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Durango Roller Girls bring glamour, grit, muscle, and mayhem to the roller derby flat track

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Plus: Roller derby 101

ques i n h c : Te el Also en you fe h for w nnected, in disco calsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; bars top lo go, and Durane steps to simpl butter canna

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Donald Trump is ...

CHILD LECTURER!

A video series about what happens when you take Donald Trump’s exact words and make him sound like a child, set in a world of stop-motion animation.

DGO Watch at dgomag.com/videos 2 | Thursday, July 13, 2017 •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 2 Number 38

July 13, 2017

Chief Executive Officer

10 New feature: White Rabbit book reviews

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Advertising

Keena Kimmel, owner of White Rabbit Books and Curiosities, reviews her favorite books, starting with “Tibetan Peach Pie,” by Tom Robbins.

David Habrat V.P. of Marketing Kricket Lewis Founding Editors Amy Maestas

dholub@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Patty Templeton ptempleton@bcimedia.com Contributors Katie Cahill

Beer

11 Vintage News 17 Weed

Seeing Through the Smoke 17

18 Savage Love

Jake Polster-Sadlon/Special to DGO

20 DGO Deals

23 First Person

Alexi Grojean Meggie J

Jake Polster-Sadlon

Gravity Brain: Techniques when feeling ‘disconnected’ We may be [effed], but we are resilient creatures. When I catch myself “disconnected” from my body or my world, I use a few techniques to help me crawl back in.

Cooper Stapleton Cyle Talley Robert Alan Wendeborn Advertising 247-3504 Reader Services

22 Horoscope/ puzzles

As Matt Hert tells me about driving in Ireland, he pantomimes shifting and steering beautifully, makes flawless engine noises, and punctuates his story with pauses so elegant that I find myself leaning into his story.

23 First Person

/dgomag

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DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

Sound

19 Happening

Christopher Gallagher

Jon E. Lynch

10 Pages

Katie Clancy

Bryant Liggett

Love it or Hate it

Making yourself a batch of infused butter should be very manageable for anyone whose culinary skills extend past the egg-boiling level.

Staff writer

Album Reviews 7

17 You’re a few simple steps away from cannabutter

David Holub

From the Editor

Downtown Lowdown

David Holub Editor/ creative director

@dgo_mag

Durango’s best locals’ bars Tourists support a lot of the summer economy in Durango, but sometimes you need to go to a bar where you won’t hear a Texas accent or see a California license plate outside.

Tell us what you think!

ON THE COVER Durango Roller Girl D’Cell Punk looks on at a scrimmage at Chapman Hill Monday. Photo by Jake Polster-Sadlon/Special to DGO

Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know? Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

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[CTRL-A] [ love it or hate it ] David Holub |DGO editor

Too smart for our own good, humans can learn from ants

hen I lived in South Texas, I opened up my grill one day and the bottom was covered in ants. They had walked in a line up the base and in through a lone hole on the back of the grill and were now feeding on the grease caked to the bottom of the pit. Surveying the situation, I figured the only way to get the ants out of the grill would be to turn on the propane, crank the knobs up to 5, and click that ignite button a few times. What was I to do, cancel dinner? So I light it – whoompf ! – and I can see glowing blue and yellow flame through the grates; I can feel the heat starting to rise. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen, but what actually happened was astonishing. The moment the grill lit, the ants all sprung into coordinated action. They formed one single line and immediately began marching out the lone hole they’d come in. A few stragglers may have died from burns or smoke inhalation, but the vast majority made it out seemingly unscathed. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t imagine these ants had ever practiced a fire drill. They did not panic. They did not push; they did not shove. Something in their ant bodies communicated an emergency, followed by a string of pheromones – a chemical link from one to the next – to guide each other to safety. I thought back to the fire drills we’d do in elementary school, and whenever the fire alarm went off (or even when the power went out), girls began screaming and boys immediately started horsin’ around. But it would be pandemonium, even when the drill was announced well ahead of time. Who knows what would have happened had there ever been actual fires. But these ants. They’d never pre-

pared, never even knew the concept of what a fire drill was. But with everything on the line – the fate of the colony itself – they had one shot to do it, and they nailed it. So clutch, it was. (Then again, these were fire ants, so ...) Sometimes I get the sense that humans aren’t terribly smart. Or at least as smart as we’ve led ourselves to believe. I mean, we call ourselves the smartest creatures on the planet – a planet we are currently putting the finishing touches on destroying after 150 years of the unprecedented gobbling of its resources and belching of pollutants into the air. And if that weren’t bad enough, some of us humans have turned protecting the land, air, and water into a political issue, denying reality so that the destructive behavior can continue. I almost think that we’re the real idiots, so incredibly smart that we kill ourselves and the rest of the planet for good measure. Perhaps the rest of the animal kingdom is where the wisdom lies. And then I sit on my back porch and watch the hummingbirds and the two hummingbird feeders we’ve hung out there. Despite the never-ending supply of nectar, they’re always fighting each other for it. One might get a tiny sip before being chased away. They whir around, harassing each other, tumbling through the air playing a game of hummy grabass. They have to land in the aspen trees to rest before doing the same thing again. One thing is certain: If they’d just cooperate, if they’d see that by being orderly and selfless, if they simply looked out for their neighbors, they all could live in peace AND drink all the nectar their tiny brains could ever imagine. So: To be ants or hummingbirds? Seems like an easy decision. But then again, we’re humans.

Eggs Love it I feel most like a caveman whenever I crack an egg: walking through a forest, spotting a nest, stealing the eggs and gobbling the nutrient-rich insides. Eggs seem primitively programmed in our brains. But they also represent the culinary progress humans have made. I would imagine that the methods of cooking raw meat haven’t developed much since our cave days: Peel off hide, attach meat to spit, place over fire. Eggs are different. By 2017, humans have developed more than 100 ways to cook an egg. Eggs are so fundamental that I will rarely even consider breakfast – making it or having it – without eggs. Take it from chef and author Jacques Pepin, who told Bon Appétit magazine, “I think that the egg is probably one of the greatest foods that we can have in the kitchen, whether we cook it by itself or combine it into a soufflé or custard, or other type of thing. For me, I can’t live without eggs.” —— David Holub

Hate it Eggs are gross. To begin on a juvenile note, chickens shit out eggs. An egg passes through the same exit on a chicken as does all its excrement. To continue more scientifically, eggs contain so much cholesterol that they accelerate the build-up of plaque in arteries almost as much as smoking does. Next up, holy f, the egg industry is brutal. Each year, more than 79 billion eggs are produced in the U.S. It takes more than 300 million hens producing an egg every 34 hours to keep up with demand. When an egg is hatched, male and female chicks are separated. Females have their beaks cut off with a hot blade and are sent to cramped egg-laying facilities. Males are suffocated in garbage bags, ground up, or crushed because they are don’t lay eggs and can’t be sold for meat. (Supposedly, this process may stop by 2020, when the egg industry hopes to be able to genetically modify hen fertilization to never lay male eggs.) But stopping the culling of male chicks won’t change the fact that hens live atrocious, feces- and disease-filled lives where they die and rot atop one another in standing-room-only cages, never seeing the light of day. The only good thing about eggs is the Egg Paranoia conversation between Babs and her Mama in “Pink Flamingos.” —— Patty Templeton

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[wellness]

