Food Issues by Ballantine Communications

art entertainment food drink music nightlife Thursday, May 18, 2017

DGO

FOOD PLUS!

FREE!

ISSUES A dietitian and nutrition expert busts

FOOD MYTHS

»» Regional food festival guide »» Food storage tips

Also: Tinsley Ellis channels The Dead, Big Beer still gobbling up the little guys, and Vintage Durango explores 1980s technology

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. . . s i p m u r T d l a n Do

CHILD ! R E R U T C LE bout what a s ie r e s o e id v w e An onald D e k ta u o y n e h w s happen nd make him a s rd o w t c a x e ’s p Trum world of a in t e s , d il h c a e sound lik tion. stop-motion anima

DGO Watch at dgomag.com/video 2 | Thursday, May 18, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 2 Number 30

May 18, 2017

Chief Executive Officer

10 Summer food festivals are here!

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Finance and Operations

Behold: A bigass list of food festivals in or around Durango. None of these sweet and savory celebrations is more than a seven-hour road trip away.

Bob Ganley V.P. of Advertising David Habrat V.P. of Marketing Kricket Lewis Founding Editors Amy Maestas

15 Food storage: You’re doing it wrong

David Holub Editor/ creative director David Holub dholub@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Staff writer Patty Templeton ptempleton@bcimedia.com Contributors Katie Cahill

Katie Clancy

Ellis honors the Dead Southern blues guitar player Tinsley Ellis (above) has always carried a torch for the Grateful Dead. The Atlanta-based guitar player will return to Durango, performing Wednesday at the Henry Strater Theatre.

Christopher Gallagher Alexi Grojean Meggie J Bryant Liggett Jon E. Lynch Cooper Stapleton Cyle Talley Robert Alan Wendeborn Advertising 247-3504 Reader Services 375-4570

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

Indie brewers still being gobbled up The AB buyout of Wicked Weed will not be the last; it’s going to keep happening. But somehow this transaction felt worse, in that AB was able to buy a crown jewel of the craft beer community.

Tell us what you think! Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know? Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

Tired of seeing those nice, crispy, expensive, organic vegetables go to waste? We talked to Stephanie Gall, registered dietitian and manager of nutrition and environmental services at Mercy Regional Medical Center, to find out how to properly store groceries.

From the Editor

Love it or Hate it

Vintage Durango

Sound

Downtown Lowdown 6 Album Reviews 7 8

Beer

17 Weed

Seeing Through the Smoke 17

18 Savage Love 19 Happening 20 DGO Deals 22 Horoscope/ puzzles 22 Pages 23 First Person

Elevated Discourse will return next week Meggie J took a breather, but she’ll return for the May 25 issue.

/dgomag

/dgomag @dgo_mag

ON THE COVER How to butcher a Pegasus? It’s remarkably similar to how you’d do a cow ... but not horses. Because for some reason, we don’t eat them. David Holub/DGO

DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

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@dg

[CTRL-A]

[ love it or hate it ]

David Holub |DGO editor

Vegetables Love it

Food is a source of so much joy, but also misadventure, shame

ood is our lifeblood; it is sustenance. It’s something we all have in common, often central to some of our greatest memories and experiences. Because of this, food can sometimes be a source of shame, regret, and embarrassment. Think back in your life and count the times you felt these emotions for eating too much, eating something you shouldn’t have, or – you know you’ve done it – lying about food. Bring up this topic with a group of good friends and you’ll trade stories for hours. I did that recently, and the stories flowed. Here’s a sampling of some of mine fit for print: »» In ninth grade, I walked alone to the grocery store on a quest to buy lemonade for an impending pickup basketball game with a friend. Since I was there, I thought I’d buy a donut as well. Once I had already placed the lone donut in the donut bag, I realized I didn’t have enough money for the lemonade and the donut. The only solution I could muster was to find an empty aisle (I believe it was the diaper aisle), look around suspiciously, and then slam the donut into my face, devouring it in three bites over the course of 14 seconds. »» I used to go to breakfast with friends/ colleagues once a week. At the time, I was about 30 pounds heavier than my current I-really-should-drop-another-20-pounds frame. Looking at the menu, I asked the server if a certain dish was “enough for one person.” She looked at me, looked at the menu, looked back at me and said, “For you ... no.” »» In grade school, once a summer my friends and I got to go to a special park in Denver, which had a stream meandering through. One year, we spotted watermelons lying in the stream and figured that they were not placed there by families to chill but were abandoned for some reason. We proceeded to smash them until some incredulous father demanded to know what in God’s name were we doing. »» The best thing about traveling alone is getting takeout and pigging out on the bed while you watch trashy real-crime TV shows (advice, you never go bag-to-

sheet ... Always put down a towel). I was in Albuquerque staying at a hotel with a Mexican restaurant attached (a dangerous combination). I already knew I was ordering an embarrassingly large amount for one person. I was embarrassed further when I discovered the restaurant had understandably put two sets of silverware in the bag. »» One Thanksgiving, I invited eight orphaned friends over for dinner, preparing all the food myself. I was running woefully late and began rushing hectically. While carving the turkey, I sliced my finger quite nicely, but with everyone hungry and waiting ... I squelched the pain and just kept going, keeping my finger lifted and separated as much as possible, hoping nobody checked up on me. »» I was at a going-away party one evening after having been at an all-day bird count since the predawn hours (don’t ask) with very little food all day. After imbibing all evening as any adult human might and eating nothing but Velveeta cheese dip, my stomach, how should I say, was not agreeing with me. On the verge of disposing of my stomach’s contents and rightfully embarrassed for being the only partygoer in shambles, I decided that if I just went out to the privacy of my car – parked conveniently in the front of the house – put the seat back, got some fresh air, and laid down for a bit, all would be better. So I went out to my car to rest. Soon, I felt the need to throw up. But when I opened the door to stick my head out, what I didn’t anticipate was the motion-detecting floodlight that came on. Not only that, but the living room where everyone was hanging out had an enormous picture window that faced straight onto the driveway, which I was now sullying, putting me in a spotlight for all to see. This car door/ barfing/floodlight spectacle occurred exactly three times. It was also late enough that people were starting to leave, walking by my car on the way to theirs. The one person who apparently did not see what I’d been up to remarked as she walked past, “Ooh, looks like someone spilled a big thing of cheese dip.” So those are mine. Now, let’s hear some of yours.

Dudes. Seriously, I know that asparagus makes your pee smell wicked bad, but it’s such an easy trip to Tasty Town. Boil water, drop ’em in for maybe 5 minutes. DELISH! And Brussel sprouts? I’d never eaten Brussel sprouts till I cocktailed at a bar that had fried Brussel sprouts. An unhealthy entry point, albeit, but since then, BOOM CHICKEY! I roast those tiny little bastards to perfect and end up in Nom Central. I frikkin love vegetables. I eat kale salads. I make spinach smoothies. Celery with peanut butter? Hell yeah. Brocotrees? YES. (And yes, I know it’s spelled broccoli.) I could eat cucumbers and green peppers all day long. The queen of all vegetables, the key to my heart? Potatoes. I could live my life without potatoes, but those days would contain at least 13 percent less happiness. They should call ’em joy-tatoes. And you can oi-tato me all you want but, I won’t stop jawing about vegetables. Besides being damn tasty, eating an f-ton of veggies is so good for you. Sweet potatoes give you glowing skin. Onions contain fisetin, which may help protect the brain from dementia. Kale has lutein, good for eye health. Feeling winded or tired all the time? You might need more iron, which is found in peas! Want a glorious dinner and less disease? Eat your dang veggies. – Patty Templeton

Hate it I know. Any argument against vegetables seems more suited to come from someone younger than 10. But before you rightly criticize, I would claim that when people say they love vegetables, ask a few pointed questions and it’s not so much the vegetables they like, but the butter, oil, salt, and/or dressing they’re actually after and that makes vegetables lovable. If vegetables are enjoyable enough on their own, it’s probably something like sweet corn, which likely isn’t even considered a vegetable by most nutrition professionals. Which gets to a main beef I have with vegetables: The ones I truly like without adornment – corn, potatoes ... um ... yeah – aren’t even that good for you. All the others I end up liking – okra, green beans, leaks, onions, greens, broccoli – best be covered in fried batter, glaze, butter, or come as garnish. And then there’s the finickiness. Canned veggies apparently have lost a bunch of nutrients. Cook vegetables too long, they lose their nutrients. Cook them not long enough and their cell walls retain too many nutrients. And fresh, you’re looking at them wilt by the minute, too eager to check out of this world. Thanks for the anxiety vegetables. – David Holub

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[Vintage Durango]

»» Radio Shack advertisement, in the June 15, 1989, Durango Herald.

