2 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 3
34
Chin-Win Situation Jay Leno reveals what’s made him the Titan of Tonight all these years
On the cover: Photo courtesy of NBCUniversal
features 16 Paradigm Shift An effort to get cannabis reclassified picks up steam at the federal level. 18 A Clear Choice Green Party presidential nominee Jill Stein stumps for sativa. 20 Puzzling Percentages When strains are tested for potency, what exactly does that mean? 22 Domestic Issue The War on Drugs is a big, racist failure according to filmmaker Eugene Jarecki. 24 Cannabis on Aisle 4! Pop artist Ron English is a secret shopper like no other. 28 A Heavy Subject Asking Alexandria says metal is the most honest form of music.
departments 6 Letter from the Editor It takes time and hard work to get to the promised land—but we’re getting there. 8 News Nuggets Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere—and we give you the scoop—PLUS our latest By the Numbers 30 Strain & Edible Reviews Our ever-popular sampling of amazing strains and edibles currently provided by your friendly neighborhood dispensary. 42 Destination Unknown Explore end-of-the-world parties—the way our Mayan ancestors predicted. 44 Profiles in Courage Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle—of a medical marijuana patient near you. 46 Cool Stuff From Scrips CBD Capsules to Cloud Vapez, if it’s a cuttingedge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it. 48 Recipes Feel patriotic with this Veterans Day-Thanksgiving menu mashup. 52 Entertainment Reviews The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture. 54 Events Listings Our wrap-up of some of Washington’s coolest events. 56 News of the Weird Yeah, these news tidbits are weird as hell—and absolutely true.
4 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 5
letter from the editor
Vol 4 IssUE 5
Publisher
Jeremy Zachary
GET YOUR CLICK HERE
www.iReadCulture.com
Roberto C. Hernandez Editor-In-Chief
Editor-in-Chief
Roberto C. Hernandez
Managing Editor Lynn Lieu
Editorial Contributors
Dennis Argenzia, Omar Aziz, Stephanie Bishop, Jake Browne, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Stacy Davies, Philip Dawdy, Alex Distefano, David Downs, James P. Gray, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Dan Macintosh, Meital Manzuri, Jane Mast, Sandra Moriarty, Damian Nassiri, Paul Rogers, Jeff Schwartz, Lanny Swerdlow, Arrissia Owen
Inching
Toward
Sanity
Photographers
Steve Baker, Kristopher Christensen, John Gilhooley, Amanda Holguin, Audrey King, Khai Le, David Elliot Lewis, Mark Malijan, Patrick Roddie, Michael Seto, Kim Sidwell
Interns
Yensil Chung, Joe Martone, Derek Obregon, Jamie Solis
A news items caught my eye the other day. I heard that opening arguments had just been made before the U.S. Court of Appeal in an effort to convince the federal government— unfortunately, MMJ’s staunchest foe—to re-schedule marijuana. Americans for Safe Access, a national patients-rights advocacy group that has been leading various pro-MMJ campaigns since its formation 10 years ago, is leading this charge. So why is re-scheduling marijuana a big deal? Marijuana, in the eyes of the government, is a Schedule I drug, which is another way for the feds (via the Controlled Substances Act—thanks, Nixon) to judge cannabis as dangerous as heroin and with no medical use whatsoever. Schedule III drugs include Vicodin, Schedule IV drugs include Valium and Xanax, Schedule V drugs include cough medicine. This is the basic reason why the feds say they can trump a state’s MMJ laws any day of the week; they say federal law (marijuana is illegal for any purposes) overrides state law (marijuana is legal to use as medicine). So if ASA is successful in getting marijuana rescheduled, then that could open the door, the argument goes, to ushering in a whole new
6 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
era for reform across the country. Imagine that—marijuana treated the same way as Robitussin (Schedule V). Or maybe considered a legal alternative to Temazepam (Schedule IV). Gone is the federal government’s ace in the whole. Gone is the whole “no medical use” propaganda. No more raids. No more abuse. No more nonsense. It’s what they call a “game changer.” Will this happen tomorrow? Of course not. These things take time. Months. Sometimes years. And this isn’t the first time we’ve tried this. Meanwhile, at the state and local levels, activists and advocates are pushing for similar goals: to get our government officials and law enforcement officers to open their eyes and free their minds; to view cannabis on the basis of science and research, not stigma and politics. And every victory we score for cannabis rights and access is a victory won because of the backbreaking labor and energy of millions of activists (like ASA), patients, caregivers, lobbyists, professionals, doctors, lawyers and advocates. And these people need support. So, support your medical marijuana community. Support your local dispensary. Support your caregiver. Support elected leaders with common sense. Most of all, let’s support one another. As we inch towards sanity, we’re going to need all the help we can get. c
Art Director
Steven Myrdahl
Graphic Designers
Vidal Diaz, Tommy LaFleur
Director of Sales & Marketing Jim Saunders
Account Managers
Shane Harms, Nick Villejo
Office Manager Iris Norsworthy
Office Assistant Chelsea Hults
Online Marketing Jackie Moe
Account Executives
Joe Amador, Jon Bookatz, Gene Gorelik, John Parker, Dave Ruiz, Kim Slocum, April Tygart
IT Manager
Serg Muratov
Distribution Manager Cruz Bobadilla
Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 25,000 papers at over 500 locations throughout Washington. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. 815 1st Ave | #220 Seattle | Washington | 98104 Phone 888.694.2046 | Fax 951.284.2596 www.iReadCulture.com
CULTURE® Magazine is printed using post-recycled paper.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 7
“We’re going to take a look at whether or not there are dangers to the community from the sale of marijuana, and we’re going to go after those dangers,” Deputy Attorney General James Cole says in the clip posted to the news show’s website. The remarks were interpreted by marijuana reform activists as an indication the federal government will treat a state-sanctioned recreational-use industry in the same way it’s assaulted the MMJ community. Cole made the comment in reference to marijuana Study looks at Washington’s legalization efforts in Washington, possession arrests Colorado and Oregon. Washington law enforcers arrested some 240,000 people in the state Late polls show tighter over the past quarter-century— cannabis race the overwhelming majority of With barely a week to Election Day, them young people, a new study several polls show opposition to by a cannabis advocacy group the cannabis legalization measure revealed. Initiative-502 growing. Blacks, Latinos and Native All the polls revealed a Americans were arrested in general shrinking in support for disproportionate numbers the measure. The most positive to whites, the study by the temperature-reading for fans Marijuana Arrest Research Project of the measure was conducted reported. Minorities comprise in late October by SurveyUSA, about 14 percent of Washington’s and showed I-502 leading by 55 population, but from 2001 to percent to 36 percent opposed. 2010, accounted for a quarter of Strategies 360 had the measure marijuana arrests. ahead by 54-36, while a KCS9 Seventy-nine percent of the Washington poll put support for arrestees were 34 or younger, I-502 at 51 percent of registered according to the study. Marijuana voters, with 41 percent opposing. prohibition was shown to be as Among the many I-502 surveys massively expensive in Washington to be released late in the game, as elsewhere in the U.S., with the most worrisome for supporters arrests costing taxpayers between $200 million to $300 million over the past 10 years.
was an Elway Poll showing barely 48 percent of likely voters favoring the measure and 44 percent opposing it.
THE NATION
THE STATE
Justice official: Feds ready to attack legalized industry
Federal law enforcers are suiting up for battle in the event states like Washington legalize marijuana for adult use, a senior Justice Department official revealed on an outtake from an October episode of 60 Minutes. 8 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
U.S. Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit. Joe Elford, chief counsel for Americans for Safe Access, accused the DEA of ignoring 200 scientific studies when it refused to reschedule marijuana from a Schedule I narcotic with no medical benefits to a less stringent category. Americans for Safe Access and other pro-medical cannabis groups want the court to reconsider its classification of marijuana.
Connecticut MMJ law takes effect
U.S. appeals court considers reclassifying marijuana
In a case with enormous potential ramifications for the nation’s cannabis community, the U.S. appellate court in Washington, DC, is considering a major challenge to the federal government’s claim that marijuana is a dangerous drug with no redeeming medical value. Evidence in the challenge, stemming from the Drug Enforcement Administration’s denial of a cannabis rescheduling petition a decade ago, was presented in October to the
With a tick of the clock, Connecticut became the 17th star in the union allowing residents to legally use marijuana for medicinal purposes. The Palliative Use of Marijuana Act, which the state’s Democratic governor signed into law five months ago, took effect on Oct. 1. Physicians can now recommend cannabis is a therapeutic
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 9
10 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
cannabis gardens or allow patients to grow them anywhere in the city’s borders. The City Council delayed action on the requirement for 18 months, but has at last scheduled a workshop on the proposed ordinance for Nov. 19. If approved, the ordinance would allow patients to group as many as 45 marijuana plants for medicinal use.
Fred Willard
treatment for patients with certain serious illnesses, and patients can obtain a medical cannabis ID card by registering with the state. The state Department of Consumer Protection must submit a set of regulations by July 1 to the General Assembly for state-licensed dispensaries. Until then, qualified patients can possess up to 2.5 ounces of cannabis at any one time for their medicinal needs.
THE WORLD 29th Olympia Film Festival
Vancouver inches closer to cannabis gardens
Qualified medical cannabis patients would be allowed to grow cannabis for up to 10 people, under a proposed ordinance to be considered this month by the City Council of Vancouver, BC. A state law passed last year directed Vancouver officials to either come up with a plan for regulating
by the numbers
5
Number of Starbucks locations in Seattle in September, including full-service and in-store venues: 424 (Source: Anywho.com).
6
Number of registered Montana medical marijuana patients in September 2009: 3,921 (Source: Great Falls Tribune).
3
Number of dispensaries in Seattle in September, according to HispanicBusiness.com citing the Seattle Times: 145 (Source: HispanicBusiness.com).
