information, please call (212) 362-2266 or visit peacefoodcafe.com. Juice Press’s Upper West Side store is located on 73 West 82nd Street.

For more information, please call (212) 777-0034.

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Just a few subway stops south of campus lies a stretch of shops and restaurants that specialize in satisfying the hungers of gluten-and-lactose-eating, carnivorous Upper West Siders. Yet in spite of all that talk of burgers and milk shakes, a walk through the neighborhood reveals several great options for the vegan and health-conscious eater.

Of course, there’s no need to be either to appreciate the surprising flavors that abound within the stretch of eateries in the 80s—even carnivorous burger-lovers can appreciate them too.

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CafĂŠ Blossom Several locations in N.Y.C. blossomnyc.com Spring Natural Kitchen 474 Columbus Ave. (646) 596-7434 springnaturalkitchen.com Organic Avenue Several locations in N.Y.C. organicavenue.com

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G-Free NYC 77 W. 85th St. (646) 781-9770 g-freenyc.com

THE CULINARY ARTS an interview with Columbia graduate and chef, Chad Brauze

Text by Meena Lee | Art by Sofia Davis

In Art Humanities, we learn about artists who work with paint or stone. But until my professor let it slip one day, little did I know that one of my classmates was also an artist working with a far more delicious medium: food.

Throughout his time at Columbia, General Studies student Chad Brauze juggled mathematics and computer science assignments while cooking and developing recipes for chef Daniel Boulud. Though he finished his degree in the fall, Brauze has kept busier than ever as the executive chef of Rotisserie Georgette, an Upper East Side restaurant specializing in rotisol-roasted meats and seasonal vegetable sides that was recently awarded two stars by the New York Times.

I recently caught up with Brauze to see what he’s up to, and to learn more about how he wound up in the restaurant business and what he hopes to do with his Columbia degree after graduation.

Meena Lee: So tell me about your latest projects.

Chad Brauze: In January, a former colleague of mine from Restaurant Daniel, Georgette Farkas (Daniel’s P.R. Executive for many years), approached me to see if I would be interested in helping her run the kitchen for her brand new restaurant, Rotisserie Georgette. I enthusiastically signed on.

The restaurant is great. We have a pair of rotisseries made by the French firm Rotisol that produces absolutely amazing results. On my menu I’m currently cooking all manners of meats and vegetables: chickens, quail, ducks, pigs, steaks, carrots, artichokes, mushrooms, etc. It is a whole lot of fun for me! I cooked using rotisseries at both Per Se and Daniel but never to the extent that I do now! We are even working on implementing our own attachment to make the Eastern European dessert, Baumkuchen.

On a side note, I’ve actually come across quite a number of Columbia alumni who visit Rotisserie Georgette. Due to our Upper East Side location, we get a lot of business from the finance, marketing, and consulting worlds. So, if any current students or alumni out there are coming in for dinner, send me a message on Facebook or Twitter (I use “Chad Brauze” for both)!

M.L.: That’s so exciting! Congratulations.

You’re in a great position now. How’d you start off in the business?

C.B.: I started working part-time after school

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in a small restaurant while in high school. I started in the industry because all my friends were working in restaurants, and I wanted to join them. I stayed because the work is always interesting. Ingredients change with the seasons. Techniques change with the chefs. New books on the subject are always being published.

M.L.: It sounds like your career must’ve gone through a lot of changes. What was your personal trajectory like?

C.B.: After working a few years in small restaurants in mid-Michigan, in early 2002 I decided to seriously pursue cooking and entered the Culinary Institute of America in upstate New York. On the weekends, I would take the train down to New York City to work at Restaurant Daniel for free in the hopes that the Chef de Cuisine, Alex Lee, would recognize my hard work and offer me a job. It was a very competitive climate: the kitchen was filled with cooks who had traveled from all over the world to work for Daniel. Eventually, I was hired as an intern and then became a full time cook. Over the course of three and a half years, I worked through every station in the kitchen: canapé, rotisserie, garde manger, soup, hot appetizer, entremetier, saucier, and junior sous-chef. Along the way, I met a young pastry cook who eventually became my wife, Ashley.

M.L.: That worked out well!

C.B.: In late 2006, Daniel was kind enough to arrange for me a three month working tour of some of the best kitchens in Paris to learn more about all aspects of French cuisine. Some were small, but extremely popular bistros, like L’Amis Jean and Les Fables de la Fontaine, while others were Michelin-starred like Ledoyen, Pierre Gagnaire, and Le Cinq. In 2007, Daniel was able to secure positions for Ashley and I at El Bulli in Rosas, Spain. Voted the best restaurant in the world an unprecedented five times, El Bulli was a magical place for cooking (and now closed). The chef, Ferran Adria, essentially disregarded all existing ideas about food and created his own style of cuisine. If you haven’t heard of this restaurant, there are several good documentaries on it including one

by Anthony Bourdain. After El Bulli, my wife and I returned to New York to work at Thomas Keller’s Per Se. I spent a year there and worked up to the position of Saucier before returning to work for Daniel as a sous-chef.

M.L.: Wow, sounds like a busy decade for you. So then at what point in your career did you decide to come to Columbia to pursue a degree in math and computer science?

C.B.: While working for Thomas Keller, I happened to read an autobiography by Jacques Pépin, a French chef made popular on American television. In it he offered an inspiring description of his mid-career education at Columbia University. I had always lived in the Upper West Side, so I was familiar with the campus. Shortly thereafter, I happened upon a New Yorker ad for an informational meeting at the School of General Studies, attended it, met a few of the deans, and promptly applied. As for my path of study, I just enjoy mathematics and computer science. Though the bulk of my classes were quantitatively oriented, I’ve taken a lot of other interesting classes such as Introduction to Islam with Dean Peter Awn, Food and the Social Order with Priscilla Ferguson, Food Writing with Rachel Adams, Game Theory with Prajit Dutta, and Freedom of Speech and Press with President Bollinger.

M.L.: I’ve heard those are great classes!

How’d you balance being a student with working in restaurants?

C.B.: Sometimes it’s very tough, but the professors at Columbia have been very accommodating.

M.L.: You’ll have your degree soon. What do you hope to do with it after you graduate?

C.B.: With the degree? Probably not much.

With the education? Plenty!

M.L.: Great philosophy. So what’s next on your plate?

C.B.: To celebrate graduation, my wife has booked us a grand tasting at Restaurant Daniel the evening of commencement! We are also starting to plan a food trip to France for early autumn. We have a lot of friends in Paris and Lyon with restaurants that we haven’t yet been able to eat at, so a pilgrimage is in order. Beyond that, you can find me behind the pass at Rotisserie Georgette manning the Rotisols and working with my team of cooks!

Rotisserie Georgette is located on 14 East 60th Street.

For more information, please call (212) 390-8060 or visit rotisserieg.com.

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phia o S k s A Pomegranate-Lychee mojito Text by Sophia Cantizano Photos by Ortal Isaac The pomegranate’s pink color and the lychee’s delicate sweetness lend an exotic twist to a traditional Cuban mojito. Start your weekend off by impressing your friends with this fun and colorful drink. Substitute other fruits, such as raspberries, for a seasonal cocktail on those long (and upcoming) summer nights.

ingredients

2 canned lychees in syrup 8 mint leaves plus 1 sprig for garnish 1 tbsp pomegranate seeds plus seeds for garnish ¾ ounce lime juice

3 ounces light rum 1½ ounces lychee syrup 1½ ounces seltzer A few ice cubes

In a glass, muddle the lyc hees, mint leaves, and po megranate seeds using a muddler or the back of a wooden spoon : press down to bruise and mix the fruit, leaves, and seeds in a firm , grinding motion until lightly blended, being careful to not press too hard as this can result in a bitter taste.

Squeeze the lime juice ove r the muddled mixture and then add the rum, lychee syrup, and seltzer into the glass. Add ice and stir the mixture with a straw until combined.

Garnish with the fresh mint sprig and a few po megranate seeds for a simple, yet appealing presentation that will im press any guest.

Mojitos can be refrigerated (without ice) for up to 1 day. Make a pitcher on the day of a party and add ice upon serving.

To make larger quantities, use the following ratios: 2 parts lychees in syrup, 1 part lime juice, 4 parts light rum, and 2 parts seltzer.

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X Marks the Spot

Text By Yoon Ji Han Photos by Martin Ong

for asian dessert tapas

Spot boasts a vibrant assortment of beverages, from the ever-popular bubble tea, to more eclectic concoctions like frozen matcha, in addition to standard espressos for those in need of their caffeine fix. What most strongly lures its customers in, however, is the selection of innovative “dessert tapas” which incorporate Asian ingredients like green tea, yuzu, miso, and kabocha.

