daughters promise OF
May&June2014
SPARE THE ROD a call to stop comparing, page 24
Justin & Ann’s Love Story, Part I page 46
ARE YOU SITTING? A DISCUSSION OF OUR
! EW
NVERESenT: E
m y l d go k out speap. 30
POSITION IN CHRIST,
page 8
DIY PROJECT make an oversized measuring stick! page 54
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“The LORD has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. The LORD has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.” Ps. 118:23-24
daughters of promise Copyright © 2014, Daughters of Promise. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This magazine contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from Rachel Schrock or Daughters of Promise.
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inthisissue {open} 3 6 7
MAY&JUNE2014
Contact Information Meet the Team A Word from Rae
daughters of God pursuing deeper intimacy with the Father
8 14 16
Are you Sitting? Rhema: My Expected End The Last Amen
relationship exchange cultivating the sacred gift of friendship
24 38 46
Spare the Rod Love is Not a List, Part II Justin & Ann’s Love Story, Part I
life & style virtue in everyday living
52 56
Color Love: Blue! SQUARE: Summertime Fun
legacy & impact learning & living God’s heart for the world
56 mINistryFOCUS: New Horizons Ministries, CO 58 Passion Girls’ Ministries: a Former Camper Shares
white spaces
creating rest, balance, & room to breathe
60
Cultivating Real Friendship in an Online World, Part II
{close} -4-
38
64 52
extras!
30 20
quotes + life through carmony’s lens
22
our readers share
30 everest 54
featured blogger
64
team recommends
8
24
60 46
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An introduction...
to those who made this issue possible:
Editor-in-Chief Rae Schrock
Staff Writers Marlene Stoltzfus Brittany Shult Samantha Trenkamp
Guest Writers Shawn Graber Justin & Ann Kanagy Shanna Yoder
Welcome Sa
mantha!
Samantha Trenkamp has joined team as a the DOP staff writer. Welcome!
Staff Photographer Carmie Sanchez
BEHIND THE CAMERA meet this issue’s guest photographers
Guest Photographers Kristi Smucker Jessica Lehigh Michelle Kauffman
Creative Design Rae Schrock
Cover Photo by Jessica Lehigh
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May&June2014
Kristi Smucker
guest photographer I love all things beautiful and enjoy creating beautiful things with the resources I have. I am a massive fan of uniqueness and originality. I try to incorporate that into the photos I take, and also in the way I live my life. Normality is not an option for me. Along with photography, I have a huge passion for music and singing. I also draw when I have the time, which, sadly, is very rarely. I live in Bonners Ferry, Idaho and at the moment I stay busy teaching kindergarten and keeping up with my small photography business.
Visit Kristi’s Photography Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/kristiann.s.photography
Michelle Kauffman guest photographer
A lot of my life I have searched for (and not found) happiness, peace, and joy. As the daughter of a King I’ve always felt that those are things that I should be. Life is a journey of learning and growing. I’ve learned that I can experience a huge amount of fulfillment in life by savoring small things. A cup of chai, a piece of Jazz, a Bach concerto, a Charles Dickens novel, an enticingly decadent chocolate cupcake, a person, or a moment that will never happen again. Being able to seize a moment or a gift in a photograph gives me inexplicable joy, joy that I can share and re-live. Steam silently rising from a cup of tea or the sun quietly sinking below the horizon, putting forth beautiful golden light captured makes me happy and gives me peace because I know God loves to give us good and beautiful things. And He is why I live. THINGS I CARE ABOUT: People/Cultures. Music. Greek Food. Classic Novels. Not living in my box. Shoes. Drinking my coffee black. and eating my ice cream vanilla.
Jessica Lehigh
guest photographer I’m Jessica Lehigh, from Charlottesville, VA. I love so many things! My husband, my two daughters, photography, people, poetry, nature, creating things, cooking -- the list could keep going for quite a while! These are all blessings. Gifts from God! My greatest longing is for my life simply to show that Jesus is my everything. I want desperately for that to be real in my heart. I have a blog called As a Flower of the Field and try to post weekly. My “blog mission” is to give glimpses of God even if His name isn’t mentioned in every post. I also have Lyme Disease. For two years now I’ve been on a journey that I couldn’t foresee, and I still can’t see the end. But God has proven Himself faithful every single day. He is good!
Visit Jessica’s blog at: http://asaflowerofthefield.blogspot.com
a Word from Rae What an exciting day for Daughters of Promise! Many of you, for the first time, are holding the magazine in hand, the result of many weeks of hard work. In the beginning, I never imagined that we would end up here, but it feels like a spring miracle. Thanks to all of you who have showed such unrelenting support -- through your subscriptions, notes of encouragement, and verbal affirmation of the project. It is a great joy to provide the DOP magazine in printed form for you to enjoy. Spring, so long in coming this year, is finally in full swing. It brings such rest to my heart to wake up every morning to songbirds, warm breezes through open windows, and fresh green blanketing the earth. This season is one of my favorites and is always so much more meaningful after a long hard winter. This year, especially, spring carries special significance. It has been a difficult winter emotionally for me as I continue to transition into a new community and try to establish where and how I fit in. This spring has found me moving more fully out of a season of great loneliness of even some depression as I have weighed out all the changes and measured my adaptation. God has been so kind, bringing new friends to help with this process. The changing of the earthly seasons adds to the sense of life and energy I feel. In this issue, there are poignant articles dealing with issues like love, comparison, & our position in Christ. We are also introducing a new section called “Everest”, which is a space for godly men to speak truth and encouragement into the lives of women hiking upward in Christ. Read each piece at your leisure and know that you have been prayed for as you partake of the truth within these pages. May God richly sustain you today and fill you with all the goodness of His love!
Rae -7-
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by Shanna Yoder Photos by Jessica Lehigh
ARE YOU
sitting?
SIT
Sit and take a moment to ponder. You may be thinking “Oh, if you only knew, I would simply love to just sit down, but I can’t. I have such and such to do, and so and so places to go. Yes, I’d certainly love to sit, but I just don’t have time.” You don’t have time? Hmmmm.... Don’t they say we make time for the things that are most important to us? I wonder if it’s not so much the not-enoughtime factor as the fact that we don’t know where we would sit if we should want to and plus, sitting is so impractical. There are lots of good things to be doing. Yes, we’d much rather be walking...or maybe even running. Okay, by now you may be wondering just what I’m getting at. Well, I’m talking about spiritual sitting. And just where does the Bible talk about that? Don’t we need to be active in our spiritual lives? Absolutely! I’m not talking about laziness or spiritual apathy. I’m talking about spiritually sitting in Christ. The only part you will need to do is to simply ponder your position in Christ and let Him make it real to you. And in case you should -9-
think this matter is of little importance, I want you to know this is important. A baby must learn to sit before he can ever walk. And isn’t that what we must do in our Christian lives as well? We must learn where we sit, and sit there! Then, only then, my sisters, can we learn how to truly and effectively walk. Too often I fear I skip the sitting part. I like to be active. I want to walk first! Last spring I attended SMBI for the 5th term. There I took a class on Ephesians taught by Elijah Yoder and was thoroughly blessed with a better understanding of where I sit; of my position in Christ. I’d like to share with you a little of what I learned. The first 3 chapters in Ephesians have a lot to say about sitting so we’ll look at a few points from the first and second chapters. I’ll let you explore other places sometime later! First of all, we are Christ’s inheritance. Before
God’s grace saves us and it keeps us saved. That’s where you and I sit in Christ! -10-
we look at this position in Christ let me give you a quick English refresher. In English, do you remember studying the difference between those verbs that were in the “active voice” and those that were in the “passive voice”? In a sentence with active voice the subject does the action (i.e. I ate the fish), but in a sentence with passive voice the subject receives the action (i.e. I was eaten by the fish). Now, take a look at the first part of Eph. 1:11, “In whom also [speaking of Christ] we have obtained an inheritance...”. When you first read that you may think we are the ones obtaining an inheritance in Christ. This is certainly true, but I’d like to look at it from another view which, according to my understanding, is more correct. In the Greek this verb “obtained” is in the passive voice which means it could be translated this way: “we have been obtained as an inheritance,” or as the Living Bible puts it, “we have become gifts to God that He delights in”. This means, sisters, that Christ knew what His inheritance was going to be (us!) and He still wanted us. Wow! That’s exciting! The fact that Christ is satisfied with you as His inheritance shows the great value Christ places on you. That’s your position in Christ! Aren’t you starting to feel loved and special? We are seated (right now!) in and with Christ. “And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:” (Eph. 2:6). Of course this is speaking
We have become gifts to God thatHe delights in. about spiritually being seated with Christ. It happened when you were saved, but you have not been lowered to earth again since then. You are still there, seated in and with Christ. And on top of that, you’ve been blessed with all the spiritual blessings in those heavenly places! (Eph. 1:3) Imagine yourself sitting with Christ in the heavenly places. Shouldn’t this affect you just a little - how you view what you’re going to do today and tomorrow? We are saved by grace. Yes, that’s who you are: saved by grace and kept saved by grace! Let me share with you my personal experience with this truth. I was in class one morning at SMBI and during the course of the class I made a feeble attempt to explain my answer to a certain quiz question that had been posed earlier. The True/False question stated that works have “a lot to do with keeping us saved”. Now I knew works had nothing to do with getting us saved, but keeping us saved? “Well... yes”, I thought, knowing that you couldn’t go out and live a life of sin and still claim you were saved. So I argued that the answer should be ‘True’ since I thought works had a lot to do with keeping us saved. After answering the question, I felt as if I’d made a fool of myself, and especially when I later saw how wrong I was. But this rather humiliating experience did really help to ‘drive the nail in’ for me. It helped me see that my view on grace and works needed to be changed. When -11-
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because
we are united with Christ.