4
Number of dispensaries in Seattle in September, according to Forbes.com citing the Seattle Times: 119 (Source: Forbes.com).
11
Number of these studies that the U.S. Justice Department admits meets federal criteria for valid studies: 15 (Source: Bloomberg Businessweek). Number of federally accepted medical uses for cannabis: 0 (Source: U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration).
Number of medical cannabis dispensaries in Seattle in September, according to the Seattle Times citing information provided by the city: 150-plus (Source: Seattle Times). Number of dispensaries in Seattle in September, according to the Puget Sound Business Journal citing information provided by the city: 145 (Source: Puget Sound Business Journal).
Number of scientific studies to conclude cannabis has medical benefits: 200-plus (Source: Americans for Safe Access).
12
1 2
10
13 7
Number of registered Montana medical marijuana patients in January 2011: 28,000plus (Source: Great Falls Tribune).
8
Number of authorized Montana medical marijuana caregivers in September 2009: 1,403 (Montana Department of Public Health).
9
Number of authorized Montana medical marijuana caregivers in September 2011: 4,833 (Montana Department of Public Health).
Number of ex-DEA chiefs who held a conference call in October demanding President Obama denounce pot legalization measures in three states: 9 (Source: Seattle Times).
Movies are probably one of the best—if not the best—forms of entertainment. I mean, who doesn’t love watching movies? The 29th Annual Olympia Film Festival marks the celebration of cinema, and all the hard work and the tedious process put behind it to create the creative works we all love watching. The event will feature guests such as filmmaker Chantal Ackerman, journalist and columnist Dan Savage, stage director Richard Elfman, actor Fred Willard and this year’s recipient of the Olympia Film Festival Lifetime Achievement Award, Philip Kaufman. Aside from all the filmmaking talent, this festival will also include screenings of experimental and international films. You’ve got nine days to catch all the celluloid action—so cue the lights. (Yensil Chang)
IF YOU GO
What: 29th Olympia Film Festival. When/Where: Nov. 9-18 at the Historic Capitol Theater, 416 Washington St. SE #208, Olympia. Info: Go to www. olympiafilmsociety.org/ olympia-film-festival.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 11
12 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 13
FLASH
Voters in Washington State have been inundated with information on Initiative 502 this voting season with good reason. Should voters decide to move forward with I-502, it could potentially set a model for the rest of the country to follow as prohibitive laws—disallowing production and personal use of cannabis—are lifted. I-502 allows adults 21 and over to possess and use up to one ounce of marijuana and defines a legal system of cultivation and distribution. Here are some of the issues and questions that have arisen.
Some are speculating federal interference should I-502 pass. There is some precedent. In April 2011, SB 5073 was passed by the state House of Representatives. But Gov. Christine Gregoire vetoed portions of the bill that would have allowed the licensing of distribution centers of cannabis products. Why? The U.S. Attorney General threatened to prosecute anyone for participating in the voter-approved program. Since marijuana is still illegal to use, possess, produce or distribute at the federal level, industry leaders expect to see a similar reaction should I-502 pass. 14 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
I-502 directs our State Liquor Control Board to lay out criteria for the program with a December 2013 deadline. The board will decide licensing issues, heavy zoning restrictions for growers, producers and retail establishments as well as advertising restrictions. Advertising that is visible to children will be strictly prohibited. Three licenses will be available: retail establishment, producer and processer. Retail establishments are not expected to be open until late 2014, and supply for these establishments would not be fully available until February 2015.
For the first time in Washington state’s history, anyone over the age of 21 would enjoy arrest protection for possession of 1 ounce or less of marijuana within 30 days of the initiative’s passing. Currently, only qualified MMJ patients are able to use affirmative defense in court well after the arrest is made.
The passing of I-502 changes nothing for our state’s patients as far as access to their medicine. They would still be allowed to participate in a local collective garden and grow their own medicine or designate someone to grow cannabis for them.
Motorists would be subject to DUID driving restrictions with a limit of 5 nanograms per milliliter of blood tested. Restrictions for motorists ages 15 to 21 would be 1 nanogram per milliliter. Patients will be most affected by the DUID driving restrictions as heavy users of cannabis almost always have more than 5 nanograms per milliliter of blood drawn regardless of whether they consumed cannabis hours—even days—before driving.
McKenna is serving his second term as State Attorney General, and running for governor against Jay Enslee. McKenna has stated he holds the same views as President Obama with regards to medical cannabis, and has chosen not to allocate funds to prosecute legitimate MMJ businesses working within current state laws unless local authorities request intervention. McKenna does not support I-502.
The U.S. representative for Washington’s First Congressional District (1990-2012) is running for governor. Inslee supports ending the War on Drugs to stop senseless spending on mass incarceration, but is not a proponent of I-502. In an interview with local media, Inslee expressed concerns, stating he was “not comfortable” with sales and distribution in the state.
Cantwell is the junior senator from Washington who’s been serving since 2001. Cantwell supports licensing and regulating medical marijuana, but does not support legalizing marijuana for recreational use.
Baumgartner is a member of the state Senate running against Cantwell. Baumgartner released this statement just a few weeks ago: “While I remain a strong supporter of our state’s medicinal marijuana laws, I don’t believe it should be legalized for recreational purposes based on concerns expressed by law enforcement and the current drafting of the initiative. Whatever the result, I will honor the will of the voters’ decision in November.” c NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 15
FLASH
Press Full Court
Reclassification: Medical Marijuana Gets Its Day in Court {By David Jenison} “While it’s difficult to tell from oral arguments how the court will decide in a particular case, the order for clarification on the harm sustained by plaintiff Michael Krawitz that the court issued directly after the hearing is a good sign. If we can reasonably show that Krawitz sustained harm by being denied services as a result of federal policy on medical marijuana, we will satisfy ‘standing’ which will allow the court to rule on the merits—whether marijuana does in fact have medical value.” Marijuana is classified as Schedule I, the most restrictive drug category, placing it alongside heroin, LSD and PCP as highly addictive drugs with no medical
Say What?
After nearly two decades, marijuana is back before a federal bench. An appeals court in D.C. heard oral arguments last month in the case of Americans for Safe Access v. Drug Enforcement Administration. Patient-advocacy group ASA seeks to reclassify the drug’s controlled-substances status, and their case comes with a compelling narrative. Michael Krawitz, a 49-year-old Air Force veteran, suffered serious injuries in a 1984 car accident. He’s undergone 13 surgeries and still suffers chronic pain, and the most effective relief comes from adding cannabis to his drug regimen. When the Veterans Administration learned this, it demanded a drug test, and denied further medical treatment when Krawitz refused. As a plaintiff in the suit, this military veteran puts a respectable face to the growing argument for the drug’s medicinal use. “We feel good about our chances in the DC Circuit because we have science on our side,” says ASA spokesperson Kris Hermes.
“Regulating marijuana is simply the right thing to do. —Melissa Etheridge
Control Freak
benefits. In contrast, cocaine and crystal meth claim enough medical value for Schedule II status, while opioid-based Vicodin is Schedule III. The ASA wants cannabis moved to a Schedule III status or higher (up to Schedule V), and several medical groups support them, including the American Medical Association (AMA). The government itself appears divided on the issue considering the National Cancer Institute, part of the National Institutes on Health (NIH), recently added cannabis to its list of Complementary Alternative Medicines. “By placing marijuana in any other schedule, the application process for conducting controlled studies on the medicinal benefits and obtaining researchgrade marijuana with which to perform the studies would not be as problematic as they currently are,” explains Hermes. “Research on Schedule I substances must undergo a stringent approval process overseen by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), which prioritizes studies
We can thank Nixon for the Controlled Substances Act—the statute he pushed Congress to approve that pretty much paved the way for the War on Drugs. According to the act, a drug in the Schedule I category has a “high potential for abuse” and “has no currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States.” No prescriptions can be written for Schedule I drugs. This is the government’s way of saying marijuana is as dangerous as heroin, Ecstasy and date-rape drug GHB.
16 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
on the supposed negative effects of marijuana.” In essence, a new schedule allows for more in-depth medical research, and doctors would be able to prescribe marijuana in the 17 states that allow for medical use without fear of federal reprisal. In 2010, a national ABC News/ Washington Post poll found that 81 percent of the country supports legalizing medical use, yet the government stubbornly resists. “Part of the resistance is to maintain and increase law enforcement budgets; part of it is the stated role of the so-called drug czar; and part of it is the moral righteousness that drives much of the federal policy on marijuana and obstructs the development of a sensible public health policy,” Hermes adds. A three-judge panel heard the case, and the decision will be issued in the coming months. Regardless, the case could ultimately land in the Supreme Court. c
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 17
FLASH
The True “Green”Candidate
Green Party nominee Jill Stein stumps for sensible cannabis policy {By Tommy Purvis} Dr. Jill Stein, the Green Party nominee for President of the United States, says, if elected, her administration would reverse President Obama’s escalation of the cannabis war and quickly legalize the medical use of marijuana—a move already pioneered by 17 states (plus Washington, D.C.). Her administration would also move to permit general sales under a suitable regulatory framework. “Marijuana is a substance that’s dangerous because it’s illegal, it’s not illegal because it’s dangerous.” Stein told CULTURE in an exclusive interview on the campaign trail. The Harvard Medical School graduate and relentless public health advocate—who serves on the board of the greater Boston area Physicians for Social
18 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Responsibility—says her administration would end this ineffective and costly prohibition. Stein also said that her progressive policies would regulate marijuana in a similar way to alcohol, and begin to treat drug use as a public health problem, not a criminal problem.
