DIPPING PIZZA... FINDING NEW WAYS. FREE ISSUE
FOR A GOOD REASON
CEREAL KILLER ON THE LOOSE! CLEMENTINE L’ORANGE STAFF REPORTER
Local authorities have issued a public warning for a man the infamously dubbed “The Cheerio Ripper”. The suspect is allegedly responsible for over 41 cases of breakfast homicides across the province, leaving only destroyed cupboards and disembowelled packages of cereal at crime scenes. Sources claim that the Cheerio Ripper is specifically targeting marked boxes of cereal with honey as his modus operandi in light of the recent buzz for the global decline of bees. As a safety measure, General Mills has temporarily removed BuzzBee from its boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios until the suspect is apprehended. Should you or a relative’s household contain any variation of a honey-based cereal, police advise those to lock all of the kitchen cupboards and immediately contact Captain Crunch if you see the suspect in your neighborhood. The suspect is described as a 4”1, with ginger hair, red beard and a bright green jacket with matching pants. He carries a chef ’s knife and a black pot, and is considered to be armed and dangerous.
TORONTO BURNS IN DRAKE RIOTS
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FIND THE BEST PLACES TO SLEEP AT GBC
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P.5 ONLY ISSUE
SPRING 2016
NEW APP PROMISES ALL OF THE ANGER AND FEAR OF A PROFESSIONAL KITCHEN Love cooking but can’t do it without some monster in a chef’s hat screaming at you? A new mobile app is coming to the rescue. Chefs Shout, developed by Toronto tech start up, DesignEveryAspect, is meant for those who need a little motivation to prepare a meal. Fans of Gordon Ramsay will be especially delighted as the app is a handy version of all the chefs that ever yelled at you. Its main function is, well, yelling. Featuring dozens of pre-recorded voices of notorious chefs from the GTA, the app recreates the exceptional and one-ofa-kind atmosphere of a professional kitchen. “We interviewed many famous chefs and their protégées and they all agreed yelling is key to a healthy kitchen environment,” said Nora Fredericton, one of the developers. “Our research showed that many aspiring chefs can no longer cook even a simple meal unless they are being
directed by an aggressive, outraged and demeaning voice.” The app has a social aspect to it as well. Registered users can share their favourite recordings with friends on social media. So far, the most popular “shouts” have been, “did you happen to bring any talent to the kitchen today!?” and “nice cooking degree, you’re the most educated dishwasher here!” which trended on Twitter last month. Chefs teaching at George Brown noted that the app could ease their workload. “It is fun to yell at people in your twenties when everything that happens in the kitchen seems annoying and illogical, but once you hit your thirties, all that yelling gets quite boring,” said chef Jimmy Waverley, an instructor at the college. “With this new app, I can just relax in the kitchen and let the app ostracize and intimidate students on my behalf.” MAUD ATYU STAFF REPORTER
BIBLICAL FLOOD DECIMATES WATERFRONT, CAMPUS REMAINS OPEN College advises students to swim to class safely Multiple students voiced concerns last week regarding a Noah’s Ark scale flood which left the Waterfront campus a soggy and moldy blend of seaweed and dental chairs. Online student reactions went from chipper to devastated when the college announced that classes would still be held in the Titanic-like tomb known as the Waterfront campus. Students have since voiced concerns that they could not possibly study and focus in such aquatic conditions. “How can the school faculty possibly expect students to come into a class when it’s completely submerged in water, and still manage to stay focused on the professor during a
lecture.” said a very upset Soucha Babee, a third-year financial planning student. “Is the school going to replace all the shoes that get soaked? I don’t think so.” Babee has launched an online petition, which to date has more than 71 signatures from students to get Waterfront temporarily closed. “It’s a very unfortunate incident, but I don’t see why students should suffer more and miss class,” said Icanut Fexit, George Brown’s facilities manager. “At the moment, fixing the excessive flood damage is number 13 on our list, but we’ll get to it.” LORD SHMEKA STAFF REPORTER
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April 4–May 1 //
K O O B E T O N G N I K C O H S D R E A U TH G Y T I R U C E S C B G A OF
The Monolog
A LORD SHMEK
curity ourself, what se y d e sk a r ve e ks? Have you their noteboo in g n ti ri w lly a guards are re
RTER STAFF REPO
2016-03-12 Sunny with a few clouds, 14 degrees
8:21 a.m.
1:26 p.m.
Saw a patient running naked west on King Street towards Sherbourne Street.
Played monkey in the middle for around 10 minutes to get my radio unit back from students
8:24 a.m. Naked guy stopped in front of me to give me a high five, and continued running, he seemed like a very nice guy. 11:23 a.m. Hearing reports of students making out on the bean bag chairs
2:50 p.m. Got hungry, went to Tim Horton’s for a French vanilla and timbits. The line is uncomfortably long, decided to wait. 3:23 p.m. At the cash register. Where is my pepper spray? Oh shit, I left it in the daycare centre.
