Snowdown, Beam Up

art entertainment food drink music nightlife Thursday, February 2, 2017

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THE SNOWDOWN ISSUE

Space music to lift off with Pics from Snowdowns past Snowdown costumes that keep giving

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SNOW DOWN, BEAM

UP

The best Snowdown events to get your sci-fi, superfreak on Inspiring space drinks Intergalactic trivia

DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 2 Number 15

February 2, 2017

Chief Executive Officer

4

From the Editor

4

Love it or Hate it

7

Pages

8

Sound

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Finance and Operations

16 For your winter sanity, join the spirit of Snowdown

Bob Ganley

Here is an invitation to shift the direction of your mind travels, as Snowdown taps into what I feel is a very important vein of human consciousness. If nothing else, casually marks the midwinter point.

A cursory glance into any agrarian society should convince you that these marker celebrations are neither new nor insignificant to the psyche.

V.P. of Advertising David Habrat V.P. of Marketing Kricket Lewis Founding Editors Amy Maestas David Holub Editor/ creative director David Holub dholub@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Staff writer Patty Templeton

Downtown Lowdown

Album Reviews 9 10 Beer 16 Weed

17 Vintage Durango

Alexi Grojean/ Special to DGO

18 Savage Love

375-4546 Katie Cahill Christopher Gallagher Bryant Liggett Jon E. Lynch Heather Narwid Cooper Stapleton Cyle Talley Robert Alan Wendeborn

7 ‘People like this actually exist’ In a charged political climate where multiple sides are fighting and resisting power, Mark Sundeen’s book “The Unsettlers” finds itself in a particularly dynamic moment. he’ll be at Maria’s on Tuesday to talk about it.

Advertising 247-3504 Reader Services 375-4570

11 From the files of not normal We discuss why President Trump’s bans on immigrants and refugees last week is Un-American, immoral, probably illegal, and definitely not normal.

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

Seeing Through the Smoke 16

17 Movies

ptempleton@bcimedia.com Contributors

8

Tell us what you think!

Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know?

Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

19 Happening

23 Get Smart about

fermented foods

20 DGO Deals

If your gut’s got you groaning, perhaps you ought to listen to Nicole Tribble, owner of The Living Tree, tell you about brine solution, Hippocrates, and what sounds like a really great kim chi.

22 Horoscope/ puzzles 23 Get Smart

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ON THE COVER A scene from Friday, Feb. 3, 2017, when Durango was sucked up by an extraordinary beam of light at the height of Snowdown, never to be heard from again.

David Holub/DGO

DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

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David Holub |DGO editor

Teleporting Love it The text capture here sums up a recent Sunday of mine, trying to get from Denver to Durango. Is there any question why I love teleporting over, say, flying on airplanes?

You can keep all the things that make flying terrible – the baggage-losing, the delicate flight crews, engine troubles, TSA feel-ups, the computer malfunctions. Sure, my molecules may be irreversibly damaged in the process, but it beats airplanes.

The Follies weren’t her thing, until she found herself in it

L

ast year during Snowdown, I got a surprise message from my friend Lacey saying she had an extra seat at the Follies. I was hesitant, as I had just seen the Follies a few nights earlier at the media screening. While the Follies joyfully embody the spirit of Snowdown, it wasn’t exactly my jam with its lewd hijinks, pervasive sexual innuendo and all-around bawdiness (I wasn’t offended – I mean, who gets offended by such things anymore?) I got the strong impression that it was even less of Lacey’s jam.

Which is why I was surprised to hear this week that not only is Lacey going to the Follies again, she’s in it.

In case you’re here from outer space, the Follies take the lowbrow debauchery of Snowdown and condense it into two hours. One Follies performance is like two Saturday nights. The crowd is raucous, inebriated and prone to hooting and heckling. Most of the skits, performed by average ol’ members of the community, would make Benny Hill proud. None of these traits I would associate with Lacey, a Durango native who, while not a stick in the mud, balances a somewhat wholesome public image as a performing musician.

So how did she find herself in the Follies? It was kind of an accident. A friend posted on Facebook that she needed guitar accompaniment on “Me and Bobby McGee.” She didn’t say what the song was for.

“It was like 4 o’clock, the audition was at 7. I show up and I’m like, ‘Ohhh, that’s what this is. Riiiight,’” Lacey said. Still she didn’t plan on committing to anything beyond the audition. For when she’s not performing, she’s likely practicing her hermit skills. Especially in the winter (“but also in the summer”).

“It’s one of those things where you’re at the audition, everyone’s

having a good time, and everybody’s nice and you kind of know a lot of people and then you meet some new people,” she said. “And it’s like, what else am I doing in January? Sitting around drinking too much, getting depressed?”

The biggest discouragement in joining the production was the commitment: Nine rehearsals, plus six shows.

For some performers, it’s their first time onstage, and however rambunctious and profane the performances are, Lacey said the cast and crew are quite professional, on time, and prepared, and rehearsals are run tightly.

In fact, a veteran of rehearsals, Lacey said it was just like any other theater production.

“Directors are there and they’re looking for timing and blocking and stage presence and attitude, coaching people who might not have any performing experience,” she said. “It’s not quite the raucous, like, screaming and yelling – sometimes I guess, if it’s a particularly good moment ... Nobody’s a junk show ... But it’s under the pretext of being kind of raunchy and weird and funny.”

Raunchy, weird, and funny. Exactly how I would describe the Follies. At my second viewing last year, no longer on the clock, free to imbibe, and even yelling lewd unmentionables at the stage, I had an unexpectedly rambunctious good time. But I can’t exactly imagine auditioning. Lacey might have said the same thing a couple of months ago.

“Last year, (as an audience member), it was fun, but I’m not a fan of that type of humor, really. It’s just not my thing. It’s not that I’m offended by it or anything like that ... I was actually not even going to go this year as an audience member. I was like ... I can’t get drunk enough to enjoy this,” she said. “Now, the most surprising thing is that, not only am I enjoying it, I’m probably going to audition again next year, find a way to be a part of it.”

— David Holub

Hate It What the hell is wrong with you people? You think that because you see it on “Star Trek” it’s safe? I absolutely, abhorrently, wrathfully say I will not get in your teleporter.

I despise your teleporter. Your teleporter freaks me the f out.

If your teleporter stood in front of me, I would hit it with my Luddite-stick.

Do I want the convenience of a machine that can transfer matter and energy to secondary locations? Yes. I would love to poke a button and phase onto the Charles Bridge in Prague or to a dance party on the dark side of the moon.

But here’s the thing – there are too many what-ifs.

I mean, you teleport me somewhere successfully. But it’s not my specific molecules when I get there. It is a gathering of molecules arranged to my pattern. My continuity as a living, breathing being has been disassembled. A clone of me has been created. Am I me if I am a clone? How exactly do you transfer a non-tangible item like a personality? It would be a murder of me and a creation of a new me programmed with my hopes, mannerisms, and memories.

Get your GD teleporter off my lawn. No way am I going in. No how. ::throws bricks at teleporter from rocking chair:: ::swiftly runs to quantum machine:: ::jump-kicks teleporter, then bounds back to safety of porch:: —— Patty Templeton

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[Snowdown]

Throwback Thursday: Snowdown edition »» A look at Snowdown’s early years

Snowdown is almost 40 years old. Do you know what that means, you inebriated aliens, maniac Martians, and deliciously trampy Trekkies? Your grandparents probably got annihilated on the Durango slopes, decades before you. In fact, your parents might have lubed you into existence through sloppy Snowdown smushin.’

Here’s a peek at what their partying looked like.

»» Frosted winter hat, from the Jan. 27, 1982, Durango Herald.

»» Official ’79 Snowdown cocktail, from the Feb. 2, 1979, Durango Herald.

»» Torchlight parade down Purgatory’s slopes, from the Feb. 4, 1979, Durango Herald.

»» Winner of the feline fashion show, from the Jan. 30, 1983, Durango Herald.

