Genuine Motivation: Young Christian Man June 2010 by On My Own Now Ministries

V GENUINE MOTIV TION JUNE

2010

YOUNG CHRISTIAN MAN

Do You Still PLAY IN THE SANDBOX?

YOUNG CHRISTIAN MAN 04

Feature Article : Take A Note: 3 Ways to Know She’s The One JOHN VAN EPP, PH.D.

On The Couch : Alone Again, Unnaturally

Can You Relate : Do You Still Eat Baby Food?

Faith & Finance : Budget 101 : Not For Wimps

Cornered By Grace : First Round Draft Pick

Press On : Trials Will Come

The Tool Box : Summer Fun : You Can Afford It!

RANDY KOSLOSKI BILLY LORNE

MATT FRASER ROB BEAMES WILL DOLE

JEFFREY BRIDGMAN

A PUBLICATION OF ON MY OWN NOW MINISTRIES

WWW.ONMYOWNNOW.COM

JUNE 2010

EDITOR IN CHIEF / ROB BEAMES ART + CREATIVE DIRECTOR / MICHAEL MURO

TAKE NOTE:

WAYS TO KNOW SHE’S THE ONE by, John Van Epp, Ph.D.

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22

Wouldn’t it be great if the answers to three questions could ensure we get the woman of our dreams? What if the careful observation of three major patterns would help find our perfect companion? What single man wouldn’t jump at a chance like that? Well, don’t expect a genie to pop out of this article, but here are three helpful tests to find that “favor from the Lord.” The customary way marriages form has drastically changed since Biblical times. The practice of arranged marriages dominated a majority of the world’s civilizations throughout history. Families guided the process, with most partners being selected from a very localized pool of potential mates who possessed social, religious and cultural similarities. In contrast, we now live in a global, electronic world that is mobile, diverse and extremely individualistic. This provides us with greater freedom in building romantic relationships and in choosing whom to marry than anyone has ever had in history. On the other hand, we have so much freedom that in many ways, we are left on our own, with no one guiding principal to help us choose. Honestly, that’s a huge responsibility to shoulder. It starts with meeting (in person or online) a girl. Introductions and inquiries regarding basic details, such as age, interests, status, residency, etc., usually follow. But should we go deeper when everything checks out after the first few contacts? When that “perfect” woman apparently crosses our path and it seems God has granted our hearts desire, how can we be absolutely certain she’s the one?

GM : 4

This dilemma lead me to write the book How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk. To have confidence we know what a person is really like, we have to look beyond individual acts and piece together patterns. Face-to-face contact is a key requirement to develop deep levels of a relationship, however, an initial sketch be fashioned by learning to decipher the consistency between three major patterns, or “relationship scripts.” Asking the right questions can be crucial in determining the next step in any relationship.

There are three major areas that can provide enormous insight into a potential partner: a. the patterns of her conscience in the relationship; b. the patterns from her family background; c. and the patterns of her relationships to others, especially with previous romantic partners. These three areas can act as windows to the soul of a woman, and when considered carefully, can provide a good indication of what her future behaviors might be. Red flags should go up if inconsistencies are observed in these three areas, but when they resonate in harmony with each other, it’s a strong indicator that she might be the perfect match she promises to be. I refer to this test of character as the Trilogy of Consistency (see Figure 1). How Does She Treat Me? The first area of focus has to do with the way our girl treats us. A more accurate picture can be obtained by considering both the obvious and discreet actions of her conscience. TAKE NOTE OF THE FOLLOWING: 1. Are her moods consistent? 2. Does she reply in a timely way? 3. Does she show a similar initiation to contact us as we show toward her? 4. Do we feel respected by what she says and how she says it? 5. When we make a request or set a boundary (“I can’t talk tomorrow because I have a huge project I need to work on”) do we feel understood and supported? Recent research links a kind, gentle and understanding conscientiousness in a woman with marital stability and enjoyment. Another good way to determine if she has this disposition is to ask, “What kinds of behavior patterns does she often display with me, and where are the exceptions?”

Figure 1.

Trilogy of Consistency

Patterns Found in the Conscience

Patterns Found in Other Relationships

Patterns Found in Family Background

It’s important to consider what kind of conscience a person has. The conscience is a God-given capacity to monitor our own thoughts, attitudes and actions with an emotional concern about moral and interpersonal effects (Romans 2:14-15; 9:1). This ability seems to be mapped into the neuro-structure of our brains, so all humans have this capacity. It is the vehicle that the Holy Spirit works through to bring conviction or commendation. But as we read in Timothy 4:2, the conscience can become seared or hardened, so much so that we no longer are prompted by either our own moral code or by the Spirit of God. It is crucial to marry someone who has a well-developed and mature conscience. This is often neglected when considering compatibility. Although we should beware of drawing conclusions prematurely, it has been documented that one of the strongest indicators of a quality marriage with a low chance of divorce is both partners having high sensitivities in conscientiousness. We should utilize patience in this discovery process, as it takes time and extensive contact to accurately assess a woman’s conscientiousness. It is helpful to keep in mind that what we see on the surface is often her best behavior. We shouldn’t expect this good behavior to last forever, but we can expect the bad behavior to get worse.

