The Monologue: March 30, 2015

ROBOT RAMPAGE A mechanical engineering student’s robot takes a wrong turn after a soundwave disruption

P.11

Love in an elevator P.14 Harper announces new employment buzzwords P.2 Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Satire Issue of the GBC Student Newspaper • Founded 2014

NEWS Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Government announces new employment buzzwords Stephen Harper employs SPIN as a consulting firm to analyze results from Statistics Canada GOOSE STAFF REPORTER

According to Statistics Canada, 13 per cent of youth have been found to be unemployed.

Promptly following this discovery, Prime Minister Stephen Harper took decisive action, hiring a team of administrative specialists to deliver the statistic to Canadians.

“The decision to employ Specialists Prioritizing Irrelevant Nomenclature (SPIN) as the consulting firm to analyze these results, was one that was undertaken with the full support of my party,” stated Harper when asked about his decision to utilize this particular group.

The prime minister went on to say that his short-term contract with SPIN has already begun and the results have been a positive movement in polling numbers which has been welcomed by his administration.

The other political parties that sit in Federal parliament did not share the prime minister’s sentiments towards SPIN. The New Democratic Party (NDP), the official opposition of the sitting administration were particularly concerned about this use of SPIN. The NDP brought their concerns directly to the speaker of the House of Com-

mons, where the NDP leader condemned the employment of SPIN as being “another move by a despised administration to distract the Canadian public from the real issues surrounding labour and job security, which are confronting Canadian youth.”

Echoing it’s environmental platform, the head of the Green Party expressed worry that the Conservative administration, lead

by Harper, would “use the talents of these SPIN consultants to deflect the attention of the Canadian people from the very real environmental issues facing our country.”

The Green Party was particularly troubled about how young and unemployed Canadians could be convinced to find employment in the natural resources field.

According to SPIN consultants, youth can find high-paying respectable jobs developing Canada’s natural resources. For SPIN, Canada’s ethical oil production exemplifies this approach. However, the Green Party insisted this employment approach is worrisome and will have negative environmental consequences.

“Initially, we were surprised with the prime minister’s office creating a formal contract with SPIN. Once their analysts did more research, they realized that based on the reputation of SPIN, this firm could use numerous networks to pass on the findings of Statistics Canada to the Canadian people,” says the Liberal Party.

When further questioned about their reaction to the high unemployment rate, the acting leader of the Liberal Party stated

PHOTO: FLICKR USER HEATHER (CC BY 2.0)

that, “young people represent the future of Canada,” and that it is vital they understand how the actions taken by the current administration are impacting their chances

for employment and job security.

The Parti Québécios could not be reached for comment.

Elizabeth Arden (neé Florence Nightingale Graham), 1939 (b/w photo) / Creator(s): Fisher, Alan, photographer / [Public domain], via Library of Congress

“Our only limitations are those which we set up in our own minds, or permit others to establish for us.” › Elizabeth Arden: Self-Made Maven In a time when women dare not wear make-up or run their own businesses, Elizabeth daringly did both. She was not a trained chemist, yet she pioneered the concept of scientifically formulating cosmetics. She was not a business graduate, yet she created a global empire.

Curiosity and drive were her teachers; the world, her classroom.

We think Elizabeth would have simply adored AU, giving people all over the world the chance to make their mark, on their terms, in their time. Beautiful.

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The Monologue

open. online. everywhere.

Learn more at business.athabascau.ca

NEWS Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Loan relief leaves former student with slightly less debt 20 years after graduation, a former marketing management student is relieved of student loans HUGH JAZZ STAFF REPORTER

John Dough, 40, was once a regular student at George Brown College (GBC).

Dough enjoyed his time at the school before graduating from the marketing management program in the summer of 1995.

He made friends, studied hard, and acquired a substantial amount of debt—the traditional college experience.

When Dough received a surprise letter in early March, he felt as if he had won the lottery. At first he thought it may have been a mistake or a sick joke, but once confirmed, his whole world turned upside down.

“I wasn’t sure how to feel at that moment.

It was almost like being woken up from a dream,” Dough told The Monologue, who caught up with him later that day to get his reaction. “I can honestly say that this feels like the first day of the rest of my life.”

Dough was one of the few chosen by ‘In Your Dreams: Debt Forgiveness,’ a program that offers a once-in-a-lifetime chance to former GBC students—the ones who never quite made it in the real world.

In Your Dreams offers to forgive selected amounts of student debt in attempts to make failed life ambitions a little less painful.

Dough is already looking forward to applying for a small business grant in the hopes of starting up his own financial management firm—a new life ambition.

Right: John Dough can’t keep himself from grinning when the thinks about the fact that he is now only in suffocating debt on his home and car.

PHOTO: FLICKR USER JEROMY SHEPHERD (CC BY 2.0)

Non-full-time/contract faculty

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Help us understand you better to improve education for everyone.

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Make a difference.

Visit invisibleworkforce.ca now.

