DARLING MAGAZINE SW LONDON WINTER 21/22 by Darling Magazine UK

darling Winter 2021-22

Women are fighting back

Shelly Palmer Red flags in relationships

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Women are fighting back!

Cover Girl Shelly Palmer Photography Josh Churcher

Publisher Darling Magazine UK Ltd

As the fight gathers pace, it’s increasingly women who are the driving force for change. Covergirl Shelly Palmer survived an abusive relationship for years to write a brilliant handbook on the red flags in toxic relationships. Evie Smyth from Russell-Cooke gives you your legal options, empowering women to get out of these relationships and she gives some legal and moral support to deal with threatening partners. Whether you love or hate Greta, she’s raised our consciences on rebelling against climate change. Mary Hanover brings us her report straight from COP26. The season of giving can be done

Marja-Leena Toseland 07802 949836

Karine Torr 07930 396356

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info@darlingmagazine.co.uk editor@darlingmagazine.co.uk

Contributors

Kate Greenhalgh Paul Mendelson

Design Director

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Distribution

Right Distribution Whilst every care has been taken to ensure that the data in this publication is accurate, neither the publisher nor its editorial contributors can accept, and hereby disclaim, any liability to any party to loss or damage caused by errors or omissions resulting from negligence, accident or any other cause. Darling Magazine does not officially endorse any advertising material included within this publication. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form – electronic, recording or otherwise, without prior permission from the publisher.

with a lot less impact on our planet, and by instilling the right values in our children too. And if fighting real fires appeals to you, read why Kathryn Duncan loves her job in the fire service. Don’t miss our competition! Enter our December prize draw at online Darling for a chance to win a fabulous double prize: 2 top price tickets to Russian State Ballet of Siberia’s Romeo & Juliet, Nutcracker or Swan Lake - the choice is yours. February 2022 at New Wimbledon Theatre + a dinner for 2 at The Ivy Café Wimbledon.

EDITORS Karine & Marja-Leena

See the very latest in our online magazine and what’s new in Shop with Darling at darlingmagazine.co.uk

Karine Torr & Marja-Leena Toseland

Editors

EDITOR’S LETTER

CONTENTS 4 Shelly Palmer - woman of many talents 7 Darling style picks for your winter wardrobe 8 Gift guide supporting independent businesses 11 Oath Home making positive impacts 12 Teaching kids values this Christmas. Elaine Halligan 15 Feeling lonely? Breathe Café is open to talk 16 Women of the World festival is back! 18 The other side of COP26 with Mary Hanover 20 Good feasting this season 23 Multitasking for your skin at Nakedhealth 25 No nonsense, no toxins with Shelly 27 We’re talking pelvic prolapse 29 State-of-the-art spa retreat at David Lloyd 30 Spotlight on the fabulous Jamie Wilson 33 Transform a lost relationship with Pam Custers 35 Emma Parr on good role modelling 36 Russell-Cooke tackles abusive relationships 39 Mental health programmes in schools 40 Perfect artworks for you from Ad Lib Gallery 41 The wisdom of winter with Sophie Lutz 42 Cook’s Corner. Carole’s delish Rainbow Pie 43 Property investing – start when you’re young 44 Suzanne Mynors’ happy work-life at Russell-Cooke 46 Bridge with Paul Mendelson 47 Want a ‘no fuss’ funeral? 48 Fighting fire with fire – Kathryn Duncan 3 50 Pain in the neck with Kate Greenhalgh

Don’t get angry, get even

Author, TV presenter, fitness guru, and Prosecco lover Shelly Palmer’s journey

helly Palmer had everything – the looks, the smarts, the glamorous jobs, the celebrity friends, the secrets of business success, the keys to the city. Everything, that is, except a heathy relationship of mutual respect as a couple of loving equals. For many years she was involved in a relationship so toxic she lost her confidence, her identity and the very idea of herself as a woman in her own right with her own needs, ambitions and dreams. All of them were stunted and smothered by a controlling partner who told her how to dress, how to behave and how to tiptoe around his moods and whims. She lost confidence and had low self-esteem. She’d had no other relationship experience and had nothing to measure against. She managed to escape that relationship eventually and found new love, but again she found herself attracted to the same kind of men over and over again. She hit rock bottom two years ago when she miscarried and finally addressed some deep-seated issues of her own around her adoption.

“It led me on a journey of self-discovery and self-development. It’s how I was able to write my book “Little Pocket Book of Red Flags” and help other women,” says Shelly. The book is a women’s guide to dating in the age of social media and managing toxic relationships. Shelly wrote the book with her best friend Louise Pullen who she locked down with. She was on her own in the city and everyone was locking down around her, and she didn’t want to be on her own. She got in her mini and drove to Portsmouth. Writing the book was something they’d always talked about. They shared their own dating disasters and friends shared theirs with them. They wanted to write a book that can be passed down from mother to sister to niece to friend. They asked: “What would we write for our younger selves?” That was the starting point. The book tackles the dangers of dating online and

INSPIRING WOMAN

social media and what to look out for. It’s been adopted by the Freedom Project which works with domestic violence victims across the UK and has been added to their reading list.

Music course. Now she’s developed her Fabulicious Fitness Dance and Workout Classes in the local community. At its height she was teaching more than 100 people in one class. Shelly has learnt some hard lessons along the way and had her fair share of trauma. She says: “You have to own your story and I’m a product of those things that happened to me.”

Despite the success of the book, Shelly is not your traditional agony aunt. Far from it. Her career trajectory is a blaze of energy and enterprise. At 21 Shelly had the keys to the city, by 25 she’d burnt out.

Another big step Shelly took during lockdown was to move her classes online and build a brand-new membership site for her new project – The Queen of Killer Curves.

It’s only through vulnerability that we learn the lessons we need in life, but those lessons make us strong and powerful

She partied her way through university working with Red Bull, she had the car and the fridge to go with the job, the fridge was obviously full of Red Bull. She moved on from this role to work with celebrities when she became the Umbrella Girl for the Super Bikes meeting Robby Savage, and Liam Howlett from the Prodigy, Goldie was a regular in the Paddock. She met the Appletons and Baby Spice. Gordon Ramsey was a big bike fan. He had restaurants in London but wasn’t the big TV star he is today. Shelly admits she was naïve at the time and didn’t really know who all the famous faces were. By her mid-twenties Shelly was working in advertising being run ragged not only by her own boss, but the team of 50 and five directors who she was working for. She likens herself to Cinderella, there were always spare tickets for big TV events, but Shelly was invisible to them and never got invited to the ball. In the end she had a Bridgette Jones moment and walked out. This was a turning point in her life, and she decided to embark on an Exercise to

“In this role I want to motivate women to be the best that they can be in the skin that they are in. Level up in their lives and to start living like the Queen that has always been inside them.” Shelly offers dance, barre, hiit and coaching if you want to work with her one on one. This is the culmination of more than a decade’s work. Shelly is also an ambassador for Tropic Skincare – a business that pays her mortgage and she’d dubbed herself the “side-hustle queen” working with a team of 180 people and empowering them to run their own enterprise too. n

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What to wear this winter?

Leave loungewear at home with a return of the more considered look. Tailored shapes are comfortably mixed with oversized knits and coats. Get your sustainable brands from independent boutiques. Kayla Quilted Puffer Jacket £1295 stellamccartney.com

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A sustainable season with Oath Home Waste is pointless. Waste is… well… a waste From its fledgling days working from their founder Anna’s living room, through to their position today as the go-to organisation for the rescuing of unused, luxury fabrics, Oath Home has striven to reduce the pointless waste of beautiful, sumptuous textiles and to give them a new lease of life.

ath Home has partnered with designers, interiors specialists, production studios and sustainable warehouses to coordinate the repurposing of thousands of meters of silks, velvets, linens, and various other luxury fabrics; fabrics that, without their intervention, would have been incinerated or otherwise destroyed.

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counselling, professional training and mentoring to protect physical and mental health. Youth homelessness often leads to seriousproblems in adult life. By preventing children from becoming homeless, Step by Step breaks this cycle and gives young people a chance to succeed.

New Years! This year, Oath Home is proposing we all Christmas! One give the resolution of the most Try something - making a real wonderful and change. We’re magical times different this putting a spin on of the year Christmas it, though. Why for so many. not try to make A period of some resolutions that can help celebrations, traditions, and plenty positively impact the environment. of indulgences. It’s estimated that Let’s start this new year off well by people in the UK receive around 70 million unwanted gifts every year. doing everything we can to help. n So, instead, this year try something different. oathhome.co.uk This Christmas you could gift an 0330 390 3737 Oath Home product to someone info@oathhome.co.uk special. They have a beautiful range of Christmas stockings, from traditional to alternative, perfect Oath Home would like for anyone’s home interior. Their to offer our readers of products are sustainably made Darling a as they are all designed from unwanted luxury fabrics that would have otherwise been sent to landfills or incinerated. 100% of the profits from your sale go to the charity Step by Step, which works to break the use cycle of youth homelessness. DARLING20

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The festive frenzy of gift buying Elaine Halligan explores how to give children the gift of gratitude this festive season

ringing up children in a materialistic world is a big challenge for parents. We want them to be appreciative, value their possessions and have a real sense of gratitude. We know they have so much, yet it is difficult not to spoil them at times. Also many of us worry about being deluged with unopened, discarded, and neglected toys after Christmas. We feel victims to consumerism - where do all the toys come from and how on earth did we gather such a collection? We are all too aware that too much plastic and extensive packaging is ruining our planet.