GM : 5

How Does She Treat Her Family? Next, compare her attitudes and behaviors with the dynamics of her family experiences. It is easy to ask questions about someone’s family even in the early stages of a relationship by starting with questions about the structure of the family, such as, number of siblings, parents’ civil status, etc. We can then move to questions about the dynamics of the family. We all bring something from our family dynamics into our relationships, so we will certainly want to find out what she brings to the table from her upbringing. TAKE NOTE OF THE FOLLOWING: 1. Are her parents still married (if alive) or divorced? 2. How many siblings does she have? 3. Who was she close to in her family? 4. What was done for fun? for vacations? 5. What was the relationship like between her and her sibling(s). 6. What was the mood or atmosphere in the home? 7. How was affection shown? 8. What made her feel special in the family? 9. How did she know that she was loved by her mother (or female caregiver)? her father (or male caregiver)? 10. How were conflicts handled by her parents (or caregivers)? If she has some “blemishes” in her family relationships, it is important to know the impact her family had on her and what she internalized from those experiences. In other words, the ways she was shaped by her family, and how she reacts to those experiences may predict the way she will act in her own marriage and family. We can see this concept of “generational continuity” and how it can be broken in the Old Testament. Most of us know how Abraham favored Isaac over Ishmael, and how Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, but his wife Rebecca, instead favored Jacob.

GM : 6

Jacob continued the pattern by favoring Joseph, and later Benjamin, over all his other sons. However, Joseph seemed to break the cycle by dealing with his family issues and attempting to treat his sons equally. Seeds planted by our families may not germinate during the dating relationship—they may need the fertile soil of marriage to sprout. For instance, if our perfect woman had conflicts with her father, she may not believe those will ever affect her future relationships with men, even her spouse, but whether she believes it or not, she is not immune to the influences of those past family experiences. Or, if she was raised by a controlling mother, those dynamics may play out when she becomes a mother. If there are strong similarities in dating behaviors and family patterns, it’s likely that her dating behaviors will continue even into her marriage. If there are inconsistencies between dating behaviors and family patterns, try to find out what steps has she taken to improve herself and deal with any of the issues experienced in her family.

“We should utilize patience in this discovery process, as it takes time and extensive contact to accurately assess a woman’s conscientiousness.” Knowing the likelihood that these seeds germinate in marriage will help both members of the relationship work together to uncover potential sources of conflict and root them out as the relationship develops. Romantic relationships, as well as marriages, should be structures of shared responsibility and accountability that ultimately facilitate personal growth and maturity. Ideally, both people in the relationship should help the other grow and become better than they were before the relationship.

How Does She Treat Others? The final set of patterns to consider in the Trilogy of Consistency is the way that our perfect woman relates to others—her siblings, parents, friends, coworkers, previous romantic partners and bosses. Even take notice of how she treats those she does not know well, like waiters and other service people. If she treats us in a similar fashion to the way she interacted with her family, and this is consistent with her relationships with others, this could be a positive endorsement of our girl’s future marriage behavior. However, if there are inconsistencies in this trilogy of patterns, it could be evidence of character flaws, pointing to a long, difficult road ahead in the relationship. TAKE NOTE OF THE FOLLOWING: 1. What did her previous partners like and dislike about her? 2. What did she like or dislike about them? 3. What did she wish she had done differently? 3. How does she describe her previous partners? 4. How did she fight with previous partners? 5. How long were her relationships? 6. How did her relationship(s) break up? 7. What is her relationship now with the previous partner(s)? 8. What did she like to do in the previous relationship(s)? 9. How were arguments resolved? 10. What did she argue about?

An old Turkish proverb says, “Measure a thousand times, but cut only once.” In the same way, we need to pace the growth of our relationships with our observations and understanding of our perfect woman’s behaviors in regard to the Trilogy of Consistency. By bringing our head to bear in matters of the heart, we can ultimately relax and feel confident in our choice of a partner. True peace in this vital decision can only come when bathed in prayer, but God will use our intentional observations and careful considerations to steer us in the path of His choosing.

