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Get outside the gate

Many of the findings from this year’s Blue Star Families’ survey had the same message for me: service members and military spouses feel like they don’t have a place for support. Sure, there are a plethora of programs for everything you can imagine, but I’m talking about in the day-to-day hustle of life; in the moments when you don’t want to face the rest of the day or the hill waiting in front of you. Families are feeling isolated when they logout of social media and have to live in person.

There were 11,000 voices who weighed in on the questions. One statistic found 40% of military family respondents do not feel a sense of belonging to their local civilian community. We have long heard about the divide, but what this piece of data tells me is families feel like they have to go at it alone. How can we change that narrative? Engage.

I’ve grown up my entire adult life near a base — minus a three-year stint for my husband’s recruiting duty assignment. It was rare to meet another spouse at the city council meeting or at the out-in-town events. All too often, we view a duty station as a temporary stop in our lives, and who wants to invest in short term? What if we changed our

Contributors for this issue

thinking here and really dig in to our home-for-now? What if we took a seat on the civic affairs committee or board of ed; attended the local chamber of commerce networking events or an in-person class at the community college? Let them see us. Let them know us.

Lila Quintiliani

Crystal Kupper

Jessica Manfre

Tiffany Lawrence

Jimmy Norris

Noëlle Boyer

Stephanie Montague

Amy Pottinger

Taylor McBride

Jennifer Pasquale

Tre McBride on the field of the LA Wildcats stadium in California.

Photo by LA Wildcats/XFL.

What is one place in your area where you can show up? Submit your comments on the topic to managing.editor@ameriforcemedia.com.

Bianca

The Blue Star Families survey release event was held at the American Red Cross in Washington, D.C.

Dependabros do it their way

By Jessica Manfre

by Jimmy Norris

Military Families Magazine by AmeriForce Media, LLC, is published 12 times a year for active duty service members and their families. Copies are available through participating family service centers, relocation offices, transition offices, base lodges, libraries, daycare centers, MWR activities and other locations by request. Unit distribution requests can be made online at www.AmeriForceMedia.com/ mf/print-magazines/

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Growing up military

By Taylor McBride

When I try to think of one distinct word to describe my experience growing up as a military child, it is quite the challenge. This was perplexing for me because I knew exactly how I felt, but I could not pinpoint it. I soon realized this was because the emotions and circumstances that come with this lifestyle are so complex. If anything, growing up in the military is a multidimensional experience. There are so many sides to this story and they all are equally important. Each one serves its own purpose, but together they ultimately helped shape me into the person I am today.

It is always interesting to hear people’s reactions when I tell them about my life, so I often forget those around me can’t really relate to or imagine it. This is especially apparent when I tell them my father has spent most of my life living separately from my family and me. On average, a family spends two to four years in one location before they are reassigned. From what I have seen and experienced, this is one of the toughest challenges of being a military child. When you’re young, you’re vulnerably finding yourself and building relationships with the people around you. This seems like the normal thing to do, but for military kids it can be scary. Often, they have to leave everything behind and learn to adjust to new friends and environments.

This part of my military story is quite different from most, though. I remember when my parents explained to me and my brother that my dad was going to move without us. Typically, a soldier being relocated unquestionably meant the entire family. However, my parents had a different vison for our lives; a vison built on selflessness and sacrifice. All military families are familiar with sacrifice, but this particular one framed my experience. Being so young, I did

not fully understand the capacity of this situation. As I grew older, I realized the motivation for this decision was rooted in a deep, indescribable love for family.

My father suggested we stay in one place so that our house could become a home and my mother agreed. They wanted us to have the opportunity to build lifetime friendships and unforgettable memories while maintaining a strong sense of stability. On the

other hand, this would mean we would have to go long periods of time being apart. It would mean one less goodnight kiss or one less voice cheering my name during a game. This was undeniably hard at times. Nonetheless, knowing just how dearly my dad loved us and how I felt his presence even when he wasn’t there kept me moving forward.

As I got older, my thoughts shifted away from how I felt and more to how he felt. I always wondered how he was really doing or even what he ate for dinner. I missed him. Luckily, I grew up in the age of technology so skype and phone calls were my best friend. Distance was no defeat for a love and bond so strong.

These feelings of wonder grew much stronger during deployment. We know it’s a part of the job, but it never really gets easier. I was about seven years old the first time my dad got deployed after I was born. I had the advantage of a young and pure mind that was mostly hopeful and full of faith. I placed a lot of trust in the simple fact that I truly believed that my dad would be ok. The second time my dad was deployed, I was a bit older and my thought process was not as simple. I was more in touch with the realities and possibilities of the situation, but two things remained the same: faith and family. When my thoughts got the best of me, I tried to reconnect with the hope I felt so strongly as a little kid. When that didn’t work, I looked to my family and friends and they showed up every time.

1. Practice mindfulness and focus on living in the present.

Your thoughts can become invasive under difficult circumstances. Let your thoughts be, but do not let them overcome you. Your mind belongs to you, not you to it. Focus on existing in and embracing the present moment.

2. Keep friends that you can trust close by your side.

I know, this one can be tricky if you’re moving around all the time. But if you’re open to it, you are bound to come across that one special friend if not more. Stay connected and let them be there for you. Have fun and love hard. My best friend is like a sister to me and I couldn’t imagine doing it without her.

3. Hug your loved ones just a little tighter. They need you too.

Always reflect on the things you have to be grateful for. Your family members probably share some of the same emotions that you feel. When your parent or sibling comes to hug you because they think you need it, chances are it is them who needs it most in that moment. Always be there.

