Genuine Motivation: Young Christian Man Aug/Sept 2014

DEC

SEPT

2014

P orn B rain PSALm 23

why does it stand out ?

Frustrations of Finding Fellowship A publication of On My Own Now Ministries, Inc.

/ 11

GENUINE MOTIVATION Young Christian Man Aug/Sept 2014, Vol. 5

in this issue...

On My Own Now Ministries, Inc., Publisher

Foremost

Rob Beames, Editor

by

Alisha Mattingly Asstistant Editor Donna Schillinger Page Design Contributors Rob Beames, Will Dole, Mark Driscoll, Sam Harris, Thom Mollohan Except where noted, content is copyright 2014 On My Own Now Ministries.

Articles may be reprinted with credit to author, Genuine Motivation and www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

On My Own Now Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit organization with a 501 (c) (3) determination. Your donations aid in our mission to encourage faith, wise life choices and Christ-likeness in young adults during their transition to living on their own.

We welcome submissions of original or repurposed articles that are contributed without expectation of compensation. May God repay you.

Visit us at www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

Porn Brain

Mark Driscoll

Press On

Why Does Psalm 23 Stand Out? by

The Frustrations of Finding Fellowship

More than Flash and Fizzle

.10

Thom Mollohan

Cornered

by

Grace

No Sequel in the Making by

.8

Sam Harris

Can You Relate by

.6

Will Dole

Real Relationships by

.3

Rob Beames

.12

Feature

article

Por n B r a i n

By Mark Driscoll

T

he movie “Don Jon” has just been released on DVD. It’s a story about a young man frustrated by the effects of porn in his life. I’m not going to watch the film, and I don’t recommend anyone else watch it either, but the story could indicate a subtle reversal in cultural attitudes when it comes to sex and the use of porn.

Porn wreaking havoc in the bedroom

When the movie premiered in the UK, The Telegraph ran a perceptive article that addressed the same issues that the film raises, namely that a porn habit leaves men unable to relate to real women:

3 GM

Foremost

There’s a scene in “Don Jon” . . . in which [a female] character gently breaks it to Jon that the sex they had was, well, not that good. . . . Jon is stunned, mortified, and finally completely confused by his sex life. Because, the truth is, he’s not really enjoying it either. Porn is what he really loves. . . .

Even among more casual users, porn is wreaking havoc in the bedroom. Last year, American GQ’s sex columnist, Siobhan Rosen, complained about the “pornified sex” men seemed to expect— not in a relationship, when trust has been established, but from the very first encounter. . . .

“It’s a disconnection from what’s really in front of you,” says [Joseph] GordonLevitt, who directed, wrote and stars in the film. “Rather than engaging with a unique individual and listening to what the other has to say, right at this moment, we put people in boxes with labels. We objectify each other.”

Has a porn backlash in mainstream culture finally begun?

Controlled by our sexual desires

Even sex experts and celebrities are noting the destructive realities of porn in relationships, and its complete rewiring of how individuals—specifically males— approach sex. A recent GQ article offered the statistic that “one in five people who regularly watch porn admitted to feeling controlled by their own sexual desires,” an unhealthy position to be in as men are driven by a desire for sensation rather than a desire for relation.

Has a porn backlash in mainstream culture finally begun?

In his book on pornography, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, Dr. William Struthers explains how regular external stimulus alters one’s neurological makeup, which is how human beings learn. Consistent exposure to pornographic images actually rewires the brain. Like a tire that gets stuck in a well-worn rut, the brain, in a sense, can be trained and eventually subjected to addictive behaviors.

Learning to drive from Vin Diesel movies Similarly, psychologist Catherine SteinerAdair notes in the Telegraph piece that porn has become so prevalent in our culture, it has replaced how young men learn about and understand sex: “The boys are very confused about how to approach girls,” she says. “Their sexual education is porn. And it’s very

4 SEPT14

Foremost

misogynistic and violent porn” . . . . The result is mutual unhappiness, frustration and disappointment.

