Inspired Parenting 2015 #2 by Damian Keenan

INSPIRED V O L . 1 . I S S U E 2

WINTER 2015/2016 PRICE $8.95

From power struggles to power sharing How mindfulness can help turn the bullying tide Helping your child learn how to deal with conflict 10 Parent Talk tips to help you raise responsible, caring, conscious children Are today’s schools preparing our kids for success? Congressman Tim Ryan: Helping American schools get healthier and calmer WINTER 2015/2016 · $8.95 U.S./CAN

Editor’s Letter

udging by the overwhelming response we’ve received, Inspired Parenting is a magazine and an online resource that parents, educators, caregivers and child development experts across the globe have been waiting for. And that thrills us. For there’s no denying that with technological progress creating a world that is vastly different than the one in which we were raised, parenting today is more challenging and complex than it was for previous generations. How do we keep our children safe? How can we instill basic human values like kindness, compassion, and cooperation in them when the media is constantly bombarding them with images of violence, madness, and mayhem? How can we ensure that they, and their children in turn, get to experience the joy of living in peaceful, harmonious collaboration with their fellow human beings? One obvious answer, of course, lies in putting more thought into the way we raise, nurture and educate our children. For as Bruce Lipton suggested in his groundbreaking book, The Biology of Belief, whether we are a parent, family member, caregiver, or teacher, we are all genetic engineers—silently crafting, shaping, and molding the minds and hearts of the next generation of parents, politicians, and leaders with the thoughts, words, actions, attitudes and mindsets we model to our children.

But let’s be honest, remaining mindful of these things at all times is easier said than done. As is finding the time to stay up to date on the latest research about effective and supportive ways to raise and communicate with children. Thankfully, we’ve got your back. Our mission is to monitor the research, make the connections, speak to the experts on neurodiversity, learning styles, science, medicine, nutrition, psychology, and the social and emotional aspects of child development, and filter out the best, most trusted and effective information, advice, and strategies so that you don’t have to. And along the way, wherever there are gray areas, as there undoubtedly are when it comes to certain contentious topics such as vaccinations (see our premiere issue), or Tony Gershenson’s article on War Games in this edition (see page 44), which tackles the hotly debated topic of teenagers and video games, we won’t shy away from them. While it’s important to stress that we do not condone violence in any form, as we are aware that it can provoke copycat behavior in some impressionable youths and energetically sensitive individuals, video games are an undeniable part of our culture. We feel we can best serve our readers by providing you with potentially helpful, thought-provoking information by respected commentators, and to sponsor platforms for ongoing perspectives to be shared in print, online and through virtual real-time events and discussions (instead of definitive statements) as a springboard for a creative ongoing dialogue. So let us know what you think, not just on Tony’s article, but on everything you find in this issue of Inspired Parenting. I look forward to receiving your emails at editor@inspiredparenting.com. Warmly,

Sandie Sedgbeer Editor-in-Chief

Front and back cover photos: Valeria Tabor-Smith (www.valerietaborsmith.com) Photos of Congressman Tim Ryan and family: Rasul K. Welch (www.rasulkwelch.com)

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Contents V O L . 1 . I S S U E 2 . W inter 2 0 1 5 / 2 0 1 6

CONSCIOUS PARENTING 7

From Power Struggles to Power Sharing BY NANCY CARLSSON-PAIGE, Ed.D. – Most parents use their parental power in one of two ways: either they use power over children—they tell them what to do, they hold the line, they expect obedience; or, they give their power away to children—they give into their wishes and let kids do as they want. Some parents vacillate between these two ways of using their power. Fortunately, there is a middle ground.

Making Space for a Go-Slow Childhood BY MAGGIE DENT – Children take all of childhood to grow — to learn how to think, learn, process information, behave appropriately, manage their lives, dress themselves, find their way home and learn who they are! We cannot rush this vital development. It’s helpful to implement some strategies in your life to slow things down a little and create a calm environment for your kids and you.

What Parents Can Learn from Elder Wisdom BY MARSHA TONGEL – Indigenous and native people see elders as a source of irreplaceable knowledge, skills and experience that must be shared with the youth in the community. They are the wisdom keepers of family and community history who pass on values, ethics and respect through the morals and lessons ingrained in their stories.

THE IP INTERVIEW 2 0 Congressman Tim Ryan: Helping American Schools

Get Calmer and Healthier BY JUDY JULIN – Congressman Tim Ryan is enjoying his 7th term serving Ohio at the House of Representatives. A family man who practices mindfulness and meditation, he secured funding in 2009 to teach mindfulness in classrooms in Ohio, which has resulted in a 60% reduction in out-of-school suspensions.

TENDER HEARTS 2 5 Mindfulness and Bullying

BY SARAH WOOD VALLELY – There are three ways to be involved in bullying and all play a role in either prolonging the problem or halting it: the one who bullies, the victim of the behavior, and the bystanders. Experts say, bullying is a learned behavior; therefore, if children become mindful of their tendencies and their causes, then they can change their behavior.

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Contents

BRILLIANT MINDS 2 8 Is School Preparing our Kids for Success…? Umm…No.

BY DR. LARA HONOS-WEBB – Someone once said, “Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” This is what happens to children with learning differences that make fact-finding and follow through their weak spot – they spend twelve years trying to climb a tree and then spend the rest of their life feeling incompetent.

SPIRITED BEHAVIOR 3 2 Helping Your Child Learn How to Deal with Conflict

BY DR. CARON GOODE – Conflict resolution is the term for a variety of techniques used to deal with conflicts in nonviolent ways. It is especially useful in schools as we strive to teach children to deal with one another peacefully. Everyone can benefit from learning how to resolve conflicts creatively and nonviolently.

SENSITIVE BODIES 3 5 Natural Solutions to Cold and Flu Prevention

BY LETRIN HOANG, D.O. – My philosophy of health is that an immune system in perfect balance will be able to fend off colds and disease even in the midst of a brutal winter season. Likewise, a child with a healthy immune system should be able to tolerate being in a crowded classroom full of sick classmates, and not get sick.

SUPER LEARNERS 3 8 How to Make Your Kids Do Homework

BY CHICK MOORMAN AND THOMAS HALLER – Tired of arguing, nagging, and struggling with your kids to get them to do homework? Are you discovering that bribing, threatening, and punishing don’t yield positive results? These three laws of homework and eight homework tips could reduce study-time hassles significantly.

Opportunities versus “Mistakes” BY MARIAEMMA WILLIS, M.S., – We all grew up with the idea that the best score is 100% and the best grade is A+. If your children are in a traditional school program, this is certainly the message they are getting there. But in order to be successful at anything, including learning, you have to be willing to make mistakes.

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SPECIAL REPORT 4 4 “War Games”—The Battle Between Parents and Kids

Over Video Games BY TONY GERSHONSON, M.A., – Are video games truly the equivalent of pouring toxic waste over a child’s brain, derailing their development and crippling their social skills? Family Therapist Tony Gershenson provides surprising information, tips and strategies for ending a digital war that parents and their kids are fighting.

PARENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO 5 0 Conscious Choice Making

BY DAVIDJI – Stress manifests in many ways: in our careers, marriage, kids, etc. Maybe we’re going through a difficult time; maybe we’re arguing with a friend, relative, or co-worker; or maybe we’ve just bitten off more than we can handle. Wherever we are in our life, we need a pattern interrupt to see clearly through the non-stop onslaught of our fight-flight conditioning.

5 4 COUPLE TALK: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship

BY CHICK MOORMAN AND THOMAS HALLER – Couples often find themselves struggling to communicate. You say one thing; your partner hears another. You want to send a clean message, yet you hear yourself say something that reminds you of how your mother talked to your father. Verbal communication is fraught with the potential for misinterpretation and misunderstanding. Couple Talk offers verbal skills and language patterns that can improve communication between you and your partner.

5 6 10 PARENT TALK TIPS: Practical Verbal Skills to Help You Raise

Responsible, Caring, Conscious Children BY CHICK MOORMAN AND THOMAS HALLER – What separates effective parents from those who aren’t as effective is this: they talk differently. Effective parents use a different style of language. They have developed a way of speaking that nurtures, uplifts, inspires, empowers, honors, sets healthy limits, and holds children accountable for their choices in loving, caring ways.

Sensitive Bodies 5 8 Cooking with Kefir

As the list of health benefits associated with probiotics continues to grow more people are discovering the advantages of Kefir. With 12 live and active cultures and 7 to 10 billion beneficial probiotic strains in each cup, Lifeway Kefir offers a surprisingly versatile way to safeguard the health of your gut. Check out these tasty recipes.

6 0 Advisory Panel

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CONSCIOUS PARENTING

From Power Struggles to Power Sharing Excerpted from Taking Back Childhood: A Proven Roadmap for Raising Confident, Creative, Compassionate Kids By NANCY-CARLSSON PAIGE, Ed.D. There is a power dynamic at work in every interaction we have with children, though we many not always be aware of it. I have always believed that how we use our parental power with children is the single most important aspect of our relationship with them; and today, how we use our power with kids is even more important because of the societal trends negatively impacting childhood.

ost parents use their parental power in one of two ways: either they use power over children—they tell them what to do, they hold the line, they expect obedience; or, they give their power away to children—they give in to their wishes and let kids do as they want. Some parents vacillate between these two ways of using their power. But neither of these approaches can fully meet the needs of children, especially in these times. Children today see far too many examples of relationships based on coercion and force—where people use power over others to get what they want. And kids today, because of diminished time for social interaction at school and at home, have fewer opportunities to learn alternatives to this model of force. If we adults use force to get kids to comply—through tactics like withholding privileges and timeout—we reinforce the models of coercion kids are already too familiar with from the wider culture. And if we just let kids do what they want, we aren’t teaching any alternatives to the negative models kids see. Fortunately, there is a middle ground between the power extremes—a place where parents can share power with children—and it is here that kids can learn what it is they need today: how to get along with others using skills of dialogue, cooperation, negotiation,

and joint problem solving. And it is in this fertile middle ground that relationships based on love and trust will thrive and kids will feel most secure.

The Power Continuum As we look at how we interact with our children on a daily basis, it’s useful to think of power as a continuum: The more power parents have, the less children have, and vice versa.

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From Power Struggles to Power Sharing

I recently witnessed both ends of the power continuum in action as I sat in an airport waiting for a connecting flight. A little girl of about three years of age was climbing up and down and over the empty chairs in the waiting area. Her father, using his power to get her to stop climbing, threatened her with: “If you don’t stop climbing, I’m going to spank you.” The little girl sat down and stayed there—at least for a while; I think she knew what this threat meant. A little while later I watched a young boy throw a small plastic toy across the same waiting area. His parents didn’t react. He retrieved the toy and threw it farther. Still no reaction. The boy’s power was expanding with each throw of the toy. Finally, he winged the toy all the way across to another waiting area

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Children today see far too many examples of relationships based on coercion and force— where people use power over others to get what they want.

where it came close to hitting a woman in the head! His game continued until he got tired of playing it. It’s common to think of power in a dualistic way: either you have it or you don’t. But as the continuum shows, there is also a large middle ground filled with ways of working with

children in a give-and-take way where power is shared.

Where is the Struggle with Power? Let’s take a look at how power enters our relationships with our kids early on and how we can start power sharing even with very young children, by listening to Kevin, a thirty-fouryear-old dad from Arlington, Massachusetts. Kevin told me about a recent incident involving his two-year-old son William: “I had a bad power struggle incident that I am not proud of. William was in the tub and he was just having fun and chewing on this washcloth with little duck heads on it, and sucking the water out of it. And it was time to get out of the tub. And the way that we get out of the tub is he lets the water out. But this time, he doesn’t want to get out of the tub. I say, ‘It’s time to get out of the tub. Put the toys away. Put the toys away.’ And he still has this thing in his mouth and the water is draining away. And I figure, All right, I can’t waffle on this because I said, ‘Now you need to put this away.’ So he needs to do it. But he’s not doing it! So then what do you do? So then I figured that I’d take the washcloth and he’d let me have it. But he didn’t. He was like a dog with a toy. So I’m pulling it and he’s pulling it and I’m thinking Oh no, this is not good. You know, it’s a power struggle really; it’s a tug of war. Eventually I just took it. And Will was upset. He felt powerless.” William is having fun in the bath and won’t easily be able to think about making a change to another situation. At two years of age, Will tends to focus on one thing at a time—right now his whole world is filled with water, soap, and being in the tub—and he doesn’t want to let go of his washcloth. Of course, Kevin can’t let Will stay in the tub all night, it’s time to get out. Kevin feels he

From Power Struggles to Power Sharing

can’t “waffle,” so he directly takes the washcloth from Will who then gets upset. Kevin doesn’t feel good about this incident; he knows Will ends up feeling powerless, and that is a feeling we don’t want to engender in children, especially two year olds who are just finding their autonomy. What does power sharing look like in a situation like this? Can Kevin find a way to help William exit the tub without this power struggle? First, when Kevin realizes that William is going to hang onto the washcloth, he can take a second to recognize that his two year old is exerting his newfound will. Kevin might remember that two-year-olds often need help making transitions; they don’t understand time, so focusing on concrete objects and actions can help them through changes. Kevin might say, “Oh...you want to hang onto the washcloth.... Okay. But we have to get out of the tub now. You can hold onto the washcloth while you get out.” Here Kevin would understand Will and his needs in this moment but still get Will out of the tub. Kevin could also help Will by suggesting a concrete activity to help him make the transition. For example, Kevin might say, “Can you take the washcloth out of the tub and carry it to the sink?” Or, “Here is a pail, can you put the washcloth in there?” With an approach like this, Kevin would be using child development ideas to help Will manage the situation. He would be sharing power but not imposing it or giving it over. Doing this would show Will that his dad cares about his needs and that they can work things out together. Will’s trust in his dad would strengthen as he feels “seen” by his dad. Thinking about child development issues and what children need in various situations can often help us see how we can work with kids to avoid power struggles and build stronger relationships. Let’s pause for a moment to consider what goes on inside Kevin, or any parent, who is heading into a power

I believe that many of the power struggles we have with children begin inside

Even a small incident like this bathtub episode can be a catalyst for looking at ourselves and what happens inside us when we feel the need to use our power over our kids.

of us and not children. Our own feelings, fears, and reactions keep us from seeing what is going on for kids or what we might do to keep interactions creative and f lowing in a positive direction.

struggle with their child. Experiences like Kevin’s, if they cause us to reflect on how we use our parental power, carry great potential for our own growing self-awareness as parents.

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From Power Struggles to Power Sharing

When children resist our “authority” Betty, a grandparent and the director of an elementary school in Massachusetts for many years, told me what she thinks is behind the power over actions of parents toward their children: “As parents, it’s easy to feel a sense of powerlessness and surprise when children resist our ‘authority.’ It seems to us as though our wisdom and judgment about ‘what’s best’ come under attack when our children claim their own autonomy. We feel inadequate, overwhelmed, and even angry in the face of ‘no.’ We take action to soothe our own feeling of helplessness but then we shatter the feeling of connection.” Over the years, I have observed many adults whose use of power over children may be fueled by feelings of helplessness and anger. Several years ago, one of my student teachers, Grace, told me about an incident in the classroom where she was practice teaching. “Kids come into our kindergarten class in the morning and hang up their coats in the coatroom and then come into the classroom. Last week, a little boy named Cole came into the classroom with his coat still on. The head teacher told him to go back outside and hang up his coat. But Cole just stood there; he didn’t say anything. She told him again to take his coat off or he couldn’t come into the classroom. He was still standing there quietly. Finally, the teacher said to Cole, ‘Go out to the coatroom. If you want to wear your coat, you can’t come into the classroom. You’ll have to stay in the coatroom.’ So Cole went into the coatroom and sat there, and there he stayed for the entire morning. What happened inside this teacher that made her see Cole as an adversary? Did she feel fearful? Angry? There was some obstacle inside this teacher that kept her from reaching toward Cole, understanding why 10

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Piaget warned that the more authority and domination adults use, the less likely it is that kids will learn to regulate their own behavior.

he wanted to keep his coat on, and working with him to help him come into the classroom. I believe that many of the power struggles we have with children begin inside of us and not children. Our own feelings, fears, and reactions keep us from seeing what is going on for kids or what we might do to keep interactions creative and flowing in a positive direction.