GravityBrain | Katie Clancy

The three techniques I use when feeling ‘disconnected’

usic at Buckley Park, tourist-strolling through the farmers market for those life-changing carrots, brave bodies surfing the snowmelt at Santa Rita Park – clearly, the calendar has finally aligned our “summer” with our “summertime,” the annual high-country social experiment where expectations collide with reality. This summertime, my reality includes contemplating a 20Moons dance show scheduled for the fall. Our overarching theme: “The Nature of Connection.” The very scope of the thing makes me want to rub my eyes out and go back to bed. Connection? An illusive word that, muttered mentally like some best-forgotten song lyric, loses ... well, connection. Are we not always questing for “connection” – with ourselves, our communities, our earth, our freaking phones? But what does that actually feel like within our own bodies? And: Why is it that I often sense that I am “disconnected” and alone within all the merriment of festivals and big crowds? It’s like that Jordan Baker quote in “Gatsby” about large parties: “... they’re so intimate. At small parties there isn’t any privacy.” That’s me: If I’m not dancing wildly at the Big Party-Show-Thingy, I’ll be off in a corner engaging with one or, at most, a few people. On a basic, primal level, connection has to do with safety and trust. Can I settle into this moment? Do my muscles relax around this person? That does not, as they say, scale. In order to get to that connected point, it helps to remember that my body is a loyal pet – ever present and seeking balance with me. And when we experience traumatic situations, we store that trauma in our cells. Instead of processing this trauma, or even discomfort, a lot of times we defend – we disassociate. In general, I believe we risk becoming semi-frozen bodies, numbed to the roots by attacks, real and perceived. We do not have a mainstream method of dealing with individual and global trauma, unless you consider self-medication and early death coping mechanisms. But there are other ways out, I believe. Our ner-

vous systems may be burning like hot bacon grease on a cast-iron skillet, but there are antidotes. We may be [effed], but we are resilient creatures. When I catch myself “disconnected” from my body or my world, I use a few techniques to help me crawl back in: »» STOP, DROP, and ROLL: I learned this one from an intuitive psychic, Betsy Cohen (www. newyorkcitypsychic.com). It’s profoundly basic. Shock and anxiety causes the brain and body to speed up, which can trigger fight or flight responses. So, first, I stop what I’m doing. I slow down and take a breath. Then, I drop: into the sensations in my body. I do a quick body scan. I notice the wet towel that I’ve been carrying around in my gut (your imaging process will obviously vary). I sit with the sensations of the emotions. The sad stone of grief gently dissolves like cubed bullion in broth. Finally, when I am more pres-

Alexi Grojean/ Special to DGO

ent, I am able to roll, or relax into the experience. »» TONGLEN MEDITATION PRACTICE: Are you also allergic to spiritual practices that promote wholeness but are just excuses to perpetuate denial? Then welcome, friend. We can mine gold from grief and pain, but not if we skip over it by “practicing gratitude” or trying to “stay positive” until we are positive we’ll puke. Instead of trying to bypass our dilemmas, the Tonglen practice transforms them within the heart. First, you connect to a felt sense of darkness, an image or story or experience that is charged. Inhale breath: pull that darkness straight into your heart. Exhale breath: release compassion, understanding, or light. The more I practice, the more I touch what the Buddhists call our Joyful Hearts of Sorrow. »» INTENTION: When I find myself self-isolating in a crowd of people, it helps to commit to a simple and clear intention. How do I want to show up in this moment? What is my purpose for being at this event? Walking home at dawn through the Upper East Side in NYC after a 24-hour LSD trip years ago, let’s say, this practice really hit home. Making it up Sixth Avenue safely required some straight talk from myself: Walk up the sidewalk to the end of the block. Pass the pitbull with a saggy face and heavy lower eyelids. He’s smiling at me. Talking to me. No. Keep walking. Pass the bodega, turn right. The more spun out I get, the simpler my intentions need to be. Like this: Just this morning I caught a glimpse of a great blue heron jumping off of a blackened juniper branch. I was either ahead of or behind the moment, so I didn’t notice her until she was in flight, wings wide, clipping into the new blue sky. She moved like a silk shadow. I paused, and felt a sensation similar to that of a little girl painting a sunbeam across a white wall inside my chest. A moment of connection: the relentless summer sun, my heart pulsing purple, a raging river with wide banks telling the day a big story. Maybe big parties are just a bunch of little parties after all, and what makes them big is how they’re connected? It all just makes me want to dance. Katie Clancy is the co-owner of Studio Soma, a therapeutic movement and bodywork sanctuary in Durango. She is also a freelance writer and dances with 20Moons Dance Theatre.

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[sound]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

Sunny and the Whiskey Machine brings Americana to Ska

Gritty songwriting and the ‘broke-ass dream’

oul-grass. Dark Gospel. Or maybe you can call it Gothic swing. You can pair together many words to make two-word descriptions of music that will work when you talk about a band like Sunny and the Whiskey Machine. The trio (and sometimes bigger) does an acoustic take on soul, old-time, rock, swing, and country via the murder ballad or sordid tale. Sunny and the Whiskey Machine will perform next week at Ska Brewing for their Thursday night Ska-B-Q. It’s the vehicle for the songwriting of Sunny Gable, who sings and plays guitar. She’s joined by Jeff Moorehead on dobro and Guy Ewing on bass, and, on occasion, the band also features Mark Epstein on banjo and Cindi Trautman on fiddle. Gable has always been a writer, one inspired by ones who wrote song lyrics instead of writing books of short stories or poetry. “I was always interested in the human condition. I’ve always been a writer, my dad’s a writer. He always made me write poetry when I was little,” said Gable. “So I wasn’t so much writing songs, as I was writing thoughts. As I became a teenager and started playing the guitar, I started writing songs. I grew up listening to and was inspired by Bob Dylan and Guy Clark. I think where a lot of my inspiration comes from is the storytelling aspect. Connecting us all through common emotions and stories we all maybe feel on a deeper level.” She’s quickly joining the ranks of some of the area’s best songwriters. The stories found within her songs are colorful and sordid tales of love, sadness, and going from having everything to having nothing. All of this is brought to life via characters as real as your friends and enemies, along with rural references of gritty and scrambling living, what Gable refers to as the “Broke-ass dream.” Songs that make casual mention of methamphetamine, whiskey, and old cars certainly can bring a laugh, but there’s a beauty in the simple reality. Its music that’s subtle; the arrangements playful and up-beat or fit for crying in your beer. The lyrics are void of ambiguity. And Gable has a voice that packs a punch, a sound reminiscent of the works of Gillian Welch. And she’s as strong a

Courtesy of Sunny and the Whiskey Machine

Bryant’s best Friday: Andy Janowsky plays acoustic country, 7 p.m. No cover. The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Information: 375-7260. Thursday (July 20): Sunny and the Whiskey Machine, 5:30. No cover. Ska Brewing, 225 Girard Street in Bodo Park. Information: 247-5792. front-woman as the major players in the independent circuit as she belts out an indie-rock take on gospel, blues, and country. “I don’t like to write the same song over and over again,” said Gable. “It’s boring to play it and it’s probably boring to listen to it.” Gable’s picked around with various musicians in the area; Ewings been a steady companion holding down bass duties, and this configuration with Moorehead played its first show earlier this year.

They’re not a bluegrass band. The presence of a dobro, acoustic guitar, and occasional banjo makes for great instrumentation in any number of genres, including bluegrass. But bluegrass this isn’t. “We actually make a conscious effort to not step on bluegrass toes. I make a conscious effort not to play bluegrass bass lines. Just get that out there: We’re not bluegrass,” said Ewing. “There’s always that person that comes up to you and says, ‘I love bluegrass; bluegrass is great’ because of the instrumentation people assume,” added Gable. “I call us bona fide Americana.” Sunny and The Whiskey Machine is currently recording its debut with Doug Eagle at Eagle Sound, due out later this year. Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@fortlewis.edu.

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[sound] Waxahatchee,“Out in the Storm” Available: Friday July 14, via Merge Record as a compact disc and on vinyl as a standard black LP. Also available in a couple of limited-edition vinyl bundles directly from the label, the most comprehensive being a deluxe double LP version containing the album on black vinyl, an exclusive bonus LP of demo versions of the entire album on Cloud White vinyl, a 12- by 24-inch poster of Katie Crutchfield, packaged in a gatefold jacket with full lyrics and silver foil details. Also included is a full download of the album and demo versions. Waxahatchee is the recording moniker of Philadelphia-by-way-of-Alabama singer, songwriter, and instrumentalist Katie Crutchfield. “Out in the Storm”

Rock history from

This week there are really no notable new releases. In lieu of pretending to care about the new Dishwalla album, I’m going to talk about four majorly influential records released 50 years ago, during the Summer of Love in 1967. The Beatles,“Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”

In this most recent set of songs, there is a confident swagger and a strong sense of identity that was less obvious in previous releases. On other records, there was a quaintness or even timid approach to the band. A bridled, constrained reserve that has long since dissolved into full-on self-awareness of just how badass these songs, and the musicians playing them, truly are. Katie Crutch-

history, “Are You Experienced” changed how popular music sounded forever, and is still highly influential. This threepiece band forced previously unheard sounds from their instruments and showed the down-and-dirty side of psychedelia, in contrast with records like “Sgt. Pepper’s.” One thing that has always stuck with me was Hendrix’s ability to make his amps work for him, messing with feedback and squeals that would’ve caused many musicians to do another take, and making that character add to the performance as a whole. Throw some astounding performances by Noel Redding and Mitch Mitchell, and that’s how you get a classic record.

