Dating Decoded

art entertainment food drink music nightlife Thursday, November 16, 2017

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DATING DECODED

Mixed signals, technology, and hook-up culture: A Fort Lewis College professor helps navigate the modern pursuit of love and sex

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Also: Local chef debuts new column “What the Fork,� the best boxed wine for your buck, and finding sexy self-care in a pole dancing class

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STAFF

What’s inside Volume 3 Number 4 Thursday, November 16, 2017

Editor/ creative director David Holub dholub@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Staff writer Patty Templeton

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PHOTOS: Thrifting, radio life, and a dragon and her dog

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From the Editor

4

Love it or Hate it

7

Street Style

7 Travel DGO contributor Lucy Get Outta Town 7

Schaefer trekked Wanderlust 7 around Durango snapping photos of the liveSound 8 ly weekend of locals.

Downtown Check out what she Lowdown 8 found on Page 23 and Album more at dgomag.com.

Reviews 8-9 10 Drink

ptempleton@bcimedia.com Contributors Katie Cahill Cassidy Cummings Christopher Gallagher Bryant Liggett Jon E. Lynch Brett Massé Lindsay Mattison Lucy Schaefer Cooper Stapleton

16 Weed

Lucy Schaefer/Special to DGO

Robert Alan Wendeborn

Sales Cassie Constanzo

17 Pages

375-4553 Reader Services 375-4570

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Chief Executive Officer

Seven steps to make this the best Thanksgiving ever Executing a large meal so everything comes together at exactly the same time is hard. The good news – if you’re prepared, all that anxiety is absolutely avoidable. So don’t worry, we got this!

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Advertising David Habrat V.P. of Marketing Kricket Lewis Founding Editors Amy Maestas David Holub

6

Workin’ on your soul by workin’ the pole Sometimes to see new facets of yourself, you gotta get your ass outta the house and be active. So, I took a pole dancing class at ReWild Pole Studio in Pagosa Springs with Sarah Wolf.

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

Seeing Through 16 the Smoke

Tell us what you think!

Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know?

Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

10 The best bang for

your wine buck

18 Life Hax 19 Happening

Ain’t no right or wrong to boxed wine; it’s the same as any other booze. Try it out and whatever your taste buds be digging, go with it.

If you’re at a loss in a wine aisle, don’t worry, we asked for you.

20 DGO Deals 22 Horoscope/ puzzles 23 Pics

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/dgomag

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ON THE COVER When it comes to dating, does anyone know what anyone else is thinking? Is anyone ever on the same page? The answer, clearly: “Never.”

David Holub/DGO

DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

A SAVVY MAGAZINE FOR A SAVVY CUSTOMER.

Call 375-4570 or email info@dgomag.com

CARRY DGO IN YOUR BUSINESS �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Thursday, November 16, 2017 | 3

@dg

dg

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[ love it or hate it ]

David Holub |DGO editor

‘Are you Bob Toledo?’ A sweet pickup line I didn’t pick up on

I

was at a hip art space called Real Artways back when I lived outside Hartford, Connecticut. It was a monthly event called Creative Cocktail Hour, one of those art things where a new show goes up and cool people stand around drinking alcohol, making eyes with attractive strangers, and not really looking at the art.

I usually had a friend or two somewhere with me, or on the way, but what I remember most from Creative Cocktail Hour was standing alone – sometimes looking at the art (who does that at one of these?), looking “pensive,” or looking like I was waiting for someone. During one of these moments, a woman approached me, seemed to pick me out in the room.

“Are you Bob Toledo?” she asked.

A number of things ran through my mind: (1) This was a rather attractive woman. (2) Her shapeliness was accentuated by her shimmery turquoise cocktail dress. (3) She looked to be maybe 10 years older than me. (4) Who is this Bob Toledo running around looking like me? But mostly (5) Bob Toledo? Whose name is Bob Toledo? You couldn’t get a more made-upsounding name if you tried.

In fact, it kind of seemed like a formula for developing a pseudonym: Pair a recognizable first name with the name of a large city. Jimmy Cleveland. Tony Miami. Carlos San Francisco. Maybe you’re in the mob and your real name is Lance McCallister, which is not intimidating enough when kneecapping folks with tire irons. But, boy, would Mike Philadelphia do the trick.

A number of celebrities have found the formula as well, changing their names into something more glamorous, but clearly made up: John Denver (Henry John Deutschendorf Jr.), Johnny Knoxville (Philip John Clapp), Joaquin Phoenix (Joaquin Rafael Bottom), Rock Hudson (Leroy Harold Scherer Jr.), Dusty Springfield (Mary Isobel Catherine O’Brien). It could also work with planets – Freddie Mercury and Bruno Mars – but let’s not confuse the issue.