Out of Balance: Too Much Parental Power We adults have so many ways we can use our power over children. Jane told me how she withholds privileges to get her daughter to do things: “If Kerry doesn’t clean her room, then she can’t go to her friend’s house after school.” Mike described how he bribes and rewards his kids: “I tell them if they get their homework done, they can watch TV. And if they get it done all week without complaining, I buy them a special treat on Saturday.” Every time we withhold privileges, threaten kids, bribe them, reward them, send them to “timeout” or even take the extreme step of hitting them, we are using our parental power over our children. Jean Piaget, along with other theorists writing on children’s moral development, had important things to say about the effects on children when we use our adult power over them. Piaget was interested in how children learn to regulate themselves from within. He explained that too much adult power can make kids feel

inferior and increase their susceptibility to domination by others. Piaget warned that the more authority and domination adults use, the less likely it is that kids will learn to regulate their own behavior. This is a key insight because what most parents want is a child who behaves as they would wish even when there is not an adult around to monitor them. Research overwhelmingly indicates that while techniques like timeout may work in the short run, they ultimately diminish intrinsic motivation and rob children of what child development theorists call self-regulation. A mechanism of inner control whereby children are guided by an inner knowledge of what they should do, self-regulation is critically important as children mature into adults capable of sticking to their own beliefs and ideals. Using power over approaches with kids, while they may produce temporary compliance in certain situations, over time will actually inhibit the development of values and behaviors that grow from the inside out.

Out of Balance: Too Little Parental Power In my first job as a teacher of young children, there was a little boy named Philip who acted very tough. Philip seemed “fearless.” He would go up to bigger kids on the playground and shake his fist in their face, taunting them. One day, when the class was outside, Philip tried to bolt into the street. Then, at a staff meeting, we talked about Philip with the consulting psychologist. At first I was surprised when the psychologist said that Philip actually felt scared inside, that he didn’t feel safe in school and needed more structure and specific kinds of reassurance. But as the staff began to provide these things for Philip, his “tough guy” behavior melted away. In working with countless student teachers, parents and children since then, I’ve come to understand that children’s sense of security depends

From Power Struggles to Power Sharing

to a great extent upon us. We have a natural authority with children; Piaget explained that young children are predisposed to accept the authority of adults. Children want to listen to us, to depend on us and accept our guidance. If we don’t set guidelines for them and give them direction, children do not feel safe. Often when kids act out, they are hoping we will restore for them the sense of security they need us to provide. With the pressures parents are under today, I have observed not only an increase in the tendency to use power over approaches with children, but also the tendency to give in too easily to kids’ whims and wants. Linda, a parent educator from New York

City said to me recently, “I see a lot of parenting these days that seems very indulgent. Parents are extra solicitous of children’s needs, always giving deference to them and kids end up thinking they are the center of the world. It seems out of balance with understanding that there are others who have needs as well.”

Finding a Middle Ground In the middle ground between the two power extremes we can give children the guidance and boundaries they need but in ways that make sense to them as well as to us. When my grandson Miles was with us for a couple of days at the age of three, and he didn’t want to have

a bath one night, but really needed one, I said to him, “Miles, look at your feet! They have so much dirt on them! We have to wash that off in the bathtub. Here are some animals to take into the tub, they need a bath too.” This was all it took for Miles to willingly climb into the tub. By pointing out his dirty feet, I gave him a concrete, visible reason he could understand for why he needed the bath. I kept my voice matter-offact—there was no edge of power in my tone as I spoke to him. I was loving and confident; not challenging. And I gave Miles some animals—another concrete assist to help him make the transition into the tub. Young children do need to know that we are in charge, but we can be in charge in ways that www.inspiredparenting.com

From Power Struggles to Power Sharing

If we don’t set guidelines for them and give them direction, children do not feel safe.

help them feel secure and don’t overuse our power. Even when we adults have to say “no” to children, we can do it in a way that includes them and still shares power with them. When we give kids a reason for why we are saying “no” to them, we are sharing with them some of our parental power—we are including them instead of just limiting them. And when we do this, it’s easier for kids to comply because they don’t feel coerced. No human beings, including young children, want to be unilaterally told what to do—it makes them angry and mistrustful. I see this as a hopeful aspect of our common humanity: that none of us like to be controlled; we all strive for self-determination. Neither the use of power over kids or the yielding to their every want is going to meet the needs of children today. Only by cultivating the middle ground of power sharing can we support our children’s autonomy and self-determination while at the same time provide the sense of security they need. Steps You Can Take: Reflecting on how we use our power with kids is more important today than ever because of how societal trends are affecting children today. By practicing some of the steps below, we can gradually move toward more power sharing with our children, thereby helping them cope and thrive more fully in the challenging world they live in. • Start noticing how power is present in your dynamics with your children. 12

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- Are you using power over responses? In what situations? - Are you giving power away to children? In what situations? - Are you using power sharing responses? In what situations? • What are the ways you are using your power? Do you use rewards, threats or “time out”? Do you spank your child? Do you give in and give up your power? • Are there certain situations where power over responses come up most often? What are these and why do you think this is? • Are there certain situations where you give too much power away to children? What are these and why do you think this is? • Try to unpack the power struggles you have with your child. When you feel that a power struggle is beginning, try to pay attention to what you are feeling. - Try to think about what is going on for your child and what she needs. - Can you think of a way to meet your child’s need and yours through power sharing?

• Try starting a journal where you write about power. - How does power come up in your interactions with your child? - How do you feel when a power struggle starts? - How do you get your child to do what you want? - Try mapping your power dynamics on the power continuum. • Consider forming or joining a parent discussion group to talk about power dynamics and other parenting issues. • Try role-playing power dynamics with another adult. Act out some power over approaches like using threats or bribes and talk about how these feel to both of you. Then try acting out power sharing approaches and talk about how you experienced them. n ABOUT THE AUTHOR NANCY CARLSSON-PAIGE, Ed.D., is Professor Emerita at Lesley University where she was a teacher educator in child development for more than 30 years and where she co-founded Lesley’s Center for Peaceable Schools. Nancy is a writer, speaker and activist. She has written five books and numerous articles, book chapters, and Op Eds on media and technology, conflict resolution, peaceable classrooms, and education reform. Her most recent book is called Taking Back Childhood:

• Reflect later on what was behind your need to exert power with your child. • Ask yourself: - What was I feeling in that situation? - What made me feel that way? - What did I do when I felt the need to use power over my child?

A Proven Roadmap for Raising Confident, Creative, Compassionate Kids. Nancy has received many awards for her leadership and advocacy in peace and early childhood education. In 2013, she received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Academy of Education Arts and Sciences. Nancy is an advocate for education policies and practices that promote social justice, equity, and the well being of all children. http://nancycarlssonpaige.org/

CONSCIOUS PARENTING

Making space for a go-slow childhood By MAGGIE DENT Stress is a new challenge to children’s health and social well-being in our modern world. The ‘hurried child’ and the over-scheduled child are modern developments.

e have sped up the pace of life and living. We live in an instant world where we expect everything NOW. Communication, food, pain relief, results, wellbehaved children—you name it; we expect things instantly. This expectation works silently and unconsciously creates stress when things do not happen straight away. Children take all of childhood to grow—to learn how to think, learn, process information, behave appropriately, manage their lives, dress themselves, find their way home and learn who they are! We cannot rush this vital development. Children’s brains are immature and unable to cope with the stressors of modern adult living, and they often misinterpret adult challenges as being about them or their fault.

Consistent stress becomes distress and the brain is seriously affected. Irrational behaviour, unstable emotions, sleeplessness and defiance are potential signs that a child is stressed and struggling. We want our children to be able to manage living in our chaotic world and avoid becoming overwhelmed by the speediness and busyness of modern life. One of the best ways to do this is by calming our children’s lives. So it is helpful throughout the year to take stock and implement some strategies in your life to slow things down a little and create a calm environment for your kids and yourself.

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Making space for a go-slow childhood

5 Enjoy the quiet Homes that consciously create calm and quiet times are building enormous support structures that will help children feel safe, allow them to enjoy their own quiet company and lower the stress levels within their growing bodies. Have regular times in your house where everything is switched off, and everyone in the family takes time out to just ‘be’ instead of doing all the time. 6 Soothe more Especially when your children are little, really focus on soothing and comforting them quickly, especially through safe touch and low, soothing sounds. As they get older, reassure your children that they are valued, safe, and that mistakes and accidents are normal.

7 Top tips for go-slow living 1 Stop rushing Stressed parents who rush everywhere are one of the main sources of stress and anxiety in children. Always plan to leave 20 minutes before you need to so that when things don’t go to plan (do they ever?) you won’t be under so much pressure. Also, use visual reminders (for younger children), lists and rosters (for older children) to help prompt children with things like brushing their teeth, remembering to feed the dog or packing their school bag. 2 Breathe Healthy breathing has always helped to soothe our stressed psyches. There are many breathing techniques that help restore the calmness response in our bodies. A good and simple one is taking three sighs — and pausing after the third one. Or take three deep breaths with the outward breath being longer than the inward breath, count to five and do it again. This is a simple technique that you can teach children and adolescents, and it won’t do you any harm either! 14

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3 Get some sleep Consistent boundaries around sleep are important for everyone. Sleep deprivation and inconsistent bedtimes impact on learning, mood moderation and behaviour. The brain needs deep sleep to renew cells and grow new neurons for learning. Good sleep also contributes to better emotional stability and a more agreeable demeanour. Make sure you have family rules about phones and other devices getting switched off at a reasonable hour and kept out of bedrooms, especially for teens. 4 Slow it down Try walking slower, talking slower and being more mindful or present in your day-to-day life (there are millions of books and online resources to teach mindfulness). Also ask what you can take out of your life so that you can be a calmer parent, especially in the early years — avoid wearing too many hats when your children are young. Ask the same of your children’s lives if they have a lot of activities.

7 Go outside Spending time in nature has enormous benefits for us all. Make sure you and your family frequently spend time outdoors, whether it’s picnicking on the back lawn, walking on the beach or visiting a park. In the greater scheme of life, our children are only children for such a short time. Let’s not rush it.

This article is based on information from Maggie Dent’s 2014 book: 9 Things: A back-to-basics guide to calm, common-sense, connected parenting Birth-8. n ABOUT THE AUTHOR MAGGIE DENT is an Australian author, educator, speaker and parenting and resilience specialist with a particular interest in the early years and adolescence. Dedicated to being a passionate, positive voice for children of all ages, she is the author of 7 books and a prolific creator of resources for parents, adolescents, teachers, educators and others who are interested in quietly improving their lives. Maggie is a valued member of IP Magazine’s Advisory Board. www.maggiedent.com

g n i p l He

teens find their spark keep it lit

“I care deeply about young people and have done since I too was a moody, often confused adolescent who made some big, sometimes life-threatening, mistakes. My aim is to give young people and those who support them some key information that can help them find their true selves — and a pathway in life that allows them to make a positive difference in some way by using their natural gifts and talents.” - Maggie Dent BA, Dip Ed, Dip Couns.

Online resources from Australia’s ‘queen of common-sense parenting’

Death and Loss Through Taking the High Road the Eyes of a Teen (eBook) (eBook for teens)

Saving Our Adolescents Adolescence Unplugged: (video on demand seminar) A 6-week online course for anyone who lives or works with adolescents

Available at www.maggiedent.com

Calming audios for teens

@maggiedentauthor

CONSCIOUS PARENTING

Cultivating Elder Wisdom as a Part of Parenting By MARSHA A. TONGEL, Ph.D. “Elders and mentors have an irreplaceable function in the life of any community. Without them the young are lost – their overflowing energies wasted in useless pursuits. The old must live in the young like a grounding force that tames the tendency toward bold but senseless actions and shows them the path of wisdom. In the absence of elders, the impetuosity of youth becomes the slow death of the —Somé, 1995, p.310 community.”

atrice Malidoma Somé, who wrote the quote above, is an initiated elder of the Dagara people of West Africa. In many of his writings, he shares the important position that elders hold in his tribe. Other indigenous and native people also speak of the vital role that elders have in their communities. Elders and children are seen to have a natural bond in indigenous cultures, with children seen as closest to ‘heaven’ having recently left to be born and elders soon to depart to return home to ‘heaven.’

Elders and children are seen to have a natural bond in indigenous cultures

between the generations. Career migration separations, the ‘busyness’ tempo of our culture and the evolution of silo rather than communal attitudes has created a separation between

youth and elders within the family; a separation for which social media rarely compensates. Add to that the overall youth orientation of our society and you can see why much of our elder wisdom is being lost. But this wisdom is vital and part of the heartbeat of each generation. Let me speak from my experiences. I was very close to my paternal grandmother. She was widowed twice, raised seven sons, had boarders and worked nights cleaning offices.

Elders are a source of irreplaceable knowledge Viewed with much respect, they see elders as a source of irreplaceable knowledge, skills and experience that must be shared with the youth in the community. They are the wisdom keepers of family and community history and provide a key to understanding the history of the family and community. As storytellers, they not only entertain younger generations but also pass on values and ethics through the morals and lessons ingrained in each story. They embody as well as teach respect. Today, within our culture, much of this elder wisdom is being lost. Why is it being lost? Extended families living, dining and regularly congregating together has become rare, loosening the bonds of love and support www.inspiredparenting.com

Cultivating Elder Wisdom as a Part of Parenting In fact, I spent as much time with her as I did my mother. When I was younger she always took me ‘down street’ to cash her check, which also meant stopping for a real old time cherry soda. ‘Down street’ was actually a street car ride to downtown Pittsburgh. Sitting beside her, she would tell me stories of her life in the old country of Yugoslavia before she came to the United States, and what it was like to be a young girl in a totally different country. I learned a lot about family, geography, customs, traditions, and other ways that people lived in the world. We also spent a lot of time cooking and baking together. She grew most of her vegetables and taught me how to plant and tend a garden, how to cook fresh produce and how to can food.

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My grandmother’s magical hands were able to produce the most delicious nut rolls and strudels, that were much sought after by family and friends. Everyone wanted to know her baking secrets, which she didn’t share with anyone but me. I learned how to bake using a handful of this and a pinch of that, how to stretch strudel dough so thin you could read the newspaper through it; and which apples were the best for baking. To this day, I still have my grandmother’s baking cloths and use them every holiday when I bake. When I was older, I began to give back to my grandmother by doing things for her. After I learned to drive, our weekly let’s go ‘down street’ to pick up her check became me picking her up to take her ‘down street’ to shop and then have lunch. I frequently

spent summers with her, helping to get her house in order—cleaning, painting and even wallpapering her bathroom and kitchen. What was so magical about being with and around my grandmother? Besides everything that she took the time to teach me, the important thing was that I could just be myself. She listened to my problems and provided unconditional love, guidance and support. I still loved and cared about my mother, but she was busy raising my brothers and working with my dad in his business. But my grandmother was always there as my friend and confidante. When I had my daughters, I encouraged relationships with their grandparents and great-grandparents. I wanted them to experience the learning and love that can sometimes only come from an elder.

Cultivating Elder Wisdom as a Part of Parenting

Willy Wonka The beauty of the child and elder relationship could not have been better depicted than in the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Charlie Bucket, the little boy, lives in a little house with his parents and both sets of grandparents. It is Grandpa Joe that tells Charlie all about the chocolate factory and who accompanies him when Charlie wins the golden ticket to tour the factory. Grandpa Joe is also the one who guides Charlie and supports him in his interactions with Willy Wonka. So, seriously consider ways that you can cultivate elder wisdom as part of your parenting. The “Wisdom Whispers” that follow are some ideas and suggestions I’ve created for fostering elder relationships and teaching, which

benefits both generations and helps them to create memories that can last a lifetime. Mine did. • Take some time to talk to your children about what they feel they could learn from elders in their family or community. In turn, ask them what they feel they could teach their elders? Allow them to free flow their thinking.

