Grok Issue #5 2011

PUBLISHED BY THE CURTIN STUDENT GUILD

FREE!

ISSUE #5 - 2011

IN THIS ISSUE: Smile

It’s not the end of the world

Don’t

worry be gay

Happy

happy joy joy

THE GREAT DEBATE

Ninja VS pirate on page 41!

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ISSUE #5 2011

CONTACTS Editorial - 9266 2806 Advertising - 9266 3087 Email - grok@guild.curtin.edu.au EDITOR - Sean McEwan LAYOUT - Justin Manson COVER - Rozanna Johnson Grok exists for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed therein are not necessarily that of the Curtin Student Guild - or often of the authors themselves.

GROK: IT COULD BE WORSE

CONTRIBUTORS

Grok would not exist were it not for the generous donation of time and effort from it’s contributors, to whom we are eternally grateful. (in no particular order) Anthony Pyle Emil Cholich Stefan Schombee Jennifer Peterson-Ward Leanne Fitzgerald Maz Rahman Connor White Carmen Reilly Joseph Quick Chris Hossen Sarah Connor Caitlin du Toit Rachel Murray Michael Ball

CONTENTS

uni life: 2 Editorial 15 Vice Verses your guild: feature: 5 16 President Where’s All the

Happiness Gone your guild: 6 VP’s guild: 7 your Faculty Reps guild: 9 your Queer Department guild: 10 your Club News feature: 12 Why the Heck Aren’t feature:

You Happy?

17

A Symphony in

C Major

NOTICES, FORMS & AMENDMENTS

uni life: 29 Student Curtin Charity Challenge 30 feature: The Great Gay Agenda feature: 33 Who Are You

Calling Dull?

creative: 36 Creative Time reviews: 38 GAMES

exhibition: 18 Model Mystery your guild: 19 2011 ELECTION

reviews: 40 MUSIC 1 - contents

advice: 14 BETTER ASK SOMEONE

28 feature: When We Were Young?

GROK recommends a visit to the John Curtin Gallery

EDITORIAL HIJACKED 2: Australia/Germany Toured by the Australian Centre for Photography

Welcome to Issue 5 of GROK! A crazy vibrant issue smashed together with love, happiness and all those other things that make the world warm and fuzzy (plus some spelling and grammar mistakes.

To start with, I’m not your normal editor, some assclown dragged me out of retirement to pen this dribble. For some reason your normal editor has gone MIA, probably because we didn’t invite him to after work drinks, or don’t let him take Red Bull from the fridge, or because we tease him for his lack of Gorilla Suit but you get that eh... Crazy editors.

You kids of today and your crazy Grok, I remember back in the day Grok had all the hallmarks of a great magazine, tabloid gossip , hard hitting investigative journalism, Twoomys Adventures and much more including me. The Person in a Gorilla Suit! You kids just have it too good these days, with your colour pages, dreamy silky front covers and world class artwork.

But on a side and less ranty note, we are bringing back for the final issue, the Robert A. Heinlein Short Story Award and short story issue of Grok. So if you’ve got a short story you’d like published in Grok as well as a chance to win some dollerydoos for your troubles make sure you enter! Email reception@guild.curtin.edu.au for more details or to submit your story.

Love

Following the highly successful 2008 exhibition and publication Hijacked – Australia and USA, the new HIGHJACKED 2: Australia/Germany exhibition at the John Curtin Gallery takes the road less travelled.

Presenting a diverse and provocative selection of new photography from Australia and Germany, the exhibition erases traditional boundaries between artists, professionals and emerging talent and points towards the future of contemporary photography.

Embracing the prevailing wanderlust, their work exhibits a fascination with international subcultures, fragmented trends, alternative life styles and urban landscapes. Explorations of suburban pleasures are placed on par with ‘high’ artistic experimentation in this compelling exhibition.

Hijacked 2: Australia/Germany is curated by Mark McPherson (WA), Ute Noll (Germany) and Markus Schaden (Germany).

HIJACKED 2: Australia/Germany runs until 23 September 2011. The John Curtin Gallery is open Monday to Friday 12pm – 5pm and Sunday 21 August 10am – 4pm and Sunday 28 August 1pm – 4pm.

2 - editorial

Ed

(AKA Person in a Gorilla Suit)

Ends............

Caption for image: Oliver Sieber, Reita, Koln 2007, 27 x 34cm, Hahnemuhle Photo Rag Ultra Smooth 305g.

k r a M r u o Make Y l l a H y t i C @ nce in e r fe if d a e k a m o t Do you want unity? m m o c h t r e P h t u o S the City of inate for

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15/08/201 1 3 - letters to the editor

m r candidates to no fo ng lli ca is y it C The ity of ouncillor at the C C r o r o ay M f o le . the ro n in October 2011 o ti ec El l ci un o C h South Pert as a Councillor, s ill sk ip sh er ad le Improve your on making role of si ci de e th in ed lv be invo benefits you gain ct re di e th e se d Council an y. ur local communit yo ng ti en es pr re from 17 : 6pm Wednesday n io ss e S n o ti a Inform tre h Perth Civic Cen ut So f o y it C , 11 August 20 en: Nominations op ber 2011 Thursday 1 Septem se: Nominations clo ptember 2011 4pm Thursday 8 Se 15 October 2011 ay rd tu Sa : ay D n Electio n the role of For information o ominate visit n to w o h d an l ci Coun au/

Curtin Student Guild

4 - letters to the editor

EXCELLENCE IN TEACHING AWARDS

Nominate your lecturer/tutor/research supervisor for a 2011 Guild Excellence in Teaching Award.

Forms are available from ballot boxes around your department, Guild Reception (bld 106), or online at:

www.guild.curtin.edu.au Each winner receives $1000

YOUR GUILD PRESIDENT

Welcome to the 5th edition of Grok!

Looking back over the last couple of years of Grok it’s really become apparent about how much Grok has improved in 2011. The previous edition has been particularly popular with our stock levels rapidly depleting. I want to thank in particular Sean our editor, Roz who puts in some amazing graphic design work, all our student pieces and how could I forget all the Guild student representatives who have put some very thought provoking pieces in.

So, I’m sure you’ve heard the news, right? Pretty sure everyone has. That’s right; Oktoberfest is back for this year! The Guild has teamed up with Nokturnal Events to bring Oktoberfest in the Gardens. After the Oktoberfest Denied campaign last year, we became even more determined to make sure that students were given back the event that they’d been wanting for such a long time. Tickets go on sale on the 8th August so make sure you get in early as we’re expecting ticket sales to go through the roof. We’ve got a great line-up including The Potbelleez and many more. Remember, Oktoberfest isn’t the only Guild event either, the Guild has loads of events throughout the year and this semester is no exception. Read Sarah’s AVP article on the following page for more details!

Thanks to those who forwarded me their feedback about the Academic Calendar. Clearly this is a big issue, especially for those in Health Science & Science & Engineering, although I know its certainly a problem throughout all faculties. The Guild will be continuing to push the University to implement a full scale review into the calendar. It seems evident now that when the University made the changes, that they didn’t take into account what effect this would have on student’s education, not to mention our mental health. I’ll keep you updated, but let’s hope for a better calendar for the future! Please continue providing your feedback and can I suggest that you also contact your faculty Dean of Teaching & Learning and the Director of Student Services.

Finally a reminder that the Curtin smoking ban comes into act as of 1 January 2012. That means that as of new year’s day, all of campus including student housing, regional and all other Curtin property will have a complete personal smoking ban. The Guild does support the ban in light of the Health research, however we will continue to make sure that the university provides a strong communication plan to students so that there are no surprises come 2012. If you have any concerns or questions, please contact the Guild or University Corporate Risk.

GUILD RECEPTION Building 106F Open: MON-FRI 8:30am - 5pm president Joseph Quick p: (08) 9266 2934 e: president@ education vice president Chris Hossen p: (08) 9266 2920 e: educationvp@ activities vice president Sarah Connor p: (08) 9266 4578 e: activitiesvp@ general secretary Ali Kirke p: (08) 9266 2918 e: generalsecretary@

FACULTY REPS business faculty rep Caitlin du Toit p: (08) 9266 2764 e: business@ health sciences faculty rep Rachel Murray p: (08) 9266 3392 e: health@

humanities faculty rep Michael Ball p: (08) 9266 2764 e: humanities@ science & engineering faculty rep Maz Rahman p: (08) 9266 3392 e: science@

GUILD DEPARTMENTS CUPSA Andrew Cameron p: (08) 9266 4465 e: president.cupsa@ indigenous department p: (08) 9266 3150 e: indigenous@ international students committee Nathassja Widagdo p: (08) 9266 2910 e: isc@ gender & sexuality department p: (08) 9266 3385 e: sexuality@ women’s department p: (08) 9266 3386 e: women@

STUDENT ASSIST OFFICERS Mandy Middle p: (08) 9266 2911 e: m.middle@ Simon Roy p: (08) 9266 3224 e: s.roy@ Juliana Desker-Lim p: (08) 9266 4779 e: j.desker-lim@

RECREATION/ CLUBS guild recreation e: recreation@ guild clubs: e: clubs@

RETAIL OUTLETS curtin concept p: (08) 9266 2828 e: concept@ guild copy & design centre p: (08) 9266 2925 e: copy.design@ secondhand bookshop p: (08) 9266 2909 e: bookshop@

the spot / spotlight tickets p: (08) 9266 1797 e: spot@ IT works computer store p: (08) 9266 2902 e: itworks@

FOOD OUTLETS p: (08) 9266 2900 e: reception@

GUILD TAVERN

location: building 106C p: (08) 9266 2904 e: tavmanager@

GUILD EVENTS p: 9266 2900 e: events@

ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES p: (08) 9266 3087 e: advertising@

GROK MAGAZINE p: (08) 9266 2900 e: grok@

all guild email suffixes are: @guild.curtin.edu.au

5 - your guild

GUILD EXECUTIVE

EDUCATION VICE PRESIDENT - Chris Hossen

ACTIVITIES VICE PRESIDENT - Sarah Connor

Wow it’s that time of the month again, the time where I try to come up with a few hundred semi pithy words to put into this column. Believe me, it’s much harder than it seems. Finding the balance between the attempted humour and the slightly boring topics of education and welfare is not always an easy task.

