DOORK EAST MAGAZINE VOLUME 2 - Things are heating up!

DE MAGAZINE

ALWAYS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE MAP

D OORK E AST

MAGAZINE Volume 2

Things are heating up

September 2022

EDITOR IN CHIEF

Ramiro Baldwin

EDITORS

Ridley Chiesa

Clair Ventucci

REPORTERS

Lincoln King

Ramsey Castillo

Redford White

MAGAZINE DESIGN

Upwind Strategy

DE LORE DEPARTMENT

Toggen

DE ART DEPARTMENT

Amans Best

Tranter Roberts

Crispy - Doork East Staking

COVER

Amans Best

PROOFREADING

Cardano Shield

Mrs Brown

AUDIOBOOK VERSION

Upwind Strategy

youtube.com/@doorkeast

DISCLAIMER

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

The Doork East Magazines are not intended to be and do not constitute financial advice, investment advice, trading advice, medical advice, dietary advice or any other advice or recommendation of any sort. None of the content contained here constitutes an offer (or solicitation of an offer) to buy or sell any NFT, cryptocurrency, currency, product or financial instrument, to make any investment, or to participate in any particular trading strategy.

All rights reserved.

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the second volume of Doork East magazine. It is Apetember and things are heating up! Our magazine reporters have been hard at work this summer on their quest for the most interesting stories inside the minds of our Doorks. Don’t miss the announcement of a new institution in Doork East, the Doork East Baank. It will change your lives, Doorks! Who thought that thanks to the blockchain, you will finally be able to talk to your banker!

OUR STATEMENT

“We, Apes of Doork East, have gathered in the most affordable district around a simple idea: to take an active role in the construction of the ecosystem that surrounds us. Without pretension, but not without fun.”

This magazine is an expression of that spirit, of our passionate desire to communicate our aspiration to see the Ape Society contribute to a thriving ecosystem that benefits all, in and beyond the Ape Society.

Letter from King Monet, the “King of Doork East”

Author: Upwind Strategy

Doorks,

We are delighted to present to you the second volume of Doork East Magazine. Our hearts swell with pride and honor as we witness the remarkable Apes who have joined our ranks in recent months. We extend a warm welcome to each of you!

Over an exhilarating summer, our community has engaged in spirited discussions about the future, and we surmise that you are eager to uncover more within the pages of this Magazine!

The essence of the Ape Society lies in the power of collective unity, while Doork East encapsulates the enjoyment and mutual growth we experience throughout our extraordinary journey together.

That’s precisely why, in the forthcoming months, we will unveil the Doork East Baank, a not-forprofit networking instrument dedicated to serving the entire Ape Society and beyond. This initiative will feature exclusive business card badges and a system acknowledging your contributions to the Ape Society — a mark of distinction and an invitation to accomplish even greater feats. You can already submit your application to become a banker at doorkeastbaank.com!

Yours sincerely, Francisco

Monet

Francisco Monet, King of Doork East Esteemed Fellow

APETEMBER A sonnet by King Bradford Rich

Author: Cardano Shield

To build anew, we all have roles to play From brilliant artists to the noble poet We care not what the market does each day And focus on our vision as we grow it.

Apetember came, the leaves began to turn The projects we commenced set out to build Like leaves, our work turned vibrant as we learn To join our minds and see our work fulfilled.

To celebrate we raise Apetember beers And bid our Doorks warm autumn cheers.

SHOULD YOU BECOME A NFT FOOONDER?

A letter from King Whit Maddock

Author: @hopiumjunky

As is always the case when a title begins with a question mark, the answer is no. I know, the allure is great. Best case scenario, you become a kind of kingpin to a motley crew of degens who are desperate to fit in anywhere; worst case, you walk off with buckets of ADA after a couple months. Wait, which is the best case again? And it’s easy! Hire someone on Fiverr, start a discord… is there even a step 3?

Pop into any spaces with over 50 listeners, and you’ll hear every “influencer” with more than 1,000 followers talking about their upcoming mint. In their minds, they probably think “I’m great at tweeting bullshit marketing so I’d be great at running a project.” This is the same flawed thinking that resulted in thousands of insufferable human resources managers who are “good with people.” The odds are infinitesimal that you, reader, have what it takes to make a successful project on your own. And if you really have the spark to make it you probably didn’t read past my first sentence.

Does that mean the world of NFT building is shut to you? Absolutely not! Consider building where you’re at! You’d be hard pressed to find a roadmap that doesn’t include the word “community” but there are very few that contemplate the kind of

people that community is comprised of. A community of flippers is no community at all. Consider integrating yourself into a proven group instead of trying to start your own from scratch.

Find a team you believe in with art that you love. Vet the hell out of them. Determine if they have values at all and if they align with yours. See if they’re open to ideas that are beyond the confines of their roadmaps. Do they shut down your ideas or work with you to make them better? Do they say “no,” “no,” “no?” Or do they say “hell yeah,” “here’s who you should talk to,” “this is how we could make that even better?”

When you find a worthy project, settle in. Learn some skills. Explore your creativity. Roll up your sleeves. Push yourself. The final product will be better than if you tried to go it alone. If you decide to start a project later, you’ll have more experience to draw on. Many highly in-demand skills can be learned form $20 Udemy courses or free videos on YouTube. Whether your interest is music composition, game design, coding, finance, or fiction; your unique talents will be more impactful when paired with the talents of others. It’s more fun and gratifying too, and it might even distract you from staring at prices all day.

Whit Maddock.

Illustration: Tranter Roberts

Author: @ADALoc8or

Cheers Thomas Clan! Wishing you all the best in this crazy market. So close to staking, hope you have all secured yourselves a nice cabin to stake your prized nfts!

What are you looking forward to crafting?

We should start thinking of these opportunities ahead to position ourselves as the cornerstone craftsman family that we are! We are Thomas, but at heart, we are all Doorks!

Looking forward to the reveal of our local Landmark in a huge way! A hearty cheer to all apes of Doork as Apetember comes to an end, many exciting times ahead!

Wilfred Thomas

Wilfred Thomas; Illustration: Tranter Roberts

A letter from King Wilfred Thomas

Logo: Upwind Strategy

The bank of Doork East

Article by Redford White, exclusive reporter for Doork East Magazine Author: Upwind Strategy

Mornington Road is home to two almost adjoining monuments. One, the world-famous Doork East landmark, visible from far away, is a must-see for any ape visiting Doork East. The other, a blue-roofed wooden Chateau nestled at 120 Mornington Road, is more mysterious.

Here, there are no large, ostentatious plaques on the entrance door, nor are there any large advertising logos in the magnificent main hall. Once past the impressive security system, one enters a cozy atmosphere with soft lights, surrounded by paintings and antique tapestries on the walls. At the back of the majestic entrance hall, one can see the imposing forged gates that lead to the vaults whose unique depths has earned the bank its renown as the most secure in the world.

The history of this establishment, founded in the early days of The Ape Society by the “King of Doork East” himself, Francisco Monet, one of only two Royal Advisor kings, is intertwined with that of the entire Ape Society.

One of the world’s leading financial institutions, based in Doork East, has established a unique network within influential circles. This investigation delves into the inner workings of the most powerful bank in the ape-world.

Long ago, the first pioneers to venture into Doork East’s remote territories observed that gravity seemed heightened in the region.

King Monet enlisted his team of scientist apes to covertly investigate this anomaly.

After months of rigorous research, meticulously documented in the Doork East archives, they

discovered the cause: an unusually high density of matter in Doork East’s soil.

Embodying the entrepreneurial spirit that defines the apes, King Monet commissioned explorer engineers to forge specialized instruments to excavate this seemingly unprofitable terrain. Unbeknownst to them, King Monet had a clear vision: the impenetrable soil would offer apes an

Illustration: Tranter Roberts

unrivaled level of security.

The vaults, hewn in the depths of these chasms by his army of over a hundred craftsmen, would instill confidence in apes, encouraging them to make larger investments in art and other assets with the assurance that their possessions would be safeguarded within DE BAANK’s vaults.

Since its inception, the bank has continued to flourish, owing its prosperity to this unique infrastructure.

This wealth has enabled DE BAANK to cultivate its brand and a singular network, which now constitutes the lion’s share of its value.

“Team spirit,” “bespoke service,” “challenge,” and

“passion” are the guiding principles of Doork East bankers who welcome clients in lounges adorned with some of the most prestigious works of art in ape history. Diamond hand trophies, family crests, and ape family photographs hold pride of place on the bankers’ desks.

In these offices, at first glance, nothing distinguishes

Doork East Baank from the other financial institutions of the Ape Society, except for an imperceptible feeling of power.

The world’s preeminent bank has forged an unparalleled network within the upper echelons of power—a web that connects the NFT investment elite with the blockchain establishment, united by

Illustration: Upwind Strategy

Francisco Monet wearing his business card badge.

shared values of trust and collaboration.

Amidst the bear market, the Mornington Road institution reigned over the financial world, its supremacy derived from its passion and technical expertise. DE BAANK’s finest minds dedicate themselves to serving their clients, advising on acquisitions and market calls. The immense fortune amassed by its leaders only serves to underscore this prowess.

The bank’s culture is unique and deserves a closer examination. In meetings and on the trading floor, bankers are attentive to their clients, upholding one of the bank’s ten core tenets: “Bespoke service for each of our customers.” To accomplish this, teamwork and internal dialogue are paramount. Changing the world is what motivates a true Doork.

In line with this ambition, DE BAANK recently announced the launch of a new recruitment program designed to further expand its formidable workforce. “The most valuable asset of any bank is its primate capital,” asserts King Monet. Hence, DE BAANK’s recruitment process is regarded as one of the most esteemed in the industry.

Prospective applicants are encouraged to complete an online form on the bank’s website: doorkeastbaank.com. Applications will be limited to one ape per individual.

Each successful applicant will be assigned a position within the bank, with the level determined by various criteria assessing their involvement in Doork East and The Ape Society:

Illustration: Upwind Strategy

The positions in DE BAANK.

“The most valuable asset of any bank is its primate capital.”

- Francisco Monet

The recruiting criteria are the following:

1- Owning at least 1 Doork ape and 3 apes in total,

2- Owning at least 1 cabin in Doork East and 3 cabins in total,

3- Write a convincing motivation letter, and

4- Pass the doorkness test.

The allocation of positions depends on the score obtained on the following points:

1- The number of owned apes weighted by their class and status,

2- The number of owned cabins weighted by their “SLVD” ranking,

3- The social engagement score,

4- The contribution level to Doork East,

5- The number of Diamond Hand Trophies,

6- The quality of the motivation letter,

7- The Doorkness test score, and

8 - Special achievements in the Cardano and Ergo spaces will also be considered. Illustration:

Twitter Upwind Strategy

A career in banking is highly sought after, as it provides ample networking opportunities and the chance to assume a prominent role within The Ape Society. Globally, the most ambitious apes aspire to join DE BAANK. Insiders extol its open, casual, and welcoming “Doork East” culture, where individuals are both intellectually astute and downto-earth.

Bankers new to the profession are typically referred to as “junior bankers.” Job titles such as “Analyst” describe true entry-level positions, while “Associate” denotes roles requiring some

experience. Conversely, “senior banker” refers to those with extensive banking expertise. Job titles in this category include “Vice President” (VP), “Director,” and “Managing Director” (MD). The select few who ascend to the highest rungs of the corporate ladder join the Managing Committee— DE BAANK’s inner sanctum — as “Partners.”

However, this does not render bankers “soldier monks”; their rewards are considerable. While their passion for The Society often eclipses their personal lives, holidays, and leisure, their coffers remain perpetually full.

Being a DE BAANK banker comes with numerous benefits:

1- A business card badged version of your banker Ape,

2- A personalized DE BAANK virtual business card (also available on demand in a professionally printable format),

3- A dedicated web page on DE BAANK’s website featuring a description of the banker ape, their skills, areas of expertise, and cooperation opportunities they are open to,

4- Official recognition of their position as a “Role” in the Discords of both Doork East and “The Ape Society”,

5- Access to exclusive Discord channels of DE BAANK,

6- The opportunity to be officially featured as a banker in the articles of DE Magazine,

7- The ability for the banker to publish updates about their latest deals, current adventures, endeavors, aspirations, reflections, and opinions in the Financial Tribune section of DE Magazine, and

8- A community of fellow Apes with whom to network and explore opportunities.

Being a Doork East banker not only signifies prestige but also serves as an invitation to achieve more while providing the necessary tools. It offers visibility and networking opportunities with other

influential true Doorks of Doork East and beyond, who are committed to changing the world. After all, what is good for the world is good for The Ape Society — and vice versa.

V ICTORIA G ROVE

THE PRIDE OF DOORK EAST

Author: Toggen

The pride of Doork East, the main street of the district and the center of commerce and decision making, Victoria Grove is a magnificent splendor and display of what the Doorks have managed to accomplish. Although the district residents are known for their rowdiness and loud behavior, the main streets reflect clean, refined living and civilized order.

The main road from Gictus to Doork East runs from Harriman Lane straight into Victoria Grove. Crossing the border sees the road laid with gray stone slabs in a wide boulevard stretching far to the east. The first thing you will see is an enormous flagpole erected close to the border. The Doork East crest flies high and proud in the wind.

On both sides of the boulevard there are depots with carts, horses and donkeys. This is the main transit station before exporting goods to the west. Huge piles of everything from tobacco to wheat are stocked, ready for further transport to the western districts. On the south side of the boulevard, incoming goods are stored for distribution and further transport into the district. Looking east, you will see cottages and estates along the side of the roads, but also majestic elm trees planted in a straight line along the boulevard. Along with the slabs on the road, this is a pleasant view for the visitors traveling to the central square of Victoria Grove.

Driving a cart down the boulevard gives you the magnificent view of the police station with its three high towers rising from the central building. Other famous structures such as the Doork East art exhibition center and the famous DEntist Central can be seen to the south prior to entering the central square. Driving close to the center, the space opens and the city hall dominates the immediate view. With its nine breathtaking marble pillars holding up the massive roof structure and gargoyles spouting water down an intricate maze of channels, it’s truly a sight to behold.

Near the city hall, there are several official buildings serving as embassies and hotels for foreign apes visiting Doork East. The very center of the square

sports a rotunda where artists from all over The Ape Society can display their art and receive feedback on their works. Oak, elm and cherry trees give shade to the central square where several restaurants and bars are spread out. To further give the place class, the apes have designed a system of fountains and channels giving the square an impression of an oasis in the desert. It is an area of calm contemplation and reflection as well as a place to mingle and meet important apes from all other districts.

Moving past the central square, the Doork East hospital and fire station can be seen. Each building is adjacent on the east side of the square and is quite majestic with high towers looming close to the height of the city hall. Several cottages are located here on each side of the street. Due to the slabs on the main boulevard, the entrance to each of the cabins are also very well kept. Hedges with ornate trimmings of ape figures are seen in this area, giving the cottages class and style.

Further along, the road cuts somewhat diagonally to the south and joins the Regent Place boulevard due to the large walls being erected. Here, the road is somewhat more rural in appearance as the slabs are substituted for hard dirt ground and gravel. The surroundings are still looking very nice though with well kept buildings and a plethora of art galleries, craftsmen stores and restaurants. Apes who are looking for quality wares throughout The Ape Society usually stop by here once a year to browse the many quality products on display.

Past the large walls the road again turns to the north and the boulevard looks somewhat the same as in the west. In this area there are several cigar saloons, gentlemen clubs and private clubs for dignified apes. The area is very peaceful as the apes have spent lots of resources keeping the surroundings calm and clean. All apes can walk here after dark feeling completely safe from thugs and other lowlife. It’s a beautiful area to reside and a fantastic place to visit. If you ever get a chance, have a look at the surroundings of Victoria Grove, the pride of Doork East!

MORE NEFARIOUS ACTIVITIES IN DOORK EAST...

Illustration: Amans Best

NFT: Florimond Brown, Charles de Medici, Ansley Lavigne

... or

LEGIT ALIEN BUSINESS VENTURES ?

Several weeks had passed since the last time we visited Florimond Brown at Holly Hill Avenue. After we covered the strange sounds and lights troubling the residents in issue 1 of DE magazine, it seemed most apes now dared to venture out in the streets again.

Not only had the activities picked up again, but after dark local apes from the area had started accumulating in droves outside the gates of 110 Holly Hill Avenue. Our reports on why this was happening ranged from pure curiosity to rumors of free soup being handed out after dark. Naturally we had to return to find the latest news for our readers, and we were also very curious about the free soup recipe that we were promised. As usual, Redford White and Ramsey Castillo will be reporting.

It seemed fitting to travel up to the Holly Hill chateau after dark. In the past this was when the streets were empty and the sky was beaming. We wanted to see if anything had changed since our last visit. As we passed the iconic clock museum at Melendez Way and looked up in the sky, we no longer saw the flickering random light as before. Instead, it was clear that a single white beam radiated upwards into the nothingness. Every now and then a buzz could be heard from the general area, but the eerie sounds of the past now seemed to have disappeared.

Walking closer to the beam, it was now clear that the source came from the chateau of Florimond Brown. When approaching the main gates, we could see a rather large group of apes who had set up camp on the lawn outside. Some of them had piled up some scaffolds so they could get a better view of what went on behind the gates, while others were more occupied

with drinking beer and warming sausages over an open fire. From afar we could glimpse what looked like a shiny big machine erected in the backyard. It was brass colored and had many strange coils and pins poking out from all sides. The beam of light was shining from what looked like a giant green crystal mounted on the very top of the machine.

Moving closer to the gate, we were stopped by a peculiar looking ape with a fruit bowl on his head and a multicolored jacket. His eyes were wide open, and he was constantly flailing his arms when speaking. “They want to harvest our frontal cortex you know! Just you wait, they’ll take it and we are back in the trees hanging upside down picking our noses! It’s the aliens, they have a plan, you see, now it’s happening!” The ape was speaking without drawing his breath and it was just when he had to stop to fill his lungs that we could get a word in. “Who are you Sir, and what are you saying? Do you know what is going on here?” Now that the ape had resupplied his oxygen levels he continued. “Alvin Best at your service. Leader of DEATH! Doork East Association of Terrestrial Hazards. They’ll take our creativity! Only the hat will protect us! The truth will be unveiled! Next, they want our fur for toilet paper! Wake up man, before it’s too late. Wear many colors, it’s the only way, they can’t see us then. Birds in a cage. Parrots for all!” After this monologue Alvin seemed to be distracted and walked over to eat a sausage. Thinking that this was a rather peculiar ape, we continued towards the main gate of the chateau to see if we could get some words in with the resident alien ape.