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I saw that old familiar verse in a new light I was amazed and excited. “For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:” Eph. 2:8. Can we really say that God’s grace saves us and all of a sudden we have to start working as hard as we can in order to keep our salvation? Absolutely not! God’s grace saves us and it keeps us saved. That’s where you and I sit in Christ! I realized I had been living with a view of salvation where I had to do good works in order to keep my salvation. When I realized that God’s grace kept me saved I had a
new freedom. For the first time I experienced the feeling of wanting to keep doing good things simply out of love and thanks to Christ! Now, please don’t take me wrong. I am not trying to give the impression that one can get saved, go and live in sin however he pleases, and expect to never lose his salvation. We still have to die to the flesh. That is hard work! But make sure your good works flow from the right motive. To keep the right motive it is vital for us to be spending enough time with Jesus that we know where our position is - saved and kept saved by God’s amazing grace! Then we will be fighting the good fight out of thanksgiving and love, not fear. I hope that you may be getting just a taste of who you are in Christ. But don’t stop here. You might have to do some actual physical sitting to let God fully reveal to you where you’re sitting spiritually. Be quiet, be still, ponder what He has to say, and revel in your great worth in Christ!
Go ahead, just sit.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Shanna Yoder
loves living in the country, and hiking and exploring in the nearby mountians with her family. Working as a CNA in a nearby nursing home provides a challenge she enjoys (most times :) ), and it has helped to give her a love for the elderly. A relaxing activity for Shanna is cooking and she especially loves to make different ethnic meals or do special dinners for her family. -13-
My
EXPECTED End
by Britttany Shult
Sometimes in life we struggle with our futures. Where are we going? What’s going to happen? What if I don’t like what’s around that next bend in the road? I know I often battle questions like that, especially when I need to make a big decision that affects my life, whether it be in a small or a large way. Usually I spend far too much time agonizing over what direction I should go. Perhaps I should go to the left. But then maybe I need to turn right. What in the world am I supposed to do? Making decisions is a big deal for me. In fact, I make way too big of a deal out of it. Yes, certain types of decisions take time and prayer, but so often I forget the One Who is holding my future in His very capable, loving hands. Jeremiah contains a set of verses that I turn to again and again when I’m in the throes of decision-making. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13 KJV) Now I realize that these verses are God’s promises to the captives taken to Babylon, but I think they can still apply to our lives today. These thoughts, according to Strong’s concordance, translate to “intention” or “plan”. I know that
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we all know what I’m about to say next, but I’m going to remind us anyway. God has a plan for our lives. He is not flippantly throwing obstacles into our paths just for the fun of it. Yes, some of our experiences hinge on the decisions we make, but ultimately God works everything to His purposes. Knowing that His intentions and His plans are for our good is exciting. The God who created planets and microscopic beings has the very best plan in mind for you and I! With God’s plan comes the expected end. Matthew Henry’s commentary beautifully describes this end. “God does nothing by halves. He will give them to see the expectation, that end, which they desire. He will give them not the expectations of their fears, nor the expectations of their fancies, but the expectations of their faith.” I love that thought. As much as I wish that I could cease all my worries, I know that’s not going to happen. I will probably always struggle with decisions that I need to make. Is the future scary? Yes, it is. Do my decisions always fall in line with God’s plan? Probably not. Does that mean God has kicked me out of His plan? Absolutely not! Will I make the choice to trust Him, even if I make a wrong decision? Yes, I will. As a human being, I will make wrong choices. But if my desire is to follow God no matter what, He will guide me back into His plan. How do I know that? Because He has an expected end waiting for me. |
Pearl of Promise
A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, HE LEADS OUT THE PRISONERS WITH SINGING. PSALM 68:5-6
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Amen the last
We live to die. From the first filling of virgin lungs, the process begins. Life. It is framed by the handles of time: when we begin, and when we end. Grasped by the Giver and handed to us, a gift of grace. Life is a gift. And to most radiantly honor the Giver, the gift of life lived must glorify Him. Must be full to the brim of worship, one breath after another, Inhaling Christ. Exhaling praise. So, as we live to worship, we die to say ‘Amen’.
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Could this be the point of it all? To have lived so well that the last breath I draw simply echoes the brevity of all my time here, an exclamation point to the life He gave? God, glorified. Christ, adored. Worship pulsing, filling, spanning the whole of my one solitary life. Death, pronouncing the awe-choked, hands-raised ‘Amen’, to a life fully lived. A glorious ‘Let it be’ to the worship of a life fully laid down to Christ. If I live to worship, If I live to die, Then let death be my final declaration of love. Let it be shouted from my slow- beating heart and emptying lungs that HE was why I lived. That every moment; every bead of choking grief, exhausting labor, tempestuous trial, was encapsulated in the radiant joy of being His. Pearls
by Rae Schrock Photos by Michelle Kauffman
strung along the strand of time, my every moment was meaningful because it was for Him. I see the Garden. And beyond, the cross. I glimpse the Son of Man, torn with grief, writhing against the weight of humanity’s sins & the crushing blows of death itself, laying open tattered ribbons across His back. And as blood-caked, sun-scorched lips part to breathe last words, the words that split sky, shook earth, slashed listening ears of demons, & leaped in the hearts of every man who has caught their reverberations throughout the ages; as Jesus embraced what all humanity must, He embraced us more.
doubt wide. He has faced what His every child must. The most beloved friend of man…He too tasted the grave.
It is finished.
This Man. This Jesus.
Not life, but death!
My Savior. Your Savior. He died. Can you, who has stood at the grave of precious friends
The words thunder in my heart. They shatter fear, split
This man, the Friend of sinners, who could look into eyes and see heart, whose gaze awakened depths of vulnerability and heights of safety as had never before been known… This God-man, who taught love, and lived mercy…. who embraced the weak, and flung far the chains of the enslaved,
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worship
gone too soon, imagine the depth of grief His friends knew as they watched that last ragged breath leave His lungs? Could they have known in that moment what we know now? That He lived to die. He embraced the grave so that we might never again be soul-torn by the nauseating, searing voice of death’s final word. For me, He tasted death. For you He entered the grave. That we may know, That once and forever Death is overcome! He lived to die. That by His one death, all men may live. Death is the final ‘Amen’, the triumphant last sentence of this frail human story written. It is the flourishing signature of the Author, the closing chapter of a glorious Romance between the Groom who has now come for His bride. It is at once the conclusion of an earthly tale, and the introduction of an eternal story—one of glorious, unending Life with Christ. Face to face with Love Himself; to be fully, finally free. To dance in pure, mind-spinning
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joy, free of pain. All memory of sorry vanquished. The shackles of shame and stumbling broken forever. To die is to live. To sign off with joy, And to step across the threshold into the glory of unhindered intimacy and complete rest, and the Life for which the soul was created. It is to say, ‘I have loved you my Savior. I am coming Home.’ His mansions await, raised by the precious blood of Christ. To die is to live. And to hear our overcoming Savior say, Welcome home, beloved.
Across the field I hear singing. It is Elizabeth’s church family, singing to Jesus. My heart quakes as they declare words of faith, carved from the grief, music soaring to the ears of the Father:
The sun comes up—it’s a new day dawning
He lived to die. That by His one death, We’ve come to sing your song again! Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me Let me be singing when the evening comes. Bless the Lord O my soul, O my soul Worship His holy name! Sing like never before, O my soul! I’ll worship Your holy name.
it chokes lungs and runs over like a tidal wave.
His Holy Name
all men may live. They worship in loss because they know a secret: That today, Elizabeth lives.
Our precious Savior held His head in the Garden and pled with His Father, numb with the suffering we too know… & humbled Himself, and became obedient to death—
And my heart hurts, because I know that her husband woke up this morning a widower. Her 3 small children will never again rouse, sleepy-eyed, to her gentle songs and tender touch. The gift of her lifetime presence was tugged away. And the church that stood rock-solid with them in a 6 month war against cancer must go on together in the absence of a beautiful, godly woman.
So that we must never again know death’s cruel finality.
The whole community is touched. Even those who didn’t know her grieve. Thirty-two year old mamas aren’t supposed to die. Couldn’t God have saved her? Why take a precious, faithful believer in the zenith of her life?
Death is their ‘Amen’.
They sing & they surrender. They drench their hearts in worship because it is all you can do when grief is so thick
Elizabeth’s death & Anja’s & Rachel’s & April’s & Gwen’s & Marcus’ & all the other thousands and millions of the faithful who have received the Author’s signature. They lived to worship their Jesus.
How our hearts soar as we raise our hands through the waves of grief and say ‘Amen’ too, gazing ahead with the hope of life everlasting.
”And on that day when my strength is failing The end draws near and my time has come Still my soul will sing Your praise unending Ten thousand years and then forevermore Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, Worship His holy name! Sing like never before, O my soul!
I’ll worship His Holy name.
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At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by “I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in. -Mother Teresa
EMBRACING
Service
Photos by Carmony Photography
The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: ‘If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?’ But...the good Samaritan reversed the question: “If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?” -Martin Luther King, Jr.
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One of the principal rules of religion is, to lose no occasion of serving God. And, since he is invisible to our eyes, we are to serve him in our
neighbour; which
he receives as if done to himself in person, standing visibly before us. -John Wesley
Though my work may be menial, though my contribution may be small, I can perform it with dignity and offer it with unselfishness. My talents may not be great, but I can use them to bless the lives of others.... The goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts. -Gordon B. Hinckley
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our readers
SHARE
The Father’s and Mother’s Day tributes to those who have loved us and helped make us who we are.