»» Hank Bruggemann on 30-inch stilts, from the Jan. 27, 1983, Durango Herald.

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[Sartorial over-enthusiasm with Heather of Sideshow]

Style Fetish | Heather Narwid

Try these costumes that will keep giving beyond Snowdown Happy Snowdown: Intergalactic, the 39th anniversary of Durango’s premier town-wide winter costume festival! fun to wear this summer to a festival and re-rock the star pants (from Sideshow’s Elvis Knievel collection) for a funky disco party or on a day when you’re feeling particularly badass.

This week, we offer a look at some costumes from my shop, Sideshow. I like garments that can veer with versatility between costume-wear and normal clothing.

The strangeness of some vintage silhouettes and materials, combined with redesigned and embellished pieces and new accessories make for a fun costume where one’s personal style and aesthetic can still be seen. I promote costume pieces that can be worn again as party and festival styles, another costume, or even as intriguing daywear.

The Lady Adventurer!

This woman cruises the galaxy like a boss. Turbotron helmet customized with flameball patches is worn with spiral X ray goggles. The ’90s gold-striped top is layered over a vintage ’60s black lamé turtleneck and steampunk-style strappy belt with star buttons.

Vintage fabric arm gauntlets are layered again with snakeskin leather unisex cuffs. The pants are suede-fronted leggings and the boots are shiny patent leather 1960s go-go boots.

Next year’s Snowdown theme is Sports, so get your creative, glimmering, avant-garde Intergalactic freak on while you can. Here are some ideas: Rocket Science!

A white shirt with bright graphics evokes a cartoony, “Futurama”-style rocket scientist. Retro 1960s/’80s square “safety” frames with a biohazard-patched silver fanny pack and white jeans takes you into a groovy laboratory of the future.

Do your hair nerd-slick, mad-scientist-wild, or pop out of the airlock in a space helmet. Top with a lab coat or a brightly colored puffy vest.

This look could be combined with alien makeup or mask – who said all scientists were human?

Alien-bright!

Photos and costume stylings by Heather Narwid.

»» Alien-Bright

»» Lady Adventurer

Space Cowboy!

For this Western snap shirt, I fabric-painted drawings of Saturn and moons on the front and back yokes. Add a metallic bolo tie or a galaxy-printed bandanna. A raygun belt buckle tops star-stamped ’70s slim-cut trousers. Add silver spray-painted cowboy boots, a lasso, and you’re ready for bucking alien broncos. The shirt would be

»» Space Cowboy

»» Rocket Science

Space wear isn’t always metallic, shiny fabrics. This outfit is Intergalactic-cute by-way-of the 1960s and ’70s with an orange and green scheme. Weird sunglasses can be worn instead of goggles, the gold headband has vintage jewels, or wear alien antennae. The orangeand-white top’s odd print seems alien-inspired and the jumper has an action-heroine look with patches added on. Shiny belts, green-andsilver flared cuffs, neon fishnet mitts (borrowed back from last year’s Snowdown) and gold leather boots launch this look into style space!

Heather Narwid owns and operates Sideshow, a vintage and modern clothing store for men and women, located in northeast Durango at 208 County Road 250. Sideshow is open 10-6 Tuesdays through Saturdays.

Find Sideshow on Facebook and on Instagram @Sideshow411Vintage.

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[pages]

‘People like this actually exist’ With the ever-growing popularity of organic foods, tiny houses, urban farming and the like, it appears a large number of Americans are yearning for a simpler life, trying to fit a back-to-the-land mentality in the face of modern life and a relentless media culture of consumerism and conspicuous consumption. In the book “The Unsettlers,” Mark Sundeen immerses himself with families who have taken their political and environmental beliefs to the limit, living sustainably off the grid, tending their own land and growing their own food. In a charged political climate where multiple sides are fighting and resisting power, Sundeen’s book finds itself in a particularly dynamic moment.

Sundeen will be at Maria’s Bookshop on Tuesday, Feb. 7, to discuss his book, his second visit to Durango after the publication of his previous book, “The Man Who Quit Money.”

Why do you think this book is important right now?

When I was writing this book, I sometimes thought, “These people are just chicken littles. We don’t really live in the petrostate.” Of course, I never imagined that Trump would be president. So now I think millions of people are suddenly realizing that the government is not our friend and the government is doing things that are immoral and corrupt and unethical and we do actually live in a petrostate. It’s like we’re Venezuela or Russia or the old Iraq, where it seems like the government’s explicit function is to get more fossil fuels and turn them into money for the stockholders. And in that situation, any ways that we cooperate with the state makes us complicit in our own destruction. So I think some people are scratching their heads and saying, “How can I not be complicit with this system anymore? How can I resist?” And that of course is what this book is about.

How were you surprised in writing it?

»» Author of ‘Unsettlers’ to talk at Maria’s GO! Mark Sundeen, author of “The Unsettlers” When: 6:30 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 7 Where: Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main. Ave., Durango Cost: Free Sundeen All three of these families blew me away in that they were taking the ethical resistance so far and yet they seemed pretty joyful in life. They didn’t seem to be resentful and martyrs, you know? They really seemed to enjoy their work. And they were doing it with kids, and they’ve been doing it for 10 years or more. I was inspired just to find out that these people exist.

And if I could boil down to what I hope this book does to just one sentence it would be to inspire the reader to learn that people like this actually exist.

And then what?

That’s kind of up to them. I would like them to take action, but I feel like the lesson from this book isn’t “OK, I’m going to recycle, I’m going to ride my bike, and I’m going to buy organic.” I think the bigger lesson is how are you going to follow your heart and how are you going to find meaningful work? Because I think so often, the waste that we have in this materialism and the over-consumption is not a result of us being greedy, it’s the result of us working 40 to 60 hours a week at something we hate and makes us feel like a cog in the machine and we have to reward ourselves with all these high-carbon-footprint activities, whether that’s a whole bunch of steaks or flying to Mexico for the weekend for a vacation ... So what I want people to do is not make a couple surface-level changes – although I wouldn’t mind if they did that – but to really figure out what their values are and say, “How can put my whole heart and my life energy into living my values?”

Competing sides in our political environment seem to very dismissive of the other. How do we get beyond talking past one another?

Information: www.mariasbookshop.com

I think conservatives would really admire the people in my book. And that’s because these people are embodying a lot of the principles of the founding fathers and doing small-scale agriculture, owning their own business, not depending on the government or nonprofits or corporations. And just living with absolute moral integrity ... I think that the people in my book, I mention how Ethan

$

says the same thing as Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity, where he’s like, “If I’m opposed to oil, I’m not going to use a car to drive to the protest, I’m going to ride my bike.” That level of integrity is something that I think will appeal to conservatives, even if they don’t agree with these folks on a lot of things. And there’s one of those small, inspirational moments in the book is like the way Ethan and Sarah have become so close with their next-door neighbors who literally have a portrait of George W. Bush hanging in their kitchen. And they just figure out how to avoid certain topics, like maybe abortion and the war in Iraq and climate change and focus on the things they really had in common, which was, like, living with moral integrity, being a good neighbor, being close to the land and producing their own food on the land and not being reliant on the government. Those are things they really bonded about.

—— David Holub DGO editor

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[space sound]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

Space rock is cool, and here are the coolest space albums It was 1989, and my cranky, in-need-of-somedeodorant hold-out from the ’60s co-worker told me he listened to “space rock.” I knew nothing of the bands he referenced, as Tangerine Dream and K.T. Reeder weren’t part of my collection. My knowledge then of the “genre” was the 12 to 20 minutes of wanking the Grateful Dead did in their shows that showed up on set-lists titled simply as “space.” Since, I’ve learned that garage, art, and prog of the rock variety can all fall under the space-rock umbrella.

The “space-rock” my old co-worker Jeff referenced is to me about as interesting as the concert Abraham Lincoln’s statue had to sit through back on Jan. 19. It wasn’t Gong or Hawkwind. Hell, it wasn’t even Pink Floyd.

I’m not sure what that dude was listening to.

