David Magazine- Issue 679

Issue 679 Jan 18-25 | 2012

LeAnn Rimes has a Good Heart

David | Atlanta

Issue 679 | Jan 18-25, 2012 David Magazine 650 Hamilton Ave. Suite H Atlanta, GA 30312 404.418.8901

Contents 8

WTF?!

10

Scene@ Blakes

12

Men Seeking Men

14

WTF?! Tidbits

16

Brent Star Report

18

Protect Your Monster A Couple of Gays

17

Music: Top 10 Tracks

20

SACURRITY!! An Interview with Anjelah Johnson

28

LeAnn Rimes: Country Star with a Good Heart

34

Deep Inside Hollywood

36

Scene@ MIXX

37

La Nota Rosa

38

BarTab Map

40

Where Are They Now: American Idol Edition

42

Thinking Out Loud: Lessons From Egypt

44

Creep of the Week: Chuck Norris

46

Scene@ PALS Bingo

50

BarTab Calendar

54

Scene@ Burkhart’s

57

Classifieds

60

Fairyscopes

62

Bitch Session

Publisher David Thompson david@davidatlanta.com Editor in Chief Maximillian Corwell max@davidatlanta.com Art Director Kiki Carr kiki@davidatlanta.com Sales Manager Chip O’ Kelley chip@davidatlanta.com Sales Steve Tyrell steve@davidatlanta.com Bob Swanson bob@davidatlanta.com Elijah Sarkesian Jesse Morgan jesse@davidatlanta.com Tom Dempsey tom@davidatlanta.com Writers Joseph Brownell Lucas Witherspoon Tristan Timothy Dustin Shelby Richard Marshall Brent Star Stasha Oakley Luis Chiruco Chris Azzopardi Troy Ordami Photography Randall Carpenter Webmaster Joseph Brownell IT Jamie Scarbrough National Ad Rep Rivendell Media 908.232.2031 Add us on Facebook!

DavidAtlanta

The content of this Publication is for your general information and use only. It is subject to change without notice. The opinions expressed by any writer, advertiser, or other person appearing in the Magazine are not necessarily those of the Publication, its management or staff. The information and materials appearing in the Magazine are not guaranteed or warranted as to accuracy, timeliness, performance, completeness, or suitability of the information and materials found or offered for a particular purpose.

It shall be your responsibility to ensure that any products, services, or information available through this Publication meets your specific requirements. The Publication is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, content of information, changes, events, and schedules. The Magazine contains information and material which is owned by or licensed to the Publication, including but not limited to articles, advertisement, design, layout, graphics, and logos. No part or portion of this Publication may be reproduced in any way without the prior written consent of the Publisher. Unauthorized use of this Publication may give rise to claims for damages and or criminal offenses. Your use of the information or materials in the Publication is strictly at your own risk.

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davidatlanta | 7

WTF!?!?

GOP’s Mindless Attacks

W

by Lucas Witherspoon

ith the Iowa and New Hampshire primaries behind us, and the South Carolina primary on the horizon (at the time of the composition of this article), the Republican presidential candidates have amped up their attacks on each other, particularly against Mitt Romney. Specifically, the candidates have launched a full-on war against Romney because of his position at Bain Capital, a private equity investment firm.

The core of Romney’s campaign has essentially been his supposed understanding of the economy because of his experience in the business world. While Bain Capital managed to create over 100,000 jobs (according to Romney), his opponents argue that it cost countless others their jobs, all while the corporate big wigs made enormous profits.

Because this is a capitalist country, what Romney did was obviously not illegal in any way, and actually is a model of how capitalism works. As capitalism is at the center of the Modern Republican Party’s economic beliefs, it’s confusing that Romney is actually being attacked for engaging in capitalism.

The problem with the Republican candidates is that they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for a talking point to use against their competitors, rather than actually taking the time to think about what they’re saying, or, better yet, thoroughly explain how they plan to fix the country. “I’m a strong supporter of capitalism, unless my adversary practices it, in which case, I am

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outraged!” It’s absurd. All of the candidates are capitalists, not just Romney.

What I’ve noticed about the GOP is that the person whose politics make the least sense always seems to be the most popular, meaning they prefer charisma or someone they feel they could have a beer with, as opposed to looking at the candidate who actually makes fucking sense.

That’s how Cain, Gingrich, and Romney have all found themselves as front-runners, while Huntsman lags behind. Consider the candidate who actually uses logic, and not the person with cutesy catchphrases and a folksy person who only follows party lines.

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Men Seeking Men

Happily Ever After?

I

by Tristan Timothy

’ve been with my boyfriend now for over two years. That means in gay standards and for all intents and purposes we’re married. But it got me thinking, besides the tax breaks and being seen as equal, what part of marriage am I missing out on?

Spending time with my sister and her husband over the holidays I realized that most of my fights center on the same principals as those of my heterosexual siblings. There are fights about household chores, spending too much time on the TV (or Grindr if it’s one of those weeks) and whose turn it is to walk the dog. The one thing that is missing is that concrete belief that the other won’t just walk out when they are sick of it.

Gay dating is hard, being men and apt to goose necking every sexually attractive bipedal entity that walks our way, it’s sometimes hard to assure myself that I’m not just going to get left in the dust. I’ve been in relationships that were obviously heading

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Gay Dating in the City down the wrong path and in those times often lined up a potential “next boyfriend” before I even had an “ex boyfriend.”

More so than being seen as equal in the eyes of every American citizen (which is totally important, I get it) I want to make sure that the person I’ve committed years of my life to can’t just up and leave when they please. I’m not just saying that I want to be married in order to get divorced but I think the threat of a nasty, drag out, custody battle for our dog or the pressure of losing half of your things in a breakup, might help in times where you want to throw your hands up and say “F*** it.”

It’s not the piece of paper that says your married or the giant reception with swans that lay golden eggs. It’s the commitment between two people. But sometimes commitment’s can be tested, whether by outside forces or those within a relationship. Maybe when it comes down to it, a marriage certificate is less important to me than a pre-nup.

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WTF!?!? Tidbits If you felt the Earth shake or noticed the poles shifting, it was probably because Beyoncé gave birth to her daughter with Jay-Z, Blue Ivy Carter. ‘Blue’ was inspired by Jay-Z’s album, The Blueprint, while ‘Ivy’ is a play on the Roman numeral for four (IV), which the couple considers to be their lucky number. It’s astounding that even in naming their offspring, their egos still took precedent.

