HELL’SN LD RO CA ULDDRO
N THE LAST DAY OF 1943 RELUCTANT O SOLDIER PRIVATE JELLY JAKES WAS TO BE FOUND SCRAMBLING DOWN A SNOWY HILLSIDE IN WAR-TORN YUGOSLAVIA.
FLIPPIN’ NOO YEAR’S EVE AN’ INSTEAD OF LIVIN’ IT UP DOWN THE OL’ KENT ROAD I’M STUCK IN THIS BLOOMIN’ ‘ELL-’OLE.
STORY ALAN HEBDEN ART BENET COVER BENET
4 IN TRUTH THE LITTLE MAN WAS LOST AND VERY SCARED, HIS FELLOW CONVICT COMMANDOS — THREE OTHER MEN RELEASED FROM MILITARY PRISON FOR SPECIAL DUTIES AND THEIR COMMANDER — WERE NOWHERE TO BE SEEN IN THIS WILD AND DANGEROUS LAND.
WHERE THE DEVIL ARE THEY? I ONLY STOPPED TO TIE ME BOOTLACE AN’ WHEN I LOOKED UP AGAIN THEY’D MOVED ON, BUT WHICH WAY?
JELLY WAS UNAWARE, AND THAT WAS PROBABLY JUST AS WELL, THAT A SMALL SCOUTING PARTY OF GERMAN MOUNTAIN TROOPS HAD SPOTTED HIM BLUNDERING ABOUT.
EIN ENGLANDER!
WHAT’S HE DOING HERE?
5 THE THREE WEHRMACHT MEN BEGAN TO CLOSE IN, ONE OF THEM DRAWING A WICKED-LOOKING KNIFE FROM ITS SHEATH. NO NEED TO BRING THE PARTISANS DOWN ON OUR HEADS BY SHOOTING HIM. MY TRUSTY BLADE WILL DO THE JOB SILENTLY.
ASSUMING HE DOESN’T FALL DOWN THE MOUNTAIN FIRST. THE WAY HE’S THRASHING AROUND I WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST HIM.
THE GERMAN WAS RIGHT. STUMBLING ABOUT BLINDLY ON THE VERGE OF PANIC WAS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. SECONDS LATER, JELLY PUT A FOOT WRONG AND STARTED SLIDING DOWN THE SLIPPERY SLOPE.
GOT IT!
FOR A MOMENT IT SEEMED HE MIGHT HAVE SAVED HIMSELF BY GRABBING A BRANCH…
6 …BUT NO.
HUH?
YEEARRGH!
FORTUNATELY FOR JELLY HE LANDED IN A SNOWDRIFT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SLOPE.
PHORR, THAT WAS LUCKY!
HIS RELIEF TURNED TO INCREDULOUS HORROR AS PART OF THE SNOWDRIFT SEEMED TO RISE UP OF ITS OWN ACCORD.
I...I MUST BE SEEIN’ FINGS!
7 THE “SNOWDRIFT” TURNED OUT TO BE A DANGEROUS-LOOKING MAN CLAD IN WHITE WINTER CAMOUFLAGE. HIS SINGLE STARTLING BLUE EYE GAZED UNBLINKINGLY AT JELLY AS IF PIERCING HIS VERY SOUL. THE LITTLE MAN SEEMED TO RECOGNISE HIM.
AARK... IT’S THE ASSASSIN! IT...IT’S EAGLEEYE!
A MOMENT LATER JELLY FOUND HIMSELF STARING INTO THE BUSINESS END OF A POWERFUL HUNTING RIFLE, ITS MUZZLE ENCASED IN A SILENCER.
WITHOUT A MOMENT’S HESITATION THE MAN HE HAD CALLED EAGLE-EYE PULLED THE TRIGGER AND DEATH SPAT SILENTLY FROM THE BARREL OF HIS GUN.
M-M-MERCY, MERCY! I DON’T WANNA DIE!
UUURGH!
8 A WEEK EARLIER, RUSSIAN GENERAL DMITRI ZHADOV OF THE N.K.V.D. — THE SOVIET SECRET POLICE — PAID A CHRISTMAS VISIT TO THE ITALIAN FRONT TO SHOW SOLIDARITY WITH THE WESTERN ALLIES. THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE TRIP WAS TO BE A VISIT TO THE FRONT LINE ITSELF. BRITISH ARMY BRIGADIER “MAC” MACDONALD WAS TO BE HIS GUIDE.
I TRUST I SHALL BE SEEING MANY DEAD GERMANS ON THIS VISIT, COMRADE BRIGADIER. PROBABLY NOT, SIR. THEY’RE HOLED UP FOR THE WINTER BEHIND THE GUSTAV LINE. THEY SEND OUT THE OCCASIONAL FIGHTING PATROL, BUT THAT’S ALL.
FIGHTING PATROLS? THE COMRADE GENERAL MUST NOT BE PLACED IN ANY DANGER, COMRADE BRIGADIER.
ZHADOV’S RUSSIAN BODYGUARDS WANTED NO CHANCES TAKEN WITH THEIR VALUABLE CHARGE, BUT MAC BRUSHED OFF THEIR CONCERNS, AS DID THE GENERAL HIMSELF. NO DANGER OF RUNNING INTO ONE OF THEM TODAY, THE SECTOR WAS THOROUGHLY SWEPT THIS MORNING. THIS WAY!
YOU THREE STOP TRYING TO WRAP ME IN COTTON WOOL. I AM A SOVIET GENERAL, AND SOVIET GENERALS HAVE NO FEAR OF GERMANS!
9 FOR ALL THAT, THE BODYGUARDS SCANNED THE TERRAIN CEASELESSLY, APPARENTLY SEEING GERMANS AT EVERY TURN.
JUST ONE OF OUR FRONTLINE PATROLS, MORE THAN LIKELY.
SOMETHING MOVED UP THERE, I’M SURE OF IT.
YOU SEE!
THE WORDS WERE BARELY UTTERED WHEN A VOLLEY OF SHOTS RANG OUT, SEPARATING THE THREE-MAN BODYGUARD FROM ZHADOV AND MAC AS THEY MADE FOR COVER. GERMANS!
WHAT THE...?
I WONDER...?
10 IMMEDIATELY A SERIES OF EXPLOSIONS WIDENED THE SPACE BETWEEN THE TWO GROUPS FURTHER. I MUST GET BACK TO THE GENERAL!
HMMM...
THE BODYGUARD SURGED FORWARD, ONLY TO BE SENT SPINNING BACK BY A BULLET IN THE SHOULDER.
AAARGH!