[Porn star] Nina Hartley agrees. “Young people are going to find information wherever they can get it. . . But watching porn to learn to have sex is like watching Vin Diesel movies to learn how to drive. I’m paid to give this performance.”

As Dr. Struthers writes, “Pornography teaches its students to focus on the physiology of sexual sensations and not on the relationships for which these sensations are intended.” Ultimately porn defiles the concept of intimacy and destroys the original God-glorifying intent for sex. By consistently pursuing pornography, men “have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image,” Struthers concludes.

Sin is dead

Feature

article

standing on the sidelines feeling disqualified from serving Jesus because they are enslaved to porn. Fight for purity. When you get knocked down, get back up. The fruit of the Spirit includes “self-control” and is possible for you, my brother.

Recommended resources: Mark Driscoll, Porn Again Christian Mark and Grace Driscoll, Real Marriage: The truth about sex, friendship, & life together BJ Stockman, 7 negative effects of porn BJ Stockman, 9 ways to fight the temptation of pornography Jake Larson, Porn and the church staff Reprinted from TheResurgence.com with permission from Mars Hill Church.

“Don Jon” doesn’t promote the whole truth of God’s design for sex, but it does point out that even those in the secular media and entertainment are aware of the dangers of porn. As porn use has rapidly become a social norm, even those without spiritual convictions are beginning to take notice at just how much damage porn can do.

For the Christian guys who are reading this and feeling awful and shameful, I need you to trust that you can put your sin to death because Jesus died for your sin. Jesus went to the cross and scorned your shame so that you can scorn your shame. There is an entire generation of Christian men who are

5 GM

Press On

Why Does Psalm 23 Stand Out?

Photo by Tim Pokorny ©2009 by

Will Dole

T

he Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” (Psalm 23:1-5) Undoubtedly, Psalm 23 is one of the best known passages of Scripture. This holds true

6 SEPT14

for believers and non-believers alike. Why is that? Before plunging in too far it’s important to note that David’s style of writing in Psalm 23 is poetry. That may seem obvious because all of the Psalms are poems, but I mention it because poetry has a unique ability to speak truth not only to our heads, but also to our hearts. This fact, coupled with specifics of what David says in the above passage, is why we find Psalm 23 so comforting and often turn to it in times of trouble and hardship.

As we dive into this Psalm, I want to point out that the ideas in the first half of the verse are repeated in different ways in the second half. In light of that, as we walk through I will couple these statements together. It is also

interesting to note that in the second half the pronoun changes from the third person, to the second person.

not on the gifts, but on the giver. God provided.

God vindicated David before his enemies. God restored his soul.

The first verse presents David’s basic premise: God is his shepherd. Subsequent statements are built upon this premise Yahweh, the Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, cares about David and leads him. More than that, God not only leads him, but protects him even in the darkest of times and places. If we read the account of David’s life, contained mostly in 1 and 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles, we see this reality played out over and over. God protects David from the lion and the bear. He hands Goliath over to him. He rescues him countless times from the hand of Saul. He delivers enemy after enemy into his hands. The love, kindness and protection that David finds in God are not abstract ideas or occasional fuzzy feelings. It is the reality upon which David relies to continue living.

If David’s assurance that God is his shepherd is what Psalm 23:1-5 is based on, the truth of the third verse reminds us that the Shepherd will never abandon us. His will, when all is said and done, is for us to dwell in His house forever. He’s not leading us because we deserve it or because we earned it. He leads us because He desires to make His name and His great love for us known, and this is one of the ways He chooses to do it. We can find peace in the confidence that God will lead us in “right paths.”

In the second verse, David reflects not only on the fact that God leads, guides, and blesses him, but also on where and how God does these things. God takes him to places of refreshment and peace. He restores David’s soul. This is a fascinating statement considering David’s life.

Perhaps once he was king he was able to enjoy physical or mental relaxation; but certainly not before then. Before he was king, he grew up as a shepherd boy taking care of his father’s flocks, served a neurotic king and battled a giant. He led and fled from armies. There is nothing peaceful or tranquil about David’s pre-kingship life. Even after he becomes king, he continues fighting wars, a son who tries to overthrow him, and various other conflicts.