The most popular dessert tapa is Spot’s signature Chocolate Green Tea Lava Cake. Upon cutting into the cake, warm molten chocolate and green tea oozes out from its center to

mingle with a scoop of matcha ice cream, creating a pleasant ambivalence in temperature and texture. The cookie crumble surrounding the ice cream and the chocolate pearls lend extra crunch in contrast to the softness of the cake. It is easy to see why this dish has become Spot’s bestseller.

For those seeking a lighter dessert, order the Golden Toast, a thick slab of warm, buttered toast accompanied by condensed milk ice cream, fresh whipped cream, and strawberry slices. A drizzle of honey on top adds a slight sweetness to the toast. It’s crisp on the outside and light within, while the strawberries add a dimension of tartness.

There are many more exciting dessert tapas to try at Spot, from the Soft Cheesecake (a deconstructed cheesecake with blueberry compote and passion fruit foam), to the Green Tearamisu (green tea flavored mascarpone cream topped with white chocolate shavings and matcha powder). You’ll want to come back again to try everything on the menu.

Spot Dessert Bar is located on 13 Saint Marks Place. For more information, please call (212) 677-5670 or visit spotdessertbar.com.

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At the Saint Mark’s Place outpost of Spot Dessert Bar, designers have created a space that gives the sensation of stepping into a small forest. The bakery café, transformed by the wooden walls and synthetic grass carpeting of the entrance floor, offers traditional treats reimagined with an Asian flare.

The floor-to-ceiling glass windows allow light to wash over a display case arranged with generously frosted cupcakes and hand-sized cookies. Pop music filters through the speakers, and young customers perch on the wooden benches chatting as they share plates of colorful macarons and cakes.

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Adventure Time

a day trip escape from manhattan Text and Photos by Amanda Tien

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Amanda Tien gathered a few companions last autumn and broke free from the city for one beautiful day to visit the oldest whiskey distillery in operation in New York and hike in a state park. Enjoy this trip in the spring, or wait until September to experience these fall colors yourself.

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Leaving Manhattan PART HIKE, PART ROAD TRIP, ALL AWESOME

As we exit the island of Manhattan, there is an audible release of breath by the four people in the rental car. It’s hard to take a step back from campus, especially when everyone, from the faculty to our peers, always urges us to take several steps forward. Columbia students, at least the ones I know, are always involved in too much. Over-exuberance for academia, extracurricular activities, jobs, and a social life make us the ambitious youths who fought their way to this Ivy League institution. This is also, however, our undoing—our Achilles heel when we forget to enjoy life for the sheer and indescribable brilliance of being alive in New York. So understandably, as our car pushed north into the Bronx and then through the Palisades, we urbanites let go of the things we constantly hold onto. In that breath, we freed ourselves momentarily from deadlines, assignments, lists, unread books, crowded crosswalks, and laundry hampers.

Before leaving the city, my friends teased me for sending a logistics-heavy email titled “ADVENTURE DOSSIER” that included military times, color-coding, and an inexplicable number of gifs. However, there were no more jokes once we entered the dreamlike serenity of a drive through fall foliage. On the drive up, we fueled both our car (a Kia from the Hertz on 96th Street) and our stomachs (with a hearty breakfast from Absolute Bagels).

The first destination was Minnewaska State Park, a 21,106 -acre nature preserve located less than two hours from the city. There is just a small fee to enter park, and then the world feels open. We awed over salamanders basking in the midday sun in a lake, scrambled over rocks to get on top of a high cliff, threw our hands in the air when we saw miles and miles of forest, hid in tall grasses, and breathed in air heavy with the scent of pine.

From there, we drove 11 miles east past Lake Minnewaska to visit Tuthilltown Spirits. Tuthilltown Spirits was the first distillery to appear in New York after Prohibition, and it has forged the way for distilleries since then by initiating new laws and farming partnerships. For $15 you can reserve a tour of the distillery online or by phone that includes samplings of whiskey, vodka, or bourbon, along with a complimentary tasting glass. As we pulled up, we were overtaken by a rich scent wafting from the factory—something that smelled like silky, smoked, buttery popcorn.

The owner of Tuthilltown, Ralph Lorenzo, was our tour guide.

His passion for his start-up experiment was clear from the get-go and lasted through discussions of the distillation

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The distillery is a beautiful place to visit, with a cozy seating area, an impressive gift shop, and a large tasting room. The 3,000 feet of nearby river are protected by the state, and the watermill provides the pleasant atmosphere of the coveted “babbling brook.” Trees line the property. A small pond adds visual depth to the local landscape. Even the distillery itself is pretty—three large storage silos have become pieces of artwork. Lorenzo proudly pointed them out during the tour, remarking, “We had this idea to dress them up, so we called up these three graffiti artists from New York and said, ‘Hey, we’ll give you a case of whiskey and spray paint if you come decorate our distillery.’

And they did!”

He recommends that visitors and shoppers try his personal favorite, the Hudson Manhattan Rye Whiskey. When asked why, he said with a shrug and a wink, “Honestly, it was the hardest to make. I wanted it to have this really rich character, while still having a textural graininess that you don’t see in European whiskeys. It was like the kid in the family who was always a trouble maker, the one who crashed the car, but who turned out to be a brainy surgeon.”

After asking locals at the distillery for suggestions, we headed into the nearby college town of New Paltz. We devoured our quesadillas, cheeseburgers, and local ale at Main Street Bistro, a packed, no-nonsense diner. We sighed with delight at the display cases of Krause’s Chocolates that featured pumpkin truffles, sea salt caramels, orange cordials, and chocolate bars shaped like Star Wars characters (how

could you not want R2D2 on a stick?). I recommend sticking around New Paltz to explore the plethora of independent bookstores, each offering different atmospheres and carefully articulated collections.

The ride back home was narrated by quiet conversation and an iPod on shuffle. Once back in the city, our conversations alternated between enthusiastic revelry and peaceful musings. We had escaped the city, embraced by cable knit sweaters and orange-leafed maple trees. But while the adventure was refreshing and new and exciting, I found myself comforted by the city’s lights. Just as I had been quickly enthralled by mountain peaks, I was riveted by skyscrapers filled with people and the magnificent bridges that have held them between their metallic boughs.

Whiskey Revolution AN INTERVIEW WITH THE DISTILLERY OWNER

Tuthilltown Spirits has a significant past, but it’s also been making history since its establishment in 2001. The distillery owns and uses a 241 year-old water powered gristmill, a mechanism that was used for several years by a Hasidic community in Williamsburg to make high-end kosher matzo. When founder Ralph Lorenzo was exploring new uses for his recently purchased land, he discovered that no one had made whiskey in New York for over 80 years. While wineries and breweries have flourished in the state, distilleries function under different laws and no one had been willing to challenge the old rules or pay the $65,000 fee that had been required since Prohibition. Lorenzo explained that with a change in permit law and over 30 acres of land, he was feeling adventurous. He had started off by trying to create a bunkhouse for fellow climbers and hikers, but wanted to try some-

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process, the importance of barrel choice, the visual branding of the incredibly popular Hudson Baby Bourbon Whiskey, and more. We sampled a variety of their specialties, happy to be warmed by these old-school victuals after an adventurous day of hiking and exploring the distillery’s grounds.

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thing new. He teamed up with electrical engineer Brian Lee to convert the property and build a distillery by hand and from scratch while they waded through three years-worth of rewriting the legal discourse on N.Y. distilleries.

“We were determined that this was something we could do,” Lorenzo said, “even though we didn’t even know what a still (the apparatus used in making alcohols, such as vodka or whiskey) looked like, much less how to make one.” He pointed out the difficulties the distillery had to overcome, such as a fire in the roof of a converted barn that once held hundreds of pounds of flour. “We couldn’t start production for three years and six months after we started, and we didn’t take a salary out of the project for seven years. We mortgaged our houses.

And we had wives who were employed and patient—thank God.”

Lorenzo’s hard work has paid off, however. Tuthilltown Spirits was the first distillery to appear in the state in 80 years, and it paved the way for other new companies. There are now 34 in the state of New York. Lorenzo attributes part of their success to their dedication and commitment to working with local, American farmers and businesses for everything from corn to the charred barrels that the alcohol is stored in. Tuthilltown and other distilleries have been instrumental in drawing government attention to the farming industry in New York, encouraging officials to support bills and infrastructure that would bring the grain business back up in the United States.

