Athena Magazine 2018

20 E FREue One Iss 18

News • Interviews • Poetry • Stories • Art Brought to you by Curtin Women

A NOTE FROM OUR CHIEF EDITOR,

Luisa Mitchell

Hi there!

You’ve picked up a copy of this year’s edition of Athena Magazine—a publication run by women and non-binary persons, for everyone.

It comes around once a year; and I feel very fortunate to have been given the opportunity to manage it. The submissions from Curtin’s women have been of an incredibly high quality, and I’m very proud to have worked with them to create this beautiful, inspiring magazine.

The pieces that you’ll go on to read are about our challenges, our dreams, our desires, and our heartaches. They come from voices from the remote communities of the Kimberley, across to Canberra, through the city lights of Hong Kong, inside the chaos and the beauty of the Middle East, and back again to our home, here in Perth. I believe there is something here for everyone to enjoy, as we strive to encourage diversity and inclusivity in our publication.

And yet, there is, of course, one clear voice lacking: men’s.

As we come to a close of another year, myself and other feminists continue to fight for an egalitarian society. Today, this fight continues in pace and ferocity but, sometimes, it feels like we’re walking into a landslide—especially when travesties, like the recent appointment of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court, occur.

Athena is a space that encourages women to speak, and to be applauded and empowered by this act of speaking. In a world where they are often excluded from the conversation and positions of power, forced into submission and shamed, and, like Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, allegedly held down with a hand over their mouth, magazines like Athena—that provide a space for us to reclaim our voices—are more important than ever.

While this is a space for women to speak, it is a space for anyone to listen.

These stories must be read by everyone—especially men. It is our male allies and friends, our neighbours, fathers and teachers, that will be vital in turning the tide towards equality.

So, I speak to all of you when I say thank you for taking a moment to read these funny, uplifting, painful and beautiful pieces. I hope they resonate with you in some way that is unexpected and unforgettable.

Contributors EDITOR

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Luisa Mitchell

Hayley Thoms

SUB EDITORS

LAYOUT

Nikita Binetti

Hayley Thoms

Amber Joy Weir

Sally Henderson

Tanya Ajwani

Ellysia Burton

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

ART AND PICS

Luisa Mitchell

Hayley Thoms

Devahuti Chaliha

Sally Henderson

Zahra Loot

Nafise Rasekh Nezhad

Maria Christina De Vicente Capua

Yiriman Women

Breanna Rosen

Thomas Campbell

Rachelle Erzay

Luisa Mitchell

Amber Joy Weir

Naomi Claire

Naomi Claire Ellysia Burton

COVER ARTIST

Caitlin Scott

Hayley Thoms

Jo Newman Honey Lermont SPECIAL THANKS

PRINTED BY Graphic Source

Student Guild Women's Department

CONTACT

GROK Magazine

GROK@guild.curtin.edu.au

Yiriman Women

Published by Curtin Student Guild

Contents PERSONAL ESSAYS To makeup, or not to makeup?

I am; you are; we are all Malala The vengeful phoenix Circe: Patriarchy as the female adventure

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NEWS AND REPORTS

Should we be putting a number on equality?

18 24 30 36 46

Running on field: Pathways to playing women's AFL

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Is economics at a disequilibrium with gender diversity?

Healing on country with Yiriman Women Sally Ride, LGBTQI+ scientists and women in STEM Chasing women's elusive orgasms

POEMS

Loving in three parts

58 60

Time is up

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Breasts are a heavy burden

INTERVIEWS

Gender equality in New York and around the world

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Artist in focus: Deborah Worthy-Collins

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On the record with Ella Hooper

POEMS

The temptress

82 83

Bodies

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The waitress

SHORT STORY Brandon and Eliza

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To makeup or NOT TO MAKEUP? Author: Maria Christina De Vicente Capua Layout and art: Hayley Thoms For many years, I’ve taken great pride in my “I-don’t-believe-I-need-make-up-tolook-good” attitude, naïvely believing that it made me that little bit surer of myself than those who did wear it.

However, over time I grew to love wearing dark-coloured lipsticks, adding a little bit of mascara here and there, and enhancing some of my—or at least what I like to think of as—best facial features.

In retrospect, my previous attitude towards makeup could have very well just been laziness; but since then, I have discovered a newfound appreciation for makeup as a way of hiding my obvious lack of sleep.

A few weeks ago, I was on the bus with a full face of makeup wondering, Why on earth did I even bother to apply it? I was running late to class, and as I sat there checking my watch, I realised that I could have probably used those ten-to-fifteen minutes of ‘enhancing’ myself, on actually leaving on time, preparing some lunch, or heck, even getting that little bit of extra sleep that can make the day that much more bearable. Instead, I used that time to try out the newest and reddest addition of my lipstick collection.

So, why did I bother putting makeup on?

Why does anyone put makeup on at all?

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Mulan attended? Their excitement to dress up and revel in their day of ‘beautification’ reflects opposing values to that of Mulan, and they too, are no less valuable.

" KNOWING THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IS A PROCESS " For years now, there has been a movement to empower women, to encourage them to feel beautiful just the way they are—no makeup or artificial products needed. This push to help people realise their worth regardless of external beauty or product consumption is inherently good, and true.

Everyone is valuable in the body they were born with; they are perfect in their unique, human, and beautifully-flawed ways. This does not mean, however, that if you wear makeup you are “hiding your true face,” or are any less authentic to yourself.

Lately, there’s been a common misconception that wearing makeup is kind of like giving up the “Feminist Code of Ethics”—as if you are succumbing to the expectations placed on you by society.

One only has to remember the scene in Disney’s Mulan where Mulan wipes the makeup off her face because she doesn’t feel that it reflects her true self; in this moment, Disney seemed to be saying that women should aspire to be natural to be truly authentic and empowered. Yet, what about the other girls at the ceremony

And, as I stood on the bus, staring out of the window in quiet contemplation, I found this belief that wearing makeup is incompatible with feminism, as highly problematic. Why would wearing makeup make me, or anyone else, any less a woman, or any less authentic to their true self? Why does my decision to add colour to my face imply anything about how deep or shallow I may be?

It is true that makeup can often act as a boost of confidence, helping to enhance certain qualities and take the focus away from others. But it’s not just about confidence and beauty; makeup is about how you get to choose how you want to represent yourself; that’s part of the beauty of it. You don’t have to submit to anyone’s idea of who you are or should be.

If you feel like wearing eyeliner, well, then damn well do. That is your decision, and while it can be influenced by those around you, or your own vulnerabilities, you shouldn’t be afraid to look “superficial”.

At the end of the day, makeup is an expression of self; be it of personality, emotion, sense of fashion, or simply a way to express to people that you had ten extra minutes in the morning and you used them to make your eyeliner look on point.

For me personally, the dark red lipstick is usually a quick fix to distract from the black circles under my eyes; and there’s nothing wrong with that. Adorning your face can simply be because you like your face with colour; it doesn’t have to be because of a list of candidates you wish to impress.

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I’ve often been told, “Oh, but you don’t need makeup to look good, why do you wear it?” And that I look more “authentic” and more “natural” without it on. I’d like to think it’s true, that I don’t need it, and that I’m as valuable with or without it. I don’t believe that by using a particular shade of lipstick I am made any more, or less, me. The products I put on my face don’t define who I am, and they don’t define my identity; instead, I use them to choose how I want to define myself.

It’s always a risk to “judge a book by its cover”, because you may be missing out on some amazing content. While this process is only human, and it helps us to make some quick decisions about a person, it’s important that we take a moment to evaluate them entirely, not just based on their face. We, as a society, have learnt over time, and are continuing to learn, to not judge people based on their race, skin colour or sexuality (amongst many other things); so, it’s time we start doing the same for makeup.

Knowing that you are beautiful is a process, and learning how to accept every part of yourself can take time. For some, this takes longer than others. But at the end of the day, whether one puts on bright pink mascara, a nude lipstick, or nothing at all, what matters is the person behind it.

One is not made more or less of a person by what they do or don’t have on their face. It is as important to empower people to know that they are beautiful without makeup, as it is to let them know that if they want to wear it, they can very well do so.

You do what makes you happy—and if wearing bright colours on your face makes you happy? Then do it.

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I A M ; YO U A R E ; W E A R E A L L

MALALA. Author: Devahuti Chaliha Layout and art: Sally Henderson

It is the 10th of October 2014. The face of Malala Yousafzai flashes across countless screens around the globe. For any rare soul who’s been living under a rock, Malala was the 2014 winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for her tremendous activist efforts against the Taliban in Pakistan. What draws me to her is that she fights for exactly what I, a self-proclaimed feminist, stand for: education for women.

Swamped under a pile of books—the best friends I have known throughout my life—I sit cross-legged in my Brisbane apartment as a medical student. Intrigued and thirsty for inspiration, I can’t wait to pick up the newly released bestselling autobiography, I Am Malala, and read it cover to cover. When I finally finish the book, my feelings are mixed. While I am proud of her, an entirely different feeling startles me: I feel a wave of shock and frustration roll over me. I realise that the world is so interested and bamboozled

by Malala’s story that they consider what she did to be out of the ordinary.

For everyone else, she seems to be an extraordinary woman.

Malala was shot in the head at point-blank range by a Taliban gunman on her return from an exam. When she miraculously recovered, she continued and still continues

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to fight for women’s rights to education, to this very day. Some would say that Malala’s bravery and flight into becoming a powerful voice for women is a once-in-amillion story; and yet, I couldn’t help but think to myself: Surely, we are thinking about this the wrong way?

Of course, Malala has made all of our jobs, as feminists, easier. Her actions were symbolic of a fight for women’s equality everywhere. But I also know that if not her, then someone else would have picked up the fight against all the odds, just as she did. What I mean to say is, we have this scenario where the world is hailing this lovely, but somewhat ordinary person for her heroic deed, placing her actions and her fight in a separate, faraway universe to our own; instead of seeing how we, too, can take up the reins to lead her cause alongside her.

M A L A L A T E AC H E S U S T H AT F R O M OPPRESSION COMES A STRENGTH AND DETERMINATION TO FIGHT BACK. This is something I would hope all of us would be doing anyway.

Now, before I go further, I am not claiming that I personally would have done anything better or differently than she did; I am not criticising a girl who, in fact, reminds me of my own 16-yearold self; I am not undermining all the undeniable good that she has done; and I am not trying to speak for her—she is an independent woman with a voice deserving of being heard, just like the rest of us. What I am saying, however, is that we are all not that different.

and expected of them? Malala teaches us that from oppression comes a strength and determination to fight back. Yes, she was shot in the head by the Taliban. But what else would that make one do, but retaliate harder? If we don’t fight for our own values, what would we have left of ourselves to fight for?

Social justice is everyone’s business, and as with any organism, if you’re hurting in one place, you’re hurting everywhere. In exactly the same way, when one girl hurts, we all hurt. And this is why we shouldn’t be marketing Malala as an extraordinary,

" I N E X AC T LY T H E S A M E WAY, W H E N O N E G I R L H U RT S , W E A L L H U RT. " While I was not placed in her situation and cannot feel what it is to walk in her shoes, I honestly believe any girl like Malala, whose, in her own father’s words, ‘wings had not been clipped’, would naturally and rightly react as she did. In fact, I’m launching my own campaign and calling for everyone, girls and boys alike, to stand up for those who can’t speak for themselves.

Perhaps it’s optimistic of me, but I have no doubt that scores of other young women would do the same thing that she did.

Why are girls around me not seeing the “Malalas” in them, that I have always seen

rare specimen amongst many, but as the ordinary and sensible person that she is—a woman able to bring out the best in each and every one of us; a woman we already are in our most natural form.

Malala is just one of many women whom we should be joining the fight for equality around the world. Women like Tarana Burke, founder of the ‘#MeToo’ movement; women like the Pussy Riot members gaoled in Russia for speaking out against the regime; women like those in Argentina calling to legalise abortion; women like Sheryl Sandberg, pioneer of the ‘Lean

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In’ movement; women like Chimamanda Adichie, the highly regarded feminist author and public speaker; and women like Janet Mock and Patrisse Cullors, who are fighting on behalf of transgender and queer women respectively.

Thank goodness that although these women have been pushed back time and time again, they continue fighting— because to fight is to take action, and not taking action is as damaging as the oppression and inequality that we face in the first place.

There is a reason that Einstein’s words are immortal: ‘The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.’ There is a ring of undeniable truth in them; a truth about human nature that unsettles me.

So, let’s not look on. Let us draw on the strength, that we as women, all have within us.

I BELIEVE THAT I AM; YOU ARE; WE ARE ALL

MALALA. 13

The Vengeful Phoenix

CIRCE 14

Author: Rachelle Erzay Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

PAT R I A R C H Y A S T H E F E M A L E A DV E N T U R E AND THE PROBLEM WITH THE 'WE-SHALL-OVERCOME' NARRATIVE TROPE Content Warning: Discussion of rape and sexual violence

Ci rce: of G re e k or igin, m ea ning ‘ b ird ’ ; o r, as Made line M ille r writes in her novel of the sam e name, ‘hawk’.

In traditional Greek mythology, Circe is a sorceress and daughter of the Sun God, Helios. She lives on the island of Aiaia, and is infamous for transforming the boat crew of Homer’s legendary hero, Odysseus, into pigs. But apart from that, Circe has been somewhat of a mystery in popular culture—a shadowy witch in the background of various Greek myths and stories. That is, until now.