The Jimi Hendrix Experience,“Are You Experienced?” One of the greatest debuts in music

Captain Beefheart,“Safe As

Recommended for fans of Angel Olsen, Big Thief, Frankie Cosmos, Speedy Ortiz, or Courtney Barnett — Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu

Easily the strangest blues album ever recorded, Captain Beefheart and His Magic band put out something unlike anything else at the time, even in an era with massive amounts of creativity and progression. Featuring a 20-year-old Ry Cooder playing guitar, strange time signatures and tempo changes, and a warbly vocal delivery from the titular

SUMMER

HOURS

captain himself, “Safe as Milk” is still as strange and dangerous as it has always been. The track “Abba Zaba” in particular is so goddamn strange that people still talk about just what exactly they were rambling about with the babbette baboon coming over soon to shatter the noon. I think it’s about evolution, but who knows. —— Cooper Stapleton

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Pink Floyd,“The Piper at the Gates of Dawn” Another debut record, “The Piper At The Gates of Dawn” features some of the first-recorded experimental improvisations by a rock band and some interesting glimpses into what would end up being one of the greatest rock ’n’ roll bands of all time. There are some strange moments (“Bike”), there are some groovy moments (“See Emily Play” and “Matilda Mother”) and then there are the two best songs on the record, “Astronomy Domine” and “Interstellar Overdrive.” I did not like Pink Floyd until I heard “Intersteller Overdrive;” it makes the listener feel so strange, like an astronaut trying to figure out how to eat in zero gravity. It’s a wild and meandering ride that I have loved since I first heard it. Pick up some of the herbal supplements recommended later on in this magazine and dive in.

field is joined by twin sister Allison on keyboards and percussion, Katherine Simonetti on bass, and Ashley Arnwine on drums; Katie Harkin, touring guitarist with Sleater-Kinney, also contributed lead guitar parts. Also contributing to the overall tone and feel of the record is producer, recording engineer, and mixer John Agnello, who has recently worked with acts such as Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr., The Kills, Kurt Vile, Patti Smith and countless others.

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Arguably one of the most important rock records of all time, “Sgt. Pepper’s” changed the game when it came out. A masterful blending of legitimate art and virtuosic pop songwriting, you would be hard-pressed to find someone who (a) has never heard any of these songs and (b) dislikes them. The sheer wonder and color pervading the entirety of the recording is probably the best representation of the artistic ideals of the time, with psychedelia becoming commonplace and a comforting shoulder to lean on. The best albums are both timeless and rooted in a setting, and I wholeheartedly think that “Sgt. Pepper’s” is the quintessential example of that, transporting the listener to somewhere impossibly strange and still familiar. And with the recent 50th anniversary reissue, now is the perfect time to re-experience this masterpiece, or share it with someone for the first time.

is the fourth proper full-length from Waxahatchee and the second on the North Carolina-based indie heavyweight Merge Records (Wye Oak, Superchunk, Mikal Cronin, Ex-Hex, The Mountain Goats, Coco Hames, Spoon, and Lambchop to name a very few).

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[beer]

First Draughts | Robert Alan Wendeborn

Want to avoid tourists? Try these Durango locals’ bars

ne of the toughest parts of Durango, besides the high rent, is dealing with tourists. Maybe I’m generalizing, but tourists are really bad at driving in such a walkable and bikeable town. Maybe they’re too astounded by the mountain vistas, maybe they’re not used to the potency of the THC, maybe they’re not used to seeing so many people walking around outside. And even though they’re pretty good at tipping and they support a lot of the summer economy in Durango, sometimes you need to go to a bar where you won’t hear a Texas accent or see a California license plate outside. My absolute favorite locals bar is the Olde Schoolhouse. This north county bar is known for the dollar bills on the wall, the cold beer, and the best pizza after a day in the mountains. The space is full of id-

iosyncrasies: there’s graffiti and weird shit everywhere, strictly-enforced pool rules, but the best is the “no name tags” rule. If you walk in with your work name tag, they will take it and hang it behind the bar. It’s not a top secret place – it’s right on the highway to Purg – so you’ll see the occasional tourist in the know, but no way in hell will you see a whole bachelorette party from Phoenix like you will downtown. Another excellent pizza and dollar bill bar that tourists rarely visit is J.Bo’s. With a surly bar staff, awesome dog-friendly back patio, a

ping pong and pool table, J.Bo’s is the perfect bar to go if you want to avoid the shit show downtown. J.Bo’s also has the dollar bill on the wall, late night

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Though not strictly a bar, and not strictly devoid of tourists, Cuckoo’s is usually a good spot to avoid a gaggle of retired Texans. In the alley, half a block up from Main and College, Cuckoo’s is a little nook of a basement spot, but the food and the cheap beer outshine the location. The Chicken Parm sandwich is one of my favorite sandwiches in all of Durango, and the wing flavor selection is second to none. One bar you will never see a tourist is 8th Ave. Tavern. Known best for its karaoke, 8th Ave. is just far enough out of the way of downtown that tourists don’t venture to those parts. You will see copious amounts of local beer, great specials on drinks, and there’s the Wheel-o-Booze: spin the wheel and take the shot it lands on! 8th Ave is a great bar to start your night or a great place to end your night if you live on that side of the grid. If you read the reviews on the internet, you will see a lot of upset people not from Durango. It’s a locals bar through and through.

Alexi Grojean/Special to DGO

bar thing, but they also have a very legit family-friendly restaurant next door. That excellent food may bring people from downtown, but it’s few and far between. My favorite part about J.Bo’s is

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definitely Football Brunch: Sundays during football season, they open at 9 and serve one of my favorite brunches in town.

Robert Alan Wendeborn is a former cellar operator at Ska Brewing and current lead cellar operator at Tin Roof Brewing in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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[pages]

Tom Robbins, the hedonist sage weekly bestsellers July 2-8 »»News of the World, by Paulette Jiles (Paperback) »»Milk and Honey, by Rupi Kaur (Paperback) »»The Little Paris Bookshop, by Nina George (Paperback)

White Rabbit book review:

»»The Woman in Cabin 10, by Ruth Ware (Paperback) »»Astrophysics for People in a Hurry, by Neil Degrasse Tyson (Hardcover) »»Everything, Everything, by Nicola Yoon (Paperback)

“Tibetan Peach Pie,” by Tom Robbins

»»Al Franken, Giant of the Senate, by Al Franken (Hardcover)

The novels of Tom Robbins, hedonist sage that he is, are bizarre conglomerates of child-like fascination, philosophical introspection, and chasing tail – all blended to frothy, transcendent, Robbins-esque perfection.

»»James Herriot’s Treasury for Children, by James Herriot (Hardcover)

“Tibetan Peach Pie: A True Account of an Imaginative Life,” is

»»The Little Red Hen, by Paul Galdone (Paperback) »»The Caboose Who Got Loose, by Bill Peet (Paperback)

no exception. It is a glimpse into Robbins’ own life, which has been unquestionably as curious as that of his characters. It hops from his self-appointed “hillbilly” childhood during the Great Depression to ingenious ways of shirking his duties during a stint in Korea. He’ll regal you with tales of his rise as writer and art critic, his extensive global meanderings (including being king for a day to a tribe of cannibals), and going to great lengths to lift a curse placed on him in Timbuktu. It’ll make you laugh ’til it hurts. It’ll prompt you to read passages aloud to whomever is within earshot. In the end, you’ll come away with a new appreciation for Robbins, and have a smile on your face as the last page turns. If you are a fan of

Robbins’ novels, you’ll love this glimpse into the life of the man himself. —— Keena Kimmel Owner of White Rabbit Books and Curiosities

[democracy]

Ivanka Trump at the G20 News you need to know

FROM THE FILES OF

Ivanka Trump sat in for her father at a G20 closed-door meeting where world leaders talked about development in Africa.

