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Separation /Divorce Guidelines
from 2022 Journal
5. Clergy and laity in ministerial roles shall include clergy as defined by the ¶142, retired clergy members of the annual conference, and any other person in a ministerial role as explained and illustrated on p. 778 of the BOR. 6. Pornography is defined in ¶161Q.
Abuse of Power
Sexual abuse within the ministerial relationship involves a betrayal of sacred trust, a violation of the ministerial role and exploitation of those who are vulnerable. Similarly, sexual and gender harassment are usually understood as exploitations of power relationships rather than as exclusively sexual or gender issues. This does not mean that clergy could never be the victim of sexual harassment or sexual abuse by laity. (See BOD, ¶605.8)
Implementation
Clergy and laity in ministerial roles (including retired clergy), lay employees, and volunteers of the Dakotas Conference shall be provided a copy of this policy through the Dakotas Conference Journal and website, the Conference Office, and Human Resources Handbook. Training information shall be available to assist in the understanding and implementation of this policy.
Making a Complaint
Some instances of harassment can be resolved informally by conversation between the parties or facilitated mediation. In all other instances, if a violation of this policy is witnessed, or in good faith thought to have occurred, it shall be reported immediately to one of the offices listed below. To make a complaint, contact one of the following and say, “I am calling to make a complaint of sexual misconduct”:
Executive Director of Ministries 605-990-7791
Office of the Bishop, Dakotas-Minnesota Area 612-870-4007 Honest and good faith complaints are welcomed. Clergy and laity in ministerial roles (including retired clergy), lay employees, and volunteers of the Dakotas Conference are required to report immediately any reasonable suspicion of harassment, abuse or misconduct to the appropriate person except when knowledge would violate confidentiality between pastor and parishioner. The Dakotas Conference, including the aforementioned persons, will not retaliate against any person who brings forward a complaint. Prompt and appropriate investigation and corrective action will be taken, including discipline pursuant to the BOD, state, federal, and/or tribal law. Persons who make false accusations will be held accountable. Nothing in this policy shall be construed to waive pastor-parishioner privilege. “All clergy of The United Methodist Church are charged to maintain all confidences inviolate, including confessional confidences, except in the cases of suspected child abuse or neglect or in cases where mandatory reporting is required by civil law.” (BOD ¶341.5) Clergy and laity in ministerial roles (including retired clergy), lay employees, and volunteers of the Dakotas Conference will follow any applicable mandatory reporting laws. There is potential for conflict between the obligations imposed under church law and state law, and in these cases legal advice should be sought.
Information Sharing
While the Dakotas Conference cannot guarantee absolute confidentiality, it seeks to make every reasonable effort to maintain confidence by disclosing information about the complaint only on a “need to know” basis as necessary to promote God’s call for justice, reconciliation and healing.
Commitment to Justice and Healing
The Dakotas Conference will take appropriate corrective action upon completion of an investigation and affirms the goals of reconciliation and resolution, leading to justice and healing for all parties involved. I have read and affirm my understanding of this policy. Signature __________________________________ Date_________________________________
Separation/Divorce Guidelines for Ordained Clergy
Adopted: 1995
AFFIRMATION OF MARRIAGE
The Church has traditionally supported marriage and we continue to affirm it as a viable institution, even in the midst of social change. We lift up the statement of the 1984 General Conference: “We affirm the sanctity of the marriage covenant which is expressed in love, mutual support, personal commitment, and shared fidelity between a man and a woman. We believe that God’s blessing rests upon such marriage, whether or not there are children of the union. We reject social norms that assumed different standards for women than for men in marriage.” (The Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church, ¶71c) And -- we live with the paradox reflected in the continuation of the same paragraph: “Where marriage partners, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, are estranged beyond reconciliation, we recognize divorce as regrettable but recognize the right of the divorced persons to remarry. We express our deep concern for the care of nurture of the children of divorced or remarried persons. We encourage that either or both of the divorced parents be considered for custody of the minor children of the marriage. We encourage an active, adapting, and enabling commitment of the church and our society to the members of divorced families.” (The Book of Discipline of the United Methodist Church, ¶71d) We affirm that when persons enter into marriage, they enter into a covenant relationship which God has blessed. That relationship is meant to be an unbroken relationship in which two persons commit themselves not only to each other, but to the growth and development of the other’s unique gifts. Even in the best of situations, finding marital fulfillment demands tireless effort. People change. No marriage can remain static and be viable. Marriage enrichment seminars, clergy and spouse life planning seminars, and in-depth sharing provide opportunities for continued growth.
