Aliens and Aztec

DGO

art entertainment food drink music nightlife Thursday, July 28, 2016

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Theories and stories about the alleged 1948 crash and other UFO activity persist, even in the face of skepticism and ridicule

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Also: Get Smart about homelessness, the gamble of serving, local artist Crystal Hartman, do’s and don’ts at yard sales, and why you should care about classical music

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DGO Magazine

Staff

What’s inside Volume 1 Number 39

July 28, 2016

Chief Executive Officer

10 A big Hart

Douglas Bennett

Local artist Crystal Hartman is vivacious and filled with passion for her craft, often gushing - about art, love, her dog or the “nourishing” community of fellow creatives she’s found here in Durango.

V.P. of Finance and Operations Bob Ganley V.P. of Advertising David Habrat V.P. of Marketing Kricket Lewis Founding Editors David Holub

David Holub dholub@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Staff writer Anya Jaremko-Greenwold anya@bcimedia.com 375-4546 Contributors Katie Cahill Taylor Ferraro Christopher Gallagher Kevin Johnson

David Holub/DGO

»» Crystal Hartman outside her studio in Durango.

5 Get Smart about homelessness You’ve seen them sitting on the corner, but you’ve pretended not to.

They’ve asked you what time it is and you’ve pretended not to hear. Now how’s about letting Kathy Tonnesson, executive director of the Manna Soup Kitchen, tell you about our homeless neighbors and panhandlers.

Bryant Liggett Jon E. Lynch Heather Narwid Cooper Stapleton Cyle Talley Robert Alan Wendeborn Advertising 247-3504 Reader Services 375-4570

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

From the Editor

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Love it or Hate it

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Sound

Downtown Lowdown

8 The gamble of servers “After greeting, pouring water, delivering drinks, sharing specials, folding napkins, taking orders, firing tickets, dropping food, retrieving sides of A1, sugaring a crème brulee, saying happy birthday, leaving a check, cleaning dishes off a dirty table, and wiping and re-setting the table, I grabbed the black book with my tip in it to see what dollar amount had been left.”

Tell us what you think!

Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know?

Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

11 Do’s and don’ts when

navigating a yard sale This week, Style Fetish offers tips for being a savvy yard sale shopper and seller. This sell-it-yourself system is the original, tried and true, pre-Internet method and is wonderful for all its aspects.

6

Album Review 7 9

Amy Maestas Editor/ designer/ art director

4

Beer

16 Movies 17 Pages 18 Weed

Seeing Through 18 the Smoke

Netflix and chill ‑ 420 edition 19

20 Savage Love 21 Happening

15 Caring about classical 2016’s Music in the Mountains is drawing to a close, but this year’s classical music fest tried harder than ever before to engage with younger generations.

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23 Horoscope/ puzzles/ Bizarro

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On the cover The alleged Aztec, New Mexico, crash puts us close to the ever-burning questions and theories over government coverups and encounters.

Illustration by David Holub/DGO; image via Shutterstock

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David Holub |DGO editor

Naps Love it

Even in the internet age, change takes time, Bernie supporter

W

hen you Instagram your dinner or tweet the cute thing your kid said in her sleep or post the thousands of emails you hacked from the Democratic National Committee, you are participating in what makes the internet the most transformative technological development since the printing press: The ability to share information rapidly.

But not only is the speed of the information dynamic, it’s who has access to it. Just as the printing press took power away from the few (the church, mainly) and put it in the hands of many, so too did the internet but on a massively larger scale, speeding human progress in previously unimaginable ways.

With this still-incredibly-new groundbreaker, we’ve become empowered. This glut of information and the speed it can change hands has become a normal a way of life. So much so that many of us expect change can and should happen overnight.

This is where I start looking at you, Hardline Bernie Supporters (HBS) and the willingness to torch everything because you didn’t get everything you wanted.

I mean, Bernie’s not even a Bernie supporter anymore. It’s like the chicken cut its own head off, instructing a trusted adult to keep it someplace safe. Meanwhile, the HBS are running around headless, overturning tables and knocking into walls.

I get it. The system is broken and Hillary Clinton is far from the ideal candidate. There was collusion and a somewhat concerted effort to encourage Bernie’s defeat and to increase the likelihood that the more establishment candidate would win.

The collusion and meddling is unfortunate, though this particular occurrence is probably on a smaller (or similar) scale than has existed in the past, before wiki leaks, when things were simpler only because we didn’t know half of the extent of what went on behind the scenes because a relative few decided

which information the rest of us got.

But now (most of) the information belongs to all of us, and we share it freely with little interference compared with the past, you know, when America was great.

In part, the anger, contempt and distrust coming from HBS (and others) are from a frustration over the fact that change can, and sometimes should, occur rapidly. And when it doesn’t, we adopt a Veruca Salt-like attitude of “I want it NOW!” You want it now because if not now, when? If not you, who? Mmhmm. Patience, friend.

This is a historical moment for our country, and historical moments require responsibility and maturity and a little more sanity. Sanity in this case is to set aside what you’re not getting with Clinton. It is looking at what you will get to keep, or at least not lose. Think about health care, the Supreme Court, women’s rights, gay rights, civil rights, environmental protection, minimum wage, college tuition and debt. In short, we’d get to keep and build upon the momentum and progress that has made life better for many and not just the few (looking at you, WASPy white man).

A bridge-burning, all-or-nothing approach disregards just how progressive the Democratic platform is in 2016, something Bernie and his millions of supporters are responsible for, in part. It should be seen as a victory, not a defeat.

Most importantly, we must not take our eyes off the bloodthirsty demagogue and his bleating followers readying for war.

Think of that man’s scowl, his venom, his anger, his fraud, his hoodwinking, hate and bigotry, his disregard for compassion and decency, his desire for spectacle, his open(!) adoration of dictators and strongmen, his sickening narcissism. Look at it long and hard and think about the next 10 and 60 and 100 years.

Do not throw away decades of progress, both past and future, because the desired change didn’t happen overnight.

Let’s build on the revolution without the hysterics, which make it so easy for rational people to dismiss important ideas, issues and noble battles being fought.

There’s nothing better than sleeping when you’re not supposed to be sleeping. Most of us relish the prospect of a good bout of procrastination – but actually becoming unconscious when you’re meant to be doing work or chores is the ultimate form of stalling. In a comatose state, you can’t feel guilty about neglecting duties. (Unless you’re having stress dreams.)

It can be hard to fall asleep at night. It’s hard to do ANYTHING exactly when and how you know you should, because bodies are defiant. Your brain won’t turn off, you can’t stop thinking about everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life. All the embarrassing moments. The failed relationships. The dead pets. You can’t get comfortable; you’re too hot, too cold, too itchy. But a nap is sweet release. You’re probably so tired, you cannot stop yourself.

There are downsides to naps, of course. You waste a lot of time. You might sleep for five lovely hours, then remain maddeningly alert all night.

It’s not a practical schedule, as society functions mostly in the daytime.

You can’t really get errands done when everyone else is sleeping. Plus, it’s common to awaken from naps disoriented, wondering what day it is. It’s dark – is it still today, or tomorrow? How long have I been asleep? WHAT YEAR IS IT? So, napping is a dangerous game. But it feels so good.

—— Anya Jaremko-Greenwold

Hate it I’m a fan of continuity and momentum. Sometimes I hate having to go to bed at night, wishing the next day would just come. I’d be rested without all the hullaballoo of slowing my mind down, squelching all the restlessness and anxiety, and then once I’m happy where I am, comfortable inside the deep, gurgling, satiny sleep of children, the alarm goes off and I have to immediately start shoveling loads of coal to get that steam engine chugging again.

Naps are the same, but on a smaller scale, interrupting the day’s momentum, demanding the herky-jerky starting and stopping, like a kid learning how to drive stick. More specifically, naps can interrupt a particular activity, like reading. Nothing is more frustrating than finally finding time with a book, only to get thwarted by a pushy, me-first nap, which is often a result and reminder of poor decision-making on my part (late-night carousing on school nights, mainly).

And then there are the naps that don’t “take,” where the finicky sleep lasts too long or not long enough and you wake up more tired than before.

Or you wake up with the wherewithal and mental faculties of an orthopedic pillow, the haziness and its duration at the whim of the nap that put you there.

—— David Holub

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[Expert Advice on Trivial Affairs]

Get Smart | Cyle Talley

On homelessness and panhandling You’ve seen them sitting on the corner, but you’ve pretended not to. They’ve asked you what time it is and you’ve pretended not to hear. Now how’s about letting Kathy Tonnesson, executive director of the Manna Soup Kitchen, tell you about those damn bums who should get themselves jobs.

What is Manna’s goal?

most people who work here last about that long as well. We’ve all hit that wall. There are days I think, “I’m done. I can’t do this.” And others I think, “OK, maybe I can make it for another six months.”

Our end goal would be to work ourselves out of a job, but I don’t think that’s probably ever going to happen, so our goal is to provide food and give hope to people in need. Social Security, older folks, working folks that commute because cost of housing in Durango is extremely expensive. We want to provide food for anybody that needs it, including kids with backpacks and sack lunches for working people.

What gets you to that negative headspace?

Why don’t you think you’ll work yourself out of a job?

As a country, we have to figure out how to take care of people. We don’t have a great welfare system, we don’t have a good mental health program, nor do we have great addiction programs. It’s not that we need to be socialized, but we certainly need to figure out how to take care of our own. There’s that factor, of the people who are mentally ill or addicted, and then there’s the factor of fair wages for work.