Famous people change their names for a number of reasons. The old one

was boring, or hard to pronounce, or too foreign-sounding. Or maybe there was already someone in show business with the same name. A new name could symbolize a transformation of sorts, leaving one’s ordinary past behind, the birth of a star.

Cities are similar in that way. People move to cities for opportunity, or to leave something behind. Sometimes both. In cities, the faces we pass are strange. We are anonymous though surrounded by humanity and skyscrapers and honking cabs. In cities, we are individuals and we are nobodies.

In cities, there is an anonymity we don’t find in Durango. Here, when talking about an adversary in public, we have to do the “Durango look,” where we crane our heads to make sure that person isn’t sitting Right There. Here, errands take longer depending on the number of people we know who we run into. Not as much living in a city. In cities, one can duck carelessly into a naughty shop, or make out foolishly with new flames in deserted nooks in bustling art museums, or tease gay men in dark bars with our eyes and intellect. In cities, we can be whomever we want.

Back at Creative Cocktail Hour, I said, “No, I’m not Bob Toledo.” To keep the conversation going, I said, “But apparently I look like Bob Toledo?”

She said, “Well, you look like Bob Toledo … but Bob Toledo 20 years ago.”

I don’t remember anything else we said to each other. I do remember in the days that followed slapping my palm to my forehead: She was hitting on me! Maybe she went to school with Bob Toledo. Maybe he was an old flame.

Maybe I did look like Bob Toledo but 20 years ago. Or maybe she thought up a fake name to use on me. Whatever it was, she wanted to talk to me.

Maybe if I were someone different, someone with more confidence, someone more savvy, someone with a name like Peter Pensacola, I might have recognized her Bob Toledo line for what it was. And with an arched eyebrow, a glint in my eye, and without hesitation, I would have said, “Why, yes, I am Bob Toledo. And you look as stunning as the last time I saw you.”

Protein shakes Love it Five outta seven days a week I suck at eating. Don’t get me wrong, I dig food. Shove a pile-o-mashed taters in front of me and I GLOW. It’s just that I get my ass in a work chair and don’t get up till it’s quittin’ time. I always can make time for break-room coffee, but I can’t get my shit together enough to pack up those fancy, Pinterest lunches that you pre-make on Sunday and eat all week.

This ain’t a good pattern to get in, especially for my vegan-ass, which requires fooding and snacking on the reg.

Enter: PROTEIN SHAKES! Specifically, right now, Vega One, an all-in-one meal replacement shake that has 20 grams of protein, only a freakin’ gram of sugar, and f-tons of vegetable-based noms for my body. Favorite flavor? I’m boring, I love French Vanilla, or, more recently, chocolate.

Vega’s the Cadillac of vegan protein shakes. Mix that blessed powder with soy milk and YOWZA, a quick, tasty lunch is had.

Not all protein shakes are created equal. Most of them are chock fulla sugar and they ain’t healthy, let alone vegan. The only other one I wanna try is Soylent Meal Replacement Drink. (It’s not made of people.) Downside, it’s got 9 grams of sugar to Vega’s 1 gram, but there is a COFFEE FLAVOR. So, it’s gonna happen. I’ll let you know if it’s as rad as Vega. ::high fives for protein shakes:: —— Patty Templeton

Hate it If you ever see me in person – or the shadow my robust midsection creates – it’s clear I don’t miss too many meals. This is why anything billed as a “meal replacement” in the form of a powder that you mix with some form of liquid is repugnant to me.

Meals – even the sad sandwich (sadwich) of Tofurkey cold cuts and cheese I eat at my desk – are to be savored. A protein shake? That’s not a meal. For one, meals must involve chewing … unless you are among the infirm (though my blessed protein-shake-eating colleague P. Templeton seems to have to chew her “meals” from time to time).

No one I’ve ever known who subjects themselves to regular protein shakes actually enjoys them. They tolerate them. They choke them down for some greater purpose that never seems clear, other than to “power through” something.

If saving time or slimming down requires mixing a chalky powder into liquid, count me out.

—— David Holub

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[eat]

What the Fork | Lindsay Mattison

Seven steps to make this the best Thanksgiving ever

I

t’s the final countdown: We have exactly one week before Thanksgiving, and it’s totally on. I’ve got a house to clean and a meal to plan. The tasks are already starting to pile up, but I’m not gonna get stressed out this year – after all, Thanksgiving is just a big dinner party, and parties are all about having fun.

I get it. Executing a large meal so everything comes together at exactly the same time is hard.

The stakes are high for Thanksgiving, and things can get a little tense if you let that turkey gobble up all your time (sorry/not sorry). The good news – if you’re prepared, all that anxiety is absolutely avoidable. So don’t worry, we got this!

