Time To Get Into Wine by Ballantine Communications

art entertainment food drink music nightlife Thursday, May 4, 2017

DGO TIME TO GET INTO WINE

All the basics you need to know, from popular types and how to taste, to vocab and food pairings

Plus: Beer Fatigue,

wine movies anyone can enjoy, and food/ drink pairings that go beyond vino

dgomag.com

Also: Eagle attack videos, Justin Cronin talks â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Passageâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and TV, and killing cancer with cannabis

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DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 2 Number 28

May the 4th (be with you), 2017

Chief Executive Officer

10 Food pairing not just for wine and beer anymore

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Finance and Operations

Limiting yourself to two pairing-beverages will close the door to a myriad of other palate-pleasing combinations.

Bob Ganley V.P. of Advertising David Habrat V.P. of Marketing

From the Editor

Love it or Hate it

Sound

Downtown Lowdown

Founding Editors

16 Want a sweet grow come fall? Better start now

Amy Maestas David Holub Editor/ creative director

It’s the perfect time to start a grow project for this season. We have the basics of what should be done over the next few weeks to set up for a bountiful autumn harvest.

David Holub dholub@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Staff writer Patty Templeton ptempleton@bcimedia.com Contributors

Vintage Durango

Beer

16 Weed

Alexi Grojean

Justin Cronin talks Geezus H. Vampire Christ! Justin Cronin, author of “The Passage” trilogy, will speak at the Durango Public Library’s Literary Festival on Thursday, May 4. We chatted with him about his epic thriller being adapted for TV.

Meggie J Bryant Liggett “The Real” Jon E. Lynch Sean Moriarty Cooper Stapleton Cyle Talley Robert Alan Wendeborn

Elevated Discourse

375-4570

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

18 Savage Love

23 ‘I stare at the machine hard, like I’m expecting it to do something wrong’ Ryan Mott, on roasting beans at 81301, and doing a good job or not doing it at all.

20 DGO Deals 22 Horoscope/ puzzles 22 Pages 23 First Person

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Advertising Reader Services

Seeing Through 16 the Smoke

19 Happening

Katie Cahill

247-3504

Album Reviews 7

Kricket Lewis

Christopher Gallagher

When Beer Fatigue hit, the answer was ... rosé? What to do when Beer Fatigue hits? After he saw a colleague ordering rosé after rosé, First Draughts columnist Robert Alan Wendeborn got hooked on rosé, as well.

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ON THE COVER DGO: Where dreams come to life ... since 2015! David Holub/DGO

Tell us what you think! Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know? Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

Correction Our April 27 story “Cannabis dispensary guide to Southwest Colorado” contained inaccurate information about The Greenery’s loyalty card. That information should be disregarded. —— DGO �� Thursday, May 4, 2017 | 3

@dg

[CTRL-A]

[ love it or hate

David Holub |DGO editor

Camping Love it

When eagles attack: I dove into this internet wormhole of carnage

obody knows how, but last week, I went down an interweb wormhole and ended up watching a seven-minute YouTube video of eagles attacking large mammals. Set to rather uplifting, motivational music more fitting for a documentary about an against-all-odds marathon runner, the video showed eagles dragging and wrestling with goats three times their size down mountains, as well as simply flying off with baby mountain goats. In the most memorable scene, three wolf pups tussle like wolf pups do, just as you’d see in many a nature documentary. Except where the normal nature documentary would cut and show other baby mammals scrapping adorably, an eagle swoops in and takes one of the wolf pups rather effortlessly. Being a lover of birds and especially fascinated with raptors, I couldn’t help but root for the eagles. But the whole thing made me feel a bit icky. The video was pure gratuitousness, making no effort at educational value; there was no British-sounding naturalist narrating or anything to learn about why eagles sometimes engage in such behavior (beyond the implied “food”). I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. But the most surprising thing: I couldn’t stop talking about it. Documentaries are probably my favorite film genre and nature docs are one of my favorite sub-genres. But when reputable doc makers – your “National Geographics” and “Natures” – show animals fighting, it’s usually interspecies quarrels or underdogs winning or fending off, like the wildebeest mother fending off a pack of teethy wild dogs from a newborn wildebeest in a there’sno-way-he’s-going-to-get-out-of-this-one triumph. But this eagle video had none of that, just the biggest bro-sounding bro narrating in a check-this-out manner. The response I got from friends and colleagues about the video varied from intrigue to laughter to horror. One colleague shared an admitted likely-suburban-legend of dozens of pet collars found in a giant eagle’s nest from a fallen tree, which prompted me to check out the authenticity of such tales. And thus, another wormhole. The short answer: Yes, it definitely has and

Watch at DGOmag.com For links to all the videos and articles mentioned in this column, go to dgomag.com. Except the clothed chimpanzee one. That one may or may not exist.

Mainly because of a lack of gear, the camping I’ve done throughout my life has essentially been car camping. Pooh-pooh that if you will (make sure you bring a shovel), but I absolutely love it. Here are a few reasons: »»Once everything has been hauled from the car, the tent set up, bedding situated, the fire started with all the wood you’re going to need stacked nearby, then falling into a camp chair with a cooler full of ice and adult beverages sitting nearby and nothing else in the world. »»Wearing clothes and hat to bed, cinched up in a sleeping bag and waking up in the morning, nose and eyelids almost frozen. »»Even when it rains, being forced into the tent to play cards.

does happen. But to calm your fears, North American eagles are not likely to carry away Socks or Scruffy. The two eagles we see around here – bald and golden – really have no interest in such a struggle. Golden eagles prey primarily on rabbits, squirrels, and prairie dogs. Bald eagles’ first choice is fish, other birds, and things that are already dead. Or, as Audubon.org says, “anything they don’t have to chase.” In a story from the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, biologist Ron Clarke said eagles flying at top speed in an open area could pick up prey weighing 6 or 8 pounds but probably nothing more. That doesn’t stop the videos though, even if they’re fake. A 2012 video titled “Golden Eagle Snatches Kid” with 45.2 million views, was actually made by students at Montreal’s National Animation and Design Center. The number of non-fake “eagles attack” videos, many with vengeful heavy metal soundtracks, would fill an entire evening easy (“TOP 15 Best eagle attacks in the world Vs(lion,Cat,Dog,Duck,Rabbit,Snake,Wolf,Goat..Etc” – 10.5 million views). Even the most educational, nature-centric videos starring eagles can turn gruesome. Last year, viewers of a bald eagle cam belonging to the Audubon Society of Western Pennsylvania were horrified when one of the eagles – gasp – brought a kitten back to the nest in real time for all to see. Gratuitous, just-the-action-please videos clearly have an audience, which says nothing of value. Because, you know, there’s also a video of a clothed chimpanzee conducting a Beethoven sonata while a dachshund barks at, chews, and then eats a bassoon ... with 45.6 million views and counting. However, the eagles attack video got me talking and sharing, and, ultimately, led me to information where I actually did learn something about eagles and what and why they attack. And after all, that’s nature, the circle of life. So here’s to the internet. Somebody’s got to watch it.

»»Walking away from the fire so you can look at the biggest stars you’ve ever seen. »»Finding that perfect hidden spot to pee, so covert and shielded that you feel free to take your time even with active campers nearby. »» When the sun goes down and there’s absolutely nothing to do but sit by a fire and tell stories. »» Cooking. Over a fire. On a camp stove. Knowing that pretty much anything you eat will be the best thing you’ve ever had because, you know, camping makes you camping-hungry. »» When there is no sound. At all. —— David Holub

Hate it Bugs. Sunburns. Waking up at the crack of dawn because I’m sweating my tits off. No internet. Seeing a massive shadow of a bear across zipped flaps while I’m in pajamas. Bad cell service. Not having a shower or having to flip-flop it into a rusty den of poisonous spiders and water-sputtering. Clogging my pores with mega sunscreen. Being expected to enjoy mucking up mountains or across lakes instead of just reading the latest Richard Kadrey novel in the shade. PORTA POTTIES. Ugh. Eris, save me from these evils. I do not like camping. I can do it, but you better give me a damn good reason to not sleep on a soft bed – like, for example, the Muddy Roots Music Festival. I will eagerly “rough it” for four days of weirdo roots music in a Cookeville, Tennessee, field. But, if camping doesn’t include bands like The Goddamn Gallows, the Drunken Cuddle, or The Monsters, no damn thanks. The great outdoors ain’t my church, music is. Camping can suck it – unless, I’m on Chicago Hill at Muddy Roots with Joe the Cop and Hot Amanda grilling me veggies, Rude Joe talking history, ShawnaBanana dancing by the fire, and the sound of the Calamity Cubes wafting our way. —— Patty Templeton

