2016 Bereavement Issue

M

THE

onitor

FEBRUARY 25, 2016

“And let perpetual light shine upon them�

In this annual supplement, The Monitor examines trends and resources related to planning for funerals and living out the Corporal Work of Mercy of praying for the dead.

Bereavement

Pallbearers surround the casket of Father James A. Thompson at his funeral Mass in October 2014. Monitor file photo

SUPPLEMENT

Information and resources about Catholic funeral rites . . . . . . . S3 Technology slowly becomes part of planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S4 Music ministers proclaim Resurrection through song . . . . . . . . S6 Why do Catholics pray for the dead?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S12 Listing of Catholic cemeteries in Diocese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . S16 CNS photo

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

A time to mourn, a time to rejoice Music and hospitality are key to funeral liturgies

By Mike Nelson, Catholic News Service

T

hose involved in planning funeral liturgies know that a lot more goes into this ministry than simply coordinating readings and songs.

There often needs to be special attention paid to family members who are not only grief stricken but who may have fallen away from the church or be at odds with other family members.

A music director at a Los Angeles archdiocesan parish said she worked with a daughter, estranged from her sisters, in planning her mother’s funeral. The daughter was worried that there might be hard feelings, “a scene” or something unpleasant that would mar the liturgy or aggravate the family discord.

Over the course of several meetings, in person and on the phone, the music director spent several hours with the daughter, helping her choose appropriate music and readings, but also simply listening to her story, addressing her worries and fears, and sharing her own experience of losing her parents.

The music director also made sure that the daughter understood the primary purpose of the funeral Mass.

On the day of the Mass, the daughters and other family members were all present.

Few sang - not all were active churchgoers but there was reverence and respect for the liturgy and each other. And there were no “scenes.” Until the very end.

As the music director, who also was the cantor, sang “On Eagles’ Wings,” she noticed that as the daughters began to depart the church, they stopped and hugged one another, tightly and tearfully. It was all the cantor could do to maintain her composure and continue as this healing and reconciliation took place.

The belief that God is truly present in the midst of pain and sorrow is key to understanding what makes a truly meaningful funeral liturgy. Indeed, celebrating the funeral rites of the church - the vigil service, the funeral Mass and burial - can make a world of difference to those mourning the passing of a loved one.

“Christians celebrate the funeral rites to offer worship, praise, and thanksgiving to God for the gift of a life which has now been returned to God, the author of life and the hope of the just,” states the Order of Christian Funerals.

So in a funeral Mass, we celebrate God’s gift of life and the deceased’s reunification with God. Parish ministers who are charged with planning and executing the rites can help family and friends understand this

ANGELIC HYMNS • A choir sings at the funeral Mass for Msgr. Edward Strano in St. Clement Church, Matawan, in 2014. Monitor file photo For more on the role of music at funerals in the Diocese of Trenton, please see page S6.

“The funeral rites [offer] worship, praise and thanksgiving to God for the gift of a life which has now been returned to God.” through their knowledge and pastoral compassion and sensitivity.

Being “pastorally sensitive” does not mean that “anything goes” with regard to rituals, prayers and songs. A knowledgeable and compassionate priest, music minister or liturgy director will assist the family members or friends who plan the liturgy in making selections from a wide array of choices.

Music in particular “is integral to the funeral rites,” according to the Order of Christian Funerals. “It allows the community to express convictions and feelings that word alone may fail to convey. It has the power to console and uplift the mourners and to strengthen the unity of the assembly in faith and love.

“The texts of the songs chosen for a particular celebration should express the paschal mystery of the Lord’s suffering, death, and triumph over death and should be related to the readings from Scripture.”

If there are songs of a nonsacred nature that were beloved by the deceased or somehow special, a reception following the liturgy is the appropriate place for them, as it is for eulogies.

A pastorally sensitive minister also takes time to know the family prior to the liturgy, whether or not he or she knew the deceased personally. That requires a spirit of hospitality on the part of the ministers, since it is often the case that some or most of those attending the liturgy will be family, friends and acquaintances who may be non-Catholics or inactive Catholics.

The work of ministering and consoling those who attend a funeral Mass is the work of the entire parish community: the parish staff who oversee the planning and implementation of the funeral rites and parishioners who pray each Sunday for the souls “who have gone before us.”

