Ra l e i g h , N o r t h C ar o lin a ( 919 ) 4 1 0 - 6 8 1 2 www . di a mo n d d iv am ag .c o m Happy New Year Ladies and welcome to 2016! I am so excited about what this year has planned for all of us Diamond Diva Women. Just like in years pass Diamond Diva Magazine is all about shinning a light on women doing great things in busine ss, their communities and in ministry. Throughout this last year many changes have taken place and the magazine has began to evolve into something that is amazining and ever changing for the good of all women pressing their way in business and in life. As always these women are business women, mothers, women of God and tru ly Diamond Diva’s to the fullest defintion of the word. Thank you for coming back with us for another year and for your continued support, it really means alot to us both. Renee Dawkins
Disclaimer: Diamond Diva Magazine is published monthly. Any reproduction of any part of this publication without written permission from the publisher prior to doing so. Diamond Diva Magazine does not accept responsibility for st atements made by individuals featured or advertisers. Comments concerning this publication should be submitted to the editor by email at info@ diamonddivamag.com Diamond Diva Magazine’s publisher, staff and other persons involved in the creation, production or delivery of the magazine (in whatever format) or it’s content, do not assume any liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any information provided in the magazine, nor shall they be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential or punitive damages arising out of the magazine.
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You r B e l i e f T h e r a p y S e s s i o n: Renewing our Minds Wit h t h e T r u t h The one that spe a k s t o m e t h e most is “endurin g ” i n t o d a y ’ s society it’s so ea s y t o g i v e u p on someone but G o d s l o v e i s enduri ng, thi s m e an s n o m atter what we’v e do n e h i s l o ve will endure and h e w i l l b e right there wait i n g w h e n w e choose to run b a c k t o h i m . How does this sc r i p t u r e s p e a k to you? When yo u i d e n t i f y i t , l i v e i n that truth. “ A l i e i s a s s t r o ng as the truth i f y o u b e l i e v e i t, but ye shall k no w t h e t r u t h a n d t h e t r ut h s hal l se t y o u f r e e ” Jo h n 8: 32 Li e : T o b e C h r i s t like means to b e pe r f e c t T r u t h : F o r i t i s by grace you hav e b e e n sa ved t h r o ug h f ai th a n d t h is is no t fr o m yo urs e l v e s , i t i s t h e gift of God. Ephesians 2:8 I g r e w u p i n a s o uthern Baptist c h u r c h a n d w h i le my intent is n o t t o j u d g e t h e teachings of t h e c h u r c h I m u st say that well i n t e n d e d m e s s a ges caused a g r e a t d e a l o f condemnation gr ow in g u p . C o u ple t h a t w it h gr ow in g u p in a n en vir o n men t w h e r e y o u a r e punished for w h a t y o u d o w r ong more than w h a t y o u d o r ight and you hav e a r e c ip e f o r a d ysfun ct i o n a l c h i l d h o o d that would l a t e r s t e m i n t o what I like to cal l p e r f e c t io n d iso r d er . Litt l e d i d I k n o w t his perfection d i s o r d e r w o u l d affect many d i f f e r e n t a r e a s of my life but s p e c if ic a lly m y r ela t io n sh ip w i t h G o d a n d o ften times still d oe s . I f e lt t h at if I a t t en d e d c h u r c h , do t ted a ll my I ’ s a n d c r o s s e d a l l my T’s I just k n e w G o d w a s super please w i t h m e , b u t i f I messed up I c o u l d n ’ t a n d didn’t even want t o a p p r o ach h im. Lit t le
did I know that these were the mo st opportune ti mes to appr o a ch hi m. It’s s o much eas ier t o fol l ow a s et of rul es than t o embrace the s i mpl i ci ty of a relationship with our father because as human beings we are trained in a system of do’s a n d don’ts , rewarded/punished for these do’s/don’ts and we hate the exposure o f o ur human weaknes s because we would rather pride ourselves on all the things we d o r i ght. Throughout my career as a therapist and casual conv ersations with others I’ve co me to real i ze the teachi ng t h a t “we are in right standing w it h God when we are perfect ” has pl agued many peo ple and they too have had va r ious areas of thei r l i v es affected as a result. So I come to provide you with a guide t o begi n the path of heal i ng from the destructive lie that yo u hav e to be perfect i n order for God to love you. H ea ling Truths : 1. I h av e l ov ed you wi th an everlasting love, Jeremiah 31:3: The definition of everlasting mea ns eternal , nev er-endi ng, infinite, enduring, boundless, t imeles s . Stop and thi nk for a moment about what these words mean to you. Really let them speak meaning to you.