Legalization would prevent billions of dollars in profits from pouring into the black market, Stein says. It would also greatly reduce violence associated with illegal sales, and reduce underage marijuana use. She says allowing commercial operations to pay appropriate marijuana taxes
Bush Strokes Green Party presidential nominee Jill Stein doesn’t hold back when faulting our current president: “President Obama promised to use a science-based approach to public policy,” she said. “But when it comes to marijuana, he has continued the unscientific policies of George Bush, and has even gone far beyond Bush in his attacks upon medical marijuana clinics. He supports the irrational classification of marijuana in the most dangerous drug category, and he supports the ban on commercial hemp growing. This is mania-based policy, not science-based policy.”
can balance budgets and fund programs to reduce drug abuse. Stein says it is offensive that taxpayers are paying up to $50,000 a year to incarcerate non-violent recreational drug users. “It’s just shocking how Obama has abandoned good sense, common sense and decency on this, and sought to criminalize people who are doing the right thing by serving an urgent medical need,” she says. In order to offer relief to hundreds of thousands of patients suffering from chronic pain and cancer who benefit from the availability of medical marijuana under state laws, Stein says that her administration would order the DEA and the Justice Department to immediately cease and desist all harrassment and prosecution of state-recognized medical marijuana dispensaries or other legitimate marijuanarelated operations. Stein says she would instruct the DEA to do something else even more “radical”—base the scheduling of drugs on science. There’s no reason for marijuana to be classified as a Schedule I substance, which essentially says it is considered as dangerous and without medical value like LSD and heroin, she says Stein says her administration’s policies would reflect marijuana’s standing is an important and critical resource that would also liberate hemp for commercial use. In a speech this past April to tens of thousands of marijuana reform advocates at a 420 rally in Denver, the environmental health pioneer took the Obama administration to task for raids on dispensaries and caregivers. The presidential hopeful also criticizes Obama for promoting a George W. Bush appointee (and rabid drug warrior), Michele Leonhart, as head of the DEA. “This crazy, racist, failed war on drugs starting with the criminalization of marijuana would be over. It would be over,” Stein says if she were to be elected. “The minute you legalize marijuana, and you stop the prohibition against it, then the danger goes out of it.” c
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 19
BUZZ
What’s Your Number? What potency and percentages mean for patients {By Rev. Dr. Kymron deCesare} Potency applies to all cannabinoids and terpenoids in the plant, yet for most folks, potency means the concentration of marijuana’s main active ingredient, THC. Potency is most commonly reported as a percentage of the total weight of cannabis. In edible forms of cannabis therapy, potency is measured in either milligrams/gram (solids), or milligrams/milliliter (liquids). A flower with 10 percent THC would contain 100 milligrams (or mg) of THC per gram of flower. Cannabis naturally produces THCa (THC acid), which when heated is converted into THC. Even under ideal heating conditions, at most only 62 percent of the THCa is converted to THC, and under poor conditions, less than 50 percent. Most high quality
20 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
flowers analyzed have a potency range of 18 to 25 percent THCa, which yields between 11 to 16 percent THC. However plants measuring as high as 32 to 33 percent THCa (20 percent THC) are reported. This means the maximum potency of THC available in flowers is about 20 percent, with the average being between 10 and 15 percent. This also means that claims of THC potency at or above 20 percent are questionable, even if reported by laboratory testing: either what’s being reported is in fact THCa or the testing method is in error. Back in the late 1960s the potency range was only 1 to 3 percent. Like many medicinal remedies and pharmaceuticals, different amounts of THC have different effects on the body. As an example, low dosages of
THC improve appetite, whereas high doses do not. As a result, when a patient begins getting high, they feel hungry, with appetite decreasing with increased psycho activity, and again later as the high decreases, they feel hungry again. In another words, if a patient wants to improve appetite, they need to maintain a low dosage of THC. The amount of THC needed depends on frequency of usage
and the amount of tolerance built up by the patient’s body. Inhaling cannabis brings on rapid, obvious effects, allowing the patient to easily and quickly self titrate their needed dosage. Ingested cannabis has an initial delay of onset of about 35 to 45 minutes, with full effects noted within 2 hours. This means selecting initial dosages requires more careful planning to avoid over dosing. For the average patient eating cannabis, 15mg (10mg to 25mg) is considered an average single dose. For a patient new to cannabis therapy, 2.5mg to 5mg is a more appropriate dose, whereas for intensive therapy (cancer or AIDS, for example), 35 to 60mg may be needed. Eventually the cannabinoid (CB) receptors in the brain get worn out from overload, tolerance in the body builds up and more THC is required to get the same psychoactive effect. To reduce tolerance, the body must be purged of THC. The half-life of THC in the body is about 11 hours, which is why it takes days to excrete all the THC in the body. Potency is most often determined using either liquid chromatography or gas chromatography (lc-ms, gc-ms). The chromagraphic column of the instrument first separates the individual cannabinoids in the sample. Different cannabinoids are either more or less attracted to the column, allowing them to travel through the column at different rates, thereby separating them. After being separated, each compound is passed before a detector to determine what it is and how much is present in the sample. c
Method to the Gladness
Potency also depends on the method of consumption. Depending on whether the cannabis is inhaled or eaten, it’s absorbed and used by the body in different ways. This is why people sometimes become sick with nausea and vomiting from eating cannabis, but only very rarely from smoking it.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 21
BUZZ
War Home
The at
Eugene Jarecki’s THE House I Live In paints the War on DRUGS as a costly failure {By Logan Nakyanzi Pollard}
22 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
stand how we’ve gotten to the place where nationwide the country has a trail of stories of young blacks killed by cops or those in authority. The deaths of Kendrec McDade, Treyvon Martin, Derek Williams and Chavis Carter are just the latest in this sad story. Jarecki is known for asking tough questions, and his latest film is no exception. As the film aptly quotes, “40 years, $1 trillion, 45 million arrests.” “How did we get here?” said Jarecki when asked about the driving question behind making this film. “The problem I face is people don’t know—so few people have it on their radar.” When I met with Jarecki, he referred to the Drug War as, “immoral,” something that “yielded no public good.” It’s an ironic turn of phrase, given this nation’s historical preoccupation with morality. Prohibition, for example was deeply rooted in moral concerns. Even the War on Drugs has connections to a moral impulse. President Richard Nixon, after all, declared a war
Say What?
I was reminded of Eugene Jarecki’s The House I Live In while driving home to Pasadena recently. The latest film by the New York-based author and documentary filmmaker, whose works include Why We Fight, The Trials of Henry Kissinger, Reagan and Freakonomics, is a condemnation of America’s failed “War on Drugs.” Not because the war hasn’t made arrests or jailed people. It has—disproportionate numbers of people of color. But precisely because it’s been so successful at that, all the while the demand for and the trade of drugs has grown. These social realities became more apparent than ever to me when I watched from my car as a cop car pulled up alongside a trio of white teens on foot. The car stopped so the cop could eye the kids suspiciously. The boys looked back and then sauntered off. From firsthand experience, I know young black teens would probably not have been so blasé—or lucky—in a similar situation. More than likely, they all would have been detained and one or all of them would have been arrested for something, anything, even if they weren’t holding illegal drugs. From where I sit as a black woman, it’s not hard to under-
“My mother is from Amsterdam, so marijuana is definitely something my brother and I were exposed to growing up.” —Neve Campbell
on drug abuse in the early 1970s. There was a concern for those plagued by addiction in that statement, even if it went haywire. With the help of the leadership of successive presidents, Nixon’s war would morph into a situation in which today the nation’s prison population has grown by 705 percent, with 1 in 100 adults behind bars. Marijuana, in particular, has become a kind of cause célèbre these days. The failed Drug War is repeated often in the same breath as the terms “medical marijuana” or “pot dispensaries.” Is the Drug War a failure? Of course it is. And this punitive war has only served to ensnare working poor and minori-
ties, particularly blacks, in a cycle of self-destruction, as men and women get lost to incarceration. While Jarecki supports changing current drugs laws, he says “the public cannot look to a potential leader to change this.” Change rests with us. c
Homeland
Insecurity
The House I Live In takes us through the history of drug use in the U.S. and how historically the recreational use of drugs was tolerated among the affluent, but punished among the poor— from immigrant Chinese workers using opium, to Mexican laborers smoking marijuana. Jarecki’s film seeks to chronicle the inconsistent and discriminatory history behind drug policy. It shows how the poor and people of color have been unequally treated under the law. It suggests that we need better laws and treatment alternatives for those impacted.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 23
BUZZ
Ron English is a famed New York artist with a fierce eye for blistering corporate parody. The general public might know English from his “Fat Ronald” images in Super Size Me or his recent guest spot (likeness and voice) on The Simpsons. Art fans know English as a prolific painter with a colorful history of pirated billboards (google “Ron English John McCain” and “Think Different Charles Manson” for classic examples), culture-jamming pranks and socially relevant toys. Noted street-art magazine Juxtapoz made him the guest editor for the upcoming November issue, which is the same month English debuts his new art show at the Opera Gallery in Manhattan. CULTURE readers, however, will be most interested in the artist’s latest act of culture jamming. Imitating brand-name packaging, English created alternate cannabiscuisine labeling and attached it to actual products on the supermarket shelves. Goodbye Duncan Hines; hello Duncan High’s “wake and bake” brownies!
