2020 MF JANUARY

Contributors

Amy Pottinger

Rebekah Sanderlin

Jessica Manfre

Lila Quintiliani

Tiffany Lawrence

Deonte Cole

Home front readiness

Stephanie Montague

Jordan Benton

Jennifer Barnhill

I recently traveled to Texas to watch airmen graduate from basic training, and it looked a lot different from what I experienced in 1998 when my Marine finished boot camp on Parris Island. JBSA-Lackland hosted events to help indoctrinate significant others and new military spouses into our dependent-ID-card-carrying-club. Along with vendors, like Military Spouse Advocacy Network and the USO, key spouses briefed attendees about common situations they may encounter. Think OCONUS PCS moves, financial assistance for education, and what exactly military life is all about.

Alison Paul Klakowicz

It led me to an AH-HA moment about the state of military spouse life. For all of the years that I watched friends and acquaintances speak up about what we need, leadership had heard them. The service branches recognize its warriors can perform better when their home front support is supported on day one. We will call this progress, friends.

But it’s also a two-way street. This relationship with the military is much like marriage: it requires constant work, communication and effort. So much effort. I challenge you to do the uncomfortable thing and give it your all. Show up to the unit event. Volunteer for the family readiness program. Introduce yourself to an unfamiliar face. Take a class on base. Use everything and anything at your disposal, but also put into it your uniqueness that can make it better. After all, we are all fighting for the same mission: A successful military force with the home front intact.

Bianca M. Strzalkowski

By Rebekah Sanderlin

Columns 30.... By the Numbers

Military Families Magazine by AmeriForce Media, LLC, is published 12 times a year for active duty service members and their families. Copies are available through participating family service centers, relocation offices, transition offices, base lodges, libraries, daycare centers, MWR activities and other locations by request. Unit distribution requests can be made online at www.AmeriForceMedia.com/ mf/print-magazines/

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Groups use nontraditional ways to connect veterans

By Amy Pottinger

Sometimes a girl just can’t make up her mind. Is your hand raised? If not, mine certainly is. Superbowl is a big day that is all about just sitting in front of the TV and cheering for 1) whoever you have always been a die hard fan of since birth, or 2) cheering for wherever the military has taken you to now. Dips, chips, grilling and easy food with big taste often make cameos along with crock pots and casseroles. Personally, I really enjoy over complicating things. So instead of picking one theme for Superbowl recipe ideas, I am going to take you in three totally different directions. But hopefully this inspires you to pick one, or all three and make them your own. Each one is a winner, even if your team isn’t.

Whipped Feta Dip

Okay, fancy may be over stating it. But this recipe includes words like zest, whipped, feta and involves a micro plane. Luckily, it is deceptively easy and can also be prepared the night before. This is one of my friends’ favorite dips that I make; and it is requested repeatedly. It is creamy and salty with a bit of spice and acid. I like to serve it with some crostini (fancy word for toasted bread) or crudité (a fancy word for cut up vegetables). So if you’re wearing your faux-fancy pants for Superbowl, this is the dip for you!

By Amy Pottinger

Ingredients/Instructions:

1/2 cup sour cream

1 1/2 cups crumbled feta

1-2 lemon, zested* and juiced

1-2 cloves of raw garlic, or 8-10 roasted garlic cloves (roasted is better)

1 tsp olive oil (more for drizzle)

1/2 tsp red pepper flakes (or more if desired)

1/2 tsp thyme (fresh or dried)

1/2 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp dill (fresh or dried)

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp black pepper

You can use, pita bread, naan, crostini, crackers or sliced vegetables for dipping.

*you need to have a micro plane for zesting

1. Add sour cream, garlic, lemons (juiced and zested), olive oil, salt, pepper and half of the feta to a food processor and mix until smooth.

2. Add the herbs and the red pepper flakes to the food processer as well as half of the remaining feta. Pulse for 20-30 seconds.

3. Add the remaining feta to the processor and continue to whip until homogenous and smooth.

4. Transfer to the serving bowl and serve or chill (covered) over night.

5. When you’re ready to serve, drizzle some olive oil and sprinkle with red pepper flakes, herbs or fresh crack pepper for garnish.

Cheesy Chile Bean Dip

This recipe is super easy and always gets eaten up!!! You can make it the night before and there is practically no skill involved at all. It is slightly spicy but will not overwhelm anyone’s palate. The enchilada sauce bubbles up over the melted cheese and it is basically everything you want in a Superbowl appetizer.

skillet, spreading it evenly on top of the beans.

3. Rinse the mixing bowl and empty the Rotele (drained), pinto beans (drained) and 1 of the 2 cans of green chilis (drained). Stir until mixed and even scoop them onto the sour cream, trying to avoid as much excess liquid as possible.

4. Evenly pour the enchilada sauce over the last layer added.

Ancho Chili Brown Sugar Dry Rub

Ingredients/Instructions:

(2) 16 oz cans refried beans

(I like spicy jalapeno flavor)

16 oz cream cheese, softened

1 packet taco powder

1 packet ranch powder

(1) 10oz can tomato green chili Rotele

(1) 16.5 oz can pinto beans

(2) 7 oz cans diced green chilis

15 oz can green enchilada sauce

2 cups shredded “Mexican blend” cheese (chips of choice … Fritos are best)

1. Empty the two cans of refried beans into a large skillet. (If you do not have a skillet, you can use a casserole dish.) Smooth them out until they are evenly coating the base layer.

2. In a small mixing bowl, combine the cream cheese, the taco powder and the ranch powder. Stir until well integrated and transfer to the

Another go-to of mine, (you’re welcome) is this dry rub. I make it in large batches and store it in a mason jar. It is perfect for chicken or pork. Putting this rub on wings or drumsticks will absolutely be a touchdown for your fellow football watchers. This ancho chili, brown sugar dry rub is sweet and spicy with salty and smoky undertones. I promise you will be using it far beyond Superbowl, but for now, bring over the chicken wings that will be an absolute hit.

Ingredients/Instructions:

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup ancho chili powder

2 tbsp salt

1/4 cup garlic powder

2 tbsp cinnamon

1/4 cup onion powder

2 tbsp coriander

1/2-1 tsp cayenne

1. Combine all ingredients in a lidded mason jar and shake thoroughly. If you do not have a mason jar, you can stir with a fork

5. Generously add the cheese evenly over the top.

6. Bake for 20-30 minutes at 350 degrees. Add the rest of the green chilis and sprinkle a bit more cheese on top if desired and bake for an additional 10 (or until the cheese is browning and the sauce is bubbling).

7. Garnish with cilantro, avocado or sliced jalapenos if you’re looking to add some color.

in a bowl or a Tupperware. This will make more than you need for a handful of chicken wings, but you will be happy you have left overs down the road.