This fact leads us to believe that “He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters” has nothing to do with literal streams or grass. Instead, they are more about poetic language demonstrating the peaceful soul that David is able to find from the shepherding of his heavenly Father. He was given immense physical blessings by God in his earthly life. And yet the emphasis remained

Psalm 23 is one of those passages that are well known. Knowing the verse so well makes it easy to check out when it is read, but in doing so we can miss some powerful, peaceprovoking truths.” We are all in desperate need of our Father’s care, and by meditating upon the precious promises provided by God through David’s most famous poem, we can find comfort. For those who trust Him, He leads us where we need to be, and at the end of those right paths, He will take us to live with him forever. There is nothing more comforting than the thought of living eternally with our Heavenly Father in His house!

Will Dole is pursuing a life in ministry and currently works with South Lake Youth Ministries in Plummer, Idaho. Visit him at www.cdubthinking.blogspot.com.

Genuine Motivation and On My Own Now Ministries wishes to express our gratitude to Will for his dedicated service as a columnist since the inception of this e-zine. We pray God’s favor on his future endeavors. He will be missed!

7 GM

Can You Relate

More than Flash and fizzle

by

Thom Mollohan

W

ith temperatures still riding high on the thermometer, it’s clear that warm weather will continue to allow us to enjoy outdoor activities like grilling. Some might be afraid such outdoor activities will lead to bodily harm or damaged property, and that can happen, just as it did to me a few years ago.

Early one morning, I had pulled the gas grill away from the house and dutifully cleaned it, preparing it for use later that day. When the late afternoon rolled around, I exited my house, carefully balancing a plate full of meat on one hand and grasping various grilling utensils in the other. I set out all the necessary 8

SEPT14

accouterments on a nearby table. It took a good deal longer than I realized to sort out the food that I was grilling, but when I finished, I absentmindedly lit a long match and began to slide it towards the grill’s burner. Beyond the grill, I could see my wife come to the screen door to watch me get started. Just as she approached the door, the flame of my match reached a large, concentrated pocket of gas and suddenly a brilliant flash leapt with a roar from the grill into my face. The flame flared up and was gone so quickly that I didn’t even flinch. I just stood there blinking, wondering if what I thought had happened, had really happened.

My wife cried out and sprang out the door towards me. “Are you all right?” she asked me anxiously.

I stood there momentarily reflecting on how important it is to start the fire when I first turn on the gas, so gas pockets don’t explode in my face.

By God’s grace, my face wasn’t burned and my eyes were unharmed. I couldn’t even tell that my beard or eyebrows were singed by my little accident. All the flash and flare that my wife saw bursting into my face had no effect and was little more, in the end, than a light show—I’m immensely thankful, by the way.

But while I am glad that this one occasion did not result in injury, we should hope for the opposite when it comes to spiritual renewal among Christians.

There is an unimaginable supply of joy, peace, and power in the presence of God, and it is ready to explode in the everyday lives of Christians.

Instead of merely settling for flashes of spiritual enthusiasm, which don’t even singe the eyebrows of discouragement and powerlessness, we should recall that the God who revealed Himself in the ancient Scriptures, is the same God who is on the move today. He seeks those who will trust Him in practical ways in their homes, work places, schools, and churches.

King Hezekiah, whose story is told in 2 Kings:18-20, as well as 2 Chronicles29 -32, began his reign during a time when his entire nation had lost its spiritual drive, moral bearings and sense of national security.

Yet, he had a heart to follow God. 2 Kings 18:5-7 says, “Hezekiah trusted in the Lord, the God of Israel.

There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him. He held fast to the Lord and did not stop following him; he kept the commands the Lord had given Moses. And the Lord was with him; he was successful in whatever he undertook. He rebelled against the king of Assyria and did not serve him.” As a result of Hezekiah’s commitment to faithfully follow God, the people found faith and refused to yield to their pride, fear, worry, selfishness and sin; instead, they embraced the grace of God Almighty.