4. Stay involved at school, in sports, or activities.

This can help you manage any stress you feel and maintain a good head space. It’s also a really easy way to make friends. Get active. Read a book. Stay busy and healthy, but not so busy you forget to breathe and relax.

5. Take advantage of technology.

When your parent is away, technology will be your best friend. Now that we have applications like Facetime, we can get as close as possible to our loved ones. Utilize these tools even if it’s a simple good morning text or a random picture of you during the day. This is also perfect for keeping in touch with the friends you move away from.

6. Be open minded and try to approach new adventures with a positive mindset.

You will likely be moving a lot. If this is the case, it is completely normal to feel upset or anxious. Although I did not have to, I know this is hard. But remember, this feeling will not last forever. Imagine how many new people you’ll meet and places you’ll go. Be receptive and you never know what the universe will present you.

Growing up military is not easy, but the life skills, experiences, adventures, and strength you gain from it are worthwhile. If you’re a younger kid seeking guidance from someone you can relate to, here is the advice I give you from the bottom of my heart:

tips for saving money when you’re broke 5

By Lila Quintiliani, AFC®, Military Saves Program Manager

The concept of saving money can seem daunting when you feel like you just don’t have any to spare. At Military Saves, we say “Start Small, Think Big” and that’s not just a meaningless tagline — by saving a few dollars each pay period, you can gradually build up your emergency fund and, more importantly, can get into the habit and mindset of saving.

Here are some ways you can save money even when you don’t think you have any:

1. Try shelf cooking. More month than paycheck? Or maybe you just want to cut back on your grocery bill this month. Now is the perfect time to try using up what you already have in your pantry, or “shelf cooking.” There are multiple websites and lots of videos devoted to shelf cooking, and I think that every military family has tried it to one degree or another when cleaning out their pantry prior to PCS’ing to a new duty station.

2. Join a buy nothing/freecycle group. Almost every area in the U.S., and many communities overseas, have a group dedicated to giving away (and getting) stuff for free. Over the years, I’ve acquired outside play equipment, electronics, and fabric for projects. I’ve also given away furniture, car parts we no longer needed, clothes, and toys.

The point is, before you buy something, chances are there is someone who was just about to donate or even toss something similar. Each group has its own rules, so make sure you check them out before posting your “wants” and “needs.”

3. Get rid of memberships and subscriptions. We’ve all done it — signed up for a service or a membership we were sure we’d use and then, well, we haven’t really used it. Take a hard look at all your memberships, from warehouse clubs and gyms to Apple music, Google storage, and streaming services. Cut back those you don’t use. And if it’s a really tough month, you can consider doing away temporarily with other services you do use until you’re back on your feet.

4. Have a staycation or a stay date. Going out to eat is expensive these days. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average American spends nearly $3,500 on eating out each year. So, go ahead, cook some pasta or bake a frozen pizza and watch one of the DVDs or Blu-rays; or play a board game with a group of friends, camp out in the backyard or act like a tourist and

take free walking tours of the city you live in.

5. Take advantage of FREE resources. Sure, there are lots of military discounts out there, but discounts involve *spending* money. So, what’s even better than a discount? Free! Both the installation library and your local library have tons of free resources aside from the usual books and magazines. Many libraries have movies, TV shows, gaming systems, games, and even WiFi hot spots you can check out. And most libraries host free events, like yoga classes, storytelling, writers’ workshops, and citizenship classes.

Local communities also host no-cost opportunities. Get on the mailing list or subscribe to the social media feeds for nearby areas.

Once you’ve saved money, even if it’s a few dollars, put it away in an FDIC-insured bank account, preferably one that is interest bearing and is separate from your regular checking account. Get into the savings habit and automatically transfer a portion of your paycheck to your savings each month.

Want more savings tips? Check out 54 Ways to Save Money at militarysaves.org. Then take the Military Saves Pledge and receive inspiration and motivation to build wealth and reduce debt. Join us for Military Saves Month – April 1-30, 2020!

XFL rebooted, McBride reborn

By Crystal Kupper

For the love of football.

The XFL, America’s newest professional football league, kicked off its revived-and-improved season in February. It promises a fan-first experience focused on more action, access and fun, according to its website, and one of its teams holds a connection to the military: No. 15 on the Los Angeles Wildcats’ roster is Tre McBride who has grown up around the Army his whole life.

McBride, a 27-year-old wide receiver, is no stranger to professional

football with previous history in the NFL, but he says he has unfinished business on the field.

“There are still things on my personal checklist that I haven’t had the opportunity to accomplish yet in football, things I want to accomplish as a football player,” McBride said. “As long as my mind and body are right, I’m going to continue to pursue it.”

The former William & Mary standout bounced around five NFL teams — three of those on practice/

offseason squads — beginning with the Tennessee Titans after a seventhround draft pick in 2015. Prior to the start of the XFL’s 2020 season, he was traded to the Wildcats from the DC Defenders. McBride, as he has always been, is ready to play.

Military movements

Before football, however, came the military — and McBride the athlete really can’t give you his full story without starting at McBride the Army brat.

Born at Fort Hood, Texas, McBride’s military roots are right there in his legal name: Douglas McArthur McBride III (hence the “Tre”). Tre’s grandfather, the first Douglas McArthur McBride, fought in Vietnam, while his father joined the Army in 1989 — and is still serving. Brig. Gen. Douglas M. McBride, Jr. is currently the 55th Quartermaster General Commandant at the U.S. Army Quartermaster School at Fort Lee, Virginia.