Pro tip: Putting the dry rub on the night before creates a dry brine for the wings, sealing in extra flavor and moisture. A brine is typically water, salt and brown sugar (with other things added as needed). Since the dry rub has both salt and brown sugar, it will create the same effect.

2. Generously toss your chicken wings in the dry rub with some oil as needed to cover them entirely.

3. Grill and serve.

By Tiffany Lawrence

Over 50% of U.S. families are remarried or re-coupled, according to the Census Bureau, and 1300 new stepfamilies are formed daily.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author and talk radio host, described what it means to be a stepparent.

“A stepparent doesn’t just marry a spouse: they marry their spouse’s entire situation. They have to find a balance between supporting and defending without overstepping visible and invisible boundaries.”

But when those boundaries aren’t communicated or the stepparent doesn’t feel like they are fully accepted in the role of parenting things can quickly fall apart.

Dual military couple, Chief Warrant Officer 3 Gerald Thomas and his wife, Chief Warrant Officer 2 Wanda Thomas, have experienced the depth of struggle that happens when this balance isn’t struck. By the time they realized how far they were from being a functioning family unit, it was almost too late.

They open up about their experiences through the years and the single most difficult decision that helped restore their family back to health.

In the beginning

When the Thomases got married, Tony, their son, was six years old and his biological father wasn’t very active in his life.

“He would call every now and then and most of our dialogue was about how he should be doing more,” Wanda Thomas recalls.

Gerald Thomas admits that it was scary taking on a wife and son at the same time, but he had a strong desire to give Tony a better experience than he had growing up.

The downward shift

The family’s first PCS move together was in the summer of 2011.

“That summer, Tony spent the longest span of time with his biological dad than he ever had before. It was all fun and play, and that became his idea of what life would be like with him. This was the beginning of him comparing both dads,” Wanda Thomas said.

For Tony, who was nine, the PCS move overseas hit hard.

“We didn’t foresee what would happen because everything was so well. Then it became the polar opposite. Tony didn’t understand why we had to move, leaving friends, a new environment, and we could tell that he felt if his biological father were here that he wouldn’t have to move,” Gerald Thomas explained.

By the time Tony became a preteen, the Thomas family expanded to include two younger daughters. While he was a great older brother, Tony started to compare the responsibility he had at their age with what was expected of his sisters. Wanda Thomas describes him as being manipulative and says he played the couple against each other.

“Gerald and I weren’t in a good place, and Tony used it to his

Stepfather

struggles to assert his role

in parenting dynamic

Gerald Thomas says the joy of interacting with his family outweighs the hard times.

advantage. But we also could have done a better job to prepare ourselves and him for his younger siblings,” Wanda Thomas said.

They both agree they had a communication problem and Wanda saw it as neither of them wanting to concede or be vulnerable. She says, “We had walls built for some reason and a lot of things weren’t discussed or addressed. When Gerald and I were at odds it was easy for me to be sympathetic to Tony, which created problems for our marriage.”

For many stepparents who are filling the role of an absent biological parent, problems generally arise when they have to discipline the child. For Gerald Thomas, being a parent is more than just enjoying the great times. It’s also tackling the challenges of being a disciplinarian, but he says it wasn’t always received well.

“I tried to be the best parent I could be, but when met with resistance I stepped back and shut down. That was the lowest point for me. Parenting was our biggest wedge,” Gerald Thomas admitted.

Wanda Thomas wanted to respect and support her husband, but also had an instinct to protect her son — though she knew Gerald would never harm him. No matter what she did, she felt she couldn’t win.

Family counseling helped them see they needed to be on one accord, and approach conversations together but Wanda Thomas says, “The root of our problem had so many branches and other things kept attaching to it. Everything was falling apart.”

The couple started discussing divorce.

The couple wishes they had initially received more counsel on how to properly blend a family and how to promptly address issues instead of letting them fester.

A pivotal decision

One day it all came to a head. Tony and his stepfather were yelling so loudly at each other that it created a ripple effect in the home. Wanda Thomas mediated but realized that Tony was intentionally disrespectful and not receptive to guidance or discipline, even when it came from her.

“How can you live with someone who won’t try no matter what you’re saying?” Wanda Thomas questioned.

After sleepless nights, praying and crying, she made a difficult decision. She received a phone call from Tony’s biological dad asking for his son to live with him, and she agreed.

“God gave me a reassurance that it was the best decision at that time,” she said.

The upswing Tony was different when he came back to visit. He saw that life wasn’t

greener on the other side, which humbled him. It took separation and reunion for healing to occur.

Tony was also infatuated with what he believed father and son should be because of the fun he always had with his biological dad. Now that his father was forced to deal with the everyday frustrations of parenting, Tony now saw that his stepfather was only doing what he had to do.

Grateful that they made it to the other side of their tumultuous experience, the couple advises parents of blended families to:

• Get counseling on how to properly blend a family,

• Have all parental figures come together to establish expectations, and

• Communicate as a team.

“If we would have done those things there wouldn’t have been such a great divide under the same roof,” Gerald Thomas added.

Spouses find fitness with iStroll

By Rebekah Sanderlin

On a cold day at Fort Carson, Colorado, a group of military spouses meets in a gym to laugh, sing and let their kids play — except laughing and playing are not really the point. The moms are here on a fitness mission. It just happens to be one that’s fun and child-friendly.

Tess Partridge, an Army spouse and mother of three — as well as a one-time Division 1 college soccer player, med-school applicant, chemistry lab researcher, and the owner of a very enviable set of abs — is leading the group through a blistering sequence of push-ups, planks, jumping jacks, burpees, lunges, thrusters, squats, and, well, you get the point.

Many of the ladies have babies strapped into strollers parked at one end of the gym, but just as many have toddlers and preschoolers who sit on the floor, quietly playing with each other while their moms lunge up and down the length of the gym.

Partridge started iStroll while her husband was stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. Like so many military spouses, military and family life had made it difficult for her to pursue her education and career goals and she was looking

for a way to use her knowledge and energy.

“I always worked out,” she said. “I saw other stroller classes and I thought, ‘I can do this. And I can do it better.’”

Another Army spouse at Fort Campbell took over the chapter when the Partridge family PCS’d to Tampa, where a new chapter of iStroll was born. And yet another military spouse took over the Tampa chapter when Partridge and her family PCS’d to Fort Carson, where she started this iStroll class last year. But by then word had gotten out about iStroll, and chapters were

starting to pop up all over the place — 14 chapters and counting now.

The chapters are primarily at military installations, but there are some in civilian areas, too — though all are owned and operated by military spouses. To start a new chapter, a leader just needs to have a good understanding of fitness, an encouraging attitude, the ability to motivate participants and an upfront investment of $1,000, for a business that tends to earn between $500 and $1,800 a month, Partridge said. For participants, a membership costs $40-$60 per month, depending on location.

