Ready, Set Road Trip! by Ballantine Communications

art entertainment food drink music nightlife Thursday, May 25, 2017

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READY, SET

ROAD TRIP! »» Ideas for the best attractions near and far »» Tips to make your trip safe, fun, and amazing »» A guide to the best summer festivals around »» What to know before road-tripping with MJ

Also: Quality standards needed for craft breweries, what Bulletproof coffee and cryotherapy have in common, and a dog lost in Canyonlands National Park

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Donald Trump is ...

CHILD LECTURER!

A new video series about what happens when you take Donald Trump’s exact words and make him sound like a child, set in a world of stop-motion animation.

DGO Watch at dgomag.com/videos 2 | Thursday, May 25, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 2 Number 31

May 25, 2017

Chief Executive Officer

10 Magic Buzz energy drink, reviewed

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Finance and Operations

Magic Buzz is tasty but strong; make sure to have water handy. It is super sweet and not at all hashy-tasting. Because it’s a liquid edible, it enters the blood stream rather quickly.

Bob Ganley V.P. of Advertising David Habrat V.P. of Marketing Kricket Lewis Founding Editors David Holub Editor/ creative director dholub@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Staff writer

Contributors Katie Cahill Katie Clancy Christopher Gallagher Alexi Grojean Meggie J Bryant Liggett Jon E. Lynch Cooper Stapleton

It’s time to examine quality standards for craft breweries I find it kind of odd that we take the Brewers Association definition as holy writ when it comes to what is a craft brewery. Or maybe it’s that I think the Brewers Association doesn’t go far enough to define what makes a craft brewery.

Cyle Talley Robert Alan Wendeborn Advertising 247-3504 Reader Services 375-4570

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

Love it or Hate it

Vintage Durango

Sound

Downtown Lowdown

17 Start with the soil

David Holub

ptempleton@bcimedia.com

From the Editor

Album Reviews 6-7

Amy Maestas

Patty Templeton

10 What do Bulletproof coffee and cryotherapy have in common? The ability to show up as an intentional, healthy human relates directly to my diet and nutrition. And it feels like having healthy brains and active bodies matters a helluva lot right now.

Tell us what you think! Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know? Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

Soil (left), organic nutrients, and techniques that allow your cannababies to live a happy, low-stress life will reward you with gorgeous buds at the end of their cycles.

Beer

16 Weed Elevated Discourse Review

16 16

Seeing Through the Smoke 17 18 Savage Love 19 Happening

23 ‘It was an absolutely helpless, awful feeling’

20 DGO Deals

Ryan Brungard lost his dog in Canyonlands National Park. Then came the unrelenting anxiety and guilt.

22 Horoscope/ puzzles 22 Pages 23 First Person

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ON THE COVER From destinations worthy of their own trip, to places to hit on the way to somewhere else, this week we show you which spots are worth a whirl. David Holub/DGO

DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

�� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 3

@dg

[CTRL-A]

[ love it or hate it ]

David Holub |DGO editor

Hotels Love it If I ever had my own private Idaho, it was a hotel room.

These athletes are among the best in the world – and they suck?

was in Albuquerque on Friday to watch the Isotopes take on the Colorado Springs Sky Sox. It was pure minor league baseball with all the things minor league entails: Pocket-sized park, crowd (8,300), ticket prices ($12.50 for good seats!), parking prices (totally close for $5), teams I didn’t care about, and players I’d never heard of. Except beer prices. Those were major league all the way ($8!). After the Isotopes pitcher lost his no-hitter after 5 2/3 innings, I had to wonder: Beyond the joys of being at the ballpark, not to mention the dancing batboy who thoroughly overshadowed the goofy mascot, what was there to watch? And then I remembered: These are worldclass ballplayers, even at – especially at – Triple-A – every player on each team’s 25man roster, even the guy who suits up every game and never plays and definitely won’t make it to the bigs. And yet, batting against the suckiest minor league pitcher, 99.999 percent of the world’s population wouldn’t even get near the ball. I like to think of pro basketball in this sense. Teams can suit up 13 players for each game, and of these players, a couple will not even get a hint of game action, unless either team is winning by a huge margin near the end of the game. And if he did get in, especially against the other team’s stars, he’d be terrible: Missing shots, committing ill-advised fouls, getting the ball stolen, being out of position. He sucks! And the fans will let him know: Hey 24, you suck! But the thing is, any NBA player, even the guy who wears his warm-ups all season, could walk onto any playground in New York City, any YMCA league, into any gym in the world and absolutely dominate. And he sucks. I remember in junior high, a teacher who knew someone who knew someone with the Denver Nuggets invited Blair Rasmussen, the 7-foot starting center for the Nuggets, to come out after school one day to talk to some of us seventh-graders. Rasmussen was your run-of-the-mill center for a terrible NBA team that year. I remember two things from his visit. One was a seemingly forced and obligatory attempt to tell us to stay away from drugs, which he called dope (I was like,

“Who calls it dope anymore?”). Then, we all walked into the gym for ol’ Rasmussen to show us how it’s done. The guy was on fire, knocking down shot after shot no matter where he was on the floor. Ten-footers: swish-swish-swish. Fifteen-footers: swishswish-swish. Everywhere. I was like, “Duuuude, do this during the game!” It’s like in “Airplane,” when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, playing co-pilot Roger Murdock, has the pesky kid Joey wanting to talk hoops: Joey: I think you’re the greatest, but my dad says you don’t work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don’t even run down court. And that you don’t really try ... except during the playoffs. Roger Murdock: (breaking character) The hell I don’t! Listen, kid, I’ve been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I’m out there busting my buns every night! Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes! The simple lesson: When world-class players play against even more world-class players in a game situation, it’s hard to grasp just how good they are. And imagine how it is for those players. At every level they’ve ever played at – Little League, high school, college, wherever – they have been the best player on the field or floor. They likely dominated every player on the other team. They were the star, the pride of the community. And then they get to the pros, or even Triple-A, and they suck. But we don’t have to look at the outliers of pro sports to understand talent and skill. Everywhere I look are people who do jobs I wouldn’t last a day in. I see a receptionist whose patience, stamina, and attention to detail are Herculean. I see an elementary school teacher who has a special gift of communicating with children. I see a server busting her buns waiting on a table of 20, only to walk away without a tip. It’s easy to think that someone sucks at what they do. For any job you encounter, what experiences does that person bring? What goes on behind the scenes you don't know about? What personal talents does it take that you don't have? Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt, and think twice about thinking people suck.

Hotel rooms are all about being able to control a space and what you do in that space. I especially love this fact when staying in a hotel alone. If I want to order so much Mexican takeout that the restaurant puts an assumptive two forks in the to-go bag, then put down a towel on the bed and stuff my face while flipping through the worst of cable TV or the trashiest of Cinemax while wiping my face with a shower cap, I can. If I want to crank up the AC and make the room 59 degrees because it’s 100 outside with 100 percent humidity, I can. If I want to put out the “do not disturb” sign, secure the deadbolt and chain lock and not answer the door for any reason, other than I’m expecting the Chinese delivery, I can. If I want to use the two double beds as some yet-to-be-invented Olympic trampoline sport – which I most certainly have – I can. Then again, perhaps my love of hotels is clouded by the fact that I’m generally on vacation when staying at one and am both relaxed and carefree, and thus, have only positive associations. Maybe that’s all there is to it. —— David Holub

Hate it I don’t got the greenback stacks it would take to like hotels, and even if I did, I’d be tempted to spend that moola on gianormo rhinestone necklaces or slim fit suits, instead of a room that was costly enough to not be gross. I think hotels are a rip-off. I think motels are less of a rip-off and yet more horrorful. Airbnb is decent but can be expensive. All of them trigger my NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU THAT MUCH MONEY or EW EW EW buttons. I have seen too many “Hotel Hell” snippets of Gordon Ramsay black-lighting a bed or the carpet only to see massive, people-juice stains to easily sleep in a hotel bed. I never walk barefoot on the carpet. I am unsettled by the dead mites and nast contained within pillows. Ditto that for the grime that can be seen around faucets or grout. I rip the (usually) ass-ugly quilt that’s probably not washed enough off the bed. Who checks for bedbugs? ME. Who flips the bird to vents because there may be a psycho’s camera in it getting nudie vids? ME. There are so many chances for a hotel to be BLEGH that I can’t ever relax in one and find myself in a generally paranoid, touch-aslittle-as-possible state my whole stay. Then you get a bullshit-ishly large bill for your six-hour nap. Bah and no. I’ll sleep in my car and save the money for first editions. —— Patty Templeton

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[Vintage Durango]

Satanic panic on the Western Slope Satan was skulking through the San Juans, or so people thought in the 1980s. The late ’80s was the era of “satanic panic.” What did parents think were sure signs of the devil? Heavy metal, horror movies, and “Dungeons and Dragons.” Apparently, in Colorado, shit got real – kind of. The rumors weren’t of subliminal messages on records played backwards. The rumors in La Plata County in 1989 involved a local satanic cult near Ignacio that allegedly sacrificed animals, terrorized townspeople, and had a “satanic hit list.” One of the clergy on the list, Reverend Carrick, worked with police to