John Van Epp, Ph.D, President/Founder of loveThinks, LCC is the author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, published by McGraw-Hill, which blends in-depth research with humorous stories to provide a map for making healthy relationship choices. His 25 years of clinical experience and extensive research in premarital, marital and family relations have paved the way for his teach-out-of-the-box courses, PICK (How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk) and Marriage LINKS to be taught in thousands of churches, singles organizations, educational settings and social agencies in all 50 states, 10 countries and by more than 2,500 military personnel. Van Epp and his innovative Relationship Attachment Model, book and relationship courses were awarded the Smart Marriage Impact Award (2008) and have been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, Psychology Today, O Magazine, and Cosmopolitan; and he has appeared on the CBS Early Show, The O’Reilly Factor, Fox News, and Focus on the Family. He has been happily married for over 30 years and is the proud father of two daughters. www.lovethinks.com

GM : 7

on the couch by Randy Kosloski

“PLANS FAIL FOR LACK OF COUNSEL, BUT WITH MANY ADVISERS THEY SUCCEED.” PROVERBS 15:22

ALONE AGAIN, UNNATURALLY Men are typically independent creatures. Whether it’s a home improvement project, or simply navigating from point A to point B, men usually like to do things on their own. At times we equate strength with our selfreliance, and we tend to feel weak if we display the need for assistance. Combine this with the way many fathers tend to translate a flawed view of strength to their sons, coupled with the idealistic way our heroes are constantly portrayed in books and films, and you’ve laid a fractured foundation for most men. Although men may want to be the Lone Ranger type, according to the above scripture, it isn’t entirely Biblical.

In his book, Samson and the Pirate Monks, Nate Larking makes a helpful comparison between the lives of David and Samson. He observes that although both were anointed by God, and both were victorious warriors, David was more successful than was Samson. Larkin identifies one of David’s primary assets: the respected colleagues with which he continually surrounded himself. David spent considerable time with men who may have been considered misfits, even if it meant spending months in a cave with this rogue group. He was intimately connected with Jonathan, and often sought the counsel of trusted advisers, such as Nathan the prophet.

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to work with Manny. I found it very difficult to get to know him, since there seemed to be many barriers between us, including different cultures, divergent religious beliefs and a generation gap. From him I learned that I had some preconceived notions about people from other religions, cultures and age demographics; notions which could prevent me from making positive connections with others.

“It is an immensely beneficial pursuit to seek healthy ways to bond together with men who are followers of Christ.”

In time, we discovered that Manny had some critical anger issues, which often pressed him into undesirable situations and sometimes moved him to behave in harmful ways. Once I got past some of my own misconceptions, I ascertained that he genuinely cared about others, but struggled with the best way to communicate this concern. Even though he tended to keep his peers at an arm’s length, he believed these relationships would prove to be beneficial to him. Although he did not have many close friends, the friends he did have frequently acted as positive agents of change for him. With these things in mind, I encouraged him to actively build on his relationships, when possible, in order to create closer, more intimate bonds with others. It was hoped that through this process he might realize that an individual can be both caring and authentic, while retaining a masculine identity, and that his peers also struggled with similar issues. This advice which proved useful to Manny, may serve as a good reminder to us when we feel compelled to “go it alone”.

In contrast, Samson was much more of a loner. We have little evidence that he had meaningful conversations with others, or that he accepted anyone’s council. Like David, he also served as a leader of God’s people, but he died in the prime of his life, barely experiencing a fraction of the success that David enjoyed. Larkin goes on to explain that many new Christian men struggle to replace the alcohol-soaked fellowship to which they grew accustomed in the local bar. Perhaps God wants us to maintain this close fellowship—only in a more constructive context. It is an immensely beneficial pursuit to seek healthy ways to bond together with men who are followers of Christ. The Irish singer-songwriter, Gilbert O’Sullivan, had it completely wrong in his 1972 hit which spent six weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. He may have sold nearly two million copies of “Alone Again (Naturally)” that year, but when he postulated that it was natural for him to be alone, he could not have been more wrong. As men, we may readily accept this false ideology for a number of reasons, but in fact, the Bible tells us it is unnatural to toil through our lives alone. If we take the initiative to patiently build beneficial bonds with carefully selected godly men, we’ll find success and strength is often found in numbers.

GM : 9

♦

EAT

♦

Do You Still

baby food CAN YOU RELATE BY

BILLY LORNE

There’s so much talk in our day about “going deeper” with God and living a radical life for Christ. According to Merriam-Webster Online, the word “radical” can be defined as, “marked by a considerable departure from the usual or traditional; extreme. Tending or disposed to make extreme changes in existing views, habits, conditions, or institutions.” Yet after many church services and meetings, many of us feel anything but radical. Sometimes we can feel like we’re wading in ankle-deep Christianity. Can you relate?

easier to swallow with a dose of humor. There is nothing wrong with a bit of levity to help the “medicine go down,” but all too often truth is whittled down to a sound bite, or threeminute video segment with a few scriptures sprinkled in between. We’re one of the most educated generations ever, yet if we’re honest, we have to admit that our attention span isn’t all that long. It’s difficult to keep our attention without the occasional movie tidbit or entertainment glitz.