Three big signs had been hammered up on the front gate. “Keep out! By appointment only” “DEATH members beyond this point will be reported to military officers!” “No free soup to be had here!” Seeing that we probably had an appointment and that we just

briefly met Alvin Best of DEATH, we figured that we’d risk going inside. Quickly opening and closing the gate several of the other bystanders were trying to poke their heads through the cracks. Luckily, we were able to fend them off and started walking to the front door. Being wise from injury from our last visit we refrained from knocking on the copper plate and proceeded to knock at the wooden frame instead.

After a little while the door moved slightly, and we could see two eyes poking out from the crack. “Oh, it’s you lot! Hurry, come inside and close the door right away!” We did as we were told and quickly stepped inside the stately chateau. Once inside, we briefly glimpsed the lobby being decorated by all kinds of tubing and hoses going from one place to the other. Steam was also coming out from several nooks and crannies across the hall, and the fur on our bodies was standing out as if static. The alien ape was now standing in front of us and looked to have a strange mix of irate demeanor and worried wrinkles. “You lot certainly played a trick on me with your article in DE magazine”, the Brown ape proclaimed as he peered out of the glass in the door. “After your story all the bloody apes have stopped being afraid, and now either thinks that I am setting up some sort of soup charity donation or that I am trying to blow up the whole district!” “First some scrawny looking apes turned up with empty soup bowls demanding free food, and shortly thereafter this crazy ape who called himself Alvin Best showed up with an entire posse! Now, the soup apes I can deal with as the sign outside seems to help, but the DEATH apes are a different breed. I think the leader is the crazy one, the other apes seem mostly into it because the Best ape is handing out free beer and sausages, but they make so much noise and they will not leave me alone!”

Florimond now had a worried expression as he continued. “To find a solution I even went out to parley with him, but that proved very difficult as he was only saying things like “stay out of my brain”, “Danger ape, Danger ape” and “bird on the roof not in the basement”. When I tried to reason with him, he yelled “invisibility cloak activate!” before standing completely still staring forward. I think he really thought I couldn’t see him. After this I went back in

again. He’s been out there ever since!”

Having seen the crowd outside for ourselves we could sympathize with the alien, but we were here to ask about the promised soup and pressed the issue. “Last time we were here you said you were researching some fantastic soup and that all the lights and sounds were a result of that. Have you gotten any further, and do you have the recipe for us?” “Ah, yes, the soup. Now that we have gotten the reverse time module zero energy extractor to be fully operational it’s just a matter of time. Next month we are starting a restaurant in Wright buildings, you know. Why don’t you bring all these apes to the grand opening and soup is on me for the first few days?” Sensing that our question was not being answered honestly, we pressed on. “But how is the machine outside related to the soup? Are you sure you are not up to something more sinister here?” The Brown ape flicked his eyes quickly back and forth and answered quickly. “Me? No, I don’t think so, we just need some high energy to get the best possible result before the opening. In the meantime, here is our recipe and our menu for the grand opening. Be sure to smoke a cigar and drink three glasses of whiskey prior to eating though, it will be much better that way.” With that, he gave us a note and a menu with some soup names and proceeded to push us towards the door. Again, our visit at Holly Hill Avenue seemed to leave us with more questions than answers. At least this time we had gotten our recipe and we were invited to a grand opening, so it seemed we were getting something out of this at least.

Before heading back to the DE magazine headquarters, we informed the gathering of apes outside that we all had been invited for a two-day soup party at Wright Buildings next month. The vast majority of the apes gave a loud cheer and proceeded to pack their belongings. The exception was Alvin Best of DEATH who proceeded to run around in circles while shouting “Alien birds in my mind. Soup is murder, stop the fish” We figured that it was best just to leave at that point. We now left the beam of light, the noise from the apes and the looming darkness as we wandered back and were looking forward to our grand opening of the alien soup restaurant next month.

S pecial s oup r ecipe

Author: Toggen

e Mix three glasses of whiskey and consume prior to preparation of soup.

e One cigar is recommended to be smoked while making the soup.

e Cut one onion and some spring onions into smaller pieces.

e Boil 6 small potatoes in a casserole and add the onion and spring onion.

Florimond Brown, Illustration: Amans Best

Welcome to

THE BROWN SOUP

Galactic taste sensations

Menu

1. Zero gravity splendor. Special ingredients perfect for those on a diet, the more you eat the more weight you will lose. Ingredients undisclosed.

2. The blowout. Soup with a mix of the spiciest chilies cultivated. If you need a system clean out, this soup is for you. Do not consume if you are elderly or cannot run to the outhouse very quickly.

3. Nanoparticle surprise. This soup is made from the lightest materials. You get all the nutrients you need without knowing that you eat soup. PS. No nanochips to gain control of your mind are added to the soup.

4. The Alien invincibility product. A special mix of herbs, spices and metal parts are added in this delicious soup that will make you impervious to pain up to 30 minutes after consumption (Side effects include harmless bubbles coming out of ear for 24 hours).

5. The 13 dimensions of soup. Compound of very heavy elements. Slightly radioactive, but mostly safe to consume. If taken correctly string fabrics and wormholes should be visible for a short while. Do not order if you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia.

6. The grandfather paradox. New particles with time diluting effects are added to this mix of rhubarb and tomato soup. After eating do not worry if you see yourself eating at another table. This effect is temporary.

7. Florimond Brown Special soup. Tasty soup with potatoes, bacon and vegetables. Whiskey and cigars are included in the price. No nitroglycerin is added to the mix.

THE CASE OF THE UNUSUAL PIRATE

Author: Toggen

Recently there have been many Apes calling in a peculiar observation all over the Rectangle of Doork East, from Manor Lane in the south to Warwick Road in the north. It seems a rather loud Ape in a pirate hat has been driving a boat shaped wagon, pulled by a drove of donkeys all around the fields. As it stands, no one can attest to what is going on, so DE magazine sent out reporters Ramsey Castillo and Redford White to investigate this occurrence and hopefully get to the bottom of it.

As we walked out of the urban areas on Birkbeck Road, we were met with the usual views of crops and cottages reaching as far as the eye could see. Taking in the fresh air and the lovely feeling of being out in the open, we marched south towards Warwick Road to find this pirate everyone was talking about. On the way there we met several Apes who had recently spotted a strange vehicle, and the consensus was that we needed to move to the east side of Canmard City Avenue to find our target.

Just as promised, we spotted the strangest thing we had seen in a while. A huge sloop-shaped object mounted on eight gigantic wheels loomed in the distance. It was very easy to spot, as it had a long mast in the middle that must have been at least 15 feet high. It even sported a small quarterdeck in the back. A harness was attached to the front of the sloop and spread out to ten full sized donkeys who seemed to drag the abomination forward.

We moved closer and shouted out, “Hello, is anyone there?” After a few attempts, we finally heard some profane sounds coming from underneath the wagon. “Haaarrgghh, don’t just stand there gawking! Help a fellow Ape reattach this blasted wheel to my ship!” It seemed that a large root in the road had made the wheel slide

off. Immediately, we helped hoist the wheel back in place and the pirate Ape looked at us with a grin and extended his hand. “Yaarrggh, Floyd Evans here. Privateer in the first and only land regiment of the pirate brigade!”

“A land pirate?” We asked surprised. “We thought that most pirate activity took place on the high seas?”

“Darrgh! Well, it used to be like that, but pirating is having a tough time as o’ late. The military officers are getting stricter with quotas at sea, so we had to start thinking about new business models. A few of the pirates suggested that we try underwater pirating, but that didn’t work out very well, as we could not hold our breath for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

Next, we tried loading the cannons with pirate Apes to shoot them up in the air. There were a couple of problems with that idea. Some Apes got shot too far away and never returned. The ones that did come back down reported that nothing of value could be plundered up there, so we quickly abandoned that idea. The only other reasonable suggestion was that we try pirating on land. It was a radical idea, but we figured we’d give it a go. It was then we started the first land regiment!”

Floyd Evans, Illustration: Tranter Roberts

“You say a regiment, are there other pirate Apes here? We can only see you, and why not just use a regular cart, why the ship on wheels?”

“Yarrrggh! When all the pirate Apes had voted for the idea, they swiftly dispersed, and I was the only pirate left in the room. I would also have run, but some funny Ape had attached a ball and chain to my leg without me noticing, so it was hard to move. It was then our highest-ranking pirate, Addison de’ Medici, asked me nicely if I wanted the task. I asked him if I had a choice. He then said that there always is a choice. I could choose if I wanted to keep my teeth in my skull or in my pocket. As I prefer to eat with my teeth firmly attached, I chose to accept the task!”

“As for the ship, it is very clear that it must be like this. You see, there are clear regulations and rules as to what it takes to call yourself a pirate. It’s quite simple really. No ship equals no pirate. We have a brand reputation we must take care of you know. Appearance and style are everything. If I were to ride up in a cart drawn by horses, other Apes probably would think I was running a pirate taxi, and that wouldn’t do at all!”

“Surely there must be quite a lot of problems that you are facing on land that you are not experiencing on the seas?”

“Maaaarggh! Oh yes lads, but I like to call ‘em challenges! One must always try to adapt to the circumstances in the best possible way. For instance, it was very difficult to procure a pet parrot on land, so I thought of alternatives. I tried to capture a few seagulls, but they kept shitting on my shoulder and were making a terrible noise so that idea was quickly discarded. Pigeons on the other hand turned out to make excellent pets. There are plenty of them here, and they will stick around if you just give them enough seeds. They also make for excellent eating

by the way! Other than that, we pirates love a bit of plank walking and keelhauling. It didn’t take too much time to realize that these activities are better suited at sea. I am experimenting with a few new ideas though. Instead of making apes walk the plank I just whack them over the head with it. It’s been working great so far! And for keelhauling, well just hauling someone after the ship in the mud seems effective enough really.”

“It seems you’re adopting quite nicely, but how does a pirate on land make money? And how is business?”

“Garrrghh! So far, business is slow, but I think it will pick up as soon as my new business model is kicking in. I have recently tried to sail up to other carts and board them, but this blasted ship keeps getting stuck in the mud, so it’s difficult to outsail them. I have managed to ram a few carrot and potato carts though. The only problem with that is the donkeys seem to eat all the plunder. Seeing that my ship is getting stuck, I have been thinking of finding the busiest intersection, for then to block off the road. Apes who want to pass will have to pay a fee. If they don’t pay up it’s the plank for them. Wham! My prognosis tells me that it will be most lucrative. If I say that some of the proceeds will go to mending broken carts in the neighborhood, I should also be OK with the Military officers as it would be considered a pro bono affair! A win win situation if I ever saw one!”

“Interesting, we are sure the entire district will be thrilled by your benevolence! But tell me, why did you choose Doork East for the pirate land regiment?”

“Baarrrgh! Doork East seemed like the best alternative. It’s a rural district without too much politics. It’s easy to get around in a pirate ship and the food for the donkeys are practically free

as it’s growing by the side of the road. Besides, we need to start small. If this expansion is successful, we will spread out to more central areas. It’s basically a selective approach to gauge the market potential and interest.”

“Well, let’s see how things are progressing then. Maybe we could have a talk some time later to get an update on how your pirate business is progressing?”

“Laaarrghh!” Yes, please come back later. I will give a full tour of the ship for your readers. Hopefully I can also give a planking demonstration as well!”

With that, we bade Floyd Evans a good day and moved away from the strange contraption he called a ship. As we walked away, we could hear more swearing and Floyd shouting. “Full steam ahead ye lousy donkeys. We need to make some money!”

Floyd Evan, Illustration: Tranter Roberts

ORMAN FORD OF MARIANA HEIGHTS

Authors: Toggen and @WesleyPluijmert

The offices at DE Magazine were a mess. Ever since releasing the first edition of the magazine, the apes had not been able to recover.

A few of the team members were staring out into the air, panting heavily with bloodshot eyes, while trying to do something productive. Other apes were silently sobbing in a corner while trying to enjoy a fine cigar. The editor in chief, Ramiro Baldwin, gave out a sigh and realized that something needed to be done. As he was browsing through his mail, he suddenly happened on a very colorful card that caught his attention. It read “Life got you down? Tired of the stressful hustle in the big cities? A visit to Mariana Heights will surely calm you down and bring serenity back to your life. Visit us today, and you will not regret the journey!” On the card there was a picture of a stream snaking its way down through an orchard. Surrounding the orchard there were tall mountains on either side, tips covered with milky white snow. The card was signed by an Orman Ford.

The chief editor, Ramiro Baldwin, had made up his mind: some of his apes needed a vacation! Quickly he called for a staff meeting and informed that he needed two volunteers to travel to district 2, Mariana Heights. The task was simple, travel to the area, document what you see and try to find this Orman Ford ape for an interview. The journalist apes seemed thrilled by this prospect and within seconds all of them had volunteered for the task. As there was only a budget for sending two apes, the only fair selection criteria were to have a cigar smoking competition. The first two apes to complete a whole cigar would be sent on the assignment. One hour later the editorial office was filled with smoke and some apes with

a slightly greener complexion on their face. The two apes, Ramsey Castillo and Redford White, emerged victorious from the smoke cloud, cigar butt in hand and a victorious grin on their faces. The winners were declared, and they immediately started preparing for the journey ahead.

Traveling the northern route by cart crossing the border of Burroont and further into the district of North Cegelf gave Ramsey and Redford quite some time to relax and contemplate. It was not too long however before they could glimpse the peaks of the mountains in Mariana Heights. Crossing the border was very smooth, and the Doorks were welcomed by a group of calm-looking border patrol apes. Traveling further into the region, it was clear that this Orman Ford ape knew what he was talking about. The air smelled clean, there were small cozy villages scattered around with only friendly apes, and the nature was stunning. Small creeks were running from the mountainside into grassy meadows. Where the grass stopped, mighty oak trees were reaching far up towards the skies. Here and there the journalists saw several apes with their canvases set up in nature, ready to capture the beautiful surroundings in their paintings.

After some time, Ramsey and Redford rode through a vast orchard with apple and pear trees. Stopping for a little stretch and a nibble of the succulent fruits, the apes could hear music coming from somewhere nearby. Mesmerized by the lovely tunes, the apes strolled in the direction of the music. A short walk later the orchard opened to a clearing with a small

pond. Around the pond, six apes were sitting with their musical instruments, playing tunes for no one in particular. After quietly listening in for a while, the journalists were spotted by the apes who proceeded to take a break from their session. At this time, it seemed appropriate to ask the musical apes if they knew where to find Orman Ford. As luck would have it, Orman was close by. He had also heard the music when strolling through the orchard and had decided to stay for a dance or two. Now he had gotten thirsty and hungry and had just gone to fetch some food and drinks for all the apes.

Half an hour had gone when clanking was heard from between the trees. A fine-looking ape with a brown suit and a well-groomed mustache appeared in the cleaning. He was carrying several jugs of what appeared to be wine as well as a platter with meat and grapes. When he saw that new apes had joined the party, he gave out a welcoming smile and introduced himself as Orman Ford. Seeing that we all got to sit down to enjoy some good company this seemed to be the right time to interview the Ford ape.

We got your card in Doork East and are very happy to be here. Why were you sending the cards, and what are you trying to tell us about Mariana Heights?

One day when I woke up, I saw a newspaper on my doorstep at 88 Via Nazionale. It was called ‘Doork East Magazine, Vol 01’. I had no idea who put it there or why, but I had a great time learning about all the citizens in Doork East. It amazed me how lively the place seemed and how different the apes are that live there. As I said it was a delight to read and this amazing gift made me think of how I could give something in return.

That’s why I created a handmade card with an invitation to come and see how differently things are done in Mariana Heights. Both districts are active in their own way, but here in Mariana Heights the people are more laid back and one with nature. Apes inspire other apes by creating music, dancing together and sharing food from their farms. If you want to, you could even live in the wild with no care

in the world.

Art is also a big thing here in district 2. Apes come from all over the world to get inspiration for their masterpieces. Some come from the far end of the world just to learn a few new things. By being here you instantly get a feeling of freedom and acceptance. The apes here love to connect, share and inspire using art as a medium. My gift to the Doork East citizens is to show this in person.

Redford White, Reporter for DE Magazine

Ramsey Castillo, Reporter for DE Magazine

“The nature of this place is stunning. Is this a district where apes should come for their vacation, or do you see it as a place where they should live and enjoy their arts?

Both! Going on a holiday in Mariana Heights is the best way to relax and take a break from the harsh realities of life. Friendly apes all around are ready to share their art in ways unimaginable for city apes. Just take a step back and enjoy the landscape. Climb a mountain, take a walk in the meadows, or learn all about an art form you were always interested in.

Mariana Heights is a place to feel free and accepted. Art is a form of freedom. Apes use that freedom and their emotion to write the best song possible, and share this with other like-minded ape artists. They enjoy life by performing for others. If you are free to do whatever you like without boundaries, would you not enjoy it?

The apes that live in Mariana Heights are happy. There are no rules, no boundaries or attachments. Just the joy of life and doing what you love the most. If you can do this with apes that share the same passion, you would be smiling too. But there seems to be something in the air in Mariana Heights that gives the apes that little extra joy. I don’t know if it’s the beautiful landscapes or the delicious food, the peaceful nature or the sound of laughter and joy. No one knows, but I do know it is something magical.

While listening to Orman speak as we enjoyed our wine and food, it was clear that our stress and worry from the busy magazine schedule quietly faded away in this place. It was hard to say if it was the nature, the apes or something completely different, but as alluded by Orman Ford, it was probably a combination of all these things that made Mariana Heights a special place to be. As the sun was setting, the apes started playing their music again, and we couldn’t resist the

urge to join in on the song and dance. The many moons were shining down on the pond and cast clear reflections, making it appear as even more apes had joined the party. This scene continued until the early hours when all the apes finally settled in for some sleep. Waking up the next day to a refreshing breeze and warming sunshine, Ramsey and Redford bade Orman farewell and started preparing their return to Doork East. They all agreed that the trip was well worth it, and they were already looking forward to their next visit.

Some time later, Ramsey and Redford were back to work at the DE Magazine desk. The hustle and bustle of the job looked to have remained, but having had the vacation in Mariana Heights the apes felt reinvigorated and ready to give it their full attention again without feeling the crushing stress of tight deadlines and nagging superiors. A note asking to procure a company cabin in district 2 for the benefits of all DE Magazine apes was slid into the suggestion box at the office of editor in chief, Ramiro Baldwin.

After all, a stress-free ape is a productive ape.

“So far, we have only seen friendly smiling apes in this place. It seems they are very much content with their lives here. Can you expand on why this is?