We do not journey alone in this world, nor should we be alone as we prepare to enter God’s kingdom, or as we bid farewell to those who go before us. Our funeral rites can help make that transition more comforting and make God’s kingdom on earth more real to us all.

A SONG OF FAREWELL • Alfred

Allongo plays the keyboard as Matt Georgetti sings “Ave Maria” during a funeral Mass at St. William the Abbot Church in Seaford, N.Y. Those involved in planning funeral liturgies know that a lot more goes into this ministry than simply coordinating readings and songs. CNS photo/Gregory A. Shemitz

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FEBRUARY 25, 2016 • TrentonMonitor.com

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‘Lead you into paradise’ An overview of Catholic funeral rites and practices

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he Catholic funeral rite is divided into several parts, each with its own purpose. This overview, prepared by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, explains some of the components of a Catholic burial.

Vigil Service (Wake) “At the vigil, the Christian community keeps watch with the family in prayer to the God of mercy and finds strength in Christ’s presence” (Order of Christian Funerals, no. 56).

The Vigil Service usually takes place during the period of visitation and viewing at the funeral home.

It is a time to remember the life of the deceased and to commend his or her soul to God. In prayer we ask God to console us in our grief and give us strength to support one another.

The Vigil Service can take the form of a Service of the Word with readings from Sacred Scripture accompanied by reflection and prayers.

It can also take the form of one of the prayers of the Office for the Dead from the Liturgy of the Hours. The clergy and your funeral director can assist in planning such service.

It is most appropriate, when family and friends are gathered together for visitation, to offer time for recalling the life of the deceased. For this reason, eulogies are usually encouraged to be done at the funeral home during visitation or at the Vigil Service.

Funeral Liturgy The funeral liturgy is the central liturgical celebration of the Christian community for the deceased. When one of its members dies, the Church encourages the celebration of the funeral liturgy at a Mass.

When Mass cannot be celebrated, a funeral liturgy outside Mass can be celebrated at the church or in the funeral home.

At the funeral liturgy, the Church gathers with the family and friends of the deceased to give praise and thanks to God for Christ’s victory over sin and death, to commend the deceased to God’s tender mercy and compassion, and to seek strength in the proclamation of the Paschal Mystery.

The funeral liturgy, therefore, is an act of worship, and not merely an expression of grief.

Rite of Committal (Burial or Interment) The Rite of Committal, the conclusion of the funeral rite, is the final act of the community of faith in caring for the body of its deceased member. It should normally be celebrated at the place of committal, that is, beside the open grave or place of interment.

In committing the body to its resting place, the community expresses the hope that, with all those who have gone before us marked with the sign of faith, the deceased awaits the glory of the resurrection.

The Rite of Committal is an expression of the communion that exists between the Church on earth and the Church in heaven: the deceased passes with the farewell prayers of the community of believers into the welcoming company of those who need faith no longer, but see God face-to-face.

The Church’s reverence and care for the body grows out of a reverence and concern for the person whom the Church now commends to the care of God. This is the body once washed in baptism, anointed with the oil of salvation, and fed with the bread of life. This is the body whose hands clothed the poor and embraced the sorrowing. The human body is so inextricably associated with the

ENTRUSTED TO GOD • Mourners grieve at the interment of a family member in the Catholic News Service file photo. Catholics are enjoined to treat the body with care, out of a reverence for the person whom the Church now commends to God’s love and mercy. CNS file photo. human person that it is hard to think of a human person apart from his or her body.

What about Cremation?

For more information on Catholic funerals in the Diocese of Trenton, including “‘If We Die with the Lord, We Shall Live with the Lord:’ Reflections on the Order of Christian Funerals,” by Bishop David M. O’Connell, C.M., visit www.DioceseofTrenton.org/CatholicCemeteries

While the Church continues to hold a preference for corporeal burial, cremation has become part of Catholic practice in the United States and around the world.

In April 1997, the Holy See granted an indult for the United States to allow the diocesan bishop to permit the presence of the cremated remains of a body at a Funeral Mass. Later that year, they confirmed the special texts and ritual directives, which were then published as an appendix to the Order of Christian Funerals.