Many would agree that “fast-food church services” are high on calories and low in spiritual nutrition. If this is so, then why do so many leaders continue to feed their members such a poor diet? Well, some may say what Paul said to the Corinthians: “I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready” (1 Corinthians 3:2). Ouch! He might as well have said that he was trying to talk to adults, but they were all acting like children.

“MANY OF US FAIL TO TRULY SEEK GOD THROUGH HIS WORD ON OUR OWN.”

Likewise, some pastors feel the common Christian is not able to grasp an in-depth Bible study or understand the “hard things” Jesus said. Instead, they believe they need to entertain us with jokes and fillers. It’s true that the truth is

GM : 11

“Indeed, you are still not ready,” Paul exhorted. The same is true for many of us today. Without proper discipline and focus, we’re unable to dig deep into spiritual things. So the cycle perpetuates itself. Some leaders and pastors don’t feel they need to bother with in-depth studies, while many of us encourage their lack of diligence by our Biblical laziness. Many of us fail to truly seek God through His word on our own.

We don’t have to be Greek and Hebrew scholars. We can strive to know God by reading the Bible cover to cover and becoming familiar with the flow and flavor of what it says, thereby giving God more of a chance to speak His heart to us. When those of us who have been believers for a while fail to do this, what the writer of Hebrews says applies, “Though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!” (Hebrews 5:12). Perhaps, our pastors would agree. They seem to have to teach us the “elementary truths of God’s word,” repeatedly. If we would not only learn the elementary truths of God’s word, but focus more on consuming its solid food, we could more easily rely on God’s Spirit to help us live out His instructions. Now that would be truly radical!

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” ( John 15:5 ) If an adequate diet of scriptural food is lacking from church, where do we go to get this vital nourishment? So-called Christian programming and digital or video sermons are all well and good, but not sufficient. Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). The key phrase is “apart from me,” we can do nothing. Although listening to our favorite teachers and speakers is informative and energizing, we can’t neglect feeding directly on His word. Meeting with our fellow believers once or twice a week is important, but meeting with Jesus and receiving nourishment from Him is essential—especially if we want to do something radical in His name! Depending solely on leaders for all our sustenance is clearly a mistake, even a fatal one. Some spiritual leaders find themselves spending so much time preparing sermons and teaching, and as we all have the tendency to do, they end up spending very little time with Jesus Himself. This may be surprising to think our pastors have the same struggles that we do, but it’s true.

DO YOU STILL PLAY IN THE SAND BOX? Many times, we suffer from our own shallowness by believing circumstances should work out according to our own designs, rather than God’s Word. We’ve heard much about doing God’s will, but our desires-even our dreams-often trump God’s word and His Spirit’s leading in our lives. It’s easy to ignore what we don’t like to read in God’s Word. Can you relate? We sometimes think He can’t be really serious about verses like, “‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). But He wouldn’t have said it, if He wasn’t serious. Each time we try to build our lives on our own terms, our plans get swept away like a sand castle on the beach. No wonder. Jesus said, “But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand” (Matthew 7:26). We can hear Jesus telling us, like He told His disciples after three years time with them, “Do you still not understand?” Sometimes we build our lives on sand without knowing it. We build our lives on relationships, education, careers, faulty beliefs and wrong motives. When Christ isn’t the Chief Architect of our building plans, our best efforts will produce unstable structures. Psalm 127:1 affirms this spiritual truth, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” None of us actually desire to be foolish or to labor in vain, do we? It helps to avoid this when we remember the reason the Lord uses us to construct His house at all—His love for us. It’s easy to forget that He doesn’t need us to build His house, but wants to include us out of love. If He didn’t choose to use us, our labor would always be in vain. He delights in us, even though our efforts are frail and our works incomplete. All the more reason we should strive not to compromise, and to radically reflect His love in everything we do. Building our lives on God’s word and leading, without compromise, should be our goal. And should we actually take Him seriously by making extreme changes in our views, habits and conditions—now that would be radical, indeed!

GM : 12

FA I T H & F I N A N C E

BUDGET 101 : NOT FOR WHIMPS

by Matt Fraser

“The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” Proverbs 21:5

e all realize having a budget is probably a good idea, but creating one and sticking to it require different skills. Just the word “budget” seems to drain the life out of most of us, but there are ways to make it more attractive. It might help to consider the benefits of a budget.