Ramiro Baldwin, DE Magazine’s Editor in Chief

CITIZENS OF DOORK EAST

MERCHANT GARFIELD VENTUCCI

Author: Toggen

In this series of articles, we will visit locals in and around Doork East who have contributed to the diverse and thriving community that we are. First up, we wanted to pay a visit to Garfield Ventucci. This merchant will need no further introduction. Most of our readers have no doubt run into this clever salesman at every public event, or even street corner at some point in recent weeks and months. It seems wherever there is a possible sale of some kind, Ventucci turns up with the goods as if by some strange magic. Having set up shop at 18 Melendez Way in one of the busiest areas of Doork East, Mr. Ventucci is sure to attract all potential customers passing by. We sent over reporter Redford White to investigate and instigate an interview with Mr. Ventucci.

Standing outside the cottage in Melendez Way, it is plain to see that this is a place where you go to procure items. Large signs with red letters are scattered around the entire property. “Buy your fish here - Mostly fresh”, “Slightly used produce - Great prices’ ‘, “Miracle medicine to

cure most ails”. In the yard, there seem to be endless shelves and cabinets stocked to the brim with all kinds of items from swords to umbrellas. Indeed, it seems Mr. Ventucci had a major emporium set up for himself.

Inside the cottage, I spotted the telltale sign of Ventucci with his well-groomed mustache, thick glasses and feather poking out from behind his ear. “Welcome to my humble store. What can I get you today? We have 50% off on used grapes, great prices on unicorn horns or would you perhaps be interested in this time machine we have out back?”

“Wow, those are some interesting items, but it seems a bit weird. Why would I want used grapes? And I am sure that unicorns and time machines don’t even exist!”

“Now I am offended Sir! No need to question my excellent goods! As for the grapes I confess they are a bit raw, as they have previously been chewed on by some horses in Burroont, but the way I see it they are now fermented and will make a great beverage. What

do you say, 75% off! As for the unicorn I admit that it might seem a bit of a tough sale. I figured out that most Apes don’t really look at the goods before they purchase, so what I did was that I glued a cob of corn to a goat’s horn, and presto, Unicorn horn! I have received over 50 mail orders for them, from all over The Ape Society. At 200 $SOCIETY per horn, that makes for a great profit, don’t you think? Oh, and the time machine is also quite ingenious, you see, I don’t say that it will travel back in time. It’s more or less an outhouse, well exactly like an outhouse to tell you the truth, but it does travel forward in time, it just depends on how long you sit there.”

“Hmm, I think I’ll pass then. Won’t customers get angry if they feel they have been tricked?”

“No Sir, I only sell what I advertise. I have a no refund policy, but they can trade the items back to me should they not be 100% satisfied. This is reasonable for all parties, don’t you think? I don’t know if you saw the sign outside that said

Garfield Ventucci, Illustration: Amans Best

slightly used produce? Well, what happens is that people buy the time machine and realize it’s too heavy to carry. They then try it out and leave behind a dropping or two, waiting for the machine to do something. I then collect the droppings and leave it in a pile to compost. The buyer of the time machine can then trade the time machine back to me for the slightly used produce. It’s the perfect circular economy, and I facilitate it for a very small profit!”

“So, you have found a way for people to pay for their own shit?”

“That’s a very cynical way of looking at it, don’t you think? I look at it as a business venture where buyer and seller are equally happy with the business transaction. Not once have I bent the rules in any way. You can rest assured that you can always trust Garfield Ventucci to tell the truth and give you the best deal on anything, always! If not, I’ll give you a free donkey!”

“That’s very reasonable of you, I must say, a great gesture indeed. Donkeys are expensive”

“Indeed, imagine the surprise on their faces when they see that the donkey has been dead for four weeks!”

“Well, I must say that you really have made a name for yourself. Most people in Doork East know about your business and you still have time to set up stands all over the area when things are taking place. Is business generally good, and how do you find the time to be

everywhere?”

“Business is how you make it. Find a market and find a buyer, that’s my motto in life. I started this shop a long time back and have built it up by bartering in honest and transparent ways. Now I have too many items though. You should see the basement. I have already dug out 10 sub-levels just to find room for all the goods. When I tried to dig for the eleventh level I kept hearing strange sounds, so I had to stop. Now I never venture down lower than the 5th sub-level though. Once I stored a zombie ape down on level 6 or level 7 some years ago. I forgot him for over a year, so I imagine he is rather angry at me now. If you want some good deals on zombie insurance I’ll give you the key to the cellar! Only 100 $SOCIETY. If the Zombie kills you, I’ll pay you back 10000 $SOCIETY! What do you say?!”

“Pass!”

“Oh well, I still think it’s a good deal. Anyway, the store is more like a hobby to me now. There are great profits to be had by traveling around in the district peddling goods. I have made a deal with apes across the district…. that if they see a gathering of apes, they are to report here and tell me what is going on. In return I give them my patented aphrodisiac tonic. It’s mostly potato water with a few mushrooms in it, but they seem happy enough. An ape in Burroont called Patent Thompson endorsed it, so they can’t say it’s not patented! But I digress. When the apes give me

the location and event, I quickly gather the right items and hop on my wagon. Here last month I managed to sell more than 20 shovels in Regent Place after it was rumored someone had buried their Diamond Grills. Even at 200% markup, they sold like hot cakes. Good times! Last week I traveled down south and sold this pirate ape wheels and axles to mount on his homemade ship cart! I gave him a guarantee that if the wheels fell off, he would get the money back. I didn’t say I personally would give him the money back, mind! Haven’t heard anything yet.

“That’s amazing! It’s a good thing that the Apes in Doork East can always rest assured that all their needs can be fulfilled by visiting you or your shop. It’s been nice talking to you Mr. Ventucci, I am sure we see each other soon again in the streets somewhere!”

“You are most welcome Sir. Are you sure I can’t tempt you on your way out by our catch of the day? Fresh fish, 75% off? It was freshly caught just yesterday in a dumpster in South Zam street! Can’t beat the price or the smell. Deal of the week, 90% off?

Before Mr Ventucci could offer even more amazing deals it was time to jog off quickly. One can only but admire his energy and creativity in creating business opportunities in the Doork East market. It’s good to have Apes like him around!

REAL ESTATE UPDATE from Osmin Baldwin

Author: Toggen

Once again, it’s time to get a comment on the DE housing market from our beloved military officer turned real estate agent, Mr. Osmin Baldwin. Our resident reporter, Ramsey Castillo was sent over to get the latest take.

Walking into the office at Birkbeck Road, Ramsey noticed several pictures of Osmin hanging all over the waiting room. Each one had a text below them stating “Employee of the month”. There appeared to be at least fifteen copies of the exact same picture showing a smiling ape holding a check for 100 $SOCIETY in his hand. After a short five-minute wait, Ramsey was ushered into the main office and began to speak to Mr. Baldwin.

“Mr. Baldwin, last time we spoke, the housing market in Doork East was on fire. How are things looking now?”

Osmin quickly jumped up, drew his sword and looked around nervously. “On fire? Where did you hear that? I had nothing to do with any fires, I can assure you!”

Taking a few steps back Ramsey tried to defuse the situation quickly before it escalated further.

“Relax, it was just a figure of speech. I was just commenting on how well the housing market seems to fare. Has the trend continued over the summer?”

“Good….good” Osmin sheathed his sword and gave a wide grin exposing his golden teeth. “I thought you had heard something about the fire in the fields at Manor Lane! That sure was a fortunate event though, so many apes from Fraggod East have since expressed interest in properties here. The fumes must have convinced them somehow. Let it be recorded that we did not have any involvement in the incident! As for the rest of the market, I couldn’t be happier. We are very stable with between 10 and 15 properties constantly listed for sale. The prices keep

going up, but the demand for good homes in Doork East is also on the rise”

“That is excellent news. We have seen a great influx of apes moving into Doork East the last couple of months. It must be motivating to see. But with the prices going up and the properties getting scarcer, are you not afraid that this will affect your ability to make fees on sales?”

Osmin raised his eyebrows and tapped his nose while leaning forward. “Between you and me, there are several tricks of the trade that can be employed. Certain high-ranking officials in Doork East have expressed the desire to see more quality apes moving into the district. If we see cabins being run down and apes are not paying too much attention to their property, it might be that they will find a letter in their mailbox with a picture of a dynamite stick, the number 2500 and the word “sell now?”.

If they don’t contact our office asking to list the cottages for 2500 the same day, they might find that a dynamite stick will go off in their outhouse at 3AM. Next day, they might find a new letter with two dynamite sticks, the number 2000, and the words ‘’SELL NOW?”. A few times we have gotten sales as low as 200, boy we certainly heard a loud bang that night! By that time, the apes usually crawl in smelling awfully bad and shaking violently. They are then very eager to sign the sales contract. Quite often they are in an awful hurry to leave afterwards. We get a small commission, the apes move to West Brud, South Zam or somewhere far off and we get some new quality apes moving in. The way I see it, it’s a win for all!”

Shaking his head Ramsey looked up with a sad expression “Those poor apes, that sounds horrible! Are you blasting their outhouse with dynamite?”

“Oh no, I would never do such a thing of course, but we are sponsoring the dynamite guild of Gictus and

their annual beer drinking competition. The letters and dynamite are purely coincidental. No relation to us, no one can prove anything!”

“I see, anything else you want to add to the real estate update?”

“It’s fair weather all around, nothing major to report. We did have a successful campaign In Brotaw before the summer. The nice letter with the skull and crossbones certainly seemed to help. Just look at the number of properties for sale up there. Haha, they sure could use an agent like good old

Osmin to shake thing around in that area, but that is their problem not mine”.

Ramsey proceeded to thank Osmin for the update, shook his hand and left his office. By the front door the mail had just arrived. Three boxes with the

warning “CAREFUL: EXPLOSIVES” were stacked neatly in front of the door. The return address seemed to indicate that it came from Gictus. “Purely coincidental….” Ramsey thought as he wandered back to the DE Magazine headquarters.

Ramsey Castillo, Osmin Baldwin.

Illustration: Amans Best

Curious characters of Doork East

Author: Toggen

Doork East has a wide variety of famous Apes. Some would also argue that a few of the Doork Apes fall under the category of infamous. Very few, if any, fall under both categories at the same time. The exception to this would have to be Crépin Wright, who has a complicated rise to fame within the Doork East community. Today, we will take a closer look at the background of this unfortunate Ape and shed some light on his path to failure and success.

Crépin Wright was always interested in science and how to apply it practically to make the world a better place. As a young Ape he would spend most of his afternoons deeply engulfed in books ranging from mathematics, natural science and engineering principles. He felt that all Apes should strive for a better community, and that teamwork was the best solution to advance Ape civilization. When in school, Crépin Wright would always invent games for the other Apes to play during recess. He would study techniques for making vegetables and fruit grow bigger and share the harvest with his classmates. The only problem that Crépin Wright had, was that he could not concentrate on one subject for a long time. He was constantly going from one book to the next and one subject to the other. This unfortunately resulted in him only remembering about 90% of what he read, leading to some very unfortunate consequences later in his life.

Having finished school with top grades, Crépin Wright went on to buy a cabin in Doork East. He would fill it from floor to ceiling with manuscripts, books and countless studies that he had performed during his younger years. At this point in his life, he was completely sure that his calling was to invent new applications and contraptions for the good of all Apes. It did, however, not take long for him to realize that inventing things does not pay there and

then. $SOCIETY would only be paid out after the inventions were complete. His continuous depleting stock of bananas was a sober reminder that good intentions do not pay the bills.

Fortunately for Crépin Wright, it had been an unusually cold winter in Doork East and most of the Apes had been freezing their fur off in their poorly insulated cabins. To make sure that the Apes were prepared for the next period of cold weather, the acting district assistant mayor of Doork East had proposed to issue a prize of 10000 $SOCIETY for the best solution to this problem. Crépin Wright immediately started working on this issue while dreaming of helping his fellow Apes. The prize was also a great motivation, as that much $SOCIETY would supply him with food and books for several years to come. Having great knowledge in all aspects of science, Crépin Wright quickly mixed a brew of various chemicals. The substance would remain liquid when slightly heated, but when applied to surfaces it would very quickly set and create an airtight seal. Trying it out in his own cabin yielded extremely good results. No draft came through and the surroundings felt nice and warm.

Feeling proud of his achievement, Crépin Wright invited the acting district assistant mayor and other apes from the district to marvel at his invention. It only took a few minutes before the delegation realized that they had a winner. Crépin Wright was awarded a check for his effort and the acting district assistant mayor commissioned him to make 300 barrels of the insulation for distribution around the district. Now ecstatic that his work had finally paid off, the order was completed within a few days. The acting district assistant mayor had ordered that the cabins of Manor Lane would be the first to receive the insulation treatment. Crépin Wright was to oversee the job and he started the

Crépin Wright.

Illustration: Tranter Roberts

task at hand with great enthusiasm. The whole of Manor Lane was set up within hours and all the Apes in the street cheered on the work of Crépin Wright.

Exhausted from the effort he went home that evening to relax and celebrate. As most Apes do when commemorating, Crépin Wright lit a cigar and poured a glass of Whiskey. Just as some embers from his cigar flew off and hit the wall, a large explosion was heard several streets away. After the smoke and debris had settled Crépin Wright was standing in a pile where his cabin used to be, cigar in hand and a puzzled expression on his face. After regaining composure, he quickly deduced that something might have been off with the insulation and that Manor Lane might have the same problem that he faced. He quickly rushed down to see if he could stop the potential disaster, but unfortunately, he was too late. All the other Apes were having the same cigar idea and now most of the cabins in the street had vanished in a series of explosions.

Crépin Wright was shattered, he only wanted to help but had ended up making a whole street of apes homeless. The acting district assistant mayor was outraged, and the wider crowd of Apes was furiously upset. Crépin Wright was arrested on charges of gross incompetence but was only held in custody for two days. It turned out that some Fraggod East Apes had examined the material and found it to be of exceptional quality for use in their mines. They were so pleased with it that they offered to pay 10000 $SOCIETY per barrel. With the huge profits, all the Apes in Manor Lane received new and improved cabins and the whole district made a ton of money. When released Crépin Wright was given a parade and a medal from the district. All charges were dropped, and he could go back to his inventions.

Sadly, the $SOCIETY he had saved was needed for rebuilding his own cabin, and he could not remember how he made the explosives as the trauma from being sent to prison had made him forget the manufacturing process. This left both the Fraggod apes and the acting district assistant mayor very disappointed. Being broke, he needed new ideas. Fortunately, he never lacked imagination and quickly came up with an idea that he thought would bring some much needed joy back to the district. Everyone needed a good drink now and again, but what if he came up with a special drink that made you feel even

more happy? Well, he had studied countless books on botany and knew well the medicinal effects of herbs, so he came up with a great new recipe. If he mixed vodka with fermented fish oil, wormwood, crab apples and some beeswax, it was sure to do the trick. He made a few samples, and the effect was better than he anticipated. He was giddy and happy and was ready to brew a larger batch. Upon gathering the needed wormwood and the crab apples, he noticed that quite a lot of flies and other bugs were nibbling on his stock. Quickly, he mixed some ingredients and sprayed the stock to solve these problems. At that time, he didn’t know that it would completely alter the composition of his brew and have disastrous effects on the final product.

Three big barrels of the vodka brew had been completed and Crépin Wright invited some of the apes in Brown Avenue to sample his wares. It was quite easy to get volunteers for this task, and a good group of about twenty apes had gathered in Crépin Wright’s back yard. Drinks were handed out and cups were raised as the apes drank down the brew. At first, they seemed very happy and relaxed, but no more than five minutes after the first ape had gulped down the drink, he started some violent retching. First one ape and then shortly after all the apes were doubled over in pain on the ground. Crépin Wright, who had not sampled the drink, yelled for someone to call the ambulance cart. The cart came shortly after along with the police cart. Crépin Wright was now again thrown into prison where he was charged with poisoning and attempted murder.

As luck would have it, again the prison sentence was short lived. Just a week after being sent to his cell a cheering ape turned the key and told Crépin Wright that he was free to leave. Outside the prison all the poisoned apes stood applauding his release. It turned out that when they examined the area of the retching all the weeds had completely vanished. When pouring the stuff on another weed it immediately seemed to disappear. The Apes had then been able to sell the remaining 3 barrels to local farmers for an absurd amount of money and were as happy as ever. Before parting, Crépin Wright was given a medal by the Brown apes for his efforts. Naturally, they asked if he could make some more as they sensed a good business opportunity, but due to trauma from the prison sentence, Crépin Wright had forgotten the composition of his weed killing mix and was unable

to reproduce. It was at this time Crépin Wright would get his nickname that would be very well known across Doork East: “Dangerous Wright genius”.

It seemed now that this pattern would repeat time and time again for poor Crépin Wright. Every time he thought of an invention, it would lead to disaster for him but enrich others. When the Doorks had problems with their oranges rotting before they could export, he would come up with a chemical to keep them ripe. By mistake he managed to pump in a huge amount of liquid sugar instead, and the oranges tasted exceptionally good. Apes from all districts rushed to secure their share, but after some time when apes in several districts developed diabetes, they sued Crépin Wright and off to prison he went again. Of course, the farmers of Doork East had made so much money that they managed to bail him out and give him a medal for his efforts.

The same thing happened when a mole infestation afflicted the farms. Crépin Wright would come up with an elaborate system of valves and pumps to flush out the moles from their burrows. Unfortunately, the pump system worked so well that moles were sent flying all the way to Burroont. The surrounding fields were flooded with water damaging the farmers’ crops. After being sent to prison again, the farmers found out that if you just removed the

pump and sent water through the system, irrigation was extremely much more efficient than before, resulting in a much higher crop yield. Again, it was a bail out and a medal.

The most well-known invention of Crépin Wright can be seen displayed in the University of Doork East at Birkbeck Avenue. The military officers had commissioned someone to come up with a durable lightweight armor for use in combat. As per usual, Crépin Wright had lost a vial of powder in the alloy mix with the result that the armor shrank when in contact with body heat. The poor Ape who tried the armor on almost suffocated after the outfitting. Fortunately, they managed to pry the Ape out of the armor by greasing him up with a cartload of butter. After the ordeal when they tried to demolish the armor, it seemed that it was completely indestructible. Of course, Poor Crépin Wright did not recall what the alloy contained so they could never replicate it again, but now the armor is placed on display in the university for emergency use.

So, if you happen to see Crépin Wright around, it is recommended to have a chat with him but commission his service at your own risk. If history is any indication for future events, you might regret using this curious Ape’s inventions.

Illustration: Upwind Strategy

The origin of

APE TAPE and the Venerable Théo Edwards

Author: Toggen

In a modest estate on Martin Lane, a modest ape spends most of his time. More precisely, the address is 96 Martin Lane, and the name of the ape is Théo Edwards...