Because this wasn’t merely a flash of spiritual fervor but the true flames of renewal, the faith that they placed in God’s power to protect them sustained them through the most terrifying time their country had yet known: the invasion of the Assyrian Empire.

If their revival had only been a show or a shallow

display of religious affectation, they could not have stood up to the Assyrian armies surrounding the capital city’s walls.

But there was a very real and sustaining fuel supporting Hezekiah and his people: the power of God. We later read that Hezekiah, “...appointed military officers over the people and assembled them before him in the square at the city gate and encouraged them with these words: ‘Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.’ And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said” (2 Chronicles 32:6-8).

Because they trusted God’s promises, they faithfully obeyed God in their personal lives, as well (see 2 Chronicles chapters 29 through 31). That trust reconsecrated their lives to God, so they were able to see God perform an amazing rescue for them by doing as Hezekiah had said He would do. He fought their battles for them (see 2 Kings 19:35-37 and 2 Chronicles 32:20-22). Because their faith and obedience led them from what seemed to be certain doom to a great and glorious victory, the entire known world saw God at work (see 2 Chronicles 32:23).

Let us pray that in our generation, God’s people will hunger for God the way that Hezekiah did; that we’ll hold fast to the Lord and consecrate our lives anew to Him, not only for a few days or even a few weeks, but for eternity. Lastly, let us pray that in our trust, we will place before God all the problems, worries, and burdens that are as intimidating as Assyrian legions, and stand confident in both His goodness and His power to deliver and bless us, His people.

After all, “with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles” (2 Chronicles 32:8).

Thom Mollohan and his family have ministered in southern Ohio for more than 18 years. He is the author of The Fairy Tale Parables, Crimson Harvest and A Heart at Home with God. He blogs at unfurledsails.wordpress.com. Pastor Thom leads Pathway Community Church and may be reached for comments or questions by email at pastorthom@ pathwaygallipolis.com.

9 GM

Cornered

by

Grace

Coyau / Wikimedia Commons / CC-BY-SA-3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

No sequel in the making by

Rob Beames

H

ollywood constantly cranks out movies with revenge as their theme. In these movies, it’s often called redemption, which doesn’t sound as dark as calling it personal retaliation, but that’s what it usually is. Most of the violence we end up watching has more to do with vengeance than redemption. Yet, in the end we are left unfulfilled, with a desperate sense of longing for that feeling of finality that continues to elude us. Even though it appears that all evil is utterly destroyed, there is always one enemy who survives to strike back in a sequel. Even after all the explosions have died down and the debris from the battle has finally settled, we rarely get the sense that the hero’s deliverance is complete. Our thirst for eternal redemption is hardly ever quenched.

Why? Outside of keeping the movie-making, money machine well-oiled, there are a couple of reasons springing out of the souls of mankind that may explain why we continue to long for our redemption.

As finite creatures, we can barely grasp the concept of anything eternal or absolute, yet we tend to deny our need to be rescued by anyone.

10 SEPT14

The fact that we are so attracted to fictional heroes, who are not only able to save themselves from any conceivable doom, but can also liberate the helpless from unfair oppression, proves the existence of a dichotomy inside of us. We believe that in the right circumstances we could be “that guy,” while at the same time acknowledging that we are likely not able to save even ourselves from the relatively safe environment in which we live.

Fortunately, it is not ultimately in our hands.

In a letter to newly converted Christians, we read, “But when Christ came as high priest of the good things that are now already here, he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not made with human hands, that is to say, is not a part of this creation. He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, thus obtaining eternal redemption” (Hebrews 9:11, 12).

After a summer of blockbuster movies featuring heroes who can breach the security of the most fortified stronghold, some may easily be able to visualize Christ entering an out of this world

fortress built through unconventional means, by His own merit and unique abilities, only to emerge with redemption of us all. For some of us, a serious desire for salvation may evade us.