One advantage is that it provides us the opportunity to spend our money on paper before it leaves our pockets. Why is this important? Our financial lives are complex; bills tend to arrive on different dates, and paychecks have to last for weeks or months. Planning how we intend to spend our money ahead of time can help us maximize our income. This could actually help us enjoy life, rather than drain it out of us because we’re always coming up short at the end of the month and stressing about how to pay the bills. Maybe the concept of a budget isn’t so objectionable after all. Many wrongly assume a budget will restrict what they can do, but if we keep in mind that we are in charge of our budget-and not the other way aroundwe’ll still be able to breath comfortably under a budget. Few of us are really that overbearing with ourselves, anyway. If you’re still worried about the way a budget might manhandle you, keep this in mind: If it’s not a priority, we can leave it out of the budget.

Another argument against personal budgeting contends that only weak-minded people need the organizational assistance of a budget. Proponents of this objection say you shouldn’t have to keep a written record in order to manage your money. In a macho society it’s easy to buy into this excuse, but in reality, it’s a weakness if we don’t have a tangible way to evaluate how well we keep our financial plans.

GM : 12

Proverbs 21:5 is only one example of the many scriptures which advise that planning is wise. Any successful athlete can attest to the importance of having a well conceived training plan and holding themselves accountable to it. The successful physical principal of discipline works similarly with money, as well. Budgets are not for wimps.

However we construct our budget, we want it to track at least three things: money in, money out, and money saved, or-but hopefully not-money owed. Here’s a sample of what a budget might look like: Income: Monthly Inc

Estimated Actual ________ ________

Tithe: 10%

________ ________

Total: __________ __________

Savings: Emergency Future Purchase

________ ________ ________ ________

Total: __________

Expenses: Housing Car Payment Utilities Insurance Gas Groceries Cell Phone Internet Entertainment Pocket Money

__________

________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________ ________

Total: __________ __________ Total Tithe, Savings, Expenses: __________

__________

Income over Total Expenses:

__________

hese blessings won’t necessarily all be financial, but it’s so rare that God gives us permission to test Him.

As we consider our spending, we should not hesitate to set a realistic goal for tithing and determine to faithfully keep it. We can test God in this, “says the Lord Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it’” (Malachi 3:10). These blessings won’t necessarily all be financial, but it’s so rare that God gives us permission to test Him. How can we pass up the opportunity for God to show His faithfulness in our lives? For saving money, nothing works as well as automatic transfers from checking to savings accounts. Seems the more we think about saving money, the less we have left over at the end of the month. If it’s done automatically, the “out of site, out of mind” principal applies. A good savings goal for those just starting out is to build a reserve that would cover six month’s worth of expenses. This should be kept in an easily accessible, interestbearing account, preferably something like a money market account. Such a cushion would ensure that we are never one paycheck away from the street. However, if you have debt, consider paying it down first, since the interest rates on debt are higher than those paid on investments.

There are other helpful strategies to save money. You know the See-Food Diet, but have you ever heard of the See-Money Malady? You see money, so you spend it! If you are suffering from this irritating condition, don’t leave cash lying around to tempt you. Try keeping it in your freezer, frozen in a block of ice. In this way, you still have it, but you really have to go out of your way to get it. In the meantime, you have to ask yourself, “Do I really want it that badly?” Every single man should also have one of these: a coin jar. Everyone I know who has one of these has been pleasantly shocked at how much change they cashed in when the jar filled up. One friend had over $500 in his jar.

Where would all that change go if the jar hadn’t caught it? a. Dropped on the street; b. Between couch cushions; c. In the floorboard of my car; d. all of the above. However we answered, it makes more sense to put it in a jar.

Also, we should beware of relying on credit cards as a “safety net.” Remember, once we’ve reached our limit, we’re already deep in a hole. Don’t bank on making enough money to recover after the “emergency” is over-it may not happen! A better strategy to use for expenses we can’t budget every month, like yearly insurance payments, seasonal clothing needs or car maintenance, is to keep a monthly savings goal and periodically put enough back in preparation for these unscheduled bills. Finally-although this might come as a surprise to some-we should consider entertainment a legitimate expense. There are many things here on earth that God has given us to enjoy, so long as we enjoy them in the right proportion, and at the proper time. Don’t feel guilty about putting some fun money in the budget. After we’ve created our budgets, periodically we should sit down and compare what we spent with what we budgeted. At first we may be way off the mark, but don’t lose heart if this happens. Keep at it! After we’ve evaluated the past month, we can create a more realistic budget the next month, with last month’s expenditures in mind. The budget is a dynamic document-ever changing.