enr , guided and has prayed fo owing ho gr W e an th h m e ug Dad ~ Th t way thro ie qu n ow to s e hi m in couraged couraged me, has always en one He en e. lif be y s m ill and ha up years of I in the Lords w y. ith w da s is ce th oi to ch er make life d encourag an rs en te or ev e, pp su rm of my biggest ce and love fo lt his acceptan my life, but fe s ith w ay s w al ce oi ve ch ha st ise w e th t made ide me in when I haven’ lean on and gu to e er th en s be he has alway up way. ng vi lo n to bring them ow his ren has been ild n ch ca s I hi r e. lif fo r ends fo His goal do siblings, but fri st to ju y rit an io th pr s e hi or it to be m by making at th ow ne sn do , s , road trips truly say, he ha mily. Camping fa e a rit as vo er fa th y things toge have been m ays done family projects they were alw mobiling and nd ..a ... up g in ow memories of gr mily, od and your fa as a family! , for making G eful ad at D gr r u, ve yo re k fo So than ur life. I am yo in y rit in io ip pr e ersh the number on love and lead rful example of carrying de u on yo w e ur se I yo w r fo up. And no ew gr e g time w in st as ve n and in our home ith my childre w e sir de e m that sa today! the privilege of into their lives r being allowed fo n te of od G I thank you ALWAYS! ughter. I love being your da tin
Rachelle Mar
Jen Weaver & -22-
her mom, Regin
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How can Ib such an in egin to write a trib ute to a p c e Few peop redible blessing an d shaping rson who has been le are priv ileged to influence allowed m kn on e a child, I h one who I call “M ow real life heroine my life? om.” Sinc ave seen e my earli s, but God my mom of advan est memo struggle w ce ry a ith childhood d stage Lyme dise ase as we health issues. A vic s home, by ll as an ext tim and seek the grace remely bro LIFE. I’ve w of God sh ken atched h to healing er be tran e has continued to and throu sparent a cling was not a gh it I’ve bou co p siblings w erfect parent, but me to know JESUS t her journey hat it is an she down the Heale d -lo r. with God our perfe looks like to conne aded to me and m She ct Father. ct and be given me y I thank Go in relation with my m d fo ship om continues I thank Go , and as her strug r the relationship He h gle don’t kno d for the tim w e He has with sickness and p as Jesus for g how long our frag g ain iv e n b ecause w ile life on iving me M e this earth om! will last. Th really ank you
Since I’ve been married, I’ve realized that family is so precious--especially my parents! Since moving away from home, I realize all the valuable lessons I have learned! My dad worked very hard to provide for our family physically and spiritually. He taught me the importance of following God, and prayer! He also taught me to stand up for what is right and the blessing of my heritage! Growing up, my dad(and mom) supported and cheered me on, in the things I wanted to accomplish. I also believe I inherited his love for singing and laughter! I had the privilege of working with my dad the six months before I got married, so that was a lot if fun!!:) I’m so thankful God saw fit to bless me with my godly dad!!:)
Caitlin Knepp &
m, Twila
her mo & r e ck u m S h a n Han
her dad, Paul
My mom is an amazing person. Taking care of five daughters, four of which are teenagers is no easy task. She cooks marvelous food, works incredibly hard, puts up with us and our problems, and loves her husband. She ‘s pretty awesome! One thing I really admire in her concern and love for us girls. She is very influential in my spiritual life and I appreciate her support and advice. Plus she can be pretty funny, which is fantastic! I want to thank my mom for all the time and energy, emotions and wisdom you have invested and poured into my life. With love, Hannah
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Spare th
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Rod he
A Call to Stop Comparing
by Samantha Trenkamp Photos by Kristiann Photography
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remember when my siblings and I were little and we would race to the measuring wall to see how much we had grown. We were each always so pleased with our new, taller pencil mark. Our pleasure came in realizing how much further we had come since the last time we had backed up to the wall. “Look how much I’ve grown!” But it was when we turned around that we become dissatisfied. “Wow, look how much taller she is!” The new joy was diminished by hoping to be as tall as big sister. I measured the distance between us with little fingers and wondered how long it would take before I reached HER pencil mark. I’d stand against the wall again: “Am I as tall as her yet?” And we are still eyeing the distance. We place ourselves in a sort of vacuumed reality of “If only’s…” If only we were thinner, if only we were thicker; if -26-
only we had Peggy’s blue eyes, but Peggy wants Lucy’s green; we wish for more friends, when we really just want someone else’s; we wish to do something big for God, when we really want the popularity of our peers. I read once from Lesile Ludy that she had always wanted to be tan, but on going to Mexico, she found that they coveted her fine, pale skin! When have we finally “attained”? But then…do we ever really come to a point of completion? We are always finding ourselves up against another woman who is seemingly “better” than us. Or so we feel. Consider with me for a moment the giraffe, the world’s tallest land mammal. Now if this giraffe over here is shorter, or has less spots, than that other giraffe over there, does it make it any less of a giraffe? Of course not! We are neither less nor more
than the next, but all equal in the eyes of Christ. This struggle with low self-esteem is more than skin deep. You may be a truly, uniquely beautiful woman in your features, and still be carrying that sense of a lack of purpose for your life. Your peers are going out and doing the heavy weight work for the Kingdom, or shaking the world; and you have been called to do the small tasks, the not-so-desirable things that help make all the “big” things go so much smoother. “Where do I come in, in the broad spectrum of life? What is there for me? Am I making a difference?” Why do we give into these lies that we are somehow inferior? What makes us think that others are so far superior? Surely the Lord has gifted us with differing talents so as to make the Church Body function as, well…a body. (See 1 Corinthians 12:12-27)
We should be thankful that we are different by design! My Grandmother always says that it takes “all kinds of people to make a world.” I don’t care to entertain the thought of a world full of ME’s! One of me is enough trouble! Our differences are what make us so radiantly beautiful, inside and out! If we all had blue eyes, we could never be delighted by the green.
All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it. [1 Cor. 12:27] -27-
ACCEPTED
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PERFECT
We each have been handed a chisel with which to create something for God’s glory here on earth.
Will we hand it back?
If we all did the big tasks, who would do the small? Imagine our God as He dreams about who you will become, and as He thinks on your face He says, “Ah! Now this face needs a pair of beautiful brown eyes to make her perfect.” And as He plans for your life He thinks, “Yes, now that is a job only she can do for Me.” No part of you is an accident; you have been (and continue to be) “fearfully and wonderfully made”. Everything about who you are, from your waist line to your individual personality, is just as He has designed you to be. To covet the shape, manners, or calling of another is to despise the Lord of glory who made you to be His glory just.as.you.are. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works…” –Ephesians 2:10 We struggle so with our self-image because we struggle with our basic identity. If we have not found consolation and contentment in the overwhelming love of our Savior toward us, as we are, then it would stand to reason that we would search for our identity in the faces and lives of those around us. And I guarantee you that the people who seem to have it all together have this same battle to fight as well. We all suffer from this identity crisis. And the cure is the same for all who accept it; for all who accept Him. We are discontent with ourselves because we think we deserve more. We should strive to better ourselves, but it is our motive that needs searching. Who are we striving to be better for? Are we doing “all that we do for the glory of God”? Or are we trying
to be more accepted, more acceptable? Physically we go to great lengths to try and attain an image we were never meant to portray; and we lay well made plans in an attempt to make ourselves feel more useful, more worthy. But there is no need for all of these empty strivings! We wear ourselves out trying to do when we are simply meant to be. To be. That’s a stretch. To simply be…and be thankful. Thankful for what? For you. For just you—and just as you are. You are Christ’s, you are perfect to Him, you are astoundingly beautiful to Him, you have been given tasks that were ordained as specific and perfectly designed for you so that you can give Jesus praise through these shoes He has fit for your walk with Him. (See Psalm 139). There is glory that can only be revealed through you. It isn’t better than your sister’s, but it is a sculpture only you carve. We each have been handed a chisel with which to create something for God’s glory here on earth. Will we hand it back and tell the Lord that He has given us the wrong tool? That this task is too menial? Will we look on another, measure the distance, and tell our Lord that He made a few mistakes? Spare the measuring rod. Live in such a way as to be a walking, breathing, praise and glory to this incredibly awesome Love; and you will be accepted of Him. You are accepted. Acceptable. Perfect. -29-
EVEREST a generation of godly men encourage us on to the summit
NEW!
“Everest� is a space for men of faith to speak boldly into the lives of sisters in Christ. Written by guest authors, articles in this column aremeant to call us upward; to bolster our faith and strengthen our hearts as we hike toward the summit with Christ.
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by Shawn Graber Photos by Carmony Photography
THE PERFECT HUSBAND -31-
Marriage. The word by itself carries so many thoughts, so many emotions: hope, fear, excitement, trepidation, worry, longing, anxiety, joy, confusion, and many, many more. Meredith grows up believing that God has a man for her, hopefully one that could be easily described as “Prince Charming” or “A knight in shining armor”. But as she glances around at the young men in her area, she becomes confused and slightly disappointed. These boys posing as men look nothing like princes and behave nothing like knights! What is she to do? Meredith begins to ponder troubling scenarios that include “being an old maid with seventeen cats” or “settling for less”.
Wait on God’s timing. I cannot stress how important it is to let God handle the timing of a relationship. He is carefully, expertly, and patiently carving and molding and shaping men to serve Him. Every year that a man follows the Lord, -32-
he develops more wisdom, gentleness, and maturity. Men are slow learners and it’s plainly evident. Even secular psychology studies support this theory, showing that men mature slower than women of the same age.* Spend time speaking with those who have been married a few decades and soak up some of their hard-earned knowledge. A wise elderly man once told me that “Men take longer to grow up, so they’re ready to get married when they’re about 30. Women are faster to mature, so they’re ready around 25.” I scoffed quietly to myself. “Posh! I’m mature! Twentyone is totally old enough to marry.” As hindsight provides that clear vision, I see now that I was nowhere near ready. Is getting married at a young age wrong? No, because God leads each person on their own journey. But as a general rule of thumb, “All good things come to those who wait.” Elderly couples that married young have told me things like “We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. We were way too young. Thankfully, the Lord was with us and helped us through.” Although Meredith has been ready for a serious, committed relationship since she was 18, many of the boys she knows aren’t nearly to that line of thinking yet. So she waits, patiently. “God has things
GOD IS CAREFULLY, EXPERTLY, AND PATIENTLY SHAPING MEN TO SERVE HIM. EVERY YEAR THAT A MAN FOLLOWS THE LORD, HE DEVELOPS MORE WISDOM, GENTLENESS, AND MATURITY. for me to do during this season.” she writes in her journal. She busies herself with activities, friendships, occupations, hobbies, traveling, and her personal relationship with the Lord. Eventually, some Christian men pull their heads out of the sand and start to notice her. But which one is the right one? Meredith queries. The men love Jesus and therefore pass the “Do not be unequally yoked” test. So just pick the best-looking one and go, right?