It’s a complex issue. Veterans who come back and who don’t reintegrate into society as easily as they thought they would, immigration – there’re so many Tonnesson things. Working poor families who have kids and who can’t get a job to get ahead, and have to have three jobs to make a mortgage payment. Older people on Social Security, they don’t get a raise in their monthly checks.

If they’re not living in a place they own and their rent goes up, it’s troublesome. There’re always the people who just want to be off the radar, too. They’re young and they’re able, but it may be their statement against society that they’re not going to play by the rules.

There’s some of that as well.

How do you stay positive?

There are days where you groan and think, “We aren’t making any difference, we’re not doing anything for anybody.” You see the same people over and over and over. But then there are days where somebody comes in shouting, “Miss Kathy, I got a job today! I’m so happy!” Or when somebody’s super grateful for a lunch and says to you, “Thank you so much for being here.

I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t!” We did a food drive not too long ago, and a lady came out with some groceries and said, “You know what? Ten years ago, I ate every meal at Manna, and this is the

SHAUN STANLEY/BCI Media file photo

»» A man carries a sign asking for help along the entry to the Walmart parking lot off Dominquez Drive in 2015.

It’s very easy to be judgmental of people when you don’t know the whole story. I’m human, I do it. “Why can’t you get out there and get a job?!” But nobody really knows what that story is. For instance, there’s a woman who has two kids and her husband talked her into giving them up because he feels like he’s evil and he thinks it’s better if someone else raises them, and she stays with that man. She’s heartbroken, she has incredible anxiety. You look at her and think, “Wow, she’s got it together,” until you wonder why she’s at the soup kitchen every day. This is her community. I think, too, a deep faith in humankind is necessary – whether God or the Universe – you have to believe that we need to help people. Everybody deserves to be treated with dignity.

So what do you do instead?

first time in my life that I’m able to buy something and give to you. I want you to know how much it meant to me.” That’s the sort of thing that brings tears to your eyes, and you don’t see it day to day, but you have to remember that it’s one story at a time.

You recently sent a letter to the community about panhandling ...

One of the reasons I put out a letter like that is our numbers are down. We are serving less food over the last two years than we ever have. So the uptick in panhandling is due to the ACLU ruling that it’s [the panhandler’s] right to do that. The city cannot write tickets. I feel like Manna has gotten blamed for that and, like I said, our numbers are down! Some of the people you see on the street we know, but a lot of the panhandlers we’ve never seen. Panhandling does not equate to homelessness. There are a lot of homeless people that camp out or who live in their cars and who eat here every day and you’d never see them panhandling. Of the panhandlers I know, some are homeless and some are not.

What keeps you from cynicism?

We as a staff talk a lot and try to concentrate on the positives. It is really hard. There is a very high turnover rate here, and that’s one of the reasons. Manna’s longest executive directorship was two years, and

You treat them like you’d want to be treated. You don’t need to dismiss them, but you also don’t need to give them $10. I can’t say how you should react to people, but I do think that everyone needs to be treated with dignity. People just want to be heard. If you have the time to talk, awesome. If not, that’s OK, too. The other interesting piece to remember is that none of us is too far away from being quote-unquote homeless. Say you have $5,000 in your bank account, and you lose your job. If your mortgage is $2,000, that’s two months! We saw a lot of people losing their homes during the recession, and a lot of the people who we see here once had homes. It’s easy to think that something like that would never happen to you.

If you could tell people one thing they ought to know about the community you serve ...

They deserve dignity. Everybody has a story, and it’s easy to judge from the surface, but you can’t know anything until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

This interview was lightly edited and condensed for space.

Cyle Talley urges you to check out the multitude of volunteer opportunities Manna has – cooking, gardening, cleaning, etc. If there’s something you’d like to Get Smart about, email him at: cyle@cyletalley.com

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[sound]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

The best 6 of the first 6 months That much closer to Christmas and that much more good music. Here are my top albums of the first part of 2016.

Richmond Fontaine “You Can’t Go Back if You Have Nothing to Go Back To” Songwriter Willy Vlautin brings broken-down characters to life in a soft yet sonically large album. There’s a story in each song, rich with tales that feel like each beat character could be played by Harry Dean Stanton. Richmond Fontaine is one of the great alt-country/No Depression magazine acts from the early days of alternative country, and this is a fitting farewell as they hang up their hat.

Jack Oblivian and The Sheiks “The Lone Ranger of Love” Memphis is chock-full of musical institutions, and at the top of the garage rock punk pile has been Jack Yarber aka Jack Oblivian. This one screams with fuzz and feedback yet packs in a load of great Memphis groove.

Margo Price “Midwest Farmers Daughter” Holy Tammy Wynette and every other country gal who came before her. Comparisons aside, Price has lived the downtrodden life she sings about, and comes

out on the other side with one of the best country releases of this or any decade. This is a tough record, void of any over-produced polish but coming across like gold with its at times brutal lyrical honesty.

The I Don’t Cares “Wild Stab” Paul Westerberg has taken all that is great from his time leading The Replacements and all that is great from his lighter side found within the Mats and on solo efforts and put it together in his duo with Juliana Hatfield. It’s a jangly and lo-fi collection of songs that are bratty and tender, funny, loose and reckless.

Which is what Westerberg has always been.

James Hunter 6 “Hang On!” This record is so goddamned cool. Its like Sam Cooke met up with J.D. McPherson and they decided to blow the roof off whatever city club or back-room dive bar they were in. This is a record that walks a fine line between classic Detroit Motown and rhythm and blues while daring to perhaps even dabble in a roots vibe.

Daptone has never been one to put out crap, and this

continues their collective streak of great releases.

Car Seat Headrest “Teens of Denial” Car Seat Headrest honcho Will Toledo has put out a wealth of self-released, Bandcamp albums, with this being his label-backed debut via Matador Records.

Start with the lyrics that run the gamut from funny stream of conscious observation, to bold statement of self-reflection. There’s lo-fi balladry found among straight up indie rock riffs; it’s a guitar album, and its audible similarities are found in everything from ’70s power pop to the indie movement of the last 20 years.

The bottom half of 2016 is looking to be as stacked as the top, with forthcoming releases by Slim Cessna’s Auto Club and The Handsome Family, along with punk veterans The Descendents and Dinosaur Jr. Throw in records from Okkervil River, LCD Sound System, Drive-By Truckers, Charlie Hunter and Grizzly Bear, and so much more.

Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@fortlewis.edu.

Bryant’s best Thursday: Funk with Sneaky Pete and the Secret Weapons as part of the Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College shows in the park. 5:30 p.m. No cover. Buckley Park, 12th and Main Ave. downtown Durango. Information: 247-7657.

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Saturday: Music in the Mountains Festival Orchestra performs selections from Star Wars, E.T. and more. 5:30 p.m. $44/$54. Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College 1000 Rim Drive. Information: 385-6820.

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[sound]

AARON’S ERRANDS

What’s new Dinosaur Jr.,“Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not”

$9TOWN $19COUNTRY

PERSONAL ERRANDS OF ALL KINDS: GROCERY, LAUNDRY, PHARMACY, MERCANTILE Durango to your door, whether there’s weather or not!

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There has been an ever-growing trend the last 10 to 15 years in a certain subset of rock ’n’ roll music that has various names and identifiers, based on a slew of factors. It has at one time or another been referred to as underground (as opposed to mainstream) rock, indie rock, college rock, and recently alt- or alternative rock.

Some, correctly in my opinion and in many cases, called it punk rock. This was before the commodification of the term punk rock, when punk rock music was more aligned with an ideal and an ethic, and less a fashion sense and costume choice. In 2016, one could arguably and age-depending, refer to it as classic rock. I slightly digress, but back to that trend. It’s a trend that has its detractors as well as supporters.

This trend is a “cashing-in” of sorts for the countless bands that existed mostly unknown to the masses for many years. Bands that toiled in pre-internet obscurity.

They are re-forming with as many original members as possible, many are putting out albums again, and some are even touring (with balder spots, families in tow and with legions of new fans). I think it’s great. I’m all for comeuppance and finally getting acknowledged for your art. Dinosaur Jr. made three albums during their run in the ’80s with the original lineup of J Mascis, Lou Barlow and Murph. In 2005, this lineup reformed playing shows off and on, but this is their first foray back into recording, and it is great. Classic sound from a classic band. J’s signature Fender Jazzmaster squall and baritone speak-singing is there, as is Lou Barlow’s thunderous bass, keeping beat for beat with Murph’s powerful clod of a drumming style and sensibility.

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Available: Aug. 5 via Jagjaguwar Records as a downloadable digital album, compact disc and on black vinyl.

HOME OF THE COOLEST MARGARITAS IN TOWN HAPPY HOUR

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Recommended for fans of classic indie rock and college radio, and the gamut of canonized bands that fall under those widely cast nets: Pixies, Built to Spill, Sonic Youth, Pavement or Guided by Voices.

— Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu

New at Southwest Sound July 29 1. Death Grips, “Bottomless Pit” After two breakups and a slew of canceled concert dates, experimental hiphop mad men Death Grips are back. A seamless but jarring blend of rap, industrial, breakcore and general chaotic noise, one of the best bands to make you feel like you know more about music than your friends.

2. Descendents, “Hypercaffium Spazzinate” The first album from the punk legends in 20 years, Hypercaffium picks up as if the band had never

taken a break. Summertime is the best time for punk rock, and this one is sure to satisfy that punk itch we all sometimes feel.

3. Bouncing Souls, “Simplicity” If you like your punk rock a little more approachable and a little more anthemic, then you probably already know the Bouncing Souls. They have been crafting expert-level pop punk for almost 30 years now, and they show no signs of slowing down.