2 . Exami ne your mo ti ve s: W h e n your des i re to do ri gh t i s si m pl y bas ed on ma k i n g su re y o u get your checks o n th e c h e c k off list you are n o t w a l k i n g i n God’s grace but w o rk s. Th e re is certainly nothin g w r o n g w i t h wanti ng to do ri gh t bu t th i s desire should be b a s e d o u t o f a loving relation s h i p w i t h G o d and our des i re t o pl e ase h i m because he first l o v e d u s . 3 . The Lord Chas t i s e t h o s e h e l ov e: This partic u l a r l o v e i s a love that wants t o s e e y o u a t your best, preve n t y o u f r o m danger and s ee s y o u r potenti al . The typ e o f c o n vi ction the Holy-Spi r i t p r o v i d e s i s correction throu g h l o v e a n d calls us to a hig h e r s t a n d a r d becaus e of the h o pe an d belief that God has i n u s . I t ’ s l i k e a parent who c o r r e c t s t h e i r child because th e y k n o w t h e potential that lie s w i t h i n t h e m to be greater than w h at th e y are currently sh o w i n g . T h e y see the best in t h e m . A s a child, when an a d u l t w o u l d correct me I c o u l d a l w a y s tel l when the co rre c ti o n w as from a pl ace of “ y o u r be tte r than thi s ” v s th e c o rre c ti o n of “what’s wro n g w i t h y o u , what were you th i n k i n g ” I c a n tel l you the co rre c ti o n th at stemmed from b e l i e f i n m e made me want t o d o b e t t e r ,
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www.diamonddivamag.com ma d e m e b e l i e v e i n myself and ultimately led to change. So k now t h is , Go d lo ves yo u a n d t h er e is n othi ng you can s o to change hi s l ov e for you bu t y o u c an rej e c t his lo ve b y b elievin g in t h e lie t h a t you hav e to be perfect. I dare you to wal k i n th e tru th o f hi s l o v e a n d le t it s et yo u fr ee. Be B l e s s e d Asi a Schm idt
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www.diamonddivamag.com Ring around the rosy, a life filled with poison, ashes to ashes, we all fall down. Often times, I find myself sitting in this dark room trying to figure out where my life went wrong. Love a fter love, deception beyond deception. Once again, I’ve found that I’ve put all my faith in you. You promised me…NO….you GAVE ME YOUR WORD that you would love me and never leave me. You said that I was all the woman you ev er needed, yet you still continued to build your starting line-up of women. I can’t help but to question “Why me God? Why am I NEVER enough?” My life is spinning out o f control and I am in a fight for my happiness. But, the pain is so damn real that I sometimes can’t eat…I can’t sleep… and it’s hard to even focus on simple day to day activitie s. I realiz ed that I lowered myself as a woman when I begged, pleaded and tried so hard to convince him that I was worth it and that I loved him with every fiber of my being. It’s ironic because, before meeting him, I had vowed that I would never give my heart to another man. But not only did I give him my heart, I allowed him to gain control of my mind, something I’ve never permitted any other man to do before. This is so crazy! Is t his really my life right now? I had it going on before this! I had my life together and I knew where I was going. How did I allow all of that to be changed by a man? Are you kidding me? I am better than this! What advice would I give to my one of my best girlfriends or a woman simply going through the same thing? I would say, “Girl, pull yourself together! Ain’t no man worth you loosing yourself o ver! He doesn’t want you, so guess what? That is HIS loss, not yours. Get yourself together, dry your face and keep it moving!” Oh my God! This advice is so easily given but when it’s time to take it, it’s a BEAST! It seemed like the more I loved you, the more you took from me. You played with my emotions and tried to make me lose my mind even when I knew that my gut feeling was not leading me wrong. You stood flat footed in my face and told me that you did not want me. Those words cut through me like a double-edged sword and took all the fight out of me! I allowed you to break the woman that I had worked so hard to become. You took her away and locked her in a very dark place and you left her to die. What he did not count on were the people that were praying for me constantly. They were praying for my mind, praying for my soul, praying for the overall woman that I was. One night, between the tears and the “why me Lord” questions I began to call out, I found myself sitting in my living room alone with a razor in my hand - ready to end it all. I thought the pain was just too much to bear and that death would be easier. I remember sitting there wonder ing if my family would be mad, would my kids ever forgive me, and would he even notice that I was gone? I sat there with tears running down my face, for what seemed like forever. At this moment, this is where I began to fight with myself to live or die. It was in these la st moments, that I heard a voice say, “Stand still and know that I AM GOD.” Thinking that I had totally lost my mind because I was now hearing voices, I became more afraid. The tears came harder and I was having trouble catching my breath. Then, I heard it again, “Stand still and know that I AM GOD!”
