ARLY IN 1942 AN R.A.F. BRISTOL BOMBAY TRANSPORT AIRCRAFT CRASH-LANDED DEEP IN THE SAHARA DESERT AND TRIGGERED A CHAIN OF EVENTS THAT, IF LEFT UNCHECKED, WOULD THREATEN TO DEFEAT BRITAIN’S NORTH AFRICAN CAMPAIGN.
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BRACE YOURSELVES! WE’RE GOING TO... UUURGH!
STORY ALAN HEBDEN ART BENET ONLY A DESPERATE MISSION COULD SAVE THE DAY, ONE THAT WOULD GO DOWN IN THE ANNALS OF THE SPECIAL FORCES AS THE IMPROBABLE MISSION.
COVER BENET
4 THE STORY REALLY BEGAN THE PREVIOUS OCTOBER AS AUTUMNAL GALES LASHED A BLITZ-BATTERED LONDON. IN AN ANONYMOUS GOVERNMENT BUILDING A YOUNG MAN WAS BEING GIVEN DISCOURAGING NEWS BY A WAR OFFICE OFFICIAL. I’M AFRAID WE DON’T SEEM TO HAVE ANY USE FOR YOUR PARTICULAR FIELD OF EXPERITISE, MISTER CLEVELEY. YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, IT IS RATHER ESOTERIC.
YOU MEAN PROBABILITY THEORY, SIR?
THE OFFICIAL, A RECRUITER FOR BRITAIN’S SCIENTIFIC WAR EFFORT, NODDED SADLY AT THE DISAPPOINTED APPLICANT. CLEMENT CLEVELEY WAS A BRILLIANT RESEARCH FELLOW AT A TOP UNIVERSITY, BUT HIS WORK INVOLVED A SUBJECT SO ARCANE THAT NO-ONE COULD SEE HOW IT MIGHT BE APPLIED TO THE REAL WORLD. THERE’S SIMPLY NO CALL FOR PROBABILITY THEORISTS. I UNDERSTAND YOU WERE REJECTED FOR ACTIVE SERVICE BECAUSE OF POOR EYESIGHT, BUT I’M SURE THE ARMY WOULD WELCOME A RECRUIT WITH YOUR QUALIFICATIONS TO THE R.A.E.C.
THE R.A.E.C?
5 THE OFFICIAL GAVE HIM A GOVERNMENT PAMPHLET AND SENT HIM ON HIS WAY. BY THE TIME CLEMENT REACHED THE STREET HE AT LEAST KNEW WHAT R.A.E.C. STOOD FOR.
OI, LOOK OUT THERE! ‘THE ROYAL ARMY EDUCATIONAL CORPS, ESTABLISHED IN VICTORIAN TIMES TO IMPROVE EDUCATIONAL STANDARDS OF RECRUITS, MANY OF WHOM WERE BARELY LITERATE OR NUMERATE. GREATLY EXPANDED DURING THE LAST WAR AS TECHNICAL ADVANCES DEMANDED INCREASINGLY SKILLED PERSONNEL…’
ALL OF A SUDDEN, A MEATY HAND REACHED OUT AND SEIZED HIS ARM, YANKING HIM BACK ON TO THE PAVEMENT MOMENTS BEFORE AN APPROACHING BUS RAN HIM OVER. WHAT THE...UUURH!
LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES, LAD, NOT TO MENTION A HEARING AID. PEOPLE WOT STEP IN FRONT OF SPEEDING OMNIBUSES RARELY LIVE TO TELL THE TALE.
6 RECOVERING HIS WITS, CLEMENT GRINNED AND POINTED TO A FEW FLAWS IN THE CONSTABLE’S ASSERTION.
ONLY STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, CONSTABLE. IN THE REALM OF PROBABILITY OTHER FACTORS AND VARIABLES HAVE TO BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT. THE BUS’S SPEED…HOW FAR IN FRONT OF IT THE PERSON STEPS…WHAT CONDITION ITS BRAKES ARE IN… PRACTICALLY INFINITE PERMUTATIONS. OH, AND THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY LIFE!
A WEEK LATER CLEMENT WAS INTERVIEWED BY A COUPLE OF R.A.E.C. OFFICERS. AS USUAL HIS RESEARCH SUBJECT CAUSED A PREDICTABLE AMOUNT OF BEWILDERMENT, BUT THAT DIDN’T APPEAR TO BE ANY HANDICAP. THIS, ER... THIS PROBABILITY THEORY, DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MATHS?
IT OFTEN INVOLVES EQUATIONS AND DIAGRAMS AND...
MATHS IT IS THEN! WELCOME ABOARD, MISTER CLEVELEY.
APART FROM THE LAST BIT I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE AS TO WOT HE’S BLATHERIN’ ON ABOUT.