It might be helpful to look closer at the redemption offered by God. While it is certainly about saving people who are not able to save themselves, there is another aspect to Christ’s redemption of His people as their high priest. Though we don’t often use the word “redemption” outside of the Bible, or certain science fiction thrillers, the word “redeem” does have a common meaning to us.

Most of us have taken a worthless piece of paper like a coupon, cashback bonuses, sky miles, or stocks and redeemed them for something of great value. So, in a way, our lives are like free sandwiches which Christ received with the purchase of a sandwich of equal or greater value.

In a sense, we are like the gift card Christ got by redeeming His cashback bonus points. We are that free trip to a tropical vacation spot earned by paying for enough trips with the same credit card... okay, not really. We were hardly able to present a piece of paper in exchange for our souls. In fact, we had nothing to offer in exchange, and no amount of effort could redeem anything of value to us.

Instead, the priceless sacrifice of Jesus Christ was redeemed for the worthless, not the other way around. How praiseworthy is that?

Our spiritual redemption is ludicrous. It would be like earning enough cashback points to redeem for a brand new Porsche, but instead we exchange them for a smashed up ten-speed bike with no wheels. When Christ died for us, flawless perfection was exchanged for damaged goods. It would be like exchanging Bill Gates’ net worth for the contents of my nine-year-old’s piggy bank. Christ replaced the vengeance meant for us, which God was justly due, for His explicit kindness toward us and His unquenchable mercy. Bogged down by our sin, incapable of saving ourselves, our adversity to God and propensity to snub our noses at the only completely good presence in the world, we held no value to anyone. But all of this changed for all time, as God, “made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions” (Ephesians 2:5).

our present, as well. He not only redeemed our evil past, filled with sin, but He is the “high priest of the good things that are now already here,” (Ephesians 2:11). He is the incalculable joy we receive in trade for our contemptible offerings of discontentment and disappointments in this life. Like an invaluable coupon, we are able to exchange our failures, as well as our tainted successes, for His perfection— we have something to offer, after all!

There is much more to come because of what Christ has done for us, but if we live by faith we already benefit a great deal now because of His accomplishments on our behalf. We can live without the fear of failure, knowing His pleasure for us never changes. We can make decisions without fearing rejection, knowing His love for us depends only on the faithfulness of Christ. While it is true that if we disown Him, He will disown us, once we’ve experienced the long-lasting, truly unconditional love He freely gives, who would do that? Only someone who doesn’t believe such an unfair offer!

So the next time we redeem that coupon for a free sandwich, remember how we were likewise redeemed, when Christ was exchanged for an insignificant and offensive people. Unlike the coupon, Christ’s exchange only needed to be done once and was sufficient for each of the spiritual blessings for which it can be redeemed. We don’t need a coupon for grace, another for faith, another for patience, and so on. For He, “has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ” (Ephesians 1:3).

We have been saved, and we are secure in Him. Even more, we have that eternal redemption which we so desperately long for. Christ has delivered us completely, and there’s no need for a sequel!

(I believe He wanted me to remind you of this!)

Jesus is not only the high priest of our past, but of

11 GM

Real Relationships

The

Frustrations

of Finding Fellowship

by

Sam Harris

I

t’s amazing that some Christians don’t go to church. These are real Christians, not fake ones, who call themselves believers, but never act like it. There are sincere, genuine Christians, who I know and trust, but are often too busy or too tired to attend church regularly. Some say they haven’t found a church they like or one where they fit in, so they just give up.

Going to church doesn’t save anyone 12 SEPT14

and missing a service occasionally when things come up is understandable. Still, there are a number of believers who don’t seem to make church a priority. Perhaps this is a symptom of a deeper problem: we don’t make fellowship with other believers a priority.

The Christian life was not meant to be lived alone. We all need, in addition to God’s grace and guidance, the

companionship and accountability that come with relationships with other believers.

Of course, those things aren’t true, but sometimes the church doesn’t do much to help us debunk these lies.