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www.diamonddivamag.com I began to pray and ask God to heal my heart, take away this unbearable pain; I couldn’t carry it any longer. I begged Him to restore my joy, my happiness and, most of all, my mind. Please God, come into my heart and make me whole. Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that the pain went away instantly, that my hurt stopped, or even that my mind was free, because it didn’t. I am still in a constant fight everyday! I still have days that I cry uncontrollably. There are still days that I find it hard to get out of bed or do something as simple as hold a basic conversation with someone. But all I know is that the love I once longed for from this one man has been replaced by the true love of GOD. He doesn’t judge me, He doesn’t make me jump through hoops for his attention or love, He just loves me for who I am. My days are still hard at best and my nights are so very lonely. One thing I know for sure is that I have my joy and my mind back, and all I can say is, “Lord, I thank You because I know it could have been th e other way. It is because of Your grace and mercy that I am still here.” Why? Becaus e I Fought to be THIS Happy.
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5 P r o v e n S e l f I m p r o v e m e nt Steps on How to “L iv e Yo ur DR E AM L if e ! ”
I hav e a condi ti on re f e rre d to as Mul ti pl e Scl eros i s ( M S ) th at ty pical l y l eads to compl e te de bi l i tati on. One amon gst th e man y s ymptoms are s tre ss an d de pre s sion. So how then a m I r e a d y t o measure my DRE A M L i f e ! ? W e l l , the answer is sim p l e . . . With good strategies!
sel f - i m p r o v e m e n t
I urge you to affi x m e a n d m a k e this your reality t o o . E v e r y b o d y des erv es to l i v e an u n pre c edented life, and n o w , w i t h t h e s e simple ways, EVE R Y B O D Y c a n .
Be f o r e I g e t in t o t h is, it ’ s impo r t a n t t h a t y o u s imply perceive wha t se lf - h e lp , per so n a l d e v e l o p m e n t a n d self- impr o vem e n t , a c t u a l l y mean? In a nut s h e l l , i t ’ s e x a c t ly what it says o n th e t i n , a n y t hing to try and d o w it h im p r o ving o r d evelo pi ng y o u r se lf . A s a n exa mple, c a r e e r , r e l a t i o nships, health, p s y c h o lo g y , e t c. . . S elf- fa cilit ate is la r g e ly an y t ype o f in f or ma t io n , o r t oo ls t h a t fa cilit ate y o u r , t o h elp yo ur self. I ’ v e g o t a f a s t query for you... H a s t h e r e e v e r been a time in y o u r l i f e w h e r e you couldn’t sit u p f o r t o m o r r o w to come? Or m a y b e d i d n ’ t want to travel t o s l e e p a s a r e sult of you was h a v i n g s u c h a great time? You n e e d t o h a v e felt like that a m i n i m u m o f o n ce in your life, r i ght ? I b e t y o u even h a ve a huge sm ile o n yo ur fa ce sim-
ply r e memberi ng times’...
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But here’s the thing, why can’t each second of every single day be like that, for you, me - ALL OF US?... Well truly, it will! However in fact, F I RS T , you woul d l i ke to know how that’s done. However let me tell you so mething, it’s a lot of easier than you would possibly think... Do you a ble? . ..