Men must be submissive, too. Meredith has been taught that she must submit to her future husband, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. The Bible clearly tells women to submit to their husbands, but boys erroneously believe that “submission” is a quality that pertains only to women. I can see where this stems from. Ephesians 5 is the home of this well-known passage: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
[Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV] Often when boys read this passage, their brains hear, “Women must obey men and do whatever they tell them to do, just like a person would obey Jesus himself. See, man is pretty much like Jesus, and woman is the church. Logically the church does what Jesus tells her to do, because he’s in charge.” Boys are okay with leaving it at that, which is ridiculous. Did they completely miss the previous verse in Ephesians 5? “…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”[Ephesians 5:21 ESV] Men are to submit to each other and to women? What kind of blasphemy is this!? Often this crucial verse gets overlooked because it is the segway from Ephesians 5:1-20’s “standards of Godly living” to Ephesians 5:22-24’s “Women must listen to men because Jesus says so.” [Male Paraphrased Version] In David J. Stewart’s well-written article Mutual Submission, he states: “The honest truth is that the husband is also commanded by God to submit to the wife. Yes, -33-
the man is the head of his home; however, he is supposed to yield to his wife’s requests and wishes whenever possible—this is love. Many men think that the wife is to be a slave, having no will of her own. This is untrue! The Bible never teaches that submission is a one-way street. This is what the Bible says. I believe that a loving husband will yield to the wife’s wishes 95% of the time; however, for that 5% area where the husband feels he knows best, the wife is to submit to the husband. It basically means that the wife gives the husband veto power over her life. This should not be a problem if the husband is a godly man. A godly man is a kind and compassionate man!” In God’s perfect order, a man is to submit his life to Jesus. God is not interested in a tithe of our time, money, and attention. He desires complete control over our dreams, aspirations, plans, intentions, actions, goals, plots, talents, possessions, everything. An excellent gauge of maturity is whether the man is submissive to the Lord. Unless Meredith’s man submits to Jesus, her relationship with him will suffer. Now, wives are called to submit to their husbands even when their husbands do not submit to the Lord, but by all means wait for that young man that is surrendered completely to Jesus Christ. This emphasizes Mr. Stewart’s last sentence “A godly man is a kind and compassionate man!” and swiftly carries me to the next point. Without Jesus in charge of their lives, men are just toads wearing trousers. “The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” [Genesis 6:5 ESV] Of course, that was referring to the horrible citizens that were flushed away by the Great Flood. So God took care of those ne’er-do-well hooligans and left only pure, kind gentlemen, right? Unfortunately, no. Man persistently continued to be wretched. The prophet Isaiah keenly knew this and stated it eloquently: “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade -34-
RUMORS ABOUT HIS WOM OF HIS FRIENDS RECOMM HER. BUT YET HE STAYS FAI HE TELLS THE WORLD. WH
as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.” [Isaiah 64:6 KJV] On our own power, men are desperately wicked. Left to our own devices, our hearts and minds are swampy little gutters of filth. Compared to the Lord, men are all liars (Romans 3:4). The Bible calls all men evil…even the nice ones. “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” [Matthew 7:11 ESV] Meredith scoffs, “My boyfriend/father/best friend’s husband isn’t that way at all. He’s super charming and considerate and nice.” Excellent! Meredith is witnessing God at work. She’s seeing a man who is actively reflecting a tiny fragment of Jesus, the True Husband. Imagine a man consumed with passionate desire for two things: a deeper walk with the Lord and marriage to the woman he desires. He spends his time patiently loving and encouraging his woman, who often chases after other relationships. She often gets into trouble and heartbreak, yet this man gently and persistently pursues her. He knows that one day they will be married, and he lavishes his attention, affection, and affirmation on the young woman. He is willing to sacrifice time, effort, money, and even his own life for her. He defends, protects, and calmly leads her toward a deeper walk with God. Rumors and gossip about his woman abound; and many of his friends recommend that he abandon her while there’s still a chance. But yet he stays faithful. “She’s the one!” He tells the world. Who is this true Prince? None other than Jesus, relentlessly pursuing his Bride, the church.
MAN ABOUND; AND MANY MEND THAT HE ABANDON ITHFUL. “SHE’S THE ONE!” HO IS THIS TRUE PRINCE?
JESUS.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” [Ephesians 5:25 ESV] Kindness, compassion, and selfless sacrifice are just a few of Jesus’ traits that shine through men that submit to His will. Our loving Savior and Master was the ultimate, living example of what it is to be a husband: -35-
OUR LOVING SAVIOR AND MASTER WAS THE ULTIMATE, LIVING EXAMPLE OF WHAT IT IS TO BE A HUSBAND. -Submissive to the Father’s will. -Completely in love with his Bride and willing to pour out everything for her. -Patiently waiting for the day that he reunites with her on their Wedding Day. We see the opposite of these traits in the boys around us: -Boys who assert that they are in control of their destiny, kings of their own island. -Boys who become impatient and frustrated when things get difficult, or abandon relationships entirely. -Boys who are unwilling to abstain from premarital
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sex, failing to “keep the marriage bed undefiled”. Any boy that is more concerned with how a young lady might improve his life than how he might serve her should be a glaring red flag. Allow him to mature for a few more years. It is in Meredith’s best interest to avoid such charlatans and patiently wait for the man that is willing to be broken and molded by the Creator. What a beautiful sight it is when a man of such caliber comes along! The world had better brace itself for the men that recognize their own wretchedness and cling to Jesus for guidance, strength, and wisdom. The ones that truly believe the passage in Ephesians 2; these men are culturechangers. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” [Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV] Meredith has seen many girls get swept up by
arrogant, selfish, conceited boys and has observed the destructive folly that ensues. She prayerfully waits on God’s timing for the man that makes no provision for his flesh; one who proclaims he has no goodness of his own to boast in. Eventually that man, fully surrendered to God, is led into Meredith’s life. She can plainly see Jesus in his actions and his manner. He claims no goodness of his own, and is willing to humbly serve the Lord and his wife. With the Holy Spirit in command, they set out to honor the Lord together.
Meet Shawn Shawn Graber is a 24-year-old male human who lives in Iowa with his pet rat, Zettra. He occasionally writes things on his blog, Momentary Logic, but spends a majority of his hours working at his family’s small HVAC business and eating wheatfilled items. In his spare time, Shawn loves to travel, practice firearms marksmanship, read, and set things on fire.
Look out, world. |
*http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/06/12/study-menmature-slower-than-women/
“FOR BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED THROUGH FAITH. AND THIS IS NOT YOUR OWN DOING; IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD, NOT A RESULT OF WORKS, SO THAT NO ONE MAY BOAST.” THE MEN WHO BELIEVE THIS ARE CULTURECHANGERS.
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Love is not a list
Part II
In the last issue, we began a discussion of how to love God and others without reducing our affection to a list of things to accomplish. We spent some time exploring the fears that hold us back and talking about the freedom we find in accepting the gift of Jesus’ love for us. We understand that it is only when we are aware of the intentional, free love of God, that we are able to truly care for others. What does this look like on a practical level? Life is busy. Relationships are tricky. Feelings of love can be elusive and it is tempting to approach it as we would a to-do list. I want to be honest: sometimes loving people—acting with selfless concern and humility and generosity—is a real struggle.
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Every day I go to war with myself over the matter. I’m too tired. I don’t feel like it. I have nothing to offer. Intentionally interacting with people takes effort. Frankly, sometimes I don’t feel like it. I suspect I am not alone in this struggle. How often does “reaching out” feel like a chore? An inescapable duty of the Christian life? My burden is to change the way we love others, beginning with myself. To begin with, it is important to gain perspective. For the believer, “love others” is not optional. It is a command of Christ Himself, who instructed us to “love each other as I have loved you.” To love is to act in grateful obedience to the love Christ has shown us. In the case of love, obedience is sometimes quite difficult,
by Rae Schrock Photos by Jessica Lehigh
requiring deep sacrifice. The paradox, however, is that such love also miraculously fills the gaps of all we have poured out. God’s love is magnified in us when we empty ourselves for the sake of others. The result is joy, and an intimate awareness of His affection for us. So from this perspective, let us realize that love is not a list. It is agape, a freeflowing, unquenchable well of kindness; borne from the heart of one who has known God’s grace, and cannot help but share the gift. Jesus loved us intentionally and at great expense. Because of this, we have something wonderful to offer others. Our hope to love others as Jesus loved us warrants a closer look at the example set forth by our Savior. We often quip, “love is a verb”. A look at Jesus’ life reveals the infallible
truth in this statement! God is Love itself, and in the person of Christ, Love became a living, breathing entity, the human expression of divine Affection. In Christ, the portrait of love became clear:
LOVE JOINS. LOVE ENGAGES. & LOVE DOES. Let’s examine each.
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Love Joins
It’s impossible to care for anyone unless we have contact with them. God makes contact with us. He seeks us out, like a loving Shepherd, to find us wherever we are. He is “the God who sees me”, as Hagar discovered when God met her in her time of deepest need. Fleeing from Sarai’s bitter jealousy, Hagar ended up in the desert where the angel of God strengthened her with encouragement and promises for her son’s future. Hagar named that place, “El-Roi”, or “the God who sees me.” Sweet friend, whatever you face today, God sees. He will come to join you in that need, no matter how deep. Scripture is clear that God’s heart is to “search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak.” [Ez. 34:16] Love joins. Literally. God is Love and Love joined us. Jesus left heaven and entered into life with His people. It was messy and uncomfortable. It was inconvenient. His reputation got marred and people misunderstood. But ultimately, it was Christ’s willingness to join us that bought our salvation. Isn’t that true love? To so desire the freedom of others that we leave our own comfort to connect with them wherever they are at. Beautiful. Too often, I have parked in my comfort zone and reached out to people from the safety of the familiar. I write encouraging notes. I take in a hot meal. I drop coins into the cup of a smelly beggar and shuffle off as fast as I can. I serve at soup kitchens but avoid conversation with those crowded about the tables. Of course, my actions have been kind. But have I touched anybody’s heart? Has my love carried the fragrance of the God who Sees? To love as He loved us, you and I must practice a kindness that doesn’t merely reach in, but comes alongside. We must be willing to sacrifice comfort and safety to join others in the deepest essence of their lives. Doing so will probably require us to move outside the wheelhouse of comfort. This is okay. As we develop a greater burden for the needs around us, we will fear God more, and men less. Christ intentionally placed Himself in the path of the lost. Maybe we could practice this a bit more in our own lives.