By profession, Théo is a craftsman. Mild mannered as he is, he can be seen smiling and humming tunes while tinkering with small projects throughout the day. When a customer comes by, he always has time to sit down for a cup of coffee or a good cigar and discuss the events of the day. Some might think of Théo as somewhat slow or dim-witted, but this is not truly the case. Owing to events earlier in his life where a curious Théo ventured too close to an alien craft and mysteriously got frozen solid into a block of ice, the ape now has his good days and his bad days.

Regardless of mental state though, he keeps his calm demeanor and is well-liked in the community. The refined apes of the central district appreciate his attention to detail and will risk the trek up to Martin Lane to procure his signature pool tables. Even the Brotaw apes from up north get along with Edwards as he has been their number one provider of quality wooden baseball bats for ages.

It was not Théo Edwards’ daily life of calmly creating furniture in Doork East that would give him his claim to fame, but rather some strange series of events that would turn out to be very fortunate for the venerable ape. Not long ago, a visitor, Knox de Balboa, had a skirmish with the residents down at Brown Avenue. Without going into too many details, the ape was

released from prison and wanted to explore Doork East further.

Between Melendez Way and Holly Hill Avenue, Knox De Balboa stumbled upon what looked like an ancient entrance to a cave system leading beneath the district. Eagerly, the ape told the locals about his discovery and was immediately warned by the alien apes not to venture into the caverns to further explore. As the aliens would not give a clear reason for staying out, Knox did not heed the warning and set off with torch in hand to see what he could find.

Not long after entering the hollow, he was stopped by a group of alien apes calling themselves “The Greens”. This was all they were saying as they appeared to be from somewhere distant and did not master the common language too well. Forcefully, Knox was carried outside and held captive. “The Greens” would not let him go and pointed at their wrecked flying craft. It seemed they wanted Knox to fix it for them. Being an explorer, he tried to explain that they needed a craftsman to mend the ship, but it seemed he was not able to make them understand.

At the time, Théo Edwards was taking a stroll on his day off and was wandering in the direction of Victoria Grove. There he aimed to sit in the central park, feasting on a fine meal of roast beef and some cold beverages. His plans did not come to fruition, though, as he happened to walk straight into the group of “The Greens” close to Melendez Way.

Seeing Knox furiously waving his arms trying to make the aliens understand, Théo walked up to the group, smiled and asked calmly what the problem was.

Seeing Théo Edwards, Knox was immediately relieved and told the whole story of the caverns and the now apparent fragmented ship. Being an able craftsman, Théo walked closer to the ship to assess the damage. He took his time looking while walking around the craft and singing a slow tune.

“The Greens” seemed confused by this attitude but did not intervene. Three songs and half a cigar later Théo was done with his assessment. He slowly walked back to Knox and explained that the main problem

Théo Edwards

was that the propeller shaft had been fractured. As it was not stiff enough, it would not generate the required thrust to power the ship. Théo explained that if he had all his tools with him, it should be an easy fix. Unfortunately, he did not have anything except his good mood, so it was difficult to help out with the situation. Dejected by this answer, Knox loudly shouted out that he would give anything for a vendor to show up with the required tooling. Knox slumped to the ground and thought he would be stuck there for a long time.

Only seconds later, a cart magically pulled out from behind the corner. It was driven by local merchant Garfield Ventucci. He rolled up next to the apes and quickly presented all his wares. On top of the cart a huge sign proclaimed that everything was on sale, 50% off, but the prices on the items seemed extortionately high. Having no time or interest in haggling with Ventucci, Théo browsed through the wares to look for items suitable for fixing the broken shaft.

A song later, Théo’s head emerged from the stall as he triumphantly held up a roll of tape and grinned towards all the bystanding apes. A confident Théo now walked towards the shaft and wrapped the tape around it, securing it well to the ship. He motioned to Knox and “The Greens” with a thumbs up and encouraged them to power the ship to see if it was working. Quickly, “The Greens” jumped onboard and started working. The craft began to make loud humming noises and the shaft started to turn.

For a minute it looked like everything was going according to plan, but the torque of the shaft was just too much for the emergency repair. It started to wobble, and Théo shook his head and motioned for “The Greens” to shut it down. It was now obvious that the tape was just not strong enough.

“The Greens” were now wildly looking around and Knox tried to hide his gaze away from the apes. Théo, however, seemed completely relaxed and walked back over to the Ventucci cart to look for further supplies. This time it took two songs before his head again appeared over the edge of the cart. He was able to

locate pine tree resin, coffee grounds, and cinnamon. Mixing these together into a epoxy mixture, Théo applied the substance to the tape fabric and went back to the ship’s shaft. After the epoxy had set, he motioned “The Greens” again to start up.

They did as they were told, and this time it seemed that the repair held up. Théo smiled and this time gave two thumbs up to a now more hopeful Knox. “The Greens” gave a strange cacophony and started pointing at Théo. “Ape, Ape, Ape” and then after some time “Tape, Tape, Tape”. As “the Greens” were jumping up and down the words “Ape Tape” were heard in unison. Before leaving “The Greens” made some serious looking faces and sealed both entrances to the caves before flying off.

Just as quickly as the aliens were gone, Théo and Knox saw that the Ventucci ape also seemed to have vanished without a trace. When they checked their pockets, they realized that 50% of their money was missing. Relieved that the situation was resolved, Knox shook Théo’s hand warmly and wished him all the best for the future. Théo waved him off and was left alone in the street with the substance in one hand and the tape in the other. He smiled to himself and started walking back to his quiet little estate in Martin Lane.

Since the encounter with the aliens, Théo Edwards has been making lots and lots of his now-patented Ape tape. It is known as the strongest tape in The Ape Society and is sold in all the districts. Théo has made quite a good heap of $SOCIETY from the venture, but it has not affected him in the least. He still walks around in his workshop singing his songs while making the custom pool tables and baseball bats while smiling and chatting to all visitors and passersby. It’s a good life for old Théo Edwards.

The passageway under The Ape Society is closed and there are no open gates to enter. Who were “The Greens”? What did the Doork East aliens know of the caverns? What is hidden under the central area of Doork East? Will it be ever known?

TASPI and Doork Staking

Author: Toggen

One of the pillars of blockchain technology is decentralization. To make sure that the Cardano network is kept safe and decentralized, the community has been very vocal when it comes to supporting smaller stake pools and single pool operators. Specifically, The Ape Society, through its DAO, has voted that a set percentage of its native token, $SOCIETY, shall be distributed to those who stake with a set list of smaller stake pools. When one of these stake pools opted to center its operations in Doork East we were both surprised and honored to have them with us. In this article we will be looking at TASPI as a whole and explore the inner workings of the DOORK stake pool run by apes Théo Best and Spencer Smith.

What is TASPI?

TASPI (The Ape Society Pool Initiative) was started as a proposal in The Ape Society DAO where the aim was twofold. Helping decentralization and smaller pool operators attract stake, and to increase visibility of The Ape Society to a greater audience. The proposal was voted through with a great majority being in favor. After the vote, pool operators were petitioned to join the The Ape Society discord to learn more about the project and get to know the community. Filing out a Google Docs form would get the interested pools in the race. In the end, seven pools were chosen to be part of the initiative. The winning pools were Cardanistas (CARDS), Allincrypto (ALLIN), Quixote Dream Pool (QXT), Alamo Stakepool (ALAM0), Doork Staking (DOORK), TSC Stake pool (TSC) and Nerd Stake Pool (NERD).

Part of the incentive for joining TASPI was that the selected pools would be able to distribute $SOCIETY to their stakers. A portion of the total token allocation from The Ape Society side would be set aside to reward stakers to these pools. It is important to remember that the TASPI initiative

does not require you to hold any apes or cabins, it works just like any other stake pool on Cardano where you delegate your coins and earn ADA rewards each epoch as normal. The only difference for stakers is that you will be able to

earn $SOCIETY on top of normal ADA staking rewards. You can claim your $SOCIETY after the epoch is complete at DripDropz.io. At time of writing $SOCIETY will roll over across seven epochs, meaning your rewards will not disappear if you forget to claim them once in a while.

By supporting the TASPI pools, you are also supporting one of the most important missions of Cardano, decentralization. Leaving your ADA on exchanges or with large multi-pool operators gives more power to centralized entities. That is something we should try to avoid in order to further the Cardano ethos. Two of the smallest pools in TASPI have also taken up residence in the lovely district of Doork East. The pools are Alamo and DOORK. As Doorks. We would love to see these pools gain traction and receive

more support from the community. Specifically, DOORK staking pool has not only bought property in Doork East but even moved their entire operation to the central south side of the district. Below we will explore how the apes Théo Best and Spencer Smith came to run their stake pool from the best district in TAS.

It was an exciting day. Théo Best was standing in his cabin at Sutherland Place, firmly fixating on his mirror image. It had to look perfect, the attire, the bells, the colorful hat. He had been preparing for this day for weeks now. It was the annual robot Morris dancing fair of Doork East. All the

Illustration: Théo Best

major robots from the larger districts were coming. This year, Théo had been upgrading his most prized instrument, his accordion. He had managed to make it sound more metallic, and was sure the movers and shakers in the Morris dancing league would be very impressed. At heart, Théo was an artist. He loved playing instruments and dancing, but ever since he was a small ape, he had been extremely fascinated by his robot origin. It was therefore not too surprising that he was always trying to make things just a little better through technological improvements. In fact, when he was not working, he could usually be found in the workshop with his best friend Spencer Smith.

Spencer did not share Théo’s interest in Morris dancing, or any dancing for that matter. He was most content when playing around with old relics that he had been collecting from the aliens and robots. Metal parts, wires and consoles. Advanced parts that could be tinkered with and upgraded. Of course, most of this technology was unknown to the apes, but together Théo and Spencer had been able to find some interesting components. One of these was a magnetic part that, when fastened to Théo’s head, would make some static sounds and emit faint voices. Both the apes were very proud of this discovery, and as such Théo would wear this device when going Morris dancing.

At last content with his outfit, Théo was jumping away, bells ringing, towards the fair at Victoria Grove. He had to move fast, as some heavy winds were sweeping over the central parts of Doork East. A storm was approaching, and it would not be good to soak his accordion before arriving at the fair. With a fast pace and some more ringing of bells he arrived without incident and received a brotherly welcome by his fellow robot apes.

Unfortunately, the good mood for the robots would not last. Shortly after arrival, each of the Morris dancers were handed metal sticks and would then proceed to rehearse their new dance by moving in circles around the flagpole in the backyard of the fairground. This was done with all the apes touching the pole with their sticks. Disaster struck as the flagpole was hit by a bolt of lightning, scattering the robot apes around and short circuiting them all. Apes were strewn everywhere. Some were shaking violently, while others were flailing their arms and legs uncontrollably.

Poor Théo was also part of the carnage, but something strange happened while he was laying there helpless, waiting for assistance. The device he had planted on his head started making sounds. Clear sounds. Théo couldn’t move, so all he could do was to lay still and listen. The sounds were telling him about blockchains, about Cardano and how to set up a staking pool. He was told that it was of utmost importance

for the stability of the system that he understood what to do. He was told exactly what he needed, how to set up a pool and that he needed to attract stakers to make blocks.

This message was repeated again and again. After some time, Théo would remember each word by heart and was convinced this message was for him specifically and that it was his mission to act on it. Some 48 hours later, all the robots had received service and were back to themselves. The sounds in Théo’s head were slowly fading as he came back to himself. After gathering his things, he quickly ran out from the fairground. He needed to tell Spencer about this amazing experience as soon as possible.

Sometime later, Théo and Spencer had managed to set up

operations in their workshop at Taylor Avenue. Spencer had been told about the device and the strange messages and was very much in favor of helping his dear friend set up his staking pool. Due to the collection of rare and exotic wares that Spencer had accumulated over the years, the two apes managed to find the exact parts they needed to set up the pool. The one thing that was missing was the delegation part. The two apes did not really know how to best approach this concept, but Théo had heard in the messages that delegators would earn $SOCIETY by doing so.

Both apes agreed that other apes would very much be interested in earning money, so the best way to do things would be to advertise. Being a craftsman, Spencer made a nice big wooden sign that they hung up over their workshop.

“Earn $SOCIETY today, delegate to our staking pool and receive great rewards” The sign looked nice as it was gleaming in the sunlight towards the street. The letters were big and white, so it was easy for bystanders to spot. Not long after the sign had been erected a small gathering of apes had accumulated outside. They were discussing among themselves and scratching their heads as they pointed towards the workshop. Soon after, the group seemed to scatter rather quickly, and the street was empty again.

In hindsight both Théo and Spencer realized that the communication on the advertisement could have been somewhat clearer. The problem was that no other ape had heard of a blockchain other than the old relic up at Kingswood Road. They knew even less about delegation.

Illustration: Théo Best

What happened was that the morning after the apes had congregated outside the workshop, they returned knocking loudly at the door. The first ape had dragged along a big barbecue and a sack of coal thinking that they had made a small spelling error and needed help cooking meat. Behind him was a group of apes carrying shovels asking loudly where they wanted their pool dug out. There was even a donkey cart in the road with lots of stakes demanding money for delivering stakes for a garden fence.

When three more apes showed up at the backdoor wearing swimming pants and plungers, the two poor apes closed both doors and windows to escape the commotion. Both Théo and Spencer were clever apes, but they were not too sure how they should handle this situation. After some internal discussion and deliberation, they figured that if they would just wait inside the cabin for long enough all the apes would probably become bored and leave. At that point they could remove the sign and try a different approach. Sitting inside the closed cabin working on their stake pool and other odd jobs, the apes could hear the noise of the group outside. The racket continued long into the night and eventually the two apes fell asleep at their desks. Walking up the next morning, Théo noticed that everything was quiet. He nudged Spencer awake and carefully proceeded to open the back door. The apes seemed to have disappeared, but what they saw shocked them both. A pool filled with water, and even a diving board had appeared in their backyard. A small patio had been built next to the pool where a barbecue had been assembled with what looked like brick and mortar. Around the pool a big red fence had been erected and painted in rather nice red and white colors.

Théo and Spencer were puzzled and walked close to the pool. To their horror they found a big pile of paper lodged under a stone by the barbecue. It contained several rather large invoices for everything from transport of goods, digging of the pool, mason work, paintbrushes and test meat for barbecue. The total amount of the invoices was close to 10000 $SOCIETY. It seemed the two pool operators now had to quickly round up some money to pay for the new luxuries in their backyard. Their effort to get apes to stake to their pool had only gotten them in debt. Where should they get the money to pay for this? Maybe you can help Théo and Spencer? Please consider staking to DOORK staking pool to help the dedicated apes pay their bills so they don’t have to sell their cabin.

ALIEN BUSINESS MODEL

Author: Toggen

W heat and tobacco production are the primary industries of the Sky View Avenue agricultural scene. The hills and fields make it an ideal place for growing crops. As a means of diversification, some Apes have taken inspiration from the farmers over at Gictus and have elected to keep cattle over growing crops.

For a time, the farmers have been quite content at selling their cattle over at the neighboring district markets for a good Society return.

However, curious events of late have been causing confusion and complaints from the farmers.

Florimond Brown, Charles de Medici, Ansley Lavigne, Hunter Castillo. Illustration: Amans Best

It’s no secret that the aliens are behind the problems. About once a week, a scruffy looking craft can be seen hovering over the fields before projecting a beam down to the turf below. Some coughing from the engines and some squeaking from the cogs and swoosh, the hapless cows are sucked into the craft.

Before flying off, the aliens beam down a note that reads “Sorry for the cow. This note is good for one cow equivalent of Society once the business is set up and running!”

The cattle farmers were able to pin the location of the aliens to the east side of Brown Avenue and had several times tried to reason with them and get their remuneration sorted out, but to no avail.

A local farmer, Mr. Olin Maddock, said this: “We went over to the aliens after we tracked down their craft. We were met with the strangest sight. It looked like the aliens had some sort of party, but they did not look particularly happy. Four of them were sitting in a hot tub that had a strange pink glow to it. Several billboards with odd slogans were pinned on posts around the area. When we asked for our money that they owed us, they told us to bugger off. They said they were working on a business plan, and that they had been studying ape eating patterns.

Apparently, the aliens had run out of money due to the high maintenance fee of their flying crafts. Now they were going to start up a business involving cows, glowing pink liquids and a good slogan. After they had conjured up an idea, we would get our money back as well as an exclusive deal on supplying more cows. Of course, we were not content with the situation as IOU’s don’t pay our bills, but what could we do? I mean, the aliens are scary looking, and who knows what they can do to a simple farmer ape!”

The aliens seemed to be inspired by fellow alien Florimond Brown’s soup venture. Money could no doubt be made supplying sustenance to fellow hungry apes, but it remained to be seen if the market and product research of the alien apes would result in something substantial or if it would turn out to be a complete flop.

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENTS

Authors: Toggen & @sve_son

New restaurant

Join us at our new restaurant in Wright Buildings’ central square! The Brown SoupGalactic taste sensations will have its grand opening one month from now. Marvel at the best tastes of the universe and experience out-of-thisworld service. All survivors will receive a 20% discount on subsequent visits. This restaurant will literally blow you into space.

- Florimond Brown-Soup specialist

Join the revolution Aliens! They are everywhere and they are here to harvest our brains! They want to track us and enslave us. We need to stand up and find out what they are doing. Join Doork East Association of Terrestrial Hazards (DEATH) today to be part of a revolution. All new members will receive free Apetember beer and sausages when joining an alien protest. They can’t stand many colors. Birds are in the rock. Fish fly through grass. Contact Alvin Best in South Zam Street for details on recruitment.

- Alvin Best Chairman and head fruit basket of DEATH

Yard sale

Yard sale at Betton Street! Need new chairs for your cabins? Here at the Military Officer’s depot we have all kinds of models and brands. Stock is overflowing and everything must go! From 20-80% off retail prices. Wholesale or retail. We welcome all customers! No looting from fellow Military officers please, they will only end up in the same place. Contact Brinley Baldwin for good prices!

- Brinley Baldwin, Military officer Luxury items Brown Avenue Classics specializes in top hats, offering the largest collection of antique silk hats in the ape world. Antique silk top hats are considered the pinnacle of beauty and elegance because of their impressive shine, shape and lightness, which is second to none. Made from a unique De’ Medici silk plush with a long nap, it has a beautifully polished look we recognize

today. The looms that made this fabric are no longer in existence and general production has ceased. As a result, those in a pristine condition or a larger size can be very rare and fetch higher prices. All hats are supplied with a complimentary BAC Doorks top hat box and velvet polishing pad. Come visit our luxury boutique on Brown Street in the Doorks. Our proprietor, Bray Green is frequently on-site to welcome weary patrons and share cigars and whiskey in our luxury cabin lounge.

