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the chronicle
Mourning the lasts
S
peaking to you today as a columnist, I resent the new burden that comes with using this paper as a receptacle for my own words, instead of for my facts’ and my sources’ words, which I’ve merely clipped and juxtaposed as clever moderator since my first year here. I don’t pretend my words now to be of service to you in any way because if I did, my name would be splattered across these caroline mcgeough pages more often than senior column now. And I don’t intend to separate myself from you because we’re not so different, or speak for you because we’re not so similar. The difference between us is that I’ve been challenged with the assignment of translating four years to 700 words, and you haven’t yet. Come graduation, someone will ask you to translate all of it (“So... how’d you like Duke?”), and you’ll be choked by the confines of adjectives, brevity, emotion, anxiety and the impatience of your little brother wishing you’d just shut up about college already, since he’s in high school and doesn’t know what you’re talking about anyway. There was really no way of doing research for what I’ve written here, and I did try. Flipping idly through 1,619 Facebook photos, I found them to look largely the same—an index of nights that have evolved in much the
same way for four years, punctuated with the red sheen of solo cups and blurred by the incompetence of drunk cameramen. Dipping into my zipped archive of old term papers, I found them foreign and unreadable, archives from a time many short-term memories past. And punching my name into The Chronicle’s search bar—and no, I didn’t mean “carolina through”—to find my record of contributions here, I found them accounts of goings-on that no longer mattered, contextless and with impermanent significance. People keep telling me to appreciate the lasts of college, but I don’t quite know how to live as if sucking the life out of each moment until it’s bone dry. It’s too difficult to assign meaning to the lasts of college, because there are countless parts of college so soaked with meaning from their repetition over these four years. Mourning the lasts requires a certainty I’m not yet prepared to offer that there will never be another: another afternoon brunch at the Nasher spent rambling, savoring and tallying drinks ingested the night before; another midterm paper submitted past deadline when your palms are sweating and you haven’t read the last third, or half of it; another time acknowledging the Chapel as you trot past, knowing that it’s part of something you’re a part of—and in that way, the graceful thing might even be yours. But on graduation, our claim to ownership of the University ends, in large part—at least until you make a donation worth enough for a plaque with your name on it. Even then, you’ll return here again, but only on certain
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weekends and staying at certain hotels. However you may try, you can never quite do things the way you used to do them. You can’t ride the Shooters’ bull anymore without seeming a lecherous creep to the 18-to-22 set onlooking. You’ll look at current students with skeptical regard, echoing that same old refrain that Duke isn’t as fun as it used to be. As students here, each day is spent absorbing—letting facts, images, gossip, drinks, names and experiences soak in through our pores, mouths and ears. And then we wrench out all that we’ve soaked in when we’re told to, producing papers, opinions, albums and accounts of what the hell happened last night. What I’ll seek most, in graduating, is the chance to languish in the fullness of what I’ve soaked in, no longer spitting it up every day for a grade. What it is that I’ve soaked in is difficult to ascertain, more easily expressed in maxims that would sound trite if I weren’t more tactful about wording. Leaving here, I’ll still remember to push up against my limits of experience and in so doing, find them; to feel pressed to meet the constant burdens accompanying privilege and expectation; to banish apathy and idleness; and to consider intellect limitless so long as it is maintained and cultivated. I owe thanks to all those who exerted their influence on me over these four years, however subtly or forcefully, who know who they are. Caroline McGeough is a Trinity senior. She is the recruitment chair of the Chronicle.