It’s understandably difficult to form these relationships, though. Even if we attend weekly church services or functions, companionship, fellowship and accountability can be difficult to find.

For many, the early adulthood period is a time of transition. We graduate from high school and try to figure out how to connect to a new group of peers, but can come up empty-handed.

People frequently come and go from our lives, and if we constantly change jobs, schools, or churches, we can easily remain disconnected from those around us as we convince ourselves that we don’t belong.

Sometimes staying separated from others is more comfortable than putting forth the emotional effort to build relationships.

One time, I decided to try out my church’s new fellowship group for collegeaged young adults, but as a 24-yearold graduate student, I was one of the oldest ones there and felt distinctly out of place. Conversely, when I attended the men’s prayer meeting for a while, I was definitely the youngest member of that group and one of the only ones still single. Lately I’ve been attending a small Bible discussion group for post-college aged Christians, with only a handful of consistent attendees and only one other male. Finding one’s ideal niche in the church takes time and can be a real struggle.

In the book of Genesis, God said it was not good for man to be alone. In the letter to the Hebrews, we are told not to forsake assembling together (Hebrews 10:25). We were created to live in fellowship with others and none of us has the strength to live out the Christian life alone. Even when we acknowledge our need for fellowship, finding the best way to meet and connect with other believers in the same busy, transitional stage of life can prove difficult.

As busy adults, we are sometimes tempted to think we don’t need anyone, and that we’ve arrived at the point where we can make it on our own. We quickly rationalize that our schedules don’t allow us much time to spend with others. We easily get too absorbed in ourselves, our own work, school, hobbies, interests or concerns.

We even start to believe lies, such as “I don’t belong at church since no one likes me there,” or “I’m not good enough to associate with those other Christians.”

However, we don’t always have to be with others so much like us. It certainly can be beneficial to spend time with people older or younger than ourselves; each generation of believers can pass on wisdom and experience to the next. Yet, it’s also important for each of us to have some friends who understand and relate to the things we’re experiencing. For we Christian young men, that often means having a few very close guy friends who will encourage and strengthen us in the faith.

Over the years I’ve had several close male friends who fit this description. These are guys that I enjoy hanging out with and I can trust for spiritual accountability. I can talk with them openly and honestly about serious topics like relationships, temptations or doubts.

Some say it’s best to have only a few close friends, but whether it’s many or a few, it’s important that we have close Christian friends in our lives—not just casual friends-- ones who will encourage 13 GM

Real Relationships

Sometimes staying separated from others is more comfortable than putting forth the emotional effort to build relationships. us to make good decisions, confront us in love, and challenge us to grow spiritually.

Sure, having people so close can be uncomfortable at times. We may rub each other the wrong way and have to apologize later. But overall, having Christian friends can embolden us to talk about our lives and relationships with God openly. Christian friends should encourage and counsel each other. They should hold each other accountable and sharpen each other just as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). Even on those days when we feel like being alone, we will be glad that we have such friends on whom we can rely.

In the midst of our busy lives and the many concerns that occupy our minds, let us not neglect to spend time with those around us as we build strong, positive, God-honoring relationships. When we have trouble finding a good group to be part of— which probably will happen to all of us at some time or another—let us not grow discouraged. Instead, keep searching and lean on relationships

14 SEPT14

that were already developed. Not only does God instruct us to remain in fellowship with other Christians, but it truly benefits us to have support in our Christian walk.

Just as we seek strong Christian support, we should strive to support fellow Christians. We all need companions who are positive influences, so be thankful for the relationships God has given and continue to cultivate them for His glory.

Sam Harris is continuously striving to follow Jesus Christ more closely and to love others more fully. He is currently pursuing an M.A. in English at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, where he also works as a teaching assistant for English classes. He enjoys writing nonfiction accounts of his life experiences, as well as science-fiction and fantasy stories and the occasional poem. He would like to be either a teacher, a writer, or a superhero when he grows up. You can find his blog at www.sirrahleumas. wordpress.com, or like “Samuel N. Harris” on Facebook.