1980s technology 1989. Your mom was probably a Colorado valley girl who had big hair, listened to Oingo Boingo on her cassette player, and if she was, like, totally sick, she had a bitchin’ complete transportable cellular telephone ’cause, like, everyone’s gotta gab when they’re motoring on Main Avenue. The high-techery could be used in your car or, like, if you put the portable adapter in your backpack, you could so freaking walk around and phonetalk at the SAME TIME! Maybe she and her crew had a righteous, epic heavy VHS Video Camcorder that they used to film their downtown summer strolls. Maybe that’s where she met your second mom, who was listening to her recently-released cassette of “Energy” by OpIvy on her state-of-the-art stereo headphones. Translation: A cassette came before laser discs before CDs before MP3s before streaming your music online. VHS tapes came before DVDs which came before Blu-ray which came before watching everything via streaming. Also, headphones used to be huge and mondo ugly. Also also, the pounds and pounds of $2,000-plus tech in this ad is all now in or attached to your smart phone. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

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[sound]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

Ellis honors the Dead and the blues that inspired it all

n paper, the Grateful Dead was a blues band. If you look beyond the Ken Kesey acid-tests, the 20-minute extended jams, the fantastic early records, the mediocre later records, and the traveling shit-show that Grateful Dead tours became in the 1990s, you’ll see and hear at their core they were a rock ’n’ roll band playing blues music, a psychedelic package of American roots music that many took a grip to with no intention of ever letting go. There remains a constant interest in the Grateful Dead; from those lucky enough to catch them in the ’70s to those putting up with John Mayer as a member in 2017. Even among the legions of haters, most music fans can cite a period, an album, or even one song from their storied careers that’s acceptable; if you can’t, you’re just not really trying. Southern blues guitar player Tinsley Ellis has always carried a torch for the Grateful Dead. The Atlanta-based guitar player will return to Durango next week, performing Wednesday at the Henry Strater Theatre. He’s bringing his new project that’s titled “Blues is Dead,” honoring the blues tunes that inspired the fabled San Francisco band, which would also include nods to other San Francisco and classic Fillmore-era acts. As someone whose contemporaries include Derek Trucks and Warren Haynes, Ellis is more than qualified to lead a blues band into Grateful Dead and jam realms; he’s also well aware of the recognition the Grateful Dead had for American blues music. “They didn’t just got to the well and take a drink, they drank deep from the well; they knew their stuff. Just like in Georgia we had Duane Allman, in England they had the Rolling Stones and Eric Clapton, in San Francisco they had The Grateful Dead,” said Ellis. “What they did was they sat around and listened to these old records. It wasn’t like they were studying it, but they were absorbing it and then they filtered it through there own experiences and made it into something that went along with the movement of the time in the late ’60s. I got on board a little later because of my age; I’m not as old as some of the fans. I got on board with ‘Europe ’72,’ when they were doing a lot of bluesy stuff. From there, when I got on board, I went backwards. Then I started going to see them, and then I got into

»» Tinsley Ellis

Bryant’s best Friday: iAM Music Spring Festival, 5 p.m. No cover. Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. Information: 375-7160. Wednesday: “Blues is Dead” with Tinsley Ellis, 7 p.m. $22 advance/$25 day of show. Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. Information: 3757160. playing blues, and realized that it’s all blues.” Ellis’s love of blues music started as a kid infatuated with the British Invasion. As a teen he caught B.B. King and that got the ball rolling, resulting in a career that includes a run with Alligator Records and time spent with Buddy Guy

and Albert Collins. The “Blues is Dead” project was born out of some live shows he’s played with members of Widespread Panic and the late Colonel Bruce Hampton, shows with set-lists that included blues tunes played by The Grateful Dead, among others. Expect that Wednesday. “It’s just fun to stretch out on it. In the blues world and jazz world, there’s a lot of purists, and I’ve really never been a purist. When everybody else in the ’80s had a pompadour, I had long hair,” said Ellis. “I’m holding onto that Allman Brothers thing that I love so much. So we’re letting it all hang out with this.” Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@fortlewis.edu.

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[sound] What’s new (Sandy) Alex G,“Rocket” Available: Friday, May 19, via the Domino Recording Co. in various formats: Digital download, compact disc, limited-edition red cassette tape, and a limited-edition version pressed on 180g Red Vinyl, housed in a gatefold jacket. I imagine a standard black version will also be available. “Rocket” is the eighth – that’s right, you read correctly – EIGHTH (according to his current label) full-length album from Philadelphia’s Alex Giannascoli, aka Alex G aka (Sandy) Alex G. You may not care or be as blown away by that fact, but I certainly am. At a mere 23 years young, I feel that is quite an impressive and noteworthy feat. While it is hard for me to pinpoint when I first heard his brand of lo-fi, seemingly bedroom-produced indie rock, I give credit to good

New at

friend and former KDUR Music Director Chris “CB” Braun, right around the release of “Trick” or “DSU,” the fourth and fifth full lengths. Any college radio station worth its salt should turn you, the listener, on to your new favorite artist(s) before they reach the masses. Easier said than done in our current (OVERLOAD of) Information Age, what with the advent of Tumblr, Soundcloud, Bandcamp, and the countless music-based blogs and websites. So, thanks, CB. That said, I was truly sold on the artist as performer as any standout artist should convince you: during a blistering live set. While I was very much looking forward to his set prior to the show, I didn’t anticipate being floored. I haven’t listened to his studio work the same since. I purposely ignored listening to advance release singles from Rocket, choosing to hear them

album is dancey and fun, with dreamy vocals from main singer guy Nic Offer, and guest vocals that lend more drama to some of the recordings. Matisyahu,“Undercurrent”

May 19 Rammstein,“Live In Paris” DISCLAIMER: Rammstein is one of my favorite bands and easily the best two concerts I have ever been to. This CD/DVD combo is a recording of a concert from 2012 in front of a massive audience, and it does wonders to showcase the spectacle of the performance. Jonas Akerlund employs a dizzying editing technique on the DVD that was almost too much for me, and made it hard to absorb all of what Rammstein performances entail. On the band’s side though, they are in top form as always. The riffs hit hard, the weirdness of the keyboard player Flake comes across in his strange, flittery performance, and vocalist Till Lindemann growls with a mighty churn. This is their third live album, and if you have any of the others, this one probably won’t change your life. But if you are die hard for Rammstein like myself, you have to snag a copy. !!!,“Shake The Shudder” Dance-punk is not a genre I had heard of before researching for this record release. I know !!! (Chk Chk Chk if you wanna say it with your mouth) from my dear friends Ryan and Brondo’s compulsive obsession with them. The new record sounds about what I expected, and the band went in with the ethos of “there are no bad synths,” which speaks to me as a synthesizer man myself. The

I have a very specific idea of what Matisyahu sounds like in my head, and that sound shows up occasionally on the new record. For the most part, “Undercurrent” struck me more like subdued hip-hop with a backing band than the reggae I remember. Admittedly, I haven’t listened to much of his more recent material, but some of the moments on “Undercurrent” strike me as almost lost bits of the more spiritual Brother Ali records rather than the fast rhyming typically accredited to the style of reggae he used to produce. I dug the record though; it’s vibey and mellow and good to hang out and smoke and talk about life to.

within the context of the full record. I had read that the tracks leaned into folkier territories, which intrigued more than anything. I am certainly glad to have waited. The new record has moments of country-tinged rock, “jazz-pop,” and straightforward indie-leaning rock music, making for an album that will certainly appeal to a varied cross section of fans. I highly recommend this record. It will certainly make a smattering of “Best of” lists at year’s end, likely mine included. For fans of Sebadoh, Kurt Vile, Built to Spill, Stephen Malkmus (solo, with The Jicks and even a few moments of Pavement), Elliott Smith and early Modest Mouse. —— Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.org

fortable. John Darnielle has an uncanny ability to speak to all of us in some way that disarms us. On this album, it is my turn. What happens when moodiness just keeps you unhappy? Find out on “Goths” and learn why some people find goth early in life only to buy into society later on, while some do the opposite. Somehow, this album also manages to be

an indie folk record while not including any guitars at all, which is an accomplishment in its own right. “Goths” is brooding and uplifting and absolutely wonderful if you have ever strayed onto the gothic path, and I expect to be listening to this one long after its initial release. —— Cooper Stapleton

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Wavves,“You’re Welcome” Surfy as heck, Wavves returns with their new album, “You’re Welcome.” The title speaks to a lot of the confidence and swagger present throughout. I never really got into these guys, though, while I now appreciate lo-fi and no-wave a lot more than I used to (shouts to GURL HURL on KDUR for educating me), Wavves still comes off a bit too cornball for me to take seriously. Maybe that’s the point and I just don’t get it. It’s cheesy at times but also lacks punch, which I expect more of when people tell me I’m listening to punk rock. The Mountain Goats,“Goths” A concept album about how goths cope with the real world speaks directly to me in a way that almost makes me uncom-

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[beer]

First Draughts | Robert Alan Wendeborn

Still being gobbled up, when will indie brewers dig in?