4. Brian Wilson, “and Friends” Originally recorded as a fundraiser for PBS, this live show from 2014 has

finally made its way to a full release. Comprised of longtime Beach Boys collaborators as well as Kasey Musgraves, She and Him, and others, this concert will be longremembered.

5. Chris Robinson, “Anyway You Love We Know How You Feel” A new record from the former Black Crowes frontman, the Chris Robinson Brotherhood is set to bring the jam band sound into a new era. If you’re a fan of the Gov’t Mule/ Hard Working Americans side of the style, this is not one to miss.

—— Cooper Stapleton

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»» D Glimp

[Serving] Confessions of a 20-something waitress Taylor Ferraro

Servers are gamblers, and some nights are better than others

A

fter greeting, pouring water, delivering drinks, sharing specials, folding napkins, taking orders, firing tickets, dropping food, retrieving sides of A1, sugaring a crème brulee, saying happy birthday, leaving a check, cleaning dishes off a dirty table, and wiping and resetting the table, I grabbed the little black book with my tip in it and walked back to the kitchen to see what dollar amount had been left in return for my ... errand running. And we have a winner! Yes ladies and gentlemen, I, Taylor Ferraro, waiter, entertainer, food runner, hostess, busser, etc. had received a 20 percent tip. As I punched my reward into the computer, I thought to myself, how LUCKY am I?! I get to make conversation with new people, bring them some food, make sure they have enough alcohol and water throughout their dining experience, give them a check, collect my tip and send them on their way. But not all nights are that simple.

During one rocky night of catering to peoples’ needs, I looked at the clock, feeling I had been in the windowless restaurant infinitely, only to find that it was 7:30 p.m. “Only an hour and a half more of this,” I kept telling myself. My coworker must have seen the disappointment on my face because she asked me, “How is your bucket?” By bucket, she meant my positivity bucket. Was it full, empty, had it been kicked over, etc. I explained that someone had knocked my bucket off my head so hard that I couldn’t find it anywhere. Dramatic. But at the time, true.

I was upset because, despite doing my best to juggle six tables in the dining room and one large

Illustration by David Holub/DGO

(needy) table in the bar, the service that I – one person – provided these 23 people was just not good enough, and I needed to be told that. The woman who sat at my table in the bar pointed her index finger at me and called me over with it. She told me that she “comes here all the time and has never received such terrible service.” I dropped the bill at the table, and told her, “Because I didn’t take care of you tonight, the owner of the restaurant did. You will find that you weren’t charged for many of your

happy hour appetizers. And thank you so much for sharing that with me.” Without another thought about the disgruntled customer, I walked calmly back to the kitchen to feel sorry for myself.

Later that night, the same coserver who had asked me about my bucket told me that she had recently read an article that said being a waiter is more stressful than being a neurosurgeon.

All I could think was, “If I make a mistake, people won’t die, if I make a mistake, people won’t die, if I make a mistake, people won’t die.”

And, of course, that’s true. I may hit a nerve by bringing the wrong drink to your table, but at least you won’t be paralyzed ... right? So no, after some thought, I don’t think serving is more stressful than being a neurosurgeon, because mistakes made with alcohol and food are forgettable, even forgivable. But mistakes made with a 10 blade on a brain, the customer will not be pleased.

The thing is, some nights you may go through that same repetitive cycle with each table. Deliver food and drinks on time, share a preschool-appropriate joke (because it’s less likely to offend someone if it’s a joke about a pile of kittens ... meowwwwwtain – get it?), and still receive a below-average tip or a negative comment. And that’s OK, because waiters are gamblers. Our rent, student loans, groceries, bar tabs and electricity bills depend on peoples’ stomachs ... and their bank account balance. So come on in and sit in my section, my name is Taylor. I am not a doctor, but I will be taking care of you.

Taylor Ferraro provides five-star service and entertainment at the Red Snapper. She is also a massage therapist and KDUR DJ. Contact her at tferr8@hotmail.com.

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[beer]

First Draughts | Robert Alan Wendeborn

Here’s how to taste and describe beer

O

ne of my favorite parts of drinking beer is the effect. It relaxes your inhibitions, it drops your nerves and it releases your courage. For myself, it enables words to flow into my thick skull and out my big mouth. It gets you drunk. That little effect of drinking beer is probably why human society has lasted as long as it has and it’s my favorite reason for drinking it.

But my second favorite thing about beer is tasting beer.

I’m not saying I like the taste of beer, because not all beers taste the same.

I’m saying I like the act of tasting beer. Lots and lots of different beer. Tasting beer is itself a thrilling experience, because it’s got all the rituals of drinking wine without all the hoity toity bullshit. (Plus, it’s all based on metaphors and language and all the fun, nerdy English stuff I like.)

The traditional way of tasting beer breaks it down into areas of your perception, including appearance, aroma, flavor and mouthfeel. Each of these areas have their own subcategories of description and each affects the other.

For appearance, there’s the color, the clarity, the foam and its lasting power, and the “lace” that it leaves in the glass as you drink it. For aroma, there are good smells and bad smells that each tip you off to how the beer was made and what went into its production. Flavor is tightly tied to aroma, but there are flavors that don’t translate into aromas, like saltiness for example. The flavor of the beer is also connected to the foam and texture of the beer, which is also deeply tied to the last category of mouthfeel (which also ties us to our first category of perception, appearance!). So when you taste beer, those are the things that you comment on or

think about and all of them are intertwined.

But the fun part is actually coming up with the words that describe each category. All of it happens in metaphors, because flavors in beers aren’t necessarily the things you’re literally tasting. If a beer smells like wildflowers with hints of lemon, I highly doubt that a brewer wandered through a meadow picking flowers to put in their beer. But

when you taste a beer, that is a valid image to use in your description.

And if a beer tastes “earthy,” it’s completely valid to imagine your brewer giving the brewhouse a big hug right after a rolling around in the mud. And if you smell a smoky, roasted, darkcolored beer with strong hints of pine and resin, it’s perfectly acceptable to imagine the brewer was an Ewok, brewing a smoked Cascadian Dark Ale in their tree fort on Endor.

You see, there isn’t a wrong way to describe the beer; that belongs to you.

If you think a beer tastes like a freshly-extinguished dumpster fire, then say that.

If a beer tastes like Strawberry Shortcake took a dump in a creamsicle factory, and wiped with a banana peel, say that. You don’t need any fancy words, you need words that express your feelings about the beer, and words that will connect you to the person you’re describing the beer to.

The last and most important thing about tasting beer is to have fun. I would love to scroll through Brewer’s Advocate, or Ratebeer and see someone’s review of a beer that revels in the joy of drinking beer. Often, people comment on their glass (“Beer was poured slowly into a pilsner glass” or “Beer was hard-poured into an 18th Century Austro-Hungarian Stein”) and it would be so funny to see someone’s reviews be only shotguns or beer bongs. It would be awesome to see someone describe their beers in the voice of Cormac McCarthy or Stephen King. Or really, just someone who was writing beer descriptions that aren’t trying to impress anyone. That would be great.

Robert Alan Wendeborn is a former cellar operator at Ska Brewing and current lead cellar operator at Tin Roof Brewing in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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[visual]

Artist Crystal Hartman:

‘If you really believe in it, you just keep making it’

Local artist Crystal Hartman is vivacious and filled with passion for her craft. When she speaks, she usually gushes - about art, love, her dog or the “nourishing” community of fellow creatives she’s found here in Durango (where she was also born and raised).

Hartman is a jeweler, drawer and painter in equal measure, though she feels her jewelry design contributes something of pure light and beauty into the world, while her paintings explore heavier, challenging themes. Hartman’s creations are like miniature silver sculptures: you’ll find tiny threedimensional deer and elephant rings, or a bangle bracelet made of a skinny person contorted in a yoga pose. Her paintings pulsate with vibrant color, swirling shapes and nods to the animal kingdom. Hartman is represented locally by the Studio & gallery, and will be showing her work there at next Thursday’s Art Walk. We chatted with Hartman about her process, why she doesn’t make art in a big city and how she sustains herself as a full-time artist.

On showing her art There are quite a few spaces where you can work large in Durango; warehouses, airplane hangars. But it would be nice to have spaces like that in the community, where you can go get coffee and food. They’re not really downtown – rent is high.

It’s also difficult to find a place here to show edgy, contemporary art. And now with Open Shutter leaving ... they provided such an amazing space for us. With large-scale painting, it’s hard to find a place that has large enough walls where you can step back from the work and actually take it all in. Studio & is small, so I struggle to show my large pieces. I love to encourage people and places with big walls to show big, edgy art – take a risk! Create a space for conversation that’s outside of what we expect.

On where she finds inspiration I’m inspired by concepts. I’ll be in conversation with someone or reading a book and some part of the human experience will grab me. Then I’ll take months or years studying that concept in every facet; reading about it, watching movies, talking to everyone I possibly can, historical research ... and finally I’ll start painting.

Right now I’m very interested in love, and in social structures and how they

relate to our concepts of identity. I’m inspired by the mundane. Sitting on the grass, looking around, you see a bee flying by, then a bird, then the bird has a nest with babies, then an airplane flies by and a dog is watching the airplane ... just daily life, what it is to be human. Storytelling is my greatest love, in every form it comes.

On her jewelry making process I do traditional lost-wax casting. I start by carving wax, and I work predominantly with beeswax now. I carve at about 500 degrees, and I build a mold out of something called investment, similar to plaster, around the wax. Then put it in a kiln, heat it up, melt the wax out and heat the mold until it’s 900 degrees. Next I melt silver – I work predominantly with recycled silver, a little bit with bronze and gold – and I melt the metal to 1,800 degrees, pour it into the mold, let it cool off, and break it. From there I start sanding, filing, soldering pieces together, buffing, polishing, setting the stones. Most of the stones I use are cut by my father and brother.