bel i ev e
thi s
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attai n-
P er h a ps you thi nk that I’m a dreamer, if you are doing, that’s cool! However what if I told you that this situation is strictly what my life is like. Furthermore, what if I told you t h a t my l i fe ‘ought to’ be a ‘mi ser y’ , accordi ng to s ome i ndi v i du a ls? Well, that’s the fact of it. You see,
If you are at all in q u i s i t i v e a b o u t s el f-i mprov ement o r pe rso n al development, it’s important to urge ‘1 s t thi ngs F IR S T’. In al ternative words, s t a r t f r o m t h e bottom up. Imag e t h i s , i m a g i n e I gave you a rec i p e t o c r e a t e a cake, you would n ’ t b e g i n f r o m s tep fi v e, woul d y o u ? S e l f - i m prov ement i s no di f f e re n t. . . Therefore, l et’s d o th i n gs pro perl y and begi n fro m th e al l n e c essary first step!. . . STEP ONE is the m o s t v i t a l s t e p of all, and it pla y s t h e l a r g e s t part i n what we have a te n de n cy to al l crav e i n l i f e - Happiness! Step one i s n ’ t s o l e l y t h e mos t neces s ary ste p, h o w e ve r also the most d i f f i c u l t . T h i s i s often the stage w e r e y o u b u i l d your life’s found a t i o n a l v a l u e s , but not jus t any o l d val u e s, th e y have to be ROCK S O L I D v a l u e s . STEP TWO helps t o s u i t t h e i t e m s to your s el f-i mp ro ve me n t pu z zle. Basically, y o u ’ v e g o t t o ‘recognize’, or h a v e a t h e o r y , about what that m e a n s o f l i f e is. ‘Knowing’ this , w i l l f a c i l i t a t e
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yo u r t o s h a p e y o u r life. My theory on what life means, is this - “Life is a never ending, ‘ r o l l e r co a s t e r ’ j o u r n e y o f CHOICES and EMOTIONS”. Ultimately, everybody desires to be happy. O n t o ste p t h r e e . . . ST E P T H R E E , i s t o s e arch out, or perceive, what YOUR purpose in life is. Place another me t h o d , “ what w e r e y o u p lace o n t h is pla n et t o d o ?” Do not worry, thi s i s not as tough or mys teri ou s beca u s e i t c o u l d s o u nd, we all have the right ‘tool’ for doing this - Our EMOTIONS. Yes, it is t r u e , yo u r e m o t i o n s w i l l be your ally or worst enemy, and typically at the identical time! Thu s a s k yo u r s e l f , “ W h a t ’ s i t that I really love doing?” Currently take that a step more and raise yo u r s e l f , “W h a t FE A T U R E S d o es my passion have that I really like?” ST E P F O U R i n v o l v e s really constructing your DREAM Life. This bit will stretch your self-improve m e n t pr o w e s s t o t h e l i m i t, but don’t worry, this is very a lot of doable. This step relies on the o p t i o n s yo u i d e n t i f i e d i n s t ep 3 and one in all the foremost powerful personal development tools a r o u n d - G O A L S E T T I N G ! T ry this for each of the different departments of your life. As an exa m p l e , He a l t h , W e a l t h , R e l ationships, etc. All of th is comes along and forms your terribly own, pe r s o n a l de v e l o p m e n t p la n . An d n o w fo r t h e ext r emel y exci ti ng bi t... ST E P F I V E - L i v e t h e life you have designed in your personal development plan. In altern a t i v e wo r d s , l i ve y o u r D R EAM Life! Na t u r al ly , t h e r e ’s a bit a lo t o f t o it t h a n that, but hopeful l y you get the general gi s t o f se l f im p r o v e m e n t , a n d what is required to measure your DREAM Life! It t a k e s s i m p l y 1 s e c ond to choose to vary your life, so what are you going to come to a de c i s i o n to d o i n t h e s u b s e quent few seconds? It’s up to you. If you had simply 30 days left to mea s u r e , wh a t w o u l d y o u b e doing?