1. Get stuff out of the way this weekend.

Don’t wait. Get the house cleaned this weekend and find all the stuff you only use once a year (you know, like that huge roasting pan and your fancy serving ware). Shop for anything you’re missing and make sure you have enough containers, plastic wrap, or aluminum foil to store leftovers. Call Bread and order a pie so you don’t have to bake one. Compile your recipes and knock out the grocery shopping.

Most food items will last at least a week in the fridge, so snag ’em early while the pickings are still good.

2. Pick up some local booze I love having stuff around that my family can’t find outside the state. Swing by a local brewery and grab a growler or crowler of your local-only favorites, or grab a six-pack for longer-lasting bubbles.

There are plenty of Colorado wines and liquor, too, if the fam isn’t into beer. Some of the country’s best whiskeys and bourbons are coming out of the Front Range, so stock up! Mocktails featuring local apples or Zuberfizz sodas are good choices for the non-drinkers in your party.

3. The waiting is the hardest part ... said Tom Petty to the frozen bird Frozen turkeys take forever to thaw. Don’t even think about trying to fast track it by thawing it on the counter (unless you want to get everyone sick, of

turkey’s worth of crispy skin, but you get to say the word “spatchcock” all day long.

Spatchcock. There’s quite literally nothing better than repeating “spatchcock” to your mother-in-law, over and over.

It also cooks the bird much more quickly, and you won’t have to buy an expensive roasting pan. Google “Serious Eats Spatchcock Turkey” for the lowdown on this amazing cooking method.

6. Think outside the oven Unless you’re lucky enough to have a double-decker oven, your turkey is going to gobble up all the oven space (there, I did it again ... this time I actually am sorry). You can make everything else ahead of time and reheat side dishes in the oven while the turkey is resting (about 45 minutes for most turkeys). Or, you can consider using your smoker, David Holub/DGO; images via Shutterstock grill, or setting up an outdoor deep-fryer. No matter the cooking method, you’ll course). It takes one day in the fridge for every four still have to rest the bird before slicing, but freeing pounds, so that means four days to thaw a 16-pound up the oven could make your Thanksgiving that turkey. Either plan ahead or buy a fresh turkey; much easier. either way, make sure it’s thawed by Wednesday so you can brine it (a step you really don’t want to skip).

7. Prep your way to success 4. Dry brine your way to moist turkey Professional chefs write extensive prep lists to keep everything organized, and you should, too.

The best turkey of my life was dry brined. It Write down everything you need to cook and how sounds counterintuitive, but there’s a whole science long it’ll take. Consider anything you can do ahead I won’t get into about denatured proteins and the of time (like baking casseroles, soups, and pies) and physics of moisture absorption. Just trust me – a knock them out a day or two before. Prep the ingredry brine tastes better. The master recipe: Comdients for dishes that require last-minute attention bine 6 tablespoons kosher salt with 2 tablespoons (like dressing the salad or mashing the potatoes) so baking powder. Use just enough of the mixture to adequately season the turkey (you want it covered all you have to do is throw them together to finish but not caked on, and you probably won’t use all the the meal. salt). Let it sit, uncovered, in the fridge for at least 12 That’s it. Easy! If you make a plan and stick to it, hours. Two days is really the sweet spot for the best you might actually get to have fun hosting Thanksturkey ever (cover it loosely in plastic wrap if bringiving this year. ing for more than 24 hours). Bonus: You don’t have to worry about finding a large container to hold all Lindsay D. Mattison is a professional chef and food writer that brining liquid! living in Durango. She enjoys long walks in the woods, the simplicity of New York style cheese pizza, and she’s com5. Consider the spatchcock pletely addicted to ChapStick. Contact her at lindsaymattisonwriter@gmail.com.

This is not only the best way to create an entire

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[Something Wicked]

Patty Templeton

Workin’ on your soul by workin’ the pole

»» How I found sexy self-care in a pole dancing class

I

don’t have the best relationship with my body. I’m not sure anyone really does. I struggle to be kind to myself but shine at sincerely complimenting others. It’s a thing. I know it’s a thing. I’ve been working on my attitude toward my inner and outer being for some time. On my best days, I’m like, “You are brilliant! You are gorgeous!” On most days, I’m like, “Geezus H., Templeton, get your shit together.”

All of this is to say that, hey, why not try a route outside of Oprah’s “Super Soul Sundays” and reading the “The Alchemist” to reaching self-actualization? Podcasts and books can only do so much.

Sometimes to see new facets of yourself, you gotta get your ass outta the house and be active.

So, I took a pole dancing class at ReWild Pole Studio in Pagosa Springs with Sarah Wolf.

Holy shit, dudes, I’m not gonna lie. This was way out of my comfort zone. Outside of the fact that I do not equate sexiness with my boot-stomping self, I obsessively dislike failing in front of others. Taking classes is learning and learning is repeatedly failing (i.e., practicing) in front of others to get a thing right.

