2019 MF OCTOBER

Whether you say ‘oohrah’ or ‘hoorah’, whether you prefer the land, sea or air, we salute you, and we’re proud to serve you.

We’ll help you save money, make money, and enjoy peace of mind and security through personalized, around-the-clock service. Our members earn and save an average of $251* more per year just by banking with us.

In the bustle of everyday life, especially military life, time is our most precious resource. The decision of where to invest that asset is pretty important and can change your life in so many ways, from the friends you will make to the purpose you will find to the benefits you will reap. Plus, the additions to your resume can make you marketable in your career field. In fact, I am living proof.

Back in 2002, as a young enlisted wife, a major’s wife cold called me to invite me to what the Marine Corps called a key volunteer meeting. It was our version of family readiness. At the time, I didn’t understand rank structure or how that phone call would change my life. I found that I truly enjoyed volunteering for our unit. Not only did it help me better understand our new lifestyle, but it gave me my own identity within the military. It was no longer just his job, but instead it was our life.

From the time of that first phone call until my husband’s retirement, I stayed active in volunteering. The networking offered me so many connections that ultimately helped me land a portfolio I am proud of. From working with the White House to sitting on boards to interviewing elected leaders, the vast skills that emerge from formal volunteer positions have been endless.

There are thousands of organizations that support our military and veterans, and countless others with unique missions aimed at addressing a need. Before the year ends, think about which group best aligns with your values, interests and availability, then apply to one of them. It is worth your investment.

Bianca M. Strzalkowski Managing Editor

Jessica Purcell, an Army Reserve captain, holds baby Jameson. She was nine weeks pregnant with her son when she learned the lump in her breast was invasive ductal carcinoma. Photo by Shannon Livingston.

Bianca Strzalkowski’s volunteer work for the Marine Corps family readiness program led to national recognition as the 2011 Military Spouse of the Year. Petty Officer 1st Class Abraham Essenmacher.

Cancer battle intersects with birth of new baby

by Emily Marcason-Tolmie

Military Families Magazine by AmeriForce Media, LLC, is published 12 times a year for active duty service members and their families. Copies are available through participating family service centers, relocation offices, transition offices, base lodges, libraries, daycare centers, MWR activities and other locations by request. Unit distribution requests can be made online at www.AmeriForceMedia.com/ mf/print-magazines/

Individuals can order a free digital edition of this issue at www.AmeriForceMedia.com/ mf/subscribe-free/

Editorial comments can be emailed to managing.editor@ameriforcemedia.com

Military Families Magazine is published by AmeriForce Media, LLC, Bloomington, Indiana, a private company. Information and advertisements in this publication do not constitute endorsement by any branch of the military or the Department of Defense. No part of this publication may be copied without the express written permission of the publishers. AmeriForce Media, LLC, the publishers, and publisher’s agents make no endorsement of any advertised services or products and none should be inferred.

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GOT YOUR SIX

Operation Deploy Your Dress and AUSA Family Readiness have teamed up to put free ball gowns into the hands of military spouses and significant others. And its reach is growing!

ODYD was created by a group of military spouses who recognized the need to alleviate some of the financial burdens associated with attending formal events. Since then, the concept has expanded to so much more than a free dress.

Through its physical locations and online network, volunteer opportunities are bringing new friends together in pursuit of doing

good within the community.

The dress-gifting program has now expanded to seven locations, with the newest one opening at Fort Carson, Colorado in August. ODYD also works in conjunction with AUSA to host pop-up events. Check out the full list of locations and how to donate at http:// operationdeployyourdress.org .

CURRENT LOCATIONS INCLUDE

Fort Bliss, Texas

1717 Marshall Road

(located inside the Fort Bliss Trading Post)

Fort Eustis, Virginia

215 Dillon Circle

Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Washington

2081 Division Street

Fort Irwin, California

New location coming soon — check back at https://facebook.com/FortIrwinODYD.

Fort Benning, Georgia

Building 1712 Pencom Row

Fort Stewart, Georgia

54 Coe Avenue

Fort Carson, Colorado

Bldg 5769, 1045 Wallace Street

We asked this issue’s authors:

What is an organization you felt compelled to donate your time or money to?

After becoming a mom, it breaks my heart more deeply to think of all the kids who sit in adoption agencies and foster care year after year hoping for a family. Bethany Christian Services is a nonprofit that gives positive experiences and education to foster kids. My donations to this organization are my small attempt to help them feel loved and know someone cares.

I enjoy volunteering for the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society. Not only do they help Sailors and Marines with budgets, financial assistance, and emergency situations, but they also reimburse childcare and mileage for volunteers. Because I have five kids, this is one of the few organizations that makes it possible for me to volunteer.

I support the Celiac Disease Foundation, an organization that works to raise awareness, encourage future research, and support individuals with Celiac disease, an immune condition that is triggered by gluten — a protein found in grains like wheat, rye, and barley. I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease five years ago and feel strongly about the importance of helping others to understand our disease and learn to live well with this condition.

An organization that I’ve given my time to is the 42nd Rainbow Veterans Foundation. My grandfather served in the 42nd Rainbow Division during World War II and was one of the first soldiers through the front gates of the Dachau Concentration Camp during its liberation in April 1945. As he got older, he wanted to reconnect with those men he served with. When I attended 42nd Rainbow conventions with him, I instantly inherited 50 more grandfathers who were willing to share their stories of survival, heartache and heroism. Since 2003 I’ve spent countless hours recording their stories of brotherhood and war. Each story is archived at the Library of Congress.

I am thankful for the Foreign Military Spouse Association for providing foreign-born spouses with a safe place to share our experiences, receive answers to our many immigration-related questions and enriching our lives by learning about other cultures.

As a Catholic, I believe in a loving God who seeks to bring others into his embrace. Catholic Charities reaches out to their local communities to provide aid and support to those who need it most.

I volunteer for and contribute to the NavyMarine Corps Relief Society. Their one-on-one financial counseling and short-term loans help Navy and Marine Corps families improve their financial lives.

Emily Marcason-Tolmie

Jenn Bedard

Kate Horrell

Brunella Costagliola

Lizann Lightfoot

Tiffany Lawrence

Amy Pottinger

By Lila Quintiliani, AFC®, Military Saves Program Manager

I’ve been teaching my girls the benefits of charitable giving since they were little: when I first started giving them an allowance, I instructed them to save some and give some before they spent anything on themselves. In fact, scientific studies have shown philanthropy actually activates pleasure centers in our brains. It makes us healthier and happier.

