Sexceptional: Teen Guide to Abstinence by drakua

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Sexceptional ! The Ultimate & Essential Teen Guide to Abstinence By Chike Akua

www.MyTeacherTransformation.com

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Other Books & DVDs By Chike Akua Words of Power, Volume 2: Centering Ourselves for Success (2020) Honoring Our Ancestral Obligations: 7 Steps to Black Student Success (2017) Education for Transformation: The Keys to Releasing the Genius of African American Students (2012) Sexceptional: The Ultimate & Essential Teen Guide to Abstinence (2012) Reading Revolution: Reconnecting the Roots (with Tavares Stephens) (2006) Words of Power, Volume 1: Ancient Insights & Modern Messages for Parents, Teachers, and Students (2005) A Kwanzaa Awakening: Lessons for the Community (4th Edition) (2004) The African Origins of Our Faith (2004) A Treasure Within: Stories of Remembrance & Rediscovery (2001) A Treasure Within: Parent/Teacher Resource Guide (2001)

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*To the Reader It is not by chance that this book has come into your possession. What you are about to read will transform your life in every way. Read and be wise, then share it with a friend.

*A scroll is a symbol of ancient wisdom. In ancient times. African scribes would write their scientific discoveries and deep knowledge on papyrus scrolls. These scrolls contained the wisdom of the ages and many still exist today. Also in ancient times, the symbol of the Udjat (Third Eye) represented deep insight. Every time you see a scroll and Udjat in this book, it contains deep wisdom and insight for you to pause and think about.

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Dedication To Rev. Christopher T. Johnson and Dr. Wayne E. Evans The two of you are treasured friends who walked with me through the challenges of living a life of abstinence before marriage. I am eternally grateful for your friendship, wise counsel, and deep insight. To my sons, Jahbari Joseph Akua and Amari Elijah Akua; Read and be wise. “Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” You are being prepared for a mighty mission and a powerful purpose for the resurrection of African people and the redemption of humanity. The information contained in this book is a critical part of your preparation. To Willette E. Akua, my dedicated, loving, and supportive, wife of eighteen years. I am eternally grateful for your love and support from the very beginning and through the years. To Yvonne Matthews, J. Michael Washington, and Adrian Hendricks whose transformative work with young people is most inspiring.

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“Sharpen your eye and tune your ear, so you know what you see and understand what you hear.”

-Listervelt Middleton, Poet “On the Origin of Things”

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Table of Contents 8 Introduction 13 Chapter 1: Challenges and Choices 23 Chapter 2: What is Sex?: What Most Adults Will Never Tell You 29 Chapter 3 Ancient African Traditional Views on Sex 36 Chapter 4: Straight Up Lies! 41 Chapter 5: Daily Decisions, Daily Disciplines & Your Destiny 52 Chapter 6: A Message to Young Brothers 62 Words of Wisdom Treasure Hunt (Ch. 1-6) 63 Sexceptional Word Search 1 64 Chapter 7: A Message to Young Sisters 75 Chapter 8: How Images Influence Actions 82 Chapter 9: This Chapter Will Change your Life! 90 Chapter 10: This Chapter Will Change the Way You Look at Things 97 Chapter 11: The Civil War Within 106 Chapter 12: 7 Ways to Sublimate Sexual Energy 111 Chapter 13: A Final Word: The Leaders Emerge 116 Words of Wisdom Treasure Hunt (Ch. 7-13) 117 Sexceptional Word Search 2 118

Recommended Reading

119

About the Author

121

Other Materials From Imani Enterprises

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Introduction Congratulations! If you are reading this, it is because you have made the decision to consider abstaining from sexual activity until you are married or you are at least considering sexual abstinence as an option. Or you are a program director, teacher or counselor who wants to share this with young people. In my humble opinion, there are not enough young people who know that abstinence is a viable choice. The title is Sexceptional. Sexceptional is an adjective that describes “one who is willing to undertake the discipline, devotion, and determination to abstain from sexual activity until marriage.” It takes an exceptional person because there are many weapons of mass distraction and weapons of mass deception. We hear a lot about safe sex, but abstinence is, hands down, the safest alternative. But when abstinence is mentioned, oftentimes, young people are not given the tools to make abstinence work. This book is a tool box of insights and strategies. This book is, more than anything, about decisions and choices. It is a book I have intended to write for a long time because of a great deal of misinformation that young people receive and societal influences that cause confusion and lead to poor choices. This book is very user-friendly an is purposely written in a conversational voice. Each chapter concludes with questions for thought, reflection, and discussion and other activities designed to increase awareness, understanding and application of concepts so that the reader.is equipped to make informed decisions. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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In addition, Sexceptional is culturally contextualized in its language, logic, and examples. This engages the reader at a deeper level than books that do not speak to the environment and experiences of the potential reader. The Missouri Department of Health’s guidelines were helpful in framing the structure of this book. As such, this book will demonstrate the following eight points: 1. That there are social, psychological, and health gains to be realized by abstaining from sexual activity 2. That abstinence from sexual activity outside of marriage is the expected standard for all school age children. 3. That abstinence from sexual activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and other associated health problems. 4. That a mutually faithful, monogamous relationship in the context of marriage is the expected standard of human sexual activity. 5. That sexual activity outside of the context of marriage is likely to have harmful consequences for the child, the child’s parents, and society. 6. That sexual activity outside of the context of marriage is likely to have harmful psychological and physical effects. 7. Th t alcohol and drug use increases vulnerability to sexual advances and how to reject such advances. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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8. That attaining self-sufficiency before engaging in sexual activity is paramount. I am deeply indebted to two very dear friends: Dr. Wayne E. Evans and Rev. Christopher T. Johnson. These are two friends who walked with me during my college years when I struggled with whether to maintain abstinence. They are two of the most powerful men I know who have demonstrated discipline, devotion, and determination in so many ways. Their lives are a fruitful testament to their exceptional commitment to high standards and traditional values. As you read this, I hope you will surround yourself with like-minded friends of high character and conviction, discipline, devotion, and determination.

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sexceptional /seks sepshun al/ (adj.): a word describing one who undertakes the discipline, devotion, and determination to abstain from sexual activity until marriage.

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“Daily decisions and daily disciplines determine your destiny.” -Chike Akua

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Chapter 1 Challenges & Choices

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Justin’s Judgment Part I What’s up, man?” said Troy. He and Jasmine were walking down the hall and saw Justin at his locker. “What’s up y’all,” said Justin. Troy and Justin slapped hands. “Justin, I know somebody who likes you,” said Jasmine grinning from ear to ear. “Who?” asked Justin. “She’s in one of your classes. You know Tanya? She’s in your English class. She’s on the cheerleading squad with me.” “Yeah…I know who you’re talkin’ about.” “What do you think, man? You like her? Asked Troy. “She’s cool…I mean, she’s nice but...” “She really likes you,” said Jasmine, clearly trying to play matchmaker. “She’s always talking about you. You should go out with her.” The next day, Troy and Justin were at the park playing basketball. In between games, Troy came up to Justin. “Here..catch,” he said, throwing Justin a bottle of water. “Thanks, man,” said Justin catching the bottle. “So when are you going to go out with Tanya?” asked Troy. “I’m not,” said Justin. “I told you, she’s nice, but I’m not interested in having a relationahip with her.” XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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“Yo…slow down man! Who said anything about a relationship?! Why don’t you just hit it?!” said Troy making a sexual gesture with his fist. Justin looked at Troy for a brief moment. They had been friends for years. They had many of the same hobbies and interests. They even had similar goals of going to college. But Justin had noticed at other times that Troy’s values were different than his. “Naw man. I ain’t gonna do that,” he finally answered. C’mon, man. Jasmine said that Tanya’s always talking about you. She even told me herself that she wants to get with you. You don’t have to ‘go’ with her. Just hit it!”

What do you think Justin should do?

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Part II Justin listened to Troy, but still shook his head “no.” About a week later, he saw Troy again. “Yo man,” said Troy in a serious voice. “It’s a good thing you didn’t get with Tanya.” “Why?” asked Justin. She told Jasmine she got crabs!” “Crabs?” said Justin, confused. “Yeah, man. Genital lice…you know, them little bugs that get in your private parts. It’s nasty. It’s one of them STDs, sexually transmitted diseases. That woulda been messed up if you had gotten with her. Then you’d have it, too. I’d hate to see you go out like that, man!” “Yeah, me too!” said Justin as they slapped hands. Justin knew he had made the right decision when he told Troy and Jasmine the first time that he wasn’t interested in having sex with Tanya. Now he knew for sure.