GEORGE BROWN PROFESSORS FIND NEW WAYS TO JUDGE YOU “I don’t understand why more students don’t wear Crocs. They’re comfortable,” said Aurora Borealis, professor of community social aspects. In a new effort to police students, instructors at George Brown are officially turning their evaluative powers on a thread that binds us all: student fashion. The new initiative, in which a small team of professors will hit the halls to police student clothing choices, will mean George Brown faculty can finally enforce the instructor-chic they’ve always wanted. The new fashion police
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SATIRE ISSUE. PLEASE DON’T SUE US.
will closely scrutinize students for fashion disasters and give them credits accordingly. “You know what I love?” asked professor Olden Days of obscure esoteric discipline, “consistency. And that’s why I’ll be reprimanding students who don’t continue to wear long winter jackets, warm caps and oversized scarfs, like me, ALL YEAR.” Days added that, “fashion is what makes you noticeable,” and the bright winter colours, soaked with summer sweat are sure to do that. Another professor who
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will be leading GBC’s fashion police team is David Pastel from the centre of livin’ healthy. Pastel is in charge of a team of 10 professors assigned the job of fashion police for a day who will be patrolling on all three GBC campuses to give students a “dose” of fashion and rush students who need a fashion transfusion to an “emergency room.” Sources revealed that the fashion police are assigned to make the campus students look good and “kill with fashion” during their final exams. SPIDERMAN STAFF REPORTER
we dont have twitter
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defrayed by advertising revenue and largely subsidized by student fees. Occasionally, some advertisers, products and services do not reflect the policies of the Student Association. Opinions expressed in The Dialog are not necessarily those of The Dialog, the Student Association of George Brown College, or its editorial staff.
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April 4–May 1 //
Sports
The Monolog
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HUSKIES WIN PARTICIPATION AWARD
HUSKIES WILL NOW BE CALLED THE CRYING MICHAEL JORDANS George Brown’s sports teams will have a new look and a new name this fall, after an online contest that saw hundreds of students vote. Sweet dreams Huskies, long live the new name for George Brown teams, “The Crying Michael Jordans.” “We really wanted to shake things up with the new name, but to be honest we were surprised by how thoroughly the online voting process was highjacked,” said Andrew Friggens, George Brown’s new director of athletic marketing.
“It’s not the name we wanted at the start, but it’s democratic and Michael Jordan was one of the best athletes of the modern age. I don’t really get the crying thing though.” The contest had three main names in contention. The George Brown Beibers, the George Brown Betty Whites, and the eventual winner The Crying Michael Jordans. The Betty Whites was in the early lead garnering 300 votes over 27 days, with the Beibers chopping at the bit with 260 votes
over the same period. The Crying Michael Jordan’s were late edition to the contest but had a decisive victory ending up with a whooping 570 votes. “Again, this name is really not what we wanted, and it’s probably going to make recruitment harder” said Friggens. “But we got some bad advice, put the vote online and we got John Scotted. At least we only have to keep it for dozens of years.” STAVROS SCORNHELL ASSISTANT EDITOR
The George Brown College Huskies varsity sports department has won the award for the ‘Most Overachieving Program,’ with an overall school varsity record of 36-15-71 for the 201516 season. “This means a lot!” said Happy Bryant, a second year marketing student who plays for the Huskies baseball team. “It has been a great season, and to see our school sports programs be so successful and finally earn some recognition is just amazing. We even have a theme song now: George Brown has the Huskies, the greatest college team/ They lose their games with more heart than anyone’s ever seen/ They make mistakes, can’t concentrate, but that won’t make them slip/ When you say George Brown, you’re talking championships!
And there you have it; no one is going to stop them from losing. A school with a sports program of this caliber is already sending a powerful message with a theme song that ferocious. The first playoffs games begin against the Yucant Betus Bunnies. A battle of these two legends has never been seen before, and may never be seen again. Right now, the edge goes to the Bunnies but that could all change for the Huskies with a rare win on Thursday night. LORD SHMEKA STAFF REPORTER
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Arts & Life
April 4–May 1 //
The Monolog
GBC’S DIRTY FOOD COMBOS GOREY LINTZ STAFF REPORTER
Cookie poutine Instead of having a boring old poutine with potatoes, ask for a large cup gravy, break up a few cookies from Tim Hortons in there and get ready to enter the post-cookie poutine period of your life.
Butter and sugar sandwiches International students from post-Soviet countries will understand this one as the ultimate dessert/lunch of the 1990s. It is time for a comeback. Enjoy with a buttered bagel from Tim Hortons, but make sure the butter is not melted. Grab a sugar packet from any shop on campus, and sprinkle it liberally over this cold-war epic.