»» Satanic panic headline via the June 29, 1989, Durango Herald. calm townspeople. Carrick believed, “More people are hurt by fear and rumors than could possibly be hurt by Satanists.” Bonus: One reason Satanism

went mainstream in the 1980s was because of a bestselling book published in ’80 called “Michelle Remembers,” a supposedly nonfiction account of a woman who

“uncovered” forgotten childhood memories of being abused in a satanic cult. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

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[sound]

[review]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

Missy and the Bluetones’ new record is straight-up, no-nonsense blues

arren Stroud remains pretty practical and straightforward in his musical ventures. Want to improve your guitar playing? Practice and know that lessons and the quest to get better are a life-long venture. Interested in learning country guitar? Join one of the local country bands and submerge yourself in that style of playing, being influenced by the works of Chet Atkins, or even, and I’m sorry for acknowledging his talent, Brad Paisley. If you’re lucky, maybe you hit up a guitar camp hosted by Steve Vai and play some tunes with the man. Then there’s more practice and more playing, either as a means of improvement or letting it be your post-work attitude adjustment. Want to get better at playing the blues? Be the anchor band at a local blues jam, learn the staples, and at some point, crank out a blues record with your band. That’s the approach and simple backstory for Missy and the Bluetones, the blues band that features Stroud, his wife, Missy Percifield on bass and vocals, and Clay Lowder on drums. Missy and the Bluetones will perform tomorrow at Moe’s, celebrating the release of their self-titled record. Country, jazz, bluegrass, punk rock – somehow it’s all blues music. The British Invasion would have never happened had it not been for Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, or Jeff Beck doing their blues homework, while Jimi Hendrix and Johnny Winter also knew it was hip to know the music of Buddy Guy or Albert Collins. Stroud may keep someone like Yngwie Malmsteen at the top of his guitar fandom list, but he’s certainly done his blues-guitar research, too. In his professional playing career, he’s picked up on the fact that he should know the blues, and as the house band for the Moe’s

What’s new Chastity Belt,“I Used to Spend So Much Time Alone” Available: Friday, June 2, via Hardly Art Records in various formats: Digital download, compact disc, limited-edition cassette tape, and limited-edition version of the album pressed on a “limited colored vinyl.” I imagine a standard black version will also be available.

Courtesy of Missy and the Bluetones

»» Missy and the Bluetones is (from left) Clay Lowder on drums, Darren Stroud on guitar, and Missy Percifield on bass and vocals.

Bryant’s best Friday: Missy and the Bluetones record release show, 7 p.m. No cover. Moe’s, 937 Main Ave. Information: 259-9018. Friday: Jam rock with Greener Grounds, Cycles, Zolopht, 9 p.m. $12. Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. Information: 7992281. Blues Jam, it made sense to step to the next level. “We were going to get started with the blues jam last July,” said Stroud. “We had Clay on drums, myself and Missy, and felt, besides the blues jam, we should be a blues band as well. It happened simultaneously: Let’s do a jam; let’s have a band.” Recording their record took place over the winter, which was a lowkey, do-it-yourself effort. Drums were recorded at Stillwater Music, then the rest of the record was put together in Stroud’s and Percifield’s home north of Durango. The record is a straight-ahead blues record, identifiable via Perci-

field’s vocals and the stunt-guitar work of Stroud. It’s a modern blues record with a bar-band feel to the songs, an unpretentious collection of upbeat numbers, lyrically loose and musically straightforward. It’s a strong, tight rhythm section that lives a solid life backing the always-impressive guitar work of Stroud. “There’s a particular way of playing blues that I kind of gravitated toward, especially the rhythm playing, so this is the first record I was ever able to do that,” said Stroud. “I’d been waiting to do this for a while. Maybe, like, 10 years I’ve had this in the back of my mind, to do this type of sounding record. There’s not a lot of overdubs; it sounds like a live band. This is straight, raw, here-yougo, guitar, bass, drums, and vocals and this is what you get.” The Missy and The Bluetones-hosted weekly blues jam will return to Moe’s beginning June 1. Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@ fortlewis.edu.

Chastity Belt formed in Walla Walla, Washington, in 2010 when the band members met at Whitman College. Made of up Childbirth front woman Julie Shapiro (lead vocals, guitar), the band also includes Lydia Lund (lead guitar), Annie Truscott (bass) and Gretchen Grimm (drums). “I Used to Spend So Much Time Alone” will be the band’s third full-length, and their second for Seattle-based Sub Pop subsidiary Hardly Art. Back in 2015, the band made a record (“Time to Go Home”) that appeared at or near the top of my year-end retrospective, along with those others who consider themselves fans of indie-soaked post-punk. Following up a record of that ilk is no small feat, but the quartet manages to do so quite nicely. They are not diverging too far, if at all, from the sounds of their sophomore effort and thankfully so. This latest LP sounds like an album of friends hitting their stride in total control of their future and enjoying every minute of it. Do not take Shapiro’s vocal style as any sort of downer; the songs are perfectly and beautifully suited to her flat, seemingly deadpan delivery. After a handful of further listens, I wouldn’t be too terribly surprised to find “I Used to Spend So Much Time Alone” jockeying for position alongside some of the other killer releases at year’s end. For fans of Tacocat, Grass Widow, Sleater-Kinney, Childbirth, Electrelane, Daddy Issues, or Beach House —— Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu

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[sound]

Only the best

New at

clothing & accessories in all of Colorado!

May 26 Danzig,“Black Laden Crown”

“Rum, beer, quests and mead, these are the things that a pirate needs!” I love Alestorm so much. They were the soundtrack to many a drunken high sch— er ... college night. “Nancy The Tavern Wench,” from their first fulllength is still my go-to drunken swaying song, and they haven’t lost any of that energy in the meantime. Extreme music often has an obsession with being overly seriousness. This is not the case for Alestorm. If you want something with heavy guitars, synthesized accordions, and that has some of the most shout-along-able lyrics in metal, “No Grave But The Sea” will satisfy. Justin Townes Earle,“Kids in the Street” Just by virtue of his name, Justin

Townes Earle has had a lot to live up to. Over his decade-long solo career, he has made a name for himself as a separate and distinct entity from his father, Steve Earle, and his namesake, Townes Van Zandt, while at the same time never forgetting both aspects of their influence. With “Kids in the Street,” Earle seems to finally transcend his direct influences, channeling bebop rhythms and being both nostalgic and forward thinking at the same time. Solstafir,“Berdreyminn” This is one I’ve been looking forward to for a while. Icelandic post-folk metallers Solstafir return with “Berdreyminn” (“Prophetic Visionary” in English) and they did not disappoint. The whole thing is drenched in sullen Scandinavian atmosphere, punctuated by crisp and clean vocals and a nice balance of organs, traditional folk instruments, and riffs. While I don’t understand the lyrics, the emotion behind the delivery is clear as day. The atmosphere, while murky at times, doesn’t overshadow other elements of the songwriting, so nothing feels buried, which is a testament to the producers of the record. It’s like if Explosions in the Sky and Sigur Ros got buried out in the moss and dirt of a half frozen tundra, only to be dug up by animals foraging for food. The whole album has an ebb and flow that makes it feel like it is breathing alongside you, all capped off with some guitars that wouldn’t feel unfamiliar on a Baroness record. If you like heavy music with a light touch, you owe it to yourself to discover these guys. — Cooper Stapleton

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Surprising me most of all, even after a god awful covers album, Mr. Glenn Danzig can still ride with the best of them. Seriously, this is some of the best Danzig material in the last decade, really bad album artwork notwithstanding. The opening title track sets the bar high, and while the album withers as it goes on, by no means is it bad. Danzig’s zombie Elvis impersonation is out in full force, with dirgey and doomy guitars leading the listener along. Some other tracks, like “Devil on Hwy 9,” sound like an early ’90s White Zombie throwback, which is weird but not entirely unwelcome. There are some strange production choices (or maybe performance choices) that sound like Danzig’s vocals came from way too close to the microphone, but beyond that, fans of the genre and of the earlier Danzig material will find plenty to love.