24 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 25
What inspired you to make these cannabis-food labels? I wanted to imagine, “What would the world look like if pot was legal?” I wanted to give people that image, so we did labels like Aunt Jamaica’s hash oil, made them into fake products and put them in the stores. People bought the products and took them home, though of course they didn’t get high. The point is, “How different will your life be if marijuana was legal?” It also shows that American companies will be able to make money off it, and it doesn’t seem that evil if it’s in the store. There’s Budweiser, and there’s Aunt Jamaica’s hash oil, and the world is still rolling along. How did people respond? When we did it, people got excited thinking they finally legalized pot. One guy said he bought it and wanted to see the clerk’s reaction. The clerk looked at it and said, “Huh? Who knew?” It would be Duncan Hines normal brownie mix, but we just changed the label. We would buy them, take them back to the gallery or wherever, put the labels on and then return them to the stores. We got them into maybe 10 supermarkets. It’s usually when I travel. When I was in L.A., I put them in L.A. and Santa Monica markets. We are planning to do it as an open source. We put the files on our website, you can download your favorite label, go to your supermarket and do whatever you want to do with it. Any problems? I was a little concerned because you are tampering with food products, but it gets people right where they are at. That is the issue I have with Dread Scott (the controversial artist whose 1989 American flag art earned national scorn from President George H.W. Bush and others). He does all his art in galleries. It’s a small group of people who go to galleries, and they are all liberals anyway. Whose minds are you going to change there? Sometimes you have to go out to where the people are. What do you think of the medical marijuana movement? I just think people are realizing that marijuana is supposed to be legal. It would be beneficial to everyone if it was legal, but what is the process to make that happen? If you want to deny some farmer in California the ability to grow and sell marijuana and give that power to armed-to-the-teeth drug cartels, um, okay. Maybe you want to take marijuana away from Ron the artist to make sure he doesn’t have any more creative ideas, but would you be willing to take it away from a guy dying of cancer even though it helps alleviate his pain? Are you that much of an asshole? I don’t smoke pot, I don’t like it, and I generally don’t like people who smoke because they tend to talk about a lot of ideas and never follow through with them. Still, people are perfectly okay with alcohol being legal. No one says, “I don’t like beer, so Ron can’t have a beer,” and yet alcohol is a lot more detrimental to society. Your upcoming NYC show is titled “Crucial Fiction.” Tell me about it. This year I seem to be obsessed with my childhood. I remember being 7 years old digging a hole in the backyard, and there was a whole layer of imagination on top of everything. I made art then, but I was incompetent at it. I thought, what if I went to work for that 7-year-old and used all the skills I have developed over the last 40 or 50 years? What was he imagining? What was he seeing? I essentially revisited my old self and asked, “What would you like me to paint?” c www.popaganda.com
26 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 27
TUNES
Eternally Tough {By Dan MacIntosh} Asking Alexandria is billed as one of the top headliners for California Metalfest VI, a multiact celebration (also featuring Killswitch Engage) of heavy music scheduled to pulverize San Bernardino Nov. 24. But don’t expect the same old rehashed heavy metal riffs from this adventurous British act. For instance, a song like “Closure,” from 2011’s Reckless & Relentless, stealthily mixes electronic musical elements into a solid metal foundation, and creates something unique, yet still strangely familiar. “I think music is something you can’t limit,” guitarist Ben Bruce explains, “whether it’s metal or blues or jazz or electronic music. It got to the point where metal, in particular, was getting stale to me. But you’ve got to overstep some boundaries and make some leaps, like when the Scorpions or Metallica did shows with a full orchestra. That was awesome! It was inspiring. It was thinking outside the box. And I think adding electronic elements to music—to metal music in particular—is another step in the right direction to creating a sort of
28 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
new sound in metal again.” Asking Alexandria will be making its own musical leaps at Metalfest, a huge, all-day festival that goes far to prove metal’s enduring popularity. While the struggling American economy has stunted its growth, and even forced cancellation of some touring festivals, metal at times appears to be impervious to economic woes. Much like the steel it’s named after, metal is simply time-tested and eternally tough—perhaps even recession-proof? “I think, honestly, that metal is one of the most honest genres out there at the moment, in terms of mainstream appeal” Bruce says, when asked to comment on metal’s continuing popularity. “You can listen to pop songs, and they can be good songs, real catchy and make you feel good and you may want to sing along for a while. But they don’t really bear much substance a lot of the time. When you look at the genre of rock or metal, it really resonates with people. There are a lot of pissed-off, angry people out there that are struggling, and this metal provides them with a raw energy and an aggression and an outlet.
for Asking Alexandria
You can go to a rock concert, and honestly let your hair down and anything goes. You just go for a good time. You can just thrash around, jump around. Everyone’s there for the same reason and there’s just a really cool energy that a lot of the other genres don’t get. Whether it’s heavy metal, where there [are] circle pits and
mosh pits, or even if it’s, like, a classic rock band, everyone’s wailing lyrics at the top of their lungs and the whole aura of a show like that is just incredible.” c
IN CONCERT
Appearing Nov. 20 at the Showbox SoDo in Seattle
Rock
Freedom
Real-deal metal never gets old
While Asking Alexandria vocalist Ben Bruce admits that Asking Alexandria has allowed its partying inclinations to get a little out of hand now and again, he doesn’t believe marijuana should be restricted, whether it’s being used for medical or recreational purposes. “I don’t smoke weed personally, I never really have gotten into weed,” Bruce says, “but I never would have made it illegal in the first place . . . I think it should be legalized and people should just be able to smoke it. For a lot of people, it does calm them down and help them with anxiety and stress. And some people just like to do it recreationally to calm down and chill out for a little bit. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 29
strain & edible reviews GET YOUR CLICK HERE
www.iReadCulture.com
Bruce Banner
Green Light Edibles Capitol Hill Bar We’ve noticed a definite uptick in the quality and consistency of effect of medibles in the Puget Sound region of late. Gone are the days of brownies that did little or left you so agitated that you wound up on nighttime walks. In are the days of offerings like this from Green Light: long-lasting in effect, but not so overpowering that you cannot function. Seriously, this tasty little fruit-and-nut bar—available at Urban Roots in Seattle’s University District—is very strong and, in our test run, kicked in at one hour and did not stop kicking pain’s butt for another six hours. That’s one of the longestacting medibles we’ve ever encountered. But its effects were never overwhelming, a testament to the maker carefully finding a balance between sativa and indica in this product (or so the maker told us). Green Light is making some of the best edibles in western Washington these days, and you can find them at this U-District collective or in a few other Metro area collectives.
One of our biggest gripes with the hundreds of Kushbased hybrids is that they seem to be bred more for generating a consumer buzz (remember Obama OG?) as opposed to delivering medical effects. Well this indica strain, named after the Incredible Hulk’s real world persona, certainly bucks that trend, nicely fusing Strawberry Diesel and Ghost OG (The latter is allegedly the original OG Kush.). The results are good for patients as this example from New Millennium Collective in Rainier Valley delivers a potent, cerebral high (from a 70/30 indica-dominant strain no less) and utterly removes any sense of anxiety from one’s mind. In keeping with its Kush lineage, Bruce Banner also delivers general pain relief. It smells slightly of berries on the nose and there is a definite fruity flavor on exhalation. This strain is certainly a good evening medicine and doesn’t lead to the dreaded couch lock. So use it just about anytime.
Platinum Kush If by law you could require collectives to always have certain strains in-stock, then Platinum Kush would be automatically short-listed for inclusion. This classic double-Kush hybrid (Master Kush with Afghani) is a true medical strain and, by some patients at least, is revered for its ability to knock down pain and inflammation. Its painkilling effects are intense and can last a good two hours, running so deep as to produce spasm reduction, but they are too overwhelming to count as “work weed.” Keep this indica around for nighttime use, as it leans towards couch lock. This example from Olympia Alternative Medicine was all dark buds frosted with trichome-y goodness. Platinum Kush is also known for its iron aftertaste— it’s like putting a nail in your mouth—but it’s not an off-putting flavor in our estimation. This strain is also excellent for anxiety and insomnia.
30 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Lavender Kush Don’t the words “lavender” and “Kush” simply belong together? They do sound too poetic to be apart and, sure enough, this indica-dominant hybrid is poetry in the way it pulls together strains from around the world. Lavender Kush, available at Green Cafe in Tacoma, is a combination of Super Skunk, Big Skunk Korean and Afghani Hawaiian. It’s a strain that’s well-known among patients for its sleep-inducing effects and, in our experience, it’s vastly gentler to humans than sleeping pills (Is Big Pharma listening?). Lavender Kush is also good at treating overall anxiety and general pain, and it’s a strain that’s consistently high in CBD. The buds are dark and dank and taste slightly peppery on exhalation. Try it ’round midnight sometime and get a good night’s rest.
Soma Medibles Chocolate Ice Cream This is one of the best-tasting medicated ice creams we’ve ever tried— and we have tried more than a few. Soma Medibles’ offering (available at Altercare in Seattle) is extra creamy since it’s made with whipped cream, condensed milk and coconut milk and enough cocoa to effectively mask its cannabis flavor. Effect onset is about one hour after ingestion, and this 218-calorie cup of frozen delight is potent enough to knock out body pains and induce euphoria for four hours. Yes, this is a happy, peaceful medible without a hint of agitation on uptake or as its cannabinoid effects wear off. That’s the kind of medicine we like around here and one Soma is producing across multiple products, in case ice cream is not your thing.
Chernobyl With a name like Chernobyl, you’d imagine this strain to be nuclear strong. Your imagination would be correct as this triple-cross (Trainwreck, Jack The Ripper and Trinity X), sativa-dominant hybrid consistently tests at over 20 percent THC. This fine example from Eastside Greenlight in Issaquah upholds that reputation and offers general pain relieving and euphoria-inducing qualities without turning patients into space captains, as some sativas often do. It has a light citrus odor and indeed does taste a bit like lime on the palette. Chernobyl buds are much tighter and denser than are most sativa-dominant hybrids, almost to the point of resembling Kush flowers. This hybrid is clear-headed enough in its effects for daytime use, but it’s strong enough where patients may want to keep things close to home.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 31
32 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 33
Photo courtesy of NBCUniversal
34 34 CULTURE CULTURE••NOVEMBER NOVEMBER2012 2012
by Liquid Todd
Jay Leno has had a long history with late night television. Beginning in 1987, Leno was only substitute hosting for Johnny Carson on the show that would become synonymous with Leno’s name. Five years later, Leno began his reign over The Tonight Show sparking up controversy with David Letterman, then host of Late Night with David Letterman. This story would then forever be embedded in television history through a book and movie. In 2009, Leno’s contract with NBC for The Tonight Show expired and he was succeeded by Conan O’Brien, former host of Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Leno went on to host a new show The Jay Leno Show, which debuted later that year.