The women in the class have body types that range from ripped-likeTess to how-do-I-get-rid-of-the-babyweight to I’m-actually-growing-ababy-right-now. Absolutely anyone, at any fitness level, would feel comfortable joining the group.

From time to time a baby cries and one of the moms — not necessarily the one who birthed it — will respond. And sometimes a chubby cruiser gets used, much to their giggling delight, by a mom — again, not necessarily the one who birthed it — as a weight to make squats or lunges more challenging.

“It’s so nice to be surrounded by people who can relate, and we all help each other. If one kid is having a hard day, other moms will pitch in and help,” Partridge said.

When the weather is nice, the group meets outside, but when it’s cold, raining or snowing, they take the workout indoors.

“I was just working out by myself before then I saw something about iStroll on Facebook,” said Jessica Donaldson, an Army spouse. “I had hit a plateau working out alone. This helps me get out of the house, stay motivated and meet a lot of awesome people. Getting back into shape after having my daughter was a struggle, especially with my husband getting ready to deploy. Here, everyone gets it.”

The children range from newborn to about 5 years old, and the bigger kids don’t just run loose — they all seem to know the drill. The class meets four times a week and

that means these kids see each other most days. This may be their mommas’ work out time, but for the kids, it’s simply a playdate.

Justine Coyle, an Army spouse, started taking an iStroll class when she lived in Kentucky. She was thrilled to find that the program had added a Fort Carson class just in time for her PCS.

“Moving can be so daunting,” Coyle said. “You never know what you’re going to find. But here you can meet women who are like-minded, who have kids around the same age as yours, who want to help you get settled and help you with your kids. It’s made it much easier for me to connect quickly.”

All photos by Carlee Markestein Photography.

(applies to MTIs) but at a leadership level, because if you’re going to have somebody be accountable, you have to actually follow-up to make sure that they did what you asked them to do on that timeline. If you say, ‘do something in two minutes,’ and you don’t come back in two minutes, you lost a little bit of credibility. You’re no longer accountable in their eyes either.”

INTO

AIRMEN AMERICA’S TRANSFORMING CIVILIANS

By Bianca M. Strzalkowski

I am an American airman.

Those five words are uttered by roughly 35,000 individuals each year as they prepare to graduate from the Air Force’s basic military training at Joint Base San AntonioLackland in Texas. The men and women charged with transforming everyday citizens have 8.5 weeks to challenge recruits mentally and physically, with the ultimate goal of shaping the next generation of warfighters. And the culmination of it all comes together on a parade deck, where countless hours of tasks have been performed and practiced, as military training instructors (MTIs) listen to new airmen recite the words of the creed they earned.

Tech. Sgt. Brandon Lucio-Stockwell, 31, is an MTI with the 320th Training Squadron — the same squadron he

completed his own basic training with nearly 12 years ago. He says though some things have changed, one thing remains the same.

“ … as far as when you first show up, to me it seems to be a lot of the same shock and awe, just figuring out what’s going on. We focus on trying to get them (recruits) spun up and able to perform simple tasks so we can build a solid foundation to move onto other items. It’s a lot of controlled chaos,” he explained.

Serving as an instructor for more than a year now, he sees intersection between the major hurdle recruits and MTIs each face.

“The biggest challenge for the recruit becomes learning what true accountability really means,” LucioStockwell said. “The same principle

Training focuses on repetition, especially during the 45-minute PT sessions. Lucio-Stockwell says it takes time to adjust the body to the physical demands, but then comes the pride once recruits see their abilities transition.

“So, it’s getting used to it, embracing the suck, and then you get good at it. There’s a lot of pride at that point.”

He adds there is also a point between weeks four and five when recruits turn the corner in their training.

“They start functioning as a unit, a cohesive team; they are no longer just individuals and they take ownership of everything they have. That’s when they become proud of things like cleaning the latrine. They become proud of this floor — how immaculate it is. Up until then, it’s like the Karate Kid story where you’re questioning, ‘why am I doing this?’” he said.

He has encountered recruits who face self-doubt, reminding them of the reason they chose to become the “1% guarding 350 million people” of the nation. Reassurance, he says, helps put the objective back into focus.

But it’s not always the fresh out of high school kids standing before MTIs. In fact, Lucio-Stockwell says it is often the older recruits who leave a lasting impact on him.

“The best feeling I’ve ever had is, I’ve had a lot of young men and a lot of young women tell me thank you so much, you helped me make this change,” he said. “My biggest reward honestly is when I have those older trainees that joined — like I joined later, I was already 24 when I went to BMT — but they (older recruits) are already established mothers, fathers, teachers, whatever the case. And they tell me that I added value to their life.”

For MTIs, it’s all about that whole person concept, Lucio-Stockwell added.

Readying the family for Air Force life

Concurrent to graduation week events, family members also find themselves undergoing a transition. A number of resource organizations brief moms, dads, siblings, significant others, and spouses on what’s to come — including that

first PCS move after initial orders are received.

Air Force veteran Grace Smith, who has been a military wife for 13 years, is part of the BMT Spouses Group that speaks to new spouses ahead of graduation. She started volunteering for the program in 2018.

“This program started five years ago to make sure they (spouses) are prepared and have the support and resources that they need. We give them information on military family readiness, Military OneSource; we also try to convey our personal story of what we’ve been through, to try to let them know we’ve been there. They can get through it because we got through it,” Smith said.

Elizabeth Taylor, a spouse of nine years, explains key spouses should be the go-to resource for any new spouse.

“Your key spouse will be your first friend,” Taylor, a mom of two, said.

Because her husband was with

the Ohio National Guard prior to MTI duty, she volunteered as a key spouse to adopt a larger role in military life.

“I grew up in the same place my entire life; we never PCS’ed so for me, I knew this was our one PCS. I wanted to get out and experience what active-duty spouse life was like. I wanted to volunteer, I wanted to help others that are new to this because it can be intimidating and overwhelming,” Taylor said.

Among the many duties volunteers take on, key spouses are responsible for coordinating family functions, resource sharing, and introducing new spouses to military life. Taylor says she hopes these briefs calm nerves, and she encourages them to get involved so they can have a successful military life.

“If you put yourself out there and you and your spouse work together to make it a good experience, it will be a good experience.”

* All photos courtesy of Robert Rubio, Chief of Public Affairs for the 37th Training Wing at JBSA-Lackland.

Grace Smith, an Air Force veteran, briefs new military spouses during graduation week.

Marine finds voice after injury

By Jessica Manfre

An unexpected path gave one Marine a new message to deliver: You are stronger than you think.