- Brown Avenue Classics “infinite vault”

Letter of complaint from the Mayor’s office in Fraggod East

To whom it may concern, It pains me to write this complaint to the otherwise fine Apes of Doork East, but recent events have made some serious complications for the productiveness of our miner workers at Rowan Terrace and Williams Place. After the crop fire last week at Manor Lane, the winds have been blowing south, making any and all progress in the open pit mines

close to impossible due to the fumes. Some of our miners are giggling all the time while pointing at each other, while the majority are climbing to the highest points trying to inhale as much of the fumes as possible. I implore our dear neighbors in Doork East to either grow different kinds of crops close to the Fraggod East borders, or move the fire department from Victoria Grove closer to our border.

- Mining corporation of Fraggod East and Addison

Cortes, Fraggod East Mayor

feet in diameter, no ape can get in to see what is causing this anomaly. Lowering ropes down to see how deep they are has yielded no results. They seem to go on forever. The fire department urges apes in the areas to be careful and vigilant when walking close, as they have no idea what is causing this for the time being.

- Doork East Mayor’s office

for the next few days. He reluctantly remembers the great storm last year after which king Monet’s crown was found on the spire of the church.

- Wesley Taylor, Professor of meteorology, DE University

Unusual series of burglaries in Doork East

Cabin refurbishment

Need your cabin refurbished? Looking for new and exciting furniture? Well, look no further. Contact Wheaton Brown of 65 Scrubbs Lane, Tasama City for consultation today! All your interior design and decorating worries will be taken care of. Best service guaranteed at reasonable rates!

Wheaton Brown, Bespoke

Furnishings, Tasama City

Potholes

Apes from Mason Court all the way down to South Zam Street have reported potholes to the district fire department the last few days. The holes are appearing suddenly and sometimes smoke is emanating from within. Since the holes only appear to be approx 1

Public apology from Blade Wilson

I would humbly like to apologize for causing such a mess with the marbles at Walnut Street a couple of months back. When seeing the public announcement in DE magazine issue 1 I felt really bad for the poor ape who were stuck in the outhouse.

As I also filled your jam jars with laxatives, I will suggest giving him a few teaspoons of that, it should sort out the first problem.

- Blade Wilson, Prankster and craftsman

Weather Forecast

Gray clouds are gathering over Doork East. It smells like a big storm is coming. Experts warn not to leave the house. The esteemed professor of meteorology at DE University is baffled as it defies his predictions. Everyone is advised to stock up on bananas, cigars and whiskey and stay at home

For quite some time now, cases of burglaries have been taking place in our beautiful Doork East. Independently, several witnesses reported seeing two figures near the crime scenes. The merchant Clair Ventucci said he spotted a suspicious duo of an ape accompanied by a raccoon walking across the marketplace early Saturday morning with large filled bags on their backs. According to unconfirmed rumors, small cards were left at the crime scenes. This information has not yet been officially confirmed by the Doork East police department. But our sources, who wish to remain anonymous, have leaked one of these cards to us. For any information, please contact the police department!

- Pell Baldwin

DOORKY QUESTIONS

The Doork East University at Birkbeck Road is stocked to the brim with manuscripts, books, tomes and parchments containing everything from old Doork history to important lore.

One late evening a very eager but unfortunate young student was intensely studying different aspects of the rich history of our district. Disaster struck at 4am when the misfortunate ape

fell asleep in the main hall of the library.

Generally, this would not pose a big problem, but at the time he was busy smoking a rather impressive stogy. The result was that the ape fell on his desk, cigar in mouth, setting fire to certain important documents.

The next day Chancellor Brent Monet called in all the senior professors for an urgent meeting

Author: Toggen

Dorkness contest

to assess the damage. The consensus was that the damaged documents were now unreadable and regrettably the information was lost from the university records. After much discussion in the group, the conclusion was that new records had to be written, but they would need to consult the wise residents of Doork East to get the correct answers. A bounty of 12.000 $SOCIETY was set aside for assuring that the general public would show up and help the University with the task at hand.

The questions posed to the public were as follows:

1. Why is there a powerful electric field around that big machine the aliens built on Holly Hill Avenue?

2. Why do apes at Kingswood Road climb on top of their cabins each summer solstice and yell “We see you from up here!”

3. What made the clock museum at Melendez way such a great landmark for the Doorks?

4. What makes the Wheat taste so much Wheatier in Doork East?

5. Why do Apes at Regent Place have an annual beard and top hat festival during winter?

The feedback from the Doork East community was phenomenal. In total, 51 answers came in by mail to the university. To the puzzlement of the professors, they saw that there were vastly different answers to each question, and of course this posed a new problem.

The professors carefully read through all the proposals and did some reference checking to other lore from the district. After many weeks the results were in, and they could proudly present the winning answers to the public.

To further involve the Doork apes, the University would let the community vote for the best answer. First place would be 6000 $SOCIETY, second place 3000, and the rest would be shared by the other contestants. Up until the last moment there was a three-way tie, and to the amazement of the professors one of the winners voted against himself to give the winnings to his competition.

It warmed the hearts of all professors to see such selfless behaviors from the Doork East residents. It shows that the apes in the district look after each other, and that makes Doork East the best place in TAS.

NFT: Voltaire Mars

Illustration: Amans Best & Tranter Roberts

The winning contributions

1. Why is there a powerful electric field around that big machine the aliens built on Holly Hill Avenue?

If you ask any alien, they will say “What

electric field? I don’t know what you’re talking about... hey look over there!” and then the aliens would run into the forest. But we all know that the electric field is protecting their underground brewery, where they make beer

that not only makes you light-headed and dizzy but can help you communicate with other worlds. The aliens are VERY protective of this beer because they don’t want it to get into the hands of a mischievous ape that will only use this communication method to prank call other worlds, asking if “their refrigerator is running”

etc. The aliens know that if this occurs, other worlds may start an interstellar war out of sheer annoyance.

@Sanford Ford Tied 2nd place 2000 $SOCIETY

2. Why do apes at Kingswood Road climb on top of their cabins each summer solstice and yell “We see you from up here!”

The summer solstice in DE marks a significant time of the year. For many Apes in DE, it’s a day of leisure, a day to be outside and enjoy the summer air. The streets from Victoria Grove down to South Zam Street are abuzz with Apes enjoying the evening markets and fried banana treats filling the air with its sweet aroma! Now up North in Kingswood Road, well one would be very confused if you were new to the district. For as the rest of the Doorks down South are enjoying the festivities that seem to linger each summer solstice, the Doorks up North experience is more immersive and intense for somehow the air around Kingswood Road smells and feels different this time of the year. There have been many Théories on why this happens, but for the residents at Kingswood Road they have found that climbing to higher ground allows them to communicate with these unknown forces that pass each year through the district. Each year, in what seems to be a fleeting moment of clarity, the Apes have been able to communicate on some strange level and with time not only was the communication verbal, but it’s rumored that the unknown forces become more comfortable and revealed themselves. This excited the Apes and you would hear them shouting from atop their cabins “We see you from up here”.

@Cryptolady First Place and winner 6000 $SOCIETY

Ansley Lavigne. Illustration: Upwind Strategy

The Doork East Museum of Timekeeping was started by accident. A skilled furniture specialist created a beautiful series of large mahoganycased timers, in the form of full and half-height

grandfather clocks that counted backwards. Word was slowly getting around that these were coming to market, and a significant interest was growing from potential customers, keen to display these in their homes and places of work. After a few months, around 30 of these had taken pride of place inside cabins across the district, and demand for new orders was escalating at an unprecedented scale. The levels

3. What made the clock museum at Melendez way such a great landmark for the Doorks?

of interest that these devices were generating soon reached the unwanted attention of the upper echelons of society, and it was feared military officers would imminently be dispatched to commandeer them. A plan was devised to place them into hiding in a remote corner of the map where they could be safe from any looting. So it was, one cold evening, under the cover of darkness, the clocks were carefully carried one

by one through the streets to a secret location, well hidden from prying eyes. What hadn’t been anticipated was the collective levels of noise generated by multiple timepieces all whirring away together at a single location that had little soundproofing. Environmental health was called to investigate complaints from residents who couldn’t sleep due to a “relentless cacophony of hourly chimes and whirring gears”. It didn’t take long for dissent to spread, and the town council were forced into action as more and more irate residents deluged the postal service with complaints. To uphold the peace, a bylaw was enacted that stipulated clocks could make no noise between 11pm and 7am These regulations represented a serious problem for the owners, as these clocks by virtue of the fact they were counting backwards, didn’t follow a traditional 24-hour cycle. In fact, they had no awareness of any time at all, they purely counted backwards from today’s date. Any non-compliant device was to be destroyed within 30 days. By this time there were several hundred of these clocks in circulation, including various counterfeit and other low-cost unauthorized replicas that had found their way onto the market. Something had to be done fast. A campaign was started to “save the clocks” and the DE Horology Society was born. Representations to the authorities were made, and a clever outline plan was drawn up to house all the clocks in a single sound-proofed non-residential location, where owners could visit their possessions freely without recrimination. After much wrangling, a venue was chosen, and all the clocks were moved to their current home, arranged gallery-style with the name of the owner and month of purchase proudly inscribed below on a brass plaque. Today the Melendez Way Clock Museum holds the finest collection of backwardcounting clocks on the map, and is a hugely popular attraction visited regularly by owners, enthusiasts and admirers alike.

Tranter Roberts Tied 2nd place 2000 $SOCIETY

Garfield Castillo. Illustration: Upwind Strategy

4. What makes the Wheat taste so much Wheatier in Doork East?

Because all other wheat stems from the original wheat strains which are sourced from Doork East. Doork East’s wheat is the wheatiest because it’s the original wheat.

@Crispy - Doork Staking 5th place 1000 $SOCIETY

5. Why do Apes at Regent Place have an annual beard and top hat festival during winter?

This is to perform a sacred ritual to conjure the mighty and hairy god “Fluff CAPtain” a giant top hat made completely out of hair. Each winter apes will take a single thread from their caps and a single hair from their mustaches and toss them

into a raging bonfire. Together they all recite the sacred phrase “My mustache is too long. It gets in my mouth. My top hat is too tall. Birds keep landing on it.” And sure enough, before their very eyes, Fluff CAPtain appears in the flames. “I’m here to help, my dear friends” he says as bits of ash land on each ape, instantly making their mustaches grow 3x their size and their hats grow 14 feet tall. “Until next year” he mutters as

he vanishes back into the flames. The apes all look at each other in anger “He does this every year, why do we think it’s going to be different each time!? Now my mouth is full of hair and there’s a whole family of birds and 1 mountain goat living on top of my hat” Disappointed, the apes all return to their cabins to hope for a different outcome next year.

@Sanford Ford 4th place 1000 $SOCIETY

Barden Chiesa. Illustration: Upwind Strategy

THE FOUR HORSES OF THE APOCALYPSE!

Author: Toggen

The wheat stalks were swaying in the wind as the sun was setting after a hot day in rural Doork East. The farmers at King Avenue would normally retreat to their cottages for a bite to eat, and maybe sample a glass of fine whiskey to celebrate the end of another hard day in the fields. Little did they know that the events of this evening would be quite out of the ordinary and prove both extremely profitable and somewhat horrifying at the same time.

Dusk had just crept over the outskirts of King Avenue. If any Apes had been present, they would have seen a bright flash of light emanating from the skies above. As the light flickered. A loud noise boomed and then silence fell. What remained was a steady gleam (about seven times seven feet) that hovered slightly above ground. After the initial commotion, something could be seen stepping out of the illumination. A strange sight indeed as four horse-like creatures stepped out of the portal. The creatures were ordinary by no

means – they were filthy rich and bloated with selfimportance and blasé. Their names were Colonel Best, Grifter Drifter, Speed Runner and Doohickey Grafton III (Dohy for short). Their bodies were adorned by all kinds of outlandishly overdone costumes, ranging from jockey uniforms to sparkly disco jackets. Dohy was even wearing goggles and a cowboy hardhat.

Colonel Best, who was first out of the portal, let out a loud neigh and reinstated a grotesquely large cigar between his teeth. “By the good Gods, who would have thought! We made it through!” As he turned around, he stared at the other three horses who looked like they were close to death’s door. Their tongues were hanging out, they were panting feverishly, and their pupils had traveled so far up their heads that only the white could be seen. “Oh, do get a grip of yourselves chaps, it’s only a bit of interstellar travel. Nothing to fret about!” As the other horses started to come back to life again, Speed Runner, a

Credit: @ artbytomass & @Manu_Allegra

rather slim thoroughbred clad in a multicolored jockey uniform, spoke up. “Now that is easy for you to say Colonel, we were stuck behind you, and let me tell you, that rancid kebab you ate at the food challenge reception made a rather extravagant comeback. We nearly perished in there!” The other two horses nodded in agreement and shook their heads to regain clarity. Colonel Best burst out in laughter as he let out the remaining fractions of the kebab. “What you chaps need now is to have some jolly good fun! Let’s see what this place has to offer…. surely there must be somewhere we can entertain ourselves for a few hours?”

“Well, let’s get a move on then” said Grifter Drifter as he pulled out an expensive looking champagne bottle from his pocket. “From what I remember, this blasted portal will go out in less than four hours, I’d rather we not be stuck here for too long! Champagne anyone?” The horses took turns gulping down the expensive bubbles and looked around for something to do. “Say, this place looks rather deserted, ‘’ Dohy said with a frown. “It even seems we must trot ourselves to some sort of civilization. How undignified! Not a lackey in sight!” “Well, if we must, let’s go in style” Grifter Drifter grinned as a foot-long joint was procured from a hidden pocket in his saddlebags. A few minutes later the horses seemed more content with the situation and started trudging along for any sign of life. As luck would have it, the horses saw quite a lot of lights coming from a few cottages further down the field. They could also see what looked like hairy creatures running around outside. “Progress at last! Let us make our presence known to these inferior creatures’’. Dohy was now leading the group as he quickly walked closer to the perceived civilization.

As the horses approached the cottages, it was now clear that the apes in the area had gathered around a bonfire and seemed to have some sort of get-together. A fat pig was roasting on a spit, and several bottles of fine brew were stacked on a table near the fire. From the looks of it, maybe as many as twenty apes were gathered in the area. The four horses walked up to the apes and started introducing themselves in their usual manner. “How very convenient to chance upon this primitive gathering. It is us, the Filthy rich horses. We are here to be entertained!”. The greeting from Dohy didn’t elicit the expected response from the apes, though. A tired looking ape lifted his sombrero and squinted with his eyes, “We don’t have any talking horses in these parts you know, our horses mainly eat hay and run around the fields. By the looks of it you lot belong in a circus and not out here in the districts.” The four horses burst out in simultaneous laughter. “How very unperceptive of you dear Sir. Do not mistake flair and scruff. We only deal in the latest flavors of fashion.” As the horses seemed amused, they each threw some gold coins directly at the sombrero clad ape. The ape jumped up in surprise and seemed to be taken back for a second. That was all it took for the other Apes nearby to realize what was happening. A high-pitched gibber was heard from the sombrero ape just before he ended up under a pile of ten other apes.

After the skirmish had resolved and a few apes had emerged several gold coins richer, the mood in the area had improved significantly. The poor sombrero ape was still laying flat on his back in the mud, but the other apes now curiously approached the horses to see what was going on. Sensing that it was time to make the next move, Speed Runner pulled out a

Credit: @ artbytomass & @Manu_Allegra

huge diamond from his jockey helmet. “It seems you lot fancy these shiny trinkets. I can assure you all that there are lots more where these came from. Let us organize a small shindig, and we will make sure that the trinkets are generously distributed”. As Speed Runner was showing off his diamond to the crowd, the apes were becoming ecstatic, sensing that these strange creatures would turn out to be very profitable in the short term.

In the back of the crowd a blue ape with gold teeth and a Voltaire wig feverishly waved both of his arms. “OOOkk, okk, ogh, what can we do to earn more of these diamonds and gold coins? I want some as well!!!” Speed Runner reached into his pocket, pulled out a random gemstone and pelted it over at the blue Ape. “You already did, my lad. Now, we do not have a lot of time so let us get this event started!” Speed Runner pointed towards random Apes, while generously handing out coins and gems. If there was something the horses knew, it was how to get a good party going. Each ape was responsible for fetching certain items. The horses needed two barrels of whiskey, some buckets of red and blue paint, a bull, a heavy handful of magic mushrooms, four decks of playing cards, a barrel of water and a makeshift small hut. Apart from that, it was encouraged that each ape should try to consume as much alcohol as possible in the shortest amount of time. The apes cheered loudly and went to fetch the items while at the same time emptying all the bottles they could find. The blue ape with the gold teeth and the Voltaire wig had now assumed the role as leader of the Apes. Miraculously they had managed to procure all the items that the horses had requested. Considering the

amount of alcohol already consumed, it was a small miracle. “Heres ya goo Horses. Alls the items are here. Now, whats do we do withs it, ey?” Dohy looked very pleased and started instructing the Apes. “Now lads, what we should do for our first game is to get the two fastest apes to step forward, we then pour red paint over one Ape and blue paint over the other.” As Dohy dropped more gems it was very easy to find recruits. Very soon the two winners were drenched in paint and looked as happy as ever. The next step was the introduction of the bull. The filthy rich horses had made a bet among themselves as to what an angry bull would chase, a blue ape or a red ape. The two, now slightly intoxicated and colored apes, were placed in an open field. The bull was brought out in the field where he spotted them. Grifter Drifter would then sneak up behind the bull and give him a snap across the balls. The bull charged and the poor intoxicated apes started to panic and ran for cover. It seemed that the bull had his eyes on the blue ape. Luckily, he managed to climb up a tree just before the bull reached him! “Ahahahah”. The horses laughed in ecstasy. It seemed Dohy had lost his 500 million bet to Colonel Best, but seemed unfazed by the monetary loss. “I say, that was jolly good fun, but let’s not procrastinate.

We need to set up the outhouse!” Again, the apes were put to work. This time they were to construct a makeshift sauna where they would make a hole in the wall and connect a pipe from the wall to a water tank. The tank would then be filled with water and heated up, resulting in a hot steam circulating the sauna outhouse. “Listen up, the lot of you” Dohy was grinning as he scattered more trinkets around for the

Credit: @ artbytomass & @Manu_Allegra

apes. “The next game is rather simple, a little guessing game if you will. We need two apes. Both Apes will enter the outhouse and drink a bottle of whiskey. After that, one of the apes will exit the outhouse and his job is to guess who went out. Of course, we all place bets on the outcome!” The promise of riches and booze made the recruiting process a smooth one. Two sturdy looking apes stepped up, got their fill of gold coins and a bottle of whiskey. They now climbed into the outhouse. Soon enough steam was emanating from between the planks and clanking of bottles could be heard. Meanwhile, the apes and the horses made bets between themselves as to who would come out victorious. Ten minutes had passed when suddenly one Ape opened the door. White steam was coming off his fur as he shambled out. He held an empty bottle in one hand and tried to open his mouth. All that came out was a cloud of steam and a hissing sound. He then pointed at the moon and passed out on the spot. “Well, will you look at that” Grifter Drifter said. “He surely is unaware of his surroundings, it seems we have a winner by default, how extraordinary!” The apes who had bet on the poor creature who remained in the outhouse quickly went in to bring him out for celebrations. When they came in, he was sitting frozen with a grin on his face and a half empty bottle beside him. Lifting him out of his spot his grin still remained, but he seemed to not understand much of what was happening around him. The winning apes then found a king’s crown that they placed on his head and rested him in a chair near the fireplace.