Why this is not normal

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What is not normal is that when Ivanka’s qualifications were called into question, President Trump didn’t emphasize her credentials (because she has none), he tweeted, “If Chelsea Clinton were asked to hold the seat for her mother, as her mother gave our country away, the Fake News would say CHELSEA FOR PRES!”

NOT NORMAL

President Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, is a posh businesswoman born to power who helped create and run a fashion and jewelry line. Obviously, this absolutely qualifies her to hold a high-level, unpaid advisory position in the White House.

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What is not normal is that Ivanka’s only qualification for world governance is that she’s the president’s daughter.

The G20 is a meet-up of the 20 most powerful leaders in the world to discuss the financial stability around the globe.

ColoRADo’s Finest

fairly standard for substitutes to watch meetings when a president or higher advisor have to leave.

Because Ivanka holds this advisory position that she has done no governance or public service to qualify her, she can attend meetings as part of the American delegation. There is nothing illegal about Ivanka sitting in for her father. In fact, it is

Which – since no one in the Clinton family has ever used their power to leverage Chelsea Clinton into a political position, you have to wonder – why does Donald Trump have daughters-for-president on his mind? —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

10 | Thursday, July 13, 2017 • • •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[Vintage Durango]

»» An advertisement of Coors’ new two-button aluminum can opening system in the July 10, 1975, Durango Herald.

Pop can technology It was 1975. Gerald Ford was president, Bobby Fischer ceded his chess championship title to Kasparov by refusing to play, the Vietnam War was ending, and the top of a soda pop hadn’t been firmly designed. Coors introduced an aluminum can that had a two-button system to open it. A drinker would depress the small button first as an air release. Then, they would use their thumb to press down on a second, larger spout used to sip from.

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Where should we

DGO tonight?

Maybe Coors was inspired by Edward Abbey and his new novel, “The Monkey Wrench Gang.” Maybe they were inspired by Earth Day, which was only five years old. Maybe Coors thought getting rid of a detachable pull tab and replacing it with push buttons would save the world, one polluting, metal shard at a time. But then the rivers of blood and beer happened. OK, not rivers. Rivulets is more accurate. But come on? Drunks shoving their thumbs through metal holes to get more booze-juice – who the hell gave that the goahead? Did they really think that Mr. McSloshedNuts and his boyfriend Sir DangSozzled were, four beers deep, apt enough at hand-eye coordination to not rain gore into their Coors? I wonder how many thumb detachments were suffered before Coors canceled this can ... —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

Your #1 source for what’s going on around Durango dgomag.com/calendar + Add an Event

to the DGO calendar with

�� Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 11

»» Durango Roller Girls Quadess of Pain (left) and Pin U Up jockey for position during a scrimmage at Chapman Hill Monday.

: S L R I G R E L L O R O G N DURA

Jake Polster-Sadlon/Special to DGO

T C A T N O FULL-C K C A R T T A L F E H T N O

s women as ad b r fo ie er ad ar m ca etic outlet full of hl at e, iv ss re g ag an is y b ller der »» Rough and rowdy, ro

-wide ink rash, busted bones, thigh elbows to l bruises, wipeouts, and illega on in roller the eye – they ain’t uncomm Can Opener derby. But, hey, at least that didn’t cave in your throat. out roller derby? No Don’t know a damn thing ab worries. cle a track. Each has a The rundown: Two teams cir scoring player whose jammer. The jammer is the s by out-lapping the othsole purpose is to get point m whams and slams peoer team. The rest of the tea y. There are two 30-minute ple out of the jammer’s wa s. A jam can last up to periods that are made of jam rs can be found in fishtwo minutes. Usually, playe epic make-up. It’s a bunch nets, scuffed helmets, and ipating in disciplined of wheeled warriors partic itous showmanship. discord with gloriously gratu go Roller Girls, will batHometown heroes, the Duran ts during a home bout tle Flagstaff’s H.A.R.D. Starle , at Chapman Hill Rink, at 7 p.m. on Saturday, July 15 d to the Durango Roller 500 Florida Road. DGO talke k scene and why roller Girls about the local flat-trac derby is effing awesome.

-out Is roller derby an all bloody sport? RasmusTeisha “Molly NoMo” ved away sen: Modern derby has mo the old-style from a lot of the hardness of ulated. We ’70s derby. We are more reg I’ve seen keep track of penalties now. re are pictures of old derby where the people and arms flying out to clothesline hard penelbows to the throat. Those are alties in modern derby. t moWhat’s the bloodies a bout? in en ment you’ve se t, there Rasmussen: In our last bou . cks blo h were a couple of hig e? Is that a hit to the fac is anything Rasmussen: A high block above your clavicle. e caught One of our skaters, someon t her me rd her where her mouth gua s bleedwa she lips, jammed it hard, and that like ngs ing all over the track. Thi there. out os happen. It’s organized cha ” CraShannon “Sock It To Me to rt spo ck mer: It’s definitely a qui time. one at on watch. There’s a lot going

re are a lot It looks a lot like chaos, but the which is on, ng goi s tion ula of rules and reg one time. why there are so many refs at DIY as Is roller derby still as it used to be? n and Rasmussen: It is skater-ru lly have rea skater-owned and we don’t e. any outside help. It’s in-hous

TDA Cramer: It’s really cool. WF ociation) Ass (Women’s Flat Track Derby body. ing ern is all skater-run. It’s our gov ms Tea . ow They supply the rules we foll are. lot a but don’t have to be a part of it, r derby Is the histor y of rolle female? modern Cramer: From what I found, r II. Men derby has roots in World Wa re like, we n me wo and r went off to wa I get all do w Ho ? now do I “Cool, what do roller derby. this angst out?” And they did s and It fell off in the ’60s and ’70 as picked then a group of women in Tex dern-day it back up and started the mo derby.

GO!

Girls vs. The Durango Roller ller Derby Ro de the High Altitu at 7 p.m., SaturWhen: Doors 6 p.m., bout day, July 15 Florida Road Where: Chapman Hill, 500 the door, kids 12 Cost: $10 advance, $15 at and under free .com Info: www.durangorollergirls

For more photos of the Durango Roller Girls, go to dgomag.com

Continued on Page 15

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�� Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 13

[Durango Roller Girls]

ROLLER DERBY 101

»» Durango Roller Girls Illegal Peaches and Molly NoMo get after it during a scrimmage at Chapman Hill Monday. Photos by Jake Polster-Sadlon/ Special to DGO

»» Five things to know before the bout

There’s more to roller derby than a buncha broads smashing into each other on a flat track. Don’t know butt about the game? Well, here’s five facts to know before you watch your first bout:

1. Duration

a penalty.

»»A roller derby game is called a “bout.” Each bout is broken into two, 30-minute periods played between two teams. These periods are made up of “jams,” which are two minutes long. A jam can end early if a jammer “calls off the jam.”

4. Penalties »»Players cannot hit above the clavicle, meaning necks and headshots are out. You can’t ram at someone below mid-thigh or at their spine. »»This leaves a helluva lot of places to slam into, but there will be no elbows, punches, biting, tripping, or headbutting.

2. The players

5. Legal violence

»»During a jam, each team has five players on the track. There’s one point-scorer, called a jammer. The rest of the team is called the “pack” and they’re made up of one pivot and three blockers. »»Pivots set the pace and lead the pack. They also act as a blocker. They have a stripe on their helmet. »»Blockers want to wipe out the other team’s jammer so that they can’t score. They also wanna make sure their own jammer doesn’t get walloped.

