NCTC CREATIVE NOFICTION
FIRST PLACE
On the Broken Self Wanizhah Zahra
Alexa, play “Fix You” by Coldplay To you who’s broken… brace yourself.
I’ve been around for 23 years now. 5 of which were lonesome. 12 of which defined the harsh reality of this world. And the remaining 6 of which came truth. **** The first 5 years of my life, I was an only child. I spent most of my days playing with my dolls, watching Caillou, and talking to my only friends–my fingers. I’ve never felt a connection with my parents. Not in thoughts, not in feelings, not in anything that a 5-yearold would want to connect their parents with. So, when I did talk to my “friends,” I’d talk about things that I never got to talk to my parents about. Like how my first day at kindergarten was, or how I made an A on that terribly difficult sight word test, or how I wanted a bike. A bike to help me escape. Escape from the pitiful world that I built with my finger friends. An escape from the pain lingering inside me. The three words my parents never said to me. “I love you.” **** Growing up, I was constantly reminded of my loneliness. Whether it came from seeing other kids and their siblings, other kids and their connection with their parents, or other kids with the one thing I wanted– a friend. What is a friend? **** The next 12 years of my life, I was blessed with three younger siblings. It felt good for a while, but they were too young to understand my pain. Yes, I could’ve called them my friends, but sometimes siblings can’t understand what a friend can and vice versa. I was more than grateful for having them in my life— The April Perennial 46