This is all very honest. Awkwardly honest.

Thanks for sticking in there.

BACK TO! I took a pole dancing class. Sarah Wolf is phenomenal. She converted her garage into a bright, cozy dance studio with three poles and oh my gawd, if there was anyone you’d want to learn from, it’s Wolf. She is thoughtful, encouraging,

Courtesy of ReWild Pole Studio ReWild Pole Studio in Pagosa Springs

and a classically trained dancer who has been pole dancing for four years. Wolf performs locally with the Bohemian Burlesque Society, nationally in pole dancing competitions, and she’s not going to allow you to psych yourself out.

“The top three reasons I hear that people don’t want to try a class like this are: ‘I need to lose weight first,’ ‘I am not strong enough,’ or ‘I don’t know how to be sexy,’” said Wolf. “Class is for everyone. If you want to get flexible, this class will help you get there, but you don’t have to be flexible, a certain size, or in high heels to do this. It is really just dancing but with a pole.”

When you sign up for class you get these tips: Don’t put on lotion near class time. It can grease the poles and make things slippery. Bring water. You may want knee pads (and Wolf has extra). Wear layers that can come off if you get too warm.

These tips, sent to me via email, led to fretting.

Unnecessary panic included: “What the heck kind of comfortable clothes? Like a T-shirt? Tight stuff ?”

And, “Do I wear something sexy?” And, “I don’t own sexy things to work out in.” I asked my best friend, Nida, “WHAT DO I WEAR?” in a flustered Gchat. She told me to calm the F down, that a T-shirt worked, just be comfortable. I put on black leggings, black shorts over those leggings, a brown shirt with an image of a fox drinking coffee on it, and knee socks. Too much, kids. I wore too much. Whose got two thumbs and overthinks everything? This gal.

I got to class. The first 10-ish minutes were a warm-up. From “stripper push-ups” to minute finger-to-floor presses, Wolf knows exercises that make you go, “Yep, gonna feel that tomorrow.” You’ll be glad you stretched, though. Even a beginning pole class uses muscles that are idle for most folks.

What happened next was epic for me. I decided to tell myself, “Try,” instead of, “I can’t do that.”

Wolf introduced how to walk around the pole.

Instead of me saying, “Oh my god, no. I can’t sexywalk,” I strutted around the pole and thought, “You are awesome. GET IT!” I reflected on Wolf telling me about how she attended an early pole dancing class as a student. She said, “I remember thinking that, ‘They [classmates] don’t like their bodies, but I think they are beautiful. Maybe I am beautiful, too, and don’t see it either. That’s a possibility.’ That is where my love for pole began, in learning that we as women can really see each other and support each

Courtesy of Sarah Wolf Sarah Wolf, of ReWild Pole Studio in Pagosa Springs.

other and learn self-love.”

The class was about an hour long. In it – I am not gonna lie – I was not a complete warrior of I AM QUEEN HAWT OF SAUCYTOWN! But I did have fun.

I laughed a lot. I got a helluva workout. I learned how to hook my leg around a pole and spin and, are you kidding me, you can go SO FAST and it is pretty dang exhilarating. There were pirouettes and “martini spins” where the pole is fastened between your knees and then you lift one leg all pin-up-elegant straight out. I learned how to do a “fireman spin.” I learned a whole lot of beginner tricks that Wolf repeated and repeated until I got the feel for each. I engaged with my body in ways that I had never experienced before.

There was self-inflicted embarrassment and an inner critic that told me I was “doing it wrong,” but you can’t learn if you don’t go through the gawky flail part. I constantly reframed the situation to myself from “This is hard” or “I am not ----- enough to do this” to “This is fun. Just try!”

Sorry, folks. This wasn’t a sexy article. It was selfhelp. It was an epiphany that human bodies are exquisite, even my own.

GO!

Have a celebration or do some self-exploration at ReWild Pole Studio Where: ReWild Pole Studio, 729 Harman Ave., Pagosa Springs When: A variety of classes from Thursday through Saturday How much: $15 drop-in class, $55 for 5-pack, $100 for 10-pack of classes Info: www.facebook.com/rewildpolestudio

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[style]

DURANGO STREET STYLE:

Vintage Levis and cattle tag jewelry

When you meet Illy McMahan, you immediately want to hang out with her again. She can energetically converse about any topic and there’s a lovely, chaotic creativity that buzzes about her.

McMahan is an entrepreneur, mother, and style icon. McMahan’s fresh to Durango, having moved here about two years ago, but she frequently pops back to her vintage-meets-modern shop, Carousel Consignment, in the Mission District of San Francisco.