3. Scoring

»»Points are scored by the jammer, who starts at the back of the pack. They have a star on their helmet. A jammer wants to speed past everyone and lap the opposing team. Jammers score one point every time they lap an opponent. »»A team’s jammer can “pass the star” to the team’s pivot meaning that the pivot takes over the jammer’s job. If this pass is not done properly it can be

»»The main, legal ways to wipe out an opposing player are to use your hip to slam into their thigh/ass region, slamming the entire side of a torso against an opponent’s torso side, or to get in front of an opponent and Can Opener them. »»A Can Opener is when you step in front of an opponent, bend low, pop up, and slam your back into their chest. This must be done with precision because if the throat or head are hit, it’s a penalty. —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

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[Durango Roller Girls] From Page 12

Are men in the sport? Rasmussen: There are separate men’s roller derby leagues. It’s called the MRDA, the Men’s Roller Derby Association. I think they also follow the WFTDA rule set. Why not mix the associations? Rasmussen: A lot of WFTDA leagues like how this is a space for women. Unfortunately, in this world, there’s not a lot of spaces for women to be like, “I’m here. I’m doing something badass, rough, and tough, and I wear really short shorts when I do it but don’t have to worry about being ogled. This is my space.” How long is a bout? Rasmussen: About an hour, maybe a little more. There’s two 30-minute periods with about a 10- to 15-minute halftime. There’s a few pauses for timeouts or official review, but they aren’t that long. Can people drink? Rasmussen: Yes. Ska has been a sponsor of ours, I believe, ever since the league came about. We always have Ska beer and it’s a great time. How many bouts in a season? Rasmussen: We have four home bouts. We’ve had two away bouts. Six is usually an average amount to play. What do you love about roller derby? Rasmussen: It’s a really good outlet. I’m a stay-athome mom. I have two boys and my husband and – outside of derby, I’m surrounded by boys all the time.

circle. It’s really cool to play a sport that you don’t just see clones of one another. Everyone’s into different things.

Roller Derby is a pretty next-level sport. What kind of folks play it?

It’s a sport where you get to take out your anger in a controlled setting. It’s not a free-for-all. There’s rules. There’s skill.

Cramer: I feel like I see a lot of women looking for camaraderie without cattiness. It’s a sport they can play where you can hit someone and then five minutes later say, “Hey, you wanna go get a drink?” and still be best friends afterwards. I feel like you can’t get that in a lot of groups or sports.

How long have you been doing it? Rasmussen: Three years.

It’s also so awesome to be around other women who are badass and amazing, and derby is for everybody. We all come from different walks of life and do different day jobs and some of us aren’t the same body type. We have tall girls and shorter girls and we come together and we can all play this game no matter how different we are outside of it.

Cramer: I’ve only been playing since April, so I’m new new. They call us “freshies.” I haven’t been on skates since I was 8. I put on my skates and just waddled around. It takes time to find your footing.

Cramer: Yeah, I grew up playing team sports. I stopped playing in college. I got out here and wanted to play something. I had been doing soccer for so long. I wanted to meet a group of women and I really like that. Like Teisha said, you get to meet people of all shapes and sizes and all walks of life that aren’t in your typical

Cramer: I don’t think I’ll be scared until I get into my first game. There’s chaos in practice, but you can step out. When you’re in the middle of a game, there is no pause until someone calls it off. I’ve seen someone get trucked or tanked and taken out and that scares me a little.

Is there anything that scares you about being so new to the sport?

Are there warnings given to new players? Cramer: When you first start, you’re warned that this is a rough sport. You’re going to hit your teammates. You’re going to get hit. At the end of the day, you leave all of it at the rink and are still friends. I think a common trait about people willing to play roller derby is that they are so hardcore they could survive an apocalypse. [laughs] Cramer: As long as it’s not zombies. Continued on Page 16

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�� Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 15

[Durango Roller Girls]

Photos by Jake Polster-Sadlon/Special to DGO

»» The Durango Roller Girls scrimmage at Chapman Hill Monday. From Page 15

If it’s slow zombies, you’re totally fine. Rasmussen: Remember, they don’t like fast food. [laughs] Back to the brutality. Do people take it personal when they get hit hard? Rasmussen: I was countering a hit and I dead-legged one of my teammates What is dead-legged? Cramer: Where you get hit so hard you can’t feel your leg anymore. Rasmussen: I love this woman I dead-legged. She’s one of my favorite people and I was like, “I’m so sorry!” and she comes up and was like, “That was a good hit!” »» Durango Roller Girl Mutha Stucka.

Another time, we were practicing sternum hits and this girl rammed me super hard (grabs her throat) and it took me a minute to catch my breath. I was like, “It hurts so bad (wheeze) but I’m so proud of you!” [Everyone laughs.]

online.

Cramer: People get hurt in games and (in) practice all the time. There’s a disclaimer when you first join that that might happen. It’s not personal.

Rasmussen: They say awful things like, “Those crazy lesbos who play roller derby.” There’s this misconception that you have to be mean or a lesbian or psychotic to play this game. And that’s not it at all.

Do you think roller derby is taken as seriously as it should be? Rasmussen: I think people who haven’t really taken the time to watch what we can do out there might not take it as serious. I’ve seen a lot of negative comments

What do people say?

What else do you want people to know? Cramer: Don’t be scared of us. I feel like every time I talk about derby to one of my friends, they say, “That sounds really scary.” But don’t be afraid to come talk to

us, to come put on skates. I definitely think people get this irrational fear that the first thing we’ll do after they put on skates is tackle them. Which is not true at all. Someone will hold your hand and walk you around the track, if that’s what it takes to get you to put on skates. Just come and meet us and talk to us if you ever wanted to do anything like this. Women can still join your team even though the season’s started? Cramer: Year-round. To learn more about the hooligans and hella supportive community of roller derby, check out the Durango Rollers Girls at www.durangorollergirls.com. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity —— Patty Templeton DGO Staff Writer

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[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

You’re a few simple steps away from cannabutter

et’s continue rolling through the first span of summer examining the possible uses for decarboxylated trim (or bud, if using it this way suits your fancy – and I 100 percent understand how it would after spending the last few evenings as an extremely mellow fellow from a gift of “just start with a half” cookies from a dear old friend who I had not seen in years). Butter: Deeeeee-lish-ous butter, and even better than that – delicious butter that makes us happy because it gets us high. We can put it on our pancakes, slather it on the outside of a grilled cheese, plop it on a scoop of mashed potatoes, roll an ear of corn on top of an entire stick of it, get super fancy and cook up some escargots with shallots and parsley. Or you can use it as the special ingredient in a batch of baked goods – cookies and brownies, of course, being the old standbys, but think of muffins or croissants or a bread with cannabutter baked inside along with some herbs, or broccoli, or sausage, or peppers, or all of the above. Or you could simply make some toast, spread it with your cannabutter and a little honey, sit back, and wait for that moment to arrive about 45 minutes later when you walk by a mirror, stop, and smile a crooked smile at yourself. Making yourself a batch of infused butter is approximately one-and-a-half steps less simple than last week’s recipes for oil infusions, but it should be very manageable for anyone whose culinary skills extend past the egg-boiling level. The basic process here requires only one pan, a strainer or cheesecloth, and a bowl to pour the butter into once the infusion has taken place. First, go back to STTS from two weeks ago for the recipe to properly decarboxylize your trim; it is a simple process by which THCA is converted to THC, thereby rendering it to a form that the body can process to provide you with the high

you are seeking. The basics for this preparation are one ounce of decarbed weed, 1 pound of butter, and 2 cups of water. The fat from the butter will combine with the THC while the water slows down the heating process, allowing the combination of fat, heat, and cannabanoids the necessary time to conjoin. The ingredient volume can be scaled up or down, just maintain that 1:1:2 ratio. Pour the water into the pan over high heat. As bubbles begin to rise, add the butter. When the butter melts and takes a liquid form, add your cannabis, and turn the heat to low. Allow the ingredients to stay over low heat for at least two and up to three hours. This will permit the THC to work its way into the butter fat. The temperature should stay low enough during this step to allow light bubbling, but the ingredients should never rise to a full boil.

Once the ingredients have combined over heat for long enough to boil off most of the water, pour the entire contents of the pot into a bowl, first passing your liquid through a fine-meshed strainer or a cheesecloth secured across the top of your bowl. Transfer the bowl to the refrigerator for a few hours – long enough to give the butter time to congeal to solid form, at which time you can scoop the butter into its final container and discard the remaining water. Voila! Cannabutter! Enjoy, and next week I’ll share recipes for two different preparations of what I believe may be the ultimate way to ingest cannabis: Tincture! Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.