Here are four ways you can do something for the greater good:

Give money: This is the most impactful way to help any legitimate charity. My husband and I give to several charities via payroll deduction through the Combined Federal Campaign .

I always suggest researching charities thoroughly before donating (and especially before giving them bank account or other personal information!). There are

quite a few different charity rating sites out there, including Charity Navigator, CharityWatch and GuideStar.

If you don’t think you can afford to give much, even small donations can go a long way: in the fight against malaria, for example, $2 can fund a mosquito net that will cover two people and last for three-to-four years.

Give while you shop: If you don’t have cash on hand to donate to a charity, there are still other ways to give back monetarily. You can use a shopping portal like Amazon Smile , GreaterGood or iGive.com to donate a portion of your purchase to charity.

There are also charitable search engines, such as GoodShop , that donate to charity every time you look something up.

Give the gift of time: Nonprofit organizations are constantly in need

of volunteers, and giving your time can even make you competitive for promotion in the military. If you’re unsure of how to find a good fit for opportunities, check out Volunteer Match which allows you to search by interest.

Give away your stuff: Go all Marie Kondo on your house and then give away what doesn’t give you joy to charity. This way you bring yourself inner joy and bring someone else some happiness, too. Plus, by recycling rather than trashing your unwanted items, you are doing something that is ecofriendly.

One important thing to note –while contributions to charities can often be considered tax deductible, this only applies if you are able to itemize your deductions. The gift of time or labor to a nonprofit is not tax deductible, but mileage and other volunteer expenses may possibly be written off your taxes, provided you can itemize.

Do you want help saving for a goal? Take the Military Saves Pledge and then visit militarysaves.org for more tips and resources.

INTERSECTS WITH BIRTH OF NEW BABY

By Emily Marcason-Tolmie

Jessica Purcell is a mother, wife, daughter, sister, Army Reserve captain, and an Air Force Civilian employee at U.S. Central Command at MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa, Florida. She is also a warrior as she battles cancer, refusing to be defined by a diagnosis.

“Cancer is an obstacle in my life but it will not define who I am as a person,” she said. “I don’t ever want my kids to think I gave up. I will fight with all my heart and every ounce of my soul. No amount of pain will ever stop me. I’m a mama on a mission.”

And that mission has multiple goals: to survive cancer and inspire other women while she does it.

“At the end of the day I was chosen for this journey because I’m strong enough to handle it,” she said. “This isn’t about me. It’s about the greater good. It’s about other mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters — just like me. If I can get through my days, other mothers struggling with cancer — or anything — will, too.”

In 2017, Purcell was pregnant with her first child, a daughter named Josephine, when she felt discomfort with a lymph node in her underarm. Her doctor dismissed it as being hormones or pregnancy-related.

“I thought something might be off, but as a first-time mom I trusted the doctor over my instincts,” Purcell

said. “I should’ve followed my gut.”

Consumed with a newborn, Purcell didn’t think about the issue with the lymph node until April 2018 when, while weaning Josephine from breastfeeding, she felt a new lump in her breast. An eventual mammogram was scheduled and then cancelled when she learned she was pregnant with her son. At an eight-week prenatal check-up for her son, her doctor agreed Purcell needed an ultrasound that in turn led to the biopsy of the lump.

“The doctor kept telling me I was probably fine and it was probably just a cyst; the tests were really just precautions. I was an otherwise healthy 35-year-old pregnant woman. Cancer couldn’t happen to me,” Purcell said.

But on August 24, 2018, Purcell’s life was rocked.

“I remember the doctor rolled over to me on one of those metal stools and her knees practically touched mine. Time stood still,” she said.

Purcell, mother to then 13-month old Josephine and nine-weeks pregnant with her son, learned the lump in her breast was invasive ductal carcinoma, one of the most common types of breast cancer.

“You hear cancer and — I didn’t want to die,” she said. “And I was terrified for my unborn child.”

Purcell went into warrior mode.

She underwent a left radical mastectomy and a complete axillary lymph node dissection, which removed the lymph nodes under her left arm. At 20-weeks pregnant, Purcell started chemotherapy. She completed 12 rounds, which included injections to stimulate her bone

marrow, all while her son developed in her womb.

“The whole time, I was not concerned for myself but for my daughter and my unborn son. There’s no backing down from cancer. I had to be aggressive,” she said. “I constantly had to advocate for myself because it wasn’t just for me — it was for my son, too.”

This past March, Purcell delivered a healthy boy via cesarean section. She named him Jameson in honor of her late grandfather, James, who passed away from cancer when she was 10.

“I remember holding Jameson and looking at him — just in awe. He was perfect. He’d been through every test, injection, surgery, and treatment with me. He’s my little miracle,” she said.

While Purcell gave birth to Jameson, doctors removed her left ovary and fallopian tubes after they noticed a tumor on her ovary. The pathology showed that this ovarian tumor was benign. Four months after Jameson’s arrival, as she navigated being a mom to two children under the age of two, Purcell completed a six-and-a-halfweek course of radiation therapy.

Purcell’s journey with cancer isn’t over yet. On July 11, the day after she completed her last day of radiation, Purcell had a liver biopsy for lesions highly suspicious for metastasis. A few days later, she learned the cancer had metastasized to her liver, leaving her with a new diagnosis of Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. The news was devastating but didn’t debilitate her spirit.

“I’m refusing to accept this diagnosis as a death sentence,” she said. “I will be here for my family. I’m fighting and being aggressive. God’s got this!”

Purcell is navigating her treatment plan, which may include a liver ablation — a procedure that will insert a rod into her liver near the lesions and blast the area with microwaves, along with monthly hormonal injections to shut down her remaining ovary. She may also be given more systemic therapy: possibly an aromatase inhibitor to reduce production of estrogen alongside a chemotherapy pill daily for the rest of her life. She’s getting a second opinion.

“I want to discuss my options, explore immunotherapy and other ways to suppress hormones since my cancer is fueled by hormones,” she said.

Purcell, her signature long hair now short as a reminder of all she has overcome, is ready for her next battle — not only for her own survival but to give a voice to other women like her.