However, the Order of Christian Funerals’ Appendix on Cremation states: “Although cremation is now In your hands, O Lord, permitted by the Church, it does not we humbly entrust our brothers and sisters. enjoy the same value as burial of the body. The Church clearly prefers and In this life you embraced them with your tender urges that the body of the deceased love; be present for the funeral rites, deliver them now from every evil since the presence of the human body better expresses the values and bid them eternal rest. which the Church affirms in those The old order has passed away: rites” (no. 413). welcome them into paradise, In addition, cremated remains must be buried or placed in a mauwhere there will be no sorrow, no weeping or soleum, not scattered or in other pain, ways dispersed. Resources on the but fullness of peace and joy USCCB website are available to help with your Son and the Holy Spirit better explain and deepen the Catholic understanding of cremation as forever and ever. an option for the final disposition of Amen. the body.

• U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops

Prayer for the Dead

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

Technology slowly becomes part of burial planning “Social media ... provide a service for families to connect or find support in their grief.”

Catholic News Service

I

n an age where people order groceries, plan vacations, find love or news updates online, it should be no surprise that some aspects of funeral planning are also slowly making use of – although not quite embracing – technology.

It’s happening in small steps, in other words, not at warp speed.

Funeral homes are primarily still places where people actually sit down with a funeral director and plan the wake, funeral service and burial for their loved one. They also choose necessary purchases, pay the often costly bill and fill out plenty of forms including one to obtain a death certificate.

In recent years, more funeral homes have set up websites offering details of the services they provide but prices are not usually listed. These sites often provide checklists of things bereaved families should consider and resources for dealing with grief.

Funeralone, a technology and consultation firm for funeral homes based

CREATING A PLAN ONLINE • Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery, Mount Laurel, offers online visitors information about the benefits of burial or internment at a Catholic place of rest, encourages family members to begin planning for funeral arrangements ahead of time, and allows people to request personal, in-home meetings about burials. Screenshot in Detroit, urges modern funeral homes to tap into social media not only to be competitive in today’s market but to provide a service for families to connect or to find support in their grief.

A 2012 blog on the company’s website lamented that one in five funeral homes were still not online, and less than half of funeral homes were using social media.

But in 2015 number of funeral homes are at least testing the waters of new technology. In the Diocese of Tren-

ton, Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery has a website – jesusbread oflife. net – that allows people to learn more about the richness of being buried at a Catholic cemetery and offers the ability to request personal, in-home appointments to discuss burial or interment.

For example, many funeral home websites advertise that provide memorial videos with music and photos of the deceased that can be shown at the funeral homes.

Many homes also offer, for a fee, to

livestream the funeral or vigil service for out-of-town guests unable to attend in person.

Some parishes have their own media ministry and already livestream Sunday Masses or other events so family members should check with what their parish provides before lining up this service with a funeral home.

Another technological newcomer to funeral and burial planning is apps such as iFuneral where people can identify personal decisions about how they want their own funeral, thus leaving out the guesswork for grieving family members.

Today there are online memorials and places to light virtual candles for the deceased. Families are also using crowdfunding websites seeking charity donations or help with burial costs.

But will technology’s entrance into the very personal and often grief-ridden work of funerals have a negative effect?

It’s still too early to tell, Carla Sofka, a See Technology • S11

FEBRUARY 25, 2016 • TrentonMonitor.com

Bereavement

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

Across Diocese, hymns strike familiar chord of resurrection Story by Patrick T. Brown Associate Editor

A

“

nd he will raise you up on eagle’s wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand.”

The refrain from “On Eagle’s Wings,” a hymn written by Father J. Michael Joncas, is a common soundtrack to Catholic funerals, including ones across the Diocese of Trenton.

Roger Pisani, director of music and liturgy in the Catholic community of St. Peter, Point Pleasant Beach, says that Joncas, who he has known for a couple of decades, wrote the song after the unexpected death of a family member of one of Joncas’ fellow seminarians.

As a result, it brings to the funeral liturgy a blend of recognition of human grief, but also a profound trust in the power of Christ’s resurrection that makes it a recurring selection for funerals, Pisani says.

music ministry in St. Barnabas Parish, Bayville, songs like “On Eagle’s Wings” are a chance to remind ourselves of the power of Christ’s triumph over death.

“We speak of the resurrection at the forefront of our belief,” Antonowicz said, “but it seems like we only sing about it during Easter season!