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[pages]

JUSTIN CRONIN TALKS ‘THE PASSAGE’ AND TV

»» Author to

appear at Durango Public Library’s Literary Festival

Geezus H. Vampire Christ, “The Passage” is a damn fine book. It’s a doorstopper of a read with deep characters and a full-tilt apocalyptic plot. The first in a completed trilogy, “The Passage” establishes a near-future world ravaged by a contagious virus that leaves its victims in a vampire-like state. From there, one world dies and another is born. Justin Cronin, the author of “The Passage” trilogy, will speak at the Durango Public Library’s Literary Festival on Thursday, May 4. DGO chatted with him about his epic thriller being adapted for TV. “The Passage” trilogy is coming to TV. What excites you most about the project? I think TV is so good now. Film is a director’s medium and TV has become a writer’s medium. TV is natural for ensemble storytelling and for telling a big story. Television is also a very good way to bring people to the books. Television is around for a long time, assuming the show is successful enough to stay around. Movies come and go, now. Half the movies I want to see are gone from the theaters before I can see them. Whereas television is one of our great cultural pleasures. Good television is kind of like Dickens used to be. It’s episodic and we can all go down to the pier and await the next chapter of “David Copperfield.” The people involved are very good. They’re smart. They’re doing a great job. They’re going to shoot the pilot in June, I believe. It happens fast. When they push the go-button on television, it happens very quickly. The emphasis [is] on character, story, and writing, and it’s happening. I’ve seen the latest version of the pilot. I’m going to go to the shooting of the pilot. I’ve never been on the set of shooting anything [laughs]. It’s all new to me, as well; it’s a different experience for me. What would make the TV project a success for you? I think if it is well-written, well-acted, and captures the feeling of the books, as well as its characters and the historical sweep of the story.

GO! See Justin Cronin at the Durango Public Library Literary Festival When: Reception at 5:30 p.m. Thursday, May 4. Justin Cronin speaks at 7 p.m. Where: Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave. Free/all ages Information: www.durangopubliclibrary.org

Courtesy of www.facebook.com/justincroninauthor

More at DGOmag.com To see what Justin Cronin has to say on the direction he sees his writing going, as well as advice for writers struggl;ing with plot, go to DGOmag.com to read the full interview.

The whole purpose of the project was to show the human reality behind what eventually becomes a religion, a deep cultural pedigree, an important legend to a whole culture. I hope that the television show can capture some of that, over time. Also, the way the characters feel about each other. It’s really a love story in all of love’s forms: Parents and children, friends, lovers, husbands and wives, people who place great value on one another and that’s their strength and why they’re survivors. What will you bring to the show as a co-producer? My involvement is that I’m a consultant. It may evolve over time. I’m not a writer for the show. They have a showrunner, someone who understands the structure of television. I understand writing novels pretty well, but you have the business of television that I don’t know. The thing I bring to the party is an encyclopedic knowledge of the story. If you’re going to translate something into a visual medium, some things have to change. Not every element or character can be incorporated. I can look at decisions that are being made and say, “That’s fine, but have you considered that down the road, you’ll have to compensate for x and y?”

The domino effect? Right. I am the only guy with the whole thing in his head. It’s the only thing I’ve thought about for 10 years besides getting my kids to their swimming lessons. So, I can figure out corners other people can’t. In that sense, I think I’m a helpful resource. I just want to help them make as good of a television series as they can. First, to make a great pilot so that the show gets picked up and then to make a great season so other seasons get ordered. Do you know the scope of the first season yet? I don’t actually know, yet. The pilot’s been written. We’re working on the show bible now. Everyone’s in a hurry to get to the pilot right now. That has to be an epic series bible. It is. It is. My guess is that they won’t get through the first novel in a season. I don’t think you can get through this story in three seasons. I think it is larger than that. Was there anything that didn’t make it into the books that you want in the show? No, I don’t think so, not for the show, but I explored the idea of writing at least one other book of perhaps stories from this world that are significant, but for reasons of narrative logic couldn’t make it into any of the books. This interview was edited and condensed for clarity. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

�� Thursday, May 4, 2017 | 5

[democracy]

[sound]

Trump is a historic liar FROM THE FILES OF

What you need to know President Trump has lied more in his first 100 days than any other president.

NOT NORMAL

Why this is not normal

In “The Art of the Deal,” Donald Trump’s ghostwriter coined the term “truthful hyperbole.” The book said, “People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular ... It’s an innocent form of exaggeration – and it’s a very effective form of promotion.” Except truthful hyperbole is lying and Trump has been tallied with telling 488 false or misleading claims in his first 100 days, according to fact checkers for the Washington Post. The problem with a president lying 4.8 times a day and usually repeating the same lies over and over is that people have a tendency to believe a lie that has been repeated to them. It is called “illusory truth” and the idea was coined in the 1970s. The more Trump repeats that the New York Times is failing, the more people believe it. The more that he repeats that immigrants are marring the U.S. economy, the more people believe him. Illusory truth causes cognitive overload. Our brains can handle sifting through only so many false statements at one time. When faced with a constant stream of falsehoods, an overburdened brain stops sifting through falsehoods and absorbs them instead. Trump has built his life on overburdening people’s ability to sort through his BS and that’s his strategy for the presidency, too. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

Chatham County Line just keeps rising

hey’ve been busy knocking off milestones throughout their careers. Eight albums, seven of which were released on the indie-minded record label Yep Roc. Appearances at some of the most respected bluegrass festivals nationwide. Recognition here in the States for their brand of bluegrass and acoustic music and perhaps even more recognition in Europe. This summer, they’ll scratch playing the Red Rocks stage off the milestone list when they open for The Avett Brothers. It’s been a career-climbing trajectory that has been working for Chatham County Line, the Raleigh, North Carolina-based band that will pull back into Durango next week, playing at the Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College on Wednesday, May 10. “We’ve always been on this slightly upward arc, where we just keep getting better gigs year after year. New people keep discovering us; the same people keep coming back. Going to Europe and being successful, doing the Jools Holland show over there, getting to play Merlefest the first time, and we checked Telluride off our list,” said banjo player Chandler Holt. “All these things are not lost on us; just the fact that I’m married, have a kid, own a house, and other guys can say that, too. We’ve always been more long-term and career-focused, and not trying to just strive to do anything to claw our way to the top. We do this one thing, and there’s a certain amount of people that just recognize it and want us to keep doing it. They give us flexibility to try what we want to do, but maintain this same kind of feel with the music with it still changing. I think for us artistically, professionally, monetarily, it’s largely worked as a long-game kind of plan.” For Holt, it all started over a decade ago at North Carolina State University. He had been friends with mandolin and fiddle player John

Patrick Shanahan/Courtesy Chatham County Line

Bryant’s best Thursday, May 4: KSUT presents The Black Lillies, 7:30 p.m. $25. Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. Information: 375-7160. Wednesday, May 10: Bluegrass with Chatham County Line and The Badly Bent, 7:30 p.m. $19/$24. Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College, 1000 Rim Drive. Information: 247-7657. Teer, and a tape of J.D. Crowe and Tony Rice started his love of bluegrass. He had been a fan of classic rock in the roots vain, digging on The Grateful Dead and The Band, but it was that tape that was likely cranked in a moving vehicle that pushed him to pursue the banjo and bluegrass. He met bass player Greg Readling and guitar player Dave Wilson at a party, and was taken with Wilson’s songwriting. The band came soon after. They may be the least bluegrass

band playing in the bluegrass world, a quartet with the approach and mindset of bluegrass and its traditions, but also leaning into acoustic rock steered by the stellar songwriting of Wilson. It’s tales of history, homages to musical heroes, ballads, and laid-back numbers that are bubbling over with hooks. They do the single-microphone thing and the delicate and fun-to-watch dance around the microphone, all while showcasing the songs and musicianship. “We’ve never tried to be a hardcore traditional band. There was a day where we asked, ‘Can we just be more like the Del McCoury band?’ because that’s probably one of our favorite bluegrass bands ever, and it was early on,” said Holt. “But we said, we don’t excel at playing this type of music, so we said we’ll leave that with them and do our thing.” Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@ fortlewis.edu.