The distillery, which functions almost entirely off the energy grid thanks to its own system of solar panels and repurposed propane, creates a variety of alcohols. For example, its corn whiskey begins with local corn that is ground in order to extract the starch from within the kernel. The starch is then mashed and releases simple glucose molecules which are turned into a flour, called “grist,” that is later steamed. Lorenzo demonstrated the process, showing how 800 pounds of grain are processed through 1,000 pounds of water and held at 165 degrees for several days in order to allow for fermentation. The material, such as corn or barley, then utilizes a liquid enzyme that breaks down the starches into simpler sugars. Then, the combi-

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nation is cooled and yeast is added in giant, stainless steel cylinders.

At this stage, Lorenzo shared that their original process used to take four hours before Lee, the engineer, found a way to shorten it to 15 minutes. “It’s the difference between being able to make two batches a day,” Lorenzo said with a smile, “and making seven.”

These liquids are pumped through the tanks for a few days, during which point different alcohol chemicals emerge. The stills are used to filter out the unwanted leftovers. In the beginning, Tuthilltown used buckets to capture the waste and relied on the hard manual labor of its few employees. Since creating their own drainage and recycling system, the pump filtration system saves time and money. When the desired alcohols have been selected from the batch using a vaporization process, they’re then stored in wooden casks that the distillery

orders from American cooperies in Kentucky and Maine.

The casks are carbonized on the inside via charring. While it might seem strange, the carbonized interiors of the cask actually help to clean the whiskey as it’s stored. What’s more, as the casks vary in temperature, the wood expands and contracts, allowing for some of the whiskey to be absorbed into the sides of the casket. Lorenzo pointed out the cuts they’ve made into the insides of the barrels and showed how the cuts have increased the surface area for the liquid to enter the barrel. “We love it when this happens,” he said, “because when the barrels were charred, the wood has chemicals like vanillin that were released and ingrained in the wood. This is what’s key about American whiskey—we want that aromatic, woodsy flavor, and you get it only through the quality of the barrel. For example, Scottish whiskeys usually rely on the classic flavor of the grain— they’ll take ours and other breweries’ used barrels. But we want the barrels fresh, so we can take advantage of that sweet, smoky flavor that the whiskey will get from the saps embedded and caramelized in the casks.”

After the whiskey has been aged, it’s blended with a final run of New York water (a taste that Lorenzo praises) before it’s bottled. Lorenzo

“People love this damn bottle.”

-Ralph Lorenzo, Founder of Tuthilltown Spirits

The store bought the whole batch.

I asked Lorenzo if he had any advice for entrepreneurs, especially given the amount of work and sweat he had to pour into making Tuthilltown Spirits a reality. He took a moment to think, leaning back and considering his words carefully.

When he did speak, he looked me in the eye and said, “The thing that you want to do, the part that really excites you—

that’s the easy part. For example, if you want to be an actor, acting’s easy because it makes you happy and it’s your talent. The really hard thing is making it a livelihood, to find a way to turn your passion into something that can make you money and help you survive. It’s hard to get past all the legal issues, the regulations, the paperwork—that’s where the perseverance and determination come in. They’re the best tools you can have. People will tell you that it (whatever it is for you) is impossible—but if you believe in it and yourself, then you will find a way to make it happen because you love it. And it’s the best feeling in the world when you do.”

Tuthilltown Spirits is located at 14 Gristmill Lane in Gardiner. For more information, please call (845) 633-8734 or visit www.tuthilltown.com.

culinarianmagazine.com

designed the company’s trademark bottle and label, creating an entirely original apothecary-like visual identity. “People love this damn bottle,” Lorenzo said with a laugh, demonstrating how the wax topping is applied using a homemade contraption crafted from sauce pots and hot plates. When they first began, Lorenzo called up an alcohol store in Red Hook, Brooklyn to pitch his newly minted beverage—the first whiskey produced in New York in decades. They laughed at him. So, he brought in samples.

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A BITE OF A

DIFFERENT ERA Text by Nazli Tuncer | Photos by Alex Nguyen

Not every restaurant can promise to whisk you away to a different dimension like the Times Square location of Lillie’s Victorian Bar and Restaurant. With its cozy, velvety sofas, vertiginous ceilings, and portraits of British personages of import lining the walls, only a quick peek out the door would remind you that you are in fact in Times Square, and not a posh, British, Victorian era home. Even more surprising and unlike Times Square (and the Columbia campus), Lillie’s has a perpetually calm environment where you can take a little time and space for yourself. A meal at Lillie’s is certainly not a cheap eat, but the price-to-quantity ratio is satisfactory.

Lillie’s menu blends British and Irish cuisine in addition to a few classic American bar staples, like burgers and mozzarella sticks.

The bar has a separate and lengthy menu for drinks, including beers from Ireland, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium, the Netherlands, Jamaica, Kenya, and Japan. There is also a great selection of Irish and American whiskey as well as a variety of wine. The food menu is not quite as extensive, but if you’re hungry, be sure to order pub favorites from across the pond: Shepherd’s Pie and Bangers and Mash.

Don’t be misled by the humble name and appearance of the Sheperd’s Pie—it’s rich. Minced beef blends with tomatoes, corn, and green peas under a blanket of creamy mashed potatoes. The Bangers and Mash dish is just as delicious as its name is curious: the dish is served with four smoked sausages that create a base for a pyramid of creamy mashed potatoes, all surrounded by gravy sauce and caramelized onions. For the curious, the British slang term “banger” actually comes from World War I, when the proportion of meat to water and filler was so skewed that sausages would fizzle and pop like fireworks when cooked. Mash is a classic name for mashed potatoes.

For something sweet to finish the meal, there is a seasonal, unwritten dessert menu which friendly waiters can explain upon request. Some options might include the Chocolate Lava Cake, Apple Crumble, or Classic New York Cheesecake.

Lillie’s Victorian Bar and Restaurant is located on 249 West 49th Street. For more information, please call (212) 957-4530 or visit timessquare.lilliesnyc.com.

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culinarianmagazine.com

Easy V.S. Gourmet Lemon Streusel Cake

EASY Living in the dorm just got better: this cake requires few ingredients and even fewer utensils, but definitely recreates something you could find back at home.

Become the most valued member of your suite or hallway and share this generously sized cake with your friends.

Ingredients 1 stick (½ cup) unsalted butter, melted and divided 1 box yellow cake mix, divided 2 eggs Juice of 2 small lemons 1 cup sugar

Method Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease and flour a 9 by 9 inch pan using a bit of butter and cake mix from the recipe.

Set aside a ½ cup of dry cake mix. In a medium bowl, mix together the remaining mix, a ¼ cup of butter, the eggs, and 1 cup of water with a wooden spoon until the batter is smooth. Mix in the lemon juice. Set aside a ½ cup of the batter and pour the rest into the prepared pan.

Using the same bowl, mix together the cake mix, the cake batter that was set aside, the remaining butter, and sugar. Carefully pour the streusel over the cake batter in the pan. Bake 25 to 35 minutes, or until the streusel topping is brown and flaky at the edges and a knife inserted into the middle comes out clean.

Allow the cake to cool for 15 minutes before removing it from the pan. If it doesn’t come out easily, gently turn the pan onto its side and use a knife to separate the cake from the pan edges.

To serve, carefully cut the cake into 16 squares, making sure to wipe the knife clean after each cut, as the streusel topping may be difficult to break through.

Top each square with lemon zest and some fresh berries.

The cake can be stored at room temperature covered in plastic wrap for 1 to 2 days. If the cake is made in advance, cut into squares just before serving to prevent it from drying out.

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Recipes for Two Types of Dorm Cooking Text by Taylor Grasdalen | Photos by Mei Li Johnson

Lemon and Vanilla Yogurt Pound Cake

GOURMET

Ingredients 2 cups sugar ½ cup plain 2% Greek yogurt 1 stick (½ cup) unsalted butter, melted 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 3 eggs Juice of 2 small lemons 1 ½ cups flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 pinch of salt 1 cup cherries (optional and variable according to availability)

Method Preheat the oven to 325°F. Grease and flour a standard-sized loaf pan.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the sugar and yogurt until fully combined.

Whisk in the butter, then the vanilla extract, and then the eggs one at a time, making sure that each ingredient is fully incorporated and the batter is smooth before adding the next ingredient. Whisk in the lemon juice.

In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and pinch of salt. Level the mixture and create a well in the center using a spoon. Pour the wet ingredients into the well and gently mix the two components together, starting in the center of the well and gradually moving outward until fully combined.