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Our children’s generation are increasingly aware of the effect of climate change and enabling them to understand they can have an impact by just taking one little step to reduce consumerism, is very persuasive. We seem to forget that to a toddler nothing is more appealing than some wooden spoons, pots and pans or a cardboard box to play in! Old fashioned crayons and paper can provide hours of endless fun and creativity and provide the richest experience allowing imagination to grow, creating more focus and better problem-solvers.

Why do we do it? Pester power can be challenging to deal with, especially if we haven’t got a toolkit of positive parenting skills to know how to be in charge. Most parents are time poor, and as such don’t want to spend it always saying “no”, don’t want their children to be sad, want to seem like the ‘nice’ mummy or daddy.

• Put toys away for a month at a time - it’ll renew interest when they come back out and avoid overwhelming choice. Too many toys out at once makes it difficult to choose, not to mention the chaos and mess.

The solution?

• Set up a SWOP SHOP with other parents. Every child brings along three toys to swop and they get to play with the toys for the week. A constant source of new toys at no extra cost!

Get clarity on your values and practice saying ‘No’. Your child will survive the initial disappointment, but it’s harder to reverse the impact of being spoiled.

• Make it easy to tidy up - Ensure all toys have their rightful place. Invest in some good storage units and make them easy for the kids to access.

Get clarity on your values and practice saying ‘No’ Separate children’s WANTS from their NEEDS. They may want a pair of Nike trainers or the latest iPhone, but what they need is to understand that acquiring material things gives short term gratification. So if your issue is too many toys/ possessions

• Get out and about and be creative - Be aware of the impact of the digital world on our children’s ability to use their imagination – if they’re always looking for the next electronic stimulus, they will get bored easily and find it hard to play independently. • Set up Friday Family Fun Nights and let your collective imagination run wild. Have a disco in the kitchen or a torchlit safari in the lounge where you hide all your children’s favourite toys around the room – turn off the lights and provide them with torches to hunt down the animals on your make-believe safari.

• Set up the one gift practice - given on behalf of the whole family to each child at Christmas, not presents from every auntie and uncle.

• Get back to nature and get the children out to the local park or common. They will love kicking the leaves, exploring the undergrowth, finding bugs and playing with dirt! n

• Try the ‘FOUR GIFT RULE’ - children get something they want, something to wear, something to read and something they need. Simple and effective.

Elaine Halligan teaches parenting strategies to create a happier healthier future generation, of confident and contented children.

• Donate and Rotate - clear out of your toy cupboard WITH the children, setting aside favourite toys and ones to pass down the family. Donate the rest to your local charity shop or family centre.

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Discover what’s beyond the pages of your seasonal copy of Darling Darling online Engaged in real issues, real women, in real time Join our vibrant community!

Women to Watch your stories

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What’s On our diary picks

a fabulous double prize in our December prize draw! 2 top price tickets to Russian State Ballet of Siberia’s Romeo & Juliet, Nutcracker or Swan Lake

the is cho you ice rs

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And a dinner for 2 at The Ivy Cafe Wimbledon Redeem between 1st January and 1st April

To enter and for full details head over to darlingmagazine.co.uk

PROMO

Loneliness over the festive season and what to do Lu-Ma’s Breathe Café welcomes you in

he festive season is a time for many families to get together and celebrate... after the nearly two years of COVID separation, this festive season is likely to be one that many of us are looking forward to. But spare a thought for those who may have lost loved ones during the year or because of the pandemic, those who find themselves alone at this time of year, or are perhaps struggling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental health challenge. For these people the shorter, colder days and the focus on festivities is not a celebration, but rather emphasises their struggles and feelings of loss, loneliness or abandonment. For them, the festive season is something to be endured rather than celebrated.

The Lu-Ma Breathe Café is a place for real conversations, and we’re offering regular drop-in sessions. If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. Breathe Cafés are a project by mental health charity Shawmind in partnership with cafés and coffee shops around the country. They are mental health safe spaces for those with anxiety and related mental health challenges to come to “just breathe”. They aim to encourage people to connect with one another, give them access to resources that will help to reduce anxiety and

improve their own and others’ mental health and wellbeing. The Lu-Ma Breathe Café features a wellbeing library of free-to-read books, because we believe in the power of reading someone else’s story to heal yourself. It has a cosy atmosphere and is a plant-based restaurant that focuses on healthy eating as a contributor to better wellbeing. There are now a number of trained volunteers who will run drop-in sessions - no appointment needed. To see when the drop-in sessions will be run, visit: shawmind.org/breathe-cafe/lu-ma/ n

If you would like to get involved with the Breathe Café, please contact us here: shawmind.org/volunteer/

*Note: Breathe Cafes are not clinics or therapy sessions and offer support and signposting to local services. Any information provided does not replace the guidance or treatment of a mental health professional.

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The WOW is back in person! London’s greatest women’s festival 11th - 13th March at the Southbank Centre

Founder Jude Kelly

New kids corner

OW - Women of the World Festival is returning to London in person in 2022 and celebrates International Women’s Day, which usually takes place on the 8th March each year. The festival is coming home to its birth place at the Southbank Centre from 11 to 13 March. The London edition of the world’s biggest, most comprehensive festival celebrating women, girls and non-binary people will be back after some of the toughest years in recent history for gender equality. 16

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Photo©EllieKurttz

Miss Baby Sol

WOW Marketplace

Across the three days, WOW London 2022’s line-up of world class speakers, inspirational activists, musicians, artists and comedians will take over the Southbank Centre for discussions, workshops, performances and debates including everything from sex to politics, “grandmotherdom”, divorce, sexual violence, childlessness, reproductive rights, career changes, poverty, resistance and resilience, girls’ education, love and relationships, football and how the pandemic has affected us all. Line up to be updated in the New Year.

PROMO

On the Royal Festival Hall stage

The WOW Foundation’s CEO and Founder Jude Kelly said: “WOW Festivals are a time to celebrate, to connect and to work out what we need now and next. We know that women and girls have been hardest hit by COVID-19; finding themselves in ever more precarious positions, especially those already marginalised. Looking to 2022, I feel as keenly as I did when WOW started 12 years ago that there is even more that we can be doing every day to bring about gender equality. We know the need is urgent. So in 2022 I am inviting some of the most inspirational speakers and activists from around the world to share their vision for the future - social, economic, political and cultural - so that we can work together on how to put those ideas into action. As always we will have some of the most talented and thought-provoking artists, musicians and comedians to bring us together in the biggest celebration of the rights of women, girls and non-binary people across the world.” A sell out every year, Day Passes are now on sale. These give WOW festival goers access to dozens of talks, performances, workshops and more, which are the heart of the festival. WOW London 2022 will see the return of many other WOW favourites including the free-to-explore WOW Marketplace and the sell-out Under-10s Feminist Corners. On sale now, these fun interactive workshops invite children to explore equality and discover what life is like for their peers across the world.

WOW has also revealed that Miss Baby Sol will be its first ever WOW Sounds Artist in Residence. Miss Baby Sol’s music spans funk, soul, pop and jazz and her lyrics explore many areas of activism. As part of the residency, Miss Baby Sol will create three new tracks which she will perform at WOW Festival alongside her existing material. Individual ticketed events taking place every evening and all day on Sunday will be announced in the New Year, alongside a digital programme that will be accessible worldwide, and feature events in partnership with other WOW Festivals across the globe. Run by UK charity The WOW Foundation, 2022 marks the 12th WOW London Festival. In 2018, WOW Founder Jude Kelly built on the success of the festival to create UK-based charity The WOW Foundation to run the global WOW movement that believes a gender equal world is urgently needed, possible and desirable. Since the inaugural London Festival in 2010, WOW and its partners across the world have reached more than three million people in more than 100 festivals and events across six continents. n

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My 2 weeks at COP26 What went on outside the Blue Zone? By Mary Hanover

am on the train back from COP26 after two weeks working in PR for a youth climate conference - The Extreme Hangout. The fringe events, many said, eclipsed the main event known as COP26, Blue Zone. Climate activists of all ages, from all over the world, congregated, discussed and networked. I met Diwigdi from remote islands off the coast of Panama, who showed me videos on his phone of extreme flooding, water gushing through homes and what living on the front line of climate change is really like. Others, some dressed in bright indigenous clothes, the proverbial “canaries in the coal mine” of climate change. I met youth Climate Ambassadors sponsored by NGO’s from Hawaii, Maldives, Seychelles, Barbados, Bahamas all sounding the alarm bell for urgent action. The message? Anything above 1.5°C spells an end to their nation. Sometimes it was hard to determine whether this was a political climate conference or a festival: topics ranged from “Words are pretty Blah Blah Blah” to “Why everyone hates 18

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vegans”. There were youth activists, eco-social media influencers, fashion models turned environmentalists, NASA astronauts, Polar explorers, Olympic athletes, football stars, musicians, artists, filmmakers, and famous faces like Bear Grylls, Idris Elba, Ellie Goulding, Leonardo Di Caprio speaking on panels. Away from our fringe venue along the River Clyde was the Blue Zone at the Armadillo building; the feeling? A dystopian film set: XR protestors in red robes, painted white faces, drums, chanting, urgent banners and signs. Sheets of fabric, painted by children, “Stop Killing Us”, indigenous activists in circular rituals, groups of XR rebels, police, metal railings, security guards, against a brittle backdrop of industrial grey-skied Glasgow. The Green Zone, a short walk across the bridge, was open to the public but barely lived up to its name. Held in an unnatural Star Trek building, the Glasgow Science Centre had futuristic displays of soil-free lettuce and artificial rainforests. I started to get eco-anxiety and left.