So we try to help families MINISTERING THROUGH MUSIC • The adult choir of St. Barnabas, Bayville, is led by Joe Antono- choose songs which are based wicz, who says that music at funeral Masses can be a way to remind friends and family of the power on the resurrection.” of Christ’s resurrection. Photo courtesy of Joe Antonowicz The process of choosing music for the funeral varies across “Music’s role is to help the assembut often involves comfort parishes, bled Church engage the purpose of the “Music should ... give or bereavement ministers, sometimes liturgy and participate in it.” accompanied by musicians, sitting with “Sacred music has an integral role praise to the Lord, families to talk about their loved one’s in the funeral rites, since it can console lives and find music that illustrates [who] freed us from and uplift mourners while, at the same their journey of faith. time, uniting the assembly in faith and In addition to “On Eagle’s Wings,” the bonds of death.” love,” according to the 2007 document there are a handful of hymns that have “Sing to the Lord: Music in Divine Wormade themselves popular selections for ship,” released by the U.S. Conference of “In Funeral Masses,” Pisani said, sharing the joy of the resurrection in Catholic Bishops. “Music should never “We kind of do three things – we comthe context of a time of grief and hope. be used to memorialize the deceased, mend the deceased to the love and “A lot of people love the song ‘Be but rather to give praise to the Lord, mercy of God; we acclaim the death and Not Afraid,’” Pisani said, “and a more whose Paschal Sacrifice has freed us resurrection of Jesus Christ, just as we recent one is David Haas’ setting of ‘You from the bonds of death.” do at every liturgy; and we comfort and For Joe Antonowicz, who leads See Music • S10 console the grieving.

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

PARISH

Bereavement Ministry DIRECTORY

St. Paul Parish, Princeton

Bereavement Support Group

Contact: John Twamley – 609-924-1743 Meeting Place: Parish Spiritual Center Time: 7:00PM on Monday Evenings 8 Week Session • April 4 – May 23

St. Mary Roman Catholic Parish Middletown, NJ 07748 CONTACT: Bob & Eileen Batz 732-787-8566

MEETING DAYS & TIMES: Monday 7 p.m. for Parents who have lost a child Wednesday 7 p.m. for anyone who lost a loved one

St. Barnabas S 33 Woodland Road, Bayville

Losing a loved one is never easy. Do you need to talk? Are you in shock, afraid or feeling guilty?

Some people find it helpful to join a support group to help with their healing. There is no one way to grieve. Every person has their own style and timetable. When in a support group many emotions will flow from your grief work. We will have a support group starting on April 5th at 7:00 PM for six (6) consecutive weeks. Come journey with us toward healing and reconciliation.

For more information or to register for the sessions, please contact

Terry Damiano at 732-269-2208 x 120

St. Pius X Church BEREAVEMENT MINISTRY In an effort to support those who have lost a loved one, St. Pius X Church offers several groups to minister to them. Journey through Grief is designed to comfort adults who have lost a loved one. Companions on the Journey is an ongoing support group. Rainbows addresses the special needs of children and teens grieving any serious loss, be it death or divorce. Amazing Grace is a post-abortive support group offering comfort, reconciliation and healing to those suffering the spiritual and emotional pain of abortion.

Contact St. Pius X Parish Office, Forked River: 609-693-5107

Bereavement

FEBRUARY 25, 2016 • TrentonMonitor.com

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St. Joseph Church in Toms River Bereavement Ministry

Let us offer you the love, care and support you seek as you journey through the loss of a loved one.

Our 8-week program runs twice a year—fall and spring.

Please contact Celine Fowler at 732-349-0018 ext. 2223

Bereavement Group at St.

David the King

PRINCETON JUNCTION Ministry Team: Nanci Bachman, Jeanne Hardingham and James Mahlmann will schedule their next Bereavement Group Sessions beginning in April. The six sessions ‘A journey from Grief to Healing’ will be held on Wednesday evenings from 7 – 8:30 PM. For more information please contact Nanci Bachman at nbachman@ stdavidtheking.com or call 609.275.7111 ext 311.

A Time To Hope – A Time To Heal If you are experiencing pain and loss resulting from the death of a loved one we invite you to become part of our support group. We offer afternoon, 1-3 pm, and evening, 7-9 pm, sessions for eight consecutive Mondays at Holy Eucharist Church. Our first meeting will take place on March 14, 2016 and continue through May 2, 2016.

For more information or to register, please contact Deacon Joseph DeLuca at Church of the Holy Eucharist 609-268-8383.