’m not going to lie, I feel like I’ve written this column before, in part because I have. I have written so many posts about AB buyouts of smaller breweries, homebrew shops, and blogs, that I’ve lost count. On May 3, AB-Inbev, the megabrewery based in Belgium, huckster of Budweiser, Shock Top, Landshark Lager and a dozen-plus other terrible beers, bought their 10th craft brewery, the Asheville North Carolina-based Wicked Weed. The AB buyout of Wicked Weed will not be the last; it’s going to keep happening. But somehow this transaction felt worse, in that AB was able to buy a crown jewel of the craft beer community.

They were able to buy something that meant something to people in the community. Wicked Weed was one of the most collaborative, innovative, and forward-thinking craft brewers in America. Wicked Weed was very active in the sour beer community especially. There were 74 breweries scheduled to pour at WW’s annual Funkatorium Invitational in July, and they regularly collaborated with other sour breweries. The buyout hit the sour community pretty hard: There were at least three breweries that backed out of collaboration beers already in the works with Wicked Weed, (Rare Barrel, Jester King, and Black Project) and so many breweries pulled out

(52 out of the 74) of the Funkatorium Invitational that it has been postponed to September. Now, I still hold that AB is not buying brands, production capacity, or access to market, but they are buying culture, authenticity, a good reputation – anything that they cannot build or brew themselves. True, they can

use purchases like this to inflate the price of their shitty legacy brands – Budweiser, Bud Light, and Bud Light Lime. And they can build a regional brewery into a national or international brand, as demonstrated by what they’ve done with Goose Island, after it was purchased in 2011. Around the same time that the

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vitriol. So what’s the difference? In my mind, it feels different. Partly because Heineken, though massive, is still independently owned. Partly because Lagunitas is almost 25 years old. Partly because Lagunitas grew to a massive size without any kind of capital from outside breweries. Partly because I agree with the politics of Lagunitas as a company (420 and environmentally friendly), and Heineken as well. I mean, I legit teared up a little bit watching their newest ad, which brings strangers together over a beer (there’s a lot more to it, but you have to watch it). Even still, it’s pretty sad. I’m sure that we’re seeing a radical change in craft beer. I’m sure that someday during my lifetime, Petaluma will be known as the former headquarters of Lagunitas. There will be more sellouts in Asheville. You’ll have to check some kind of Wikipedia list to find out if the brewpub you’re David Holub/DGO walking into is owned by a megabrewery. But I also see a dig-in attitude forming among indeWicked Weed story was announced, Lagunitas, a “First pendent brewers, a reinforcement of AB as an enemy of the Wave” craft brewery based in Petaluma, California, anrevolution. I’ve definitely doubled down on my insistence nounced Heineken was buying the remaining stake in the on buying independent craft beer. I’ll still have a High Life company (Heineken bought a 50 percent stake in Septemevery now and then, and a Coor’s Banquet when I’m in the mood, but seriously, [eff] AB. ber 2015). People in Lagunitas got new titles and chains of command were slightly moved around, but nothing else seems to have changed. In some people’s eyes, Lagunitas Robert Alan Wendeborn is a former cellar operator at Ska Brewshould be just as vilified and people should be just as hearting and current lead cellar operator at Tin Roof Brewing in Baton broken, but all I’ve seen are little jests, small jabs, but no Rouge, Louisiana.

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[eat]

SUMMER FOOD FESTIVALS ARE HERE!

»» Get in car. Drive to gastronomic delights. Put in mouth.

Bacon. Beer. Wine. BBQ. What do all these things have in common? They all have FESTIVALS dedicated to them. Summer food fest season is here and you can be danged sure we are hitting up peach and taco tents to our dark heart’s content. Here’s a bigass list of food festivals in or around Durango. None of these sweet and savory celebrations is more than a seven-hour road trip away. Note: Cost is gate entry only. Food is not included in most ticket prices.

COLORADO

BCI Media file

»» Nick Tachery flips flatiron steaks for the Ore House at the 2016 Taste Of Durango.

Food festival survival tips

Taste of Durango

soms headline with food trucks, breweries, and restaurants aplenty to snack attack at.

When: 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Sunday, May 21

Details: https://tasteoffortcollins.com

Where: 800 Main Ave Between 8th and 12th St., Durango

Men who Grill

»»Get there early to get parking.

When: 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Saturday, June 10

»»Bring cash money. Nobody’s got time for your credit card, or worse, cards aren’t taken and you have to stop nomming to find an ATM.

Cost: Free entry What: Local breweries, artisan cocktails, and piles of delicious dishes you always meant to try while listening to live tunes from the likes of Elder Grown. Event benefits Manna soup kitchen. Details: www.tasteofdurango.com

Taste of Fort Collins When: Friday, June 9-11 Where: Fort Collins (8.5 hours from Durango)

Where: Buckley Park in Durango Cost: $20 advance, $25 day of What: An all-you-caneat grilled foods extravaganza with music by the Kirk James Blues Band and proceeds benefiting the Women’s Resource Center. Details: https://www. eventbrite.com/e/menwho-grill-2017-tickets34037522145?aff=es2

If you’re going to hit up a food festival this year, be prepared. Here are the biggies to remember before you head out the door. »»For the love of the food gods, wear sunscreen. »»Know you’re obsessed with a food? Bring a carry-out tote bag.

Boutique wine, craft beers, and artisan ciders will be paired with ingredients that include dry-aged beef, whole pig, squab, and heirloom vegetables. Details: http://cochon555.com/2017-tour/ snowmass/

Colorado BBQ Challenge When: Thursday, June 15-17

»»Make a game plan. Most food fairs have restaurants listed and maps online.

Where: Frisco, (5 hours from Durango)

»»Water is expensive. A lot of festivals will let you bring your own water bottle in. Especially if it is tucked away in your tote bag.

Cost: $20

»»Depending on the fest, don’t wear your best. Unless you are going to a posh food expo, expect to get bumped or spilled on. »»Have a fully-charged phone to taunt your friends with pics of the fab food you’re devouring.

Cost: $20

Cochon555’s Heritage Fire

Where: Snowmass Village (5 hours from Durango)

What: Plain White T’s, St. Lucia, and Gin Blos-

When: 4-7:30 p.m., Saturday, June 17

Cost: $125 to $200 (VIP)

What: 50 chefs and butchers grill heritage-breed, ethically-raised animals with globally-inspired recipes.

What: The 24th Annual Colorado BBQ Challenge will feature over 70 BBQ aficionados cooking pork, ribs, brisket, chicken, and whatever else they can get grill marks on. There’ll be seven bands, pig races, a whiskey tour, a Bacon Burner 6K, and a hellton of eats. Details: www.townoffrisco.com/play/colorado-bbq-challenge/ general-info/

Keystone Bacon and Beer Festival When: Saturday, June 24-25 Where: Keystone (7 hours from Durango) Cost: $4 for a-la-carte items to $55 package deals What: Get your bacon salted, dried, smoked – however you want it, they got it. Wash it down with the Jim Beam Bourbon Tour, specialty bloody Mary’s, and a rock and country lineup featuring bands like Panda’s and People and Hell’s Belles. Details: www.keystonefestivals.com/ festivals/bacon-and-bourbon-festival

ARIZONA Taco Festival When: Noon-6 p.m., Saturday, July 1 Where: Flagstaff, AZ (5 hours from Durango)

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[eat] Cost: $12 general entry, plus $2 tacos inside

Taste and Toast of Albuquerque

hours from Durango)

What: How many tacos can you eat? Find out in Flagstaff while watching a Chihuahua beauty pageant and swilling tequila.

When: Noon-5 p.m., Saturday, Aug. 13

What: This international food fest mixes haute cuisine and street food, plus arts, live music, and beer garden, with proceeds benefiting local arts programming.