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B o o mera ng R el a ti ons hi p s
M any o f u s h a ve been t h er e befo r e. Y o u meet a guy; he’s charmi ng, he’s a breath of f re sh ai r, so y o u o p e n u p a nd let him into your life and you begin to spend countless amounts of t i m e w i t h hi m. He mak e s y o u sm ile a n d t h in g s co uld n ’ t be more perfect. He does hav e s ome ways abou t h i m, bu t y o u o v e r l o o k t h e m and proceed anyhow. You haven’t felt this way in a long time and yo u w e r e n ’ t go i ng t o le t h im g o a n d miss h a vin g a co mpani on. Y o u a r e n ’ t g e t t i n g any younger. He makes you his girlfriend and you couldn’t be mor e e l a t e d . Th i n g s c o m e c r a s hing down over the next couple of months. Mr. Perfect turns into Mr. W r o n g a n d y o u c a n ’ t u n d e r s t and how you’ve gotten to the place where he can do whatever he w a n t s a n d y ou s t i l l st a y . Y o u t r y t o br ea k t h in g s o ff wi th hi m onl y to get back i nv ol v ed wi th hi m a f e w day s la t e r . Y o u g u y s b e g i n a boomerang relationship and no matter how many times you let him go, h e a l w a y s c o m e s b a c k t o y o u a n d yo u a lw a ys let h im back i n. The hopes that he’s changed and th i n gs w i l l b e d i f f e r e n t , b u t t hings always remain the same. The relationship begins to drain you, y o u r h a i r i s fa l l i n g o u t f r o m s t r ess and you find yourself compromising your morals; your self-esteem i s a t a n a l l ti m e l o w . E v e r y t h i ng in you wants to leave, but your love for him allows him to come bac k . Th e r e i s n o t h i n g h ealthy about a boomerang relationship where you guys are constantly b r e a k i n g u p t o m a k e - u p . I f you guys have to const antly break-up then it means you aren’t good t o g e t h e r . Th e o n l y r e a s o n y o u guys keep reconnecti ng is because you are familiar and comfortable w i t h o n e a n o t h e r a n d b e c a use you “love” one another. If you are in one of these Boomerang Rel a t i o n s h i p s i t ’ s ti me t o g e t o u t n o w ! He r e ar e a f e w s t e ps t o h elp yo u w a lk a w ay for good: S t e p On e : C h o o s e you first. Even though you love him, you have to love yourself more w h i c h w i l l p r e v e n t y o u f r o m to ler a t in g mist r ea t men t . S t e p T w o : P r a y f o r strength and pray to God to help you walk away for good. Don’t let h i m c o m e b ack th is t im e , y o u kn o w h e h a sn ’ t ch a n ged he’s prov ed i t ti me and ti me agai n Ste p T h r e e : C h a n ge yo ur n umber , r emo ve hi m from the s oci al medi a s i tes you both are c o n n e c te d to . Ste p Fo u r : F o c u s o n yo ur self a n d yo ur g o al s and career and gi v e yours el f ti me to heal from th e rel ati ons h ip .
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G ot H a b i ts ? D isc over the j o y o f g o o d h ab it creation a n d n o t - s o - g o o d habi t extra c t i o n ! Author: Kare n D e n i s e A K A Giggy Pa rt 1: It Ta ke s Wi l l p o we r & Di s cip l i ne to For m Go o d Hab i ts Willpower an d d i s c i p l i n e ugh. These a r e w o r d s a l o t o f peopl e d e te st h e ari n g b e cause they d o n ’ t w a n t t o p u t i n t h e w o r k . As you know i t t a k e s w i l l p o w e r , d i s c i p l i n e and good ha b i ts to re al l y g e t th e m o s t o u t o f l i fe. A l l th re e o f th e se th i n g s w o r k t o gether and w h i l e t h i s m a y s o u n d s i m p l e , it i s not alway s t h a t e a s y , n o r i s i t e x c i t i n g and fun. When you ha v e w i l l p o w e r y o u w i l l f i n d i t easier to com m i t t o p e r f o r m i n g a c e r t a i n task. You may h a v e s e t y o u r s e l f g o a l s t h a t yo u wa nt to m e e t an d , i n o rd e r to m a n ife s t them, will ta k e f o c u s e d e f f o r t . W i l l p o w e r does not c om e n atu ral l y an d i t tak e s t im e , effort a nd se l f - c o n tro l to u se e f f e c t iv e ly ; how ever, i t i s p o ssi b l e an d d o ab l e . T he thi ng wi th wi l l p o we r i s th at yo u d o n o t always see y o u r r e s u l t s i m m e d i a t e l y . T h i s can be a litt l e d a u n t i n g t o s o m e p e o p l e , yo