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[sound] What’s new Mac DeMarco,“This Old Dog” Available: Friday, May 5, via Captured Tracks in a variety of audio options: Digital download in various formats, cassette tape, compact disc ,and a gatefold jacket-packaged LP. There is an extra-snazzy, exceptionally-limited edition LP version limited to 4,000 (likely sold-out) copies with an alternate artwork gatefold jacket packaging and an “ombre vinyl pressing,” which comes in a variety of vinyl colorways that will be totally unknown to the purchaser until opened. Sounds as though most are combinations of yellow, blue, and green. I think it is about time that MacBriare Samuel Lanyon DeMarco gets his comeuppance. The wonderfully aloof and off kilter signature sound of DeMarco’s

New at

May 5 The Sword,“Greetings From…” After dropping two albums last year, the Austin stoner metal giants return with their first-ever live album. The track list includes some of my favorites, like “The Chronomancer I: Hubris” from their seminal album “Warp Riders” and “Tres Brujas” from the same record, along with a few favorites from the new records. When they play live, The Sword is one of those bands that does not stray too far from the record. Whether that is a good thing or not is up to the listener. The two times I’ve seen them, they ripped, and this live album does well to show that off. Taj Mahal and Keb Mo, “Tajmo” Easily one of the biggest blues releases of the past decade, “Tajmo” brings together two generations of bluesmen who have never done a proper collaboration until now. The album has six original cuts, as well as a smattering of covers of some surprising artists like John Mayer. The recording is as down to earth as you’d imagine it to be, and these two legends play off each other brilliantly. If you aren’t a fan of their brand of blues, preferring rip-roaring electric

previous records is best on display in “This Old Dog,” his fifth studio LP. His lyrics are heartfelt and genuine while simultaneously hilarious and coyly self-effacing. His aww-shucks grin is Alfred E. Neuman incarnate. Tracks such as “Moonlight on the River” dip into found sounds, ethereal hums, and a saccharine coo perfected. ”For the First Time” and “Dreams From Yesterday” each seem to feature his signature hybrid Mosrite/Teisco guitar and “that” tonal quality that is now, more or less, solely his. Well, his and an AM radio quality of yesteryear. Perhaps the first great album to soundtrack

blues like Joe Bonamassa, I don’t think this will change your mind. But if you want something with a classic sound, this one has it. Chris Stapleton,“From A Room Volume 1” After leaving the Steeldrivers a few years back, Stapleton took the country world by storm and proved that the genre as a whole isn’t lost in its Budweiser-fueled identity crisis. Even though “Tennessee Whiskey” is overplayed to hell, all of the songs on his last album, “Traveller,” are wonderful reminders that there is actual power in country music and that it isn’t all jeans and trucks and corporate sponsorship. His new album, a two-parter, I am happy to confirm, continues this mindset. It gets a little louder at times, incorporating blues-rock tinges to amp up some emotional moments. Add in some punctuation from duets with his wife and frequent collaborator Morgane Hayes-Stapleton and you have a winner.

bled vocals. “Thin Black Duke” is their first album in about 10 years, and it comes back with a slow smolder only they could provide. I’ve been looking forward to this one for a while, really since I first got introduced to the ideas of avant garde music by my dear friend

your summer. Slacker vibes, lazy floats, sunny backyards (or decks!), dust motes and train-coal haze. If you didn’t snatch a limited LP straight from him/his record label, head to your local record store posthaste. Recommended for fans of Steely Dan, Hall & Oates (meant as a 100 percent irony-free compliment) Deerhunter/Atlas Sound, Daniel Johnston, Ariel Pink, or Kurt Vile. — Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu

and old co-worker Travis when I was a youngin’. Go and listen to “Cold and Well-Lit Place.” If it intrigues you, check out the record. If you don’t like it, it probably wasn’t meant to be. —— Cooper Stapleton

Oxbow,“Thin Black Duke” This one is the odd one out this week. Oxbow is an experimental rock band from San Francisco, fronted by one of my performance and writing idols Eugene S. Robinson. (Seriously, go read “FIGHT”; it is amazing). It is hard to get across what Oxbow is about in words. Imagine a blend of Jesus Lizard noise rock, contemporary jazz with a dash of chamber music thrown in for good measure, with an exclamation point provided by Robinson’s strangely-war-

256550

�� Thursday, May 4, 2017 | 7

[Vintage Durango]

»» Illustration for women’s dress suits in the Feb. 9, 1919, Durango Democrat.

Beware, lady, you’re in trousers! Nice lady, I don’t know if you know this, but you’re wearing trousers. Actually, you aren’t but it looks to me as if you might be a 1919 newspaper man because I can’t wrap my mind around a dress with a waistcoat or cuffs. Shocking, really, a woman in almost-pants. Though these are examples of dresses, similar frocks that contained cleverly-concealed pants first debuted in the 1850s. A Rational Dress Society even formed in England in 1881. At the time, women wore up to 14 pounds of undergarments as part of their underskirts. Not only did bulky garments weigh a woman down, they swept up street juices and trash. Gross. It’s no wonder that streamlined dresses and trousers became the goto garb for gals. Fans of costume dramas (and hell yes I watch costume dramas) may remember Lady Sybil in high-end harem pants in “Downton Abbey.” If a wave of a molasses could flood downtown Boston, killing 21 people, a woman had a right to run from it in a sensible outfit (i.e. the 1919 Boston Molasses Disaster). Hip-hip-huzzah for women in pants. Now to work on pockets that aren’t fake or tiny... —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer 258050

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[beer]

Tues - Fri Lunch Specials: 12:00 - 3:30 Lunches under $10 First Draughts | Robert Alan Wendeborn

Pint Day

rs on T Bee ap 8 3

MON & THURS

When Beer Fatigue hit, the answer was ... rosé?

Robert Alan Wendeborn is a former cellar operator at Ska Brewing and current lead cellar operator at Tin Roof Brewing in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

that got me going on rosé, as well. I’ve even had a hard time shaking the personal craze for rosé since returning. I’ve probably drank a half dozen bottles of rosé in the last two weeks, and I’ve settled on some favorites and have some introductory thoughts on the girly pink liquid. First, what is it about rosé that makes it so good? Maybe it’s the growing warmth of the days, the nice tartness, balanced by the subtle tannins of a good dry rosé or maybe just the variety found in a style I’ve spent my entire life writing off. Doing more research into the style uncovers all kinds of history, various techniques to achieve the pinkish hue, and interesting anecdotes about the rise and fall of the style. Right now I’m really into either single grape rosé or single origin (appellation) rosé. The best known rosé is definitely White Zinfandel, which is a single grape rosé. Typically, these are slightly sweet, slightly tart, and slightly pink. Served chilled, it is super refreshing and easy to drink. It’s also incredibly consistent from label to label, producer to producer. You know what you’re going to get, so I advise against throwing down a bunch for a bottle of White Zin. When you get into other single grape or appellations of rosés, this is where things get interesting and fun, and there’s more than just an alcoholic beverage for warmer weather. There is Pinot Noir rosé, Cabernet Sauvignon rosé, rosé from Bordeaux and the Rhone Valley, Russian River rosé and Oregon rosé. It’s all this wide open subcategory of producers and techniques and origins and fruits being done to make one of the most refreshing summer beverages that can be as intellectual as you want. And if you don’t, you can even put a few ice cubes in your glass and no one will bat an eye.

hen I tell people that I work in a brewery, they always say, “Oh man, you must get so much free beer.” And yes, I do. I drink beer at work, I drink beer after work, I drink beer in my sleep. I drink beer so often that I get tired of beer. I get physically exhausted from drinking beer. I call it Beer Fatigue. It’s rare, but it happens from time to time. On a recent trip to Washington D.C. to flip off the White House attend the Craft Brewers Conference, I might have experienced the most severe case of beer fatigue in my life. There were beer samples on the trade room floor, lunch meetings over beers with suppliers, consultants, and old friends, and beer events all over town, lasting into the wee hours of the night. Beer Fatigue was inevitable. By Day 2 I was begging for Miller High Life. Anything to save my palette from a barrel-aged stout, a brett-fermented IPA, or one of the many, many tap takeovers by Ballast Point, Goose Island, or any of the other conglomobreweries. Some of the pallet-wrecking was fabulous: A rustic cider from the Basque Region of Spain, a mountain mashup of beer from Vermont and Wyoming, and the multiple nights of drinking from the sept of TRVE’s Acid Temple. Even still, eventually all I wanted was something simple, refreshing, and alcoholic. Day 2 did bring several High Lifes, and on Day 3 I found a cache of Natty Boh, or National Bohemian. National Bohemian is basically the PBR of Baltimore and goes perfectly with Chesapeake Bay cuisine. It goes well with other cuisines as well, but good luck finding it outside of Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania, or Delaware. There was a great bar with an outdoor area with cornhole and Natty Boh tall boys that really hit the spot. That same night, our head of sales, a gregarious young man from Mississippi, fell to his Beer Fatigue by ordering rosé after rosé. And

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[eat/drink]

Sean Moriarty | Special to DGO

Food pairing: It’s not just for wine and beer anymore

hen you think of pairing a beverage with your meal, what’s the first thing that pops into your head? I’ll bet most of you thought of wine, and the rest of you thought craft beer, both robust, sundry, and enjoyable choices. However, limiting yourself to two pairing-beverages will close the door to a myriad of other palate-pleasing combinations. I have been educating myself about pairing beer with food for the past five years or so, working closely with the brewers and certified cicerones at Steamworks Brewing Co. The cicerone certification program is akin to becoming a sommelier for wine, and incorporates flavor pairing in their

intermediate and advanced levels. During this time, I’ve learned a lot about the tenets of flavor pairing, and wanted to venture out into other beverages. To begin, it’s important to know that 80 percent of the flavors our brain registers come from our sense of smell. The other 20 percent is attributed to taste and mouthfeel. So, if you have a sinus condition, or lost your sense of smell in a bizarre gardening accident, food and drink pairing may not be for you.