Patty Templeton/DGO

»» Illy McMahan

DGO talked to McMahan about her fab San Fran storefront and her personal style.

“I have a vintage consignment store. We specialize in furniture, mainly midcentury modern, but we also do clothing.

We do pop-up stuff and have a salon in the back with a piano and it looks like an old timey 1800s bar. I had been in Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and it kind of wore me down. I wanted to be around trees and nature and be able to find a parking spot ... My business partner runs Carousel and I now co-own from a distance.

I come from Austin, and there is a huge culture of craftiness there, like the Austin Craft Mafia. When I moved to San Francisco, I lived there about 10 years, I started doing circus work, so I was really inspired by vintage carnivals and circuses, which is how we ended up naming our store, Carousel.

San Francisco is great ... I stepped up my game when I moved there because costuming is such an everyday thing.

My style is a mix of vintage and modern but geared toward being comfortable. I really like this shirt a lot. This is my party-up-top-casual-below look. I picked up these Patty Templeton/DGO suspenders at the Durango Flea »» Illy McMahan’s cattle tag jewelry.

Market for a dollar and they’re great. I also sometimes make jewelry. I like to work with rosaries and I’m obsessed with cattle tags. It’s interesting to know that this was once in a cow’s ear.

Nowadays, I lean toward wearing a lot more boots, a lot more vintage Levis, and have a love of vintage Western wear. Most of my clothes are used ... I really like to come from the side of fashion that has already been loved a little bit. My store’s business plan was around not buying new, buying used instead, and noticing the impact that that has on the world.”

Check out McMahan’s SF shop, Carousel Consignment, at www.carouselsf.com.

Interview edited and condensed for clarity.

—— Patty Templeton

The American International Rattlesnake Museum Weirdo fact that will make you cramp up: A rattlesnake egg stays inside its momma until the egg hatches.

Yowza. Snakes then pass the egg and

GET OUTTA TOWN Quirky & cool spots in the Four Corners and beyond

International Rattlesnake Museum.

The name is a misnomer. The “museum” is more of a display house of rad snakes and gila monsters, plus a gift shop.

There’s also a fairly large exhibit of snake memorabilia that includes toys, engravings, vintage movie posters, books, and a whole lotta random other rattler-ness.

hatchee. These snakes can then live 15 to 20 years and grow up to seven feet long.

Not gonna lie, this serpentarium is small, but if you want to feel like you’re on first date in a wacky Wes Anderson flick, you should stop by on your next trip to the ABQ. It’s plenty worth the fiver it will cost to get in the door.

Dig on these slither-critters? Head down to Albuquerque to the American

For deets on hours and location, get ye to www.rattlesnakes.com.

Nerdin’ out at New York Comic Con I went to New York Comic Con because, why not? It was fun. New York Comic Con is one of the biggest cons in the country. The other huge one is San Diego.

New York Comic Con, it’s in the Javits Center in Midtown Manhattan.

It used to fit in the convention center, years ago, but now, half the stuff isn’t even in there. It’s bigger than, at least, five football fields, easily. It fills the Javits Center, Madison Square Garden, and other places, too. It’s confusing because it’s all over the city.

Part of the reason I went is because I have family in New York and I can hit both at the same time, and I hadn’t been to one of these huge cons before.

I go to local ones, like Santa Fe that is relatively small. But New York? They have celebrities and people who are still creating comic books. TV stars are all over the place. They had Michael Rooker [most recently Yondu in “Gardens of the Galaxy”] on a panel and that was pretty awesome. I also went to an “X-Files” thing that Mulder and Scully, or rather David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, were at, and Chris Carter, the guy who made it.

To me, more than those panels, I love the artist alley where you get to wander around and talk to the artists ... At one point, I was standing to the side of the crowd trying to catch my breath and

WANDERLUST Travel stories worth telling

I noticed Chris Claremont who wrote “X-Men” comic books in the ’70s, who reinvented or introduced all the characters people now care about, and I was trying to take a covert selfie with him and at the same time Louise Simonson, who wrote “X-Men”-related comics in the ’80s, tripped over someone else and barreled into me. I thought it was a quintessential experience.

The people you notice are the ones in costume, super-elaborate stuff. One of my favorite ones I saw standing in line.

It took me a second to figure out what this woman was, but there is this scene in “Terminator 2” where the liquid metal terminator bad guy is impersonating John Connor’s foster mother and stabs a guy through a milk carton and into his mouth. This cosplay lady was dressed as Connor’s mom and had a metal spear hand with a bloody milk carton on the end of it. It was excellent.

—— Nick Gonzales Got a travel story worth telling? Write it in about 400 words and send it to editor@ dgomag.com. If you’d rather tell your story, send a brief synopsis along with your full name and phone number to the same address. Either way, your story should be true.