Most of all, after all our hard work, we should reward ourselves with something fun. I don’t suggest blowing up the budget like they would on “Mythbusters.” I do suggest something pleasurable to anticipate after you finish the finances. As the above proverb indicates, being diligent with a budget will lead to profit, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little enjoyment along the way!

GM : 13

FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK

CORNERED BY GRACE

by RO B B E A M E S

he National Football League Draft is one of the largest televised events of the sporting world. During its current three-day format, it turns more young men into millionaires than Wall Street, “Deal or No Deal,” or “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” combined. Although Easter fell in the same month as this spectacular event, chances are, more men in America were interested in their favorite team’s draft picks than were focused on thanking God for their costly redemption. Both events spawn incredible amounts of hope—one material, the other spiritual. Naturally, men are more drawn to the things that can be touched, seen, bought or tackled. It’s easy to see why the NFL Draft attracts so much attention every year. Throughout the seven rounds more than 225 men are selected, based on their last three to four years on the gridiron. Anticipation builds with each pick, as remaining players wonder if their efforts were enough to draw the required interest from a team to spend a draft pick on them. Every year there’s an interesting story line about a particular player or two. For example in 2007, NFL quarterback Brady Quinn stewed in New York City, as 20 teams declined to select him in the first round. All the “experts” expected

GM : 14

him to be one of the top picks that year, so every NFL team which passed him by translated into a huge decrease in his expected salary. Finally, the Cleveland Browns bought their way back into the first round to select him, proving one group of individuals didn’t feel he was over-rated. At least one team felt he had enormous value! This year, two highly esteemed quarterbacks from the college ranks, Jimmy Clausen and Colt McCoy, fell out of the first round, as well. They were wise to sit at home surrounded by loved ones, rather than wait in front of a national audience in the Big Apple. Nobody likes to have their hopes crushed. It’s embarrassing when we fail to meet expectations, especially our own. We don’t like to be selected last, even if there is no money involved. Whether we’re at Radio City Music Hall, or on the backyard kickball lot, everybody wants confirmation that they appeal to someone. Unfortunately, when it comes to the spiritual realm, we know we are all potential first-round busts. Based on our spiritual failures, regardless of what the “mock drafts” may say, we have a deep-rooted sense that we are rated too high on anyone’s draft board. Far below the surface we realize we really shouldn’t be drafted at all—at least not by an awesome and holy God.

Fortunately for us, God doesn’t share this perspective. From His vantage point, which spans the cross of Christ, we are His first round draft pick. However, He does agree that based on our own righteousness, we wouldn’t make His team as undrafted free agents. That’s why He’s gone out and won a championship for us. We wear a Super Bowl ring to prove it! Peter, one of the closest companions of Jesus, explains this concept further, “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. Through Him you believe in God, who raised Him from the dead and glorified Him, and so your faith and hope are in God” (1 Peter 1:19-21). In these verses, we are

We don’t normally consider gold and silver perishable, however, Peter intentionally uses this contrast to make his point: compared to the perfect work of Jesus, that which we consider enduring is actually only temporary. Those things we consider rare and priceless are insignificant and of no value in contrast. This is why our faith and hope are found in God, rather than in our spiritual performance, our obedience or in the sacrifices we may make. So, the next time you feel that you’ve broken things so badly that there is no restoration, remember that He fixed things long before you devised a way to mess them up. The next time you think you don’t have the strength to endure, remember He cleared the way for you before you took your first step. The next time you think you have done something so well that God ought to be impressed, remember that you captured His attention before the world began.

“IT’S THROUGH THE DEATH OF JESUS WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN NEW LIFE ALONG WITH THE ABILITY TO PLEASE GOD.” reminded that something of immense value was given up in order to take us out of an empty life; a life without value. Peter refers to the blood of Christ as redeeming our worthless state caused by those who sinned long before we came along. This isn’t to say we aren’t responsible for our state of holy inadequacy—we do plenty to fall far short of God’s requirement of perfection. It’s through the death of Jesus we have been given new life along with the ability to please God. Peter tells us that it’s through Him that we even believe in God! Clearly this was no accident; rather it was planned before the “creation of the world.” Before God forged everything that we see in the universe, He wanted to be with us. At that time, He resolved to do whatever it took to have a relationship with us! It took the blood of Jesus to accomplish this. All the gold and silver couldn’t make it happen. These spoil much too easily, and do not come close to the price needed to bring you to God.

