RECLAIMING MY HEART, MIND, AND SOUL

By Jamie Marboe

My experience crafting this article has been a little different. Initially, I wrote the piece two times on a totally different topic and felt somewhat satisfied with the final submission. That all changed when I attended Kristie Boltz’s seminar You Can Conquer It, “The Power of Resilience,” two days after submitting the article. Amid the numerous inspiring speakers, one touched me so profoundly that his words refused to let me rest that night. I was inspired by my Higher Power to rewrite this article.

It has been seventeen years since my twenty-year failed marriage ended, including a brief “mulligan marriage.” Recently moving cross country to Florida from Idaho, I found myself packing and purging a lifetime of boxes and junk. It afforded me the opportunity to reflect on the events of the past seventeen years; what worked, what didn’t, and how many blessings and ‘hard knock’ lessons I experienced over the course of life. In this article, I want to highlight a very specific dark time in my life and why it took me so long to emerge out on the other side.

All seventeen years weren’t bad, there were moments of short-lived happiness, a new career, and some great adventures. I was, however, still somewhat embarrassed by my knee-jerk reaction to re-marry so quickly and fail almost as quickly in this small town, USA. Everyone knew your business. So being single in my mid-forties,

I now found myself hanging out with people in a similar situation, it was like we were all part of a secret club of “misfits.” We encountered many new conditions, trials, and emotions; frustration, feelings of isolation, a marked decrease in income creating further distress, and coparenting. Very difficult times indeed. Yet we joined together in solidarity and found comfort in sharing the same struggles. The quote ‘misery loves company’ pretty much described most of our outings and conversations.

I was now heading into about a decade of life after my divorces. There were a lot of bumps and bruises along the way. At this juncture, my kids were mostly grown, off to college, and living their lives. I, however, was lost, unmotivated, and drinking way too much at times. If I weren’t on an airplane pouring myself into my clients and work, I would be sleeping. I couldn’t comprehend what my purpose was anymore other than to give to my job and clients. I started having routine thoughts as to why I was even alive, did I have a purpose anymore? And I started to wonder if I wasn’t here, would anyone even miss me? This led to a huge amount of shame and hopelessness. Because I didn’t know what this was other than me being in a bad funk, I pushed it down and ignored it. Until it showed its nasty little head again. Cry, push down, repeat. I never spoke of those dark thoughts to anyone. It was my new normal.

During the Fall of 2019, I experienced a string of pivotal moments that drastically altered this new pathetic life. These included the Dental Entrepreneur Women’s Conference (DeW) and a family gathering in memory of my father, who had just passed. It was at the family gathering when, privately, my sister asked me the lifechanging question, “Are you depressed?” I was stunned, and the first fleeting thought was, “Who me, no I am just going through a rough patch, I am fine.” After minutes that felt like an eternity, I could not hold back, I confessed the truth. I experienced a profound wave of emotions. I could hardly muster up words that made sense through the tears and deep sobbing. It was as if a pressure cooker was suddenly venting its lid. I found myself pouring my soul out to the one person who showed me love by asking that crucial question. I spewed all my darkest thoughts and my built-up anxiety was finally being released. It was emotional and raw. For the first time, I was vulnerable and honest with not just my sister, but with myself. It was then that I realized how grave my situation was becoming, and that I needed help. That day marked Day One of the start of my new self-awareness and recovery.

The other pivotal moment came a few months later as I reluctantly found myself at the DeW retreat. With my heavy heart, I just didn’t want to ‘fake it’ with the enormous number of other women I barely knew. It was at that women’s retreat that we went through the Clifton Strength Finders portion of the conference. Strengths that for years I had abandoned, or at least I had convinced myself I didn’t possess. But there it was on my name badge, five strengths for the entire world to see, and I couldn’t deny them.