Carefully pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until the top of the cake is golden brown and a knife inserted into the middle of the cake comes out clean. If using cherries (or other fruit), add them onto the center of the cake 5 minutes before baking is finished.

Allow the cake to cool for 15 minutes before removing it from the pan. If it doesn’t come out easily, gently turn the pan onto its side and use a knife to separate the cake from the pan edges.To serve, cut the cake into 1-inch slices and top with lemon zest and additional fruit.

The cake can be stored at room temperature covered in plastic wrap for 1 to 2 days. If the cake is made in advance, cut into squares just before serving to prevent it from drying out.

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Bold lemon and rich vanilla paired with the fresh, softness of Greek yogurt make for a perfect cake to serve to a gathering of friends or to impress family.

Various seasonal fruits can be added to the top of the cake for a dessert that works year-round. Try cherries in the spring, raspberries in the summer, cranberries in the fall, and red currants in the winter.

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Foods From Home

TEX PHO T BY T TOS IFFA N BY MIN Y MAY HT AM NG

UYE

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My father suspends an egg mid-air. He folds it into his grip and the shell cracks, spilling golden yolk from his fingers. Into the wok go morsels of chicken, cold noodles, ginger, garlic, lemon, and leeks. He summons me to the kitchen with a terse knock on the door. The food in the pan sizzles. The refrigerator hums. Wordlessly, he watches me savor every spoonful. With a few steady strokes of the hand, my father can transform leftovers into concoctions that burst with flavor.

These meals belong to the moment only. Clashing flavors from different leftovers fuse together by chance. Their flavors change into something even better with every meal. I love my father’s creations for the serendipitous mingling of flavors. In each version of my father’s noodles, I find comfort and belonging.

the American version of Chinese food. I would order food from this restaurant when I wanted a break from slimy cafeteria pizza, when I needed to stay up studying, or when I craved a taste of home.

At school, I was guided by the memory of my father’s fingers moving and of the ingredients he touched, and I began to add my own flavor to the dining hall food. I cracked eggs into my noodles, breaking the shell, as did my father, with a squeeze of the thumb. I pressed grilled chicken into tortilla wraps, along with fresh salad greens. I cut meat into bite-size pieces and tossed them into pho broth or clam chowder.

I improvised with the ingredients available, discovering, with each variation, new combinations and ratios.

Having been passed down for generations, traditional recipes are vital to preserving cultural heritage. To consider Panda Express as a representative of all Chinese cuisine is akin to conflating fast food with delicacy, McDonald’s with Per Se. Fusion and experimentation can advance a cuisine across continents. While we may have strong preferences and aversions, authentic food is not necessarily superior to those that deviate from tradition. As our palates expand, we find comfort in a greater variety of ingredients and cooking styles, whether they be authentic or not. After four years of living in New Hampshire, I crave clam chowder as much as I crave my father’s chicken noodles. I even miss the lo mein at the strip mall, even though its brown dressing had I took my first bite of American lo mein at a strip-mall restaurant near once sent shudders down my spine. my boarding school in rural New Hampshire. I had just moved from Hong Kong and was eager to try something that resembled the food There’s more to comfort food than what it tastes like. To savor its faI knew from home. To my disappointment, the lo mein’s saccharine miliar flavors is to revisit a place—a moment in time. Whenever I eat aftertaste was shockingly unappetizing. Viscous brown sauce coated noodles, I see my father cracking an egg mid-air and tossing the noomy gums. After a few bites, I felt the grease and M.S.G. rise up my dles into the boiling water. For him, cooking is about movement, about chest. Although the noodles and herbs were familiar ingredients, the watching the food change color and flicking his wrists just so. When I dish tasted revolting—unlike any Chinese food I’ve tasted at home. mix new ingredients with those I have grown up with, I develop a taste for the local flavors of where I live. I seek comfort as I fuse the foreign Despite my original disappointment, I’ve since learned to appreciate and the familiar, as I begin to find where I belong.

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Comfort food is associated with home, family, and tradition, but that isn’t the case for me with Chinese food in America. Cheap and convenient, greasy and gratifying, Chinese takeout has become a popular alternative to pizza on lazy, sweatpants types of nights. Alison Gold’s music video “Chinese Food” showcases familiar dishes: sweet and sour pork doused in a nuclear orange syrup, fried wontons oozing with cream cheese, General Tso’s chicken coated in brown goop. What many may recognize as Chinese comfort food is in fact an American invention.

THE WORLD OF WINE an expert’s guide to the classiest beverage Text by Manon Cooper Photos by Amanda Tien and Amelia Edwards

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culinarianmagazine.com

Undergrads can generally be called loyal fans of the classic screwdriver or ­whiskey-ginger, but there’s a whole other realm of grown-up (and more elegant) ­beverages out there. The world of wine is one that’s well worth checking out.

W

Columbus Wines and Spirits is located on 730 Columbus Avenue. For more information, please call (212) 865-7070 or visit columbuswines.com. Discounts are offered to Columbia University students and with the purchase of multiple bottles.

The man behind Columbus Wines and Spirits

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There are a lot of good reasons to take on an interest in wine, but the typical college student doesn’t always know where to begin when looking for something to enjoy with the meal they plan to eat that night. Entering this seemingly snobbish realm of indulgence can quickly feel intimidating.

So where do you even begin? Columbus Wines and Spirits owner Murray Rosen, a self-made wine connoisseur, explains the basics. Rosen began learning about wine in his early 20s while working in a wine shop in the Village. He remembers his boss fondly as a walking encyclopedia of all things alcohol-related who imparted much of his knowledge (and passion) onto the young and curious Rosen.

A few years later, Rosen founded a technology company and travelled all over the world, so after a few trips to France’s wine country (all the while keeping to a strict rule of eating great food and drinking great wines), Rosen began his own love affair with French wine.

what’s so great about it?

While Rosen was still an undergrad, wine was “an alcoholic relief from the

excess of work, and a way to relax on weekends.” A few years into wine drinking later, however, Rosen also realized that “wine is multifaceted in terms of the levels on which it can be appreciated.” Not only does it “make you feel warm and fuzzy,” but it also combines several elements of intellect: taste (as we should hope), smell, and science.

Rosen explains, for example, that wine will change after it’s opened due to the liquid’s interaction with oxygen: “taste it right away and you’re going to see how tight it is. Upon 15 minute increments, taste it again and you’ll see the wonderful process this organic system undergoes.”

On a more fundamental level, “wine is such a social thing.” Whether enjoying a bottle over a home-cooked dinner or by itself while catching up with friends, one of the best things about wine is the fact it can (and should) be shared with others.

how to embark upon the wine-connoisseur journey There’s no disputing the fact that the world of wine is an incredibly intimidating one, especially for someone who has no idea about what kind of wine they prefer. Even for someone who has some idea about the different types that exist or about what to pair with what dish, unless they’ve had the particular bottle that they’re eyeing in the store, it can be quite difficult to know what it’s actually going to taste like. Looking at the descriptor on the back of a label is one way of figuring it out, but Rosen warns that those should be read “really cautiously.”

His warning makes sense when seeing labels that describe wine as “good,” “clean,” or “fruity”—all imprecise terms that don’t actually say much.

For beginners, the best way to go about picking out a bottle is by asking someone for a recommendation. Employees at a reputable establishment should know their stuff, and by giving them a few clues (“something sweet,” “something dry,” “something to drink with pasta tonight”) they’ll be able to recommend something. Maybe you won’t like it, but now you’ve got an even better idea of how to describe what you like (or don’t), and the next recommendation will likely be a better one. And if you do like it, you’ve got something new to add to your growing list of go-to wines.

Alternatively, lots of wine stores, including Columbus Wines and Spirits, offer tastings. Sampling various wines sideby-side while asking questions and listening to an expert describe flavors and aromas is one of the best ways to learn about wine. And for those lucky enough to know others who are interested in the field, why not pool funds together to sample more wines or higher-end bottles?

PICKING THE RIGHT BOTTLE FOR A DINNER PARTY When you’re invited to a dinner party but have no idea what’s on the menu, Rosen recommends “bringING what you like,” especially since the host has no obligation to serve that bottle that night. For those who insist on taking the risk, however, a safe choice is a sparkling white (like champagne) that can be served during appetizers, or a sweet wine (like a late harvest red or port) for dessert. In case the menu hasn’t been kept so secret, the chart on page 34 has got you covered. culinarianmagazine.com

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Why is it that self-professed winos describe a simple glass of fermented grape juice as “bright,” “buttery,” or “velvety”?