“I believe there are only a few in the world like him,” says the youngest McBride, an obvious note of pride in his voice.

McBride moved to McDonough, Georgia when he was in middle school with his sister, Taylor, and mother, Pamela. This move gave him and Taylor a “home base” while their father, whom McBride calls Pops, transferred from assignment to assignment.

Living apart from his father “had its challenges,” McBride says, but his mother “did a great job being both parents for us when my dad couldn’t.” Though the future footballer didn’t know it, watching his dad move around approximately a half-dozen times was good preparation for his own future.

“It wasn’t too bad,” he said. “I did what I could as a young pup to help my mom out the best I could.”

He helped football fans, too, when he headed to the College of William & Mary. McBride’s overall quickness and his 6-feet, 200-pound frame powered him to the school record for most all-purpose yards in a game his senior year (359 against Villanova).

Though McBride felt no pressure from his father to enter military service — “He was supportive in whatever endeavor I chose,” the younger McBride says — he did spend two years in William & Mary’s JROTC program.

“I’m glad I did it; that experience was unlike any other I’ve ever had,” he said. “It was one of the most fulfilling things I have done to date.”

Football future

With a degree in kinesiology in hand, McBride signed with Tennessee in 2015 and earned his lone NFL touchdown as a Titan. Two years later, he moved to the Chicago Bears, and from there, he spent time with the New York Jets, Washington Redskins and finally the Jacksonville Jaguars.

“Football has made me a journeyman,” he shrugs. “This latter part of my professional life has felt a bit rootless.”

Strong words from a lifelong military kid — but McBride isn’t ready to quit blooming.

“I’ve spent a good amount of time in the NFL on active rosters and practice squads, and through those years I’ve gained experience on how to be a professional,” he explained. “You gain a certain savviness, and as you get older you start to learn the finer points of the game.”

Get ready, Los Angeles, because McBride and his 4.37-second 40yard dash are bringing those finer points to your city.

“It feels great here,” he laughs. “I mean, the sunshine! It’s California!”

Even California boys have their growing pains, though, and the new Wildcat knows the XFL’s first season back will be no different. With eight teams playing 10 nationally-televised games and a two-week postseason, alongside several rule variations from the NFL, the XFL aims to shorten game time to two and a half hours and increase the percentage of minutes spent in active play.

Given the previous XFL’s oneseason burst, long-term success isn’t guaranteed.

“Nothing is going to be perfect about the league for the first few years,”

McBride said. “There are some obstacles that are going to come up, but it’s exciting to be in the first class of the Los Angeles Wildcats. At its core, it’s still football.”

And despite McBride’s introverted nature, football is all he needs to get competitively fired up. He’s got his sights set on the 2020 XFL playoffs, and he would love to run 1,000 yards on the way. He’s an admitted lover of “quieter settings,” but he’s not above some friendly trash-talk on the field. Whatever it takes to get the job done.

“To be a part of working through the ambiguity of building a championship program, when nobody knows what that looks like — it’s amazing,” McBride said.

Taking what you’ve got, then, and consistently producing excellence. You could say he learned that from his Pops.

Dependabros

do it their way

By Jessica Manfre

Contrary to current popular belief, the male military spouse isn’t a unicorn. They do exist and their everyday struggles are just like every other spouse. Frequent unemployment, lack of childcare, and mental health concerns, to name a few. One group of guys at Ramstein Air Base in Germany decided to come together and change the male military spouse narrative. They call themselves the Dependabros.

It was Ryan Smith and another male Air Force spouse, Michael Hall, who started the group in 2017 at the suggestion of a friend and fellow male spouse, Dave Etter.

“There wasn’t anything geared towards the men and we felt really left out,” Smith said.

Spouses and children of service

members are traditionally called dependents. Being called a “Dependa” implies the military spouse sits at home all day doing nothing while their service member sacrifices everything to keep them comfortable. It’s a derogatory term, but spouses are taking that word back. The Dependabros loved the idea of using it in their group name.

The guys often use humor to uplift spirits. One bit of advice that was given is to not rush a male military spouse at an event like he’s a new puppy. Not only will he be scared of you but he’ll probably never come back. Smith encouraged female spouses to just be welcoming, as everyone is “in the same boat.” Unfortunately, male spouses report low community support.

Not only did the Dependabros feel left out, but they were ignored

completely. Andrew Jones shares a story of what happened when he was at Lackland Air Force Base in Texas.

“My wife had just deployed to Korea for a year and I was alone for the first time with my young boys who were two and three. I reached out to the spouses’ page to try to join and was denied three times. I even tried messaging multiple admins with zero response. I had to rely on help from my coworkers and other friends I made separate from the spouses,” he said. He continued on recalling a night he had to bring both children with him to the hospital in the middle of the night when he was ill because no one was willing to help him with childcare.

Jones’ experience moving to Ramstein and meeting his soon to be Dependabros was completely different. A month after arriving, when his child had a high fever, Etter offered to take him to the doctor.

“There were no questions asked. I never had that in Texas; I had such isolation there,” Jones said. And others in the group share a similar sentiment.

“We’ve become a surrogate family to each other,” Emmanuel Spencer said. Many of the Dependabros tend to also wear another hat: they are veterans.

Spencer, who served in the Marines for nine years, explained shifting to the spouse role was difficult. He found himself without a purpose.