Earlier this year, Miller, the recipient of the Women’s Prize for Fiction 2018, re-told the story of Circe amidst her own post-modern analyses of the classic narrative. She described her frustrations about women serving as the ‘faceless support’ of men in Ancient Greek literature. The product is an evocative and gorgeous piece of work, thrumming with contemporary relevance that has propelled the goddess Circe into the realm of feminist literary iconography.

Miller’s novel introduces Circe, a minor goddess, who discovers she has the ability for witchcraft. Told from the first-person point of view, the novel follows the cycle of Circe’s life, starting as a small child in Helios’ halls; to vengefully turning her mortal lover into a god and the sea-nymph Scylla into a six-headed sea monster; to flourishing on the isle of Aiaia after her banishment and nourishing her magical gifts; to meeting Odysseus and having her first child; to losing her beloved lion; and

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finally, to meeting the man she decides to give up her immortality for. The novel is truly a rich re-working of Greek epics, with the focus of the writing highlighting the power of Circe and her portrayal as an exceptionally complex woman.

Almost all ancient literature follows the same timeless male-dominated narrative that positions women as either prey, villain, or plot point. There is very much a need for feminist re-writings of ancient literature to re-construct the way we view women and give them the attention they deserve.

In this case, Miller has transformed Circe from a deceitful witch—whose only function is to serve as an obstacle against the male heroes in the great epics—into a powerful imagining of an ancient heroine with a rich history that has been overlooked. However, there are some inherently problematic depictions in Miller’s novel that hinder Circe from becoming a truly powerful woman in her own right.

In the journal article ‘Medievalism and the Fantasy Heroine’, Jane Tolmie (2006) writes that “the motif of rape, domestic abuse, forced marriage and other forms of gender-based oppression and violence are markedly interlaced with contemporary fantasy novels.”

While Circe is not classified as a fantasy novel, it still features the same “we-shallovercome” narrative-arc, and a female protagonist whose identity is defined by her resistance to the patriarchal system she functions within.

Circe’s world is undoubtedly a patriarchal one. Miller sets the scene well: the audience is given the sense that Circe is treated as an inferior being at all times.

She was born with ‘yellow eyes’, and the ‘thin sound’ of a human voice. Compared to her immortal nymph cousins, she is as ‘dull as a rock… [and] should be called Goat for her ugliness’; thus, she is not desired in any capacity by the other immortals. Her father, Helios, is positioned as the ultimate patriarchal figure; sneering from his Titan throne, he is only pleasant to his daughter when she is obedient and silent.

Tolmie argues that the

“

patriarchy itself serves as the female adventure, and o p p r e s s i ve g e n d e r - based structures consistently provide the external criteria that define extraordinary women.

”

This narrative is clearly reflected in Miller’s novel. When Circe discovers she has the ability for witchcraft, she immediately becomes extraordinary— she no longer fits within the domestic

feminine role that the patriarchy expects of her, as a mother, wife, and daughter.

But it is when she is banished to the island of Aiaia, that the audience witnesses a defining moment for Circe: the revenge of her rape. This moment also provides a reasoning behind her infamous maninto-pig reputation. It is revealed that this transformative witchcraft at Circe’s hands comes immediately after her rape by a man that she had opened her home and provided food and warmth to.

There are so many different stories to tell and reasons to give about the sources of women’s anger, pain and revenge—and yet, sexual violence seems to be one that authors return to time and time again. Not only does this send the message to women not to let a bunch of cold and hungry men into your home out of kindness if you’re alone, but it also undermines—rather than strengthens—Circe’s character. How does this happen?

In the article ‘Can We Stop Using Rape as a Plot Device? (2013)’, Clementine Ford comments that there is a tendency for sexual violence to be the go-to plot device for writers looking to give substance to their characters. While I don’t necessarily agree that this is the case in Miller’s Circe, since the character is given substance through multiple events in the novel, I do not believe that rape was necessary to define Circe’s character.

There is a beautiful moment in the novel when Circe defies Helios and the entirety of the immortal community by giving the Titan Prometheus, water after a grueling punishment. Similarly, there is another powerful moment when Circe’s experience as a paranoid new mother (“I did not go easy to motherhood”) is so raw and utterly human, that another layer to her strength

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as a woman is revealed. These moments were far more defining and powerful than the sexual violence Miller chooses to include as a motif. In fact, it is this sexual violence that arguably undermines the power of her character.

Ford writes: “We need to start figuring out ways to tell women’s stories that don’t involve them being violently dismantled before us so they can rise, phoenix-like, out of the ashes of their former passivity.”

In the novel, Circe rises up against her perpetrators as a vengeful phoenix: she splits their ribcages, shrivels their legs and balloons their limbs, effectively turning them to swine. Afterwards, her internal monologue proclaims: “I did kill pigs that night after all.” The sad thing about the entire scene is that Circe was already a glorious bird of prey. She didn’t need to be assaulted or to aggressively counter-

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attack in revenge to prove herself to be a powerful goddess.

What I found increasingly interesting is that Miller is very much aware of t h e s ex u a l v i o l e n c e ove r l o o ke d o r romanticised in Ancient Greek literature and actively rallies against it. In her personal essay ‘Restoring Power to the Women of Ancient Myth (2018)’, Miller discusses her feelings of betrayal at the ‘sexual slavishness and demeaning loss of power’ in the original tale of Circe and Odysseus, where Circe throws herself at his feet and begs for mercy—and to take her to his bed. She describes the role of women in Ancient Greek literature as victims, villains and women who barely register.

It is because of Miller’s history, that I found myself shocked when I reached the moment of Circe’s rape. By allowing Circe to become a strong woman, only in

her relation to her overcoming of sexual violence, the narrative is once again turned to the patriarchy. Even as a goddess, an "extraordinary" woman, Circe is not immune to sexual violence perpetrated by human men. While Miller seeks to re-write the narrative that currently surrounds women in Ancient Greek literature, she essentially falls into the trap she is trying to escape from. And it is at this very point that the “we-shall-overcome” narrative becomes problematic.

The problem with the “we-shall-overcome” narrative is threefold. Firstly, it reinforces and naturalises the oppression faced by women and relays the message that it will continue into the unforeseeable future—so get used to it.

Secondly, it becomes the basis for meaning and representation of ‘extraordinary’

women in stories. Women can only be extraordinary if they are first demeaned by the patriarchy and then rise up against it.

Thirdly, it creates a barrier between ‘extraordinary’ women and ‘ordinary’ women, and delivers a deeply problematic message: that if you cannot overcome oppression, you don’t deserve to be seen.

Tolmie says that the “we-shall-overcome” narrative does not result in a 'radical new approach to the delineation of the female… [instead] the emphasis remains on the individual woman rising above a system that keeps her down.'

Instead of a feminist re-write that defines Circe in a way that is completely in her own right, Miller resorts to using gender-based oppression to provide Circe with meaning.

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Instead, Miller could have written that Circe transformed the men into pigs because they greedily helped themselves to her enchanted wine or food, without permission or a semblance of respect.

In this instance, the reasoning would position the men to be at fault for assuming they had a right to eat and drink as they pleased, and thus must face the consequences of doing so in the house of a goddess. The defining moment for Circe would then be turned from overcoming a brutal rape, to being motivated by the disrespect she receives from those who do not acknowledge her power and value as a goddess and as a woman.

This is not to say that survivors who overcome sexual violence are not allowed to recover stronger than ever after a period of healing, or that they are not strong women in their own right. Rather, it is to say that the use of rape and sexual violence as a narrative motif effectively exploits the pain and healing of real rape survivors, males and females alike.

Circe is not the only piece of contemporary fiction that utilises rape as a narrative plot device. Mad Max: Fury Road uses an institutionalised system of rape to justify the actions of Furiosa fighting to free a group of imprisoned women.

In a statement made on Twitter in 2015, the comic co-creator Mark Sexton says that if sexual violence wasn’t used as a plot device, then the movie would have been “merely a bunch of spoilt girls whining about being kept in relative luxury by an older man who’s concerned for their safety… [without it] there is not really much room for dramatic tension here.”

Furthermore, another female character defined by sexual violence is Sansa

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Stark in Game of Thrones. Her character drastically changes after she escapes from a forced marriage and rape perpetuated by Ramsey Bolton; only then, after her abuse and assault, is she able to take power in House Stark. Her horrendous experiences in Bolton’s house transforms her from a spoilt and superficial girl into a mature and wily woman—but was rape really necessary for that to occur? The Boltons’ had already brutally murdered her mother and brother; she was held captive by the Lannisters and had to survive in enemy territory for years; and was manipulated and used as a pawn by creepy old men.

Yet, after all these endurances, it had to be sexual violence that sparked such a strong character transformation?

Other examples include Claire Underwood in House of Cards; Mellie Grant in Scandal; Mary Stuart in Reign; Lisbeth Salander in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo… the list goes on. With the continuous use of sexual violence as a plot device in contemporary works, whether it be in television, cinema or fiction, the deprivation of the legitimacy and justice to people who are real victims is amplified. This is due to its overuse in popular culture for the sake of giving characters substance and providing them with personal meaning.

As a rich and intensely complex feminist icon, Miller owes it to Circe to deliver her story without the reliance of using a patriarchal system to provide her character with meaning. While I very much enjoyed the retelling, due to its lyrical quality and gorgeous sensory description, I still believe we need less vengeful-phoenixes and more keen-eyed hawks to carry us into a future of feminist story-telling.

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ECONOMICS HAS THE POWER TO AFFECT ALL INDIVIDUALS, FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE, IN OUR SOCIETY.

WE NEED DIVERSITY OF THOUGHT WHEN IT COMES TO POLICY MAKING.

Author: Amber Joy Weir Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

IS ECONOMICS AT A DISEQUILIBRIUM WITH GENDER DIVERSITY? Economics is at the heart of almost every policy decision the government makes. These decisions have implications for the whole population, and so it is crucial that the diverse groups of people whom are affected by economic policy, are equally involved or equally represented at a decision-making level.

At present, there is a lack of gender diversity—among other groups—in economics, that prevents us from being able to engage with alternative views that would help to construct more innovative and effective policy.

The overall number of students studying economics has declined over recent years, particularly amongst women, and more so than men. The glass ceiling for working in economics appears to be more impenetrable than most, and with economic leadership positions in Australia being almost exclusively male-occupied, we need women to break down those barriers now more than ever.

I spoke with Sally McMahon, director of her own advisory company, Sally McMahon and Associates, and the WA Chair of the Women in Economics Network, to see what she has to say about gender diversity in the field. Sally is a leader and influencer of policy, regulation and commercial outcomes in economics.

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SALLY GOT INTO ECONOMICS TO CHANGE SOCIETY

Why are enrolments in economic fields declining, especially for women?

Since 1992, the number of Year 12 students taking economics as a subject has declined by almost 70 per cent, from 40,000 to approximately 10,000. The enrolments of young women have been especially affected.

Sally tells me about her own story in entering economics, saying that she has been involved in the field for many years now, despite economics not being offered as a subject in her own school. She suspects that numbers have declined as “economics is no longer respected in policy or by politicians. The 24-hour political cycle has shifted the focus from policies that drive sustainable value to society, to those that are more likely to shift the opinion polls.”

When asked about the declining number of women studying economics, she suggests that “if the numbers of women have been declining disproportionately, I can only speculate that this is due to broader cultural issues and the lack of women in senior (public) economist roles.

However, I have also noted the emphasis, growing awareness and push to increase the number of women in STEM subjects— maybe this is cannibalising the women that might otherwise have chosen economics.”

Does economics have an image problem?

Many people don’t understand what economics is, or how it might be relevant to them. If you ask the person next to you they are likely to think it is related to money or finance; but as Sally confirms, economics is about so much more than that.

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Sally agreed that there are many misconceptions when it comes to economics, acknowledging that many people don’t know what it means—her own friends and family assume she is an accountant or a financial advisor.

“Many young economists have no idea how being trained in economics sets them apart from other disciplines,” Sally tells me. “They come to believe that the economic framework tools they utilise everyday reflect the way they have always thought, rather than recognising these as learned skills and competencies.”

She states that great economists do not necessarily hold roles that have “economics” or “economist” in their work titles, so it is hard to point to roles or functions that are underpinned by economic competencies. Often these roles’ titles will include labels such as analyst; strategy; planning; development; and/or advisor.

Does the underrepresentation of women have implications for policy-making?

In order to create equitable, inclusive and sustainable development, we need the priorities, needs, concerns and abilities of both men and women to be taken into consideration when formulating and implementing policies. Several studies have shown that women favour different policy decisions to men; so, if women aren’t represented at a decision-making level, this is bound to effect policy at a state and national level.

When I posed this theory to Sally, she said that if economics is about valuing various versions of the future, then a lack of gender diversity in the policy-making arena certainly has its implications.

In her experience, what sets womenled initiatives apart from men’s is that

MANY YOUNG ECONOMISTS HAVE NO IDEA HOW BEING TRAINED IN ECONOMICS SETS THEM APART FROM OTHER DISCIPLINES

“An economist looks to the future and understands how a decision made today will impact the future; they are able to place value on variations to that future—both quantifiable and non-quantifiable. There are many roles where this is a valuable skill, but not enough organisations think that they could benefit from it.”

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women are less constrained in identifying relevant variables and different versions of the future.

She built on this by saying that, “Women are more likely to place value on an emotional response. This latter point cannot be overlooked given the number

of actions and decisions in our society are driven by emotions. Given the subordinate role women often have in our culture, they are also less likely to be blinded by ego.”