On living in Durango instead of a big city Last year, I was packed up and ready to move to L.A. But then I realized that for me, it’s so important to

Photos by David Holub/DGO

»» Crystal Hartman sits on and among two paintings-in-progress outside her studio in Durango.

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[visual]

[Sartorial over-enthusiasm with Heather of Sideshow]

Style Fetish | Heather Narwid

Do’s and don’ts when navigating a yard sale Weekend-morning scenes of magic-markered, barely-tethered signs flapping on street corners, encouraging us to go into a stranger’s home and look through their unwanted stuff at an uncomfortably early morning hour. Summer is yard sale season and it’s in full swing!

This week Style Fetish offers some tips for being a savvy yard sale shopper and seller.

be able to get away from people. I’m like a sponge, and I love conversations and hearing other people’s stories, but I have to process by myself. I have to have quiet, and living in a city is loud. There’s so much of the stuff that really inspires my work going on all of the time there, that it’s exhausting! I also think it’s important to have conceptual, contemporary artists in more rural areas. It is good for me to be in cities, since it’s there my work really translates well, and I make the majority of my money – people are more willing to ‘go there’ with edgy art. But I love being in this community, our access to healthy food, the fact that I can know the person who raised my eggs. Studio & is so supportive and willing to take risks on artists, no matter what point in their career they’re at.

On being a full-time artist It’s so hard and so rewarding. The most difficult thing is that you have to be a businessperson. You have to learn the art business, stay in touch with clients, listen to people’s needs. All you really want to do is come back to your studio and sit quietly by yourself.

People who think you have to be inspired are nuts. You do the work. No matter how exhausted you are, you pick up the paintbrush.

When you start trying to make a living off of your passion, there’s so much you have to go through. The pain of feeling like an art slave.

You will feel like you’re chained to your desk and you cannot leave it. You’ll have to say no to a million things that sound really fun. What am I doing with my life? Shouldn’t I be out climbing this mountain? It’s hard. But if you really believe in it, you just keep making it.

—— Anya Jaremko-Greenwold

This sell-it-yourself system is the original, tried and true, pre-internet method and is wonderful for all its aspects. For buyers, it saves money; helps us to consume consciously not conspicuously; it’s reusing and recycling; it’s finding rare and stylish vintage items that are usually of a better construction than modern things; and not least, yard sales provide the thrill of the Find that appeals to our hunter/gatherer nature. Sellers get the easiest way to eliminate a middleman, unload some crap in the comfort of their yards, make space, make cash and get up super early to deal with all of us.

3. Do ask for a discount when you are buying multiple items.

1. Don’t make (loud, obvious) fun of the items on offer, even if they are absolutely ridiculous, scary or gross.

You are in a garage or outdoors, not a fully-functioning, professional shop setting. Poor lighting, dirt and dust, having to dig through boxes, no fitting room, no mirror, having to ask the price on everything – these are fairly common inconveniences at a home sale.

These were once someone’s possessions. Someone chose, paid for and lived with the stuff. So be cool.

And it’s really bad form to snarkout on a dead person’s possessions in front of their family selling it!

Laughing at the random rejected ridiculousness in an uncurated thrift store is different and impersonal, so go ahead and rag on stuff in that setting, but mind your manners while in someone’s home or garage, ya big mouth.

2. Don’t insult an item to get a discount or argue a price.

It will only make the seller annoyed and unwilling to deal with you. Denigration is a tactic that never works. If it’s so crappy, why do you even want it?

Sellers are usually appreciative of moving a bunch of stuff at one time. But ASK for a discount, do not demand or assume one. Preface the request with positive language like, “Are you willing to ...” or “Would you consider...,” etc.

4. Don’t assume they will take a personal check or a card.

Bring cash and small bills to make paying easier.

5. Don’t expect a retail-shop situation.

Sellers, remember this fact in regard to your pricing. Yours is the position of wholesaler – you aren’t a retail store, so retail prices (even second-hand retail store prices, ahem) are not justified at a garage sale, sorry!

A seller could, however, add value to their selling situation and possibly command higher prices by improving on the usual inconveniences experienced at a yard sale.

Have your decent-quality goods be well-displayed, well-lit and priced.

Offer somewhere for customers to try things on and an electric outlet to test out tools or equipment before buying.

6. Don’t buy something unnecessary merely because it is cheap and present.

That is the immature impulse of a child with cash. Temporary sales give the impression and feeling of urgency. Don’t fall for it. Mind your answers after asking yourself tough questions such as: Do I need this or just want it? Will this replace something else that I can now get rid of? Would I pay full price for it?

Do I have an immediate need or use for it? Is it in decent condition?

This piece of shit is broken now, but will it be useful after being fixed?

Do I have the time, materials and inclination to even ever fix it? And so on.

7. Do inspect items closely for condition Check for holes, stains and excessive wear. Check the inside of the collar, edges and armpits first – these areas get the most wear quickest and can be deal-breakers.

You may ask for a discount because of condition; the seller may have missed the damage. This tip goes for any used-item-buying in a thrift store or vintage store as well.

So happy hunting and good luck from Style Fetish. Be cool, be reasonable and don’t buy a bunch of crap you don’t need!

Heather Narwid owns Sideshow, a vintage and modern clothing store for men and women located at 208 County Road 250 in Durango. She has experienced elation, anguish, terror and joy at yard sales but hates getting up early.

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[UFOs]

The alleged Aztec, New Mexico, crash site puts us close to the ever-burning questions and theories over government coverups and encounters, and the proponents who continue to believe.

It came from outer space

Illustration by David Holub/DGO

The Aztec crash

(or did it?)

By Anya Jaremko-Greenwold DGO Staff Writer

B

y now you’ve probably seen or heard about new Netflix series “Stranger Things,” an ’80s-style throwback to Spielberg sci-fi giants like “E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial” and “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” Well, if you like creepy alien creatures and government conspiracies, there’s similar local lore to be found just 30 short minutes away in Aztec, New Mexico. Many people believe a UFO crash-landed there in 1948, but the craft was quickly disposed of by the military. American folklore is rife with flying saucers and government cover-ups, and some industrious folk have actually built entire careers around it. None too surprisingly, these UFO researchers face constant backlash and derision going about their jobs – not that it stops them. Like the “X-Files” tagline, they’re certain “the truth is out there.”

Esteemed cosmologist Stephen Hawking has vocalized his concern about aliens. Humans have a history of wiping out cultures less technologically advanced than our own, so it’s likely an alien civilization would arrive with similarly nasty intentions. “We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet,” Hawking has said. “Advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.”

Hawking isn’t necessarily sympathetic to those

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who insist ETs have already made a pit stop here. “I am discounting reports of UFOs. Why would they appear only to cranks and weirdos?” he once asked in a TED talk. Indeed: Why aren’t respected scientists or celebrity advocates speaking out about their own encounters of the third kind?

Stanton Friedman, Canadian ufologist and retired nuclear physicist, isn’t worried about debunkers. Since 1967, he’s given more than 700 lectures on the subject of UFOs, most at universities.

He has only counted 11 hecklers in that time, and

Friedman thinks he would get that number no matter what his topic. He comes on pretty strong.

“I start every lecture by saying four major conclusions after years of investigation: 1) The evidence is overwhelming that planet Earth is being visited by intelligently controlled ET spacecraft; 2) We’re dealing with a cosmic Watergate, meaning that some people in major governments have known since at least 1948; 3) There are no good arguments against the first two conclusions; 4) We’re dealing with the biggest story of the millennium, visits to Earth and successful cover-up of the bodies and wreckage for more than 70 years.”

Friedman also notes a study done in the ’50s for the U.S. government, Project Blue Book Special Report #14. “They looked at 3,201 cases – that’s a lot of sightings,” he told me. “They found 21.5 percent of UFO sightings could not be identified, and the better the quality of the sighting and the greater the duration, the more likely it was to be unexplainable.” Most sightings CAN be explained by scientific phenomena, Friedman concedes. But so what? “Most chemicals don’t cure any disease, but if you’re sick, give me the one that does!” he laughed.

Durango’s neighboring New Mexico is a hotbed for ostensive extra-terrestrial activity. Roswell, most famously, is a tourist trap teeming with eager believers. Aztec is a lesser-known UFO crash site, but considered by some to be a more legitimate case. Here’s the story according to crash proponents: In March 1948, nine months after the Roswell episode, a much bigger flying saucer crash-landed in Aztec. The army took the spacecraft and dead humanoids on board away, and our government carefully concealed the whole thing.

This tale’s intrigue resulted in an eventual Aztec UFO Symposium, a yearly conference run by the New Mexico library as a fundraiser up until 2011.

“It makes sense that [ETs] would go there,” said Friedman. “New Mexico is where two out of the three nuclear weapons in the world were. Los Alamos and the Sandia Base. The first bomb was tested at the New Mexico Trinity Site [as part of the Manhattan Project].”

OK – but why should aliens care about nuclear testing? Friedman jokes that perhaps they’re graduate students, doing thesis work on the development of a primitive society. But human beings’ major activity is tribal warfare, so ETs might also Continued on Page 14

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[UFOs] From Page 13

want to quarantine our race. “No rational alien would want us out there,” Friedman said. “Look at World War II; we killed 50 million of our own kind.

We’re not nice guys. And speaking of nuclear weapons, any rational alien would know that if you want to go to the stars, you’d use nuclear energy, fission or fusion. I worked on a study of fusion propulsion for deep space travel in 1962.” So there you have it.