“The first year or more trying to relate to other spouses without previous service was a big disconnect,” he said. Since meeting the Dependabros, though, that has all changed.

Friendships have been proven to increase a sense of belonging, boost happiness, and increase coping abilities. With resiliency being a modern keyword in the military lifestyle, it is the Dependabros intent to build that within. Still it is hard to leave the closeknit group behind and recreate that support at a new duty station, like was the case for Drew Driscoll who recently left Germany to head back to the States.

“When we were leaving, it just seemed like things would just go wrong and then it was like, Dependabro, what do you need,” he said. Driscoll said it didn’t matter what he needed help with, there was never a moment where he didn’t have the full support of this group. It was vital for him.

The Dependabros group has now branched off from Germany to the U.S., with chapters popping up in Colorado and Mississippi. Currently there are a few hundred members of the main Facebook group, with more joining every week. Even if members leave an area with an official group, they stay connected online so they can guide others moving to those areas with a support system.

Male spouses also address misconceptions they’ve faced when it comes to their female counterparts.

“We are not trying to join your

spouses’ groups to find women to hit on; we just want to be included,” Jones shared.

Nathan O’Day, a 21-year-old Air Force veteran and military spouse, expanded on Jones’ response by saying, “Regardless of gender, we are all spouses in the same communities together. We all go through the same struggles; it’s just really important that we are there for each other. It’s a matter of human decency.”

Studies have shown a male spouse may be less likely to seek out help or support than their female counterpart. With frequent assumptions they are the service member and a constant struggle to find their role, the spouse community can take steps to be more inclusive. After all, male spouses — like the Dependabros — are just “dudes being guys.”

Connect with the Dependabros online by visiting https:// www.facebook.com/ groups/368943630192771.

All photos by Allison Burton Photography

From combat to classroom

By Tiffany E. Lawrence

For many veterans, trading in boots for books is an intimidating process, but taking a leap into higher education doesn’t have to be a lonely journey.

Student Veterans of America is a non-profit organization providing support, education and empowerment for 700,000+ U.S. veterans during their transition and time in college. With over 1,500 on-campus chapters, it has worked since 2008 to strengthen veteran inclusion at learning institutions. The organization also offers scholarships and advocates for veteran needs.

Marine Corps Reserve Staff Sgt. Will Hubbard, chief of staff at SVA, has been with the organization in different facets since it began.

“Being in the military, a lot of us have this mentality that no matter

what comes at us we are resilient and we’re going to tackle it head on. And that’s good, but for the purpose of most transitions in life, realizing that you’re not alone is critical,” he said.

Leroy McKenzie is an Air Force veteran and student at the University of Maine at Fort Kent When he decided to pursue college, he had no idea there was a support organization for student veterans. He had a difficult time returning to the classroom as an adult with a family. But after connecting with SVA, he says he found what’s been missing since he left the military: camaraderie, mutual understanding, and support.

Because McKenzie has a reputation of advocating for veterans, the president of his university asked him to take over the university’s SVA chapter. After researching the group he, “realized how beneficial it

is to transitioning students, whether you haven’t been in school for x amount of years or whether you’re coming straight out of the military and into education.”

SVA Chapter President Leroy McKenzie (left) with SVA Program Manager/ Chapter Support Kevin Jenkins (right) at the SVA National Convention, January 2020 in Los Angeles, California.

McKenzie fits into the category of what Hubbard refers to as an “adult student.” While they have more maturity, work experience and experience with finances, they also have families and more responsibilities.

“The biggest struggle that I have is trying to balance the time between my extracurricular activities, my studies, my wife and my two-yearold daughter. It’s a very delicate balance,” McKenzie explained.

Although adult students have more of a challenge finding the time to give to networking and building relationships, they generally take studies more seriously and ultimately are earning higher grade point averages.

“The national average today for any higher education student is about a 3.3. Student veterans are higher at 3.45,” Hubbard said. “And they are studying much more rigorous degrees which are STEM, business or health. They are going after top tier and doing well.”

Because veterans are some of the most successful students in higher education, SVA doesn’t aim to help a group that’s having a hard time, but instead focuses on ways to make student veterans do even better or help them get to that point much sooner.

Hubbard gives five tips for veterans to focus on when returning to the classroom:

Find the right school and major based on your future goals.

Reach out to current student veterans at the school and get advice (Avoid asking advice from those who haven’t transitioned —

their information is incomplete).

Approach school as more than “your next mission,” focusing on good grades and traditional classroom learning is good, but not enough. Get involved and network.

Engage with university administrators, counselors, professors and community leaders.

They are a source of knowledge and experience you rarely find elsewhere.

Invest your time in internships to gain exposure to different career pathways, and to build your mentor network.

“At Oregon State, you really have a connection with the people that help you.”

Taniah Johnson B.S. in Human Development and Family Sciences United States Air Force Okinawa, Japan

SSgt.

Navigating the senior spouse role with toddlers

By Jennifer Pasquale

At our first “mandatory fun” event, I learned names I’d never remember — most of whom seemed so much older (I was 30). When I define “senior spouse,” I think of someone married to a service member in a senior leadership role, or to one well into their second decade of service. There are the couples who’ve committed to being the “old” people in the room.

Early on, it didn’t occur to me that one day we’d be married, still in the military, and become the “old” people but with a young family. Here’s what I wish I’d realized:

It isn’t easier

With each job or promotion, I remember thinking, maybe now the schedule will be more predictable.