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Tameka’s Problem “So what did you and Dante do after the movie last night?” Danielle asked Tameka as they sat in the living room watching music videos. Tameka looked away, clearly uncomfortable. “Oooooh! Y’all did it, didn’t you?! I knew it!” said Danielle. “Shhhh!” warned Tameka. “No we didn’t!” “Why not?!” You know he likes you. And you know what he wants, girl!” pressured Danielle. “I know…but…I’m not ready. I told him I wasn’t ready.” Said Tameka reluctantly. “Dang! What did he say?” “He started acting funny, like he didn’t wanna be around me anymore. I really like him, but I’m just not ready for that yet.” “Girl, you know all them other girls are after him. And you know they’ll give it up in a heartbeat. What you gonna do?” asked Danielle. “I don’t know. I really like him,” said Tameka in a disappointed voice. “What would you do?” she asked hoping for some good advice. “Girl, he fine. I’d do it!”

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Jamil’s Dilemma Jamil sat in the clinic aching in his private parts. “What in the world could be wrong with me?” he thought. All he knew was that everytime he went to urinate it was painful. All he felt was an increasing burning sensation. When he went to the clinic, he gave the nurse a urine sample. Painfully provided, this urine sample would reveal what the problem was. He wondered if this had anything to do with girls he had had sex with. He was known for being able to attract the girls and hadn’t given much thought to using a condom. Jamil was always the loudest one talking about all of his experiences in the locker room while clowning less sexually experienced boys. He remembered sitting through health class when the teacher said, “Abstinence is the safest way to avoid sexually transmitted dieases.” “Booooring,” he had said out loud. The entire class had fallen out laughing. The teacher just looked at him. “Owwwch!” he said to himself. The pain was becoming more an more unbearable. It felt like there was acid burning inside his private parts. Finally the nurse walked in the room. “Did you find out what’s wrong with me?” he asked impatiently. “Jamil, you have gonnorhea,” said the nurse. Jamil put his head in his hands and began to cry.

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What do you think Jamil should do?

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Latoya’s Disappointment “Where you at, girl?” asked Cherise. She could hear a baby crying in the background. “I’m at home,” replied a disappointed Latoya into the phone. “I thought you was gonna meet us at the game,” said Cherise. “We was lookin’ for you.” “I can’t come. I gotta watch L’il Ray.” “Just bring him with you. Everybody here. You gonna miss it!” “I can’t. He got a cold. I can’t bring him out the house and my Mama won’t watch him for me.” “Dang, yo Moms is trippin’ again? “Yeah, she act like she can’t watch him. It ain’t fair.” “Alright, girl. I’ll catch you later.” Latoya hung up the phone and sat back on the couch. She had a flashback to a conversation she had had with her mother a year ago. “I don’t like you going out with that boy, Michael,” her mother had said in a firm voice. “But he nice and I like him,” pleaded Latoya. “He ain’t got no home trainin’ and he only wants one thing. You need to stay away from him. I’m tellin’ you,Latoya, I’ve seen boys like him before and they only want one thing. Once they get what they want, you don’t hear from them anymore,” her mother warned. “He’ll act like he don’t even know you.” “She just doesn’t understand,” Latoya thought to herself. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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But one day, she and Michael were alone at her house while her mother was at work. “Come on, girl. You know I love you. Why don’t you let me get some…” Before she knew it, even though she was reluctant, they had had sex. At school the next day, Michael acted like he didn’t even know her. She couldn’t believe it. A few months later, when she told him she was pregnant, he told her the baby wasn’t his. “The baby is yours! I ain’t been with nobody else! You were my first…” she said through tears. “Yeah, right,” he said, as he walked away. When L’il Ray was born, Michael never came by to see him. And since L’il Ray was born, Latoya was working night and day caring for him. She had no time for herself and didn’t even have time to hang out with her friends. Taking care of L’il Ray was a full-time job by itself. “It ain’t fair,” she said to herself. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked into L’il Ray’s eyes. He looked just like Michael.

What do you think Latoya should do?

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“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” -Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu

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Chapter 2 What is Sex? What Most Adults Will Never Tell You About Sex

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When adults want to convince you not to have sex, they usually start by telling you lots of horror stories about the negative affects of engaging in premarital sex. But I’m going to begin by telling you a few things that most adults probably won’t tell you. Sex is: 1. Natural: it’s how we got here 2. Personal: Because it’s personal, it’s not advisable to share your relationship business with too many people. Only those trustworthy and wise should be confided in. 3. Beautiful: Sex is a special form of intimacy that should be reserved for someone that is special to you and one who regards you as special. 4. Enjoyable: It feels good! There’s nothing quite like it when it’s with the right person! 5. Wonderful: It feels great! When it’s with the right person and at the right time in your life, few things compare! 6. Incredible: How awesome and miraculous it is to think about the fact that the union of a male and female can create new life. 7. Essential: It’s necessary for the continuation of life and healthy functioning. But if you are not thoughtful, practical, and responsible, sex can be:

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1. HARMFUL: AIDS is running rampant, especially among African American youth; there are also other STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) that one can contract such as syphilis, genital lice (crabs), herpes, and gonorrhea. 2. PAINFUL: When a person engages in sex without being thoughtful, practical, and responsible, it can be emotionally painful if things don’t work out. Especially in instances of unwed or unwanted pregnancy, sex can be a life-altering choice. 3. DETRIMENTAL: Sex does not necessarily make a relationship better. As a matter of fact, it can often cause problems in a relationship and make the relationship more unstable and thus detrimental. Sometimes, when adults are cautioning you about premarital sexual activity, you might be thinking to yourself, “Yeah, but I bet you did it when you were my age!” Some parents and other adults are up front with their children. Others may not feel comfortable sharing. I know many adults who are not comfortable sharing information about their personal sex life because they have not reconciled many of the mistakes they made when they were your age. Oftentimes if an adult is cautioning you about sexual activity and encouraging you to practice abstinence, it is because they did not, and now they’re suffering the consequences. I have counseled and spoken to many adult men and women who confided to me the foolish behaviors they engaged in as a teen or young adult. There is such a sense of shame.

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“Man…I was out there doing everything I saw other people doing. I wish I had waited.” I have heard countless adults share this testimony. An now they are paying the price for mistakes they made decades ago. We live in a hyper-sexualized, sex-saturated society in which sexual suggestions are everywhere: billboards, TV, movies, music, internet, even ringtones. Highly skilled business people know that “sex sells.” So they use it in commercials that don’t have anything to do with the product they are selling. They use sexual suggestion to sell everything from beer to cars. In a sex saturated society, the goal is stimulate your sexual desires and thus get you to buy their products. Oftentimes, confused young people imitate the actions of confused adults. This book will help you make informed decisions as you continue on the path of sexual abstinence.

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Questions for Thought, Reflection & Discussion 1. Why do many adults sometimes have trouble sharing their thoughts about sex with their children? 2. What did most adults share about what they wish they had done regarding sex when they were younger? 3. What does the author mean when he says we live in a hyper-sexualized or sex-saturated society?

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“You must learn to say to yourself and others: Before I say ‘I do’, I don’t. Before I say ‘I do, I WON’T!” -Dr. Dale Bronner

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Chapter 3 Ancient African Traditional Views on Sex

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Ancient Africans have always had a deep respect for sexual union and life. Their respect for these things was represented in their languages and symbols. Perhaps humanity’s oldest representation of this respect can be found in the ancient African symbol, the ankh. It comes from the Nile Valley nation of Kemet (Egypt) in Africa. The ankh is a symbol of everlasting life. But it also represents the profound respect ancient Africans had for the male and female reproductive organs, and the tremendous power humans have to create new life. The loop at the top of the ankh represents the womb of a woman. This is the place in the woman’s body where the baby is nourished and nurtured to life. The two bars extending from beneath the loop represent the ovaries. The ovaries are the female sexual organs which produce eggs. The shaft extending from the ovaries in the ankh represents the birth canal, the path the newborn baby travels as (s)he is being born into this world. It also represents the male phallus or penis.

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Symbolism of the Ankh This symbol was not seen as something funny or odd. It was seen as a symbol which represented the deep respect African people had for the process of creation and sacred (holy) creative sexual organs.

The ancient African scribe (writer) and Master Teacher, Dja Ptahhotep advised over 4500 yearsago that people, “Be circumspect in matters of sexual relations.” This means that he advised people to be thoughtful and careful when it came to anything related to sex and sexual activity because it could result in new life or if misused, could result in the destruction of life. In the west African Empires of Ghana, Mali, and Songhoy (sometimes spelled Songhai), the culture was much the same. The fertility doll of the Yoruba in west XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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Africa is much like the ankh of the people of Kemet in east Africa. There is an African Proverb which says, “Children are the reward of life.” Among the Bakongo people of west Africa, each child is seen as “a rising sun” and a radiating center of light. This means that each child is seen as a divine spiritual being, sent to this time, place, and space for a powerful purpose and mighty mission. So it was clear to ancient Africans that sexual responsibility could bring forth life. Sexual irresponsibility could bring forth death. Too often in today’s world, over the years, Black children have been seen as “crumb snatchers, rug rats, hood rats, etc. The appreciation for children has been deeply diminished. In addition, violent crimes in our community have caused us to be desensitized to the loss of life. It is then understandable that what produces life, the act of sexual intercourse, is no longer elevated and respected either. We must return to the traditional ways of our ancestors. This allowed us to have loving families and communities that stayed together, prospered greatly and were free from crime and violence.