7 BY EARLY 1942 THE R.A.E.C. HAD ESTABLISHED AN OUTPOST IN EGYPT. THE STOP-GO NATURE OF DESERT WARFARE LEFT MEN IDLE FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME, SOMETHING THE ARMY COULDN’T ABIDE. BETTER TO USE THE TIME TO IMPROVE THEIR MINDS AND LEARN NEW SKILLS, THOUGH SENSIBLY A CARROT WAS DANGLED IN FRONT OF THEM TO ENCOURAGE ENROLMENT. DIDN’T THINK YOU WAS A STUDIOUS TYPE, BILL.
I AIN’T, BUT THE SARN’T-MAJOR PROMISED AN EXTRA WEEK’S LEAVE IN CAIRO TO EVERY MAN WHO FINISHED THIS COURSE.
THE OUTPOST’S COMMANDANT WAS FORMER HEAD TEACHER, MAJOR PETER CHALK. HE WAS A HAPPY MAN AS HE PATROLLED THE HUMMING CORRIDORS OF HIS ESTABLISHMENT.
CLASSROOMS FULL, STUDENTS ATTENTIVE, THIS IS THE LIFE. LET’S SEE, I’D BETTER LOOK IN ON THAT NEW CHAP, CLEVELEY, AND SEE HOW HE’S GETTING ON WITH HIS MATHS CLASS.
8 CHALK’S SENSE OF WELL-BEING DEFLATED ABRUPTLY AS HE ENTERED THE MATHS CLASS TO FIND A FORLORN-LOOKING SECOND LIEUTENANT SITTING IN AN EMPTY CLASSROOM. DO YOU HAVE ANY EXPLANATION FOR THE SINGULAR LACK OF ACTIVITY IN YOUR CLASSROOM, MISTER CLEVELEY?
NOBODY SEEMS INTERESTED, SIR.
AS FAR AS CHALK WAS CONCERNED THAT WAS UNACCEPTABLE. HE LEFT WITH A DIRE WORD OF WARNING. THEN MAKE THEM INTERESTED! THERE’S NO ROOM FOR PASSENGERS HERE. EITHER EARN YOUR KEEP, OR GO!
SOON AFTERWARDS CLEMENT HAD ANOTHER VISITOR, A TOUGH S.A.S. SERGEANT, WHO SURVEYED THE OTHERWISE EMPTY ROOM AND SPOKE JOKINGLY. I SUPPOSE YOU SHOOT ANY STUDENT WHO GETS THE WRONG ANSWER. THAT’D EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVEN’T GOT ANY!
NOT QUITE, SERGEANT. THE TROUBLE IS I’M NOT A MATHS TEACHER, JUST A PROBABILITY THEORIST IN THE WRONG PLACE.
9 TO CLEMENT’S SURPRISE THE SERGEANT, PAT COLLINS, WANTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT PROBABILITY THEORY AND APPEARED TO LISTEN WITH INTEREST. HE EVEN HAD AN ANSWER TO THE LIEUTENANT’S FINAL RHETORICAL STATEMENT. THAT’S THE MAIN PROBLEM. PROBABILITY THEORY DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE ANY REAL WORLD APPLICATIONS.
REALLY? WHAT ABOUT APPLYING IT TO GAMES OF CHANCE, FOR INSTANCE?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, SERGEANT, YOU COULD BE RIGHT. GAMES OF CHANCE INHERENTLY INVOLVE PROBABILITY. ITS THEORY WOULD MAKE AN EXCELLENT ANALYTIC TOOL.
IN THAT CASE, I’LL SPREAD THE WORD. SHOULDN’T BE LONG BEFORE YOU’VE GOT A FEW EAGER STUDENTS KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR!
10 THE FOLLOWING DAY A STAFF COLONEL FROM G.H.Q. CAIRO ARRIVED TO INSPECT THE R.A.E.C. ESTABLISHMENT AND SEE HOW IT WAS BEING RUN. AMONGST HIS SUCCESSES, CHALK WAS FORCED TO ADMIT TO ONE FAILURE.
EVERYTHING’S TICKETY-BOO, COLONEL, EXCEPT FOR THE MATHS CLASS. LIEUTENANT CLEVELEY’S HEART DOESN’T SEEM TO BE IN IT.
TAKE ME TO HIM! THERE’S NO ROOM FOR COLUMN-DODGERS HERE!
THE TWO OFFICERS STOPPED IN ASTONISHMENT AT THE DOOR TO THE MATHS CLASSROOM. UNLIKE THE PREVIOUS DAY, IT WAS PACKED TO OVERFLOWING. GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN. CAN I HELP YOU? I...ER...WE...
WE SEEM TO HAVE MADE A MISTAKE, LIEUTENANT.