Why do they insist on observing any particles that might be floating around in it, on smelling it, and on sloshing it around in their mouths? Apparently the world of wine is a sophisticated one, and entering this seemingly pretentious and obviously intellectual circle of indulgence may not seem like a worthwhile hobby for students to pursue. The classic, go-to mixed drinks are easy to enjoy (and pay for), so why even bother?

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WINE 101 Tannins: All the rage among the wine community, tannins are a natural constituent of reds (although some whites have them too). They make wine taste dry, bitter, and bit more complex.

Tannins come from the wood in which the wines are aged and the grape skin, seeds, and stems.

Oxidation (or Breathing): As the word implies, oxidation is a chemical process in which wine interacts with oxygen, thus changing its flavor. Some wines should be left to “open-up” before drinking to let this process happen, while others should not. In case your bottle needs to breathe, just wait a few minutes after opening it before pouring.

Table Wine: Opt for these when you want to enjoy something that’s easy to drink. Table wines aren’t anything special, but they’ll pair perfectly with a simple and casual meal.

Legs: Check the viscosity of a wine by tilting the glass and observing the “tears” that run down the glass. Those are the legs.

Variety vs. Varietal: Variety is a noun that refers to the type of vine or grape. Varietal is an adjective that refers to the type of grape that is most predominantly used in the bottle. So, a varietal Pinot Noir could actually be made with other varieties of grapes.

Types of Wine: Wines in France are labeled according to the place they were made, whereas most everywhere else they are labeled according to grape type. So, while a sparkling white wine may have been made in the exactly the same manner with exactly the same grapes as a bottle of Champagne, only wines made in the region of Champagne can be labeled as “Champagne.”

A Few Basic Descriptors: When tasting wine, try to detect whether it is dry or sweet, strong (tannic) or fruity, smooth or crisp.

Brut, Demi-Sec, and Others: Depending on your personal taste and any possible food pairings, the place within the dry-to-sweet spectrum that your bottle of sparkling white wine will occupy is rather important. Refer to the spectrum below for clarification:

Brut nature

SWEET extra brut

brut

extra dry

dry demi-sec

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DRY

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Types of Win Red

Beaujolais* Bordeaux (red)* Burgundy (red)* Cabernet Sauvignon Chianti Malbec Merlot Pinot Noir Syrah/Shiraz Zinfandel (red)

RosĂŠ Fortified Red Port sherry

Wine Pairings + + + + + +

+ + + + + +

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Appetizers............................................................................................................................................................... Sparkling White Pasta with red sauce........................................................................................................................................................ Chianti Pasta with cream sauce............................................................................................................................. Chardonnay Chicken...................................................................................... Chianti, Pinot Noir, or Red Burgundy Burger...................................................................................................................................................................................... Red Zinfandel Steak............................................................................................................................Bordeaux, Cabernet Sauvignon Malbec, Merlot, or Syrah White fish................................................................................................................................................................Sauvignon Blanc Salmon................................................................................................................ .Chardonnay or White Burgundy Asian cuisine........................................................................................................................................................................................Riesling Chocolate cake............................................................................................................................................................................................Port Fruit.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................Sauterne pairings Cheese......................................................................................................................................................................................Local (

ne (Among Many Others) White

Bordeaux (white)* Chardonnay Pinot Grigio Riesling Sauvignon Blanc

Dessert Wines

Sauterne Late Harvest whites or reds

Sparkling White Champagne Moscato Prosecco

*French wines are labeled according to region, not type.

See “Wine 101” on page 32 for an explanation.

$$ ON-A-STUDENT-BUDGET WINE LIST $$ A college budget can sometimes be limiting, but there do exist several bottles that can perfectly complement a rustic meal without breaking the bank. While a $12 and under bottle can be “very drinkable,” there is something to be said for the relationship between price and complexity. Enjoy these bottles over a simple or hearty dish, and splurge on something a little pricier for fancier (and lighter) meals.

WHITES Babich | Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand Frisk | Riesling from Australia Louis Latour | Chardonnay from France Monsieur Touton | Bordeaux (Sauvignon Blanc grape) from France Riff | Pinot Grigio from Italy ROSÉ Laurent Miquel Père et Fils | from France Mulderbosch | from South Africa

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REDS Alain Corcia | Burgundy (Pinot Noir grape) from France Casillero del Diablo | Cabernet Sauvignon from Chile Leese-Fitch | Pinot Noir from California Marqués de Cáceres | Rioja from Spain Smoking Loon | Merlot from California Trapiche | Malbec from Argentina

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the professional

foodie

Edited by Amanda Tien | Art by Joanne Raptis

Culinarian students are dedicated to their passions and to their craft, even pursuing their love of publishing and food outside of their exctracurricular work. These interviews explore some of the opportunities they have pursued right here in the Big Apple.

Good Housekeeping

G.H.R.I. KITCHEN APPLIANCES AND TECHNOLOGY LAB Manon Cooper | BC’14 Religion Major| Culinarian’s Managing Editor

Interning with the Good Housekeeping Research Institute (G.H.R.I.) might just be the best job I’ll ever have—a typical day consists of grocery shopping, searing steaks on a grill, baking a cake in a toaster oven (and then tasting it, just to make sure it’s cooked through), sampling chocolates or caramel corn, and writing up blog posts about a new casserole dish that we’ve just used to bake macaroni and cheese (a.k.a. our lunch and dinner).

Before beginning this internship, I was never 100% trustful of the tips that magazines shared with their readers because I imagined that staff had probably just made some stuff up to fill their pages. But after a year’s worth of boiling and straining about 40 pounds of pasta to test colanders, toasting slices of bread to check the evenness of an appliance’s heat distribution, measuring the surface temperature of grills, making coffee with God knows how many coffee machines, and administering blind tastetastes of various brands of club soda, I can assure you that if Good Housekeeping tells you something works, it most certainly does. Besides the obvious perks of working in the Kitchen Appliances and Technology Lab, the best part about this job is that by working in the Research Institute I am a part of something so much bigger than myself: a national magazine that is read and trusted by millions of women across the country, as well as the larger Hearst Corporation that harbors so many of the magazines that we love to read.

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Smorgasburg Ice Creamery

Alycia Gideon | BC’15 Anthropology and South Asian Studies Major Culinarian’s Creative Co-Director

What struck me was the camaraderie that vendors shared with each other. I recognized labels and brands from times when we collaborated and used their products in our ice cream or sold

their goods in our store. The diversity and creativity was inspiring: from La Newyorkina (a Brooklyn vendor serving homemade, traditional Mexican frozen treats) to Monsieur Singh Lassi (a classic Indian sweet beverage with a Punjabi twist, proudly proclaiming on the bottle: “Endorsed Daily by a Billion Indians!”) to Go Ramen (a ramen burger featuring a juicy beef patty, shoyu sauce, scallions, and arugula smooshed between two buns made entirely of cooked ramen). If you find yourself in Princeton, I of course recommend checking out Bent Spoon (and ask for as many samples as you want—I promise, it isn’t rude or annoying), but if you are looking to taste artisan culinary creations closer to campus, then Smorgasburg is a must. Go feeling hungry and adventurous.

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In high school, I transitioned from being a food-lover to being a fullon, self-professed food snob. It’s probably because I spent almost as much time working at Bent Spoon, an artisan ice cream shop and bakery located in Princeton, New Jersey, as I spent in class and studying for A.P. exams. (Clearly, I was more interested in habaneros, muscovado brown sugar, and mascarpone than I was in American history.) The job demanded a knowledge of the products we made and sold: the process by which we handmade our treats, the ingredients we used, and the origin of each of those ingredients. As if studying for an exam, I knew the names of every New Jersey and New York farm, what the heck a vintage tomato is, and the technical difference between ice cream and sorbet. I fell in love with my co-workers and the co-owners—all people passionate about serving high-quality, local, organic products in a knowledgeable, friendly environment. So this past summer, when my bosses asked me to serve our ice cream (flavors included local, organic, New Jersey mint with cocoa nibs; fair trade, organic, 61% dark chocolate-infused with earl grey tea; and organic, New Jersey corn with Old Bay seasoning) at Smorgasborg, I could hardly refuse the opportunity to mix and mingle with the East Coast’s culinary elite.

ppppppppppppppppp rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Food Network digital entertainment

Amanda Tien | CC’14 Creative Writing Major | Culinarian’s Editor in Chief

For a few years, I lived in the Mojave Desert in California and the only things to do were to go rollerblading, climb trees, and collect rocks. Understandably, I spent a lot of time using my imagination, reading books, and watching television.

The latter led me to a lot of channel surfing, and one day, I found Bobby Flay making an omelette.