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“Be *circumspect in matters of sexual relations.” -Dja Ptahhotep Ancient African Scribe & Master Teacher

2500 B.C.E. *circumspect: thoughtful, careful

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Questions for Thought, Reflection & Discussion 1. What do each of the parts of the ankh represent? 2. What did Ptahhotep mean when he said, “Be circumspect in matters of sexual relations?” 3. How did west Africans view children?

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“Change begins with a choice!” -Dr. Wayne E. Evans

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Chapter 4 Straight Up Lies!

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Some of the biggest lies you will ever hear in your life will be related to sex. You’ll hear guys in the locker room bragging about what they’ve done (or would like to do). They’ll say they had sex with a number of girls. Some may be telling the truth, but a lot of guys are just trying to fit in. You’ll hear girls talking about what they did or would like to do. Some may be telling the truth, but a lot of girls are just trying to fit in. Be very careful about conversations like this! Unless the people talking are genuine, make it your mission to exit the scene as soon as possible. Very little good can come from you getting involved in such conversations. Here are some of the most common lies you’ll hear: LIE: Everybody’s doin’ it! (having sex) TRUTH: While many young people are engaging in sexual activity these days, not everyone is. There are always those who have chosen not to. 2. LIE: You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex! TRUTH: Many a young lady has been told this and believed it, only to engage in sex and end up pregnant or with an STD. 3. LIE: Nobody waits until they’re married to have sex! TRUTH: Many people choose to wait until they’re married to engage in sexual activity because they regard sexual intercourse as special and sacred. 4. LIE: It’s impossible to wait until you’re married to have sex! 1.

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TRUTH: Again, many have cultivated the discipline to learn how to keep themselves out of situations which could lead to premarital sex. LIE: You’ll be miserable if you abstain from sex! TRUTH: Many young people live exciting and enjoyable lives while abstaining from sexual activity. LIE: A condom prevents pregnancy. TRUTH: A condom and other forms of birth control can help prevent pregnancy. But they are not 100% effective. A condom can break. The only 100% effective method is ABSTINANCE. LIE: A condom prevents AIDS/HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. TRUTH: A condom can help prevent AIDS and other STDs. However, condoms are not 100% effective because they are porous. This means they have tiny holes or pores in them. These pores can allow viruses and bacteria into the body of each person participating in sexual intercourse. Also, again, condoms can break. LIE: Having sex makes you a man/woman or makes you more of a man/woman than those who do not engage in sexual relations. TRUTH: Having sex does not make you more of a man or woman, although many young people begin to “act grown” and have an attitude when they become sexually active. Know anyone like this?

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Questions for Thought, Reflection & Discussion 1. Which of the lies and truths sticks out in your mind most? 2. Why should you be careful about who you have conversations about sex with? 3. What is the truth about condoms, pregnancy and STDs?

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“Daily decisions create a Domino Effect in your life!” -Chike Akua

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Chapter 5 Daily Decisions, Daily Disciplines And Your Destiny

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How would put the following five items in order? What order do you want to experience these things in your life? Take a moment and think about it before reading further. 1. Children 2. College Degree 3. Career 4. High School Diploma 5. Spouse After reading about this in Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu’s book entitled To Be Popular or Smart: The Black Peer Group, I have asked this question to thousands of young brothers and sisters around the country. With audiences that range from 30-300 youth, the answer is always the same. Young people always say they would like to experience these things in the following order: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

High School Diploma College Degree Career Spouse Children

When I ask audiences which of these usually happens first in our community, the whole audience says in unison, “children!” Then we begin to explore the Domino Effect. Certainly, you’ve seen a row of dominoes set up. Perhaps you’ve even done it yourself. After carefully XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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setting up dozens of dominoes, you then gently tap the first domino and it hits the second knocking it down…then the third, fourth, and so on. In a matter of seconds, all the dominoes fall down.

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“Plans are the string which hold the pearls together.” -Michael Johnson Olympic Gold Medalist

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Oftentimes, in our community, we see someone have a child in high school, then never finish high school, never go to college, never get a spouse, or career. Or we see someone finish high school but not college, no spouse, and no career. The Domino Effect can work for you or against you. This is a great way to visualize the daily decisions you make. Each one leads to a different outcome. Consider the following questions: 1. Who do you hang around? 2. Do they share your values? 3. Have you found that you get into trouble more often when you hang around certain people? 4. Do they want to go to college like you? 5. Do they want to be successful like you? 6. Do they go to class on time like you? 7. Do they do well in school like you? 8. Do they respect their elders like you? 9. Do they abstain from sexual activity like you? Dr. Kunjufu also says, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” You’ve probably heard it said a different way: “Birds of a feather flock together.” I say it like this: 



Show me three young people who are constantly late to class. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4. Show me three young people who do not respect authority. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4.

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

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Show me three young people who are constantly fighting or getting suspended from school. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4. Show me three young people who are sexually promiscuous and engage in sexually risky behavior. You hang with them and you’re bound to be #4. Show me three young people who produce an unwanted pregnancy. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4.

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“If you can’t lift up the people you care about, for God’s sake, don’t let them bring you down!”

-Les Brown Author & Motivational Speaker

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I’m not suggesting that people who make poor decisions are bad people. Not at all. Many young brothers and sisters who engage in the behaviors previously listed are not bad. They’re simply lost and trying to find their way. What I am suggesting is that you must consciously evaluate other people’s behavior and the effect it has on your behavior if you are often around them. We can take the same Domino Effect and apply it in a positive way: 

Show me three young people who respect authority. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4  Show me three young people that make the honor roll. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4.  Show me three young people who are positive leaders in their school and community. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4.  Show me three young people who get a scholarship to college. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4.  Show me three young people who make a pledge of abstinence and stick to it. You hang with them, you’re bound to be #4. So, as you can see, daily decisions and daily disciplines shape your destiny. Please be mindful that I do not mean to suggest that if a person engages in sexual activity before marriage or has children at a young age that they cannot recover and be successful. What I am suggesting is that making it in today’s world is difficult enough. Don’t place added pressures on yourself by engaging in sexual activities XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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that can cause you much confusion, making your success even more difficult to attain . You may have a friend whom you care about who does engage in risky behavior. The powerful words of Les Brown are very important here. He suggests, “If you can’t lift up the people you care about, for God’s sake, don’t let them bring you down!” If you can help someone, by all means do so. But do not let others take you off course. I know many good brothers and sisters who spend a lifetime trying to clean up the mess they made when they were teens. The effects of poor decisions regarding sex can be devastating. But the effects of wise decisions can be exhilarating! One thing you can do is quietly examine the life of your parents. If you do not know one of your parents or one of your parents is not involved in your life right now, that should tell you something about the decisions they made. But be careful not to judge your parents. You may not know all the circumstances surrounding their decisions regarding sex and they may not feel comfortable sharing. As you consider these things, you can then decide the course you want your life to take and make your decisions accordingly.

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Questions for Thought, Reflection & Discussion 1. What order do you want to experience the five activities of life mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. 2. Explain the Domino Effect as it relates to the decisions you make in your life. 3. Explain the following quote: “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”

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“Life is like a chess match…. every move counts!” -Chike Akua

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Chapter 6 A Message to Young Brothers (But Sisters Need to Read This, Too!)

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I’m not buyin’ it! I’ve simply worked with too many powerful young, sharp, brilliant African American boys to believe that most of them want to be pimps, playas, criminals and thugs, which is the way we are far too often portrayed in the media. Most young brothers want to do well in school, make their parents proud, go to college, and be productive and successful at something great. But to do this you must be very thoughtful about the decisions you make. When we examine the lives of those who are successful and those who are not, it boils down to the daily disciplines and decisions they make. Be aware that the gangsterization and criminalization of the Black male image through the media means that, unfortunately, many will view you through the eyes of negative images until you show them otherwise. It’s not fair, but it is what it is--take it as a challenge! In Visions for Black Men, Dr. Na’im Akbar tells us the three stages of development: 1. Male Stage: we are born into this world as male or female. This is biologically determined—meaning, a male is born with a penis and a female is born with a vagina.