Not only does this provide companionship and help to the elder, but it allows the elder to teach the child new skills. n NOTES

1. Somé, P. (1995). Of Water and the Spirit: Ritual, Magic and Initiation in the Life of an African Shaman, Penguin Group, NY: NY. ABOUT THE AUTHOR MARSHA TONGEL, Ph.D., is the

• Encourage your children to spend time with elders and have them accompany you when you are visiting elder family, neighbors, and friends, and especially those who may be ill or incapacitated.

thought leader behind LeGACY, a Wisdom School for Children & Youth. LeGACY offers a multidiscipline, multi-generational and multi-ethnic learning program that prepares children and youth in new ways to deal with current and emerging critical issues. The program offers children and

• Look for opportunities where your children could assist elders such as helping them with baking, cooking or gardening, woodworking, art, needlecrafts, fishing, etc.

youth teachings and tools from various cultures and disciplines to help them evolve into the type of problem solvers, leaders, designers, and communicators needed to address global social, economic and environmental issues.

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ow do you teach children selfconfidence, self-esteem and an “I can do anything” attitude that will serve them well throughout their entire life? As with everything in life, the best way for children to learn is through personal experience. According to Dr. Maxwell Maltz, the hugely successful originator of psychocybernetics: “Confidence is built upon the experience of success.” CosmiKids’ first foray into selfempowerment products assists children to recognize that they have a vast reservoir of inner resources that can help guide and steer them through many life experiences. The more they are encouraged to tap into and access this reservoir by using the Inner Wizdom Cards and the Magical Days Cards, the more experiences of success they will have, and so the more they will boost their self-confidence and belief in their own abilities. ■

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$9.95 The Inner Wizdom Deck features 28 cards, each of which utilizes simple, empowering NLP and hypnotherapeutic language to bypass the conscious mind and speak directly to the child’s unconscious. Subtle yet incredibly powerful, this deck effectively encourages children to tap into, access, utilize and combine the tremendous creative power of their mind with the inherent wisdom of their heart to develop confidence and create genuine magic and wizardry in their lives.

www.inspiredparenting.com 19 Available at: www.inspiredparentingmagazine.com/store

THE IP INTERVIEW

Congressman Tim Ryan Helping American Schools Get Calmer and Healthier By JUDY JULIN Judy Julin: Hi Tim. The last time I saw you was at the 2013 GATE event in LA. Since that time, in addition to your congressional duties, you’ve gotten married, had a baby with wife Andrea, meditated with Anderson Cooper, helped pack healthy lunches for your son Mason, written your second book and continue to champion change. WOW. Does a mindful practice really help with all that? Tim Ryan: (laughing) I think it’s essential. I don’t know how you can function whether you’re a congressman or a single mom or someone just trying to make it today without some kind of contemplative practice or quiet time that you take every day just to recharge; to plug that battery back in. It’s an essential component of my day. JJ: I love that you’re taking meditation into the schools, to Capitol Hill, to the lives of veterans and members of the armed forces, creating a ripple effect. It must feel gratifying to do that. TR: I find it very rewarding. You get into politics because you want to make a change. You could very easily keep running into brick walls. And we have, by the way, whether it’s concerning policy issues or different things that are happening in Washington. I have found a lot of joy in trying to push this out more through the culture. I mean, we do have policy initiatives and things we are doing back in Ohio and around the country, but the real push is to raise awareness. There’s brain science behind what’s happening to that mind that’s been so traumatized. There’s 20

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a scale of severity, whether you’re a vet or a kid in a tough neighborhood like Warren, OH. So, if we are seeing meditation practices helping a vet heal from the invisible wounds of war, why not give that access to a young child in the schools? This is really about human beings and how we process trauma and handle stress and anxiety. Going one step further, why wouldn’t we want to teach this to everyone to try and prevent the trauma that over time can really build up? That’s ultimately how you transform health, education, the veteran system, and when you have 313 million people changing themselves, then the country will begin to change. JJ: The choices for mindful practice and, as we’ll discuss later, the foods we eat, really do begin within ourselves. As Michael Jackson invited

us to do in his famous “Man in the Mirror” song, we begin to change the world by looking at ourselves and how we can be better. TR: I love any interview that has Michael Jackson in it! There’s no question about it. We talk a lot about the community, whether it’s a school district or a town; a city, a state or a nation; but in so many ways, it’s really about the individual, too. An awareness practice also helps our children and us to regulate our emotions. We’re hearing more and more that a key indicator for success is one’s level of emotional intelligence. Another key factor is being able to regulate our thoughts. If you’re having positive thoughts and remembering positive things, you’re going to increase your own confidence level which will in turn help you increase your abilities.

Congressman Tim Ryan

We’re trying to teach individuals how to do that to open up their ability to connect with one another and build a stronger community. JJ: Can you talk a little more about the simplicity of a mindful practice and how you incorporate it into your life? TR: I try my best; we try our best in our home to be mindful with ourselves and our children. We don’t always accomplish that. It gets crazy sometimes, but we try. If you really want to see some craziness, come about a half hour before the school bus arrives in the morning. The practice is to be in the present moment without judging it too much. We often see our minds go to the future or the past. That raises the stress levels a good deal. Mindfulness puts you where all the power is. I talk to kids a lot about this. It’s in the present where all the juice of life is. You lose that juice when you’re too much in the past or the future. It helps for kids to cultivate that awareness and take a little time each day to practice, before they get too much stress in their lives and it gets harder to unwind.

I liken it to a snowstorm, the kind we get in Ohio. If you know you’re going to get two feet of snow on your driveway, you don’t wait until there’s two feet of snow on your driveway to shovel it. You go out every several hours when there are three to four inches, and you get it off. You try and clear the deck a little bit. It’s the same thing with stress and

anxiety. If you take a little time each day to clear the deck, it doesn’t accumulate to the point where you need to get a snow plow to clear it away. I always say to people, we’re never going to change our tough neighborhoods if we don’t change our schools. It’s in the schools that we teach the kids how to self-regulate and be more peaceful and, therefore, diffuse situations as opposed to accelerate the violence.

So, if we are seeing meditation practices helping a vet heal from the invisible wounds of war, why not give that access to a young child in the schools?

Congressman Ryan and his son, Brady.

Photos of Congressman Tim Ryan and family: Rasul K. Welch (www.rasulkwelch.com)

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Congressman Tim Ryan

If you have a school that’s teaching awareness and self-regulation, when the bell rings at 3:30 and they go out into the neighborhood it’s going to be a much different neighborhood than it would be had they not had that practice. JJ: In 2009 you secured funding to teach mindfulness in the classroom. It involved students teaching each other with visits to a “quiet corner,” I imagine that resulted in less detention time. TR: Right. It was amazing. In a program called “Inner Resilience“ that Linda Lantieri runs; a social and emotional learning curriculum with quiet time, body scans, and mindful awareness practices, and a peace corner that they make in every classroom. In the process of teaching them how to self-regulate, they become aware of what’s going on inside of themselves. If they know they are uncomfortable or heading towards a meltdown, or acting out, they raise their hand and ask if they can go to the “peace corner,” where they can write, color or practice mindfulness to calm themselves down. In a school I visited in Warren, OH, they had a 60% reduction in out-ofschool suspensions. Most of those were what they call self-referrals. They have a student support center with psychologists and peer mediation. Instead of having major interruptions with behavior outbursts, they have a minor interruption with kids knowing they need to go to the peace corner or the student support center. This is much better than them leaving school for two or three days on suspension. If we want to do better in math and science and be more globally competitive, we need to have the students in school to learn, not home on suspension. JJ: I’d like to talk a little about the digital world we live in and how you manage that in your home with your soon-to-be a teenager son, Mason. 22

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TR: It’s hard, and we struggle with it. Most parents do. We try to limit it in the evening at some point. I really don’t like Mason to be on it before basketball or baseball practice. With all that stimulation, as his eyes become accustomed to those eye-hand coordinated movements and a miniature plane of focus, it’s disconcerting for him to then go out on the basketball court with a whole different focus. It’s hard to limit it, though, because it’s also how they communicate. It’s fun for them to take pictures and share it with their little crew on Instagram. It’s a part of their lives. Mason was doing his homework the other day while on his phone. I said, “Please put the phone away.” He said, “I’m using my calculator,” or “I’m looking something up.” It’s so much a part of their daily lives. We do it too. You’re sitting around a table, and someone has a question, you look it up on your phone. The bottom line is the ubiquitous use of technology today points to the need for some type of contemplative practice,

which will lead to more self-regulation when it comes to tuning out through the use of technology. JJ: Your second book, The Real Food Revolution seems to be a product of both your intuitive sense for optimized, healthy living and your thoughtful prescription for a healthy economy. TR: My second book was born from the research I did for my first book, A Mindful Nation. I was doing a lot of study on the brain and the body and nervous system—how stress and anxiety affect our body. Much of the research shows it’s not just stress that adversely affects us, it’s also the highly processed foods we ingest. It was a natural extension from the mindfulness book to a book on health and wellness. They go hand-in-hand.

Congressman Tim Ryan

We have three kids. Bela is 11, Mason will be 13, and Brady is 16 months. We have two dogs, I’m in DC three nights a week, at least, and travel often. My wife is home alone a lot. We have babysitters and my parents to help. There are times when we’re rushed, and we have to pack the lunches and, oh yeah, “we have to eat tonight.” It’s a challenge to find foods that we can make rather quickly that are healthy, that the kids will actually eat. We try to do our best. We don’t always do a good job of it. We’ve cut down on pop (soda) and reduced the kids’ processed sugar intake. JJ: How do you cultivate your best self? And how might we bring that authentic nature and our best selves into the homes and schools more?

from the foods you eat, you’re less able to maintain that calm and watchful awareness. It’s also about the relationships in your life. My wife and I help each other maintain our best selves, support inner clarity and the choices that reflect our best inclinations. Healthy relationships are hugely important. So, it’s the personal practices to cultivate mindfulness, coupled with real relationships that offer us valuable coaching, mentorship, and guidance. Here’s a good way to judge if you’re being your authentic self. Are you happy? Do you feel light and joyful? Or heavy with dark clouds looming? Again, that’s part of the practice—being aware of your emotional state. If you’re not generally happy, you’re probably not connected to your highest, most authentic self.

TR: I think a large predictor is one’s level of awareness. And also if your brain’s foggy, cloudy or agitated

JJ: Thank you for leading our country on a mindful, healthy path toward optimized living. n

ABOUT THE AUTHOR TIM RYAN is a relentless advocate for working families in Ohio’s 13th District. He was first elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 2002 and was sworn in on January 7, 2003. Successfully re-elected six times, he is now serving his seventh term. Congressman Ryan currently serves as a member of the powerful House Appropriations Committee, which controls the expenditure of money by the federal government. He is also a member of the House Budget Committee, which oversees the federal budget process. http://timryan.house.gov/ ABOUT THE AUTHOR JUDY JULIN is a gifted entrepreneur, creative thinker and marketing dynamo. Judy has been active in child enrichment, educational innovations and children’s wellness programming since 1982. She is the founder of CosmiKids, publisher of Inspired Parenting magazine and CEO of Engage Enterprises, LLC., the lead developer of the World of Wonder (WOW) Learning Centers, multi-media platforms and educational reform through community-inspired innovation.

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RADIO S H O W Inspiring and Empowering Conscious Parents, Families and Caregivers across the globe SANDIE SEDGBEER Live on OMTimes Radio Every Thursday 4:00 pm PST / 7:00 pm EST Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no denying that parenting today can be far more challenging than it was for our grandparents. For one thing, technology has transformed our world into something quite different than our grandparents experienced. For another, todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s children seem to be more evolved, more connected, more sensitive, and a darn sight more savvy than previous generations were. They also face far more challenges than we did as kids.

rom our governments to our boardrooms to our health services, greed, corruption, mismanagement, and lack of human consideration and care are rampant in the world today. If we want to create a safer, healthier, more peaceful world for our children, it has to start with the way we parent, nurture and educate them. And it has to start NOW! Hosted by Sandie Sedgbeer, international author, publisher, award-winning Talk Radio / TV host and Editor-in-Chief of INSPIRED PARENTING MAGAZINE, the Inspired Parenting radio show features an eclectic mix of guests from the diverse fields of neuroscience, psychology, sociology, health, nutrition, metaphysics and the entertainment industry,

all of whom have one thing in common: a heartfelt dedication to fostering peace, harmony and inclusion in society by educating the hearts of families and children. The INSPIRED PARENTING SHOW is broadcast live every Thursday on OMTimes Radio at 4:00 pm PST / 7:00pm EST. Go to: http://omtimes.com/ iom/hosts/sandie-sedgbeer/. All shows are archived and available to download and listen to at your leisure. For information on past and future guests you can also visit www.inspiredparentingmagazine. com/inspired-parenting-on-air/

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TENDER HEARTS

Mindfulness Helps Children Affected by Bullying By SARAH WOOD VALLELY Bullying behavior is a problem many children face. Perhaps your own child has received repeated hurtful comments or other types of harassment from a peer. Did you know that some parents, teachers and therapists teach mindfulness to children to reduce bullying?

here are three ways to be involved in bullying and all play a role in either prolonging the problem or bringing it to a halt: the one who bullies, the victim of the behavior, and the bystanders (those people who witness the behavior). Experts say bullying is a learned behavior; therefore, if children become mindful of their tendencies and their causes, then they can change their behavior. Moreover, some researchers have found that targeting the one who is responsible for the bullying is not the best approach to resolving the problem. Instead, these professionals say helping the victim is more effective. In this article, I will discuss how mindfulness allows those that are attacked to better manage the assault.

Fortunately, when children practice mindfulness, they are able to see, feel, and hear their own behavior.

Lastly, bystanders often ignore bullying behavior, for example, a child might be intimidated by the aggressive student and not take action to bring the incident to the attention of adults. Or worse yet, bystanders might join in on bullying the victim. When children become more mindful of what influences their hopes and fears,

they can make decisions that support the good of their entire community of peers. Children who are taught how to notice their thoughts and feelings mindfully, learn how to make decisions based on their intentions.

The One Who Bullies You might have noticed, that unlike other articles on the subject, I do not refer to the one who bullies as â&#x20AC;&#x153;the bully.â&#x20AC;? This is one way we can become mindful of our approach to reducing bullying. The fact of the matter is, the one who bullies might not always be a bully. This child in another situation might be supportive and nurturing. www.inspiredparenting.com

Mindfulness Helps Children Affected by Bullying

Additionally, with the right support, this child could certainly grow out of his or her bullying behavior. Therefore, it is important to create space for the child to evolve gracefully. The child who repeatedly teases and disturbs another child learned this behavior from someone else. Therefore, this child must unlearn the habit of bullying to move forward. Fortunately, when children practice mindfulness, they are able to see, feel, and hear their own behavior. For example, when they take a figurative 26

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and finally realize the pain they are causing. And lastly, with mindfulness, they can feel remorse for their actions. This is the crux of empathy and is fueled by a strong and dedicated mindfulness practice. step back using mindfulness, they are able to notice their actions and hear their own words. If they do this enough times, they will understand that they are in fact saying hurtful words to their peers. They can also better recognize the reaction of those around them

The Victim Unfortunately, when we turn directly to the one who bullies and focus the bulk of our energy on disciplining him or her we are in effect giving the bullying behavior more power.

Mindfulness Helps Children Affected by Bullying When this happens, the one bullying will tend to rely even more on the dynamic they have created because they are able to maintain a sense of control over their environment. For this reason, it is vital that we not only address the destructive behavior, but we also tend to the one who has been troubled and empower him or her with tools to transcend future incidents. Mindfulness is an effective way to help children stand firm and uphold the truths they have come to believe about themselves and how people should treat one another. This is accomplished by building their inner-power during meditation. Mindfulness grounds children into the physical world. They are keenly aware of surrounding sounds and with eyes open they notice objects and people in a deeper way. Some children have described this as watching the world slow down in front of their eyes. This new perspective is one way children can become more comfortable within their own skin and more powerful in their environments. Mindfulness is also an excellent way to increase a child’s confidence. (The following is a little secret you won’t find in a typical book about mindfulness.) When children maintain a practice of quiet listening they eventually feel no obstacle exists that they cannot overcome. Siting quietly with only their own thoughts is not easy. Therefore when they accomplish this once, twice, and even more times, they feel like their own personal superhero. Moreover, when children strengthen their power and confidence with mindfulness they are able to view bullying behavior differently. For example, children can better separate harsh words said about them from what they truly believe about their character. What’s more, if the harassment does not elicit the negative response hoped for, the bullying behaviors lose their power.