Retired Marine Lt. Col. Justin Constantine is one of the most wellknown combat veterans to emerge from Operation Iraqi Freedom because rather than quietly face recovery after being wounded in combat, his voice grew louder.

In 2006, the former JAG officer was shot in the head by a sniper while serving as a civil affairs team leader attached to an infantry unit. Constantine was initially pronounced killed in action because he stopped breathing after the bullet traveled through his ear and exploded out of the front of his face. He received an emergency tracheotomy in the field and was rushed to the aid station, crediting

his survival to the Marines and Navy Corpsman he was with.

Upon returning to the states, Constantine faced a painful process that included dozens of surgeries over the last 13 years. And he isn’t done yet. He still needs upper teeth and will have to undergo a yearlong process to have dentures built and his bottom teeth redone. He knows it will be worth it but admits he is tired of surgeries.

“Signing that form before you go under — that you may not come back from — it really takes a lot out of you,” Constantine said.

Though the process to rebuild himself physically has been long, he also discovered strengths within those hard times. Today, he travels the world as an entrepreneur and

inspirational speaker with a message of encouragement. His writings on the military and leadership have also been published nationally for The Washington Post, Forbes and other notable outlets, according to his website.

Constantine says there is so much that he wants to do and when he’s down, he reminds himself it is only a temporary feeling.

“I can’t control a lot of things but I can control how I think and react. I have to remind myself of that,”he said.

He points out that his wife, Dahlia, has served as his biggest supporter through it all. Constantine is quick to add that he knows everyone is not as fortunate to have someone like her unconditionally by his side.

The former JAG officer now travels the world providing inspirational talks on leadership, the military and veteran employment.

Throughout his recovery, he also leaned on professional support like once a week counseling for 18 months to address his posttraumatic stress disorder. While he admits it was initially hard to ask for help — and very emotional — it got easier.

“Getting counseling is something that I recommend for anyone with PTSD. You will be stronger for it,” Constantine explained.

In 2013, Constantine medically retired from the Marine Corps and went on to work with the Department of Justice as a counsel for the Senate Committee on Veterans’ Affairs. A few years later, he left DOJ to pursue a position with the Federal Bureau of Investigations where he served on the national security law branch as assistant general counsel. While working there, he launched his own business.

“I didn’t think anyone would care what I had to say, but I just started doing it. I liked being an entrepreneur and I really liked to make my own schedule,” he said.

Many wounded warriors seek control in their lives since so much of what they experience is out of their control, Constantine says, and working for himself made him feel back I control.

Though he has been a motivational speaker for the last five years, it was recently when he started zeroing in on veteran and military spouse employment. He often gets messages from veterans on LinkedIn when he is traveling city to city doing employment workshops, asking to

meet for coffee — an invitation he often accepts.

His advice to newly transitioned veterans in those meetings?

“You need to show up. Ask for help and help yourself. You have to check your ego at the door and be okay with being vulnerable.”

Constant reminders of his injuries remain with him daily. For example, he revealed he has to sleep with towels on his clothes because every night his mouth bleeds. Seeing that every morning, that constant reminder of his injury, wears on him at times.

“I am an optimist for the most part and feel very fortunate to be where I am. There’s always a challenge or a reminder of things I can’t do but at the same time I know that a lot of people have it worse than I do. So, I look around and I count my blessings,” he added.

To connect with Justin Constantine’s free resources or to request his presence for a speaking engagement, go to https://www.justinconstantine.com.

Constantine with his wife Dahlia.

Constantine, a Presidential Leadership Scholar, is pictured with Presidents Clinton and Bush.

Mastering willpower

By Lila Quintiliani, AFC®, Military Saves Program Manager

replenished before we can use it again.

The same reservoir of willpower is used for multiple tasks, like controlling emotions, performing physical labor, dealing with coworkers (or kids!), even doing complicated math problems.

So, in December, when I am scrambling to finish up work projects, decorate the house, buy gifts, wrap and ship presents, and get ready for holiday travel, I get a bit stressed and my well of willpower is pretty low. The odds are good that if I happen to be offered a dark chocolate-covered German gingerbread cookie, I’m going to say “yes.” Or I might click on a special “Cyber Monday” deal and buy it. Or I might do both at the same time.

In the financial realm, you could try tracking spending or perhaps catching up on some financial “homework,” such as checking on your TSP or IRA performance. However, it’s important not to try and tackle too much at once — if willpower is depleted too much, that’s when we are most vulnerable, whether it’s to spending sprees or red velvet cupcakes.

Resist temptation by avoiding it

When dieting, you might try to stay away from the candy aisle. The same thing can be said about trying to save money: when trying to stick to a budget, it’s best to avoid mall shopping or aimless wandering of the aisles in the local big box retailer.

During the holidays we are bombarded with all sorts of temptations: delicious desserts, champagne and punch, rich foods, clearance sales. So, we over indulge our appetites and our wallets for the last two or three months of every year. Then in January, we attempt to abruptly reverse course. We make a ton of New Year’s resolutions, we go to the gym religiously for a couple of weeks, and we say that we are having a “no buy” month. We try so hard and yet we fail miserably.

I have been right there with everyone else, overeating and overspending in December and then regretting it in January. But, a few years ago, I read a book that helped me understand why I stumbled in December and why my January efforts were doomed to failure.

According to the book “Willpower” by psychologist Roy

By January, when I’m trying to recover from my holiday binge of eating and spending, I quickly deplete my willpower yet again, by trying to do too much at once.

The good news is there are ways to strengthen our willpower, just like we strengthen our muscles.

Some of the advice in the book is practical things that your mom probably told you: get enough sleep, make sure you don’t make decisions when you’re hangry. But there are other takeaways that can be helpful.

Practice makes perfect

Make a list and stick to it. If online browsing is a temptation, only go on the web with a clear purpose in mind, like checking email or catching up on social media. Unsubscribe from those “daily deal” sites that send tempting offers each day. And don’t have your credit card handy when you go online.

You CAN teach an old dog new tricks

Perhaps the most fascinating takeaway from this book is that we are not necessarily destined to be willpower weaklings. With some practice and a bit of hard work, we can overcome some of our innate weaknesses and gain greater self-control.

F. Baumeister

and science writer John Tierney, humans only have a finite amount of willpower. Once it is depleted, it must be

In the book, students who were the subjects of a study were able to seemingly acquire self-control when they were engaged in activities that required some effort, such as using a mouse with their non-dominant hand, watching their posture, or tracking eating. After doing this for a while, the students showed self-control in other areas of their life as well.

Want to build wealth and reduce debt? Get tips and inspiration for your savings journey when you visit militarysaves.org and take the Military Saves Pledge.

use nontraditional

connect veterans ways to Groups

By Rebekah Sanderlin

Camaraderie and a shared sense of purpose are the things veterans often say they miss most about serving. Two organizations, Team RWB and Team Rubicon , have recreated that for veterans by providing opportunities to do challenging work in supportive groups, but the two organizations are going about it in very different ways.