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Perhaps we could more deliberately intersect with the unsaved by seeking them out, starting conversations, and sharing life with them. Willingly following another into their world communicates respect and dignity. It says, “you are my friend; not my project.” I am still learning the lesson of joining. A few months ago, I visited a local church to watch my boyfriend play basketball. In the sea of male athletes, I spotted one other lady, seated at the end of the bleachers with her young daughter. I thought about going over and saying hi, but frankly, I was tired. I had spent a long day writing about how love is not a list, and I just wanted some time to vegetate and not think. Besides that, I hate small talk and I suck at it. So, I stayed put and pretended I hadn’t seen her. My boyfriend came over between games, “Have you met her yet?” I said no. He encouraged me to introduce myself. “You never know what she’s going through Rae. Maybe she needs a friend.” As if my still being seated wasn’t bad enough, I got mad at his persistence. And the fact that he was right. He went back to play and I sat there thinking. Finally, obedience won over and I felt my feet carrying me to the other end of the bleachers. Bethany and I ended up talking the whole rest of the evening and as we parted ways, she commented happily, “Sometimes girls show up here, but they just sit over there and ignore me. You’re the first to come talk.” I felt ashamed of the selfishness that had kept me from coming over sooner. Sometimes joining someone is walking over to meet them on the bleachers. Sometimes it is taking a different way home to cross paths with members of the homeless community. Sometimes it’s spending long hours caring for a disabled grandparent. Sometimes it’s moving to the community you feel called to reach. Whatever the portrait, true love will always bear the watermark of joining.
Love Engages
Once we have intersected somebody’s life, it is important to make our interaction count.
Love joins. Literally. God is Love and Love joined us. It was messy and uncomfortable. It was inconvenient. Jesus’ reputation got marred and people misunderstood.
ultimately, it was Christ’s willingness to join us that bought our salvation.
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The brand of love Jesus offers is more about presence than undertaking a project. It’s a brand of love that doesn’t just think about good things, or agree with them or talk about them.
Love
does.
Christ probably had a very limited amount of time with most of the people He met during His 3 years of ministry. He and the disciples moved around a lot. Yet Scripture overflows with story after story of Jesus’ radical impact on individuals, everywhere He went. If He didn’t have days and weeks to “build relationships”, what was the secret? Jesus engaged. He joined people for dinner. He lingered behind to talk with outcasts. He asked insightful questions that made people think. He participated in Jewish customs and discussed theology at the temple. Jesus’ goal was not to complete an impressive tally of speaking engagements or fulfill a daily quota of miracles. It was to bring His beloved to the Father; to restore sinners to intimacy with God. A divine glimpse of humanity’s brokenness motivated our Lord to not just join, but actively participate in the lives of
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His people. His love for them was evident in His personal involvement with their lives, moment by moment. This is the standard we are to follow. Our interactions with people, no matter how brief, can leave great impact. Get past the distracted, “Hi, how are you”, and begin investing intentionally into the person right in front of you, right now. Here are a few suggestions to get us started: START CONVERSATIONS. Talk to people! Neighbors, the grocery cashier, your children, the mailman. Humanity is united by a common desire for conversation. It makes us feel valued when someone seeks us out to talk. Good conversations that move beyond surface chit-chat to reveal
a genuine interest leave a sweet aroma of grace. They form a springboard for ongoing interaction. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS. Jesus asked questions that touched hearts, not just intellect. Questions convey concern and help us identify what matters to people. They also help others see their own hearts more clearly. The conversations sparked by thoughtful questions provide great insight into how to care. PARTICIPATE IN DAILY LIFE. People don’t need our sympathy cards, money, or hot meals as much as they need the gift of our presence. Find a way to bridge gaps between you and the people in your life, and be willing to step out of your comfort zone to do so: join a sports league; attend concerts together; invite community friends into your home; pursue a hobby together. My friend Emily took up running to establish a connection with a young girl who was struggling. As they spent time jogging and talking, a special friendship formed and the girl began a beautiful journey back to the Lord. Actively participating in the lives of others says “I love you” and opens doors to introduce them to Jesus. I challenge us to look for the “women at the well”, “Zaccheus’”, and “lepers”, scattered along the path of life. What might have happened if Christ hadn’t peered up into the tree invited Himself to the tax collactor’s home? Or if He had accompanied the disciples into town rather than sitting by a well in the afternoon heat to talk with a broken-hearted city outcast? Engaging with people opens up avenues for impact. Don’t pass up these opportunities to participate actively in the lives of those around you.
Love Does
We have been careful to notice that love is not a list of deeds to accomplish. However, we must also recognize that true love cannot be divorced from action. Unfortunately, in the mainstream church’s vehement uprising against all things “religious” and “legalistic”, we have forgotten the wise words of James: “Pure religion and undefiled is this: to visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction.” Love is more than a feeling or a “good heart”. It is action. Today is Good Friday. We celebrate the passion of Christ with mingled joy and sobriety;
remembering not only the triumph of His resurrection but the agony He endured to obtain it. What took Him to the cross? The answer is easy, but the price was not. If the test of love is being willing to lay down my life for another…. would my love pass? Love compelled our Savior to walk the road to Golgotha and endure horrendous suffering. Does mine? What is the price of loving someone redemptively? My sufferings have no comparison to those of my Lord, and yet so often I waver at the demands of that heavy command: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Love acts, as Christian author Bob Goff beautifully expounds: “The world can make you think that love can be picked up at a garage sale or enveloped in a Hallmark card. But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It’s a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright….the brand of love Jesus offers is more about presence than undertaking a project. It’s a brand of love that doesn’t just think about good things, or agree with them or talk about them. Love does.” Christ intentionally joined us and engaged in our lives. Yet He didn’t stop there. Ultimately, Jesus surrendered His own life in order to purchase our freedom. There was nothing easy about that sacrifice. Yet it set the hallmark of authentic, redeeming love. Love is not a list of deeds to accomplish, but true love will always bear fruit in actions. Put the depth of your agape to the test today and pursue others sacrificially. Give of your time, your resources, and your heart without expecting anything in return. This is the path to redemption.
Today, resolve to shred the relational to-do list. Make people your friends and pursue them with vitality and an earnest yearning to introduce them to Jesus. You and I are representatives of “the God who Sees Me”. Let us honor Him with lives that spontaneously pour out the affection He has poured in. |
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Love Joins.
1
whimsical WAYS TO SAY i love you! Throw a Summer Soiree and invite a group of ladies you would like to get to know better. Transform your backyard into a little paradise with blankets, cushions, yard lights, sweet treats, and grilled summer fare. Spend the evening in delightful conversation.
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2
Start a monthly tradition of “Random Day” with a friend. Take turns dreaming up fun, crazy, and adventurous things to do--preferably activities that are new to both of you!
3
Find 5 people to randomly bless with whimsical little gifts: a rainbow collection of helium balloons, miniature homemade pies, freshcut flowers in a vase they will actually want to keep [wink], a gigantic ‘thinking of you” card, or a spontaneous trip to the local creamery for some ice-cream. The options are endless!
4
Spring is the perfect time for outdoor activities. Invite a friend [or 2 or 3] over for a campout in the backyard. Build a tent out of sheets or sleep under the stars. Practice your fire-lighting skills and sip tea & make s’mores by the cozy glow.
5
Find a stressed out mom and take her kids for the day. Instruct her to take a whole 8 hours off and send along a basket of fun things to make her time special: a Starbucks gift card, a new journal, chocolate, lotion, homemade sugar scrub, etc. etc. etc!
6
Give an afternoon to a friend that you know is dealing with some difficult issues. Create open-ended time for her to share and to pray for and encourage her. Give the gift of time.
Love Engages.
Love Does.
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Justin & Ann’s
LOVE STORY PART I
JUSTIN’S STORY:
My first recollection of Ann would probably have been in playing ping pong or foosball at her family’s place. The connection began with my brother John and her sister Lauren. They served in Ghana, West Africa together and later became married. I longed to be married and have a companion that I could share my heart and life together with. I am a twin and that was a blessing to be able to share with him but I looked at scripture and other married couples and longed to have that sweeter relationship that I saw. As the years went by, I continually struggled in my spiritual life. With all of my friends getting married and feeling alone, I continually fell into feeding the flesh in many ways to combat my loneliness and frustrations of feeling inferior. Computer games and videos were the greatest attraction to me. When these failed to satisfy me, I turned to pornography. I had lived many years as a hypocrite, so hiding this was nothing new. Oh, that I would have turned to Christ instead of these things. I felt as if I had a relationship with God but that it should be better. I would try doing away with my addictions to videos, games, and porn but it wasn’t long before I was back into them. I am saying this so that you know what was behind some of my story in winning my wife. God did work in me, but it took some traumatic things. In my years as a single young man, I had many ideas and dreams as to what courtship or dating is to be and what I wanted for myself. I longed to have a short courtship and
j
A tale of redemption and restoration
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“AS GOD MADE IT CLEAR TO ME THAT I SHOULD SEEK ANN TO BE MY WIFE, I GAINED COURAGE TO MOVE FORWARD.”
engagement, but I wanted it to be absolutely “hands-off”. I knew my own heart and what would cause it to struggle and with my addictions, and I was scared that close contact would make me do things that I would regret later on. As God made it clear to me that I should seek Ann to be my wife, I gained courage to move forward. I spoke to my parents about beginning a relationship with her and they encouraged me to send a letter to her parents. It was a couple weeks later that I received my answer. She was planning to come to TN to help my brother and her sister who had twins. She had done this over the previous months which helped me to get to know her a little better. On our first official date she surprised me by telling me that she was not looking for a short courtship but a long one, as she didn’t feel ready to be married to me yet. That is how it began and it was a continual challenge for me. Knowing that God had brought her to me and wanted me to court her was a solid hope that I clung to. There were tough times that she sensed something was not right but didn’t know what it was. Twice in one year we somewhat put our relationship on hold. After a little over a year, I felt clear to ask her to marry me. We were engaged and set the date for Sept. 29, 2012. This was after more than a year of courting. Eight days before our wedding we went out to talk on things other than the wedding. That is when she asked whether I had been involved in watching pornography. Up to this time I had never felt free to share about what I was involved in nor about the other addictions in my life. I would allude to them but never come out and say it. At this point I felt as if it was safe because we were getting married. I also was getting tired of hiding things and struggling with them. I shared with her that I was involved and struggling with viewing pornography. This seemed to be what hindered Ann in making a decision to marry me. A week from finally being married and after a year and a half of courting, the wedding was called off because I confessed that I was involved in watching pornography. That was devastating. The temptation for me at that time was to justify myself, become angry, and just say, “Forget about ever getting married to me if you can’t love me as I am.” Thankfully, God was working in my heart. He had done enough of a work with all the other happenings, that I was able to accept it though I did question the wisdom of the decision. I am so thankful now that God did not allow us to enter marriage with my sin still hidden or not dealt with. Of course being that close to marriage, I had a house rented, had moved my things up to PA, and had people coming to my wedding. To cancel all of that was hard in some ways but when the decision was made to call everything off for six months, I was ready to get on with it. I loaded my things up and left. I do not know how many times as I was driving that I wept tears of sorrow, agony, and bitterness at what had happened. I hated the fact of having to go back to my old job and face all the people that I had lived with and lied to for all those years. Somehow God gave me the grace and strength to do that. I am
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still amazed at what God has done. Before I left PA, I started a journal that I wrote in almost every day. It is difficult for me to go back and read over those things because of the painful memories that come to mind. I went home to a troubled church and to being the oldest of two or three youth boys in the church. There was a great sense of aloneness and questioning what God had for me. I was encouraged by one of the elders in PA to enroll in a Pure Life Counseling program. Before I was able to do that, I took a trip to SC for my brother’s wedding and a family reunion. That was one of the darkest times I had. I still was addicted to videos, games, and pornography. I hated myself for not being able to be free. I destroyed my ipod (which I had been viewing the pornography with) because it was a symbol to me of my failures.