Teaching Mindfulness

Mindfulness is also an excellent way to increase a child’s confidence. When children maintain a practice of quiet listening they eventually feel no obstacle exists that they cannot overcome.

The Bystanders Often when bulling occurs, other children are present. In many scenarios, these children do little to stop the bullying or help the victim. Their deer-in-headlights response is often due to outside influences. For example, they are worried their peers will think less of them if they step in. Or perhaps they are fearful they will be the next victim. However, mindfulness can play an important role in helping children answer the call to action. The Buddhists speak of right action. When we are in right action, we respect all life. If a child sits idle while a peer is being harassed, the child is not respecting life. When children learn to be more mindful, they naturally act in more rightful ways. For example, sitting and listening to her own breath, a child can train herself to pick up on the subtleties around her. In this way, a child becomes more keenly aware of her own words and actions, as well as those spoken and performed by her peers. As a result, a child is better equipped to recognize bullying behavior. Even our own child can mistake inappropriate name calling for foolish behavior. However, with heightened senses, children better notice the nuances of bullying. What’s more, as indicated above, mindfulness increases a child’s confidence so they can act with certainty.

Here are two ways to get started teaching mindfulness to your child: • Ask your child to sit comfortably and listen to the sounds within and around him. These sounds can be his own breath traveling through his nostrils, a bird chirping outdoors, the ringing of a singing bowl, or the spin of an electric fan. • Loving kindness meditation is often considered an integral part of a mindfulness practice and cultivates empathy. Your child can recite these lines while sitting comfortably with eyes closed. Feel free to shorten this script, depending on your child’s ability level. May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be healthy. May I live with ease. May (insert the name of a person you are in conflict with) be safe. May (... ) be peaceful. May (... ) be healthy. May (... ) live with ease. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be healthy. May all beings live with ease. n ABOUT THE AUTHOR SARAH WOOD VALELLY has been teaching meditation and mindfulness to children for over fifteen years. Her book, Sensational Meditation for Children—Mindfulness, Guided Imagery, and Other Child-Friendly Meditation Techniques, assists parents, teachers, and therapists from around the world to introduce meditation to children. Sarah also certifies adults to teach meditation and mindfulness to children. Her students bring Sarah’s methods and philosophies to children in hospitals, schools, churches, yoga studios and treatment centers. Sarah’s techniques are based in Buddhism, Yogic tradition, Huna, and clinical psychology. She is also a public school teacher and author of The Magic Gum Tree, a children’s fictional chapter book about learning meditation. www.sarahwood.com.

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BRILLIANT MINDS

Is school preparing our kids for success? Umm… No. LARA HONOS-WEBB, Ph.D. One conversation I find myself having over and over again in the consulting room and in my personal life is “What are we preparing our kids for?” and “Is school preparing our kids for success?”

ince most parents believe our most important role is stewarding the education of our children and because it feels like it has become a full time job, we can’t stop talking about it. The main theme is that we seem to believe that the education system is not at all on par with the real world our kids will live in. As a psychologist, my perspective is different from educators in that I see the results of the education system on those with learning challenges or brain differences that are not a good match for standard educational settings, including kids with ADHD and Dyslexia. I sometimes liken educators to people who go bowling except that there is a curtain hanging between the starting point and the pins. In this way, they don’t get any real feedback—How many pins did they knock over? They educate kids, but they don’t track them after their twelve years are over to see what kind of results they are getting. Someone once said, “Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” This is what happens to children with learning differences that make fact-finding and follow-through their weak spot—they spend twelve years trying to climb a tree and then spend the rest of their lives feeling incompetent. This can lead to depression, anxiety and addiction.

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Someone once said, “Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”

Many of the symptoms of ADHD can be seen as the side effects of deep imagination. The single most important factor in creating something new is imagination. In order to bring something new into the world, it first has to be imagined. Fantasies have a truth of their own. Some people think fantasies are by definition false, but fantasies aren’t concerned with what’s true or false.

Is school preparing our kids for success? Fantasies create something that doesn’t yet exist rather than reflecting reality. ADHD gives students lots of fantasies. These fantasies can distract a student from studying, but also lead to real world problem solving and innovation.

Ever changing world In examining the question of whether or not the education system is preparing our kids for the real world, it depends on what your kids want to do and are naturally talented at doing. There are three things that make this question so complicated. First, that we as parents lose perspective – pushing achievement over mental health. Second, the world has changed so much in the last 10 years that we as parents have little idea of all the career possibilities that are out there. Third, the future of education as it embraces “high tech high touch” applications will hopefully create university programs that are unrecognizably better than what currently exists. Already in existence, the Minerva Project offers a university degree focusing on both critical and creative thinking, and effective communication. The intention is precisely to prepare students for jobs that don’t yet exist. I’m not an economist, a futurist, or a technology prophetess but based on my own experience I can see that in a world where more high schools devote loving attention to the football team and neglect coding classes, that the education system is like your great-grandma who cuts articles out of the newspaper and sends them to you through the mail. I live in a world where I book my own flights and hotels (I used to go to a brick and mortar travel agency), I have a little microphone icon in my iPhone notes that transcribes anything I want it to (that used to be a job description), and I check myself out of the grocery store. In short, I do the job each day of 10 other people who probably don’t have a job because now I’m doing it for them. I do still go to

bookstores, mostly because as an author I am single-handedly trying to keep them in business. Most recreational activities have migrated to digital—the Kindle, iTunes, the Apple Newsstand, and Netflix. We have to be honest with ourselves; we have no idea what we are preparing our kids for. So what can you do about it? Here are four questions to ask yourself: 1) Why is this important to me? If you are feeling critical of your child or pushing an activity or performance demand that creates conflict between you and your child, first turn your attention inward. My observation as a psychotherapist is that mothers who emphasize or demand perfection from their children are more likely to be depressed; a perfectionist mother will more likely be depressed and expect perfection from her children. If your children are disappointing you, look within, and if you find that you push your child towards perfectionism, you might consider talking to a therapist. Most therapists define perfectionism as self-abuse, and gaining insight and understanding into yourself will be an important step to helping your kids grow in positive, healthy ways. 2) What difference will this make for my kids future? There are research findings that can alleviate some of your fears about your kids’ future or help you figure out what is important. Success in life is predicted more by Emotional Intelligence (characteristics that foster motivation, understanding of other people’s emotions, and offers leadership skills—all determinants of success), than, IQ or Intelligence Quotient, a score derived from standardized tests. Children also need to play,

discover, invent, create and fantasize. Over-focus on academics in preschool and elementary school can impair a child socially and in their sensory functioning. The benefits of homework in elementary school are not even evident in research and in middle school the benefits are minimal. 3) Are there negative consequences to what I am asking from my child? There can be mental health trade-offs for performance demands. Pressure can create stress. Stress can create behaviors such as drug experimentation and addiction, rebellion and eating disorders as a way to manage stress. If you push your children too hard in academics, they may fall short socially and we now know that is a critical factor to a child’s future success. A child who suffers socially may feel depressed and anxious creating challenging mental health problems. It is also possible that being involved in too many activities can create stress in families leading to high conflict which can lead to depression and anxiety in kids. 4) What toll is this taking on me? The idea that it is worth any price to give our kids every advantage can backfire – financially, as well as depleting your energy, life purposes, and passion to create a child star or prodigy. Research shows that parental depression creates problems for kids. One study showed that when parents were treated for depression one third of kids lost psychiatric labels, meaning they recovered. The greatest gift you can give your children is your happiness. This is different from self-centeredness, rather, it’s a connection to your own source of energy and joy that allows you to not need your kids to perform to make you happy. www.inspiredparenting.com

Is school preparing our kids for success?

How to Keep Yourself Alive and Vibrant 1 Broaden Your Definition of Success. Are your goals for your child to get good grades? For your child to be an excellent problem solver? For your child to be a world changer? For your child to be kind? It can be worth it to break out of the competitive trance of grades to think about what success means to you. Remember, too, that we have almost no idea of what successful people will look like in the future if technology innovation continues to displace job descriptions—driverless cars, virtual reality and remote virtual connection displacing the transportation industries. 2 Create your own educational

mission statement. What is important to you? If you want your kid to have a successful online art business, maybe you can lay off the pressure to get all A’s and B’s. If you want your kid to be 30

Winter 2015/2016 · Volume 1, Issue 2

an entrepreneur you will encourage them to start up their own cupcake business in their free time rather than pressuring them to get a scholarship to college. My goals reflecting my personal values are that I want my kids to love learning and to be able to think for themselves. These are clearly not the focus of most mainstream educational settings which many view as focusing on test-taking.

4 Take a Class and Make Your Kids Watch You. To understand the loss of perspective some communities have fallen into, pick out an activity that you would love to do, sign up for the class and make your kids come with you and watch. Sign up for that mixed martial arts class and have one or more of your children come with you and wait or watch until the class is over. This will give them a chance to see the world from your perspective – a glimpse into your world if you run your child around to many activities. Notice your child’s reaction. You may wonder if you are creating a self-centered child. You may wonder why your life energy is directed entirely to optimizing a child and not his or her parent. I think of how when my children were young I spent more time reading in front of them than reading to them. I simply needed to keep myself alive. Both of my kids are readers, no surprise when we realize the basics of human and primate psychology “monkey see, monkey do.” That applies to being a happy productive fully alive human. Your best chance of getting your kids there is to get there yourself. n ABOUT THE AUTHOR LARA HONOS-WEBB, Ph.D., is a worldwide ADD expert and offers

3 Take Five Minutes. When you have those moments where you realize you missed a chance at the age of two to shape your child into some sort of prodigy, or you hear about what other people’s kids are doing and you feel anxiety, take five minutes away by yourself. When you are tempted to sign your kids up for the kids’ classes to learn Mandarin Sign Language, take the five minutes to ask yourself, the four questions above. Is this really good for your child, your family, yourself, and what are the trade-offs?

ADD coaching. She is a clinical psychologist and author of The Gift of Adult ADD and The ADHD Workbook for Teens. Her work has been featured in Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, Prevention Magazine, The Chicago Tribune and Publisher’s Weekly as well as newspapers across the country and local and national radio and television. Honos-Webb completed a two-year postdoctoral research fellowship at University of California, San Francisco, and has been an assistant professor teaching graduate students. She has published more than 25 scholarly articles. Learn more about her work at www.addisagift.com

Lara Honos-Webb, PhD Photo by Jamie LaPierre

www.visionarysoul.com

Lara HonosWebb is a

worldwide ADD expert and offers ADD coaching. She is an expert contributor to the website Sharecare.com, founded by Dr. Mehmet Oz in partnership with Harpo Studies and Sony Pictures, to improve health and

wellness. She is a clinical psychologist and author of The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD, The ADHD Workbook for Teens and Listening to Depression: How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life. Her work has been featured in Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, Prevention Magazine, The Chicago Tribune and Publisher’s Weekly as well as newspapers across the country and local

and national radio and television. Honos-Webb completed a two-year postdoctoral research fellowship at University of California, San Francisco, and has been an assistant professor teaching graduate students. She has published more than 25 scholarly articles. Her website is www.addisagift.com. For appointments, e-mail lhonoswebb@msn.com.

“This book will encourage your brain and your soul. Honos-Webb will show you how to find the promise in attention deficit disorder (ADD) and powerful tools for managing the pitfalls.” —Daniel G. Amen, MD, founder and director of Amen Clinics and author of Healing ADD The Gift of ADHD, Second Edition How to Transform Your Child’s Problems into Strengths 6 x 9 / 240 pages / ISBN: 978-1572248502

more books by the author

The Gift of ADHD Activity Book 101 Ways to Turn Your Child’s Problems into Strengths 5 x 7 / 216 pages ISBN: 978-1572245150

Listening to Depression How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life 6 x 9 / 192 pages ISBN: 978-1572244436

The Gift of Adult ADD How to Transform Your Challenges & Build on Your Strengths 6 x 9 / 248 pages ISBN: 978-1572245655

The ADHD Workbook for Teens How to Transform Your Challenges & Build on Your Strengths 8 x 10 / 144 pages ISBN: 978-1572248656

Available from fine booksellers everywhere, New Harbinger Publications, 1-800-748-6273 / www.newharbinger.com and, in Canada, from Raincoast Book Distribution, 1-800-561-8583

SPIRITED BEHAVIOR FEATURE

Helping Your Child Deal With Conflict By DR. CARON GOODE “That’s all nonviolence is—organized love.”

—Joan Baez

What is it?

How does it help?

What do we do?

In today’s world, we are overwhelmed with conflict. In addition, children are confronted with war and threats of terrorism daily. Violent crime in schools continues to increase to disastrous proportions. Children are at risk in their daily lives from the bullying committed by their own schoolmates. Columbine and other incidents of school children taking one another’s lives makes it of the utmost importance that we support our childen in dealing effectively with conflict.

Conflict resolution is the term for a variety of techniques used to deal with conflicts in nonviolent ways. It is especially useful in schools as we strive to teach children to deal with one another peacefully. Anyone in your family can benefit from learning how to resolve conflicts creatively and nonviolently. It will help your family’s relationships, your children’s relationships with their friends and at school, and even your relationships in the workplace.

Take a look at the RELAX model for conflict resolution described below and then explain it to your children. You may wish to have older children read the description for themselves. R – Remove E – Explain and Explore L – Look For a Resolution A – Assume Personal Responsibility for Your Actions X – Cross Over to the Other Side

R — REMOVE – When conflicts happen people are usually angry. The first step in dealing with conflict effectively is to step away from the conflict and calm down. Before you can go back into the situation with any hope for a peaceful resolution, it helps to be calm. Talk about this idea with your family members. Discuss how important it is for family members to have a brief cooling off period before trying to discuss a problem. E — EXPLAIN AND EXPLORE – Next, when you come back together it is time to try to figure out what happened. In order to make this work, everyone in the family (or other group situation) can be asked to adhere to some basic ground rules. Ask everyone to agree to the following rules: 1. Talk calmly—no raised voices or yelling. 2. No name-calling. 32

Winter 2015/2016 · Volume 1, Issue 2

Helping Your Child Deal With Conflict

3. Talk as much as possible in “I-statements.” For example: “I feel really upset when...” 4. Ask the question. (Why does that bother you? How do you feel?) Explore together what happened from everyone’s point of view. Talk about how the situation makes people feel. At this point it is a good idea to have one parent or adult act as a mediator, someone who can moderate and help others understand the individual perspectives.

Expand

The first step in dealing with conflict effectively is to step away from the conf lict and calm down. Before you can go back into the situation with any hope for a peaceful resolution, it helps to be

Talk with older children about the war and the concept of peaceful resolution. Give them a chance to voice their opinions. Why do they think peaceful resolution works between nations? Under what circumstances do they think that war is a necessity? Talk about the idea behind the United Nations. Talk about your opinions and let them hear what you think.

calm. More Ideas

L — LOOK FOR A RESOLUTION – Now ask the question, “How can we solve this?” Let the participants in the conflict decide what they could do next time to improve the situation. What do those involved need to feel better about the existing situation? Let everyone have an opportunity to speak and share feelings and ideas for resolution. A — ASSUME PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS – In this step, everyone involved takes responsibility for what they have done. This is the time in resolving a conflict when people need to understand exactly how their actions have created this conflict. Everyone has a part in the conflict, and this is the opportunity to figure out what that is. Assuming responsibility is what makes people accountable for their actions.

can remember what each letter in the word “relax” stands for in solving conflict. Use this model anytime you need to help children solve a conflict and encourage them to remember the model for other times they need it like at school or at play.