I was hooked, and ever since that moment, I’ve dreamt of working for Food Network. That dream came true when I spent senior year working in the Chelsea Market offices for the digital team. I spent my days researching restaurants, sifting through Guy Fieri archives, watching cooking competitions, documenting food trends, writing content for Food Network’s website and apps, collecting photographs of pies, and much more. Besides being in a place where people can say “Alton” like he’s a close friend (and for some employees, the star of Good Eats actually is), the Food Network offices are a fascinating stronghold of professionalism in the chaotic blend of tourism and tastes that is Chelsea Market.

For those who haven’t been, Chelsea Market is in the base of a large office building and features dozens of shops that sell everything from gluten free cupcakes, to grilled cheese sandwiches, to fresh lobsters. There is a spice emporium with large metal bowls filled with coriander across from a nut shop that sells perfectly sized snack bags. Tourists come in to see the giant pumpkin displays, musicians who perform live in the hallways, and to hesitate between eating a Morimoto meal or a freshly baked baguette. Food Network’s famous Chopped studios are upstairs, and there are frequent video shoots in the hallways as stars come to explore their favorite establishments. I love heading to the offices every day, if nothing else to experience the sheer diversity of this indoor food land. I’ve enjoyed getting to see the interworkings of Food Network (and delight in having an @foodnetwork.com email address!), and am grateful for the chance to be a part of this media company that builds thousands of bridges between the food and the food-lover.

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Good Housekeeping food photography

Ortal Isaac | GS’16 Comparative Literature and Society Major | Culinarian’s Photography Man-

As an intern in Good Housekeeping magazine’s Photography Department over the summer, I had the privilege of seeing how a professional magazine utilizes photography and to witness how the images in a publication move from the idea stage to the final page itself. The process was fascinating to watch, particularly when it came to food spreads for upcoming issues. I was able to work on shoots that Good Housekeeping produced on its own through work with professional, freelance photographers. I had never imagined just how thorough the staff of a magazine could be when it might come to producing just a small image for a sidebar recipe in an issue. Indeed, there is so much detail that goes into producing just a single image that might only cover a small fraction of a page.

Looking for an internship?

Try going directly to the website of a company you want to work for. Chances are, they have postings about internships and jobs.

Columbia University Center for Career Education

Barnard College Career Development

116th St. and Amsterdam Ave. East Campus Building, Lower Level (212) 854-5609 careereducation.columbia.edu

119th St. and Claremont Ave. Elliot Hall, 2nd Floor (212) 854-2033 barnard.edu/cd

culinarianmagazine.com

New to this industry, I soon realized the range of people involved in a food photography shoot. There are the photographers themselves, professional food stylists who cook and style the food to look as delicious as possible, the magazine’s own photography staff who supervises and directs the shoot to ensure that it meets the needs of the magazine, and more. So many different people work to get the right consistency and sheen of a runny egg on a slice of pizza, or the desired look and placement of cookies on a themed background.

Being able to watch food stylists carefully prepare the recipes and make the dishes look their best was incredibly interesting and enlightening. I truly learned how much work, thought, and intention goes into a single image of a meal or dish. I discovered how to appreciate this effort, and to never take a single image in a publication for granted ever again.

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Spice It Up

EFFORTLESSLY INTERGRATING INDIAN FLAVORS INTO THE EVERYDAY Text by Hannah Sotnick Photos by Minh Tam Nguyen and Bethany Wong

I returned from a summer spent in India craving the intense spice and distinctive flavors of my daily meals.

Without time between classes for the time-intensive preparation of curries and fried snacks, I developed some easy ways to spice up my schedule. Save yourself a trip to the frozen food section this week by following these simple tips to brighten the flavors of your routine, everyday meals with Indian flavors and ingredients.

Home-Made Chutney Primarily made of blended cilantro, mint, and chilies, mint chutney is one of the easiest Indian condiments to prepare at home with a blender, and spreading some of it onto a slice of bread will make a fresh roll or standard sandwich that much more more exciting. You can even use the chutney to construct a typical Indian street-side sandwich, topped with sliced cucumbers, tomatoes, potatoes, and shredded mozzarella cheese. Grill the sandwich and sprinkle additional cheese on top for added oomph.

spiced fruit

Cheesy Stir-Fry To add protein to a vegetarian stir-fry, try replacing tofu with paneer, a fresh cheese frequently found in Indian cuisine. Chop the paneer into cubes and add to any combination of vegetables for a hearty, filling meal.

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For a healthy, late-night snack that will spice up a night of studying, slice one of your favorite fruits (apples, mangoes, nectarines, persimmons, pears, and peaches all work well) and dust a few Indian spices over it. Try a masala spice blend or develop your own spice mix with a combination of chili powder, cumin, paprika, cayenne pepper, and ginger.

jeera rice Jeera rice, a comforting Indian side dish seasoned with cumin seeds, is an aromatic and savory alternative to white rice. Prepare something similar (and more flavorful) in your rice cooker with minimal effort by adding a bit of vegetable oil, a chopped onion, cumin seeds, and coriander leaves to your rice preparation before turning on the rice cooker.

masala coke

As most classic American foods and beverages can be refreshed with Indian flavors, Coca Cola is no exception. Try making masala coke, a fired-up version of the classic soda, by mixing a teaspoon of lemon or lime juice with a bit of cumin powder, black pepper, and salt in a glass. Gradually pour in your Coke, stirring as you go, and top with chopped mint leaves.

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Chinese Turkey Text by Erin Larson | Photo by Hannah Park

At the end of the movie A Christmas Story, the protagonist and his family share Christmas dinner with three Chinese waiters and a “Chinese turkey.” The bird arrives at the table crisp, browned, and covered in sauce, but with the head and tail still attached as a glorious reminder that this 1940s family is not in Kansas anymore.

Their Chinese turkey is a specialty dish known as Peking duck.

Peking duck originated in Beijing sometime during the Imperial Era and has since become the national dish of China. In fact, two famous Beijing restaurants, Quanjude and Bianyifang, have been serving this special dish since the 15th century. The duck is typically dried, blanched, and roasted over three days, but as the process takes longer to prepare than most home chefs have patience for, it is generally eaten in restaurants or served at home for major holidays and celebrations.

To make the dish, the duck is first coated in a sweet soy sauce mixture and then hung to soak overnight.

The next day, the skin of the duck is inflated using a straw and then immediately blanched in boiling water to separate and tighten the skin. The duck is roasted vertically in a wood-fired brick oven and

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then dressed with cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and cloves (or five spice powder, a combination of cinnamon, cloves, fennel, and Szechuan peppercorns).

The duck is usually served with the largest skin to meat ratio possible, as the golden, crispy skin is the choicest part.

Often, it will be wrapped in a very thin pancake and topped with Hoisin sauce (a thick, reddish-brown sauce made from mashed soybeans, garlic, chili peppers, and spices) and scallions and eaten like a burrito. The duck can also be served with plum sauce made from a mixture of sweet plums, ginger, chili peppers, and sugar.

For the best Peking duck, head to Beijing, but if you can’t afford the plane ticket, there are plenty of viable options in Chinatown. The aptly named Peking Duck House, located on 28 Mott Street and in Midtown at 236 East 53rd Street, offers a lunch special of one duck with a variety of sides for four people. Outside of Chinatown, try Buddakan, located at 75 9th Avenue. The restaurant was even the setting of a key dinner in the Sex and the City movie!

date night

Text and Photos by Amanda Tien

Whether going on a dinner date with a best friend or that special someone, Pastai’s trendy location between Chelsea and the West Village proves a welcome escape from Columbia University’s campus. As the restaurant is one of the two establishments owned by Chef Melissa Daka (a Columbia Journalism graduate), Pastai is an upscale, but casual trattoria (a cozy breed of an Italian restaurant where dinner-goers sometimes become regulars and no longer need to read the menu before ordering). You’re sure to love the restaurant’s cozy atmosphere, as bare filaments surrounded by delicate globular bulbs cover the restaurant in hazy warmth. The establishment is truly a family affair: Chef Daka pursues the culinary expressions of her Sicilian roots while her husband runs the bar.

Pastai serves a steady crowd from dinner until a lovely evening bar scene, providing the perfect setting for intimate conversations. As one would expect from the name, Pastai has an excellent pasta selection, and its open kitchen provides continual entertainment throughout the night. We recommend ordering the Gemelli con Burrata pasta dish, which boasts an unexpected, but wholly delightful kick of lemon that pairs perfectly with the fresh and crisp burrata. For something more classic, order the Ravioli d’Aragosta.