W h at i m pa c t d o e s t h i s have on young women in economics?

Australia has not seen a female Federal Treasurer or a female Chief Economist; nor has it seen a female at the helm of the Treasury, Productivity Commission, Australia Securities and Investment Corporation; and nor are there any ladies leading the Australia Prudential Regulation Authority, or the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission.

I asked Sally if she thought that the lack of women in economics-related leadership positions had implications for young females studying or working in the field.

“If there are no high-profile women economists then this will reduce women identifying economics as a career or a career path,” Sally asserts.

When asked to share some advice with young women in economics, Sally urges aspiring females to understand the value they can bring to future workplaces. She offers some recommendations: “Hang out with noneconomists and test economic views to help better understand how you think differently.

Find a mentor and a sponsor.”

She urges young women working in economics to choose government roles— or private sector roles that have a specific economist stream—because they are more likely to recognise the discipline, and provide you with training and development that helps you understand

your value and hone your craft. She states that this will give you a much more solid basis to add value to your career and resume, rather than floundering and following other disciplines to the point that you lose touch with your passion, and what makes you different and valuable as a potential employee.

Why is diversity in economics important?

We all have different reasons for exploring the field of economics, but if there is one thing we can agree on, it is that economics is important.

When asked what economics means to her, Sally stated that economics is her life, and the reason why she got into the field was to “change society”.

Economics enables us to understand the actions and decisions of individuals, businesses and governments. It helps us to understand interactions in a marketdriven society and assists us in analysing government policies that affect the lives of each and every single person in our society.

But in order to be aware of how these decisions will affect different people, all members of our society need to be represented at the decision-making level.

To students who are studying economics— regardless of your gender—if there is one thing you take from this article, let it be this: economics has the power to affect all individuals, from all walks of life, in our society, and it is for that reason that we need diversity of thought when it comes to policy-making.

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H E A L I N G O N C O U N T RY WITH YIRIMAN WOMEN

Annie Nayina Milgin collecting Bulkiny, wild lemongrass, at Jarlmadangah.

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Author and photographs: Luisa Mitchell Layout: Hayley Thoms Photographs: Yiriman Women

‘I’ve been with Yiriman Women for a very long time—it has made me feel stronger; that women can do things too. They say women are stronger than men… you hear that in different places, when they tell you about women… it’s like a cycle: our mothers are the ones who give life, and it goes around in a circle.

My mother, her mother, and then her mother’s; it’s a cycle.’

Jacqueline, or Jacko Shoveller, is a Karajarri woman from the Kimberley region of Western Australia. She sits before me, hair held tightly back in a bun, silver hoops in her ears, and a quiet, undiminished smile on her face. Her voice isn’t loud, but she speaks with a firm strength and confidence as she explains the Yiriman Women bush food and medicine enterprise to me. She is exactly the kind of woman that is helping to make Yiriman Women an inspiring and empowering organisation.

The Yiriman Project is an Aboriginal organisation that spans four language groups in the Kimberley region: Nyikina, Mangala, Karajarri and Walmajarri, stretching from the south of Broome, to the deserts south of Fitzroy Crossing. The Project was born from dire circumstances.

After years of seeing their young people suffering from alcohol and drug abuse, run-ins with the law, and difficult family and home circumstances, the elders of the different language groups were desperate to get their young people back on country and learning traditional culture and laws.

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Annie Nayina Milgin, a Nyikina elder from Jarlmadangah Community and a driving force in the Yiriman Project, explains the importance of learning on country: 'We learned from our old people, on country.

Our school was the country. If our old people took us to the river, that river had a story; if we had a bung-eye, if we had sores, if we had ‘cold-sick’, they would show us the different plants to use. As they passed those stories to us, we were learning at different levels as we were growing, just like at school.

We didn’t have books, we had it all in our heads. We never forgot anything.'

Yiriman Project Officer, Robyn Wells, also joins us. She explains that there is a gender division in the Yiriman program, which is 'a culturally appropriate divide… as men and women have different activities in Aboriginal culture; so, although

men know a lot about bush plants, it’s often the women who spend a lot of time collecting them and have a lot of traditional knowledge about plants and their medicinal uses.' Annie agrees, saying that, 'We separate out man and woman. We teach the young girls, and the men teach the young boys.'

As a result, women choosing to work with bush medicine is no coincidence.

While their awareness of plants—one that goes back tens-of-thousands of years—has sustained generations, Jacko says the prevalence of illnesses in their communities, due to lifestyle factors and chronic diseases, stressed the need for such a program. Bush medicines are in popular demand and the Yiriman women saw an opportunity to help their community and themselves through cultural healing.

Jacqueline Shoveller (Jacko) and her mother Sylvia using a steam distillation unit.

Jacko with the new Yiriman Women company car.

Jacko talks me through her own story: 'I used to be a young girl running wild… but when I started focussing on the Yiriman Project and started hanging with the old women more, it was good,' Jacko says.

'That’s what made me feel strong; the old people saying who I am, where I come from and what we are doing here.'

For Jacko, working with "bush mirrijin" or bush medicine plants, has helped her to find new faith in her strength as a woman and raised the prospects of a future in which she can walk a path of healing with other women and have a say in her own destiny. Now backed by a solid business plan, the Bush Enterprises program has an 18-month plan to support women to develop bush foods and plants into a cultural economy.

Jacko tells me that the bush medicine enterprise draws on an Indigenous perspective that Western medicine sometimes just isn’t enough for Aboriginal

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people. She says that many people either don’t like to take medication, or are simply overwhelmed by the process of taking numerous pills and tablets many times throughout the day, every day. Jacko is adamant that Aboriginal people want to continue to use traditional bush medicine.

The benefits of a bush plant industry are not just the creation of a good end product for the community. Participating in all parts of the production is an essential part of the healing process for everybody. The Yiriman process, including the collection of plants out on country, is very inclusive.

'People feel better, more at home, on country,' Jacko says. 'That’s part of healing on country. Not only making bush medicine, taking kids and learning this and that, but also for people who might have mental illness or have some sort of sickness who want to get out of town life, it’s good for them. I feel like I get healed on country. When I’m stressed and I go

Robyn Wells, Shirley Spratt and Jacko. out, there’s just nothing inside of me. I feel so empty and free of stress.'

Yiriman Women acknowledges the t r a u m a o f A b o r i g i n a l wo m e n . T h e women who are commited to, and recieve support from Yiriman, know that they are healing themselves and making themselves stronger.

"right" relationships with each other. That starts with nurturing a good relationship with yourself; then your family; then your community; and then going out to the wider community.'

In this way, she says, 'Yiriman is both healing and empowering.'

Robyn, a long-term resident of Broome who has been working alongside Yiriman Women for many years, says it is impossible for women to become empowered without having been healed first. She explains the Yiriman model of knowledge-based learning:

While Robyn provides support and technical skills, such as sourcing scientific information that supports their traditional knowledge, or showing them methods of collecting and preserving plant material, and developing recipes, she insists that part of her role is 'to listen really carefully and not take up too much space.'

'The bush enterprises are based on strong cultural knowledge, shared between older women and younger women. Teaching, learning and healing happen on country.

On a personal level, it is about developing stronger relationships, having what’s called

Robyn describes Jacko as being passionate about bush plants: 'She practises her skills at home; she runs with her own ideas about how to make products; she works with the Women Rangers as well, so she is increasing her knowledge across

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environmental areas at the same time.

To watch her now, going into schools and delivering information about plants, making up creams and ointments; traveling over the Kimberley and… passing on techniques for other women to start using bush medicines… she’s a legend!'

Robyn says she has no doubt that the bush plant industry is a ‘dynamic, growing industry’ and insists that it needs to have Aboriginal-run enterprises at its heart. What makes the Yiriman model so important, according to her, is that Yiriman women retain full control of the product, developing it to whatever degree they want to, and that they retain the economic and personal healing benefits

of that project, on all levels.

She insists, 'This is their business. Yiriman women will be at the front and centre of the marketing and distribution of their product, so that the power remains with them; the money and the social benefits remain with them.'

Jacko seems struck by the question of where she sees herself and Yiriman Women Bush Enterprises in ten years’ time; but after a pause she asserts, 'Everybody is always talking about the bush medicine we’re making and they’re all wanting it. We might have our own shop one day! Lots of shops!'

To find more information about the Yiriman Project: http://www.yirimanwomen.org/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/YirimanWomen/ To contact them: yirimanwomen@westnet.com.au.

Jacko and Shirley.

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Author: Luisa Mitchell and Jo Newman Layout and art: Sally Henderson

SALLY RIDE, LGBTQI+ SCIENTISTS, and WO M E N I N S T E M :

WHAT INSPIRED AN ILLUSTRATION.

Sally Ride, born 26th May 1951, was the f irst American woman in space and the third woman in space overall. She was (and remains to be) the youngest American astronaut to have travelled to space, having first flown in 1983 at the age of 32. She was an astronaut, physicist, and engineer.

S h e wa s t h e o n ly p e r s o n t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n b o t h o f t h e c o m m i t t e e s t h a t investigated the Challenger and Columbia space shuttle disasters. She led a long and illustrious career, f irst with NASA , and later as a university physics professor. She was presented with multiple awards and honours throughout her life, and was included in a 2017 LEGO set featuring the Women of NASA. Sally Ride also happened to be gay.

Fo r C u r t i n g r a p h i c d e s i g n e r S a l l y Henderson, Ride was an outstanding role model deserving of an illustration, which is featured opposite. Athena sat down with Henderson to talk about the ‘other Sally’, and why Ride inspired her so much.

Henderson was inspired by Ride’s story about a queer woman who, while she wasn’t openly gay to the public, defied society’s expectations of her and became an extremely successful astronaut, academic and philanthropist.

“I think I’d heard about her as a kid, growing up,” says Henderson, “But it was only this year that I heard that she was gay. I think she was quite private about her personal life.

She was with her partner for like 27 years or something, which is amazing. It’s kind of inspiring to see successful gay people, because I identify as bisexual myself; and she was the first known LGBT person in space! I’m proud of her.”

Henderson explains her own history of studying in a science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM) field, before she became a graphic designer, and how the lack of women in those roles meant she struggled to find role-models who she could identify with and be inspired by. She says she was also initially drawn to Ride’s story because they shared the same first name, and because of their shared experiences as queer women.

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“Before I was doing graphic design I was actually doing aviation. There weren’t a lot of women in that field—I think in my classes there were like three—so it was inspiring to see women doing engineering and things like that. Ride’s story was new to me, and the fact that she was gay just made it so much more unique and special; and by drawing this illustration, I wanted to let other queer people know that they can be just as successful—to spread the word and inspire others.”

Ride died of pancreatic cancer in July 2012 at the age of 61, but she continues to motivate young women to pursue STEM careers through her lengthy list of achievements. In 2013, the Space Foundation posthumously awarded Ride the General James E. Hill Lifetime Space Achievement Award, which is given to individuals who have contributed to the betterment of humankind through their involvement in space research and technologies. In 2014, the US Navy named a research ship after her, and she was also inducted into the Legacy Walk, which celebrates LGBTQI+ history and people.

Last year, she was represented in a Google Doodle for International Women’s Day, and this year in 2018, the US Postal Service issued a Sally Ride stamp. She has even inspired pop culture artists, like queer musician Janelle Monae, who dedicated a song to the astronaut, simply called:

‘Sally Ride.’

Since Ride became the first American woman to go to space, 50 women have followed in her footsteps. Furthermore, at least 50 per cent of the last class of astronauts trained at NASA have been women. These point to huge leaps made for gender equality in space.

Today, women are continuing to achieve great things in space and in STEM. One only has to scan through the latest news to see why: in August this year, seven young Argentinian women wo n t h e t o p p r i z e i n a NASA competition to create an original space settlement design; a Melbourneborn girl, Amelia Fox, will get to visit NASA’s headquarters after she won the ‘littleBIGidea’ competition with an invention designed to help people who are wheelchair-bound; and, despite racist cyberbullying, three African-American girls received a $4000 grant to continue working on their science project that aims to remove lead from tap water.

Last, but not least, who could forget Alyssa Carson, the 17-year-old set on becoming the first human to go to Mars? Alyssa is already receiving suit training, underwater survival training, and microgravity training to achieve that goal.

But success has not always been easy to come by for women in space and in STEM. Ride represented a launch into gender equality for women at the time, but she faced various hurdles to get there. Some

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people could not see how women would be able to handle the extreme difficulties that came with working as an astronaut.

Ride was asked by journalists if her flight into space would affect her reproductive organs; another reporter asked if she ‘wept’ during work.

Other questions revolved around her desire to have children and if she would wear makeup in space. But Ride was adamant that her gender did not define her; she saw herself as a hardworking astronaut more so than any other aspect of her identity.

Ride was asked by journalists if her flight into space would affect her reproductive organs; another reporter asked if she 'wept' during work.

According to a New York Times article, Ride didn’t seek fame or to make history; all she wanted was to fly and soar into space.

Yet Ride also understood that it was important to recognise her experience as a woman. In an interview for the Academy of Achievement, she said that, “Out of roughly 4,000 technical employees at the Johnson Space Centre, I think there were only four women, so that gives you a sense of how male[-dominated] the culture was.”

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However, the co-author of the 2017 scholarly report, ‘Choice of Majors: Are Women Really Different from Men?’, Adriana D. Kugler, argues that the constant portrayal of STEM careers as being maledominated, however true, upholds this very system by making it seem daunting and unattractive to women. “Society keeps telling us that STEM fields are masculine fields, that we need to increase the participation of women in STEM fields, but that kind of sends a signal that it’s not a field for women, and it kind of works against keeping women in these fields,” she says.