THE STRUGGLE TO FULFILL THE MARRIAGE COVENANT
Clergy are expected to model exemplary marital relationships. The covenant relationship -- spouse to spouse, and clergy to clergy — offers significant strength and spiritual resources for fulfilling the marriage vows. Churches and clergy also must remember that all persons are vulnerable to the same pressures of society. Clergy and spouses are humans, with strengths and weaknesses, who make wise decisions and commit errors in judgment. Clergy are human beings. As such, they are vulnerable to failure and mistakes as are any other person. The social pressures that affect the family today also affect clergy families. Church and society make demands upon clergy’s time and energies which, when personal life is not nurtured, can be destructive. In addition, persons change as they live life. Such change can be a challenge to marriage relationships. When minister and spouse find themselves experiencing destructive marital stress, they must respond to the signals with appropriate action. Clergy need to follow the advice they give to others: Seek help! They should not isolate their pain from others or seek to deny its reality. Other clergy persons, secular resources, the District Superintendent, or friends offer resources for the healing and enriching of marriage. A list of qualified counselors in your district may be obtained from each District Superintendent. Experience indicates that patterns of evasion often create catastrophic results and people seek to meet their personal needs in counterproductive relationships and work patterns.
THE REALITY OF SEPARATION/DIVORCE
The United Methodist Church has dealt with the concept of divorce in its statement in Paragraph 71d (stated under Section I of these guidelines). Further, it is our attempt to permit separation/divorce without advocating it. For clergy, divorces are a reality. They are filled with anguish and clouded with ambiguity, as are all marital separations or divorces. Our history as an Annual Conference has been for the Bishop and Cabinet to deal with each separation/divorce occurrence individually, but without publicly stating procedures or generally understood expectations and intents. The guidelines put forth here have emerged from consultation among the Bishop, the Cabinet, and the Board of Ordained Ministry over an extended period of time. They are the public declaration of the process and understandings that will inform the case-by-case evaluation of the ministry of clergy who are approaching separation/divorce. The procedures reflect the couple’s network of relationships touched by clergy divorce: family, colleagues, local congregations, and professional relationship to the Conference. Articulation of guidelines to be observed when separation/divorce is chosen by clergy is in no way to be interpreted as Dakotas Annual Conference’s diminishing the integrity of the marriage covenant as a lifetime commitment. Rather, the development of a process is an attempt to nurture responsible behavior in the face of marital stress/behavior that may lead to reconciliation or to mature and honorable steps toward termination of marriage. The intent is to preserve the honor of the marriage covenant and the ordination vows and set forth a responsible method to resolve discord and disruption in clergy households.
DEALING HONORABLY WITH THE BREAKDOWN OF RELATIONSHIPS
When a minister and spouse recognize that the marriage relationship is degenerating in spite of intensive professional counseling and a will to make the marriage covenant survive, it is expected that mature action will be taken. The response to this awareness should be with behavior that maintains the highest professional standards of the ordained ministry. 1. A clergy person contemplating separation/divorce, and the impact on professional status, will be evaluated case by case.
To provide consistency and fairness, each person entering a period of separation/divorce, having fulfilled the preceding guidelines, will be expected to proceed according to the following steps: 2. Pastor informs own District Superintendent, and they, together, contact the Bishop. District Superintendent initiates contact with non-clergy spouse, emphasizing pastoral care and indicating ongoing support and counsel with couples involved. 3. Pastor and District Superintendent contact Pastor-Parish Chairperson to discuss the pastor’s and spouse’s impending separation/divorce, and strategy for announcing to local congregation. In the case of an Extension Ministry, the District
Superintendent will consult with the Pastor to determine what persons within the appointive setting should be informed. 4. Pastor, District Superintendent, and Chairperson inform Pastor-Parish Relations Committee, and establish ongoing support and counsel with couples involved. 5. Pastor, with support of District Superintendent and Pastor-Parish Relations Committee, informs local congregation, with intent toward enabling all parties to begin to deal with grief, anger, hurt and other feelings. In the case of an Appointment Beyond the Local Church, the Pastor will inform those parties previously designated by the pastor and the DS, with the same intent to deal with the resulting feelings. 6. District Superintendent, pastor, and two members of the Board of Ordained Ministry (One from Conference Relations
Committee and one of the pastor’s choosing) meet to consider options of pastor’s relationship to Annual Conference. In the case of an appointment in extension ministries, this meeting will be held, when deemed appropriate by the Board of
Ordained Ministry at a location near the appointment site. The available relationship options include: (a) retaining of current appointment; (b) re-appointment to another parish; (c) special appointment; (d) leave of absence; (e) sabbatical leave; (f) honorable location; (g) retirement; (h) withdrawal; (i) termination; (j) in cases of clergy immoral conduct, the review process will be initiated; and (k) in cases of clergy second or successive divorces, the Board of Ordained Ministry would reserve the right to counsel with the clergy person. The determination of Conference relationship and appointment is contingent upon the fulfillment of all the preceding guidelines. The report of this committee will be referred to the Cabinet and Conference Relations Committee, who by The Discipline have authority in matters of appointment and Conference relationship. 7. Encourage pastor and spouse to communicate to colleagues and friends their action, thus taking responsible steps within the covenant community.