Snoop Dogg was found to be in possession of marijuana during a traffic stop in which drug-sniffing dogs were dispatched

in Texas. Considering his bus is undoubtedly a traveling cloud of smoke (and the fact it’s freaking Snoop Dogg), were drug dogs really necessary?

Citing a lack of acceptable maternity wear

to choose from during her pregnancy, Jessica Simpson plans to launch her own maternity line. Isn’t Jessica’s entire wardrobe, pregnant or not, pretty much maternity wear at this point?

Kirstie Alley says she’s had bad luck dating handsome men, and instead should start dating “butt ugly” guys because she thinks they’d be more “appreciative.” My guess is that Kirstie has only been able to land the hot guys because of that straight guy thing where they all want to fuck a fatty because they think she’ll be more appreciative, so I guess she’s kind of doing the same thing.

Justin Bieber got a tattoo of Jesus on his calf.

I’m sure that if Jesus knew 17-year-old pop stars would be tattooing his face on their bodies 2,000 years ago, he’d have stayed in that tomb.

What’s a bigger kick in the balls than getting $100 million in a divorce settlement from your cheating

ex-husband? Using that money to flatten an entire $12 million mansion, only to rebuild practically the same house on the same spot. That’s exactly what Elin Nordegren did to the 9,000 square foot, 6-bedroom, 8-bathroom beachfront mansion in North Palm Beach she bought in March. Get it, girl.

by Lucas Witherspoon

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It gets better “I lost my NAPKIN yesterday and I FOUND it TODAY!” Yes ma’am, just when I was feeling a little blue about the ‘scene’ in 2011, 2012 started off with a BANG at a relatively new (few months old) restaurant in Midtown called 5 NAPKINS BURGERS! I forgot to ask them why they named it after some damn napkins, but my interpretation is they used that instead of calling it a 5 STAR restaurant (in which it is).

Well, take it from me, the food was great and apparently so was the emcee and the 5 STARS that had the place PACKED with an amazing show on Jan 1st! The emcee/host was the fabulous twirler, Princess Charles, the DJ was Cody Nation and the 5 Napkins were Bubba D Licious, Nicole Paige Brooks, Angelica D’Paige, Ej Aviance, and Mr. Brent Star.

The energy in that packed room was AMAZING because you can literally FEEL the excitement. I haven’t felt that kind of excitement since Charlie Browns’ first Drag Idol. I mean it felt like EVERYBODY was there!

Bubba D. told me how good it made her feel to see pretty much the entire staff from Nickiemototo support; she said it felt like old times. You know that place used to

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be Nickiemoto, home of the then famous DRAGAMAKI show she hosted! Bill Kaelin, owner/president of the brilliant Bill Kaelin Marketing Company, and the one who put it all together, couldn’t stop smiling (at first I thought it was because of how short my skirt was).

I saw a bunch of old faces that I hadn’t seen in a long time come out as well as some new ones! The owner of Outwrite Bookstore and his husband were there too looking happier than ever.

This whole moment felt like a priceless scene from a dream.

Bill Kaelin said in fact there’s going to be a hot show like that once a month!

(Good, ‘cause I can’t wait to do it again!).

Shout out to the legendary Ej Aviance for his showstopper number and sending the kids THROUGH IT (and speaking of which, it’s past time for me to interview him). I want to thank the staff there for treating the cast like royalty, and owner Kathy for allowing us to do our thing. I love you for it, because if you’re going to have a spot in Midtown, that’s how you do it!

UNTIL next week, DON’T read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report!

Top 10 Tracks 1.

Mixtape (Blonde P Remix) — Marvin-Paul Ambrosius

2.

DJ Ease My Mind — Niki & The Dove

3.

Mr. Wrong — Mary J. Blige

4.

Alive — Adrian Lux feat. The Good Natured

5.

Want U Back — Cher Lloyd feat. Astro

6.

From Another World — Boddhi Satva feat. Vikter Duplaix

7.

Bad Date — Oh My!

8.

Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) — Kelly Clarkson

9.

Sonogram — Soul Brother

10.

Unzip Me — Cazwell feat. Peaches

By Dustin Shelby. Check out more music at Dustin’s blog at www.echodust.com

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Protect Your Monster

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by Richard Marshall

W

by Joseph Brownell

ith over 52 million views and counting, many of you are already familiar with her viral Youtube hit, Bon Qui Qui at King Burger from MADtv. What you may not know is Anjelah Johnson has starred in such films as Our Family Wedding, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel and Marmaduke.

With an extensive stand-up tour starting last week, Anjelah will hit The Buckhead Theater for two shows on January 21st. I was lucky enough to catch up with Anjelah where she shared her acting aspirations, some future plans for Bon Qui Qui, and her love for the gay community.

So you started as a Raiderette before making the transition to comedy, TV and film. Was the entertainment industry something you just stumbled into?

Yes and no. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. This opportunity came up to be cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders and I would never want to do something like that.

I grew up in competitive cheerleading but 20 | davidatlanta

I’m not really a sexy, shake your pom-poms kind of girl. But as I was going to college, I kind of wanted to be an actress but I didn’t really know how to be an actress. I had this friend in LA who was like, if you move out here I’ll show you the ropes and help you get started.

I was like okay. I said I’m going to try out for this Oakland Raiders cheerleader thing and if I make the squad, I’m going to use that as my sign to pursue the entertainment industry. So I did. I cheered for the Raiders one year, then I moved to LA and started from the ground up and made my way here where I am today.

In only 5 years you’ve had a Comedy Central special, DVD, CD and viral Internet videos- does it seem like it has happened over night for you?

Yes it does, actually. I’ve been in LA for about 9 years now but it still feels like I’ve only been out here for a few years. I feel like I’m a kid when it comes to the concept of time.

They don’t understand what time really is. It’s like, when does mom get home from work? 6 o’clock? Does that mean, like right now? I

don’t get it. It feels like yesterday I was an extra on Friends and now I’m touring the country with stand-up comedy. It’s really crazy but it’s exciting for sure.

You spent some time on MADtv… any chance you’d return to a sketch comedy show? SNL, perhaps?

I’d like to one day in life be a host on SNL after I’ve filmed a bunch of movies. I’d love to do that but I’m not looking to become a cast member again of a sketch show.

I want to do more roles like Our Family Wedding that are more real life.

Guess we’ll start a Facebook campaign to get you to host SNL. (laughs) Yeah, I think I gotta be more successful first before I host SNL, but one day.

You’re currently touring the country; can you tell us a little about what else is in store for 2012?