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�� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 7

[beer]

First Draughts | Robert Alan Wendeborn

It’s time to examine quality standards for craft breweries

ow that Wicked Weed is owned by AB-Inbev, it’s technically no longer a craft brewery. The Brewers Association defines a craft beer as small (producing 6 million barrels or fewer), independent, less than 25 percent owned by another alcohol industry member that isn’t itself a craft brewery, and traditional – breweries that use traditional or innovative ingredients or processes for flavoring (this excludes flavored malt beverages, sorry Four Loko). The Brewers Association and associated state and local guilds are the only regulatory bodies for “craft” beer. When I write about wine, I learn

all kinds of new things about how wine is regulated. One of the things about beer, in comparison to wine, and especially in the United States, is the relative lax regulation of production method. Sure, brewers are not allowed to use more than 49 percent of fermentable sugar derived from grain. We’re not allowed to distill our fermented product through icing or heat. We have to get permission from the federal government for can and bottle labels. We have to pay taxes on our production volumes and we have to have a distributor for beer leaving the brewery (in Colorado, breweries can also be the distributor). But there are no rules about where our grain

comes from or what type of grain it is, how we extract the sugar, or how we get to our finished product through filtration or carbonation. There are also no naming requirements based on ingredients. There are no government agents inspecting O b/DG our yeast Holu David to make sure we are, in fact, using a lager yeast in our lager beer, or checking our grain bill to make sure we have enough wheat to call a beer a Hefeweizen. In fact, the only strange naming law I can think of is the “ale in Texas” law, a law that requires all beer over 4 percent to be labeled as an “ale” or as “malt liquor.” Brooklyn Brewery labels their bottles of Brooklyn Lager with “In Texas,

malt liquor” and Ska uses the familiar “ALE IN TEXAS” for its Mexican Logger. But this is a law that doesn’t take into consideration the actual production process or ingredients, but is a misguided attempt at consumer information. Wine, on the other hand, regulates everything. They regulate the type of grape you use: under 75 percent of a

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[beer] type of grape and it can no longer be labeled as a varietal (single grape), 85 percent of grapes must be grown in a specific region to be labeled as from that region (appellation), and when labeling a vintage, 85 percent of the grapes must have been harvested in the year on the label. These are just U.S. regulations. In France, things are even more strict. Geographic boundaries are strictly enforced. Types of grapes inside those boundaries are regulated. Even the planting density of certain types of grapes in certain regions are regulated. Sparkling wine labeled as “Champagne” has incredibly strict regulations on everything from region to grape, from fermentation to carbonation. I find it kind of odd that we take the Brewers Association definition as holy writ when it comes to what is a craft brewery. Or maybe it’s that I think the Brewers Association doesn’t go far enough to define what makes a craft brewery. I think the BA definition is kind of easy to get to: you’re not owned by a megabrewery, you’re not making a hard root beer, and you are under 6 million barrels of annual production. But what about traditional

methods and ingredients and (GASP!) quality? That probably irks me the most. The BA definition says nothing about the quality of a brewery’s beer. By their definition, your local brewpub, even if they serve under attenuated diacetyl bombs through tap lines that never get cleaned, is somehow a better choice than a macro beer. That’s like saying that getting an oil change at a local mechanic that overcharges, takes forever, and leaves oil stains on the seats is a better choice than Jiffy Lube. At least at Jiffy Lube you know what you’re getting and it’s not going to totally suck. I’m not saying that we should say to hell with the BA, or that you are in imminent danger of drinking bad beer (there is definitely no danger of bad beer by any Durango brewer, that’s for sure), what I’m saying is that there should definitely be a some quality standards for the Brewers Association’s definition, not just arbitrary quotas and an in-or-out mentality. Robert Alan Wendeborn is a former cellar operator at Ska Brewing and current lead cellar operator at Tin Roof Brewing in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

[democracy] Betsy DeVos and your student loans FROM THE FILES OF

News you need to know

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos has been quietly getting away with gutting NOT the Education NORMAL Department because we’ve all been focused on Trump and Russia.

Why this is not normal Within her first 100 days of being in office, DeVos has assisted Trump in getting rid of transgender bathroom protections in schools, she’s alienated historically black colleges, stripped accountability with the Every Student Succeed Act, ended a $12 million program that promoted socioeconomic diversity within schools, and assisted Trump in creating a proposed 13

percent budget cut to the Education Department. This budget cut would eliminate teacher training grants, grants to help low-income students pay for school, and reduces funding for the Pell Grant and federal work study. Finally, DeVos, a woman worth $5.1 billion who has never had to take a school loan out in her life – who makes more in daily interest than you could dream of making in a year – wants to end student loan forgiveness for public sector and nonprofit workers. As the Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program works now, if a person works for 10 years for the government or a nonprofit employer, their student loans are forgiven. It was a program meant to encourage people to go into the traditionally low-paying fields of civil service. Guess public service isn’t at the forefront of President Trump and Secretary DeVos’ plan for America. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

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[wellness]

GravityBrain | Katie Clancy

What do Bulletproof coffee and cryotherapy have in common?

o, we live in a world where Holiness Pope Francis recently did a powerful TED talk from Vatican City, discussing hope for the future. And, of course, my music mind connected the dots to hip-hop artist Del the Funky Homosapien. Connect the dots withe me. First, to quote the pope: “In order to do good, we need memory, we need courage, and we need creativity. Yes, love does require a creative, concrete and ingenious attitude.” And then recall that DtheFH says: “Upgrade your gray matter. One day it may matter.” I bring this up because, for me, the ability to show up as an intentional, healthy human relates directly to my diet and nutrition. Eating healthfully is a form of self-respect, but how can we separate the “you deserve whole foods” impulse from the “you deserve a double-chocolate sundae with extra sprinkles” impulse? It feels like having healthy brains and active bodies matters a helluva lot right now. Contemplating the DtheFH/Pope Francis synchronicity (how had I not seen it before?) I naturally discovered Bulletproof founder Dave Asprey’s newest book, “Headstrong.” Spoiler alert: Asprey believes that we can eat for stronger, resilient brains. The idea is that our brains are the first part of the body to suffer when we are chronically inflamed. The amount of inflammation in our bodies directly impacts our brain’s ability to think, learn, and remember. An inflamed brain can make us unreasonably angry, cause severe and distracting food cravings, and even rob us of our own memories. That’s terrifying given what we learned about the president’s diet last year: “On the campaign trail, the ‘three staples’ of Trump’s diet were Domino’s, KFC, and McDonald’s (Big Macs on silver platters), an aide told Axios.” You’ve heard our guts referred to as our second brains, right? The Bulletproof diet claims there is

Alexi Grojean/Special to DGO

hope, mainly found in butyrate-rich grass-fed butter and polyphenol sources like dark leafy greens and coffee. I’m over-simplifying here (because you’re gonna Google it anyway), but by decreasing your intake of grains, dairy, sugar, and carbs while increasing your intake of saturated fat and Omega-3s, we can operate on higher cylinders. Before anyone told me it was “bad” to eat so much fat in one sitting, I remember as a little girl going straight for the butter tray at Thanksgiving; I would be happily gnawing on my fat stick when an aunt would discover me under the fancy linen and demand I come out and clean up. I craved butter more than ice cream and as much as dog food.

So I was thrilled to have permission to return to my long-lost love with my new experiment: Bulletproof coffee. It’s a combination of organic coffee, distilled coconut oil known as MCT oil, and grass-fed butter, all blended up into a delicious frothy latte. The theory behind the mixture is that the fat helps the body metabolize the caffeine at a more sustainable rate so you don’t have the afternoon energy plunge. Asprey claims that it cuts cravings and encourages weight loss; he suggests drinking it alone, without food, until you’re ready to eat your first meal at lunch. Remember, I’m a faddist (meaning be skeptical, but try it for yourself), but I can say that after a month of daily butter joe, I do notice that my af-

ternoon slumps are not as intense. My joints even feel more lubricated, like maybe they’re smothered in butter. Diets like Bulletproof, Paleo, and Keto all claim to work from the inside out, healing the gut lining and upgrading the brain. I’ve come across another “hack” that affects your outermost layer – skin – and tunnels inward to reduce inflammation: Cryotherapy. Unofficially, I was introduced to Cryotherapy as a Colorado kid who tried to be courageous by jumping through Cascade Creek every summer. There are more civilized ways to reap the benefits of this age-old therapy that I discovered at CryoMedSpa here in town. You enter a 12-foot cylinder that looks exactly like Austin Powers’ Orgasmatron for up to three minutes in negative 270-degree nitrogen gas. It’s not as shocking as jumping in the river; in fact, I came out with a subtle, yet blissful head rush. Cryotherapy is known to stimulate the collagen synthesis in your skin (fewer wrinkles) and increase overall blood circulation, which has been said to help autoimmune disorders, depression, fatigue, and fibromyalgia, to name a few. I read that you can reap the benefits of cold therapy by simply turning the facet to cold in your shower for 30 seconds before you hop out. But spoil a perfect hot shower? Oh hell no. I’d rather use the Animas as my therapy pool. I braved the river again this weekend. After holding myself under for five seconds, I exited quicker than a hip-hop artist at a Pope rally. My skin felt taut; my brain, a bit more glistening. I contemplated Skyping the Vatican to rap about revolution or at least resistance. Maybe all it took to get my heart in the right place was this freezing spring current – and those steamy butter lattes. Katie Clancy is the co-owner of Studio Soma, a therapeutic movement and bodywork sanctuary in Durango. She is also a freelance writer and dances with 20Moons Dance Theatre.

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[road trip]

TIPS: DO YOUR TRIP RIGHT »» Ensure a fantastic road trip by not effing up these basics So you think you can just hop in your car and get the hell outta town? Hold on, Speedracer. Get your head in the game. Here’s a few survival tips on how to make that road trip go smoother:

Don’t rely on your phone Are all your directions on your phone? That’s nice, but it can also get you stranded in mountains or prairies that don’t have cell reception. Did you screenshot your directions so you think cell service doesn’t matter? Oops, you might have lost your phone cord getting out at the last gas station six hours ago and now your phone is dead in the middle of nowhere. Print out actual maps or buy a map, just in case.

Stock up on sounds If music is your game, have playlists made to suit your night, day, or regional driving needs. Example, listening to the Handsome Family during desert driving or listening to Link Wray surf rock while driving lakeside.

Cash is king You got mugged at some hole of a rest stop in the middle of SuckTown on your way to FunTown. Yeah, it blows, but if you stash an emergency fund hidden in your car, you’re at least not SOL. On a less extreme note, cash money is good to have on hand for the toll roads that pop up every dang where.