What’s next? As children in your family become comfortable with the model, let them have a chance to be the mediator in a conflict. Supervise this action so that you can make sure that children are being fair; remember to praise their attempts at peaceful conflict resolution. You may find that children are harder on themselves than you as the parent might be.

• Encourage your children to join clubs or service organizations such as Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts where they can work with a team of children at various projects to help others. • Talk with your children about making new friends at school and inviting kids who aren’t playing with anyone to join their group. • Have a block party. Invite the neighbors on your block to bring a dish and have an outdoor buffet. • Make a point of welcoming new people to the neighborhood. • Let children have a “Bring a Friend” party where each invited guest brings a new friend. n

Simplify X — CROSS OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE – To cross over to the other side means to see things from the other person’s point of view. This is the step for people in a conflict to have empathy for one another and see it how the other person sees it. This is also the step to ask forgiveness, to apologize, and to forgive. This is the step to shake hands or to hug, and to become friends again. After you have read the description for the RELAX model and have explained it to your kids, ask them to use it when they have a conflict. Remind them of the acronym and see if they

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Young children have a more difficult time learning the steps for the RELAX model but you can still teach them the basics. When they have a conflict, the first thing to do is take deep breaths and get calm. After they are calm, talk about and work through what happened. Can they explain how they feel? Can they demonstrate what they need to feel better? Discuss the concepts of kindness, fairness, and sharing. Remember that children at a very young age will need these concepts modeled for them repeatedly.

DR. CARON GOODE is founder of the Heartwise strategies for relationships and the Academy for Coaching Parents International. (http://coretemperament.com/ and http:// academyforcoachingparents.com/.) An influencer in the global parent coaching movement, she is the author of 22 print and digital books, including the National USA Award Winner Raising Intuitive Children and also Kids Who See Ghosts. Dr. Goode helps nurturers, creatives, and thinkers access and trust their inner wisdom to master online marketing and successful coaching businesses. Reach her: caron30@gmail.com

www.inspiredparenting.com

Committed to supporting and nurturing the needs and rights of young children and promoting best practices in early childhood education.

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SENSITIVE BODIES

Natural Solutions to Cold and Flu Prevention By LETRINH HOANG, D.O.

ith the winter season coming on in full force, what can parents do to keep themselves and their child healthy? There are multiple ways to approach this. My favorites are always the most natural, most common sense ways of preventing illness.

Hygiene • Frequent hand washing is the best way to prevent transmission of disease. • Use of hand sanitizer gels in the classroom has shown a reduction of school absenteeism. • I often see children bunch up tissue while blowing their nose. I teach my children the folding technique so that mucus and debris stay trapped, hands stay clean and the foldover provides a new fresh surface. This method is cleaner, more efficient and less wasteful.

• Twenty percent of people have dairy sensitivities. With the holidays around every corner, the yummiest foods mostly have dairy and are loaded with sugar. Bacteria and fungus love sugar. Those of us who get mucous or congested with dairy, and we know who we are, the mucus and sugar combine to make our bodies a petri dish. • Avoid nuts. They are commonly used in the yummiest of treats and processed in shared equipment. Combined with dairy and sugar, they may overload and strain sensitive systems. Patients may not feel overloaded or immune stress until it is too late.

• Life should not be about deprivation. So if you anticipate holiday parties, cakes and treats you and your family can enjoy them and not feel guilty or suffer as a result with this trick, which I call the Immune Boosting Load. Three days before the party, you minimize processed foods (and alcohol) and load up your meals with steamed vegetables. After the treats binge, do the same for at least three days.

Diet I love talking about how a healthy diet is key to preventing illness. My philosophy of health is that an immune system in perfect balance will be able to fend off colds and disease even in the midst of a brutal winter season. Likewise, a child with a healthy immune system should be able to tolerate being in a crowded classroom full of sick classmates, and not get sick. That is the true test. These tips will help you and your child pass the test. • If you or your child has food allergies or even sensitivities, try to avoid them during the winter. www.inspiredparenting.com

Natural Solutions to Cold and Flu Prevention

Supplementation • Vitamin C is a known immune booster. Read your supplements carefully. Make sure the tasty ones for your children do not contain artificial colors, flavors and sugar substitutes (like sucralose). It is best to eat your Vitamin C. If your child is picky, Vitamin C tablets are available at health food stores, in our Natural Pharmacy at the Center or on the website www.drfeder.com. I do not recommend orange juice for children as the immediate sugar and acid load is too much for their systems. • At the Center for Natural Family Medicine, we use Gemmotherapies, which are herbal supplements made from embryonic stem cells of specific plants. Briar Rose is our most popular children’s remedy. I like Black Currant for allergies and asthma. It is also good for exhausted, overworked, and immune-stressed-out adults. 36

Winter 2015/2016 · Volume 1, Issue 2

• At the Center, our patients love our Winter Tonic. Each year flu strains evolve and to keep pace, Winter Tonic is formulated to include the homeopathic dose of the current strain in addition to strains from years past all the way back to 1918. If your child is prone to colds and flu, consider taking weekly through the flu season. Our Winter Tonic 2015-2016 is now available

Osteopathy Patients who have chronic tendency to colds, sinus infections, bronchitis or pneumonia are mechanically imbalanced and therefore inefficient. The human respiratory tract starts from the inside of our nostrils and mouth, tracks up to the sinuses and down past our vocal cords all the way down into the lower lung at the bottom of our rib cage. Every inch of the respiratory tract is lined with mucus. Mucus, in the correct amount, serves to keep our airway moisturized and trap dust particles, bacteria and viruses floating around in the air (from an infected

person’s sneeze). The mucus is cleared out by brushing movements of handlike extensions of specialized cells, called cilia. Think of a rock star falling into the crowd and having the arms of fans move them about called crowd surfing. This is very much like how the respiratory tract clears mucus. The mucus is swept toward the back of the throat to be swallowed and digested by acids in the stomach. This is a natural clearance mechanism. Anything that affects this clearance mechanism will cause buildup, which causes more trapping, which causes more buildup. It becomes a cycle of full-on sickness and lesser sickness with very little “wellness” in between. Structural impingements that cause problems with the body’s ability to clear mucus can be newly acquired through direct head trauma or as old as the day of your birth. Oftentimes, a head trauma will kink the drainage passageways in the sinuses leading to congestion. Thereafter, someone who was not prone to illness may start to have frequent head colds and sinus infections.

Natural Solutions to Cold and Flu Prevention This tendency may show up several weeks, months to years following a head trauma or a series of minor ones. A direct blow to the back of the head as it hits the headrest in whiplash from a rear end collision kinks the veins in the back of the head, which also can cause the sinuses to become congested. Someone who grew up “always congested and sick” may have had a long difficult birth compressing all the bones of the face so tightly that they never quite decompressed. These children often develop chronic ear infections from the inability to drain the mucus secretions. In the physical examination of these patients by an osteopathic physician, we would find the head to be heavy and tight. Often, the chronically congested patient will have bulging green veins around the temples or forehead. Old traumas often also manifest as asymmetry in the eyes, ears, lips and smile. Treatment consists of touching

lightly the specific areas of the skull where the bones meet. Gently, we would free up the tight restricted areas and help the patient decongest. A skilled, experienced physician usually gets freedom and balance instantaneously during the first visit. I often have my patients do an initial test sniff and breathe. By the time they leave, they will have decompressed, breath-

ing passageways are clearer, the head feels lighter and they sleep easier. The goal is a balanced interchange of blood flow in and out of the head, freedom of the respiratory mechanics, and an unrestricted mucus clearance mechanism. If this is achieved, the patient finds that over the course of the year, they are less prone to illness. This is true health. This is true wellness. n ABOUT THE AUTHOR LETRINH HOANG, D.O., is an integrative pediatrician in private practice, offering an integrative, holistic approach to pediatric medicine. A graduate of the University of New England, College of Osteopathic Medicine (1997), Dr. Hoang is known for combining homeopathy and osteopathy consultations for comprehensive care. Dr. Hoang received her pediatrics training at Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital (2000),

Osteopathy for Children – Holistic and Natural Treatments for the Developing Infant, Toddler & Growing Child by LeTrin Hoang, D.O. (Hatherleigh)

after which she returned to the study of traditional osteopathy, using a hands-on approach to diagnose and treat the body. www.drfeder.com.

MY LIGHT SHINES BRIGHT New Guided Meditation App for Kids, from Deepak Chopra

“If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.”

www.chopraananda.com

www.inspiredparenting.com

SUPER LEARNERS

How to Make Your Kids Do Homework Tired of arguing, nagging, and struggling with your kids to get them to do homework? By CHICK MOORMAN and THOMAS HALLER

Your child’s pencil has to move. His brain needs to engage. Her bottom needs to be in the chair. It is his report card that he brings home. Too many parents see homework as their own problem. So they create ultimatums, scream and shout, threaten, bribe, scold, and withhold privileges. Have you noticed that most of these tactics don’t work? The parent’s responsibility is to provide his or her child with an opportunity to do homework. The parent’s job is to provide structure, to create the system. The child’s job is to use the system.

re you discovering that bribing, threatening, and punishing don’t yield positive results? If so, this article is for you. Here you will find the three laws of homework along with eight homework tips that—if implemented in your home with consistency and an open heart—will reduce study-time hassles significantly. The First Law of Homework – Most children do not like to do homework Kids do not enjoy sitting and studying, at least not after having spent a long school day mostly sitting and studying. So give up your desire to have your child like it. Focus on getting her to do it.

The Second Law of Homework – You cannot make your child do it

You cannot make your child learn. You cannot make him hold a certain attitude. You cannot make him move his pencil. While you cannot insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage your child using the ideas that follow.

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The Third Law of Homework – It’s your child’s problem

Tip#1

Eliminate the word “homework” from your vocabulary. Replace it with the word “study.” Have “study” time instead of “homework” time. Have a “study” table instead of a “homework” table. This word change alone will go a long way toward eliminating the problem of hearing your child say, “I don’t have any homework.” Study time is about studying, even if your child doesn’t have any homework. It’s amazing how much more homework kids have when they have to study regardless of whether they have homework or not.

How to Make Your Kids Do Homework

Tip#2

Establish a study routine. This needs to be the same time every day. Let your child have some input on when study time occurs. Once the time is set, stick to that schedule. Kids thrive on structure even as they protest. It may take several weeks for the routine to become a habit. Persist. By having a regular study time you are demonstrating that you value education.

The parent’s responsibility is to provide his or her child with an opportunity to do homework. The parent’s job is to provide structure, to create the system. The child’s job is to use the system.

Tip#3

Keep the routine predictable and simple. One possibility includes a five-minute warning that study time is approaching. The warning brings your child’s current activity to an end and provides an opportunity for clearing the study table, emptying the backpack of books and supplies, and then beginning the study period.

Tip#8 Tip#6

Tip#5

If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. Disorganization is a problem for many school-age children. If you want your child to be organized, you have to invest the time to help him or her learn an organizational system. Your job is to teach the system. Your child’s job is to use it. Yes, check occasionally to see if the system is being used, especially at first. Provide direction and correction where necessary. If your child needs help with time management, teach her time management skills. Help her learn what it means to prioritize according to the importance and due date of each task. Teach her to create an agenda each time she sits down to study. Help her experience the value of getting the most important things done first.

Help without over functioning. Help only if your child asks for it. Do not do problems or assignments for him. When your child says, “I can’t do it,” say, “Act as if you can.” Tell him to pretend that he knows what to do and see what happens. Then leave the immediate area and let him see if he can handle it from there. If he keeps telling you he doesn’t know how and you decide to offer help, concentrate on asking rather than telling. Ask: • “What do you get?” • “What parts do you understand?” • “Can you give me an example?” • “What do you think the answer is?” • “How could you find out?”

Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal responses. End the practice of paying for grades or rewarding with a special trip for ice cream. This kind of bribery has only short-term gains and does little to encourage children to develop a lifelong love of learning. Instead, make positive verbal comments that concentrate on describing the behavior you want to encourage. For example: • “You followed the directions exactly and finished in fifteen minutes.”

Tip#4

Allow your child to make choices about homework and related issues. She can choose to do study time before or after dinner or immediately after getting home. Or she may choose to wake up early in the morning to do it. Invite her to choose the kitchen table or a spot in her own room. One choice your child does not have is whether to study or not.

• “I notice you stayed up late last night working on your term paper. It probably wasn’t easy, saving that much for the end, but your efforts got it done.” • “All your letters are right between the lines. I’ll bet your teacher won’t have any trouble reading this.” • “I see you got the study table all organized and ready to go early. Looks to me like initiative and responsibility hooked together.”

Tip#7

Use study time to get some of your own responsibilities handled. Do the dishes, fold laundry, or write thank-you notes. Keep the TV off! If you engage in fun or noisy activities during that time, your child will naturally be distracted. Study time is a family commitment. If you won’t commit to it, don’t expect your child to do so. SPECIAL NOTE

Tonight when your child is studying, begin on your homework assignment, which follows: Reread this article. Decide which parts of it you want to implement. Determine when you will begin. Put it in writing. Then congratulate yourself for getting your homework done. © 2007 Chick Moorman & Thomas Haller. n

ABOUT THE AUTHORS CHICK MOORMAN and THOMAS HALLER are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose, They also publish a FREE e-mail newsletter for parents and another for educators. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world’s foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. For more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, or to sign up for their newsletters, visit their websites today: www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com.

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The Parent Talk System

Facilitator Training Facilitator Training

The Parent Talk System

Super Learners

Opportunities versus “Mistakes” By Learning Success ™ Coach MARIAEMMA WILLIS, M.S.

e often have parents ask us what they can do when their children become upset about mistakes. For example, recently, a mom reported that her son became very upset when he took a quiz and missed one question. He did not focus on the 9 out of 10 that were correct, but on the one that he missed. He didn’t think he should be making any mistakes at all! This can be a tricky issue. We need to examine our own actions, behaviors, and statements to see if we are contributing to the child reacting in this way. Many parents say that it’s not coming from them—they are always positive and talk in terms of how many questions or problems a student gets right. That may be, but are we giving them messages in other ways during daily life that suggest that “mistakes” are “bad”? After all, we all grew up with the idea that the best score is 100% and the best grade is A+. If your children are in a traditional school program, this is certainly the message they are getting there. We also need to realize that the word “test” in itself gives the idea that the student will be “measured”—and that the score determines how “good” or “smart” you are. This is a major reason why tests fail to teach or to be positive motivators in most students’ lives. They are usually associated with feelings of stress or fear, and often lead to disappointment, sadness, and beliefs of inadequacy. In contrast, let’s look at people who perceive “mistakes” in a very different way. For example, it is said that Thomas Edison did over 1000 experiments trying to invent the light bulb. He was asked how he could keep going after making so many mistakes. His response: What mistakes? Each

If our children / students do not feel emotionally safe to explore, try, and take risks in their learning, their potentials will not be realized.

time I’m just learning what doesn’t work, bringing me closer to what does work. Similarly, the most successful sales people look forward to being turned down by potential clients. Their reasoning: the more NOs I get the closer I am to a big “YES.”

their potentials will not be realized. For example, there are so many kids who stop asking questions in the classroom or who don’t raise their hands to participate because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing or saying something “stupid.” In order to be successful at anything, including learning, you have to be willing to make mistakes. It’s the “fail your way to the top” attitude: if I keep trying, discovering, experimenting, I’ll get there. This is what separates the people who achieve their goals from those who don’t.