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Boy Stage: at a certain point a male begins to grow into a boy. A boy has reached a certain level of understanding and discipline only relative to what he wants. So he can be obedient or clean his room if he wants to watch TV or go out and play. But his level of discipline does not extend far beyond doing what he does to get what he wants. 3. Manhood Stage: A man is one who has arrived at a particular purpose and destiny. He uses his discipline and energy to advance his purpose and destiny. T. Garret Benjamin tells us that “Men put down toys and pick up tools.” Men use the tools of their mind and skills to build strong families, communities, and businesses. As a young man, I had to memorize a powerful poem by Haki Madhubuti called “The Book of Life.” In it he says, “You will recognize your brothers by the way they act and move throughout the world. There will be a strange force about them, There will be unspoken answers in them… The way they relate to women will be clean, complimentary, responsible, and with honesty. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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The way they relate to children will be strong and soft, full of positive direction.” These are few powerful words that help me identify men wherever I go. I have found that men are sexually respectful and sexually responsible. They understand sex is a powerful gift that must not be misused because it can easily lead to the ruin of a nation. You, can use the powerful words from “the Book of Life” to separate the men from the boys. Maleness is biological, we’re simply born that way. Boyhood represents a certain level of maturity and discipline, but certainly not enough. Manhood, however, is not guaranteed—it is a choice! Manhood requires a level of responsibility that is far beyond that of a male and a boy. The reason I have taken time to explain this is because there are many 16-60 year old males and boys in our community who know nothing of what it means to be a man. As a matter of fact, one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding manhood is that a man has sex all the time with one or many women and does not have a commitment to one. Many young brothers think it’s funny the way women are treated as sex objects, used, abused, and talked about terribly by males. In speaking to a group of about 300 Black and Latino boys at a school, I brought up this XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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point. the boys began to laugh lightly when I said, “yeah, you guys call ‘em b___, ho’s, tricks, etc. But what if someone said that about your mother?” I asked. The room got dead quiet. Then, “oh, hell naw” I heard one boy say. Others chimed in, then it got quiet again as I held up my hand, and paused to wait for silence. “The reality is,” I continued, “that many of you have heard your mother called these names. Some of you have seen males walk in and out of your mother’s life and use and abuse her. Some of you have literally seen your mother get pimped and played.” More deafening silence. “Now hear you come referring to women as b____ and ho’s?! Yet you know how hard your mother works to provide for you and your family. Help me understand that! Next time you think about treating a young sister like a b_____ or a ho, think about your mother!” I concluded as the boys gave me a round of applause. So, trying to act like a “pimp” or a “playa” is not a goal to aspire to. It’s safe to say that our community has enough of those to last us a thousand years. Professor Alfred Powell, along with his colleagues, surveyed 300 inner city Black males ages 10-13 in Chicago, Illinois. Professor Powell’s book Hip-Hop Hypocrisy: When Lies Sound Like the Truth demonstrates the results of the survey:   

72% said they had never been taught about their penis 64% said they had never discussed sex with a parent 81% believed that oral sex was not sex

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The results of this survey betrays a severe lack of knowledge regarding sexual responsibility. This means that if 72% of boys were never taught about their penis, they will probably misuse it causing sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and hurt feelings. If there is no man in their life to show them proper sexual responsibility, then these boys, if not rescued, become deeply problematic for a community that already has too many unwed, struggling mothers and children without fathers.

The picture above appeared in Volume III of Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu’s book, Countering the Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys. This picture is a striking example of how behavior would change is males were the one’s having children .

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I have found that one of two things usually happens with a boy who didn’t have a father in his life. Either he hates the fact that his father wasn’t there and determines to live a more responsible life than his father or he ends up living a life of irresponsibility just like his father. Between these two extremes, there are young brothers who make poor decisions but want men to do better. So here are a few practical ideas about how to treat the sisters: 1. Always be respectful and be a gentleman. Hold the door for sisters. Treat sisters like a Queen, even if/when she does not carry herself that way. Remember, this is someone’s child, someone’s future mother, and hopefully someone’s future wife. 2. Do not play with a girl’s emotions. Be honest and caring. Not doing this can have devastating, life-long emotional effects that can lead to a chain reaction of terrible relationships for her and you. 3. Examine the values of the girls around you and those you are attracted to. What are her values? Does she value education? What is important to her? Does she get good grades? Does she have a decent reputation? What does she want to do/be when she is older? Is she XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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interested in and working toward going to college? Alexander Dumas said, “A man’s mind is raised to the status of the women with whom he associates.” Get in the habit of saying “yes/no, Ma’am to adult women. It’s a matter of respect that we must resurrect. We must return the woman to the throne of royalty where she belongs. If you are in a relationship, be faithful. There are enough misguided males out there cheating. We need brothers who are men of character and men of their word who will bring healing to our communities, not hurt and pain. Beware of girls who tell you what they can do to you or for you sexually! Everything that looks good and sounds good, ain’t good for you! Brothers often tell me, “C’mon Mr. Akua, she was throwin’ it at me!” My response is, “if someone threw you a raw piece of meat, would you eat it?” The answer is “no” every time because that meat could have bacteria which could cause serious illness. Similarly, illicit premarital sex can have mental, physical, and or spiritual bacteria that can cause serious problems down the road. Be sexceptional! Accept the discipline, devotion, and determination to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage. Use the time of your abstinence to discover who you are, what your purpose and mission in life is, and how to fulfill that purpose and mission.

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You have the opportunity to examine the men in your life. Examine the lives they are leading. Take the best and leave the rest. If you do not have the role models you desire in your home, seek to find them in the community (school, church, clubs, organizations).

“A man’s mind is elevated to the status of the women with whom he associates.” -Alexandre Dumas Author The Three Musketeers The Count of Monte Cristo

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for Thought, Reflection & Discussion 1. The title page of chapter 6 has a picture of a man holding a globe in his hand. Explain what you think this represents. 2. What does the author mean when referring to the “gangsterization” and “criminalization” of the Black male image? 3. What usually happens to boys who grow up without a father? Explain the paths that they usually choose.

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Words of Wisdom Treasure Hunt (Chapters 1-6) Directions: Go back and re-ead the scrolls in Chapters 1-6, then use them to fill in the blanks below. Put a star net to your favorite 3 quotes. 1. Daily __________ and daily __________ determine your destiny. (Chike Akua) 2. Show me your __________ and I’ll show you your future. (Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu) 3. Sharpen your eye and tune your ______ so you know what you _____ and understand what you hear. (Listervelt Middleton) 4. Change begins with a __________. (Dr. Wayne Evans) 5. Daily decisions create a _________ __________ in your life. (Chike Akua) 6. If you can’t lift up the people you care about, for God’s sake, don’t let them bring you __________. (Les Brown) 7. Life is like a __________ __________...every move counts! (Chike Akua) 8. It is better to travel alone that with a bad __________. (African Proverb) 9. Until I say “I do, I don’t. Until I say “I do” I __________. (Dr. Dale Bronner) 10. Be circumspect in matters of __________ relations. (Ptahhotep) 11. __________ are the string that hold the pearls together. (Michael Johnson)

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“ The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its woman.” -Mary McLeod Bethune Educator & Advisor to President

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Chapter 7

A Message to Young Sisters ( But the Brothers Need to Read This, Too!)

I hope you read the last section carefully because if you’re a young lady reading this right now, the same formula of human growth and development applies to you. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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So when a female is born, what makes her female primarily is the vagina (the female sexual organ). FEMALE GIRL  WOMAN A female grows into a girl and, if properly prepared, a girl grows into womanhood. Womanhood, however, like manhood is not promised. It is a choice. Just as there are 20, 30, 40 year old males in the community who know nothing of what it means to be a man, there are also 20, 30, 40 year old females who know nothing of what it means to be a woman. Mary McLeod Bethune, educator and advisor to President Roosevelt once said, “The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its woman.” So the dignity and majesty with which a woman carries herself is what sets her apart from others. I have instructed the brothers in the previous chapter not to act like “pimps and playas.” I am encouraging you not to allow yourself to be pimped and played! In addition, please do not play with the feelings of the young brothers. Many a playa became a playa because his feelings were once hurt by a girl and he secretly vowed never to let it happen again. I have seen so many young sisters allow themselves to be used and abused simply because they wanted attention. Or they wanted to be “loved.” I have “loved” in quotation marks because many young sisters lost their XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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virtue and had sex with a boy simply because he said, “I love you.” He knew that was all he had to say to get what he really wanted.. I have seen countless young sisters get into relationships where they were used and abused because all the while they were secretly (and oftentimes unconsciously) seeking the love and affection they never received from their father or mother. This brings up another critical point. Many young sisters are being watched and approached by adult men. BEWARE OF PREDATORS. Most Black men are just hard working brothers trying to make it in life. But occasionally, you will come across a slick, smooth talking adult male who will tell you everything you want to hear. He may even offer you money. Again, BEWARE! If he was “all that” why wouldn’t he be talking to someone his own age?!?! There is something that is seriously