The tour wraps up in Hawaii on April 1st, April Fools, so it’s where I trick everybody and I don’t even show up to the show. APRIL FOOLS! (laughs)

I’ll be back in LA for pilot season. There are some TV show ideas for myself but you never know in this industry. Things can change for you overnight. Being out here in LA, you’re standing in line at Starbucks next to some crazy producer. You never know

what is going to happen in your life the next day. Who knows though. I’m excited for this year because I feel like big things are going to happen.

We’ve heard some talk about the return of Bon Qui Qui. Can you give us any details?

We don’t have an exact date yet but Bon Qui Qui will drop her first single Im’a Cut You in February. This song is so legit. I’m so excited for it to come out, especially the video. We had so much fun making this video. It’s not like a cheap we-got -our-flipcam-out; we full on had a whole crew, soundstage, propseverything. It was awesome, so I’m hoping everyone enjoys it.

Maybe once we make it #1 on iTunes she can guest star on my hip hop track Biscuit Hips?

Biscuit Hips?

(sings horribly off key) She got ‘dem Biscuit Hips…

She got ‘dem Biscuit Hips…

Got me licking my lips with ‘dem Biscuit Hips (laughs) Okay, let’s do it!

Speaking of Bon Qui Qui, you’ve said part of the inspiration for the character came from your brother, who you’ve described as ghetto fabulous gay… is he your go-to?

Oh yeah, he’s my go-to for sure. Ya know, I have a lot go-tos; let’s keep it real. My brother, he does my hair, he’s my guy who I call if I’m having an issue and I don’t want a realistic resolution but if I just want somebody to be mad with me or talk crap with me or something. He’ll be like, “what, how stupid,” and be with me in my little pity party and then we’ll get over it.

He’s hilarious. He doesn’t take crap from anybody so that’s kind of where Bon Qui Qui comes from. She says what everybody wishes they could say and that’s kind of who my brother is.

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So he’s the funnier one?

Yeah, he is. Here’s the thing; he’s funny but if you put him on the spot, forget it; he’ll close up. You’re like, whoa, what happened? you were like funny five minutes ago.

You were married this past summer? How has that been different for you?

I love married life. I’ve been single for a really long time. It’s been interesting going from the single life, me being CEO of me, my business, my career, life in general. To go from that to a partnership; it’s definitely a learning experience having to take someone else’s feeling and ideas into consideration.

But it’s so fun. I’m glad to have my one person who I know is never going to give up on me.

We all have our –isms that we do and I know sometimes I can be annoying or nagging but having that one person is so comforting and relaxing. It’s definitely a blessing.

Your husband is part of a very successful Christian music group, does he go on tour with you?

No, right now we’re on our biggest break from each other. He’s on a 48-city tour right now. We’re kind of like the movie Up in the Air, but the married version, so we plan our cities where we’ll cross paths. We try to meet up as much as we can and try to plan a few days to be home at the same time.

We’re really excited to have you in Atlanta this weekend and thank you for taking the time to speak with us. You have a huge gay following.

Thank you! I appreciate the love and support from my gay fans who I love dearly. So I’m looking forward to being back in Atlanta.

Would you say sacurrity for me one time?

SACURRITY! (laughs) For more information on Anjelah Johnson or to purchase tickets for her upcoming show in Atlanta visit her website at www.anjelah.com. Anjelah Johnson is performing two shows at the Buckhead Theatre on Saturday January 21st.

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LeAnn Rimes

Country Star with a Good Heart Singer talks equality, gay ‘dads’ and ex-hubby rumors

L

by Chris Azzopardi

eAnn Rimes was a free-spirited 13-year-old when, on one of her biggest songs, she threw caution to the wind and bought a one-way ticket on a westbound train. You know, “to see how far I can go.” Pretty far, it turned out. That ticket took her everywhere: to the Grammys, to No. 1 and to the gay clubs.

Drama threw her career off track, however, and lately she’s made tabloid headlines for everything but music: she’s too fat, she’s too skinny; she’s a home-wrecker; she’s an unfit stepmother. But now Rimes, 29, is heading in a new direction, pumping estrogen into songs by the kings of country on her 13th album, Lady & Gentlemen.

Rimes spoke candidly about one of her “second dads” co-producing her latest work, how a gay uncle inspired her to speak out on LGBT issues, the lack of a successful out country star and what to make of those rumors of her ex-hubby being homosexual.

You do some gender bending on this album.

Gender bending – I like the way you put that.

Is this the closest you’ve come to doing drag?

I would guess so! I’ve always watched others do my songs, but I’ve never taken it in the opposite direction. (Laughs) But it was fun doing this record because there’s a certain softness and a different vibe that a woman brings to these songs in a lot of ways, especially songs like “Good Hearted Woman.”

When you’re singing it from the first person, from someone who’s experienced it as a woman, they take on a whole different connotation.

You’ve been a big supporter of gay issues for a very long time, having done an “It Gets 28 | davidatlanta

Better” video and recently a photo shoot for the NOH8 Campaign. Why are these LGBT issues so important to you, and why is it important to be part of these projects?

I believe in equality. Everybody should be treated exactly the same way no matter what their race, no matter what their sexuality. I’ve learned from everything I’ve gone through and from being in this business for so long and being judged since I was 13. That was my biggest lesson in life: not to judge others. You’ve never walked in their shoes, you don’t know where they’re coming from, and you don’t know their story.

I just believe that everybody should be able to do what they want to do as long as no one’s hurting anybody. I don’t believe in hate. I don’t believe in bullying. It’s something that’s become a huge issue, especially with cyberbullying. It just breaks my heart seeing kids committing suicide because they’re not accepted. It kills me.

You were visibly shaken when you performed “The Rose” with the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles last Christmas. How have the suicides affected you specifically?

I have not known anyone personally that has committed suicide because of their sexuality.

But the stories from fans always make me appreciate and love what I do even more and drive me at the end of the day, because I feel like to touch someone through my music is the ultimate thing for me, especially if I’ve written it. I’ve had many people say, “I was thinking about committing suicide and your song came on the radio and I just decided not to do it, that life was worth living.” It’s unfathomable to, I guess, really understand the impact I’ve had on some people’s lives. It deeply, deeply affects me.

Obviously you can tell by that performance.

You mentioned having felt judged since you were 13. Is that why you gravitate toward gay people, because we’re some of the least judgmental of people?

Oh, you guys can be very judgmental! I’m just kidding. (Laughs)

photo by Kurt Iswarienko

When it comes to fashion maybe.

Exactly! You’re like, “Girl, why you wearing that?”