Many of our best inventions started out as “mistakes” These people are not seeing mistakes—they are seeing learning opportunities! Many of our best inventions—Styrofoam, Post-it notes, etc.— started out as “mistakes.” The person involved was trying to do something else and something went “wrong”— lucky for us, someone saw beyond the mistake and a new invention was born. All of our famous inventors, scientists, and creative people make lots of mistakes—this is the only way they can get to the discovery they are looking for, by being willing to get it “wrong” so many times. It’s important to get this concept across to kids. And we need to make it “safe” for them to make mistakes. The number one requirement for learning is safety. If our children/students do not feel emotionally safe to explore, try, and take risks in their learning, www.inspiredparenting.com

Solimar_Academy_reworked.pdf Opportunities versus “Mistakes”

In her book, “Work Less Make More,” Jennifer White says, “Fail often so you can succeed sooner.” The more we can see “mistakes” as opportunities and incorporate this concept into our everyday family life, the better it will be for our kids. One way to get help with this is to read stories together of people who turned mistakes into opportunities. There are several books on this subject. If you go to Amazon.com and put “mistakes” in the search box, you will get a whole list. Here are a few to get you started: • Mistakes That Worked, by Charlotte Foltz Jones (reading level 9-12 yr) • Accidents May Happen: 50 Inventions Discovered by Mistake, Foltz (9-12 yr) • Whoever Makes the Most Mistakes Wins: The Paradox of Innovation, Farson • Failing Forward—How to Make the Most of Your Mistakes, Maxwell.

06.12.15

18:04

A Self-Portrait ait Online TM

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If parents and teachers continually point out what young people are doing “right” and if “mistakes” are treated as learning opportunities rather than “problems,” our young people will get the idea. Wouldn’t it be great if our kids could grow up seeing opportunities all around them? n

Modality Disposition

Environment

CMY

Special link for Inspired Parenting readers – Find out your child’s LearningSuccess Styles and get $5.00 off each profile - go to http://www.aselfportraitonline.net/ store/default.asp?promo=MagIP-LS ©2015 by Mariaemma Willis/Reflective Educational Perspectives, LLC

Talents Interests

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR MARIAEMMA WILLIS, M.S. is co-author of Discover Your Child’s Learning Style & Midlife Crisis Begins in Kindergarten. She is co-founder of LearningSuccessInstitute.com— providing LearningSuccess training for parents and teachers, and SolimarAcademy.com —offering customized programs for homeschool/independent study. m@learningsuccesscoach.com

Winter 2015/2016 · Volume 1, Issue 2

SPECIAL REPORT

“War Games” The Battle Between Parents and Kids over Video Games By ANTHONY GERSHENSON, M.A. Many years ago I served as the commanding officer of an advanced strike team stationed in the Middle East. Highly trained in tactical espionage and guerrilla warfare, our mission was to infiltrate an enemy village that served as the local base of operations for a notoriously brutal terrorist cell. The goal: capture or kill the commander, and eliminate any insurgent forces that gave resistance.

ne morning my team ambushed the terrorist compound just before dawn in order to catch the enemy off guard—but someone tipped them off. In seconds, the tranquil morning air erupted into chaos. I dove behind the charred corpse of an old Honda Civic as a hail of machine gun fire pelted the frame just itching to say hello. I watched my team scatter looking for cover as the enemy advanced. Blood pounding to the tune of the enemy weapons, my brain frantically searched for a way to salvage the mission. I inched my head over the hood of the car to glimpse where the gunmen had taken position. Then I heard it. The heart-stopping thud of dense metal landing in the dirt by my feet. Grenade. Time ground to a crawl as I processed my imminent death. But then, as I glanced up to shake hands with The Almighty, it was my squad mate’s firm grip that took hold. There he was, one of my oldest friends standing beside me firing wildly at the compound and forcing the enemy to take cover. His bravery bought us enough time to run just as the grenade went off. Hot shrapnel screamed into everything around us including my leg. A small price to pay for a second chance. That day I owed my friend my life.

Virtual Reality The story I just told is completely true… with one small catch. These events actually occurred in my living room around 2:00 pm on a Saturday 44

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Video games can promote social isolation, lack of verbal communication skills, and provide an attractive escape from social anxiety. But, if you really think about it, so can excessive reading.

afternoon in a quiet Detroit suburb when I was 16. My best friend and I were playing our favorite video game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. This is how most kids experience video games. Not what you expected?

Of course not. To parents and other outside observers video games are just noisy, digital diversions that sap kids of their motivation and teach defiance. These competing notions are at the core of a heated argument between parents and children over how the very existence of video games affects developing minds. Yet how can such a debate be productive without a working knowledge of the topic? What if parents were able to take a step back and actually give understanding video games a legitimate shot? My guess is that many perceptions would quickly change. In today’s world, the words “video game” are known to make boys giddy, girls roll their eyes, and parents cringe. As society continues to evolve into the digital realm, video games have

Video games are known to promote a sedentary lifestyle which can lead to health issues and obesity. They can encourage social isolation and hinder development of essential communication skills.

“War Games”

become a staple of many households across the globe, and are only growing in popularity. Now permanently woven into the social fabric, parents can no longer avoid the conversation. For example, many parents often have no clue which games are age appropriate for their children, but buy them anyway. So in order to negotiate a cease-fire between parents and kids, this needs to change. Simply put, are video games truly the equivalent of pouring toxic waste over a child’s brain, derailing their development and crippling their social skills? The answer is ... it’s complicated. Let’s get one thing straight; video games are without question addicting. They offer kids (and many young adults) an exciting, action-packed, colorfully immersive experience with an extremely high level of stimulation. Like walking into a casino, it’s easy to get sucked in by the bright lights and boisterous sounds, lose track of time, and feel a little agitated when you have to leave.

Instant gratification and impulsivity Yes, the siren song of video games can be quite alluring, giving birth to their more negative aspects. Video games are known to promote a sedentary lifestyle which can lead to health issues and obesity. They can encourage social isolation and hinder development of essential communication skills. They can damage eye sight if played for long stretches at a time with a brightly lit screen at close range. They can promote and nurture bad habits like the need for instant gratification, impulsivity, and sometimes aggression. However, this article is not meant to regurgitate the litany of drawbacks to video games, most of which you are probably already aware, but to provide a balanced perspective on the role that they play in kids’ lives in the modern age. If you are a parent, whether you like it or not, your son or daughter (most likely son) probably 46

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Simply put, are video games truly the equivalent of pouring toxic waste over a child’s brain, derailing their development and crippling their social skills? The answer is ... it’s complicated.

plays video games, knows people who play them, wants to play them, or is keenly aware of them. Rather than resist this inevitable progress, why not become experts in a child’s favorite pastime to make informed decisions about their appropriate use rather than snap judgements that only refuel parent-child conflict? To begin the process of understanding kids and video games, it’s imperative to know what games a child is playing. Video games, like movies, have ratings to indicate the appropriate age of the player and include a brief description of the content to justify the rating given. For example, a game may be rated “T: For Teen” due to mild violence and adult situations. A parent is unlikely to let an eleven-year-old watch an R-Rated movie, but a shocking number will buy their children a video game rated “M: For Mature”

(graphic violence, adult language, sexual situations) without a second thought. With this in mind, it’s somewhat unfair for a parent to get upset at a child for playing a violent game when they bought it for them in the first place. For more information on entertainment software ratings visit esrb.org. When it comes to socialization amongst children and adolescents, video games are a double edged sword. As mentioned earlier, video games can promote social isolation, lack of verbal communication skills, and provide an attractive escape from social anxiety. But, if you really think about it, so can excessive reading. Yet parents rarely scoff at a voracious reader. However, these implications tend to be most true when video games are played too often (more than one hour per day) and in solitary fashion. Countless games offer, or are exclusively designed for “multi-player gaming.” This means that whether a group of kids wishes to play together on one gaming console at home, or a child plays “online multiplayer” where he/she can use a voice headset to communicate and team up with players all across the planet, video games now become a social interaction and potential bonding experience.

“War Games”

They have never met despite being friends for years Right now there is a solid chance you are understandably skeptical that children could “bond” over a video game. So let me tell you another true story. In Los Angeles, where I work as a therapist, part of my time is spent treating disadvantaged adolescents in a public school setting. Here the discussion of online gaming comes up often. Many of these children live far from one another in dangerous neighborhoods, with only the city bus for transportation and parents who work long hours. These children have friends whom they can only see in school due to the

Suddenly a 12 year old boy, previously disconnected from his social world, is able to talk, play, interact, collaborate, and even bond with his best friend any night of the week.

lack of proximity. Some have been best friends for years even though their families have never met. Enter online gaming. Suddenly a 12-yearold boy, previously disconnected from his social world, is able to

talk, play, interact, collaborate, and even bond with his best friend any night of the week. Kids I work with constantly tell me this is the extent of their social time after school, as their parents are afraid to let them play outside. Parents often believe that video games are a waste of time, robbing their kids of valuable learning opportunities. It’s true, the vast majority of video games are not designed to be educational tools, however video games can teach your children crucial skills (yes, even the violent ones). Many games today are highly complex, interactive experiences that provide children with opportunities to live vicariously through strong and interesting characters.

www.inspiredparenting.com

“War Games”

Current video games rarely entail aimlessly mashing buttons, but require a carefully planned strategy, lightning-fast reflexes, and accurate hand-eye coordination to quickly enter exact button sequences. With modern advancements in video game technology, the AI (artificial intelligence) of the enemies players must face is staggeringly real, and requires mental flexibility to rapidly adapt a player’s tactics 48

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to overcome challenges. Players must become spatially aware in vast 3D environments, utilize working memory to solve puzzles, and access long-term memory to recall the location of hidden items. These are invaluable life skills that parents hope their children learn in order to survive in the real world. Yet many parents are unaware that their kids are rehearsing these habits every day through video games.

Motivation through positive reinforcement Possibly the most important lesson video games can teach is to parents themselves. Specifically, the way in which video games cultivate a child’s motivation through positive reinforcement. Players are given objectives to complete and are constantly rewarded with points, trophies, upgrades, and enthusiastic words of

“War Games”

encouragement every step of the way along the path to the ultimate goal. Through their successes, players can literally watch their characters grow (develop new abilities, become stronger, more capable of taking on the next challenge) just as children do in real life. Conversely, video games consistently employ a basic disciplinary style that eludes many parents. When a player makes too many mistakes, or attempts to operate too far outside the boundaries of the game (“breaking rules”) his character simply does not advance. This is typically demonstrated by the character “losing” or “dying,” forcing the player to restart the most recent task. This is often as harsh as a punishment gets. Players are rarely, if ever, deducted points or stripped of gained abilities. The hidden benefits of this system of punishment are twofold. First, as players must complete the objective to advance the storyline or be rewarded, the system promotes tenacity: “I have to keep trying,” problem solving skills: “How do I avoid making the same mistakes again?” and ingenuity: “What haven’t I thought of yet?” Secondly, as the player does not stand to lose what he has strived to accomplish up to this point, the player is far more likely to risk trying again and again without the added fear of catastrophe from making mistakes. Such constructive discipline and encouragement is highly unnatural to most parents whose main concern is their child’s well-being and the instinct to protect them from life’s many pitfalls. For this reason a child’s success is highly valued by parents, but rarely earns the attention and emotional gravitas of a child’s major mistakes. A classic example is a parent grounding a child over an “F” on her report card that is otherwise filled with “A’s.” This fear-based reaction, focusing heavily on a child’s deficits, is quite common in parents and

For parents who feel disconnected from their children because their son or daughter is constantly playing video games, sometimes taking a genuine interest is the best medicine.

innate in their teaching style. Unfortunately, if this habit goes unchecked it can be crippling to a child’s internal motivation. If a child consistently earns more robust responses from failure than success, sooner or later the child can become conditioned to believe that there is no point in working so hard to earn an “A” if no one seems to care. Why even try? This is known as negative reinforcement. Children try just enough to avoid the harsh punishment they have come to expect from failure, but rarely go the extra mile to succeed because their efforts go mainly unnoticed. How can a parent learn to combat such ingrained programming? Take a look at video games. Trying to motivate a child is a grueling challenge that is fundamentally identical to the long-term objectives in video games. The path is treacherous—filled with obstacles, frustrating set backs, head-scratching problems, and seemingly overwhelming odds. Yet, if parents can access that same tenacity, creative problem-solving, and indestructible drive to see the fruits of their labor, then they too can savor those moments of triumph. For parents who feel disconnected from their children because their son or daughter is constantly playing video games, sometimes taking a genuine interest is the best medicine. The obvious generational gap makes

understanding and appreciating the value of video games difficult for parents who are accustomed to being teachers and knowing more about life than their children. Perhaps this plays a big part in the ongoing conflict over video games. Parents are simply afraid of what they don’t understand (also one of the most natural instincts that exists in human beings). Many are unsure how to get involved without seeming like they are trying to “act cool” so attempts to connect over video games are rarely made. Here is something worth giving a shot. Parents can ask to quietly watch their child playing a video game and ask non-judgmental questions about what they see. I cannot emphasize this next point enough—do not be dismayed or upset if this doesn’t lead to a Hallmark moment. Just showing you care is huge to kids. Even though a child may appear annoyed by the perceived intrusion, always remember this: nothing, not even video games, can replace the need for parental attention and involvement. Rehearsing this mantra can help parents accept the role video games play in kids’ lives rather than feel threatened by them. Perhaps this is the key to ending a digital war that both sides are tired of fighting. n ABOUT THE AUTHOR ANTHONY GERSHENSON M.A. is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern specializing in treating children and adolescents struggling with ADHD, social anxiety, and anger management. With an extensive background in school-based mental health, Anthony helps disadvantaged and high risk youth through a variety of evidence-based practices and treatment models. He is a certified anger management counselor and trained in trauma-focused therapy. In addition to working with children, Anthony also provides family therapy, couples counseling, and individual services for adults. Anthony has private practice offices in Santa Monica and Encino in California.

www.inspiredparenting.com

PARENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO

Conscious Choice Making By DAVIDJI

Conscious Choice-making is Your First Step into Clarity

tress in our lives manifests in many ways: careers, marriage, kids, school or bills. Maybe we’re going through a difficult time; maybe we’re arguing with a friend, relative, or coworker; or maybe we’ve just bitten off more than we can handle. Wherever we are in our life, we need a pattern interrupt to see clearly through the non-stop onslaught of our fight-flight conditioning.

The Five Realms of Existence The Five Realms of Existence is a personal self-transformation tool to help bring clarity to the often overwhelming process of looking at our life and its millions of moving parts by taking a holistic and systematic approach to meeting your needs, healing your emotional wounds, and bringing balance back into your life. The Five Realms are the basic categories of your life – the physical, emotional, material, relationship and spiritual. When we look at our life through the lens of the Five Realms, it allows us to move back and forth from the big picture to the more granular aspects, irritants, and blockages of our existence. It brings us single-pointed intention so we can look at our life under the microscope and make tiny, incremental shifts that have huge impact. And by limiting it to only five lenses, clarity naturally flows to all of our answers. Life in its totality consists of some overlapping parts, and others that are distinct. We’ve all heard of the concept of work-life balance. But in truth, that separation between work and life is artificial, since for many, work is our 50

Winter 2015/2016 · Volume 1, Issue 2

life, our kids are our life, our relationships are our life. For all of us, however, the behaviors and actions we perform every day spill over into work, home, commute, relaxation, meals, or the bedroom. A more accurate breakdown is to separate our life into the five truest aspects of our existence: the physical realm, the emotional realm, the material realm, the relationship realm and the spiritual realm. During times when it seems like you can barely catch your breath, if you can look at your life through the lens of The Five Realms, you will keep moving forward while keeping everything in perspective, and bringing greater clarity into the moment. Here’s an example: your to-do list is bursting at the seams; you’ve got

expectations of what needs to get done, several obligations that you have committed yourself to, a brand new set of circumstances arises and the basic day-to-day tasks and chores still need to get done. So let’s slow it all down.

Simply walk yourself through The Five Realms and spend about five minutes on each realm. #1 Start with your Physical Realm:

your body, what comes in and what goes out, what strengthens it and what weakens it. Pick one action to definitely do, and one thing to let go JUST FOR TODAY. Don’t torture yourself. We just want to bring one thing into your physiology that will nourish and release one that’s not nourishing.