This saffron pasta is stuffed with lobster and mascarpone, and topped with spinach and a light shellfish and tomato sauce. The best dish of all, however, is one of Pastai’s dessert specials: homemade donuts filled with a caramel amaretto cream, dusted with cocoa sugar, and served with a cappuccino sauce.

We know. We can’t believe it’s real either. But the best part is that you can try it, too.

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Pastai is located on 186 9th Avenue. For more information, please call (646) 688-3463 or visit pastainyc.com.

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SECRET SUPPER SOCIETY Text by Yvonne Hsiao | Photos by Matthew Tsim

European-style butter is roughly cut and laid out on the table upon arrival, in addition to a plastic bottle of Schweppes seltzer. Study the old-fashioned, faux leather menu for appetizers like the Hungarian-style Liver Pâté, consisting of a cream-based, grainy concoction that is both thick and salty. The Korozott, a mixture of puréed feta, thick sour cream, paprika, and onion brunoise, is equally delicious with its distinctly Slavic flavor and hearty ingredients (which back in the homeland would have been readily available and easy to grow, even in harsh agricultural conditions).

Following the appetizers, order the vegetable soup. Made with peas, onions, tomatoes, cauliflower, and mushrooms in a veal broth, the soup is well-seasoned, and chili oil adds a deliberate peppery kick. The chicken soup, made with mirepoix

and thoroughly degreased chicken, is presented with broiled carrots on one side of the bowl and noodles on the other. The stringy noodles maintain their structural integrity and a comforting softness. To cleanse the palate before the next course, enjoy a small bowl of thinly sliced cucumbers marinated in white wine vinegar and sugar.

Entrées include the Wiener Schnitzel, Chicken Cutlet, or Stuffed Cabbage, although dishes such as Veal Paprika and Grey Sole are also available.

The pork and chicken are juicy, have bite, and are covered with slightly stale bread crust, which reaffirms the nostalgic, something-grandma-made feeling of the expat restaurant. The stuffed cabbage is made with puréed veal, small chunks of potato, and paprika that is blended with cream and piped inside cylindrical cabbage leaves and then broiled in a Dutch oven. The dish is then topped with chili-oil infused, thinly sliced onions cooked in vinegar and dark chicken broth. Delicious!

To end the meal, we recommend the walnut, cheese, and apricot Hungarian crêpes that are served with two generous dollops of vanilla ice cream. To make the filling, cooks combine sanded sugar with toasted, finely chopped walnuts, giving a nice textural juxtaposition to the crêpe as well as a nutty flavor without overwhelming sweetness—a delicious end to a delicious meal.

First Hungarian Literary Society is located on 323 East 79th Street #2.

For more information, please call (212) 288-5002.

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First Hungarian Literary Society is a century-old apartment for the Hungarian community to gather, play cards, and reminiscence about generations past. The entrance leading up to the flat is unassuming—you have to know to click the button labeled “CLUB” to be buzzed in. Once inside, the clandestine restaurant offers authentic, home-style Hungarian cuisine to card-players, with options ranging from a $20 prix-fixe menu of five courses, to individual, but just as generously portioned sandwiches, salads, and drinks.

For the full experience, go for the prix-fixe option.

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Tips from the Pros: Knife Skills Text by Kelcey Otten | Photos by Minh Tam Nguyen

If there is one piece of kitchen equipment that is absolutely indispensable in the kitchen, it’s the chef’s knife. This tool is incredibly versatile, and after practicing just a few basic techniques, you can learn a multitude of sophisticated cuts. With good knife skills, you can also reduce your prep time. Plus, people who can wield a killer, eight-inch blade of sharpened steel with confidence and speed are super badass.

But before becoming a kitchen warrior, here are the basics of kickass knife-wielding.

ANATOMY OF A KNIFE A knife is made up of eight components: the tip, cutting edge, spine, heel, bolster, tang, handle, and butt.

Fixed blade knives (which are distinguished by the visible steel running from the bolster through the butt) are made of one piece of metal that runs the entire length of the knife. When investing in a good knife, these are the ones you should look for—they are more stable and resilient, thus much safer to use than cheap knives.

Although fixed blade knives can be more expensive, a good eight-inch fixed blade chef ’s knife that is well taken care of and sharpened regularly will last you at least 20 years, if not your whole life.

HOW TO HOLD A CHEF’S KNIFE

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Grip the handle with your entire hand, using the pads of both your thumb and forefinger to grip the bolster on either side. Never extend your forefinger out over the top of the blade. Although it may seem easier to wield a knife this way, the position is very dangerous because you have much less control over the blade, and you’ll cut yourself at some point. Guaranteed.

THE “CLAW” GRIP When using a chef ’s knife, place the tips of your fingers on the surface of what you are cutting, then bend them slightly to curl your knuckles so they hang just over your fingertips. Your knuckles will provide a barrier between your fingertips and the blade, acting as a sort of guard.

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When cutting, keep the tip of the knife on the board and use a repetitive rocking motion to slice. This is precisely why a chef ’s knife has a curved edge: the movement gives you the most control over the knife and permits you to use the weight of the knife to slice. Using proper technique, the weight of the knife should do most of the work, not your biceps.

Turn the pages for step-by-step instructions for how to chiffonade basil and more!

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HOW TO CUT

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chopping an onion See pictures to the right for a guide

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Trim the top of the onion off as well as the outer, dirty portion of its root. Do not cut the root off, however, since that keeps the onion layers together as you chop.

Preserving the integrity of the root, slice the onion in half to bisect the root end and then peel off its skin and tough outer layer.

Point the root-end of the onion away from you and use the tip of your chef ’s knife to make ¼-inch-wide cuts.

Again, do not cut all the way through the root as you want your slices to hold together.

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Turn the onion 90° away from you, and begin to slice perpendicularly to the previous cuts at ¼-inch increments. Cut all the way down towards the root-end. The slices you are left with can be crumbled up with your fingers to create a nice, uniform chop.

Fun Fact: Why do you cry when chopping an onion?

Because you’re using a dull knife! Chopping away at an onion with a dull knife causes tiny droplets of onion juice to release into the air and splash into your eyes.

Cutting an onion as described above with a good, sharp knife is thus the best way to get a uniformly-sized chop with fewer tears.

chiffonade basil

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See pictures on previous page for a guide

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Detach individual leaves and stack them from largest to smallest.

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Roll the pile of leaves sideways into a tight cylinder.

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Slice through the cylinder cross-wise at ⅛-inch-wide intervals to create a ribbon-like chiffonade.

Tip: Chiffonades are great to use as a garnish for pastas and salads, but this technique can also be used to prepare lettuce for tacos or kale for a sauté. Just be sure to remove any tough ribs from the center of your lettuce or kale leaves.

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Julienning a Zucchini See pictures to the right for a guide

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Hold the zucchini using the claw grip. Cut the inedible ends off, and then cut crosswise into sections of whatever length you want for your julienne.

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Cut off the peel in vertical slices on four sides, creating a long and symmetrical rectangular box of zucchini flesh. Slice this box lengthwise into ⅛-inch-wide slices.

Restack these long slices horizontally, as if stacking paper, and slice the stacks into ⅛ inch segments.

One Step Further: You can also create a burnoise (tiny dice) by lining up these julienned segments lengthwise and repeating ⅛-inch-slices. Use the classic burnoise in salads or for garnishes.

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favorite

Your new

guaranteed awesome in washington heights

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Text and Photos by Amanda Tien

THE PLACE Rusty Mackerel is a cozy hotbed of flavor and personality in Washington Heights, an easy ride from campus on the M4 bus or 1 train. With brick walls and warm lighting, the atmosphere alone is enough to draw in the crowds, but it’s the cuisine that will keep you here for hours. (No, literally. I was there from noon until 3 p.m., and yes, I was eating the entire time.) Opened by Washington Heights native Chef James “Mac” Moran earlier this year, Rusty Mackerel is a gourmet restaurant with remarkably affordable prices. It caters to the neighborhood, a mixture of small families and artists coming back from late night shows, plays, and galleries downtown, with hearty, experimental dinner entrées and playful, bright brunch options. The staff is just as excellent as the food—all are locals, and their kind enthusiasm is enough to brighten even the cloudiest of days.

THE PEOPLE Mac, chef and owner, recounted his history, explaining how he started off at a butcher shop around the corner. He had a stint in construction before a friend told him, “Dude, you should really try culinary school.” Before long, Mac was studying under famous chefs and traveling the world. Thus, you’ll find plenty of influences in his dishes from one of his favorite places: Spain. Even the drinks come loaded with flavors and spices, served with giant ice cubes and in simple glass jars—choices that are both aesthetically pleasing and practical.