Then when ratings weren’t as expected for both shows NBC began changing timeslots, which prompt O’Brien to issue a press release stating, “I believe that delaying The Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting.” In January 2010, O’Brien left The Tonight Show and Leno once again took the throne. Despite this long—sometimes convoluted—relationship with late night television . . . it was always his love of the stage that kept him going. In 2008, Leno was quoted saying that he was living solely off of his income as a stand-up comic. Now, he’s hitting the road once again and, just kicked off a series of standup gigs in Las Vegas, part of The Mirage Hotel Casino’s “Aces of Comedy” events through November 2013. CULTURE got a chance to talk to Jay about performing live, his love of standup and how it all relates to rebuilding automobile engines . . .
How are you? Tell a few jokes. Try to make a living. You spend a lot of time on the road and I noticed that most of your gigs are in casinos. I’m on the road about 160 dates a year and probably about 100 of them are in casinos. Well, that’s where the shows are; that’s where the theaters are. Are there any special challenges to doing casino shows? Are the crowds any different? Actually the great things usually about casinos is they have the best sound, the best lights. You
“You know, when I started out I was never dirty enough to be a ‘dirty comic.’”
know a lot of times when you do—you know—the function room at the local Holiday Inn you walk out there and say “Hi [feedback noise] my name is [feedback noise]. Hey, can we fix this mic? [feedback noise]. They have terrible sound. You know when you play theaters—that’s what they do. They’re usually union guys. They know what they’re doing. They got sound. They got lights. That’s the best. The nightmares are the outdoor shows. You know you’re in the half shell someplace and it’s windy and some people can’t hear . . . so you look forward to casinos. They’re the best. Considering you also host The Tonight Show, doing 160 dates a year isn’t exactly a light schedule . . . It’s not hard. I mean . . . when you’re trying to carry a couple hours of material in your head you have to do it, like you can’t just run a marathon once a year. If you’re going to run a marathon you gotta run every week. Sure, but isn’t being the host of The Tonight Show and doing NOVEMBER NOVEMBER2012 2012••CULTURE CULTURE 35 35
36 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
that famous monologue every weeknight to an audience of millions of people practice enough? The stage is not a normal place to be. The more you’re on stage and the more you’re in front of people the more normal it seems. Like I always read these studies that say most people would rather swim in shark-infested waters than stand in front of a crowd or whatever . . . you always hear those things. And that always sounds so bizarre to me because it seems like the easiest thing in the world. But if you’re not on stage for two to three weeks at a time and suddenly you walk out there it seems very foreign. You get thrown by someone coughing or someone heckling . . . but when you do it every day it becomes second nature. That’s why you do it every day. So do you think you’ll ever hang it up and stop doing standup or are you gonna keep going out there right up until the end? No, that’s what I’ve always done. You can stop doing TV, you can stop being in movies—you can stop doing all those things—but you really don’t stop doing . . . I mean I started out as a standup and that’s what I’m going to end up as. Do you feel like you have a responsibility to keep it clean and family-friendly when you do stand-up because of your position? I’m sort of a big-tent performer. My attitude has always been I try to appeal to the most people possible. And sometimes it works to your benefit, sometimes it doesn’t. You know, when I started out I was never dirty enough to be a “dirty comic.” So why have “f@#k” and “sh*&” in your act when it doesn’t add that much to it. Because if you just take it out you’ll appeal to another whole side of the audience. Do you have anything special planned for your live shows coming up? Dancing girls? Pyrotechnics? Jungle cats?
“The stage is not a normal place to be. The more you’re on stage and the more you’re in front of people the more normal it seems.” Or are you going to do it old school—just you and a microphone? Me and a microphone. Yeah that’s pretty much what it is. You know it’s just sort of pure standup. That’s what I like. When I go see performers that’s what I like: one-man shows . . . you know, there’s so much gimmickry in movies and stuff. I know all these big action films are exciting, but to me they’re not as good as a tight little movie where it’s two people just . . . just acting. And when I see a comedian I like to see . . . you know we very rarely use our human one-on-one skills anymore. Everything now seems to be involving the Internet or texting or whatever it might be. And the idea of having one-onone communication with people in a room where it’s very intimate . . . I like that. There’s definitely something magical about seeing someone perform live—like seeing a band create music out of thin air. Yes, that’s right. You know looking in the window of a nightclub and seeing a band and hearing it through the window is totally different that being on the other side of the window and being in the room and absorbing it. In both instances you’re hearing the music—you’re just hearing more when you’re on the other side of the glass because you’re sharing it with other people. And that’s basically, hopefully, what comedy is. You’re a legendary car and motorcycle collector. Do you have any favorites? Well if I had a favorite I wouldn’t
have so many cars. I like restoring cars—fixing them up—and I enjoy the mechanical process. You know, when you’re a comedian somebody thinks you’re funny, and somebody doesn’t. And they’re both right because it’s subjective. But when something’s broken . . . when an engine is apart and you put it together and you make it run people can’t say it’s not running. ’Cause, look it’s right there. It’s running. It’s a clear-cut, yes-or-no answer. ’Cause there are people who say, “Oh, I love Jay Leno,” and there are other people who say, “Oh, I can’t stand that guy, he sucks.” Well okay, I can’t argue with either one of them. You both have your own opinion and you’re both correct. But the guy who says I suck can’t say the car isn’t running, you know? Let me ask you a few current events questions. What do you think the biggest news story of the year has been so far for comedians? Hmm. There’s not just one, you know. The story changes every day. The gay rights thing is pretty good. You can [get] a lot out of that. Obviously conservative vs. liberal is really funny. There’s a lot of material there with Romney and Obama. It’s hard to pick one because yesterday’s jokes are just gone. They’re not funny at all because you did them yesterday. But anything involving men behaving badly. Everybody knows a brilliant, yet fatally flawed progressive congressman? Most people don’t know anyone who has nuclear weapons in their backyard or anything like that, but everybody knows a guy who behaves badly. The guy’s in a position of authority—it’s even better. c IN CONCERT Appearing at The Mirage Hotel Casino Nov. 23, and Feb,. 8, April 12-13, June 14, Aug. 13 and Sept. 20, all 2013 dates.
Lighting Up A
Jay
In this interview, Jay Leno seemed pretty noncommittal to the medical cannabis cause (When pressed on the issue, he said, “Ah, I don’t care one way or the other. I mean anybody who wants marijuana can get it, so it’s not an issue I have any interest in.”), but that hasn’t always been the case. Just two years ago, with pro-pot pundit Bill Maher (the cover boy for our January 2012 issue, by the way) as a guest, Leno did opine about efforts to legalize marijuana “Here’s my thing on the issue,” Leno told Maher in March 2010. “I’ve nothing against legalization.” Leno went on to say, “I say decriminalize it,” he told Maher. “But once you bring in Philip Morris, once it become a business, and advertising and all that nonsense starts . . . If you want to grow it in your backyard and you want to smoke it, you get it from your friend, that’s fine. I just don’t want to see it in stores and don’t want to see the guy saying [mimicking a television commercial pitchman], ‘This is the best high you’ll ever have.’”
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 37
38 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Jay Leno’s career is storied and star-studded. Here are some highlights—and a few low points—in the life of the king of late-night TV.
1993
Leno broadcasts The Tonight Show live from the bar in Boston where Cheers commemorates its final episode. The idea flops as the cast gets sloppy drunk!
2005
After testifying in Michael Jackson’s child-molestation trial, Leno is prohibited from mentioning the Gloved One in his monologue. Exploiting a loophole, Leno has guest comedians Brad Garrett and Roseanne Barr tell his jokes about the pop-star defendant in his place.
1994
Leno receives a little “heat” from Bobcat Goldthwait, (the guy with the irritating voice from all those Police Academy films) who appears as a guest and deliberately sets his chair on fire!
2006
Leno has two very special guests on his couch—hunky actor Colin Farrell and Farrell’s “very first” stalker, Dessarae Bradford. Bradford leaves her seat during the show’s taping to confront Farrell for failing to show up for their “sex date.” Leno has her removed from the set.
1995
Leno finally beats CBS rival David Letterman by asking Hugh Grant—who’d just been arrested for soliciting a prostitute—“What were you thinking?” Grant replied, “I think you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it.” And there you have it—the simplest public apology ever.
2003
After manning the hot seat for 17 years, Leno does the unthinkable: he swaps spots with Katie Couric trading tonight for Today. Couric interviews guests Mike Myers and Simon Cowell, while Leno chats with the crowd after thrilling them with his stunt driving.
Compiled by Gabriela Mungarro
2008
Even though the Writers Guild is still on strike, The Tonight Show must go on! Returning to air, Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee appears as a guest on the show—leaving audiences wishing the strike was over.
2009
President Barack Obama spends some time on Jay’s couch, making him the first sitting president to appear on a late night talk show—with a record number of undercover Secret Service agents in the audience.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 39
40 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Patients come from all walks of life—and suffer from all kinds of ailments. But we all come together at our local dispensary or access point to get our relief-providing meds. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to act. Here are some pointers about what you should and shouldn’t do when it comes time to secure medical cannabis from a caregiver.
Be prepared. Have your doctor’s recommendation, paperwork, ID, cash, etc. ready. Don’t be that guy.
Be discreet and respectful in the waiting room as well as the medicine room. Remember, this is a place where patients secure their medicine—not a club house or kick-it spot.
Never consume medicine on-site. Never. Ever.
Don’t open your container or bag of medicine (or edibles) in the parking lot or on the property. Put your medicine in your trunk and drive straight to your destination.