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F
or some strange reason, I’ve always been obsessed with new beginnings, fresh starts. Ten years ago, as I prepared to enter junior high school, I packed away all of my elementary school memories— turning bright red whenever teachers called on me to read out loud, tripping over my own feet in gym class, getting looks of disapproval for wearing overly large sweaters with black leggings and white sneakers—and was deterrebecca wu mined to be a completely senior column new, and in some ways, better person. As I walked through the foreign hallways of my new school, passing by a blur of excited seventh graders whom I would have the next six years to get to know, I buried an 11-year-old me. Despite some initial attempts to keep in touch with grade school friends, in a time when few of us had e-mail, these efforts fell through relatively quickly. Instead of feeling regret and sadness, however, a part of me felt oddly glad—relieved that I could thoroughly shed this unwanted image of an awkward, insecure Asian girl with poor fashion sense. I was then equally excited about moving on from high school to college—eager to erase mistakes I had made in high school and begin with a clean slate at Duke. At this Gothic Wonderland, no one knew my name or anything about me. Although this time around I was more successful in keeping in touch with old friends, doing so wasn’t easy because each and every one of my high school friends represented a period in which I had become so concerned with grades and extracurriculars that I lost sight of my ultimate goals in life. Instead of spending time with family and friends, I minimized dinnertime to 15 minutes so that I could return to homework, and on weekends, I woke up at 9 a.m. for a full day of extra
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Rinse and repeat classes ranging from piano to math (like your stereotypical Asian). When I first stepped onto campus, I thought that the next four years would be the perfect opportunity to begin anew, start afresh. I was more than ready to make a clean break from who I had become in high school. As I stumbled my way through college and made perhaps even more mistakes in just one year than I did all throughout high school, I began to look forward to life after Duke—new beginnings after college. I was impatient, and having made so many flaws freshman year, I could not wait for college to end so that I could relocate to a new place and start again. At some point in my senior year at Duke, however, the allure of a fresh start began to lose some of its appeal. Not only did it become clearer to me how difficult it is to really detach oneself from any connections one has to the past, but I began to question how and why I became so fixated on this idea. In my last few weeks at Duke, I often find myself thinking about all of the mistakes I’ve made, as I often do whenever I am about to leave one place for another. But surprisingly, this time around, I also thought about the things that I’ve done right. I’m not sure what inspired this change— perhaps it is due to the kind words of professors and friends. In considering how I’ve grown here, however, I’m overtaken by a want to grasp at anything and everything around me so that I’ll remember my failures and how they led to small successes. So thank you Duke (and
North Carolina) for giving me more people and memories—even if some were not my finest moments—to hold on to and treasure. Thank you for teaching me to slow down—to not hastily dismiss the past or pummel through the present. Mistakes are inevitable, and collecting baggage is not something to be ashamed of. As the semester draws to a close and you begin packing the past year (or in the case of seniors, the past four years) into cardboard boxes, choosing to leave some items behind in trash rooms or even on the Main Quad, don’t be too quick to throw away the things that have shaped who you have become as you start the next chapter of your life. Rebecca Wu is a Trinity senior. She is editorial page managing editor and former health and science editor of The Chronicle.
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Free Parking ited the jail on an investigative roll sophomore year. During senior year, I watched my friends jockey for position, pass Go and collect law and medical school admissions, competitive jobs on Wall Street and unique plans for cooking school. I knew my time was winding down. Last Monday, when I finished with my senior thesis, I felt myself nearing the final corner of the board, with no idea when I’d roll again. But after a couple nights of rowdy celebration, I awoke groggy and confused to a 9 a.m. voicemail. I finally heard the words I had been waiting for all year. Chance. “We’d like to offer you a position.” Pass Go. After processing it, I knew the pieces were returning to the box; life suddenly transformed into a game of decisions and results, not risk and chance. After graduation my box will finally close, my family relieved that I’m finally passing along my childhood game. It will float until an eager junior comes home after the SATs and opens the box, constantly looking forward. As students, it’s in our nature to be anxious about the future, but college is more than steps on the board to collect life goals. Though at times I felt myself waiting for my turn to happen, I realize now I’ve been playing through an
amazing college experience within these campus walls. I hadn’t been idling, I’d been landing on Free Parking. Waiting is stressful; Free Parking is just the opposite. Each day was a turn—my friends, fraternity brothers and peers all moving alongside me. The memories that I walk away with aren’t about the Chances at all, they’re about the time I spent here. From the early mornings at Tailgate to the late nights at Shooters, Duke gives its students Free Parking at every turn, and it doesn’t take much luck to land on it. Finally passing Go has led to a whirlwind of lasts. My last LDOC, my last lunches at the Refectory, my last Monopoly money to bursar and this, my last story in The Chronicle. Hours of reminiscing with my fraternity and friends have led to those last words we all try so hard to avoid. “I’ll miss you.” There’s no card for that. So I leave you all my dice, my Chances and even my Community Chest, but all my hope lies in that you all will worry less and enjoy your Free Parking as much as I have in these four years. Zachary Kazzaz is a Trinity senior. He is recruitment chair and former University associate editor.