Thankfully, we don’t have to hope our “good games” overshadow the times we fail to “bring it” spiritually. Because of Christ, our hope is solely in God. It doesn’t quite sound fair, does it? We naturally expect to get what we deserve; but mercifully, we do not. Imagine how it would have went last April if, as the NFL Draft was just beginning, Commissioner Roger Goodell pulled a Jets fan out of the audience and lead him to the podium, not to announce the number one pick, but rather to become the number one pick! What if the announcement went something like this: “Based on Sam Bradford’s outstanding performance in college, Joe Schmoe, an out-of-shape, former captain of his high school chess team, will be selected as the number one pick in this year’s draft.” One would be able to hear the “boo-birds” all the way from California after an announcement like that. How insane would that be? It would be radically unfair! The way God considers us infinitely invaluable, when we actually have no worth in ourselves is equally unfair. His extraordinary love for us has made us all first round draft picks in His eyes! (I believe He wanted me to remind you of this!)

GM : 15

T PRESS ON

TRIALS WILL COME by WILL DOLE

In the classic movie, “The Mark of Zorro,” the hero arrives at the home of the corrupt governor of California, who he is trying to force out of office. To keep others from suspecting that he is Zorro, he gives a tediously detailed account of his preparation for the party. It seems his bath was drawn too early, and so when he had finally decided what he was going to wear, the water was “simply tepid.” By the time “a new bath was drawn and properly scented,” he says, there was no way he could make the dinner party on time. He concludes his story with a pathetic plea for sympathy from his accommodating hosts, saying, “Life can be rather trying, don’t you think?” If this described our trials at their worst, we would be very fortunate, indeed. However, the afflictions we face in our lives are much more devastating than tepid bath water and can be overwhelming at times. Trials will come. None of us can completely avoid them, as much as we would like to do so.

Recently, I can attest to this fact, having experienced the most trying month and a half of my life thus far. The troubles began for me when my baby brother was born with a serious congenital heart defect and was not expected to live more than a week. Thankfully, with expert medical care and more prayers than can be counted, he made it through open-heart surgery while only 11 days old. He’s been recovering slowly, but of course, it’s been very stressful for my family and me. But the bad news didn’t stop there. Only nine days later, my parents got a call telling them that our house was on fire! Sadly, the house was utterly destroyed. What didn’t burn, had so much smoke and water damage, very little could be salvaged. Personally, I thought I was dealing fairly well with this news. But then, one Sunday I received the news from my pastor that one of my very best friends had died in a car accident! As you might imagine, this news quickly sent me spinning into a roller coaster ride of emotion. As I share this, I realize many people have serious trials in life. My intent isn’t to draw attention to my struggles, but to communicate a powerful lesson I am learning as I experience these things. God has been using each of these unwanted circumstances to teach me how He uses trials to mold us for His glory.

1 Peter 1:3-9 makes this clear:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen, you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.” Finally some good news! We are told in verse three that through the resurrection of Jesus Christ we are given a living hope. It goes on to promise that we will bear many trials in this life, all for the glory of God, and that we will receive “joy inexpressible and full of glory.” How does this happen?

Elsewhere Jesus is described as our High Priest, who loves us and understands all that we may suffer (Hebrews 4:14-16). God the Son came to earth and lived for 30-plus years as a perfect, sinless man. His trials included everything in the human experience. He suffered the loss of His close friend Lazarus (John 11). He was rejected by both his followers (John 6), and by His own hometown (Luke 4). We know of many other things through which Jesus had to suffer. Jesus lived a perfect life through His sufferings, and then was rewarded with the death we deserve. He laid down His life, dying in a most brutal way, in order that we may have life (Romans 5:6-9, Philippians 2:8).

“We expect joy in Christ to just happen as a de facto side affect of being a Christian, when, in fact, God has a much higher calling for us.” Too easily we forget how great a sacrifice this really was. Jesus suffered ultimate physical suffering and disgrace in the human sense, but as you probably know, it did not stop there. In bearing the weight of our sins, Jesus suffered separation from God the Father (Matthew 27:46) and was cursed by Him, as well (Galatians 3:13, Deuteronomy 21:23). Where is the hope in this? We have hope because we have a Savior who paid it all. As the above verses tell us, through the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, and His victory over death, we are able to experience inexpressible joy. Jesus willingly lived, died and rose again, to save us from sin, death and Hell. We have freedom from the bondage that is sin, and we are called to live a life set apart. I think one of the major road blocks many people have with their walk with the Lord is the fact that they aren’t actively walking with and pursuing Him. We expect joy in Christ to just happen as a de facto side affect of being a Christian, when, in fact, God has a much higher calling for us. Here’s the bottom line: We aren’t just given a “Jesus life preserver,” if you will. We are given a mandate to live lives radically different from how we have walked before, and it is through that radically different lifestyle of following our Savior that we are able to experience joy and peace even through the bad times. It is a challenge to continue to seek God in the midst of trials. But it can be done by shifting our focus away from ourselves, and toward what God is teaching us regarding glorifying Him. We should be intent on worshiping Him in the midst of all these things. Nobody said it would be easy, but Jesus is directly beside us as we walk. We can trust Him, because He knows the way!