Conscious Choice Making

#4 Onto the Relationship Realm:

Reflect on one relationship you have – with your self, your core family, friends, extended relationships, those with whom you have a grievance – and leading with love, take a step to either birth, repair, shift or end it. That’s right. Sometimes we have to end a relationship to destressify. Let it go, whether the relationship is with a person, a vice or an activity that is nonnourishing. Throughout the process, breathe in deeply as you allow these virtues: acceptance, forgiveness, compassion, honesty and impeccability of your word, your thoughts, and your actions, to be cultivated within you. #5 Finally, spend time contem

#2 Next, your Emotional Realm:

Walk yourself through your ability to monitor your own (and other people’s emotions); your ability to identify different emotions and label them appropriately. Place your attention on your level of empathy, compassion, hot buttons, trigger points, assumptions and conditioned responses. Commit to one emotional behavior that is serving you and keep it in your awareness throughout the day – create a mantra that you can keep flowing throughout the day such as “patience… patience… patience.” And every time you feel you’re about to respond in a way that might not serve you, take a deep breath in and as you exhale, repeat the mantra.

#3 Now drift your attention to

your Material Realm: Make one decision about how you will view the material abundance in the world. Seeing yourself as a never-ending conduit will flow through how you treat your money, finances, your debt, status, your position, possessions, dharma, your savings, hoarding or your giving. Allow abundance consciousness and wealth circulation to transform any feelings of poverty consciousness or lessthan thinking. And throughout the day, remind yourself of that shift. Reinforce it by keeping the subtle intention, “I Am” running in the background of all your thought processes.

plating the Spiritual Realm: This is your connection to your soul and to the divine spirit; your daily practice of prayer, meditation and devotion to the divine. Contemplate your dharma or noble purpose in this life. Breathe in, plant a seed of oneness in your heart, and let the universe kiss your soul.

Reflecting on each realm and the intention or commitment you made to yourself will reinforce the destressifying process. If you really want to ground your intentions, write them down and place them someplace where you will regularly see them. But the key is to live them – live your intentions…lean into them. As Krishna says to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, “Yogastha kuru karmani,” or “Establish yourself in the present moment, and then perform action.” The swirl will slow. Clarity will unfold. Your choices will become more evident. Your decisions will start to truly nourish you and those in your world. With gentle repetition, this can become a daily practice. And it only takes a few minutes each day. www.inspiredparenting.com

Conscious Choice Making

Gaining Clarity Taking these first powerful steps of destressifying is a bold move, and it takes courage! Your learning will start to accelerate now that you have a few tools. And one of the first outcomes will be a renewed sense of clarity. Our past behaviors and experiences are based in part on choices that we have made over the course of our life. Everything flows from the original seeds we planted. Our best choices and our worst decisions have consequences that we are living with today… right now. And some of the haze in our life is from those choices and the ripples they have. But, we are not stuck. As much as we may be tortured over them, our past decisions are not death sentences. That is the beauty of life. We get to re-cast the moment if we are willing to muster the courage and start anew. The journey of destressifying and the outcomes you experience will be based on the very seeds that you plant from this moment forward.

Fractals – The Seeds of our Needs First Impressions. They set the tone for how we think, feel, and move forward with situations, circumstances and relationships. The earliest seeds of these initial impressions are called fractals and they are the foundation for how the next moment will unfold while setting the stage for how the longer-term aspects of a relationship or scenario will evolve. Fractals set the tone and establish the trajectory of everything. In science, a fractal is a natural phenomenon or a mathematical set that exhibits a repeating pattern that has the same statistical character as the whole. The most common examples in our world include snowflakes, waves in the ocean, nautilus shells, ferns, crystals, leaves, blood vessels, broccoli, DNA, our heartbeat and the eye of a hurricane. We can 52

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We’ve all heard of the concept of work-life balance. But in truth, that separation between work and life is artificial, since for many, work is our life, our kids are our life, our relationships are our life.

predict the evolving future of something based on its first few moments. And then it grows exponentially – often through the golden ratios of life. Fractals appear everywhere and they are inherently embedded in everything we do. Yet, so often we find ourselves being stunned when a child, friend, lover, boss or colleague acts in a way we didn’t see coming. Or, perhaps a situation unfolds in a way that shocks or surprises us. If we could turn back the clock to the fractal of that interaction or that decision -- we’d see there were signs… there were clues…there was evidence we ignored because we were acting out of infatuation, attachment, emotion, reactivity or a conditioned behavior. The fractal holds the key. These are the moments that are critical to living life with less melodrama, less pain, less confusion, greater clarity, and greater fulfillment. So how do we glean more from our fractals? Once we have gained clarity on steps we will take to meet our needs through The Five Realms – the fractals we have put in place in our physical, emotional, material, relationship, and spiritual realms begin to reveal themselves. Through deeper awareness of our needs and emotions, through the quietude we establish in our daily destressifying techniques… through our heightened attention… our fractals make themselves known. Once we’ve identified them, we don’t have to accept that this is the way

life must continue – we just need to know that if we do nothing, we will get more of the same. And if we prefer, we can make more conscious choices and shift the trajectory that was put in place. A perfect example is shifting or repairing a relationship that is set on a course of destruction.

Making the Best New Choices What’s done is carved in stone – but we can always take action in the now to alter, shift, change or transform the direction things are headed. And so that we can make better choices going forward, we often have a few moments of potential clarity right before

Conscious Choice Making

we make a decision to ask ourselves a few questions: • “What need is being fulfilled by me taking this step?” • Then ask, “What need WILL NOT be fulfilled by me taking this step?” • Then ask, “Even though I am going to move ahead, what compromise am I making right now?” • Then ask, “What am I not seeing in this moment?” If we choose to be even more patient with our choice-making process, we can take it one step further. We can close our eyes and place our hand on

our heart, get really quiet (by gently following our breath) and ask the timeless question “Will this choice that I am about to make fulfill my needs and others being affected by this choice?” Coming from a place of stillness, your heart will signal pain or pleasure, comfort or discomfort. We will see the fractals in our life, choose more wisely, more nourishingly, and see the bigger picture. We will be happier with our choices, make more conscious decisions, and have fewer surprises of our own making. We will definitely have less struggle and less stress. This will allow our lives to flow with greater grace and greater ease.

We know what we need. But this is simply the first mastery of destressifying. If we can drill more deeply into the way we respond to the world around us, we will transform in an evolutionary way. n ABOUT THE AUTHOR DAVIDJI is a globally recognized mind, body, health and wellness expert, mindful performance trainer, meditation teacher & best-selling author of the critically acclaimed: Destressifying: The Real-World Guide to Personal Empowerment, Lasting Fulfillment, and Peace of Mind, available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iBooks, Hayhouse. com and davidji.com.

www.inspiredparenting.com

PARENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO

COUPLE TALK: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship By CHICK MOORMAN and THOMAS HALLER

ouples often find themselves struggling to communicate. You say one thing; your partner hears another. You have a vague sense that your partner wants to say something, but she remains silent. You want to be told directly; your partner seems to be dancing around an issue. You want to send a clean message, yet you hear yourself say something that reminds you of how your mother talked to your father. Verbal communication is fraught with the potential for misinterpretation and misunderstanding. An undeniable link exists between the words you choose to use and the emotional health and well-being of your relationship. Couple Talk offers a variety of verbal skills and language patterns that can strengthen your primary relationship by improving communication between you and your partner. By carefully choosing words and phrases that communicate love and respect and by expressing them honestly and

Winter 2015/2016 · Volume 1, Issue 2

openly, you can build a relationship based on mutual respect and caring.

The Language Of Feelings Maryanne was raised by parents who did not regularly share feelings. She had no role models for how to do that effectively. As a result, by the time she married, her “feeling vocabulary” was severely limited. In addition, Maryanne believed that if she told her husband her negative feelings, he would stop loving her. She thought that sharing them would seriously damage the relationship and that she would appear to her husband to be a weak person who could not manage her feelings effectively. Consequently, she habitually choked them off, numbed them out, and kept them to herself. When Maryanne did share her feelings, she communicated them in an unskillful fashion. She shared them the way many people do, by focusing on what the other person is doing wrong. “You’re always late and that frustrates me,” she would say. “You drive so fast. It’s annoying,” she once told her husband. Because her skill level was low, the reaction she got whenever she did share her feelings didn’t encourage her to continue the practice. Each time she expressed a feeling she reconfirmed her belief that she would get less love and do damage to the relationship by making those feelings known.

In counseling, Marynne learned to express her feelings clearly and cleanly. She learned to recognize them, state them simply, and communicate what she thought was contributing to their arising. She also learned that she didn’t have to use her husband’s behavior to justify them. Over time, Maryanne became skilled at stating what she was feeling cleanly and tying it to a reason. Instead of “You drive so fast. It’s so annoying,” she might say, “When you drive fast I get frightened.” She learned to replace the finger-pointing in statements like, “You’re always late and it frustrates me,” with “I’m feeling frustrated about not being there on time.” When Maryanne’s husband forgot their anniversary, she felt hurt. She wanted to tell him about her pain but she wanted to do it effectively. She knew she would add gasoline to the fire if she used Couple Talk such as, “You’re going to ruin this relationship if you keep doing this,” or “You’re a rotten husband.” So she continued to explore the possibilities. She considered more tactful responses, like, “Why did you forget our anniversary?” or “It’s tough living with you sometimes,” but rejected them because they sounded accusatory or vague to her. The statement Maryanne eventually chose to share with her husband was, “When you don’t acknowledge our anniversary, I get scared that you might be growing away from me. And I hurt.” By owning her feelings and by stating her thoughts clearly and simply without an accusatory tone, Maryanne invited her spouse to enter a dialogue concerning this important situation. Her husband heard her feelings and was able to respond to them empa-

COUPLE TALK: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship thetically. He did not feel compelled to use words to defend himself or offer counter-accusations. Intimacy was served and the end result was an increase in the couple’s feelings of love and affection for one another.

Hearing When your partner shares a feeling with an “I” statement—“I feel angry”—and offers further information as explanation, resist the urge to become defensive. Hear the feeling as a statement about her, not as a statement about you. She is not talking about you. She is talking about herself. Focus on understanding rather than defending or explaining. If your spouse shares feelings unskillfully, disowning responsibility for them while making you wrong for something you did or said, it is still possible to hear the verbalization as if she had expressed it skillfully. If she says, “You hurt me when you flirt with other women,” hear, “I’m scared that you don’t find me attractive anymore, and when I see you talking to other women I’m reminded of that fear.” Respond not to what she said, but rather to what she would have said if she had taken the time to think about and construct a skillful sharing of her feelings. If she tells you, “How could you let your mother talk to me like that? You tick me off!” hear the message as if she had delivered it skillfully: “I’m angry. I don’t like it when your mother attacks my parenting style and I would like it if you would help me defend myself.” Remember, she is in charge of how she says it. You are in charge of how you hear it. Communication of feelings is a basic skill in the Couple Talk system. “I hurt when you say those things to me” and similar phrases will help you learn and master this important communication technique. While you are first learning to express feelings we recommend you

focus on the four basic feelings: anger, pain (hurt), pleasure and fear. You may have heard them referred to as mad, sad, glad, and scared. All other feelings or emotions are a combination of one or two of these four feelings. The four basic feelings could be stated as:

Couples often find themselves struggling to communicate. You say one thing; your partner hears another.

“I hurt when you say those things to me.” ABOUT THE AUTHORS

“I’m angry when you say those things to me.”

CHICK MOORMAN and THOMAS HALLER are the authors of The 10 Com-

“I’m sad when you say those things to me.”

mitments: Parenting with Purpose, They also publish a FREE e-mail newsletter for parents and another

“I’m happy when you say those things to me.”

for educators. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are two of the world’s foremost authorities on raising

An essential ingredient when communicating feelings is to structure your language in a way that owns your feeling. Take responsibility for your feeling by beginning your expression of it with an “I” statement. n

responsible, caring, confident children. For more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, or to sign up for their newsletters, visit their websites today: www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com.

www.inspiredparenting.com

PARENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO

10 Parent Talk Tips

Practical Verbal Skills to Help You Raise Responsible, Caring, Conscious Children By CHICK MOORMAN and THOMAS HALLER What separates effective parents from those who aren’t as effective is this: they talk differently. Effective parents use a different style of language. They have developed a way of speaking that nurtures, uplifts, inspires, empowers, honors, sets healthy limits, and holds children accountable for their choices in loving, caring ways.

Parent Talk Tip

Increasing the volume of an ineffective verbal skill does not make it an effective verbal skill. It just makes it a loud ineffective verbal skill. Parent Talk Tip

Use the Parent Talk phrase, “I noticed… ,” with your youngsters. Instead of asking, “Why did you do that?” tell them, “I noticed you threw the muffin wrapper on the floor. Wrappers go in the garbage.” Say, “I noticed you took his truck instead of asking,” rather than “Why didn’t you ask him?” 56

Parent Talk Tip

“Did you eat that cake?” If the last piece of cake is gone and your daughter has cake crumbs on her face, don’t ask if she ate the cake. That’s laying a trap, expecting her to lie. Say instead, “I’m disappointed that you ate the cake. There will be no more snacks today.”

Parent Talk Tip

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“She does seem like she’s different from you. Can you think of some ways she’s the same as you?” breeds tolerance. Parent Talk Tip

To get the results you want, consider changing the YOU in your language patterns to I. “Here’s what you have to do” can be softened to “I would like you to consider this alternative.” Phrasing your request this way comes across as less demanding. Parent Talk Tip

“What do you think would happen if you did that?” “So what do you think you will do?” Questions allow you to become the facilitator and step out of the rescuing role.

“It feels like we’re working against each other on this. Let’s both remember we’re on the same team here.” This statement creates a “you and me together versus the problem” situation, rather than one of “you versus me.” Parent Talk Tip

Parent Talk Tip

“There is nothing you can do.” When you say these words to your children, you give them the message, “You are small, insignificant, and powerless.” There is always something they can do. Parent Talk Tip

“That’s too difficult for you.” Back off. Allow children to decide the degree of difficulty unless this is a safety or health issue. Parent Talk Tip

“How can we keep this from happening again?” asks for a solution and communicates to the child that you value a search for solutions over blame and punishment.

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SENSITIVE BODIES

Cooking with Kefir WHAT IS KEFIR? Lifeway Kefir is a tart and tangy cultured milk smoothie that is high in protein, calcium and vitamin D. Thanks to their exclusive blend of kefir cultures, each cup of kefir contains 12 live and active cultures and 7 to 10 billion beneficial probiotic strains. The list of health benefits associated with probiotics grows consistently; here are 9 reasons to enjoy Lifeway Kefir. 1. PROBIOTICS Probiotics are healthy, beneficial microorganisms such as bacteria or yeast found in the digestive tract. 2. IMMUNITY

The probiotics in kefir support a healthy gut, where 70-80% of the cells that make up the immune system are located. 3. HEALTHY WEIGHT Protein, abundant in kefir, increases satiety and reduces hunger cravings throughout the day. 4. SKIN Kefir contains Alpha Hydroxy Acid (AHA), a popular ingredient in skin care products. 5. DIGESTION The live and active probiotic cultures found in kefir may help support digestion. 6. PROTEIN An 8 oz serving of Lifeway low fat kefir contains 11 grams of natural protein. 7. LACTOSE DIGESTION Kefir’s probiotic cultures break down milk sugars, which supports lactose digestion. 99% lactose free. 8. MOOD Kefir is loaded with tryptophan, the amino acid that helps raise the levels of serotonin in your brain. 9. BONE DENSITY A serving of Lifeway kefir provides roughly one third of your daily calcium needs. 58

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A serving of Lifeway kefir provides roughly one third of your daily calcium needs.