Women often choose not to pursue a career in STEM-related areas because of how these careers are portrayed negatively in the media, and the negative stereotypes associated with engineers and scientists. They are also discouraged by the institutional framing of these careers, which reinforce their apparent masculine nature. As a result, while women make up roughly 50 per cent of the population in the United States, the numbers of women graduating from engineering studies there have only risen from 1 per cent in 1971, to 20 per cent in 2006. It’s an improvement, but arguably, we still have a long way to go.

S o , w h a t ’s b e i n g d o n e t o i m p rove diversity in STEM? Well, initiatives like ‘500 Queer Scientists’ are instrumental in countering the detrimental homogenous narratives in STEM. The campaign aims to promote LGBTQI+ people in STEM jobs, by ensuring the community has as

many queer role models as possible and creating more opportunities for them to make connections and find work in these fields.

At a policymaking level, the Australian Federal Government has also revealed a 10-year plan as a part of the 2018-19 Budget to boost the numbers of women in STEM. The aim is to create gender equity for STEM areas and increase Australia’s scientific strength and research capabilities. The Minister for Women, Kelly O’Dwyer, says that there are already many women working in STEM who are extremely talented and contributing to this process.

Kugler also points out that not everything is as bad as it seems, revealing that not all STEM fields are male-dominated; while more men are found in computer science and physics, women are actually dominating numbers-wise in neurobiology, environmental biology and global health biology. Kugler asserts that this perception of STEM being maledominated needs to change to encourage more women to participate.

This process begins in early education.

According to Ride, her extraordinary story was made possible by having teachers who always encouraged her to continue studying mathematics and science in school. These were the subjects that would eventually nurture her passion for physics and space research. Many years after she had been working in the field, Ride wrote several books that encouraged

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children to study science, and her establishment of the Sally Ride Science (SRS) organisation focussed on calling for young people, particularly girls, to pursue STEM studies.

The SRS released an honourary statement after Ride’s passing, speaking fondly of her character and her contribution to the sciences: “Sally lived her life to the fullest, with boundless energy, curiosity, intelligence, passion, commitment and love.

Her integrity was absolute; her spirit was immeasurable; her approach to life was fearless.”

Ride wasn’t just an inspiration for women; she was an inspiration for the LGBTQI+ community as a whole. The queer community have long pointed out that they lack representation and inclusivity in STEM workplaces: it is estimated that they are 21 per cent less likely to be represented in STEM fields. Sexual minorities are believed to drop out of STEM studies at far higher rates than their heterosexual colleagues. Like women and other minority groups, LGBTQI+ people believe that increasing diversity brings about more positive representation and will foster different perspectives and input into scientific research, which could ultimately improve the quality of science itself.

So, when Curtin artist Henderson heard the call-out from Athena looking for artworks by and about women, there was only one iconic inspiration that sprang to her mind: Ride, the first woman, and known queer person, to go to space. She set to work designing a piece that she felt captured the beauty and strength of a woman like Ride. And though one Sally’s journey has ended, another is just beginning.

“I’d love to do more artwork about Sally [Ride] in the future,” Henderson says. “I’d love to get some more interesting perspectives on her... I just think she’s really cool.”

And in her own artistic future? “A lot of gay,” Henderson asserts.

“A lot of gay. It’s great to put that out there into the world.”

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ONLY 65% OF HETERO WOMEN USUALLY-TOALWAYS ORGASM FROM SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

Author: Luisa Mitchell Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

What I am about to say may shock you… Or, perhaps, you won’t be very surprised at all.

It turns out that straight and bisexual women aren’t having many orgasms.

A recent study (Frederick, John, Garcia, & Lloyd, 2018, p. 273-288) found that in a survey of over 50,000 adults in the United States—which included heterosexual men and women, gay men and lesbian women, and bisexual men and women— straight women lose out when it comes to pleasure in the bedroom.

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95 per cent of heterosexual men said they usually-to-always orgasm when they are sexually intimate with a partner, followed by 89 per cent of homosexual men, and coming in close, 88 per cent of bisexual men; lesbian women also seem to enjoy higher rates, with 86 per cent reporting the same levels of sexual satisfaction.

A n d t h e n , l i ke t h e Titanic sinking miserably to the bottom of the freezing North-Atlantic Ocean, straight and bisexual women’s rates of experiencing an orgasm drops substantially. 66 per cent of bisexual women and only 65 per cent of heterosexual women usually-to-always orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse.

According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour, 91 per cent of men and 64 per cent of women aged 18-59 reported orgasm in their most recent sexual encounter.

W h i l e o r g a s m i n g d u r i n g s e x i s n’ t absolutely everyone’s end-game during intercourse, it is something that most of us look forward to at the end of our sexual experience—and yet many women are not getting there.

The women who are orgasming frequently, the study reveals, are those who receive lots of down-under action (oral sex) or who

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spend longer having sex in general. In fact, an Australian survey shows that only 50 per cent of women who orgasmed in their last sexual relationship had experienced vaginal sex alone, while those women who experienced vaginal sex, manual stimulation (rubbing of the clitoris) and oral sex during the one encounter, jumped up to 86 per cent who had orgasmed as result.

Another factor is a no-brainer; those who were satisfied with their partners in other areas of their relationships were also more likely to be satisfied with their fun-times behind closed doors. So, men—showing you appreciate your partner in other ways, like doing the dishes, organising datenights, and cooking your partner dinner, will be justly rewarded!

Athena spoke to some fellow women on Curtin campus who came forward

new activities—not including sex—but it really makes a difference. It increases the bond you have, which becomes very apparent in the bedroom. However, sometimes it just ends with you having sex in a national park."

Leaving national-park-sex-stories for another time, and perhaps another article, the study also reveals that reaching a climax for women has been helped by them asking for what they wanted before and during sex. Women pointed out what worked for them and showed their partners what to do.

If straight and bisexual women are not orgasming as much, this points to a saddening reality; women are often not comfortable enough, or feel that they do not have enough power, to voice their preferences and demand equality in the bedroom.

WO M E N O F T E N VA LU E T H E I R PA RT N E R ' S O R G A S M M O R E T H A N T H E I R OW N

anonymously and expressed similar sentiments and stories to these findings:

Or, perhaps, women do not know what

"I can’t agree with this enough. My partner and I are always trying to improve our relationship. That might mean just talking to each other, or even trying

what we like, then how can we expect to

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their own preferences are. If we don’t know get the right treatment from our partners?

So, first-things-first: self-love and having open, clear relationships.

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One student agreed, and elaborated: ‘Talking about what you want—even with casual sex partners—should never be discounted. My partner and I have always had good sex, but as we’ve grown closer and more connected the experience has only gotten better. I know his body and he knows mine, and that’s because we talk about what we like—even the small stuff—and I think this has really contributed to a better sexual experience for both of us.’

A n o t h e r r e c e n t s t u d y ( Ko n t u l a & Miettinen, 2016, p. 219) shows that the key to orgasming lies in valuing and understanding our own sexual desires, having more confidence in our sexual capabilities and desirability, and, of course, being open with our partners about what we want. Couples who are not orgasming much during sex are not communicating properly; so, go home tonight and talk to your partners. According to this study, kissing and cuddling doesn’t hurt either.

Unfortunately, a major hurdle to this is that women often value their partner’s orgasm more than their own. A mental shift needs to occur where we place just as much value on our own bodies, our own sexuality, and our own orgasm.

Women who reported orgasming more, according to the initial study (Frederick et al., 2018), show that in addition to receiving vaginal sex, they were also more likely to wear sexy lingerie; have more foreplay; try new positions and anal stimulation; play-out sexual fantasies; talk dirty; and express love—saying something like, ‘I love you’, can really tickle our pickles.

But this isn’t always as simple as it sounds, according to another female student:

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‘Depending on your personality, or that of your partner, this can be hard. Doing things that make you feel vulnerable— like talking dirty—can be hard. My partner gets a little embarrassed when expressing himself sexually, so over time I have started to slip a little bit of dirty talk into general conversation—like a compliment about the last time we had sex or something similar—and this has made him more comfortable with receiving and giving sexual compliments.

Now he’ll occasionally talk dirty to me during sex.’

Another woman relates to this: ‘I had a one-night stand with an older man who was more confident than I was. He asked me what I liked and how he should treat me, and I honestly didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t comfortable or confident enough to say how I felt; and to be honest, I probably didn’t really know the answer to that question myself, then.’

The stand-out exception in the survey’s results is, of course, that lesbian women orgasm more than straight women. They are the only group of women who report relatively high levels of orgasm; in fact, they are 3 times more likely to orgasm than straight women.

The reason why lesbian women might be living their sexual lives to the fullest might be because they know what their partners are more likely to enjoy, due to their own understanding of their sexuality and the female’s body. A fellow hetero thought this made complete sense: ‘Let’s be honest, the clitoris is an almost mythical creature. You know how your body works better than anyone, so it’s not surprising that same-sex couples experience more orgasm.’

Straight women, on the other hand, must contend with male partners, who either don’t understand what a woman enjoys, or who overestimate their partner’s levels of satisfaction.

For instance, one-third of men incorrectly believe most women orgasm from vaginal sex alone. They also overestimate how often women are orgasming: 33 per cent of straight women reported they usually-to-always orgasm, while straight men believed their partners orgasmed 41 per cent of the time.

So, unfortunately, heterosexual men might be assuming their partner’s feeling fantastic, but that just might not the be case—and that’s where the responsibility of both men and women to communicate with each other comes in to play.

It begs the question: how low have we sunk as a society that women are faking their orgasm’s so as to end a less-thanadequate sexual experience? How did women find themselves in these situations where they may not have even wanted to have sex in the first place, but felt powerless or voiceless to say to so; and then in order to get out of there, faked their own pleasure?

One girl tells me about a “faking-it” experience that a lot of women can relate to:

In other cases, men might not be valuing the orgasm of their partner enough to really make it happen. One woman related to feeling this way:

‘I’ve been in a situation where I have wanted to have sex with a person, and then half-way through I changed my mind, because I just wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t comfortable enough with this person or confident enough at the time to voice this.

My orgasm seemed too important to him, that I felt like I had to fake it to get out of this situation.

‘I have had so many experiences where guys didn’t expect me to orgasm at all. Or when I did, they thought it was my first time and they saw themselves as my sexual saviour, or something [laughs].’

On the other hand, I have been in situations where a man has felt he let me down because he was unable to orgasm himself. I think this comes down to our inherent desire to please others.’

Another woman indulges us with some differing advice: ‘Ladies, don’t be afraid to move a hand that is in the wrong place or jump on top! I’ve never met a man who didn’t want me to orgasm; sometimes they just need a little assistance.’

These questions of why we feel we need to fake it, and the pressures of pleasing our partners, are not answered in great detail in this study, unfortunately. It is an area that requires more in-depth research into how our society and our culture is resulting in such uncomfortable and unfair sexual experiences for women.

But men’s higher estimation of themselves in their orgasm-inducing capabilities may be due to women “faking” orgasms, says the study; and there are a number of reasons why we do it. Women “fake” an orgasm because they love their partner and/or want to protect their self-esteem; when they are intoxicated; or when they just want to end the sexual encounter.

The study does, however, say that, ‘The stigma against women expressing sexual desire and the pressure on men to take an active role during sexual activity can prevent couples from engaging in the behaviours that are most likely to elicit orgasm in women (Frederick et al., 284).’

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In other words, the researchers admit that there is a culture of shame surrounding women who are sexually empowered; and that women need to take control in the bedroom, demand more of their partners, and find out what they enjoy best, to realise their own goals of pleasure.

The women who do seem to be realising this goal are women who are older and more educated; these ladies seem to be orgasming more because they are more comfortable with their sexualities, and they know what they want and how to get it. So, yes, your mum is probably enjoying herself more than you are. Why is this?

Another social factor influencing the lack of orgasm amongst women is that many of them are dissatisfied with their appearance or their weight, and are thus more self-conscious during sex. Their lack of confidence due to body dissatisfaction interferes with the ability to orgasm.

This is a part of a bigger-picture problem surrounding the immense pressure put on women by the media, pornography, and other institutions, to look a certain way to be considered sexually desirable.

‘I think this comes down to being more comfortable and confident in yourself and with your body. As a young woman, I put all of these ridiculous and unfair expectations on myself. The truth is that whoever you’re having sex with wants to know what feels good for you. Often, they want to please you as much as you want to please them, and if they don’t—or if they make you feel bad about voicing your feelings—then they aren’t deserving of your sexual prowess.’

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We all want—and sometimes need—to be told that we’re sexy, especially during sex. Encourage your partner to give you compliments during sex, and make sure to return the favour. The more your partner voices their attraction to you, the more confident you will feel during sex, and your body is going to react with pleasure accordingly.

The study also tried to explain why men and women orgasm at different rates on a biological level. The male orgasm

is linked to ejaculation and procreation, which encourages having little miniversions of themselves running around.

On the other hand, the female orgasm functions to promote reproduction with males with heritable traits associated with attractiveness or health, which can be passed onto offspring; for instance, women are typically more attracted to taller, stronger men, and so their pleasure is associated with passing on these certain characteristics to their children. In this sense, the female orgasm is more sensitive to context and partner characteristics.

So, basically, we finally know why we love setting up candles, putting on music and showering our partners with praise!