“I represent a small community of women. I’m telling my story — I’m the voice — for all of us. I’m on a mission to bring awareness — healthy women can get cancer while pregnant and still have a healthy baby. This is my story but it’s not about me. It’s a story that could easily be any woman’s story.”

The Purcell family before Jameson was born. Photo by Shannon Livingston.

Purcell reads a book with daughter Josephine. Photo by Shannon Livingston.

WWII veteran helps raise a generation of Guatemalan orphans

By Lizann Lightfoot

Bob Rupp is a 101-year old veteran who served in World War II at the Battle of the Bulge. After military service, he didn’t slow down or seek a traditional retirement. Instead, he found another way to serve.

He and his wife, Matilda, have spent years flying to Guatemala to become honorary grandparents and mentors to children rescued from poverty or human trafficking through the Institute for Trafficked, Exploited & Missing Persons . Together, the couple has touched hundreds of lives and made a difference in Central America, even though they barely speak Spanish.

Rupp entered the Army in June 1941 as a ROTC second lieutenant. He originally planned to do one year of service to complete his requirement, then look for a job. Instead, when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor he extended his service for 4 1/2 years. Rupp ultimately spent 37 years in the Army — most of that time in the Active Reserve.

He was assigned to the 3rd Field Artillery Battalion and trained with them before arriving in the Belgium-Luxembourg area in September 1944. According to Rupp, things were quiet for a few months, but that changed in December when

“We held our position, denying an entire German Infantry Division access into Luxembourg City. We laid down constant fire on all approach areas — an average of one round every 40 seconds, night and day, over a five-day period, which set an Army record for sustained fire. And, more important, it established what became the South Shoulder of the Bulge.

“As Service Battery C.O., it was my job to replace the nearly 6,000 rounds fired by Third guns. I offloaded equipment from all but my kitchen truck, put two drivers in each cab and a loading crew in the back and split the trucks into two trains. I can’t remember being out of my Jeep for the next five days.

“We made 100- to 150-mile turnarounds, night and day. We

were on the move constantly, traveling blackout at night. Luckily, and somewhat miraculously, we made it back to our guns each trip, which wasn’t easy. One wrong turn could have put us into a Jerry position because things were very fluid; there was no front line. But our guns never went without ammunition, even when they were firing an average of one round every 20 seconds, which they did for one 48-hour period.”

After active duty, Rupp remained in the Active Reserve “partly because I liked it, but also because it was an easy way to build retirement income.” He adds, it’s important to stay involved in a project that keeps you active because “staying active makes life more interesting and gives you a reason to get up in the morning.”

One unique way the Rupps stayed active after military retirement was by volunteering with ITEMP in Guatemala. Initially, they became involved in the program because

Bob Rupp in Guatemala. Submitted photos.

the Germans attacked on a 78-mile front that became known as the Battle of the Bulge. He shares his account of the battle.

Matilda Rupp was lifelong friends with the mother of ITEMP’s founder, Patrick Atkinson.

In 1991, Atkinson founded The GOD’S CHILD Project . He had worked with runaways, homeless youth and children who were victims of domestic violence in the U.S., Central America, and Southeast Asia. The children in Central America called him padrino, which means godfather, and he came to see the rescued children as his “godchildren.” Twenty-eight years later, the project has rescued over 80,000 children from poverty in the slums, war-torn villages or human trafficking situations. Children are then placed in foster homes to be raised in a safe environment.

Later, he added ITEMP as a sub-program of The GOD’S CHILD Project. After personally witnessing a raid in Malawi where women and children were rounded up into cattle trucks, “and bound in gunny sacks to be used for camel jockeys, sex purposes, farm hands, or domestic servants,” he was shocked to realize that this level of human trafficking was occurring in the modern world.

Worse, he was disappointed that there was no international outcry, so he created a program to lead the way for anti-human trafficking efforts in the Western Hemisphere. ITEMP focuses on “community education & prevention, detecting the problem, investigation, interdiction & rescue, rehabilitative services, community change, and prosecutorial assistance.”

Atkinson has been thrilled with the Rupps’ involvement in ITEMP.

“Bob is amazing. He co-raised an entire generation of Guatemalan orphans. The children came out

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of unstable environments and needed a strong, safe presence. What Bob and Maddie did was use their tremendous experience: they were the perfect “grandparents” to offer a safe and stable environment to those kids. They would travel to Guatemala between 3-6 months each year. They would live there and come to work every day. They did that year after year, which became a very stabilizing trusted force for children,” Atkinson said.

And the relationship has been mutually beneficial as Bob Rupp found purpose through his work with ITEMP.

“Part of the attraction of working at GOD’S CHILD was doing something worthwhile; part was being around a group of upbeat volunteers; part was the warm sunshine and meeting the “ex-pats” who had left the U.S. to live in a laid-back country.”

ITEMP has also benefitted from a steady stream of veteran volunteers, like Rupp, because it’s a perfect fit for military families: it’s nondenominational, ecumenical, nonpolitical, Atkinson explained.

He expresses gratitude for the service in and out of uniform provided from members of the military community.

“The people keeping the United States free from those who want to hurt us are the military service members. The people supporting them are the family members. My sincerest gratitude to all of them. I’ve travelled a lot, but when it’s time to come home, I know where I want to go — back to the United States.”

Gold Star family receives forever home

By Bianca M. Strzalkowski

While other families prepared for last year’s holiday season, the Taylor family was in mourning. Maj. Brent Taylor, a soldier with the Utah Army National Guard, was killed in an alleged insider attack in Afghanistan early November 2018. He was also the mayor of North Ogden, Utah, father of seven children and husband to Jennie. His loss captured global attention — including that of Frank Siller, a man who understood all too well the pain of losing a loved one in service.

Siller is the chief executive officer of the Tunnel to Towers Foundation — a nonprofit organization created to honor his brother, Stephen Siller, a New York City firefighter who died on Sept. 11. Stephen Siller, the youngest of seven siblings, was finishing his shift when the attacks occurred on that day in 2001.

Strapped with 60 lbs. of gear on his back, he ran from the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel to the twin towers. He lost his life that day.

The Siller family knew they wanted to honor Stephen’s life and sacrifice, but weren’t quite sure how. By the end of that year, though, a foundation would bear his name, Frank Siller says.

