WHEN DOING HARD THINGS IS THE ONLY OPTION

By Kim Augustus

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, challenges, and triumphs. At times, we find ourselves confronted with obstacles that seem insurmountable, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward. However, it is through these moments of adversity that we can discover our true strength and resilience! Let me take you on a journey where I was left with no other choice but to do hard things!

When I met my husband almost 20 years ago, I fell head over heels in love with him. He was charming, funny, kind-hearted, and I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. Fast forward to marriage, kids, and a busy life, I couldn’t help but become increasingly aware of a troubling reality—one that I desperately sought to rationalize or dismiss as insignificant. Yet, with each passing day, its presence revealed itself more forcefully. That force in our lives—alcohol. It seemed to infiltrate every corner of our existence. How often do we, as a society, find ourselves in social gatherings where alcohol is at the forefront? It is almost as if abstaining from alcohol requires an explanation, a justification unlike any other. Declining a drink can become an act that raises eyebrows, as if it goes against the expected script, causing one to feel like an outsider among friends. My husband and I had that “picture-perfect life”—the nice house on the quiet dead-end street, nice cars, two children, and successful careers—however, we also had a hidden secret. It was a secret that I had tirelessly tried to conceal, shielding it from friends and family. I believed that if I kept my tears locked away and wore a constant smile in public, no one would ever uncover the truth. My husband is an alcoholic. However, I learned you can only live this way for so long. As the years went on, I found myself desperately urging my husband to seek rehab—employing a blend of pleas, threats, and heartfelt begging—I reached a point where I could no longer bear the weight of our struggle in solitude. It was during this challenging time that I began to share my story, initially confiding solely in my in-laws. Despite the turmoil and uncertainty, I knew they had unconditional love for their son. Fearful of external judgment, I leaned on them as a pillar of support, relying on their understanding and compassion during the most trying moments. Navigating life with an active alcoholic was, at times, a nightmare, constantly living in fear. Those familiar with alcoholism understand all too well the rollercoaster of emotions that accompanies it. The mood swings, the unpredictable behaviors—it was a constant source of extreme anxiety for me. In addition to my trauma, it is important to acknowledge that the trauma of living with an alcoholic extends beyond my own experiences. My husband, too, grappled with addiction. He found himself trapped in a cycle of dependence, that I knew deep down he wanted to escape. The awareness of his problem burdened him, however, admitting it was a problem was even harder.

Eventually, like most, we hit rock bottom. My husband’s drinking had escalated to the point where he was endangering his own life, his career, and our marriage. It was finally the wake-up call I had been waiting for. If you ever hear someone mention that their loved one has entered rehab, it’s important to realize the journey the family has endured to reach that pivotal moment. The path leading up to rehab is often marked by indescribable turmoil and anguish and is a testament to the depth of struggle and resilience that such a decision is made. Rarely does someone grappling with substance abuse willingly surrender to inpatient care.

But there I was, a mother of 2 young kids and a husband in rehab for the next thirty days. This was when I began sharing my story more. The more you share the more you realize that almost everyone is in some way affected by drugs and alcohol. Why, then, does shame persist when it comes to discussing addiction? It is my mission to shed light on the fact that addiction does not discriminate. It can very easily be your well-put-together neighbor next door. When faced with a deficiency in healthy coping mechanisms, the escape alcohol can provide becomes all too enticing. After relying on that escape for years, the thought of losing it can be utterly terrifying. Moreover, the weight of societal shame further compounds the struggle. How does one navigate a life without a drink at a social gathering or a nice cold beer on a sweltering day at a cookout? These questions reflect the challenges those facing addiction must come to terms with. However, that is when the real work comes in.  Over those thirty days, my husband would immerse himself in group work and individual work, and together we would begin to work on our marriage. Frequently, I am met with questions: How did you manage it all? What did you tell your kids? However, the one that often catches me off guard is, “Why did you stay?” The answer, however, is straightforward: love. Love for my husband, a love that runs deep within my being. From the beginning, I learned the importance of distinguishing between the person I loved, and the monster addiction had created. The addict, a version of my husband I hoped never to encounter again, was a force to be reckoned with. Yet, amidst the chaos, my “real” husband remained—the steadfast companion, the pillar of support, the loving father to our children, and truly my best friend. Deep within my soul, I held onto the unwavering belief that he resided within the depths of his being, waiting to fully reemerge. It was this hope that drove me to weather the storm, to continue to do hard things, with the expectation that one day, he would return to me.