“How amusing, you lads sure did a fine job with that lavatory. Now, please hand out the mushrooms to everyone. Come now, eat up, and let’s all play a

game of cards.” As they all greedily consumed the mushrooms, Dohy combined the four decks of cards into one giant stack and started to pass cards out randomly. As the apes no longer seemed capable of understanding what a card was, let alone how to play an actual game, the result was thereafter. Some Apes started throwing the cards in the fire, one ape tried to deposit several cards in between the teeth of the grinning Ape with the crown and yet another thought it could be used as toilet paper. The four horses looked around at the commotion, visibly content with how the evening had panned out. “Well old chaps, I think the activities of this evening have just about peeked. Shall we adjourn to our portal and leave these lads to cool off for a bit?” Colonel Best stretched his hooves and gave out a yawn. The other horses nodded in approval and started walking away from the cottages back the same way as they came. “Say, these beings were rather amusing, we must come back another time, don’t you all agree.” Dohy turned around one last time before they parted and tipped his hats to the apes.

At this point the apes had mostly fallen asleep and were completely unaware that the horses had left. The next day they didn’t fully remember all the activities from the night before, but it seemed that all of them were laden with both gold and gems a plenty. They could vaguely remember that these strange horse creatures had wandered in from nowhere to wreak havoc on the place, but the details were somewhat blurred. Oh well, the Apes had made a fortune and the mess could be easily cleaned up. It seemed all had enjoyed a memorable evening.

Credit: @ artbytomass & @Manu_Allegra

Mindscape

SHIELD THE MIND

Author: Thorpe Brown

Everything changes!

The basic units of perception and affect carry the attitude of the universe.

The universe is not still, it changes; thus we, and in turn, our experience of the world, changes.

As such, the self builds meaning in the unfixed nature of reality.

Being is thus becoming!

By deconstructing the strictness of fixed concepts, and embracing the flow of becoming, the oneness of things, one shields the mind.

Thus spoke Thorpe Brown, Doork East, The Ape Society.

Take a break

S ANFORD & C RUDFORD

Author: Sanford Ford (@Sanford__Ford)

An opinion piece by Amans Best

Author: Amans Best

The Ape Society is different. I could end this article right here and that statement, whilst ringing true, would leave you unfulfilled. So, what is it that makes the Ape Society different? It’s a simple attribute that changes everything and it’s all in a name.

The year is 1993 and Snoop Dogg bursts onto the global music scene with his debut studio single titled Who am I? (What’s my name?). Until now Snoop was an unknown artist outside of hardcore hip hop heads. So, when Snoop released “Who Am I?” this question rang true, who is this guy? Whilst the title asks “Who am I?”. In reality what Snoop is ironically say is, here I am! Here’s my name! Listen close, learn my name because I’m here to stay! Snoop is declaring his identity, “What’s my *** name?” The response – “Snoop Doggy Dogg.” In this call and response, Snoop fully understands the power of brand, the power of identity and the power of a strong unusual name. In the entertainment world some music artists have built enormous global brands and have done so using just one name for example, Madonna, Adele, Prince, Beyonce, Pink, Sting the list goes on. These artists have managed to build such huge brands whilst dropping the necessity to comply to the formality of Forename

Illustration: Amans Best

and Surname which the rest of the world complies to. Names and identities are synonymous. A name is everything and Snoop fully understood this on his debut single where he took this opportunity to make his presence, his brand, his identity, his name known.

On the flip side to this, Juliet in Shakespeare’s, ‘Romeo & Juliet’ questions the importance and relevance of a name.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

Juliet knows that the blood feud between two rival families is preventing her from being with a Montague. Her lover’s surname ‘Montigue’ and her surname ‘Capulet’ don’t mix.

Juliette’s rather simplistic, dismissive tone about names shows that Juliet never had to trawl through endless listings of NFTs and if she did, she might notice one overwhelming fact. The labeling of NFTs is dull! NFTs are simply numbered from number one, upwards. Then what is the importance of differentiating

between two similar objects and especially with NFTs? We love to feel control and ownership over the items we have purchased and possess. So, it’s very important to the owner to be able to identify and claim ownership of a certain NFT. The labeling matters and it’s important to know which is yours. Here are two of the same images of a The Ape Society Ape. One has it’s The Ape Society name, the other a number. In this example I’ve used its rank for its number.

As subtle as it may be, there is a huge difference. Juliet is correct the rose smells just as sweet, whichever image you look at because both images are the same. Both images show a naked ape. His fur looks like it would be ruffled in a gentle breeze and highlights in the fur help to cut the image out from the blue background. He is wearing his red sunglasses, which compliment his brown fur. He has a pair of white earphones in his ears, which helps boost the suggestion that this ape is carefree and relaxed. The attention to detail in the brush stroke style art is both classic yet contemporary and no attempt has been made to soften the appearance of each digital brush stroke.

Ape 5153

Thane Wilson

One image has the label 5133, the other is called Thane Wilson. Something changes when you give the Ape a name. Suddenly it has a world of potential, Thane Wilson can be a brand, Thane Wilson can form an identity, Thane Wilson can come to life. Names are an incredibly important part of our identity. They carry deep personal, cultural, familial, and historical connections. A name gives a sense of being, who we are and our place in the world.

Ape Storytelling began almost immediately after the Ape Society mint. Ape owners found humor in the Apes unusual names. Apes formed bonds with fellow Apes who shared the same surname. Characters began forming, stories were developed and slowly, but surely, human nature took a hold and we started to develop strong connections with our Apes.

You see Juliet is both correct and incorrect. Yes, it is the same NFT image, whether it is called 5133 or Thane Wilson. The rose still smells as sweet because both images are identical. But a name has history, it has loyalty, it is family and it represents their identity. This can’t simply be dismissed or ignored.

NFTs owners have always used some of their favorite images as PFPs on their social media accounts (Picture for profiles). Yet shortly after The Ape Society minted something new started to happen. Not only did collectors replace their PFP’s for The Ape Society Apes. They also started taking on the names of their prized apes as well. Accounts like Thorpe Brown and Sanford Ford started to appear and people started to breath life into these images. You see a name conjures up more than a simple number.

What if I was to tell you Thane Wilson is a craftsman. With a little bit of research, you’d have been able to figure that out for yourself, because all Wilsons are craftsmen. But what if I told you Thane loves the simple life yet, he’s passionate about

his craftsmanship. What if I told you he prefers to work in workshops with other craftsmen, rather than working alone. Thane loves the comradery and competition this brings about. Where the “that’ll do” attitude disappears completely because ape craftsmen are fiercely proud and compete with one another. What if I told you Thane loves being around his fellow apes because Thane has a wicked sense of humor.

The descriptive paragraph above is only possible because APE 5133 has a name and that name is Thane Wilson. Thane the Craftsman, Thane the Joker, Thane the Comedian. You see without the name Thane Wilson all the descriptive text above about his personality just would not stick.

The naming convention used for The Ape Society Apes didn’t end here. When the cabins minted it became abundantly clear that ‘Ape Force One’ (the nickname and identity of the developers of The Ape Society) were going to use names for the districts and streets on the The Ape Society map. This in turn lead to the creation of the Doork East - Doorks.

Prior to the cabins mint my twitter timeline was full of pictures where people were changing an original image and adding their apes head over the top. There were other accounts who we’re actively using their Ape persona online and even more talking about the new apes they had acquired and the attributes and benefits that would come from their collection. Whilst waiting for the cabins mint, I thought what if? What if a group of like-minded apes came together and took over an area on the map. One morning, I looked through my twitter timeline and thought I’d reach out to five or six of the most active apes. I was curious to see if they wanted to form an ape stronghold, so I sent the following message:

by courtesy of the Doork East Museum of History and Art

Firstly apologies for the DM. I woke this morning with an idea and wanted to put it to you guys first to see if it’s a possibility. I see you all talking almost daily about The Ape Society and feel you’re as invested in this project, not financially, but in the belief in it, as I am. I have this idea so please bare with me. What if we the Apes build a postcode that becomes as desirable as the ‘A’ SLVD only in one district in the Zs.

What if a group of us picked a region in the affordable Z’s, just one town and made that the must be location for all the believers in the society. Yes we’d have to buy a secondary and yes that means more money. But what if we attracted the most vocal Apes into one area and made it an unofficial Ape stronghold. It would be great to get a tonne of like-minded people into one town.

I know this is slightly rebellious and obviously the ‘A’s are the Hamptons. But what if? What if we turn the fortunes of a Z postcode??? What if the Ape community became a real(well Metaverse) community. What if we came together and put a pin in the Map. I actually think the Devs would respect this community driven collective and I’m sure they’d champion it!

I thought I’d keep this behind closed doors for now so as not to drive up price for a certain town. Let me know your thoughts?

Amans Best shifty shutter shade town planner!

PS you’re a cross section of my ‘active tweeters’ I haven’t deliberately excluded anyone. I just want to see if this is even viable. Thank you all!

This was sent prior to the public mint and the District Map hadn’t been released. I waited for the responses and to my surprise my fellow apes liked the idea. When the full list of districts and district map came out. Our focus was to find a suitable location for us to set up a “fan zone”.

The discussion about which district to choose quickly became centered around Doork East. We decided that Doork East fit all the criteria we were looking for. It sat nicely in an affordable area on the edge of the map and it had a great name.

It was the name that drew us to district 11. The fact we could use this name to brand ourselves Doorks has helped enormously with our endeavors. In the very beginning we talked about not being restricted to one district but by having a Z postcode. All apes would require a Z postcode, irrelevant of district. This idea was soon dropped due to the very sad invasion of the Ukraine by the Russian army and their use of the Z branding. You see names and identity can be both positive and negative and using the Z alone would not work in the current global climate.

A brief discussion was held about using the SVLD Y. As in why (Y) not join us? But again, the power of the Doork East name and its play on word was just too overwhelmingly powerful that we couldn’t resist using it.

The story of how the Doorks grew from this initial DM is a story for another issue. Needless to say it was collective effort which formed and has grown exponentially behind a strong identity, a strong brand a strong community and a strong NAME.

Exclusive interview

Amans Best:

You’ve used names to delineate the class in which a group of Apes sits. Browns are all craftsmen. This makes it immediately obvious to recognize an Apes class just from the name. In real life however your family name alone would not dictate class unless you a born into royalty. Was there any point in the early stages where you considered social mobility. For example a Brown could be an artist, craftsman, and explorer?

Matasa: The family names fit in their classes in different ways. I can say that the rarity of the Apes is somewhat related to the rarity of the names out in the real world.

Amans Best:

You clearly had a lot of fun choosing all the names which could be attributed to the Apes. What sources did you use to find the names? We hope it’s not just google alone. We would love to think there were some Victorian baby name books or funny keywords used in your searches?

Matasa:

The Nobles are called De’ Medici and they used to “run the world” at a certain point in time. Military Officers names come from

Amans Best spoke to Matasa from Ape Force One to get more insight from the team regarding the use of names in The Ape Society.

old English surnames. Merchants names are taken from real life mafia families. Explorers are in honor of the Spanish Conquistadors and Craftsmen names are the 10 most common English family names. There is a bit of psychology behind Craftsmens’ names though. Being the most common name, we thought that, probability wise, there would be more people identifying with these Apes, by having the same family name or knowing someone with it, and ultimately create a stronger bond with their Apes.

Amans Best:

Can you share any names that were an absolute no. That would just not fit in the collection no matter what?

Matasa:

We tried to relate the names to the art and theme, so anything outside that range wouldn’t make sense to us. I remember generating names and putting them next to the Apes to see if they made sense and eliminated all those that didn’t.

Amans Best:

The highest family name in The Ape Society is De’ Medici. Did you discuss alternatives, can you share any of those? What is the story behind De’ Medici why did you settle on this? Were you all in agreement or did you have to debate it?

Matasa:

Initially the Nobles were to have individual families but with the title “Sir” (ie. Sir Webster Lewis). We then tossed that idea away so as not to dilute family names and for the purpose of the future utility. Once De’ Medici was mentioned it just clicked and

knowing all the history behind the family everything made sense. We just had to do it.

Amans Best:

We had the idea for forming a community stronghold in a district just before the Cabins map was revealed. We recognized the strength in a name and chose Doork East from the list of all 35 districts. This is because of the play on words. We are all ‘Doorks’ at the end of the day and it was obviously a strong brand identity we can play on. Is there anything you can tell us about the name Doork East? Where it came from and did you see the Doork/Dork reference when choosing it?

Matasa:

I’ve got to be honest, all the districts’ names are random apart from Tasama City, Canmard City, Gocon City and Mariana Heights. I literally used formulas with some conditions to generate the names. Some just turned out great like Doork East. We had to manually add North/South/East/West etc, to not sound totally random and make sense on the map. We are happy how all names turned out. To answer your question, surprisingly Doork East had nothing to do with the word dork whatsoever.

Amans Best:

Thank you Matasa for sharing this with us!

You’re welcome! I had an amazing time creating this stuff so I’m happy to share how it all went down.

THE GREAT SPACE GATHERING

- DOORK INSPIRED - DOORK FOUNDED - DOORK APPROVED -

Author: @CardanoTrain

Thatcher Maddock XVI, Space Ape and member of the Galactic MBSociety, arrived in the Ape Society via Rocket ship March of 2022. His ship suffered several malfunctions, causing it to fall out of orbit just outside the Milky Chocolate Way. It seems someone had stolen his anti-matter quark splitters and element 115 gyro stabilizers out from under his nose.

Robots never sleep, and Thatcher came from a long line of military officers, but even a Space Ape needs to rest their eyes. Must have been WEN they snatched the items without notice. “Can’t even rest one’s eyes in this Space…” Thatcher grumbled. Grandma was right. Sleeping was for babies.

He would never be caught “sleeping” again. As the ship descended towards the city of SCHUPPIN in a fiery rampage, Thatcher quickly switched his Moon Glock to “portal mode” and fired off a shot. “Uh Oh” whispered Thatcher under his breath as he realized he had forgotten to prime his BeamO-Matic that morning. Firing a Moon Glock without priming it with a little moon juice created complications. Complications with the space/time continuum to be exact. Instead of the intended location, the Moon Glock materialized its portal atop a vacant cabin in DOORK EAST. Location: Kingswood Road. Time and date: 4:20 PM on May the 4th be with you, 2022. He had jumped across several months of time and skipped through 4 big cities.

The robotic ape found himself lying on the kitchen floor of a quaint cottage. He lay sprawled on

Illustration: @CardanoTrain

the ground facing a ceiling full of paper. As he sat up to orient himself, he noticed hands, without owners, scattered across the floor all around him. No wonder this cabin was vacant. Quickly tossing a HANDOUT the window in disgust, he propped a paintbrush he had found on the desk into his mouth. He sat down at the kitchen table and was left to his thoughts as he stared at the papers on the ceiling. “What was this? Drawings?! Hundreds of drawings?! Who in their right mind draws pictures and puts them on the ceiling? In the kitchen? - I must be from another planet…” thought Thatcher, but the artwork began to slowly grow on him. “This ceiling is ridiculous. No, this ceiling is more than ridiculous. I dare say, this ceiling has Ridiculous written all over it!” exclaimed the Space Ape. “The folks in this cabin must have downright drawn their hands off!” Thatcher exclaimed. Paper hands, no doubt.

With his portal stuck on the roof and the rocket ship crashed too many SCHUPPIN districts away, he took no thought of the motionless hands lying on the floor and decided to stake permanent residency in a place that felt like home. At least for the time being. After all, Robots and Aliens seemed to already live in the area. He’d fit right in. If nothing else came of this, he had a collection of art, waiting on his ceiling. No, not any of that digital art found on the inter-webs. It was tangible art. Resale value would be good. After placing his Diamond-hand trophy on the mantel and Astro Teddy on the master bed, he stepped out on the back porch for a small juice break. “I could really go for a Moon Juice bout now…” sighed Thatcher as he stared at a bottomless canister. Neon pink resin lining the sides.

As he attempted to lick the last few droplets from the can, two giant figures caught his eye: question marks, 40 feet tall, standing in the back field of a neighboring Chateau. Thatcher contemplated, “Who the hell builds a Stonehenge?! Let alone, a stone henge of question marks… and why did they stop at 2?” As he sat pondering for a moment, He noticed a bunch of DOORKy looking apes gathered around Holy Hill with concerned temperaments and long faces. Thatcher couldn’t help but chuckle inside, “Those

apes with long faces sure look like they’ve been hanging out with their horses too much.”

Removing that filthy joke from stored files, the old Robot withheld out loud laughter and was able to overhear some of the discussion. Something about shiny lights and mushrooms in the water. Had some of the town’s folk seen his portal arrive? No, talks of “Aliens” and pests in the north called “Brotaw Buggers”. Couldn’t be him they were referring too. Maybe they too, were confused with the question marks and the bright lights coming from Holy Hill. “Holy Hill… I am totally lost” mumbled Thatcher, “… but I must go unnoticed”. Recalling his rocket ship crashing in the West, he needed to find it. The Nerds seemed to be rampant in Doork East. Astronauts at heart, ready for a moon mission. Thatcher would need some help finding and fixing his Rocket Ship. Doorks looked like the type willing to “Ape In” and hopefully he would make a friend or two along the way. Understanding that he probably wouldn’t go unnoticed as a naked Space Robot, he ran to the closet and threw on a green cardigan. “Now what to call myself?” thought Thatcher. He always wanted an alibi. Maybe he could be a singer or a songwriter. “How about, Jayme Taylor? Sounds dorky enough.” Thatcher resolved. Yes, if anyone asked, this is the name he would give. It was perfect. With a new sweater and a new name, the old ape decided to lay low for a bit. “Better stay inside until the commotion dies down”, Thatcher bent down and ripped a #2 pencil from one of the previous tenant’s hands. He then located an English-Class flier on the desk, “Time to go to work!” Thatcher exclaimed.

He had a plan. His portal had landed him in the perfect district. These nerds seemed to be the only ones smart enough to help him. All he needed to do was show them these drawings and claim to be the artist. Doorks would flock to his rescue and help him rebuild the rocket ship. He’d be back to his moon missions shortly. They couldn’t possibly turn down Grandma’s Space Pie. No one says no to Grandma. Have you heard of her Schoup?! Grandma is known for two things, drunk or not in the kitchen, Galaxy Famous Pie and delicious Schoup that goes beyond the stars.