“To be quite honest with you, we didn’t know how big this foundation was going to turn out. So, in the beginning, we became a foundation December of 2001. Right

away we knew that we wanted to do something to honor the sacrifice that Stephen made that day and we also wanted to honor — because we lost a lot of friends that day too — we wanted to make sure it was named for his act, but we also wanted to remember so many other great friends that we lost,” Siller said. “Part of it is, as siblings we were so proud of what he did that day but he had five kids, we wanted to make sure that they always knew their dad was a hero.”

Foundation programming has expanded over the years as its team recognized the unique needs within the military and first responder communities. The Smart Home Program , as an example, builds mortgage-free smart homes for catastrophically-injured service members. To date, 85 homes have started construction or are in the design stage. Forty homes have been given to the families of law enforcement, firefighters and emergency workers that lose their lives in the line of duty through the Fallen First Responder Home Program . And in September 2018, the foundation launched a new program designed to support Gold Star spouses, like Jennie Taylor.

Frank Siller and the Tunnel to Towers Foundation paid off the home mortgage for Jennie Taylor. Submitted photo.

The Taylor family. Submitted photo.

Jennie and Brent Taylor were students at Brigham Young University when they were setup on a blind date. Though their paths never crossed on campus, they had much in common like both serving on church missions. In fact, Jennie Taylor said a mutual friend told her, “you got to meet my roommate, he is the male version of you.” That roommate was Brent Taylor.

“The first date was a disaster, but then after that our paths ended up crossing again through friends and at the second opportunity, we actually started to talk to each other and realized we had a lot in common. Most of what we began talking about was how we love this country; he wanted to serve in the

military and I was an American history teacher for junior high and high school kids, and it just kind of went from there,” she said.

The couple started dating in 2003, and after the Iraq War started, Taylor said talks got serious about her husband’s desire to serve in the military. He proposed to her in June and by the following week they were talking to a recruiter.

“He didn’t ever join the military with the intention of just sitting back. He knew from the moment he wanted to join that he wanted to go to Iraq, to go to Afghanistan. … For him it was, ‘I want to be there,’” she said. “He was so duty bound.”

After deciding to grow their family, Jennie Taylor decided to leave the teaching profession so she could devote her full attention to raising their children, who now range in age from 1 to 14 years old. In the midst of the grief of losing her husband, Taylor said she also became worried about how she would support her family going forward. Frank Siller, however, had already been planning how the

foundation would ease some of those worries, before the two could even meet.

“It was less than 48 hours after we’d been notified of Brent’s death that Frank [Siller] called my sister. … I was on my way to Dover and my sister called and asked my mortgage balance. I said, ‘I have no idea.’ … It was the furthest thing from my mind; I was in such a fog that I didn’t even know why she would be asking me that,” Taylor explained. “By the time I got home, my sister told me that the foundation was going to pay off the mortgage.”

To take that weight off her shoulders, she says, reassured her that she could be home with the kids to help them through losing their father.

In addition to the financial impact the foundation makes on the lives of the people it helps, Frank Siller and his team also build lifelong relationships because they share the unspeakable bond of loss. He says he carries a message to each family to let them know their loved one would want them to continue life, even with the engrained sadness that will exist.

“There are no words that can explain what it means to me to be part of these families’ lives. I sit with them, I talk to them, I cry with them. It just kills me; I get very angry because I know what they have to go through, albeit I know they’ll survive it. Their life is changed forever. You learn to live with it, you never totally recover,” Siller said. “ … but you can have great days and you can have a great life. … there’s life after death for these families.”

NYC firefighter Stephen Siller. Submitted photo.

Maj. Brent Taylor during deployment. In one of his last social media posts he wrote about the pride he felt for the Afghan people who showed up to vote in their country’s election. Submitted photo.

By Elisabeth Lundgren

Hi, my name is Elisabeth Lundgren. I am a 19-year-old college student at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and I just had the most successful year of my life.

This year I made the honor roll, was awarded Rookie of the Year for UCSC’s NCAA swim team, shattered a 19-year-old record in the 200yard backstroke and was named UCSC’s Most Inspirational Athlete. Most notably, however, I received the opportunity to share a small part of my story through Operation Homefront as I was honored as the 2019 Navy Military Child of the Year.

It was a long road to get to where I am today. One riddled with failures and self doubt. After overcoming setback after setback, this year I have been asked, “How did you become so successful?”

Part of my success comes from how I was raised. I grew up with a loving family who supported me and was there for me through cycles of injuries, recovery and even traumatic bullying events. However, the other part comes from how I began to view and attack life.

So, I have created a one-step guide on how you too can have the best year of your life.

Step one: Become comfortable in the uncomfortable.

As an athlete, I have learned to “jump on the pain train,” as my coach would say. Meaning, when I become tired and the burn in my muscles during a set increases to a boil, I embrace the uncomfortable feeling and, if anything, I chase it. I have translated this desire to be uncomfortable in my life because,

just like in athletics, if you don’t push yourself beyond the apparent, you won’t see results.

I get it, the uncomfortable is, well, uncomfortable. It is not natural to want to feel it, but if you want to have the best year of your life, you need to learn to love the feeling of being uncomfortable, to search for it and to thrive in it. You can’t just coast through life expecting things to work out. The opportunity to be uncomfortable is there; you just have to be willing to take it.

Get out of bed that extra hour early to get your workout in. Ask for the raise you believe you have earned or talk to that crush you have. Say your piece during a meeting or take that job opportunity you are scared to take. Take the chance.

You don’t have to start out big and do the most awkward thing you can think of. It could be as simple as asking a question in that huge lecture hall, defending someone who is being bullied or being the first on the dance floor. The more you make yourself do things that make you uncomfortable, the easier they will become.

Be comfortable in the uncomfortable

Lundgren prepares compete in the 200 backstroke at the PCSC meet in her favorite lane, seven. Submitted photo.

Lundgren, pictured with her parents, was awarded MVP at a swim awards ceremony. Submitted photo.

Start with small, uncomfortable tasks and work your way up until it’s second nature. Once you are comfortable in the uncomfortable, doing the things you once were terrified to do will feel like the start of a thrilling adventure rather than your very own doomsday.

So, how does being comfortable in the uncomfortable lead to the best year of your life?