CornFest When: Friday, July 14- 15 Where: Camp Verde, AZ ( 6 hours from Durango)

Cost: $20 What: More than 20 eateries and eight breweries raise money for charity through delectable fest food with live music all day in the heart of Albuquerque’s premium shopping district.

Cost: Free entry

Details: www.eventbrite.com/e/tasteand-toast-of-abq-tickets-25359431743#

What: Cornhole tournament, craft fair, birding excursion, river rafting, and all the dang corn you can eat awaits you.

Hot Chili Days, Cool Mountain Nights

Details: http://www.campverdepromotions.org/events/cornfest

When: Wednesday, Aug. 16-19

NEW MEXICO

Cost: TBD

Vintage Albuquerque When: Wednesday, June 21-25 Where: Albuquerque (4 hours from Durango)

What: Munch all day on BBQ while watching the New Mexico State Green Chile Championship and the Lone Star BBQ Society cook-off then chill out all night to roots and rock tunes. Details: http://www.larryjoetaylor. com/red_river.htm

What: Posh-tastic wine and food tastings in varied locations will cater to your oh-my-god-it’s-like-the-Food-Channel dreams.

UTAH

Details: www.vintagealbuquerque.org

When: Saturday, June 10-18

Mac and Cheese Festival

Where: Pleasant Grove, UT (6 hours from Durango)

Strawberry Days

Where: Farmington (1 hour from Durango) Cost: $35 plus tax

Details: www.strawberrydays.org

Rio Rancho Pork and Brew

Park City Food and Wine Classic When: Thursday, July 6-9 Where: Park City, UT (7 hours from Durango) Cost: $95 to $265

When: Saturday, July 1-3

What: Destination deliciousness for winelovers and foodies, featuring more than 100 food artisans, wineries, breweries, and epicurean eateries. 21-plus.

Where: Rio Rancho, NM (3.5 hours from Durango)

Details: https://parkcityfoodandwineclassic.com

Cost: $0 to $6 What: A hog heaven of BBQ, beer, and live music that draws 15,000 visitors a year. Details: http://www.visitriorancho.org/

Details: www.cityofhurricane.com/categories/about/events/peach-days/ —— Patty Templeton

When: Thursday, Aug. 31-Sept. 2

DGO Staff Writer

HOME OF THE COOLEST MARGARITAS IN TOWN! HAPPY HOUR

Monday - Friday 2:30pm - 6pm 948 Main Ave · Durango, Co 970.259.7655 257403

Tues -Fri Lunch Specials: 12:00 - 3:30 Lunches under $10

Wasatch International Food Festival When: Friday, Aug. 18-19 Where: West Valley City, UT ( 6.5

Pint Day

rs on T Bee ap 8 3

MON & THURS $3.25 PINTS $2.50 DRAWS

Details: www.themacandcheesefest. com/

What: Peaches EVERYWHERE! A peach cook-off, food booths, a rodeo, 12K run, live entertainment, and a quilt and craft show.

Peach Days

Cost: TBD What: A freakin’ carnival, a rodeo, a tea party, pie eating contests, car show, and strawberries up the WAZOO!

What: Berg Park along the Animas River will be packed with MAC! Get a lovely form of too-full, eating every variety of mac and cheese imaginable. And hooch it all down, at this 21-plus event.

Details: www.foodfestutah.org/about. html

Cost: TBD

Where: Red River, NM (4.5 hours from Durango)

Cost: $125 and up

When: 1-5 p.m., Saturday, June 24

Cost: $5

Details: https://thetacofestival.com

Where: Albuquerque (4 hours from Durango)

Where: Hurricane, UT (6.5 hours from Durango)

s e a n d Kit

TACO TUESDAY

Happy Hour

3-6PM $3.50 PINTS, $2.50 DRAWS & 25% OFF SELECT APPETIZERS

$1 TACOS!

LADIES NIGHT WEDNESDAY - 6PM $1 MARGARITAS!

Try Our Famous Lady Falcon Burger (970) 382-9664 • DOWNSTAIRS AT 640 MAIN AVENUE

�� Thursday, May 18, 2017 | 11

[eat]

ub /D Ho l Da vid

»» Talking

FOOD MYTHS THAT ARE SUPER BS – OR NOT to a dietitian to separate trend from truth

Gall

Energy drinks are badass because they have ginseng and other healthy stuff in

Continued on Page 14

I am irritated with energy drinks. [Laughs.] People love energy drinks. It is way worse than soda, in my mind. You have these energy drinks that have loads of caffeine, loads of sugar, and these ingredients that no research has been done on, like taurine.

[Laughs.] I don’t think it always means “healthy” because the United States has really loose laws on what they consider organic, when you compare it to Europe’s standards. Companies can easily get around guidelines by using a certain type of chemical or maybe not as much of a certain chemical. There is wiggle room.

’em, yeah?

“S

I think a lot of people believe that carbs are really bad for you. They’re not. You’re brain and your red blood cells must function on carbohydrates. People think they are doing really good for their body by doing lowcarb, no-carb, high-fat, high-protein diets, but in the end it causes a really bad brain fog. It takes months for that to happen, but it happens.

Is everything that says organic healthy?

Are carbs evil and to be avoided at all costs?

”

arbs will kill you. Kombucha will cure everything. Red wine will lengthen your life. Chocolate causes acne. Are these statements true or false? How should we know!? Every other day, friends or the interwebs high-fives us another food “fact.” Food myths begin in many ways. Sometimes bloggers get stoked about a product and Pinterest the heck out of it because they were paid to write about it. Other times, scientists are sponsored by the very food companies that they’re researching. Of course they will heighten the positive and omit the negative of the product of their employer. More often than not, food myths get started because your friend told you something that their friend told them that supposedly they heard from a doctor or a great aunt or in a copy of Cosmo. Telephone tag facts never hold up, but they do hold your attention. What remains true is that when a “superfood” seems too good to be true, it probably is. When a diet trend seems to cure everything from fat feet to cancer, it probably doesn’t. It can be hard to tell a hyped-up food myth from dietary fact. DGO spoke to Stephanie Gall, registered dietitian and manager of nutrition and environmental services at Mercy Regional Medical Center, to bust food myths and sling snack truths.

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�� Thursday, May 18, 2017 | 13

[eat] From Page 13

People are doing more than one of those a day. A study came out about it causing heart attacks in younger people, like 30-year-olds. They would get heart attacks from drinking four or five energy drinks a day. Are calories at night more fattening? Like, should I not eat that tempeh sloppy joe 15 minutes before bed? This is kind of half-true. When you eat calories at night and then go right to bed, you aren’t burning any energy. If you eat something and just walk around or go about your evening activities, you’re still burning something. At night, it is more likely that all those calories are going to go to fat storage because you aren’t doing anything besides lying there and breathing. If you eat earlier in the day, you’re fueling your daily activities. So, halftrue. Is butter the devil and people should eat margarine? In my opinion, as a nutrition professional, butter is better for you because it’s more natural and not as processed. All margarines are made through solidification. The ingredients that make margarine are oils at room temperature so they have to add something to make it solid. That something is usually hydrogen, which is really bad, way worse than the saturated fat that you would get with the butter. Does fat-free mean healthy? I think that’s also false. When you take out something, you have to put in something. When you take out the fat, you have to put in something to mask the taste of it not having fat. Usually, that’s salt, sugar, and trans fats. Are frozen foods garbage nutrition compared to fresh foods? Frozen foods are actually quite healthy. Especially if you are a single person and don’t have the ability to store or cook through whatever you buy in a day and you want to store it frozen. I think those are just as healthy. Canned is probably the worst. There’s no way juice isn’t healthy, right? Juice is not always healthy. People over-consume calories and there’s no fiber in it. If you’re sick or have little kids who need vitamin C, sure, but any time you can eat the fruit rather than drink the fruit, it is going to be better for you. Every salad is bomb-ass healthtastic ... [Laughs.] No! A salad can be way more calories than a hamburger, depending on what’s on it. If you’re eating a nice, leafy green salad with a lot of veggies and a squeeze of lemon juice – totally healthy! But you could also be eating Cobb salad, which has barely any lettuce and a bunch of meat, eggs, cheese, all that stuff that makes it more calorie-dense than a burger.