Aliens could be trying to stop our warmongering breed from escaping the planet via nuclear energy and contaminating the galaxy. Unless they’re visiting New Mexico to see the set of “Breaking Bad” or bully the author of “Game of Thrones” into finishing the series.

Aztec was the first widely publicized report of a recovered flying saucer, but has long since been considered a hoax. Scott and Suzanne Ramsey, husband and wife authors of “The Aztec UFO Incident,” spent the last 30 years researching the case in an effort to accurately depict what they call a “historical event.” “We have traveled to more than 28 states; personally spent $500,000; and archived 55,000 related documents from sources including the United States Army, U.S. Air Force, FBI, and CIA,” they write in the book’s introduction.

They’ve interviewed crash witnesses who say they were sworn to secrecy by the military, and dredged up the names of scientists who worked on the so-called craft after its retrieval.

“There’s no other case like it,” Suzanne said, citing the amount of physical proof.

New Mexico resident Lyn Buchanan is another Aztec crash believer.

He’s presented his findings from a series of “controlled remote viewing” exercises (learned in the military) at a past Aztec symposium. Remote viewing is most commonly explained as “psychic spying,” though Buchanan considers the term “psychic” inaccurate. He describes it more as mental martial arts. Buchanan apparently used these techniques to confirm the crash in Aztec. There’s even a character based on his work in both the book and 2009 film “The Men Who Stare at Goats.” But beyond this incident, Buchanan has little interest in UFOs. He says you might see one fly by whilst taking out the trash, but there’s nothing you can do about it. You just go on living your life.

Keeping it quiet

ing their findings. The Ramseys claim members of NASA, the NSA, and Air Force Intel have even come to hear their talks, merely interested in the research. Yet if the government is so concerned with keeping things clandestine, shouldn’t they be working to silence secret-disclosers with concrete information on their hands?

Maybe. Then again, there are a lot of these people. You can’t execute everyone. According to Buchanan, it’s simpler for the government to ridicule those who speak out.

If people think they’re cranks and weirdos, what’s the harm?

If documented UFO visitations to Earth exist, why should governments go to extreme lengths to keep it confidential? Friedman declares that if an announcement was made, mental hospital admissions would go up, the stock market would go down and there would be a problematic media push for a “new version of ourselves.”

Instead of designations as Americans, Canadians or Russians, we’d all be Earthlings.

“Ain’t no government on this planet that wants people to owe their allegiance to the planet!”

Friedman said.

“Nationalism is the only game in town.”

Regarding the Aztec timing, Suzanne points out that 1948 was around the advent of the Cold War, and in the interest of national securi»» “The Aztec UFO Incident,” by ty, our government

Believers and skeptics

According to Newsweek, a 2015 poll conducted by the market-research company YouGov showed slightly more than half of respondents from America, Britain and Germany think “intelligent alien life” exists.

Fifty-four percent of Scott and Suzanne Ramsey. kept it a secret to Americans believe, protect us (initialand 42 percent think ly). “At this point, smart aliens haven’t if they were to contacted us bego ahead and cause “human techadmit they lied, nology is not adpeople would vanced enough for wonder what us to communicate” else they’ve with ETs. Thirty been lying percent are with about,” she Friedman and the said. It’s not as Ramseys, believing though no one “extra-terrestrial has ever gotintelligent life has ten in trouble already contacted for breaching us but the governnational secument has covered rity measures. it up.”

Edward Snowden disMost people do believe, asclosed intel about the serts Friedman, but think other NSA spying on Ameripeople don’t, so they stay mum can citizens in 2013 for fear of ridicule. I speculated and hasn’t been able to that should I personally make a return home since. Jureport to my friends and family lius and Ethel Rosenberg were of a UFO sighting, I would be caught selling information to Soviets about the top-secret BCI Media file photo Manhattan Project and were »» A sign at the site of a 1948 executed by the government in alleged alien crash in Aztec, New 1953.

Mexico.

Strangely, none of my sources have been threatened by the government for expos-

met with mental health questions instead of gentle understanding.

This admission seemed to anger him a little. “That’s because they’ve fallen for the propaganda from the nasty, noisy negativists, the ancient academics and fossilized businesses who say there’s nothing to the subject but haven’t studied the evidence,” he said.

UFO researchers don’t consider every theory authentic. Friedman permits there’s no evidence of ETs being held or experimented on; no evidence pointing to signs of their hostility toward us; no convincing evidence for a secret underground alien base in Dulce, New Mexico. And not everyone who insists they’ve been abducted is correct – though some definitely are, according to Friedman. “I have a big gray basket, as I call it; not all the world is black or white. Some of it is gray,” he said.

Battling the naysayers A common trait among those who speak out about UFO sightings, crashes and cover-ups is a desperation to be taken seriously. They all seem to note how many people have come to their talks, describe the respectability of such people, recite their résumés in proud detail. They list how many radio and television programs they’ve been on, perhaps forgetting that anyone can be on TV these days, even Honey Boo Boo and the Kardashians.

Friedman has amassed heaps of knowledge, but during our conversation he took pains to emphasize his expertise. (“There aren’t too many people who have worked on as many canceled government-sponsored advanced research and development project programs as I have ...”). I’m not suggesting Friedman is insincere, but confident experts don’t typically repeat their accomplishments and qualifications quite so vigorously. On the other hand, UFO researchers are most frequently sneered at, battling what they feel is ignorance. It probably renders them defensive and irritable. Everyone thought ancient philosophers were crazy for believing the world was round, too. “When I started speaking in 1967, I was worried someone would come up with something I know nothing about, that would demolish my case,” said Friedman. “But it has never happened. I’ve now heard all the questions. I’ve answered over 60,000.”

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[sound]

Why you should give classical music a chance

Music in the Mountains’ Angie Beach: ‘I guarantee you’ll love some of it, and you won’t love some of it. That’s a part of art and culture.’

2016’s Music in the Mountains is drawing to a close, but this year’s classical music fest tried harder than ever before to engage with younger generations (who might otherwise turn up their noses at stuffy orchestral tunes). Before the sophisticated Durango festival ends, you have time to catch a few last special performances: Friday, Karina Canellakis will conduct the festival orchestra in Epic Grandeur (it’s rare to see a female conductor, so don’t miss out), and Saturday the full orchestra will bust out a Space Spectacular, performing selections from “Star Wars,” “E.T.,” “Star Trek,” “Superman” and more, while images of space captured by NASA play on the big screen. (This one would make a great 420 & chill concert, just sayin.’) The season’s finale takes place Sunday with Viva L’Italia, conducted by Guillermo Figueroa. We chatted with Music in the Mountains’ Executive Director Angie Beach about the festival’s evolution.

What did the festival do to broaden its audience this year?

Classical music in general, across the globe, is looking for ways to reach new audiences. I would say our 30th anniversary festival was a huge success. Over the last several years, we’ve tried to plan offerings so we can attract a younger audience. This year we had a lot more Friday night performances, so changing the format was important – younger audiences have jobs. They work during the week, and having concerts on a Friday night when they can have a little fun, stay up later, drive farther, and be able to sleep in the next day was good.

We kicked off the entire festival with Harpeth Rising at the Bayfield Performing Arts Center, it’s a really cool venue.

And that concert was $29, versus our full orchestra performances at $54. Then we had our major fundraiser at the Glacier Club, and we actually brought in an ensemble from New York City, Sybarite5, like young hipsters who were progressive and cool. So if young people think we were only bringing in older people who play traditional classical music, that means they didn’t look at our schedule!

This group played Radiohead. And of course, we partnered with KSUT and had a party in the park on a Saturday. Totally eclectic bands, headliner was the Stooges New Orleans Brass Band, they rocked.

Lots of food carts and cool cocktails.

And then the Space Spectacular [Saturday, July 30] will be all the music you would know from those movies like “E.T.,” “Star Wars,” “Star Trek.” There will be images from NASA displayed with the music. Can’t miss that one. If you have young kids and want to introduce them to orchestral music, this is like a gateway

drug. We did a focus group with the Young Professionals of Durango a couple years ago, and one of the key pieces of feedback that we got was that millennials are looking for ways to pair social time with the concert. They don’t want to just go, sit, listen to a concert and leave. They want to have time to interact with other people. So having food, wine and beverages at an event is important, and we’ve woven more of that into everything.

that not many people are classical music aficionados, and that stigma that you can’t go unless you know a lot about it ... it’s a myth. Don’t worry about dressing up; if you want to come in your jeans or your boots or hiking shorts or whatever, we love that. It’s in a tent on a mountain. And just be prepared to experience something maybe

Beach

you’ve never experienced before, and have some kind of a transition. You’ll feel different at the end of it. And if you don’t like something, that’s OK. I guarantee you’ll love some of it, and you won’t love some of it. That’s a part of art and culture. It’s our job to introduce you to new stuff.

—— Anya Jaremko-Greenwold

What prevents younger people from giving classical music a chance?

I think we’re still trying to break down some barriers of perception that it’s really not for them. But I would challenge someone to try it. You might be surprised.

It’s one thing to listen to classical music while you’re studying or in your car. It’s a whole different thing to see it live. It’s pretty unique for a rural community like Durango to have something of this caliber. These musicians are world-class.

What about expensive ticket prices?

If anyone ever says, ‘I would love to go but I can’t afford it ...’ All of our dress rehearsals are totally open and free to the community to come and check out.

We have the schedules for that on our website. It’s in some ways more interesting than the actual performance, because you see it all come together.

And this year we were providing coffee and pastries for free.

What do you think is special about attending a classical music concert?