Church of the Holy Eucharist 520 Medford Lakes Road Tabernacle, NJ 08088

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

Music plays powerful role in healing, honoring deceased Continued from • S6 Are Mine.’ I think that phrase – don’t be afraid – that’s a time when we as humans and as Christians need to hear that.”

Antonowicz said that at St. Barnabas, their comfort ministers sit with a family to find songs that express notes of hope and personality.

“It can be a difficult time for people, so we try to make it as personal as possible and try to accommodate all the wishes of the family and the deceased,” he said. “Occasionally, there are favorite songs of the deceased that the family will incorporate into the liturgy, which is totally appropriate because this is the last liturgy of their former life on Earth and now going into their heavenly life.”

Renée Hatzold, director of sacred music at Corpus Christi Parish, Willingboro, said that she has prepared a list of hymns for families to help them select the ones that best honor a person’s life.

“Since the family picks most of the music themselves, the music often speaks deeply to them … a lot of time people will pick out hymns which were favorites of their loved one. It’s very powerful. I get a lot of notes back from the families telling me how much it helped them get through the Mass, get

through the funeral itself.”

Antonowicz has seen music play a powerful role of solace during funeral liturgies. No matter if an attendee at the funeral is a daily communicant or has not stepped foot in a church in years, they often are moved by music in a way that words alone cannot express.

“I’m a firm believer that music, for the most part, transcends humanity,” Antonowicz said. “It can move the spirit in any direction – to joy, to sorrow, to repentance, to trust. Music is something otherworldly...It can really bring the family into a comfort space.

“A lot of times they’ll come back in after a service and say that really was so beautiful, I appreciate all that you did.

It’s something that touches their heart and soul.”

Pisani said that music can highlight or accentuate certain elements in the funeral rite that often become some of the most memorable from the Mass.

“There are certain times in the liturgy where the ritual itself, together the music, is very, very powerful,” he said. “For example, the incensing of the casket at the final commendation rites – that can be a very powerful moment. There are certain hymns or songs that seem to engage the deepest levels

“Music lightens the burden of the loss.” of understanding but also bypass the mind and go directly to the heart.”

Maintaining one’s composure while leading song for a clearly-emotional assembly of family and friends can be difficult.

“To be able to lead music during the period of time when it’s obvious that something has really hit a chord with people - sometimes that can be a tough thing to do,” Pisani said.

For those making preparations for a funeral, either ahead of time or after the loss of a loved one, many times funeral homes or parishes will include a stipend for the musicians in the cost of the services, taking one less thing to worry about off of the plate of a grieving family.

Many times, individuals will ask for specific songs to be included at their funeral Mass, which can be a way of shar-

ing “this is what I think my life, my Christian journey, has been marked by – these images, these Scripture passages, these songs –and I offer that to you as a way to celebrate my faith and your faith, as well,” Pisani said.

“There are some religious communities, such as the Sisters of St. Joseph, who serve in our parish, who as a practice plan their own funeral arrangements, as far as the scripture and the music. It can take some of the fear that is natural in dying away, and it can also be a way of easing some of the burdens on our family, to be able to maybe have a few less details to work out when that time comes,” said Pisani.

The age of the person being buried can also impact the music selected and how it is performed. Hatzold said that for an upcoming funeral Mass for a child in the parish, the funeral choir will be singing a prelude featuring the children’s song “Yes, Jesus Loves Me.” “When my parents died, without the music there, it [would have been] twice as hard to get through it,” Hatzold said. “Music lightens the burden of the loss.”

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Bereavement

FEBRUARY 25, 2016 • TrentonMonitor.com

S 11

Technology increasingly aids planning for burials Continued from • S4

professor of social work at Siena College in Albany, New York, told The Atlantic magazine in 2014.

One thing Sofka, who has been studying the combination of technology and grief since the mid-1990s, does know is that people who watch funerals online still need that personal connection and should reach out to others and share stories about the deceased, not just view the service in isolation.

And as with any use of modern technology that makes an event more accessible or easier to plan, the basics of what is happening and why, can’t be forgotten with the speed of the Wi-Fi connection.

Funerals, after all, have a very distinct purpose.

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, in its website section on bereavement and funerals, emphasizes the significance of how the church mourns and buries its dead.

“Through private prayer and public funeral rites, we strengthen our faith and hope, comfort those who mourn, and bury the bodily remains of the deceased with care befitting what was the temple of the Holy Spirit.”