Is coffee bad and massively dehydrating? No, I don’t think so. Caffeine certainly stimulates your bladder to go more, so you end up peeing more. But that doesn’t mean you’re dehydrated as long as you are keeping an intake of fluids going. Should you feed a cold and starve a fever? No. When your body temperature goes up, you’re burning more calories, so to not eat is to put your body in a malnourished state. You’re not giving it what it needs. It needs vitamin C and zinc to recover from a cold. You should totally eat. Can protein shakes be a substitute for a meal, all the time? I think it depends on what you’re putting in your protein shake. If it’s a nice blend of fruits and veggies then that’s OK, but if it’s an Ensure shake over the counter that has a lot of sugar in it, probably not. The internet says none of us are getting enough protein. People believe they need a lot more protein than they do ... We really eat a lot of protein as Americans, almost double the amount we should. It’s a fallacy that we’re not getting enough.

What about vegetarians and vegans, definitely not enough protein, right? I think that vegetarians and vegans actually achieve the adequate amount. There’s protein in all sorts of foods. Even if you eat rice, there’s protein in there. I think there’s this bodybuilder mentality. This paleo diet idea: “I have to have all and only protein for me to build muscle,” which is not true. So all-protein, all the time isn’t good? Too much protein is definitely really dangerous, especially if you have a history of kidney disease in your family or if you’re not maintaining adequate hydration. It’s really hard on your kidneys to process all that protein and you need a lot of water. The excessive dehydration, especially at this altitude, can certainly cause what Continued on Page 15

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[eat] From Page 14

we call acute kidney injury. It’s reversible, but a lot of people who over-protein, under-hydrate end up with acute kidney failure.

FOOD STORAGE:

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

Smoothies are sacred AF, and always healthy, yeah?

»» Dietitian tips to make perishables last longer

[Laughs.] No! Smoothies, just like salads, can be way more calories than you think you’re getting. Just because there is a healthy perception that it is good for you doesn’t mean it is. You want to look out for the size of your smoothie, first. An 8- to 10-ounce smoothie is not that big of a deal, but a lot of them are 24 or 32 ounces. You then want to notice the sugar. It can be as much as a soda.

Holy f. How did I spend 12 bucks on grapes? Now that I have them, I sure don’t want the grapes to go bad before I finish them. How do I store my grapes – let alone my other groceries – to make them last? I am a grownass woman who doesn’t know how to store grapes. So I talked to Stephanie Gall, registered dietitian and manager of nutrition and environmental services at Mercy Regional Medical Center, to find out how to properly store groceries. What does everybody get wrong in food storage? What belongs in the refrigerator and what doesn’t, I think that’s a big thing ... Look at the way the grocery store presents everything, whether it is refrigerated or not, and I think that’s a good way to store it at home.

What dietary directory can people look to? I really like the Harvard’s Healthy Eating Plate. Harvard took the USDA’s MyPlate and made it more universal. They have water with it and a better representation of foods. It is an unbiased dietary representation.

When should you use the fridge? The only time to refrigerate is when you want to extend shelf-life. Say you’ve got a ripe avocado, you can give it an extra day or two by putting it in the fridge. For the most part, you don’t want to store them in there because it deteriorates the flavor and also impacts the other fruits and veggies around it. A lot of them give off gas. That gas will cause things to ripen or not ripen or go bad quicker.

How can we separate food fact from fiction? There’s so much on the internet that is on both sides that you don’t know what’s real or not. Then you’ve got newspapers and TV saying this or that is good for you, but nutrition is such a young science. We don’t know much. It hasn’t been around as long as math or biology, which looks at cells. They have looked at cells for hundreds of years and nutrition has only come into its growth in the past hundred years. We are babies. That’s why there’s always so much conflicting information. I think the best place for people to get information is accredited professionals who read the literature, (which is) not like going to a health food store and asking the person behind the counter, because those people don’t necessarily have a degree. They want to sell you something. They’re not always professional dietitians or nutritionists. You really have to get to the people who read the literature. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

All your greens are typically refrigerated. Onions, potatoes don’t have to be. How can you store fresh herbs?

BCI Media file

»» Tyler Hold of Green Table Farms in Mancos holds Balck Seeded Simpson lettace for sale last year at the Durango Farmers Market.

I usually wrap mine in a wet paper towel or you can put it in a vase or glass of water. I think the worst thing you can do is open the drawer and throw it in. When you do that, the humidity impacts your whole refrigerator. Herbs are very high in humidity. You want to give them a space to be in their own humidity. In the drawer, all the humidity is going to leak out through the rest of the fridge. If you put them in a bag or wrap it in a paper towel and then put it in a bag, it makes it last about a week. What about leafy greens?

The Durango Farmers Market is back! There are 35 farms from the five-county region represented at this year’s Durango Farmers Market. It’s open from 8 a.m. to noon every Saturday through October. The market will feature farm-fresh produce, plus the likes of eggs, meats, and cheeses, along with food vendors including Durango Coffee Company, Fired Up Pizzeria, Mountain Stir Fry, Bread, and Soup Palette. Plus music. Plus crafts and art. Plus adventure! Buy local, get your ass to the Durango Farmers Market. Details: www.durangofarmersmarket.com

I wrap all of my greens, too. If I have kale or chard, I wrap that in a paper towel and put that end in the bag and then the leafy end is hanging out. What about extending fruit life? I think berries are the hardest thing. When I get berries, I spray them with this mixture that is one part vinegar and three parts water, in a spray bottle. What that does is it kills the bacteria and mold that is on the outside. I then put them in the fridge. Mold is what kills off berries. Grapes are the same way. Once you bring them home, spray them down and put them in the back of the fridge and they should last longer. Should you spray down all your fruit? I don’t necessarily spray down all of them. I wash them all

—— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

Continued on Page 15

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[democracy]

From Page 15

in a bag and take pinches out. You can keep those even into their “dead life,” so to speak, and use them still.

before I use them. A lot of times the organic ones or the CSA or wherever you get your veggies, they tend to have bugs in them. If you’re getting organic, there’s going to be bugs in there. No getting around it. I wash everything. Even bagged lettuce that comes “pre-washed,” I would wash that, too. Where does bread go? There are people on both sides of the fence here. I always keep my bread in the fridge. Once it is open and on the counter, it’s exposed to more of the mold and yeast that is in the air which makes mold grow on the bread. The counter is the perfect temperature and humidity for stuff to grow. If you put it in the fridge, it slows all that down. I didn’t eat all the veggies I cut, how do I store leftovers? When you cut vegetables, the more watery the vegetable the more you should consider putting it in water. Green peppers, red peppers, they’re pretty watery. So when you cut them you can put them in a container half filled with water and it will give them extra life.

How long can you freeze stuff? Veggies are good in the freezer for one to two months. Once they get freezer burn, they’re probably done. It’s really important to get all of the air out of the bag. Put it in there, squish all the air out. All that extra air will burn it. It won’t taste as good and it will have poor quality. What if you effed up and everything has freezer burn? [If] it is has freezer burn and you don’t want to get rid of it, put it in a soup. That’s a good place to use it. What else can you freeze? I usually save my kitchen scraps. If I’m making a stir fry and I’m cutting up an onion – you can save the ends of the onions or just pieces that aren’t really great quality, like the ends of a green pepper that are round. You can save that in a bag and then add it to a soup to make a base or make a stock out of it. If you’re going to peel your carrots, freeze all those peels and put it in your stock. Any other tips?

Things like carrots are root vegetables. They’re pretty dry. You can cut those and just put them in a bag or container.

Ziploc bags! I’m a big Ziploc fan. I use them to store a lot of things, like crackers, just so they don’t get stale.

Are use-by dates a crock of s?

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Contradictory to what we learned growing up, you can use home groceries past the expiration date. People think: you get milk, it has a date, you can’t use it past the date. Which isn’t true. Use your milk till it smells weird or tastes weird. That is a good general rule, smell it, give it a taste. A fruit or veggie is starting to go bad. Is the only option the trash? I have a progression. I have food that is in the fridge then I say, “OK, it is going bad, now it’s time to move it to the freezer.” I’ll freeze it with the intention to use it. Like if it is a fruit, I’ll use it in a smoothie or may bake it into a cobbler. Veggies are the same way. Green beans, asparagus. Cut it up and get it ready and put it in the freezer. It works for most things. It doesn’t work well for potatoes. What about herbs about to go bad? If I have herbs that are going bad, you can chop them up into fine pieces and freeze them in an ice cube tray. Freeze them in broth, or water, or butter, or just by themselves. You can do a pre-made cube or you can put it

»» An old and wrinkled pepper. Peppers should be stored in water to extend their lives. Adobe Stock

—— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

Trump thinks he is an outsider FROM THE FILES OF

News you need to know

On Saturday, May 13, President Trump gave his first commencement speech. It was at Liberty NOT University, an NORMAL evangelical institution created by Jerry “AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals” Falwell. During his speech, Trump said, “Relish the opportunity to be an outsider,” he continued. “Embrace that label. Being an outsider is fine. Embrace the label, because it’s the outsiders who change the world and who make a real and lasting difference.”