Illustration by Vidal Diaz
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 41
destination unknown
By David Jenison
Final Countdown? Over 3,000 years before cannabis probably helped inspire the Book of Revelation, the Mayan calendar began its long count to the 21st of December 2012. On that day, the calendar ends . . . some say so does the world. If you enjoyed partying like it’s 1999, imagine the Mundo Maya parties as the 5,125year calendar counts down its final hours. Sure, anthropologists say the local governments are whoring out their sacred sites to irreverent tourists, but if the Mayans didn’t want a party, why did they schedule doomsday for a Friday night? If you’re prime to act like a Mayaniac, here are the five best places to do it. Palenque, Mexico
Do you save your old Phish ticket stubs or remember when Burning Man was free? If so, Palenque should be your new second home. This jungle-clad town boasts magic mushrooms in the fields and locals who smoke scorpion tails. Early birds can board the Space Mother Ship: Popul Vuh party (Dec. 14-16), but everyone else can turn on, tune out and drop fungi at the Mayan temples.
Copán Ruinas, Honduras
As early as last year, the Honduran government promoted Copán as the place to be in 2012. At present, the tourist-hungry locals are unhappy with the lack of largescale events, but that certainly makes the city more appealing to culture seekers. The so-called “Athens of the Maya world” is rich in architectural splendor, and local attractions include the Mayan-themed Luna Jaguar Spa Resort.
Riviera Maya, Mexico
The tourist mobs invading Cancún, Playa del Carmen and Tulum will probably make the locals hope this really is the end. Spring break is about to look tame on the Yucatán
42 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
A Mayan Party 5,125 Years in the Making
Peninsula! With beautiful beachfront ruins, Tulum will host the Mayan Holidaze party and the 48-hour Time and Space Festival, while Cancún can expect frat-house beer bonging by dudes in Quetzalcoatl tees. In Playa del Carmen, the UK’s Crosstown Rebels will host the Day Zero party with 24 straight hours of dance music at a lakeside Mayan temple. Break out the glow sticks!
San Ignacio, Belize
The Cayo District in Western Belize offers a celebration amidst vast forest, canoeready rivers, thunderous waterfalls and stunning caves. A special event is planned at the Xunantunich ruins, and jungle lodges like duPlooy’s offer Apocalypto specials. San Ignacio is also the reason why Guatemala didn’t make our list. Tourists visit the country’s breathtaking Tikal temples on daytrips from Flores, but San Ignacio also offers daytrips, and the Cayo is a more beautiful place to stay. In fact, the area has been called “a slice of Eden,” so why not end it all in a place reminiscent of where it all began.
Chichén Itzá, Mexico
In 2007, the towering El Castillo temple was named one of the New Seven Wonders of the World, and it is the birthplace of the Mayan calendar. Make no mistake, this place is going to be NYE-in-NYC packed. Guatemalans and Salvadorans might complain that Mexico landed
Photos courtesy of the Mexico Tourism Board
three spots on this list while their countries got none, but Mexico simply produces better tourist-fleecing events. Speaking of which, the Synthesis 2012 party is a hippie-yuppie mashup with DJs, folk music, drum circles, a yoga village and a Friday night party at the temple. The event costs $500 a pop, but don’t be jealous if you can’t go. Chichén Itzá should be ground zero for a Mayan apocalypse, so take comfort in knowing these partiers will get lit up first. c
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 43
profiles in courage
WHY DID YOU START USING MEDICAL MARIJUANA? I started using MMJ because it minimizes the amount of pain killers and muscle relaxers that I’m usually supposed to take. My doctor’s prescribed daily dose is four hydrocodone/Norco, four tizanidine, one Norflex and one omeperazole, along with on Xanax and other psych meds.
Patient:
Majli Escobar
AGE: 29
Condition/ Illness:
DID YOU TRY OTHER METHODS OR TREATMENTS BEFORE MARIJUANA? I have tried treating my extreme anxiety with relaxation therapy upon request from my psychiatrist. I was also given numerous physical therapy and chiropractic sessions, which only took the edge off for the time being.
2009
44 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Photo by Kristopher Christensen
Sprained neck and lower back, gastrointestinal problems, herniated discs, anxiety and depression
Using medical cannabis since:
Are you an MMJ patient from Washington with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to courage@ireadculture.com.
WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE OR PROBLEM FACING MEDICAL MARIJUANA PATIENTS? The biggest issue we can face as MMJ patients is that somehow, even in the 21st century, we are still frowned upon for choosing to medicate naturally. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO FOLKS WHO ARE SKEPTICAL ABOUT MARIJUANA AS MEDICINE? All I can say to those that are skeptical about using MMJ as a form of medication is, “Don’t knock it till you try it!” c
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 45
cool stuff Irie Nation T-Shirts Ever since Irie Nation Radio launched with a mission to expose any and all people to conscious reggae music, the positive vibrations have been echoing in the dancehall ever since. Show your pride by wearing one of these beefy Irie Nation T-shirts. They’re colorful, comfy and ital to your fashion sense. ($14.20-$20) www.irie.fm/shop
Scrips Concentrated Hemp CBD Extract Capsules Call it medical marijuana . . . like you’ve never seen it before. Made from CBD oil extracted naturally from the hemp plant, Scrips CBD capsules deliver powerful relief from anxiety, spasms, nausea and other ailments—but without any psychoactive effects (they’re THC-free). New and older patients, as well as those that want to skip the head change, have a new groundbreaking choice. ($22 for 2-pack, $230 for 30-pack, $420 for 60-pack) dixieelixirs.com
Cloud Vapez With all the vape pens flooding the market, Cloud made sure to design a vaporizer that stands head and shoulders above the rest. It’s advantages—besides being discrete and travel-friendly—include its ease of use (you’ll be medicating in 10 seconds flat) and—this is the dealmaker—you can refill it with your own medicine. Vape technology just underwent a major paradigm shift. ($75) cloudvapez.com
46 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 47
By Aunt Sandy
With Veterans Day and Thanksgiving nearly upon us, CULTURE decided to give these holidays a special twist this month. Inspired by classic military grub (“chipped beef” or “shizzle on a shingle”) and opting for a creative use of Turkey Day leftovers, Aunt Sandy has come up with this innovative menu to share with our loved ones as the holidays approach.
Menu:
Beef Bourguignon Stew Sweet Pear Tamales Beer Nuts à la Cannabis Waldorf Salad Apple Cider Beer
Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt’ Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University. She is also the co-founder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.
48 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Beef Bourguignon Stew MAKES 6 servings Families love to cook together for the holidays. Here is a yummy recipe they can make together and also give as an appetizing gift for Christmas! 3 cups Canna Butter* 12 small onions 2 lbs. of lean boneless stewing beef, cut into 1-inch cubes 1 1/2 tablespoons flour 1 teaspoon salt 4 pepper corns 1 bay leaf
2 cloves garlic, minced 1/2 teaspoon thyme Red wine 1/2 cup water 1 cup sliced carrots 1 cup cubed potatoes 1 cup sliced mushrooms Chopped parsley
Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Add 2 cups of Canna Butter to sauté pan. Peel and add onions. Remove onions and set aside. Add the stewing beef and sauté until light brown. Sprinkle meat with flour. Place all ingredients, including onions, in an ovenproof baking dish. Add salt, pepper corns, the bay leaf, garlic and thyme. Add enough liquid to cover the meat, using a 3:4 ratio of red wine to water. Cover and simmer for about two hours. To make the stew liquid, add water, 1 cup of Canna Butter, carrots, potatoes and mushrooms during the last hour of cooking.
Sweet Pear Tamales Makes 8 servings 8 large dried corn husks 1/2 cup Canna Butter* softened 2 cups masa flour 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon allspice 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg 2 cups pear nectar 2 firm but ripe pears, peeled, pitted and diced Place corn husks in a large bowl of hot water. Place a plate on top to keep them submerged. Let stand for at least 15 minutes. Beat all remaining ingredients, except pear nectar and pears, in a large mixer bowl. Slowly beat in pear nectar, adding enough to make a fluffy masa dough, stir in pears. Drain husks and pat dry. Spread equal amounts of the masa dough down the center of each. Fold in the sides, then the pointed end of each husk. Place open side up in a large pot fitted with a steamer basket. Cover and steam for 1 hour. Best served immediately. Garnish with a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkle of brown sugar.
Waldorf Salad Makes 6 servings 1 cup diced celery 1 cup diced apples 1 cup grapes, halved and seeded
1/2 cup walnuts or pecans 3/4 cup mayonnaise 1/4 cup Cannabis-Infused Olive Oil**
Combine all ingredients together in a bowl. Mix well. Refrigerate until ready to serve NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 49
50 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Apple Cider Beer
1 ounce of Cannabis Infused Simple Syrup***, chilled 2 ounces of apple cider, chilled 5 ounces of your favorite beer, chilled In an 8-ounce glass, pour and mix all ingredients. Thirst quenching!
Beer Nuts à la Cannabis 1 can beer nuts 1/2 cup Canna Butter* Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Pour beer nuts onto a cookie sheet. Using a pastry brush, brush Canna Butter all over nuts. Place in the oven for 4 minutes. Remove and repeat process a second time. Cool and serve as an appetizer.
Canna Butter* 1 cup unsalted butter 1 ounce low to average quality dried leaf marijuana or 1/2 ounce average dried bud 4 cups water Bring water and butter to boil in a small pot, lower heat to simmer. Simmer gently for about 1 1/2 hours. Mash and stir frequently to extract all THC from the plant material. After cooking, use cheesecloth to strain the butter/water mixture. Pour about 2 cups clean boiling water over the leaves in the strainer to extract every last drop of butter. Squeeze plant material well to remove as much liquid as possible. Chill the butter/water mixture in the refrigerator until the butter has solidified (1 to 2 hours). Separate butter from water and keep butter in the refrigerator (or freezer for longer storage) until needed.