But here’s what I listen to from the “genre,” some perhaps more spacethemed than space rock.

Parliament,“Mothership Connection”

not sure where Esquivel was coming from, or trying to go with any of his music, perhaps he was just stuck on an elevator hurtling through space and this was the soundtrack.

Parliament was the funkier sibling to George Clintons Funkadelic, and “Mothership Connection” its 1975 masterpiece. Clinton always had a concept angle, creating a world where black people were going places they hadn’t; in this case, space. This record is flat-out fun, a stick-in-yourhead collection of hooks driven by a huge band, which included staples Bootsy Collins and Bernie Worrell, and, fresh from the J.B.’s, Maceo Parker and Fred Wesley.

Al Caiola,“Music for Space Squirrels” Holy instrumental weirdness. Too animated for jazz, too jazzy for animation, Caiola’s covers and instrumentals are all over a space-age map. It’s groovy, it’s weird, it’s Danny Gatton on acid providing the soundtrack for Frankie and Annette surf films set on Mars.

Drakkar Sauna, “20009” This Kansas roots duo is cosmic whether covering The Louvin Brothers, or putting together a tripped-out folk record. While void of predictable space flair of rockets and aliens, it’s grounded in reality, reminding you that space is everywhere.

Bryant’s best Thursday: Folk music with Martin Sexton, 8 p.m. $30. Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. Information: 7992281.

Paul Kanter and Jefferson Starship,“Blows Against the Empire”

Thursday: Funk, hip-hop and more with Nth Power and Diabolical Sound Platoon, 9 p.m. $15 advance/$20 day of.

The Balcony Backstage, 600 Main Ave. upstairs. Information: 422-8008.

Kantner’s tale of a counterculture revolution against an egotistical leader may hit close to home. It’s post-hippie fare featuring heavy hitters from 1970 San Francisco, including Jerry Garcia displaying some nice pedal-steel chops.

Spiritualized,“Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space” Jason Pierce, aka J. Spacemen, does the VU-influenced electric folk and weird art-punk as well as anyone.

This tripped-out rock record drips with emotion as Pierce runs both to and from his demons. It’s orchestral without being overbearing, and one of the great records of the ’90s that the mainstream ignored.

Man or Astroman,“Defcom 5..4..3..2..1”

Hawkwind,“Space Ritual” This long-running English rock band, still going since 1969, lyrically explored sci-fi while favoring long, loose jams on its live double-album released in 1973. Any band with a “space” influence should bow to Hawkwind.

Esquivel,“Space Age Bachelor Pad” This is loose, weird and animated cocktail jazz at its finest. I’m

This surf-rock band that also bent on sci-fi has always dabbled in the future. While telecaster twang can, at times, stink of nostalgia, there’s a look to the unpredictable in this, and perhaps all its releases.

Space is cool.

Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@fortlewis.edu.

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[space sound] An album made for Snowdown ’17 The Sex Organs,“Intergalactic Sex Tourists” Available: Now, via Voodoo Rhythm Records. Compact disc comes with a double gatefold cover and 12-sided booklet. LP comes in standard black vinyl complete with “one free CD, one board game, one Star Poster and one Brain [eff]”. I may be missing something in the Swedish to English translation, as I am unfamiliar with the exact use of “Brain [eff].” Wait a sec, think I just got it ...

This album has landed just in time for Snowdown 2017. The press release reads more like a pulp comic, and rightly so. “The Sex Organs have landed on your planet! They traveled light-years across the universe on a mission to planet Earth to bring YOU their

“Orgasms” with such ferocity, it’s hard to deny their simple message and debaucherous appeal.

Sounds like a record made for Durango’s favorite winter celebration to me.

special intergalactic brand of SEX AND ROLL!” Between each track – the longest clocks in at just over three minutes – are vignettes that recount Earthlings’ episodic encounters including eyewitness accounts of the first sightings. Listeners are then treated to basic, near-gimmicked, two- and three-chord rock ’n’ roll of the finest variety. The two Sex Organs at play burn through tracks such as “Lubrication,” “Camel Toe Twist,” “Earth Blues,” and

Recommended for fans of sexual depravity and humor wrapped in a garage rock record wrought with “primitive pounding drums, wild screeching guitars and SHAMELESS LYRICS!” — Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu

Five MORE spacey albums to lift off to It would be a grievous sin to omit this album from any list of space-faring records. This album marked Bowie’s embracing of the character he had experimented with on tour, and is often the image most people associate with the man himself. Ziggy Stardust is a bisexual alien rock star sent to tell us of our misgivings and our faults and to bring us through to the new reality. We need Ziggy Stardust more now than ever.

Sun Ra and His Intergalactic Solar Arkestra,“Space Is The Place”

The Sword,“Warp Riders” A journey through space, a man who controls time, death, rebirth, a planet of perpetual night. These are all things that “Warp Riders,” the third album

Hawkwind,“The Space Ritual Alive in Liverpool and London” Hawkwind is THE space rock band, no matter what anyone else tells you.

This is the soundtrack to hundreds of thousands of smoke sessions and Dungeons and Dragons games since its arrival to our plane of existence in 1973. This live performance combined band, laser light show, ambient textural tones, a living liquid backdrop, and spoken-word performances telling the story of interstellar explorers coming back to Earth after a lifetime of wandering the galaxy. Hawkwind is one of the most underappreciated prog-rock bands of the modern era, and if you fancy yourself an intrepid explorer, you would do well to bring this along as a soundtrack.

Gojira,“From Mars To Sirius” Let’s take apart this title for a quick second. It’s easy to see the space influences. Mars is the celestial body closest to our own, and, in mythology, has often been ascribed as the bringer of war and chaos. Sirius, the north star, the brightest in our sky, was the source of inspiration of many an explorer and wonderer as a symbol of possibility and the purest cosmos. Go-

jira explores those themes with relish, telling a tale of a native species on a dying planet journeying into the stars to find a new home, only to find that they had the means to preserve their own planet the entire time. A journey of great cosmic depth, while at the

same time being a personal journey.

These themes merit reflection in these trying times. Inspiration may be found in the cosmos, but the truest tools of change and revolution lie within our own hearts.

—— Cooper Stapleton

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I’ve talked about Sun Ra briefly in this column before, and there are no other jazzmen like him. Released as the soundtrack for his afrofuture mind-melt of a movie with the same title, “Space Is The Place,” this may be one of his more “out there” listening experiences, which is saying quite a lot. In 1936, Herman Blount dropped out of agricultural college, was teleported to Saturn, and met with the locals there. He was forever transformed into the intergalactic jazz beast known as Sun Ra. If you don’t like jazz, this one might be a bit much, but if you want to go on a journey, it’s one of the essentials.

from Texas stoner metal outfit The Sword, bring to the table. It is at once both daunting and easily digestible.

The riffs bring us into sci-fi battles between good and evil, while the spacious atmospheres invite self-reflection on the themes.

en

David Bowie,“The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars”

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[beer]

First Draughts | Robert Alan Wendeborn

Blast off with these inspiring intergalactic beverages

I

It’s funny, but there’s no possit’s that time of year ble way it can be true. again, Durango’s Even though there is no weeklong costume party, Snowdown. This alcohol in actual space, there year’s theme is Intergalactic, is plenty of alcohol in our sciwhich means there will be fi universes. There are a lot hundreds of people dressed of versions of Earth drinks, in outer space garb, getting like shots, ales, wines, and a absolutely blasted. If we surprising number of milks were going to be true to the (yes, plural). And there are theme, absolutely rigid as a some beverages that sound disMormon in a whorehouse, we gusting, but not too out of this »» From “A Clockwork Orange.” would have only the smallest world when we think about just amount of booze, as very little amounts of alcohow our beverages are made here on Earth. hol have actually been consumed in space. Other My absolutely favorite sci-fi beverage is Slurm, a than Soviet-era cognac, and Buzz Aldrin’s moonsoft drink from the year 3000 in the cartoon series scape communion wine, alcohol is not allowed in “Futurama.” It’s catchphrase is “It’s highly addicspace, outside its use in experiments. tive!” And is promoted by a giant worm, Slurms Mckenzie, the original party worm! The production But trying to imagine Durango without booze is of Slurm is a simple process that involves feeding like trying to imagine Jar Jar Binks is a Sith Lord:

the Worm Queen of Wormulon wumpus berries, then collecting the Queen’s anal secretions in soda cans.