Pairing basics There are a few ways you can go about this process. The first is to find similar flavors in the drinks as you do in the food. A Belgian Witbier, which

is brewed with coriander, pairs well with food prepared with the same spice. The second is to find something that contrasts with the dish. Foods with a lot of fat could be paired with a tangy white wine. The wine will cut through those fats, saving your palate from being overwhelmed so that every bite tastes like the first. The third, and most challenging and rewarding pairing, is executed by creating the “third flavor.” The “third flavor” is a unique, harmonious taste that is not found in either item by itself, but only when the two come together. When done right, you won’t be able to put your finger on what that “third flavor” is; all you’ll know is that it’s divine. My favorite example of this is carrot cake with an IPA.

Now that we have you up to speed, let’s ditch the vino and the suds and explore the multitude other options out there.

Cocktails I had my first experience with food and cocktail pairing while working for El Moro Spirits & Tavern. After I shot and edited a couple of pairing videos for their social media accounts featuring beer or wine, Assistant General Manager Lucas Hess suggested we try one with a cocktail. I was skeptical at first, and then, I had an epiphany. Cocktails are actually easier to pair with food than any other beverage. Why? Because you can control every Continued on Page 11

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[eat/drink]

had decals on them telling you which sodas paired with which “food” items. I didn’t want to take it seriously, but it turns out, chicken fries and Sprite are a match made in heaven. The possibilities are endless and you may run into some speed bumps along the way. Bad pairings akin to toothpaste and orange juice will no doubt occur, but it’s a small price to pay for the times that you truly find that “third flavor.” If you need a point of reference, start with one of my favorites, “Craft Beer & Food Pairing Guide” from CraftBeer.com. My advice is the same I got from one of my relatives when I headed off to college: “Explore ... and experiment.” Sean Moriarty managed and bartended for Steamworks Brewing Co. for nearly a decade. He is now a local digital marketing strategist for BCI Media who loves his wife, beer, and Batman very dearly.

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From Page 10

aspect of the flavor profile. Mixology, especially the meticulous kind practiced at El Moro, allows for a drink to be built from the foundation up with the flavors and aromas of the chosen dish in mind. There are a ton of crazy flavors you can match by simple trial and error that will truly dazzle your taste buds. If you want to try this at home, though, start simple. For example, if you’re making yourself some lemon chicken, have it with a Moscow Mule. The light poultry and lemon will go very well with the ginger beer.

Coffee Coffee has less diversity in taste than cocktails, beer, or even wine, but that doesn’t mean it can’t set your taste buds ablaze when paired with the right foods. Most pastries go very well with coffee as many of you know from your early morning exploits, but that’s not all. A light, bright Breakfast Blend and piece of rich cheesecake

make a great team. Lighter coffees are higher in acidity, and can cut through the rich fats in the cheesecake, as mentioned earlier. Coffee companions are not limited to just pastries and desserts. You can even pair coffee with dinner entrees. The next time you find yourself eating scallops wrapped in bacon, try a really dark and bold coffee with it. The “third flavor” experience will blow your mind!

Don’t stop there Try some green tea with a melon medley, or some chocolate milk with avocado slices. You can even get some interesting combinations with soft drinks. I am embarrassed to say, but I was privy to the exciting world of soft drink pairing a few years back. Who provided this utter pinnacle of piquancy? Burger King. I went in after a night of terrible decisions, dead set on making another. I ordered my combo meal and headed to the soda fountain. Lo and behold, they

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WINE 101:

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE POSH AND INTIMIDATING »» All the basics you need to know, from popular types and how to taste, to vocab and food pairings Patty Templeton DGO STAFF WRITER

o a beginner, wine can look like a high-end drink with a barrel-full of vocab and rituals. Reds? Whites? Swirling before sipping? Geezus H., do I need to wear a suit or gown for this? Slow down, though. You don’t have to understand the entire world of wine to enjoy a Shiraz. There are posh aspects to wine, but don’t pysch yourself out. There are plenty of affordable brands and more than a few friendly faces to help you along the way, like Dean Fagner, owner of Four Leaves Winery, and Max, Four Leaves’ gloriously tiny, absolutely adorable guard dog. “The best wine in the world is the one that you enjoy,” said Fagner. “Don’t let people sway you or say, ‘Oh, you should only enjoy this.’ Everybody’s tastes are different.” So! Trust your taste buds, don’t get freaked out, and let’s get to learning the basics.

The types Hella popular red wines »»Cabernet Sauvignon [cab er nay saw vee nyon]: Deep flavors of dark cherry, baking spices, and vanilla with a savory finish. »»Malbec [mall-bek]: An inky red with ripe berry and herbal notes and a smoky finish »»Merlot [mer loh]: Smooth dark raspberry, chocolately, and tobacco flavors with a soft finish Fagner says: “Red wines are a little heavier, a little bolder. During the winter and fall, red wines tend to be more popular. They’re a little more full-bodied and warming.”

apple to white peach flavors with a dry, tart finish Fagner says: “Typically, white wines are most common in the summer because white wines, traditionally, are chilled.” Fruit wines Fruit wines are a more desert-centric beverage that can have complexity but are mostly known for being lushly sweet. Any fruit, not just grapes, can be turned into wine. Common varieties include cherry, peach, blackberry, and plum wine. Fagner says: “One of my staff refers to (fruit wines) as ‘porch pounders.’ [Laughs] They’re very refreshing.

Hella popular white wines

How to taste wine

»»Chardonnay [shar doh nay]: Buttery, oaky, pear flavors with a dry, crisp finish

You can swig away, but why not expand your experience by taking a hot sec to examine what you’re drinking? The basics to wine sippin’ are: Look, swirl, smell, and taste.

»»Pinot Grigio [pee noh GREE joe]: Faint honey and lemon citrus notes with a dry, mineral finish »»Sauvignon Blanc [soh-vee-nyawn blahn]: Green

“You hold it to the light and look at it. If it is a white wine, it should be nice and clear. There can be

variations in the color, like amber, but you shouldn’t have impurities in your white wine or cloudiness. You hold up your red, and if you see some cloud or haze, that’s not necessarily a bad thing,” said Fagner. Red wines are known to contain more sediment, so that haze is OK.

Courtesy of fourleaveswinery.com

»» Dean Fagner, owner, and Max, mascot, of Four Leaves Winery

Next, “You swirl it, look at it, and you’re looking for pleasing your senses. Red wines, you swirl to oxygenate – you don’t need to do that with white wines.” This will help release the aroma.

flavors, and if you will like it or not.”

“When you smell the wine, you’re trying to see if it is a pleasant experience. Smell is part of taste.” Older wines will have subtler bouquets than younger wines.

Blend: Two or more grape varieties mixed after separate fermentation. For example: Bordeaux [bawr-doh] is a mix of Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot.

Finally, take a sip, but don’t immediately swallow. Roll it across your tongue and mouth first. “When you try a wine for the first time, don’t base your decision (if you like it) on that first taste. The second or third taste will give you a true indication of body,

Body: The weight on one’s palate. Common descriptors are light, medium, and full-bodied.