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rowing up, I loved Monopoly. Perhaps it predicted my future economics major, but in any case, the risks and chances of the game thrilled me. My doting sister would spitefully agree to play with me, knowing all too well the game can seem endless. Then one day last week, I woke up a full grown-college senior. I listened to my messages and realized that my game was over. It had begun the day I finished the SATs. The days zachary kazzaz went by for a month as I senior column waited for my turn to start. When the College Board envelope came through the slot, I took the plunge. As I tore open the envelope and read the score, the game assembled and my piece moved forward alone, waiting. Moving through the rest of high school was drawn out with few turns. When April 1st finally came, I again retreated to my room, locked the door and looked up one admissions decision after the next. Chance. “We would like to congratulate you…” Over the next few weeks the game seemingly ceased as I chose Duke. I thought my college acceptance meant I could pass Go. I was wrong. A couple of weeks later, the game started up in full force and persevered—each time waiting to see how the dice would fall. Waiting to see if I’d get into FOCUS, to discover where I’d live freshman year, to move onto East Campus and begin bleeding blue—and all that just before I arrived in Durham. Between each turn, I seemed to idle, motionless. The Chance cards, the chutes and ladders all continued through rush and through tenting. Everything had a deadline and everything was a process. The other pieces, my friends and colleagues, filled the board, each one at a different place. Together, we stopped at railroad stations on the East Coast and across Europe finding ways to spend our Monopoly money. We even vis-
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W
A sure bet
e all remember the excitement panic over the unchecked items left on of move-in day as freshmen: my Duke bucket list. the seemingly endless traffic apPresident Richard Brodhead’s words proaching East Campus, the overcast sky to the Class of 2009 in their Baccalaureand hot, humid weather, ate address have often the frenzy of activity and been echoing in my the countless introductions head lately: “Nooo, I do to new classmates and their not want to go.” Imagfamilies. ine his deep voice and When my parents and distinctive intonation I made it to the front of saying those words—it’s Giles, I was asked my room more impressive in real number and before I ashley holmstrom life than in print. could set foot in the buildSo why don’t I want to senior column ing, a swarm of FACs were leave? Aren’t I supposed unloading the back of my to be tired of papers and dad’s truck and hauling stuff inside. I exams? Yes, and I am. Is it because I don’t lived on the first floor, and because no have a post-graduation plan? Nope, I’m stairs were involved, everybody was ea- thrilled about my new job and I have a ger to help me. I don’t remember car- fiancé I adore and a wedding to plan, so rying anything in myself…. I couldn’t I’m really excited about what’s ahead. compete with their efficiency. Instead, However, when I think of the things I found my RA, got my keys and walked Duke has afforded me, I’m reluctant to in to find all my stuff neatly piled next accept the fact that the memories left to to my door. add to my time at Duke are limited. It’s been 1,347 days since that mornI have too many memories already to ing. And since living in that spacious Giles fit in this column, such as long conversingle, I’ve occupied two West Campus sations at the Marketplace dinner table, dorm rooms, the Smart Home, a dorm ANTM marathons with the rowing team room in Australia that made Duke’s hous- in Miami, many nights in 301 Flowers, ing—even Central—look like the Grand delicious coffee in Von der Heyden, Hyatt in New York by comparison and weekly lunches at the Refectory with most recently, an apartment at the Lofts. my best friend, football and basketball Needless to say, I’ve gotten really good games, the Lacrosse team’s return to at moving. But I haven’t gotten so good the field after the 2006 scandal, runs at moving on. Sure, in every situation at the WaDuke trail, the Chapel’s five thus far in my life, I’ve proven capable of o’clock bells and countless nights spent conquering and enjoying the challenges cramming problem sets with my felonce I got over the nerves. But I hate leav- low BMEs. And I can’t possibly forget a ing, I hate goodbyes and change makes 2010 basketball season capped by a 2-0 me anxious. record over UNC and a national chamSo here I am, graduation looming only pionship. 16 days away. Alongside my excitement for the future, I’ve been suffering lately Ashley Holmstrom is a Trinity senior. She is from episodes of nostalgia and bouts of the outgoing wire editor of The Chronicle.