PROMO

It left me asking: should COP 26 take place in beautiful natural settings to inspire and remind delegates what needs to be preserved and saved instead of this man made place? At our venue, former NASA astronaut Nicole Stott, said that all the leaders of the 195 countries should be sent into outer space for their meeting from the space station, so to look down at planet earth, a living fragile breathing organism, just one species. “We all need to start living as crew members, not passengers of spaceship earth”. The New York Times Climate Hub had high level speakers like Mark Carney, Stella McCartney, Nick Mulvey amid scientists and young climate champions. Most impressive was artist and set designer Es Devlin who’d created a huge immersive forest cinema with real trees. They’d said the native trees and plants will be replanted in Scotland as a new public garden but when I returned at the end of the conference, the fresh scented forest cinema smelt and looked like a decomposing forest! At times, with all the sponsorship branding visible, from Morgan Stanley to Unilever, it felt like Net Zero is the new gold rush. It’s on trend to now care about carbon footprint, pollution, over-fishing, climate justice and incorporate the green vernacular and lingo into everything you do. The latest term that’s evolved since “greenwashing” and “youth-washing” is “indiginouswashing”. At the various parties taking place hosted by the prestigious likes of foundations and museums, drinks were poured and music played - the image that kept coming to my mind was of the sinking Titanic. During the second week, youth activists became afraid they were being used for “youthwashing”. Greta Thunberg attended nothing sponsored, just outdoor protests. Greta was seen as the PR gold-dust! I went to visit the non-profit Arctic Basecamp, hosted by one investment company sponsoring a fringe event, to see a four ton Greenland iceberg delivered to COP26 as a publicity stunt. A visible reminder of what Arctic warming

means for the planet. They gave me bottles of glacial meltwater to give to prominent speakers. Sourced in Greenland from melting icebergs due to climate inaction, I put them on the stage refreshment table for panelists. And some in the press room. I gave speakers their own bottle, but unless I explained what it was, they would just casually open a bottle, drink the iceberg water without stopping to think what it was. It became symbolic to me and I managed to save the last of the iceberg water, and brought it home to Wimbledon with me, as a “memento”. n Mary Hanover offers planet friendly PR and social media to ethical brands, NGO’s and individuals on a green mission for a sustainable future. Find her on greensocial.media instagram @greensocial.media Email mary@greensocial.media

The panel discussions can be watched on YouTube on https://bit.ly/3DmQnmm FOR MORE GO TO Tel (+44) 07957 358 883

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Where to feast this festive season Darling’s guide to winter dining Chakra finest Indian cuisine in Barnes Chakra, is a bright shining light amongst the quality restaurants in this village-like corner of London. As an eminent name that has long been associated with distinctive, North Indian cuisine, the Barnes restaurant carries on this legacy of its sister restaurants in Kensington and Kingston. Welcoming, intimate and cosy, yet elegant, for when you want to dine with a difference, and the menu more than matches that sense of occasion with its many enticing flavours. The dishes are made with the best quality ingredients and the presentation is never less than eye catching and sure to get diners talking.

1 The Broadway, London SW13 0NY | chakra.restaurant/chakra-barnes

Roz Ana

mouthwatering Indian cuisine in Kingston Roz Ana has long been one of the most popular restaurants to celebrate in the Kingston area. It has an award winning reputation for serving the best in regional Indian cuisine and a fine selection of delicious wines and enticing cocktails, all in a buzzy, smart casual environment. Family friendly and plenty of delicious options for vegetarians and meat lovers alike. There is also flexible space for private parties and menu options to suit most budgets. Take a look at the video and menus on the website for a sense of what Roz Ana has to offer, then give them a call.

4-8 Kingston Hill, Kingston upon Thames KT2 7NH | roz-ana.com

Ruba Restaurant

home of Lebanese cuisine and hospitality The word Ruba means green rolling hills overlooking mountain scapes. Lebanon is blessed with picturesque views of green countrysides, painted with pastel colours, designed to evoke peace and serenity. Ruba have enhanced this escape from urban madness that brings you closer to rural sanity. The beautiful interior, aromas, flavours and warm hospitality will transport you to that place. The concept and refined cuisine are great for sharing and socialising with families, friends or colleagues. Join the Ruba ‘family’ for an amazing time and enjoy the Lebanese ‘Joie de vivre’, superb service and food. Ruba knows how to bring the famed Lebanese dining.

132 High Street, Teddington, London, TW11 8JB | rubarestaurant.co.uk

RESTAURANT PROMO

Sai

authentic Punjabi experience in Raynes Park If you are a fan of authentic Punjabi cuisine with its tasty Tandoori flavours, look no further than Sai, a friendly and modern restaurant catering for any occasion. Experience flavours from mild to hot with vegetables forming the backbone of their menu. Wheat is the staple food of Punjabis, however, rice is enjoyed at festivals and other special occasions. Punjabi cuisine varies by region for example, people in Amritsar are particularly fond of stuffed parathas and dairy. The philosophy of life for many Punjabis is to eat, drink and make merry. In the preparation of Punjabi food, onion, ginger and garlic are used extensively to enhance the taste of the food.

193 Worple Road, Wimbledon, London SW20 8RE | sairestaurant.co.uk

Stein’s Berlin

experience a German Christmas in London Authentic cuisine from Bavaria to Berlin with plenty of vegetarian and vegan options too. The famous Stein’s sharing platters are a great party option and come with a selection of sausages, schnitzel served with sauerkraut and mini roasted potatoes. Stein’s Berlin is a new and exiting city addition to the well loved family owned group of Stein’s Bavarian restaurants in Kingston and Richmond. You can also pop in for fantastic cocktails at their bar, and coffee and cake is on the menu all day. 3 course Christmas menu £35 - £40.

51 Princes Gate, South Kensington, London SW7 2PH berlininkensington.stein-s.com

Thai Tho

welcomes you to their cosy, family run restaurant Thai Tho has always been a firm favourite with the locals, and a magnet for tennis celebrities, especially during the Championships. Established 27 years in the heart of Wimbledon Village they have even been visited by the Thai Royal family and won numerous awards. Expect a real taste of Thailand savouring freshly prepared dishes that are always made from the freshest of ingredients. Some of their most popular dishes are green curry, Pad Thai, crispy duck, coconut rice and many vegetarian dishes too. Set menu’s and lunchtime specials offer great value and are also perfect for any celebration.

20 High Street, Wimbledon Village, SW19 5DX | thaitho.co.uk

The Victoria

exceptional food in a classic pub setting The Victoria Oxshott has changed hands and is now run by an exciting duo that is Matt Larcombe and Simon King who met while working at Heston Blumenthal’s senior team at The Fat Duck Group. The modern menu celebrates the British Isles and is put together with plenty of creativity to excite any foodie, and is always prepared with the finest local and seasonal ingredients, sourced with passion and knowledge. Guests wanting a drink and a snack are very welcome and can choose from a selection of foodie wants including beer-battered native oysters with seaweed mayonnaise and pork scratching which have been given a contemporary overhaul.

High St, Oxshott, Leatherhead KT22 0JR | thevictoriaoxshott.com read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

One Stop Breast Clinic now open 6 days a week We have introduced an outpatient One Stop Breast Clinic for patients with any breast symptoms. These include:

✓ a lump or thickening in the breast or armpit ✓ a change in the size, shape or feel of one or both breasts

✓ a change in the position of the nipple, such as turning inwards

✓ fluid (which may be bloodstained) leaking from the nipple

✓ breast or nipple pain ✓ skin changes in the breast, such as puckering, dimpling, a rash or redness of the skin

Our One Stop Breast Clinic involves a three-stage assessment, which results in a thorough and accurate diagnosis. No referral is required.