My mom used to tell me this folktale about a Koi fish. This Koi fish swam upstream, against the current and in the opposite direction of the other fish. On the way up, the other fish would laugh at the Koi because they couldn’t understand why the Koi would want to swim upstream. It was hard. Unnatural. But, at the top, the Koi fish reached a beautifully calm, crystal clear pond. After swimming across this pond, the Koi morphed into a powerful dragon. The journey led to something unexpected and amazing.

I do not know what you want in life. I don’t even fully understand what I want in my life. Nonetheless, if you want to become your very own dragon you have to get ready for the uncomfortable journey up the river, over the mountain or down the road. Nothing worth working for is easy. If you are comfortable in the uncomfortable, starting the next amazing journey can become second nature. It’s so worth it.

We’re Fighting for a World Without Type 1 Diabetes.

Elisabeth Lundgren is Operation Homefront’s 2019 Navy Military Child of the Year. The 19-year-old college student had a 4.6 GPA in high school and did numerous volunteer work with the American Red Cross, EOD Foundation and Cancer Awareness Club. Elisabeth says she has learned over her lifetime that military kids get to experience many positive things that civilian families do not, which has helped lead to her positive outlook on life.

Lundgren was awarded Most Inspirational Athlete for the whole athletics program at the UCSC awards banquet that she attended with her friends. Submitted photo.

Overcoming

a marriage breakdown

By Jenn Bedard

The stressors of military life, including geographic separations, deployment and frequent relocation, can wear on a marriage with varying outcomes. Spouses say seeking assistance early and developing an individual sense of identity can help fortify relationships.

For Lisa Hylton, a Coast Guard wife, there was a host of factors that shaped the trajectory of her marriage. She was married at 21, right after her husband completed boot camp, feeling the pressure to commit or split; he was given orders

on a cutter and would be at sea for several months at a time.

During that time, Hylton was living at home with her parents in Jacksonville, Florida, and working on a college degree. When her husband completed his first assignment, she quit school and moved with him to Elizabeth City, North Carolina.

“That put a really big problem in our marriage and I started resenting him. … We got married so quick — we never really experienced adult life until we were in our marriage,

away from everyone with little support,” she said.

They separated two years later but decided to stay legally married because it gave them important benefits, like healthcare, plus her strong credit score put him in a better situation.

All the while, they continued living separate lives and pursuing their goals. Hylton completed her degree and established a stronger sense of identity. She and her husband would see each other when he came back home to visit and they maintained a friendship. After two years of separation, they decided to become a couple again. The space they gave each other to grow as individuals was essential for their marriage.

Hylton explains that, in the early years of their marriage, “I resented [my husband] because I felt like I was forced to give up my life to follow him around. And then after I started my career and doing what

The Hylton family. Submitted photo.

Kyle and Lisa Hylton. Submitted photo.

made me happy, we were kind of working together toward common goals, he supported me, I supported him, instead of me just giving up everything, it made me happier and ultimately made us happier.”

Navy veteran Tara Glenn met her first husband in Pensacola, Florida, while she was in A-school and he was working at the pharmacy.

When she transferred elsewhere, they kept in touch and developed a relationship. After they married in November of 2011, Glenn transitioned to the reserves and moved to Pensacola to be with him.

He deployed and they had a child, but things turned sour when her husband volunteered for an assignment in Albany, Georgia. Glenn was unhappy and could not find satisfying work. She felt resentment towards him, which caused him to be angry in return. They found themselves in a marriage riddled with conflict and unrest.

In

2017, she asked for a divorce.

Glenn spent a lot of time reflecting on their marriage to learn more about herself and to identify ways she had contributed to their problems. She committed to treating her ex-husband with greater kindness and their relationship improved. Both are now remarried and they are successfully coparenting their two biological children. It has worked well for them because both of their new spouses are involved and supportive of the way that she and her exhusband want to raise their kids.

Glenn adds that she and her exhusband never considered seeking outside support while struggling in their marriage because they didn’t know of any resources available to them.

The Department of Defense provides free non-medical counseling for military families through Military OneSource and Military and Family Life Counseling . Military OneSource offers round-the-clock services through the call center and website, while the MFLC program provides services face-to-face in the community. These programs offer flexibility in terms of access and confidentiality. Because the services involve non-medical counseling, use is not documented in a service member’s health record. In addition, the various modalities of access give service members and their families a great deal of privacy.

Lee Kelley, director of Military Community Support Programs, recognizes that seeking help is difficult.

“Universally speaking, it’s hard for any one of us to acknowledge a problem in a relationship … we wait until it escalates and becomes a more significant issue. My greatest recommendation for any relationship experiencing challenges

is to head it off at the beginning. Ask for help early. Ask for help often,” she said.

For families who are not yet ready to seek external intervention, Military OneSource offers several resources. The first is a self-help tool called Love Every Day, which uses text prompts for 21 days to encourage people in a relationship to reflect on their partnership. There is also specialty consultation through Building Healthy Relationships, a curriculum designed to focus on communication skills that can be conducted through video chat or by phone.

Hylton advises anyone struggling in a marriage to “get counseling. Talk to someone. If I had found out what the root problem was in our marriage, we probably wouldn’t have had so much heartbreak. … I didn’t talk to anyone and I wish I did.”

Glenn echoes this same sentiment, urging others to “seek out help early before things get really bad. If you don’t, you might not want help when you finally can get it.”

Tara Glenn, a Navy veteran, with her son. Submitted photo.

Switching seasons and ingredients

By Amy Pottinger

It’s fall, y’all. Apparently, that is how I have to say it now that the military has relocated us to the south. Whether you call the north, south, east or west home, a change of season is in the air.

Close your eyes and picture the smells and scents of fall, like apples, cinnamon, pumpkin, squash, slow cooker meals, roasted vegetables and hearty dishes that fill your belly. I know, I know. Somewhere in your imaginary fall food landscape also resides the ever-so-popular pumpkin spice latte.

Don’t get me wrong, I also love a PSL — that’s what us basic girls call a pumpkin spice latte — but for now, I am going to set artificially-

flavored ingredients aside and serve you actual real food with actual real ingredients of cranberries, apples, pesto and more.

Today we are going to make a luxuriously rich and velvety roasted butternut squash soup with a fall harvest fruit panini. This is one of my husband’s favorites, and the two go really well together. Of course, you do not have to make both at the same time, but I highly recommend it.