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Managing Editor J. Jonah Jameson Assistant Editor Sally Struggles Online Editor Leigh Lowe Art Director/Illustrator Literal Garbage Photo/Video Editor The Sick Video Guy Staff Reporters Whitney Salon Hugh Jazz Goose Contributors Anthony Bonté Howard Wong Paige Winkle Cover, all illustrations: Literal Garbage Photo Elements: Flickr users Eirik Refsdal, dragonflaiii, M Yashna, davidd, Robin Zebrowski, Andrew Malone, Dominic Lockyer, and Kelly (CC by 2.0) Follow us on Social Media! facebook.com/thedialogonline instagram.com/thedialog @DialogGBC Drop by or contact The Dialog at: Room E122 - Casa Loma 142 Kendal Avenue Toronto, ON M5R 1M3 www.dialog.studentassociation.ca Tel: 416-415-5000 ext. 2764 Fax: 416-415-2491 dialog@georgebrown.ca

THIS IS the satire issue of The Dialog.

All content in this issue is intended as satire or humorous commentary and makes no claim to be accurate, factual, or truthful.

Please don’t sue us.

The Dialog newspaper is published

by The Dialog Collective with the support of the Student Association of George Brown College.

The collective is responsible for the overall vision and direction of The Dialog newspaper, as it coincides with the larger vision and mission of the Student Association.

The cost of producing a monthly newspaper is in part defrayed by advertising revenue and largely subsidized by student fees.

Occasionally, some advertisers, products and services do not reflect the policies of the Student Association.

The Dialog newspaper is published

by The Dialog Collective with the support of the Student Association of George Brown College.

Opinions expressed in The Dialog are not necessarily those of The Dialog Collective, the Student Association of George Brown College, or its editorial staff.

The Dialog will not publish any material that attempts to incite violence or hatred against individuals or groups, particularly based on race, national origin, ethnicity, colour, gender, sexual orientation, age or disability.

Contributions to The Dialog are always welcome. We request that articles be submitted as digital copies in plain-text (TXT) or richtext (RTF) format.

Letters to the editor can be sent in an email message to dialog@georgebrown.ca.

Images should be in EPS format for vector files or in TIFF format at 300 dpi for raster files.

The Dialog is a member of CUP, the Canadian University Press

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NEWS Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

OSAP includes Tim Hortons account for coffee drinkers Study by the Coffee Association of Canada says that students drink 2.7 cups of coffee before 8 a.m.

WHITNEY SALON STAFF REPORTER

If one had to choose between no coffee intake for an entire semester, or have fully

government-funded coffee available for an entire semester, which one would win? The answer seems quite obvious, but it may come with a cost to the students.

The Ontario Student Assistant Program (OSAP) provides government funding for students that are unable to pay out-ofpocket for post-secondary education and living costs. The grants and loans provided have a combined total of nearly $853 million annually, according to the Toronto Sun. Where does this money actually go?

Well, we have an answer.

At Tim Hortons, the largest coffee chain in Canada, lines wind around stores and flow right out the door at any given time of day. A new study has shown that these lines double in size at post-secondary campuses across Canada once OSAP is released approximately two weeks into each semester. The relation is undeniable.

“I received around $8,000 for this semester in OSAP, that covered my tuition for the semester and was just enough to support my

Students will soon be able to give their OSAP funds directly to Tim Hortons, rather than going through the unneccesary step of handling the money themselves.

PHOTO: WHITNEY SALON/THE MONOLOGUE

caffeine addiction,” says Kuppá Joe, a frequent ‘Timmy’s’ customer at George Brown College’s (GBC) Casa Loma campus.

According to the recent study conducted by the Coffee Association of Canada, Canadian coffee drinkers consume an average of 2.7 cups of java per day, where as the average post-secondary student will consume that amount well before 8 a.m.

Recently the high demand of Tim Hortons coffee has heads turning in the ministry’s office, and as of September, OSAP will be paying approximately five per cent of student loans directly to the favoured coffee chain.

The percentage will vary per student, depending on individual intake and level of caffeine addiction. A questionnaire will also be added to future OSAP applications to help determine each student’s classification—mild, moderate or severe.

Students are to participate in mandatory, monthly blood tests to ensure caffeine levels match the estimated results found in their individual questionnaire. If the ministry finds a student’s caffeine level is not matching with the results of their application, the percentage Tim Hortons receives from their OSAP account will drop accordingly.

Each student receiving OSAP will automatically be registered with a Tim Hortons account, presenting a photo ID card with every visit to keep track of their balance and use. The account will remain under their name until paid off in full, giving students up to six months post-graduation to cough up the cash that was sipped away.

The dream that was too good to be true has become a reality. Coffee may be addicting but saving money may help rationalize it.

Deaf* student surprised by working closed captioning George Brown offers an accessible experience for GBC students in the deaf* community GOOSE STAFF REPORTER

Astonishing, amazing, astounding, these are some of the words used by J.F. Kennedy to describe their experiences as George Brown College (GBC). Kennedy, who uses the genderneutral pronoun ‘they,’ believes their experiences at GBC has expanded their mind.