Common wine vocab

Bouquet: What a wine smells like Continued on Page 14

Illustrations by Alexi Grojean/Special to DGO

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[wine] From Page 13

Decant: Pouring wine from the bottle to another container so it separates from sediment and oxygenates (breathes) Heady: Descriptor for high-alcohol wines. An average wine is about 12 percent ABV. A heady wine is near 20 percent ABV. Nose: Same as bouquet Oaky: Woody aromas and flavors Tannins: Found in skins and pits of grapes, tannins are astringent and provide wine structure. Over time, tannins die off, making wine less harsh. Vintage: A particular year of harvest in the wine biz

tives in the wine, especially mass production wine, high in preservatives. They protect the wine during the aging process and during distribution through temperature changes. For us here, we don’t age wine for a long period of time and we don’t distribute, so we use the bare minimum of sulfates or preservatives.” »»“White wines typically won’t age. If you get a bottle of fruit wine or sweet wine as a gift, go ahead and enjoy it, don’t save it for a special occasion. You only run the risk of it going bad. Red wines, on the other hand, if you get one for your birthday and want to save it for a year or two, you should be fine doing that.”

Tips from Dean

Food pairing round

»»“Think of wine as a living, breathing thing that can change. The bottle you didn’t enjoy last night may be your best friend the next day.”

The general rule for wine and food pairing is, “White wines, white meat,” said Fagner, “red wines, red meat. Again, I personally throw all that out the window. If you don’t like white wines and you want to have a glass of red wine with fish, go for it. Wine is meant to be enjoyed.”

»»“People can have adverse reactions to wine and sometimes they’re not sure what the cause is. More often than not, what people are reacting to are the sulfates and preserva-

We looked into the freezer-burned

and moldy depths of the DGO refrigerator and asked for the best wine pairings for the food we found. A week-old walnut, spinach, and gorgonzola salad: “A dry Riesling [“Reese-ling”] – a lighter one, not an oaked wine, a lighter white.” Leftover cheese pizza: “A Malbec, but also I have to do a plug for our Tempranillo [tem prah NEE yoh]. It’s a Spanish grape and it is probably our top-selling red. When it comes to red wines, I drink Tempranillo with everything.” Chinese leftovers: “Viognier [veeoh-n’yey]. It’s a French grape similar to a Sauvignon Blanc that is the lightest of our dry whites.” Fishsticks: “I might go with a Chardonnay [shar doh nay]. Bring the oak element to it.” Random cheese in that one drawer: “That’s where fruit wines can come into play. They’re very refreshing. They’re not something that I drink with a meal, but fruit wines before a meal with cheese are really refreshing, and then after the meal, as well, with desserts.”

GO! The Durango Wine Experience When: Thursday, May 4, through Sunday, May 7 Where: Multiple venues throughout Durango Cost: $45 to $350 What to expect: $45 gets you a ticket for Friday’s Walk-About Durango Tasting that travels through downtown galleries, restaurants, and shops. For another $85, there’s the Grand Tasting and silent auction on Saturday in the First National Bank parking lot (259 W. Ninth St.). There are additional seminars and tastings all around town at Brew, Animas Chocolate Co., El Moro, Carver’s, Seasons, Steamworks, and more. Package tickets range from $100, which includes the three main tastings, to $350 for an all-access platinum pass that includes a VIP reception, eight seminars, the Walk-About, the Grand Tasting, and other perks. Information: www.durangowine. com

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[wine] Wine movies anyone can enjoy “A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou,” said Persian poet Omar Khayyám. Don’t have a thou? Turn on the oven, make pizza bagels, and have a TV party instead. Here are 10 wine flicks for a swank-ass, solitary movie night:

A group of rebel winemakers next-leveled wine in northwest Italy during the ’80s and ’90s. Barolo has been known for centuries as the King of Red Wines, but the Barolo of today has been controversially modernized – “Barolo Boys” tells that story. Pair with: Barolo and an after-movie listening of “Rebel Yell,” by Billy Idol. “BLOOD INTO WINE” Tool is one of the most badass, innovative metal bands of all time, fronted by a dude named Maynard James Keenan. MJK, not being satisfied with owning the rock world, started Caduceus Cellars, a winery in Jerome, Arizona. Guest starring Patton Oswalt, Milla Jovovich and others, “Blood into Wine” showcases what happens when a metal god makes wine. Pair with: Rosé and an all-night-long “A Perfect Circle” listening party. “RED OBSESSION” “It’s more than a manufactured or agricultural product. It’s something closer to a miracle,” a wine industry veteran said of Bordeaux in “Red Obsession.” How do you produce miracles at an expanding rate? French winemakers struggle to create traditional-style Bordeaux to meet world demand. Pair with: Bordeaux and the knowledge that you will never be able to afford a 1961 vintage. “SOMM” There are only 236 people in the world that are Master Sommeliers. “Somm” follows four up-and-comers who attempt to ace the hardest test you’ve never heard of. Several years after this doc, “Somm: Into the Bottle” was released. It dives into the backstory and BS of wine culture. Both are well worth watching. Pair with: Malvasia and relief over not being tested over wine. “SOUR GRAPES” Oh, shit, son! Wine fraud exists! “Sour Grapes” is the story of Rudy Kurniawan, a wine counterfeiter, and the wine aficionados he fooled. Kurniawan sold more than $35 million in fakeass

Pair with: Any red blend and googling “Rudy Kurniawan” for an intriguing wormhole of high-end fraud. “WINE FOR THE CONFUSED” Most folks know John Cleese through his hilarious work with Monty Python. He’s also a wine-lover. In this 90-minute documentary, Cleese expounds a humorous wine 101 while he travels across California wine country.

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Pair with: Riesling and a re-watch of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” – because it’s awesome and so is Cleese.

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Films “A HEAVENLY VINTAGE” Time to get your saucy costume drama romance on. A peasant winemaker tries to make the perfect vintage, you know, while sexing it up in the vineyard and seducing a baroness.

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Pair with: Burgundy and a trip to the bookstore for Elizabeth Knox’s magical realist book, “The Vitner’s Luck” that the movie was based on. “BOTTLE SHOCK” OMG, Alan Rickman, you are glorious in this comedic drama based on the 1976 battle between California and French winemakers. Napa Valley wasn’t always famous for wine. It took the blind taste testing at the “Judgement of Paris” to bring fame to American vineyards. This movie is effing rad.

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Pair with: Chardonnay and tears for the 2016 death of Rickman. “SIDEWAYS” A depressed writer and his nobody-actor friend road trip through Santa Barbara wine country to celebrate an upcoming wedding. Paul Giamatti shines in this wry comedic drama about aging, love, wine, and accepting who you are while striving for something more. Pair with: Pinot Noir and excessive journaling on goals so life doesn’t pass you by. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff writer

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[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

Want a sweet grow come fall? Better start now. Here’s how

don’t know about you, but after spending the last month reading about, basically, the history of cannabis, and specifically, the million and one varieties available to us here in 2017, coupled with the actual arrival of spring, all I want to do is get my hands in the dirt and try out a few of these innumerable lovely strains. I imagine that I am not the only one itching to be growing, and here’s the beauty of the situation: Right now is the perfect time to start a grow project for this season, so pay attention as I walk you through the basics of what should be done over the next few weeks to set up for a bountiful autumn harvest. First, you’ll want to consider soil, which will provide the foundation for your crop. Dirt is the stuff I seemingly always manage to smear all over the seat of my pants (it matches well with the food that invariably finds its way to the fronts of my shirts, so I have that going for me) but soil is another matter entirely. Soil is dirt mixed with nutrients, minerals, organic fertilizers, living organisms and all other potential additives, and if you intend on growing in the most natural, organic manner possible, it will behoove you to take the next several days to read up on the potential variations in order to decide on what will work best for your specific situation. Pro-Tip: Take the time to research this now because there is a strong possibility that any choices you make beyond going with what seems to be

out there; these are tall, slow-growing plants, so ensure that you have adequate space to accommodate them or otherwise create a situation where their natural characteristics are accounted for in the planning stages of your grow. One workaround is to start these strains into flower almost immediately, thereby limiting the height they will reach during their 80- to 90-day cycle. Another is to train the plant like a topiary using stakes in order to create plants that only grow up to a certain stature before branching out widely. If you prefer indicas and their sedative effects, you should read up on how to manicure a plant in order to create a “lollipop” effect, which creates big, juicy Alexi Grojean/Special to DGO buds at the end of its branches. This allows all the nutrients from the soil, the energy of the sun, the best pre-bagged soil will require a bit of time for and the vital water to be directed exactly where you your soil preparation to set/blend together in order to want it with little to no waste. You might also begin optimize its effectiveness. Seeing as this is Colorado, to look into hashmaking techniques. you will be able to enlist professional help without the The beauty of spring is in its endless possibilities use of goofy codewords at your local grow shop or garfor life; look at the show Mother Nature is putting on den center. Investing time and money in your soil will out there for us and join her; I cannot recommend save you problems down the line and help produce the any better use of your time. Next week I will break most excellent return on your labors. down a few of the strains that I had great success Next, as the days lengthen, you’ll want to look into with through the years. Enjoy the vernal show til the actual strain or strains that you want to be enthen, DGO. joying (properly cured) around Thanksgiving. This where the top pops off of the whole endeavor and is the world opens wide for the taking. Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four If you want something to jumpstart your day, look dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him into the sativas and sativa-dominant crosses available at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.