Ann’S STORY: I praise God for His goodness and faithfulness in leading His children, and giving good gifts to those who ask Him! He has not promised that our life will be easy as we follow Him, but there are countless blessings for those who trust Him through hard times as well as good times in life. The end He has in mind is for our good and for His glory. In my teen years, naturally marriage was something I greatly desired. I gave my heart to the Lord around age 12. As I grew in my faith, I realized how I owed Him my whole life, including the area of finding a husband. It was a struggle for me because the desire was so great, and also as I got older it seemed that the options became fewer. I would desperately pray that God would bring me the man that He had for me. I had in my mind the kind of guy I thought would be perfect, but at the same time desired God’s will most of all. In my early 20’s, I went on a short-term mission trip to Ghana, West Africa. My team crossed with a team that had gone over for a two year ministry commitment, which Justin was part of. At this time, there wasn’t an interest on either side for myself or Justin. My older sister was also in the group, and invited me to come back to Africa if I could. I came home, and 8 months later had an opportunity to go back and serve with one of the missionary families for 6 months. I was stationed in the southern part of Ghana, and my sister’s group was working up in the north. The Lord worked it out that I got the chance to go up and spend about 2 of those months living with my sister, thus getting to know the whole group of young people better, as well as the missionaries in the north. I had many stretching experiences and learned to trust God in new ways. I would see Justin every now and then. I didn’t have much of an attraction there, but I did think he was interesting, and was impressed with how he
j “A WEEK FROM FINALLY BEING MARRIED AND AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF OF COURTING, THE WEDDING WAS CALLED OFF.” -49-
“God was answering my desperate prayers, while working a plan for complete deliverance in justin’s life.”
j
was willing to lay down his life serving God. The Lord was faithful in using my experiences in Ghana to strengthen my walk with Him. Simply learning to step out in faith, and trust Him more is what stands out to me the most. He is faithful and worthy of our trust. The next few years, I lived at home in PA with my family. In 2008, my sister’s team returned from Ghana, and she and Justin’s brother John were married the following year. This became more of a connection for us. My sister and her husband were blessed with surprise twin girls that winter, and I was able to go down to TN and help them out a few times, two months at a time. Justin lived close by and I would see him at church and other Kanagy family activites. He was on the quiet side, and we actually didn’t even talk much. When it came to ping pong though, we would play game after game until I thought we should probably stop. I didn’t want to give him the impression that I was interested. I seriously wasn’t at that point, but there were times I felt an interest on his part. I still had in mind a more out-going kind of guy as the type I would marry someday, though there were times I wondered if God might have someone unlike I envisioned for myself. He knew the plans He had for me! Back at home in PA, I continued praying that God would bring the man He had for me. In the past, there were guys I would be interested in and wondered if “maybe this is the one…” My answer would come as they began a courtship with another girl. That was hard. It became clearer to me that what God has for us isn’t always what we think is best for us, whether in marriage, or other areas of life. When it wasn’t easy, I chose to trust Him in it, surrendering my will to His. In 2011, my younger brother got married. There was still no sign of a relationship for me, though God was at work. Three days after my brother’s wedding, my parents showed me a letter they had received from Justin, expressing his interest in me and asking to begin a relationship with marriage in mind. Honestly, in a way, it didn’t feel like a dream come true. At the same time, it seemed that God was preparing me for this through circumstances in the previous two weeks! At this point, I accepted it as God’s will because it was an open door in front of me. All others were closed, and I felt that He wanted me to step out in faith. I had been praying for a couple years, so I knew I had asked God’s direction. It felt scary though that it was so different than what I had envisioned. Our relationship began with a trip to TN where I also visited my sister and her family. Justin and I spent some time talking together and doing some activities with his family and friends. It was good to talk and get to know each other in a different way than before. After that, our relationship continued through letter writing and occasional visits to
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TN or PA. We had nice times together, but I struggled very much with a lack of feelings of love for him. It was a very up and down kind of relationship for me. My parents encouraged us to take some time off from our courtship if I wasn’t sure. We did that once. For three weeks or so we were not in communication as I tried to discern what was going on. When that time was up, I still didn’t know for sure. I went on a 6 week trip to Ghana again. I felt like I just needed to get away and maybe I would gain some direction. I shared with one very special missionary friend. She encouraged me to give our relationship all I’ve got. That way, she said, God will be able to give me direction whether we should go on, or end our relationship for good. I seemed to be so cautious in our relationship that it wasn’t going anywhere really. I decided when I got home, I was going to do my best to put my heart into it. It went a bit better from there, although it was still hard for me. Justin and I had good times together, but sometimes I just had this overwhelming feeling that something was not right. It was to the point that I didn’t feel any clear direction to cut off our relationship, and also lacked assurance to go on. What a tough place to be in! I cried out to God a lot and begged for direction. I knew that this was dragging on for Justin, and he had already been told a few times that I still wasn’t ready for engagement. Time moved on and I continued to ask God to show me His will. In June 2012, Justin asked me in a letter if I would marry him. God gave me a certain amount of peace, and I gave him my answer two days later. I said “yes”. We planned a wedding. There was some excitement, but I continued to have this nagging, “Something is not right” in my heart. It terrified me that now we were coming up to our wedding day. I felt trapped. I prayed desperately. The Lord heard my prayers. As Justin shared, just 8 days before our planned wedding day, he opened up his heart to me and shared honestly about the sin issues in his life. How to explain the gripping emotions we faced as we sat on that park bench, I don’t know. I will only say that in the surge of them all, that was the moment that I felt the loving hand of God in a real way. The assurance came that He was answering my desperate prayers I had prayed, while working His perfect plan for a complete deliverance in Justin’s life. Only our Father in heaven could do this! In the turmoil of grief and pain we experienced as the decision was made to call off the wedding, I had this feeling of relief, and of God’s peace. We cried together for a day, and received counsel from my pastor and some close friends as well as my parents. The way Justin responded, and the true humility I sensed coming from him made me respect him so much more! My heart hurt for him. It was during this time of grief that I realized for the first time that I loved him. |
Read the rest of Justin and Ann’s story in the July/August issue.
j “iT WAS DURING THIS TIME OF GRIEF THAT I REALIZED FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT I LOVED HIM.” -51-
COLOR LOVE -52-
by Brittany Shult // Photos by Carmony Photography
Is it any wonder that blue is one of the
most popular colors when it can be found in the wide expanse of sky and in tropical ocean waves? Blue encourages thinking outside the box and boosts our creativity. Positive effects of blue include intelligence, communication, trust, efficiency, serenity, logic, and calm. On the other hand, blue is also associated with feelings of unfriendliness, lack of emotion, and coldness. Research shows that blue increases productivity, a reason why some offices are painted this color. It is also said to bring down blood pressure and slow the heart rate. Because it is considered calming and serene, blue is often recommended for bedrooms and bathrooms. Be careful when choosing paint colors, however. That light shade you liked so much at Lowe’s may come across as chilly once it is used on the walls or furnishings. Consider warmer blues such as periwinkle or turquoise for social areas like the kitchen or living room. This color doesn’t naturally show up in foods. One blue food to keep in mind however is blueberries. While they contain antioxidants like Vitamins C and E, anthocyanins are thought to be their main health boost. Anthocyanins are natural occurring pigments that produce the fruit’s blue color. Blueberries may help reduce the risk of LDL, or bad cholesterol, thus keeping your heart healthy. Like most fruits and veggies, blueberries are low in fat and calories. Two handfuls or around four tablespoons contains only 46 calories and 0.3g of fat. So go out and experience some blueness. Revel in the deep blue sky, experiment with a new shade of paint, or go mix up a delicious berry treat!
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featured blogger
featured b “One of my projects has been to make an oversized measuring stick -it measures the children’s growth and it just looks so fun! We’d been pencil-marking their growth on a wall, and that doesn’t look so great, so this is something that {maybe} will even be a family heirloom! I realize that I have a lot of oversized objects in my home. I have such a fascination with them, and here are a few reasons why I like them… One: we have very high ceilings, ten feet high, and small objects are lost on walls around here. Two: I am not a minimalist by a long shot, but larger objects also mean lesser objects, which I do like. It’s décor without as much clutter. Three: I find them fun and whimsical, and I like unexpected things. So, here’s a little tutorial if you’d like to make one of these Kiddo Measuring Sticks.”
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Step 1:
DIY Oversiz
Begin with a LONG BOARD. Ours was a piece of luan board (yes, I had to google that spelling!), which is a very thin piece of board. You can also use a 1 X 8, which would be thicker and hang well from a saw-tooth hanger. Our dimensions are 6 inches wide and 6 feet tall.
Step 2:
MARK THE INCHES with a pencil on the left side. We first marked all the quarter inches too, but it’s just too many markings. I began at 6 inches (because I didn’t want it directly on the floor), marked every inch, and went up to 6 1/2 feet. I recommend a measuring tape for marking this rather than a ruler; if you use a ruler the dimensions will be slightly off in the end.