I’ve never played an instrument. My background is marketing and banking, so I’m still learning. And I’ve learned

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[movies] Absolutely Fabulous Playing at Animas City Theatre Rating: R

Fast food, booze spike stress of motherhood

Genre: Comedy Directed by:

Mandie Fletcher Written by: Jen-

nifer Saunders Runtime: 1 hr. 26 min.

Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer: 63% Synopsis: Edina and Patsy are still

oozing glitz and glamour, living the high life they are accustomed to; shopping, drinking and clubbing their way around London’s trendiest hotspots.

Jason Bourne Playing at Stadium 9 Rating: PG-13 Genre: Action &

adventure, drama Directed by: Paul

Greengrass Written by: Paul

Greengrass, Christopher Rouse Runtime: 2 hr. 3 min.

Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer: 58% Synopsis: Years after the events of

The Bourne Ultimatum, former CIA assassin Jason Bourne resurfaces just as his former employers are implementing a new program aimed at hunting him down.

Nerve Playing at Stadium 9 Rating: PG-13 Genre: Mystery &

suspense Directed by:

Ariel Schulman, Henry Joost Written by: Jessica Sharzer Runtime: 1 hr. 36 min.

Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer: 67% Synopsis: High school senior, Vee

Delmonico, has had it with living life on the sidelines. When pressured by friends to join the online game Nerve, Vee decides to sign up for just one dare in what seems like harmless fun.

By Stephanie Mer r y © 2016, The Washington Post

“Bad Moms” doesn’t kick into gear until three mothers, fed up with the stress of helicopter parenting and the unrealistic expectations of a draconian PTA president, walk into a bar. One shot leads to another, and pretty soon they’re discussing their most seductive fantasies: eating breakfast alone with a good book, for example. One mother of four goes into lurid detail about her dream of getting into a moderately serious car accident. She can practically picture herself laid up in the hospital, overdosing on sleep and television.

If this scenario rings even vaguely true, then take heart: Amid all the superheroes clogging theaters this summer, there’s a movie for Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP you. Writer-directors Jon Lucas »» Kristen Bell, left, and Kathryn Hahn, cast members in “Bad Moms,” get ready for the and Scott Moore – better known premiere of the film at the Mann Village Theatre on Tuesday in Los Angeles. for the bro-centric comedies “The Hangover,” “21 & Over” and “The all kind of phony, but the film still Change-Up” – use their raunchy Bad Moms delivers laughs. humor to cater to all the mothers Playing at Stadium 9 Where it falters more seriously who feel like they’re drowning in Rating: R is with the love interest that’s been commitments.

Genre: Comedy shoehorned into the plot, as if Mila Kunis plays Amy, a mother every movie geared toward women of two. Every day she strains to Directed by: Jon Lucas, Scott needs a rom-com element. Don’t meet the demands of work and Moore these ladies have enough on their home, while making it look easy.

Written by: Jon Lucas, Scott plates?

But between chauffeuring her kids Moore Overall, however, the comedy to Mandarin lessons and soccer Runtime: 1 hr. 41 min. sails along, thanks to its charismatpractice, her overbearing boss and Rotten Tomatoes Tomatomic leads. Hahn is especially good the alarmist PTA meetings, she’s eter: Not available as a single mom with sex on the perpetually sprinting around in brain, and is the highlight of one high heels, wearing whatever lunch of the comedy’s most uproarious mother, especially a single one. she had tried to inhale while drivmoments, when the three women The conflict arises when Amy ing. follow a night of boozing with an and her friends take on the mean For Amy, something snaps when anarchic grocery-store run. Shot girls of the PTA, led by the pershe catches her husband (David in slow-motion, the moms tear into Walton) video-chatting with a naked snickety Gwendolyn (Christina boxes of sugary cereal, letting the Applegate). woman. After kicking him out of colorful Os pour into their mouths, She’s the kind of woman who the house, she starts to wonder if before fondling some sausages. hangs around during school dropmaybe there’s a less strenuous way offs just to cast her judgmental eye They even hit on the employees, to live. raining dollar bills on a young, boySo she starts playing hooky from on the other parents – except the ish cashier. But they also take a “hot widower” (Jay Hernandez), work, hitting the Arby’s drivebreather to coo over a baby. who gets a pass. When Amy brings through instead of making her For a movie that traffics in the store-bought goodies to the school kids’ lunches and bonding with messiness of life, “Bad Moms” bake sale, Gwendolyn hurls them like-minded moms Carla and Kiki wraps up a little too tidily. Then to the ground. For our heroine, (Kathryn Hahn and Kristen Bell). again, maybe a happy ending is just this means war. Pretty soon Amy Amy begins making her happiness what an audience full of exhausted is scheming to unseat her nemesis a priority, while also getting real and take over as PTA president. It’s moms deserves. about how hard it is to be a working

16 | Thursday, July 28, 2016 •• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[pages] Check this out “Dark Matter,” by Blake Crouch Review by Kevin Johnson In our era where so many are driven to decisions with sights set on immediate gratification, debating on whether to place focus and value in pursuit of professional success or personal relationships, we swim amid a sea of what ifs. What if we’d made a different turn in the road, having taken hold of an alternative opportunity? How would our lives be affected? And how would each individual, subtly or not so subtly, turn out different?

Jason Dessen has built a stable household with his college sweetheart teaching science at a college and running a small bar while raising their young son. This may not be the life either he or his wife would have envisioned when they first got together, but life happens and plans change. The question is, how would life have been if other choices had been made?

What if every fork in the road and every choice were not what we perceive as one chosen path continuing? What if paths not chosen didn’t just become dead ends in our past of possibilities? Perhaps all of the disregarded paths continue on as a network of branching parallel lives, parallel lives that might not be as separate as we theorize.

In “Dark Matter” Blake Crouch abducts the reader’s attention from the quaint domesticity of this Chicago family man’s run-of-the-mill evening, thrusting imagination upon a trail of narrative winding through a quantum labyrinth of emotional upheaval and second guessing, “what if.”

Kevin Johnson is a senior bookseller at Maria’s Bookshop.

»»5. The Little Paris Bookshop, by Nina George (Paperback) »»6. The BFG, by Roald Dahl (Paperback)

July 17 - 23 »»1. The Girl on the Train, by Paula Hawkins (Paperback) »»2. A Man Called Ove, by Fredrik Backman (Paperback) »»3. The Land of Stories #5: An Author’s Odyssey, by Chris Colfer (Hardcover) »»4. Euphoria, by Lily King (Paperback)

»»7. Tales of the Beedle Bard, by J. K. Rowling (Hardcover) »»8. On Foot: Grand Canyon Backpacking Stories, by Rick Kempa (editor) (Paperback)

Legal smiles seven days a week.

»»9. Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline (Paperback) »»10. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, by Ransom Riggs (Paperback)

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[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

Here’s why most pot shops can’t or won’t take credit cards

W

hen I look at The Fourth Corner Credit Union’s website, I get sad. It asks if I am “Interested in becoming a Member?” and do I “Want to join our team?”

I am interested in becoming a member. I do want to join their team.

But I can’t do either of these things.

See, The Fourth Corner wants to be “THE FIRST OF ITS KIND,” “The only credit union in the world constructed from the ground up to serve the interests of the legalized cannabis and hemp industries and their supporters,” but they’re “Not Currently Open For Business.”

The web page cites a number of news stories; one from a November, 2014 Denver Post article that claims “Colorado pot credit union could be open by Jan. 1 [2015] under state charter.” Another Post story from that same week – more than a yearand-a-half ago – quotes Gov. Hickenloper calling TFCCU “the end of the line” for the complications between the state’s cannabis businesses, a group responsible for generating nearly $700 million during that calendar year, according to the state’s Department of Revenue, and the federal government’s banking system, which bans these folks as potential customers. These cannabis businesses have continued to work diligently, generating nearly a billion dollars last year, paying state taxes, paying federal taxes.

Hickenloper’s optimism was misplaced. July 2015 saw the denial of TFCCU’s application for deposit insurance by the National Credit Union Administra-

be addressed and resolved by Congress.”

So, where, exactly, do we now stand with regard to cannabis-based businesses and banking?

As long as marijuana continues to be classified as a Schedule I drug under the Controlled Substances Act, these businesses are, technically, criminal enterprises in the eyes of the U.S. federal government and any revenue generated by them is seen as the product of criminal activity and not fit for their banks.

Then there’s reality.

Every cannabis-related business that has an ATM does so in violation of federal law, but those machines aren’t going anywhere. More and more weed shops across the state are accepting credit cards.

Illustration by David Holub/DGO Media reports put the percentage of cannabis businesses with bank accounts between 30 tion. That same month, its application for a Master and 40 percent. Any bank that does business with Account by the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas a state with a recreational or medical program in City, necessary for access to electronic banking, was which taxes are collected is doing so in violation also denied. of federal law. These things are not likely to stop.

The Fourth Corner responded by filing suit Banks are in the business of money. Cannabis against both organizations. Arguments were heard generates money. Forward thinkers like the people in U.S. District Court by Judge R. Brooke Jackson involved in The Four Corners Credit Union are on Dec. 28, 2015. Jackson returned his decision on establishing infrastructure that, with only eight Jan. 5, 2016, rejecting the suit on the grounds that states currently having no recreational, medical marijuana remains illegal under federal law. or CBD-specific programs, will be ready when the Jackson’s decision refers to 2014 guidance docufederal government decides to remove the last few ments issued by the Department of Justice which, roadblocks. That will be a day to smile. he writes, “suggest that prosecutors and bank regulators might ‘look the other way’ if financial institutions don’t mind violating the law,” but ultimately Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four states that he, as a federal judge has no such luxury. dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact His decision closes by saying that he “regard[s] the him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com situation as untenable and hope[s] that it will soon

232642

18 | Thursday, July 28, 2016 •• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[weed]

[twitter]

“Stranger Things”

On the political conventions

By now, I have to believe at least three people have recommended Netflix original series “Stranger Things” to you.