Kennedy believes that GBC is “lightyears ahead” of their previous college when it comes to accessibility. This is important for 4

The Monologue

Kennedy, who identifies as deaf*, a term used by people who have some form of hearing loss but do not view themselves as belonging to the Deaf community.

As a recent transfer student, Kennedy sums up the inaccessibility of their last school in a simple, stark statement, saying, “before coming to GBC, I attended an able-bodied school where my accommodation needs as a deaf* student were not met, and where available services like captioning were non-existent.”

“The first day of class the professor said we were going to be viewing a video that would explain some of the key concepts,” says Kennedy. “Of course my stomach immediately clenched up into a ball of stress because I knew, I just knew, this video would not have captions or subtitles, which meant I would not be able to follow it.”

Due to it being the first of four classes of that week, Kennedy worried and became anxious. They hoped the classes ahead weren’t all using non-accessible videos like the previous institution.

“I would have wasted my hard-earned tuition money by switching to GBC,” says Kennedy.

Sadly, this inaccessible experience Kennedy remembers from their previous school is not uncommon for post-secondary schools, and even public elementary and high schools are often inaccessible for deaf* students.

This is a situation that Kennedy relates to and one that does not improve once students graduate to post-secondary studies.

“I was so surprised when the captions for the video came on automatically. I was even more overjoyed when the professor reminded the class of the GBC captioning policy, inform-

ing us that this policy applied not only to classrooms but to all areas of GBC,” says Kennedy.

They went on to talk about the fact that this policy has resulted in an improvement in grades since they can now follow classroom content as well as participate in the college’s activities.

Both Kennedy and their parents, who are paying for their education feel that the decision to transfer to GBC was the right one.

Kennedy elaborated, saying, “I feel that GBC is preparing me for the future. It is setting and teaching me the skills relevant to the world of work. Due to the helpful information available at the college, I am more informed about existing legislation policies that deal with accessibility. Because these accessibility policies are such a normal part of a daily routine at GBC, I feel more comfortable advocating for these rights outside of the college as well.”

NEWS Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

GBC professors skilled users in the art of technology Staff’s ability to operate simple technology does not waste the students’ time in class

A GBC student celebrates after being assisted with the complex workings of the classroom projector by a professor highly skilled in its operation.

GOOSE STAFF REPORTER

“It was amazing. I cannot believe we are going to learn from such experts,” says Devlin Munster, a student at George Brown College (GBC).

His classmates expressed similar sentiments, using words like “incredible,” “extraordinary” and “mind-blowing.”

The incident these students are referring to is one that is normal for GBC, with both part-time and full-time instructors exemplifying proficiency when it comes to using the classroom technology.

This expertise at using the provided technology is a distinctive element of GBC, which students encounter from instructors despite the campus they attend.

“It’s kind of why I wanted to go here,” says Munster. “The instructors at GBC just have such an amazing reputation in terms of how they’re able to operate technology.”

Whether they teach one or multiple classes for related apprenticeships, certificates, diplomas, degrees or post-graduate programs, every instructor at GBC is familiar with the computers and projectors, some considering themselves experts.

Senior professor, Jane Smith, who is affiliated with the college’s health sciences and social studies programs, explains the process.

“I have taught a diverse array of programs during my 50 year tenure at George Brown College,” says Smith. “Over the years as new technologies have been implemented professors have consistently understood how to best make use of them in the classroom.”

Smith believes the continuous adoption of different technology has enhanced the classroom experience for students, and is a key part of her teaching process. Smith never feels stumped by the technology in any class at the college and receives high scores on Key Performance Indicators evaluations.

“Watching Smith use the projector screen in combination with the computer at the podium is my favourite part of class,” says Gareth Dygital, a student of Smith’s who emphasizes the level of expertise she has.

On the understanding of technology as a child of the ‘digital age,’ Dygital laughed off the moniker.

“I understand broader society likes to call people who were born in the 90s ‘children of the digital world,’ but at GBC it is the complete opposite. The professors are the gurus in terms of technology and it is we (people born after 1990) who need to learn from them,” said Dygital.

PHOTO: THE SICK VIDEO GUY/THE MONOLOGUE

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NEWS Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Students fear discovering dog poo under melting snow MIRIAM SASLOVE THE FULCRUM

OTTAWA (CUP)—With warmer temperatures comes melting snow, and University of Ottawa students fear that formerly hidden dog poop may start stinking up their campus and blighting the bottom of their shoes.

In an interview with the Tomato, third-year biology student Ashley Markham recounted her experience with this problem.

“I was walking over by Morisset Library when I stepped in some mud—at least I thought it was mud. But when I got to class my friends told me I stank and I realized I had three-month-old dog poop on my shoe,” says Markham, “that’s when I knew something had to be done.”

After Markham shared her story on social media, she inspired other U of O students to speak out.

“The other day I stepped in a pile of ‘mud’ over by SITE, and unknowingly

ended up tracking dog poop through three different buildings,” says mechanical engineering student Max Douglas.