Maybe you’re a podcast person? Fine! Get your “Freakonomics” or “Children of Tendu” or “Welcome to Night Vale” on. Whatever you do, don’t forget the charging cord to your phone, iPod, or whatever. In fact, have an extra car charger. A party of one? Go on a road trip by yourself, if you wanna. Zone out to others and into yourself. But, if you want a travel pal – make sure they don’t suck. Seriously, think about how long you can stand being around them. If it’s 30 minutes for coffee, they aren’t your driving buddy. Car rules If you hit the road with a friend, establish car rules before you leave. Who is driving? Is driving time split? Who pays what for gas? Who can touch the radio? Who picks the music, audiobook, podcasts, or silence? What is max time stretch they are willing to drive? Is there an immediately-throw-garbage-away rule? What about the shoe policy – are shoes off allowed? What about feet on the dashboard? Make rules so you don’t hate each other an hour in.

Spare car key

Car questions to ask before your road trip Your car may seem like a steady stallion, but here’s a few questions to ask yourself before your rev down the blacktop: »»Do you have your spare tire? »»Do you have access to a spare key? »»Is your trunk stocked with a first-aid kit, map, flares, blanket, pillow, and non-perishable emergency food? »»Can you change a tire or do you have access to a roadside service like AAA?

Plan ... kind of

»»Are your tires inflated properly?

Have a plan of where you want to go and maybe a stop or two on the way, but be open to not slamming pedal to medal to get there. Keep your eye out for cool billboards and attractions on the way. When you reach your destination, don’t forget to ask locals what tourists don’t see but should.

»»How are your brakes?

Finding locals Find a dive bar. Boom. Suggestions up the wazoo. If that doesn’t hit your fancy, stop by a diner and ask your waitress or the folks at a table nearby. Then, be open to actually liking these people. Maybe the cool gas station guy will treat your polite, interested ass to the secret pie shack only townies know about.

»»Do you know how far your car can go riding “empty?” »»Is your insurance, registration, and all identification up to date? »»Are your fluids good? (engine oil, transmission fluid, windshield washer fluid, etc.) »»Need an oil change before you go? »»Do your windshield wipers work? »»Did you test drive your car on the highway to feel out shakes in driving and to listen for unusual noises? »»Got your sunglasses?

There are people who fall on both sides of the fence here. Do you give an extra car key to a friend back home who can mail it to your destination when you lose yours or do you carry the extra car key yourself? Depends on how accident-prone you are. Check your docs, dude Everyone thinks they have their insurance card – until they get pulled over for going 3 mph over the speed limit and realize they don’t. Then they aren’t in a wi-fi area to pull the ID cards up on their phone. Make sure your insurance and registration are in the car and not expired. Bonus: Don’t do a road trip with an expired license. Not only can you get ticketed, you might not be able to get into certain bars or venues without proper ID. M-effin’ SNACKS! Stockpile snacks before the trip, but be open to finding gas station delights along the way. Bottled water, hard cheese, cut veggies, chips – oh so many glorious chips – whatever your non-perishable preference. Load it up and refuse guilt, this is vacay. Rental cars Don’t have a car and you’re renting one? Always get the rental insurance. Seriously, it’ll mean a few less margaritas, but you want the insurance. It may sound stupid, but when you wreck the rental because a semi accidentally runs you off the road, that insurance will be a peach. Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

�� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 11

HAVE WEEKEND, WILL TRAVEL:

ROAD TRIPS AROUND THE FOUR CORNERS

»» From destinations

worthy of their own trip, to places to hit on the way to somewhere else, these spots are worth a whirl

ey all you cool cats and road dogs, got your summer planned out? Does it include a road trip? If it doesn’t, WHY THE HELL NOT? The Four Corners is fulla roadside wonders, odd Americana, cool fests, and historic locales. As Bradbury said, “Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you’d drop dead in 10 seconds. See the world.” Here’s a mix of adventures for your backpacking and blacktop trips:

GO HERE AND NOWHERE ELSE Boulder Get the car in gear and get yer ass to Boulder – but time it right and get more out of your trip. On Saturday, Aug. 19, from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m., North Boulder Park will be flooded with dozens of Boulder County brewers and live music for the 4th Annual Boulder Craft Beer Festival. Trek to Boulder for the fest, then stay all weekend to soak in everything else, like the Pearl Street Mall, the Boulder Tea House, the Fiske Planetarium, or the Shelby American [car] Collection. You can also tour the Celestial Seasonings tea plant or visit Avery Brewing Company.

enormous turkey legs. Details: coloradorenaissance.com

New Mexico Aliens in Roswell Sweet baby alien Moses, stop in the fulltilt WTF Roswell, the site of a supposed UFO crash in 1947. The historic district is packed with sci-fi shops, the International UFO Museum and Research Center is worth the $5, the Roswell Museum and Art Center is full of high-art, and Big D’s Downtown Dive makes a mean green chile cheesesteak. Wikipedia

»» Alfred Packer’s victims in an illustration by John A.

Associated Press

»» Aliens in downtown Roswell, New Mexico.

Wikipedia

»» Buffalo Bill Cody

Randolph.

Carlsbad Caverns National Park, Carlsbad

day in a hot spring bubbling out 140-degree joy. The most popular hot springs to bliss out in are Mount Princeton Hot Springs Resort, Cottonwood Hot Springs Inn and Spa, or Salida Hot Springs Aquatic Center. Ramble around outside of a resort setting to The Bungled Jungle in Salida for eccentric art or get your whiskey-a-go-going at Deerhammer Distillery in Buena Vista (and don’t forget the Eddyline Brewery).

Jerome, Arizona

Chaffee County

Jerome is on a dusty hill that looks like a horror movie setting – and indie horror movies have been filmed there. Set up at the Ghost City Inn, a fab bed and breakfast, and explore the town for a lazy, small-town weekend.

Relaxacation meets adventure time for the weekend win. Chaffee County is chock fulla hot springs you haven’t been to, plus whitewater rafting. After a morning of river battling in Browns Canyon National Monument, soak the rest of the

Must-sees while you are in walking through the cute galleries and shops are Caduceus Cellars (the winery owned by Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan), Gold King Mine Museum and Ghost Town, and the Douglas Mansion.

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Details: www.roswell-nm.gov

STOP BY ON THE WAY SOMEWHERE ELSE

Facebook schedule or call ahead.

Colorado

Alfred Packer Cannibal Site, Lake City

Buffalo Bill’s Museum and Grave, Golden Buffalo Bill, an Army scout and famed American showman who created Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show, was buried in Golden. About 30 minutes west of Denver, you can see the grave of Buffalo Bill, in addition to a $5 museum dedicated to the mustachioed legend. Details: www.buffalobill.org

Movie Manor in Monte Vista Drive-in movie theaters still exist. In fact, in 1955, Movie Manor, currently a Best Western motel, was built so that each room had a giant picture window facing the Star Drive-in. Instead of driving up to the screen, you can watch from your room with a turn of the sound dial. Only two movies are shown, so make sure to peruse the

Details: http://bit.ly/2rwfZrB

Alfred Packer ate people. In 1874, Packer and five other men tried to cross Colorado high country during peak winter. Only Packer made it back alive. You can visit the Hinsdale County Museum, and for five bucks, they’ll direct you to the famed cannibal site on Highway 149, 2.5 miles south of the Lake City mini golf course. Details: www.roadsideamerica.com/story/23839

Colorado Renaissance Festival, Larkspur Put on your chain mail bikini, cinch up that corset, tip your pirate hat, slip into tall boots, and prep ye olde English accent. The Colorado Renaissance Festival is open every Saturday and Sunday, June through July. Fill a day with jugglers, mead, firespitters, bellydancers, kitschy shops, and

Enter the alien-looking world of Carlsbad Caverns. Don’t think you’ll be impressed by a cave? Think again: Bats at twilight, cave crickets all the time, and natural wonders abound for only $10. Will Rogers called it, “The Grand Canyon with a roof over it.” Details: www.nps.gov/cave/index.htm

National Museum of Nuclear Science and History, Albuquerque The Atomic Age began after the detonation of the first nuclear bomb, Trinity, in 1945. This $12 museum is the kinda place that can even make folks who don’t give an S about U.S. history or science slow their stroll while browsing. Details: www.nuclearmuseum.org Bonus: Twice a year, the Army allows the public to see the Trinity blast site. October 7 is the next date. Details: http://www.wsmr.army.mil/PAO/ Trinity Continued on Page 14

�� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 13

[road trips]

Four Corners 2017 festivals

From Page 13

Tinkertown Museum, Sandia Park Ross Ward carved and collected for over 40 years, and yowza, Tinkertown Museum was birthed. About 20 minutes outside of Albuquerque, folk art meets DIY mentality in this museum full of Americana. Can’t beat the $3.75 entry fee.

»» Festivals outside of Durango worth checking out

There are only so many mountains in Durango to smoke out while you walk up, and though there are mega fests in DGO to please the soul, sometimes you gotta get the hell outta Dodge. Here’s a roundup of must-see summer festivals within seven hours drive of Durango. Boo and yah.