No, I don’t know. I have a lot of gay friends and it’s something that has just naturally happened in my life and in this business. I have a lot of straight friends too, but my closest, deepest friends are gay and a lot older than me. Darrell Brown, he actually co-produced the record, and his partner are like second dads to me; they are with me through thick and thin. All my friends that I have known in my life are solid, but there’s something about my gay friends; they’ve always stuck by me and never judged, ever.

You also had a gay uncle. Did he affect you?

Yeah, I did. He actually passed away from AIDS when I was 11; it was very hush-hush and no one went to his funeral in our family except for my dad. He was someone really, really close to me. So I think it goes way back, I guess. He loved me and I loved him, and it was a very early-on experience that made me want to get involved even more.

As someone who’s been part of the country community for so long, do you feel it’s broken the stigma of not being welcoming to gay people.

I hope it’s progressed. Country music has become so mainstream and I think all of us have a lot of gay fans, so I hope that no one’s discriminating from somebody coming to a concert or anything. But I do think it has, in the past, had that unfortunate stigma. I think the walls are breaking down, at least I hope so. But I hope the walls are breaking down all over, not just in country music.

So you don’t think the genre is as homophobic as some people perceive it to be?

I don’t think so, I really don’t. I can’t speak for everybody obviously, but I don’t think that it is as homophobic as you said.

Then why isn’t there an out gay country star who’s mainstream and successful?

I don’t know. That’s a really good question. And that’s kind of unfortunate. I have thought about it. Shelby Lynne is an amazing singer and Chely Wright is such a sweetheart. I’m so happy for (Chely) and her wife. But I don’t know. You pose a very good question that I haven’t thought about in a very long time.

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There were obviously many upsides to finding fame early on, but what about the drawbacks – what sucked about being a 13-year-old star?

(Laughs) What sucked about it – I love how you put it. I lost a lot of my childhood, obviously. I used to say, “Oh no, I didn’t lose anything,” but I think as you get older – and now having my two “bonus boys,” as I call them, and seeing how they are as children and how innocent they are – a lot of innocence was taken away early on because I had to be responsible for so many at such a young age. So I think that’s the hardest part. But the great part is getting to do it now, with them. Where I’ve come, the place that I’ve come to know, I couldn’t have skipped any of it. I started at a young age, I love music, I was so driven as a kid – this is my path. I’m a true believer in what’s supposed to happen will. And this is my path. I can’t change it, and I wouldn’t.

I’m enjoying having fun with Eddie (Cibrian’s) kids for sure – and being a kid when I can.

There have been many headlines regarding you lately, but the latest is that you’re an overbearing stepmother according to Eddie’s ex-wife, Brandi Glanville. What are you really like as a mom?

I guess if loving them with all my heart and taking care of them when they’re with us and being there for them is overbearing, I guess I am – but I don’t think that’s the definition of overbearing.

I grew up in a family where my parents divorced when I was 14. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I know my mom and dad weren’t meant to be together other than to have me (laughs), and I’m totally cool with it. The kids are our main priority, and we have a house full of love and I have a great relationship with them.

What do you make of the outing of your ex on a Detroit radio station a couple of years ago when a so-called extended family member, “Pebbles,” came on the air to say he’s gay?

I was actually with him at the time. I think it was a bunch of craziness. I support Dean (Sheremet) and his happiness, and he’s married now (to Sarah Silver) and I’m very happy for him. That was a big, big prank at the end of the day.

Have you ever fallen for a gay man?

Have I ever fallen for a gay man? I don’t think so! I think it’s always been a straight man, but I love my gay friends to death, that’s for sure.

Deep Inside Hollywood Amber Heard revs her Motor

Amber Heard, new queen of all car-centric movies? OK, maybe not, but the co-star of Drive Angry and, most recently, The Rum Diary, is at least headed to Motor City with director Albert Hughes (Book of Eli). In the upcoming feature, Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe star alongside female lead Heard in the story of an ex-con on a revenge mission against the people who framed him and watched him be wrongfully imprisoned.

Generic-sounding, sure, but sometimes these sort of things wind up full of surprises (witness Book of Eli’s disco gun battle set to the ’70s beat of Anita Ward’s “Ring My Bell” if you don’t believe that). More importantly, don’t confuse it with Hughes’s usual directing partner brother Allen Hughes’ upcoming project, Broken City (even flying solo they make movies with similar names). And most importantly – to lesbians anyway – it’s another chance to watch Amber Heard strut through a film like she owns the place.

American Psycho Remake?

Really?

In the annals of cinematic bad ideas, a remake of an acclaimed American film fewer than 15 years after the original was in theaters takes the current “Worst Of” prize. But that’s not stopping the forces behind a reboot of American Psycho. Already a contemporary classic starring Christian Bale and helmed by Mary Harron with a darkly funny script co-written by indie lesbian icon Guinevere Turner, this update (no longer to be set in the ugly ’80s) is from the money-grabbing hands of Lionsgate and will be directed by music video vet Noble Jones. Even the original novel’s author, Bret Easton Ellis, supports this project that has no good reason to exist; he has called Jones’s vision “genuine.” Could it be part of some Ellis art-prank master plan to get the film remade once a decade? Will the kids from Modern Family star in the version they make in 2023? And will anyone know all those Huey Lewis and Whitney Houston songs by that point?

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E! taps David Burtka

Celebrity spouse David Burtka isn’t one to sit back and let his man bring home all the bacon. Not only is he not in the running to join the crew of the upcoming A-List: Los Angeles, he was recently stunt-cast opposite his longtime partner Neil Patrick Harris in the hilariously raunchy A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas. (He played a closet-straight Harris’s fake-gay “beard,” get it?) And now Burtka will have a regular gig, stepping into his own spotlight as a host for the E! network. The actor/chef/co-parent joins the network that brings the world The Soup as well as all the Kardashians as a correspondent for E! News, and he’ll also be a talking suit for various specials including Live From the Red Carpet. The job starts in January: How long before people start calling Harris “David Burtka’s husband?”

Sundancing with Jesse Eisenberg, Melissa Leo and Tracy Morgan

Oscar nominees Jesse Eisenberg and Melissa Leo will pack their parkas and hit Park City, Utah’s snowy Sundance Film Festival at the end of January to promote Predisposed, a comedy from gay screenwriter Ron Nyswaner (Philadelphia, Soldier’s Girl) and first-time director Phil Dorling.

The story involves a college piano student who, while trying to take his mother to rehab, gets kidnapped by her drug dealer (Tracy Morgan) and led off on a crazy misadventure.