Kefir Pesto Marinated Chicken Did you know that kefir makes a great meat marinade? It’s true! The same properties that give our favorite drink its tart and tangy taste also make lean cuts of meat extra tender and juicy. Try it today by making this savory Kefir Pesto Marinated Chicken – it’s delicious grilled or baked! Ingredients • 1 cup Lifeway Plain Low Fat Kefir • 1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts • ½ cup + ¼ cup pesto (homemade or store bought) • ½ Tbsp. salt • 1 tsp. black pepper Directions 1. In a shallow pan or large freezer bag, combine kefir, ½ cup pesto, salt and pepper. Stir or shake until well combined. Add the chicken breasts and coat with marinade. Leave in the refrigerator (covered if not in a bag) for two hours or overnight. 2. Thirty to 45 minutes before you’re ready to start cooking, remove the chicken from the refrigerator (room temperature chicken cooks more evenly). 3. To bake: preheat your oven to 450°F and spray an oven-save baking dish with non-stick cook-

ing spray. Place the chicken in the dish and bake for 20-22 minutes, flipping halfway, or until cooked completely. Removed from the oven and top with additional pesto. Serve immediately with your favorite roasted vegetables, salad or prepared grains. 4. To grill: preheat your gill to high heat (about 550°F!) and spray with grill-save cooking spray (so the chicken doesn’t stick to the grates). Place the chicken on the grill and cook 2-3 minutes per side, or until internal temperature reaches 160°F. Slice and and top with additional pesto. Serve immediately with your favorite grilled vegetables or a hearty salad! 5. Store leftovers in an airtight container in the refrigerator. Notes: If your chicken breasts are very large, consider using a meat mallet and hammering them to an even thickness. This will ensure more even, faster cooking. Vegetarian option: You can also use Tofu or chicken free strips from your health store.

What is Kefir?

Kefir Apple Pancakes Pancakes get a remake with kefir, fresh apples and apple sauce. Servings: 3 to 4 Ingredients • 1 cup whole wheat flour (for lighter pancakes, mix ½ cup all-purpose flour with ½ cup whole wheat) • 1 Tbsp. sugar (scant) • 1 ¼ tsp. baking powder • ¼ tsp. baking soda • 1/ tsp. salt • 1 cup Lifeway Plain Low Fat Kefir • OR 1 cup Lifeway Organic • ½ cup unsweetened apple sauce • 1 large egg • 1 Tbsp. butter, melted • 1 apple, grated

Spicy Butternut Squash Soup A spicy take on a traditional fall/winter favorite that comes together in a flash. Even better? Our Fall Spicy Butternut Squash Soup is made with just a handful of ingredients, so no special trip to the market is required! Servings: 2 to 3 Ingredients • 2 cups cooked butternut squash or butternut squash puree • 1 cup Lifeway Plain Whole Milk Kefir • 2 tsp. olive oil • 1 heaping Tbsp. curry spice (heat to preference) • ¼ tsp. salt, or to taste • Basil, extra spices, pepitas and olive oil for garnish Directions 1. Add squash puree, kefir olive oil and spices into a blender and blend on high until creamy and completely mixed. 2. Pour mixture into a saucepan and heat on medium-high heat until desired temperature is reached. 3. Serve in soup bowls and garnish with additional spices or kefir.

Directions 1. Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl. Set aside. Crack the egg into a medium sized bowl and whisk until fully incorporated and frothy. Add in the apple sauce, kefir and butter and whisk well. Add liquid mixture to the dry mixture and stir until just combined (there will be lumps). 2. Heat a nonstick pan over medium heat. When up to temperature, lightly coat with cooking spray. Drop ¼ cup dollops of batter onto the hot pan and sprinkle with grated apples. Cook 2-3 minutes, or until bubbles form and pop, then flip. Continue cooking until golden brown on the bottom, about 2-3 more minutes. Continue with the rest of the batter until all pancakes are complete. Top with syrup, more grated apples, peanut butter, or toppings of your choice. Enjoy with a nice glass of cold Lifeway kefir! www.inspiredparenting.com

Advisory Panel

PROFESSOR BARBARA BULLARD, M.A.

Dr. Barbara Bullard has worked as a Professor of Speech Communications at Orange Coast College for over 48 years. In addition to winning numerous awards, she is the co-author of Communication from the Inside Out, with Kat Carroll, and Remembrance: Journey to Expanded Learning with Dr. Alex Bennett. Prof. Bullard’s work as a teacher and a parent raising two children with Attention Deficit Disorder led her to become very interested in music as a universal means by which her students and children could overcome their learning challenges, improve their learning abilities, and heighten their performance in the educational setting. This interest eventually led to collaboration with the Monroe Institute. marrying musical formats with the binaural technology of Hemi-Sync, now known as “Metamusic,” which has proven to be extraordinarily helpful for the normative student as well as those with a variety of learning challenges specifically ADD, ADHD, and Dyslexia. DR. CATHERINE GALLANTI, M.S., M.A.

Katie Gallanti qualified as Doctor of Physics, summa cum laude, at Parma University in Italy. Following several powerful and transformative psychic and personal experiences that changed the way she perceived the world, she left the research trenches to pursue her interest in metaphysics and psychology, while also teaching math to at risk teenage populations in the inner city schools of London. Here she gained extensive personal experience in dealing with the challenges faced by educators, parents and children in our fast paced and evolving world. She also gained an understanding of many of the current negative trends in physical and mental health as applied to teens and children. She later went back to school and gained an MA in Transpersonal Psychology (2009), and is currently completing her PhD in Clinical Psychology. Katie has also been actively involved in the Mind, Body and Spirit field for over 20 60

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years, as a healer, teacher and writer. She regularly writes for nationally distributed magazines in both the UK and the USA, appears regularly as a guest on radio shows and is in the final stages of writing her first book. www.katiegallanti.com

tion Magazine, The Chicago Tribune and Publisher’s Weekly, numerous newspapers and on local and national radio and television. She is the editor and founder of Heal Myself magazine bit.ly/1p1142E . www.addisagift.com

THOMAS B. HALLER, MDiv. LMSW,

MAGGIE DENT

ACSW, CMFSW, DST

Maggie Dent is an Australian author, educator, and parenting and resilience specialist with a particular interest in the early years and adolescence. A high-school teacher for 17 years before working as a counselor with young people and their families, in suicide prevention and in palliative care. Maggie is the author of 7 books, including Real Kids in an Unreal World: How to Build Resilience and Self Esteem in Today’s Children, Saving Our Children from Our Chaotic World: Teaching Children the Magic of Silence and Stillness, and Nurturing Kids’ Hearts and Souls: Building Emotional, Social and Spiritual Competency to name just a few. Go to www.maggiedent.com for a wealth of resources for parents, adolescents, teachers, and educators.

Thomas Haller is a parenting and relationship specialist, the co-author of nine highly acclaimed books, and a psychotherapist maintaining a private practice (for 26 years) as a child, adolescent and couples therapist. He is a Certified Master Forensic Social Worker, an AASECT certified diplomate of sexuality therapy, and a certified sports counselor. Thomas is also the chief parenting and relationship correspondent to WNEM TV 5 (CBS affiliate). He can be seen on television answering viewer’s questions four days a week in his Family Matters segment. In addition, Thomas is the founder and director of the Healing Minds Institute, a center devoted to teaching others to focus and enhance the health of the mind, body, and spirit. He is president of Personal Power Press, Inc. a publishing house committed to providing parents and educators with practical material for raising responsible children. He is available for workshops, seminars, student assemblies and commencement speeches. For further information visit www.thomashaller.com. LARA HONOS-WEBB, Ph.D.

Lara Honos-Webb is a worldwide ADD expert and offers ADD coaching. She is a clinical psychologist and author of The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD, The ADHD Workbook for Teens and Listening to Depression: How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life. Dr. Honos-Webb has published more than 25 scholarly articles, and her work has been featured in Newsweek, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, Preven-

CHICK MOORMAN

Chick Moorman is a veteran educator who has invested more than 50 years working with children, parents, teachers, and caregivers. A prolific writer, he has written or coauthored 14 books that deliver practical verbal skills to people who work with children, including Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Words That Build Self-Esteem and Encourage Responsibility, and Spirit Whisperers: Teachers Who Nourish A Child’s Spirit. Chick is the creator of The Parent Talk System, a style of communicating with children that creates emotionally healthy family relationships. Chick has also developed a training of trainers model. In order to help interested and committed adults make a difference in the lives of parents and children in their home communities, he has now trained over

Advisory Panel

400 trainers in 27 states and 5 countries who are currently certified to help spread the critical Parent Talk verbal skills to parents. www.chickmoorman.com

INTERNATIONAL CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

MARIAEMMA PELLULO-WILLIS, M.S.,

DANA MRKICH

is an education consultant and LearningSuccess™ Coach. She is co-author of Discover Your Child’s Learning Style and Midlife Crisis Begins in Kindergarten. Mariaemma has spent more than twenty-five years teaching, conducting workshops and seminars for parents and teachers, and developing educational programs and materials. She is co-founder of the LearningSuccess™ Institute where parents and teachers learn how to coach every child for learning success, and co-creator of Power of You Now! Seminars for adults. Mariaemma holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology, a Master’s degree in Education, and California Life Teaching Credentials for Regular and Special Education. She was the director of a private learning center for children with learning disabilities before going into private practice. After 13 years of assessing and treating children and adults for learning “dysfunctions” she knew that she could no longer follow this erroneous and harmful model of education and began researching alternatives. For the last 25 plus years her passion has been helping children and their families understand and appreciate their natural gifts and abilities, and helping adults recuperate from negative school experiences which keep them from discovering their passions and potentials. Mariaemma has also conducted training programs for literacy volunteers throughout Southern California, taught learning success strategies in correctional facilities, and has developed assessment and teaching procedures for adult students. Mariaemma was born and grew up in Southern California. She currently lives in Ventura, with her husband, Ron. In her “spare” time she loves to read and garden. Hobbies include nutrition, holistic health, interior design, and personal development. www.learningsuccessinstitute.com.

Dana Mrkich is a writer, teacher, speaker and mother focused on Conscious Living. She is the author of the book A New Chapter, the creator of several online transformational courses, and has a regular blog called Evolution Revolution. Dana lives in Sydney, Australia with her husband Christian and their son Jaxon. www.danamrkich.com.

CANADA ELLEN HAYAKAWA, BSc., Dipl. Bus.

AUSTRALIA

BOLIVIA MARGARET SELEME

Margaret Seleme is President and Founder of the Indigo Foundation of Bolivia, located in La Paz, Bolivia, and the director of the Educational Therapy Centre named “Cerebremos con el Corazón” (Cerebrating with the Heart). Margaret Seleme holds a Degree in Architecture from University of Notre Dame, in Indiana, USA; a Masters Degree in Education from Framingham State College, Boston, USA; and a Masters Degree in Neuropsychopedagogy from University of La Salle in Bolivia, with a specialization in Brain Based Learning. She was a Kumon Instructor for 15 years and has taken a vast amount of courses on alternative and holistic therapies. She speaks 6 languages and has travelled the world extensively. Fundación Indigo Bolivia is a non-profit organization whose objective is to divulge the existence of the New Children, their nature, their needs and their mission. It also seeks to instruct teachers on how to recognize and manage these children more efficiently in their classrooms. Finally, Fundación Indigo Bolivia tries to explain to parents who the New Children are, in all their denominations (Indigo, Crystal, Rainbow, etc.) but mainly the energetically sensitive children and how they should be incorporated and educated at home and at school.

Admin.

is the author of The Inspired Organization: Spirituality and Energy at Work and coauthor of the Best Inspirational/ Spiritual Book of the Year and Amazon Mind Body Spirit Bestseller: Healing a Hurting World: Harnessing the Power of Intention to Change Your Life and Your Planet, The NGO Revolution: Healing a Hurting World and The Workplace and Spirituality: New Perspectives on Research and Practice (2009). Ellen is a pioneer and expert in leadership based on spiritual principles, spirit at work and in the development of spiritual wisdom of children, youth and adults. She’s on a mission to awaken and empower divinely inspired leadership worldwide in solopreneurs and mainstream business. Ellen offers training for divinely inspired leaders to live extraordinary lives of passion, purpose and meaning at www. divinelyinspiredleaders.com., and Training for Parents, Teachers, Educators and Health Professionals on Supporting Children and Youth to Discover their Spiritual Wisdom at www.divinelyinspiredleaders.com/ children.

INDIA BELA KOTWANI

After graduating with a Bachelor of Commerce, Ms. Bela Kotwani completed her Early Childhood Care and Education from Sadhana Education Society in 1989. She has also completed a Certificate Course in Learning Disability, from Arya Vidya Mandir (Bandra W) in 1999. Bela has 21 years of teaching and administrative experience at Arya Vidya Mandir, and has nurtured more than 2000 children in her career so far. A puppeteer for 17 years, Bela loves bringing joy to children. In 2012, Bela launched Cosmikids India—a Preschool, Day Care and an After School Activity Centre. www.inspiredparenting.com

Advisory Panel

RAKESH KOTWANI

Rakesh Kotwani received his Bachelor of Engineering in Electronics from the University of Kolhapur in 1989, and then completed a Management Development Programme “Small and Medium Enterprises” from I.I.M Ahmedabad in 2004. As an Entrepreneur with 25 years of experience, he is a co-founder of Cosmikids. India. He oversees all aspects of business development and expansion. www.cosmikids.in

returned to England in 1993, where he and his wife Sue had a son Tom. Tom was a highly sensitive child and had a number of challenges. In his pursuit of solutions to Tom’s “problems,” Bill immersed himself in the world of alternative therapies and emergent thinking. Having trained in many protocols, mainly based upon Kinesiology, Bill co-founded a company called Edutherapy, which helped thousands of children diagnosed with various learning and behavioural

WINTER 2015/2016 VOL. 1. ISSUE 2

ADVERTISING & EDITORIAL SUBMISSIONS

CFO & Co-Publisher - Jennifer Evanko

IRELAND ANN CALLAGHAN

Ann Callaghan trained as a classical homeopath and specialized in the treatment of children in her clinic. She also taught homeopathy and was a director of the Irish School of Homeopathy. In march 1999, Ann started to make essences, which she used in her practice. She soon realized that these essences could help with all sorts of behavioral problems, including ADD and ADHD, and help families cope with stressful times. Since then she has taught workshops on indigo essences, the new children and the shift in consciousness in many countries including the Netherlands, Italy, Switzerland, the Czech Republic, Iceland, Hong Kong and Japan. Ann has also spoken at many conferences including the International Flower Essence Conference in Tokyo, and was a contributor to Lee Carroll and Jan Tober’s book The Indigo Children 10 Years Later. www.indigoessences.com.

UNITED KINGDOM BILL AYLING

Bill Ayling went straight from studying for his Masters Degree in Economics at Swansea University to working in the City of London, where he spent 17 years as a trader in the Investment Banking industry. After spending two years in Tokyo, he 62

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challenges using a unique bio-resonance Programme. In 2009, as his understanding evolved, Bill co-founded aCREATIVEspace with Tracy Smith, which uses a similar bio-resonance programme to help elevate people’s consciousness above the problem mindset, releasing the potential in adults as well as their children. Bill still lives in Sevenoaks, Kent. Tom is travelling in Australia having graduated last year, and Catherine, Tom’s sister, is studying drama. www.acreativespace.org

Publisher - Judy Julin publisher@inspiredparentingmagazine.com Editor-in-Chief - Sandra Sedgbeer editor@inspiredparentingmagazine.com Publisher-at-Large - Dr. Leon Campbell, Jr. Art Director - Damian Keenan Promotions & Advertising Director - Deborah Coyle advertising@inspiredparentingmagazine.com Online Editor - Gemma Hansen info@inspiredparentingmagazine.com INSPIRED PARENTING MAGAZINE is an international publication dedicated to inspiring parents, caregivers and mentors to assist children in achieving their full potential. Its mission is to inspire, educate, support and assist parents, caregivers and mentors by providing access to the latest research and thinking on how to enable children to fulfill their full potential as healthy, confident, resourceful, compassionate, imaginative and emotionally intelligent human beings. INSPIRED PARENTING MAGAZINE is published quarterly by Engage Enterprises, LLC., with Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter editions.

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Imagine a child… Imagine a child that has been raised by parents who consciously cared for its physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs from the moment of its conception… Imagine a young adult that has been empowered from birth to develop confidence, compassion, empathy, resourcefulness, and self esteem… Imagine a family that connects with each other from a heartfelt space, and communicates using words that empower, nurture and uplift one another, rather than language that blames, shames and wounds… Imagine a school, a neighborhood, a community that is never lost for an appropriate, loving and empowering response to everyday situations… Imagine a planet filled with mindful, compassionate beings who respect the connection between all things, who value the earth’s resources, treasure the environment, and are committed to nurturing the unique gifts of all children… It all begins with the way we raise, nurture, parent and guide our children…