What is included:

✓ Clinical assessment with a specialist breast consultant

✓ Review of full medical history and any risk factors

✓ Breast ultrasound scan and, if required, mammogram

✓ Fine needle aspiration and biopsy if any abnormality is detected

✓ Rapid diagnosis of breast symptoms For appointments call 0203 582 9958 For self-pay prices call 0203 813 7265 or email selfpay@parkside-hospital.co.uk

Parkside Private Hospital, 53 Parkside, Wimbledon, London, SW19 5NX parkside-hospital.co.uk Cancer Centre London, 49 Parkside, Wimbledon, London, SW19 5NB cancercentrelondon.co.uk

BEAUTY PROMO

HydraFacial multitasking for the skin Why is HydraFacial the high-tech choice for so many doctor led Clinics? Quite simply, says expert Louise Stewart, director of Nakedhealth Medispa, it does an awful lot - very quickly. It is not a long luxurious pamper with numerous delicious smelling products applied in quick succession BUT it is effective and can tackle many skin conditions. Doctors love the skin to be pre procedure prepped and this is one of the best options. It’s a multitasking facial which will exfoliate, deep cleanse, extract congested pores, hydrate and even out the complexion - all within an hour. This is ideal for anyone and widely used for those who want to maintain good clean skin and excellent skin health. A very appropriate treatment if you are then going to undertake any further treatment like IPL or laser for pigmentation, blemishes or fine lines. Enhance the results by starting with a freshly prepared canvas. HydraFacial is the ideal partner for a cosmeceutical (clinic prescribed) home care regime giving the skin the best chance of properly absorbing all the

active ingredients and making them super effective. If you’re short of time and want to max out on results a HydraFacial is for you. At Nakedhealth your time is used for your benefit; you can spend the whole session getting excellent skin care tips or finding out about the latest innovations in the high-tech world of beauty and wellbeing. The aesthetic therapists work alongside Plastic Surgeons, David Gateley and Farida Ali and Nurse Prescribers. Collaboration and education are ongoing and makes for a very well-informed team keen on getting great results. Before you embark on your skincare journey you are advised to book an in depth VISIA skincare analysis which will give insight into how your skin might look in a few years’ time. We literally get under the skin to see if you will be affected by redness, pigmentation or other conditions which detract from the clear and glowing complexion we all strive for. You do this once and the

skin professionals will create a bespoke treatment plan. HydraFacial is likely to feature as it can be tailored to your specific needs and includes a comprehensive range of active ingredients, boosters and enhancements for all concerns. n

Festive Season Gift Card online or in store and it can be used for a

HydraFacial treatment Nakedhealth MEDISPA 020 8944 5454 nakedhealth.co.uk 261-263 Coombe Lane Wimbledon SW20 0RH

FOR MORE GO TO

darlingmagazine.co.uk

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

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PROMO

Detox your skin for winter By Shelly Palmer

aily UV damage, pollution and blue light radiation all play havoc on healthy skin, added to excess alcohol and late nights and extra food intake. As a result, waste and toxins build up and cause plenty of problems that present as acne, inflammation and the visible signs of aging.

Smoothing cleanser Smoothing cleanser is my skincare staple. This oil-based formula melts away dirt, pollution, SPF and makeup. without any need for rubbing and scrubbing. You definitely feel like you have had a little bit of the spa at home. n

For treatments and advice contact Shelly missshellyvpalmer@gmail.com

A detox facial can help remove impurities pollutants and dead cells. I have been an Independent Tropic skincare ambassador for over 5 years. And the plant powered vegan products keep my skin looking fresh and vibrant throughout the seasons and changes in weather. I love going out and giving detoxing facials to clients and advising them on the best products for their skin, staying bright youthful and nourished the natural way.

Jewellery workshop on site

My top product recommendations for detoxing your skin this New Year. Tropic Smoothing face polish This contains bamboo silica spheres which loosen and lift dead skin cells like a sweeping brush to reveal the smooth, soft skin that’s been hiding underneath. The face-brightening blend of macadamia oil and vitamin E polishes, infusing the skin with moisture so it gleams. Tropic Clear Skies Breaking down impurities, this water-activated cleansing powder transforms into a soft and creamy emulsion that will leave your face free from sebum, excess oils and dead skin cells that could cause spots. Ideal for combination, oily or blemish-prone skin, encapsulated plant enzymes do the hard work by emptying out pores.

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Find us just off the A3 184 Coombe Lane West Kingston upon Thames KT2 7EG

HEALTHPROMO PROMO

Women’s health: are you too young for a pelvic organ prolapse? Do you feel a heavy or a dragging sensation in your vagina or lower back or struggle to feel your bladder completely empty? It could be a pelvic organ prolapse

he bulging of the uterus, bowel or bladder into or out of the vagina doesn’t only occur to older women during menopause. It can be a consequence of vaginal childbirth or be caused by heavy lifting or chronic cough. Many women are not comfortable talking about these symptoms, especially if they’re young. Avoiding dealing with the condition will only make the quality of your life worse. Talking to a specialist can help you identify the right treatment. Pelvic floor exercise can be enough to manage symptoms and feel better “Up to 40% of women have a minor degree prolapse with mild or no symptoms”, explains Prof Stergios Doumouchtsis, Consultant Urogynaecologist at

New Victoria Hospital, a private charity-owned healthcare facility in Kingston. “In such cases, pelvic floor exercises may help improve symptoms or prevent the prolapse worsening. Just as any exercise program, pelvic floor exercises require time, motivation and proper technique. It is also important to try to avoid heavy lifting, chronic straining, including constipation, and gaining excess weight as these can cause the prolapse to worsen. Difficulties in emptying the bladder may result in long term urinary tract problems and warrant specialist investigation” If symptoms are so severe that they affect your work, social and sexual life, vaginal pessaries or surgery might be advisable. “Pessaries are devices that require fitting by your healthcare provider and may require some trial and error before the most suitable size and type is found for you. It

is possible to remain sexually active with some types of pessaries”, continues Prof Doumouchtsis, “If you are not planning to have other children and there are no other risks, surgery can be a longterm solution for prolapse. Reconstructive surgical repair allows restoring your pelvic organs to their natural position while retaining sexual function. This can be done vaginally in most cases with no external scars and high success rates. In some cases it can be done laparoscopically (keyhole) with small scars. Between 75% - 95% of women will have a longterm cure of their prolapse symptoms.” n

For more information or to book a consultation, please call 020 3993 1818 or book online at newvictoria.co.uk

New Victoria Hospital, 184 Coombe Lane West, Kingston upon Thames, Surrey KT2 7EG

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

SOLEMAIDS: A customized insole that effectively relieves heel pain

IS YOUR CHILD SUFFERING FROM HEEL PAIN? Can you tick off the following boxes? Your child is active in sports. Your child suffers from constant or recurring pain in the heels. You have tried to give your child a break from sports, but as soon as he/she starts again, the pain returns.

IF SO, IT’S LIKELY THAT YOUR CHILD SUFFERS FROM SEVER’S DISEASE! “I’m really impressed. Sylvester has NO pain anymore. He spent two days getting used to wearing the insoles. Since then, he’s literally been up and running. And scoring a lot of goals as well, now that he can play without any pain.” STATEMENT FROM PARENT

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8-14 Sever’s disease is the most frequent overuse injury among children between the ages of 8 and 14.

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PROMO

DAVID LLOYD

CLUB NEWS State-of-the-art luxury spa retreat If the pandemic has made you prioritise your health and wellness, there’s no better time to get started on your journey. A significant £7m makeover is currently underway at David Lloyd Raynes Park to firmly position it as one of the areas’ leading health, spa, and racquets clubs

he centerpiece of the redevelopment is a new luxury Spa Retreat. Set within the club, but a world away from anywhere, the Spa Retreat invites you to melt away your stress. Heat, cool and relax are the three guiding principles of our expertly designed ‘spa journey’, designed to boost overall wellness and help relax, unwind and escape. Seek sanctuary in our meditation room, sooth your muscles in our hydro pools, and unwind in the steam rooms. Your relaxation extends outdoors into our tranquil spa garden, featuring a sauna, relaxation pods and a dedicated Yoga and Meditation area. Best of all, the spa pool will be connected to the indoor spa pool, giving you the ability to swim in and out. Together with the investment in the relaxation facilities, come improvements to the more active areas of the Club, with the opening of a brandnew state-of-the-art gym. Located across two floors, this bright and airy space features cuttingedge equipment all selected to help you get the most from your gym session. If you prefer group exercise, David Lloyd Clubs’ unique HIIT class BLAZE will be coming to the Raynes Park Club. Set in its own 30 station purpose-built studio BLAZE combines cardiovascular training with strength and combat skills to give a challenging workout. And it doesn’t stop there, with the unveiling of three more brand new studios including a dedicated high impact space, a specialist Pilates studio and a group cycling hub. Across the week a huge variety of classes are available to

participate in whatever it is you enjoy, from highoctane HIIT sessions and intense group cycling to the serenity of our yoga and Pilates based class SPIRIT n See davidlloyd.co.uk/raynespark for more information read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

PROMO

ENTERTAINMENT

In the spotlight

Louis Walsh with Jamie (right)

Darling chats to Jamie Wilson, Wimbledon Village resident and star theatre producer of the West End and Broadway, soon to be bringing us hits like The Devil Wears Prada, Sister Act and Mrs Doubtfire The Musical

amie, born and raised in London, set up Jamie Wilson productions in 2008 aged 19 years old. Since then, he has produced over 50 productions both in the UK and internationally. Prior to being an independent producer Jamie worked for theatre producer Mark Goucher. In 2008, he won the Stage One New Producers Bursary Award and was mentored by Paul Elliott. In January 2019 for the second year running, the stage paper listed Jamie among the top 100 most influential people and partnerships in the theatre industry. He was the lead producer on three musicals in London in 2019 - On Your Feet! The Story of Emilio and Gloria Estefan at the London Coliseum, Nativity! The Musical at the Eventim Apollo and Irving Berlin‘s White Christmas at the Dominion Theatre. Recent productions 30

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

include an Officer and a Gentleman, Crazy For You, Calamity Jane, Sister Act, Tell Me On A Sunday and When Harry Met Sally. Jamie is currently developing and workshopping new musicals and plays that will hopefully have their world premieres in the coming years.