Strain review: Grape Kush What is it? Grape Kush is an indica-dominant hybrid. Its parents are a delicious, fruity, Romulan Grapefruit (a hybrid with some Blueberry in its family tree) and earthy, heady, Bubba Kush. The effects Grape Kush is a very

heady indica that makes your body want to stay in close contact with your couch, while your mind goes off on various vacations due to the fantastic cerebral effects of the sativa at work. The smell While its fruity notes are not as strong as

some of its cousins, Grape Kush has a wonderful pine aroma, with earthy undertones and a light finish of blueberries.

instead of light, causing the red hairs to make the dark green nugs appear to have shimmering purple lights.

The look

Grape Kush has a light fruit flavor, a complex mix of grapefuit and blueberries on the inhale and a rich and

Grape Kush has small dense nuggets of an almost purple color. The trichromes are dark

The taste

pungent earthy taste on the exhale. The final verdict With the word “Grape” in its name, I wanted to taste a little more grape, like in Grape Ape or Grape Drink. However, the light fruit flavors were a pleasant mix with the deep heaviness

of the Kush. This hybrid really does give you a little bit of everything, not just in taste, but effects as well. Great weed for creativity and body relaxation, while still providing good mental stimulation. It is a happy, good-tasting buzz. —— Meggie J

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[ weed ] Elevated Discourse Meggie J

WHY AREN’T WE KILLING CANCER WITH CANNABIS? »» Promising research has existed for decades, but the power elite may have too much to lose

ver the last several years, articles have been published in the scientific community verifying the medical use of cannabis. Last week I wrote about my use of medical marijuana that helped combat the side effects of cancer and chemotherapy. I am ever grateful for the compassionate care I received from my doctors and care givers. In my own treatment, I was glad for the part Western medicine played. However, I also know what an important role cannabis was in my treatment and I wish others the same opportunity because medical marijuana may have even further therapeutic possibilities for combating cancer than we ever realized. Research has shown in clinical trials involving mice that cannabis can kill cancer cells. Yes, you read that right. Cannabis can kill cancer cells. It is important to know not only that cannabis can be used to kill cancer, but how. In our bodies, our cells divide, reproduce, as well as die; through the orchestration of DNA, we continuously remake ourselves. Once a cell has lived its life cycle, it puts itself through a process called apoptosis, a sort of cell suicide. The cell marks itself “not of use” and your immune system notes that it’s tagged for destruction and kills it. But cancer cells don’t play by the rules. They refuse to go through apoptosis, somehow fooling the immune system into believing they belong in the body, meanwhile, continuing to mutate, forming a tumor. The use of chemotherapy in cancer treatment is a simple yet eviscerating way to treat these cells. Chemo makes no distinction between cancer cells and regular cells; it kills everything, leaving the immune system highly compromised as your body scrambles to create healthy cells. However, cannabis has been shown to be able to distinguish between the body’s normal, healthy cells and cancer cells, allowing it to force the cancer cells into apoptosis, while protecting the body’s other cells. The National Cancer Institute’s Physician Data Query cancer information summary states that “Laboratory and animal studies have shown that cannabinoids may be able to kill cancer cells while

Alexi Grojean/Special to DGO

protecting normal cells. Studies in mice and rats have shown that cannabinoids may inhibit tumor growth by causing cell death, blocking cell growth, and blocking the development of blood vessels needed by tumors to grow.” It goes on further to say, “A study in mice showed that cannabinoids may protect against inflammation of the colon and may have potential in reducing the risk of colon cancer, and possibly in its treatment.” As a colon cancer survivor, I read that last sentence and had to pick my jaw up off the floor. While the first part sounds like complementary or alternative medicine, “reducing the risk,” sounds preventative. But a noticeable gap in this very thorough paper: No human trials. The reasons for this go back to some of the first attempts at marijuana research in the early 1970s. During the Nixon administration, the National Institutes of Health funded the Medical College of Virginia to research the effects of marijuana on the brain. The then-newly-formed Drug Enforcement

Agency hoped to find a conclusive connection between what they considered degenerative behavior and cannabis use. The scientists in Virginia not only failed to find any negative consequences in marijuana use, they found unexpected benefits. The marijuana was killing the cancer cells while leaving the healthy ones alone, and where they had expected to see a drain on the immune system, it appeared enhanced. By 1976, President Ford halted all research except that done by pharmaceutical companies in an attempt to synthesis cannabinoids. During the Reagan administration, copies of the original research from the Virginia college were destroyed, as well as other copies in colleges across the United States. But in 2000, researchers at Complutense University of Madrid were able to duplicate and expand on the research suppressed decades ago. Microbiologist Dr. Christina Sanchez and her team observed that when they introduced cannabinoids into cells with cancer, the cancer self-destructed. Marijuana has a unique ability to synthesize with the body’s naturally-occurring endocannabinoid system, giving it a wide variety of therapeutic effects, most of which are still unknown because of the lack of research and clinical trials. And while there are clinical trials being conducted in Spain, and even Israel, the United States refuses to acknowledge the medical benefits of cannabis, keeping it classified as a Schedule I narcotic with no medicinal value, completely ignoring the scientific community at the expense of cancer patients. With state legalization a reality, why is the federal government so intent not only on keeping marijuana illegal at the federal level, if not to continue to not just stall, but stymie life-saving medicine? Could it be because the billion-dollar cancer industry is not actually in the business of curing cancer, only creating medicines to treat its symptoms? Is it not because the pharmaceutical companies are holding our scientists and our rights to adequate research hostage in the name of greed? Meggie J is a published poet and freelance writer living in the Four Corners. She is an avid reader, rafter, and connoisseur of cannabis. She can be reached at coxwell. meggiej@gmail.com.

�� Thursday, May 4, 2017 | 17

[love and sex]

Savage Love | Dan Savage

Everything you wanted to know about sex (that fits on a card) Nancy, the tech-savvy at-risk youth, two gimps, Christ on the cross, the Easter Bunny, two weeping women, and the Easter Bunny’s smoking-hot leather master took to the stage at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon, for a live taping of the Savage Lovecast on Easter weekend. Audience members submitted their questions on cards (I take my questions like some of you take your men: anonymously) – but with Rachel Lark and the Damaged Goods and comedian Nariko Ott on the program as well, we didn’t get to many questions. So I’m going to answer as many of Portland’s questions as I can in this week’s column.

My girlfriend asked me to make out with another guy. Her fantasy. We met a really pretty gay boy at a house party, and so I made out with him. I got hard, and my girlfriend made a huge scene. She says it was supposed to be for her pleasure, not for mine, and she’s still angry six months later and constantly questions whether I’m really straight. (I am!) What do I tell her?

We’ve been sleeping with another couple for three months (first time my BF and I opened our relationship). How do I suggest full penetration with the opposite partner? At this point, we just do oral and that’s the “groove” we’re in.

After you’ve applied lube to your finger and his butthole – which you’re allowed to do only after you’ve asked him if you can insert your finger in his butthole and after he’s consented to having your finger in his butthole.

Only-oral-with-others may be this couple’s preferred groove and the lane they want to stay in. If they’re only up for the “soft swap,” as it’s known in swinging circles, penetration isn’t gonna happen. But you should feel free to ask for what you want – at the very least, you’ll get some long-overdue clarity about their boundaries.

Good-bye. When do you know if it’s OK to insert your finger in your boyfriend’s butthole? Without fear of freaking him out?

I want to try anal, but I am scared of getting poop on my partner. Is an enema enough? Properly administered, an enema should be more than enough. But with anal as with liberal democracy – a good outcome is not guaranteed. Sometimes you do your homework and your prep, and everything still comes to shit.

Is squirting pee? We know that chemically it’s similar, but is it REALLY?

I love my man, but we’re both tops. What should we do?

I’m tired of this debate, so consider this my final answer: So what if it is pee?