Bag of meatballs
Cold pizza dipped in pop
Simple. Delicious. Portable. Don't let the Subway employee's weirded-out faces deter you when you ask for meatballs with no bread, no bowl and no worries. That's how people look when their lives have changed forever.
It sounds horrible, and it probably tastes the same. But rumour has it that a slice of Pizza Pizza is delicious when dipped in pop. Try orange pop, for a working man’s Hawaiian pizza experience.
STUDYING LATE? THE ST. JAMES LIBRARY WILL BE OPEN! April 4 to 8: 7:30 a.m. to midnight. April 9 & 10: Normal hours April 11 to 15: The lower level of the St. James library will be open 24 hours Library opens at 7:30 a.m on April 11 and closes at midnight on April 15 April 16 & 17: Normal hours April 18 to 22: The lower level of the St. James library will be open 24 hours Library opens at 7:30 a.m on April 18 and closes at midnight on April 22 Students can access the lower level of the library learning commons (LLC) and cafeteria space only. During the 24-hour library pilot the upper level of the LLC closes at midnight. Student ID required
April 4–May 1 //
Arts & Life
The Monolog
PLAYSTATIONS TO REPLACE COMPUTERS IN LIBRARY
ALUMNI EXCITED TO POLARIZE GUESTS WITH OFFENDING NOW SERIES Bring your fly swatters, moth balls and mosquito spray to what could be the most exotic dinner ever served at George Brown’s Offending Now dinner series. The special dinner was inspired by Michelin-starred C a n a d i a n ch e f, Ta i - R e n Tula, who is also the owner of the acclaimed restaurant, “The Sixth Leg.” As a former alumni of the school, he said he wanted to host an Offending Now dinner following an epiphany on an expedition to
find the Dodo bird in Peru. In spite of the advice of his friends, family, coworkers, scientists, Google, and probably everyone he could have consulted, Tula wanted to find the famously extinct Dodo bird, kill it (again), and prepare it for for his wealthiest customers. While searching the Peruvian Amazon, Tula was ravaged by numerous and terrifying bugs. “For six days I suffered from massive psychedelic fevers. It’s in that
GEORGE BROWN EMBRACES FOODIE PHOTOGRAPHY In the era where food is no longer for eating but for taking photos, George Brown College (GBC) chef ’s school introduces a new course as part of the Continuing Ed department. The course, Digital Food Analytics, begins this fall. Taught by noted chefs, the course has been in development for over a year, said chef Lark Crema. “We want our students to be career-ready, and this career is among the most promising ones.” The eight-week intensive course will teach all aspects of being a successful Instagram photographer including a class on filters, vignettes and the Lux feature. For those keen on hashtags, there will be a focused session on how to write an entire sentence without using emojis. For those worried that Digital Food Analytics will have too much reading to tend to, think again.
There is no textbook for this course. “Since the industry of food photography is so fluid and has its own language, we thought it was best to keep proper English readings out of the equation,” said Flay. By the end of the course, students will be required to submit a portfolio of no more than 25 photos. The final grade will depend on the variety of subjects, settings, uniqueness and amount of likes and emoticons posts conjure. The course is part of the new professional foodie with a phone certificate. According to its description, the new program is “for those who can’t have even the simplest meal without snapping photos, uploading them to social media and then refreshing repeatedly see if their friends approve.” KANT COOK STAFF REPORTER
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rogue-state that I realized, insects could provide endless ideas for exotic food recipes compared to a game meat.” The menu for the night, currently under development, is rumored to have 11 courses. According to a source close to the infestation, items on the developing menu of Cricket Terrine, Sous-Vide Caterpillar, Grasshopper Bánh mì, and Maggot Asada with a Dart Frog Gastrique.
Exciting news for all students and staff at George Brown College. In an attempt to revamp the library infrastructure the college has decided to install PlayStations in the learning commons instead of computers. The change can be expected to be implemented for the students in 2017. The idea came up after consideration that the main focus of the college is to increase the retention rate of students and prevent them
from dropping out of school. With the help of on-campus PlayStations, students will be more likely to stay in college and level up. The retention rate is expected to increase considerably. “This revolutionary move will make students more creative and technically sound with skills that will benefit them in their unemployment after graduation,” said a spokesperson for the college. SPIDERMAN STAFF REPORTER
GOH XPRESS STAFF REPORTER
WHERE TO SLEEP AT GEORGE BROWN JAMES BOND STAFF REPORTER
If sleeping is the most important thing you do at school, then you’re in the right place. At George Brown, students are not only provided with the best place to study and play but also some of the most exciting places to fall asleep. For those with a taste for sleeping in a busy and fashionable place, St. James is definitely for you. From the individual study stations at the library learning commons, to the cozy bean bag chairs set up in front of the Peerconnect office, if you’re looking to sleep while thousands of students staff walk around you, check out St. James. If you’re looking for a quiet and relaxed sleeping spot, Waterfront offers a perfect beachlike location to get lost in your dreams. The library learning commons is a classic spot for some on campus
shut-eye. But for those who love multi-tasking, the stair-like area just outside the commons offers a cozy and comfortable place to refuel not just your body but also has charging stations for your cell phone. Up at secluded Casa Loma, getting lost is as easy as falling asleep. You can easily locate corners and places to doze off without being seen by your group project team or fellow classmates. One of the best places is the first-come first-serve spot located just beside the SA boardroom. This sleepy nook has a slightly slanted wall to help your legs relax, but get there early, the space fills up fast!