Another student stated their psychology professor “reeked” when arriving to class in the previous week.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that the weather’s getting warmer, but I can’t have the smell distracting me in class,” says student Alyssa Campbell.

Because of this outpouring of support and solidarity, Markham was inspired to start an online petition that aims to increase springtime dog poop clean-up services on campus.

The petition had garnered more than 200 signatures as of this publication, making Markham the unofficial ringleader of the This Stinks! movement.

The Canadian Federation for Cleaner Campuses (CFCC) released a statement in response to the students’ uproar.

“We understand where the students are

coming from, being that it is almost impossible to differentiate dog poop from regular mud,” says a spokesperson for the CFCC. “We are working with the university’s student leadership to come up with a solution as quickly as possible.”

Concern over rogue canine excrement has even begun to eclipse students’ stress over upcoming exams. Sociology professor Mark Bowen worries about the effect it will have on their grades.

“Exam performance directly correlates to the amount of studying that a student does.

If students are putting all their energy into worrying about hidden dog poop on campus, they won’t take the time to study.”

Regardless of these concerns over academic performance, Markham is encouraging her fellow students to get involved in the This Stinks! movement by following @ ThisStinksUOttawa on Twitter and liking the page on Facebook.

Markham hopes the awareness being

brought to the university will finally make a difference, stating “let’s make sure the university knows we won’t put up with this crap!”

PHOTO: FLICKR USER JOSHUA GANDERSON (CC BY 2.0)

#INTER

VIEWFA

IL

“We’re looking for a candidate that can be on call at all times for this part-time position.”

PHOTO ELEMENT: FLICKR USER STEVE WILSON (CC BY 2.0)

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SPORTS Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Foul start to the season for injury-stricken Blue Jays

Two Blue Jays players congratulate one another for remaining injury-free during a pre-season practice.

PHOTO: FLICKR USER JAMES G (CC BY 2.0)

WHITNEY SALON STAFF REPORTER

“Break a leg!”

This may be a common saying to wish someone good luck, but for Toronto’s beloved baseball team the term took a more literal approach.

Spring training for the Toronto Blue Jays began on March 3, but it seemed as if the players stepped out on the wrong side of the batters box. No amount of ‘bless you’ could have saved the team from the horrendous injuries prior to the season opener.

Six players from the Blue Jays have been injured in less than one month of training, and it looks as though it’s as easy as a sneeze for this team to get injured.

Outfielder Kevin Pillar injured his right

oblique muscle during a sneeze, causing him to miss a week of spring training. Pillar is one of the lucky ones considering his teammates’ recent run-ins.

Another outfielder, Jose Bautista, has reported a ‘tight hamstring’, while Brett Cecil is out for a week due to shoulder inflammation.

It is unsure if the players are looking for their own outs due to a lack of confidence for the season, or if bad luck has hit them.

Edwin Encarnacion of first base has been out for a week due to complaints of back soreness.

The usual ‘three strikes and you’re out’ does not look to apply to the Blue Jays this year.

Second baseman Ramon Santiago suffered a broken collarbone after making a stretch to catch a shallow center field ball, landing directly on his shoulder. There is no way of tell-

ing how long his recovery will be but at least he will have some teammates by his side to keep him company during recovery.

Just when you thought the Jays weren’t clumsy enough, starting pitcher Marcus Stroman tore his ACL in bunting practice, and he won’t be touching the mound until next season. On the bright side, the unlucky ones will only be three people short, from their accident-prone team.

It has been a swing and a miss for the Blue Jay’s pre-season, and it’s a shame to watch the players strike out before they can feel the warmth of the open Rogers Centre on home turf.

With this average it’s only a matter of time before the Blue Jays catch themselves in another pickle.

It is unsure if the players are looking for their own outs due to a lack of confidence for the season or if bad luck has hit them.

The Monologue

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NEWS Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Government considers video games as teaching tool MICHAEL LUBA THE TRUE NORTH TIMES

(MONTREAL) CUP—Why waste hours with other students in a classroom when you could waste hours alone in your basement?

Many large companies and organizations, including Canada’s federal government, are asking this question when they consider how to train their workers. People believe that gamification, a term used to describe learning through video games, could improve citizen engagement, as well as policy and program outcomes. That sounds pretty fun!

It is fun—in that Sunday-school-is-fun sort of way. Gamification companies like Wa-

PHOTO: FLICKR USER DAVE SEE (CC BY 2.0)

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The Monologue

terloo Ontario’s Axonify, provide employees with three minutes of daily game time. Employees are free to choose which games to play, while employers can rest easy knowing that every game is jam-packed with educational material. Employees who play enough games earn points that they can exchange for prizes on an auction-style site. Just imagine getting paid to play three minutes of Toni Hock’s Pro Stapler, and then being able to exchange game points for a real stapler to use in your real office. Find me a worker who doesn’t orgasm just thinking about it!