Sound familiar? There’s a reason for that. Eisenberg already starred in the similarly kidnappingthemed 30 Minutes or Less.

And the good news? This one can’t be any worse than that.

Even better? It’ll have to be extra terrible to hit the lows of the similarly drug-dealerthemed “comedy” The Sitter.

So good luck, original-idea-having filmmakers and stars!

by Romeo San Vicente

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La Nota Rosa

Disfraz De Hetero’

by Luis Chirico Pues ya casi estamos en febrero, así como quien no quiere la cosa. En plenos Carnavales, momento en el que mucha gente aprovecha para disfrazarse de aquello que le gustaría ser.

Y la verdad es que lo de fingir cansa, pero ahí está cada uno para decidir hasta dónde quiere llegar. Yo decidí un buen día que sólo se lo diría a la gente que me importara.

Los demás que piensen lo que quieran, o que se

Y hablando de disfraces, hoy he conocido el caso de un hombre que, para todo el mundo que le rodea, es el “perfecto” heterosexual: casado, con un hijo, con una vida modélica y un trabajo normal.

Pero resulta que él, en su interior, sin su “disfraz” de hetero, se siente gay. Y la verdad es que lleva una doble vida con mucho mérito (porque para eso hay que valer) pero con mucho engaño. No sólo un engaño a sí mismo, sino a los demás.

Supongo que le compensará.

Siempre todos los gays, en mayor o menor medida, hemos estado acostumbrados a una doble vida, a saber qué podíamos decir o no decir en tal o cual circunstancia, a distinguir en qué compañías podíamos expresarnos y comportarnos con total libertad, y en cuáles no...

Es algo que nos ha acompañado en algún momento de nuestras vidas. Hemos fingido por el qué dirán, por la sociedad, así en general, o en particular, por la familia y la gente que la rodea.

imaginen lo que les apetezca.

Son muy libres. Ellos sí. Algunos de nosotros, tristemente, no lo somos tanto...tu que opinas?... got leche?

davidatlanta | 37

map Bar | Club

1 2

Amsterdam

502 Amsterdam Ave. www.amsterdamatlanta.com

Bellissima

560-B Amsterdam Ave. www.myspace.com/ bellissima_lounge

3 Blakes on the Park 4 Bliss Atlanta 5 BJ Roosters 6 Bulldogs 7 Burkhart’s 8 Chaparral 9 Eagle 10 Felix’s 11 Friends on Ponce 12 Gilberts 13 Heretic 14 Joe’s on Juniper

227 10th St. www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com 2284 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.blissofatlanta.com 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.myspace.com/bjroostersat 893 Peachtree St.

1492 Piedmont Ave. www.burkharts.com

2715 Buford Hwy www.chaparralalternative.com 306 Ponce de Leon Ave. www.atlantaeagle.com 1510 Piedmont Ave

736 Ponce de Leon Ave. www.friendsonponce-atl.com 219 10th St. www.gilbertscafe.com

2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.hereticatlanta.com 1049 Juniper St www.joesonjuniper.com

38 | davidatlanta

15 Jungle 16 LeBuzz 17 Las Margaritas 18 Mary’s 19 Mixx 20 Model T’s 21 My Sisters Room 22 Opus 1 23 Oscars Atlanta 24 Swinging Richards 25 The Cockpit 2115 Faulkner Rd. www.jungleclubatlanta.com

585 Franklin Rd SE # A-10 www.thenewlebuzz.com 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.lasmargaritasmidtown.com 1287 Glenwood Ave. www.marysatlanta.com

1492 Piedmont Ave - B www.mixxatlanta.com

699 Ponce De Leon Ave NE #11. www.modeltatlanta.com 1271 Glenwood Ave www.mysistersroom.com 1086 Alco St.

1510 Piedmont Ave NE www.oscarsatlanta.com 1400 Northside Dr. www.swingingrichards.com 465 Boulevard Ave www.thecockpit-atlanta. blogspot.com

26 The Hideaway

1544 Piedmont Rd NE, Suite 124. www.atlantahideaway. com

27 Tripps 28 Woofs 29 91 / Mengos

1931 Piedmont Circle www.trippsatlanta.com 2425 Piedmont Rd NE www.woofsatlanta.com 91 Broad St NW, 30303

38 Daiquiri Factory

889 W. Peachtree St., 30309 • facebook.com/pages/ The-Daiquiri-Factory

39 XS Ultra Lounge

708 Spring St., 30308 www.traxxatlanta.com

Gym | Spa

30 Flex 31 Gravity Fitness 32 Manifest4U 76 4th St. www.flexbaths.com

2201 Faulkner Rd www.gravityatl.com

2103 Faulkner Road www.manifest4u.org

Retail

9 Rawhide Leather 33 Brushstrokes/ Capulets

at the Eagle. 404.881.0031

1510 Piedmont Ave. www.brushstrokesatlanta.com

34 Boy Next Door Bookstore 35 Outwrite & Café 1447 Piedmont Rd. www.boynextdoor.biz

991 Piedmont Ave. www.outwritebooks.com

36 Poster Hut Nights 37 Southern Videos

2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.myspace.com/posterhut

2205 Cheshire Bridge Rd. www.southernnights.com

map | BARTAB davidatlanta | 39

Music Review

American Idol Edition

Where Are They Now?

I

by Joseph Brownell

dol kicks off its 11th season this week on FOX and the past 10 seasons have spawned some legitimate stars (Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood) but also some contestants whose albums are probably collecting dust in some warehouse (Sanjaya Malakar and Justin Guarini). Then there were the contestants who are somewhere in the middle, some poised for fame, others still on the pop culture radar. We’ve caught up with some of our favorite contestants from past seasons to see what projects they have in the works.

Kellie Pickler

Some wondered if the ditzy act during season 5 was just an act and while Pickler has found moderate success in country music, she has yet to have that breakthrough hit. That may all be changing with the release of her third abum, 100 Proof, later this month. While the autobiographical first single, Tough, failed to make a major impact on country radio, the title track is hitting airwaves now and is quite possibly the best song Pickler has ever recorded. The initial press for the album is positive and Pickler has

40 | davidatlanta

touted the album as the first she has had creative and production input on. Produced by Frank Lidell (Lee Ann Womack, Miranda Lambert) this album could be the one to take Pickler to the top of the charts.

Adam Lambert

Season 8 runner-up found initial success with the release of his first album, For Your Entertainment, embarking on the headlining Glam Nation Tour in 2010. 2011 saw the release of a live album from that tour and promises of a new single/album. Better Than I Know Myself finally saw the light of day months after promised and was slightly disappointing.