It has heroically satiated everyone’s nostalgia by harkening back to beloved ’80s sci-fi like “E.T.” and “The Goonies,” while also single-handedly reviving Winona Ryder’s once-glorious career.

You’ll enjoy watching this stoned if you like horror, alien intrigue, government conspiracies (read our cover story for more on this topic), people trudging through toxic interdimensions wearing hazmat suits or atmospheric detective stories replete with weirdness.

Remember when “I can see Russia from my house!” was the most terrifying Russo-GOP nexus? Simpler times.

around her house in a frenzied attempt to contact her son (it’ll make sense if you watch, plus it’s a gorgeous set piece). Cool-guy police chief Hopper (David Harbour) is also on the case, gruff and concerned but eager to help.

There’s an additional handful of angsty, horny teenage characters (don’t worry, they turn out less annoying than you’d think). The show seamlessly conjoins three generations, fleshing out believable connections and conflicts between them all.

“Stranger Things” owes a lot to David Lynch’s 1990 ABC cult murder mystery “Twin Peaks” (also on Netflix). But “ST” puts its heart and soul into a group of nerdy 12-year-old boys, in a lovely depiction of loyal kid friendship every bit as complex and enduring as an adult bond. When Will Byers, the smallest of the Dungeons and Dragons crew goes missing, the citizens of his small Indiana hometown set out to find him. Will’s mother (Ryder) is panicked, stringing hundreds of Christmas lights

—— Franklin Leonard, @franklinleonard

CNN: Bill Clinton humanizes Hillary MSNBC: Bill Clinton humanizes Hillary Fox New: Fornicator lies about murderess

I won’t spoil anything more, except to say there’s a wicked creature who terrorizes and surprises, a sinister government agency that is (of course) involved in Will’s disappearance and a badass little girl with psychic abilities.

If you miss the golden days of Spielberg’s kid heroes running wild on bikes through dark woods and relishing childhoods not spent in front of computer screens, this is the 420 treat for you.

—— Rex Huppke, @rexhuppke

Republicans can mock the Clintons, but they stayed together and the GOP candidate is on wife number 3. Yay party of family values.

—— Anya Jaremko-Greenwold

—— Erick Erickson, @EWErickson

Look, say what you will about the Clintons, but their marriage is almost as old as Melania Trump.

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[love and sex]

Savage Love | Dan Savage

When should I tell him I’m intersex ... or should I? I’m 28 years old and live in the Midwest. I’m intersex, but I identify as female. I am not out about being born intersex. Due to surgeries and hormones, I look like a fairly attractive female. I have been hanging out with a chill hetero guy, and things are getting very flirty. Is it unethical of me to not disclose my intersex-ness to him?

In New Terrific Erotic Romance “We all have to make decisions about what we disclose to partners or potential partners and when we disclose it,” said Alice Dreger, historian of medicine and science, sex researcher and author.

Dreger, for readers who may not be familiar with her, is the founding board chair of the Intersex Society of North America and the author of Galileo’s Middle Finger: Heretics, Activists, and One Scholar’s Search for Justice. Intersex, for readers who may not be familiar with the word, is an umbrella term covering dozens of different inborn conditions.“They all involve someone having something other than the standard male or standard female body as those are defined by doctors,” explained Dreger. “There are lots of different ways to be intersex, including some so subtle that you might never even know you had that particular variation of development.”

So that chill hetero boy you’re thinking about disclosing your intersex-ness to, INTER? He could be intersex himself and not know it. But you do know it, and does “knowing it” obligate you to disclose?

“Lying is a bad idea, of course, but she’s not lying by presenting herself as a woman and identifying as a woman,” said Dreger. “She is a woman, just one whose body came with some parts that aren’t common to most women, or maybe lacking some parts that are common to most women (depending on her particular intersex condition).”

Dreger suggests making a mental list of the things a long-term partner might want, need or a have a right to know about your history and your body. Then using your best judgment, INTER, decide what to share with him and when to share it.

“For example,” said Dreger, “if this chill hetero guy talks about wanting kids someday, and the letter writer is infertile, she might want to mention sooner rather than later that she was born with a condition that left her infertile. Do her genitals look or work differently than he might be expecting? If so, she might think about when it would be best to give him some guidance about how her body is a little different and what works best for her.”

Each of us has to balance our partner’s legitimate right to certain information, INTER, with our right to

medical privacy as well as our physical and emotional safety.

sides putting it in your own butt or someone else’s butt?

“There’s no reason for her to feel like she has to announce, ‘I’m an intersex woman.’ She could opt to say, at some point, ‘I was born with congenital adrenal hyperplasia,’ or ‘I was born with androgen insensitivity syndrome,’ or whatever her specific condition might be, and then answer his questions,” said Dreger. “If the label ‘intersex’ were part of her core identity – a critical part of who she feels she is – then she might want to tell him early on, just as someone might talk about her ethnicity if that’s really important to her. But otherwise, she can disclose just like non-intersex people do with regard to fertility, sexual health, sexual sensation, sexual preferences, and sexual function – at a pace and in a way that promotes a good relationship and makes you feel honest and understood. And no one can tell her she has to use term ‘intersex.’ That’s entirely up to her.”

Fun Faggy Question

Follow Alice Dreger on Twitter @AliceDreger.

My husband looks at porn ... porn of women with a body type almost the polar opposite of mine ... Example: big boobs and tattoos ... Does that mean he’s no longer attracted to my body? I’m so confused ...

He says I’m hot and sexy, but what he looks at does NOT make me feel that way.

Personally Offended Regarding Nudes Is it possible your partner is attracted to ... more than one body type? Example: Your body type and its polar opposite?

And if your partner were looking at porn that featured women with your exact body type ... would you feel affirmed? Or would you be writing to ask me why your husband looks at porn of women with your exact body type when he can look at you? And is your husband sharing his porn with you ... or are you combing through his browser history? Either way, PORN, if looking at what he’s looking at makes you sad ... maybe you should stop looking at what he’s looking at? And if he’s not neglecting you sexually ... if he isn’t just saying he finds you hot and sexy but showing you he does ... why waste time policing his fantasies?

People enjoy what they have and fantasize about what they don’t. So long as we don’t take what we have for granted ... it’s not a problem ... unless we decide to make it one.

What are your favorite uses for the butt plug be-

They make lovely paperweights, FFQ, and perfectly proportioned pacifiers for adult babies. But at our place, we use decommissioned butt plugs to play cornhole – which is a beanbag toss game that became popular in the Midwest some years after I moved to the West Coast. (It’s true. Google it.) When I was a kid, we were instructed to run from drunk uncles at family picnics who suggested a little cornholing before dinner. But that was then.

We all have to die, Dan. How would you most like to go?

Genuinely Not A Threat In a tragic rimming accident.

My partner and I got married last weekend. For his vows, he wrote a hilarious, wonderful song.

(He’s a professional singer in Los Angeles, so the song was pretty spectacular.) I’m a Femme Dom who loves ropes, while he’s pretty vanilla.

Despite that, we’ve had a dynamite sex life for the last eight years, in part because he’s so GGG. Early on, I got him to start reading your column, and that concept made a huge impression on him.

Here’s the verse from his song/vows that you inspired: “Now next I should obey you / But that one’s a little tricky / I’m what you call “vanilla”/ And on top of that I’m picky / Instead of blind obedience / I hope it’s understood / I promise to continue / Being giving, game, and good!” Thanks for all you do!

Beloved Revels In Dan’s Love Education Congrats on your wedding, BRIDLE, and thanks for a lovely note – one that will give hope to kinkdiscordant couples everywhere. Perfect fits, sexually speaking, are rare. But whip a little GGG into the mix, and that imperfect fit can become a perfect match!

Dan Savage is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist writing for The Stranger in Seattle. Contact him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter and listen to his podcast every week at savagelovecast.com

20 | Thursday, July 28, 2016 •• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[happening] Houston, we have a Space Spectacular!

Get ready for seven hours of live music

If you think that classical music performances are stuffy affairs, Music in the Mountains is about to change that with its Space Spectacular! show Saturday night at the Community Concert hall at Fort Lewis College.

Get ready for a musical celebration of space with the full Festival Orchestra performing music from “Star Wars,” “E.T.,” “Star Trek,” “Superman” and more.

And while your ears are busy listening, your eyes will have something to do, too, as NASA images of space are displayed along with the music.

Cool.

The show starts at 5:30 p.m. Saturday at the concert hall.

Tickets are $54 premium, $44 regular and $20 for students.

For more information or to get your tickets, visit www.musicinthemountains.com.

Thursday

Sneaky Pete and the Secret Weapons, 9:30p.m., Balcony Backstage, 600 Main

Durango Fiesta Days, 9 a.m., La Plata

Ave.

and dance, 5:30 p.m., downtown Durango.

Burger & Band Night with Pete Guiliani, 5-8 p.m., James Ranch, 33846 Highway

550.

Concert Hall @ The Park with Sneaky Pete and the Secret Weapons, 5:30-

7:30 p.m., Buckley Park, 1200 block of Main Ave. Ska-BQ with Buster’s Ghost, Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St., www.skabrewing. com.

Ace Revel, 5-9 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600

Main Ave. The High Rollers, 8:30 p.m.-1 a.m., Wild

Horse Saloon, 601 East Second Ave., 375-2568.