twisted and sick about an adult male pursuing a female child. THAT’S WHY IT’S AGAINST THE LAW! Adult males who have sex with girls under 18 are guilty of XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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“statutory rape.” Many a young sister has been victimized by males in this way. Recognize the warning signs and steer clear of inappropriate words or actions. It is here that I am reminded of a powerful poem by Haki Madhubuti called “The Book of Life.” In it he says, “You will recognize your brothers by the way they act and move throughout the world. The way they relate to women will be clean, complimentary, responsible, and with honesty. The way they relate to children will be strong and soft, full of positive direction.” This is what you can expect from real men. The character of African women down through the ages has been exceptional, and it still is. The problem, once again, is the many negative images we see of Black women today. You can help change that by the way you live your life, by the way you carry yourself, and by the daily decisions you make. Studies have shown that when young girls know there is a possibility of going to college, they are less likely to engage in sexually risky behavior and less likely to get pregnant. The possibility of going to college represents a future beyond their current life. Having taught hundreds of young sisters as a classroom teacher and lectured to thousands at schools, colleges, and universities around the country, one thing I’ve discovered about most young sisters is that they are XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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disciplined and focused when it comes to achieving academically and work hard when given an opportunity. Girls mature faster than boys, so don’t let immature boys take you off course or let older boys make you lose your mind. Yes…older boys…that’s something we need to talk about. Sometimes older boys go after younger girls just so they can use them. They just tell them what they want to hear (“you’re pretty,” or “I love you”) then have sex and they’re gone. Hurt feelings, deep emotional scars, unwanted pregnancy, and or STDs are often the result. Your self-worth is not determined by whether or not you have a boyfriend, regardless of how others may make you feel about the situation. There is an African Proverb which says, “It is better to travel alone than with a bad companion.” Let this wisdom serve you well. In addition, here are some guidelines for interaction with boys: 1. Make a boy step correct! Do not answer to boys who address you with crass and crude suggestions like, “Hey girl, lemme hit that!” or “Dang, you gotta big _____!” I’ve seen girls actually smile or respond to boys who speak to them like that. Make a brother XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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step correct and address you with respect by the way you carry yourself. It’s not hard to figure out the direction things will go if you let him speak to you like that from the beginning. 2. Keep your standards high. Don’t just let anyone who seems interested in you into your life. Susan Taylor, former editor of Essence magazine said it best, “Everyone doesn’t deserve a front row seat in your life.” A boy worthy of your attention knows how to address you with respect, hold the door open for you, and treat you like a Queen. Anything beneath this standard is not worthy of your time. A young man must qualify to keep company with you. 8. Observe the boys you are around and those you are attracted to very carefully. Observe the life track they are on and their values. Are they constantly in trouble? Are they constantly on the honor role? Are they trustworthy? Respectful? Responsible? What are their values? What does he want to do/be when he is older? Is he interested in and working toward going to college? These are critical questions that you should answer before getting involved with anyone. 3. Be mindful of who and what you are attracted to. For some reason, some young ladies are attracted to the hardest, most thugged out boys that are out there. If this is you, you need to examine this about yourself. If you give in to these attractions, you’re in for a life of devastating pain and chances are, you probably already know someone who has walked that painful path. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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4. Be mindful of how you dress. Many popular clothes are too tight and shirts cut too low. Boys are definitely attracted to certain body parts. As you grow and mature, it is natural to want attention. However, it is not wise to put your body on display. The male mind processes it in this way: “It’s just like going to the store, if it’s on display, it must be for sale!” 5. Do not put yourself in situations where you are alone with a boy in your home, his home, or anywhere else. This is a problem waiting to happen. No matter how tempting, resist the temptation. 6. If a boy ever puts his hands on you violently or threatens to, stay away from him no matter what he promises. Many adult females have been seduced into relationships with violent men and do not know how to get out because they fear for their lives. 7. Be sexceptional! Accept the discipline, devotion, and determination to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage. Use the time of your abstinence to discover who you are, what your purpose and mission in life is, and how to fulfill that purpose and mission. So consider giving yourself a positive and powerful future. Sex can wait…and so can you and any young brother who’s in a hurry to get with you.

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Questions for Thought, Reflection & Discussion 1. Explain what Mary McLeod Bethune meant when she said, “The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its woman.” XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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2. Explain what the author means when he says that many young sisters have been used and abused because they wanted attention or wanted to be “loved.” 3. Explain the following African Proverb: “It is better to travel alone than with a bad companion.” 4. Many young sisters are being watched and approached by adult males. Explain what is wrong with this.

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“Never forget where you came from and always praise the bridges that carried you over.” -Fannie Lou Hamer Civil Rights Activist

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Chapter 8 How Images Influence Actions

A few years ago, I asked a group of students, “What are the predominant images you see of Black people in the media? In other words, how are Black people often portrayed in movies, TV programs, and music videos?” The students responses were not surprising. On one side of XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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the board I put “Black Male” and the other side of the board I wrote “Black Female.” These are the answers the students gave in all five classes that I asked: Black Male

Black Female

Violent

Bad Attitude

Criminal

Loud

Disrespectful

Teen/Unwed Mothers

Pimps & Playas

Welfare Mothers

Deadbeat Dads

Video Vixens

“Wait a minute,” I said to each class. “I didn’t say to name all of the negative images. I just said name the predominant images. “We did!” they said. So then I asked another question: “Well, what percent of Black people do you think act like these images that you say you see in the media?” The students’ responses can only be described as shocking: Most of the students said they thought 70-90% of Black XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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people acted like the negative images they saw in the media. “Wow!” I said shaking my head. “They got you!” “What do you mean Mr. Akua?!” they asked. “In fact, it is the exact opposite! 70-90% of Black people are hard-working people who get up everyday and go to work to provide for their families or go to school to better themselves. It’s probably closer to 90%. But the majority of media images makes you think that Black people are crazy with violent, ignorant, impoverished images. You then begin to act according to those images thinking that’s what it means to be Black. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SEXUAL ABSTINANCE? We come from a culture of greatness in which our African ancestors gave the world reading and writing, language and literature, mathematics and medicine, agriculture and astronomy, architecture, astronomy, and economics, science and technology. With this in mind:

How did we go… XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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From Kings and Queens to criminals and crackheads? From Pyramid Builders to pimps and playas? From Mothers and Fathers of Civilization to welfare mothers and deadbeat Dads? From building the world’s first libraries and writing the first books… To carrying guns and shooting bullets?

These are very important questions because many Black males are portrayed as sexually irresponsible men who sleep with, manipulate (use) and exploit (abuse) as many women as possible. Many Black XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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women are portrayed as ignorant and sexually promiscuous (willing to sleep with anyone). These images affect overall behavior! These images even affect sexual behavior. As a result, we begin to think that’s just part of the culture of what it means to be Black. Not so. Let us then look at the original pimps and playas and see where these concepts came from. For, as you will soon see in the next chapter, this kind of behavior is not a part of our true cultural tradition.

Questions for Thought, Reflection, & Discussion 1. Explain what the picture on the front of Chapter 8 symbolizes. 2. Explain how media images affect behavior. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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3. Explain the quote from First Lady Michelle Obama on the following page.

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“I believe that each of us – no matter what our age or background or walk of life – each of us has something to contribute to the life of this nation.” -Michelle Obama First Lady

United States of America

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Chapter 9 This Chapter Will Change Your Life! (The Original Pimps & Playas)

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There is something very powerful that you need to know about African people that you were probably never taught in school. Africans built some of the greatest civilizations the The Pyramis were designed world has ever known. As stated and constructed by ancient Africans earlier, which our African ancestors gave the world reading and writing, language and literature, mathematics and medicine, agriculture and astronomy, architecture, University of Djenne in Mali astronomy, and economics, science and technology. I highly recommend two of my DVDs “The African Origins of Writing & Mathematics and “African Sacred Science” because they visually and vividly document the accomplishments and contributions of ancient Africans. When Europeans (French, British, German, Portuguese, etc) wanted a free labor (work) force to build America and other countries, Africans brought the knowledge of cotton they looked to cultivation to America Africa. Africans XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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Diagram of a slave ship

Sengbe Pieh led a revolt on the slave ship Amistad

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had the knowledge, intelligence and expertise that they needed. Africans were skilled in iron and wood work. They were also highly skilled in the cultivation of rice, cotton, indigo, and tobacco. These were the cash crops that made America a very wealthy nation and a world super-power in a relatively short period of time.. So the European slave merchants studied African culture very carefully to find out which Africans they would need. Once identified, they created a diabolical system of chattel slavery. Chattel means that the Africans would be treated as animals. West Africans were carefully captured and sent on the middle passage, that is, the trip by ship from Africa to America which lasted anywhere from three weeks to three months. Once in the hands of European slavers, there was an attempt to strip all manner of dignity and humanity from them. Africans did not just bow down to enslavement. They Queen Yaa resisted, oftentimes to the Asantewaa of the death. Great African Ashanti warriors like Queen Yaa nation led the Asantewaa, Queen Nzingha, Sengbe resistance Pieh (Joseph Cinque), Denmark Vesey, against the British Gabriel Prosser, and Nat Turner fought against enslavement and XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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oppression. There are over 250 documented revolts in which Africans were successful burning down crops, poisoning the slaver’s food. History shows that during this period of time, Africans were either planning a revolt, in the midst of a revolt, or coming out of a revolt. But overall and most often, Africans were outgunned. In addition, Europeans also skillfully utilized a system of “divide and conquer” wherein African nations would be pitted against one another in war while the Europeans conquered them both. African men and women were terrorized into obedience to their slavers. African women were often raped by European slavers in front of their husbands and children. African boys and girls were raped in front of their parents. The African woman had no control over her own body and the African man was most often in no position to protect the African women and children. With the African man stripped of his dignity and manhood, he was often called “boy.” With the African women XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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stripped of her dignity and womanhood, she was often called “gal.” African girls and women were made to “drop it like it’s hot” from the action block while the slavers would “make it rain” offering money to purchase them. This is where those popular phrases and actions in popular songs come from whether the artists who wrote and performed the songs know it or not. African girls and women had no control of their bodies and were constantly molested by their slavers. African parents were separated from their children and children separated from their parents then sold from the auction block like animals. In order to get the Africans to submit and be obedient, often the leader or strongest, largest man would be brought in front of the entire group of Africans who were chained and shackled together. He would be beaten, whipped and castrated (meaning, his penis was cut off). When Africans saw this done to the biggest and strongest or the leader, it caused many to be more obedient.