ROASTED BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

2 butternut squash, peeled and diced into 1-2-inch cubes

1 sweet onion, sliced into 1-inch thick medallions

4 small or 2 medium Granny Smith apples, cut into large pieces

1 parsnip, peeled and sliced into 1-inch thick pieces

2-3 “thumbs” ginger

6-9 cloves of garlic

2 tablespoons olive oil

4 cups vegetable broth

1 can full fat Thai coconut milk (or heavy whipping cream)

¼ cup + 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup

2 teaspoon sea salt

1 ½ teaspoon cinnamon

¼ tsp nutmeg

A pinch of cayenne

Begin by cutting the fruits and vegetables to the sizes specified above.

Bake in the oven at 400 F for 60 minutes, turning occasionally if anything on the edges or tops browns too much.

Once everything has roasted in the oven, carefully scoop about half into a powerful quality blender (like a Vitamix) and puree with half of the vegetable broth. Transfer the contents of a blender to a large pot.

Continue this process again with

the second half of the vegetables and the other two cups of vegetable broth, also emptying into a pot.

On medium heat, add the canned coconut milk to the pot. I mentioned above that you can use half and half or heavy whipping cream. Those are totally fine substitutes, but I really love the flavor the coconut milk adds.

Add the maple syrup, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg and cayenne and continue to stir on a low medium heat for 20 minutes or so, until all of the flavors have cooked together.

FALL HARVEST FRUIT PANINI

1 loaf sliced sourdough bread

1 cup pesto (I have a great one on the blog if you want to check it out)

1-2 Honey Crisp or Granny Smith apples

3 tablespoons mayonnaise

1 1/2 cup dried cranberries (give or take)

1 package of turkey lunch meat

8 ounces smoked gouda

16 ounces fresh mozzarella, pre-sliced into medallions

Butter for bread

Begin by spreading a thin layer of butter onto one side of the bread.

Combine pesto and mayo in a small bowl. Spread the pesto mayo onto the non-buttery side of the bread.

Lightly sprinkle some cranberries onto one pesto side and thinly sliced apples onto the other.

Add sliced gouda onto one side and fresh mozzarella onto the other.

Pick either side for the turkey to go on and add to a pan that is on medium-low heat, or a panini press

if you have one. Cook until the cheese is all melty and ooey gooey and press together.

Cut down the middle and serve with soup.

Association creates network for foreign-born military spouses

By Brunella Costagliola

The Foreign Military Spouse Association is an organization founded by Juliette Ramberg de Ruyter in 2018, and it aims to help, support and guide foreign-born military spouses as they adjust to life in the United States. With over 700 members who come from 60 different countries, the group embraces and celebrates diversity within the military community.

Beginnings

Ramberg de Ruyter, who is from Sweden, moved to the U.S. after

marrying her American service member. However, she was quickly forced to face the reality of military life when her Marine husband had to deploy soon after she arrived in the country.

“I had to learn how to drive, pay the bills and get a job on my own. It took me about seven months before I was granted permission to work in the U.S., which was my ticket into the American society,” she said.

Learning to navigate, understand and adapt to American life wasn’t

easy for Ramberg de Ruyter, who noticed that even though the military offered help through many different organizations, there wasn’t one catering exclusively to foreign military spouses who, aside from facing the same problems as other military spouses, also have to deal with immigration issues and language barriers.

Longing to meet others who could truly understand and relate to what she was going through, Ramberg de Ruyter decided to find other people in similar circumstances.

“Once I started to find other foreign spouses, I realized that no matter where we come from, we all face very similar challenges as immigrants and military spouses. What started as three or four spouses sharing

Coffee meetup with FMSA members in Alexandria, VA. France, Germany, Sweden and Italy represented. Submitted photo.

experiences at Starbucks on Camp Pendleton, grew into a community determined to connect, support and empower foreign-born military spouses and their families,” Ramberg de Ruyter said.

Adapting to a new life

FMSA’s mission is to gather and share “important information and resources that help foreign military spouses adapt and thrive.” Unfortunately, problems and challenges faced by foreign military spouses are many and varied, including the high immigration fees, which according to Ramberg de Ruyter reach $4,000 on average.

However, bureaucracy costs are not the only concern. In fact, the language barrier can also pose a tough obstacle to overcome.

“With my current job, I need to call multiple people and verify their insurance information, but I try to avoid calling anyone as I they will think of me as scammer and will be very rude to me,” Sweta Patel, who is from India, said.

Marine Black, from France, studied English in school for many years, so she felt confident in her language skills until she realized that she knew British English, not American English.

“It was extremely frustrating because I thought I had the language down but I didn’t. Some things like ‘the alarm went off’ actually meant that the alarm started rather than stopped,” Black explained.

Even when English is the native language, foreign spouses can have a hard time being understood. For example, Elena Thompson, who is from Australia, said that she felt forced to Americanize her accent

due to her “speaking too fast and people were constantly telling me to slow down. On the telephone was the worst, I’d answer the phone and people would just hang up.”

Diversity

Aside from helping its members through the many challenges of both immigrant and military life, the FMSA also brings the world to the military community.

“With spouses from all across the globe, we are a resourceful and vibrant asset to the military community and we take pride in sharing our stories and cultures. If our neighbor from Alaska is about to PCS to Italy, we can connect them with our members that speak the language and understand what it is like to live in that country. If an office on base needs a translator or a cultural interpreter — we are there to help,” Ramberg de Ruyter said.

While Ramberg de Ruyter is

actively seeking “organizations and individuals that are interested in helping us build and grow FMSA,” she also focuses on turning FMSA into a “non-profit organization dedicated to supporting and empowering foreign-born military spouses and their families.”

Each FMSA member makes the organization what it is because each member has “their unique story on how they met and fell in love with a U.S. service member,” Ramberg de Ruyter said.

She added that FMSA members “share stories about our cultures, cuisines, holidays and more. Some of our members even organize play dates so that their kids — or service members — can pick up another language. The diversity is what makes our community special.”

FMSA Founder Juliette Ramberg de Ruyter and her husband 2nd Lt Jacob Matney. Submitted photo.

Mental health triggers of deployment

By Tiffany Lawrence

Depression is a common and serious illness that negatively effects how a person feels, thinks and acts, according to the American Psychiatric Association. Although more than 300 million people worldwide suffer from depression, some are still hesitant to admit they struggle with it because of the stigma it carries.