The word on everyone’s lips at the moment begins with ‘O’ and ends with a stein sized hangover.

That’s right guys and dolls, Oktoberfest is back, it’s bigger than ever and it’s going to blow your leiderhossen off. Whilst all of us here at the Guild are super excited to be bringing Oktoberfest back to the students, a GIANORMOUS shout out must go to our Tavern crew, in particular our fabulous Tavern manager Tanya, who has been working tirelessly of the past 12 months to cut through bureaucratic red tape. The end result is ‘Oktoberfest in the Gardens’ a two day cultural spectacular set to the sounds of The Potbelleez, The Brow Horn Orchestra and many more. Full Guild members will already have their tickets in their hot little hands, and be watching on smuggly as the wider public battle it out for a piece of the Oktoberfest action. Now to count the sleeps....

Now I know you all would much rather read about Oktoberfest or the upcoming awesome events in the column to my right but I implore you, for my egos sake, keep reading. It really won’t be as boring as you expect.

It’s been a busy past month or so on the education and welfare front at the Guild. Like usual this work is behind the scenes but very important. On the external front there has been continuing work on PAYG parking. It looks like the Uni will make some concessions, though the extent is not clear yet. The Guild still holds the stance that a combination of PAYG and Permits is the most equitable. It seems that the uni is scared to take the tough decisions to make such a policy work.

The uni is again sounding out the prospect of removing common free time. The Guild is firmly against this, we will continue to make sure the uni knows students want their common free time retained.

Internally, the Guild is currently reviewing its entire Policy Book; this book features the Guild’s stance on a range of issues, both internal and external. It will guide the Guild’s stance on many issues into the future. You would have noticed the Semester 1 2011 Alternative Handbook popping up in your OASIS account. Fill it in to win some great prizes and inform future students about the good and bad units at Curtin.

Lastly, don’t forget that the Guild’s Excellence in Teaching Awards are still open. They close at the end of October. So if you have an outstanding lecturer make sure that you nominate them.

That’s me for another edition, enjoy the read.

6 - your guild

Chris

If German beer doesn’t get you excited enough to jump into leather pants, never fear - there is still plenty of excitement to be had on campus this month.

Guild Music Box launch

The Guild is very proud to be bringing live music back on campus to make you lunch hour sound so much sweeter. Guild Music Box is being launched this Wednesday (17th) in common free time, with free live music – for Curtin students, by Curtin students. Be sure to come down to Henderson Court to enjoy some lazy tunes whilst munching on a free snag from Grill the Guild. Then catch Guild Music Box every fortnight, popping up in a different location across campus, check out the Guild’s FB page for the next location.

Snow party

What’s cooler than ice cold you ask? Chill the Guild: A snow party!!!! Whilst our glorious Mediterranean climate prevents us from experiencing snow most of the year, for one night only the Student Guild will bring the snow to Curtin, plus all the fun and games of a Winter Wonderland. On 26th August come along as the Guild courtyard is transformed to a snowfield, with faux snow and snow machines.

There will be snowball comps, live music, snow sports, Icey Ice plus plenty more winter themed fun.

Chill the Guild will be a booze-free event, so that all Curtin students young and old can enjoy. After an evening of snow games if you are looking to warm up with an alcoholic beverage, you can pop over to the Tav (18+) that will be turning back the clock for Retro night.

Aussie Rules Experience

For any international students yet to experience how important Aussie Rules Footy is to the Australian culture, then have we got an experience for you! The Student Guild in conjunction with the East Fremantle WAFL club is running an Aussie rules experience event on 21st August. Hosted at the Sharks home ground, the package will include admission to the match, club merchandise, guided tour of the facilities, Aussie rules education and skills workshop with a player, photo opportunities plus much more!

For an introduction to Aussie Rules this is one day not to be missed. More info will soon be up on the Guild FB page.

National Campus Band Comp (NCBC)

The Curtin heats of NCBC saw eight Curtin bands wow a packed Tav crowd with sweet tunes and enthusiasm for their art. I am absolutely stoked to announce that four Curtin bands made it through to the state semi finals. Congratulations to The Optimist, The Cabarets, We Build Pyramids, Jasmine Riley and the Distractions. However for these bands to make it through to the state final they need the support of Curtin students behind them. So make sure you come down to the Swan Basement on 31st August, 1st Sept or 2nd September to cheer these guys on. Hopefully we will still be cheering for these guys at the state final on September 10th at the Rosemount.... and maybe even the national final in October. Regular updates on NCBC can be found on the Guild FB page...or Facebook stalk the bands pages, they are pretty rad!

John Curtin Weekend

Happening across the month of September, John Curtin Weekend is a truly unique experience, which sees over 500 Curtin students travel to 40 country towns to have a taste of the local culture, whilst supporting the town’s community projects. JCW is organised by our good friends Curtin Volunteers!

And I strongly encourage all students to get involved with this fantastic project at least once during their time at Curtin. Along with the rest of Guild Council, I’m headed to Kalgoolie this year for my fourth JCW! Sign ups will be happening soon, but you have to be quick to grab one of these spots. For more info visit http://cv.curtin.edu.au/programs/jcw/

Tav-tastic

If you haven’t already be sure to check out our fabulous new Tav menu (props to chef Dan for the revamp).

Complimenting the new menu, the Tav have also added a few new beverages to their already extensive range. Despite a few persistent requests, I’d like to clarify the fact that Export is not – nor will it ever be – in the Tav’s repertoire. Suck it, export drinkers - you did this to yourselves.

There are plenty of fun times to be had at the Tav this month. Every Wednesday is Wicked Wednesday with the fun times (and free snaggers) kicking off at 7pm. The Tav steps back in time for Retro Night on 12th August so bust out the flares and the fluoro and boogie on all night. Then on 9th September Mid Semester Bash provides a reprieve from study, as the ultimate procrastination. Word on the street is the Vasco Era may be rocking out on our humble Tav stage.

That’s all from the AVP office this month... if your still craving on campus entertainment, be sure to check out our clubs pages, to see what excitement they are bringing to campus.

And remember...Guild is good for you!

Love, your AVP x

BUSINESS - Caitlin du Toit To my favourite Business kids, The last few weeks have been a little bit crazy!

I can’t believe we’re already in the middle of Semester 2 and I am being constantly reminded by the stack of assignments that continue to pile up - I’m sure you are all experiencing the same! It was a bit strange being on Facebook and seeing students at other universities complaining about going back when we had already been back at uni for 2 weeks – I suppose that there are many advantages and disadvantages to the new study plan that Curtin has put in place. If any of you have any concerns regarding the new semester layout then please contact us! We’re always interested in your feedback and we are here to represent you – so we are always seeking your thoughts!

We’re also keen to know your thoughts on Common

Free Time (12-2pm every Wednesday). Common Free Time usually includes Grill the Guild (a free BBQ for Full Guild members), Events, plus so much more. However, it seems to be causing a few issues with timetabling in some faculties. We feel that it is an integral part of the student experience here at Curtin and would be really sad to see it go! We’re interested in hearing whether Common Free Time is important to you (or not) and how you see/use it so again, please contact us!

The Faculty Common Room is still in the process of being set up but for now please feel free to utilise the Equity Space in the Guild Building – there’s a fridge, microwave and some comfy couches!

To conclude with a Harry Potter joke - “Yo mama’s so fat, the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses.” I hope I did you proud, Rachel.

HEALTH SCIENCES - Rachel Murray Greetings! I don’t know about the rest of you but I am already pretty keen for October 14 to hurry up and arrive-coming back for second semester always seems much harder than the start of the year.

Maybe one reason it seems like such a drag this year is because of the changes that have been made to the university calendar, cutting out a study week each semester and trimming down the midyear break so much it felt like we went straight from exams into O-Week! If you feel strongly about the changes to the calendar and it has had an impact on the quality of your learning experience so far this year please get in touch with the Guild. Some of you have already done so and we have spoken with staff members who have also found the short year

to be less than ideal.

Aside from this, the faculty seems to be ticking along quite nicely! Just a reminder about the Guild Excellence in Teaching Awards-if you have had a staff member who has gone above and beyond, inspired you to learn or generally been a top bloke/ gal then please nominate them for the reconigtion they deserve! You can find more information on the Guild website or at Guild repcetion.

And finally, in response to the fact that “Rachel, your jokes are the funniest I have ever heard” (Anonymous) I leave you with: 2 peanuts were walking together. One was assaulted.

SCIENCE & ENGINEERING - Maz Rahman Great scott! It’s almost the last issue of Grok!

Excellent, because I keep getting harassed for forgetting to write my blurb on time. Recently we held our Annual General Meeting, it was a mightily thrilling time for all, listening to our brave Guild council executive attempt to inform eager crowd of what the Guild has been up to in the past year. Oh who am I kidding, I was only there for the free beer, much like the rest of you. After the first 5 minutes of explaining why I needed your signatures, I just gave up and resorted to, “Free beer, just sign here”. It definitely worked though.

The past few weeks has seen quite a few of you email me with some appalling timetables, classes til 10pm and lectures on Friday nights that run til 9pm.

Ouch. Now the uni can be pretty heartless, but this is a little overboard. According to their own policy, core timetable hours are from 8am to 6pm, with an extension to 9pm available only with the permission of the Pro Vice-Chancellor. So if you’ve been shoved with some ridiculous late hours, email your lecturer and request proof that the right approvals had been sought, otherwise S&E are leaving themselves open to a mighty number of appeals. I mean not being able to make it to a late night lecture, especially if there’s no iLecture, will surely impact your ability to do well in the unit. Units that don’t comply with policy mean more grounds for appeal if you don’t do well at the end of semester. I’d hate to be in charge of appeals in S&E.