Perhaps now the phone won’t ring incessantly. Spoiler alert: False. During those “senior” years, you’ll likely spend more time than expected as a solo-parent. It can be exhausting. Know that you aren’t alone and invest in a tribe that gets it. Remember to build in self-care activities that help you recharge.

Get cozy with “no”

If you want to be involved, that’s awesome! But, being stretched too thin happens a little at a time, with each “yes” that should be a “no.” Say no, unapologetically, to meetings that conflict with your parenting priorities, whether a school function or a nap schedule.

Say yes to activities that matter to you and your service member; ones that help you connect with

the audience you are serving. But, honor your priorities and be comfortable with no. From multiple senior spouses, I’ve heard the same regret, ‘I always wanted to stay home with my kids, but then I gave away some of the most important years to our unit or the community.’ Don’t wait for permission to make the choices that bring you peace.

Bring the kids

There are an infinite number of ways to teach kids about selfless service, about giving back. It could mean dragging kids to events they don’t want to attend so they can witness firsthand what it means to volunteer, give and support.

You can bet, it’s not always pretty. Your tiny human might be in a teething-induced lousy mood or got

in the car with only one shoe (true story). You know what? It’s fine! It’s better than fine, it’s real. Never underestimate the impact of bringing your military kid to a low-key unit function. Showing others that it’s ok can provide them some peace about their own choice to do so.

Build a bench (and a budget)

To host or attend events sans-kiddo, budget for childcare. And build a babysitter bench — a backup for your backup. Childcare costs can add up! Cut costs by hiring a sitter to grab the kids halfway through an event instead of before you leave the house, swap with another senior spouse, or use the less expensive onpost hourly care, if available.

Be a team

Ensure you and your service member are committed to the same priorities for you and your family. In the end, that is all that matters. Tip: If in a leadership role, get on your spouse’s work calendar during their duty day. It’s a great way to have unit conversations at work, while protecting personal time for parenting conversations.

Don’t be superhuman

Often, as senior spouses — and as parents — we place unnecessary expectations on ourselves to have it all together or have all the answers. We view ourselves as the helpers, not the helped. Courage comes in many forms, and communities thrive on connection. Don’t be afraid to show others your struggles and your solutions. Be the example of what it looks like to lean on your tribe.

CMSAF’s blueprint for perseverance

By Jimmy Norris

Chief Master Sgt. of the Air Force Kaleth O. Wright wasn’t always on a path to the Air Force’s top enlisted position. As a young airman in the early 1990s, he was, in his own words, a “bad apple.” He describes himself as having been undisciplined with a bad attitude. He got in fights and was frequently late for work as a result of nights spent drinking.

“I really wasn’t doing well at all,” Wright said during a phone interview.

The intervention of a mentor changed that. A technical sergeant named Joe Winbush took an interest in Wright and helped shape his career and outlook on life. Wright says he came to see Winbush as a father figure and still maintains a relationship with him.

“Pops” — as Wright came to call Winbush — treated him like family, held him accountable for his actions and encouraged him to become more than just a bad apple.

“The years under his wing — his tutelage — really made me not just the NCO, but the man I am today,” Wright said.

It was Winbush who encouraged Wright to join the honor guard at Pope Air Force Base, North Carolina, which he credits as one of the formative experiences in his career.

“That was a game-changing experience for me. I had to do just a ton of memorial services, a ton of funerals for veterans, and one in particular I got to present the U.S. flag to a spouse,” Wright said. “I locked eyeballs with the spouse. Right

then I decided that I needed to take my life and my career more seriously. That was the beginning of my transformation from a bad apple to trying to make something of myself.”

Wright’s career included stops in Korea, Japan, Germany and Alaska. He’s had combat deployments in Operations Desert Storm, Desert Shield and Enduring Freedom. He’s earned numerous academic degrees and professional certifications. But his rise to the top of his profession wasn’t without obstacles.

At one point, while a senior master sergeant, Wright got into a verbal altercation with a chief master sergeant during which Wright said some “unprofessional things.” The result was a bad performance report without a senior rater’s endorsement.

Chief Master Sgt. of the Air Force Kaleth O. Wright speaks with more than 400 military and civilian personnel at Hanscom Air Force Base, Massachusetts.

Photo by Mark Herlihy.

“The first time I competed for promotion to chief, I had about the lowest score you could get,” Wright said. “I had never seen anyone recover from a situation like mine. I was kind of down in the dumps.”

His failure to get promoted led to a decision to leave the service. Feeling sorry for himself, he started the transition back to civilian life. A senior airman who worked for him at the time questioned the decision.

“He called me a hypocrite,” Wright said. “He basically told me that, ‘hey man, whenever we go through things, you’re always telling us to hold your head high, see it through. Be strong. Now you’re going through something and you’re quitting on us.’ That was a powerful, kind of transformative moment in my career. After that conversation with this young man, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I decided to figure out, hey what’s the lesson for me here.”

He reminds other airmen that failure can be a good thing if they learn from it.

“It’s all about how you bounce back. Perseverance and grit are an incredible part of success,” Wright said. “You don’t realize it, but sometimes you need to fail in order to understand success. … And when you’re in the midst of something like that, you don’t really want to hear the wisdom of some old sergeant major or chief telling you, ‘hey it’s okay you needed to fail’ …”

Like many senior NCOs, Wright has a lot to say about mentorship, such as senior service members have a responsibility to identify junior individuals who have potential and give them encouragement. They also have a responsibility to identify those who struggle and give them guidance.