Overshadowed by the nightclub altercation with Finnish boyfriend, Sauli Koskinen, the single’s chorus teased a musical path similar to the Pink-penned hit, Whataya Want From Me, but failed to deliver in its verses. The single is not currently in the Billboard Hot 100. His sophomore album, Trespassing, is due in March 2012.

Clay Aiken

Season 2 runner-up had a trio of moderately successful albums before being dropped by his

record label in 2010.

Aiken has appeared on Broadway, come out of the closet and had a child in between.

Aiken released Bring Back My Love, his first original music since 2008, in late December of 2011. Released independently, the single may mark the beginning of a new album, but in the meantime Aiken can be found on this season of Celebrity Apprentice, premiering on NBC in February.

Brooke White

Season 7 contestant Brooke White gained fans with her renditions of Dolly Parton’s Jolene and The Beatles’ Let it Be and prior to Idol released an album with covers of Coldplay’s Yellow and Aerosmith’s Dream On. Post-Idol Brooke found moderate success as an indie-folk artist before teaming with Jack Matranga to form the duo Jack and White. Their first EP Gemini was released in 2011. White has recently announced she’s pregnant with a baby girl but still has a follow-up EP with Matranga set to come out this month.

Season 10

Both Idol champ and runner-up, Scotty McCreery

and Lauren Alaina, have released country albums since the conclusion of season 10. While they’ve made a minor impact on country radio neither has produced a song that could be considered a hit. But what about the rest of last season? Sure, we saw some changes with the judges but could Idol be on a path to capitalize on its name and try to insure that all contestants walk away with deals?

Pia Toscano, a rumored favorite at first before stalling on the ballad highway, released a failed single last year. James Durbin released his debut album to dismal sales. Casey Abrams and Stefano Langone have each received deals in the past couple weeks. The only real contestant I’m waiting to hear music from is Hailey Reinhart, who received unfair criticism and was the one of the most developed contestants in recent Idol history.

Is Idol going to continue this trend with Season 11 dealing out more record deals than Carter had liver pills; throwing massive amounts of sh*t against the wall just to see what sticks? I hope not but the only way to really know is to tune in this week and start the 5 month journey.

Thinking Out Loud

Lessons from Egypt A tourist’s view of what Egypt’s new democracy means for LGBT rights

2

by Abby Dees

011 will be known in large part for the Arab Spring. From my home, I felt such camaraderie with those brave, ordinary people who, as if on cue, came together to oust dictators and call for democracy. In Egypt, the word “Tahrir,” which once meant only the busy downtown square of cell phone shops, restaurants, tony hotels and the grand Egyptian Museum, now refers to the revolutionary fire that brought down Mubarek and continues to burn into a profoundly uncertain future.

I’m fortunate I actually got to see Tahrir last month – both the place and the expression in Egyptian faces as they hotly debate, over bubbling Sheesha pipes and sweet, thick black coffee, what comes next. Egyptians are impassioned and opinionated about most things and their new democracy is

definitely not coming quietly. I am hopeful, but like everyone I spoke to, very worried.

Tahrir is definitely inspiring. How can I not compare it to our American origin story?

We are taught that democracy is synonymous with freedom and progress. Now that anything is possible in Egypt, LGBT rights must be part of the discussion, right?

They’re not.

As I traveled discretely with my partner, calling her “my friend” through clenched teeth and looking vainly for subtle signs anywhere that we weren’t the only gays in town, I felt like I’d time-traveled to the 50s.

Egypt rightly prides itself on its sophistication and comfortable coexistence of different ideas. Homosexuality is not per se illegal.

But Egypt is a Muslim country as a matter of law. Subjective notions of what is indecent or offensive to Islam have been used to randomly imprison LGBT people. You might remember the “Cairo 52,” half of whom were sentenced to hard labor in 2001 for partying on a boat while gay.

Dozens have since been arrested and brutally sentenced for crimes as innocuous as posting on dating sites. There are worse places to be gay (Uganda springs to mind), but few countries match Egypt for its total suppression of mere conversation about LGBT rights.

But everything that came before January 2011 could change tomorrow.

While the military retains a tenuous grip on things for now, elections have begun for the country’s new parliament and who will best represent the needs of the people in drafting the new constitution.

42 | davidatlanta

Democracy is not magic, as our high school textbooks suggest. Democracy in a country with dwindling resources, crushing poverty, 25 percent illiteracy, and a non-existent government infrastructure (detritus of country-wide corruption) looks a lot like mob rule. The liberal party’s talk of secularism and vague freedoms means little when you can’t afford propane to heat your food and the only people who seem willing to help are the religious groups canvassing you village and providing discount fuel. Freedom implies choice. To most Egyptians, there are no real choices.

Except perhaps the choice between the fundamentalist Salafists, who would remove women from public life completely, and the much more moderate Muslim Brotherhood who have, more or less, promised to maintain the civil rights status quo.

The Muslim Brotherhood are in the lead, mostly because they have their act together and it’s better than alternative. But the Salafists are in 2nd place with a shocking

30% of the vote. Remember that only a generation ago, few Egyptian women even covered their heads.

I’ve always believed that LGBT rights were inextricably connected to women’s rights and the end of rigid gender roles. As I watch Egypt retreat into more conservative religiosity for a sense of security, I know a reversal of women’s rights is inevitable. I am unable to imagine how LGBT rights in this environment could be anything more than a secret dream for now.

Already knowing the answer, I asked my Egyptian guide if I was being pessimistic.

He said no. Egyptians just aren’t ready.

At home, I’d dismiss such a statement as mealy-mouthed cowardice. Not so in Egypt, or likely any place where with a desperate and uneducated populace – I see that democracy can fast-track regression just as easily as it can bring progress. And how can I not see the same fact at play right at home?

I hope I’m wrong. Inshallah.

davidatlanta | 43

Creep of the Week Columns

Chuck Norris

I

by D’Anne Witkowski

t’s no secret that Chuck Norris is a physical force to be reckoned with. So if you’re gay, stay out of his way. Because he doesn’t like you very much. I’m not saying he would kick your ass. I’m just saying he could. Easily. I don’t care how many hours you put in at the gym.

Norris is already on the record as an anti-gay conservative, but he apparently worried that he was not sufficiently on record about the gay-led War on Christmas. In a Dec. 19 opinion piece in praise of the good anti-gay works of the American Family Association he has done just that.