Cannabis Simple Syrup*** 1/2 oz cannabis buds 1 cup sugar 1 cup water In a saucepan, sauté the buds in sugar and water over medium heat for 20 minutes. Strain the buds. Pour the remaining green-colored syrup into a glass container. Let it cool and refrigerate. Pour over fruit or fruit salad and let the syrup fully absorb.
Cannabis-Infused Olive Oil** 1 cup olive oil 1 1/4 ounces low to average quality dried leaf marijuana or 3/4 ounce average dried bud Place cannabis in a slow cooker. Add oil. If necessary, add a little extra oil in order to just cover the cannabis. Cook on low for six to eight hours, stirring often. Strain through cheesecloth to remove plant material. For further purity, strain through a coffee filter. Store in the refrigerator for up to three months.
Legal Disclaimer
Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 51
entertainment reviews Until the Quiet Comes Flying Lotus Warp Records Until the Quiet Comes is an electronic jazz journey that confirms the literal Coltrane DNA running through FlyLo’s veins. On his followup to 2010’s Cosmogramma, the artist-producer imagines musical dreamscapes with cascades of irregular drumbeats, fuzzy basslines and atmospheric tones. The album paints an ethereal setting yet embraces motion, tension and texture. Psychedelic touches move the music between a dream and a trip, but the shifts are smooth and emotive. Guest vocalists—Erykah Badu and Thom Yorke— add fragile nuance to tracks without overpowering them or trying to create a radio single. More jazz than hip-hop, Until the Quiet Comes could be the score to Inception if it were a silent film. Critics, hipsters and yoga gurus gush over FlyLo like tween girlies at a One Direction concert, but don’t hold it against him. His freeform expressions are more urban-Paris chic than Starbucks-barista crusty. (David Jenison)
Cannabis Indica Vol. 2: The Essential Guide to the World’s Finest Marijuana Strains S.T. Oner Green Candy Press Once again, the bud brainiacs behind Cannabis Indica and Cannabis Sativa have ushered in a whole new reference work that’s worth its weight in Acapulco Gold (sorry, couldn’t resist the pun). Cannabis Indica Vol. 2 comes jam-packed with detailed descriptions of some of the most lung-expanding, visually stunning examples of God’s perfect plant. Offering tidbits of advice for growers (Cherry Hemingway can explode with 10 feet of growth if cultivated outside), but also providing helpful suggestions to the medically infirm (Cripit is excellent for strong pain relief and fighting nausea), this is a well-rounded book whose cumulative info is only surpassed by its stunning full-page photography. Whether you’re patient or just a cannasseur, let’s hope this witty reference book lands on your coffee table soon. Highly recommended. (Matt Tapia).
Clearing the Smoke: The Science of Cannabis Montana PBS Dir. Anna Rau Governor Romney put the bull’s eye on Sesame Street, but Big Bird wouldn’t be the only casualty of a defunded Public Broadcasting Service. Last year, PBS Montana produced Clearing the Smoke, arguably one of the best modern documentaries on cannabis science. Many people roll their eyes when longhaired hippies talk about medicinal benefits, but this documentary looks to the doctors, researchers and scientists doing the actual lab tests on how cannabis’s unique chemical compounds affect the brain and body. The latest studies show potential to treat some of the worst diseases, including cancer, yet the government inexplicably goes out of its way to hinder further research. The documentary also shares personal stories of cannabis-related relief, which reminds viewers of all the suffering that takes place while Capitol Hill plays political games. This is the perfect DVD for that skeptic in your life. (David Jenison)
52 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
Photo by Jeff Johnston
Ballard ArtWalk
If you’re an art lover and interested in seeing some of the best artists and photographers that western Washington has to offer, consider heading out to the Ballard ArtWalk, held the second Saturday of every month. Last month’s ArtWalk showcased the photography of Jeff Johnston at Market Street Shoes, as well as plein air paintings by Matt Bazemore at the Ballard Station Public House. For three hours every month, galleries, studios, businesses and restaurants such as Miro Tea, Habitude, Monster Art & Clothing and Ghost Light Theatricals come together to hold up a sense of community among art-philes. Looking for an original work? Keeping tabs on your favorite local artist (check out Black Iconic T-shirts owner/ artist Greg Thornton and his black history-themed garment designs)? Chances are the Ballard ArtWalk is the place to make that connection. Whether its photography, prints, sculpture or painting, there’s always a wealth of creative talent in store. (Matt Tapia)
IF YOU GO
What: Ballard ArtWalk. When/Where: Nov. 10 in downtown Ballard, along NW Market Street, Ballard Avenue and more. Info: Each ArtWalk 6pm-9pm., second Saturday of each month Go to ballardartwalk.blogspot. com.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 53
event listings
Our picks for the coolest things to see and do around town. Joe Rogan, Nov. 3
This TV host and UFC announcer will be showcasing another talent which he likes to call standup comedy. Get ready to laugh at the side-splitting talks about life delivered in a manner that only Joe Rogan is capable of. Anyone that can watch all the nasty stuff on Fear Factor must have a good sense of humor. The Moore Theatre, Seattle stgpresents.org
Wiz Khalifa in concert, Nov. 7
The WaMu Theatre is about to catch the “Black and Yellow” fever, courtesy of Wiz Khalifa. Sit back, enjoy Rolling Papers being performed live and take some advice from his upcoming album: if you work hard (or even if you’re a slacker), then play hard. WaMu Theatre, Seattle www.showboxonline.com
Doug Stanhope, Nov. 8
Warning: If your ears are sensitive to highly opinionated social criticism and insults then this is not the comedian for you. If you can take a joke delivered to you in the most vulgar and rawest way possible, then Doug Stanhope is your joke slinger for the evening. The Neptune Theatre, Seattle stgpresents.org
Seattle Rock Orchestra Performs Led Zeppelin, Nov. 10 Prepare to let the Led out
54 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
and hear all of your favorite Zeppelin songs as you’ve never heard them before . . . in the complete immersion of full orchestral sound. The Seattle Rock Orchestra will perform all of your favorite hits in a one-of-a-kind experience that combines the classical with classic rock. The Moore Theatre, Seattle stgpresents.org
Morrissey, Nov. 10
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to see the one and only Morrissey as he performs in Bellingham. Get your “Irish Blood and English Heart” prepared to channel your inner “Suedehead” for a night headed by an unadulterated music legend. Mount Baker Theatre, Bellingham www.mountbakertheatre. com
Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Nov. 10
Neil Young and Crazy Horse might be getting up there in age, but these life-long rockers show no signs of slowing down. The band recently released folk tribute album Americana, and also just dropped Psychedelic Pill. With a repertoire as expansive as this— combined, Neil Young and Crazy Horse have more than 50 albums under their belt—you know the bands will have plenty of songs to
draw from. Key Arena, Seattle www.keyarena.com
Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nov. 15
The Red Hot Chili Peppers are storming through Seattle. You can join in with the latest “Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie” or relive your Gen-X glory days with a rendition of “Under the Bridge.” File under “Can’t Miss”. Key Arena, Seattle www.keyarena.com
Wicked, Thru Nov. 17
Broadway just got a little bit closer and it promises to be a Wicked time. We all know how Dorothy and Toto got to the Land of Oz, but now see how the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good Witch came to be in this breath-taking musical extravaganza. This time, though, pay attention to the man behind the curtain. The Paramount Theatre, Seattle stgpresents.org
Green Day, Nov. 26
Even rarer than a blue moon is a Green Day, and the band whose frontman had very public meltdown recently at the I Heart Music Festival has got more “American Idiot”ness to bring to Paramount’s stage this month. Let’s just hope that if Billie Joe Armstrong breaks his guitar,
it’s for the fun of it this time. The Paramount Theatre, Seattle stgpresents.org
Katt Williams, Nov. 29-30
Many comedians seem to be multi-talented these days, and Katt Williams is no exception to that rule. He can’t decide whether he’s a movie star, a rapper or a comedian; but all of these talents have crafted his smooth and witty comedic style into something we all enjoy. The Paramount Theatre, Seattle stgpresents.org
“Memories and Meditation,” Thru March 23, 2013
Plan on checking out some incredible works of art on display soon. The Tacoma Art Museum is showcasing the works of photographer Michael Kenna as part of its “Memories and Meditation” retrospective. With 30 years of globe-hopping under his belt, this will be the first U.S. retrospective of Kenna’s works in nearly 20 years. Whether it’s the haunting shadows of abandoned buildings in the Midwest or the natural beauty of the Glastonbury Tor in England, Kenna’s explorations into history and geography are sublime and potent. Tacoma Art Museum, Tacoma www.tacomaartmuseum. org
Compiled by Derek Obregon
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 55
Chuck Shepherd
News of the
Weird LEAD STORY— INTRUDER (NOT) ALERT
; For September’s Digital Design Weekend at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London, artists Michiko Nitta and Michael Burton commissioned soprano Louise Ashcroft to sing, altering pitch and volume while wearing a face mask made of algae. According to the artists, since algae’s growth changes with the amount and quality of carbon dioxide it receives, Ashcroft’s voice, blowing CO2 against the algae, should vary the growth’s “taste” as to bitterness or sweetness. After
56 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
the performance, the audience sampled the algae at various stages and apparently agreed. The artists said they were demonstrating how biotechnology could transform organisms. ; Modern Warfare: China, Japan and Taiwan each claim ownership of the uninhabited South China Sea islands of Senkaku or Diaoyu, and the controversy heightened in September when Japan announced that it had formally “purchased” the islands from a private company that reputedly owned them. China countered by “launching” its first-ever aircraft
carrier (a vessel junked in 1998 by Ukraine), which it hopes will intimidate its neighbors even though it is useless to planes. Days later, patrol boats from Taiwan and Japan had a confrontation near the islands—drenching each other in a military-grade squirt-gun fight. (Japan won.) ; For some reason, South Korea (with about one-sixth the men that America has) is the world’s largest consumer of male cosmetics, with its leading company approaching $1 billion a year in sales. According to a September Bloomberg Business Week dispatch, South Korean males became fascinated with the country’s 2002 World Cup soccer team’s “flower men,” who had smooth, flawless skin, and the craze took off from there. Said a male college student, “Having a clean, neat face makes you look sophisticated and creates an image that you can handle yourself well.” Makeup routines include drawing “thicker, bolder” eyebrows and, of course, expert application of lipstick. Said one admiring woman, “I feel like I have more to talk about
with guys who use makeup.”
THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT
; Jordan and Bryan Silverman’s start-up venture, Star Toilet Paper, distributes rolls to public restrooms in restaurants, stadiums and other locations absolutely free—because the brothers have sold ads on each sheet. (Company slogan: “Don’t rush. Look before you flush.”) Jordan, with 50 advertisers enlisted so far, told the Detroit Free Press in August that he came up with the idea, of course, while sitting on the can at the University of Michigan library. ; First-World Problems: After an international trade association reported that women bought 548 million pairs of shoes in 2011 (not even counting those used exclusively for sports), the manufacturer Nine West has decided to start its own cable TV channel with programming on “various aspects of footwear,” according to an August New York Times report. Programs will feature celebrities rhapsodizing about their favorite pair, wom-
en who hoard shoes (purchasing many more than they know they’ll ever wear even one time), tips on developing one’s stiletto-walking skills and shoe closet designs. It’s about a “conversation,” said a Nine West executive, “not about a shoe.” ; Habersham Funding of Georgia and its competitors make their money by buying terminally ill clients’ life insurance policies for lump sums, then continuing to pay the policies’ premiums so that they collect as beneficiaries upon death. The companies’ business model therefore depends on those clients dying quickly; a client who outlives expectations turns the investment sour. Thus, according to an August report by The New York Times, the companies run extensive background checks on the illnesses and lifestyles of potential clients and employ sophisticated computer algorithms that predict, better than doctors can, how long a client will live. Supposedly, according to the report, the companies are nonchalant about erroneous predictions. No company, they claim, has an official policy of hoping for
early death.
LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATORS
; Scorpion antivenom made in Mexico sells in Mexico for about $100 a dose, but for a while over the last year, the going rate in the emergency room of the Chandler (Ariz.) Regional Medical Center was $39,652 a dose, charged to Marcie Edmonds, who was stung while opening a box of air-conditioner filters in June. She received two doses by IV and was released after three hours, to later find a co-pay bill of $25,537 awaiting her (with her Humana plan picking up $57,509), according to the Arizona Republic newspaper. The Republic found that Arizona hospitals retailed it for between $7,900 and $12,467 per dose—except for Chandler. Following the newspaper’s report, Chandler decided to re-price the venom at $8,000 a dose, thus eating a $31,652 “loss.” ; Among the least-important effects of last summer’s drought in the Midwest: Officials overseeing the annual Wisconsin State Cow
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 57
Chip Throw said there would be fewer high-quality cow patties. Said chairperson Ellen Paulson: “When it’s hot, the cows don’t eat as much. And what was produced, they just dried up too quick.” A few patties had been saved from the 2011 competition, but, she said, “It’s not like you can go out and buy them.”
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
; The ongoing feud between two Warwick, R.I., households has intensified, according to an August complaint. Kathy Melker and Craig Fontaine charged that not only has neighbor Lynne Taylor been harassing them with verbal insults and threats, but that Taylor has now taught her cockatoo to call Melker, on sight, a nasty epithet (which rhymes with “clucking bore”). ; At least two teams of Swiss researchers are developing tools that can improve farmers’ efficiency and reduce the need for shepherds. The research group Kora has begun outfitting sheep with heart
58 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
rate monitors that, when predators approach, register blood-pressure spikes that are texted to the shepherd, summoning him to the scene. Another inefficiency is cow farmers’ frequent needs to locate and examine cows that might be in heat, but professors at a Bern technical college are testing placing thermometers in cows’ genitals, with text messages alerting the farmer that a specific cow is ready for mating. (Since most insemination is done artificially, farmers can reduce the supply of bull semen they need to keep in inventory.) ; Researchers writing in the journal Animal Behaviour in July hypothesized why male pandas have sometimes been seen performing handstands near trees. They are urinating, the scientists observed, and doing handstands streams the urine higher on the tree, presumably signaling their mating superiority. A San Diego Zoo researcher involved in the study noted that an accompanying gland secretion gives off even more “personal” information to other pandas than the urine alone.
; Spending on health care for pets is rising, of course, as companion animals are given almost equal status as family members. In Australia, veterinarians who provide dental services told Queensland’s Sunday Mail in August that they have even begun to see clients demanding cosmetic dental work—including orthodontic braces and other mouth work to give dogs “kissable breath” and smiles improved by removing the gap-tooth look.
QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTS
; Endangering the “Presumption of Innocence”: (1) Roy Mullen, posing for his most recent photo to be posted on the Tennessee sex offender registry in September, showed up wearing a t-shirt reading “Love Sucks / True Love Swallows.” (2) Hubert Leverich, 40, was arrested in Danville, Va., in September and charged with sexual abuse of an underage girl. Leverich’s permanently tattooed forehead reads “Felon Thoughts” and (in English gothic lettering) “Insane.”
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS
; Pathetic: (1) Kalpeshkumar Patel, 40, failed in June to carry out his longstanding threat to burn down the Chevron station in High Springs, Fla. After dousing his car with gasoline in front of the store, he realized he had no lighter or matches and had to ask several customers, without success, to help him out. He was arrested before he could do any damage. (2) Ignatius “Michael” Pollara, 46, and his mother, 70, were arrested following what police said was a 10-year shoplifting spree that might have spanned 50 states. They were nabbed in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., because, said sheriff’s Sgt. Rich Rossman, Pollara could not resist using a “rewards” card traced to him, which he used to get credit for some of the purchases he had switched for more expensive items. (3) Dakoda Garren, 19, was arrested in Vancouver, Wash., in September on suspicion of stealing an antique coin collection in May that was estimated to be worth $100,000.
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 59
Garren and his girlfriend were identified after spending some of the coins at a movie theater and a pizza restaurant, using rare Liberty Head quarters (worth from $5 to $18,500) at their face value.
THE JESUS AND MARY WORLD TOUR (LATEST PLAYDATES)
; Recent, apparently dramatic public appearances of Jesus: Beeville, Tex.; August (Jesus in a breakfast taco). Belfast, Northern Ireland; August (Jesus on a tree stump in the Belfast City Cemetery). Sunderland, England; June (Jesus among the peeling paint on the door of a Chinese-food takeout stand). Port St. Lucie, Fla.; May (Jesus on the television show “The Bachelor”—at least as per a woman’s photo of the TV screen during the show). Splendora, Tex.; May (mold on a bathroom wall). New Orleans; April (Jesus in a shadow cast through a chandelier in the Ursuline Academy Chapel). Charleston, S.C.; April (Jesus on the back of a dead stingray). Clermont, Fla.; March (Jesus on an electric company meter at the Torchlite RV Park).
60 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS
; A 14-year-old boy was hospitalized in critical condition in Churchill, Pa., in August after allegedly swiping a Jeep Grand Cherokee and leading the owner’s boyfriend on a brief high-speed chase before rolling the Cherokee over on Interstate 376. The boy’s mother, according to WTAE-TV, blamed the Cherokee’s owner: A vehicle with the keys in it, she said, “was an opportunity that, in a 14-year-old’s eyes, was . . . the perfect moment.” Also, she said, the boyfriend “had no right to chase my son.” The boy “could have just (wanted) a joyride down the street. Maybe he (merely) wanted to go farther than he felt like walking.” ; Irresistible: (1) David Thompson, 27, was arrested in August and charged with stealing a bag of marijuana from the Charleroi (Pa.) Regional police station. While talking to an officer about an unrelated case, Thompson noticed an evidence bag on a counter and swiped it. Caught moments later,
Thompson profusely apologized, telling the officer, “I just couldn’t help myself. That bud smelled so good.” (2) Aaron Morris was charged in August with battery in North Lauderdale, Fla., for groping the buttocks of a woman at a Walmart. According to the arresting officer, Morris explained, “Her booty looked so good, I just couldn’t resist touching it.”
PERSPECTIVE
; First-World Problems: (1) Ohio death-row inmate Ronald Post, 53, asked a federal court in September to cancel his January date with destiny on the grounds that, despite almost 30 years of prison food, he’s still too fat to execute. At 480 pounds, “vein access” and other issues would cause his lethal injection to be “torturous.” (2) British murderer-sadist Graham Fisher, 39, is locked up in a high-security hospital in Berkshire, England, but he, too, has been eating well (at about 325 pounds). In August, he was approved for gastric-band surgery paid for by Britain’s National Health Service at an estimated cost, including a private room for
post-op recuperation, of about $25,000).
IRONIES
; Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Ali Beheshti was hospitalized in the town of Shahmirzad in September, allegedly after being roughed up by a woman. According to Iran’s Mehr news agency, the cleric was merely performing his “duty,” warning an allegedly immodestly dressed woman to cover herself better. She suggested, instead, that he should “cover (his) eyes,” and when he continued admonishing her, she, unladylike, pushed him away and kicked him. ; Arrested in September and charged with aggravated indecent exposure (making continued obscene gestures to female kayakers on Michigan’s Pinnebog River while nude): 60-year-old TV producer William H. Masters III—the son of pioneer 1960s sex researcher William Masters (who, with Virginia Johnson, wrote the landmark books “Human Sexual Response” and “Human Sexual Inadequacy”).
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 61
62 CULTURE • NOVEMBER 2012
NOVEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 63