Who or what were your earliest inspiration that nurtured your love of musicals? As a child, the first musical I ever appeared in was South Pacific with my local amateur dramatic society in Sutton, playing the part of Jerome. What I love about South Pacific is the combination of big singing and dance numbers, mixed with a romantic story intertwined with some dark themes. As a child, I couldn’t fully appreciate the latter, but as I grew older I started to understand the depths of the great story and see multiple different perspectives. Now, I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to be transferring

the landmark, critically acclaimed Chichester Festival Theatre production of South Pacific to Sadler’s Wells in London next summer. I can relive the wonderful storytelling and music once again!

What are some of your all-time favourite shows and why? I’m lucky that the musicals I’m drawn to are the ones I often get to work on and produce. I had so much fun developing the stage adaptation of Nativity! The Musical ultimately seeing families across the country laugh and experience the heartfelt moments of the production together. It’s the perfect combination. Our latest musical, currently previewing on Broadway, Mrs Doubtfire, will open in the UK next year. It has all of the elements that made the film such a hit.

You’ve worked with some big stars, especially women like Whoopi Goldberg and Gloria Estefan. Are you seeing more female led idea pitches? Working with Whoopi Goldberg on our new production of Sister Act has been such a joy! Collaborating to bring together all the elements of the original which are so important to her and protecting the identity of the musical, whilst also ensuring the production is appropriate for today’s audience has been a real privilege. I have pitches for musicals from, and work with, many female artists and creatives; I don’t think there is any shortage of talent!

After lockdown, do you think producers like yourself will take more risks with original content or will they stay with the classics to draw in the crowds? Lockdown has given me a real chance to focus on development of new work. Normally, we are occupied with multiple shows in production around the world at any given time. So, as a result, I believe the quality of shows is only going to increase over the coming years as we see the results of this intense period of development. At Jamie Wilson Productions, next year alone, we are producing or co-producing revivals of the classic musicals South Pacific, My Fair Lady, and Sister Act. We will also be launching new musicals of Mrs Doubtfire, The Devil Wears Prada (with music by Elton John), and The Notebook (with music by Ingrid Michaelson). n

jamiewilsonproductions.com

sep-oct 2013 | darlingmagazine.co.uk

MENTAL HEALTH PROMO

Four conversations to transform your relationship

o you feel like you have lost connection? Do arguments keep going around and around? Or are you in a great relationship but wish to make it even better? Perhaps you have been together for years but have lost your mojo and want to rediscover the sparkle? Do you feel like you would like to build a deeper connection with your partner?

Have you wanted to invest in your relationship but haven’t known how? Create a strong, loving relationship based on the internationally recognised

Gottman therapy. Be guided by relationship therapist and expert Pam Custers, who has years of experience helping couples navigate their way to a happy and fulfilled relationship Take this moment to build a stronger and more connected relationship over the course of four date nights, spanning just a month, and all from the comfort of your home.

Research shows that on average, couples wait 3 years from the first sign of problems before they seek help. That’s almost 1000 days of being unhappy or unfulfilled.

What you will get PRESENTED BY THE RELATIONSHIP PRACTICE

The Seven Principles to a flourishing relationship

Together we will cover the 7 principles based on 40+ years of research that will: • Create more safety and trust in your relationship • Repair hurts in your relationship & restore affection • Share what really matters to you without conflict • Deeper understanding of each other • Rebuild and strengthen physical and emotional connection

Please don’t wait – there’s just one month between you and a more nurturing, connected and happier relationship. n

If you’d like to work on your relationship, please visit therelationshippractice.com 07572 841 388 Pam holds an MA in Relationship therapy Psychology (Hons) (BACP Accred)

Book now

Our next cohort will start Thursday 13th January 2022 for 4 weeks (19:30-21:00)

For your investment you will get: • 4 weekly interactive date nights packed full of information and activities and led by Gottman leader and relationship therapist, Pam Custers • The ability to anonymously ask questions during the sessions to get insight into your individual situation • Heaps of additional videos and content to support your journey • A downloadable workbook to support the activities and give you space to write down your thoughts

For more information visit: bit.ly/relationshippractice Or call Pam on 07914 411 729

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For more on the benefits of martial arts for kids go to darlingmagazine.co.uk/KIDS/activities

MENTAL HEALTH PROMO

How do we parent without a good role model?

ll families bring up their children in a multitude of different ways and for most of us, (particularly as we are growing up), we are not aware that another family might be different. Even if we are conscious of this we don’t always question what we experience. We are treated as we are treated, no questions asked, it is as it is.

Emma Parr is an experienced therapist who works with individuals covering a range of issues, but specialises in mothers and babies. MA. MBACP, PG Dip Couns. DBS Certificate emma@emmaparr.net emmaparr.net FOR MORE GO TO

darlingmagazine.co.uk

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There are also multigenerational aspects within families, how our parents’, parents parented, reinforcing what we experience. Patterns of behaviour can be so strong that we don’t even notice them and are therefore more than likely to carry them on into our own family system via our children.

Illustration by Muriel Clarke

I feel honoured to witness those parents who come to me with the knowledge that they have not been parented in the way that was right for them. Our work is an opportunity to explore what they experienced, so that their awareness of the unconscious patterns can be seen and they can make different choices. As I remind my clients, this is hard work and brave work. Breaking patterns is not easy, it goes against what we tell ourselves we know. If all you know is what your parents modelled, however much you may not want to repeat those patterns finding another way can be a real challenge. If you need support to understand your experience as a child, so that you can actively choose to be the parent you want to be please get in touch. Ultimately as a human we need to be seen and accepted for who we are, to be loved unconditionally. n

CMY

LEGAL PROMO

Recognising an abusive relationship And knowing that help is available

hen we consider domestic abuse, our minds often jump to thoughts of physical violence. We are all familiar with the portrayal in the news and culture of the image of the ‘battered woman’, desperately trying to cover purple bruises with makeup before the school-run, or telling colleagues yet another fracture was caused by a clumsy misstep on the stairs. There is no doubt that physical violence is an extremely prevalent and devastating feature of domestic abuse. It is terrifying that more than half of women killed in the UK die at the hands of their partner or an ex. Yet domestic abuse is a phenomenon that extends far beyond these sorts of cases. It encompasses a much broader range of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviours between people who are, or have 36

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

been, intimate partners or family members. This includes coercive control, psychological and emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, online abuse, ‘honour’ based abuse and harassment and stalking. Domestic abuse can also happen to anyone, no matter their age, sex, race, sexual orientation or background. It is no surprise, given the physical violence stereotype, that people struggle to confidently identify the signs in their own relationship. Even when they do recognise they are victims, they can feel that their particular circumstances do not warrant the same kind of support and intervention. As a family solicitor, this misconception worries me. All types of domestic abuse are to be taken seriously and there is support available, both legal and non-legal, for those who need it.

What are my legal options? Some forms of domestic abuse are criminal offences such as rape, common assault, stalking, harassment and controlling or coercive behaviour. Reporting incidents to the police is a powerful first step, but it is understandable that many victims don’t feel safe to do so. Another problem is that often abusive behaviour doesn’t seem to fit tidily into one category of offence and victims are afraid any allegation they make won’t result in criminal prosecution. Part of my job as a family solicitor is to advise on the other options available to victims via the family court. Too few are aware they are able to apply to the family court for an injunction to protect them from any kind of domestic abuse. There are two types of injunction: nonmolestation orders and occupation orders. A non-molestation order requires the person who is the subject of the order to refrain from using or threatening violence, intimidating, harassing, or pestering you and a breach of the order is a criminal offence for which the abuser can be fined or imprisoned. An occupation order regulates who can live in the family home. The order can be used to exclude the perpetrator of domestic abuse from the family home or it may prevent him/her coming within a certain area of the family home. Sometimes my clients need an injunction urgently and in those cases we can apply for a temporary emergency injunction without the abuser’s knowledge. If an injunction is made in this way, the court will list a return hearing for both parties to attend to determine if the injunction should remain in place.