But, really, the secret to achieving an orgasm for women is basically about demanding equality in the bedroom. Don’t settle for less than what your partner is expecting; chase that orgasm by telling them what you want and how they are best going to achieve it. Most of your sexual partners will (and should) want you to feel pleasure too; they just might need a little (or a lot) of direction on how to get there.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE YOUR SEX AND ORGASM STORIES WITH ‘ATHENA’, AND HEAR MORE FROM US, 47 GET IN TOUCH WITH GROK@GUILD.CURTIN.EDU.AU.

O 5 O 5 O 5 O 5 O 5 O 5

Author: Amber Joy Weir

Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

SHOULD WE BE PUTTING A NUMBER ON EQUALITY? In early September, California announced that it was on its way to becoming the first North American state to mandate gender diversity in companies at board level.

The state senate approved a bill on August 30th requiring that California headquartered businesses—ones that were publicly traded f irms—were to have at least one woman on their boards by the end of 2019. By the end of 2021, women would need to fill at least 40 per cent of board seats.

California is not the first to implement gender quotas, nor will they be the last.

The idea was first pioneered in Norway (of course it was—those damn progressive Scandinavian countries).

Back in 2008 Norway mandated that l i s t e d c o m p a n i e s n e e d e d t o h ave at least 40 per cent of board seats occupied by women or they could potentially be dissolved. That was ten years ago—and it didn’t work.

W hile the quota held benef its for motivated women who were already in high level positions, it did little for

women who served at the bottom of the corporate-world hierarchy. The policy promised to lead to increased career opportunities and promotions for women in lower-to-middle level positions, yet it failed to deliver. The policy also fell short on its aim to provide better remuneration packages and a decreased gender pay gap.

This is because gender quotas for executive boards don’t help women on the lower levels—which is where the majority of women are sitting—but rather, these policies serve to benefit the elite.

Despite Norway’s findings, numerous countries across the globe have implemented gender quota policies.

As a woman, I have mixed feelings about this.

On one hand (let’s say my left), I know that quotas will inherently increase the representation of women in upper management, and that feels good. But on the other hand, I feel like achieving equality can only be achieved with a change in culture, and I’m not sure that a quota will help us get there.

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5 5 5

O 5 5O O 5 5O O 5 O

Quotas improve performance—or do they?

Several reasons to implement gender quotas have been put forward by companies, the most obvious and important of which is the promotion of gender diversity in the workplace. But another reason has been doing the rounds.

S o m e d i ve r s i t y a d vo c a t e s c l a i m t h a t i n c r e a s i n g t h e representation of women in senior-leadership positions will lift companies’ performance.

While some short-term studies have found a correlation between increased female representation on boards and better returns, causation has been hard to prove. Long-term studies that have compared the performance of companies before and after introducing gender quotas have been inconclusive—with some producing positive results and others negative.

In short, it is too early to determine the impact of gender quotas on companies’ performance.

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Do quotas encourage dishonesty?

One research paper (Maggian & Montinari, 2017) looks at whether gender quotas have spill-over effects, possibly encouraging unethical behaviour.

tournament, regardless of their overall ranking among the twelve individuals— put simply, the two best-performing women would always be in the top four.

The researchers conducted an experiment by placing six men and six women in a subject group and having them play a number of competitive exercises. The individuals did the exercises on their own, but all results were compared to determine the top four individuals—all results were self-reported.

They found that while gender quotas did not affect the subsequent unethical b e h av i o r o f wo m e n o r m e n , m o re competitive and high-performing females could potentially be more dishonest in the workplace than their male counterparts.

The exercise was completed once without a quota, and again with a quota in place. The quota stipulated that at least two women had to be among the four winners of the

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The results of the study suggested that high performing women, when experiencing and choosing a competitive environment, are more prone than men to lie to increase their payoff, solely on the presence of a gender quota.

Before you judge these women, it is important to note that there is still a huge disparity of women in senior executive positions and on corporate boards in Australia. In 2014, the Workplace Gender Equality Agency found that even though females make up 48 per cent of all employees in WGEA reporting organisations, only 35.4 per cent of those are managers, with an even smaller 13.5 percent of those women being CEOs.

Ac ro s s p u b l i c l y l i s t e d a n d p r i va t e companies that do not report to WGEA, the numbers are significantly lower.

Among the ASX200—which represents the 200 largest public companies by market capitalisation listed on the

O 5 5O O 5 5O O 5 Australian Stock Exchange—only 5.75 per cent of chairs and CEOs are women.

That is astonishing.

Where are all the women?

In Australia, there are higher percentages of women graduating with university degrees now than men. So why aren’t they making their way to the top?

For a start, many women drop out of the workforce and the pursuit to achieve higher-up positions to have children. This is not to say that unconscious or conscious bias doesn’t play a part— because it definitely does—however the fact of the matter is that the large percentage of women leaving work to have children, means that there are more men than women in the workforce.

The Organisation for Economic Co-operation & Development reports that Australian women aged between 25 and 54 years with children only tend to work part-time. That is, if they decide to come back to work at all. Women between the ages of 25 and 54 with children have lower employment rates than women without children.

This statistic may shed some light on the reason for the 20 per cent gender pay gap between men and women aged 45-54, and the 16.9 per cent pay gap between those aged 55 and over.

Women in these age groups have more often than not spent time out of the workforce to engage in unpaid parental care. During that time, their male equivalents have received more promotional opportunities, and so are more likely to be in senior leadership positions. When these women return to the workforce, they sometimes find themselves victims of unconscious bias—with many of them possibly working in an environment that does not provide flexible working arrangements. Because of this they feel they have to make a choice between their career or being a parent. These factors all contribute to the large difference in remuneration between men and women.

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O 5 5O O 5 O 5 O O 5 O 5 O The impact of quotas on women

We are told that gender quotas will help women, but is this true?

The answer is a complicated yes-no.

A recent study looked at whether gender quotas increased public support for women as political leaders (Allen & Cutts, 2018). Using data from 48 countries they found that for women, the presence of a gender quota had positively impacted attitudes towards women as political leaders. Additionally, they presented that these quotas—whether voluntary or legally mandated—enhances support for women in politics.

However, other studies believe that quotas are a doing disservice to women, concluding that the pressure of quotas has resulted in the quick promotion of younger and less experienced women.

One study found that this led to younger boards with less collective experience, which led to a decline in their organisation’s operating performance.

Most studies conclude that the effects of having women in leadership positions depend on the qualifications of these women—but surely the same can be said for men. If women are hired on a short timeframe as a result of these quotas, the chosen candidate might be the wrong person for the job, potentially giving the push for gender parity a bad reputation.

Are we really addressing the issue?

If you ask Australian CEOs and senior executives about gender equality, twothirds of them will tell you that it is needed. But if you push them further, they often can’t describe why they believe it is important. Maybe that’s the real problem.

Too often I have heard the phrase, “she got

To create and implement long-term change, you need to believe in the cause.

It is not enough to implement a quota, and expect that gender equality will follow.

receiving positions based on their gender,

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the job because she is a woman”.

Whether or not it was true, it highlights a potential problem with gender quotas.

If men feel like women are unjustly this will only worsen the divide between men and women in the workplace—the very problem that we are trying to fix.

How can we really create gender equality in the workplace?

Here are some steps we can take to create a more gender equal workplace:

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1. Educate employees on the implications of unconscious bias and why diversity is important In order to remove unconscious bias, you need to understand what it is. Becoming aware and more mindful of ones’ unconscious bias is not easy, and sometimes it involves difficult conversations— conversations that we need to be having.

Businesses leaders need to make gender diversity and inclusion a priority, and they can’t do this unless they bring all employees into the conversation. Companies’ must find a way to engage employees productively and help them understand why diversity is important, and how they can play an important role in helping to foster change. Diversity goals and initiatives need to be at the heart of business objectives, and upper management must to be held accountable. In order for progress to be made, it needs to occur at each job level, and all employees need to be conscious of diversity and inclusion when making employment and business decisions.

2. Identify what barriers women are facing

Companies that have low (or non-existent) levels of women in senior roles need to figure out why women are facing certain barriers that have prevented them from applying for, or being successful, in acquiring those particular roles.

It may be that a majority of women don’t feel like they meet the requirements of the job. That doesn’t mean that those requirements need to be changed, but it suggests that perhaps companies should consider broader types of experiences when reviewing job applications—essentially opening up the criteria to allow more people to believe they can apply. This is not only beneficial to the position but to the company.

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3. Provide staff with mentors Both men and women will face numerous hurdles throughout their careers, so having access to an experienced mentor to seek advice from—whether it be on how to ask for a pay rise or how to tackle issues of inequality—is invaluable.

We can’t solve gender inequality solely by focusing only on women. Businesses must focus on both genders when implementing initiatives such as providing mentors; failure to do so is likely to have reduced results.

4. Be flexible and encourage parental leave for fathers

O 5 5O O 5 O

As mothers tend to be the primary caregiver, a lack of available childcare support can often be a barrier to women trying to advance their careers. Companies need to allow for flexible working arrangements to allow for parents to pick up their children from afterschool care, or even potentially work from home.

They should also promote parental leave for fathers, as this will allow women with children to invest more time into their careers.

What’s the verdict?

Gender inequality in the workplace needs to be addressed with long-term, equality-driven measures—not quick fixes.

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Businesses need to educate their employees on the benefits of diversity, and help them understand where unconscious bias might be playing a role in preventing women from reaching leadership positions. In companies experiencing a lack of diversity, let’s figure out why that is, and how we can address the issue. We need to provide employees with a support network which includes access to mentors, and provide flexible working arrangements that enable working mothers to thrive in the workplace.

Gender quotas are a start, but they’re not enough—we need to do more, because it’s important that we get this right.

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R

G N I N UN

ON

D L E I F

YING A L P S TO Y A W P AT H

W

FL A S ’ N OME

Author and layout: Ellysia Burton Photographs: Thomas Campbell

The introduction of the Australian Football League Women’s (AFLW) has not only brought equality to Australia’s favourite game, but it has also established new pathways for girls and women to find their place in the sport.

With two seasons of AFLW done and dusted, there is still a long way to go before the women’s game has the same standing in respect and popularity as the men’s; but at least for now, young girls can have strong role models to look up to as potential visions of what their future and their passions can look like. While there has always been a place for girls to play with junior clubs, being accepted by teammates and supporters in a maledominated sport is another matter. The introduction of high school girl’s football teams brought an opportunity for girls to

play together and enjoy football in a more encouraging environment; but what was missing, however, was a final competition to work towards and a path for their passion. Now, with the introduction of the AFLW, we are being introduced to players who have come from a variety of pathways and backgrounds to achieve their dream of making football their career.

A woman who has experienced this first hand is talented North Melbourne player Emma King, who says that, “I never felt out of place. I had the support of my parents to play with the boys, the support of the

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E m m a K in g club and from my parents who were involved. Even friends and families I came across were in fact more surprised and excited, than upset by the fact that a girl was keeping up with the boys and sticking it to them.

The struggle for acceptance came from the boys I played with and against. Around the time of Under 14’s I felt the judgement from my teammates. Nothing was said to my face, but I felt it was evident on the field, because I was overlooked as an option, as though I wasn’t on the field.”

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King was the number one draft pick in 2015 for the AFLW Exhibition Game playing with the Western Bulldogs, which was a series of test matches before the creation of the full AFLW seasons. She has since proven herself as one of the strongest rucks in the competition.

But King’s talent has long been a part of her reputation, ever since she was an adolescent; she was made exempt from the rules at age 14 so that she could play with the Senior Women’s League. However, King explains this wasn’t easy, and she had it lucky in her experience, saying,

'Unfortunately, this is a common story for many of these girls playing in junior mixed football teams. There is always an expiry date to their time playing there.

The decision of when a girl should no longer play in a mixed team is usually determined by her age, how talented she is with the football, and her ability to hold herself against the boys in her team and opposing teams. The final decision is made by parents and club officials who discuss all of these factors, and in particular, address how well the girl fits in with her team, which is considered to be the most important factor.'

Yet, despite these challenges, and before she had the AFLW to aspire to play for, it was King’s passion and love for the game itself that kept her playing: 'I genuinely didn’t feel like I would never be able to play at the highest level of footy. A bit naive, but I believed that. I had supportive people around me who allowed me to believe that if I was willing and able, and competing with the boys, then there was no reason as to why I couldn’t achieve my dreams of playing AFL. And through the women’s league to now—I play and continue to play because it makes me happy. I believe if something makes you happy, why stop?'

Where does she see herself going in the years to come? Not stopping, that’s for sure.

King says that, 'For myself, I hope I can stay at the top of my game and compete for as long as possible at AFLW level. Obviously winning a premiership would be great, but that’ll come with the right group and formula to pull it off.

“I HAD COACHES WHO BELIEVED IF I WAS A GOOD ENOUGH PLAYER, I WAS TREATED LIKE THAT—NOT AS A 'GIRL IN A BOYS’ TEAM’.” SHE ADMITS THAT, “THE HARDEST PART WOULD’VE BEEN THE TRANSITION FROM JUNIOR BOYS TO OPEN WOMEN’S. I WAS 14 YEARS OLD AND IF I WANTED TO CONTINUE TO PLAY FOOTBALL, I HAD TO JOIN A WOMEN’S TEAM— WHERE WOMEN UP TO THE AGE OF 36 WERE PLAYING... THIS WAS QUITE FRIGHTENING FOR A 14-YEAR-OLD.”

