Men hate socialising? Surely not, says Kate

from DARLING MAGAZINE SW LONDON SUMMER 2021

Women vs Hollywood. Exclusive interview

Perhaps You’d Care to Join Us?

By Kate Greenhalgh

Now that it’s become ok to ‘cancel’ stuff, I’m going to come out and cancel people who cancel. Specifically men (boo!) who cancel social invitations after their wife has accepted them. We had our Rip Van Winkle year, but now we are back in the era of socialising, like it or not, and it’s not easy. We’ve all suffered either a bad case of wordvomit from too much pent-up chitchat, or social anxiety paralysing us with fear. The prospect of bantering with Barbara at a barbecue was monumentally scary.

But back to man-bashing. I believe I’m not being sexist to aver that men hate socialising (MIXED socialising) more than women. Traditional boygirl seating plans have stuck me next to more fidgeting, sighing, tongue-tied, watchglancing, phone-peering, middle distance-gazing, miserable men than I can count. Despite my legendary charisma, even I have given up trying to humour them out of it. I can talk about the trials and tensions of the Premier League (men’s) in depth - so a boring woman I am not! No Siree! And is there anything more depressing than a gender-divided table of people, with the girl-end talking about kids, and the boy-end about golf? (‘What?’ thinks everybody. ‘That sounds perfect.’)

Why is it so many men dread meeting up? A friend of mine once told me he fantasises about self-immolation as a last resort to get out of dinner parties. Self-immolation! Other friends of ours cancelled at the last minute the other day because the husband had ‘forgotten they needed to set off early to the Isle of Wight’ the following day. What next? An invalid friend called Bunbury? If you haven’t read Larkin’s poem ‘Vers de Société’, do so - it is the ultimate expression of male horror of socialising - ‘something that bores us, something we don’t do well.’

My partner is different in that he adores socialising with everybody. I could hire him out for those tricky occasions when nobody wants to sit next to Auntie Agatha. He would love to! A sullen cloud never dims his amiability. ‘Invite the so-and-so’s round!’ he cries. ‘No, they are frightened of coming to Peckham, remember,’ I say. ‘Well how about the so-and-so’s?’ ‘No. They like you but not me.’ ‘Well, the so-and-so’s’ ‘No, they are smug about their kids all the time.’ ‘Well, ANYBODY!’ he pleads. ‘No, I just know her husband will dread it and end up cancelling.’

So men, try to be less negative about it all. Lean in. We women don’t lay all this stuff on for fun, you know. n

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