With Oktoberfest being on every-ones mind, it’s hard to find anything to write that people will find interesting. Long story short, it’s been a slow news month. No crazy changes to parking next year, the uni is still pushing its half assed approach to ‘make Curtin sustainable’. Hard to see how a university that leaves it lights all night and charges $20 for a student card that probably isn’t even recyclable is sustainable, but hey, it’s all about the dollars right?

And that’s ok, because there’s nothing we love

more as humanities students than forking out for more ‘non course’ costs. Anyway, I’ll put my high horse back in the stable and simply say that the guild and university services are always here for students, swing by the office or call student central if you need info from your faculty. Next months column will hopefully be better planned, and possibly done from somewhere other than my bed.

Balls x

7 - your guild

HUMANITIES - Michael Ball

Guild Election Nom

s n o i t a in

?

?

No m i nati o n s op en 1 9 t h A ug ust No m i nati o n s cl o se 5 t h Septem b er 8 - advice

Cl o se o f Gr o up Re g i st rati o n 6 t h Septem b er

QUEER DEPARTMENT

Rally and Mass Illegal Wedding for Equal Marriage Rights - Aug 13th Perth On August 13th Equal Love WA is calling a demonstration in Forrest Place, Perth CBD, to fight for marriage equality and LGBTI rights.

So come to the Rally for Equal Marriage Rights! Say NO to Homophobia! Say NO to Discrimination!

All LGBTI & straight people who support marriage equality are invited to come to the National Day of Action for Equal Rights!

Seven years of marriage inequality is seven years too long! Come and tell the ALP to change the marriage act now!

In the lead up to the ALP national conference in December this year it’s vital that ALL LGBTI and straight supporters come out in support of this rally and mass illegal wedding!

9 - your guild

On the seventh anniversary of the marriage ban, demand equal rights now!

CLUB NEWS AIESEC Do you have the guts to make it as a

CURTIN ENGINEERS CLUB

Do you have what it takes to be a Change Agent for the world? Then AIESEC is the organisation to join!

How is everyone? We at the CEC are travelling fantastically. The first half of the semester had us organising Beers on the Lawn 3, the enthralling Quiz Night and informative Networking Forum, with great pleasure. All three went very smoothly and we were pleased to see our members leaving satisfied, filled with rage at unfair questions and confused as to whether they made a good impression on company HR representatives.

True Leader?

AIESEC is the world’s largest student-run organisation, being present in 110 countries.

AIESEC at Curtin is focused on recruiting students with the potential and the drive to seek new and exciting challenges; so as to better themselves physically, mentally and in a career context. We also provide students with the opportunity to go on international internships, have a global exposure and to gain an amazing leadership experience.

To find out more about our organisation check out our newly revamped website http:// curtinaiesec.org/ to sign up!

Wish to see you there!

AIESEC Curtin

On a very high note, IGNITE BALL VERY SOON (10/09). We hope you have your ticket and are ready for a very fun, very exciting night. Good food, plenty of drink and unforgettable memories await you beautiful people!

Following the night-of-nights we have our very own Darkzone session to help you enjoy your break even more (14/09), and the final Beers on the Lawn for the year (07/10) to help you unwind before exams.

The second half promises to be actionpacked, so don’t miss out! Contact us on cec.club@gmail.com or visit our website cec. curtin.edu.au for details and info.

CURTIN MOTORSPORT TEAM Race to the Finish Line!

Curtin Motorsport Team, have been steadily working towards our deadlines of having rolling chassis by the 21st August Curtin Open Day. Over the very short midyear break we managed to get our chassis welded up, suspension components made, and suspension tabs welded to our 2011 car, so we are very close to meeting our deadline!

While we are on track to get our 2011 car rolling by this date there are still tonnes of other small jobs that we need done, ranging from fabrication, assemble to design of some smaller components.

For all you marketing gurus and graphic designers we have a tonne of different jobs available that we need help with, ranging from helping out with logos and stickers for our car, to team shirt designs, to attracting and retaining sponsors. We also have a wide range of new promotional material that needs to be modified to include our newer sponsors.

It doesn’t matter how you help us out, even if you can only give us a couple of hours a week this small effort will help us get to Melbourne in December. By helping us out, you will eligible to drive the car, at CMT we believe that driving the car is a reward for time and effort put into helping us out.

10 - your guild

If you’re interested in helping us out either send us an email motorsport@curtin.edu.au or come down to our workshop building 205, room 111 (Black Roller Door).

DESI STUDENTS SOCIETY Anohka Ball V Be prepared to be amazed!!

DESI Student’s Society 2011 is proud to showcase the one event you have all been waiting for – The fifth instalment of the DESI Anokha Ball!!

SAVE THE DATE - FRIDAY AUGUST 19!!

Come join us for an extraordinary night filled with EXCITEMENT, GLAMOUR and STYLE held at the grand Astral Ballroom in the Burswood Entertainment Complex. The doors to the ballroom will open at 6.30pm for predrinks on the 19th of August.

DRESS CODE:

Indian/Western Attire – Ladies, time to whip out those gorgeous sari’s and jewellery and stunning ball dresses, and gentlemen suit up and shine your shoes! Prizes for Best Indian AND Best Western attire will be awarded on the night so it’s time to look your absolute finest!!

TICKETS:

Prices to be confirmed soon, in the range of $80- $100. Still the best priced Ball tix in Perth!!

Your ticket for this year’s ball will include: • Free drinks ALL NIGHT including champagne, wine and beer and soft drinks • A 3-course buffet meal • Live entertainment & DJs • An opportunity for professional photography • Chance to win prizes from sponsors • And plenty more surprises will be in store!

THE CURTIN SCI-FI AND FANTASY CLUB Greetings, programs! Welcome back to another semester of sci-fi & fantasy goodness with the CSFC! We’ve got some truly excellent events on the horizon including weekly sci-fi/ fantasy TV screenings during common free time (Wednesday 12-2) and our spectacular fortnightly movie nights beginning with our Harry Potter Nostalgia-thon on the 29th of July running from 5-10pm. Keep an eye out for our posters with info about location and other details! We are also planning an end-ofsemester function, but the details are still in the works so watch this space.

Membership to the CSFC is still $5 for guild members and $10 for non-members and you can join at any of our upcoming functions.

If you have any questions please feel free to email curtinsfc@gmail.com. We look forward to meeting you!

WiECD Semester 2 has well and truly begun! And what a sensational start we’ve had, in particular, our Wicked Women presentation which went splendidly. The five engineers who presented were very informative and shared so much with those who attended. If you missed it, do come along next year as it’s free to attend and includes lunch.

Upcoming on the 27th August is our flagship event, WiECD Celebration of Women in Industry! This is not a night to be missed.

Cocktails, fashion, refreshments, DJ and entertainment will be provided for the night with tickets for students at $45. The Lyn Beazley - Chief Scientist of WA and Denise Goldsworthy – Managing Director of Rio Tinto’s HIsmelt and Telstra Businesswoman of the Year 2010 will be presenting their stories.

Make sure you keep up with our Wednesday sessions until the end of semester, as we not only have the usual free lunch and catch up but regular guest speakers from our sponsors.

Bowling Night is coming up so make sure you leave the night free as a chance to unwind before exam study hits us again.

Also, we have started up our very own website: wiecd.org.au, so check it out for event and contact details, or if you want to contact us.

It’s the ‘go to’ place for all the info you need or find us on facebook - WiECD Good luck with the semester ahead!

Dance the night away to the amazing mixes of one of Perth’s BIGGEST NAMES in Hip Hop, R&B and Dance DJ’s, a crowd favourite wherever he goes - DJ Karl Blue!

Tickets will sell extremely fast, and it is important that you organise groups of 10 individuals for your own table ASAP.

Please note: This event is strictly an 18+ event.

Please ensure you bring ID when purchasing tickets.

11 - your guild

This is a five star event at a five star location, and will definitely be a night to remember.

So come join us! An evening of unsurpassed sophistication and excellence awaits you!

Why the Heck Aren’t You Happy?

12 - feature

Leanne Fitzgerald

Because really all I can see is a lot of sad, angry, depressed and stressed out people. I would blame it on the technology that allows us to work around the clock and disconnect from any friends or family you may have. But then I realise that technology is not the issue here. The capitalistic nature of our world is what to blame, it is cruel and calculated. Technology could be allowing people to enjoy the world of digital cameras and the i-pod while on a relaxing walk on the beach or in the wilderness that is mother nature.

Instead, too often, technology chains us to itself so that we cannot break free.

It follows us everywhere to the point

that I’m sure people would be tweeting during childbirth or check Facebook at a funeral.

So happiness... these days I personally find that I experience two very different types of happiness. When I’m looking at cute babies or checking out http:// cuteoverload.com/ which is basically people posting a whole lot of adorable baby animal photos. From the casual cat and playful puppy to animals like dozing ducks, shy sloths and even buffalo babies. The other type of happiness which I’m pretty sure everyone enjoys every now and then is plotting the demise of an arch nemesis.

Of course you aren’t going to put your plan into action (unless you want a criminal record and want to spend

time in jail) but isn’t it great to imagine hilarious mishaps that would humiliate and socially ruin a person? Now don’t get me wrong I don’t encourage anti social behaviour, because heck it isn’t like the world lacks any of that but it certainly is fun to imagine this kind of stuff. And for me, well I have a lot arch nemeses to plot the demise of.

But anyway, the next time you complain about not being happy think about those who live in the slums of third world countries. They have very few possessions or luxuries but they are more than content with good health, clean water, sufficient food and a roof over their head. The question to ask is why aren’t we happy with the same.

13 - feature

Happiness, where the heck can I find that these days?

ASK SOMEONE BETTER...

The first step to becoming a vegetarian is telling everyone that you know that you are a vegetarian.