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

Why do Catholics pray for the dead?

By Catholic News Service

P

raying for the dead might not make sense to nonbelievers but for Catholics it is part and parcel of the faith tradition, rooted in Old Testament readings and supported by the Catechism and the Church’s funeral liturgy.

“Our faith teaches us to pray for the dead,” said Bishop Edward K. Braxton of Belleville, Illinois, in a 2015 All Saints’ Day reflection, stressing that although people hope that those who die are with God and the angels and saints, it is not necessarily a guarantee.

“Scripture teaches that all of the dead shall be raised. However, only the just are destined for the kingdom of God,” the bishop wrote.

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, the clearest Bible reference about prayers for the dead is from the Second Book of Maccabees. When soldiers were preparing the bodies of their slain comrades for burial they discovered they were wearing amulets taken from a pagan temple, which violated the law of

Deuteronomy, so they prayed that God would forgive the sin these men had committed.

The New Testament echoes this notion in the second letter of Timothy when Paul prays for someone who died named Onesiphorus, saying: “May the Lord grant him to find mercy from the Lord on that day.”

The Catechism of the Catholic Church also has something to say about prayers for the dead, stating: “All who die in God’s grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.” (No. 1030) The Roman catacombs where early Christians were buried also were places of prayer.

Today, prayers for the dead begin at the moment of death, often when family members are gathered around the bedside of the person who has died.

Prayers for death and grieving are among the “Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers,” published in 2007 by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops which includes prayers immediately after death, prayers for mourners, prayers at graveside and a more general prayer for the dead.

Of course these prayers continue in the funeral liturgy, which is the “central

REQUIEM ÆTERNAM • One of the Spiritual Works of Mercy, acts which are especially encouraged during this Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy, is to pray for the dead. Stock phot0 liturgical celebration of the Christian community for the deceased,” according to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ overview of Catholic funeral rites: www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/ bereavement-and-funerals/overview-ofcatholic-funeral-rites.cfm.

The funeral liturgy, the website points out, is “an act of worship, and not merely an expression of grief.”

It is a time when the Church gathers with the family and friends of the

deceased “to give praise and thanks to God for Christ’s victory over sin and death, to commend the deceased to God’s tender mercy and compassion, and to seek strength in the proclamation of the Paschal Mystery,” it adds.

The prayers in the funeral liturgy express hope that God will free the person who has died from any burden of sin and prepare a place for him or her in heaven.

See Prayer • S14

SAUL FUNERAL HOMES, INC. Established 1899 W. William Saul, Owner Emeritus

The day is remembered and quietly kept, no words are needed, we shall never forget.

For those we love never go away, they walk beside us every day.

Unseen and unheard, but always near, so loved, so missed, and so very dear.

A.S. Cole Son & Co. 22 North Main Street Cranbury, NJ 08512 609-395-0770

Glackin/Saul Funeral Home 136 Morrison Avenue Hightstown, NJ 08520 609-448-1801

Saul Colonial Home

3795 Nottingham Way Hamilton Square, NJ 08690 609-587-0170

Kimberly M. Saul–Bowne, CFSP, Manager N.J. Lic. No. 4110 www.saulfuneralhomes.com

Saul Memorial Home 1740 Greenwood Avenue Hamilton, NJ 08609 609-587-8221

Bereavement

FEBRUARY 25, 2016 • TrentonMonitor.com

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George S. Hassler Funeral Home

A Catholic Family Serving Our Community Since 1978.

George S. Hassler Owner & Director NJ Lic. No. 3193

Brian T. Hassler Manager NJ Lic. No. 4054

Gary T. Bowcock Director NJ Lic. No. 3385

980 Bennetts Mills Road P.O. Box 1326 Jackson Twp., New Jersey 08527

www.hasslerfuneralhome.com Phone

732-364-6808

• Braun Funeral Home 106 Broad Street Eatontown, NJ 732-542-0383

Bedle Funeral Homes 601 Broad Street Keyport, NJ 732-264-0499 212 Main Street Matawan, NJ 732-566-1962

Fax

732-364-8592

Bereavement

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THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

After wife’s death, writer turns grief into insight

By Catholic News Service

C

oping with the death of a spouse is a new journey, or pilgrimage, for many and Bill Dodds, a longtime Catholic News Service columnist, knows all about the bumps and detours along the way.