1. WOO

2. Communication

3. Restorative

4. Includer

5. Positivity

Joy and confusion ran down my cheeks as I wondered how I had lost my God-given talents, and if it was too late to reclaim them. The emotional intensity of the room was palpable, though we didn’t necessarily share the details of our tears with the whole group, some found solace in sharing during some of our breakouts, during a hallway reunion with a friend that lent itself to a deeper dive or perhaps later that night over a glass of wine. Nonetheless, it was through that special and vulnerable time that I connected with my tribe - my professional sisters, and now, my personal friends, too.

After experiencing moments of clarity, I found solace in family, friends, and colleagues, allowing me to finally be my true self. I no longer felt the weight of my pride, and I slowly lost my feelings of loneliness and shame. The thoughts of suicide that once plagued me were replaced with an emerging sense of hope. I dedicated myself to learning self-love and self-forgiveness, and I found myself surrounded by those with ambitions and inspiring attitudes that reminded me to stay positive. By embracing this attitude of hope, I was better able to show the same to those around me and give the kind of love and encouragement I sought. After all, you can’t give what you don’t own yourself!

One year later, at the DeW retreat, I experienced a true ‘lightbulb moment’, when Valerie and Leanne unveiled the Balconies and Basements of Strength Finders themes. This made me realize that I hadn’t lost my strengths, I was simply existing in the basement of them. Suddenly, I had a roadmap of how to get back on track, and I began to strive to reach the balcony once more. Through conscious and deliberate decisions, I was on my way to reclaiming myself; I became more confident, kinder to myself, and I never felt more worthy of life. A new tune and tale began to manifest in my mind, showing me that I had the right to be happy, successful, and to be loved.

Fast forward to 9 months ago, as I was working through the monumental task: packing for the move to Florida with an abundance of boxes and items, I went through the laborious process of digging through my life’s possessions - childhood memorabilia, wedding trinkets, children’s artwork, homemade ornaments, baby blankets, birth certificates, and journals. Each item brought up its own set of thoughts and emotions. Rather than dwell on my past mistakes and ‘what ifs,’ I learned to ask myself the tough questions that would determine whether the object in my hands was adding anything to my journey of self-love. Things like, “Will this benefit me?” or “Will this positively impact my life by keeping it?” I had finally granted myself permission to move on. In this way, I discovered that self-love was key to helping me on my journey of reclaiming my Heart, Mind, and Soul.

By the time this article is in print and with great anticipation, I’m soon to be married to the man of my dreams, my high school sweetheart Dave. After 40 long years of losing track of one another and both having 40 years of separate lives, we now get to share a beautiful relationship filled with respect, love, and adorationsomething each one of us has never experienced before. I’m in the present moment, my decisions are intentional, and I’m experiencing abundant joy and love. My struggles and my sister’s powerful question gave me the courage to take ownership of my heart, mind, and soul, enabling me to accept that I do deserve love and happiness. All I have endured has ultimately brought me to this blessed place. I’m thankful to God for the journey.

**If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness, don’t be afraid to seek assistance. You can turn to your family and friends, as well as people on hotlines who will be more than happy to lend a helping hand and a compassionate ear. Remember, you are valued, and your life has purpose and hope, regardless of how it may seem in the moment. Everyone is worthy of happiness, success, and love. If you’re concerned for someone close to you, don’t hesitate to bring up the tough topics.

About the author:

Jamie Marboe BSDH, CEO and Founder of Marboe Dental Consulting, has accumulated more than 40 years of experience in Dentistry. She obtained her Dental Hygiene degree from Idaho State University and held a clinical instructor position there as well. During her early career, Jamie served as a Registered Dental Assistant in her home state of California. Throughout her time in the dentistry, she also became certified as an Eaglesoft trainer and still trains offices on best uses of their software today. Her main objective is to encourage and inspire her clients to develop their team and leaders into an effective and cohesive team, and to assist them in becoming the best versions of themselves. This led Jamie to earn the title of “Team Achiever” coach. Her commitment to the growth of people has rewarded her with countless lifelong friendships with her clients and colleagues.