Meet Clarita Yoder
r
“She was a city-loving girl from the north. He was a farmraised boy from the south. She writes about their three kiddos and their hundred-year-old cottage, about decorating on a budget, and how God’s faithfulness is found every day. She loves when her fingers are paint-splattered with a new project, when a new stack of fabric arrives for My Faire Lady Designs, and a good run in the evening. But she’s happiest of all when her arms are full with the love of her husband and little children, and with the sweet joy of being together. Soli Deo Gloria.”
Clarita shares her love of beauty, art, and family on her blog:
www.skiesofparchment.com
blog post:
zed Measuring Stick!
Step 3:
Take a FINE BRUSH and PAINT over the markings. I made the even marks just a bit longer than the odd, and the six-inch marks even longer. The foot-long marks were about 3 inches long.
Step 4:
ADD THE NUMBERS. You can do this freehand if you enjoy drawing, or you could trace a stencil, or buy numbers at a craft store or hardware store and glue them on. I made my numbers 3 inches long and drew them vertically. You could also make them horizontal and that would be fine too.
Step 5:
Finish with WOOD STAIN. You could do any color, it’s really a matter of preference. I found this one in our shed and used it: Provincial by Minwax. It was a bit darker than what I really wanted, so I wiped it down immediately with a paper towel after brushing it on. We didn’t use a sealer because of wanting to write directly on the measuring stick.
Step 6:
To HANG: you can nail directly on the wall (it makes it a bit more child-proof if it’s in a hot spot) or hang with a saw-tooth hanger to make it easily removable. And there you have it – a dapper measuring stick, to be enjoyed by kids of all ages!
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mIN NHM
history
New Horizon’s Ministry was founded in 1992 by Loren Miller to care for children and their mothers who are incarcerated
the SIMPLE SUMMER TIME FUN Blow bubbles Catch fireflies Stargaze on a blanket Pick wildflowers Go barefoot in the grass Dangle your feet off a dock
NHM
vision
To provide a loving, Christ centered home for these children while they are in our care and to show them Jesus every chance we have. Also, to reach out to their mothers, encouraging them and pointing them towards Jesus. We take the children to see their mothers once a week. Our goal is for the child and mom to be reunited.
NHM
outreach
New Horizons has two thrift stores that help provide the funds we need to do what we do. Recently, Oasis Park has been opened for current staff and for some of the moms in ou program to live. This provides a safe neighborho and a support system for the moms as they ra their children. Also, New Horizons just began f time prison ministry in one of the local prisons
NHM contact info TO CONTACT BY MAIL: PO Box 1500 Canon City, Co 81215 TO CONTACT BY PHONE: (719) 275-5242
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VISIT THE NHM WEBSITE: www.newhorizonsministries.net
Nistry FOCUS New Horizons Ministries, Canon City, Colorado
Jessica, an nanny, shares: NHM
This past year has been challenging in ways I cannot even put into words. It has been very good for me. I have the privilege of caring for the sweetest baby girl, Alexia She is now 4 months old and I love what I do. Being a nannie is definitely a rewarding ‘job’ but along with that comes all of the emotional ups and downs of caring for a child that is not your own. A child you know you will one day have to say a painful goodbye to, most likely giving them back to a tough situation. Knowing that I have people lifting me up in prayer means the world. And I have felt those prayers in more ways than I can count. I know that I cannot do life without Jesus by my side.
current greatest needs:
ur ood aise full ns.
Prayer is definitely at the top. Pray that I could continue learning how to give different situations in life over to God, trusting Him to do something beautiful and then leaving it in His hands. It is so easy for me to worry about Alexia’s future and the hard things I’m sure she will have to face. I have to constantly remind myself that God loves her more than I ever could and that again, I HAVE to trust. Pray for Alexia and her mom.
how can others become involved?
1. Again, my answer is prayer. God is definitely working and moving, prayers have been answered, lives are being changed.. and it’s so exciting to see it first hand. But Satan is also on the prowl. Looking for any weak spots where he can deceive and bring division. Pray for strength, wisdom, and unity for each of the staff. Pray for the children and their moms.. that their bonds would grow and that God would prepare them both for the day that they are reunited.. Pray that ultimately these mothers would come to know Christ in a greater way. 2. Come and be a part of what God is doing here in Canon City. Ask God how He would have you serve.. maybe as a nannie or in the thrift store, or giving financially. But most of all, pray.
Compiled by Jessica Yoder
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Girls’ Passio Testimony of Sadie, a former camper:
Ashamed of my sexuality, ashamed of my desire for love, for marriage. I went from one relationship to the next, sucking the life out of people and selfishly controlling everything I could get my hands on.
There are moments in your life that pass and you never think about them again. Then there are times that are forever etched in your memory, whether you like it or not. The day my brother handed me a Passion brochure and said something like “Hey, I think you should go to this”, is one of those moments. I haven’t forgotten it.
And no one knew. No one. And that was what gave the enemy power. Silence. Secrecy.
The fact that my brother picked up a brochure and brought it with him to our house was a miracle in and of itself. Trust me, he doesn’t typically do such things.
That weekend at Passion, my journey to vulnerability began. I experienced so much freedom, my face shone because of it. My friends and family couldn’t help but notice.
Long story short, I went. And I haven’t been the same since. Now there were some incredible speakers and intense team-building initiatives. (Taking down four tents in the middle of the night while tied together in a circle? Who even does that?) There was lots of sharing hearts and being real. All of that was wonderful, but the bottom line is, God was there. He tore down walls I didn’t even know I had built. He came through for me in ways I never expected. You see I was a “Christian”. Went to church all my life, did the right things at the right time when I was with the right people. I was confident, talkative, and even appeared to be really happy. Yet underneath it all, I was so ashamed. So petrified that if anyone really knew what I was like on the inside, they would be appalled. I was so ashamed.
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I’ll be honest. It didn’t just get easier from there. Heart surgery is never easy. But as God continued to peal back the layers, I broke the silence. I talked. I shared the ugly. I was never so scared in my life. And you know what? There was no shame, no condemnation, no appalled looks. Only love, pure love etched on the faces of women I met through Passion. And for the first time, I could raise my downcast, ashamed self and look boldly into the heavenlies, only to see my Abba Daddy, loving me too. He loves you. Really loves you. And He is inviting you to get real.
on Ministries Passion 2014: The Dragonfly Dare Passion 2014 is your opportunity to come experience something similar to what Sadie did. Our stories may all different, but God wants to meet you in the same way He met her. Our theme this year is the Dragon Fly Dare and we’ll be focusing on what it means to live with authenticity and freedom. You will hear personal stories from our speakers, be challenged in physically and mentally tough activities, and ultimately be given the opportunity to worship God through the joy and the pain that comes when we are perfectly real. Passion 2014 will be held at Camp Oak Hill in Nottingham, PA on July 17-20. Register today at www.passion613.org or contact Gloria Yoder at 757-553-4653 for more information. If you’re 16 yrs or older, we’d love to have you join us for the year of the Dragon Fly Dare!
passion 2014 info WHEN: July 17-20 WHERE: Camp Oak Hill (Nottingham, PA) AGE: 16+ REGISTER TODAY AT: www.passion613.org or by contacting
Gloria Yoder: 757-553-4653
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by Marlene Stoltzfus Photos by Michelle Kauffman
ULTIVATING REAL FRIENDSHIP IN AN ONLINE WORLD PART II
Last time in this column, I wrote about the criticisms by secular social watchers of social media. The article ended with two questions that I believe we must answer in order to find a positive place for social media: What is the good life? Who are you? I want to examine these questions more closely, then talk about creative alternatives to on-line relational time. What is the good life? What do you search for that, if it only could be attained, would complete the puzzle pieces of life? Humans are always on the hunt for it; it is part of how we were created. But we will always search without complete fulfillment, for the good life is impossible to attain on Earth. We lost the good life with the Fall, but that doesn’t stop us. There’s a deep, unquenchable thirst for more and better in our lives. Though we were created with this desire, the ways in which we try to satisfy it are often twisted and skewed. We look with longing at what we don’t have and, since other people usually have something we don’t, get caught in comparison and competition. If only we had beauty, children, no children, a spouse, a different house, a better wardrobe, or friends (like them)…then we would find happiness! Social media is a powerful promoter of the hunt for the good life. Beliefs about the good life (what it is or is not) are often reflected in photos and posts. Humans have always been incomplete and have always gotten stuck in envy and dissatisfaction. However, social media is a pipeline of high volume input that raises awareness of the missing elements of our lives. It plays upon the innate
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WHERE IS THE GOOD LIFE? IT IS BEFORE YOU. human fear of missing out, always sure that good life material happened somewhere without us. Others’ words and photos feed the fear; sometimes, we’re driven to create our own photos and words, to illustrate to ourselves and others that we do have the good life, just like the Joneses. Ironically, social media sets up the pursuit for the good life to be not about the physical life itself, but the ability to successfully share it. The reward of social feedback then becomes the way to access the good life, and posts about one’s actual life are the means, not the end. This idea comes from Matthew Lieberman’s book Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect: “The prevalence of social media has, as a result, fundamentally changed the way we read and watch: we think about how we’ll share something, and whom we’ll share it with, as we consume it. The mere thought of successful sharing activates our reward-processing centers, even before we’ve actually shared a single thing.”* (emphasis mine) So if social media prowess is the good life rather than the things that show up in posts, is it all just a farce that everyone’s playing together, a gap between the photo of the experience and the experience itself? Does the good life exist? If so, where? Only somewhere that I’m not? I believe social media shapes us to say yes: what is happening out there is more important than the experience and people right here. We’ve all seen this concept illustrated by the person in a social gathering who interrupts a conversation to acknowledge a text, thereby giving priority to a friend physically removed rather than those physically present. Certainly, it’s an impolite habit but it has a more important underpinning belief. It is tempting to believe that what we experience through social media (usually in a
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physically removed, somewhat passive state), is the real, true stuff of life and relationships. I believe that the truest and realest is now, this present moment. Where is the good life? It is before you. It is life; you have to live it. By all means, read and connect on-line. Life happens there; but it’s not the only or even the realest life. Then raise your eyes, get up, and live. Receive the now that you’re in rather than trying to live the elsewhere of others. Interwoven in the pursuit of life is the question, who am I? Humans are driven by deep questions of whether we really belong, are valued, and loved. We tend to run with our flaws nipping at the heels, trying to keep them from catching up, but perhaps still defined by them. The fear of our true selves is cloaked by either degrading ourselves to others or presenting only a positive self-portrait to others. No human network is sufficient to settle our fears and longings, or give us a place where we will not give and receive disappointment and failure. Only the Creator is big enough to handle these questions. Like the pursuit of the good life, humans have always faced this dilemma as a result of the Fall. We have to keep returning to Jesus over and over with these questions. But the questions also influence how we relate with other people. Social media makes it possible to have a sense of anonymity, high personal output, and a constant awareness of others’ opinions. So some practical questions:
IT IS LIFE. YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT.