The best part about gamification is that it is on the cutting edge of education. According to Carol Leaman, President and

CEO of Axonify, gamification is useful because “it uses brain science to get [employees] to remember [the lessons embedded in the games].” Slow down Carol, we aren’t all PhDs. Are you saying that memories come from the brain? Leaman continues, “[gamification] is way better than firehosing [employees] for hours in the classroom…It’s an entire waste of time to do that.” Yes, Carol, it is a waste of time. It’s also qualifies as torture if you do it before asking the employee to answer a question.

If you still think gamification is lame, consider its previous applications. The CBC reports that gamification has been used to reinforce drug rehab programs, to

help Air Canada retain customers, and to encourage children to visit the theatre. So yeah, it’s lame.

Looking to the future, it’s hard to know how video games will impact Canadian public service. How departments would implement such programs and which departments would even chose to do so remains unclear. The greatest limiting factor, however, is that the current government is planning to implement gamification programs over the next five years; since it falls outside the regular election cycle, it’s a safe bet that it will never happen. Public sector employees should remain familiar with the firehose for the foreseeable future.

C O N G R AT U L AT I O N S

TO ST U D E NT A S S O CIAT IO N AWAR D W IN NERS FOR 2014-2015 All recipients will be honoured at the SA Awards ceremony on April 7 at the St. James campus Kings Lounge.

Students supporting each other through the SA’s Awards and Bursaries.

First Name

Last Name

Aaron Mariash Adetoyinbo A. Adegbolu Alethea M. Argyropoulos Ali Al-Lami Alicia Bahadur

Gloria Figura Gregory Khaymov

Melissa Kwong

Hussam Majbour

Michael Parker

Hwasoo Lee

Michelle Glover

Ilina John

Michelle Green

Isobel Medel James S. Kennedy Jane Furneaux

Arie Eitan Grispun Becky Sojung Park B’jamiin Melamed-Turkish Brad Minns

Jasmine Sun Jeffery Presutti

Olivia Saccucci

Jennifer Dhawan Jenny Routledge

Celia Toro

Coty Zachariah

Jessica Crawford Jevonne Peters Jody-Ann Tam Johnny Kaing

Dana Gray

Jose Junior Desravines

Daniel Benoit

Julianne Marshall Juliet Church

Daniel (Sung Bok) Byun Danilo Alfaro

Kapil Subedi

Dannielle Danica James

Karim Ahmed Khoja Karla Mendez Guzman

David Andrew Mastrangelo Denise Hildebrandt Devon Thom Dominique Gauthier-Plante Dorinda Macdonald

Katrina Atienza

Kyle Mitchell Leanne Marie Penberthy Leslie Vanevery Lillian Nolan Lindong Wu Maggie Watson Margherita T. Garbin

Frank Medeiros

Maria Cortez

Gage Jacko

Mario Almeida

studentassociation.ca

Shanuk Del Mel Sherry- Ann Telemaque

Sina Tokhy Stephanie Pugliese-Santana Steven Pena

Kyuha Jung

Euan Hwang

Glen Hart

Shanel Jaggon

Susana Gonzalez

Khadine Latouche

Elisa Hernandez

Fengchao Yu

Sayari Kanjilal Seonhui Lee

Kelly Thuy Linh Ton Kevin Richardson

Farah Lienaux

Sarah E. Ramsawack Sarah M. Aubin

Kelly Ma Kesha Frank

Eddie

Sara Doekes Sarah Hough

Simone Charles

Elaha Badri

Evangelos Psarias

Sandra Ozromano

Kateryn Escobar Katherine Quan

Dylan Rainey

Eric Aldridge

Salina Duong

Shing Leung

Dorothy Gayle Beauchamp

Emily Dyszuk

Reenita Verma Reginah K. Gaditlhatlhelwe

Katelyn Meagher

Dorothea Paas

Eleanor F. Gallagher

Monica Fenech Nandranie Gopaul Puneet Arora

Jennifer Snooks

Claudia Medina

Mohammad Ghani

Jennifer Rajewski

Carlos Salguerro Chloe Pfeiffer

Mike Silva Min Young Choi

Jennifer Shaw

Brittney Heathwood

Christopher Mcconnell

Michele Bertone

Ikram Dirie

Annabelle Tejeda Gomez

Ashley Robinson

Megan Mcinnis

Hiltan Wong

Anthony Joseph D’avella Apollo Karapapas

Maxine Manitowabi

Svetlana Katcharovski Sylvie Weir Tenzin Dechen Teodora Raytcheva Thenuja Kirupamoorthy Tjarirove Kasiringua Toby Laws Tomasz Smereka Uzzair Khan Valmira Ikonomi Viktoriia Kolomieiets Wazeefa Rahim Zhina Li

Matthew De Wolfe

twitter.com/sagbc

facebook.com/runyourfuture

instagram.com/sagbc

OPINION Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Nobody reads this paper HUGH JAZZ Despite our ever evolving society, there is still a place for the world of print media, even though ‘experts’ have been predicting the so-called death of newspapers for the past 20 years.