Slurm may be the most disgusting form of secretion, but not the only one consumed in science fiction. Milk is another powerful and popular one.

Whether they be laced with narcotics (“Clockwork Orange,” anyone?), or if they’re the blue secretion from the furry banthas of Tatooine, milks are gonna get you effed up in space. If I were a bartender in Durango, I’d definitely have a Blue Milk-based cocktail (Blue Russian? Tatooine Mule?). If at some point you can drink narcotic-laced milk from the nipple of a lifesized statue of a beautiful woman, then Durango should win a cosplay award or something.

The different versions of Earth alcohol – Romulan Ale (illegal in the United Federation of Planets) or Continued on Page 11

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[democracy] Trump bans immigrants and refugees Theoretical physicist Albert Einstein was a refugee.

Actress Marlene Dietrich was a refugee. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright was a refugee.

Steve Jobs wouldn’t have created a worldwide technological revolution if his Syrian father hadn’t immigrated to the United States.

Refugees and immigrants are a benefit to the United States, not a burden.

FROM THE FILES OF

of the Constitution, [and] violates some federal statues – [like] the Immigration Nationality Act.” »» On the base of the Statue of Liberty it says, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free ...”

NOT NORMAL

News you need to know On Friday, Jan. 27 President Trump signed an executive order banning citizens of seven Muslim-majority countries (Iran, Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Libya, Somalia, and Sudan) from entering the U.S. for 90 days. It also suspended America’s refugee program for 120 days. Syrian refugees are banned indefinitely.

Late Saturday, Federal Judge Anne Donnelly granted an emergency stay that temporarily barred authorities from deporting those with the proper visas.

When the U.S eventually accepts refugees again, we will only accept 50,000 people (instead of 110,000). If you are a Christian refugee, your application will be given preference over Muslim applicants.

Why this is not normal »»Trump’s executive order is unconstitutional. According to Anthony Romero, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union, it violates “due process protections of the Constitution, the equal protection clauses

From Page 10

Klingon Bloodwine (fermented blood and sugar, preferably served warm), or just “BEER” brewed by the Dharma Initiative in “Lost” – should also be making appearances around town, just because of the simplicity of it.

When it comes to shots, the galaxy also has plenty to offer. The most potent would likely be the Pangalactic Gargle Blaster from “Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” Said to feel like “having your brains bashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick,” the real Pangalactic Gargle Blaster includes ingredients from all over this fictional galaxy. If I

»» Trump has rejected this vision in the name of “keeping America safe.”

This does not square with the fact that no terror attacks have been carried out by citizens of the seven banned countries in more than two decades.

»»Trump did not ban travel from all majority-Muslim nations. Notably, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Lebanon, and the United Arab Emirates are still free to travel. This is where the 19 terrorists of the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks originated. These are also countries Trump has business interests in. »»The only accomplishment of this ban is to bring fear, anger, and a Constitutional crisis to America’s door.

1015 Main Ave. Durango, Co 970.385.4526

245955

Stop in for a lovely margarita!

HAPPY HOUR

Monday-Friday 2:30pm-6pm 948 Main Ave • Durango, CO 970.259.7655

If you want to combat this executive order, consider donating a coupla bucks to the ACLU. Then call your representatives. (Emails get form letters and deleted. A phone call disrupts your representative and their staff’s time more.

Disruption breeds quicker change. Find your representatives at http://www. whoismyrepresentative.com/.)

—— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

was making a version here, it’d likely include equal parts absinthe, Goldschlager, and citron vodka, served next to a trash can.

Don’t forget that alcohol isn’t the only sci-fi way to get lit. Someone please make a Jabba the Hut bong with actual live frogs swimming in the bong water and please learn from the randy teens of “Class of Nuke’em High”: Avoid any irradiated weed, unless you want to get super powers and give birth to mutated monsters.

Robert Alan Wendeborn is a former cellar operator at Ska Brewing and current lead cellar operator at Tin Roof Brewing in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Always out of this world!

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Boldly Go Where No Spam Has Gone Before

[Snowdown 2017]

»» Your best bets to get your sci-fi, superfreak on

11 a.m., Saturday, Durango Welcome Center, 802 Main Ave.

ASTONISHING! FANTASTIC!

Spam has often been accused of being a mystery meat. Beloved. Reviled.

Possibly the product of Martians.

Carve the hell out of a block of Spam and win prizes. You have until 15 minutes before the event to signup. First through third prizes will be picked from the pink, globby creations from teenage, adult, and team categories.

INTERGALACTIC!

SNOWDOWN EVENTS!

6:30 p.m. Thursday, Moe’s, 937 Main Ave. Beep. Beep. Beeeeew. Mash them buttons till you’re back to the future.

Moe’s is having a retro video game tournament featuring games like Atari’s “Galaga,” “Space Invaders,” and “Defender.” Show up at 6:30 and play.

No advance sign-up required. If you have mad pew pew pew skillz, you might win a $75, $50, or $25 bar tab.

21+ event.

Beard Competition 8 p.m. Thursday, Carver Brewing Co., 1022 Main Ave. An arduous three months of beard growing has come to an end! Contestants signed up the first Friday in November when clean-shaven mugshots were taken. Who will have grown the longest beard? Additional prizes given for best color beard and best beer absorption in a beard.

There’ll even be a longest leg hair contest for pre-registered ladies.

21+ event.

1 p.m. Saturday, Gapacho’s, 431 E. 2nd Ave.

Drag Race and Fashion Show

Geezus H. Disgusting Alien Christ.

Ever felt the need to see how many people you could fit in an outhouse?

Have a kink where you like to watch people mash into outhouses? The 17th Annual Outhouse Stuffing Contest is here. You’ll get two minutes to shove as many people as possible into a crapper. Your team has to stay there for 10 seconds. 1st and 2nd prize win Gazpacho’s New Mexican Restaurant gift cards. Afterwards, stick around for the hula hooping contest.

7 p.m., Thursday, El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

DJ and MC Battle

Come ye aliens, avatars, and adventurers, Snowdown 2017 is here! Put on your cardboard robot costume, pocket your death ray, and beam down to the best interplanetary parties around Durango. There’s a rocket fulla things to do that cost zero Earth dollars.

Atari Galactic Games

Outhouse Stuffing

Shaun Stanley/BCI Media file

»» A scene from the 2016 Snowdown Light Parade.

RuPaul says, “You’re born naked and the rest is drag,” so make a fab, sci-fi ensemble and strut up El Rancho’s fashion show. Make sure to sign up at least 60 minutes before start time.

Prizes given for first through third based on crowd favorites. Then stick around. DJ Soul Atomic will get your ro-butt moving at the after party. 21+ event.

8 p.m. Saturday, Moe’s, 937 Main Ave. Ground Control to Major Tom, can you spit soulsonic planet rock? Moe’s will host a DJ and MC battle. No pre-registration required to join in.

No cover to watch. Bar tab prizes of $75, $50, and $25 for winners of this 21+ event.

Waiter/Waitress Race

8th Annual Costume Gala

2 p.m. Friday, (in the alley behind) Steamworks, 801 East Second Ave.

8 p.m. Saturday, Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave.

Co-ed teams of local servers will compete in an obstacle course that is bound to be out of this world. You can watch the shenanigans or signup, so long as you enter your team 30 minutes before the event. First prize: keg of Steamworks beer, Second place: $50 Steamworks gift card, and Third prize: two pitchers of Steamworks beer. 21+ event.

Jerry McBride/BCI Media file

»» A Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad train sits by the Snowdown Ballon Rally & Mass Ascension in the north Animas Valley at Snowdown 2016.