For years, he wrote columns, and books on family life, with his wife, Monica, who died in 2013.

After her death he began sharing with readers about a new family experience: being a widower after a marriage of 38 years.

Initially, he said he didn’t want to write about his grief because he knew too little about it. It was still unchartered territory.

As he put it just months after her death: “In some ways it seems like years since my wife, Monica, died in January.

In other ways, it’s only yesterday. And that timeline can shift at any moment, with no apparent regularity or rhythm.”

He described navigating those first months without his spouse as “making my way through unfamiliar – sometimes foreign – surroundings. Now I write the checks for the monthly bills. Now, in the

Prayer for dead has deep roots in Catholicism Continued from • S12

“The funeral rite is a prayer for the dead, designated by the Church as the liturgy of Christian burial,” wrote Bishop Braxton in his reflection.

He noted that many parishes “regularly disregard” the emphasis of this liturgy by printing funeral programs which say: “the Mass of the Resurrection: A Celebration of Life,’ even though the person has obviously not yet been raised from the dead.”

According to the Catechism, most Catholics who don’t merit hell still need purification before entering heaven and pass through a state when they die that the Church describes

as purgatory.

In a question and answer page on Busted Halo, a Paulist-run website at http://bustedhalo.com, Paulist Father Joe Scott said praying for the dead has “further origins in our belief in the Communion of Saints.”

The priest, an associate pastor at St. Paul the Apostle Catholic Community in Los Angeles, added that living members of this communion can “assist each other in faith by prayers and other forms of spiritual support.”

“Christians who have died continue to be members of the Communion of Saints,” he wrote. “We believe that we can assist them by our prayers, and they can assist us by theirs.”

Timothy W. Everett, Manager | N.J. Lic. No. 3506

John M. (Mark) Arnold, Owner | N.J. Lic. No. 4236 Carmen C. Huber | N.J. Lic. No. 3983

book to provide a glimpse to what those early days, months and years of grief can be like.

He expressed these ideas through a fictional novel called “Mildred Nudge: A Widower’s Tale,” published on the second anniversary of Monica’s death.

Dodds said he was gratified to hear people tell him the book gave them a deeper appreciation of what a parent or grandparent, friend or family member was going through or that it gave them newfound sympathy and understanding.

He also said it gave him a window into understanding how little he knows about some hardships people suffer such as the death of a child, marriage ending in divorce, job loss, drug addiction, chronic illness or pain.

evening, the house is very quiet.”

Dodds wrote that he had been helped by others whom he described as “new pilgrims like me. Others are guides who have been on this path for a long time and remember their first few weeks, months, years. All of us have a similar story to tell but each story is unique.”

In those initial months, he needed help of family and friends and “the grace of God through the sacraments and through his presence in others.”

But each day, he said, he took small steps, even though he admitted the steps often led to a “winding, circling, confusing path.”

Even before his wife died, when she was in the final stage of uterine cancer, Dodds said people were asking him if he planned to write a book about widowhood and grief. At first, he dismissed this idea but eventually he decided to write a book on this subject not for those who are personally going through it but as a tool to A LOSS FOR WORDS • A man touches the casket of his help family members and wife during her funeral Mass in Johnson City, N.Y. Bill Dodds friends of those who lost wrote “A Widower’s Tale” based on his experience with his wife’s death. CNS photo/Lucas Jackson, Reuters a spouse. He intended the

FEBRUARY 25, 2016 • TrentonMonitor.com

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Four Generations of Family Service

Two locations: 122 Crosswicks Street Bordentown, NJ 08505 Phone: (609) 298-1333 Fax: (609) 291-1333 pepplerfuneralhome@hotmail.com Edgar N. Peppler Jr. | Manager NJ Lic. No. 3926

Family Owned and Operated for Two Generations by The Intelisano Family Silverton Memorial Funeral Home 2482 Church Road, Toms River, NJ (732) 255-6363

114 South Main Street Allentown, NJ 08501 Phone: (609) 259-7391 Fax: (609) 259-1600 pepplerfuneralhome@hotmail.com Karen E. Peppler | Manager NJ Lic. No. 4584

www.pepplerfh.com

• Pre-need • Traditional • Cremation • Prepaid Insurance Plans • Trust Funds

Paula De John, Manager, N.J. Lic. No. 3438 Teresa Intelisano, Director, N.J. Lic. No. 3294 Rudolph Intelisano Sr., Director, N.J. Lic. No. 2316 Gregory De John, Director, N.J. Lic. No. 4261

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Bereavement

THE MONITOR • FEBRUARY 25, 2016

Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery is now open for ground burials and can provide temporary entombments during our mausoleum construction. Each of our ground spaces are double-depth and can accommodate two full casket burials.