Trivia, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Cen-

ter, 1333 Camino del Rio. Bow Wow Film Fest, (La Plata Humane So-

ciety benefit), 6:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., www.bowwowfilmfest. com.

Kirk James, 19th Hole Concert Series, Pa-

Friday Durango Fiesta Days, 9 a.m., La Plata

County Fairgrounds.

Open Orchestra Rehearsal, Music in the Mountains, 10 a.m., Festival Tent, Purgatory Resort.

Lacey Black piano and singing, 5-8

p.m., Serious Texas BBQ South, 650 South Camino del Rio, 259-9507.

Pete Guiliani Band, 5-9 p.m., Balcony Bar

& Grill, 600 Main Ave. Ragtime Piano, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle

Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 375-7150. “ Epic Grandeur” Festival Orchestra Concert, 7 p.m., Music in the Mountains, Fes-

tival Tent, Purgatory Resort.

Old West Gunfights, 7 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 375-7150.

The Durango Western Music and Vaudeville Show, 7 p.m., Henry Strater

Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 375-7160.

Open mic, 7-11 p.m., Steaming Bean, located

gosa Golf Club, 6:30 p.m., Pagosa Springs.

downstairs at the Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, theirishembassypub.com.

The Durango Western Music and Vaudeville Show, 7 p.m., Henry Strater

“You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown,” 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center,

Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 375-7160.

Space Wail, 9 p.m., Animas City Theater, 128

East College Drive, www.animascitytheatre. com.

Karaoke, 9 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509

East Eighth Ave., 259-8801.

With

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Spend Saturday away from the crowds downtown and head up to Purgatory for Purg Jam – a day of great live music.

Bands scheduled to play are: The Jaden Carlson Band, Elder Grown, The Chava People, Little Wilderness and Jade Robbinson Duo. You’ll get a little bit of everything – funk, soul, jazz, pop-meets-hiphop, fusion and rock.

Purg Jam runs from 1-8 p.m. Saturday at Purgatory Resort, 1 Skier Place.

Tickets are $10 in advance, $15 the day of the event. Kids younger than 12 get in free. Tickets include a free Mike’s Hard Lemonade for those of you 21 and older.

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[happening] From Page 21

Karaoke, 8 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509

East Eighth Ave., 259-8801.

Kirk James Band, 8:30 p.m., Billy Goat

Saloon, Gem Village. meloD (Album Release Party) with Soul Atomic and The Mongoahela,

Four Corners Arts Forum, 9 a.m., KDUR

9 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 East College Drive, www.animascitytheatre.com.

Haymarket Squares, 5 - 9 p.m., Balcony

Decker, 9:30p.m., Balcony Backstage, 600

Happy Hour Yoga, 5:30-6:30 p.m., Ska

Main Ave.

Saturday Durango Fiesta Days Parade, 10 a.m.,

Where should we

DGO tonight?

Brewing Co., 225 Girard St., yoga and a pint of beer for $10, www.skabrewing.com.

Monday Night Blues Jam with Missy and the Bluetones, 7-10 p.m., Moe’s, 937

Main Ave., 259-9018.

Spoken Word, 7-9 p.m., Steaming Bean, located downstairs at the Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, theirishembassypub.com.

Mountains Conservatory, 10 a.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College.

Henry Stoy, piano, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-

Pierre Bakery, 601 Main Ave., 385-0122.

Tuesday

Purg Jam Music Festival, 1-8 p.m., Purgatory Resort, www.purgatoryresort.com/ events/purgjam.

Main Ave.

TJ Rifkin, 5-9 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600

& Grill, 600 Main Ave.

Old West Heritage Performances, 7 p.m., 8 East Main Street, Cortez, www.cortezculturalcenter.org, 565-1151.

Chuck Wagon Cook-Off and Supper,

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m., Moe’s, 937 Main

The Groove Orient, 5 - 9 p.m., Balcony Bar

5:30 p.m., Senior Center Lawn, 2424 Main Ave., 749-4960.

“Space Spectacular” Festival Orchestra Concert, Music in the Mountains,

5:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall, Fort Lewis College.

Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 375-7150.

Ave., 259-9018.

Wednesday Community Concerts in the Secret Garden featuring Lisa Blue Trio, (Du-

rango Choral Society benefit), Rochester Hotel Secret Garden, 726 East Second Ave., www. swcommunityfoundation.org.

Rob Webster, 5-9 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill,

p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds.

600 Main Ave.

Durango Fiesta Days Rodeo, 1p.m., 7

Animas River Celebration, Power-

p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds.

“You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown,

“7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., durangoarts.org/charlie_brown.

San Ignacio Fiesta Dance with music by Quarenta y Cinco, 8 p.m.-

midnight, Sky Ute Casino Resort, 14324 State Highway 172 North, Ignacio, www.stignatiuschurch-ignacio.com/events.html.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509

East Eighth Ave., 259-8801.

The Hooten Hallers, 9:30 p.m., Balcony

Backstage, 600 Main Ave.

house Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio, www.animasrivercommunity.org.

Bluegrass Jam, 6-9 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, theirishembassypub.com.

Jason Thies, 6-9:30 p.m., Far View Lodge,

Mesa Verde National Park.

“Mr. Roberts”, The Gaslight Theatres, 102

East Fifth Street.

Open studio figure drawing, 6:30-8:30 p.m., $15/$10, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., www.durangoarts.org.

Geeks Who Drink trivia, 8:30 p.m.,

Sunday

BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Drive, 259-5959.

Henry Stoy, piano, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-

Pub quiz, 6:30 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200.

Pierre Bakery, 601 Main Ave., 385-0122.

Irish music jam session, 12:30 p.m.,

Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, www.theirishembassypub.com.

Durango Fiesta Days Rodeo, 1 p.m., La

Plata County Fairgrounds.

“You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown,”

2 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., durangoarts.org/charlie_brown.

The Hooten Hallers, 5-9 p.m., Balcony Bar

& Grill, 600 Main Ave. “Viva L’Italia!” Festival Orchestra Concert, Music in the Mountains, 5:30 p.m.,

Festival Tent, Purgatory Resort.

to the DGO calendar with

Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave.

Conservatory Orchestra II, Music in the

2016 Fiesta Royalty Coronation, 6

+ Add an Event

91.9/93.9 FM, www.kdur.org.

downtown Durango.

Ragtime Piano, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle

Your #1 source for what’s going on around Durango dgomag.com/calendar

Monday

Jazz church (experienced musician drop-in session), 6 p.m., Derailed Pour

House, 725 Main Ave., 247-5440, www.derailedpourhouse.com.

Kirk James Band - Vallecito Resort 7 pm - Vallecito Lake, CO Pingpong and poker tournament, 8

p.m., Moe’s, 937 Main Ave., 259-9018.

Karaoke with DJ Crazy Charlie, 9 p.m.,

Wild Horse Saloon, 601 East Second Ave., 3752568.

Submissions To submit listings for publication in DGO and dgomag.com, go to www.

swscene.com and click “Add Your Event,” fill out the form with all your event info and submit.

Listings at swscene.com will appear both at dgomag.com and in our weekly print edition.

Posting events at swscene.com is free and takes about one business day to process.

22 | Thursday, July 28, 2016 •• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Try to avoid disputes about money and possessions because they will be brief but nasty. Because they will be brief, they’ll be over quickly. Hang in there.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Tread carefully because people’s emotions are volatile! It’s easy to get upset with others or suddenly have an argument. (This especially applies to close friends and partners.)

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You might be doing a slow boil behind the scenes for some reason. Do your best to just let it pass. Things will get worse if you make a big deal about them.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

Bizarro

An argument with a friend, especially a female acquaintance, might break

out. Just remember: Patience is the antidote to anger. Remedy: Generously apply patience.

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22) Squabbles with parents, bosses and authority figures are hard to avoid. (This includes the police.) But who needs this? Not you. Therefore, zip thy lip.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) Avoid controversial subjects like politics, religion and racial issues because they will quickly deteriorate into a nasty argument. Forewarned is forearmed.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) This is not an ideal week to discuss inheritances or how to divide or share something because it will be tough to reach an agreement. Postpone this discussion for another time.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

With Mars in your sign now, you are feisty! (Scorpio is never a wimp.) Use diplomacy and patience when dealing with partners and close friends – for the sake of everyone.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) An argument with someone at work might break out. Remember your long-term objective, which is that you want to get along with these people in the future, right? Connect the dots.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) Parents will have to be patient with children because hissy fits and meltdowns are likely. Romantic partners must be patient with each other as well.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) Avoid domestic arguments. Get out

of the house and wait till this volatile influence passes. Oy! PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) Discussions with siblings, relatives and neighbors could be challenging because someone is looking for a fight.

Do what you can to keep the peace and make your life easier.

BORN THIS WEEK You are dynamic, energetic and open.

You have a strong sense of responsibility, and you are quick to understand the needs of others. Good news! You are heading into one of the most powerful years of your life – a time of accumulation. It’s an excellent year to buy and sell. Whatever you have done in the past will now ripen because it’s your time of fruition. At last! © 2016 King Features Syndicate Inc.

[twitter] On the political conventions Bill opening with a hittingon-Hillary story is maybe a good let’s-all-get-it-out-ofour-system-early-tactic? Or maybe it’s just… Bill.

—— Mark Harris @markharrisnyc

I love my parents but I would abandon them in a heartbeat for a chance to be adopted

by Michelle Obama.

—— Anne T. Donahue @annetdonahue

How amazing would it be if Michelle Obama got up to the podium tonight and just delivered one of Trump’s speeches verbatim?

—— @ohnoshetwitnt

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