How’s your life going? Probably pretty poorly - I mean you’re

reading a student magazine, your day has probably sucked, and you’re ugly.

Look at you. It’s just horrible that you even exist. Don’t you wish you’d made better life choices? No, because any life choices you’ve made on your own have been screw ups, so why not ask someone who’s better at life than you.

Email me your life dilemmas, and I guarantee a response of some nature, whether it’s a heart warming paragraph or three, or just a photo of a goat and a monkey doing stuff to each other.. emilcholich@me.com

Dear Emil I recently introduced a new carbon tax that nobody likes, I need some help selling it to people who just see it as money-grubbing because they’d rather spend all their mining money on meth labs and blue flame vinyls for their car Sincerely Optimiss Prime

And it sure gets me that you’re taking this tax money to pay for pigs who are just like fully not good for anyone, like last week one of my boys just got started on by cops for no reason. It’s like drunkenly abusing police is a crime all of a sudden.

But I think they should understand that the Carbon Tax is just another reason to snuggle :) Emil

14 - advice

Dear Prime I myself understand that there is a quotient of revving up that the average bloke must do to impress the correct amount of chicks so that he can pick up some good as bitches at Clubba, and that this takes a sufficient amount of funds away from pretending to buy recreational drugs and going to the Cas, and how am I supposed to buy all that VB to pretend I enjoy the taste?

Dear Emil I’ve recently been toying with the idea of becoming a vegetarian. Can you give me some advice on how to start my journey in Vegetarianism?

BonoRox

Dear BonoRox

A reason you might want to go with this fat vegetarian route is because it The first step to becoming a vegetarian not only give you moral high ground as is telling everyone that you know that a vegetarian, but you are also the least you are a vegetarian. Now, this is also racist person you know by default: the second, third, fourth and final step. when was the last time you heard a After reaching the final step repeat group of fat people saying “ fuck off, from the beginning. we’re full”?

The most important thing to remember Emil is that just because you’re a vegetarian doesn’t mean you have to be healthy.

I know plenty of vegetarians who could make a small family car look like a matchbox toy. In fact, once a fat vegetarian saw me eating a McDonald’s Big Mac, and she was eating one of those salads with equal fat content to that chick that hosts the Circle ever weekday on Channel 10 at 9am. She looked at me and said, “how can you put that dead animal in your body, you know your body is your temple?” and at this point I suggested my body being a temple would qualify hers to be considered the Vatican.

verses

e c i V

date you on continue to up n to d se ea pl , which you ca r, and I’m ts and feedback en Vice-Chancello m ’s m ity co rs ur ve ni yo U e age ette Hacket, th lumn. I encour Hello, I’m Jean this regular co h ug u ro .a th du .e tin in ur at C @curt developments ly at m.mcnally argaret McNal M a vi e m to send

I trust you are finding your studies at Curtin

Daffodil Day

Study–life balance

rewarding and are making the most of the

One of the fundraising events supported by Curtin

University’s facilities to enrich your learning

is the Cancer Council’s Daffodil Day. Each year

experience. While we all enjoy wonderful

we encourage all students and staff to buy a

surroundings on campus, I would like to remind

daffodil in aid of cancer research in Australia.

you to be vigilant about your personal safety. If

Your donations will support vital research, as well

you have safety concerns at any time, please

as assist in creating and maintaining prevention

don’t hesitate to dial 9266 4444 or freecall

programs and support services for cancer

1300 004 444, or in an emergency please dial 5

patients and their families. Last year staff and

from any internal phone. Curtin Security patrols

students raised $6,000 towards this cause, which

the campus 24 hours, seven days a week and is

we hope to surpass this year. Keep an eye out

your first point of call for all incidents, including

for the yellow daffodils, being sold on campus on

medical emergencies.

25 and 26 August.

Open Day

At Curtin we are committed to promoting a healthy lifestyle for our students. Curtin Stadium offers affordable programs, and students have the option to join group fitness classes or exercise in the 900 sqm gymnasium. The stadium also houses a multi-purpose sports hall, where students can participate in a range of team sports. Maintaining a study–life balance is important to ensure students remain healthy and stress levels are kept in check, which is especially valuable in the lead up to exams. For more information on Curtin Stadium, including group fitness timetables and sport team fixtures, email g.larcher@curtin.edu.au or visit recreation.curtin.edu.au.

One of the University’s biggest events of the year,

Get socially connected

Open Day is dedicated to informing prospective

Did you know that students can jump online and connect with Curtin at any time through

students about university pathways and providing them with a taste of what university life is all about.

Facebook and Twitter? Photos and videos of events around campus can be found on our Facebook page – facebook.com/curtinuniversity. If you’re

This year’s Open Day is on Sunday 21 August from 10 am to 4 pm. Many of the University’s buildings

new to Curtin, you can hop on to facebook.com/ newtocurtin for information about clubs and support services, and to connect with other new students.

will be open for visitors to explore. A focus for activities will be Edinburgh Oval, where the Careers Expo and Future Students – Make Tomorrow

You can also send us a tweet @CurtinUni with any questions you may have or to just say hello. We enjoy hearing what our students have to say.

Better marquee can be found. There will be plenty of prizes, including $500 gift vouchers, courtesy of Red Balloon adventures, and 10 Apple MacBook Pros. Current students and families and friends are

I encourage you to make the most of the many

welcome to attend Open Day. To find out more, go

activities available at Curtin this semester, and I wish you all the best for your studies.

to openday.curtin.edu.au.

The fun and excitement of Open Day 2010.

CRICOS Provider Code 00301J CU-CC-0047/BRAND CUCC0692 Curtin University is a trademark of Curtin University of Technology

WHERE’S ALL THE HAPPINESS GONE? Jennifer Peterson-Ward

16 - feature

What happened to the good old days, Where in the sunny sandpit we’d play, Enjoying simple things in life, Trying to avoid the strife.

It seems to me that happiness is harder to attain these days. All I see is a whole load of stressed out people. Stressing about work, family, social standing and where they are headed in the future. Although I can only claim to have been breathing for a short 18 years I have seen a world of change.

Although I know a kids mind is simple and can warp reality through misunderstanding or lack of perception I remember days where all that mattered is that my family were happy and having a heap of fun.

We’d go down to the park, play hide and seek around the house and laugh while we told stories. One of the things that made me happiest as a kid was to look back at baby photos of myself, only now with the realisation that I was still a baby.

Now as a young adult I accept and take on the duties that my age calls upon and I can understand why people are so unhappy with their lives. Do you want to know what I blame? I blame technology because it has allowed people to disconnect from the world as a way of escaping their unhappy lives or work from home all night after spending 8 hours a day in the office. Now don’t get me wrong I absolutely love some of the things that technology has made possible and I wouldn’t be able to live the same lifestyle without it but I draw the line in a place that at times makes me a social outcast. I have a mobile phone, but I only use it in an emergency. I have a laptop and internet connection but I try not to spend all day staring at a screen. I have access to a television but I certainly don’t have one in my room. I have a few favourite websites to check out but Facebook and Twitter are certainly not on the list. I also do not own any form of gaming console and there

isn’t one anywhere to be found within the premises I live.

I believe that the more time we spend engaging with the screen technologies the less time we can enjoy the happiness that comes from other aspects of life. Cosy up under a blanket in front of a fireplace and listen to the rain in the middle of winter.

Go to the beach by yourself on a warm summer’s day and enjoy the peacefulness the crashing of waves will bring. Go to your local park in spring or in autumn and enjoy the beauty of the trees shedding their leaves or of flowers springing to life. Try to live as simply as possible and think if updating and checking Facebook at least every 24 hours is really worth it. By disconnecting for just a little while and giving your brain and body time to relax you will feel calmer, happier and have a better perspective of your own life.

all they know is that the word is disgusting and they hate hearing it

A SYMPHONY IN C MAJOR

By Emil Cholich

see: a bogan named Bintang Singlet. I don’t irresponsibly use the C word, in the same way I don’t wear shirts that perpetuate pointless wars between Ford and Holden drivers.

Whether we store all these objects The C word, when correctly implemented, can empower a sentence; this is not to say all instances of it are at all defendable. It seems that there is increased usage of the nasty word in outer-suburbs, and indeed connection public transport services, where saying cunt, for certain Midlandites, has replaced breathing as the preferred method of respiration.

I can say with some certainty that at least 50% of Perth women are offended by the word. When probed further, they don’t understand why they’re offended by a simple syllable referring to their thigh-clams, all they know is that the word is disgusting and they hate hearing it, because another woman has at one point told them that yes, they are offended by it, and if asked why, it’s because the man asking you is a sexist pig.

It’s not like it’s Voldemort, it’s not like saying it three times will make it come at you, trust me I’ve spent many a lonely nights trying.

However these are extreme cases, involving the kind of people that name kids strictly after things they don’t have (eg. Mercedes, Ferrari, The-Common-Sense-To-UseContraception). I’ll tell you what you’ll never

Upon hearing the word it is extremely common for a woman to burst out, like you’ve just begun to aggressively and repeatedly have intercourse with their favourite childhood toy, often into a feminist

rage, citing sexism. Ironically this is the most accurate portrayal of behaviour that would be considered cuntish.

When I do something dickish I expect to be called a dick, or have a Facebook group started about me. I think that as long as men don’t mind being called dicks, women shouldn’t mind being called cunts. I think this is sexist and true equality can’t be attained until the female population hardens up a bit.

I want full use of my adoptive second tongue, even the dark corners of it, being restricted from using words which, even within a positive context, are deemed offensive gets me more down than a pregnant sixteen year old with a flight of stairs. See, that last sentence was absolutely offensive and I didn’t use the word cunt once. going back in time; reliving and remembering the past.

17 - feature

Cunt. Four letters, yet so much power. No other word in the English language is as universally reviled. But why? I like it, it’s the last power word left. “Shit” means pretty much nothing nowadays and “Fuck” has all the audacity of common sense to someone who wears Crocs.