When someone is predisposed to depression, what impact does military life, more specifically deployments, have on their illness?

Sara White, a military spouse and mom of four, recently opened up about her diagnosis on Facebook. She shares how finding the right balance of self-care and medication brought her out of her funk and back to enjoying her family and the military life she loves.

White was predisposed to having

depression and anxiety. In her teen years she was diagnosed with anxiety, but it wasn’t until her husband’s first deployment that her depressive symptoms fully manifested.

White recalls, “I was 23 years old. The doctor saw me for only ten minutes then diagnosed me with post traumatic stress syndrome, obsessive compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety. He threw a bunch of medication at me.”

While taking the medicine, White was asked if she felt better. “I don’t feel anxious or depressed. … I don’t feel anything.” In fact, she describes it as feeling, “very nothing.”

After her husband returned from deployment, she became pregnant and had to stop using everything that was prescribed so she looked to self-care options as an alternative. This included yoga, meditation,

walks and focusing on her breathing.

It worked. She felt great, even after giving birth. She continued her selfcare routine and became pregnant with their second baby.

Deployment and mental health

Military medical research reveals pregnant women with a militarydeployed spouse have increased risk of depression and self-reported stress.

White’s second child was born two days after her husband deployed.

“Looking back, I can say I was wildly depressed. But I absolutely didn’t get treatment. I didn’t have the time,” she said.

White didn’t want to tell the doctor that she was, “thinking of leaving the house and not coming back.” She didn’t want to say she “didn’t love being a mom and didn’t like her kids.”

She was afraid she’d be reported. So, she silently suffered through it.

There are terms used in the military spouse community like “holding down the home front” or “being resilient.” While these are valid descriptions of the support spouses provide, they can also keep them from admitting they are having a hard time coping with the military lifestyle.

White’s husband is an EOD technician. Since their marriage nine years ago, he has deployed four times. After noticing how depression impacted his wife, he offered to turn down an assignment due to his family needing him. However, she declined his offer.

White admits that she didn’t want to be seen as “one of those women who was unstable and couldn’t handle her husband being gone.”

When it comes to staying in the military, Marine Staff Sgt. White says it’s always going to be about what’s best for my family. Submitted photo.

She felt pressured to be strong.

Finding support

One thing White attributes to helping her during deployments is having a battle buddy.

“I try finding a new battle buddy every deployment. I want to help someone. There’s nothing like a first deployment because you don’t know what it’s going to be like,” she explained.

Military spouses, Nikki Kling and Danielle Scarpello, who are also wives of EOD technicians, are part of White’s support system.

“I always feel like I’m the only one aggravated about deployment, until Sara says something. Then I don’t feel so alone. She constantly makes me laugh which absolutely helped,” Scarpello said.

Kling adds, “Being an EOD wife has it’s unique challenges regardless of whether our spouse is on a deployment or not. My friendship with Sara began at a perfect time, as my husband and I were getting ready to embark on our second deployment.”

Both Kling and Scarpello didn’t know about White’s depression for a while, but Scarpello said she wished she did so that she could have helped her.

The transitions of military life continue

By 2017, White gave birth to twins and they became a family of six. Then, a year later, the White family relocated to Hawaii. Other than a one-year training, this was their first move and she was leaving the place where she grew up.

“A week after we got to Hawaii my husband deployed. I was alone in a

Support Our Veterans

The DAV Charitable Service Trust helps fulfill a focused and noble purpose: empowering veterans to lead high-quality lives with respect and dignity. It supports programs and initiatives that improve the quality of life for veterans, their caregivers and families.

new place with four kids,” she said. “That was the worst depression I’ve ever had. I gained 30 lbs. in three months and I was miserable.”

White’s time was filled with isolation, constant sobbing, grieving family and friends she’d left, and a general lack of interest in life. She didn’t care what she ate or how she looked. Her husband spoke with her about seeing a psychiatrist and when her mother came for a visit, she finally had the time.

“This new doctor listened to me for two hours,” she said. The psychiatrist worked with her to find a good balance of medication that fit her life,

but it wasn’t a one step process.

She offers advice to others who can relate to her experience:

1. Don’t believe the myth that your depression will negatively affect your spouse’s career. The military wants us to be healthy and strong and offers resources.

2. Make a battle buddy. Have them over for coffee and scones and tell them to be your friend.

3. Lean on your spouse. I never want to be a burden, but I have to remember that he chose to marry me just like he chose to be a Marine.

CFC #11322

More than 96 cents out of every DOLLAR went directly to support programs that help veterans and their families.

Programs supported by the Trust

AFTER THE MILITARY

By Kate Horrell

Leaving the military means making a lot of decisions — big decisions — often in a short period of time. One important decision, thankfully, doesn’t have a time limit: What should you do with the balance in your Thrift Savings Plan account?

Several myths and rumors surround the answer to that question, with plenty of salesmen wanting you to believe that you should move your money out of the TSP. Five clear options exist for service members and their TSP account assets after transitioning from the military. Even though there’s no single answer for everyone, three choices are more optimal for most people, and two choices are less right for most people.

The usually-better options include:

1. Leave the money in your TSP account.

2. Roll your TSP account balance into an Individual Retirement Arrangement.

3. Roll your TSP account balance into your new employer’s 401(k) plan.

The rarely-better options include:

4. Withdraw your TSP account balance in a lump sum.

5. Transfer your TSP account balance to a qualified annuity.

Leave the balance in your TSP account

Once you have a TSP account, you can leave your money in there until you have to take required minimum distributions. There is no requirement to move it anywhere, at any time. In fact, most military-savvy financial planners recommend that you leave your retirement funds in TSP.

“As an entering argument, we don’t advocate doing anything different with your TSP,” says Sean Gillespie of Redeployment Wealth Strategies “Just because you can’t contribute to it any more doesn’t mean you have to move it. And with low cost being one of the leading predictors of maximizing your returns, it’s darned difficult to do better than you will with TSP.”

Pros: Leaving your money in the TSP is by far the easiest option,

and it’s a good option for many situations. The TSP has very, very low fees. You can move the money elsewhere later. TSP understands tax-free contributions from a Combat Zone Tax Exclusion. You can roll new money from other qualified plans into your TSP account to take advantage of the low costs.