Light Parade

»» Alison Lumsden competes in the

6 p.m. (dusk) Friday, Main Avenue. from College Drive to 12th Street

Sundown Drag Race & Fashion Show at Snowdown 2016.

Carl Sagan said, “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be

Jerry McBride/BCI Media file

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known.” That incredible thing is the annual light parade down Main Avenue. Durango’s only nighttime parade will feature astounding illuminated floats. If you’re there for the whole thing, you’ll also catch the firework display.

Shaun Stanley/BCI Media file

»» People cram into an outhouse at the 2016 Snowdown Outhouse Stuffing contest.

Balloon Rally and Mass Ascension 7:30 a.m. Saturday, N. U.S. Highway 550, North side of Hermosa Meadows Rd. If any of you brave replicants and

rogues are up ass-early and not too hungover on Saturday, the hot air balloon launch will be a celestial sight to see. You can park at Animas Valley Elementary School. Pre-registered pilots will ascend to the frosty heavens.

Dance till infinity ... and beyond at Derailed at the Intergalactic Costume Gala. Prizes will be given for best costume to a single person and a couple.

21+ event.

For a full listing of Snowdown 2017 events, visit http://www.snowdown. org/schedule.html.

—— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

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[Snowdown 2017]

Facts from the black

»» Odd intergalactic trivia and things you never knew about space

This is for all those kids out there that wanted to go to Space Camp, but didn’t have the dough. Turns out, it may be a good thing you never grew up to be an astronaut. Spaceships can be a bastion of skin flakes, fecal fly-offs, sad boners, and no beer. But still - the MAJESTY OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY! Orbital Amour Sex in space might suck. The logistics of microgravity banging aren’t great.

Tsunamis of sweat will splatter around you because astronauts perspire at a greater rate. Your stamina will blow because your heart won’t be used to pumping blood as fast as it used to on Earth and your muscles will have slightly atrophied. That lower blood pressure will also screw over your hard bits. Boners will be weaker and shorter. Boo and hiss.

Get your space geek on with these weird reads

Atrophy and aging

Find out all the weird menus that did or did not work in space from a dude who worked for NASA for over 30 years.

“Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void,” by Mary Roach Mary Roach is a connoisseur of the queer. She reveals every WTF fact you didn’t know you wanted to know about space.

“The Astronaut’s Cookbook,” by Charles Bourland

Think circling the Earth for five months sounds like an interstellar adventure? Better be prepared to lose up to 40 percent of your muscle and 12 percent of your bone mass. It would be like going from a 20-year-old body to a 60-year-old body.

“Death from the Skies: These are the Way the World Will End…,” by Philip Plait Gamma-ray bursts, blackholes, supernovae, aliens – this universe wants to kill us. Might as well laugh through the space-pocalypse.

Rocket wine Charles Bourland was a NASA food scientist who helped develop the menus taken to space for the Apollo mission onward. Despite initial concerns from NASA, sherry was picked but the testing did not go well.

Bourland told the NASA Oral History Project, “I don’t know if you’ve been on a zero-G plane.

Whatever you open, it just immediately saturates the cabin with that odor, whatever it is. As soon as you open the wine, you see people grabbing for their barf bags. For some reason, it just turns on the barf mechanism.” Booze was dropped from NASA menus.

fish, snails, mice, crickets, frogs, fruit flies, and jellyfish.

Animals in space

Near forever footprints

NASA chucked two chimps into space before they allowed humans on spacecraft. Though neither animals were treated well, poor Enos suffered far worse than Ham. Enos trained for 1,250 hours and was scheduled to complete three orbits, but the mission was aborted after two due to the capsule overheating and Enos being subjected to a malfunction that shocked him 76 times. Ham’s remains (minus his skeleton) were buried at the International Space Hall of Fame in New Mexico.

The location of Enos’ body is unknown.

Additional animals sent to space by NASA include

Yorio now works to make commercial cannabis grow more efficient with the use of LED lighting systems. Many growers haven’t had success with LED lighting, but Yorio states that not all LED rigs are created equal. In an interview with Marijuana Business Daily, Yorio says checking out “The LED Grown Book,” by Christopher Sloper, as a good starting point.

David Holub/DGO

The sun is a luscious fatty 1.3 million Earths can fit inside the sun, which takes up more than 99 percent of all of the mass in the solar system but is only considered an average-sized star. Wimp.

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were the first people to walk on the moon. Their footprints, from the 1969 Apollo 11 mission, stand untouched on the moon’s surface, as the moon doesn’t have an atmosphere; there is no erosion, no wind or water.

The main threat to the eventual disappearance of the footprints is micrometeorites – but it will take at least 10 million years.

Galactic weed growing Neil Yorio worked for NASA’s Bio Regenerative Life Support Systems program. Translation: He helped grow plants in space with the use of LEDs.

Shit vacuums Ever wondered how astronauts crap? It used to be in plastic bags, which is what 1965’s Gemini 7 mission had. The plastic bag was upgraded to a fecal bag that adhesively sealed to your ass with a complimentary “finger cot” used to wipe brownery hanging out. Today, astronauts use funnels and a “urine hose” that sucks the pee away, which is then purified and used as drinking water. When dumping a deuce, astronauts stand over a specialized toilet that wooshes away their blow-mud to eventually be burned up in the atmosphere as trash.

—— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer ... who still kinda wants to be an astronaut

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[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

For your winter sanity, join the spirit of Snowdown

S

nowdown, Intergalactic: Now, to me, this just reads as an invitation to get weird, like “spirit science” weird. Midwinter, North America – it’s either the perfect time to freeze our little tushes off, or, just perhaps, the exact perfect time to delve into alternate realities: fractals, chakras, crystals, torus flow energy. Depending on what your normal daily schedule involves, you may or may not ever find the time, between the meetings and feedings and predetermined, locked-in, buckled-down, inflexible, unchanging, never-ending repetition of wake/ work/sleep (punctuated only by some shoveling, some scraping, some salting) in this white to dun to brown, back to white, rinse-repeat progression of Jack Frost’s quick, brisk days and long, frozen nights.

Spirit Science: Wut dis??? In order to properly prepare yourself, I invite you to change your pattern a bit in preparation for Durango’s hibernal throwdown. I don’t know what you do immediately before slumber, but for the next few nights, I recommend a few possible changes. First, run down to Ye Olde Weede Shoppe and grab an edible that can be easily divided (chocolate bars work well; actually, grab a couple. You’ll end up needing them by the end of all this. And grab a bit of a nice sativa while you’re at it). Next, about two hours before you want to be drifting off to Sandmanland, eat a hunk of the recommended dose and start loading up the Google with phrases like “Fibonacci Sequence,” “Flower of Life,” “pyramids around the world,” and “Mandelbrot set.” Maybe go a little crazy and try “Annanuki” while you’re at it. Oh, and throw on some early ’70s Floyd or some Sun Ra while this all goes on. As the THC from your plant ally takes hold and

the images of hurricanes and sunflowers and spinning atoms start dancing across the backs of your eyelids, you’ll know that the veil that bounds the matrix of reg’lar ol’ 21st century American life is thin and there are ways to travel through it. Enjoy that thought as you drift away.

What is the point of my attempted inception, you ask? It is an invitation to shift the direction of your mind travels, as Snowdown taps into what I feel is a very important vein of human consciousness.

Snowdown, if nothing else, casually marks the midwinter point – December and January behind us, February and March yet to come. A cursory glance into any agrarian society should convince you that these marker celebrations are neither new nor insignificant to the psyche, and here in the Animas (Google the definition of that word, while you’re at it) Watershed, we are blessed, by virtue of Amendment 64 to be reunited legally with a friend of the human mind and spirit. Cannabis developed with us in the same primordial electrical soup that led to the fertile ooze and muck that led, eventually, to cities and smartphones and carpool schedules. It’s vital, this need to take the occasional sanity break, those steps outside our average life pattern that allow us to reconnect with that spark that resides at the core of each of us, the gift from the universe that helps us to remember our common unity. So take the opportunity this year during Snowdown to see where the edges of your mind have settled and to give them a nice stretch. Get high, look up into the sky, and let your animas take an intergalactic flight.

Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.

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[movies] [Vintage Durango]

Playing in Durango Animas City Theatre (For movies, check out www.animascitytheatre.com)

Gaslight Theatre La La Land. In this modern take on the Hollywood musical, Sebastian and Mia are drawn together by their common desire to do what they love. But as success mounts, they are faced with decisions that begin to fray the fragile fabric of their love affair, and the dreams they worked so hard to maintain in each other threaten to rip them apart. Rated PG-13.

Fences. An African-American father struggles with race relations in the United States while trying to raise his family in the 1950s and coming to terms with the events of his life. Rated PG-13.

Documentary Shorts. (Wednesday only) Includes: “Downtown By Lamplight,” “Secrecy County,” “Life On The Line,” “Not Anymore,” “Life Under The Bridge,” “Box of Sound.” Not rated.

Durango Stadium 9

film. Rated PG-13. xXx: The Return of Xander Cage. Daredevil operative Xander Cage is back. Cage and his adventure-addict cohorts race to recover Pandora’s Box, the weapon of all weapons.

Gold. Kenny Wells (Matthew McConaughey) is a modern day gold prospector.

His serach will take him from Wall Street boardrooms to the uncharted jungle of Indonesia. Based on a true story. Rated R. Monster Trucks. Looking for any way to get away from the life and town he was born into, Tripp builds a monster truck from bits and pieces of scrapped cars.

Rated PG. Hidden Figures. The untold story of Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughn and Mary Jackson – brilliant African-American women working at NASA, who served as the brains behind one of the greatest operations in history: the launch of astronaut John Glenn into orbit. Rated PG. Sing. A koala has one final chance to restore his theater to its former glory. Rated PG.

Rings. A group of high school students have to find someone to watch an evil videotape or else they’ll all die. Third film in “The Ring” franchise. Rated PG-13 »» Advertisement for Snowdown ’79 in Feb. 2, 1979, Durango Herald.

Snowdown in the superbad ’70s It was 1979. The winter was bleak. The people were restless ... until The Durango Herald gave a couple grand to John Murrah and his merry band of miscreants to create February fun. And lo, Snowdown was birthed unto Durango the same year that Jimmy Carter ruled the land.

There must have been something in the air. “The Jerk,” “Apocalypse Now,” “Alien,” “Monty Python’s Life of Brian,” and “Mad Max” all came out that year.

It could be inebriatedly debated that none of these movies would have been possible without the positive energy that Durango flung into the universe that February of ’79.

—— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

The Space Bewteen Us. Gardner Elliot, the first human born on Mars, is secretly raised in an experimental colony after his mother dies during childbirth.

Sixteen years later, he begins an online romance with a girl living in Colorado and hatches a plan to travel across the universe to meet her. Now, on the run, with Earth’s gravity threatening his very existence, Gardner must race against time and nature to find his love and win her heart. Rated PG-13.

A Dog’s Purpose. A devoted dog finds the meaning in his own life through enriching the lives of his humans. Based on the beloved novel by W. Bruce Cameron.

Rated PG. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. (Also available in 3-D) The Umbrella Corporation’s T-virus has wrecked the world.

Alice will battle the Red Queen, far under Raccoon City in a hellscape of monsters, demons, and zombies. If she fails, humankind dies. Rated R. Split. Kevin has 23 personalities, that his doctor knows of. But there may be one personality more dangerous than all the rest. It certainly is to the three girls he’s abducted. M. Night Shyamalan’s newest

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[love and sex]

Savage Love | Dan Savage

I want her to cheat on me again – with me there. But how?

I am a 26-year-old heterosexual European man. I have been for four years in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend. Recently she cheated on me. When she told me what she did, I felt a very strong pain, even stronger than I expected. After a few days of pain, however, I found that the sexual attraction for my girlfriend, instead of decreasing, increased after her adventure. In particular, I am now having a cuckold fantasy. I would like that she tell me everything she did, without sparing any detail, while we have sex, or that we try to play an actual cuckold game where she has sex with someone else in front of me while I give her instructions and tell her exactly what to do. My problem is that I am not sure what her reaction would be if I ask her to play out these fantasies. She feels very guilty and witnessed my pain when she told me she cheated. I fear that talking to her about these fantasies would scare her.

I also fear that, as she is feeling guilty, she would say yes, but without really wanting to do this. I also don’t want her to think I liked what she did when she cheated on me. I did not like it, but I would like to relive it in a playful way, in which I have complete control.

How do you think I should approach this talk? Which reactions should I expect? How can I make sure that she is really into this if she says yes?

Feeling Obsessed Replicating Treason & Dominating Adulterer Cuckolding, like all fetishes and/or fantasies, is unique to the person and adaptable within particular relationships. But it’s erotic humiliation – of the person being cheated on – that distinguishes cuckolding from hot wifing/husbanding or swinging. The cuck’s partner, aka “the cheater,” is in control, and the cuck gets off on having his nose rubbed – sometimes literally – in the evidence of his partner’s cheating. (That’s the theory, anyway; I’ve gotten lots of letters from women – and some men – who are married to very controlling cucks.)

Zooming out: Your reaction to learning you’d been cheated on – pain and shock, quickly followed by increased feelings of lust for your girlfriend – is not uncommon. It’s less common for the cheatee to eroticize the betrayal; a couple may reconnect sexually in the wake of an affair, but rarely does a couple wind up incorporating eroticized infidelity into their sexual repertoire. But in your fantasy, FORTDA, you would be calling the shots, giving instructions, and telling your girlfriend what to do. That’s definitely not a cuckold fantasy, FORTDA, and it may be a revenge fantasy.

But a cheating crisis presents a good opportunity for both parties to be completely honest with each other about what they want going forward. And that’s what you should do, FORTDA: Be completely honest. First, make sure your fantasy is an authentic impulse, i.e., it’s a genuine turn-on, unearthed by this revelation, not an excuse to punish your girlfriend for cheating. Make sure this isn’t a revenge fantasy. If it’s a genuine turn-on, FORTDA, share everything: this surprising new turn-on, your own confusion, and your legit concerns.

(You don’t want her to agree to do it out of guilt, it’s not a license to cheat.)

She might freak out. She might be into it. She might freak out and then later be into it. (That’s the origin story of most cuckold couples: Husband/BF proposes it; wife/GF freaks out; weeks, months, or years later the wife/GF asks if cuckolding is still on the table.) You can figure out the parameters later, if you decide to explore this at all, but it starts with a conversation. Good luck.

I write you from Italy, where I follow you through Internazionale. I am a guy in his 30s sexually paralyzed with his girlfriend. We are together four years, and during the last year, sex has gradually faded away, leaving me alone with my skillful hand (left one).

The sexual paralysis is beginning to affect our behaviors. We don’t accept each other anymore. We are starting to mutually ignore. Verbal communication is poor. However, we are

exceptional friends. I am good-looking, sociable, fit, and with plenty of semen. Girls are quite interested, but I don’t want to cheat. I don’t believe in monogamy, but my girlfriend could never tolerate betrayal. What the [eff] to do?

Literally Outta Order Penis Sometimes a relationship dies but we insist on propping the body up in a corner, LOOP, and pretending it’s still alive. We do this because even if the relationship is dead, our partner isn’t.

And we can’t declare the thing dead – we can’t break the [eff] up already – without hurting someone we used to have romantic feelings for and may still very much like as a person. So we tiptoe around the decomposing corpse until the stench can’t be ignored any longer.

This relationship is dead, LOOP: You no longer accept each other, you ignore each other, and the sex dried up a year ago. On top of all that, LOOP, you don’t believe in monogamy and she can’t tolerate betrayals. Even if your relationship weren’t dead – and if it isn’t dead, LOOP, it’s so close you need to slap a Do Not Resuscitate order on its chart – you two aren’t a match. End the relationship, do your best to salvage the exceptional friendship, and stop letting all that semen go to waste.