Details: tinkertown.com

Utah Hole N’ the Rock House, Moab Albert Christensen started carving his cavernous rock house in the 1940s. When he died in the late ’50s, his wife, Gladys, stayed in the house and ran a diner from it. It only takes about 15 minutes for a $6.50 tour of the house, but it is an ingenious, oddball exercise in architecture and Americana. Details: www.facebook.com/Hole-NThe-Rock-269167078897

The Four Corners It will take you all of two minutes to take a picture standing in Colorado, Utah, New Mexico, and Arizona at the exact same time – unless it is midday and there are a crap-ton of tourists. The Four Corners Monument isn’t the jazziest, but it is a cute keepsake to have. Details: www.colorado.com/articles/ discover-four-corners-region-things-do

COLORADO Patty Templeton/DGO

»» A room at Meow Wolf in Santa Fe.

Arizona The Grand Canyon Go ahead and think that the Grand Canyon is just a bigass hole in the ground – then go visit and watch the Martian landscape emerge as twilight shadows change the landscape by the minute. Besides majestic views that could impress even your biggest a-hole of a road trip buddy, the Grand Canyon has river rafting trips, back country camping, hardcore canyon hikes, is a photographer’s heaven, has a skywalk, mule tours, tons of museums, and is home to a handful of the largest and most endangered bird in North America, the California Condor.

SHIT EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT AND STILL HASN’T BEEN TO,YET

Details: www.nps.gov/grca/index.htm

Colorado Mesa Verde National Park For $7 to $20 bucks, depending on time of year, you get to see the ancestral homes of Pueblo people built and lived in up until AD 1300. We’re talking the structured remains of a society from over 700 years ago. The Long House and Balcony House are the most popular places to visit. Consider getting a guided tour to really live the history. There are Cliff Palace Twilight Tours for only $20! Details: www.nps.gov/meve

Mike the Headless Chicken Festival

What: A four-day country music camp-out featuring headliners like Kenny Chesney, Jason Aldean, Thomas Rhett, and Old Dominion.

When: Friday, June 2-3

Details: countryjam.com

Where: Fuita

Denver PrideFest

Cost: Free admission What: Sure. Why not celebrate a headless chicken who wouldn’t die by eating wings. Plus music, a disc golf tournament, and Peeps. Details: miketheheadlesschicken.org

Dolores River Festival When: 10 a.m. till late, Saturday, June 10 Where: Dolores Cost: $20 advance, $25 day of What: Jerry Joseph and the Jackmormons, Gene Evaro Jr., The Yawpers, Selasee and the Fafa Family, Carute Roma, and a load more music plus food booths and fun on the river.

New Mexico

Details: doloresriverfestival.org

Meow Wolf, Santa Fe

Sonic Bloom

Upon request, George R. R. Martin funded artists to create a permanent art installation, Meow Wolf and the House of Eternal Return. It’s a 20,000-squarefoot art party that you know you want to rock out at. You need at least two hours to walk around and $18 bucks to get to this tripped out, hella gorgeousness.

When: Thursday, June 15-18

Details: meowwolf.com Go to DGOmag.com to check out our Summer Food Fest Guide and our Four Corners’ Music and Art Festival Guide.

Where: Spanish Peaks Country Cost: $233 and up What: Four days of electronic music headlined by Gigantic Cheese Biscuits, The Polish Ambassador, The Floozies, Claude VonStroke, Ott, and more. Add in performance art, yoga, and live painting. Details: sonicbloomfestival.com

Country Jam When: Thursday, June 15-18

—— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

Where: Grand Junction Cost: $99-$155

When: Saturday, June 17-18 Where: Denver Cost: Free admission What: Drag stars like Chad Michaels, Jennifer Holliday, and Peppermint headline Colorado’s largest LGBTIQ fest. Plus A.B. Soto, Dave Audé, a Big Gay 5K, 200 food vendors, and f-tons of FUN! Details: glbtcolorado.org/pridefest

Telluride Bluegrass Festival When: Thursday, June 15-18 Where: Telluride Cost: $82-$235 What: Dispatch, Dierks Bentley with the Travelin’ McCourys, Brandi Carlile, Punch Brothers, Norah Jones, Béla Fleck, and a crazy lot more bands descend on Tellurude. Details: www.bluegrass.com/telluride

The Ride Festival When: Saturday, July 8-9 Where: Telluride Cost: $135 and up What: Beck, Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, The John Butler Trio, Kaleo, Rival Sons, and more headline the Ride Festival in scenic Telluride. Details: ridefestival.com Continued on Page 15

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[road trips] From Page 14

music, jam sessions, dancing, hella food, and storytellers who’ve toured the world.

Firefly Handmade Summer Market When: Saturday, July 15-16

Details: www.abqfolkfest.org/storytelling.shtml

Where: Boulder Cost: Free admission What: 100-plus indie artists bring décor, art, jewelry, fashion, artisan food, and more to the 29th St. Shopping District.

Albuquerque Pride

Details: fireflyhandmade.com

Telluride Yoga Festival

Sam Green/BCI Media file

»» Rafters enjoy the ride on the river during the 2016 Dolores River Festival.

When: Thursday, July 20-23

Where: Lyons

Where: Telluride

Cost: $65 to $220

Cost: $75-$450

What: Rhiannon Giddens, The Weepies, The Revivalists, Loudon Wainwright III, Dave Rawlings Machine, and Gregory Alan Isakov headline a chill summer fest in the foothills of the Rockies.

What: Over 100 activities including yoga, meditation, music, hiking, and social gatherings. Details: tellurideyogafestival.com

Jackalope: An Indie Artisan Fair When: Saturday, July 29-30 Where: Denver Cost: Free admission What: Over 150 local and curated makers, artisans, crafters, and D.I.Y. enthusiasts with a row of food trucks and live music. Details: www.jackalopeartfair.com/ denver

Arise When: Friday, August 4-6 Where: Loveland Cost: $85-$625 What: The Expendables, Atmosphere, Ani DiFranco, Beats Antique, Tipper, and more live music, art, yoga, and activism cover eight stages for three days. Details: arisefestival.com

Telluride Jazz Fest When: Friday, August 4-6 Where: Telluride Cost: $25-$850 What: Mavis Staples Macy Gray, Lee Fields, and the Experience, Hazel Miller Gospel Band, and The Surfers headline a three-day jazz explosion. Details: www.telluridejazz.org

Rocky Mountain Folk Festival When: Friday, August 18-20

When: Friday, June 9-10 Where: Albuquerque Cost: $10-$50

What: Get your glorious unicorn self gussied up for a celebration of LGBTIQ life, friendship, and history, with live entertainment on two stages, a Pride parade, art show, Pride archive, beer garden, and more. Details: abqpride.com

Details: www.bluegrass.com/folks

Albuquerque Summer Festival

ARIZONA

When: 5-10:30 p.m., Saturday, June 10

Pride in the Pines When: Noon-9 p.m., Saturday, June 24 Where: Flagstaff Cost: $15 What: 1980s superstar Lisa Lisa headlines at Flagstaff’s LGBTIQ, all-day fest in Thorpe Park, a few blocks from the historic downtown. Details: www.flagstaffpride.org

NEW MEXICO

Where: Albuquerque Cost: Free admission What: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Eugene, Zoltan and the Fortunetellers, and the Joseph General Band headline the kick-off of Albuquerque’s monthly summer fest series. Details: www.cabq.gov/culturalservices/things-to-do/annual-events/summerfest

Art Santa Fe When: Thursday, July 13-16

Albuquerque Blues and Brews

Where: Santa Fe

When: 2-6 p.m., Sunday, May 28

What: A wide variety of modern and contemporary art takes over downtown Santa Fe with a plethora of gallery showings and openings.

Where: Albuquerque Cost: $10-$55

Cost: $10-$25

UTAH Utah Pride Festival When: Wednesday, May 31-June 4 Where: Salt Lake City Cost: $15 and up What: Big Freedia, Well Strung, Minx, and DJ Citizen Jane headline a week-long LGBTQIA fest in downtown SLC. Details: utahpridecenter.org/festival

Utah Arts Festival When: Thursday, June 22-25 Where: Salt Lake City Cost: $10-$35 What: Shooter Jennings and Waymore’s Outlaws, RJD2, Salvia Sisters, and Jarekus Singleton headline a four-day, workshop-filled fest highlighting the wide spectrum of arts. Details: https://uaf.org

Bonanza Campout When: Friday, June 23-25 Where: Heber Cost: $70-$300 What: Ms. Lauryn Hill, Nas, Nick Murphy (formerly Chet Faker), and Odesza headline a weekend arty fest. Details: bonanzacampout.com

Craft Lake City When: Friday, August 11-13 Where: Salt Lake City Cost: $5-$50 What: Artisan food, two stages of entertainment, and over 200 vintage vendors, artists, and DIY makers host over 40,000 attendees at this indie craft fair. Details: craftlakecity.com

Das Energi Festival

What: Blues bands like Still Closed for Repairs, The Rudy Boy Experiment, and Alex Maryol soundtrack a day of sippin’ 60 breweries’ worth of suds. 21 and over.