Model Mystery Review & Photos: Sheridan Coleman

Exhibition: ‘18th and 19th Century Prisoner Art’, by Tom Freeman, at The Museum of Natural Mystery As I walk home in the early hours of the morning, the air around me is thick and moist. An uncanny fog has permeated what seems like the whole world, blurring out the moon and giving a strange solidified look to the orange light of a streetlamp.

My friend’s mother has told me that this eerie phenomenon only happens once in every couple of years. In this background of climatic wonder and bizarre historical significance, it seems of no coincidence that this was the evening I had spent at The Museum of Natural Mystery.

18 - exhibition

With two shows already behind it, this suburban gallery has established itself and its ethos with a speed uncommon to artist-run initiatives. The gallery itself is a re-purposed residential garage on the corner of View and Charles, a blackboard hangs outside with the show’s title scraped on in chalk. The gallery curates a new exhibition every month, open to all-comers for one night and one afternoon only. The art it shows, like the fog, combines historical whimsy, natural curiosities and celebrates the near-magical wonders of the world. At the launch, the tiny, whitewashed space is cramped with enthusiastic patrons, who jostle and spill out into the street. A small wooden honesty box vends the MoNM’s beautifully produced monthly publication for $2 a pop. The place is a beehive: tiny, industrious, and filled with excitement and optimism.

The mission for the Museum’s founder/curators Pat Miller and David Egan is to put on high quality contemporary art shows that communicate ideas in the welcoming and interesting manner possible.

The pair are dedicated facilitators and their unassuming location, bustling openings and love

for good ideas all place the emphasis on sharing good artwork with everybody. Simplicity is the catch cry here, and the results are that the MoNM is a cosy space that never compromises quality for flash.

This month’s exhibition is a collection of works on paper and small sculptures made by Perth artist Tom Freeman, which delve into the 18th and 19th century practise of “prisoner art”. Freeman once discovered a number of architectural models on display on the top floor of the Petersborough Museum in the UK. These were fashioned with varying levels of skill by prison inmates from the refuse, bones and scraps they were able and allowed to collect. In this tradition, Freeman has constructed a series of delicate and lovingly formed sculptures, which appear to be part architectural studies, part recycling and part a reaction to maddening solitude. They look like small animals, many standing on spindly legs, placed as though wandering off the table and

some patterned as though going into camouflage.

Freeman’s ink, pen and texta on paper works hang in a grid somewhat resembling prison bars, and zealously extend the shapes and colours of the sculptures. Their sense of character is rich: one feels that Freeman has adopted the technique of drawing from memory in order to mimic the artistic patterns of a prisoner trying to draw something they haven’t seen in years. Napolean Pattern 1 and 2 allude to the notch-on-the-wall calendar we associate with the slow passing of time in a cell block.

In Duncan Jones’ 2009 sci-fi flick Moon, astronaut Sam Bell is nearing the end of a three-year shift working in isolation on a lunar mine. Just like one of the prisoners Freeman studies, Sam Bell is out of touch with the world, eats and wears the same thing every day and is a slave to his routine.

His creative outlet is the attentive carving of a model city out of balsa wood. Both Moon and Freeman’s show reveal the fascinating effects of solitude. It appears that humans desire society, structure and civilisation to the point where if it is taken from them, they must build up their own world to replace it. When you’re alone, however, that world can only be made up of what materials you can find and what memories you can recall.

Freeman’s imitation prison stint shows us an inner landscape full of buildings and spaces that are constructed out of mismatched scrap materials, memories of the outside world, and a deepseated longing to be a part of a polity.

The Museum of Natural Mystery’s next exhibition will be announced on their website and Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Museum-ofNatural-Mystery/222272711121503 http://naturalmystery.org/

CURTIN STUDENT GUILD

ELECTION NOTICE

In accordance with regulation E0501 of the Curtin Student Guild Regulations

2011 Annual Guild and NUS Elections

Nominations are invited from interested and eligible person for the following positions in the 2011 Annual Guild and NUS elections:

 Humanities Faculty Representative  Guild President  International Student Committee Convenor  Education Vice President  Curtin University Postgraduate Student Association  Activities Vice President (CUPSA) President  General Secretary  Guild Councillors (9)  Business Faculty Representative  National Union of Students Delegates (7)  Science and Engineering Faculty Representative  Health Science Faculty Representative Nomination forms will be accepted from 8.30 am on Friday 19 August 2011. Nomination forms, group registration forms and voting ticket forms are available during business hours from the Curtin Student Guild Office at the following location: Building 106, Curtin University, Kent Street, BENTLEY or online at www.guild.curtin.edu.au.

ELIGIBILITY CRITERIA Candidates shall be Financial Guild members at least seven (7) days prior to the opening of nominations and not otherwise disqualified. A nomination form shall be signed by a witness who shall sight the nominee’s Curtin student identification card; this witness must be a member of Guild Administrative staff, the Returning Officer or a Justice of the Peace. On satellite Campuses University staff members on that campus act as acceptable witnesses in the absence of Guild Administrative staff, the Returning Officer or a Justice of the Peace. Guild Administrative Staff may not sign nominations forms if they are enrolled Curtin Students. Electors shall be students enrolled in an award course at Curtin University of Technology as at close of rolls and not otherwise disqualified.

LODGEMENT OF NOMINATONS Nominations, completed in accordance with the rules and regulations of the Guild, must be lodged in a sealed envelope with the Returning Officer in person, or by placing into the nomination box located in the Curtin Student Guild Office or posted to the Curtin Student Guild at the above address, to be received no later than the close of nominations, 12.00 noon, Monday 5 September 2011. Prospective candidates wishing to nominate outside Curtin Student Guild business hours, must first contact the Returning Officer to arrange a suitable time to lodge a nomination or other prescribed form.

No nomination will be accepted later than 12.00 noon, Monday 5 September 2011. You may include a policy statement of up to 500 words on a CD or DVD in Rich Text Format. You may also include a recent passport size head and shoulders photograph. The photograph must have the nominee’s name, student number and signature on the rear of the photograph. A digital photograph on a CD or DVD labelled with the nominee’s name, student number and signature will be accepted. A nomination deposit of $10 per candidate is required, payable in cash and must accompany the nomination(s) form(s). No nomination deposit is payable for NUS nominations. A refund of the deposit will be made to all candidates elected.

LODGEMENT OF GROUP REGISTRATION FORMS Group Registration forms shall be lodged with the Returning Officer in person or by placing into the nomination box located in the Curtin Student Guild Office to be received no later than the close of Group Registration, 12.00 noon, Tuesday 6 September 2011.

DRAW FOR BALLOT PAPER POSITIONS AND ALLOCATION OF COLOURS The draw for ballot paper positions and allocation of colours will take place at 8.30 am, Wednesday 7 September 2011 at Guild Reception.

VOTING PREFERENCE FORMS Completed Voting Preference forms shall be lodged with the Returning Officer in person or by placing into the nomination box located in the Curtin Student Guild Office to be received no later than the close of Voting Preference forms at 12.00 noon, Friday 9 September 2011.

POSTAL VOTE APPLICATIONS Postal vote applications may be made to the Curtin Student Guild Office on the form available from the office and published in GROK. Postal Vote Application forms can also be downloaded from the Guild web page. A completed, signed and witnessed application form must be received by the Returning Officer no later than 5.00pm on Thursday 15 September 2011.

Natasha Freeman RETURNING OFFICER Phone: (08) 9429 6149 Mobile: 0421 451 117

19 - guild elections

POLLING Polling will take place at the Bentley campus between 10.00 am and 4.00 pm on Tuesday 20 September 2011, Wednesday 21 September 2011 between 10.00 am and 8.00 pm and on Thursday 22 September 2011 between 10.00 am and 4.00 pm, and online from 10.00 am on Tuesday 20 September 2011 to 4.00 pm on Thursday 22 September 2011.

GROUP REGISTRATION FORM

2011 Curtin Student Guild Annual General Election In accordance with regulation E0601 of the Curtin Student Guild Regulations NOTE: Only candidates who have nominated for Guild Councillor or NUS positions respectively.

To the Returning Officer: We (Print names)

1.

13.

2.

14.

3.

15.

4.

16.

5.

17.

6.

18.

7.

19.

8.

20.

9.

21.

10.

22.

11.

23.

12.

24.

candidates in the election of

Guild Councillors

 (tick one box only)

NUS Delegates

 (complete a separate form for each election)



(a)

consent to the grouping of candidates in the order indicated above



(b)

authorise application for the following group name ____________________________________________________________________________ (no more than 7 words or 35 characters)



(c)

authorise ____________________________________________________ (name) of __________________________________________________________ (address) Contact phone number (s) ______________________________________ to be the primary group agent

(d)

authorise ____________________________________________________ (name) of __________________________________________________________ (address)

20 - guild elections

to be secondary group agent



(e)



(f)

make a claim to reserve the following colour, selected from the list provided by the Returning Officer, for campaign material (please refer to the Election Handbook 2011) 1st Preference ____________ 2nd Preference ____________ 3rd Preference ____________ and agree that once a colour has been allocated by the Returning Officer it cannot be changed (Continued overleaf)

21 -guild elections

NOMINATION BY CANDIDATE FOR 2011 CURTIN STUDENT GUILD ELECTION In accordance with regulation E0503 of the Curtin Student Guild Regulations

POSITION Candidate Details Surname Given names Student number Name on ballot paper Residential address

No.

Street name

Suburb

Postcode

Contact number

Mobile

Fax number

Email

 Photograph:



I have provided a photo of myself (a recent passport size head and shoulders photo – I have written my name and student number on the back and signed it). A digital passport size head and shoulders photograph on a CD or DVD labelled with nominee’s name, student number and signature would be accepted.

No, I don’t want to include a photo

I am qualified to hold office in accordance with the rules of the Guild and agree to be bound by the Guild regulations. I consent to the nomination and also consent to act in the position nominated for, if I am elected.