What’s the deal with the internet anyway?

Thanks to Google, I can search any breaking news story as it happens. Thanks to bloggers, anyone can be a journalist.

Thanks to social media, information quickly gets over-simplified for mass consumption.

A newspaper, regardless of the human bias in it’s content, allows for more in-depth coverage especially on the local issues.

The internet, for all the access it provides, also allows for absolute freedom.

Anyone can claim to produce quality content from the comfort of their own living room, and independent bloggers need no credentials. Of course some bloggers do produce quality work, but with freedom there should also be some level of accountability.

Newspapers are not bound to constantly being exciting, action packed or dramatic, but are basically what you’d find on your late-night news channels.

Letters to the Editor Re: Contract Faculty I fully support the increased use of contract faculty at Ontario’s colleges. As a student it’s important to me that my instructor be impacted by the precarious nature of today’s labour market so they can relate to the students in their classes. An instructor who is stressed out about getting a job knows what it’s like to be facing the prospect of unemployment at the end of the semester.

–Pree Carroty Re: Contract Faculty Contract faculty should stop their whining.

If they can’t get good jobs that pay them well then they have nobody to blame but themselves. Just look at the pay of George Brown’s senior management, the money to pay GBC president Anne Sado her $358,700 salary has to come from somewhere. You don’t see GBC’s senior vice president of academics Laura Jo Gunter complaining, she’s too busy working hard to earn her $215,000 salary. Surely they’re just working harder than the contract professor who’s scraping by paycheck-to-paycheck putting in countless hours of course preparations and instruction for students.

–Paul Upboots We want to hear from you.

Send your opinion by raven to our subterranean dungeon.

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The Monologue

You don’t necessarily feel in constant danger reading a newspaper, but you can inform yourself at your own pace.

While there has been a decline in readers, numbers remain relatively strong. According to the Newspaper Audience Database, in 2013, it was reported that six out of 10 people still chose to read only print editions, while three out of four Canadians read weekly print-newspaper content.

Newspapers are a big part of our society, and there is an impact when the industry struggles. They inform us of the world we’re in.

So, the next time you’re on a coffee break why not give a printed newspaper a read­—you might be glad that you did.

Newspapers are not bound to constantly being exciting, action packed or dramatic, but are basically what you’d find on your late-night news channels.

EDITORIAL Make tuition free All students have a dream, a dream of having free post-secondary education. We are not alone, as this is a common dream shared by thousands of people living in Ontario and millions of others across Canada.

From the frigid Nunavut, a territory that doesn’t even have a university much less one with free tuition, to the teeming Southern metropolis of Toronto, which is part of a province where post-secondary students pay the highest tuition fees in Canada.

People in disparate geographic regions of this nation long for free tuition, and this is not an impossible dream.

Other countries have capitulated to the demands of their citizens and eliminated fees for post-secondary studies. This list of countries is long and it seems to grow longer every year.

Canada would not be risking international censure by announcing an end to tuition fees, rather it is what Canada is doing now by continuing to raise the prices students pay for an education every year, regardless of the performance of the economy that’s creating a continuous outcry across the country.

Increasing the amount of money that

Editorial Cartoon LITERAL GARBAGE ART DIRECTOR

ADDICT.

students can borrow from the government and repay later, is not a solution, especially not when the initial loan is subject to an extraordinarily high interest rate.

Having fees for tuition also means that people with the means to pay such fees are more likely to attend post-secondary institutions at the undergraduate and graduate levels.

Conversely, people who know they will need to take out loans for post-secondary studies and understand that repaying or defaulting on those loans will shape their future, are more likely to become dissatisfied with school and often do not go on to post-secondary studies.

Eliminating all tuition fees for all levels of school will create more equity between these groups. At the very least, it will allow more people who would otherwise be deterred by the cost to attend post-secondary studies.

The long term effect of this levellingout of at least part of the post-secondary playing feild, will produce a more equitable society where people are more open to engaging in dialogue.

SCIENCE & TECH Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Robot takes wrong turn after soundwave disruption Mechanical engineering student watches as his robot malfunctions during a robot race SALLY STRUGGLES ASSISTANT EDITOR

Designing a robot is challenging, and students in the mechanical engineering program will certainly agree. But what happens when you program a robot a certain way and it gets disrupted by renovation noise?

On March 10, students in this program took part in a robot race through the Casa Loma campus student centre. Each robot was programmed specifically to the students liking and was expected to perform accordingly, however, the race took an unexpected turn.

The robots were expected to move along a set of lines according to the specific programming. Not too far away from where the race was taking place are the Casa Loma gym renovations, creating much unwanted noise.

The race began with excitement as the programmers cheered on their robots. They raced the outlined course and had little robot fights, but one robot was not having it.

Disrupted by the renovation soundwaves, the robot began to spin out of control when reaching the finish line.

Sparks viciously flew from the robots head, indicating to the surrounding audience that something was wrong.