'For the league—I hope it one day becomes something that women can strive towards

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Ashtyn Cowie, Kiara Bowers, Emma King, Aimee Schmidt (left to right)

as a profession. Something that they can live off—whether it’s full-time or parttime—and just something that allows females to find a balance in life and sport and everything in between.'

Another pathway into the AFLW was the development of a girl’s youth football c o m p e t i t i o n , wh i c h c re a t e d a n ew nurturing environment that allowed girls to focus on each of their strengths and weaknesses in the game without presenting too many external challenges.

Two-time West Australian Women’s Football League (WAWFL) Fairest and Best Winner, Ashton Hill has taken this particular pathway to achieve her own football career. Hill started playing in high

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school teams and later participated in the first inaugural Youth Girl’s Competition in 2013, before graduating to a reserves team. She credits this step-up in the footy ladder for the lack of negative attitudes or responses she might have received towards her football aspiration, saying, 'I started playing in Year 10 and everyone loved it; they were all pretty supportive. Coming from playing footy in school, then going into the Youth Girl’s, all allowed me to develop my skills and knowledge of the game further with girls who were also learning the game.'

She echoes a sentiment that many other players have made, who have experienced the women’s competition.

A sh to n H ill Hill explains how and why she kept pushing year after year for recognition of her female teammates and the women’s football culture at her club: 'I think it’s a combination of pure simple love for the game, along with the great people that you meet who become almost like your second family.'

Hill is currently training with both the West Coast Eagles and Fremantle Dockers Talent Academies. Her future looks bright, and she has no intention of slowing down yet, saying that, 'I just want to keep enjoying my footy and keep improving and gaining more experience in the game.

I hope the competition and the pathway for female football continues to grow so that more and more girls are able to play.'

However, discrimination and prejudices are not the only challenges women face entering this game. Like with any sport, players risk receiving injuries due to forceful impact. While there are many injuries the players can bounce back from and with the right training, prevent, there

are some injuries that can be careerending. Within the AFL, the most dreaded injury is on a player’s ACL, or anterior cruciate ligament; it’s only a small muscle in the knee, but it can have a huge impact on the ability of players to continue in the sport.

However, when one door closes, another one opens, and for Naomi Bowran that was in the form of an assistant coaching position. After many years of playing in the game, Bowran tore her ACL and never went back to play. She admitted that after the incident she had never thought about coaching before, and her only sentiments regarding it were, in her own words, 'Negative.' She wouldn’t consider taking the position, because 'at the time as I was only 19, I was so focused on playing.'

But thanks to an insightful club president at West Perth Women’s Football Club— Dave Burton—the opportunity to do her coaching courses was presented to her as a way to continue her love and passion for the game in a different capacity.

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Bowran recounts her story: 'I came back down to West Perth after doing my knee and just started helping out and teaching—those who can’t do, teach, or so the quote goes— and then it was Dave who suggested that I do my Level One and properly come on board as an assistant coach… the rest is history.'

For the girls and women playing, having a woman like Bowran in a leadership role within a club and supporting them through their learning is hugely influential and beneficial. Combining her knowledge and experience of how to overcome an injury, and her sheer love for the game and players, she is a force to be reckoned with.

As for the AFLW competition as a whole, she hopes it can move from strength to strength to hold their own against the men’s AFL. 'I would love to see all West Australian Football League (WAFL) clubs aligned with a women’s team and for the AFLW season to be longer.

'But mostly I just want the pathway from ‘Little Tackers’ to AFLW to be clear and well designed, so that the sport can grow to a high-level and high-skill competition for women.'

It is clear that, although there are many players that have come from different backgrounds and through different pathways, there is one thing that remains the same: the love the girls have for the game and each other.

The future of the AFLW is shining bright, and with a clear pathway for the next generation of young girls to follow—and with amazing women like King, Hill and Bowran to inspire them—there is no stopping other strong and talented girls from rising up to star alongside them.

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HER FOCUS IS ABOUT HELPING GIRLS FULFIL THEIR POTENTIAL: “[I HOPE] THAT I CAN HAVE A POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON THE PLAYERS I COME INTO CONTACT WITH, BOTH AS FOOTBALLERS AND PEOPLE, AND OVERALL BE THE PERSON THAT BELIEVES THAT THEY ARE BETTER THAN WHAT THEY THINK THEY ARE.”

Author: Zahra Loot Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

BREASTS ARE A H E AV Y B U R D E N Breasts are a heavy burden.

They weigh upon us causing pain both physically and emotionally impeding our movements and abilities.

Bound by our bras in order to appease society their eyes watch our every move.

We have no choices left to choose.

The discomfort of wires and straps; decisions of which outfit to wear; all dictated by the fat on our chest.

Our identity as women controlled by what others see.

People who do not even know us deem our breasts too big or too small.

Nipples too dark or just the wrong shape.

We are either sexualised or shunned.

You are told that you are a woman.

You are your breasts.

They are your life; your personality; your gender. “Without breasts, you are not a woman.�

Or so you would like us to think.

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Our breasts are not yours to own to comment on and judge.

They are ours made to nurture and to comfort our loved ones.

Whether we have them or not whether taken by illness, or not yet received, these breasts of ours do not define us.

We are so much more than the flesh of our bodies.

Breasts are a heavy burden.

But, I believe they are a burden we are strong enough to carry.

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LOV I N G I N T H R E E PA RT S Author: Honey Lermont Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

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1. FULL TERM Your first love broke you you told me, the first day we sat together.

And I promised myself in that moment to show you what love could be like.

But you always asked for forgiveness instead of permission.

If I said no, you still tried. So I lied and lay down in the bed we made.

Voices screamed in my brain ARE YOU SURE THIS IS OKAY? and I couldn’t say yes to them but I did to you.

I hid these private moments buried them within the deepest parts of me like something growing in a hidden womb a bundle of loose nerves a tiny heart choking on the strain.

And as it grew and my body stretched and swelled beyond my limits you felt the invisible space growing between us and you clutched at me.

The birth lasted three months.

Spoiled love leaving my body, like I left yours, in sticky clumps of hair blood festering flesh.

I have dug it a hole, patted the earth and examined the blood on my hands.

Now, I must peel away my crusted scabs to find that soft, pink flesh beneath and rediscover myself in this new place without you.

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2 . LO O K I N G U P You’re the first thing I look at in the morning.

I part the folds of fabric and stare at you.

You don’t notice me. You just exist—breathe—hum—flicker.

You’re the last thing I look at in the evening.

I meditate to the orange glow of cloud-reflected light and LED billboards parading colours and brands before I tuck you in beneath your curtains.

Some lights are always on in the apartments across the street.

The tennis courts shine green at night and stadium floodlights drown an unseen pitch.

The only things closing at five are nightclubs and taxi doors.

If it’s clear, I can see all the way to Hong Kong Island and watch triangles draw and erase their vertices.

A skyline built by the world’s biggest banks makes me feel wealthy.

Your lights smother the stars, but I can see humanity inside countless rooms with countless windows.

Bright and dark.

Constellations in their own right.

No street is ever really empty and there’s always someone else awake. My windowless room waits jealously, as you woo me with wet markets, alley art and tea shops.

I can feel how fleeting this love affair will be in the scheme of things.

This place embodies transience, and yet I cannot imagine leaving.

I never knew a view could make me feel this way.

But I guess it’s knowing how much of you I have explored and how much I’ll never get to that breaks my heart.

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3 . H ATC H I N G It started with the small feelings.

Laughing when I didn’t expect to laugh with a boy.

Wanting your touch surprised by your kindness and fascinated by the things I know I’ll get used to.

As I return from your country to mine I retrace my steps back from resolutions that love is too hard and find myself at a new departure gate.

It’s here that I realise you’ve crept up on me.

Snuck into the fabric of my life between the sheets of ready-made plans.

And for the first time in a long time I don’t want to sleep across a row of spare seats.

I want a companion and I want it to be you.

So, I hold this feeling cupped between my hands like the geckos I tried to catch as a child.

Delighted, but worried it’ll run the moment hands are parted.

I shelve those thoughts and try not to look too close in case it’s nothing but the tail wriggling between my palms a twitching, dead distraction slipping between clumsy fingers.

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You were too young to understand

what a hand

on your thigh meant.

But even then

it felt wrong

so, you froze

when he asked if you liked it.

You realise now it wasn’t right but it’s too late to fight for yourself back then.

What can you do

but live with this knowledge

that the past is there

and you can’t escape it

anywhere.

What are you to do

with that knowledge

but hold it deep inside

until all your tears have dried.

Well, I’m here now—

I’m here to tell you that it was wrong

although time has passed

and it has been so long.

Yes, it went on too long and I am sorry, but I can’t do anything about what happened then.

That little girl that was you she should have been safe— safe from an ugly truth.

Now, all grown up

this is who you are beneath hidden tears

and gritted teeth.

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Screaming, screaming, screaming at the night because it didn’t treat you right.

Not when it sent visitors

secret shadows and heavy breaths

sleep and nightmares became welcome guests.

Because he was older than you and bolder than you that’s how he stole that from you.

But you’re not little anymore

and that pain can be put to use

and though I can never settle the score

I can help find your truth.

I would cut off every finger

rather than let them linger on a girl like you; now that is my truth.

Author: Breanna Rosen Layout: Hayley Thoms

What is yours?

Here’s what I’ll tell you.

You can take this pain; you can put it to use.

You can give your tears

and use your strength

to become their worst fears.

You may not avenge yourself but you can fight for everyone else that they will not have to face the horrors hidden inside that you cannot erase.

We can take a stand we know each other’s pain.

Together we have a voice— we won’t let monsters reign.

Because enough is enough.

Dear, strong girl let it be known— their time is up.

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W WIITTH H EELLLLA AH HO OO OP PEER R Author: Amber Joy Weir Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

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Shortly after the release of her new single To The Bone, Melbourne music veteran Ella Hooper, one of Australia’s most iconic front-women, found time to chat with Athena about gender in the music industry, her inspiration, and her first band, Killing Heidi.

You and your brother formed Killing Heidi when you were 13. The tracks 'Weir' and 'Mascara', which are these incredibly empowering, punchy rock songs, were released when you were 17. Was it daunting at that age to be writing and touring?

Well, yeah, it was even before that, believe it or not. We were writing and recording those songs when we were 14 or 15. Then they got released when I was 16. So, I was totally still in the thick of high school. I did have very understanding parents and they let me take a lot of time off, and then eventually leave school, ‘cause it was going so well with the band.

It was an amazing time. It was everything that we wanted and that we thought we had been working a long time for; you know, two or three years, which seemed a long time at that age. We were like, Yeaaah, it’s finally paying off. Little did we know the kind of success we were having and the kind of response we were getting was just so unusual. So lucky. So one in a million really.

You were the youngest and the first woman to win the APRA ‘Songwriter of the Year Award’, which is so cool—but

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also a bit sad that it took ten years, from the creation of the award (in 1991), for a woman to win it in 2001.

You’re incredibly passionate about gender equality in the music industry, which I understand is a very male dominated one, even now. What are some of the challenges that women face, and is there anything being done about it?

It’s a really hot topic right now, which is good, because back then when I was the first woman to win I thought, That is outrageous isn’t it? You think of all the wonderful female writers and musicians that have come before me. It’s pretty crazy. Weir is a great song, we all love it, but man I don’t think it’s anything compared to the Divinyls, or compared to Deborah Conway; or even Clare Bowditch, or the Baby Animals. The list goes on. They are these outrageously talented women who maybe weren’t getting as much attention as they deserved back in the day. Today it’s a very hot topic, there’s lots being done about it. The most important thing about it is that everyone is talking about it. It’s conversation that leads to action. There are wonderful groups all around the country calling people out on stuff. Most recently, ‘Bluesfest’ with Peter Noble booking basically an all-male line up.

my personal taste, I don’t like to let that into my artistry. I just like to do what comes from the heart. Sure, if you’re a political artist, then absolutely write about it, make it your thing, but I don’t see myself as a political artist when I write.

But how I position myself and what I say in interviews, I can address it there. I’m all for people having a vision, being clear on that vision, and getting it out there.

No!?

Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. There have been lots of journos asking me to comment on it, but I almost don’t know what to say, because it’s so shocking. I think some people must be in denial, because there’s no going back from here. We want a healthy, diverse, openminded, and accepting music scene, and I really think from the musician’s perspective it already is, it’s just some of the people who work up the top. I hate to say it, but it’s more the industry side, less the artistry side, who haven’t quite got the message.

But things are really changing.

So, what advice would you give to young people in general, but especially to young female musicians coming into the music industry now?

Play your natural game. I think that’s really important as an artist. I know this might seem a bit ass-about or something, but don’t let the current state of affairs change your natural flow as an artist. Make sure you’re doing what you want to be doing, the way you want to be doing it, and the rest will follow. It’s good to be aware that there are certain doors that need pushing on harder than others, and certain doors that need bashing down, but for me, for

Also, be really good. I know that might be a slightly unpopular angle to take because, sometimes people don’t tell boys in bands that they have to be really good to stand out, and you know that annoying old adage that a woman has to be twice as good as a man to be half as respected, but I love musicians that are good no matter what gender they are.

And I do worry about when you’re giving people special treatment because they’re female or because they’re male, or because they’re this or that. Music is my number one priority, and it’s about the quality of the music. There are so many brilliantly talented female musicians, there is no shortage of them. We don’t have to go looking for them, and we don’t have to make up quotas by adding anyone who’s not fantastic. I don’t personally agree with that. I think you just need to be the winner on the day, regardless of gender.