“When we push ourselves together, we build resilience and relationships,” said Bana Miller, Team RWB’s chief marketing officer. “Service members learn this during their time in the military and, without it in their daily lives, they feel less purposeful, less healthy and more isolated. The military has really cracked the code on overcoming isolation and Team RWB offers all our members a chance to apply those lessons to

everyday life.”

Team RWB, which stands for Red, White and Blue, is a nonprofit veterans service organization that was founded in 2010 to support struggling and transitioning service members by connecting them to their communities through physical activity, Miller said. Veterans, their family members and supportive civilians can join one of the 200 local chapters for free, and then meet up with like-minded people to engage in other sports and physical activities. Participants join at every fitness level and with a wide range of goals. For some, their goal is simply to make friends, for others it’s to find something similar to what they experienced serving.

“It is much harder to do hard things alone,” Miller said. “On active duty, service members never have to, but

afterward veterans often do. This is the first hard thing veterans face during the transition to civilian life.”

Team Rubicon meets the same need for community and purpose, but does so in an entirely different way. The group mobilizes veterans to use their skills to help people prepare, respond, and recover from disasters and humanitarian crises, said Marc DeNofio, the public relations and social media manager for the organization. Team Rubicon volunteers — who include veterans, military family members, first responders, and civilians — travel around the world as a volunteer disaster relief force. DeNofio said they even have a few service dogs in their volunteer ranks.

Though both groups represent a departure from how previous generations of veterans congregated,

these organizations are not just for Millennials and Gen X’ers. Older veterans from previous generations of service are active participants too. Miller said Team RWB has members from every generation and representing every conflict since WWII.

DeNofio said the same is true for Team Rubicon. “We have Vietnamera veterans, Iraq and Afghanistan veterans, Gulf War veterans and veterans who served during peacetime. There is a great blend of generations on our operations. The common purpose and mission of helping others is one that definitely resonates across all these generations.”

With 200 chapters nationwide, someone interested in joining Team RWB can likely find a chapter near them to join the more than 200,000 existing members. There are no membership fees, Miller said, and those interested in learning more can go to TeamRWB.org and sign up. They’ll be connected to the nearest chapter and immediately plugged into a local network. Also, membership is open to the veteran’s family members as well as to supportive civilians.

“Team RWB gives me motivation to get out and get moving with the bonus of building relationships with fellow veterans in my community who I might not ever meet otherwise,” said Matt Bailey, captain for Team RWB’s New Orleans chapter.

Team Rubicon does not have a local chapter system, but operates from the national level with territorial teams that can respond to disasters across the country and on a local level. To join the more than 100,000 volunteers already in the network, people can sign up online

at TeamRubiconUSA.org. There are no membership dues, but volunteers do undergo an application process which includes an orientation to the work Team Rubicon does, some basic courses to understand disaster operations and a background check. If a volunteer is called on to respond to a crisis that is not near his or her hometown, Team Rubicon will cover expenses for travel, lodging and most meals. And, of course, volunteers are not obligated to respond to every crisis. They can opt in or opt out as their schedules and obligations permit.

“I’ve been with Team Rubicon for seven years,” said Navy veteran Donna Burdett. “After getting out of the military, I was missing my mission and purpose in life. Team Rubicon gives you three things when you leave the service: a mission, a purpose and a sense of community.”

Overspending left this couple in crisis

By Tiffany Lawrence

When debt piles up due to overspending and lack of effort to create and stick to a budget, it becomes a strain on marriages, the family and the work environment. With all of the programs available to military families, there are still many living paycheck to paycheck and spending habits are partially to blame.

Research from a survey conducted in 2019 shows that 54% of active duty service members don’t keep a budget when managing their money, according to the National Foundation for Credit Counseling. The data also reveals savings and budgeting is a point of stress for them.

Unfortunately many service members find themselves in debt due to moving costs that aren’t covered, spousal unemployment, and unexpected family needs,

among other characteristics that accompany a military career. While these are all very prevalent, money mismanagement is one of the most common traits of those experiencing financial crisis.

“In the military we do not have an income problem, we have a spending problem,” John Baker, financial educator at Naval Air Station Jacksonville, said.

Monica Quiett and her husband, retired Army Col. Ronald Quiett, can attest to this.

During the peak of their careers, they made a combined yearly income of $140,000. Ronald Quiett received extra combat pay for serving back to back tours in Iraq, and Monica Quiett was a federal employee. What they didn’t know was that in the span of one year their income would be reduced to

$65,000 and they would be faced with over $45,000 of annual debt.

They didn’t financially prepare for these abrupt changes and Monica Quiett admits that they spent a lot of money on things like purchasing a home, renovations, a new vehicle and, “didn’t think about the future at all.”

She shares a unique part of her experience.

“When the Army went to the contracting world, I was on the contracting officer representation team for our unit. I basically wrote myself out of a job. I couldn’t apply because I was the assistant to the contracting officer and it was a conflict of interest.”

Shortly after losing her job, her husband received orders that led him to opt for retirement instead.

“I just kept thinking my husband will keep working and he’ll retire later, which is what most spouses think. We don’t consider what will happen if he decides to get out or if he gets put out,” Monica Quiett said.

That’s exactly what happened to Misti Jorges’ husband. After serving in the Navy for 14 years, he was forced to separate due to service limitations because he was a petty officer second class who couldn’t acquire his next promotion. It was their savings that kept them afloat during this time.

“We lived strictly with limited bills. Our thoughts were, if it’s not broken, it doesn’t have to be replaced. And we banked the money that we received from his deployments,” Jorges said.

When asked what she thinks the military could do to help individuals handle money better she says, “They should make finance

classes mandatory at the beginning of their career. Also show real life examples of how budgeting and saving will help in the long run.”

As a commander in the Army, Ronald Quiett facilitated the Soldier Select Program and gave briefings, but saw it as ineffective.

“The soldiers viewed it as just a check in the box. I didn’t even pay attention to the advice I was giving them,” he said. After complaints about it, the garrison commander is looking into revamping it.

One resource that provides assistance is the Fleet and Family Support Center. Adrienne Taylor, a financial educator offers counseling on finances, and also conducts workshops and briefings to assist in being savvy about budgeting.

In Taylor’s experience, the main reason service members find themselves in debt is, “instead of learning inexpensive ways to acquire items or saving for them, we simply finance them. The mindset is, ‘Why should I pay for it all at once when I can use credit and just pay an extra $20 a month?’ Or they think they can afford a car payment using their basic housing allowance. This is where the problem stems from.”