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Captive African families were split apart and sold from the auction block

Many African Americans never forgot our greatness and tried to inspire us to restore our people to their traditional greatness. People such as Benjamin Banneker, Sojourner Truth, Araminta Harriett Tubman, Frederick Douglass, Ida B. Wells, Marcus Garvey, Mary McLeod Bethune, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, and many more. DO WE REALLY NEED ANYMORE PIMPS, PLAYAS, CRIMINALS, AND THUGS IN OUR COMMUNITY? I would like to suggest that we need more businessmen and business women, educators, attorneys, psychologists, counselors, doctors, ministers, accountants, etc.!

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We are mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, friends and neighbors who know how to help others. We are doctors, lawyers, and engineers, ministers, pastors, and spiritual seers, educators, counselors, and business owners, accountants, dentists and even organ donors craftsmen, plumbers, and computer technicians architects, builders and also electricians. We are extraordinary people with an extraordinary history raising families to leave a lasting legacy

-Chike Akua

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Questions for Thought, Reflection, & Discussion 1. Explain the picture on the front of the front of Chapter 10. 2. Explain how most African men and women were terrorized into obedience during slavery? 3. Explain how Black families were separated during slavery.

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Chapter 10 This Chapter Will Change the Way You Look at Things (How Irresponsible Fathers Were Created)

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To effectively keep the system of slavery in place, divide and conquer was the strategy. So children were separated from their parents so that they would know nothing of their glorious African heritage. They were told by the slavers, “You’re just a n____! Always have been, always will be. We found you in the jungle and saved you from living life like an animal.” The largest, strongest or healthiest enslaved Africans were used as breeders. This means they were used to impregnate African women to make more babies who could be sold into slavery. This was BIG MONEY for the slavers: more Black babies, more money. As a breeder, these African males were sent to have sex with African women. Neither the women or the men had any say-so over who they had sex with under these conditions. African men who were used as breeders wore slightly nicer clothes than the rest of enslaved Africans. They were usually given the old clothes of the slave master. They often had traveling privileges because the master would hire them out to other plantations to impregnate as many African women as they could on those plantations, too. These

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African males were rewarded for making babies but were not allowed to stay and take care of them. What I have just described is the creation of the “playa.” Here is what a playa was made to think: “Sleep with as many women as you can and take no responsibility in being provider or protector of these women or their children.” As you can imagine, this created a great deal of tension and bitterness between African females and males because the African male breeders did not and could not help provide for their children or the women they slept with. Even when they wanted to protect and provide for their families it was virtually impossible. This tension is still present today in Black male and female relationships. Upon emancipation, African men and women left the plantations to find lost loved ones and restore the African family. That is part of our responsibility today: to leave behind the slave mentality and restore rightful relationships and families. While there were many African men who did their very best to protect and provide for African women and children, it was the breeders, also known as studs ( a stud is the name given to a male horse that is used as a breeder) who continued this anti-African, self-destuctive behavior. This created millions of fatherless children and millions of abused African women. This cycle went on generation after generation and the behaviors even continued after legal slavery ended. Now, with this historical understanding, listen to some of the most popular music in our community, Now, watch the music videos and you can see the same themes XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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of irresponsible sex continued from historical forced slave sexual practices. It is important that you understand the difference between traditional African sexual values and slave sex— then you can compare these with today’s sex-saturated society. Then you will see how so many people today unknowingly act out the self-destructive slave sex patterns. The “playa mentality” of today is just the “slave mentality” of yesterday.

“The ‘playa mentality’ of today is just the ‘slave mentality’ of yesterday.” -Chike Akua

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XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX Today’s Sexsaturated Society Sex is a means of power and control People are manipulated and tricked into having sex. Many are not properly educated about abstinence

Traditional African Sexual Values Sex is sacred and holy Discipline and control over body; education on how to have utmost respect for sexual union and procreation Children are the reward of life, a gift from the Creator

Slave Sex

Children are used to make BIG MONEY for the slaver

Big businesses and corporations use sexsaturated marketing techniques to make BIG MONEY. Children are often deeply influence by these images

Women are highly regarded and highly respected; women are treated as queens and mothers of the community

Black women are seen as b____, highly disrespected and disregarded; forced to have children by the slaver and multiple African males

African men cherished fatherhood, loved, protected, and provided for their families

African men, being enslaved, were stripped of their ability to protect or provide for their families

Families were intact (together); communities and nations prospered greatly

Families are divided; communities suffer greatly; many women have no hope of having a husband; many children have no father

Black women are objectified (seen as sex objects) and hypersexualized (portrayed as always wanting or giving sex); far too often have children by more than one male Large percentage of Black men incarcerated and separated from the their families; they are therefore unable to protect or provide for their families Over 70% of Black children born to unwed mothers; many women have no hope of having a husband; many children have no father

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Sex is a means of power and control Enslaved Africans had no control over their bodies; they were raped repeatedly by slavers and breeders

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Questions for Thought, Reflection, & Discussion 1. To divide means to separate. To conquer means to control a people against their will. How was the strategy of divide and conquer used to create irresponsible fathers? Explain. 2. Explain what a breeder is. Explain how breeders made the slaver money. 3. Explain what a stud is. 4. Explain how the system of slavery created irresponsible fathers.

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“We can change the world if we first change ourselves.” -Dr. John Henrik Clarke Author, Historian, Professor

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Chapter 11 The Civil War Within

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Many people fought against slavery. There were abolitionists, both Black and White. There were conductors on the Underground Railroad. The more and more enslaved Africans revolted or escaped, it was a hammer-blow to the slave economy. Every time an enslaved African escaped, it cost the slaver thousands of dollars. The revolts and escapes coupled with the activism of the abolitionists led to the American Civil War. A civil war is a war within a nation rather than nation fighting against nation. So the American Civil War was the North (Union) against the South (Confederacy). The Confederacy favored the continuation of slavery. The Union favored the abolition of slavery. This serves as a rich metaphor for what is going on within you relative to maintaining your sexual abstinence. There is a Civil War going on within you! The North (your brain; your rational mind) wants you to be free and successful. The South (your sexual organs and sex drive) wants to take control and keep you enslaved to your sexual appetites. Who is winning your Civil War? The more you study, read, and re-read Sexceptional, the more you prepare yourself to prevail over the South, that part of you that wants to keep you enslaved to sexual appetites. You must be determined to win your Civil War! XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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You are fighting to live a life where you can pursue your dreams without the worries of sexually transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancy. You may also be fighting to break the chains of poor choices made by family members generation after generation. You have what it takes to win! In the American Civil War, free Africans and escaped Africans fought to the death to ensure our right to live free, proud, and productive lives. We have an Ancestral Obligation to take advantages of the opportunities they provided for us. This is why Malcolm X taught that, “Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.”

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“Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.”

-Malcolm X

Shortly after the Civil War was won by the North (Union), many historically Black Colleges and Universities XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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(HBCUs) were established to educate the newly freed Africans. Schools like Hampton, Howard, Fisk, Tuskegee, Morehouse, Spelman, Wilberforce, and Florida A&M became havens for Blacks who valued education. In Jefferson City, Missouri, a group of Black Civil War soldiers established Lincoln University. Liberty and learning became their aim. They traded rifles for instruction in reading and bullets for books. In 1847, the Missouri General Assembly passed a law forbidding blacks, slave or free, to be taught to read or write. As noted in the book Missouri’s Black Heritage, “this was a reflection of a slaveholder’s fear that literacy might lead to (a slave) rebellion.” A beautiful and striking statue on the campus of Lincoln University commemorates the courageous and visionary Civil War soldiers who founded the university. It shows these men helping others up as they trade rifles and bullets for books and education.