Killing Heidi was more “rocky”, and then you had the folk duo with your brother in The Verses. But listening to your singles, I actually found it really hard to go, oh, it’s this or that; especially in your new single, because it’s super funky, but the drums have this real disco vibe. You seem to have dipped your hands into ever y honey pot when it comes to genre.

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Yes, I can’t help myself. Some people call it a problem, some call it a pro, some call it a con. I do listen really broadly, I’m just such a big music fan and I can’t stay still for long. I love so many genres.

I’ve made a country album, a rock album, a pop album, and a really sad dark folk indie album. I just love it all, and I don’t really have a vision for myself as an artist.

Many people often point to Madonna as someone who really reinvents herself, but she’s always stayed in the pop spectrum.

She’s always reinvented herself within pop, and flowed with the different eras of pop.

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I jump genres [laughs]; I really do, and I do it wholeheartedly. But it’s what keeps me interested, and keeps me in love with music. So that’s the main thing, is that I’m challenging myself, and I like to get a bit scared. I like to go, god, can I pull off disco?

Can I really do that?

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What are you listening to at the moment? You obviously have a wide range of taste.

It could be Ryan Adams, PJ Harvey, the Slits, Billy Brag. I love Billy Brag. It could be Bob Dylan, or lots of modern day rocky punk bands from around Melbourne that are a bit edgy and no one knows them yet.

And then I might go home and listen to some Joni Mitchell.

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Do you have any plans to come to Perth in the near future?

Oh my god, I hope so, I’m so keen. I do have a lot of friends in WA—I feel really connected to that part of the country.

We’ve always had such a good time there, and of course our drummer Adam from Killing Heidi was from Perth. So, we’d always stay for ages when we’d go there and hang out and make friends and run around. But I don’t have any current tour plans locked in.

Growing up I saw you as this really empowering, iconic young female.

There is no doubt that there were lots of young women that saw you, and still see you, as a musical role model. How does that make you feel?

It’s amazing. That’s made my day. Like, I don’t walk around thinking that all the time, but it’s really nice to sort of acknowledge it, especially now that I’m a bit older and wiser. There might have been a time when hearing that would freak me out a bit, or make me cry, but I think I’m at that stage in my life where I’m like, ‘that’s awesome.’

I have people that inspire me, and make me go, whoa, look at that. Like Blondie, Divinyls, The Pretenders, and Stevie Nicks.

So, if I can bring any of that rock chick energy down—that I’ve always looked to them for—to another generation, or if I’ve done so in the past, then that’s great. It’s not what I set out to do, but I’m so glad that I could play that role for people. That makes me super happy.

EElllla aH Ho oo op peerr’s ’s lla atteesstt ssiin ng gllee ''To To TTh hee B Bo on nee'' iiss o ou utt n no ow w..

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GENDER EQUALITY IN NEW YORK AND AROUND THE WORLD: AN INTERVIEW WITH THE GLOBAL VOICES S C H O L A R S H I P R EC I P I E N T, J AY D E F R A N K Author: Luisa Mitchell Layout and art: Hayley Thoms Second-year Curtin University medical student, Jayde Frank, r e c e n t l y w o n t h e G l o b a l Vo i c e s s c h o l a r s h i p t o a t t e n d t h e Un i t e d Nations Commission on the Status o f W o m e n i n N e w Yo r k , 2 0 1 9 .

The Commission on the Status of Women (CSW) is an international, intergovernmental body exclusively dedicated to the promotion of gender equality and the empowerment of women. It was established in 1946 and its primary focus is to promote women’s rights, document their realities, and raise the standards of what is possible for women around the world.

Athena sat down with Jayde to t a l k a b o u t why s h e we n t a f t e r t h e scholarship, what she hopes to gain from it, and how she can use it to implement change for gender equality in the future.

WHAT MADE YOU PURSUE THIS OPPORTUNITY? I am the Curtin representative for an organisation called the Australian Medical Student’s Association (AMSA). AMSA is a national committee with representatives from medical schools around Australia that talks about issues relating to medical students.

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One of the issues that definitely kept popping up for me was gender inequality in medicine and the biases towards women, particularly in high positions of leadership and higher medical specialities such as surgery.

AMSA has a branch called ‘AMSA Gender Equality’, and they do a lot of work towards empowering women in leadership positions and mentorship programs. I’ve had a lot of exposure to that stuff, and the more I came back from those council meetings, the more I just started seeing a lot of things that I didn’t think were quite right, especially in regard to gender equality in medicine. I thought it was quite appalling considering Australia’s a first-world nation and we’re living in the twenty-first century, and more than 50 per cent of medical students are female, and yet we still don’t have the same opportunities or the same respect that a lot of male medical professionals have.

The scholarship seemed like an amazing opportunity to learn from the people at the UN, not only about what is going on in regard to gender equality worldwide; but also as a chance to learn how the issue can be tackled back in Australia

HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL TO KNOW THAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE REPRESENTING AUSTRALIA IN THE U.S.?

I’m very, very honoured and very excited to have that opportunity. I think it’s not something that a lot of people can say they have had at 19 years of age [laughs]. I think that that’s something that is definitely very motivating for me and inspiring for me.

It drives me to want to make the most of the opportunity and bring back what I can to create real change.

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WHAT DOES THE SCHOLARSHIP ACTUALLY INVOLVE AND WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING IN YOUR ROLE? The scholarship has two parts: attending the Commission on the Status of Women as a delegate; and writing my own research proposal. My proposal is centred around gender bias and gender discrimination towards women in medicine. I’m going to be researching the topic further and then developing policy recommendations that will then be published in the Global Voices Journal.

YOU’LL BE MEETING WITH GLOBAL LEADERS AND EXPERTS ON GENDER EQUALITY; WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO LEARN FROM THEM? The role that men play in achieving gender equality—that’s something that I’m definitely very keen to learn about because I think it would be a very effective way of tackling the issue.

WHAT RECOMMENDATIONS DID YOU PROVIDE IN YOUR APPLICATION? One recommendation was to empower women from a young age to take up positions of leadership. I’ve noticed a lot of girls in my cohort at the moment don’t go for those positions of leadership; I thought that one way to challenge that was to create more flexible training programs.

I think a barrier to a lot of women taking up careers in surgery and leadership, is the fact that by the time we graduate we’re about thirty. That’s the age that a lot of women want to have children and have a family, and there’s not the flexibility to be able to do both.

A lot of the gender bias and gender discrimination we experience comes from a very patriarchal culture and that culture is governed by people who have the same ideas. So, when there are issues of gender discrimination perpetrated against women, there’s not necessarily a process of accountability afterwards or any sort of consequence for those actions, and so it’s easy to get away with. If there was a way to have people who perpetrate those actions, and give them consequences, that would help; although a lot of women in medicine don’t even speak up because they’re scared it will have an impact on their degree or their career.

The role of men in creating change, was another recommendation; having some kind of mentorship system where women are mentoring other women, but also where men are speaking up when they see gender bias or gender discrimination in the workplace.

THERE ARE MANY FORUMS, INCLUDING THE CSW, THAT ARE FOR WOMEN ONLY; PLACES FOR WOMEN TO EMPOWER OTHER WOMEN. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU THINK WE NEED TO HAVE EXCLUSIVE “SAFEZONES” FOR WOMEN? There needs to be safe spaces where women can feel empowered by other women and escape whatever bias and discrimination they face; but I also think it’s important to have men’s input on how they can help to create those safe spaces. They don’t necessarily need to be involved in the physical part of that, but maybe they can help women have access to those spaces, where they realise they may be suffering from some sort of bias or discrimination.

AUSTRALIAN’S WITH A “GLOBAL PERSPECTIVE” WERE ENCOURAGED TO APPLY FOR THE SCHOLARSHIP. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU? I think it means acknowledging the innate humanity that you share with every single other person on the planet, and even if your issues aren’t exactly the same as somebody else’s they probably stem from a similar sort of root. It means learning from the way that other people do things, even if it doesn’t relate directly to what you’re experiencing.

HOW CAN OUR SOCIETY EMPOWER WOMEN IN THEIR CAREERS AND IN FOREIGN POLICY? We need the representation of women at a leadership level, at a political level, and at a national level. It just makes sense. We can’t have one gender completely representing the whole nation, because it’s just not representative of the population as a whole.

It’s important to empower women from a very young age to realise that their position is as equal and as valid as a man’s, and that they have the opportunity and the support behind them to be able to be in positions of leadership and represent other women around the world.

That empowerment comes from equal opportunity and from creating spaces that suit the characteristics and needs of women; things like flexible training and positions, and extra maternity and family leave.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON TEACHING YOUNG CHILDREN TO LEARN STEREOTYPICAL BEHAVIOUR OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER TO ENCOURAGE GENDER EQUALITY?

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I like the idea that men are given more of a perspective of what it’s like to be a woman and women are given the opportunity to see what it’s like to be “behaviourally strong”, or in other words, to experience what are stereotypically male characteristics.

But do women need to have the characteristics of a man to be a strong leader? I’m not quite sure that that’s the answer. I think the idea does have its merits; but I also think it’s important to empower women to be what is considered stereotypically feminine, or stereotypically them as a person. Everybody is on a spectrum of what’s socially regarded as feminine and what’s socially regarded as masculine, but I don’t think that positions of leadership necessarily have to require a very typically masculine, “strong” person.

I think that leadership can take a lot of different forms and that if women have got an interest in leadership, they can use their own skills that are natural to them to be able to take up that position.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE IMPLEMENTATION OF GENDER QUOTAS FOR WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP POSITIONS AND MALE-DOMINATED FIELDS?

As a future medical professional, I don’t know how I’d feel if I was a woman employed in a position just because I was a woman? I’d like gender bias to be eradicated but I almost think that that might be going too far. There is a difference between equality and equity. I guess you have got to start somewhere and gender quotas are a great way to get women in positions of leadership, to promote other women to take up those positions later on and create a cultural change. It’s a great way of creating quick change, but in the long-run it’s more important to create positions that are gender neutral and are just as accessible for men and women. Otherwise you could potentially go the other way, and have bias or discrimination against men, and that’s not what gender equality is.

Jayde will be representing Australia and Global Voices at the CSW next year in New York. To get in touch, contact the Curtin Scholarships Office at scholarships@curtin.

edu.au or keep up to date with her story at https://globalvoices. org.au/.

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Artist in Focus) D E B O R A H WO RT H Y- C O L L I N S A N D H E R U N P R E D I C TA B L E F E M I N I N E N AT U R E

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Author and photographs: Naomi Claire Layout: Hayley Thoms

D E B O R A H WO RT H Y- C O L L I N S I S A V I S UA L A R T I S T C U R R E N T LY U N D E R TA K I N G A N ARTIST-IN-RESIDENCE PROGRAM AT EDITH C OWA N U N I V E R S I T Y. H E R A R T E X P LO R E S N AT U R A L B O D I LY P R O C E S S E S T H AT H AV E B E E N M A D E A L I E N TO U S I N T H E M O D E R N WO R L D. D E B O R A H TO O K S O M E T I M E TO S P E A K TO AT H E N A A B O U T H E R C U R R E N T BODY OF WORK, HER INFLUENCES AND HER PATHWAY INTO ART.

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You are an artist-in-resident at ECU. What’s the inspiration behind your current body of work?

Yes, that’s right. I’ve engaged in a fourmonth painting residency at Edith Cowan University that is culminating in a combined exhibition with the previous resident, Sharon Callow, in November at Spectrum Project Space.

I’m creating a body of work that explores the intersection between sex, life, death and human connection to nature. I’m fascinated by the way these themes are so intertwined in many ways. I feel that living in such a commercial, westernised environment, our society has forgotten that we are subject to the same life cycles that surround us in nature. In many ways, our lives are quite sterile and we have lost contact with the natural rhythms and cycles that govern us. I think this loss of contact has created fear of normal human processes, like birth, sex and death, which is causing society to relinquish once domestic aspects of life and our bodies to “professionals”.

Through my materials and research, I’ve tried to engage as best I can with the complex, unpredictable, messy and confronting aspects of life. I guess I’m also trying to explore this through the lenses of femininity and represent this within a domestic context, which is both confronting and comforting.

What kinds of materials are you using in the studio and what can we expect to see at your exhibition?

I’ve been working on some watercolour paintings on paper. I’m enjoying the way watercolours can be quite unpredictable and I use that as the base for building up layers. I have also been using leaves, bark,

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Kino gum and seed pods to dye textiles. I like using textiles for its intimate relationship to the body. By using natural dye materials I’m investigating how to consolidate my ideas regarding the natural environment and the human body.

Who are your influences?

In terms of artists, I’ve always been quite fascinated by the late Louise Bourgeois, particularly her 3D textiles and the powerful confronting sense of femininity you feel in her work. I’ve also recently been influenced by Australian artists Judy Watson, Holly Story and Sally Blake. The way all three women refer to country for materials and subject matter shows really strongly in their work.

I’m also very influenced by the birth, sex and death positive movements.

These movements encourage open discussion of topics which have been taboo for many reasons. I think they really encourage people to be active participants in the many faucets of life.

How did you get into art and when did you realise you wanted to study and pursue art as a career?

I’ve always been a little quirky and drawn to creative pursuits I think. In high school, I started seriously thinking about doing art at uni, but was a bit unsure given how hard it is to make a living. I ended up doing a visual arts degree which I completed in 2013. Since then I’ve had two children and have taken time out to raise them, but I have been back in the studio in the past year.