After completing a 30-day stay, I experienced a mixture of relief and hope. It felt like an achievement to have gone through rehab successfully, knowing that my husband was now sober, and we were on the road to recovery. However, it wasn’t long before reality hit hard. Over the course of the next year, my husband would struggle with relapses, throwing us back into the same difficult situation we had faced almost a year ago. It was hard to believe that we were experiencing this all over again. But this time, I was stronger, I had found myself a support group and the resources that I needed to enforce those difficult boundaries and pray once again that we get through this. The next stay would involve 3 months of sober living, and truly embracing recovery. During this process, we were very open with our friends, family, and most importantly, our children. You see, this has been such a difficult journey, but also so rewarding. We both learned so much about ourselves and our relationship, and we were able to begin the healing process. My husband is now approaching a year and a half of sobriety, and it’s been truly inspiring to witness the positive changes in our lives. He now works his full-time job along with 3 nights a week in recovery, giving back to those whose shoes he was once in. Our marriage is stronger than ever. We’ve learned how to communicate effectively, and we’re more open and honest with each other than we ever were before. We’ve also learned how to have fun and enjoy life without alcohol, as I, too, gave up drinking when we began this journey. But to this day, I am often told, “Kim, you are so strong. How did you get through such hard times?” Within my recovery community, we often discuss how common it is to be praised for our strength. However, it’s important to recognize that as spouses of alcoholics, we never chose to be part of this club, our only choice was to be strong. It’s a situation thrown upon us, and it takes a toll. In these moments, it’s incredibly comforting to find support among fellow women who truly understand what we are going through. So, when you acknowledge someone’s strength, I encourage you to go beyond that and ask, “Is there anything you need?” Personally, I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have the support of amazing friends and family who were willing to watch my children, provide meals, and check in on me. However, it was my co-workers who made the biggest impact. They allowed me to feel the pain of what I was going through, and cry in the breakroom in between patients in order to then seat my next one with a smile. Having the support of my team during this time makes me truly believe that they were all placed in my life, during that time, for this specific reason. It is very hard for a dental hygienist to face difficult times without the support of your coworkers. I highly encourage you to check in on these individuals, remembering it was not the life that they chose. Offer them a listening ear, ask how they are coping, and offer to clean their room so they can go in the breakroom to cry, eat a brownie, and seat their patient with a smile.

So how do we do hard things? First, we must remember to celebrate the small victories, then share our stories so that others who are in the thick of it can know that they are not alone. The experience of living with an active alcoholic can be a lonely and isolating feeling, as many people don’t understand the complexities of addiction and may judge or criticize those who are struggling. Instead, seek compassion, it’s important to remember that addiction is a disease, and it’s not a moral failing or a lack of willpower. It’s a complex issue that requires compassion, understanding, and professional help to overcome.

It is true that we all go through hard times, and we may be amazed by the strength, resilience, and bravery we display during these trying times. We should take pride in ourselves for our ability to persevere and overcome adversity, and continue to remind ourselves that we can achieve greatness even in the face of difficulty. Let us embrace the challenges that life presents us, knowing that we have the power to rise above them and emerge stronger than ever before. If you or someone you love is grappling with addiction, I encourage you not to endure the burden alone. Reach out for support, for there are compassionate souls who understand the exact path you are on.

Kimberly is the founder and creator of BloomRDH, a platform dedicated to helping newly graduated hygienists navigate their career paths. Combining her passion for mentoring with her expertise in dental hygiene, Kimberly has turned her vision into a reality. In addition to her work with BloomRDH, Kimberly continues to practice clinically, providing compassionate care to her patients. She also serves as an adjunct clinical instructor at her local community college, helping to train the next generation of dental hygienists. With her deep commitment to the dental hygiene profession, Kimberly is a true advocate for the power of education and mentorship to build confidence and empower individuals. In her downtime, Kimberly enjoys relaxing with her family and soaking up as much quality time with her husband and two children.

About the author:

Kimberly is the founder and creator of BloomRDH, a platform dedicated to helping newly graduated hygienists navigate their career paths. Combining her passion for mentoring with her expertise in dental hygiene, Kimberly has turned her vision into a reality. In addition to her work with BloomRDH, Kimberly continues to practice clinically, providing compassionate care to her patients. She also serves as an adjunct clinical instructor at her local community college, helping to train the next generation of dental hygienists. With her deep commitment to the dental hygiene profession, Kimberly is a true advocate for the power of education and mentorship to build confidence and empower individuals. In her downtime, Kimberly enjoys relaxing with her family and soaking up as much quality time with her husband and two children.