Cons: TSP offers limited distribution options, though they are scheduled to expand this fall. You have limited investment options in TSP. You can’t roll from Traditional TSP to Roth TSP, so if you are trying to move your Traditional money into Roth accounts, it will have to be out of TSP. You can’t take multiple partial withdrawals out of your TSP account.

Roll your TSP balance into an Individual Retirement Arrangement

Pros: You have total control of how you invest your money, and unlimited investment options. You can still roll the money into a 401 (k) in the future. You can convert money that is currently in a Traditional account into a Roth account, but it will be a taxable event. And it’s really nice to put everything in one place!

Cons: IRAs don’t have any loan options, and will probably have higher fees.

Roll your TSP balance into your new employer’s 401 (k) plan

Pros: Moving your TSP balance will streamline your accounts, and that balance will be available for borrowing with a 401 (k) loan. (But don’t do it!)

Cons: Most 401 (k) plans have higher costs than TSP. You’ll still be

limited to the investment options in the new plan. There may be a waiting period to participate in your new employer’s 401 (k). Not all 401 (k) plans have a Roth option.

Forrest Baumhover, a certified financial planner with Lawrence Financial Planning , suggests caution when moving your TSP to a 401(k).

“When you leave military service, don’t be quick to jump out of TSP. It has better and lower-cost investment options than 401 (k) plans.”

Withdraw your TSP account balance in a lump sum

Pros: Cash in hand.

Cons: Withdrawing money from your TSP account may be subject to withdrawal penalties (10%) and taxes (probably in the 20% range). More importantly, you’ll lose all future earnings on that money, and you can’t replace that money into a tax-advantaged account because they have yearly contribution limits.

Transfer your TSP account balance to a qualified annuity

Pros: Predictable, guaranteed income stream for life.

Cons : It is a permanent decision. There may be high fees involved. You may not get anywhere near the full value of your contribution. If it isn’t indexed for inflation, the purchasing power of your monthly benefit will decrease each year.

This is a relatively short overview and can’t possibly cover every possible situation. As with everything, there are exceptions and nuances for many different scenarios. If you are considering

moving your TSP to another investment, you may find value in consulting a financial advisor to figure out which choice is right for you and your specific situation.

Lacey Langford , AFC ®, The Military Money Expert ®, suggests several reasons why you might want to consider using a fee-only financial

planner vs. the advisor offered through a bank, insurance company or investment company.

“Fee-only allows you to have a clear picture of what you’re paying for and how the advisor is being compensated for the advice and recommendations they’re giving you,” Langford added.

OPERATION HEAL OUR PATRIOTS

Operation Heal Our Patriots® provides combat-wounded veterans and their spouses with a week of Biblically based marriage enrichment classes surrounded by the beauty of the Alaskan wilderness, as well as ongoing chaplain care. This Samaritan’s Purse ministry is just one example of how we are helping to meet the physical and spiritual needs of hurting people across the globe in Jesus’ Name.

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CFC #10532

Choosing where to invest your dollars

With thousands of organizations in need of support, how can donors trust that their dollars will be used impactfully? Just like any other investment, the answer is simple: research.

Charity Navigator is just one tool to learn more about the organizations you are passionate about. It evaluates charities in the U.S., providing data on over 1.8 million nonprofits, according to its website. With so many places sharing similar missions, like a focus on military and veterans, “research allows you to both decide on a set of organizations that will respect your contribution and communicate updates to you, as well as to give you the peace of mind that your dollar is going furthest,” Sara Nason, former Head of Consumer Innovation and Engagement for Charity Navigator, says.

What exactly should donors look for? Nason shares three tips:

mi s sion of s e rving our nation by honoring our de f enders, W h ether building specially adapted smart homes for wounded families, l i f ting spirits at home and abroad wit h a live concert put on by Gary S inise and the Lt. Dan B and, or brin g in g WW I I veteran s to the National WWII Museum in New Or l eans, the Gary Sinise F o undati o n serves America’s h eroes and their loved ones with a host o f year-round programming

1. Check Charity Navigator to see if the organization is rated by us. If you’re not sure where to start on our site, and haven’t found a charity yet, take a look at our Discover page to get some inspiration. Charity Navigator’s rating system breaks down nonprofit practices into two primary categories: Financial Health and Accountability & Transparency. We rate charities

on a scale of zero to four stars in each category (with a different set of metrics for each) and then provide an overall star rating, as well.

2. Check in with the charity to see if they’re able to communicate their goals, results, and work currently being done. If the organization isn’t willing or able to have that conversation with you, you’re more likely to be better served by giving to another organization.

3. Even after you’ve given, check in six months after your donation to get a progress report from the charity on their work. If you like what they’re doing, consider supporting them for the long-term.

She adds that there are also misconceptions when it comes to deciding if an organization is investing donor dollars in the ‘right place.’

“It varies person-by-person, as each donor wants something different out of their donation. Donate to where it feels right, but we recommend avoiding what’s called the Overhead Myth — only giving to charities that spend the vast bulk of their revenue on programs. While supporting programs/ services is absolutely important, you also want to make sure that the programs/services are run by effective employees who have the resources at their fingertips to move the organization along. Otherwise, the work the organization is hoping to do won’t get done well,” Nason explained.

Charity Navigator uses a mix of information to make conclusions about an organization, including IRS data and the charity’s own website.

VISIT

https://www. charitynavigator.org to learn more about the organizations you are passionate about.

BREAST

AND PABC By the Numbers

1 IN 3,000

women will be diagnosed with pregnancyassociated breast cancer, which is defined as a breast cancer diagnosis during or within one year of pregnancy.

Finding cures. Saving children.®

32 YEARS AND 38 YEARS

Delays in breast cancer diagnosis of pregnant and lactating women are common, with an average reported delay of

5 TO 15 25%

months from the onset of symptoms

of mammograms in pregnancy may be negative in the presence of cancer and a biopsy is needed to diagnosis.

Three standard treatment options

exist for breast cancer: surgery, systemic therapy (chemotherapy, hormone therapy, targeted agents) and radiation.

Information obtained from Dr. Meena S. Moran, Professor of Therapeutic Radiology and Director of the Yale Breast Radiology Program, and the National Institute of Cancer.