u are putt i n g i n t h e h a r d w o r k w i t h o u t seeing any r e s u l t s . T h i s c a n e a s il y m a k e yo u feel l i ke g i vi n g u p . Willpower in c l u d e s s e l f - d i s c i p l i n e w h i c h must be susta i n e d i n o r d e r t o r e a c h y o u r goals. A grea t e x a m p l e o f t h i s i s w i t h w e i g h t loss and exer c i s i n g . W e a l l k n o w t h a t w e have to ea t h e al th y an d e x e rc i se r e gu la r ly to a c hi eve re su l ts b u t we d o n ’ t. W e t e ll ou rselves tha t w e w i l l a n d w e e v e n s t a r t a program, but t o n o a v a i l . A f t e r a f e w d a y s , weeks or even m o n th s, we f al l b ac k . The best way t o f o r m a g o o d h a b i t i s b y
r e p e a t i n g t h e t a s k o r a c t i v i t y over and o v e r a ga in . T h e m o r e y o u do s omet h i n g t h e e a s i e r i t b e c o m e s . You stop v ie w in g it a s a c h o r e a n d a ccep t it as p a r t o f y o u r n o r m a l r o u t i n e i f you allow y o u r s e l f t h e a p p r o p r i a t e amount of t i m e t o g a i n m o m e n t u m a n d change t h e p a r a d igm . T h is s a m e p r in c ip le a p p lie s t o b r eak in g b a d h a b it s . I t t a k e s lo t s of r ep et i t i o n t o s t o p s m o k i n g f o r e x a mple, or to c u t o u t s u ga r . Y o u n e e d y o u r willp ow e r a n d y o u r d i s c i p l i n e t o r each your g o a l s . A l o n g w i t h w i l l p o w er, writing o u t t h e g o a l a n d s p e a k i n g what you w a n t d a ily , s o m e t im e s h o u r ly, s up p or t s y o u r w illp o w e r . W h e n y o u r e p e a t s o m e t h in g you ar e c r e a t in g a n e w r o u t in e . W h en your n e w r o u t i n e b e c o m e s s e c o nd nature, t h e n y o u h a v e f o r m e d a g ood habit. T h i s d o e s n ’ t a l w a y s h a v e t o take that l o n g e i t h e r . I f y o u a r e d e t e rmined to fo r m a n e w h a b it y o u c a n do s o in a s lit t le a s 2 1 d a y s . O n e t h i n g I wan t t o e m p h a s i z e h e r e , t h o u g h , is to not m a k e t h i s h a r d a n d s t r e s s f u l . Wake up w i t h t h e w o r d s o n y o u r l i p s t hat this will b e a gr e a t d a y , p e r fe c t o p p or t un it y t o c h a n g e t h a t h a b i t . T h e n , w hen using y o u r w i l l p o w e r , d o n ’ t g r i t your teeth a n d t r u d g e t h r o u g h i t . T a k e it lightly, w h o l e h e a r t e d l y a n d m a k e i t as fun as
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www.diamonddivamag.com po s s ibl e. Ano ther i ngredi e n t to h e l p yo u f o rm a n d k e e p y o u r go o d h a b it s is t h a t o f m o t iv at ion . You require motivat i o n t o d e v e l o p w i l l p o w e r a n d t o s t a y d i s c i p l i n e d . T h e r e a r e m any modes o f moti va ti on. Y o u m ay b e to l d b y you r d o c t o r t h a t u n le s s y o u q u it s m o k in g y ou will de velop lung can c e r . O r i f y o u d o n ’ t c h a n g e y o u r d i e t y o u w i l l m o s t l i k e l y s u f f er a heart at tack. Thi s type o f m o ti vati o n c an b e v ie w e d a lm o s t a s a t h r e a t . The other type o f m o t i v a t i o n i s w h e n y o u h a v e t h e d e s i r e t o c h a n g e , i t c o m e s f rom deep within you. Onc e y o u h a v e t h i s t y p e o f m o t i v a t i o n y o u r w i l l p o w e r a n d d i s c i p line levels will increase. As y o u s t a r t y o u r j o u r n e y y o u w i l l f i n d t h a t n o t h i n g c a n s t o p y o u, you are totally focused o n y o u r e n d g o a l . T h a t i s f o r m i n g a n e w , l i f e l o n g h a b i t . Y o u can do it; yo u are worth i t . This i s the first o f a t h r e e - p a r t s e r i e s b y o u r n e w c o l u m n i s t , K a r e n D e n i s e A K A G iggy. Stay tuned next mon t h f o r t h e s e c o n d p a r t o f t h i s s e r i e s o n h a b i t s A N D t h e d e b u t of our new column, “Ask G i g g y . ” W a n t t o a s k G i g g y h o w t o g e t b a c k t o y o u r h i g h e s t l i f e potential? Send a n ema i l to g i g g y @ ask g i g g y .c om - y o u r q u e s t io n ( a n d a n s w e r ) m igh t b e in cluded in “Ask G i ggy.”
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P REPA RA TI ON
By Li s a Fau lk n er , M.A .