FRIdAY, APRIL 30, 2010 | 9
Pens
E
very time I’ve gone for a meal at made all the strike-throughs and addithe Washington Duke Inn and Golf tions with a pen from the WaDuke. Club I’ve walked out with one of When I sweated through every crosstheir pens. The server brings one with word in every Chronicle, I filled in the your check, and when boxes using a pen from you hold it between your the WaDuke. fingers—smooth and blue When I wrote letters to and sleek—you just can’t friends during my semester part with it, and into your in Costa Rica, I sat outside jacket pocket it goes. for hours telling them of So, because I am a frethe palm trees and beachquent patron of WaDuke, es and caipirinhas—and I I’ve amassed quite the colwrote these letters using a nate freeman lection of their pens. Each pen from the WaDuke. senior column one comes with a decent To get this many pens supply of blue ink, a tasteyou need to make a lot of ful gold band around its middle and the visits. I never stole bundles of them in a Duke family crest inscribed upon it: the single grab—I’ve accumulated my collecthree birds surrounding the traditional tion one at a time, making the trip out to chevron in the center, flourished with the beautiful Manor-style building for so plumes and a soldier’s helmet, with the many special occasions. Duke family motto—“in adversis idem”— I first made the forage beyond those written on a banner beneath. It is the best two majestic stone lions the night before pen I have ever laid eyes on, and I use one my freshman orientation was to begin. almost every time I put ink on paper. I had just said goodbye to all my homeWhen I spent hours annotating books town friends—to my whole hometown like “Ulysses” or “Absalom, Absalom!” or life, really, and at the time it was the only “2666,” I marked up these massive tomes life I knew. Scared s—less of what was to using a pen from the WaDuke. happen in the next few days, I stepped When I edited my thesis or looked into the lobby of that grand hotel to over a draft of my version of The Gospels find myself face-to-face with a sign with for Reynolds Price’s eponymous class, I information about High Tea, a particuused a pen from the WaDuke. larly ostentatious symbol of the Southern When I interviewed President Brod- luxury that people tend to associate with head for a Chronicle column, I used a pen Duke. The idea of “having” tea at a place from the WaDuke, and when I bounced called an “inn and golf club” was so foraround the Shooters dance floor report- eign to me—I pictured white-jacketed ing for Towerview, I used a pen from the waiters serving bite-sized, immaculately WaDuke. constructed sandwiches, bottomless Mint When I took notes in my amazing Eng- Juleps and pretty girls in sundresses saunlish classes with Tom Ferraro, my adviser, tering across the18th green. I thought to I recorded his wisdom with a pen from myself, “Where am I going to college?” the WaDuke. But the place grew on me. My friends When I parsed through the novel I and I realized that the experience of wrote in classes with Joe Ashby Porter, I putting on a tie and eating the filet mignon—which is very good, I might add—is simply worth the extra cost. Especially when that extra cost is billed to your food points.
www.dukechronicle.com
Nate Freeman is a Trinity senior. He is a former University editor of The Chronicle.
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drive our brand new cars with ads placed on them. www. YouDriveAds.com
Servers, hosts,
general staff for [One] Restaurant opening in June in Meadowmont Village, Chapel Hill. Please email parkerwood@ momentum-research.com for more details or interview scheduling
Senior Financial Analyst A
senior Financial Reporting Manager/Senior Financial Analyst with a demonstrated track record of operational and administrative improvements. Extensive experience in the areas of finance & accounting, financial planning & analysis. Submit your cover letter & resume to famescrystal@hotmail.com.
Child Care Childcare Provider
To be with my daughter (11) and son (8) weekdays from11:30a.m.4p.m. from 6/21-7/23. You will pick them up in Durham and be with them at home (near Eno River and CFS). Must have reliable transportation, be very active, like hiking, playing, swimming and have lots of creative ideas. Please contact: mgranda@unc. edu or 919-619-6227
FRIdAY, APRIL 30, 2010 | 13
Summer Job Looking for an energetic college student to care for 3 great kids June-Aug. $300/ wk North Durham. www.tryanholder@yahoo.com
Townhouse for Sale Charming 2 BR Townhome
Beautiful end-unit townhome with garage, hardwoods, 2 separate master suites. 10 minutes from Duke. Low maintenance- $157,900. See more at www.2701durham.com! 919-6012940
Duke Student Summer Storage CLIMATE • Long Distance & Local CONTROLLED Relocation STORAGE • Boxes & Packing Supplies • Special Duke Student Rates • Pick Up Available Call (919) • CALL FOR A 419-1059 FREE ESTIMATE
or
APARTMENTS for RENT 1BR 5min to DUKE, FREE WIFI & FREE W/D, great for Grads! 919.286.4100. Forest Pointe. www.NC-Apartments.com
489-3941
“Where customer service is still a priority” NCUC C-726 ICC MC315111
www.trosamoving.com
DURHAM N. CAROLINA
Online Auctions Only - Bids Close: 5/23 by 7pm
Home Near Duke U
Reserve $10,000 + 10% BP
8 Unit Apartment Building Reserve $15,000 + 10% BP
Brick Cape Cod Near Duke U
Reserve $10,000 + 10% BP
Duplex Near Duke U
Reserve $10,000 + 10% BP
Duplex Near Duke U
Reserve $5,000 + 10% BP
Residential Lot - Will Sell Regardless of Price!