Details: www.artsantafe.com

When: Friday, August 18-19

International Folk Art Market

Where: Magna

Details: www.abqbluesandbrews.com

When: Friday, July 14-16

Albuquerque Folk Fest

Where: Santa Fe

When: 10:30 a.m.-10:30 p.m., Saturday, June 3 Where: Albuquerque Cost: $15 advance, $20 day of What: A quaint fest in the Albuquerque International Balloon Museum with live

Cost: $15 advance, $20 day of What: The world’s largest folk art festival with 150 artists from over 50 countries and attendance of 20,000-plus people. Details: www.folkartalliance. org/events-programs/international-folk-art-market-santa-fe/

Cost: $115-$200 What: Zedd, Diplo, Adventure Club, and Knife Party headline a hella PMA electronic music fest near Salt Lake City. Details: dasenergifestival.com Don’t forget to check out the 2017 Four Corners food festivals at dgomag.com. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

�� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 15

[ weed ]

[ review ] Magic Buzz Energy Buzzin’ sativa energy drink

Elevated Discourse Meggie J

Tropical Blast flavor

What to know before road-tripping with MJ

Serving size: 10 mg of THC (one serving per container)

Proprietary Blend: Taurine, L-carnitine, L-tartrate, yerba-mate extract, green tea extract, 140 mg caffeine, Vitamins E, B2, B3, B5, B6, B9 & B12

ts almost summer, and summer for me is road trip time! Cars packed with goodies, tunes blasting on the stereo, a myriad of destinations lay before you as you cruise on down the road: World’s biggest ball of string, albino alligators, and one of my personal favorite oddities, Great Sand Dunes National Park & Preserve – where Colorado keeps all of the world’s excess sand. There’s nothing better than vacation. Unless it’s vacation with weed. Freshly legal, Colorado cannabis can now accompany you on your summer road trip. But to keep you in the green, and in the clear, there are a few rules to remember while you are on the road. First, driving high is just as illegal as driving drunk. The legal limit of marijuana in Colorado is 5 nanograms of TCH. This can be difficult to measure, being that TCH is fat soluble. For most users, their peak high experience when smoking is around 13 nanograms (edibles are an entirely different experience and you should never drive the same day you eat an edible). Most people who smoke should be sober within four hours of smoking, although this varies wildly from user to user. And while some may argue that marijuana does not impair their driving, science will argue otherwise. Driving high can slow your reaction times, affect hand and eye coordination, as well as depth perception. You can also get a DUI, which can cost as much as $13,500 plus jail time. It’s just not worth it. Smoke it when you get there, or have a designated driver. Like alcohol, there is an open container law regarding marijuana in Colorado, so it’s best to keep everything sealed and in your trunk with all your other road trip gear. Colorado law allows up to one ounce of bud per person, (or 8 grams of concentrate per person, or 800 mg of edibles per person). If your passengers want to consume, they should

Other Ingredients: 10 mg activated THC, filtered water, organic agave, natural flavors, citric acid, pectin gum, emulsifiers, monk fruit, CO2 extracted cannabis oil (refined using alcohol), sodium benzoate, potassium sorbate. The feel: Fizzy upon opening, much like any energy drink. Its smell reminds me a little of a fruit-flavored sparkling soda. The taste: Fruity, tangy and sweet, with lots of pineapple. Its flavor is reminiscent of a tropical margarita minus the alcohol. The tangy, ripe fruit flavors, lush sweet coconut and a rush of caffeine gives an immediate buzz.

Alexi Grojean/Special to DGO

get out to smoke or snack on a few brownies before hitting the road and then put it all in the cooler in the back. If you really want to smoke while your buddy is driving, the best solution is a vape pen. Smoking a bowl is quite obvious and toking up a big joint is going to make the car reek like weed if you are unlucky enough to get pulled over. The best advantage to vapor is it disappears into the air fairly quickly, so its smell doesn’t permeate your car’s interior. Remember, the cannabis you buy in Colorado has to be consumed in Colorado; you cannot drive with it across state lines. As far as where to puff, the laws in Colorado are pretty clear. It is illegal to smoke in a national forest or any national parks or monuments because marijuana is still federally illegal. You can get up to six months in jail and $5,000 in fines. The Colorado Clean Air Act prohibits smoking in any public place, which pretty much covers any

place you can’t smoke cigarettes. The general rule is that any place you can be seen or smelled by others is not a good place to smoke. So what’s a good pothead to do? Most Coloradans turn a blind eye to a little pot smoking if it’s on the down low and not in front of children. If you are smoking with people smoking cigarettes, where smoking is allowed and you aren’t being too obvious, it is usually acceptable among adults. My best advice is to use some common sense and be respectful to those around you. The ability to smoke cannabis in Colorado is a marvelous personal freedom. Enjoy responsibly, and happy trails! Meggie J is a published poet and freelance writer living in the Four Corners. She is an avid reader, rafter, and connoisseur of cannabis. She can be reached at coxwell.meggiej@gmail.com.

Tasting tips: This orange and yellow bottle of happiness greets you with the invitation to “Get up to get down.” Magic Buzz is tasty but strong; make sure to have water handy. It is super sweet and not at all hashy-tasting. Because it’s a liquid edible, it enters the blood stream rather quickly. It pairs nicely with the caffeine, giving a jump-start to your day’s projects, the perfect buzz for a short hike, or a little drink to keep you awake as the passenger in that long road trip across Colorado. — Meggie J

16 | Thursday, May 25, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

Your cannababies’ happiness starts with nutrient-rich soil

here are a lot of ways to grow cannabis, and depending what you are looking for as the end product of your work, you can use coco fiber or rockwool as your base and options like hydroponics, aquaponics, or aeroponics might be avenues you can explore. But for our purposes here, I am going to stick with the methods that most closely approximate what nature gave us – I’m taking about dirt – or more properly, “soil,” organic nutrients, and using techniques that allow your cannababies to live a happy, low-stress life that will reward you with gorgeous buds at the end of their cycles. First things first: Growing cannabis is truly a simple process but is not one that rewards negligence by the grower. If you are not prepared to take a few minutes a day observing, touching, assessing, and caring for your plants, expect them to end up like any other part of your life that does not get loving attention – they will fade and wither and will never reach their full potential. (Kind of funny how anything can be a metaphor for life if you examine it closely enough, isn’t it?) At least 15 minutes of daily mindful attention to your plants is the baseline commitment necessary to ensure a bountiful harvest, so ask yourself if that is a reasonable expectation. These 15 minutes will allow you to ensure your crop is getting the necessary light and water it needs and will keep you ahead of the curve for any potential problems (pests, mold, etc.) that may develop. Almost every potential negative issue that may confront your plants is very solvable if addressed in the first few days, before it is allowed to reach a stage that is dangerous to the health of your crop. Cannabis needs a few main nutrients in order to thrive. The truly necessary three macronutrients are grouped under the header NPK, an abbreviation of the chemical symbols for nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium. These big three nourish cannabis

with an assist from a varied group of less-important micronutrients that includes calcium, magnesium, sulfur, zinc, iron, manganese, cobalt, boron, chlorine, silicon, and copper. The question is how to get these nutrients into your plants. Every grow shop and website from coast to coast offers bottles and bottles of products that promise to deliver the perfect combination of ingredients to make your plants happy and strong, but most of these are full of salts and chemicals that destroy the balance of your soil in the long run. The other way to go is to create a fully organic, enriched soil that contains the proper ingredients to provide nutrition to your crop including beneficial fungal organisms that allow your plants and soil to work together in the way nature intended and to feed them together by the use of compost teas. The list of soil amendments for cannabis may include bat guano, worm castings, chicken poop, seaweed, coffee grounds, eggshells, bone meal, wood ash, mycorrhizae, fish meal, peat moss, and a variety of other potential ingredients. If creating your own recipe and mixing your own soil seems daunting, there are pre-bagged organic soils on the market. I suggest this compromise: Go with the best soil you can afford for this crop, and while it does its thing, gradually acquire the knowledge and ingredients that will allow you to create an optimal soil by this time next year. Keep in mind that fully balanced organic soils can be reused and will even grow better with time, while soil bombarded with salts need to be heavily flushed before harvesting and the remaining dirt is essentially useless. Whatever path you take, friends, enjoy the process. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.

ENJOY THE LONG WEEKEND AND REMEMBER THOSE WHO FOUGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY A COUNTRY WHERE LEGAL MARIJUANA IS GROWING!

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�� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 17

[love and sex]

Savage Love | Dan Savage

A legal release for breath-play accidental death? Ummm ... I have two female sex partners who want to be breath-play dominated. I know the practice is dangerous, and I employ the rules of consent and communication a pro-Dom escort friend taught me. But is there a legal release document we could sign that protects consenting adults in the event of an accident or death? Ruminating About Consensual Kinks Restricting someone’s air intake is always dangerous, RACK, and while we all too often hear about people dying during solo breath play, aka “auto-erotic asphyxiation” (an activity no one should engage in ever), we rarely hear about someone dying during partnered breath play. (I recently discussed partnered breath play with Amp from Watts the Safeword, a kink-friendly sex-ed YouTube channel. Look up Episode 533 at savagelovecast.com.)

Dominant. “But if you harm your partner or they become scared, shamed, shocked, or, even worse, gravely injured, it’s the Dom’s problem. At any time, the submissive can change their mind. Some cases have been classified as ‘rape’ or ‘torture’ afterward, even though consent was initially given. It’s our job as Dominants/Tops/Leads to make sure everyone is safe, consenting, and capable.”

gage in more activities that force you to focus (like eating her out). Problem solved.