Signature of candidate

Date

/

/ 11 xx

Date

/

/ 11 xx

Name of witness Signature of witness

In accordance with the Curtin Student Guild Regulations Division 2 - Elections, the witness must sight the nominee’s Curtin student identification card; the witness must be a member of Guild Administrative staff, the Returning Officer or a Justice of the Peace. On satellite campuses University staff members on that campus act as acceptable witnesses in the absence of Guild administrative staff, the Returning Officer or a Justice of the Peace. Guild Administrative Staff may not sign nomination forms if they are enrolled Curtin Students.

If you do not plan to register as part of a group you may wish to indicate a colour preference (to be selected from the list provided by the Returning Officer in the Election Handbook 2011) 1st Preference _______________ 2nd Preference ________________ 3rd Preference _______________

22 - guild elections

Completed nominations, including a $10 nomination deposit (cash only), must be lodged in a sealed envelope with the Returning Officer in person, by placing into the nomination box located in the Curtin Student Guild Office or posted to the Curtin Student Guild, Building 106, Curtin University of Technology, Kent Street, BENTLEY and received no later than the close of nominations at 12.00 noon on Monday 5 September 2011. You may include a policy statement of up to 500 words in rich text format on a CD or DVD (labelled with your name, student number and signature).

Natasha Freeman RETURNING OFFICER Phone: (08) 9429 6149 Mobile: 0421 451 117 Note: Candidates cannot withdraw their nominations after the close of nominations.

APPLICATION FOR POSTAL VOTE

2011 Curtin Student Guild Annual General Election In accordance with regulation E0306 of the Curtin Student Guild Regulations

Surname Given names Student number Name on ballot paper Residential address

No.

Street name

Suburb

Postcode

Contact number

Mobile

I declare that I am a student enrolled in an award course at Curtin University of Technology and entitled to vote in the Curtin Student Guild Elections and qualified to receive a postal vote because I am: Please tick one

     

An external or part-time student

  

Serving a sentence of imprisonment for an offence or otherwise being in lawful custody or detention

Disabled or incapacitated Undergoing study vacation/exams Not within 8 kilometres of the metropolitan campus polling place(s) throughout the hours of polling A carer or someone who is ill, infirm or pregnant Precluded from attending a polling place throughout the hours of the polling of throughout the greater part of those hours because of membership of a religious order or religious beliefs Travelling under conditions that will preclude attendance at the polling place or Required or on call for emergency duty or employment

Signature of applicant

Date

/

/ 11 xx

Date

/

/ 11 xx

Name of witness Signature of witness Send completed applications to: The Returning Officer Curtin Student Guild Curtin University of Technology Building 106 Kent Street BENTLEY WA 6102

OR

Miss Natasha Freeman Returning Officer Curtin Student Guild Election Level 2, 1260 Hay Street WEST PERTH WA 6005

Note: Completed applications must be received by the Returning Officer not later than 5.00 pm on Thursday 15 September 2011. To be included in the count, completed ballot papers must be received by the Returning Officer by the close of poll, 4.00 pm Thursday 22 September 2011.

OFFICE USE ONLY Application Received:

____/____/____

________________________

Ballot Paper Sent:

____/____/____

________________________

Ballot Paper Received:

____/____/____

________________________

Application Number:

________________________

________________________

(initial) (initial) (initial)

23 - guild elections

(initial)

VOTING PREFERENCE FORM

2011 Curtin Student Guild Annual General Election In accordance with regulation E0701 of the Curtin Student Guild Regulations Division 2 Elections

Election of Guild Councillors



or



NUS Delegates

Group Name ___________________________________________________________________________________

24 - guild elections

Order of names to be placed on the voting preference list 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42

43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 If insufficient space, attach additional page. ___________________________ Signature of Group Agent

/

/ 2011 Date

NOTE TO CANDIDATES Fill out the section clearly so that preferences can be accurately distributed.

All candidates in the group must be listed in the same order as they appear on the Group Registration Form and will appear on the ballot paper starting from position one. Thereafter any number of candidates not in the Group may be listed in any order.

A Voting Preference Form must indicate by consecutive numbers commencing with the number 1, the preferences for all the candidates in its Group in the precise order on the ballot paper. A Voting Preference Form that fails to comply with the precise numbering shall be rejected (regulation EO701 (3). A Voting Preference Form may indicate further preferences for all or some of the candidates not in the group.

Completed forms must be lodged with the Returning Officer by 12.00 noon on Friday 9 September 2011.

25 - guild elections

26 - guild elections

The Women’s department of the Curtin Student Guild invites you, all the women on campus to:

Date Rape Safety and How to Stay Safe for Life Brought to you by:

When: Wednesday, 17th August 2011 12-2pm—During Common Free Time Where: BankWest Lecture Theatre

Please note—this is a closed session for WOMEN ONLY

The Knowledge you take into a situation determines your ability to get out of it

27 - feature

This session is FREE! Please RSVP by - 10 August 2011 to— women@guild.curtin.edu.au

When We Were Young

By Anthony Pyle

We always think to ourselves, why can’t we be young again?

To the days where we had no responsibilities, and the hardest work we ever did in school was painting pictures and singing songs. Well here is a quick round up of the things that seemed great when we were kids, but have lost their shine by growing up.

28 - feature

1) Playing in cardboard boxes used to be a major pastime in my house. My parents would have bought a new dishwasher, fridge or some other large appliance and the box would become the latest toy. Often the box would become an ideal hiding place for our small selves, and on the occasions when we would move house, all the boxes once unpacked would be turned into a fort in the spare room to keep my child like mind out of the way for a while. This doesn’t work now though, even if a box is big enough for me to get in and hide. I think no one feels greatly impressed at my hiding skills, at least not such as they did when I was young.

2) Tag is a game of endless enjoyment that I would play for hours with friends. We would never get bored of creating new iterations of the game to keep me and my friends entertained. It was amazing how long I could run about without collapsing from complete

exhaustion and still be captivated by a game with no real end goal. The real fault with this now is, we learnt to strategise. We go for the weakest member of the group. Being “It” makes us the lion to the slowest gazelle.

So the game gets predictable and loses its charm. Then there’s that athletic friend that everyone has who plays just so they can show how fast they are.

3) Pogs, stickers, trading cards. These collectables all entice children. The feeling of having a new packet of something, wrapped in that silver foil that once torn open, allows you the insane gratification, and the pestering of your parents for the latest thing had finally paid off. I can’t ever explain why it felt so good to have all the stickers for a collector’s book, or why the more Pokemon cards I obtained led to childhood bliss, but it did. However the joy I gained from these as a child is gone now, perhaps because if I wanted these things now, I would have to justify to myself that $7 could be spent on something better than ten trading cards.

4) Grandparents. Aren’t they the greatest, but they seemed ever better when we were children. Visitation rights were generally the weekdays when I wasn’t at school and my parents were at work. I think it’s pretty safe to say that most people are spoilt by their grandparents. I was for certain, kept quiet with a strict diet of chocolate

and sugary drinks. My sugar addled mind buzzing all day until eventually it was time to be returned to my stressed out parents.

Parents who didn’t give me sweets because of these hyper episodes, and my elders who knew they would quickly escape as the true sugar rush kicked in.

5) Christmas. The ultimate holiday, where you would get what you always wanted; without knowing you wanted it. The anticipation that came from the night before where you begged your parents just for one present before Christmas, and if you were lucky they would let you have a small present. Not that it mattered, because the second the sun rose that next day, you were up and sitting next to the tree. Yelling for your parents to get up as obviously, it was Christmas, and you had a need for presents that just couldn’t wait. This feeling dwindled a bit in my teenage years. My parents would ask me what I wanted, killing the mood of Christmas being surprising. There is also the wish for sleep over presents, which comes around the age of twenty. I could quite happily sleep in until noon on Christmas day and open my presents when I felt like it.

Especially as I knew what gifts I was getting.

This was not to be the case though. My family’s persistence with waking me up early to open presents, was not joyous but troublesome.

Curtin Student’s Unite for ‘Amazing’ Charity Challenge!

Curtin University students are preparing to step up to the challenge to find out which West Australian university knows Perth the best in the first annual BHP Billiton Ramble benefitting Telethon and Australian Rotary Health.

Armed with a map, clue sheet and a mobile phone, teams of 2-6 Curtin students will compete against other universities and the local community on October 9th when they attempt to uncover hidden checkpoints at iconic landmarks and quirky locations across the City of Perth.

“Teamwork is the key to creating a winning Ramble team. Teams made up of different faculties will do well as it will bring different knowledge and strengths to their team,” said Ramble Marketing Manager, Anika Pawlovich.

Described as a cross between ‘The Amazing Race’ and a treasure hunt, teams have four hours to use foot power and public transport to navigate the city and solve challenges earning points toward some great prizes.

Touting the day as a fun and charitable way to discover new things about the city, Pawlovich encourages Perth natives and international students to enter and learn more about Perth.

“Trust us, if you think you know Perth, you just might be surprised.”

Students can enter teams at www. rotaryramble.com.

Part ‘Amazing Race’ part treasure hunt, all for a good cause.

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Universities across the city will compete in their own challenge to try to enter the most teams into the event. Dressing up is encouraged with a prize being awarded to the wackiest dressed team.

The Great Gay Agenda

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By Maz Rahman

We’re in the news on an almost weekly basis, all your favourite tv stars? GAY. From the geeky Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, to the man every guy hopes to emulate, Barney, from How I Met Your Mother.

That’s right, we DO have an agenda. All those horror stories those naysayers have been predicting are true. We’re banding together and implementing the first stage of Project Homo. The gay mafia DOES exist.

It all starts early, get them while they’re young I say! Those pesky high schoolers with their raging hormones are the perfect target. Every school should let their students bring a same sexed partner to the ball, it’ll be like a Mexican wave, first, one girl brings her beloved, next thing you know, all the girls will be making out with each other at leavers. Oh wait… pretty sure that already happens. It’s called ALCOHOL and Katy Perry.