“Senior members have a responsibility to identify the young folks; the ones that have potential and they’re showing it and they might just need a little bit of a push to the left or right to be successful,” Wright said. “Then you have the young folks who you believe have potential but they’re not living up to it and you just want to drag it out of them. … There’s also the individual that makes you think, ‘hey man, this guy is getting ready to crash and burn.’ You need to help them get to where they can at least stay in the Air Force or you can help them transition out.”

Wright also advises junior airmen to take some responsibility for seeking guidance from those outside the scope of their daily work.

“You know, as you walk around base, you may be in the dining facility or the business center — you may be in the military personnel section getting a new ID card — you could be anywhere,” Wright said. “It could be as easy as, ‘hey I really like the way that you do this or the way

that you take care of your people; do you mind if we grab a coffee and I ask you a couple of questions.’”

Mentorship is part of his leadership philosophy, too, which consists of three components:

Set high standards. Challenge people to measure up to these high standards.

Exemplify and model the behavior you expect.

Wright has some straightforward advice about career progression for young airmen who should proceed in their careers step-by-step, he says.

“If you’re a young airman and you want to be successful, before you can become the chief master sergeant of the Air Force, if you’re an E-2 you’ve got to do what’s necessary to make E-3,” Wright said. “Once you get that squared away make E-4.”

He said he doesn’t necessarily

Wright visits with airmen, learning their stories and how they contribute to the many missions carried out at Kirtland. Photo by Airman 1st Class Austin J. Prisbrey.

encourage service members to think and act linearly, instead he pushes them to embrace a philosophy of “dream big, focus small.”

“I decided when I was a senior airman in the Air Force that I was going to be a chief; that I was going to make E-9, but I also understood that in order for me to get to E-9, I’d first have to get to E-5. I’ve got to take care of things that are right in front of me, but I always had that big goal,” Wright said. “The power of having a BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) is, there were times along my journey when things happened, and I wanted to quit. I didn’t get the promotion. I didn’t get the assignment. I didn’t get selected for some job. I didn’t win an award. But I think having a goal, saying to myself, and really having my friends saying to me, ‘hey man you can’t quit because remember

you said you were going to be a chief, so you’ve got to get over this and you’ve got to keep going.’ There’s a huge advantage to dream big, focus small.”

While he eventually achieved his dream, the real highlight of his career was the relationships he’s had with the people around him. He plans to retire later this year and put his executive coaching certifications to work for two years, mentoring corporate leaders and “helping them become the best versions of themselves.” Following that, he wants to open a cigar lounge and scotch bar in Dallas, Texas.

And he is happy with the legacy that he leaves behind in the Air Force.

“I would say that our (Wright and Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. David L. Goldfein) legacy during my time

would be that we created a culture where every airman feels like they can thrive. Every airman feels like they can become the best version of themselves. It’s kind of hard to explain but at least from my perspective, I’ve seen a little bit of a cultural shift,” Wright said. “Maybe a phenomenon even, of how people feel about their service; how they feel that we’ve actually listened to their feedback. We’ve actually made changes that are relevant to them. We’ve been incredibly accessible through social media. I think that’s what people will remember about our time in the office. I think people will remember that we changed the culture during our time.”

To learn more from CMSAF

Kaleth O. Wright, connect on Facebook at https://www. facebook.com/CMSAFOfficial

During a visit to Arkansas, Wright took part in various Wingman Day activities to get to know Team Little Rock Airmen. Photo by 1st Lt. Jessica Cicchetto.

A transitioning

life insurance guide to veteran’s

By AFM Staff—SPONSORED

More than 200,000 U.S. service members exit the military every year, facing a number of critical decisions that impact their family. For some, it is the first time they will have to make choices for key areas that affect finances and quality of life, such as when it comes to the topic of life insurance. If you are among those preparing for civilian life, it is important to note that SGLI expires 120 days after military retirement or transition.

Connie Markovich, executive vice president and chief operating officer of USBA, has served military families for the last 37 years. USBA was founded in 1959 to meet the unique needs of active-duty military personnel who, at that time, had difficulty finding adequate life insurance that would cover combatrelated deaths. It was one of the first companies to do away with the “war clause” in all its military life insurance plans.

Markovich recommends service members start the process of researching life insurance six to 12 months before a transition.

“Today, you can research online to find an option that works best for you — term life, whole life, children’s coverage, accidental death,” she said.

Applying for life insurance

Though the process of applying for life insurance varies based on a number of factors, like overall health, age, and needs, the basic starting point is with an application that can usually be completed online.

“There are also now “instant approvals” online, which can mean quick, favorable decisions for those with no medical histories — or it can mean instant declinations for those who would otherwise benefit from an underwriter taking that extra step to learn more about your overall health,” Markovich explained.

Common mistakes to avoid She also points out that previous health conditions are often not a disqualifier for life insurance coverage, but it is important that applicants answer questions honestly. In her three decades of

experience, Markovich shares other common mistakes that she has seen:

• Waiting until your health has changed and life insurance options become limited, or until you’re older and it is more expensive.

• What people may not understand is how economical life insurance is when you’re young and healthy.

• Underestimating the amount of insurance coverage needed. Be sure to consider mortgage protection, daycare and caregiver costs that the surviving parent or guardian would face, college expenses, dual income households, change in marital status, medical needs, etc.

• The loss of a primary breadwinner’s income can be devastating, but don’t make the mistake of underestimating the impact that the loss of a stayat-home parent or guardian can have on the household’s financial stability. Childcare, transportation, food preparation costs and more, can be significant.