David Holub/ DGO

�� Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 17

[love and sex]

Savage Love | Dan Savage

I’ve got a medical fetish ... and I’m going to be a doctor! I’m a gay medical student with a medical fetish, and I can’t even open up to my therapist about this. I think the fetish started when I was young; I was once in the hospital and given a suppository for a fever. Then one time I was given a Fleet enema. I don’t think the “butt stuff” turned me gay, but my fetish may stem from the aspect of being controlled. I grew up in a very conservative religious household. I’ve never been in a relationship, and I don’t know that I could have one while hiding what turns me on. In my profession, we have to be confident and even sort of “dominant” in our roles as providers, but underneath I’m incredibly submissive. I didn’t go into medicine for this reason. We have very strict professional boundaries and ethical expectations, and I have no problem with that. I expect my job to be very clinical and boring. But outside of work, I feel like my sexual desires need some kind of outlet. Dilemma Of Conscience “Someone can have one persona at work and another at home,” said Eric the Red, a Florida nurse and a fellow medical fetishist. “DOC can be confident and dominant at work – his patients need someone confident and dominant to get them through their medical issues – and then find someone to spend his life with who brings out his submissive side and gives him the balance to make him feel like a whole person.” In other words, DOC, when you do start dating and having relationships, you’re going to want to be open about your kinks. They’re nothing to be ashamed of, and there’s no point in hiding your sexual interests from your future partner(s). You want a sex partner who meets your needs, not one you have to hide your needs from. So long as you keep things professional at work – which shouldn’t be hard, since it’s being the patient and not the doctor that turns you on – you have nothing to feel conflicted about. “The one practical problem he will encounter is that since he actually knows how to give a physical, he may have less patience with fetishists who are not medical professionals in real life and don’t really know what they are doing,” said Eric. “Over the years, I have trained nonprofessionals who want to play doctor to give semi-realistic physicals, insert and irrigate catheters, use sounds, and otherwise have enough technical expertise to do a medical scene that’s realistic enough that I can enjoy being their patient without screaming, ‘No, that’s not how it’s done!’ He may find himself doing the same.” The good news? “DOC won’t have any trouble finding like-minded

people,” said Eric. “Medical fetishists are well organized online; just spend a few minutes on Google and he’ll find them.” As a 56-year-old, 95-percent-straight woman, I’d like to think all y’all gay men can enjoy blowjobs without that dip in the degradation pool straight men always take. Maybe you could gaysex talk some sense into stupid straight men. On PornHub recently, I watched a fearless young woman use a dildo five ways and come at least 10 full symphony times. This new generation of women! Impressive! But then I watched an 18-year-old Russian woman with an equally beautiful black American man. She sucked away on his dick and swallowed 12 times in five minutes! I kept thinking: She’s gonna get a break now? Maybe a hug? A beer, a joint, a pay raise? Something?!? Nope. She even apologized for spilling some come at one point. Now I’m SAD. It’s the exact same shit I faced when I started in ’73. Gaysex talk some sense into stupid straight boys! Y’all gay men do blowjobs without degradation. Tell straight men how it’s done! Really Angry Gal Is Needing Gays There’s nothing inherently demeaning about giving someone a blowjob, and plenty of people – gay, straight, bi, pan, demi, sapio, etc. – give and receive blowjobs without splashing around in the degradation pool. That said, RAGING, gay men are just as likely as straight men to “dip in the degradation pool” when they’re getting blowjobs – particularly when a blowjob is being filmed. No need to take my word for it: Head over to the gay aisle at PornHub. You’ll find lots of videos where the guys giving blowjobs are degraded – called names, roughly handled, made to apologize for come spillage – and you’ll be hard-pressed to find one in which the word “[rooster]sucker” isn’t tossed around. But don’t feel bad for all those gay [rooster]suckers, RAGING: For many gay men, the taunts we feared most in high school become the dirty talk that gets us off in adulthood. As for the video you saw – a Russian interfering with an American erection – there must have been breaks that were edited out (no guy can come 12 times in five minutes), so hugs, beers, and joints may have been made available when the cameras weren’t running. I have a phone-sex kink, and I got Tinder to explore that. I tell guys it won’t get physical and that I’m interested only in text play and photo swapping. I matched with a cute, kinky guy, and I have

been playing with him mostly over text for about two years. The issue is that I found out recently that he’s engaged. I’m pretty conflicted about this. He says that sex with her is good but vanilla and that she’s unwilling to experiment. He also isn’t comfortable sharing his kinks with her. I understand that some people have a hard time reconciling the dirty shit they want to do in bed with the sweet girl they want to marry, but he seems unwilling to try. Do I cut him off? Is he just doing what he has to do to make an otherwise good relationship work? Is it OK of him if she never finds out and everyone is happy? Playing Hurtful Over Text Only? The odds that your sext buddy’s wife will never find out are slim. Spouses snoop, computers and phones get left open, a dirty message or photo intended for one person (say, you) gets sent to the wrong person (say, her). If you’re not comfortable playing with someone who is deceiving his girlfriend and/or wife – if you don’t want the incriminating message his wife inevitably finds to be one intended for or from you – you should end this, PHOTO. But it is possible to continue playing/texting/ sexting with a semi-clear conscience: He may be doing what he needs to do to make this relationship work; he’s exploring his kinks without touching another woman; if this is cheating, it’s cheating lite; etc. Whatever you ultimately decide to do, PHOTO, you should encourage this guy to open up to his fiancée about his fantasies and kinks. It’s exhausting to spend your life with someone you have to hide from – exhausting and rarely successful. If he doesn’t want the truth to end his marriage, he needs to tell her the truth now. Engagements are easily called off, marriages less so. ITMFA UPDATE: We want to send tasteful ITMFA American flag lapel pins to every member of Congress! Go to ImpeachTheMotherFuckerAlready.com, select a member of Congress, and write a short note explaining why you want that mother[effer] impeached! It costs $15 to send two tasteful pins – and one unmistakable message – to Congress! All proceeds benefit the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the International Refugee Assistance Project! Help us flood Congress with ITMFA pins! Dan Savage is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist writing for The Stranger in Seattle. Contact him at mail@savagelove.net or @fakedansavage on Twitter and listen to his podcast every week at savagelovecast.com.

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[happening]

DGO’s weekend picks in or around Durango

Thursday

Film fest and fundraiser

9 a.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 2473555.

More than 100 people lost their jobs when the Western Excelsior Plant in Mancos burned down in May. The first Mancos Valley River Film Festival will fundraise for people affected by the fire.

Buddha of Wisdom Sand Mandala,

Music class for babies, 9 a.m., Smiley Building, 1309 East Third Ave., 382-9593. Family story time, 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 3753380. Iam Music Youth Band Camp with Elder Grown, 4 p.m., $300, Iam Music Insti-

The film fest is on Saturday, July 15, and will present “Into Twin Galaxies,” a documentary on never-before explored areas of Greenland. Also showing: “Waiau-Toa Odyssey,” a doc outta New Zealand about a rad bikerafting journey. There’ll be a stack of shorts and a river conservation presentation, so basically, get yer ass to the Mancos Opera House, 136 W. Grand Ave., in Mancos, for good times.

tute, 1315 Main Ave., 799-7450. Burger and Band Night: Pete Giuliani Band, 5 p.m., $20, James Ranch

Terraces, 33846 U.S. Highway 550, www. jamesranch.net. The Assortment, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing

Co., 225 Girard St. Free concert in the park: Chris Collins and Boulder Canyon, 5:30 p.m.,

Buckley Park, 1200 Main Ave., www.durangoconcerts.com.

Tix are $20 in advance and $25 at the door, with proceeds supporting families in need from the plant fire. You get a hella lot for your green, too, with admission including two tickets for beer/wine, a tamale, and one door prize raffle ticket.

Terry Hartzel, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle

Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431. Kirk James, 6-8 p.m., Dalton Ranch Golf

Club, 589 County Road 252, 247-8774. Tibetan Monks: Ritual Chanting,

6:30 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Road, 403-1133.

Doors at 6 p.m. Details at mancosvalleyriverfilmfest. com/Blog.

The West in Story and Song, 7 p.m.,

That ain’t John Denver but it’s kinda John Denver

Jose Villareal, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 375-7260.