“Anyone who knows me knows that for my whole life I’ve been a huge supporter of our U.S. military personnel, who I too congratulate about their victory in Iraq,” he writes. “But when our president and officials in the U.S. Department of Defense exchange a war abroad for a religious war at home, can’t we see something else is seriously awry in this administration?”

“Seriously awry” would be an understatement if President Obama actually pulled out of Iraq in order to wage war against religious people at home. That would be totally fucked up.

The key word is “if,” of course. Because that didn’t happen. Obama wasn’t all, “Hmm, I’m bored with Iraq. I need those troops back on U.S. soil to gun down live nativity scenes and water board Salvation Army Santas ringing those annoying bells.” That would be intolerable by even the most godless heathen’s standards. Thank God or any other deity/non-deity that such a thing is not happening.

Norris then bemoans how “Merry Christmas” is

44 | davidatlanta

“omitted from signs in your favorite department store.”

This is another figment of Norris’ imagination.

Look folks, I was at Rite Aid the other day and the piped in Christmas music mentioned Jesus so many times I’m surprised the cashiers weren’t wearing choir robes.

Norris also laments that military chaplains are now forced to gay marry everybody, which is also fiction. And, as AmericaBlogGay’s John Aravosis points out, for proof Norris links to a Washington Post article that say the exact opposite of this. I suspect someone may need to give his research skills a workout.

But by far the biggest whopper in Norris’ piece is his claim that “Secretary Hillary Clinton demonizes other countries’ religious beliefs as an obstacle to radical homosexual rights.”

Aravosis writes, “Actually, Secretary Clinton was criticizing other countries incarcerating, torturing and executing gay and trans people.”

Norris continues, “In many respects, we need to turn back the clock in America to our founding principles, values and liberties, and those include the intricate and pivotal role that religion and Christianity played in our early republic. It is not time to flee religious liberties but re-embrace them, especially during this sacred Christmas week.”

Got it. So during “this sacred Christmas week” (mind you, which has now passed) we need to embrace the Christian values of torture and execution of gay people as it says in the Book of Norris.

And that’s why, as I said before, you should stay away from this guy. He’s fucking nuts.

46 | davidatlanta

calendar MONDAY BLAKES ON THE PARK

Manic Monday (retro night 70’s, 80’s, & 90’s) @ 10pm

THE EAGLE Comedy TV- Free Pool FRIENDS ON PONCE

Bad Boy Brian opens at 2pm

HERETIC Industry Night with Brian; Dance Floor Open @ 10pm

JUNGLE Stars of the Century Show 11pm THE HIDEAWAY $2.50 Domestic Beer FELIX’S Free Pool THE COCKPIT Big Red Cup Mondays All Day & 1/2 Price Appetizers 5-8pm

TUESDAY BLAKES ON THE PARK I Gotta Sing!

Hosted by Jealose & Jerry (Karaoke) 11pm

THE EAGLE Tuesdays with Tony FRIENDS ON PONCE

Let’s Make a Deal 6pm

HERETIC Time Warp – 70’s, 80’s, & 90’s

Music with Paul; Dance Floor Opens 10pm

SWINGING RICHARDS

No Cover Before Midnight, $5 After

THE HIDEAWAY

Service Industry Night - Employee Prices. Trivia w/ Will 9pm - 11pm

FELIX’S Smirnoff Martini Night THE COCKPIT DUDE: 80s Party, 9pm & 1/2 Price Appetizers 5-8pm

CHAPARRAL HipHop til 4am, $5

50 | davidatlanta

WEDNESDAY BLAKES ON THE PARK

Feathers & Flesh Burlesque Revue 11pm

THE EAGLE 80’s Music with Travis FRIENDS ON PONCE Bingo 8pm HERETIC H.U.M.P Dress Code Party w/ DJ Lydia Prim.

SWINGING RICHARDS 2-4-1 VIP Room THE HIDEAWAY Craps & Blackjack with Miss Lauren

THE COCKPIT

Balls Deep Karaoke, 10pm with Mikey and Wesley &1/2 Price Appetizers 5-8pm

XCESS ULTRA LOUNGE/TRAXX

Raquell Lord’s The Main Event Talent Show @ 10:30pm, Sign Up by 9:45pm.

Also Sophia Mcintosh & The Fabulous 5 +1 @11:30pm, 18+

THURSDAY

SATURDAY

BLAKES ON THE PARK

BLAKES ON THE PARK

Texas Hold’Em Poker 7pm, The Shawna Factor Show, 11pm

Jealose’s Daring Diva’s Show 11pm

THE EAGLE DJ Dance Party

THE EAGLE Karaoke with Mikey FRIENDS ON PONCE Where Girls Who Like Girls Meet Girls all night

HERETIC : 3- Legged Cowboy Night @ 10pm; Dance Lessons @ 8pm

FRIENDS ON PONCE

Open @ noon with Bob Brewer

HERETIC Club Night, Various Guest DJ’s. No Cover Before 11pm.

JUNGLE Club Night, Various Guest DJ’s.

JUNGLE Cherry Pop Thursday!

SWINGING RICHARDS

LAS MARGARITAS

T-Shirt Review, $10 Cover

Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30pm

FELIX’S Karaoke w/ Brett & Tyler 10pm

SWINGING RICHARDS

2-4-1 VIP Room & 2-4-1 Door Entry

THE HIDEAWAY Levi & Leather Night FELIX’S Karaoke w/ Brett & Tyler 10pm THE COCKPIT

Dirty Boy Bingo, 9pm w/ Ruby Redd

XCESS ULTRA LOUNGE/TRAXX

Turnt Up Thursday, No Cover, Hip Hop, Rnb & Reggae

THE COCKPIT Rotating VJ’s & DJ’s, (resident DJ, Diablo Rojo)

SWINGING RICHARDS

T-Shirt Review, $10 Cover

CHAPARRAL Dance Party FELIX’S Karaoke w/ Brett & Tyler 10pm THE COCKPIT Rotating VJ’s & DJ’s, (resident DJ, Diablo Rojo)

CHAPARRAL DJ Jay McKracken, $5 XCESS ULTRA LOUNGE/TRAXX

FRIDAY

Man 2 Man, Free 4 Men 25+ B4 12am

BLAKES ON THE PARK

SUNDAY

Kitty LeClaw’s Meow Mix Show 11pm

THE EAGLE DJ Dance Party

BLAKES ON THE PARK

FRIENDS ON PONCE

Happy Times with Bad Boy Brian & Ken

Old School Sundays with DJ Bill Berdeaux 3pm-7pm, DJ Darryl Cox 7pm-close

HERETIC Primal Urges with DJ Lydia Prim;

FRIENDS ON PONCE Bad Boy Brian’s

JUNGLE Club Night, Various DJ’s

LAS MARGARITAS

No Cover Before 10pm, $5 after

All You Can Eat Brunch 11am-3pm

SWINGING RICHARDS

THE HIDEAWAY

T-Shirt Review, $10 Cover

CHAPARRAL Got Leche? til 4am, $10 THE HIDEAWAY

Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar 12:30pm

FELIX’S

Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet Pleasers

After Work Martini Madness

THE COCKPIT

FELIX’S Bartenders Serve It Up!