Our initial ground burial offerings feature flat marker sections as well as upright monument sections, providing families with choices for their eternal resting spaces.

Jesus, Bread of Life Catholic Cemetery, call (856) 317-6400 for assistance.

Construction is well underway for our mausoleum which will feature 1,404 casket spaces in several different configurations; single, true companion, tandem and abbey crypts. The mausoleum will feature indoor and outdoor crypts, as well as indoor and outdoor niches, and glass niches in the interior.

Along with our outdoor niches, the St. Anthony Garden Columbarium is scheduled to be opened in the spring of 2016, and will offer the added choice of a garden-like setting for families choosing cremation as their final disposition.

For answers to your questions or to receive more specific information about availability, pricing, finance and payment options, please contact Deacon Ed Heffernan at 856-317-6400 or eheffe@dioceseoftrenton.org. You may also download our brochure on our website at www.jesusbreadoflife.net. Of course, you can stop by and visit us at 3055 Fostertown Road, Mt. Laurel, NJ 08054.

Call St. Mary’s Cemetery and Mausoleum at 609-396-3421 for assistance for these diocesan cemeteries: St. Francis Cemetery; St. Stephen Cemetery; Holy Sepulchre Cemetery; St. Nicholas Cemetery.

Parishes with Cemeteries BURLINGTON COUNTY

MONMOUTH COUNTY

Sacred Heart, Mount Holly • www.parishofsacredheart.org • (609) 267-0209

MERCER COUNTY

Mother of Mary Parish, Asbury Park • www.holyspiritasburypk.4lpi.com • (732) 775-0030 St. John, Allentown • www.stjohnsallentownnj.org • (609) 259-3391 Our Lady of Mercy, Englishtown • www.moremercy.org (St. Thomas More Church) • (732) 446-6661 St. Rose of Lima, Freehold • www.stroseoflima.com • (732) 462-0859 St. Joseph, Keyport • www.stjosephkeyport.org • (732) 264-0322 St. Gabriel, Marlboro • www.stgabrielonline.com • (732) 946-4487 St. James, Red Bank • www.stjamesredbank.com • (732) 741-0500 St. Catharine-St. Margaret, Spring Lake • www.stcatharine-stmargaret.com • (732) 449-5765 Our Lady Star of the Sea, Long Branch • www.christthekingparishlongbranch.org • (732) 222-3216

St. Hedwig, Trenton • www.sainthedwigparish.com • (609) 396-9068

OCEAN COUNTY

Sts. Peter and Paul, of Divine Mercy Parish, Trenton • (609) 393-4826

St. Mary, Barnegat • http://stmary.shoresurfer.com • (609) 698-5531 St. Mary of the Lake, Lakewood • www.smlcmt.net • (732) 363-0139 St. Joseph, Toms River • www.stjosephcemeterytr.org • (732) 349-0018 St. Maximilian Kolbe, Toms River (Mausoleum only) • (732) 914-0300 St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Whiting, All Saints Columbarium • www.niches@easeton.org • 732-350-5001

Holy Assumption, Roebling • www.stsfnc.org • (609) 499-0161 St. Mary, Bordentown • www.stmarysbordentown.org • (609) 298-0261 St. Paul, Burlington • www.stkatharinedrexel-nj.org • (609) 386-0152 Our Lady of Good Counsel, Moorestown • www.olgcnj.org • (856) 235-0181 St. Clare, Florence • www.stsfnc.org • (609) 499-0161 Assumption, New Egypt • www.churchoftheassumption.com • (609) 758-2153 St. Peter, Riverside • www.jesusthegoodshepherd.org • (856) 461-0100

St. Stanislaus, of Divine Mercy Parish, Trenton • www.divinemercyoftrenton.org • (609) 393-4826 St. Alphonsus, Hopewell • www.rc.net/trenton/stalphonsus • (609) 466-0332 St. Paul, Princeton • www.stpaulsprinceton.org • (609) 924-1743