A part-timer can work here for years and never get health benefits or a single sick day.
HOW IS THAT FAIR? �
#Sign up Erin Thorson ADMIN ASSISTANT LANGUAGE STUDIES
Health benefits at
collegeworkers.org
If you work as part-time Support staff for George Brown College, or worked during this academic year, email tracy@collegeworkers.org for more information.
April 4–May 1 //
Arts & Life
The Monolog
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Worried about leaving your parent’s house and moving in with a stranger? We got your back. Follow these steps and your roommate will become your best friend. JUSTIN CASE STAFF REPORTER
Notify about parties/ parents visiting/friends staying overnight. There is no right moment to do it, so we suggest 1 a.m. on the day of because the earlier the better. 5
Introduce yourself. Remember, politeness is key. Also overshare: make sure to convey your religious and political views, tastes in music and TV shows and love for stray animals you bring home every so often. 1
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Be yourself. Take that hour-long shower first thing in the morning, leave wet towels on the floor and never flush the toilet! After all, it’s bad for the environment. 3
Keep it clean. You don’t want to be the messy one, right? Clean everything thoroughly at least twice a week. Use their shampoos for moping, towels for dusting and toothbrush for dishes. 4
Learn about their life. As much as possible! As an ice-breaker: read their diary.
Talk to your roommate. In a big city like Toronto we all feel lonely sometimes, so make sure to check in with your roommate at least 16 times a day. If they’re not around text, they’ll be glad for the support. 6
DRAKE CANCELS ALBUM RELEASE, TURNS ‘THE SIX’ INTO AN APOCALYPTIC HELL HOLE LIT STAFF REPORTER
Chaos and despair have gripped Toronto as the city enters its fourth week of the Drake Riots. In what some are calling “the biggest revolt in music history,” the cancellation of Aubrey “Drake” Graham’s latest album Views from the 6, has been met with heated protest. The saga began when the local artist decided to withhold the album’s release just 30 minutes before it was scheduled to arrive at stores and online. Excitement became violence soon after as fans that were lined up for the album began shattering windows in a number of music retail vendors, and toppled over shelves in search of the album.
At the Michael Keaton’s Centre HMV, the mob of Drake fans quickly became a more conventional mob, as many in the crowd believed the album was buried somewhere in the stores, and began a violent, Black Friday-like rampage. Since the album’s nonrelease, the Toronto Drake loves has been replaced by overturned police vehicles, vicious mobs and bonfires reminiscent of Grand Theft Auto. In response to the public outcry, Drake simply stated: “Yolo.” Constable Marvin McRoom pleaded with rioting fans to listen to Drake’s 2013 album “Nothing Was the Same,” to alleviate any symptoms of “Hype Year Frustration Relapse (HYFR).”
You can learn any language, except English, in ESL CHARLES IRANI STAFF REPORTER
In George Brown English as a second language programs, I teach my classmates Farsi. Sometimes I instruct them to greet me with khoshgeli, which translates into ‘“You are pretty.” They think khoshgeli means hello! Sometimes I wonder if the “I love you” they taught me in Turkish or Spanish is a curse word. EMPLOYMENT (NO JOKE) Hiring! Busy upscale salon located in Thornhill. NOW HIRING full/part time student hairstylist. Great opportunity for future employment. Please call Vera (416) 871-8684
A night to remember on the water featuring a three-course meal & music!
G ala
E d it io n
FRIDAY, APRIL 22
$35 for GBC students, $45 for guests Boarding time: 6:30 p.m. Return time: 11:30 p.m.
This three level ship will have DJs spinning the best in EDM, Top 40, Latin, Bollywood, Hip-Hop, Reggae & Soca Spex, Charlie B, Jeff Jam, Coyote, Armo Kidd & Toronto House Production. Get your tickets at Student Association offices: Casa Loma, room E100 // Waterfront, room 033 // St. James, room 147 // Ryerson (SHE Building), room 614 Free shuttle buses leave from the Kings Lounge, St. James campus only at 6 p.m. Northern Spirit 207 Queens Quay West, Toronto
19+ event Dress code strictly in effect (Semi-formal attire) Absolutely no access back into the college.
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