New Year. New Look.

This spring, USBA is launching a new website that streamlines the process of applying for life insurance by focusing on user experience.

“The new coverage estimator tool is interactive and helps individuals determine life insurance coverage based on cost or specific financial needs,” Markovich said.

If you are preparing for a military transition, connect with USBA resources today by visiting http://www.usba.com.

PCS-ING

WITH KIDS Relocation

By Noëlle Boyer

“This house is bothering me,” my 3-year-old said just three weeks into living in our new rental. Our latest PCS was the hardest move — emotionally — for my family because the home we left was our longest. It was a city that welcomed my two sons over four years. While I was going through the grieving and planning process of the move, I didn’t fully understand the impact the change would have on my oldest son.

We PCS’d two months after my husband returned from a six-month

long deployment. It was our second cross-country move, but our first with a baby, a 3-year-old, and dog. All the feelings came. Excitement for finally having my husband home, sadness for leaving our friends and West Coast life, and dreading the logistics to get us to the East Coast.

Quickly planning a PCS wasn’t what we expected, but the unexpected is on brand for the military. Relocating with children is a whole new territory, one neither my husband nor myself fully comprehended until midway through the experience.

But here’s the thing — kids are resilient. Their bounce back rate is faster than you’d expect. This has been true for my experience in most situations, but leaving friends, familiarity, and routine is intense for children. I noticed it especially when I caught my son saying things like, “I can’t wait to see Hudson and Matthew on my birthday,” “Are we going back to San Diego later?” and “I miss my home.”

Saying “goodbye” before we moved felt like an out-of-body experience. We squeezed in last-minute play dates. I tried to get together with as many friends as possible in a week’s span. It didn’t feel like we were actually leaving. It felt like we’d be back. But the truth is we are a military family and returning beyond a visit isn’t up to us — at least not yet.

I can imagine now that my son must have felt a similar disbelief that our time in California was ending. In a short amount of time, we said our goodbyes, our house got packed up, and we started a 6 day road trip.

We took our time driving. We stayed in fun hotels, ate lots of BBQ — you have to if your route takes you through Texas, Oklahoma City, and Memphis.

We were surprised at how well the children adapted to the time in the car, hotel stays, and gas station bathroom breaks.

Of course there were plenty of missed naps, headaches induced by the repetition of “mommy,” cramped legs, panic from 2 AM baby wake ups in a hotel room afraid of disturbing neighbors, and an anxious dog who would try to crawl from the back of our SUV up to the front seat any chance she got.

The road trip worked because we got rid of all expectations. My husband and I took charge of one child during rest stops. For instance, we’d arrive at a gas station; he’d take our 3-year-old with him to the bathroom. I’d stay at the car, change the baby’s diaper and then pump the gas. When he returned, I’d go to the bathroom while he moved the car and fed our dog. Once I returned, he would give our dog a bathroom break and then we’d be back on the road.

The most challenging part of our off-cycle PCS move wasn’t getting there, it was finding our home. By the time we arrived in North Carolina, we were sick of hotels. Sure, our unloading and packing system was seamless at that point.

The challenge was finding an adequate home to rent in a city where the number of rentals was few and far between. We spent six days in hotels, while we toured some of the worst rentals imaginable until we found our home. With the help of friends in the area who watched our dog, and the experience of hotel stays, we survived.

Now that we’re settling into our new city, I’m establishing our new normal. My son is enrolled in a bi-weekly preschool. We attend a

local MOPS group and an outdoor nature school program. If I’ve learned anything in my almost 10 years as a military spouse, immerse yourself into the community, not just the military community. You will feel less like an outsider and your kids will have activities they’re excited about.

Please consider an institution that shares your commitment to serving others.

Save money on travel by cutting this expense

By Stephanie Montague

For military families, traveling is a great way to enjoy quality time together and create fond memories. Taking a family vacation helps you reconnect after a deployment, temporary duty, or long training cycle.

It can become more affordable by reducing a major expense: lodging. The key is to skip the hotels and rent short-term apartments instead. Use our strategy to save money.

Hotels vs short-term apartments

Renting a short-term apartment helps you save money in several ways. First and foremost, you can get more space for more people at a lower price than staying in a hotel.

Let’s use a family of five, as an example. You search for a large hotel room with a pull-out sofa, add a rollaway bed, and squeeze everyone in. But a vacation is supposed to be relaxing, right? So, the alternative is to pay for two hotel rooms. Needless to say, that option is extremely expensive.

A better — and cheaper — option is to rent an apartment that can comfortably accommodate everyone. You can book an entire home with multiple bedrooms, kitchen, living room, and dining room for significantly less than the cost of the hotel.

Renting an apartment also allows your whole family to share the same space, and you can relax together in the common areas.

Another major benefit of renting an

apartment versus a hotel is access to a full kitchen. Eating meals at home is another way to save money. Buy groceries at the start of your stay, and eat breakfast in your apartment. You can also prepare snacks or lunches to bring along when you’re out and about. And if you replace even a few restaurant dinners with meals in your apartment, you will save at least a couple hundred bucks.

Depending on how long you’re traveling, an apartment with a washer/dryer also saves you money on laundry — or reduces the amount of clothing you need to pack.

How to rent short-term apartments

The most popular website for booking short-term apartments is Airbnb. It has properties in every corner of the world, so chances are, you can find an apartment wherever you’re going.

