5 minute read
Spreading the Light, Holy Friendships
– Sirach 6:14
Building holy friendships
Sister Miriam James Heidland, SOLT, Contributor
Every person longs for a close friend. We come into the world with an innate desire to be seen, known and loved. The human heart longs to give, to receive and to be understood. We all want to have a safe place to call home where our hearts are cared for, and joy is born, sorrow is mutually carried, the truth is spoken with love and where we can be ourselves. Authentic love is a place of rest, enlightenment and connection, and it brings us beyond ourselves into something greater.
While we have many relationships and acquaintances in this life, we can probably count our closest and dearest friends on one hand. When you think of your best friends, what comes to your mind? What do you love about them? How do they love you?
A philosophical definition of true friendship is shared goodwill – the mutual seeking of the good for the other. It is a friendship based on virtue, excellence and goodness. It is beholding the other not in what they can give or how useful they are, but in the truth of who they are – as unique, precious and unrepeatable persons. It wants their good, delighting in their person and staying the course in longevity during the ups and downs of life. We all want a love like this, and when we do love like this, we become a sturdy shelter, a true treasure.
Building friendships of this caliber requires a mutual commitment of time, continued communication and selflessness. It is receiving the gift of the other person, giving of ourselves as well and seeking the good of the other in both joy and sorrow. Friendships like these only happen at the foundational levels when our hearts are oriented towards goodness ourselves, and we are seeking virtue.
When friendships break down, it is often because there is a lack of real communication and time spent together. Life can get hectic, and we begin to take the people in our lives for granted, and we stop investing in them and the friendship. At times areas of disagreement or pain fester and become walls of resentment and harshness that mitigate against the trust that friendship requires. Lack of mutual love, trust and communication can shatter a friendship or thwart its healthy growth. We all know the pain of a current or past friendship that bears these qualities, and it is agonizing. We know there must be a way through it all, a place where the highest beauty of friendship is found.
In all that we have to say about friends and friendship, the most stunning reality to me is that in the Gospel of John 15:15, Jesus makes a piercing revelation. He proclaims, “I no longer call you slaves because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.” He does not relate to us as slaves, He elevates us to friends. This is absolutely astonishing.
The Lord of the universe, the King of Kings, the One who suffered and died and rose again for us, calls us his friends. God Himself shares his heart with us, forgives us our sins and failings, receives us and listens to us. He loves us. He sits beside us in our deepest suffering and shame and is the author of every beautiful desire and joy we experience. Oh, how He loves us. His love is not a trite idea or a superficial reality. This revelation of Jesus changes everything. It means we are never alone or abandoned or misunderstood. In the grace of his love and friendship, he gives us the grace to love others.
Jesus teaches us what authentic love is and gives us the capacity to experience it deeply. He is the friend who never fails and who always speaks the truth to us in love. He leads us to Himself and teaches us how to see others as He sees them and loves them accordingly. He also receives our love and our hearts and longs to be one with us. He is the teacher and friend par excellence. We build holy friendships by allowing Jesus to befriend us and transform us and by watching and then putting into practice what we see and experience in Jesus. He is all that is good, true and beautiful.
To have good friends, we must be good friends. We must be willing to be honest and transparent. We must be willing to be inconvenienced and vulnerable, to say we are sorry and to bring love into painful situations. We must take the risk of joy and playfulness and think of others and how to bless them. We must seek the true good of our friends – Jesus Christ Himself. And we must allow our friends to do the same for us.
The adventure of life takes us down many roads. We are not meant to travel alone. It is said that “friends multiply our joys and divide our sorrows” – it is so very true. Friendships are costly and priceless all at the same time. It is a precious treasure. Would that we always have a few people in our lives to whom we can go with our hearts, hopes and heartache. Who in your life is a sturdy shelter, and how can you bless them today?
Contributed photo
Sister Miriam James Heidland is a former Division I athlete who had a radical conversion and joined the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity (SOLT) in 1998. Her story has been featured on EWTN’s The Journey Home, SEEK Conferences, USCCB Convocation, Steubenville Conferences and other outlets.
She holds a master’s degree in theology from the Augustine Institute and speaks extensively on the topics of conversion, authentic love, forgiveness, healing (and sports!). Sister Miriam’s podcast, Abiding Together, can be found on iTunes and her book, Loved As I Am, can be found on Amazon. She tweets at @onegroovynun.