What about divorce? Reaching the conclusion that one’s marriage has come to an end brings with it a host of practical issues that need to be addressed, particularly in relation to the family home, the finances, and future arrangements for any children. Dealing with these complex issues in the midst of what is usually an emotionally challenging point in one’s life can feel incredibly stressful. Where there has been domestic abuse, it can feel impossible. Power imbalances and vulnerability play a part in a lot of broken down relationships we see and it is important for me as a solicitor to empower clients who have been victims of terrible

treatment by their spouse. It is important to have someone giving advice with their best interests in mind, independent of the outside pressure they may feel from their spouse. For example, we often see cases where the higher earning spouse refuses to provide any interim financial support or funds for legal fees as a means of putting significant pressure on the other spouse to agree an unfavourable financial settlement. One way we can deal with this, depending on the facts of the case, is to apply to the court for interim spousal maintenance and/ or an order for legal fees. Sometimes just having third parties involved in correspondence can stimulate more balanced negotiation and achieve fairer results.

Conclusion The Covid-19 pandemic brought into sharp focus how domestic abuse continues to pervade our society, leaving victims isolated and reliant on Domestic Abuse charities more than ever. Yet countless people continue to suffer behind closed doors as society opens up again. For those experiencing domestic abuse of any kind, I recommend speaking to a family solicitor, who can sensitively and confidentially advise on the available options and hopefully light the path to a new beginning free from abuse. n

At Russell-Cooke in our family team we see our role as guiding clients, whatever they have faced or continue to face, through this difficult period with empathy and constructive legal advice, with a view to helping families move on as soon as possible. Do contact us for a confidential first point of contact if you would like to discuss your options. If your need for help is more urgent there is information about who you can contact on our domestic abuse hub. It features a Quick Exit button that can’t be tracked on your web browser history. russell-cooke.co.uk/domestic-abuse

Evie Smyth, associate 44 (0)20 8394 6316 evie.smyth@russell-cooke-co.uk read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

Open Day

Saturday 5th March 2022

An independent school for boys aged 4-13 years, with co-educational nursery. Set in 45 acres of beautiful countryside with school bus routes including to SW London. To register your interest or book an individual tour, please e-mail admissions@parkside-school.co.uk or call 01932 862749

parkside-school.co.uk

LEARN TO RUN

New Courses for Beginners & Improvers

Classes for women on Wimbledon Common Small, friendly groups Free trial session Contact Caroline 07810 486286 info@commonrunners.co.uk

PROMO

Shawmind - training teachers, children and parents to recognise mental health issues Peter Wingrove from Shawmind talked to Darling about the programme in schools

his festive season you might be considering what you can give to those you love that can have a positive impact on their lives. It is the season of giving, so this festive season please consider making a gift that can last a lifetime. Mental health is getting much focus right now as we cope with the effects of the pandemic, the impact on our children has been unprecedented. Good mental health of our children is crucial to them functioning as happy, productive and successful adults. Through our Headucation programme we want to make sure that no child gets left behind because of their mental health. The programme follows a whole-school approach to mental health and aims at training teachers, children and parents. It has been developed by several mental health professionals and specialists and is delivered through Shawmind and a consortium of partners committed to reaching every child in every school in the UK.

According to recent studies: • 5 children in every classroom of 5–16-year-olds have been identified as having a probable mental health problem • 80% of children with mental health needs have acknowledge that the COVID-19 pandemic has made their mental health worse • Nearly half of 17–19-year-olds with a diagnosable mental health disorder have self-harmed or attempted suicide at some point • Suicide was the leading cause of death for males and females aged between 5-34 in 2019

In 2017, Shawmind forced a Parliamentary debate on compulsory children’s mental health education in schools – something which came into effect in September 2020. But this is not enough: we need to tackle the issue from a community perspective, and this is where you really can help. Please consider connecting us with your children’s school so that we can bring our Headucation programme to them, fully-funded, and making Headucation your company’s chosen Charity programme for 2022. And by making even a £100 donation to Shawmind this festive season, you can positively impact the mental wellbeing of hundreds of children and young people throughout the UK in the future. n Join this mental health revolution and support Headucation: shawmind.org/donate

Fundraising Regulator, Headucation, Shawmind Shawmind is a registered charity in England and Wales.

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

Contemporary art for your home Art advisory service from Ad Lib Gallery

hether you’re after a single show-stopping artwork, or a collection for a number of spaces in your home or commercial property, the team at Ad Lib Gallery in Wimbledon Village would be delighted to help. Let us help you to curate and source the perfect artworks for you. Working with our favourite established and emerging artists from all over the UK and from

overseas, we can offer our clients a broad selection of artwork from large scale paintings to intricate works on paper and limitededition prints.

relationships with our artists, we’re able to lend artwork to clients to trial or can manage the commission process from concept to realisation if required. n

We offer advice based on your existing artworks and property styling before creating mood boards and mockups of suggested pieces in situ. Our careful curation process is all based on a budget set by you. With close

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Finding ease in the season of good cheer Women’s Wisdom column by Sophie Lutz

’m writing this on a soggy windy day thinking about the headlong whoosh towards 2022. The next few weeks are punctuated with festivities: office parties, then Christmas itself and finally New Year’s Eve. It’s as if we are being swept along by all this merriment, to forget the dark mornings and afternoons, cold fingers and chapped lips.

Saturn is your friend: just say no

Moving within

Find your inner light

In Winter the wheel of the year turns away from the light towards the darkness. Pagans recognise this as a turning inward, to a more contemplative time when we consider our roots and our unconscious. We honour our ancestors and light fires like the one on bonfire night to remember the light that will return.

Yuletide is coming Then comes Yule, or the Winter Solstice, tippexed over by the Christian church as Christmas, the celebration of Jesus’ birth (the historical Jesus was probably born in Spring according to Biblical scholars). The shortest night of the year falls on the 21st December and has been celebrated with feasting since the middle ages. How can we manage to savour this season, rather than mindlessly letting it devour us and waking up feeling sick on New Year’s Day both in mind and body?

Saturnalia, the ancient Roman festival took place in December. Saturn is the stern father planet. He says no. Boundaries are so important. Don’t get dragged into what you don’t want or cannot manage. Better to sensitively but firmly decline than blow out at the last minute or attend resentfully.

Make space for inner work during this frenetic time. Candle meditation is great for this. Light a candle, fix your gaze on it. Breath with ease. A few minutes can transform your day from chaos to calm, at least on the inside.

On the subject of gifts It’s easier said than done but a small thoughtful gift or experience is so much better appreciated than a glut of tat that will end up regifted or in that drawer. Instead of spending money, spend time. Time spent making or really thinking about what a loved one really wants or needs is a gift indeed. I wish you a mindful, delightful Winter Season. Gift yourself the boundaries, ease and space to be able to relish and enjoy it. Merry Yule and Blessed New Year. n sophietarot sophielutz.com

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darlingmagazine.co.uk

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COOK’S CORNER Getting to the root of Carole’s Rainbow Pie Parties to Go Rainbow Pie 400g Butternut Squash (use half carrot, half butternut squash for variety). Slice thinly 300g Spinach 250g Mozzarella cheese (cut into Slices) 3 Large red peppers (cut into slices) 300g Cooked beetroot (cut into slices) 1 Large onion 2 Garlic cloves Vegetable Oil 2 Tbsp breadcrumbs 1 Egg 750g Ready rolled light short crust pastry (2 x 375g rolls)

Carole Cory

his Christmas why not go a little more green with my rainbow pie, using vegetables of all different shapes sizes and colors. It looks and tastes amazing with different colored layers and you can add whatever you like to it. For those who don’t like making pastry this is the cheat’s version but it’s also good for the environment so you’re doing your bit for Cop26! n 020 8947 5337 carole@partiestogo.co.uk | partiestogo.co.uk

Method Heat the oven to fan 180 degrees. Line an 18cms round spring form tin. Roast the squash, peppers and onion and garlic on a baking tray in the oven for 20 mins or until coloured with tbsp of vegetable oil. Meanwhile lightly cook the spinach, allow to cool and squeeze out as much liquid as possible. This is to keep the pie as dry as possible. Line the tin with the ready rolled pastry. Spread the base with breadcrumbs and then layer with the beetroot slices, squash, pepper and onion mix, mozzarella slices, and then the spinach to finish off. Cover the top with the pastry and with the overhang crimp the edges and fold in if necessary. If preferred cut the pastry so it just over hangs and then crimp. Make a small cross in the top of the pie so the steam can escape and the pie doesn’t get too soggy. Bake in the oven for 50-60 mins or until pasty is cooked and golden. Remove from the oven and leave in tin for 20 mins. After cooled remove from tin and cut in to slices. Serve with some lovely chutneys or relishes. Perfect for lunch or dinner.