My husband and I have been traveling for nearly five years and have stayed in more 60 than shortterm rentals worldwide. We’ve had great experiences and saved a lot of money. The benefit of sites like Airbnb is that you and the property

owner write reviews of one another upon completion of your stay. That way, other hosts know whether you are a good renter, and you in turn know whether properties are a good choice.

If you’re new to Airbnb, it’s easy to get started . You simply create a profile, then start searching for apartments in your target location. Narrow your search based on price, amenities, and several other factors, and use the map to see exactly where a property is located.

Other apartment rental sites that are similar to Airbnb include https://www.homeaway.com and https://www.vrbo.com (VRBO stands for Vacation Rentals by Owner).

Tips for choosing an apartment

Before you book, make a list of the features or amenities that are most important to you. When searching for properties, refer to your checklist to ensure you choose an apartment that meets your requirements. At a minimum, look for pictures of all bedrooms and bathrooms, the main living area, and the kitchen. Don’t hesitate to ask the owner for more photos. Also, many short-term rentals offer a discount for stays of a week or more, so be sure to look for listings with that feature.

Finally, carefully read all reviews for the property you’re thinking of

renting. If the property owner has multiple listings on the website, read those reviews, too. On a site like Airbnb, it is not possible to review an apartment without having stayed there, so the reviews are legit and you should look for properties with many positive ratings.

Ready to save money on your next vacation?

When you plan your next trip, visit Airbnb or any of the other sites and see for yourself how much money you can save by staying in shortterm apartment rentals. Compare those prices with the best hotel rates you find. You will quickly see that short-term apartments are a better value for your family.

2 budget-friendly meals for any day of the week

By Amy Pottinger

Looking for dinner ideas that won’t break the bank? Here’s two of my favorites that don’t sacrifice flavor for cost.

Honey Mustard Chicken Thighs are a wildly simple, inexpensive and easy meal that I can always whip up, not just on a budget but also on a time crunch. Hey, fellow Food Network Star chef Caodan Tran and I even impressed Bobby Flay and Giada de Laurentiis with this dish. We had to cook for a family of eight with a budget of $32 in 30 minutes. If that isn’t a tasty, budget-friendly kind of meal, I don’t know what is! It’s sweet and slightly acidic and involves minimal effort and ingredients. Bone in, skin on chicken thighs pack extra flavor and are cheaper than chicken breasts.

Honey Mustard Chicken Thighs Ingredients

8 chicken thighs (bone in, skin on)

3/4 cup honey

3/4 cup stone ground or smooth

Dijon mustard

2 tbsp chicken broth

5-6 garlic cloves

3 sprigs rosemary, bruised

1 tbsp olive oil (for cooking)

salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Cut the excess skin off the chicken. You want to leave a layer on top; it has great flavor and texture. But any extra dangly bits probably aren’t necessary. Salt and pepper to taste (both sides) and set aside.

2. In a medium-sized mixing bowl, combine the honey, the mustard and chicken stock until smooth and set aside.

3. In a large pan or skillet, put a tbsp of olive oil and allow it to heat up. Add your minced garlic. Place the chicken, skin side down into the cast iron skillet and sere until it begins to brown (roughly four minutes). Flip and repeat the process.

4. Turn the chicken thighs so they are skin side up again.

5. With a flat knife, bruise your rosemary (roll with your palms or smack on a cutting board) and add it to the pan.

6. Pour the honey mustard sauce over the chicken and the rosemary.

7. Put your chicken into the oven for roughly 20 minutes at 350 degrees, or until the internal temperature reaches 165.

8. Remove the chicken and spoon in some of the sauce as well.

For the Chicken Fajita Pasta Ingredients

6-8 boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into strips

3 yellow onions, cut into strips

2 green peppers, cut into strips

1 yellow pepper, cut into strips

1 red or orange pepper, cut into strips

12 oz box penne pasta

½ cup butter

12 oz sour cream

8 oz Monterey jack cheese (I like jalapeno jack)

3 packets fajita seasoning

¼ cup lime juice

½ cup whole milk (heavy whipping cream or half and half are also fine)

Salt to taste while cooking

Another twist on a classic is Chicken Fajita Pasta. Pasta is a great way to stretch a dime while filling your tummy. The classics are classics for a reason, but sometimes mixing it up can make it even better. If you are apprehensive at this pitch, so was my husband. However, he is totally on board and is asking for it by request now. Imagine a fajita, but the sour cream, cheese and squeeze of lime are already mixed in with the charred onions, peppers and chicken. It is pretty legit.

Instructions

1. In a large pan, melt the butter and add the onions. TIP: If you have extra time, I like to cook them low and slow, then crank the heat last minute to get that char on them like you would get in the restaurant. This really adds to the flavor. But if you are in a time crunch, you can totally skip this. Cook for 1030 minutes, depending on time/ preference. Sprinkle with salt.

2. Add the peppers as well, and cook on a high heat till they begin to blacken in some places.

3. Reduce the heat and add the chicken, also adding one fajita packet to the chicken, pepper and onion mix.

4. Cook some noodles to taste, drain and set aside.

5. In a large pot add sour cream, shredded cheese, milk, lime juice and other fajita packets. Stir until well incorporated.

6. Add the noodles and cooked chicken and fajita vegetables and stir until everything is mixed well.

Other XFL teams are the New York Guardians, DC Defenders, Tampa Vipers, St. Louis Battlehawks, Houston Roughnecks, Dallas Renegades and the Seattle Dragons