The loudness of the construction was hard for human ears to hear over the cheers, but waves of sound traveled through the walls loud enough to push this robot’s buttons.

This robot now had a mind of it’s own.

It stopped and spun it’s square head around in a full circle, flames shooting out of the eyes. Students stood and watched in awe and slight horror as the robot let out an awful computerized laugh. The evil kind.

The robot made it’s way down the halls of Casa Loma campus, terrorizing and destroying any inanimate object in it’s path.

Unsure how to regain control of the robot, the mechanical engineering student who had programmed the robot turned to desperate measures.

Sounding the campus alarm, sprinklers turned on, subduing the evil robot. It was quickly stopped in it’s tracks as the water came down, replacing the shooting flames with clouds of mist and smoke, a peaceful hissing sound to follow.

Right: Driven to malfunction by the repetitive, grating sounds of construction, one robot took matters into his own cold, metal claws.

PHOTO ELEMENTS: FLICKR USERS M YASHNA, DAVIDD, AND ROBIN ZEBROWSKI (CC BY 2.0)

The Monologue 11

ARTS & LIFE

Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Roll Up the Rim to lose your money at Tim Hortons Lots of money is spent on coffee but the chances of winning are slim unless you file complaints SALLY STRUGGLES ASSISTANT EDITOR

Please play again.

Winning at Roll Up the Rim can feel like a long shot. Hold on to your coffees, because it’s going to be a disappointing ride.

Students are spending money on coffee before early classes and throughout the day, and more often than not they are drinking out of a losing cup.

“I’ve bought over 20 coffees since roll-up the rim started and I’ve only won two donuts,” says Curtis Brown, avid coffee drinker.

“It’s so frustrating because you spend way more money because of that added incentive, and you just can’t win.”

The Tim Hortons coffee chain does not distribute prizes evenly, as reported by Canada.com, after an angry coffee drinker became furious upon learning of the coffee chain’s delinquency. After having written several letters to the coffee chain, Nadine Giguere told Canada.com that she eventually got her prize—and it wasn’t from rolling up the rim.

Students learned of Giguere’s luck after

PHOTO: SALLY STRUGGLES/THE Monologue

becoming furious with Tim Hortons, and though they hoped that would happen to them, but the chances of achieving that simply by rolling up the rim are even slimmer.

“It’s already ridiculous, the amount of

money I spend at Tims,” says Jacob Biscuits, waiting in line for a coffee.

Students are tired of buying coffee that’s not in a winning cup, and suggest that maybe the coffee chain get rid of it’s annual game

unless they’re going to disperse the winning cups evenly among the various locations.

Until then, students will continue to purchase their daily coffee with simultaneous dread and glee.

Millennials: a guide for understanding a ‘lazy’ generation HUGH JAZZ STAFF REPORTER

Millennials have become a social phenomenon that need to be better understood, as you can’t walk into a Starbucks these days without bumping into one. They’re literally everywhere, in our work places, basements and community colleges.

So, what is a millennial?

Let’s start with what a millennial is not. If Pepperidge Farms ever asked you, “do you remember when...” and you respond with “yes,” chances are that you aren’t a millennial.

While there’s no exact definition, a millennial is typically a young person under 30, usually classified as ‘Generation Y’ with birth years ranging from the 1980s to the 2000s.

This may be what a millennial is, but what does millennial actually mean? That depends on who you ask.

Here’s a guide to help shed some light on this complex generation.

Some people might convince themselves PHOTO: FLICKR USER CHRISTOPHER MICHEL (CC BY 2.0)

12

The Monologue

that millennials lack work ethic. Let’s consider that to be true. It must be for this reason that many students (millennials) accumulate $20,000 to $50,000 in debt, and that’s why many who work, work multiple jobs. It’s clearly because millennials want their credit to suck, and because they’re lazy. If they wanted to, they could just avoid debt all together and not bother with a career. Clearly these ungrateful students are just putting off getting a real job.

Social Media is all kids care about these days. Nobody just talks to each other anymore, and if they’re not interested in the conversation they unplug themselves.

Millennials are self-centered and they think their problems are more important than anything else. They have no respect for anyone but themselves, including traditional values.

So millennials are a social phenomenon that may not always be understood, just like ‘millennials’ don’t always understand why old people can’t use a cell phone.

THE STUDENT ASSOCIATION IS HIRING FOR FALL 2015.

POSITIONS BEGIN AUGUST 2015.