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THE GRIT. THE GLAM. THE FUNK. THE GO! DGO Magazine is hiring a Multi-Media Sales Representative to join our dynamic sales team.

[sound]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

Here’s some of what’s coming in 2018, local and national

S We’re seeking a leader who loves sales, knows greater Durango, enjoys going out into the field, and is a great human being; someone who cares both about local businesses and the bottom line and who brings a passion to work. This is your chance to have a positive impact and help local and regional businesses market to a unique millennial audience.

DGO is a weekly for readers who earnestly pursue live music, are lovers of a first bite, have palates that yearn for hops or grapes, enjoy local theater, feel invigorated by a good book and want to be in the know about recreational marijuana and what is happening this weekend.

Reporting to the Sales Manager, a successful candidate will identify new market opportunities and coordinate logistics associated with the weekly publication of our magazine.

Ideal candidates will have some background in advertising and a minimum of 2 years in sales; print or digital experience is a plus.

We offer a competitive compensation plan, which includes a base salary, plus eligibility for growth and performance bonuses, and comprehensive benefits including medical, dental, vision, paid time off, and a 401(k).

It is important to note that DGO is committed to providing a work environment that is completely free from any type of unlawful harassment.

Must: · Believe in DGO’s mission and goals · Understand the greater Durango market and be able to identify local prospects · Communicate effectively and demonstrate excellent closing skills · Have a conceptual understanding of digital and print marketing for small- and medium-sized businesses and a deep commitment to create success for clients · Be available to travel on sales calls (mostly local) · Bring a positive attitude and sense of humor to work every day Applicants who do not follow this application process will not be considered.

Please submit your resume and a thoughtful cover letter that includes answers to the following: 1) Why are you interested in working for DGO Magazine?

2) Why do you enjoy selling?

3) Tell us something unique about yourself we can’t learn from your resume.

Please apply online at: http://ballantinecommunicationsinc.com/careers/hot-jobs

ocial Media is a great tool when it delivers information you actually need. Sift through the vitriol, pictures, opinions delivered without inquisition, and useless information and maybe you’ll get something relevant. Its positive attributes do exist but seldom come, unless a necessity to your life is being angered and offended by people you don’t know.

Two weeks ago, I asked via social media which musicians had plans to release music in 2018.

Worthy of some genuine excitement and deserving a cold beer after a long workday are the local bands; that social media post, my first positive interaction with social media aside from birthday wishes, revealed over a dozen local acts putting out records. Some of these are longtime locals; others are bands that have come together through other projects or creative jam sessions: »» Eric Kiefer aka “Oblee” will drop another record of looped, weirdo, slacker rock. »» Powertribe will push out another release of loud rock with the guitar heroics of Darren Stroud. »» Elder Grown will finally get their full-length of rock, funk, and jam into the hands of all those people who help sell out their local shows. »» Busters Ghost has kicked around town for years; some songs have been heard via local radio, but official documentation is set for 2018. »» The Outskirts have plans for a summer tour and new release. »» The Aaron Lombardo bands Sky Pilot and Durango Funk All-Stars will push records out. »» Pagosa Springs’ Ragwater’s debut is a loud and dirty collection of rock. »» There’s more. The Randibals, fresh off Billfest, have a limited release cassette. Evan Suiter is part of a local, all-star collective that has an instrumental funk album in the can. James Mirabal is part of a new

band called The Missing Lynx with plans to record. Out of Montezuma County, Wake Up Laughing, The Moetones, and Genuine Cowhide all have records near completion.

The Moetones play straight ahead rock ’n’ roll, while Genuine Cowhide explores country and spaghetti western.

On a national level, 2018 will see releases too numerous to document here; worth mentioning includes: »» Calexico. The desert-noir indie band that dances between avant folk and mariachi with a punk vibe remain internationally celebrated.

“The Thread That Keeps Us” drops in early 2018 and is already being critically praised. »» Hot Snakes. This is rock music, and the sub pop release of new work

by Swami John Reis and company will also come along with reissued records from the Hot Snakes catalog. »» No Age. This noise rock duo has kept it simple and honest for decades.

“Snares Like a Haircut” will drop in January. »» The Dexateens. A personal favorite, this Alabama rock band is a great dose of garage thrash and, at times, laid-back twang. »» Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Django Django, MUSE, and Loretta Lynn all have releases coming alongside numerous flavors-of-the-week destined for the bargain bin along with a plethora of independently released singles, EPs and full-lengths being worked on as I type and while you read.

Clear some space on the vinyl and CD shelf, delete some files off your hand-held digital music device, and invest in the arts economy; for a business model that is jacked beyond repair, there sure are a lot of people still writing, recording, and releasing music, and it’s yours for the purchase.

Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@fortlewis.edu.