OK. OK. We all know that John Denver’s dead. Which sucks. Man could croon even the hardest soul into a good cry or at least a GD hug. If you’re in the mood for Denver-esque tunes, check out Chris Collins and Boulder Canyon in Buckley Park, 1200 Main Ave., on Thursday, July 13. They aren’t gonna do straight-up John Denver covers for ya, but they will invoke a Denver tone.

Friday

$19-$24, Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 375-7160.

Wildflower Jeep Tour, all-day event, $74-$149, Mild to Wild, 50 Animas View Drive. Buddha of Wisdom Sand Mandala,

9 a.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 2473555. The Assortment, 5-9 p.m., Macho’s Fast

Mexican Food, 1485 Florida Road. Peter Larson local artist exhibition,

Free show from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m.

Beer birthday!

Courtesy of Mancos Valley River Film Festival

»» The first Mancos Valley River Film Festival will fundraise for people affected by the Western Excelsior Plant fire.

Get down to the psychedelic jam band Pherkad and the fluid hip-hop of Flowmatik at Three Rivers Brewery’s 20th Anniversary Party. The party’s from 5:30 to 11:30 p.m. (with music to start at 6:30). Get all the $3.50 3RB pints you can swallow on Friday, July 14. There’s a $10 cash cover and the first 200 folks to Three Rivers Brewery, 101 E. Main St., in Farmington get a commemorative pint glass. 21 and over. More info at http://www.threeriversbrewery.com

Book it to Maria’s In a small, Colorado town, in the middle of winter, a vet commits a gruesome act. Meanwhile, a housecleaner learns how to get her swerve on. All of it converges in “The Blue Hour” – the lustiest, most desiring time of day and also the name of Laura Pritchett’s most recent novel. Ms. Pritchett will be at Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.,

on Sunday, July 16, from 5 to 7 p.m. to present not only her new novel but a reissue of her older book, “Great Colorado Bear Stories.”

5-9 p.m., Sweet 11 Gallery, 863 1/2 Main Ave., (970) 946-5977. Terry Hartzel, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle

Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431. Pete Giuliani, 6-10 p.m., Lake House Bar

and Grill, 17460 County Road 501, 8849150. Black Velvet Trio, 7 p.m., Derailed Pour

House, 725 Main Ave., 247-5440.

Free!

Tibetan Monks: Climate Change and the Six Delusions, 7 p.m., Himalayan

Info at http://www.mariasbookshop.com

Kitchen, 992 Main Ave.

Midweek Bayfield classical music breakdown Don’t know shit about classical music? Want a free intro? Head to the Pine River Branch of the Bayfield Public Library, 395 Bayfield Center Dr., Bayfield, on Wednesday, July 19, to hear the Cézanne Quartet. It’s free, dudes, and the band’s award-winning. From 6 to 7 p.m., they’ll play classical chamber music and modern covers. All-ages show in association with Music in the Mountains. Deets: http://prlibrary.org

Andy Janowsky, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium,

699 Main Ave., 375-7260. Iam Music Youth Band Camp with Elder Grown, 7 p.m., $300, Iam Music Insti-

tute, 1315 Main Ave., 799-7450. The West in Story and Song, 7 p.m., $19-

$24, Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 375-7160. Andy Janowsky, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium,

699 Main Ave., 375-7260. From Fear to Peace workshop, 7:15

Continued on Page 20

�� Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 19

[happening] From Page 19 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1140 Main Ave., 4031133.

DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, 2596580.

Hello Dollface, 6 p.m., Cyprus Cafe, 725

Terry Hartzel, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle

Jason Thies, 6-9:30 p.m., Far View Lodge,

Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431. Black Velvet Duo, 6 p.m., Sky Ute Casino

East Second Ave., 385-6884. Mesa Verde National Park, 529-4421.

Resort, 14324 Highway 172, 563-7777.

Monday

Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m., 259

DRG vs. HARD, 6 p.m., $15, Chapman Hill Ice

God’s Direction – Better than GPS, 10

W. Ninth St., www.durangofarmersmarket. com.

Rink, 500 Florida Road, 375-7395.

a.m., Christian Science Reading Room, 1166 East Third Ave.

Saturday

Bayfield Farmers Market, 8:30 a.m.,

Bayfield Roadside Park, U.S. Highway 160, 884-9544. Portrait drawing workshop with David Riedel, 9 a.m., $150-$174, Durango

Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606. Buddha of Wisdom Sand Mandala,

9 a.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 2473555.

Tibetan Monks: Interfaith World Peace and Unity of Religions, 7 p.m.,

High Pine Produce Farm Stand, 3

Jason Thies, 6-9:30 p.m., Far View Lodge,

Mesa Verde National Park, 529-4421. Main Ave., 375-7260.

$24, Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 375-7160.

5:30 p.m., Three Springs Plaza, 175 Mercado St., 764-6000.

Tuesday

Greg Ryder, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 375-7260.

Master’s Men Colorado, 6:30 a.m., DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio, 259-6580.

Weathering Market Volatility Financial Seminar, 11 a.m., Strater Hotel, 699

Main Ave., 375-7260.

Sky Pilot, 9:30 p.m., Balcony Backstage, 600

Summer Reading Show: Steve Weeks, 10:30 a.m., 1 p.m., Durango Public

$24, Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 375-7160.

Sunday

Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean Pierre

Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380. Weathering Market Volatility Financial Seminar, 11 a.m., Strater Hotel, 699

Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 2477700.

Portrait drawing workshop with David Riedel, 9 a.m., $150-$174, Durango

Main Ave., 375-7260.

Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

Baby story time, 2 p.m., Durango Public

The Assortment, 1-4 p.m., Purgatory Re-

Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean Pierre

Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 2477700.

Tuesday jam, 6 p.m., Steaming Bean, 900

25th Anniversary and Field Day Picnic, noon, Buckley Park, 1200 Main Ave.

Tango Practica, 6 p.m., Rotary Park, 1565

Ukulele jam, 4 p.m., Magpies Newsstand

Tim Sullivan, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699

Cafe, 707 Main Ave., 259-1159.

Main Ave., 375-7260.

DGO

DEALS

Pete Giuliani, 5-9 p.m., Animas River Cafe,

Rochester Hotel, 726 East Second Ave., 385-1920.

The West in Story and Song, 7 p.m., $19-

Durango Nature Center, 1309 East Third Ave., 382-9244.

4 p.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

p.m., Smiley Cafe, 1309 East Third Ave. Secret Garden Summer Concert Series: Dustin Burley, 5 p.m., $10,

Rob Webster, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699

Main Ave., 422-8008.

Tibetan Monks: Buddha of Wisdom Mandala closing ceremony,

Children’s story time, 10 a.m., James Ranch Terraces, 33846 U.S. Highway 550, www.jamesranch.net.

St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 910 East Third Ave., 247-1129.

Wildflower Walkabout with Durango Nature Studies, 10:30 a.m., $0-$10,

sort, 1 Skier Place.

Wednesday

Main Ave., 403-1200. East Second Ave.

Concerts in the Plaza: Kirk James,

The West in Story and Song, 7 p.m., $19-

Terry Rickard, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 375-7260.

Submissions To submit listings for publication in DGO and www.dgomag.com, visit

www.swscene.com, click “Add Your Event,” enter the event info into the form, and submit. Listings at www.swscene.com will appear on www.dgomag.com and in our weekly print edition. Posting an event on www.swscene.com is free and takes one day to process.

Buy One Entrée Get 50% Off the second entrée equal or lesser value

Fresh. Authentic. Southern Mexican.