You would think every school and parent would be pushing for their kids to be gay. I mean, wouldn’t you love the peace of mind that your daughter isn’t going to get drunk at leavers and come home knocked up. Teenage pregnancies would be a thing of the past!

Huzzah!

Then you get uni students, fresh faced teens getting their first taste of freedom with unimaginable opportunities! There’s gender studies! Sexology! The Queer Department!

Grok! All these exist to turn you gay. That’s right, what they say is true, you CAN be turned gay. Just like water can be turned to wine. You might want to be a little more cautious when you eat one of those free sausage sizzles the Guild hands out, in case you haven’t heard, the Guild has been

infiltrated by us pesky gays, and there’s a segment of us who enjoy handling those sausages. (Yes, I stooped to a sausage joke, I’m tired, or drunk, you pick.)

On a grander scale is our plan of world domination. We’re after everything you have!

Marriage! Adoption! IVF! Human rights! Equal rights! *Gasp!* Oh no! What will the world come to? How dare a man love a man, or 2 women want a child? What next? A guy fucks a sheep? Men marry robots? Women get to vote? On second thoughts…. us annoying women can already vote, and I’m pretty sure some guy somewhere has already fucked a sheep, and well, if a guy in Japan got to marry his body pillow, pretty sure there’s someone out there with a robot ‘wife’. Huh, maybe equal marriage between 2 consenting human adults isn’t so crazy then. Maybe those opposing equal marriage should be focusing their energy on the issue of child brides, forced marriages, animal rights (come on, you gotta feel sorry for that sheep), oh and the worst offender against the sanctity of marriage, DIVORCE. Besides, with the world economy going the way it is, it’s always been said, it only takes 3 words to solve this financial crisis. Gay Bridal Registry.

But really, once that whole marriage debate is done and dusted, we still face other hurdles.

Kids. Yes, we’re not deluded, 2 same sexed partners cannot biologically bear a child.

But it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t make great parents. A lot of thought goes into the decision to have a child when in a gay partnership. Probably more than that one night stand Mel B and Eddie Murphy had, or that one drunk night out at the Paramount or The Deen. Children cost a lot. God knows how much my parents have spent on my sisters and me over the years.

If there are teen parents and single mothers who manage to raise healthy kids, who is anyone to judge whether 2 loving, financially secure gay partners would be good parents.

There are tons of deadbeat parents out there who neglect their kids, or who continuously

pop them out for the sake of getting more benefits from Centrelink. Besides, there are millions of kids in foster care or orphanages around the world that need homes, and more than a few gay couples willing to open their homes to a child. The argument that gay parents produce gay kids is pretty ridiculous, I mean, if you want someone to blame for gay people, blame all the straights out there. You popped out a large majority of us.

Our biggest tool to push our agenda onto society has got to be the Pride Parade.

Seriously, the gays know how to throw a party.

It’s in your face, it makes you realise that society still doesn’t treat everyone equally, and seriously, it’s just downright fun. One day I will make it to the Sydney Mardi Gras, it’s like a rite of passage, much like going to the Court when you first come out. I have a love/ hate relationship with the comments section of the online news once the article about the parade has been published. It’s great to see discussion about the issue of inclusion, but its also quite terrifying knowing that people with such hatred for us still exist in society.

For all those people who hate the parade and think it’s a huge waste of taxpayer money (despite the amount of money it generates for the businesses along the route, the gay venues and all the hotels that get booked out so people don’t drink and drive, meaning more taxes being paid = more money for the government), then there’s one way you can get rid of the parade. Give us the rights we want, then we won’t have a reason to make a fuss. It’s pretty simple. Though I would be pretty devastated to see the end of Mardi Gras or even the local Pride Parade, there’s just something about being surrounded by a bunch of gays, it’s like being surrounded by family, just on a larger scale.

So mothers, lock up your daughters, we’re coming for them. We’re a force not to be reckoned with. We’re everywhere. I’m holding down the fort here in Perth, while my homegirl Shakira mans the fort down in Melbourne. We may not go down in history, but we’ll sure go down on your daughters.

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There’s been a number of rumours and speculations over the decades that the gays are taking over. Slowly, we’re infiltrating every aspect of life. I mean, in the last issue, someone pointed out just how gay Grok has gotten this year. Think about it, we’ve taken over the hospitality industry, retail, art, and don’t even get me started on the fashion world. We’re in the news on an almost weekly basis, all your favourite tv stars? GAY. With the geeky Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, to the man every guy hopes to emulate, Barney, from How I Met Your Mother. Yup, have you met his partner and 2 kids.

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Who are you Calling Dull?

Jennifer Peterson-Ward

Chances are you’ve heard the popular terms ‘dullsville’, ‘boretown’, or even ‘absolute piece of crap’ being used to describe our fair city, and I for one resent them. I love Perth. It’s been my home for nearly ten years now and I don’t think there’s a single dull thing about it. So, for all you sceptics out there, here are my top reasons as to why Perth should be relabelled ‘funsville’.

Benches, benches everywhere

Head into King’s Park or Forrest Chase in the city centre and experience the different kinds of benches that Perth has to offer. Sit down, lie down, look at, or even re-enact the “I’m king of the world!” scene from Titanic; the possibilities are endless. Just remember to get there before 6am; otherwise all the good seats will be taken!

If you’re in Perth, you’re not in Adelaide

In the incredibly unlikely event that you

find yourself bored whilst here in Perth, just remember: you’re not in Adelaide.

This thought alone is enough to put a smile on anyone’s face!

We have a thriving music ‘Scene’ Thanks to Perth’s fine collection of music writers, citizens can enjoy reading articles about some of the biggest concerts from the Eastern states. These articles – complete with black-and-white stock images of the artist or band – are so immersive that you’ll feel like you were actually there. If you prefer the live experience however, Perth’s two local acts, Muse Cover Band and So Indy We’re Not Indy (Because We’re Hipsters) are enough to satisfy any music taste.

Get out of the city!

Those who want to venture away from the social and cultural hub of WA still have plenty to do in the way of fun. Pretend you’re in England in Clarkson, leave a bag unattended in the International Airport, watch animals sleep at the zoo, or just be in Mandurah

in Mandurah. These fun and exciting experiences are only a bus or train ride away!

Listening to RTR isn’t mandatory This one’s self-explanatory.

Have some fun on public transport

Speaking of public transport, it’s fair to say that Transperth has it in spades.

Unlike the other state capital cities, Perth’s public transport system doesn’t enforce any of the rules imposed on its patrons, and instead features an honour system. So if you like spitting on things, sniffing glue, or even just swearing at old people, one of our fine buses or trains is the place to do it.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and have fun! And the next time you hear someone call your awesome city dull, throw a fridge at them, because that’s the kind of quirky, out there shit us Perth-goers do.

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Perth city is often stereotyped as being an incredibly dull place.

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Simple Joys To the tune of “My Favourite Things” from The Sound of Music Farts in small places and fetid Dutch ovens Letting rip with a big one while gettin’ some lovin’ Flaming brown packages got folks on the brink These are a few of my favourite stinks Cream coloured vomits, rude pictures of doodles Mud pies and poo pies and if you think I’m crude, well Brown streaks on undies beginning to fester These are the things that’ll gross-out and test ya Drunk chicks in high heels, poonanie flashes Finding red patches that break out in rashes Relieving intestines while out on the drink These are delightful, detestable stinks When there’s no gin Boredom sets in When I’m feeling crass I simply remember that Queen Lizzy farts And then I don’t feel so bad

36 -- creative creative

By Ikea Maggot, Carmen Reilly’s foul alter ego

NOW Open OPEN

NEWS

Commonwealth Commonwealth Bank Bank Branch Branch

$

waterfordplaza.com.au Corner Kent Street and Manning Road

37 - contents

2011 STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE

FOOD Chilliz Domino’s House of Pasta Ibra’s Kebab Ice Bubble Jesters O’Mama Kopitiam Mikasa Café Nando’s Sara Thai Subway Burger Edge Brumby’s Garden Fresh Gloria Jean’s Coffees Chicken Treat KFC TRAVEL Student Flights IT, ENTERTAINMENT & PHONES Techniq Computer Solutions Mo’s Mobiles Movies ‘N’ More HEALTH & BEAUTY Top Image Hair Design Specsavers Volona & Associates Priceline Pharmacy You Skin & Body NEWSAGENT, POST & LOTTERY Waterford News Karawara Post Office Waterford Lottery Kiosk SUPERMARKETS & LIQUOR Coles Oriental Supermarket Down Under Cellars GIFTS & HOMEWARES The Front Door Home & Gift Gallery ATM’s Westpac ANZ Commonwealth Bank Suncorp BankWest

ROCKBAND DLC XBox 360 / PS3 REVIEWED BY: Connor White This year’s DLC for Rock Band has been crap.

But I’ll help you sort through it, because I’m just that charitable. Wonder what to spend your money on no more.

Head Like A Hole – Nine Inch Nails Admittedly, this one isn’t great for the game, but I recently picked up Pretty Hate Machine to find that it is the best album ever made. Screw Absolution, screw The Wall and screw Tubular Bells. This beats them all.

Hard Rock Hallelujah – Lordi Remember Eurovision 2006? These guys won for spending the most money on their costumes and face paint, because the song itself is pretty bad. So bad, in fact, that it is really really good. It’s The Room for Rock Band.

Prelude/Angry Young Man – Billy Joel This is actually cool. A ballad regarding Roger Ebert, or at least that was my impression, this exudes the feeling of triumph, leaving a feel good anthem that also holds a touch of melancholy. The ambivalent pacing signifies the subject’s nature of behaviour.

Actually, I’m not a high school English student.

I don’t have to be pretentious. This song is just cool.

Walk – Foo Fighters

38 - reviews

Because Thor was actually decent, which shocked all of us, I think.