“ G e t r e a dy , e ve n if yo u d o n ’ t g et a ch a n ce to go.” That i s one of my fav ori te l i fe l es s on s f ro m my mo t h e r . I t t e l l s m e what I have come to learn in life – preparation is the key to most victo r i e s . W h e n yo u a r e o u t t o m a k e a difference. When you want to be heard. When you are a trailblazer. W h e n y o u wa nt to st a n d o u t f r o m t h e r est . Th ey a ll st art wi th preparati on. So my mother’s l i fe l es s on di d n o t go in v a i n o n m e , i n s t ead my preparation has given me the chance to go in directions I pla n n e d a n d ta k e ad v a n t a g e o f oppo r t un it ies I h o ped for. Pre p a r a t i o n i s k e y t o seizing opportunity. When I hear others say, “I missed a prime opp o r t u n i t y ! ” I ha v e t o w o n d e r , “ Were you prepared?” Opportunity equals preparation plus being in the r i g h t p l a c e at t h e r i g h t t i m e . I f you want to change the game you do it a day ahead of the players ; a m o n t h ah e a d o f t h e m i l e s tone and a chapter ahead of the book. We are all writing a life story w e e i t h e r can p r e pa r e f o r o r allo w it t o w r it e it self. P r eparati on gi v es us undeni abl e opportuni ty to s te p u p an d say I ’ l l l e a d w h e n o thers are afraid to. Whe n we are prepared our confidence is raised to n e w l e v e l s b e cau s e w e h a ve c a r efully st a cked t h e o d ds on our s i de. Thi nk o f i t like t h is – w er e yo u pr epa r ed fo r t he i nterv i ew that l anded you the job you wanted? D i d y o u pre p a r e f o r t h e w e dding that now requires a marriage? Well that is another subject but I b e l i e v e y o u ge t t h e p o i n t – m o st things worth having required preparation. Another advantage to p r e p a r a t i o n is a s e n s e o f c a l m and readiness. I make it a weekly goal to get prepared for my radio sh o w , G a m e Ch a n g e r s w i t h L i s a Faulkner. I feel more empowered to do my best when I do. I feel I know t h e g u e s t s b e f or e th e y g r a c e t h e mic a n d I fin d myself i n conv ers ati on wi th them pus hi ng them to tel l th e l i ste n ers a b o u t t h e i r g r e atest moments because I have prepared and researched them before s h o w t i m e . The r e i s n o r e p la c e men t fo r pr epa r a t io n a s i t yi el ds wi s dom, knowl edge, and the marked d e te rmi n atio n of a g a m e c h a ng er . I n wo r k I f in d p r e p a ra t io n pa r t icula r ly useful becaus e l eaders and organi zati ons do not re mai n sati sfie d w i t h t h e s t a t u s quo for long. They are constantly looking for reasons to shake things u p ; c h a n g e the c u l t u r e o r e n r i c h the bottom line. Whimsical ideas will not do it, instead the one who is p r e p a r e d hav i ng w a t c h e d t h e pa st d ir ect io n a n d r eady to s peak on the future wi th i ns i ght i s the on e w h o adva n c e s t o t h e n e x t level in organizational life. I call it strategizing with hindsight and for e s i g h t . T h e on l y w a y t o d o i t e f fectively is through preparation. Prepare the budget. Prepare the team . P r e p a r e the o u t l i n e . P r e p a r e the proposal. Prepare yourself at every turn and the wait for your nex t m o v e u p th e l ad d e r is a m a t t er o f t imin g . In t h e u n i v e r s e w e f i nd one word works in tandem with another. Words are life and when we r e c o g n i z e th e i r p o w e r w e u se t h em t o br in g success i nto our l i v es . The word preparati on i s worki ng i n tan de m wit h o p p o r t u n it y . T he w o r d w o uld n o t exist i f i t di d not hav e an acti on bei ng carri ed out i n th e u n i ver s e e ve r y d a y t o support its reason for being called, preparation. To b ook L isa t o s p e ak a t yo ur n ext even t o r i f you hav e a game changer you woul d l i ke to h e ar i n te rv i e we d o n Ga m e C ha n g er s w it h Lisa F a ulkn er s end an emai l to gamechangers booki ng@ p e n star. o rg. If y o u h a v e q u e s t i o ns or comments for Lisa send them to gamechangersmarketing@pensta r . o r g . L i s a wil l r e s p o n d t o y o u r questions and comments here in Diamond Diva and on Game Change r s w i t h L i s a Fau l k ne r , S a t u r da y s, 6P M EDT o n Lo ve 860 A M!