English is not my mother tongue.

Bear with me. I’m bisexual, age 26 – I always knew I was, but like many bi girls, I ended up with guys. I had a long, serious relationship with a man when I was young and only started exploring my sexuality after I found the guts to leave him. Then I fell in love with a girl. She’s a lesbian, and after a long and hard-fought chase, I finally got her. It’s been two months, I came out to my parents (whom I live with, adults living at home is acceptable in my culture, don’t judge), and they did not exactly welcome the news. But all would seem to be going well: I love a girl, she loves me, my

parents let us be. Problem is, I want [rooster]. I want a man to grab me and have sex with me. I’ve had the chance to do it and didn’t, because I wanted to respect the exclusivity of my relationship. My girlfriend knows about my doubts but says they are part of “questioning my non-heterosexuality.” I don’t want to leave her, because she’s my princess and my goddess, and I want to adore her for eternity. But I worry about bad judgment and impulses. Where do I go from here?

Wanting A Dick Those aren’t doubts, WAD. They’re desires. You know what you want: You want your girlfriend, you want [rooster], you want a man to grab you, and you want to continue questioning – and shaping and defining – your non-heterosexuality. The problem, WAD, isn’t that you don’t know what you want, it’s that you don’t know how to fuse all these wants into a coherent identity.

(Possible answer: “bisexual, lesbo-amorous, likely non-monogamous.”)

There are plenty of options you and your girlfriend can explore – together or separately. Get a fake [rooster] and use it together. If that doesn’t slake your hunger for [rooster], maybe your girlfriend would be up for a threesome.

If she’s not DTFAGWY (down to [eff] a guy with you), discuss whether an open relationship is a possibility down the road.

That said, WAD, you and the Princess Goddess you worked so hard to land have only been together two months. If you’re wrecked over your need for [rooster] at this early stage – if you’re not able to focus on her alone at eight weeks – maybe sexual exclusivity isn’t the right choice for you.

Dan Savage is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist writing for The Stranger in Seattle. Contact him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter and listen to his podcast every week at savagelovecast.com.

18 | Thursday, February 2, 2017 •• ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[visual]

[happening]

Dialogue-inducing art during times of political turmoil

For a complete list of all Snowdown events, go to www.snowdown.org.

»» Collaborative

Reaction/Action will change daily at Studio &

Walk into Studio & and you’ll be greeted by a subtle window sign that reads, “All races, all religions, all countries of origin, all sexual orientations, all genders – you are safe and welcome here.”

It shows the inclusive vibe of this clean, well-lit place.

Thursday Hula dance, 10 a.m., Room 24, Smiley Building, 1309 East Third Ave., 4035402.

There are a dozen or so canvases planted within the installation that will be extracted and sold at the end of the exhibit. Half of the proceeds will be donated to the San Juan Citizen’s Alliance.

The opening reception will be held from 5 to 9 p.m. on Friday, Feb. 24.

Information: www.anddurango. com

Where: Studio &, 1027 Main Ave. Cost: Free

a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery, 601 Main Ave., 385-0122.

Durango Brewing Co., 3000 Main Ave., 247-3396.

First Thursdays Art Walk, 5-7 p.m., participating

Irish music jam session, 12:30 p.m., Irish

Tim Sullivan, 7-11 p.m.,

Jack Ellis, 7-11 p.m., The

—— Patty Templeton

Henry Stoy piano, 10

Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, www.theirishembassypub.com.

Blue Moon Ramblers,

5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 2474431.

Jazz church experienced musician session, 6 p.m., Derailed Pour

Useless Knowledge Bowl Trivia+, 7 p.m.,

The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Open Mic, 8 p.m., Moe’s,

937 Main Ave., 259-9018.

Wednesday Greg Ryder, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Acoustic jam, 6-8 p.m.,

Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

House, 725 Main Ave., 2475440, www.derailedpourhouse.com.

Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, www.theirishembassypub.com.

Beer bingo, 8 p.m., Moe’s,

Joel Racheff, 7-11 p.m.,

Geeks Who Drink trivia, 6:30 p.m., BREW Pub &

937 Main Ave., 259-9018.

Karaoke with DJ Crazy Charlie, 9 p.m., Wild Horse

Saloon, 601 East Second Ave., 375-2568.

Karaoke, 9 p.m., 8th Ave-

nue Tavern, 509 East Eighth Ave., 259-8801.

The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., 8th Ave-

nue Tavern, 509 East Eighth Ave., 259-8801.

Monday Four Corners Arts Forum, 9 a.m., KDUR

Friday

91.9/93.9 FM, www.kdur.org.

Aldrich Art Valentine’s Season Trunk Show, 5-7

People’s Practice in the Park, 12:30 p.m., Buck-

p.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Ace Revel, 5:30-10 p.m.,

Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

New dancer square dancing program,

6-7:30 p.m., Durango La Plata County Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave., 884-1338.

Dustin Burley, 7-11 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Open Mic, 7-11 p.m.,

Steaming Bean, downstairs at the Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, www. thebean.com.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., 8th Ave-

nue Tavern, 509 East Eighth Ave., 259-8801.

Saturday Henry Stoy piano, 10

a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery, 601 Main Ave., 385-0122.

For details, hit up www.anddurango. com.

Co., 225 Girard St., 247-5792, www.facebook.com/supertedstriviaatskabrewing.

Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., www.durangoarts.org.

Dodgeball, 6:30 p.m., Durango Community Recreation Center, 2700 Main Ave., 403-0614.

When: 5 -7 p.m., Thursday, Feb. 2

nue Tavern, 509 East Eighth Ave., 259-8801.

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6:12 p.m., Ska Brewing

Sunday

Tim Sullivan, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Feb. 23, an artist will add to the installation. More than 30 artists of varied political backgrounds will weave their voices into the visual dialogue.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., 8th Ave-

Main Ave., 403-1200, www. thebean.com.

“Photography from the Inside Out” art workshop, 10 a.m.-noon,

galleries, www.durangoarts. org.

Studio &’s newest exhibit is Reaction/Action: A Collaborative Response to Uncertain Times. It is a work dedicated to sparking political, communal, and internal conversation (instead of a heated debate) in the wake of the new U.S. administration. Tim Kapustka, part owner of Studio &, said, “The power is in the artists working, but it’s not just that. It’s in the people who come in and say, ‘Oh my gosh, this makes me think.’ People are falling on both sides of the fence. We aren’t sitting here piling on [Trump]. It’s a Courtesy of Studio & dialogue ... Four people from »» From Durango guerrilla artist Wu Wallace, who Dallas came in. They maybe opens his show Ghetto Cupid onThursday. didn’t agree with what a lot of these artists are saying, Also at & but one out of the four stayed after his friends left and said, ‘Listen, I’m conDurango guerrilla artist servative. But I want to talk about this.’

Wu Wallace opens his That’s the gist of it.” show Ghetto Cupid: Pen and ink alternative love Reaction/Action is the sort of exhibit letters from the gutter in you can visit multiple times because it Studio &’s Recess Gallery is ever-morphing. Every day through

Greg Ryder, 7-11 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Black Velvet Duo,

5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 2474431.

ley Park, 247-8395, www. turtlelakerefuge.org.

Happy Hour Yoga,

5:30-6:30 p.m., Ska Brewing Co., 225 Girard St., www. skabrewing.com.

Joel Racheff, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Spoken Word, 7-9 p.m.,

Steaming Bean, downstairs at the Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, www. thebean.com.

Rob Webster, 7-11 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Tuesday “Cut Loose with Pastels” art workshop,

10 a.m.-noon, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., www.durangoarts.org.

Terry Rickard, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Acoustic jam, 6-9 p.m.,

Steaming Bean, downstairs at the Irish Embassy Pub, 900

Kitchen, 117 West College Drive, 259-5959.