Why this is not normal Donald Trump may have been an outsider to mainstream politics, having only had experience in political commentary through the media before his presidency, but in no other way is he an outsider. Here are a few of the insider advantages Trump has had in life: »»President Trump was born a white man in pre-Civil Rights era 1946. »»Trump grew up in an exclusive Queens’ neighborhood with private schools and a real estate mogul father worth at least $200 million. »»The Donald received four educational draft deferments and one medical deferment (for bone spurs) that allowed him to avoid serving in the Vietnam War. »»When his dad died in 1974, Trump received an estimated $40 million inheritance. Possibly more. »»Because of his father, Donald Trump had an open line of credit and personal funds to go into whatever business his heart desired. In addition, he had his father’s healthy, wealthy company handed to him on a gold plate. But, sure, why not, let’s all keep pretending that Trump came up by his bootstraps and outsider ingenuity. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

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[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

How to care for your plants during the seedling phase

hen they are young, cannabis plants are tender little creations; like a mama tiger and cub, your baby Cannabis sativa needs your loving guidance until she is strong enough to stand on her own. This week’s installment addresses the needs of cannabis plants that have passed the seedling phase and have developed into viable young plants. The first thing you will need is light. Until your plants are ready to go into flower, they are in what is known as the vegetative state. This is the cycle of their existence when vitally important characteristics like root growth, strength of stems, and size are developed. Overall wellness should be your focus during this time period. During the vegetative phase, your plants should be given light for 24 hours, every single day. Some say that 16 to 18 hours is enough, but since you can definitely use the sun as your light source for the duration of time that it shines brightly, and you will definitely need supplemental lighting, I strongly recommend the ’round-theclock method. Too much is at stake in the veg phase to skimp on providing anything but the best opportunity for your babies to grow into full-fledged tigresses. There are multiple directions you might travel in coming to a decision on what type of technology you invest in. I find the convertible ballast light to be a solid option due to the fact that they are able to accept both metal halide (vegetative phase) and high pressure sodium (flowering phase) bulbs, giving you the ability to continue growing past the outdoor season, a wonderful option that will allow you to run at least four additional grow cycles per year. You can pick up a small convertible ballast light setup containing the ballast, the hood, and the bulb for under $300. If you want to go a less expensive route ($100 or under), you can use standard

shop-type lamps. If this is your plan, be sure to get bulbs in the blue spectrum, as opposed to those in the red spectrum – plants in veg phase need this type of light in order to thrive. The drawback of shop lights is that they are next to useless for plants in the flowering phase. These lights should be situated far enough above your plants so that if you place your hand (palm down) at the top of the plants, it will not be too hot for your skin to remain comfortably. Keep in mind that they will grow rapidly during this period of their lives – think middle -schoolers – so the lighting setup will have to be raised or the surface on which the plants rests will have to be lowered at least once a week. The other piece of equipment you will need is an oscillating fan (or two). This is the workout plan for your cannabis plants; a consistent, gentle (especially at first) breeze trains the stalks of your girls to adapt by adjusting to the constantly shifting wind created by the fan’s movement. You will want to move the fans or plants or to rotate the surface every couple days in order to ensure that the plants are all receiving wind at the same rate, allowing them to develop equally. The fans will cause the soil to dry out faster than it otherwise would, so be sure that it remains moist to the depth of your first knuckle. This will require at least daily monitoring, especially on warmer days. The health of your stalks is a potentially-overlooked component of the overall success and eventual best harvest of the flowers; they are the pathway through which all water and nutrients flow to the buds. Leaves will come and go, but each C. sativa has but one stalk, and taking care to strengthen and condition it during its early days will pay huge dividends come autumn. Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.

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�� Thursday, May 18, 2017 | 17

[love and sex]

Savage Love | Dan Savage

It might be your POV on PIV that needs to change I’m a happily married straight man. My wife, who is 33 years old, cannot orgasm through intercourse since we had our last child. Her explanation is that she has this constant sensation to pee. Now we find other means to please her through toys, oral, etc. Are there exercises or other means to get her to climax through intercourse? Is this common from childbirth? Climaxing Liberally Is Fun “Failure to orgasm with penile penetration is not a medical condition,” said Dr. Jennifer Gunter, an ob-gyn, writer (drjengunter.wordpress.com), and kick-ass tweeter who practices in the San Francisco Bay Area. “If a woman can orgasm with other methods – oral sex or masturbation or toys – then that means everything is working just fine. Remember, it’s not how she gets to the party that matters, it’s that she got to attend the party.” As all straight men need to be aware, CLIF, only a small number of women – less than a quarter – can get off from vaginal intercourse alone, aka PIV. “Most women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and often the mechanics of penile penetration just don’t produce the right kind of friction,” said Dr. Gunter. “It’s possible that the subtle anatomical changes post-childbirth have altered the friction mechanics of your coupling. Introducing a vibrator during sex might help.” And while we’re on the subject of clits, CLIF ... We abbreviate sign-offs around here, as everyone knows, and like PIV for your wife, CLIF, your sign-off didn’t quite get you there. You could’ve gone with “Climaxing Liberally Is Terrific” or “Tremendous” or “Totally Spectacular,” but you didn’t. Perhaps it was an innocent brain fart – perhaps I’m reading too much into this – but if you didn’t spot the near-CLIT staring you in the face in your sign-off, CLIF, it seems possible that you may have overlooked your wife’s clit, too. Also possible: Your wife wasn’t actually having orgasms “through intercourse” before she gave birth to

your last child. You’re clearly invested in climaxing together – just like in the movies and porn and other fictions – and your wife, like many women, may have been faking orgasms to please a male partner. Tired of faking orgasms, your wife seized on the birth of your last child to explain why she “suddenly” couldn’t come from PIV alone anymore. What about your wife’s constant sensation to pee during intercourse? “That’s something to be looked at,” Dr. Gunter said. “After childbirth (and sometimes just with age), women can develop an overactive bladder or pelvic-muscle issues, and these could be exacerbated during penetration, making a woman feel as if she needs to empty her bladder. Worrying about peeing during sex might be holding her back. It might be worth a visit to a pelvic floor physical therapist and/ or a urogynecologist if this sensation to pee during sex is bothering her. But if neither the lack of orgasm with penile penetration nor the urgency to pee is bothering her, and she is having orgasms other ways and is happy with that, I would be happy with it, too. After all, it’s her orgasm, and stress or pressure to orgasm a particular way might negatively affect her party.” Follow Dr. Gunter on Twitter @ DrJenGunter. Do it: She’s amazing and hilarious, and she kicks right-wing, anti-choice, sex-negative ass up and down Twitter on a daily basis. I’m a 29-year-old man who desires a monogamous relationship. I’m currently in an LTR with a 29-year-old woman. Despite my feelings about monogamy, I’ve sought attention from women and men on dating apps. I’ve gotten caught doing this more than once. I have never met up with anyone in real life, and my girlfriend has yet to find out about the use of gay dating apps. After some soul-searching, I realized that my bisexuality is a huge issue in our relationship. I’ve never discussed it with her, and while I don’t think she would react negatively, I’m scared of how it would affect our relationship. I’m not

sure whether to go to therapy, bring it up with my girlfriend, or do some combination of the two. I’d love some advice about having this discussion in a way that won’t end my relationship. I’m not really interested in an open relationship, and I would like to stay with my girlfriend, but I’m confused because I don’t know if a monogamous relationship will still be what I want once I open up about my sexuality. It seems like a no-win situation – stay in the closet and no one knows but I keep wanting outside attention, or tell her the real reason I’ve used dating apps and probably lose the relationship. Bisexual Reeling About Closeted Ethical Dilemma The use of gay dating apps isn’t the issue – it’s your use of them. And while I’m nitpicking: It’s not “outside attention” you want, BRACED, it’s [rooster]. Backing way the hell up: Lots of partnered people – even contentedly monogamous people – dink around on dating apps for the attention, for the ego boost, for the spank bank. Fakes and flakes annoy the people who are looking for actual dates on those apps, of course, but apps are the new pick-up bars, and partnered people were strolling into pick-up bars to harmlessly flirt with strangers before heading home to their mates, all charged up, long before apps came along. The dangers and temptations of app-facilitated flirtations are greater, of course, because unlike the person you briefly flirted with in a bar, the person you flirted with on an app can find you again – hell, they come home with you, in your pocket, and you can easily reconnect with them later. But the real issue here isn’t apps or flirting along the harmless/dangerous spectrum, BRACED, it’s closets – specifically, the one you’re in. The closet is a miserable place to be, as you know, and the only relevant question is whether you can spend the rest of your life in there. If the answer is no – and it sure sounds like it’s no (you sound miserable)