PBR Beer Bust -- Open & Pouring

THE COCKPIT Rotating VJ’s & DJ’s, (resident DJ, Diablo Rojo)

Smirnoff B Mary Bar 12:30pm

CHAPARRAL Hip Hop w DJ Truz, no cover

calendar | BARTAB davidatlanta | 51

MEET

AL R EMEN!

E FRtoEListen

& Reply to Ads!

Atlanta

404.244.7000 FREE CODE : DAVID Other local numbers:

Tell-AFriend

1-888-634-2628

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18+

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2110

TM

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Writers, Editors, Photographers!

David Magazine seeks interns for Spring 2012: photographers features writers editorial interns Email editor@sovo.com with samples of your work.

Unpaid, but entertainment perks and school credit are available.

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Trim Carpentry & Design Home Remodeling Custom Closets ,Crown Moulding, Custom Built-ins ,Paint, Kitchen, Baths, Quality Work Clever Designs LIC .REF Dave 404-409-4119

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Email tcmbetterhealth@gmail.com or call 404-216-7008 David George OMP, MQT (China)

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davidatlanta | 59

FairyScopes

ARIES (March 20 – April 19): New friends could tempt you to do things you’d never expect. That could get expensive. Be careful of your wallet, but otherwise be open to adventure.

Opening your mind to new possibilities can lead to financial opportunities.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20): Mirror, Mirror on the wall/Vanity leads to a fall. You’ve nothing to prove. Those who don’t love you as you are don’t really matter. Those who do may seem demanding, but rise to the occasion. The challenge will make you stronger.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20): Some things are better left unsaid or talked around rather than directly addressed. Much as you prefer full frontal frankness, stop and think a bit about what the best strategy really is.

However apt, sexual analogies can be more disruptive than helpful.

CANCER (June 21- July 22): Re-affirm (or take a late start on) any New Year’s resolutions about quitting a habit or losing weight. To prioritize and simplify your relationships make three lists: important professional contacts; friends you really care about; the few you’d take on a long retreat.

LEO (July 23 – August 22): Harsh words with colleagues will come back to haunt you. Putting what needs to be said nicely or handling blowback effectively can be a huge boost to your career. Accept an invitation to something you’d normally never do.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22): Your first ideas are likely to be extravagant and wasteful, but don’t let disillusionment stop you. Accept scarcity as a challenge to your creativity. At least you’ll never run out of ideas.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22): A beautifying regimen could cause your baby to wonder who you’re prettying-up for, or it could arouse envy among the other singles on the make. Focus on your health and your natural beauty will shine.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21): A break from your past might seem liberating, but remember a tree stands tallest when it has strong roots. You need to criticize and innovate, but build on your past. Even negative examples and painful lessons serve a purpose.

Scopes brought to you by Jack Fertig, professional astrologer since 1977. Visit his website at www.starjack.com.

60 | davidatlanta

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 20): If you really want to do something nice for your darling, housework is always appreciated.

Showing off will just mess it up. Just do with humility whatever’s needed. The less you draw attention, the more it will be appreciated.

CAPRICORN (December 21 – January 19): It’s too easy to feel beat down thinking of where your hard work has not gotten you. Focus instead on what you have accomplished despite tough times. That can lead you to better strategies and more effective use of your resources.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18): Some quiet down time can do you good, but you’ll soon come out swinging.

Starting or joining a provocative family discussion can be very educational; go ahead, stir it up!

Bruised feelings will quickly heal.

PISCES (February 19 – March 19): You could be a big hit at a dungeon party. Hitter or hittee? That’s up to you.

Personal insights are better explored with a friend you can really trust. You may uncover inner resources you’d never dreamed of.

Bitch! Session

Work out all you want but it’ll never fix that face!

How can we demand acceptance from everyone when we can’t even accept our own community? We are our own worst enemies!

Would someone please fix Newt’s wife’s hair?!

I’m still inexperienced when it comes to dating, but even I know standing someone up is incredibly rude. If you don’t want to go out, just say so.

Puh-lease don’t pretend to have an opinion about things you can’t even pronounce, mkay?

Lawd, these queens be bashing each other up in this city. Imma bout to go Oklahoma on them and open a can of whoop ass if they can’t check themselves!

Okurr?

TRICK… that’s all we did and now you don’t have manners to say hello in the gym. If you’re that hung up don’t trick with guys in your gym!!

Hey twink, L.A. just called from the 80s – she wants her bleachy spiked hairdo back.

REALLY?!?! Last time I checked if you had tits and a pussy you were a woman!!

Not a MAN. It takes a dick to be one of us sweetheart Not just some facial hair and butch clothes!! You have nothing more than penis envy!! — Bitch Boy Replies: To all the transguys & fans out there, I got this hater’s number. Hit me up.

Hey hipster, do you even know that the checkered fringed scarf you’re wearing is a Palestinian kafia? Regardless I hope you support Palestinian liberation!

62 | davidatlanta

Gotta Bitch?

text

404.969.BTCH

or

email

aka

404.969.2824

bitch@davidatlanta.com Dear sneeze, if you’re gonna happen, happen. Don’t just put a stupid look on my face and leave.

To the Dior and Gucci boy — you should have spent your money on Hooked on Phonics.

Honey, don’t go broke trying to look RICH..… act your wage.

Yay, American Idol starts back this week.

The next 8 weeks will be spent laughing at tone-deaf morons while I sip wine at every overweight girl who thinks she could be famous.

5 years ago I made a resolution to not make any more resolutions. So far, doing great!

Really? You’re a Republican? What part of REPUBLICANS HATE YOU don’t you get?

Want to learn self control?

Try working out at a gym on campus where they are all hot, sweaty, and under 25…. And straight! Lord help me!!!

Hey Daddy, I don’t want you to buy me a car with your name on the title. I want you to pay off the car, and put my name on the title. Please and thank you!

How to spot a whore #2582: When they have more unsaved numbers in their text list than saved numbers.

I love black cock.