GM : 17

THE TOOL BOX

SUMMER FUN: YOU CAN AFFORD IT

by JEFFREY BRIDGMAN

Summer is quickly approaching and it’s a convenient time of year to do some traveling if you are a student. On the other hand, students don’t have much money to travel with, so they should avail themselves to every cost saving bit of advice they can find. As you make your plans to hit the road, here are a few ideas for travel on the cheap.

TAKE A ROAD TRIP

One of the best ways to keep costs down is to share travel costs with friends. You can drive together and take turns filling the tank with gas. You’d be surprised just how many college students take this alternative route for summer break fun. Grab a group of friends, a reliable ride, a map, and you’re good to go. Best of all with road trips, you can stop and stay with friends or relatives, take detours at the last minute, and pile all your friends into a hostel or a hotel room. Take back roads whenever possible to capture the scenic moments of your trip. Student Universe has a full list of hotels and hostels around the world at competitive prices. Youth hostels are relatively cheap and a good way to get to meet other people from around the globe. Find the good ones at The Hostel Information Database.

STAY

Camping is a great idea for the outdoorsy type. It’s a nice alternative for a rustic, down-to-earth time with your friends. Pitch a tent, or for a little more money, rent a log cabin and remember your fishing rods! Many sites have water and an electric hookup. Also, a lot of campsites have planned activities and things for visitors to do. Camping at some state parks can be as low as $7 a night, and primitive camping (without sites or water, even) is often free. However, if you need to charge your iPod, get a campsite with electricity. Bonus: warm showers are often just a short walk away.

EAT

Although it is tempting to try to subsist off the dollar menu at McDonald’s to keep food costs low when you vacation, that isn’t healthy (didn’t you ever see Supersize Me?) and the limited selection gets old quick. Try making use of a grocery store instead. With a few dollars you can buy bread, sandwich meat, fresh fruit, and a variety of other good things to eat on the go, and cheap, too. Invest in a medium-sized insulated tote that will hold an ice pack, a few drinks and the mayonnaise. After the ice pack thaws, fill up a large cup of ice at self-serve beverage stations at gas stations and dump it in the tote to keep the mayo from going green. Alternately, use mustard.

God’s creation is magnificent! Take time to enjoy it. What’s a vacation for, after all? Rather than trying to pack the day with activities that cost $10 a pop, take some time to relax, reflect and spend time with God. It doesn’t hurt to bring along some good company. Spending time around a campfire chatting can be an excellent way to spend the evening. Another way you can save money is finding free things to do.

With a little research you might find something really neat off the beaten path and sometimes really good museums are free. Find many of them on Free Attractions.com or try searching “free things to do in____” filling in the blank with the place you’re headed.

PLAN

Most everyone figures out how much an excursion will cost—even if they are just crude projections. But one thing people often fail to plan well is what to pack, and that can end up costing us money we needed to get home. Making a packing list can prevent forgetting things like socks, towels and sunscreen—things you already have and don’t need to buy again. Take time to research your destination. For spring break, I went to the desert of New Mexico. If I hadn’t done some research, I might have wrongly assumed a desert is a hot place. However, at that time of year, it gets as cool as 30 degrees at night. If I hadn’t properly packed, I could have been out big bucks for new outerwear and even a decent sleeping bag. If you should find yourself in the right place with the wrong gear, head to a local thrift shop before you buy new. A friend of mine went to Colorado last winter and found ski suits at a thrift store for $7.

VISIT A BIG CITY

It might seem like a rural spot would save more money, but there are a lot more inexpensive things to do than you might think in a city. State websites have lists of local activities and annual events. New York City, Boston, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Phoenix, Philadelphia, and San Diego are just a few cities with endless sites, both modern and historic, and all have a great nightlife. StudentUniverse.com has a list of all the major cities in the U.S. and around the world with information on what to do, see, eat, shop and party. And all of these major cities offer cheap youth hostel accommodations.

DAY TRIP IT

Finally, if your budget is so tight that even primitive camping is a strain, get to know your locale better. Here are five things to explore in a 100-radius of home: Geocaches; historical markers; natural swimming holes; have a 7-day golf marathon, playing at all the public courses; or day trip to every national, state and local park within a 100-mile radius. Search “find a park in___” (your state) for state parks, and for local parks, open the phone book and take a look at the local map in the center that has all parks mapped. Money does not have to stand between you and a memorable summer vacation. And just to drive that point home, next month, we’ll look at another great source of summer excitement: volunteering vacations.

GM : 18