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Reading has always been an important part of our history and culture extending back thousands of years in Africa and hundreds of years in America. It was understood that if the enslaved African would emerge as a deeper thinker and would demand his freedom. Literacy still leads many to freedom. Readers are leaders and leaders are readers. Reading can give you the critical information you need to win your personal Civil War. I want to commend you on your discipline and devotion in completing this book. I also want to encourage you to practice the knowledge and wisdom contained in this book. But don’t keep it to yourself…share it with others! Be on guard against foolish thoughts such as “it (sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, unwanted pregnancy, etc.) could never happen to me.” “Most people who have had an unwanted pregnancy, have AIDS, or an STD, at one time thought to themselves, ‘it XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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could never happen to me.’” Because you have read Sexceptional, you are now better equipped than most to live a life of abstinence and sexual responsibility.

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“Most people who have had an unwanted pregnancy, have AIDS, or an STD, at one time thought to themselves, ‘it could never happen to me.’”

-Chike Akua

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Questions for Thought, Reflection, & Discussion 1. Who fought against whom in the American Civil War? Explain what the main issue was that they were fighting over. 2. Describe the Civil War going on inside most teens relative to abstinence. 3. Who established Lincoln University and why? 4. Explain the significance of these words: “It could never happen to me.”

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Chapter 12 Seven Ways to Sublimate Sexual Energy

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The science of physics tells us that energy is neither created nor destroyed, it simply changes form. Sexual energy is natural and it is within you. It cannot be destroyed, but it can be transformed. You can sublimate it or channel it into productive pursuits. This is very important because simply trying to deny yourself the pleasures of life often does not work. The energy is there, so you might as well use it to advance all the goals and dreams of your life. You can transform sexual energy into creative energy. This creative energy can be used to imagine and fashion the life you desire. You can then sublimate or channel your sexual energy into the following: 1. Sports: Whether you play organized sports or not, sports is a great way to stir up the energy within you. It keeps energy flowing and can prevent energy blockages that cause poor decision-making to occur. In addition, far too many people in America are overweight. Obesity, even among youth is at epidemic levels. Playing a sport you enjoy can help you stay in good health. The hours you spend practicing and playing can keep you from getting into compromising situations that may tempt you to engage in sexual activity. 2. School Activities/Hobbies: Most schools and community centers offer a wide variety of activities that you can get involved in. Busy and productive youth are less likely to find themselves in compromising situations that may tempt them to engage in sexual activity. Join the dance team, XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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band, school newspaper, technology club, art club, or consider mentoring a younger schoolmate, brother, sister, or cousin. Community Service: There are many things that need to be done to improve our community. There are faith-based organizations and shelters that feed the homeless, clean up the community, and visit senior centers where the elderly would welcome a young person to help out. College Preparation: These days, it seems like applying for college is almost like a full-time job. Applying for college includes preparing and taking the SAT to the lengthy application process, getting letters of recommendation, and searching and applying for grants, scholarships, and financial aid. I highly recommend the book Countdown to College by Dr. Lisa Tait. It will walk you through the process step-by-step. Get a job: There’s nothing like making some extra cash that you can use to enjoy going out with friends, buying your own clothes and shoes, and saving for college. When you learn the disciplines of working hard, getting to work on time, and performing your duties, you’re then on the road to being a worker in demand with marketable skills. Create a job: If you can’t find a job, create one. Today’s economy requires creative thinker who know how to make things happen instead of wondering what happened. You can cut the neighbors’ grass and do other yard work, walk dogs, babysit, wash cars, cut or style hair. You could

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even sell school supplies like pens, pencils, and notebook paper. There are many things that people cannot or will not do that they will be willing to pay for. Let the entrepreneur and business person within you emerge and throw all of your creative energies into it. 7. Find an internship: Many business owners are looking for sharp young people who would like to volunteer their time to learn a new skill or trade or get on-the-job training. An internship often allows you to shadow important people like politicians, doctors, attorneys, and others to learn about what they do and help them with day-to-day activities. So don’t sit around waiting for something to happen. It has been said that “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” This means that “when a person is not productive, they are likely to become destructive.” An idle mind represents boredom. When young people are bored with nothing to do, they tend to get into trouble, experimenting with with drugs, alcohol and sex. Experimentation with drugs and alcohol increases the likelihood of sexually risky behavior. So channel your energies into positive and productive pursuits. Ask a friend to join you. And if you’re dating, ask the one you’re dating to join you. Abstaining from sexual activity doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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“A leader knows the way, shows the way, and goes the way.” -John Maxwell Author The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership

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Chapter 13 A Final Word: The Leaders Emerge

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Congratulations! You’re on the last chapter! While this is the last chapter of your Sexceptional book, it is not the last chapter of your Sexceptional journey. It is helpful to have friends on this journey who share your values and who will encourage rather than discourage you. This means, in some ways you will have to become a leader who attracts other like-minded individuals. John Maxwell said it best: “A leader knows the way, shows the way, and goes the way.” If you’ve read this book carefully and done the questions and activities, then you know the way of abstinence. You can now show others the way of abstinence…and you can go the way of abstinence. When you stand on your beliefs with courage and conviction, you secretly give others the strength and permission to do the same. Before you know it, others will join the cause all because you had the courage to take a stand unapologetically and unashamedly. And remember, abstinence doesn’t mean you can’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It doesn’t mean you can’t date or have a relationship. Check with your parents about those guidelines. Abstinence means you have chosen not to engage in sexual activity. So do not put yourself in compromising situations. To help you with this, there are several relationship guidelines here that you should consider when in a romantic relationship:

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1. Don’t be at the home of your boyfriend/girlfriend when no one is home. There is too much of a temptation to get involved in risky sexual behavior. 2. Be careful about getting into gateway sexual activities (deep kissing, heavy petting, etc.). Touching parts of the body that are sure to get you or the other person aroused will place your vow of abstinence in jeopardy 3. Always be honest. Do not talk behind others backs. “He say, she say” causes needless conflict and unnecessary drama. 4. Do not play with people’s emotions. Always keep others’ feelings in mind. 5. Remember the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 6. Respect others sexual choices, but remain rooted and centered in your own. If someone chooses to get involved in premarital sex, it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. They just have different values from you. Again, respect others values but remain rooted in your own. 7. Treat others as if they are special…because they are! 8. Respect yourself and stay true to who you are. In conclusion, there are many homes and relationships which have been destroyed due to sexual irresponsibility. Perhaps you or someone you know is growing up in such a home. Remember, you can break the chains of poor generational choices. There is an African Proverb which says, “The ruin of a nation XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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begins in the t homes of its people.” If the ruin of a nation begins in the homes of its people, then the resurrection of a nation must begin in the home, as well. So we must build strong relationships. Strong relationships lead to strong families. Strong families lead to strong communities. Strong communities lead to strong cities. Strong cities lead to strong states. Strong states lead to strong nations. Strong nations lead to a transformed world and a better humanity. But it all begins with YOU…and every decision you make along the way. As you continue on your journey, remember the powerful words of James Baldwin who said, “Our crowns have been bought and paid for…all we have to do is put them on our heads.”

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“Our crowns have been bought and paid for… All we have to do is put them on our heads.” -James Baldwin

Words of Wisdom Treasure Hunt (Chapters 7-13) XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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Directions: Go back and re-ead the scrolls in Chapters 1-6, then use them to fill in the blanks below. Put a star net to your favorite 3 quotes. 1. I believe each of us—no matter what our age or background or walk of life—each of us has something to __________ to the life of this nation.” (First Lady Michelle Obama) 2. Our __________ have been bought and paid for, all we have to do is put them on our heads.” (James Baldwin) 3. A leader knows the way, shows the way, and _______ the way. (John Maxwell) 4. __________ is our passport to the future for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today. (Malcolm X) 5. We can change the world if we first change __________. (Dr. John Henrik Clarke) 6. Most people have thought to themselves, it STD or unwanted pregnancy) could never happen to _______. (Chike Akua) 7. The playa mentality of today is just the __________ mentality of yesterday. (Chike Akua) 8. The true worth of a race must be measured by the character of its __________. (Mary McLeod Bethune) 9. Be careful not to get into _________ sexual activities that can lead you or your partner to be aroused. 10. Channel or _________ your sexual energy into positive and productive pursuits. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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Recommended Reading The Architects of Rap (Les Taha) Gifted Hands (Dr. Ben Carson) From the Browder File (Anthony T. Browder) Find Where the Wind Goes (Dr. Mae Jemison) Reallionnaire: Nine Steps to Becoming Rich From the Inside Out (Farah Gray) Nile Valley Contributions to Civilization (Anthony T. Browder) The Autobiography of Malcolm X (Alex Haley) The Pact (Davis, Jenkins, & Hunt) Hip-Hop Hypocrisy: When Lies Sound Like the Truth (Alfred Powell)