www. Tranzon .com
NCAF8879 10% Buyer’s Premium
877.355.2251
The Chronicle & Chroniclehousing.com
The Chronicle classified advertising
www.dukechronicle.com/classifieds
check
-out The Chronicle’s online classifieds. Easy to do. Add pics. Always current.
call
about the great bargains you find on The Chronicle’s classified website.
raise
the asking price of your item because you’ve received so many calls.
rates All advertising - $6.00 for first 15 words 10¢ (per day) additional per word 3 or 4 consecutive insertions - 10 % off 5 or more consecutive insertions - 20 % off special features online and print all bold wording - $1.00 extra per day bold heading - $1.50 extra per day bold and sub headline - $2.50 extra per day online only attention getting icon - $1.00 extra per ad spotlight/feature ad - $2.00 per day website link - $1.00 per ad map - $1.00 per ad hit counter - $1.00 per ad picture or graphic - $2.50 per ad deadline 12:00 noon 1 business day prior to publication payment Prepayment is required Master Card, VISA, Discover, American Express, cash or check ad submission
online: www.dukechronicle.com/classifieds email: advertising@chronicle.duke.edu fax to: 919-684-8295 phone orders: (919)-684-3811
No refunds or cancellations after first insertion deadline
www.dukechronicle.com/classifieds
ADVERTISERS: Please check your advertisement for errors on the first day of publication. If you find an error, please call 919-684-3811. The Chronicle only accepts responsibility for the first incorrect day for ads entered by our office staff. We cannot offer make-good runs for errors in ads placed online by the customer.
14 | FRIdAY, APRIL 30, 2010
the chronicle
Diversions Shoe Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins
Dilbert Scott Adams
Doonesbury Garry Trudeau
The Chronicle Other things we’ve held: online: ����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� toni elected officials: ����������������������������������������������������������taylor, lindsey a volume: �������������������������������������������������������������������������������chelsea ce2ing sessions: ���������������������������������������������������������brostuff, drew something i’ve never held before: �������������������������������������������andy photos doubling as blackmail: ������������������������������������������� courtney each other: �����������������������������������������������������������������christina, klein jim’s hand: ����������������������������������������������������������������������������� Sanette Barb Starbuck holds this place together: ��������������������������������� Barb
Ink Pen Phil Dunlap
Student Advertising Manager:...............................Margaret Potter Account Executives:.................... Chelsea Canepa, Phil DeGrouchy Liza Doran, Lianna Gao, Rhea Kaw, Ben Masselink Amber Su, Mike Sullivan, Jack Taylor Quinn Wang, Cap Young Creative Services Student Manager............................Christine Hall Creative Services:................................Lauren Bledsoe, Danjie Fang Caitlin Johnson, Megan Meza , Hannah Smith Business Assistant:.........................................................Joslyn Dunn
Sudoku
Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. (No number is repeated in any column, row or box.) Free Lock !
Summer Storage Specials
Safe & Secure Storage for Your Stuff! May through August Rent Specials
A-1 MiniStorage 1000 Junction Road
Answer to puzzle
(919) 471-6668
5 x 10 units $180 10 x 10 units $220 for the entire summer
Best Rates in the Triangle Just 7 miles from campus
www.sudoku.com
the chronicle
exam break
FRIdAY, APRIL 30, 2010 | 15
The Chronicle’s National Championship Commemorative Edition
is now available at Duke Stores glossy keepsake edition that follows Duke on the road to #1!
Available at Duke Stores and online www.shopdukestores.duke.edu
Chronicle T’s also available!
919.684.3811 www.dukechronicle.com
16 | FRIdAY, APRIL 30, 2010
exam break
the chronicle