Taylor encourages service members to reach out by emailing her at adrienne.taylor.ctr@navy.mil. When counseling, she first helps to figure out what the financial goal is, helps set realistic changes, then find ways to eliminate waste in the budget.

“The primary waste and most underestimated category is dining out. If there is an absolute need for immediate money to make ends meet with basic necessities, we have an excellent relationship at Naval Air Station Jacksonville with the chapel/chaplain and staff who houses a food pantry and also

with NMCRS, who can provide 0% interest loans for service members. Through a brief statement of networth we can also see if clients have items they can sell for cash. Once the spending plan is realistic and no deficit; we can then create a ‘snowball/powerplay/fullsteam’ method to outline and target debt payment,” she said.

Taylor adds money mismanagement is an issue across ranks.

“I put rank aside when it comes to dealing with service members in debt. Our microwave society of ‘finding ways to get what we want right now’ is bad for finances,” she explained.

The road to clearing debt hasn’t been easy for the Quietts. They have made progress, but are still working to pay off student loans and credit cards. Monica Quiett now assists veterans through nonprofit organizations and advises families to put aside money while on active duty because you never know what’s going to happen.

Monica Quiett, pictured with her mom, is creating a way to offer more support to spouses of veterans so they can be prepared for financial changes.

Taylor facilitating a financial brief to soldiers on budgeting and making money work for the future. Photo credit to Army Maj. Robert Craig.

4 reasons to take a gap year after retirement

By

There is no shortage of horror stories about the military retirement process. Thankfully this isn’t one of them . After serving 20 years in the Marine Corps, I retired in the summer of 2018. I started planning my transition almost two years out by researching the information needed, documenting every ache and pain, and following the rigorous processes as advised by personnel and my peers. Everything from our final TMO move, retirement pay, disability claim, medical, and career opportunities was a smooth transition.

However, I was not prepared for the sobering realizations of what my career life would indeed be like as a civilian. As a former Marine Corps recruiter, getting myself in front of the right people and selling my skillset is my strong suit. I prioritized networking and made some lifelong connections at a Hiring our Heroes career event. The following month I attended an NC4ME Hiring Event and was offered a job before I exited the parking lot.

One month after we relocated and settled into our home in Florida, I accepted a field management position with a different company. Ideally, this job would allow me to use the best parts of my military training. I wasn’t required to sit at a desk all day, and they offered a flexible work schedule that would allow time for me to get my kids to and from school. Immediately I was thrust back to my SNCOIC days of being overworked and understaffed. It was at that moment when I realized I don’t desire a job that closely reflects

my military career. For the first time in 20 years, I was able to walk away without consequence from something I didn’t enjoy. I resigned three months later.

I spent the next 365 days home with my family, enjoying my kids, reading, attending school parttime, and doing routine buddy checks with my comrades. While it’s not common in the military community, taking a professional gap year was the best and right decision for my family.

Gunnery Sgt. Deonte Cole, USMC Ret.; Realtor, Keller Williams Suburban Tampa

Here are four reasons why:

Mental health. After countless deployments and years of enduring stress, I owed it to myself to rest and recover. No more early alarms and standing in formations. No more meetings that should have been an email. No more canceled birthdays and holidays. No more office politics. It’s just me being fully present as a husband and dad, puttering on the golf course, and selling houses in my spare time.

Discover your passion. First, you are not alone in the process of discovery after the military. We’re all trying to figure out what we want to do for the next 20 years. Use this downtime to inventory your talent. Immerse yourself in activities and do only the things which bring you joy.

Endless family time. The best part about retirement is getting my time back. I waited for 14 years to take my kids to school every morning and have random lunch dates with my wife. Family time is non-negotiable.

Learn new skills. Don’t plunge into a new career right away; spend some time learning about it. Take classes at a community college. Attend desired industry conferences. Expand your comfort zone — rather than leave it — and know that it’s OK to start from the bottom and work your way up again.

Retirement for any military member is an intimidating, frustrating, and yet a rousing experience. Career anxiety is a real thing. The struggle to find a career that’s aligned with your

newfound passion without sacrificing stability and income is also real.

The great thing about retirement nowadays is that there are no rules or clear paths. The only way to know how to retire is to actually do it. The way to figure out which opportunities are best for you is to learn more about yourself. The way to figure out who you are and what you want is to try new things. We hear a lot about transferable skills in our community, which is essential. Culture fit in the workplace is equally important. Take your time. Don’t chase the quick win only to end up in an unsuitable position. We champion for employers to hire more veterans. It is our responsibility to ensure they made the right decision.

By Stephanie Montague

1. Aim for the highest priority

Space-A passengers are categorized based on duty status and reason for travel. Category 1 is highest priority and Category 6 is lowest. If you’re active duty on ordinary leave, you are Category 3. But if you’re stationed OCONUS in an eligible location, you may be able to use Environmental Morale Leave (EML) and travel as Category 2. Check with your command or the local military passenger terminal for guidance on eligibility and authorized travel destinations.

2. Travel “offseason”

In general, autumn and late winter/early spring are the best times to fly space-A. Avoid space-A during school breaks, winter holiday season, and summer PCS season (mid-May through early September), when competition for seats is fierce.

If you’re looking to save money on travel — and add a dose of adventure along the way — traveling space-available (space-A) on a military flight could be the perfect solution.

Flying space-A, or “taking a hop” as it’s also called, means you’re occupying a spare seat on a military flight (also called a mission) that has extra space after all mission-

related cargo and personnel have been accommodated. You pay nothing for a seat on the flight unless you are flying on the Patriot Express (aka the “rotator”), which has a small per-person tax.

If you’re new to space-A travel, visit www.poppinsmoke.com/ MilitaryFamilies for a detailed primer on how it works.

3. Dress for a range of temperatures

If you’re flying space-A on a military cargo plane, the temperature can vary widely. Dress in multiple breathable layers so that you can adjust for a very warm takeoff on a KC-135 or a very cold flight over the ocean on a C-17.

Beyond the basics, here are a few hacks to boost your chances of getting a seat.

Space-A travelers’ checked luggage on a C-17

4. Pack light

Packing light is a good idea under most circumstances, but it’s particularly important when flying space-A. While the standard baggage allowance for space-A travelers is two 70-lb bags, certain aircraft have luggage weight restrictions as low as 30 lbs. per passenger. If everyone traveling with you meets that criteria, you can increase your chances of getting a seat because you will be eligible for flights that many other space-A passengers can’t take.

5. Bring an inflatable sleeping pad

On some aircraft, such as a C-17, passengers can use open space on the floor to lie down after the plane reaches altitude. Bringing a light sleeping pad is the best way to take advantage of your opportunity to stretch out and sleep. You can also use your sleeping pad to smooth out the space between seats if you have a row of seats to yourself or even to make webbed seating more comfortable while sitting upright.