Earlier this year I started as a studio artist at Paper Mountain before getting the residency at ECU. Although I have a wide variety of interests I am always drawn back to art. I think the freedom to explore my ideas and interests in a sensory way really suits me. It can at times feel quite indulgent, however, I do feel that art has such a pivotal role in engaging people in thought and discussion and I do feel as though I have something to contribute.

What advice would you give to someone else who is thinking about pursuing art?

I recently heard a talk by Perth artist Cynthia Ellis who is a passionate painter. She talked about giving herself space to foster a special relationship with her art and allow the work to be discovered. This really resonated with me because it is something I am slowly learning. The space may be a set time, a physical location or an emotional space, but making some sort of commitment to developing ideas and engaging with materials and processes has been really important to me.

Deborah’s exhibition ‘Born from Dust’ will be held at the Spectrum Project Space at Edith Cowen University between the 15th and 24th of November.

Follow Deborah’s art on Instagram at @deborah_worthy_collins.

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T H E WA I T R E S S Who am I? I am dutiful and obey your will I, bearer of delicious satisfaction am the receiver of sordid smiles and grasping hands, for my skirt is just short enough.

I am a “darling” and a “love” yet also, I am “that girl.”

Who am I? Observed through watchful windows I am the keeper of purity and order I am friendly, but not too friendly.

I am the messenger between worlds ruler of chaotic counters and a servant to the smiles.

Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

Author: Caitlin Scott

Who am I? I am the enabler of excess I, the benefactor of idle drunkenness, remove the traces of lost romance lipstick stains and spilt wine and the memories of what was.

I’m sure, a night to remember for me, it is already wiped clean.

Who am I? I walk miles without moving in the land of repeated songs and uncaring faces.

Only you, I listen to as you tell me I was too slow for what must be the simplest of tasks; and of course, you are always right.

Who am I? Yes, you are correct I am your waitress for this evening.

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THE TEMPTRESS So tempting blue cardigan, buttoned high up her thin, white neck she licks her lips raw, while pulling at her long dark plait.

Hunching her shoulders over her desk she leans to reveal the outline of her spine.

I laugh at her jokes bland, but it doesn’t matter.

I hold her hair in the bathroom, after stopping other men touching her in that musty, sticky club where she dances, as sweat makes her shirt cling to her chest.

I comfort her while she sobs, over some loser of a guy, as I resist the closeness of her skin.

Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

Author: Caitlin Scott

She must know surely, she must know.

She calls in the night with secrets.

Entices me to see her alone, while she wears only a loose jumper, goose bumps rising on her bare legs.

A seduction I endure and though she never says it surely, I think she must love the attention of my unending desire.

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BODIES Author: Maria Christina De Vicente Capua Layout and art: Hayley Thoms

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Machines wail at the starless night while screaming Bodies run.

Dust and blackened smoke collide and little numbers rise.

Eyes look in from invisible windows a mother takes her crying child and girls play doctors on patients in real life.

Acid air, burning lungs, fire on their skin gaping holes in the ground, nowhere safe to step arms raised in self-defence, but bullets take chunks of flesh and a doll in the rubble waits with bated breath.

“A boat that is dedicated to helping others will never sink,” he says.

But blood stains the dry cement and she who is a martyr, is one who cannot speak.

Tamimi, freed from an Israeli prison remains trapped in an open-air cell.

Eight months have gone, Gaza’s lines are re-drawn a speck of dust taken up by an unjust leviathan.

And we look on unblinking from hidden little screens untouched by pain and living in our own selfish dreams.

Latest update reads: “Teen killed, more than 200 wounded” “Airstrikes kill pregnant woman and one-year-old daughter” Scroll, scroll, retweet, share desert pains in middle lands too far away to care.

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Author: Luisa Mitchell Art: Nafise Rasekh Nezhad

Layout: Hayley Thoms

THE STORY OF

BRANDON & ELIZA

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T H I N G S T H AT W E R E M E A N T TO B E WO U L D C O M E TO B E .

Brandon and I were destined to be. I knew this, because even before I changed schools my closest friend, Lexie, told me we would be together.

"ELIZA, I KNOW JUST THE PERFECT GUY FOR YOU—HE’S TANNED, AND HE SURFS, AND HE’S SUCH A HIPPY!" I laughed her off, because I was in that in between stage of my romantic life. The stage where most of my life has been, considering I’m only 17 years old. It’s that place where you sit awkwardly, not in love, not chasing it, but patiently waiting.

Waiting for it to come along and take your hand and whisk you away.

Perhaps it’s hard for you to imagine this in between stage, and perhaps it’s not. But for most of my teenage life, I was stuck here.

T h a t i s n’ t t o s ay I ’ ve n e ve r h a d a relationship before. I mean, there was my first boyfriend James, but he wasn’t a proper boyfriend. We used to text each other late at night, saying how much we loved each other. We held hands and I sat on his lap. He used to give me piggy-back rides around the oval. We couldn’t get our hands off each other, but we never kissed.

We were too afraid. I used to feel sick in my stomach just thinking about it.

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HOW DO YOU KISS SOMEONE? 91

I tried to imagine two mouths, kissing, but all I could see were lips bumping into each other and getting all tangled up like two interlocking butterflies, and it didn’t seem to make sense to me.

The first time we kissed was at my friend’s fourteenth birthday party. Her dad owned a yacht and had remarried twice. She always protested she wasn’t rich, which made me angry.

There’s nothing wrong with being rich, just admit that you are!

It was the first time any of us had gotten drunk, so we didn’t really know how to. Cautiously but thirstily, we tipped mixed vodka drinks down our throats and wondered why we couldn’t feel it. Numb, we all laid around in our sleeping bags on the floor, staring blankly at a film we weren’t really watching. All I could feel was the heat coming off James’ body where he lay next to me.

Every few seconds we would shift a little closer to each other.

It was like a game. I would yawn and roll over, until my thighs were pressed against his stomach. He would move his arm, as if restless, but let it creep ever closer to my hips.

The alcohol kicked in at some point, and everyone shouted —

Kiss, kiss, kiss!

Oh, just hurry up and do it!

I grabbed his face and buried my mouth in his. This turned out to be more literal than metaphorical, because my whole face seemed to be James’ target, and I kept having to wipe his saliva from my cheeks and chin every time we stopped. I didn’t care that he wasn’t very good. I was just happy that I had finally kissed him.

The party didn’t go on for very long afterwards, because Lexie started vomiting blood in the toilets and we had to call her mum.

She reprimanded the yacht-owning father for allowing us to drink vodka, but the small, wiry-armed man just nodded and went back up to sleep.

So that was that. My first kiss.

I’m not sure that kissing is an art, and that there are “good” kissers, and “bad” kissers as such; I think it’s more a matter of suitability and cohesiveness. James’ lips and my lips just weren’t meant to be.

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BUT BRANDON AND I, THAT WAS DIFFERENT. IT WAS DESTINY. LEXIE HAD PREDICTED IT. I never told any of my friends that I liked Brandon. It was a stupid crush, because we had almost never talked. He used to sit at our table at recess and lunch sometimes and talk to my friends.

I knew he liked me too; not as a crush, but he thought I was pretty. You can tell with these things. He would make an effort to make some mundane comment about what class we had next, or some assignment we had. It was fascinatingly dull.

"Hey Eliza!"

"Yeah?"

"Wow, you should really memorise your timetable."

I was the worst person to ask because in the entire time I went to that school, I never once memorised my timetable. He seemed to know that, but continued to ask me anyway. Then he would flick back his fringe self-consciously and strut away.

Brandon never walked, only strutted. He was arrogant and it drew me to him. I liked confident, smart boys. I liked that he didn’t have Instagram and he preferred to be out surfing than playing video games. He played the guitar and when he sang my skin would shiver in response.

But I didn’t really know Brandon. He was a stranger to me the whole first semester of my new school.

"What do we have now?"

I laughed. "I seriously have no idea!"

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THEN THE HOLIDAYS CAME AND MY LIFE SAT TREMBLING ON THE BRINK OF CHANGE .

I didn’t know it yet, but my world did. The seasons changed and the heat grew more bearable, the ocean bluer, and our little coastal town came alive with the arrival of tourists.

It felt as though things that were meant to be would come to be, that the strings that connected us all were now coming together.

My friend Lexie was careful when putting those strings into place.

She organised a double date with herself, Tony, Brandon and me.

We were going to meet the boys at the beach after our parents fell asleep. It wasn’t long before Lexie decided she wasn’t interested, and the plans seemed to fall through.

Before I could slump into disappointment, Brandon texted me himself. He said we should still meet up, just the two of us. Alone.

My heart burst through my pores. My toes tingled in delight.

It was absolutely frightening. Me? Meet a boy at the beach, alone, at midnight?

I walked around my bedroom in a circle, just once. I thought, what would a braver, more courageous version of myself do?

She would go.

This could be a mistake. This could be the worst thing I ever do.

But. But.

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THIS COULD BE A MISTAKE. THIS COULD BE THE WORST THING I EVER DO.

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I wheezed as I hurled myself over my bedroom window and into my front garden. The house was quiet, my mother peacefully unawares and sleeping in her own room. Our dog lifted its flat head and its eyes glinted at me in the dark; curious, but not suspicious. The night air was cool and the stars peeked out at me as I ducked into the taxi that sat quietly rumbling on the verge outside.

"Where you off to, missus?"

The driver was a wiry, balding South African man. His eyes watched me carefully in the rear-view mirror. No doubt he was interested as to why a young girl such as myself was sneaking off at this hour.

I told him to take me to Port Beach because I was meeting someone.

"Who’s this someone, now?"

His light, laughing tone made me feel like opening up to him. It was like an exciting secret I had to get off my chest.

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"Actually, I’m meeting up with a boy…"

The man whistled quietly and said, "Just like Romeo and Juliet!"

I thought promisingly of Romeo and Juliet’s love, ignoring their ill-fated demise.

I m i g h t h ave s a i d s o m e i r re l eva n t comment then, I can’t remember. Perhaps about Lexie and Tony cancelling on us, perhaps about how beautiful the night was.

It didn’t matter.

Brandon said,

The driver then proceeded to tell me how much he hated them ‘Abos’ for throwing stones at his cab, which made my liking for him markedly decrease.

"C’mon, let’s go in!"

My own white skin prickled at his comments, but they also hid the blackness inside; something that many couldn’t see when they looked at me. It gave me both power and humility, and I knew he would never have said it if my skin was a darker shade. I bit my tongue and felt ashamed.

Stomach. Chest. Broad shoulders. V-line.

When we arrived at the beach I bid my driver a cool goodnight and heard his car roll away behind me, leaving me standing alone on the pavement. The wind was stronger here and my hair blew up behind and over me. The palm trees waved at me expectantly.

My heart fluttered in my ribcage as I walked to the steps that led down to the sand. I knew he would be at the bottom of them.

He was sitting at the last step, leaning back on his elbows, staring out to sea. The moon was full, its white light dancing on the tips of the oceans waves. The push and pull of the sea. I felt it was breathing, each whoosh of the water as it sucked inwards, and then the roar of the waves crashing on to the shore.

He pulled his shirt off his back, the way boys do, over their backs, necks and heads, and then threw it on the ground.

I licked my lips, but he was already gone, running down towards the sea, his sunbleached hair blowing behind him.

My hands hurried to take off my shirt and shorts, to be as free as he was. I didn’t even have time to feel self-conscious about my pale skin and flat chest. I ran and ran and ran.

I collided with the waves, rupturing its perfect breath for less than a second, and then became engulfed in the salt and spray.

To swim at night is a spectacular thing.

Nothing is blue anymore. Everything is shadow and light. Anything could be hiding underneath the silver curtain of the sea, and you would never see it coming.

But I wasn’t afraid. All I could see was him.

"Hey!"

He rose up out of the water, tall, poised, like a man. He was just a boy, really; but to me he was magnificent. His fingertips gently dipped the surface of the water, and he would be still for a moment, then suddenly, he was gone, diving underneath the waves and reappearing metres away, flicking his wet locks to the side like a dog.

Brandon looked up, but he wasn’t startled.

He grinned.

Laughing, we drew near each other. I smacked the water and sent it rushing

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towards him, making him raise his hands in mock defence. He grabbed my arm and pulled me forward, closer. He dragged me underwater and I came up sputtering, droplets ringing from my eyelashes and lips. When I wiped away the wetness from my eyes he was still holding me, right there, only a touch away. The space between us trembled, promising collapse.

Slowly, his hands moved from my arms, to my shoulders, to my neck, and then rested firmly on my face. He pulled me in and he kissed me, gently.

His lips were soft, and wet, but only from the sea, not from his saliva. I tasted the salt on his tongue and felt the sand in his curls, holding onto the ones at the nape of his neck. His mouth opened just the right amount, and his tongue was there, but not too much. Just right. This time, his lips and my lips—they were meant to be.

Everything was warm. The frothing sea, the curling breeze, his mottled skin, left spotty from hours spent in the sun and surf: I explored them all together as one.

We stood there intertwined, our legs hidden beneath that silver curtain, our torsos naked to the breeze, bodies pressed tight against each other, discovering the other with our fingers.

For a moment, all that existed were our hearts beating together, the light and the shadow that danced on the waves; and my courage. It stood alone, fanned by the breeze that carried a storm within it.

M Y C O U R AG E WO U L D CA R RY M E T H R O U G H T H AT S U M M E R ;

T H E S U M M E R I LOV E D B R A N D O N .

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