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About Chike Akua Mr. Chike Akua is the founding organizer and executive director of the Teacher Transformation Institute, a standards-based, research-driven, best practices training conference for teachers. Mr. Akua is a leading authority on increasing the achievement of today's students, especially those that many teachers find most challenging. As recognized master teacher, Mr. Akua has been an invited keynote presenter at regional and national conferences, school systems, colleges and universities. With a culturally relevant approach toward closing the achievement gap, he is known for his dynamic, interactive presentations to teachers, parents, and students. Mr. Akua has 14 years of teaching experience in Virginia and Georgia public school systems. In 1995, he was selected Teacher of the Year for Newport News Public Schools (VA) and was also selected as one of Ebony magazine’s “50 Leaders of Tomorrow.” A year later, in 1996, the Dekalb County Board of Education (Atlanta, Georgia) recognized him with the Excellence in Education Award for Service to Youth. Additionally, he has been an invited lecturer for undergraduate and graduate courses in teacher education at Georgia State University and Clark Atlanta University. Deeply committed to culturally relevant pedagogy and the development of culturally relevant instructional materials, Mr. Akua has written and published several books and parent/teacher guides designed for today’s students. His book, A Treasure Within: Stories of Remembrance and Rediscovery was nominated for the NAACP Image Award. Reading Revolution is his most recent publication (co-authored with Tavares Stephens). The books have been XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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adopted by the Georgia Department of Juvenile Justice Regional Youth Detention Center and public schools around the country. Mr. Akua earned the Master of Arts degree in education with a concentration in school counseling from Clark Atlanta University and is a cum laude graduate of Hampton University where he earned the bachelor of arts degree in education (concentration in English Education). Mr. Akua is a committed volunteer with several youth mentoring and leadership academies and college preparatory camps for middle school and high school students. He has helped lead over 1000 students and parents on trips throughout Egypt and Ghana through the D’Zert Club’s Teen Summit 1000 program. Mr. Akua is frequently called upon by education, civic, and social organizations to speak about educational excellence and cultural knowledge.

To book Chike Akua for a conference keynote speech, Sexceptional Abstinance workshop, Teacher Transformation! workshop, ParentPower! presentation, African Origins! or SuccessQuest! presentation for students, email ChikeAkua@gmail.com or call (770)309-6664.

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Other Books, DVDs, and Posters by Chike Akua

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Education for Transformation: The Keys to Releasing the Genius of African American Students By Chike Akua This book details Africancentered and culturally relevant instructional strategies used with some of the most challenging students during Mr. Akua’s fourteen years as a public school teacher. It also documents the most promising practices of Master Teachers he has observed around the country.

Praise for Education for Transformation: “Chike Akua has done a masterful job in his latest book, Education for Transformation. As one of his student’s wrote, ‘most teachers teach from the book, but you teach from the heart.’” -Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu, Author There’s Nothing Wrong With Black Students “This book is a must-read for all serious educators who want to get results and understand the connection between culture and achievement.” Dr. Joyce E. King, Benjamin E. Mays Chair Georgia State University

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Black History Power Pak! By Chike Akua The Black History Power Pak is a collection of 6 books by Chike Akua, 2 African Origins DVDs and a bonus DVD about how you can earn a FREE trip to Egypt. The Black History Power Pak is a wonderful way to supplement your current lessons because it is a curriculum of correction and inclusion. Use to it show your students the beauty of African and African American culture and contributions. Increase and improve reading comprehension, cultural awareness, and character development. For a description of each of the books and DVDs included, see the following pages. XIIIIXIIIIXIIIIXIIIIX

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Reading Revolution: Reconnecting the Roots By Chike Akua & Tavares Stephens A collection of 90 reading selections about African and African American people of extraordinary accomplishment. Use Reading Revolution to improve reading comprehension and cultural consciousness at the same time:  Standardized test format with multiple choice questions  Topic, main idea, supporting details and sequencing  Vocabulary development and context clues  Making inferences and drawing conclusions “Chike Akua and Tavares Stephens combine excellent teaching skills, deep knowledge of African history and culture, and, as master teachers, a real grasp of students’ interests and thinking. Reading Revolution is an outstanding product of this mixture, and hence a rare value for schools.” Asa G. Hilliard III-Nana Baffour Amankwatia II, Ed.D. Fuller E. Calloway Professor of Urban Education Georgia State University “At a time when teachers across the nation are struggling to find the delicate balance between curricular standards and meaningful content that students will readily identify with, Mr. Akua and Mr. Stephens have definitely hit the mark with Reading Revoltion.” Vonzia Phillips, Ph.D., Director of Premiere Middle Schools Dekalb County Schools Atlanta, GA

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Words of Power: Ancient Insights and Modern Messages for Parents, Teachers & Students By Chike Akua This book contains almost two hundreds quotes and proverbs from African people and powerful people all over the world. Additionally, it contains fill-in worksheets so that students can engage in a words of wisdom scavenger hunt. Share the mother wit and wisdom that many of our children today are missing as you examine and interpret firurative language, simile and metaphor.

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A Treasure Within: Stories of Remembrance & Rediscovery “What would it be like to meet an ancient African Ancestor? Marcus, Imani, and Daniel are about to find out! A treasure Within is a book of three short stories in which young people have encounters with ancient African ancestors to learn about traditional African morals, values, history, and culture. “A Treasure Within is the book that many of us have been waiting for. The deep thinking of Ancient African is grasped and communicated clearly through these three powerful stories. Families, counselors, teachers,, students, and the community, in general, can relate directly to these stories…I am thankful for this outstanding contribution to our mental and spiritual liberation. Our Ancestors are pleased. Amun is satisfied.” Asa G. Hilliard III – Nana Baffour Amankwatia II, Ed.D. Fuller E. Calloway Professor of Urban Education Georgia State University “Chike Akua, a master teacher, engages the reader with three compelling stories. His mastery of the written word intertwined with historical facts and cultural revelations invites the reader to be totally immersed. Readers of all ages will enjoy this literary rites of passage.” Phyllis Daniel Middle School Principal

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A Treasure Within: Parent/Teacher Resource Guide This book is a complete companion curriculum to A Treasure Within: Stories of Remembrance & Rediscovery. It includes a wide range of activities to reinforce content objectives and develop character, cultural awareness, and commitment. “…for teachers and parents who believe that classrooms and homes are places where the child’s spirit is cultivated and soars, A Treasure Within: Stories of Remembrance & Rediscovery and the accompanying Parent/Teacher Resource Guide provides a path – a path to knowledge and understanding.” Leslie T. Fenwick, Ph.D. Professor Of Educational Policy, Clark Atlanta University

Visiting Scholar, Harvard School of Education “A Treasure Within is a remarkable collection of stories with a broad appeal to all youth. The stories instruct, develop moral character, and entertain at the same time. The accompanying Parent/Teacher Resource Guide is a great and useful addition to this wonderful collection.” Dr. William Hammond, Reading Instruction Coordinator Dekalb County School, Atlanta, Georgia

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A Kwanzaa Awakening: Lessons for the Community A Kwanzaa Awakening is a resource with activities for everyone. Parents, educators, and clergy will find activities for children K-12 and beyond. It includes:  A Brief History of Kwanzaa  Kwanzaa Classroom Activities (grades 6-12)  Lessons for the Little Ones (K-5)  A 3-act Play  Worksheets and Puzzles  Quiz and Test  Coloring Activities  Writing Activities  Poetry  Reading Comprehension Selections  Kwanzaa in Christ: How to Celebrate Kwanzaa in the Church  Kwanzaa and the Qu’ran: Islamic Expressions of the Seven Principles  Glossary “Through this book, Akua provides ways for us to value the lives of our children and ways to teach them who they are as children with a rich African heritage. This book…challenges us to train our children in ways that will affirm our past and secure our future.” James C. Anyike, M.Div. Author, African American Holidays

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Sankofa Kemet: My First Trip to the Motherland By Jahbari Akua Join young Jahbari Akua as he sails the Nile, stands at the foot of the Great Pyramid, stands face to face with the Horemakhet (Sphinx), and walks between the colossal pillars of the sacred temple. This is a journey all young children must take. Jahbari Akua tells of his awe-inspiring first trip to the Motherland. “…Jahbari and Chike Akua have returned to the source an given us a roadmap for building loving relationships between fathers, sons, and communities. The Akua family members are twenty-first century knowledge keepers…” Anthony T. Browder, Author & Cultural Historian Finding Karakhamun, Egypt on the Potomac “Here we have a new work by one of our cherished youth— brother Jahbari Akua! Through a firsthand view, as an eyewitness, Jahbari Akua captures the essence of what made African people great and what Africans are capable of.” Dr. Runoko Rashidi, Author & Historian Global African Presence

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The African Origins of Writing & Mathematics DVD African Sacred Science DVD (Recorded LIVE!) By Chike Akua These dynamic and revealing DVDs give students an understanding of Africa’s contributions to reading and writing, language and literature, science and technology, math and medicine, and so much more! A picture is worth a thousand words and these DVDs visually document African excellence, achievement, and ingenuity— ancient and modern.

Black History Poster Pak! By Chike Akua These beautiful, full-size, color posters are both inspirational and instructional. There are 24 in all. They are a wonderful addition to any classroom, office or living room. Developed and designed by award-winning educator and author, Chike Akua, these posters (samples on the following pages) are a rich resource for creating a culture of achievement in your classroom or school.

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Order books and posters at www.MyTeacherTransformation.com

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