I’m a 32-year-old guy, my gal is 34, and we’ve been together for two years. Every time we get it on or she goes down on me (though not when I eat her out), my mind wanders to fantasies involving porno chicks, exes, or local baristas. A certain amount of this is normal, but I’m concerned that this now happens every time. When I’m about to come, I shift my mind back to my partner and we have a hot climax, but I feel guilty. Advice?

My college girlfriend and I were together for four years. The relationship ended 10 years ago when she cheated on me. She did eventually marry the guy, so, hey, good for them. She recently gave birth to a boy. She gave her son my name as his middle name. Nobody in either family has this name and it isn’t an especially common name. I’ve asked dozens of people with kids, and nobody can think of a reason why a person would give their child a name anywhere close to an ex’s name. Thoughts?

That said, RACK, someone can’t consent to being strangled to death by accident.

Guilty Over Nebulous Ecstasy

“The lawyers in my office discussed this, and we agree that there is no way to ‘waive’ or ‘consent to’ criminal negligence resulting in substantial bodily harm or death,” said Brad Meryhew, a criminal-defense attorney who practices in Seattle. “I don’t think you’ll find any lawyer who would draft such an agreement. Even if an agreement were executed, it is not going to constitute a complete defense if something goes wrong. There are principles of criminal liability for the consequences of our decisions, as well as public-policy concerns about people engaging in extremely dangerous behaviors, that make it impossible to just walk away if something goes wrong.” Another concern: Signing such a document could make breath play more dangerous, not less. “A person who had such a waiver might be tempted to push the boundaries even further,” said Meryhew.

I’ve been asked what biases advice columnists have. Do we favor questions from women? (No, women are just likelier to ask for advice.) Are we more sympathetic to women? (Most advice columnists are women, so ...) Are we likelier to respond to a question that opens with a compliment? (Of course.) But the solvable problem is our biggest bias. Some people write in with problems that they’ll need an exorcist, a special prosecutor, a time machine, or some combo of all three to solve. I could fill the column week after week with unsolvable problems, and my answers would all be variations on ¯\_O_/¯.

And now the pro-Dom perspective ... “As consenting adults, we assume the risks involved in this type of kink,” said Mistress A Elena, a professional

Your letter, GONE, is a good example of the solvable problem – a letter likelier to make it into the column – and, as is often the case, the solution to your problem is right there in your letter. You’re able to “shift [your] mind” back to your partner when you’re about to come, and when you eat her out, your mind doesn’t wander at all. My advice: Make the shift earlier/often and en-

P.S. A lot of people allow their mind to wander a bit during sex – supplementing the present sensations with memories, fantasies, local baristas, etc. If it keeps you hard/wet/game and isn’t perceptible (if you don’t start mumbling coffee orders), your partner benefits from your wanderings.

Nobody’s Answers Make Effing Sense Maybe your college girlfriend remembers you a little too fondly. Maybe a family friend had the same name. Maybe she met someone else with your name in the last 10 years, and she and her husband had a few threesomes with that guy, and she remembers those fondly. Maybe you’ll run into her someday and she’ll tell you the real reason. Now here are a few definitelys to balance out all those maybes, NAMES: This is definitely none of your business and you definitely can’t do anything about it – people can definitely give their children whatever names they want – and there’s definitely no use in stressing out about it. I’ve been reading your column forever – like “Hey Faggot!” forever – and your response to CLIF (the guy whose wife could no longer orgasm from PIV sex after having a child) is the first time I’ve felt the need to gripe about your advice. My wife was also

the “Look, ma, no hands!” type, and it was amazing to be able to look into her eyes as we came together. But after a uterine cyst followed by a hysterectomy, something changed and that came to an end. It was a pretty hard hit for us sexually and emotionally. Toys, oral, etc. had always been on the table, but more as part of being GGG than as the main source of her coming. For a long time, it put her off sex as a source of her own pleasure. Things have gotten much better, but I’d be lying if I said we didn’t occasionally talk wistfully about that time in our relationship. I can empathize with what CLIF is going through. When we went through this, we did research and spoke with doctors wondering the same thing: Is there some way to reclaim that PIV-and-her-orgasms connection. We even thought of writing you, the wise guru of all things sex, but am I glad we didn’t. In response to CLIF asking for some fairly simple advice, you bluntly said that it’s not a problem that she can’t come from PIV sex. You ignored the fact that up until fairly recently, she could. Then you suggest that, because he hasn’t mastered the subtle art of acronyms, he might be a shitty lover whose wife has been faking orgasms for years and is just tired of it. Dick move, Dan. A Callous Response Only Negates Your Motivation You’re right, ACRONYM, my response to CLIF was too harsh. But as you discovered, there wasn’t a way for you and your wife to reclaim that PIV-and-her-orgasms connection. So CLIF would do well to take Dr. Gunter’s advice and embrace how his wife’s body works now and not waste too much time grieving over how her body/ PIV orgasms used to work then. Dan Savage is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist writing for The Stranger in Seattle. Contact him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter and listen to his podcast every week at savagelovecast.com.

18 | Thursday, May 25, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[happening] Thursday Raising Readers Storytime, 10:30 a.m., Cortez Public Library, 202 N. Park. St., 5658117. Durango Green Drinks, 5 p.m., Carver

Brewing Co., 1022 Main Ave., 259-2545. Lacey Black, 6 p.m., The Swing Restaurant

in Dalton Ranch, 589 County Road 252.

Friday Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Narrow Horse 1, 500-meter Swim, 2 p.m., $30,

ald’s Citizens Tour to Silverton, 8 a.m.,

U.S. Highway 550, Durango to Silverton, www. ironhorsebicycleclassic.com. Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m., First

National Bank of Durango, 259 W. Ninth St., www.durangofarmersmarket.com. Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Quarter Horse to Purgatory Resort, 8:15 a.m.,

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Sprite Kids Race and Alpine Bank Kids Village, 8 a.m., 900 Main Ave., www.ironhorsebi-

cycleclassic.com.

Free Transit Day, all-day event, Durango Transit Center, 250 W. Eighth St., 259-5438.

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic La Strada La Plata Gravel Ride, 9 a.m., 900 Main

Master’s Men Colorado, 6:30 a.m., DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, 259-6580.

Ave., www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

La Plata County multi-event center master-plan public meeting, 4:30

Yoga with Kelli, 10 a.m., $8, Absolute Phys-

U.S. Highway 550, Durango to Purgatory Resort, 1 Skier Place, www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

ical Therapy and Wellness, 277 East Eighth Ave., 764-4094.

p.m., Escalante Middle School, 141 Baker Lane, co.laplata.co.us.

Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean Pierre

Tuesday jam, 6 p.m., Steaming Bean, 900

Ultra Upper-Animas Raft Tour, 9 a.m.,

Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 2477700.

Useless Knowledge Bowl Trivia+, 7

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Morehart Murphy Subaru Race, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., 900

p.m., Durango Brewing Co., 3000 Main Ave., 247-3396.

$385, Mild to Wild, 50 Animas View Drive, 247-4789.

Durango Community Recreation Center, 2700 Main Ave., 375-7300, www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Silverton Finish-Line Festival, 9 a.m.-1 p.m., Memo-

Main Ave., www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Steamworks Faceplant Parade and Party,

rial Park, 1600 Green St., www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

3-8 p.m., Buckley Park, www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

Fox Fire Farms Taste of Spring with The Assortment, noon, Fox Fire Farms,

Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean Pierre

5513 County Road 321, 563-4675.

Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 2477700.

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Adventure Pro BMX Straight Rhythm, 1-4

Fox Fire Farms Taste of Spring with The Assortment, noon, Fox Fire Farms,

p.m., 900 Main Ave., www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

5513 County Road 321, 563-4675.

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Durango Cyclery Cruiser Crit, 5 p.m., 900 Main

Andy Janowsky, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle

Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431. Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Iron BMX Race, 5:30-6:30 p.m., $15, Durango BMX,

380 S. Camino del Rio, www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

Saturday

Tuesday

Lacey Black, 5 p.m., Serious Texas BBQ,

650 Camino del Rio, 259-9507. Comedy Show, 8 p.m., Sweet 101, 858 Main

Ave., (443) 253-6963.

Ave., www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

Monday Happy Hour Yoga, 5:30-6:30 p.m., Ska

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Durango Coca-Cola Road Race, 7:30 a.m., U.S.

Sunday

Highway 550, Durango to Silverton, www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Durango Bike Festival, all-day event, downtown Du-

Spoken Word, 7-9 p.m., Steaming Bean, 900

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic McDon-

rango, www.ironhorsebicycleclassic.com.

Main Ave., 403-1200, www.thebean.com.

Brewing Co., 225 Girard St., www.skabrewing. com.

Main Ave., 403-1200.

Wednesday Trails 2000 Project Sky Steps, 4 p.m., Nature Trail, 978 East Sixth Ave., 259-4682. Floor-barre class, 3 p.m., $5, Absolute

Physical Therapy and Wellness, 277 East Eighth Ave., 764-4094.

Submissions To submit listings for publication in DGO and www.dgomag.com,

visit www.swscene.com, click “Add Your Event,” enter the event info into the form, and submit. Listings at www.swscene.com will appear on www.dgomag.com and in our weekly print edition. Posting an event on www.swscene.com is free and takes one day to process.