Breakfast - Lunch - Dinner Monday-Sunday · 9:00am - 9:00pm (970) 764-4042 · 835 Main Ave, (Main Mall) #106, Durango Not valid with other offers. Expiration Date: 07/31/2017

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To advertise in DGO Deals contact us at 970-247-3504 20 | Thursday, July 13, 2017 • • •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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Expiration Date: 7/31/17 260347

SUMMER SERVICE SPECIALS! LUBE, OIL & FILTER

OPEN SATURDAYS FOR FULL SERVICE 8AM-5PM Any Make/Any Model (970) 259-3940 • 20704 Highway 160 West Durango

ONLY ONE COUPON PER VISIT. MUST BE PRESENT AT TIME OF WRITE UP. EXCLUDES TAX AND SHOP SUPPLIES. UP TO 6 QTS SYNTHETIC BLEND CONVENTIONAL MOTOR OIL. INCLUDES OIL, FILTER & LABOR. EXCLUDES DIESELS. SEE DEALER FOR DETAILS. CANNOT BE COMBINED WITH OTHER OFFERS. EXPIRES 07/31/17

SAVE ON A/C SERVICE

15%OFF ONLY ONE COUPON PER VISIT. MUST BE PRESENT AT TIME OF WRITE UP. EXCLUDES TAX AND SHOP SUPPLIES. SEE DEALER FOR DETAILS. CANNOT BE COMBINED WITH OTHER OFFERS. EXPIRES 7/31/17

D G O

10%OFF

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Thai Kitchen & Lounge

Organic meats & vegetables Hand crafted cocktails & libations Extensive Options: Vegetarian | Vegan | Gluten Free

150 E College Drive Downtown Durango 970-247-Thai Dog & Cat Food & Supplies Grooming & Dog Wash • Boarding Day Care

HALF OFF! (equal or lesser value)

Open for for Dinner at 5pm · Closed Mondays Not valid with any other offers. Expires 7/31/17

July Special

20% off any one toy!

21738 Hwy 160W, Durango

970.375.9700

healthyhoundsandfatcats.com

DEALS

Buy one entrée, get the second entrée

Expires 7/31/17. Not Valid with any other offer.

261161

To advertise in DGO Deals contact us at 970-247-3504 �� Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 21

Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

You antennae are highly tuned in this week, which is why your Spidey senses are turned on. You might even be able to guess what other people are thinking.

You’re in touch with your creative urges this week, which is why you might have a chance to show someone how talented you are. This also is a week where true love might blossom.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)

You feel genuine concern for someone this week, probably a friend or a member of a group. You are ready to lend a sympathetic ear to this person.

Family discussions will be warm and mutually helpful this week because people genuinely care about each other. However, if you think something fishy is going on, it is.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You might admire someone in a position of authority this week. You suddenly realize what it is this person has to do, and you appreciate his or her efforts. CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Discussions about philosophy, religion, metaphysics or even science fiction will intrigue you this week because you are interested in fringe matters and lofty ideas. Nevertheless, don’t fall for a bunch of baloney!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) You probably will spend time daydreaming or being lost in fantasies this week, which is just fine. It’s just that kind of week. However, you might find a use for your heightened imagination in a practical way. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) If out spending money this week, you will be tempted to buy luxurious items. Be smart; keep your receipts.

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)

PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20)

Because you feel sympathetic toward someone who is less fortunate, you want to help him or her this week. Do what you can because kindness is important.

This week, you feel warm and kind toward others, which is why you will be a sympathetic friend and helpful if there is a need for your help. You want to do the right thing.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)

BORN THIS WEEK

A conversation with a partner or close friend will be warm and sympathetic this week. In fact, this is a good week for a heart-to-heart discussion with someone close to you.

You are easygoing and relaxed with others. You like to be supportive and helpful. This is a social, happy year with bright and cheerful vibrations. Broaden your social circle to include new contacts. Romance and love affairs may bloom. You want to live life to its fullest. This year is a year of choice. You might face an important decision. Happiness is having alternatives.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) A co-worker might need your advice this week, or perhaps he or she just needs a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. Whatever the case, you will be warm and caring.

Bizarro

[ nature ]

M-effing science alert! Praying mantises will eat brains if given the time and opportunity to do so. More accurately, there’ve been worldwide, documented cases of praying mantises capturing small birds, such as hummingbirds. Once the bird is seized, the mantis thoroughly chews through the skull, eventually reaching its prized brain tissue. The noms are had. Yes, the green stick bug with the lobster hands. That bug. It attaches itself to a live bird and gnaws the fluttery, lil guy to death. Those cute hummingbird feeders you have? That’s where this carnage most often takes place.

22 | Thursday, July 13, 2017 • • •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[Durango’s stories, told in their own words]

First Person | Cyle Talley

‘START, STOP, START, STOP.

AND I’M SURE WE’RE GONNA DIE.’ »» Matt Hert, on touring

Ireland in a rental car and a manual transmission from hell

Matt Hert has the timing of a stand-up comedian. As he tells me about driving in Ireland, he pantomimes shifting and steering beautifully, makes flawless engine noises, and punctuates his story with pauses so elegant that I find myself leaning into his story. He had me laughing hard enough that I was distracting a table nearby. I tell his story here, in his own words.

about with the light and we’re stopped – for hen I was 15, my dad two full lights. Two full green lights of kuhtaught me how to drive a manual [transmission], kunk, kuh-kunk. [rubs face with both hands and then he sold that car as though stressed] Start, stop, start, stop. And and I didn’t do it again until my wife and I’m sure we’re gonna die. I went to Ireland. It went ... OK [laughs]. When I got out onto the highway, it was We rented a car, and in preparation, I fine. It was a blast, actually. But then we get drove my father-in-law’s truck for a day. into the first town where we’d planned to It’s one of those old trucks that, even if stay, Kilkenny, and the streets are narrow the clutch doesn’t hit quite right, it sort and packed. So we go to park and I’m better of meanders through it anyway. Not the at not stalling it, but the streets are so narrow case with the Ford Focus we rented at the that they’re terrifying, and so I’m driving Dublin airport. If you didn’t feather the really slow. Everyone’s waiting at this light – clutch just exactly like it wants you to, it there’re lines at both ends – and it takes me 30 just stops. It’s this very tight, frustrating seconds to get from a stop to a go because I’m little car. trying so hard to not stall it – and the lights are short, so it takes me pretty much half the So my wife and I are in the parking lot – light to get through, and the people behind me they call it a car park there – and we get in are honking and yelling. So I’m stressed and and get our stuff all situated and we’re excitshaking. ed because we’ve never had a car in a foreign We get out of the car and I said to my wife, country and so we’re excited for the freedom “Can we get a beer?” and she said, “It’s like to not take so many extra hours waiting for noon. I thought we’d go for a walk or someand taking public transportation. I start the thing.” And I said, “Yeah, but I’m shaking, car up – and remember, this is a right-handand I need something to calm me down, so I drive car – and put it in gear and kuh-kunk [makes a clunking, dead engine sound]. either need a beer or a cigarette, or I’m not There are people all around us, watching me going to have a good day.” My wife asks me if – kuh-kunk. I’m still in the lot of the rental I’m OK. “No, I’m not OK. I’ve never been this car place where the guy at the counter spestressed out before!” In hindsight, the people were pretty nice cifically asked me, “You can handle a manuabout it – very Irish about it. I looked in the al, right?” And of course, I was like, “Yeah, I Courtesy of Matt Hert rear-view mirror a couple of times when I’d got it. It’s fine.” Kuh-kunk. »» Matt Hert at the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland. stalled the car and, at first, the driver behind I get it going, and I’m so relieved. My wife me would lift their hands up, appalled, but asked me if we needed to take the car back then they’d sort of get resigned to it. I could and get an automatic, and I did the dude see the look on their face as they thought to themI figure out that the parking brake is on. So that’s thing – brushed it off. “No, I got this. I got this.” good. I pull the stupid little lever down, and we actuShe probably had more comments as the day went selves, “Well, I bet this kid just sucks at driving. Oh on, but I was too busy [grips wheel tightly]. We’re well.” By the third day of driving, I was happier. By ally get going. going, and it’s fine. Except that we have to stop at a the end of the trip, I thought, “You know, I should Then we get to our first roundabout – and it’s one gate. “Oh no.” So we’re at the gate, and I’m feeling a get a manual. This is more fun!” of the bigger ones that has a stoplight. I still have not little more confident. I can do this. The gate opens. figured out how to feather this clutch. I can’t decide Kah-kunk. I don’t understand. I thought we had this if I need more gas, or if I need less gas, if I should let Cyle Talley drives a manual. And it is more fun. Email him figured out. This is ridiculous. Five minutes later, off the clutch faster or slower. We’re at this roundat: cyle@cyletalley.com �� Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 23