Creating Connections Inspiring Success

THE LEADING LEADING INTERNATIONAL THE INTERNATIONAL NETWORKING, TRAINING AND Wimbledon, Putney, Balham, Kingston, NETWORKING, TRAINING AND DEVELOPMENT BUSINESS CLUB FEMALE Surbiton, Streatham and Hampton Court DEVELOPMENT BUSINESS CLUBFOR FOR FEMALE EXECUTIVES AND ENTREPRENEURS. EXECUTIVES AND ENTREPRENEURS. VISITORS AND NEW MEMBERS WELCOME.

VISITORS AND NEW MEMBERS WELCOME. EMAIL ‘My vision is to encourage more women to julie@theathenanetwork.com ‘My visionand is to women to network in encourage turn realisemore their full potential network and in inspiring turn realise their potential by helping and them andfull providing by helping and inspiring them valuable connections’ , says Julieand providing HELPFULconnections’ WIMBLEDON, WEBSITES valuable says Julie Love Wimbledon WIMBLEDON, PUTNEY, BALHAM AND STREATHAM www.lovewimbledon.org WIMBLEDON, PUTNEY, BALHAM AND STREATHAM London Borough of Merton Julie Eltham www.merton.gov.uk Julie Eltham Regional Director, The Athena Network Citizen’s Advice Bureau Regional Director, The Athena Network t: @athenaSWlondon www.nacab.org.uk t:f: @athenaSWlondon TheAthenaNetworkSurrey&SWLondon Merton Chamber of Commerce f:www.mertonchamber.co.uk TheAthenaNetworkSurrey&SWLondon 07890 523030 e: julie.eltham@theathenanetwork.com 07890 523030 Wimbledon Town Centre www.wimbledontowncentre.co.uk w: theathenanetwork.co.uk/julieeltham e: julie.eltham@theathenanetwork.com Wimbledon Civic Forum w: theathenanetwork.co.uk/julieeltham www.wimbledoncivicforum.org.uk Wimbledon Society

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PROPERTY PROMO

Forward thinking teenager invests in property

reston born and bred, Hamza was in a school run car accident at just 11. After a drawn out investigation, further complicated by Covid, his fiscal compensation was finally awarded when he was 18. Immediately advised to invest in a pension. Hamza sought counsel from his parents who encouraged him to look at property up north, an area they know. They could even be his tenants. Hamza wasn’t so sure, and after a swift consultation with Google up popped Buy to Let Hunter. Hamza met Adrian and Alex and found them relatable, trustworthy and confirmed they spoke the same language. Hamza tentatively asked for some advice and with their sensible guidance, he investigated all of his options with his new chums. “I was sold.” There were a few struggles finding a mortgage broker, a scuffle with solicitors but eventually a loan was secured, an offer made and accepted, walls painted, furniture purchased and his twobedroom semi was ready for the first guest. Buying his little house in Hitchin was a great move for Hamza: “I realised that I don’t want to buy up north: the returns are too low.” Hamza feels confident in his decision to eschew a pension and take his place on the property ladder instead. “I can always sell it in a few years if my situation changes – or if I get married…” he added, eminently sensibly, understanding the flexibility of his choice. Hamza felt very supported throughout; a student studying PPE, Hamza plans to use the

income from his property to help pay his tuition and living expenses. It will enable him to go on and pursue a master’s degree in environmental consultancy. “Working with the BTLH team was a very positive experience. I cannot imagine doing this on my own – but look! Now I am on the property ladder and a lot of the credit goes to Adrian and Alex!” Unlike most of us twice his age, Hamza has a clear view of his future, and has eschewed the usual options for a young lad with money in his pocket. We are so proud to have assisted him and can attest that Hamza is the very embodiment of aspiration; is this the beginning of his empire? n Can BTLH help you find the perfect property? Get in touch and have a chat: 020 7550 9396 or hello@buytolethunter.com For more information check out buytolethunter.com Quadrant Road, Richmond, London, TW9 1DH

The team at Buy To Let Hunter - Alex, Lucy & Adrian read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

LEGAL PROMO

How to achieve a happy work-life balance without compromising your career Darling chats to Suzanne Mynors from Russell-Cooke

1. What is your current role? I am a private client solicitor in the Putney office of law firm Russell-Cooke. This means I specialise in wills, probate, tax and trusts. I like to think that everybody needs me because what I deal with is death and taxes. And that comes to us all! I also do a lot of mental capacity work – so preparing for if, and when, people are no longer able to make decisions for themselves for whatever reason.

2. Give a snapshot of what your job might entail on a given day. I spend a lot of time meeting clients, either on video calls or in person. I hope I provide the 44

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

voice of reassurance as contemplating your own death or discussing the death of a loved one can be quite distressing. I also meet other professionals such as accountants, financial planners, care providers or property agents – we all work collaboratively to do the best for our clients. Lots of document drafting and tax form completion of course, and supervising junior lawyers.

3. What was your route into your current role? I have been a private client lawyer for over 20 years, always working in West London. I wanted to join a firm that had a large private

client offering and one that could handle cross-border work as so many London clients own property or have family overseas or are originally from another country. Russell-Cooke has many expert private client lawyers and a dedicated French desk, including several crossborder specialists. Brilliantly, the firm also has such a broad practice that literally any problem a client may have, we’ve got an expert to help them.

4. Where do you live? What are the advantages of working locally in SW London? I live in Barnes and Putney is a great location to work in – I can walk to work in half an hour, either via the towpath along the Thames or across Barnes Common. This, combined with hybrid working post-lockdown, means I have so much more time to spend with my family and on my extra-curricular activities.

5. What are those extra-curricular activities? I play squash as often as I can. I am a Friend of Richmond Park and a Friend of Barnes Common and hugely enjoy spending time in both. I’m a volunteer for a neighbourhood care charity in Barnes called FISH that helps lonely people and was particularly important during lockdown. I’m also an active member of the Holy Trinity Church in Barnes and try to be involved in many community activities. So in brief I am massively plugged into my local community and love having time to enjoy all these activities. On top of all that, I spend time with my husband and three teenage children. Through work I get to be involved in the firm’s many local sponsorships, such as Barnes Rugby Club (I’m a rugby mum!) and Friends of Richmond Park. We’re also involved in the Barnes Music Festival, The Rose Theatre Kingston, Strawberry Hill House Flower Festival – so many wonderful opportunities.

supportive colleagues who allow you to be honest and a little bit vulnerable.

7. What is most important to you when it comes to your working environment? Having those open, honest relationships with friendly collaborative colleagues in a happy working environment. Also working near home is great.

8. If your life had gone down a different track, what would you be doing now? I studied geography as my degree and remain very interested in the impact of people on the environment – so COP26 has been fascinating. So perhaps I’d be an environmentalist of some sort.

9. Tell us something about your employer and your role that would surprise people. You may be surprised to know that RussellCooke is very committed to sustainability and in addition to being carbon neutral, it has two active beehives on the roof of the Putney office. They produce delicious lime blossom honey that we sometimes give to lucky clients. In terms of my role, the level of involvement in my clients’ lives may be surprising. I sometimes have to deal with people’s pets – whether finding homes for them when their owners die or are taken into care, or having to find replacements for much-loved companion animals.

Even more surprisingly we are occasionally called upon to scatter the ashes of our clients. Very sadly, some of them have no-one else left to perform the duty. Most commonly we have instructions to scatter them in Richmond Park, or the Thames… It is a task I take very seriously but not one I anticipated when I left law school. n

6. What is your proudest achievement? That would have to be returning to legal practice after taking nine years out to bring up my children. That’s the beauty of private client work – the skills don’t go out of date. Confidence is key to returning after a career break – your skills are still there, you just need determination and confidence. Also vital are

suzanne.mynors@russell-cooke.co.uk Tel: +44 (0)20 8394 6410 russell-cooke.co.uk read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

BRIDGE

Winter bridge with Darling guru, Paul Mendelson In a NT contract, if declarer doesn’t win the lead immediately, keep leading that suit, even if there is a certain winner for the opposition.

♠ West S J743 H Q10972 D 52 C Q10

North S 65 H A54 D QJ1043 C 874

South S AK2 H J86 D A76 C AK53

♦

♥ East S Q1098 H K3 D K98 C J962

♣

CMY

claire@healthyincome.cc

Dealer South Love All N E S W - - 1C NB 1D NB 3NT

Estab for olivshed er

West correctly led top-of-an-internal sequence 10 ♥. This ensures that 8 ♥ cannot play any part in the trick. Declarer played low from dummy and East’s K♥ won the trick. Despite dummy holding the ace, East correctly returned the suit. Declarer tried J ♥ from hand, covered by West’s Q ♥, and ducked in dummy again. West must not change course now. Once A♥ is pushed out, her other hearts will be winners.