DGO’s weekend picks in or near Durango Riverfest in Farmington All hail the Animas River! Riverfest floods Berg and Animas Parks in Farmington from Friday, May 26, through Sunday. If you’re the type to get up at 8 in the morning and run, there’s an annual 5K and 10K on Saturday. If not, there’s a fine art show, a beer and wine garden to soak up, yoga, a classic car show, a duck race, a Native American market and dances, and river raft rides. Bonus: Live music all day, including the Delbert Anderson Trio and Million Dollar Highway. Free admission. All ages. Details: riverreachfoundation.com

Folk tunes in a DIY space Sweet 101’s indie folk series, Folked Up!, continues on Friday, May 26. This round, Fearless Peasants will play, along with Rhys from Bay 9, and Richard S. Barnes. Doors are at 7:30 and cover’s only $5 for a laid-back night of tunes from local musicians. What else were you going to do with that fiver? Starbucks? F that S. Go to a show, instead. Sweet 101 is located at 858 Main Ave. but the entrance is on the alley behind Main.

Monthly block parties in Bayfield! Get your cut-off jeans on and beer koozie handy, Bayfield’s Block Party season has begun! Their first fest day is, oddly,

on a Thursday – but hey, whatever, mid-week PARTAAAY! Thursday, May 26, from 6 to 9 p.m. W. Mill Street will be filled with music by Million Dollar Highway, booze, dancing, lawn chair loungers, and good times. Details: http://bit.ly/2q4AlXR

There will be dancing Get filled with electro light and love at the Greener Grounds show at Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr., on Friday, May 26. The four-piece jamtronica band outta Denver is known for pulsing out atmospheric, mellow beats perfect for contemplating the universe to ... or, you know, dancing. Cycles and Zolopht open. Doors are 8:30 p.m. and the show starts at 9. If you’re 18 or older and got $10 ($12 day of), here’s your Friday night.

Wino times in the ABQ Pour some class down your gullet at the Albuquerque Wine Festival. Sip and sip and SO MUCH WINE! There will be 25 wineries, hella food, free parking, and live music all weekend long by Merican Slang, Son Como Son, Raven Rutherford and Her Sweet Potato Pie Band, and more. Festival tickets range from $5 for designated drivers to $35 for a Wine Lover Early Access Pass. Fest starts on Saturday, May 27, and goes through May 29. Information at www.winecountrynm.com

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Ben Gibson Band - 5pm Neil Nelson & the Saloonatics - 9:30pm

SAT 5/27

Six Dollar String Band - 5pm Cactopus - 9:30pm

MON 5/29

GrooveSession - 5pm

TUES 5/23

Salsa Night - 8pm $2.50 Tacos & $5 Margs 600 Main Ave, Suite 210, Durango, CO 970-422-8008

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�� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 19

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20 | Thursday, May 25, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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Breakdance Class Monday 7-8 pm @ The Dance Spot

Hip Hop Class Thursdays 5 PM @ The Dance Spot

w/ Cheo, The Dance Patrol 2980 North Main Avenue | thedancespotdgo.com

Bachata Thursdays 6pm @ The Dance Spot

Friday Salsa & Zumba Dance Lessons Kids Salsa 4pm Adult Zumba 6:30pm @ The Dance Spot

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To advertise in DGO Deals contact us at 970-247-3504 �� Thursday, May 25, 2017 | 21

Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19)

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)

Examine your relationship with others today to see what needs to be changed. Relationships are never static and unchanging – it’s quite the opposite.

You want a change of scenery, and will move heaven and earth to make this happen because you are so restless for a change. Even a short trip will please you.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)

Something going on behind the scenes concerns you today. You might have an urge to improve things, or at least stop something from getting worse.

Romantic relationships are passionate and intense today. Because the intensity is so strong, the relationships actually are quite fragile. Something might make your feelings snap. (They are not stable.)

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You want to improve your relationships with a friend or a group today, but you might not be sure how to do this. Why not start by being friendly? CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

Bizarro

You want improve the appearance of something that matters to you. This is why you want people to listen to your ideas.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) Tread carefully when dealing with partners and close friends today because people are feeling intense. They might go off the deep end and do or say something they will later regret. This includes you as well. SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

You have strong ideas about how to make improvements where you work. You also have strong ideas about how to improve your health. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) You’re determined to have fun today, and you want everyone to join you. Lighten up so that things can develop naturally. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) A discussion with someone about how to improve your home will please you today. You have specific ideas you want to put into action, and you want to do that now. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) Look around you and see what you can do to improve your daily environment. Any improvement is a step

in the right direction. PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) It’s possible that you will think of new ways to earn money, or perhaps you’ll get a better-paying job. You might even see ways to make money on the side. Yay! BORN THIS WEEK You are talkative, witty and bright. People admire you. This is a year of growth, construction and building. It is a time to get organized in a practical way. Your responsibilities will increase, magnifying the effort and hard work needed to maintain your life. Do what you can to reduce your debt and strengthen your financial position because you are building for your future! © 2017 King Features Syndicate Inc.

weekly bestsellers May 14-20 » »You Are a Badass at Making Money , by Jen Sincero (Hardcover) »»The Metabolic Approach to Cancer, by Nasha Winters (Hardcover) »»You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero (Paperback) »»The Emerald Mile, by Kevin Fedarko (Paperback) »»Narrow River, Wide Sky, by Jenny Forrester (Paperback) »»All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr (Paperback) »»Oh, The Places You’ll Go, by Dr. Seuss (Hardcover) »»The Woman in Cabin 10, by Ruth Ware (Paperback) »»A Man Called Ove, by Fredrik Backman (Paperback) »»The Soul of an Octopus, by Sy Montgomery (Paperback)

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[Durango’s stories, told in their own words]

First Person | Cyle Talley

‘IT WAS AN ABSOLUTELY HELPLESS,

AWFUL FEELING’ »» Ryan Brungard lost his dog in Canyonlands National Park.

Then came the unrelenting anxiety and guilt

Ryan Brungard and his dog, Hope, lived a real-life “Homeward Bound” when Hope got lost in Canyonlands National Park. Hope’s story is harrowing, dramatic, and heart-wrenching, so animal-lovers, be warned. I tell Part I of Ryan and Hope’s story here, in Ryan’s words. Stop by next week for Part II.

efore I got my bar results, I went to work for an event marketing company in St. Louis. One of their biggest customers is Nestle/Purina and so we’d do trade shows like Westminster and the National Dog Show. In the back, behind the scenes, brands showcase their lines, there are rescue dog missions, etc. I want to say that my dog, Hope, and I had this immediate connection when we saw each other during one of those events, but you never really know. I was not out to get a dog, but it just seemed right. Hope had been strayed in North Carolina, living on the streets, and she had a bunch of interesting physical conditions that were indicative of neglect, specifically the one that people know her for, a distinct scar that runs along her spine and has the texture of a tire. She certainly had a unique story, which made her special to me right away; her name was Hope already, and that seemed perfectly suitable. She’s super intelligent, and she just sort of seems to pick things up. I would put my hand out and say “Shake,” and she would shake. She’s just an angel dog – so sweet, so kind, but you can tell that there’s some trau-

ma in her background. She’s settled down over the past few years, but at first, she spooked really easily. I think that’s probably what happened in Moab in 2013. It was late March and my buddy Rob and I were going to meet a big group of our friends in Canyonlands. Hope is in the back, and we got a late start out of Durango behind the rest of our friends. Once you do the dip into Canyonlands, cellphone reception is nil, and there aren’t too many ways to communicate other than by leaving notes on BLM boards. The sun is starting to go down, we cruise into the Beef Basin area, and pull off to stretch. We let Hope out. Rob and I find the note our friends left to tell us where they are. I call Hope. Hope doesn’t come. I call again. Nothing. Now I’m frustrated. Why isn’t she paying attention to me? I call again. No panting, no jingle from her collar, nothing. Now I’m a little worried. I’m realizing that this could be a problem. I’m walking around, looking in all directions. Rob and I get our headlamps, and I’m full-on frantic now. It’s not like she ran off into the alley, or went into a different yard – she’s out in Canyonlands National Park. It was an absolutely helpless, awful feeling. We looked for what seemed like hours. We don’t

Courtesy of Ryan Brungard

»» Ryan Brungard and his dog, Hope. have cell reception, so we can’t communicate with our friends to tell them the situation. I left her dog bed there with a T-shirt of mine and we went to the campsite where our friends were. That weekend turned into a hunt for my dog. There was no going to sleep at night, there was no relaxation. It was just pure, unadulterated panic and guilt. My friends dropped everything to help me search. Binoculars, headlamps, night, day – she never showed up. I had my bike with me, and so I was also going around to nearby ranches and BLM posts telling them what to look for. It was a devastating, awful weekend and every hour that went by was worse. I knew that Sunday was going to roll around, and that I was going to have to decide what to do. Do I just set up camp and live in the desert now? I had just started working at a firm here in town and I had to go back to my job, which was one of the harder things I’ve ever done. So much guilt. Late Sunday, I left the dog bed where we last saw her, along with lots of food and water. The desert is such an endless venue of danger and challenges. I was worried about her nutrition, about her being attacked, about the heat, the cold – and I felt like a terrible owner. The drive back was miserable. Cyle Talley loves his dog more than he loves most people. Email him at: cyle@cyletalley.com

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