When flying space-A, you often won’t know in advance what aircraft you’ll get, so bring a sleeping pad that’s light and easy to transport in case you aren’t able to use it. For help choosing a good sleeping pad, visit www.poppinsmoke.com/ sleeping-pad

6. Prepare to go with the flow

When traveling space-A, you must be comfortable making many of your travel arrangements on the fly. You should never book any nonrefundable reservations based on your expected arrival on a space-A flight. Recon your destination in advance, but plan to find a lastminute room in base lodging or a local hotel when you arrive.

If you’re truly flexible, you may even decide to change your itinerary based on the destination of the first flight with seats! This brings us to one of the most important rules of space-A travel . . .

7. Take the first flight you can get

This rule is most applicable when flying to/from OCONUS locations. Don’t get stuck waiting for a flight to the exact place you hope to land.

If you’re aiming for Germany and there’s a flight to Spain, take it. You can either enjoy a vacation in Spain instead or buy a cheap plane ticket to Germany.

Similarly, if you’re in Japan and your car is parked at Travis, hop the mission headed to Seattle today, even if a flight to Travis is on the schedule for tomorrow. That flight to Travis might be delayed or cancelled, and you could get stuck paying for a very expensive last-minute flight if you run out of leave before the next flight to Travis comes along.

Flying space-A is an adventure. It may not be the right transportation when you have an event to attend on a specific day because many aspects of space-A travel are beyond your control. But if your plans are flexible, follow the tips above to set yourself up for success, then relax and enjoy the ride!

By Jordan Benton

Most military families can relate to the dread of having to pack up and move to their next base and then unload everything, only to do it again in a few years. What if it only took three hours to pack up and the same amount of time to unload for your next move? Living in an RV makes this speedy transition possible.

Two Air Force families, the Harringtons and the Tretters, met when they lived a couple of spots

down from each other at an RV park on a base in southwest Texas. If you are interested in the RV life, here is their advice for success based on firsthand experiences.

Casey Harrington, her husband, their infant daughter and dog have been stationed at Little Rock Air Force Base in Arkansas since June 2019, living at a mobile home park in a bus remodeled into a deluxe RV. They’ve had their rig since August 2017.

“We bought the bus in Arizona and it took us about a year to get it to the point where we could live in it,” Casey Harrington explained.

The Harringtons spent weekends and holidays revamping their 270-square-foot RV. The family’s favorite feature in their rig is the wood burning stove.

“Before we started building the RV, we went to Camping World to look at RVs and figure out a good layout for ours,” Harrington said.

Camping World is where they got the idea that they wouldn’t have a hallway layout. Instead, they would build theirs broken down into rooms by walls. One of the perks of this layout is having a bigger bathroom and more counter space than most RVs.

She added that the best part about living in their RV is knowing they built it themselves. The most challenging part is having to vacuum every day due to dog hair build up.

A popular question she receives is “Is there anything you miss about living in a house?” To which Harrington replies “having a bathtub.” The family was also initially worried about space, but that hasn’t proved to be a problem.

“I thought we weren’t going to have enough space, but I think having a smaller space is better. It takes like one second to put in a little laundry and watch your food at the same time — everything is just so easy,” she said.

With having less space comes fewer belongings — a philosophy she easily adapted to.

“I don’t like having a lot of stuff

anymore,” Harrington said. “It’s just funny how your mindset changes. When you live in a small space, you realize how much you don’t need.”

As long as her husband is in the military, state side, they anticipate living in the RV.

The Harringtons past RV neighbor in Texas, the Tretters, also have an insightful RV story of their own to share.

Lindsey Tretter, her husband, two young daughters and two dogs are currently stationed at Laughlin Air Force Base in Texas, having lived off base at an RV park in their 436-square-foot, fifth wheel since March 2019. The family originally adopted this was of life in 2018, but relocated after tiring of the installation’s strict and inconvenient rules.

“We didn’t want to buy a house here, and the rental market was a little extreme,” Tretter said.

Living in an RV with children has been rewarding for this family as well.

“It gets us outside more often,” Tretter said. “The girls have become accustomed to being more social

even with people who are not their age because there aren’t a lot of kids around here. We are surrounded by a lot of full timers, so we always have dinners together. Although their grandparents don’t live here, they have a lot of people that I consider to be pseudo grandparents and they love it.”

One piece of advice from Tretter for those interested in full-time RV living is to note that it’s not as affordable as some people may think.

“You have your insurance payment on it, the payment for the actual rig itself, you have to have a quality

vehicle to tow it with, you have to pay for your RV spot at the park as well as the electricity you use, and internet. It adds up,” she said.

Wondering what the perks of living in an RV are? Tretter noted easy cleaning, the community and simple living. Living in an RV does have its challenges and those come in the form of grey and black water tanks.

“You have to flush them often. If you forget and they are full, you can be taking a shower and all of a sudden your water is no longer draining,” Tretter explained.

If you want to be a pro at RV living, Tretter suggests having two necessities — a residential fridge and a washer/dryer.

The family plans to live in their RV for their current assignment. Depending on their next duty station, they may continue to live in it or keep it for travel.

Minimalism isn’t for everyone, but if you are considering transitioning from house living to RV living, be sure to keep these families’ experiences in mind — you never know when their advice will come in handy.

The Tretter family’s setup outside their RV.

The inside of the Harrington family’s remodeled bus.

Programs aid military spouse employment

By Jennifer Barnhill

With so many areas of military life outside their control, career development may feel like one more worry to heap onto military spouses. However, learning what resources are available to achieve strategic career development can put this demographic one step closer to employment.

On day one of a new job, military spouses start an internal countdown. They know that in two to three years they will have to have the “we have orders” conversation. Getting hired after presenting a resume with an overabundance of twists and turns is no small feat, but only the first battle in the campaign that is military spouse career development. Luckily, the lifestyle that puts military spouse careers to the test also uniquely equips them to leverage their lessthan-traditional backgrounds and make their status as military spouses work for them.

Navigating your own path

Although military spouses have military-sponsored career development resources at their disposal, many prefer to go their own way. When the Navy sent Kristina Sevier and her husband to the remote island of Guam in 2008, job opportunities in her field were very limited. Rather than accepting a resume gap as a natural part of military spouse life, she created her own flower delivery company.

“In Guam, a lot of people are forward deployed so I started a subscription plan so while they were deployed their significant other would receive flower deliveries in their absence,” she explained.

This required a lot of research, a business license and connections with wholesalers, she says, along with getting active in the

community. Through her personal and professional relationships, she was able to see a gap in the marketplace and create her own opportunities.

“As a military spouse we are entrepreneurs anyway. We are creative and try to figure out how to make things work in trying to balance our family business,” Sevier said.