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A Bl a ck Wom a n’ s W ort h B y Dar r ell A. Cad or
I n t h e m idst o f a ll t h a t w a s, is, a n d is t o be, the one cons i s tency i n the l i fe of a B l ack Man i s th e pre s e n c e o f h i s c h erished Black Woman. Whether he’s aware of this or not is a matter of p e r s p e c t i v e . Ye t, h e r p r o f o u nd r o le in t h e evo lut io n of thi s uncrowned ki ng i s trul y unmatched. ‘ D o B l a c k Men Still Want Us?’ was the question that blazed the cover of a popul a r m a g a z i n e . T o a l l o f m y b eautiful, intelligent, multi-talented, multi-dimensional, heart-warming, f r e e - s p i r i t e d , s u m p t u o u s , s e nsual, mind-blowing Black sisters who desire an answer to such an inqu i r y , y o u n e e d l o o k n o f u r t h e r than the question itself. Black Men Still Do. And not only do we still w a n t t h e m o s t p r i ze d a n d t r e asur ed po ssessio n o n ea rth...but we need you! W e y e a r n f o r you the way a flower yearns for the sun: For without you, existence is d i f f i c u l t i f n o t i m p o s s i b l e . W e long for you the way fish long for the ocean: For life begins to end the m o m e n t w e a r e s e p a r a t e d from you. And we desire you the way a Black Man desires his Black Wo m a n : F o r o n l y Cho c o la t e S t a r s ca n ma ke lit t le ch o col ate bars . T o o o f t e n a pa r t icula r va lue is pla c ed on you, whi ch, hones tl y, makes me l augh. T h e Ho pe D i amo n d, in a ll it s ma r veled br illia n cy, a ppears as nothi ng more than a dol l ar s tore pape rw e i gh t c o m p a re d t o y o u . How foolish is it to put a price on something so priceless. A n d b y a ll m ea n s, my d a r k- skin n ed , l i ght-s ki nned, fai r-s ki nned s i s ters , i f nothi ng else , al w ay s be m i n d f u l o f t h e resilient gene pool from whence you came. A mere one out of five sla v e s s u r v i v e d t h e p h y s i c a l , mental, and spiritual horrors of the Middle Passage. And you, in all y o u r s t r e n g t h , b e a u t y , a n d a llure, are direct descendants of those determined few. A Black wom a n ’ s w o r t h i s w o r t h m o r e t h a n t h e w o r ld w ill ever know. A nd as l ong as you know, trus t, and bel i ev e th i s, m y si s te r … t h e n s o sh a ll w e.
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L ov e’s Eterna l C a p ti ve B y D a rrell A. C ador
In heart-felt support Domestic Violence Awareness Month I offer this 2006 piece of mine titled ‘Love’s Eternal Captive’. Kindly share thi s with all you know, and ask that they share it as well. Thanks! Sitting next to a window that welcomes the radiance of a rising sun I look back and watch you sleep. The gentle rise and fall of your torso relaxes me. Heavily sedated by the throws of our twi light passions you lay motionless. Perfectly still. Portrait-like. A subtle breeze brushes against the white chiffon drapes, causing them to sway to the rhythm of a silent melody. As I peer through them, I see all that has made you the coveted woman that you are. Skin, pure as Egyptian gold; Hair, dark, bountiful and free; and a roundness beneath the small of your back that leaves me breathless beyond measure. ‘But why am I here’, you silently ask from a distance. ‘And why am I being held against the strength of my wishes?’ The answer, my dear one, is simple. Because the world you once knew; a world you once loved; a world you believed to care for you, has hurt you for the last and final time. His words, meaningless and shallow, are only soothing when he needs soothing himself. Yet his actions speak volumes against the man he promised you to be. His heart-breaking indiscretions have become the norm. Emotional abuse, neglect, and despair have left you without a means to reason, prompting a disillusioned desire to remain in the hell he’s helped you to create. A hell w here he’s left you desolate and distraught. A hell that I’m determined to save you from. The creak of my antique bed signals to me your awakening from an extended and muchneeded slumber. Yet, as I turn to see the beauty of your face, I smile when I notice that you’ve simply rolled over to the other side of the bed. “Kenny…” The softness of your voice startles me. “I’m right here.” “I’m hungry.” I smile. “Your plate’s in the oven.” “Oh.” Within a blink, s lumber reclaims you, which is just fine with me. Sleep on, my dear one, sleep on; for all that I have, is now all yours. A love you’ve lived a lifetime without, now wraps you like the linens in which you’ve wrapped your beautiful self. The shackles of your troubled past now lay on the floors of a house that will never become a home. And the view that patiently awaits you, no w rests just beyond the sill of a window that has welcomed the radiance of a risen Sun.
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