LIFE
Learning to Raise an Ally WORDS BY CLAIRE SMALLEY // ILLUSTRATION BY JAMES COREAS I found out I was pregnant with my first child during the winter of 2019, and almost immediately, I learned how much people cared about the baby’s biological sex. At the time, I felt secretive about this information. I didn’t want people’s ideas about gender to shape or limit my child in any way. My husband and I discussed early on how we would embrace our son’s identity – whatever it is – and counter the external, cultural pressures he might feel about what it means to be a boy and masculine. I have always loved children’s books, so even before my son was born, I began curating a library that featured strong 56 | JULY 2020
girls, boys who aren’t traditionally masculine, and racially and ethnically diverse characters. We had a plan: We would use books and toys to celebrate all the ways people are different, encourage our son to embrace and be curious about those differences, and answer his questions truthfully and in age-appropriate language. Amid the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement in the past few months, I began to consider the ways in which our approach would be insufficient. I am prepared to talk to my child about the importance of diversity, equity and inclusion. But I am not equipped to talk to my son about racism in America and our role – his role – in fighting against it.