S choup R ecipe

INGREDIENTS

4 bucket loads of Cat Milk. Make sure it’s fresh and puurrty.

2/7th Grandma’s Space Pie, Uneaten

1 Table Full of wheatier Wheat

1 or 12 of each of the following: Pineapple Shrimp, Lemon Shrimp, Coconut Shrimp, Pepper Shrimp, BBQ Shrimp That - That’s about it.

DIRECTIONS

Pie is the fruit of Space. It also makes the best Schoup. Don’t mess this one up, or it just might ruin your trip to the moon.

Step 1: Wash your hands and face of all the Ape-Schitt.

Step 2: Finely dice 2/7th Grandma Space Pie into a fine layer of cinnamon dust flakes.

Step 3: Soak the Table Full of Wheat in the bathtub for 19 minutes, 11 if you’re a Doork.

Step 4: Combine all ingredients into a large pot of gold and sleep next to it for 3 nights.

Step 5: Flip your Rocket Ship upside down, place pot on open flame, boil until ready.

Bon appetit!

From The Thomas Family Royal Kitchens

House of Thomas Buttermilk Pancakes

Author: @ADALoc8or

INGREDIENTS

Nonstick Spray

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 egg

1 1/4 cups buttermilk

1/4 cup granulated sugar (or stevia)

1 heaping teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 cup cooking oil (or butter)

A pinch of salt

DIRECTIONS

Step 1: Preheat a skillet over medium heat. Use a pan with a nonstick surface or apply a little nonstick spray.

Step 2: In a blender or with a mixer, combine all of the remaining ingredients until smooth.

Step 3: Ladle approximately 1/3 cup of the batter into the hot skillet, forming 5-inch circles.

Step 4: When the edges appear to harden, after a minute or two, flip the pancakes (look for bubbles dimpling the top). They should be golden brown.

Step 5: Cook pancakes on the other side for same amount of time, until golden brown.

Makes 8 to 10 pancakes.

Top with bananas, berries, Mrs Butterworth Maple syrup (or a ham if you’re Sanford Brown)

THE AMPHITHEATER - FROM A VISION TO REALITY

Author: @sve__son

I. Introduction

Lend me your ear my fellow apes!

When the open landmarks on the Ape Society map needed to be filled, the community was called to action, and one very special project garnered the excitement of all apes. The Amphitheater.

Since the laying of the foundation stone by the team around Alvin de la Cruz (@Quno_Steve @alamopool), Voltaire Wright (@sakraba-maddock) and Ravinger De’ Medici (Toggen) several weeks have passed. Meanwhile, more than 120 apes from all over the Ape Society with different

professions, are working day by day on the Amphitheater project.

Through their indefatigable efforts, the day is getting closer and closer when the audience for the first time will hear the legendary words of the brave fighters echoing through the Amphitheater ... Morituri te salutant!!!

II. General Info of the Amphitheater

Euphori a, suspense, sweat, blood, joy, tears, victories, defeats... all this and much more will await you in the interactive experience of the Amphitheater. A place where any ape, regardless of his profession or status, can achieve

Illustration: Upwind Strategy

glory and wealth.

You will be able to win and earn $SOCIETY as well as items and other goods. In order to do so brave fighters from all districts of the Ape Society will be able to compete in nerve-racking team battles. Spectators will be able to witness spectacular tournaments and bet on the outcome of the fights for their own amusement. Furthermore, every class will play a certain role in the Amphitheater. There will be new utilities to everything, from the battle-hardened craftsman to the chivalrous nobles.

But this is by no means the end of the story. The vision is to give the apes expanded possibilities through a 3D third person-perspective game, where interaction and utility will go beyond the limits of the Ape Society and give it a new meaning....

III. Progress of the Amphitheater

For now, the days on the construction site are long and exhausting! But the will to work is unbroken among all those apes involved. Every day new creative visions are flying through the room, being taken up, combined, and implemented. And so, some huge steps have already been accomplished to date.

For example, “The Armory” of the Amphitheater was planned, reviewed, and realized in no time at all. The leading minds behind this project were the adventureloving explorer Grayson de Balboa from Canmard City and the ingenious-strategic royal advisor Kenton Monet from Doork East. With their eccentric diamond grill and wraparound glasses, this unusual duo catches the eye of everyone on the construction site from afar. But day after day they impress with their enthusiasm for their work and their inventiveness.

“The Armory” will be the entry portal for every participant who wants to fight for fame, honor and $SOCIETY in the Amphitheater. Here they can gather and prepare before and between fights: Donning their armor, sharpening weapons, equipping items, saddling horses, discussing tactics ... It is even rumored that the administrators want to keep an open policy and have no problem with whiskey and cigars before the fight.

IV. Sponsoring & Sponsors

S uch an enormous project would of course not be possible without the appropriate financial resources. Therefore, special thanks go to all our sponsors!

On the one hand, there were the families who collected impressive amounts of $SOCIETY with joint efforts. The Chiesa Family, which has participated in the

realization of this mega-project with a generous donation of a total of no less than 74.618 $SOCIETY.

And the White family. The great King White and the whole White Family united their resources and raised a donation of a massive 250,000 $SOCIETY for the further progress of the Amphitheater.

And secondly, there are also a lot of individual sponsors whose names you should keep in mind.

There is for example Florimond Brown, who supported and helped advance the construction of the Amphitheater with a donation of 50.000 $SOCIETY. Not much is known about our mysterious but exceedingly generous sponsor. As Doork East Magazine reported in its first issue, mysterious stories and crazy rumors have surrounded him ever since he moved into his chateau at 110 Holy Hill Avenue in Doork East. He is anything but comfortable with the buzz surrounding his person. In a very brief public statement about his incredible donation, he stated that he hopes the completion of the Amphitheater will finally give him the peace he craves.

And there is Carver de’ Medici. The Noble from Canmard City not only has a very well-known family name, but he has also repeatedly demonstrated a good instinct for highly promising investment opportunities. Therefore, he also is supporting the Amphitheater project with a generous donation of 50,000 $SOCIETY.

Unfortunately, we cannot list all our sponsors here, because currently new sponsors are added almost daily. However, we are deeply grateful for every donation and would like to thank each and every one of the sponsors!

V. Closing Words & Bounty Certificates

A s a non-vanishing symbol for your performance and cooperation in the construction of the Amphitheater, certain NFT certificates will be awarded to all who put his or her efforts into the project. They act as an undeniable “proof of work”, showing everyone what they have accomplished and what skill set he or she has attained. And they don’t just look good in your wallet and on the wall of your cabin, rumors speak of further benefits.

Are you ready to be part of the construction of this unique building? Join the construction site and claim your place in history!

Sit ludos incipere Amphitheater Press Department Huntley Cox

What happened to the Gocon City landmark?

Author: Cardano Shield

You may have noticed something very peculiar about the Ape Society founder’s districts situated in the center of the Ape Society Map.

District 15, Canmard City (Cardman’s city), to the north, is blessed with a “?” landmark. Just to the south, District 21 (Tasama City, Matasa’s city) also is endowed with a landmark.

You may be wondering why Gocon City (Congo’s city), is mysteriously missing its landmark? There’s absolutely no way this was an oversight. Ape Force One would never sell themselves short. This is the story of what REALLY happened to the missing landmark of Gocon City.

Many years ago, Crépin Monet of Doork East was traveling to Gocon City to visit his friends in their illustrious Maddock Street estate, when suddenly he heard some commotion in the street.

Someone shouted

“The landmark of Gocon City is GONE!!!”.

He thought, how could this be? The landmark is huge, how could it just disappear overnight? He searched the site of the landmark for clues. All he could find was a red feather that had fallen from what appeared to be a military officer’s helmet. Probably a Maddock. The fact that this occurred on Maddock street is also peculiar…

He knew that military officers could steal items, but entire landmarks?

Well, that “special chest” just must’ve been really huge this week.

He set out to track down the location of this landmark. It wasn’t exactly tiny, it was a 4x4 landmark that occupied 16 land parcels!

For the next 2 years, he combed through all 35 districts of the Ape Society in search of the missing landmark. Just as he was about to give up, in the countryside of District 24 (Speoppa),

on the western edge of town, he discovered a huge chunk of the landmark (about ¼ of its size ) had mysteriously landed in a 2x2 parcel. This could not have been the work of any ordinary military officers, they probably had help from aliens, or robots, or maybe ghosts?

He scoured the area for DNA samples. After running them through the lab, one in particular jumped out at him. The code read: 20134000. The sequence looked familiar.. but he could not quite place it.

He visited the library…and found a note cleverly hidden in a book with that very code.

The note read:

FBPZVAQ VWZSE IWZSE, H = F, T = V, W = I

He stared at the cryptic message for a few hours, and his eyes lit up as he finally found the solution. “I know who the culprits are!”, he declared!

Crépin jumped back into his carriage, and set out, more determined than ever, to find the location of the other 3 chunks of this landmark…they must be *somewhere*...

Who are the culprits?

Wilful’thEngagement Ruuling Decree. Doth’rk ‘rd’rths &Commands. EST 511

Wilful Engagement Ruling Decree. Doork Orders & Commands. EST 51 BSB Before Societal Banking

Author: Amans Best

The original text from the - Wilful Engagement Ruling Decree. Doork Orders & Commands. Est 51 BSB - Before Societal Banking.

It can also be referred to in short as the Doork East WERD DOC scribed on a solid granite stone tablet.

The WERD DOC stone tablet was discovered by Explorer Beardsley de la Cruz and the Craftsman team, whilst digging the subterranean foundations for the Doork East Bank Vault extension tunnels. Work had to suddenly halt due to the discovery of many small Doork East heritage artefacts in the earthen spoils. Ancient Artefact archaeologist Dempster Monet was called in to oversee the historical preservation of any such artefacts that were unearthed during the process. This has led to a lot of down time for the Craftsmen building team lead by no other than master craftsman Leland Smith. It goes without saying, when the archaeologists were called in, the craftsmen were stood down until its recovery was completed. They decided to make haste to the nearest watering hole to celebrate the discoveries. This in turn created a huge celebration that spread quickly across the district and lasted for between three and five days. The exact duration is still unknown. During this time of much celebration and commotion, the Doork East WERD DOC was temporarily misplaced and thankfully it turned up again after the celebrations slowly died down. The DE WERD DOC is the oldest known text to have been discovered in the district and predates the birth of our financial banking system. Craftsmen are frantically building a museum to house the stone tablet and the many unusual artefacts that were discovered at the same time.

The stone tablet has the following rules and guidelines carved into it which have been passed down from generation to generation as folklore by word of mouth. It is nice to finally see those texts in all their glory and many of which are adhered to today by the inhabitants of Doork East. Historians exclaim a wealth of knowledge has been stored on a Tablet with the ever-amazing words from the WERD DOC. Items like this are truly historic and never to be seen or created again in such ornate glory as the original WERD DOC.

Some key points from the texts carved into the Wilful Engagement Ruling Decree. Doork Orders & Commands. Sone Tablet.

1. All Doth’rks doth holdeth nay tru’r allegnce to anee oth’r than Thee Ape’th Societas.

2. Maintaineth an ‘rd’rly homestead in doth’rk east as a primary residence.

3. Secondary residences and the adulat’ry of such shalt beest ov’rlook’d as longeth as’th a Doth’rk East residence is did hold in an ‘rd’r fiteth f’r a Kings visiteth.

4. Art appreth’thiathon distinguishes us frome’th beasts. All artw’rk might not but beest did display in an ‘rd’r fiteth f’r a Kings visiteth.

5. Th’secund full moonth oft th’ prevailing seeson. All news shalt beest did spread frometh highest vantages. Hurtling shall beest madeth to attracteth oth’rs of the ‘rd’r and imp’rtance of th’ news.

6. Doth’rks art to beest did regard as a group yond shalt respect and honour all each oth’r with’th same regard fiteth f’r a king.

Interpretation

1. Doorks must be true to The Ape Society before all others.

2. Maintain an orderly homestead in Doork East as your primary residence.

3. Secondary residences and the adulatory of such, shall be overlooked as long, as a Doork East residence is held in an order fit for a Kings visit.

4. The appreciation of art is what distinguishes us from the animals. All artworks must be displayed in an order fit for a kings visit.

5. On the second full moon of the prevailing season. All news shall be spread from the highest vantage points. Much noise must be made to attract others of the order and importance of the news.

6. All Doorks are to be regarded as a group that shall respect and honour each Doork equally with the same regard fit for a King.

Work hard, play hard

The Society Games

Author: @Recaf1

Welcome to Doork East, home of the inaugural Society Games. This is the first time in Ape history that a sporting event, featuring all 35 districts, has ever taken place. What a treat! Members of the Doork East community are extremely honored and slightly shocked that they’ve been selected to host this illustrious event, as they’ve always seen themselves as a bit of an outcast district which others make fun of.

As the 34 competing teams entered District 11 from neighboring Gictus, they received quite the welcome – residents old and young alike lined the streets all the way from Kingswood Road to Manor Lane. It wouldn’t be a proper Doork East welcoming without them banging and clanging their pots and pans, as only they know how. The first event of the games will be archery – a very popular event within the whole Ape community so this should be exciting! Unfortunately, the show got off to a rocky start as the Doork East games council forgot to order the archery targets.

A few local craftsmen took it upon themselves to make some targets out of whatever they could find. After sourcing only a few tins of paint, it was agreed that the archery should move down to one of the fields where the craftsmen frantically painted hay bales and spent hours constructing a scoreboard in the line of sight of the targets. Later, this would prove to be a fateful decision. Eventually, after a six hour delay, the games could

finally commence, Knam County and Whooss

Rising both got off to flawless starts with each of them scoring a perfect 10 points. The standard of play was extremely high, which worried the Doork East team - it would be an understatement to say that the District 11 team haven’t really put in as much effort as other districts leading up to the games. They‘ve been too engrossed in the recent local show, Doorks Got Talent. After all, Doorks love entertainment!

At long last, it was the turn of the DEP’s - Doork East Patriots. Out they came, sporting their new uniforms, complemented with the majestic Doork East badge, wow! They really looked the part! To every Ape’s amazement they got off to a flying start, scoring all 5 from their first 5 shots. Unfortunately, after the obligatory break for Apetember ale refreshments, their fortune took a turn for the worse.

Their local rivals the FERR’s (“Fraggod East Rough Riders”), deviously switched the official match day arrows for chopsticks that they had picked up from the local District 11 Chinese restaurant ‘Fortune Doorkie’. The poor Doorks were puzzled as to why their arrows weren’t flying straight and true, but continued on regardless. Unsurprisingly, they finished the session with a total score of 5 out of 10 - that was the lowest score of all 35 districts.

We are sorry to inform our readers that due to the location of the scoreboard, six craftsmen sadly departed and will be sadly missed. Or not, if they had been missed then they’d still be with us today. This reporter finds that rather ironic. On a brighter note, the fatalities make a surprise entry onto the

leaderboard. They are in position 35 with six points sitting just above Doork East. What can the Doork East Team bring in the next event? This reporter can’t wait to find out.

You know… in sports, everyone loves an underApe story! Let’s hope they can bury today’s events behind them, which reminds me… the families of the craftsmen will be holding the service for the dearly departed straight after the closing ceremony next week. Where was I? Oh yes, let’s hope the Doorks can bury this matter and start driving home the point.

As day one of the games came to an end, all districts were invited to an exclusive party in Victoria Grove. Doork parties are the best! They’re full of Congo lines, ham spread and banana juice! Day one of the games has been quite eventful, I shall say! Be sure to tune in for day two – we’ve got

the ever-popular Wellie Wanging!

Day 1 Leaderboard

1: WRs - Whooss Rising :10 Points

2: KC - Knam County : 10 Points

3: HEVCs - Heolt Valley Crusaders: 10 Points

4: TCOs - Tasama City Outlaws : 10 Points

5: QBs - Quniod Blazers : 10 Points

6: GGs - Gictus Growlers : 10 Points

7: GSs - Grolt Silverbacks : 9 Points

8: SZPs - South Zam Pirates : 9 Points

9: ZNs - Zeolle Nationals : 9 Points

10: SRs - Shiahib Raiders : 9 Points …..

35: Fatalities : 6 - May they craft an eternal light that shines forever bright.

36: DEPs - Doork East Patriots : 5 Points

The DOORK EAST ART DEPARTMENT (DEAD)

IS LOOKING FOR TALENTS

Author: Amans Best

We’re expanding this exciting department and we’re looking for enthusiastic, artistic apes to join us.

Do you have what it takes to be a DEAD artist?

As a member of DEAD you work with the team to help create original artwork for DE magazine. That’s not all, we are drowning in ideas and we are looking for help to bring these ideas to fruition.

Do you own an ape and cabin in DE? Do you eat, sleep and breathe TAS? Do you make composite images, gifs, videos, or 3D art?

Do you have a good sense of humor? Is your head full of Doorky and Ape Society ideas?

If you answer yes to the questions above, then we want to talk to you. Grab our attention. Make an original piece and tag @TAS_Doorks with the hashtag #deadart

DEAD is a non-profit collective. We promote The Ape Society brand, The Doork East brand and now the DEAD brand. Why? Because all apes will benefit from raising the awareness of these brands. Long term, our hard work will help pay all apes back. Plus, we just love making content with The Ape Society apes! Who doesn’t? It’s really that simple.

We’re TAS!

We’re Doorks!

We’re DEAD!

JOIN US!

Bring your skills to life, make art with the DEAD!

Get ready for cNFTCON

Author: Amans Best

It’s October 2022 and you’re heading to Las Vegas for cNFTCON but what do you wear?

Well, here at DE Magazine, we’ve got you covered. Quite literally covered! The Doork East Art Department (DEAD) have been busy creating some Doorky Ape Society T-Shirt / Hoodie designs that we’d like to share with you Doorks, you Apes and you NFT Fans.

The following pages show off our Apefresh designs which you are free…

Checks notes…

There’s no prices on these??? Okay then, which you are free to download from our website: doorkeast.com

That’s right, these cool original T-shirt designs have been created for you to download and turn into T-Shirts or Hoodies. Maybe you want it on a black hoodie or a red T-shirt. That’s up to you and you’ll have to cover the cost here. We’re generous, but not that generous. So please enjoy this supplement and pick your favorites designs to rock at cNFTCON 2022.

Doorks – Represent! Apes – Represent!

NFT Fiends – Represent!

Illustration: Upwind Strategy

A selection of Doorks

Art Gallery

Dunstan Ford

Art Gallery

Gabriel Baldwin

Art Gallery

Bartolome Walker

Rae Maddock

Art Gallery

Sabastian Hill

Dane Maddock

Art Gallery

Ariste Cataldi

Out of stock. The wheat was eaten before it reached the market.