Spit-roast very special guest stars if you’re in an open relationship, take turns/one for the team if you’re in a monogamous relationship, explore

and enjoy your non-butt-penetrative options. How do we play around with opening up our relationship as parents of a 1-year-old? We barely have enough time or enough sleep to keep our own relationship juicy. Play around in theory for now – lots of dirty talk – and put theory into practice after your kid is a toddler and you’ve landed a reliable babysitter. Will you plug stoptrumpswall.org?

Why not? My girlfriend and I are pretty grossly in love and very affectionate, especially after we’ve just had sex. Should we make an effort to tone it down a bit around a third we’ve just [effed] around with? Or should we just be ourselves, and if they don’t like it, oh well? Be yourselves – but make an effort to include your third in those oxytocin-infused displays of postcoital affection. Unless your third was inconsiderate or creepy during the sex, or is anxious to go immediately after the sex (a sign you may have been inconsiderate or creepy), your third helped get you to that blissedout state and deserves to bask a bit in the afterglow, too. Does the toe make a good substitute for the penis? No.

I have large breasts. My partners are either like, “YAY BOOOOBS!” or they ignore my breasts entirely. What is it with that? How do I get people to interact with my breasts like they’re another nice body part and not a bizarre thing? By using your words. If there was a way you didn’t like to be kissed, presumably you would speak up rather than endure lousy kisses. Same applies here: “I have big boobs, and they’re great, and I love them – but ‘YAY BOOOOBS!’ makes me feel like I’m only my tits, which isn’t a nice feeling. That said, I don’t want my boobs ignored, either. The sweet spot really isn’t that hard to hit – enjoy my boobs like you would any other nice body part.” That said, some people really, really like big boobs and it’s going to be hard for them to contain their excitement. “YAY BOOOOBS” could be an understandable and forgivable first reaction on their part and an opening that allows you to have a conversation about bodies, consideration, and consent. My girlfriend wants to try fisting, but my hands are really large. Any ideas for how to get around that?

to order around (break up with him!), not your boyfriend. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me. Also, he’s the first boyfriend I’ve had in 10 years. I’m used to being single – and while he is great (sexy, amazing, smart), I feel like I’m losing parts of myself. I’m not doing the stuff my prior loneliness made it easy for me to do, creative stuff like open-mic nights. Do we break up? You’re no longer lonely – you’ve got a boyfriend now – but you still need time alone. Even if you live together, you don’t have to spend every waking/non-work hour with your boyfriend – it’s not healthy to spend every waking/non-work hour with your significant other. But instead of heading to open-mic night because you’re lonely and bored and have nothing else to do, now you’re going to go to that open-mic night (and go alone) because you enjoy it, you need the creative outlet, and it’s healthy for a couple to have time apart. Thank you, Dan. Five years ago, I was miserable in a sexless marriage. Tonight I’m here with my fabulous boyfriend and my hot sub. Thanks to your advice!

A hired hand. You’re welcome! Tell my boyfriend to go down on me! If your boyfriend won’t go down on you unless some fag advice columnist tells him to – if his girlfriend asking isn’t good enough – then it’s you I want

Dan Savage is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist writing for The Stranger in Seattle. Contact him at mail@ savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter and listen to his podcast every week at savagelovecast.com.

18 | Thursday, May 4, 2017 • • ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[happening] DGO’s event picks in or near Durango Cinco de Mayo Durango-style Cinco de Mayo honors the unexpected victory of Mexico over the French at the Battle of Pueblo in 1862, a win that represented Mexican resistance to foreign intervention. Americans celebrate it with booze and, apparently, avocados: 81 million of them are consumed in the U.S. on Cinco de Mayo. Have a few yourself at Balcony Bar and Grill, 600 Main Ave., during their Cinco de Mayo party on Friday, May 5 from 4-9 p.m. Aztec band Beyond will supply the early evening funk fusion tunes and Ska Brewing will be around with swag and a raffle for a keg of Mexican Logger. Free. 21 and over. If you stick around late, ska band The Casual Fridays will be playing upstairs at the Balcony Backstage at 9:30 p.m. Deets at www.balconybarandgrill.com

Magic Mike meets Farmington “I wasn’t naked – I was completely covered by a blue spotlight,” said famed stripper and author, Gypsy Rose Lee. If you got a hankering for hot flesh and bright lights, Top Deck Concert Hall, 515 E. Main St. in Farmington, will host the Magic Mike Tribute Tour. Sexpot stripper dudes will giddy you up with never-ending abs and crotch-pops on Wednesday, May 10. Hunkalicious hardbodies will thrust you through a dollar-tucking good time. Tickets start at $20 for this 21-and-over show. Doors at 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m.

Thursday La Plata County Luminaries Toastmasters,

Habitat for Humanity of La Plata County orientation meeting and open house, 10 a.m.-noon,

noon, La Plata County Administration Building, 1101 East Second Ave., 382-6305.

805 Olmstead Lane, Bayfield, www.habitatlaplata.org.

High Noon Rotary Club meeting with guest speaker Misato,

a.m., Jean Pierre Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 247-7700.

noon, DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, www.durangohighnoonrotary.com. “Dance for Balance” dance class for seniors, 3 p.m., donations

welcome, Absolute Physical Therapy and Wellness, 277 East Eighth Ave., 764-4094. Trails 2000 Project Sky Steps, 4 p.m., Nature Trail,

978 East Sixth Ave., 2594682. Animas River Days benefit party, 5:30 p.m.,

Ska Brewing Co., 225 Girard St., 247-5792. Justin Cronin, 5:30 p.m.,

Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380. Lisa Blue~River Musique, 5:30 p.m., Durango

Henry Stoy piano, 11

Merely Players presents “The Secret Garden,” 1 p.m. and 7 p.m., $25,

Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606. Kirk James solo blues,

6-10 p.m., Seven Rivers Steakhouse, Sky Ute Casino Resort, 14324 Highway 172, 563-6235. Laugh Therapy standup comedy showcase,

7 p.m., $8, Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200. Black Velvet Trio, 8

p.m.-midnight, Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave., 2475440.

Sunday Sunday-morning vinyasa-flow yoga with Kelli Arbogast, 10 a.m.,

Information: http://magicmikemalerevue.ticketfly.com/event/1443666

Crafts Spirit, 1120 Main Ave., 749-6475.

Mysterious artifact cabinets at DAC

Friday

$8, Absolute Physical Therapy and Wellness, 277 East Eighth Ave., 764-4094.

A wunderkammer is a cabinet of curiosities that gained popularity in 18th century Europe. It contains oddities, religious or historic relics, and other items that pique a collector’s interest.

Park Bike Rodeo, 8 a.m.,

Henry Stoy piano, 11

Denver-based artist Alicia Bailey has created modern wunderkammers with a book art emphasis. Her solo show opens at the Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., on Friday May, 5. There will be a free, all-ages reception from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. in the Friends of the Art Library Gallery, upstairs at the DAC. Info: http://durangoarts.org/foal-alicia-bailey/

The 2017 Durango Dandelion Festival Celebrate life-bringing spring by filling your soul with the wide open sky and a world of music at this year’s Dandelion Festival in Rotary Park, 1565 East Second Ave. This free, all-ages fest will feature the music of Carute Roma, Wake up Laughing, The Missing Lynx, Kitchen Jam Band, Next Generation Fiddlers, Shimmy Mob, D-town Breakers, Dundunba, and more. Dance till you drop, then pick yourself up again to visit local vendors, the maypole dance, organic food stalls, the thrift store, and beer garden. Get your joy on from 1-9:30 p.m. on Saturday, May 6. Information: http://bit.ly/2oO0OIy

Do your mid-week Indiana Jones-style The San Juan Basin Archaeological Society’s bringing in a guest lecturer to talk about Chaco Canyon. Dr. Steve Lekson is a curator and professor at the Museum of Natural History, University of Colorado, Boulder. On Wednesday, May 10 at 7 p.m. Lekson will present “Chaco: North and South” about the finds and story of the historic canyon. If you get to FLC’s Center for Southwest Studies early, there’s a mix-and-mingle at 6:30 p.m. The free presentation will be in the Lyceum, room 120. All ages. Details: http://bit.ly/2qbVgtn

Park Elementary School, 623 East Fifth St., 247-3718.

a.m., Jean Pierre Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 247-7700.

Narrow Gauge Day, 11 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot, 479 Main Ave., 259-0274.