The passion that Mac has for the food comes across on the table: the deep love for and knowledge of the ingredients is apparent in every dish.

Each plate and cup is filled with a complex blend of flavors and textures—the delicious results of careful experimentation. I swear, I actually cried at one point because the cauliflower was so great.

As if Rusty Mackerel couldn’t get any better, this place is perfect for any occasion. Want to impress your parents when they’re in town? Bring them here for brunch and walk near the river (there’s a great view of the George Washington Bridge). Have a date coming up? Start off with a leisurely stroll through the park at 190th Street and then bunker down for dinner and drinks. Need to escape the campus hubbub with friends? Take advantage of your class-free Friday and order a round of Octopus Bravas to share before visiting The Cloisters nearby (free admission with Columbia I.D.).

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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I can say few things with absolute certainty. Maybe that’s part of what a Columbia University education is all about—making you doubt what you thought you knew about society, literature, science, the world, life, finding true happiness, etc. But recently, I’ve had the opportunity to discover something that I know to be true: Rusty Mackerel will be your new favorite place. I first visited Rusty last fall when the neighborhood was drenched in warm autumnal tones (the ideal sweater weather for brunch), and have made repeat visits, so it’s high time Rusty got its pages of glory.

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We split two brunch specials, hoping to maximize coverage of the entire tempting menu. The first is a play on Chicken and Waffles featuring jerk quail, puréed sweet potato, and a smoked, maple bacon sauce, all wrapped up in a crunchy waffle cone. I asked Mac how he came up with this one, and he explained that it was originally for a large fundraising event: “I tried to think, how would people carry this around at the event? What would be cool, but still have great taste?”

We spent the rest of brunch trying the Scotch Egg wrapped in merguez paired with harissa sauce (a hot chili sauce from Tunisia, the smallest country in North Africa) and fresh bread. The Scotch Egg was tender and runny on the inside, hearty and dense on the outside. The harissa added a playful kick to the meal and brought the dish from rustic to spunky. It didn’t stop there, though: I asked Mac to bring out his favorite dishes from the dinner menu. This seemed to be the magic phrase, and the first thing to come was his Cod Croquettes. Now, I’m not a big seafood person, but I fell in love with the briny marine flavors that came out

of Mac’s kitchen. Cod’s a hearty fish that usually tastes dense, but this version altered the consistency of the cod into a smooth, heavy cream surrounded by a light crunch topped with what Mac called “sexy scallions” and a saffron aioli. I could easily have eaten twenty of these.

Then, out came one of Rusty Mackerel’s most beloved dishes: the Cauliflower Chop. Completely vegan and inspired from a chimichurri steak, this dish consisted of a halved cauliflower topped with a tangy cauliflower curry purée, crisp, fried shallots, and a golden raisin chimichurri sauce. “I like to challenge myself,” Mac said of the cauliflower, “so I thought, how can I make these vegetables taste like a really great, classic meat entrée?” The sweet, chewy bites of raisin combined with the caramelized, springy edges of the cauliflower made for a sinfully unique flavor profile. (And if you’re feeling especially bad, scoop up a bite of everything and add some of that steakhouse bacon.) And, as if we couldn’t eat enough food, we soared through a shared plate of Octopus Bravas. Inspired by Mac’s time abroad, this dish is a play on patatas bravas, a traditional Spanish dish consisting of fried potatoes served with a spicy tomato mayonnaise sauce. This version was served with more of his delicious Sea Salt Potatoes with tender bites of octopus, served with smoked paprika aioli and a homemade romesco sauce (made up of, amongst other things, red peppers and roasted almonds).

Hungry yet?

Rusty Mackerel is located on 209 Pinehurst Avenue. For more information, please call (212) 923-4888 or visit rustymackerelny.com.

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THE FOOD For brunch, I brought along the best eater I know: my boyfriend’s hungry stomach. We started off with hot, fresh coffee (mmm) that is roasted at Buunni Coffee next door.

In what my boyfriend called a “power play,” I requested two sides as sort of a breakfast appetizer: Steakhouse Bacon and Sea Salt Potatoes. The potatoes were especially impressive having brined for hours in a sea salt bath before being cooked and served with a paprika aioli. The bacon?

Well, it’s thick cut, savory bacon with a hint of maple. You can rate it yourself as you quickly devour a hefty slice.

Text by Ben Rashkovich | Art by Hannah Sotnick

A Brief Introduction

A few years back, my mom and I were cleaning out my grandparents’ attic when we unearthed about a half-dozen notebooks belonging to my Uncle Randolph.

Uncle Randolph is technically Great Uncle Randolph, on my mother’s side. He was my mom’s dad’s brother, but born much later than the rest of his siblings, so he held this middle state between generations. I have vague memories of the guy, piecemeal and discolored like old-timey newsreels. I may have constructed some of them. Who knows? He had great, wild tufts of hair, clown feet, and a squeaky voice. That much I do recall.

He also had this collection of journals. They weren’t diaries— they were categories, imperatives, rules, and iron suggestions as how to best live one’s life­­—the ­oddball Uncle Randolph way.

Nobody cared much about them, full of bizarre scribbles and doodles as they were, so I claimed ownership.

Naturally, Uncle Randolph also had an interest in food (it’s genetic, or maybe just biological). One of the ­thicker journals has a section in it, which he titled “How to Eat.” Most entries are recipes or the like, though some give special insight into his character and his stomach. ­Below are few of my favorites, and a ­sprinkling of random ones besides.

How to Eat * * *

HOT DOGS

With relish!

PICKLES

For sours, with a sandwich, consume half the pickle after finishing the first half of the sandwich, three-quarters of the remainder while eating the second half of the sandwich, and the final nib once the sandwich is done; for half-sours, like a corndog; for slices, in salads or heroes or omelets, in moderation; half-sours should not accompany sandwiches, nor sour soups.

BEETS

In salad, with vinaigrette; in soup, as cold borscht, complemented with copious dollops of sour cream (two to three sizeable spoons should suffice, but stir and add until the color changes to a pastel purple-red, not overly vigorously however, for small floating traces are delicious, and especially delightful when surprising).

*

RADISHES In salads, cut thickly; as garnish, soft; raw, as a table-side snack, whose bitterness reminds us of our ancient desert wanderings, a time beset by dry tears, much death and pain and fragility, and heretical idol worship. Serve chilled.

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PRETZELS At a ballgame; quickly. When sufficiently hardened, may be used as a weapon.

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ICE CREAM In the summer, in a cup or as a bar; in the winter, in a cone; with sprinkles rarely, other adornments quite sparingly, and a trickle of hot fudge according to sound but conservative judgment; never as a cake; never as breakfast alone; “à la mode” only when the situation calls—appraise well but generously when indeed appropriate; with appreciation of the boons of modern science.

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WATER

*

BREAD

* *

ONION In salad, chunky; in soup, chunky; as a side dish, chunky; whole and raw, as a fine meal alone.

In all forms, shapes, sizes; from all countries and cultures of origin; of all distinguished types and varieties; in every manner, as primary or accomplice in a meal; before, during, after, within, without; supplied, supplying, or in isolation; of every but the lowest quality; sourdough only under threat of familial dishonor.

HALIBUT Steam by wrapping in foil, inserting into the dishwasher, and running two cycles. Serve with onions (chunky; refer to above).

BAGELS Always toasted; always of the poppy seed or “everything” varieties; always cut in half the long way, sometimes the short way in addition (if feeling peckish); apply vegetable cream cheese if in need of a sobering dish, or if desirous of vegetables without having to look at vegetables; apply butter if eating breakfast, if impatient, or if aroused.

I challenge any and all to go a few days (a week, even) and abide by the letter of these rules, just like my good old Uncle Randolph. For hygienic reasons, I won’t ­reveal his other journal sections on bathing, but feel free to reach out if you want any of his writings about ­woodworking or taxidermy.

But, hopefully this gave you some insight into the very personal, ­wonderfully ­whimsical, and slightly crazy world of food that, ­actually, each of us carries around. Uncle Randolph might be a bit more eccentric than the rest of us, but hey, at least you’ve never actually had to watch him eat a ­buttered bagel.

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With healthy slices of lemon, not lime (unless severely deprived of lemons but somehow supplied with the flavorfully and aesthetically inferior lime, which should never be the case), nor mint (an unmanly herb), nor cucumber (keeps the water as tasteless, if not more so); with ice, so cold as to perspire regardless of ambient room temperature; as a secondary beverage to beer, milk, or both.

Art by Lacey Minot