– then you’ll have to come out to your girlfriend. If you don’t think monogamy will be right for you once you’re out, then monogamy may not be right for you period. Find yourself a queer-positive therapist, come out to your GF with their help, and allow her to make an informed choice about whether she wants to be with you. Worry less about the right words, BRACED, and more about the truthful ones. A woman recently wrote to you that her husband could not maintain an erection for “more than a few thrusts.” She said that Viagra is of no use to them (the drug gave him headaches) and she was contemplating the pursuit of sexual affairs with other men who could better serve her needs (with her husband’s permission). No need for me to rehash what you told her. I want to call your attention to a better solution to their quandary: Any competent urologist can write a prescription for a preparation known as Trimix (phentolamine, papaverine, and prostaglandin, in various strengths), which must be supplied by a compounding pharmacy. Or failing that prescription, then alternatively one for a brand-name drug called Caverject. Both of these preparations are injected directly into the penis – into the corpora cavernosa, to be specific – and both effectively enable an erection of prodigious size and stiffness that will endure for as much as six hours. Potential Alternate Solution Sidesteps Infidelities’ Obvious Negatives Thanks for sharing, PASSION. And to guys out there with erectile dysfunction: Ask your doctor if Caverject is right for you? Dan Savage is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist writing for The Stranger in Seattle. Contact him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter and listen to his podcast every week at savagelovecast.com.

18 | Thursday, May 18, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[happening] DGO’s weekend picks in or near Durango Get fabulously bloated and full at the Taste of Durango Food! Food! FOOD! Party! Party! PARTY! All of the Durango noms you ever wanted to try will line Main Ave. between 8th and 12th St. for the Taste of Durango. On Sunday, May 21 from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. food, beer, and fun will take over downtown. This summer-season kick-off party will feature dozens of local food, brew artisans and music by Elder Grown. This all-ages event is free to enter and family-friendly. Information: www.tasteofdurango.com

Hot wax and record hunting Is that the XTRMST EP? Wait, what, you have Common Rider “Last Wave Rockers”??? Motörhead? Seriously, do you have any, because I would kill for most of it. Who knows what you might find at the Durango Record Collectors’ Swap Meet hosted by Southwest Sound. Head to VFW Post 4031, 1550 Main Ave., on Saturday, May 20, for a plethora of record-lined vendor tables. The music-centric swap meet will cost $5 to enter and goes from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. To keep the Record Swap Day party spinning, head to El Rancho, 975 Main Ave., for a free “Bring Your Own Vinyl” jam from 8:30 to 10:30. At 10:30 p.m., DJ BADGOAT and special guest Spark Madden will spin soul, funk, and dance tunes till late.

Fierce blues rock at Asterix Less than an hour and a half away, Asterix, 101 Ayani’Neez Blvd., Shiprock, NM, is waiting for you. It’s a new-ish, D.I.Y. club. Shows are cheap and the music’s fresh AF. On Saturday, May 20, Corey Medina and Brothers will howl out hella atmospheric, hopeful blues. Doors are at 7:30 p.m. and show starts at 8.

Thursday Wildflower Walk, all-day event,

Dolores Public Library, 1002 Railroad Ave., 882-4127. “Constant State of Change” with Stephen Day and Ray Tracey, all-day event, Sorrel Sky

Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555. Start-your-own-business seminar, 8 a.m., Durango Public

Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 2477009. Durango High Noon Rotary Club officer of the year award ceremony, noon, Dou-

bleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, www.durangohighnoonrotary.com. La Plata County Luminaries Toastmasters, noon,

La Plata County Administration Building, 1101 East Second Ave., 382-6210. “Dance for Balance” dance class for seniors, 3 p.m., dona-

Archuleta Inclusion to Upper Pine Fire District, 9

Kirk James, 4-8 p.m., Balcony

a.m., Upper Pine River Fire Protection District, 515 Sower Drive, 884-9508. Trails 2000 Project Sky Steps, 9 a.m., Nature Trail, 978

East Sixth Ave., 259-4682. Durango Record Collectors Swap Meet, 9 a.m., $5, VFW Hall,

$30, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606. Levi Platero Band with Kirk James and Larry Carver,

7:30 p.m., $19-$28, Community Concert Hall, Fort Lewis College, www.durangoconcerts.com.

Friday “Constant State of Change” with Stephen Day and Ray Tracey, all-day event, Sorrel Sky

Pick up pen – learn to write plays

699 Main Ave., 375-7160.

Iam Music Spring Student Fest, 5 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, Pete Giuliani, 5-8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave., 2598111. Divorce Care Group, 6 p.m.,

$25, First United Methodist Church, 2917 Aspen Drive, 247-4213. Andy Janowsky, 7 p.m., Office

$42, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

Tuesday

Wolfwood Refuge visits, 10

a.m., Three Springs Plaza, 175 Mercado St., 764-6000. Indivisible Durango meeting, 10 a.m., Durango Public

Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 3753380. Pierre Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 247-7700.

Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380. Black Velvet Duo, 5-9 p.m., An-

imas River Café, DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, 259-6580. Colorado Public Lands Day,

6 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio, 259-9234. Artist Talk: Exploration Beyond Tradition, 6 p.m., Du-

rango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606. Kirk James Band, 7 p.m., The

Rusty Shovel Saloon, 18044 County Road 501, 884-2964.

Information: www.facebook.com/ events/1635375973438020

Multi-farm community-supported agriculture open house, 6 p.m., El Moro

Spirits and Tavern, 945 Main Ave., 259-5555. “Become a Better World Shopper,” 6 p.m., Durango Public

Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 3753380. Useless Knowledge Bowl Trivia+, 7 p.m., Durango Brewing

Co., 3000 Main Ave., 247-3396.

Wednesday “Constant State of Change” with Stephen Day and Ray Tracey, all-day event,

Public Library, 395 Bayfield Center Drive, 884-2222.

Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 4031200.

Sunday “Constant State of Change” with Stephen Day and Ray Tracey, all-day event, Sorrel Sky

Information: http://durangoarts.org

All ages.

Bean, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200.

Rob Webster, 8 p.m., Irish

Yoga with Kelli Arbogast, 10

Durango Farmers Market,

Tuesday jam, 6 p.m., Steaming

Do-it-yourself bankruptcy workshop, 9:30 a.m., Pine River

p.m., $50-$75, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Master’s Men Colorado, 6:30 a.m., DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, 259-6580.

$12, Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 375-7160.

Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

“Constant State of Change” with Stephen Day and Ray Tracey, all-day event, Sorrel Sky

Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Josh Blue Comedy Night, 7

Celebrate Colorado Public Lands Day at the Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio, on Saturday, May 20, with dancing, craft brews, a photo contest, and plenty of food. From 6 to 10 p.m., the Powerhouse will host a FREE party featuring the music of StillHouse Junkies, The Afrobeatniks, and The Outskirts.

“Constant State of Change” with Stephen Day and Ray Tracey, all-day event, Sorrel Sky

Comedy Night, 7:30 p.m., $10-

$37 DAC members, $42 general public

Saturday

Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Christian Science Reading Room, 1166 East Third Ave., 247-0218.

Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 3757260.

Powerhouse free dance fest

“Constant State of Change” with Stephen Day and Ray Tracey, all-day event, Sorrel Sky

“Make a Scene!” playwriting workshop, 10 a.m., $37-

Author Talk with Chuck Montano, 2 p.m., Durango Public

Fashion Fusion, 5:30 p.m., $18-

Monday

“A Spiritual Response to Drug Addiction,” 10 a.m.,

“Read to Rover,” 3:30 p.m.,

Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

Bar and Grill, 600 Main Ave, 4228008.

1550 Main Ave., 247-0384.

Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean

Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Held at DAC, 802 East Second Ave., participants will leave the workshop with a performance-ready short play.

rango Elks Lodge, 901 East Second Ave., 247-2296.

tions accepted, Absolute Physical Therapy and Wellness, 277 East Eighth Ave., 764-4094.