Ukulele jam, 4 p.m., Mag-

“Wunderkammers” opening reception, 5

Black Velvet Trio, 5-9

p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 2592606. LPEA Election District Chair Forum with candidates Kim Martin and Davin Victoria,

6:30 p.m., Breen Community Building, 15300 Highway 140, 769-9077. “Kiki’s Delivery Service” movie screening, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Rocky

Mountain Animation Labs, 1309 East Third Ave., Suite 3B, 903-9695.

Merely Players presents “The Secret Garden,” 7 p.m., $25, Durango

pies Newsstand Cafe, 707 Main Ave., 259-1159. p.m., Balcony Bar and Grill, 600 Main Ave., 422-8008.

Monday Four Corners Arts Forum, 9 a.m., KDUR

91.9/93.9 FM, www.kdur.org. People’s Practice in the Park, 12:30 p.m., Buck-

ley Park, 247-8395, www. turtlelakerefuge.org.

Zia Days, 11 a.m., Zia Taqueria, 3101 Main Ave., 247-3355. Great Decisions presents “Saudi Arabia in Transition” lecture,

11:45 a.m.-1:45 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380. Tuesday jam, 6 p.m.,

Steaming Bean, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200. Useless Knowledge Bowl Trivia+, 7 p.m.,

Durango Brewing Co., 3000 Main Ave., 247-3396.

Wednesday Colorado River fullmoon camp out, 10 a.m.,

$219-$329, Mild to Wild, 50 Animas View Drive, www. mild2wildrafting.com. “Fired Up” stories with Durango Fire and Rescue, 10:30-11:15 a.m.,

Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380. Zia Days, 11 a.m., Zia Taqueria, 3101 Main Ave., 247-3355. Trails 2000 Project Sky Steps, 4 p.m., Nature Trail,

978 East Sixth Ave., 2594682. Mindfulness for Athletes 4-week course,

5:30 p.m., $0-$180 sliding scale, Smiley Building, 1309 East Third Ave., 382-9593. Mancos Valley Chorus concert, 7 p.m., Christ the

King Lutheran Church, 495 Florida Road, 247-5310. Chatham County Line opening with The Badly Bent, 7:30 p.m.,

$19-$24, Community Concert Hall, Fort Lewis College, 1000 Rim Drive, www.fortlewis.edu. “Stand Up Drink Down” comedy night,

8 p.m., Durango Brewing Co., 3000 Main Ave., 247-3396.

p.m., Commons Building, 701 Camino del Rio, www.thrivelaplata.com.

Submissions

Happy Hour Yoga,

5:30-6:30 p.m., Ska Brewing Co., 225 Girard St., www. skabrewing.com.

Saturday

Spoken Word, 7-9 p.m.,

$170-$190, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, 259-6580.

Thrive! Living Wage Coalition meeting and potluck dinner, 5:30

Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

“Rigid Page Books with Rotating Panels” workshop, 9:30 a.m.,

do, 6:30 a.m., DoubleTree

Steaming Bean, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200, www.thebean.com.

Tuesday Master’s Men Colora-

To submit listings for publication in DGO and www.dgomag. com, visit www.swscene.

com, click “Add Your Event,” enter the event info into the form, and submit. Listings at www.swscene.com will appear on www.dgomag. com and in our weekly print edition. Posting an event on www.swscene.com is free and takes one day to process.

�� Thursday, May 4, 2017 | 19

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Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Be patient this week, especially with co-workers. And also be patient with your pets, as strange as that might sound. This is because late in the week, it will be easy to become angry or quarrelsome. Stay chill. TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Parents will have to be patient with their kids this week, especially late in the week because arguments can arise easily. Likewise, romantic spats might take place between lovers. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Life is easier if you maintain peace at home. Don’t make a big deal about anything this week, especially with a female family member. People are touchy and edgy.

Bizarro

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

This week, you are more inclined to go with your hunches and your feelings instead of your logic. However, this might make you overreact to something because your feelings are strong. Use caution. LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22) Quarrels about money or possessions might take place late in the week. Don’t get sucked into this; it’s a brief influence – let it pass. VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) This week, the Moon is in your sign, which can make you more emotional than usual. Be patient. LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) This is a good week for research. In particular, you will pay attention to detail. Ignore feelings of frustration late in the week.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) You might have difficulty with a female acquaintance or friend this week. Don’t let anything get out of hand. Keep things light. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) Difficulties with a boss or parent might occur this week. Be tolerant and patient because you have to deal with these people every day. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) Avoid controversial subjects like politics, religion and racial issues this week because they will develop into arguments. Who needs this? Not you. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)

Disputes about shared property, taxes, debt and inheritances might take place this week. Keep smiling. PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) You have to go more than halfway when dealing with others this week because the Moon is opposite your sign. Don’t get sucked into an argument. Keep things light. BORN THIS WEEK Because you are in the beginning of a new nine-year cycle, this is the year to clarify your goals and begin to act on them. Hard work may be necessary to get a new venture moving. Fortunately, you will feel physically strong this year. This is a powerful year; use it to its full potential. © 2017 King Features Syndicate Inc.

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22 | Thursday, May 4, 2017 • • ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[Durango’s stories, told in their own words]

First Person | Cyle Talley

‘I STARE AT THE MACHINE HARD, like I’m expecting it to do something wrong’ »» Ryan Mott, on

roasting beans at 81301, and doing a good job or not doing it at all Asking people if I might interview them is occasionally awkward. I try to be clear about what it is that I do and the sorts of questions that I will ask, but sometimes, well, the blank look I get in response seems to last a lifetime. So it was when I asked Ryan Mott, a barista at 81301, if he’d be willing to answer a few questions. When he realized that I was trying to get an underhanded interview about the shop, I asked him about his name, and he quickly admitted that for much of his life, he’s been called “Applesauce.” I tell his story here, in his own words.

running track earlier. Some My parents would tell of those skills have paid me that they wished we off for roasting. Staying were related to the applefocused from start to finish, sauce Mott’s so that we had being able to put my mind some of the money. I don’t to something and finish it know if that was supposed no matter how uncomfortto console me. In middle school, I tried really hard able I am physically – it gets not to say my last name, pretty hot in there. I’m a Mott but by high school ... everylittle scared for the summer [laughs]. I’m starting to body gets called something, feel like I’ve got my feet unright? I ran cross country and track and I just started going derneath me, or like I’ve got a rhythm with it and went about my business. down to it. What throws me off is when [laughs] People tend to get over stuff people come in to get a drink, and like that the older that they get. watch me roasting through the winI’ve been a barista here for two dow while they wait. That’s still a little years and just recently started learnweird. Like, I wonder if they want me to do a dance or something. My strateing how to roast the beans. It’s helpful gy has become to look like I’m really fothat I’ve been behind the counter for cused. I stare at the machine hard, like a while, that I’ve sort of gotten used I’m expecting it to do something wrong. to the fast pace and having to pay attention to a lot of things all at once. A lot of paying attention is just That’s pretty much what you’re doing keeping your eyes and ears open. when you’re roasting. You’re watchYou’ve got to listen to what people are saying and then hear the stuff ing everything all at once. There’s that they aren’t saying. You know, some pressure because coffee beans picking up on little clues and hints are so expensive, but Sage [co-owner that customers give and keeping them of 81301] taught me well. in mind as you grind the coffee and I thought that I’d be training for a tamp the shot and steam the milk and couple of months, but a few weeks in, then serve it. Even just remembering Sage just kinda left me in the roasting which face goes with which drink so room. I took it really slow for a while, that you’re not looking at someone focused real hard on what I was doing, else when you call out the order. and tried to keep things at a slower When I’m behind the counter servpace. It’s funny that we mentioned

ing drinks, it’s nice to know that I had a hand in roasting and then making the drink that I’m serving. There aren’t many jobs like that, you know? Where you get to really see an entire process through. We make a ton of drinks during the day and when I was just a barista, I wouldn’t say that it was monotonous, but just that you get accustomed to making drinks and serving them. It’s a flow state. You’re just thinking, “Latte, latte, Americano, mocha, three-shot latte.” My parents instilled in me that you ought to do a good job, or just not do it at all. Especially if a small, local business hires you, because they gave something up to hire you. Coffee shops can get busy in a hurry, and there are days where you never really stop moving. I like knowing that I did a good job for all of the people that I worked with, and for the business. That I can, you know, go climbing or hop on a bicycle knowing that there was nothing more that I could’ve done to do a good job. That’s satisfying. Then you don’t have any lingering thoughts about something that happened in the day because you know that you gave your all. Cyle Talley recently found himself on a Wikipedia wormhole that eventually led to reminiscing about Charles Barkley’s very fine basketball career. Email him at: cyle@cyletalley.com.

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