Upon returning to the U.S., Sevier hit the ground running, leveraging her successful startup to advance within the financial arena and is currently working toward becoming a team financial advisor with Merrill Lynch.

Once military spouses get their foot in the door, many feel grateful just to have gotten a job. Sevier combats this tendency by making concerted efforts to know her worth and ask for compensation that lines up with her level of experience and work ethic.

“Women are grossly underpaid in the workforce compared to men’s salaries. For military spouses it is like a compounding effect. We are paid less than our civilian counterparts because we don’t have the same tenure and consistency within the same company and fields,” she said.

Sevier encourages spouses to be prepared. Compare salaries of similar

Both Kristina Sevier and Lt. Cmdr. Matthew Sevier advanced their careers while stationed in Guam from 2008 - 2011.

Kristina Sevier started her own business when the Navy sent her and her activeduty husband to Guam for three years.

roles on glassdoor.com. The worst that can happen is they say no.

Networking

Networking is a buzzword usually associated with social networking. However, social networking is not as effective when it comes to career development.

“Eighty-percent of jobs are filled by referral. … So building out that network in advance is one of the key pieces. You have to be an active participant in advocating for yourself,” Elizabeth O’Brien, Senior Director of Military Spouse Program at Hiring Our Heroes, said.

While making connections on social networking sites like LinkedIn is an asset, relationships need to be developed on a personal level, not exclusively a social (media) level. The moments that employers remember are not the clever tweets, but the ones where individuals show up and prove themselves through face-to-face interactions and sweat equity.

Hiring partners

With increased awareness of the value military spouses bring to the workforce, having hard conversations with employers doesn’t have to be a career killer.

“ If a company has created an opportunity for you to self-identify it means that they are invested in hiring our [military spouse] population,” O’Brien said. “They have to clear many legal hurdles to actually have that as an opportunity because we are asking someone to identify based on marital status,” which is against the law for a company to discuss during the hiring process.

Companies like Starbucks, Google and Amazon are leading the charge to improve military spouse hiring but are still finalizing details on how to manage and develop this newly acquired talent.

What remains unclear is who is benefitting from these military spouse hiring initiatives. According to O’Brien, there are two groups of military spouses who want to work.

“There is the 18-24 year old bucket — that’s representative of the larger military. They are just starting out with a wide variety of entry level jobs. And then we see folks when they are around 32+ bucket and that is the spouse whose active duty service member has decided to stay in and they need to figure out a path.”

Federal employment

For military spouses who utilize military spouse preference and find federal employment through USAJobs.com, there are a plethora of military-spouse-friendly career development opportunities.

Flexible work schedules: break from the traditional 0800 - 1700 Monday - Friday model

Telework: some jobs have the flexibility to work from home on a case-by-case basis

Wellness time: don’t have time to squeeze in a workout? Some agencies offer paid time away from the office to devote to health and wellness

Tenure possibilities: transfer to

another federal job and your benefits transfer with you

F or those who need extra assistance, “some agencies have adopted a wider version of the Employee Assistance Program. This program can help veterans, spouses and all employees as they transition through various times in their careers,” said an unnamed Office of Personnel Management official during a phone interview. Though originally designed to help employees through personal struggles, like alcohol abuse, this program has morphed into another confidential resource for federal employees to help mitigate the unexpected challenges of life.

Military spouses anticipate problems through resilience in the face of PCS moves, longer-than-planned deployments and pressing the reset button every few years. All that remains is for them to plot their course and see where the wind will take them.

RESOURCES TO ADD TO YOUR TOOLBOX

LinkedIn Premium for free: https://myseco.militaryonesource.mil/portal/content/view/8256 Free career mentorship programs: MySECO - Military OneSource, American Corporate Partners (ACP) and Hiring our Heroes

Foundation lifts up military marriages

By Alison Paul Klakowicz

Chris Kyle Frog Foundation is asking you to turn your patriotism into action by supporting the programs impacting military and first responder marriages across the U.S.

The organization focuses on four unique programs designed in partnership with Baylor University to enhance and strengthen military and first responder marriages and families, according to Amanda Anderson, head of programs for CKFF — a 501(c)(3) national nonprofit organization based out of Midlothian, Texas.

“Restoring military and first responder communities by keeping families together … if a marriage is happy, the whole family is happy,” Anderson said. “We hear stories all of the time that this program saved my marriage.”

Date your spouse

Date Night Out Programs are an example of recreational activities CKFF provides where couples are invited to enjoy a special evening away from home to reconnect with their spouse as well as enjoy fellowship with other couples.

Anderson, an Army spouse, recognizes the importance of providing military couples an opportunity to focus on each other. She noted first responders, such as law enforcement, firefighters, EMTs, air marshals, etc. have not always had support — like military members — and are now being recognized for the difficulties their careers can place on a household.

CKFF works in coordination with other organizations and companies on events, such as dinner and a movie, painting classes or a night at the races. The organization is always looking for new partnerships nationwide to provide more couples with access to support.

Built in the vision of Chris and Taya Kyle

Revitalization Retreats , as another example, “was designed directly from an experience (the late) Chris (Kyle) and his wife Taya) experienced” while revitalizing their own marriage following the impacts of military life and service, Anderson added. She said the couple attributed this experience to saving their marriage following hardships.

During a Revitalization Retreat, couples are provided coaching sessions from licensed professional counselors who are instrumental in providing them a gateway for open communication and connectivity, while setting them up for marital success.

Oftentimes, military spouses are in the shadow of their service member who receive training and bonding retreats throughout a career, so CKFF designed an Empowered Spouses Retreat for women.

“Outdoor adventures … archery, hiking… an LPC is available for coaching and relationship training … a network of support (for spouses),” Anderson said. “It’s sometimes hard to know who you can trust … and you can talk freely (at the retreat).”

She emphasized trust is critical when considering experiences some spouses have on the home front, and they can feel at ease to speak freely without judgment in the retreat setting.

Recently, the organization expanded by adding Mastering Marriage , a program that includes couples being paired with a six-month peer support group to remotely work on skill-building curriculum. After the training portion is completed, couples return for a retreat with their peers to celebrate successes gained throughout the program.

These vital programs rely on funding from individuals as well as organizations that can be given through a recurring donation program called the CKFF Warriors Club.

“You can join for as little as $1.99 month-to-month,” Dianne Villalobos, a military spouse and head of marketing & communications at Chris Kyle Frog Foundation, said. “When you join you get a welcome package which includes a decal, hat, shirt, 10% discount at the store … club members receive exclusive information and updates on the impact of their donations … how many couples benefit (from the program) along with a picture and quote from the couple.”

To learn more about this organization and ways to contribute, visit their website here at www.chriskylefoundation.org.