More deets: www.facebook.com/ events/1401535373255083

Can’t write a play worth a hot squirrel crap but got stories to tell? The Durango Arts Center’s gotchya covered. On Saturday, May 20, from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m., Peter Gil-Sheridan, an award-winning playwright, will workshop how to turn personal experiences into a play.

lege, 1000 Rim Drive, www.fortlewis.edu.

a.m., $8, Absolute Physical Therapy and Wellness, 277 East Eighth Ave., 764-4094. Taste of Durango, 11 a.m.-3

p.m., Main Avenue, www.tasteofdurango.com. Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean

Pierre Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 247-7700.

8 a.m.-noon, First National Bank of Durango, 259 W. Ninth St., www. durangofarmersmarket.com.

Pete Giuliani Band, 1-4 p.m.,

Home-buyer education class, 8:30 a.m., Fort Lewis Col-

Veteran yoga and meditation workshops, 2 p.m., Du-

Trimble Hot Springs, 6475 County Road 203, 247-0111.

Floor-barre class, 3 p.m., $5,

Absolute Physical Therapy and Wellness, 277 East Eighth Ave., 764-4094. Pete Giuliani, 5-9 p.m., Animas River Café, DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, 259-6580. Fracture-prevention class,

6 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

Submissions To submit listings for publication in DGO and www. dgomag.com, visit www.

swscene.com, click “Add Your Event,” enter the event info into the form, and submit. Listings at www. swscene.com will appear on www. dgomag.com and in our weekly print edition. Posting an event on www. swscene.com is free and takes one day to process.

�� Thursday, May 18, 2017 | 19

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Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Be prepared to act on an unexpected opportunity in publishing, the media, medicine, the law or anything to do with training and higher education. You will have to act quickly. TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You might see new and innovative ways to approach an inheritance or shared property. Be open. The rigid tree is the first to snap in a storm. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Difficulties in partnerships and close friendships suddenly might reveal a solution or a way to feel more free. Whatever presents itself will have a brief window of opportunity. CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

Bizarro

New ideas that are imaginative and original might help you at work. Sim-

ilarly, new ideas also might give you a boost to your health. Keep an open mind (but not so open that everything falls out).

You might see improved and innovative ideas about how to earn money. You might improve your current job or get a better job – who knows?

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)

A new approach to working with children might arise now. Whatever happens will be a welcome change. VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) You might see new ways to make improvements where you live. You might even decide to move to a new place. It’s possible that family news will surprise you. LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) A surprise opportunity to change jobs or residences might fall in your lap. If so, be ready to act quickly because the window of opportunity is brief. SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

You are pumped with enthusiasm because you see a way to make a breakthrough in a new area that you are exploring. Something definitely will expand your world and it’s exciting!

change your world. You will expand it in a way that makes you feel more in touch with how things are done. PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) Surprise opportunities that can help you in your career are now at hand. Don’t hesitate to take them. (You might not get a second chance.) BORN THIS WEEK

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)

You are warmhearted, hardworking and loving to others. This year focuses on family, loved ones and close friends; these relationships will be positive and close. You will experience success and financial accumulation in the next three years. That’s why it is wise to settle your debts this year. This also is a social year that deals with the results of last year’s changes.

New friends and contacts with groups and organizations might

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) After giving up so much for others, you are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Something ahead looks promising!

weekly bestsellers May 7-13 »»You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth, by Jen Sincero (Hardcover)

»»You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, by

Jen Sincero (Paperback) »»Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI, by David Grann (Hardcover)

»»Astrophysics for People in a Hurry, by Neil Degrasse Tyson (Hardcover) »»Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Cuture in Crisis, by J.D. Vance (Hardcover) »»The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood (Paperback) »»The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho (Paperback) »»All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr (Paperback) »»The Trials of Apollo, Book Two: The Dark Prophecy, by Rick Riordan »»The Apache Wars: The Hunt for Geronimo, the Apache Kid, and the Captive Boy Who Started the Longest War in American History, by Paul Andrew Hutton (Paperback)

22 | Thursday, May 18, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[Durango’s stories, told in their own words]

First Person | Cyle Talley

‘I JUST CAN’T GET OVER HOW LIFE IS JUST A FUNNY, SERENDIPITOUS THING.’ »» Tom Nading showed up in Telluride one day on a whim. Seven years later, he owns a guitar shop. I met Tom Nading several years ago at Telluride Music and struck up a friendship with him via our shared obsession with guitars. I ran into him at El Rancho during Bluegrass Meltdown weekend and he excitedly shared with me that he and a business partner recently purchased Telluride Music. I tell the story of how that purchase came about here, in his own words.

couple of months before I graduated from college in 2010, I got an offer to sign a lease in Telluride. I’d never been here, though I’d skied a lot of Colorado and had always wanted to live in a ski town. I have a cousin in Avon, and when I told him about the offer, he said, “Dude, there’s music, there’s so much going on – you’ve gotta go.” I took a leap of faith, signed the lease, and a couple of months later, I pulled into town. I figured I’d be bussing tables, so when I found out about Telluride Music, I called [then owners] Dave and Karen and talked to them on the phone, and they said, “Come by tomorrow, we’re here at 11.” I ended up walking by that night, and I saw all of the guitars through the window, and immediately thought, “I’ve got to do everything I can to get a job here. This is perfect.” I showed up the next morning in slacks and a button-down shirt – I think I even had a tie on – and did everything I could to convince Dave to hire me. This is still technically my first job outta college, and it’s been a really beautiful, serendipitous thing that life throws you. It’s almost seven years later and my business partner and I just recently took over. We’re a small shop, and I’ve always done a little bit of everything: Running the counter, answering the phones, doing repairs, working on the website, purchase orders – typical small business. All of the mundane details that every business has to deal with are a bit sweeter for us because at the end of the day, it’s guitars, not life insurance policies. Dave realized he was ready to sell the shop in the spring of 2015 and, at the time, I wasn’t really thinking about hanging around Telluride or about the opportunity that the shop presented. My business partner, Ben, approached me and I remember saying to him, “I don’t think that’s something that I re-

Courtesy of Tom Nading

»» Tom Nading playing a 1936 Martin D-18. ally want to do.” About a year later, Ben approached me again, and at that point, the shop’d been through a couple of inquiries, and I realized that if Telluride Music was going to sustain, ultimately I was probably going to be asked to be a big part of that, which was pretty intimidating. But I began to think about how might I do things differently, and what changes I might implement that would help this place to thrive. Once I started brainstorming like that, thinking like an entrepreneur, I really sold myself on it. Ben and I put together a pretty extensive business plan, and we placed an offer with Dave in February. We closed April 14th. The Monday morning after we finalized the sale was the first full day where it sorta hit me, “Wow. This is up to me now.” I had a laundry list of things to work on, and, for a minute, I felt overwhelmed. But then I remembered, “Wait, I’ve been doing this for the last seven years!”

I come from a long line of people who work for themselves. My dad got an MBA from Wake Forest, and was on the corporate fast track when he realized that it wasn’t at all what he wanted to do, and so he started a gourmet kitchenware store that’s been in business now for almost 35 years. It’s huge. They have over 100,000 SKU’s [items with barcodes]. Having parents who were in business for themselves, seeing the fulfillment that they got out of it, put the thought in the back of my head that maybe I could do something that I love, too. It’s a lot of stress and a lot of work, but when it’s something that you believe in and that you’re passionate about, it’s so worth doing. We’re not in this to make tons of money, and we’re not in here to sell the hottest gear. We want to connect every player with an instrument that really inspires them. When I send somebody out with a guitar that I know is going to be a valuable and stimulating part of their life, I’m elated. When you really love guitars, each one brings different songs out and inspires you differently. Helping people chase, find, and harness that inspiration is the essence of what we do. We want to help the local musicians, whether they play in the bars or are just learning that first ukulele song, find that inspiration. It’s personal, too. Guitar Center is really boring. I truly believe that there are enough people who appreciate attention to detail and expertise and doing business with the person that they’re talking to. A lot of what we’re doing is the all-out fight against Amazon. We’ll do what we can. [laughs] I’ve been crazy about the guitar since I first touched one when I was 10 years old, and I haven’t been able to get my hands off of ’em since. I love the look, the sound, the smell, the feel, the way that they bring songs out of me. It never really occurred to me until we put the offer in that this was something that I could do with my life. [laughs] It feels like an opportunity to be creative, to push myself, and to push my career. I just can’t get over how life is just a funny, serendipitous thing. You move to a place like Telluride, thinking that you’re going to be there for a season, and seven years later, you end up owning a guitar shop. Pretty cool. [laughs] Cyle Talley wonders when Mitch McConnell will finally reveal himself as the Antichrist. Email him at cyle@cyletalley.com, if you’re so inclined.

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