These are some of the opportunities available: - International Student CAC - Aboriginal Student CAC - Women and Trans People CAC - ASL CAC - The Dialog Newspaper - Academic Advocacy - SafeWalk Walkers - Finance Assistant

- Member Services - Events Squad - LGBTQ CAC - Campaigns - Foodbank - TTC Sales - Bartenders - Cooks

Casa Loma: Monday, March 30 (11 A.M. - 2 P.M.) St. James: Tuesday, March 3 1 (11 A.M. - 2 P.M.) Waterfront: Wednesday, April 1 (11 A.M. - 2 P.M.) Ryerson (SHE building): Thursday, April 2 (11 A.M. - 1 P.M.) Please visit www.studentassociation.ca/jobs for more information.

studentassociation.ca

twitter.com/sagbc

facebook.com/runyourfuture

instagram.com/sagbc

LOVE & SEX

ARTS & LIFE

Love in an elevator

Exam time is a SHAM

Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Security gets complaints after student lovebirds spend the whole day in elevator WHITNEY SALON STAFF REPORTER

At George Brown College (GBC) students know the struggle of trying to get in an elevator, particularly at the St. James campus. When running late, you can’t always afford to wait 10 minutes for any one of the five elevator doors to open. Luck will never be in your favour.

There are those days where you think life just couldn’t get any worse, until you’re stuck on an elevator with a half a dozen strangers, involuntarily breathing in whatever toxins they’ve brought along with them.

“I literally can’t even,” says Ella Vader, when asked about her previous experiences with the St. James elevators.

On March 28, during a usual 20 minute wait time, many students came, saw, and tried to conquer, but opted to hike up the stairs—all but two gawky strangers.

With the overwhelming rush of butterflies fluttering in the pit of their stomachs, silence took over the vacant hallway.

The strangers quietly stood side by side until the chiming elevator doors finally separated, inviting them in.

“I didn’t know stepping into that el-

evator would change my life forever,” says Phal N. Love about his fateful elevator experience.

The tension was high when the doors slowly closed, but it wasn’t until the elevator stopped abruptly between the third and fourth floor that things got really heated.

“At first I freaked out. I mean, I was stuck in an elevator and didn’t even have food!” says Love. “But, when I locked my eyes on Ella, I knew that was right where I was supposed to be.”

The two strangers quickly connected, awkward tension vanishing into thin air.

The force between them felt magnetic as they played 21 questions and shared snacks while help was on the way.

“After about ten minutes I asked her if she would be my girlfriend,” admitted Love.

Even once the elevators were pried open, the dazed couple didn’t budge, getting cozy on the elevator floor for the remainder of the afternoon and well into the evening. Several complaints were made to security.

“We didn’t even think about how late we were for class until being kicked out of the building 10 hours later,” gushed Vader.

Love and Vader want to thank GBC for their slow-moving elevators and the risk that one takes of the elevators not moving at all. Had it not been for the extreme hold up, they wouldn’t have found each other or true love.

HUGH JAZZ STAFF REPORTER

Exam time means cram time. It also usually means saying good-bye to your social life.

Many students are conditioned to put studying before any sort of human interaction or relationship. Such isolation often leads to increased anxiety and stress levels during exam time.

When Dr. Baloney, director of the research division at the Science Helping All of Mankind (SHAM) Institute, published a recent study, the results seemed almost satirical.

“The results were far better than we had expected,” says Baloney. “Of the thousands of students who took part in the study from all over the country, most of what was found was that studying and concentration became easier when relaxed. We call it the Balanced Life Principle (BLP).”

When SHAM published the report saying that exam time doesn’t actually require students to spend every waking hour cram-

ming, studying, and sacrificing time with loved ones, students from campuses all over the country were blown away.

“It was not what I expected,” says Jane Doll, general arts and science student at George Brown College (GBC) and study participant. “We were told to relax and to hang out with our friends, and I wound up getting straight A’s. So, yeah, I was pretty surprised.”

The SHAM report also states that BLP, most widely known as ‘common sense’, helps treat exam-induced stress with plenty of sleep, breaks between study sessions, healthy eating, and social activity.

“Human nature tends to lean towards extremes, so we’re trying to prove that extreme emotional sacrifice isn’t always necessary for success,” says Baloney.

While it is their most expensive study to date, costing nearly $10 million, SHAM considers it even more successful than last year’s report, Why Breathing in Fumes is Bad. “We’re just dedicated to helping humanity,” says Baloney.

Pictured above: Academic success in the making.

PHOTO: FLICKR USER MARTIN TERBER (CC BY 2.0)

14

The Monologue

PUZZLES & FUN Mar. 30–April 12, 2015

Comics L.A. BONTÉ CARLETON UNIVERSITY

PAIGE WINKLE SPECIAL TO THE MONOLOGUE

1 6

Sudoku

2 SOLUTION

9 9 5 2 7

2 4 7 1

6

3 9 6

8 4

7

9 4 6 5 2 8 5

Puzzle by websudoku.com

1 6 5 7 8 4 9 2 3

4 8 3 2 6 9 5 1 7

9 7 2 3 1 5 6 4 8

3 5 8 9 2 6 1 7 4

Puzzle by websudoku.com

2 4 7 8 5 1 3 9 6

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To place an ad in our next issue, contact us at dialog@georgebrown.ca or (416) 415-5000 (ext. 2764).

Colour ads and a variety of sizes are available.

The Monologue 15

#INTER

VIEWFA

IL

“This entry-level position requires at least three years of prior experience.”

PHOTO ELEMENT: FLICKR USER RICCIOFIX (CC BY 2.0)