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[sound]

New at Southwest Sound Nov. 17 The Body and Full of Hell, “Ascending a Mountain of Heavy Light” Unless you are well-versed in the noise scene, I can guarantee that you have never heard anything like “Ascending a Mountain of Heavy Light.” Last year, weird doom band The Body and grindcore band Full of Hell released their first collaboration record, “One Day You Will Ache like I Ache,” and it was an exercise in extremity. This new record brings the ferocity and speed of Full of Hell balanced with the strange, electronic backbone of The Body. Chip King,

vocalist for The Body, has one of the most distinct voices in metal, sounding like a banshee wailing on the blackened moors. The guitars roil like a tumultuous sea at midnight, leaving you gasping for air before you are pulled under again. Sometimes it feels like a traditional punk rock or grind record, but there is always something off about it, whether it’s the weird silent spaces, the shrieking passages, the echoey vocals, or when the thing finally stops and you’re able to wonder what the f you just listened to.

Morrissey, “Low in High School” In “Low in High School,” Morrissey is channeling the angst that has always been at the core of his music. And by god, there is plenty to be angsty about in this world these days. There is a distinct layer of snark through-

What’s new Sharon Jones & the DapKings,“Soul of a Woman”

»» Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings, “Soul of a Woman”

Available: Friday, Nov. 17, via Daptone Records in various exclusive bundles. The album will presumably be made available digitally in most formats, on compact disc, and in a standard black vinyl LP version. The aforementioned exclusive bundles include a CD or the record on a limited run of turquoise vinyl (limited to one per customer) and one of two AMAZING turntable slipmats: the first featuring the “Soul of a Woman” album art (pictured) and the second is Sharon Jones’ high school portrait (amazing).

“Soul of a Woman” is the final studio record and posthumous release from the great Sharon Jones and her stellar backing band, the Dap-Kings. Just over a year ago, nearly to the exact day of this release, Jones died at the age of 60 after a relatively public three-year battle with pancreatic cancer. Jones was so much larger in life than her voice and barely five-foot frame physically portrayed. Give credit to Jones and the Daptone record label with revitalizing modern funk, soul, and R&B within our collective consciousness and awareness. Like many, I considered Jones the cornerstone of the record label, and with the tracks on “Soul of a Woman,” I am both painfully and joyfully reminded just how much talent she had. I have a greater-than-decent comprehension of her discography and truly, with no hesitation, believe that some of the cuts on this final record are the best work she had done.

Recommended for fans Aretha Franklin, Mavis Staples, Gladys Knight, Tina Turner, James Brown, Charles Bradley, or Lee Fields & the Expressions.

out the record, with Morrissey taking the piss out of a lot of the things he derides throughout the album. Musically, it is warm, dense, and entirely unremarkable to my ears. Morrissey sounds the same as ever, with a dreary sing-song delivery that has been his trademark for decades. This is one of those records that isn’t going to win him any new fans, but most people have made their decisions about Morrissey years ago.

Sharon Jones & the DapKings,“Soul of a Woman” Sharon Jones was a badass lady. I’m bummed out that I never got to see her rock out live. My old co-worker saw Jones on her last tour and had nothing but wonderful things to say.

Jones was touring between bouts of chemotherapy to combat the pancreatic cancer that eventually took her, performing bald after the chemo took

her hair. This album is a collection of tracks recorded before her death in 2016. It is pure soul. There are powerful songs, there are vulnerable songs, each one timeless in its own way. You could play most stacked against soul classics from the ‘60s and ‘70s and they would stand above. Album closer, “Call of God,” is an immediate gospel classic, with the slow introduction of the choir that Jones led at the Universal Church of God she attended.

It is a fitting album to cornerstone a wonderful, reserved career and a fitting celebration of a woman who was dancing and shouting until the very end. Rest in Peace, Sharon Jones.

Other notable releases this week: Bob Seger, Barenaked Ladies, Charlotte Gainsbourg, a greatest hits from Green Day, Talib Kweli, Godflesh, and Mavis Staples —— Cooper Stapleton

Co mm it To Be ing A

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—— Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Thursday, November 16, 2017 | 9

[drink]

The best bang for your wine buck »» Delicious boxed wines that are great deals Boxed wine gets a bad rap, but it shouldn’t. “The quaity of boxed wine is increasing every year,” said Gerry Schaerer, wine specialist at Star Liquors. “The preconceived notion, when you pull out boxed wine, is that someone at the table will say, ‘Ohh ...’ [said distastefully] ... It’s all good enough to put some in a glass and drink it. It’s pretty good juice.”

There are plenty of reasons to try out boxed wine. “It usually has a smaller eco footprint and has a super long shelf life,” said Schaerer. Plus, boxed wine is more for your money. Many boxed wines contain what would be two to four bottles of wine for a fraction of the cost because they don’t have that heavier packaging. The shelf life is four to six weeks for opened boxed wine instead of several days for an open bottle of wine.