The gentleman ape knows his beard shines!

A selection of our most distinguished Apes

The WHO’S WHO of Doork East

Linwood Ventucci

Artist • 71 Mason Court, DE93 Y81

T : @JimenezPetroche

Linwood Ventucci and Bentley Baldwin had known each other for just a little while before becoming flatmates. One is a retired military officer, suffering from a severe case of PTSD after the war but Linwood quickly realizes he’s not traumatized about being a soldier but what’s happening is that Bentley actually misses it. Linwood offered him a different lifestyle war against the unknown, against the mysterious Ape with no name… known as “Moriarty”.

Jorge Best

Artist • 71 Mason Court, DE93 Y81

T : @JimenezPetroche

Jorge has been friends with Linwood and Bentley from a long time, he’s looking for nice place to live to move from his last cottage, he’s here to help Linwood and Bentley on any adventure they might need him for, he’s a great artist ex pirate… must come in handy at any moment.

Simon Best

Artist • 112 Brown Avenue, DE100 Y64

T : Tranter Roberts

Recording artist Simon is a nightmare to live alongside. He simply won’t stop playing music at all hours of the day and night and can’t bring himself to turn the volume down on good tune, despite various injunctions against him.

Hunter Maddock

Explorer • 106 Brown Avenue, DE99 Y64

T : Tranter Roberts

Warrant officer Maddock talks very little about his decades-long military service. In his personal life Hunter is ranked well above expert in renowned chess circles, a pastime he uses to keep his mind sharp in older age.

Garrick Amato

Merchant • 106 Brown Avenue, DE99 Y64

T : Tranter Roberts

Customers flock to the ramshackle workshop of former art forger and gallery owner Garrick. Clients of Amato Fine Art & Antiquities are advised to check the provenance of any purchase carefully. Even the auction houses concede that some of his “restorations” are near impossible to differentiate from legitimate masterpieces.

Bolton Wright

Military Officer • 108 Kingswood Road, DE96 Z84

T

Temporarily run aground, Bolton Wright (Old Thunder) all but willed his nearly shipwrecked vessel to ApeTown Harbor before continuing on to Doork East in search of refuge and a plan. An adventurous and miserly spirit, this plundering scorch-faced wretch teeters on the brink of insanity with only his pipe to console him. It is rumored that his treasures are hidden throughout the Ape Society, entrusted and locked away amongst a group of seafaring shipwrights.

Bonaventure Green

Merchant • 29 Jericho Way, DE91 X68

T : @armarosh

Bonaventure started his crafting journey in Tasama City and became a Master Craftsmen following years of training in Doork East. His specialty was projectors, every Ape throughout the Society looked for the Green’s crest when purchasing one. He was perplexed by light and learned about electromagnetism - how it shines our homes and heats our planet. Nowadays you find him by a desk frantically writing incomprehensible characters, page after page.

Broderick Monet

Royal Advisor • 101 Victoria Grove, DE99 Z78

D : begget#0812

Broderick used to advise the Medicis on solving the problems that plagued the central districts such as crime and overpopulation. However, he always wanted to live a quiet life away from the hustle and bustle so he settled in Doork East hoping to achieve this. Unfortunately for him, his quiet time is often interrupted by his neighbors trying to blow up the giant ?? wall right next to his humble cottage.

Kipp Cataldi

Merchant • 85 Sutherland Place, DE97 Z72

T : @roslynjacquelin

Master Kipp Cataldi, a young and ambitious Ape, studying and practicing the art of weaponry, rifles in particular. He now holds his Masters degree (aiming for his Doctorate) at the esteemed University of Doork East.

Alvin Best

Artist • 85 Sutherland Place, DE97 Z72

T : @roslynjacquelin

Born an Artist, and so Alvin Best thought this to be his destiny, but alas the universe has other plans for this Ape of Doork East

Dane Maddock

Military Officer • 127 Regent Place, DE101 Z77

T : @roslynjacquelin

Dane Maddock served his time in prison for a crime he did commit . Yes, in fact he would serve this time all over again given the choice. You see being a military officer from a young age instilled a sense of belief. Dane however chooses not to divulge just what crime he was convicted of, he chooses to leave that up to your imagination !

Sanford De Balboa

Explorer • 127 Regent Place, DE101 Z77

T : @roslynjacquelin

Sanford De Balboa a very good mate of Dane Maddock. They decided to get a cottage together in the very upmarket district 11 of Doork East. They childhood mates, grew up way down South. Sanford however had a very different path to his dear friend Dane. He been a explorer set off very early to explore life beyond the South. Sanford has proudly explored 35 districts , and only one place to call home !

Alfred de Balboa

Artist • 42 Canmard City Avenue, DE93 X65

T : @CryptoReapr

Shunned by his peers growing up, Alfred knew he was different. This sword wielding, VR Goggle wearing Ape had been through a lot. He tried hard to belong but having had enough he decided to pack up his belongings and move out East to a district he could have only dreamed of. A place where Apes of all classes were welcomed. A place where he could be himself – lost in his virtual world. As he stepped into District 11, he knew it then. He was home.

Ramiro King

Craftsman • 104 South Zam Street, DE99 Z75

T : @kiama_3d

Ramiro is quiet by nature, a respectful observer and explorer. He has been honing his craftsman skills since he was a wee ginger ape in diapers, now reaping the rewards of his labor. The son of a scoundrel and trickster, Ramiro has worked hard to earn back the respect of good society and redeem his family name. Now with luck and hard work on his side, he resides in a humble cottage in Doork East where the sun shines down on his chin hairs and tickles his hope for the future.

Amilcar Chiesa

Merchant King • 85 Mornington Road, DE94 Z82

T : @SalvatMedici

King Chiesa is incredibly proud of his Chiesa heritage. A family of merchants, who by definition have weathered many storms, and have traveled many miles for goods and riches to the benefit of the whole Society! Although a Kings life can be luxurious, with his multiple Chateau’s, Amilcar Chiesa prefers to frequently retreats to his humble cottage along-side the Doorks. Where the simplicity creates clarity and peace and tranquility abound!

Brock King

Artist King • 126 Birkbeck Road, DE101 Z74

T : @vrostakos

Seaman and real life explorer.

Amans Taylor

Craftsman • 11 Regent Place, DE90 Y77

T : @lara_bcw

Amans Taylor, co-founder of Kings’ ARTS - an artistic items ape store - alongside its partner, Dove Cox, is also a very experienced tailor and learned how to sew clothes with the finest style at a young age to dress the most honored apes in the Society.

Dover Cox

Artist • 11 Regent Place, DE90 Y77

T : @lara_bcw

Dove Cox is a hunter-artist of the contemporary times. After the hunts, Dove is a master of taxidermy, fur products, and animal paintings. The artist is known all around the Society for his famous fur coats produced collaboratively with Amans Taylor and worn by Royal Advisors and Kings themselves.

Landon Baldwin

Military Officer • 107 Sky View Avenue, DE99 Y63

T : @lexcal78

Landon Baldwin is known to his fellow military officers as a ruthless and brutal tactician, having used his sword to remove the heads of many enemies. In contrast, his family and friends know him as a kind and playful soul, spending much of his time entertaining the youngling apes. In his older age, he spends much of his time playing old war tunes on his harmonica and wondering why his eyes sight is failing him from sun damage.

Milton Wilson

Craftsman • 51 Walnut Street, DE94 Y73

T : @MiltonWilsonTAS

Craftsman in training with hopes of one day starting his own successful craftsman business building fine furniture for the fine apes of Doork East and beyond!

Salvat Cataldi

Merchant • 74 Jericho Way, DE96 X68

T : @Piccolo2022

World renowned for his sophisticated stature and success in the trade of precious metals, Mr. Salvat Cataldi often retreats to his Doork East Estate. Each year, thousands make the long trip east to deal in Gold, Silver, Society and other collectibles with Mr. Cataldi.

Huntley Cox

Artist • 42 Jericho Way, DE93 W68

T : @sve_son

Huntley Cox moved to his estate in the idyllic countryside of Doork East a month ago. There he tries to free his mind and broaden his horizons. Some ideas are already spinning around his head, but he only talks about them with close friends or with strangers.. after the third glass of whiskey. He is a passionate host and always likes to invite like-minded people to his cozy estate. But don’t forget one thing: better bring whiskey!

Courtland Taylor

Craftsman • 155 Mason Court, DE101 Z81

T : @roslynjacquelin

Growing up next to the amphitheater, he loved the battles and the roar of the crowds , but mostly the weaponry used in the battles, he would sit outside after the battles and wait for the warriors to emerge and offer his services in maintaining, and sharpening their Swords, Daggers, Spears and Arrows. Some of the warriors started calling him “Blades” which has stuck with him for all these years. Today he is well known for the sharpest “Blades” in all of The Ape Society.

The

114 individual NFT owners (5% of all Ape holders) registered 244 Apes (3.5% of all Apes) in 149 cabins (representing 49% of all of the cabins in Doork East). Give them a follow!

D: @LeonardoG#1286

@adahandlecollin @JimenezPetroche

@The_Meta_Broker Tranter Roberts

Baron Wright

West Best

Bentley Baldwin

Linwood Ventucci

Jorge Best

Wyndam Brown

Tranter Roberts

Marlow Wilson

Simon Best

Hunter Maddock

Garrick Amato

Knox de Balboa

Snowden Baldwin

Beardsley de la Cruz

Wayne Smith

Leland Smith

Courtland Maddock

Wayne de la Cruz

@abroberg

@SpaceWave112358

Amsden Cataldi

Wheeler Castillo

Antonio Ventucci

North Monet

Ariste Cataldi

Dagobert de la Cruz

Bolton Wright

Snowden White

@Adalegend626

Amans Best

Bentley Lavigne

Damas De Balboa

Baron Baldwin

Amans Best

Newman Brown

Thane Wilson

Claudien Taylor

Ridley Chiesa

Ramsey Castillo

Jorge Davies

Elmar Brown

Antonio Rich

Rylan de la Cruz

@armarosh

@b1das199

D: Bare Ape#0679

@3arrracuda

D: begget#0812

@AlexxSpan

D: BIGsmell#7057

Bonaventure Green

Fairfax Cox

Thane de la Cruz

Blas Castillo

Alex White

Broderick Monet

Crépin Wright

Colton Best

Nelson Edwards

39

DE89Y81 64

37 Manor Lane, DE92 W61

37 Victoria Grove,

11 Warwick Road, DE90

112 Jericho Way, DE100

16 Sky View Avenue, DE90 W63 29 Jericho Way, DE91 X68

48

@FencerSpencer

D: Infinite Vault#3962

@ironhand89

@jallapower

@joshuaLcurtis

@jezza_aa

Milton Mars

Thatcher Ventucci

Mateo Castillo

Toussaint Lavigne

Thatcher Maddock

Crépin Monet

Bradford Rich

Preston Amato

Parry Amato

Barclay Wright

Dayton Amato

Agathon de’ Medici

Lind Maddock

Domingo Taylor

Francisco Baldwin

Osmin Baldwin

Marlow Amato

Spencer Smith

Théo Best

Olin Maddock

Machin Cataldi

Brinley Baldwin

Kipp Cataldi

Alvin Best

Shaw Cox

Numa Wilson

Dane Maddock

Sanford De Balboa

Gabriel Baldwin

Wilfred Thomas

Alfonso Lavigne

Francisque de’ Medici

Telford Edwards

Rodney Rich

Pell Monet

Ennemond De’ Medici

Fleming Ventucci

Tanner Cataldi

Fiacre Taylor

Sanford Ford

Palmer Maddock

Tanner Brown

Grayson de Balboa

Thatcher de Balboa

Josephin de Balboa

Simon Taylor

Denver Baldwin

Granger Chiesa

Alfred de Balboa

Lucas Mars

Allyr Wright

Fairfax Chiesa

Rae Maddock

Ruffin Mars

Tranter Cortes

Emerson Rich

Wakefield Evans

Bray Green

Channing Rich

Kent Edwards

Tanner Evans

Marin Roberts

Rigobert Roberts

Francisco Lavigne

Bob Cataldi

65

14

123

9

@mrsbrown888

@jochen4938

@joewcrypto

Garfield Ventucci

Pell Baldwin

Denver Maddock

Parry Chiesa

Lind Green

Lind Amato

Creighton De Balboa

Pothin Hill

Rigobert Baldwin

Marden Taylor

Gabriel Walker

@Johnherza

@kiama_3d @SalvatMedici

@vrostakos

D: King_Alex#9850

@King_Ventucci @Koirakes @kpetric2017

@dolivares44ff

D: kustard#5017

@L1k3Water

@l3allon1 @lara_bcw

@lexcal78

@hopiumjunky @Mackmora2103

@matasa_qt

@MiltonWilsonTAS

@KindCryptoDuder @Visioncnft

@Mirjamcla

@MorGangsterNFTs @NestaKamachi @cryptlettuce42

@nolan_vbif

@Plueondee @aheo33 @Piccolo2022

@Ryan45377575

@ponziratti @Cnft_Fella

@Kazimeras @cnft_today @Rasputin552

@alexbri09550168

@data_relevant @rrjoey05

Elmar White

Ochoa Ford

Ramiro King

Amilcar Chiesa

Brock King

Kenton Monet

Machin de’ Medici

Dempster Ventucci

Élien Evans

Ford Edwards

Tanner Best

Lucas Baldwin

Jarman Amato

Fleury Mars

Bromley Green

Francisco Castillo

Barclay Brown

Seabert Hill

Amans Taylor

Dover Cox

Landon Baldwin

Whit Maddock

Bonnet Castillo

Chapman Mars

Milton Wilson

Bronson Green

Linwood Castillo

Durward Wright

Andres Best

Thorpe Cataldi

Rodman García

Rider Wright

Bonaventure Cataldi

Lievin Cataldi

Winslow Lavigne

Raleigh White

Esmond Cortes

Salvat Cataldi

Bently de la Cruz

Privat de’ Medici

Estevan Baldwin

Dunstan Ford

Harold Baldwin

Keyon Wilson

Hunter Castillo

Esmond Smith

Sabastian Hill

Manley Roberts

Digby Monet

Booth Maddock

Francisque Cataldi

Denton Green

Durward Mars

114

18

DE90 Z79 109

41 Birckbeck Road, DE93 Y74

111 Taylor Avenue, DE100 Z71

152 Mornington Road, DE101 Z82

106 Cahuenga Boulevard, DE99 Y62

60 Sky View Avenue, DE94 X63

11 Regent Place, DE90 Y77

107 Sky View Avenue, DE99 Y63

117 Sutherland Place, DE100 Y72

12 Cahuenga Boulevard, DE90 U62

35 Taylor Avenue, DE92 Y71

51 Walnut Street, DE94 Y73

110 King Avenue, DE99 S66

110 Warwick Road, DE99 Z69

25 Wright Buildings, DE91 Y76

10 Betton Street, DE89 X67 125 Walnut Street, DE101 Z73 60 Betton Street, DE94 Y67 39 Betton Street, DE92 V67

29 Kingswood Road, DE88 Z84 106 Wright Buildings, DE99 Z76 74 Jericho Way, DE96 X68 60 Laurel Road, DE94 Y70 113 South Zam Street, DE100 Z75 119 King Avenue, DE100 Y66

14 Victoria Grove, DE90 Y78 72 Taylor Avenue, DE96 Y71 46 Wright Buildings, DE93 Y76

128 Sky View Avenue, DE101 X63

121 Cahuenga Boulevard, DE101 Y62

Brandon Baldwin

Colby Mars

Bartolome Walker

Huntley Cox

Osmin Lavigne

Read Baldwin

Brewster Best

Barclay Ventucci

Courtland Taylor

Rudyard Lavigne

Thorpe Brown

Jorge Ventucci

Lincoln King

Florimond Brown

Tye Green

Thatcher Green

Kipp Green

Brewster Green

Blade Wilson

Clair Ventucci

Geronimo Wright

Washington King

Wheaton Best

Nicolas Walker

Voltaire Mars

Brinley Ventucci

Creighton Lavigne

Francisco Monet

Charles de’ Medici

Miller de’ Medici

Ramiro de’ Medici

Brent Monet

Ansley Lavigne

Kipp Baldwin

Snowden Wright

Alfred Baldwin

Eldon Amato

Ramiro Baldwin

Dorset Lavigne

Rigby Cataldi

Barden Chiesa

Harman Ventucci

Addison de Balboa

Hamilton García

Hamilton de Balboa

Simon Maddock

Dempster Monet

Webster Monet

Rochester Hill

Fiacre Rich

Sherman Ford

Wesley Taylor

Redford White

Claudien Brown

Penn Cortes

Garfield Castillo

Fleury Best

Packard de’ Medici

Bede Chiesa

Ochoa Best

Théo Edwards

Wesley Lavigne

Fielding Evans

Numa Hill

Sherman Maddock

104 Melendez Way, DE99 Z79

8 King Avenue, DE89 Q66

5 Warwick Road, DE89 X69

42 Jericho Way, DE93 W68

148 Mason Court, DE100 Z81

155 Mason Court, DE101 Z81

8 Manor Lane, DE89 U61

69 Taylor Avenue, DE95 Y71

98 Jericho Way, DE98 Y68

88 King Avenue, DE97 W66

110 Holly Hill Avenue, DE99 W80

Gruesome Greens don’t like rules!

129 Taylor Avenue, DE101 Z71

129 Kingswood Road, DE98 Z84

116 Kingswood Road, DE97 Z84

26 Martin Lane, DE88 Z83

14 Jericho Way, DE90 X68

10 Canmard City Avenue, DE89 W65

66 Warwick Road, DE95 Y69

14 Betton Street, DE90 X67

156 Martin Lane, DE101 Z83

120 Mornington Road, DE97 U82

6 Kingswood Road, DE86 T84

72 Betton Street, DE96 R67

10 Laurel Road, DE89 R70

79 King Avenue, DE96 W66

17 Holly Hill Avenue, DE90 Y80

2 Mornington Road, DE86 Y82

76 Birckbeck Road, DE96 Z74

124 Manor Lane, DE101 Y61

47 Regent Place, DE93 Y77

104 Regent Place, DE99 Z77

96 Martin Lane, DE95 Z83

46 Cahuega Boulevard, DE93 W62

47 Warwick Road, DE93 Y69

20 Wright Buildings, DE90 X76

84 Brown Avenue, DE97 Y64

Special Thanks!

We would like to express a huge thank you to all the Apes who have joined Doork East since our first Volume, for their support, time, ideas, contributions and passion that made this magazine possible. Our community is our treasure.

Francisco Monet & Bede Chiesa