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There is another important reason to continue leading hearts. Dummy’s A♥ is the only entry to dummy’s long suit – and declarer’s best source of extra tricks. When declarer wins A ♥, she will play diamonds. East will not play her K ♦ until the final round (never cover and honour with an honour if you can see the touching card). South will win with A ♦ in hand but, now she cannot return to dummy to enjoy her remaining diamond winners. As a result, she is a trick short and the game contract fails. n aceoftrumps.com 46

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FUNERAL PROMO

Direct cremation - is it the answer for a ‘no fuss’ funeral? Targeted corporate advertising is saying no funeral is preferable to a funeral - White Rose Modern Funerals explore

“I

don’t want any fuss, just stick me in a cardboard box and be done with it!” Many times we hear this response when people are asked the question about their own funeral - or when faced with a genuine end of life situation with terminal illness. Digging a little deeper, it’s often more about what they don’t want rather than just being disposed of in a cardboard box! From our research we know that people don’t want too much fuss or expense. They also don’t like the idea of being on parade when dead - the tradition of a man in a top hat they’ve never met leading a hearse procession and a sombre funeral ceremony that probably wouldn’t reflect their style in life. A current trend that aims to answer these thoughts is the heavy direct marketing and TV advertising for Direct Cremation - a funeral without a service. “I don’t want a

funeral, all that expense, I’d rather the money was spent on the grandchildren”. These adverts show a happy party celebrating a person’s life. If only death were this simple. As funeral directors, we witness all manner of death from the natural ending after a long life, terminal illnesses across all ages to the unforeseen tragedies. When death happens, it is usually utterly overwhelming for family and friends, even when a death has been expected. And this is where a funeral may be important. Not for how it looks, but for the sense of ritual that can help family and friends adjust to a new reality that life has changed. A funeral does not have to be ‘either, or’ - either traditional or pure cremation of the body without anyone attending. It was our own frustration at these limited options that led us into

the funeral profession. This wasn’t with the intent to abandon tradition, we lead many traditional style funerals, we also undertake many direct cremations - but to offer more choices and flexibility to help families find a meaningful way to say farewell that is right for them. No fuss does not have to mean an unattended funeral, there are beautiful ways to hold a simple family farewell and minimise costs. If you are faced with planning a funeral do call us, we are here to help you. n Next edition: Funeral plans - what you need to know before taking one out!

Causeway House, The Causeway, Teddington 020 3281 1045 whiterosemodernfunerals.co.uk

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

Life as a female firefighter Darling chatted to Kathryn Duncan, London Fire Brigade’s Station Commander for Forest Hill fire station. She explains what her job entails Tell us a little bit about your story. What inspired you to become a fire fighter? My father was a firefighter, so it was a natural choice for me. I grew up knowing women could be firefighters and didn’t realise, even after training school, that some women had never even considered it, and that this alone, was a large barrier to recruiting women.

Why do you think there aren’t as many women firefighters as men? Firefighting is traditionally seen as a male role. The media can be part of the problem. I still see the term “Firemen” used on mainstream channels such as the BBC and Sky News. It’s not really funny but I have seen the term used 48

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

next to a photograph of a female firefighter. We’re slowly gaining in numbers and do this by spreading awareness with the communities we serve. I hope the photograph of myself in this magazine will be seen by at least one woman who thinks “I can do that!”.

How are the issues of gender diversity being addressed by fire services? Traditionally fire services have not had to run recruitment campaigns to get the number of firefighters required. When the Government made this a measurable criteria to ensure diversity, more research was carried out on how to recruit from underrepresented groups. This led to a bigger uptake in women applying. We also run workshops demonstrating the

Are there any provisions made for women’s circumstances like childcare for example?

fitness test and other requirements. Some of these workshops are female only. This gives some women the space they need to see how they measure up. The tests to become a firefighter are exactly the same for men and women.

What are the main characteristics you need to choose this career as a woman? Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork. Everything we do, from fighting fire to fire protection, to education, we do it all as a team. You should have compassion, be inclusive and have a good level of self-awareness. These attributes build strong teams, keeping each other and our communities safe. I should also add all genders need these attributes it doesn’t just fall on the women.

What do you think the barriers are for women applying? When watching movies about firefighting I often think “really, that’s not how I perceive my job”? Yes, that is our main business is to fight fires and we need to be trained and prepared to respond to operational incidents but there is far more to being a firefighter than fires. We also attend road traffic incidents, chemical spillages, people who may be locked in or locked out, animal rescues – there is such huge variety and no one day is ever the same. The over dramatisation of firefighting can put some women off. Just not knowing that it is a job for women is also a massive hurdle.

Working on a fire station follows a set eight day rolling shift pattern where you work two days then two nights then four days off. Like many jobs it would be inappropriate to bring children to work. However, this shift pattern gives parents a lot more time at home with the kids than a Monday to Friday 9-5 job. You do miss some birthdays and special holidays as people don’t stop calling 999 on holidays but in the main my colleagues with children like the shifts. It certainly allows the dads to be a lot more hands-on parents than some of their friends. However, if you happen to be a single mum with no family around it can be challenging to get nightshift childcare. Some of my friends in this situation employ au-pairs.

What does a typical day look like in the life of a female firefighter? Exactly the same as a male firefighter! We do the same checks, the same training and wear the same fire gear. It starts with a roll call then we check the fire appliances and our breathing apparatus. We may then go and visit a resident on the fire station’s ground and check their smoke alarm or visit a business premise to check their fire safety and make a plan, in the event of a fire in that building. There will be a fire drill (a pretend incident) or a lecture. This takes place while waiting for the ‘bells to drop’ and respond to a 999 call from someone who needs our help. Oh, and I should add, there will be multiple cups of tea drank throughout the day, when time permits of course! n If you would like to hear more about being a firefighter please get in touch at outreach@london-fire.gov.uk for details on joining our team. We are currently recruiting for the next generation of fire cadets. For more information visit: london-fire.gov.uk/community/young-people/firecadets/joining-fire-cadets/ read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

THE LAST WORD

A Bit of Backbone By Kate Greenhalgh

h no. For the first time in my life, I have had to see a chiropractor. This goes on the list of things that should never happen, like Meryl Streep being dead in Mamma Mia 2, or Mark Darcy and Bridget Jones breaking up. Can nothing just end happily? Really, can I please not find myself being a person with a Bad Back? Can’t I be in a romantic comedy without a sequel? They all lived happily ever after without bad backs, just as it started to snow. It began with a spot of stiffness in the neck as I tried to reverse the car, graduating into a kind of nasty hot fizzy feeling down one arm, then on to the unpleasant sensation of having a shark gnawing my shoulder blade. I do nothing which could be described as a ‘sport’ so this had to be something to do with Getting Old. Fortunately, I am a sunny person, and never allowed the pain to express itself in irritable behaviour towards my partner. He even remarked upon how brave I was being, which may have been sarcastic. My attitude to illness of any kind is robust. The kids recall how they never missed a day of education, except the times the school asked me to please come and get them due to their raging symptoms of ringworm, scarlet fever, head lice, glandular fever, impetigo, concussion, chicken-pox etc. Pathetic.

read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk winter 21-22

Anyway, my bad back. Nothing that lying on the floor in front of ‘Succession’ with a tennis ball compressed into my shoulder blade couldn’t sort out. And guzzling a few Nurofen. And maybe having a go at my partner about anything I could think of. Gently, he begged me to consider professional intervention. Obviously I ignored this namby-pamby advice. I was fine, hobbling around with my face in a rictus of pain and unable to sit in a chair for more than 15 seconds without whimpering. Slap on another Deep Heat pad. Soldier on. So finally I went to a chiropractor, which is what you do when you are over the hill, isn’t it? (Maybe I should have gone to an osteopath? Who knows - all the same, this hypochondriac fuss.) Twist, crunch, crack. Twist, crunch, crack. Completely amazing. Convinced. Converted. Cured. Life isn’t about happy endings. It’s about managing it wisely until the ending, which includes not being stupid about the realities of ageing. Bungalows, zimmer-frames, assisted living - ok - not yet, but I get it! My dentist just told me I have the first signs of receding gums. I’m cool with that. The bastard. n photo Mathew Schwartz

A very attractively presented and elegant period 5 bedroom family home with a two storey rear atrium, detached Coach House garage annexe and west facing garden, located close to the open spaces of the Common, local shops, restaurants and excellent schools Wimbledon Village

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DARLING MAGAZINE SW LONDON WINTER 21/22

Articles inside

Fighting fire with fire – Kathryn Duncan

Want a ‘no fuss’ funeral?

Suzanne Mynors’ happy work-life at Russell-Cooke

Property investing – start when you’re young

Mental health programmes in schools

Russell-Cooke tackles abusive relationships

The wisdom of winter with Sophie Lutz

Spotlight on the fabulous Jamie Wilson

Perfect artworks for you from Ad Lib Gallery

State-of-the-art spa retreat at David Lloyd

We’re talking pelvic prolapse

No nonsense, no toxins with Shelly

Multitasking for your skin at Nakedhealth

Feeling lonely? Breathe Café is open to talk

Teaching kids values this Christmas. Elaine Halligan

The other side of COP26 with Mary Hanover

Women of the World festival is back

Good feasting this season

Oath Home making positive impacts

Shelly Palmer - woman of many talents