Through The Fire And Flames – Dragonforce Perked your ears up, didn’t you? Yes, it’s back, and it’s even harder. The outro in particular is

hard enough to create several memes out of it.

I will say the keyboard is boring except for the parts that used to be charted to guitar because Neversoft were a bunch of loons. Why did you all buy GH3? I thought Disturbed would turn you all off the game, not be a selling point.

Light Grenades – Incubus Wait, I’m sorry, that’s what a good Incubus pack would have. We don’t even get Anna Molly or Drive, or even Stellar. Fucking Stellar, man. And no, Light Grenades was not that bad.

You’re all just temperamental.

Somebody To Love – Jefferson Airplane Because Jim Carrey used to be funny.

Blue (Da Ba Dee) – Eiffel 65 Yep, this group is still kicking around. Buy this song and maybe they’ll have the good grace to release My Console. And because, y’know, it’s fucking Blue.

She Hates Me – Puddle Of Mudd Oh wait, I don’t get hard over a song just because it has a few naughty words in it. Don’t lie, this was the only reason it was popular; it offends your mothers. Blurry is legitimately good, though.

Blue Monday – New Order Yeah, this came out on Rock Band last year, but it’s the best song released so far so it needs to be mentioned again.

867-5309 (Jenny) – Tommy Tutone A forgotten ‘80s hit, this is oozing with cool.

Not quite on the level of Def Leppard, but just as irrelevant today.

Owner Of A Lonely Heart – Yes Yeah, not prog enough, sellout pop hit, blah blah blah. Well, you got some of their prog stuff on there too, so shut it.

Bed Intruder – Antoine Dodson and the Gregory How Soon Is Now? – The Smiths Brothers This isn’t even announced yet, but mark my Yes, really.

River of Glass – Rishloo Sometimes, the state of modern music gets me down. When I see the market flooded with emo pretenders and robot women, I break down and cry. But Rishloo, dear Rishloo, has been there to comfort me for the past few months.

It’s new prog, yes, but it’s still awesome. And to the person who can FC vocals on this, I commend thee.

words, it will be. There are already two Smiths songs on here, and indie would-be’s would commit seppukku if we didn’t get this and There Is A Light That Blah Blah Blah. Why do the song names have to be so long, dear God? I was struggling to find as many songs as I did, honestly. Between Rebecca Black and the poor DLC announcements this year, Friday’s good name has been stained.

Unless they release some Warren Zevon, and then it will have been worth it.

LEGEND OF ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME 3D

RESIDENT EVIL: MERCENARIES 3D

REVIEWED BY: CONNOR WHITE

REVIEWED BY: CONNOR WHITE

Never having really played through it before, I decided now was the time to try this “masterpiece”. How well has it aged?

Well enough. Ocarina was a big game then, and it still is, filled with secrets and challenges everywhere.

There’s a ton to do and plenty of items to find, and the means to get to them are varied as well. It’s not just dungeon running and puzzling like people may have thought.

The only part that’s aged is combat against anything other than bosses.

A few meagre attacks and tactics means it could get repetitive. Aside from that, Ocarina really is a legend and a game worthy of an update such as this. What’s added this time?

The 3D is quite good. Screen clarity improves and the 3D effect works well, with items really popping out of the screen. That said, you have to work to get the characters to not look blurry, and your eyes might get strained after a while.

The graphics have received a base upgrade. Gone is the N64 Vaseline effect, all models look sharp and contemporary, although some may take offence at some models looking very different from the previous art.

Young Link looks less juvenile than on the N64, and some bosses are easily distinguishable from their 13 year old selves.

I also feel it’s a shame that the soundtrack wasn’t updated with an orchestrated score, because I found out that it’s really good. Plenty of catchy, moody tunes make this a master class in composition. Sound effects are also distinct sounding.

3DS

This game is really all its own.

In terms of extra features, for those having trouble with the game, there are several stones dotted around Hyrule which give you hints on how to procure items or get to an area.

Neato.

The inventory and map take advantage of the 3DS’ two screens.

While gameplay takes place on the top, your map and items can be accessed via the bottom screen on the fly. With additional touch icons, and a permanent slot for the ocarina, you now have five quick-select slots instead of three.

To aim your ranged weapons and look in first-person now, you use the gyroscope and move the 3DS. It’s very accurate, but its always turned on, which, if you play lying down like me, gets annoying.

After beating the game, you’ll unlock both Master Quest and a new Boss Rush mode. Master Quest mirrors the map and makes everything harder. Boss Rush lets you, well, fight all of the bosses as quickly as you can.

The most important aspect, though, is that the Water Temple is streamlined…a lot. Dotted lights lead you to the nearest switches to drain or raise the water, which really eases the pain. The iron boots aren’t a hassle to use anymore with the overhauled inventory.

And that’s it. Not a revolution like the original release, but still one of the best games ever.

10/10

I nearly wasn’t able to get this game.

After preordering it, EB told me that they were delayed due to a save problem. After inquiring some time later, he gave a copy to me and said that they weren’t getting any more batches.

I should have read the omen more clearly.

Mercenaries 3D is a game based on the popular score attack mode from RE4 and 5. This version is made up entirely of assets from RE5 and as a substitute for only having one mode contains eight characters, each with two costumes and a number of weapon sets.

I would have been happy with a portable version of this score attack mode with a few more features, which was indeed the promise.

However, there’s a fair bit holding this back.

The graphics are clearly borrowed from RE5. However, they’ve also taken a huge hit. The promo shots lied to us, people. I realise this game is set in Africa, but the textures should not be this bland and muddy.

LoZ: Ocarina 3D looks better, for crying out loud.

The 3D is much the same deal as Ocarina: It works making the models stand out, but it can’t mask the old looking graphics, it’s hard to get a non-blurry picture and you might not be able to use it indefinitely.

A major flaw of the graphics is that, when enemies are in the distance but still visible, the movement frames stutter. It is hard to describe, but take my word for it, it looks ridiculous.

Also, the sound quality is just crap.

Everything sounds too tinny and distorted. I don’t actually have a clue as to why this could have happened at all. Again, Ocarina 3D is perfectly fine, and it’s even older than RE5.

The controls work well for the 3DS, but only in comparison to its console counterpart. It’s a pretty good mirror, but the controls on there were arguably aged as well.

In Mercenaries 3D, Capcom have tried to add the ability to move and shoot at the same time, but that’s it; you can’t move, shoot and aim at the same time.

Mercs is somewhat saved by the amount of content. As stated before, eight characters with innumerable weapon combos and a COD-style perk system keep gameplay fresh between levels, the number of which is surprisingly low. Or “reprisingly”, as some are recycled quite a lot.

The Mercenaries spirit of risk vs. reward is still here, blowing off enemy heads with a shotgun is still neat, but something has arguably been lost in translation. Presentation was never a key part of this mode, but its deficiency shows, too much so.

Remember way back in issue 2 of this year when I said of MvC 3 to “wait for a price drop”? Guess what my recommendation of my next reviewed Capcom game is? It’s pure fun, but the additives often make the experience, and this barely satisfies the palate.

6/10

39 - reviews

3DS

Weird Al

IN LEAGUE

Alpocalypse

Where The Silence Is Easy

REVIEWED BY: Connor White

REVIEWED BY: Connor White

Weird Al’s albums aren’t judged in the same way as a regular music album. It just depends on how funny the songs are. So how does the ominous sounding Alpocalypse sound?

The songs picked for parodying are modern pop, the marquee one being a kicker called Perform This Way. Take a guess what the subject is. However, I’d say Lady Gaga’s costume habits deserve ridicule more than Cobain’s speech patterns or Vedder’s depression anyway.

Beyond that, you have your general polka medley, a Party In The USA parody and a whole bunch of original songs which sound akin to existing bands, much like Dare To Be Stupid eons ago.

Themes include the madness of Craiglist, TMZ, and if you can believe it, Chuck Fucking Norris.

It runs a lot along the lines of what happened in his last album, which is still a good thing. The guy knows his magic.

40 - reviews

That said, Alpocalypse blows its load early. Past the first five tracks, the remainder of the

album, save for the pure majesty of Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me, is incredibly mediocre in both function and form. It’s simply a bit boring.

The gap in quality is quite frank, actually. The first half, with an unofficial Icky Thump parody and the aforementioned Chuck Fucking Norris song, is easily worth a 10. It makes Born This Way listenable from all that techno bullshit. A parody better than the original song? Yes. The other half has terrible comedic love anthems and a song about tattoos which is just not funny. They’re boring and unengaging so I’ve give this half a 4.

So really, the score has to average out at…

7/10

Let’s not mess around; this album is everything that is wrong with the rock scene today. If you needed proof that it’s now kids playing at a man’s game, I’m not sure where you’ve been for the last six years.

Where The Silence Is Easy is your typical post-hardcore emo album. It’s short, the lyrics, which I had to read the liner notes to get, are your typical emo “everything sucks” fare and the craft in shaping the album is unimpressive.

Here you have a bunch of youths picking up instruments and believing they can do whatever and it will sell. And whatever they indeed do, with a barrage of noise the likes of which have admittedly been worse. But that’s no excuse.

Music should be an art, but if uni has taught me anything so far, it’s that art requires heart, talent, work and effort. In League has effort insofar as to truly emulate a dog with throat cancer. The drummer will give you nightmares about trashcans like its St Anger all over again.

Among the aural clutter is a

guitarist who occasionally has a cool riff which sparks potential, and even rarer than that is a halfway decent keyboard player.

Clearly, the two are too good for this band, although with this on their resume I’m not sure who’d hire them now.

The singer is a misnomer, drummers should be known for rhythm and bassists are meant to lay down backing tracks.

Admittedly, the last one is the fault of whoever mixed this.

I found one halfway decent song, Speak Now Or Forever Lose Your Peace, a slow, actually controlled dark ballad. Go buy that one and leave the rest.

Where The Silence Is Easy?

That’d be the mute button.

2/10

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