How do you represent yourself on-line? Do you posture yourself, consciously or unconsciously, for the approval of the crowds…or in such a way as to offend the crowds? Do you find it easiest to share with the masses and difficult to look someone in the eye and say the same thing? Do those closest to you geographically and biologically have the privilege of knowing you best? Do you have relationships in which you are vulnerably, deeply known and loved? Knowing others and being deeply known in relationships are significant. It’s part of how we learn to know Jesus, alone and also with other people. So how do go about cultivating creativity and relationships loosened from the grip of The Screen? I suggest that you find ways to unplug. Like the Barclay family discovers in an Adventures in Odyssey episode, unplug time (in their case, from TV) doesn’t kill the fun; it actually creates an environment that fosters creativity and initiative. People use different ways to apply the concept of unplug time, based on lifestyle demands, personality, etc. Some unplug for the whole weekend; others make it part of observing the Sabbath. Or they’ll set limits on how accessible they are to notifications, how many times they update and browse social media sites, or what time their on-line evening curfew is. Choose a way that works for you, and give some thought to how much control over your time and energy you want to give the on-line world. Get comfortable in your own skin and learn to be alone, for relationships are only as healthy as the individuals who make them. Foster creativity and an interest in the world around you that wards off ennui. There’s so much to learn, discover, and experience! Cultivate this life-approach and it will likely spread into your relationships. Don’t let this statement by Syed Norman Ali be true of you: “Face to face communication and meetings has been reduced and many of us have lost the flavor and charm to be together under one roof.”** Finally, get face to face with some unplugged time for everyone involved. We need other people, and everyone benefits from interaction in which distractions are minimal. Some of the truest things on earth are so rich, deep, and sacred that they come only occasionally and are meant to be savored alone or with a few people. They defy, by their very nature, our glut to recreate them and gobble them down without swallowing. Receive them with thanksgiving. | Resources:
*Konnikova, Maria. http://www.newyorker.com/onlineblogs/ elements/2013/09/the-real-reason-facebook-makes-us-unhappy.html. 10 September 2013. 5 February 2014. ** Ali, Syed Norman. http://socialmediatoday.com/syednomanali/608781/social-media-good-thing-or-bad-thing.
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THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE ON
Mr. Right
the DOP team talks about expectations, dreams, and relating well to men God has given us to love.
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Brittany Shares
I daresay that one would be hard-pressed to find a woman who doesn’t long for Mr. Right to come along and sweep her off her feet. God created us as women to be passionately be pursued by a man who loves us. At times however, we dream about that elusive relationship so much we forget that with such a commitment comes real struggles and real trials. When entering a relationship, you have to maintain a realistic set of expectations. Dating or marriage is not about the butterflies and warm feelings that we read about in romance novels. Unlike the stories, our relationships will not fall into a neat predictable pattern. So how does one maintain the right perspective on Mr. Right? I think it begins with two things: First, we are imperfect humans and we will have imperfect relationships. Second, a relationship takes work. At the beginning, the idea of ever hurting this person in any way be seem preposterous. Love covers all spots right? Wrong! At some point, Mr. Right will say or do something that hurts you. You will do the same thing to him. Start thinking now how you will deal with that because it won’t just happen once. It will happen again and again. Why? Because we are humans. You will not have a relationship that doesn’t come with a little bit of pain. I have not been dating very long, only about three months, but I learned very quickly that dating takes work. A lot of work. Be aware that there will be times when it seems that all you are doing as a couple is working through yet another set of differences you didn’t know you were going to have. Embrace those times. Learn from them. How you treat each other during those difficult times will determine the caliber of what you share together. I hope I have not painted a discouraging picture of dating. Believe me, having a relationship with that special someone is amazing. It is not always work. I can tell you that the good times eventually outweigh the bad. Walking through the fire together will only strengthen your relationship and make it even more beautiful then what it seemed like in the beginning.
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Rae Shares Mr Right. The One. Prince Charming. Man of my dreams. I don’t know about you, but I get a little nervous when I hear terms like these. They set a pretty high standard of perfection; one I’m not sure any human man is capable of meeting. As a young woman growing up, I had ideals of the perfect husband. I made lists of attributes, and deep inside, held the secret belief that Mr. Right would make life perfect. A few difficult relationships and years of maturity have helped me realize that my perspectives on Mr. Right were painfully out of focus. My thinking has changed a great deal. I used to expect that The One would complete me. Now I know that only Jesus can. This is not to say romance doesn’t fulfill. It does. However, it is only a small sliver of the whole pie. No matter how wonderful, the man in our life will never be able to satisfy our deepest desires. In fact, you’ll know Mr. Right is who he says he is when he gently refuses to fix you, but instead leads you to Jesus—the Lover who can and will. I used to be afraid of conflict. Now I understand that it is an essential part of growth. Conflict is a normal part of relationship. It is the friction that keeps us honest and forces us to address issues before they have a chance to stagnate. Growth never happens without challenge, so embrace even the difficult times of relationship, understanding that they are the catalyst for deeper intimacy and friendship. I used to believe Mr. Right was above failure. Now I realize he is broken like me, in need of grace. One of the hardest things to face is the failures of your loved one. Depending on the mistake, forgiveness may seem impossible. Discovering the humanity of your man can be a harsh awakening when we have entertained expectations of him being nearly perfect. Yet, Mr. Perfect does not exist. Neither does Mrs. Perfect. You and your man are two broken people desperately in need of grace. Your earthly relationship can be a beautiful place in which to experience the redemption of God. As we accept one another’s faults and offer grace instead of condemnation, we release the hearts of our men. There is a lot more I could say. Whether married or single, I encourage us to lift the impossible standard of perfection from our men. Allow them to be human. Forgive when they fail. Fall more deeply in love as you come to know deeply and to be deeply known.
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Samantha Shares If there’s one thing that drives me nuts, it’s all of the “Christian romance” novels that are on the market. They are so unrealistic! The men are totally absorbed in their pursuit of the woman to the point where that is all there is. (Ever notice that almost all of these books are written by women?) What an ego we women have! As I’ve grown older, I’ve seen just how shallow these ideas are. We pray for godly men, but then we want to be their idol. If we want them to be Kingdom focused, why are we so disappointed when they aren’t all-absorbed with us? Of course we know that the reason is because we desire this culminating union of soul and body, something we were created to have a hunger for. It is not a bad thing, but a fragile thing. As a girl, I never was one for the dashing, handsome hero or the flawless knight with banner flying. The characters that were sometimes awkward, not so dashing, stumbling, they caught my fancy much quicker. They didn’t always say just the right thing, they didn’t always do just the right thing: they made mistakes. They weren’t perfect so they were actually more likeable to me, more like… real life. The girl didn’t have to try and make herself perfect for the perfect hero because her hero had problems to; and it was their stumblings that brought out the better in the other as they worked together. So I would say that, in our relationships, we need to let our men be real men. Love them when they stumble in their pursuit of us. And let them love us when we fall flat too. Stay open, stay humble, be real, and do not despise your man’s faults; because in the Hands of God, those are the very things that will help him to grow into the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ and make him a great man.
Carmie Shares Mr. Right. We all hope (or hoped) to find the “right” one. And I believe it is entirely possible to find the right one... point in case, my husband is completely right for me. Sometimes though, our perspective on Mr. Right can be skewed. In our daydreams of Mr. Right, somehow we expect Mr. Right to also be Mr. Perfect. We envision all the wonderful things that Mr. Perfect will say and do and how enchanting it will all be. The truth is, while Mr. Right may actually indeed, be Mr. Right, he will not or is not, Mr. Perfect. He will say and do things that are riddled with imperfection. I know this because guess what? My husband is not perfect. I love him dearly, but I would not be so fairy-tale-ish as to say that he is sooo perfect. Perfect for me, yes, but never-does-anything-wrong-perfect? Nope.
Marlene Shares Sometimes, talk of “Mr. Right” or “The One” means finding someone who will bring satisfaction and completion. If that’s all he means, Mr. Right doesn’t exist. Even if he does at first, he will after time buckle under the pressure of being the answer in his lady’s life.
Along with that, we ladies have to remember that our future (or present) boyfriends/husbands are also not dating or married to Mrs. Perfect. We also have our imperfections that keep us from that title of Mrs. Perfect. While we should be willing to admit our own imperfections, we should refrain from being quick to always point out the imperfections in our boyfriends/husbands. Chances are, they are probably pretty aware of most of their own imperfections too, and they don’t need to be constantly reminded of them.
Romantic love is more about learning to build a relationship than finding the perfect person with whom to build it. Romantic love is made up of two separate individuals who are still themselves even in a new relational context (like marriage). He is him and you are you and you won’t be able to forget it. He can’t solve all the problems and you can’t change him and you might spend a lot of time feeling how disappointing the whole thing is. You meet yourself in whole new ways and discover that the answer wasn’t starting a relationship, but staying in it and learning to grow.
With love, it is possible to forgive even the greatest of imperfections. Your imperfect Mr. Right needs your forgiveness when he fails you. It may seem like there are some things that are just too much to forgive, but God can give you the love and the grace that you need in order to forgive. In my experience, the moments when my husband needed my forgiveness the most, were the moments when my love seemed to increase even more. Only God can give you a spirit of forgiveness towards your imperfect Mr. Right. God picks out your Mr. Right and He continues to give you what you need to sustain your relationship with Mr. Right.
But the beautiful thing is that, as you interact together, you are both changed. You become closer and closer to each other, caring for one another, feeling the warmth of laughter and the incredible connection of deeply knowing and being known. That’s what makes a good marriage and gives us hope and commitment: that we’re two people working and growing toward each other and toward Christ.
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You will live in
joy and peace.
The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands! [Isaiah 55:12, NIV -68-