Pub quiz, 6:30 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, www.theirishembassypub.com.

Two-step and waltz lessons, 6:30-7:30 p.m.,

$10, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 East Second Ave., 799-8832.

Craig Childs presentation and book signing,

7-9 p.m., Fort Lewis College Community Concert Hall, www.fortlewis.edu.

Terry Rickard, 7-11 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Pingpong and poker tournament, 8 p.m.,

Moe’s, 937 Main Ave., 2599018.

Karaoke with DJ Crazy Charlie, 9 p.m., Wild Horse

Saloon, 601 East Second Ave., 375-2568.

Submissions To submit listings for publication in DGO and www.dgomag. com, visit www.swscene.com, click “Add Your Event,” enter the event info into the form, and submit. Listings at www. swscene.com will appear on www.dgomag.com and in our weekly print edition. Posting an event on www.swscene.com is free and takes one day to process.

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Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Your enthusiasm for something will make bosses and parents sit up and listen. Just make sure your ideas are doable and realistic. Nevertheless, enthusiasm is contagious!

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You’re excited about big travel plans because you want to go places! You also will enjoy studying lofty topics and having profound discussions about philosophy, religion and politics.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) If you have to decide how to divide an inheritance or share something this week, you will be more than generous.

This is why you must be sure to take care of your own best interests.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

Bizarro

Conversations with partners and close

friends are upbeat and friendly this week. You’re in the mood to schmooze and have fun!

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22) You have great ideas at work this week because you are enthusiastic about something. You will find it easy to get others to climb on board and endorse what you want to do. Work-related travel is likely.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) This is a playful, fun-loving week! Make plans to socialize with others. Enjoy sports events, fun activities with children and romantic get-togethers. Have fun!

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) You have big plans this week about future repairs for where you live. However, this also is a great week to have the gang over for good food and drink.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) You are optimistic this week. You’re pondering big ideas and big projects. This is all well and good, but just make sure that what you want to do is doable.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) This is a great week for business and commerce. Whatever you do this week could possibly boost your income because you have moneymaking ideas.

future and your upcoming plans. You value your privacy today.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) This is a great week to hang out with younger people and have fun. You will enjoy interacting with clubs, groups and associations. You feel positive about your future goals.

BORN THIS WEEK

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)

You are independent, and you also are sensitive and affectionate. You want to be loved. You are imaginative and wonderfully creative. Take advantage of opportunities that present themselves this year, because this is the year you’ve been waiting for. Expect a major change, perhaps as significant as what occurred around 2006. It’s time to test your future!

This is a pleasant week! Whatever you do, you will feel confident about the

© 2017 King Features Syndicate Inc.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) This week, Mercury is in your sign, dancing with lucky moneybags Jupiter. This makes you full of big ideas. Others will be attracted to your enthusiasm and positive frame of mind.

weekly bestsellers Jan. 22-28 »»1. Apocalyptic Planet, by Craig Childs (Paperback) »»2. The Wishing World, by Todd Fahnestock (Hardcover) »»3. Indelible, by Adelia Saunders (Hardcover) »»4. What We Do Now: Standing Up for Your Values in Trump’s America, by Dennis Johnson and Valerie

Merians (editors)(Paperback) »»5. Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race, by Margot Lee Shetterly

(Paperback) »»6. The Soul of an Octopus, by Sy Montgomery (Paperback) »»7. Rules of Civility, by Amor Towles (Paperback) »»8. The Greatest Escapes of World War Two, by Robert Barr Smith (Paperback) »»9. A Man Called Ove, by Fredrik Backman (Paperback) »»10. Milk and Honey, by Rupi Kaur (Paperback)

22 | Thursday, February 2, 2017 •• ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[Expert Advice on Trivial Affairs]

Get Smart | Cyle Talley

On fermented foods If your gut’s got you groaning, perhaps you ought to listen to Nicole Tribble, owner of The Living Tree, tell you about brine solution, Hippocrates, and what sounds like a really great kim chi.

Are fermented foods a thing?

Fermented foods became a passion of mine [when] I was studying nutrition in California, and was really involved in food politics working at cooperatives and markets. I came across some information about how food used to be consumed before refrigeration, which led me to looking at the benefits of increasing and improving your microbiome – that’s your gut – health.

I began to see that we live in an oversterilized culture where we rely heavily on antibiotic soap, pasteurization, and everything being clean. It was multifaceted for me because, at the same time, I was learning about soil health. Soil health directly ties into fermented foods because the crust of the soil is where the lactobacillus lives, which is what fuels fermented foods.

How does one make fermented foods?

Fermented food is anything put into a brine – saltwater – which then becomes sour as it reacts to the lactobacillus. That’s what makes [fermented food] taste pickled. When we till our soil and turn it under, we kill that bacteria. There’s lots of good stuff in the dirt. Not to say that you ought to eat clumps of it, but just that our food doesn’t need to be polished clean so that there’s nothing left on it. That’s where the good bacteria is, and it comes from good soil.

environment is not healthy because when something comes in, the body doesn’t have the antibodies developed and built up to be able to fight those things off. Our immune system freaks out. But, if you get a little bit each day, your immune system recognizes it and says, “Oh, this is what we do. We fight this. No big deal.” So we have good bacteria that fights the bad. Then a couple of years ago, I got even more into learning about how your gut health is connected to your brain and your endocrine system. They’re finding that poor microbiome health leads to depression, anxiety, potentially ADHD, and other emotional and mental disorders.

How long do the vegetables stay in brine solution?

It varies. When people were eating like this as a rule and not the exception, they kept their food in the root cellar in what would be called a continuous feed.

They’d have a big crock of sauerkraut and would just add to it as they went. Now, the difference between fermented food and pickling is that fermented food has to be kept at cold temperatures. That’s how pickling came about – getting the same flavor components as you would with fermentation, but allowing it to have shelf life by being canned.

Does pickling have the same nutritional value as fermenting?

It definitely doesn’t. You’re using vinegar instead of brine solution, and it doesn’t have the same live cultures that comes from the lactobacillus.

The good bacteria?

So wait, you add the brine solution and lactobacillus?

Bacteria supports our immune system, and I think that there is a misconception that says, “If I take in any bacteria, it’s going to be bad for me.” But actually what it does is create a response in our immune system. It makes us healthier. Living in an oversterilized

The lactobacillus comes off of the vegetables themselves. See, it all goes back to soil health. If you’re growing in poor soil that doesn’t have good top soil, or it’s being sprayed for pesticides, fungicides and stuff, you’re changing the soil health.

What effects have fermented foods had on your diet?

Digestion. I feel like I fully digest the food, therefore, I don’t get that eat-and-then-take-a-nap feeling. I personally really like how it tastes, too. I never really had a lot of immune system issues, but it’s been years since either my husband or I have been sick.

How time-intensive are we talking?

The biggest part of it is just prepping the vegetables.

Once you get those cut up and prepped, it’s super easy. It sits for a couple of days, you check it now and again. The cool thing is that you can make the flavor as intense as you want – a really sour vinegar or really mild. You can play around with different vegetables, different combinations. And you don’t have to work in big batches either. It can be done in a Mason jar!

Do you need training?

You really don’t. There are lots of good cookbooks and tons of blogs. This trend started to really take off about five years ago, and there are lots of people out there exchanging knowledge. “Try this!” or “This didn’t work at all.” There’s SO much information out there.

What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen fermented?

We’re going to start doing a kim chi that’s done the way they do it in Vietnam. I have a Vietnamese Chicken Salad on the menu that has kim chi on it, which is a bit of a faux pas because Korea and Vietnam don’t like each other, and I’ve been thinking that Korea can’t be the only place that does kim chi. I was doing some research and found that Vietnam does make kim chi – they put pineapple in it! It’s going to be that awesome Vietnamese combo of hot and sweet. I can’t wait to see how that turns out.

Cyle Talley likes those pink hats pretty well. If there’s something you’d like to GET SMART about, email him at: cyle@cyletalley.com

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