Ain’t no right or wrong to boxed wine; it’s the same as any other booze. Try it out and whatever your taste buds be digging, go with it. If you’re at a loss in a wine aisle, don’t worry, DGO asked Schaerer what best-sellers and recs he had. What follows are a few of the notable boxed wines at Star Liquors, 1485 Florida Rd., 100 C.

Big Green Box Red Wine Blend

Black Box Cabernet Sauvignon

“Big Green Box, with tax that comes in at about $17.50. They’re a great value,” said Schaerer. You can expect the red blend to have a vanilla-cherry aroma, a taste of dried raspberry with a hint of orange peel. Definitely good with pizza.

If it’s been a long day, you’re gonna want a deep cab. Black Box pairs hella well with a sizzling steak, and is a drier red. Expect tinges of black currant, oak, and chocolate. If you are looking for a fab cooking wine, Black Box, or Bota Box are perfect.

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Bota Box Chardonnay

House Wine Pinot Grigio

La Vieille Ferme Blanc

Shania Red Monastrell 2016

“The best-selling brand that we have is Bota Box,” said Schaerer. “We order 50 cases almost every week.” This Chardonnay has a bright, melony taste. It’s vibrant, zesty, and will pair well with grilled chicken or pasta.

House Wine Pinot Grigio is a peachy, white wine with a sweet finish with smidges of nectarine popping through. If you’re doing fish tacos, give this one a sip.

This white has a fruity, crispy, dry nature. It looks all old world sitting on your table, kinda posh, even in a box. Get some fancy cheese and make a night of it.

“Shania, this Monastrell is probably the best boxed wine we have, in my opinion,” said Schaerer. “It’s from Spain, and there are really big values coming out of Spain. There’s a lot of grapes over there, a lot of people making wine and because of that, the price is depressed on an international level. You can buy $5 to $7 bottles of Spanish wine that are as good, if not better than a $15 or $20 bottle of French or California.”

Expect a deep, juicy taste.

—— Patty Templeton

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HOOKING-UP, TECH SEX, AND OBSESSION:

THE MINEFIELD OF MODERN LOVE »» Fort Lewis prof Dr. Natasha Tidwell,

Are there for-sure signals when someone is attracted to you?

on for-sure signals of attraction, handling rejection, and technology-savvy dating

I can’t give a 100 percent guarantee on this one, because attraction is a pretty complex process and is affected by situations, cultural norms, and individual differences, but here are a few (of many) signs that can indicate attraction.

D

ating can be terrifying.

It can be Rejection City on apps and, OMG, if you actually try to talk to that cute barista in person, you could ruin your favorite hangout forever. Dating today is such an epic quest, even comedians publish books about it.

See, for example, the hilarious and handsome Aziz Ansari’s conversational, social science-infused “Modern Romance” that dissects not only his own struggles with dating but America’s courting culture as a whole.

Say you finally find a partner – are they gonna think you are too needy, not catching signs, or want too little or too much sex? Is there such thing as Too Much Sex? Is dating even worth it?

DGO talked to Dr. Natasha Tidwell, assistant professor of psychology at Fort Lewis College. Tidwell is an expert in areas of attraction, relationships, and social psychology. We don’t have all the answers to your dating struggles, but here’s a good start on the signals of attraction a potential partner can give off, signs that someone is totally not interested, and how tech in dating doesn’t have to mean rejection.

One is pretty easy to predict – time. Is the person you like trying to spend a lot of time with you or are they avoiding your calls/texts?

Another is self-disclosure. If the person is revealing personal information about themselves and becoming more emotionally vulnerable with you, then that can be a sign that they want something more to develop.

On the flipside, if they’re only talking about Tidwell themselves and don’t seem interested in what you’re sharing about yourself, that can signal that they aren’t really invested in you as a person.

One really subtle cue is mimicry: People tend to mimic the behaviors (even some subtle ones, like crossing your arms, leaning back in your chair, etc.) of people they like.

None of these on their own are foolproof.

In general, the best way to know if someone is into you is to ask.

How do attraction signals differ in a digital setting?

A lot of the cues I mentioned above can translate to an online setting. For example, some evidence suggests that how much people match their language to one another predicts how attracted they are to one another. So, when you’re looking at the texts and Continued on Page 14 David Holub/DGO

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������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ Thursday, November 16, 2017 | 13

[love and sex]

David Holub/DGO

From Page 13

messages you send to one another, see how similar your language styles are.

Are there for-sure signals of someone not digging you when the person hasn’t flat out said,“Not interested”?

If someone isn’t responding to your texts or calls in a reasonable amount of time – please note that it’s NOT reasonable to expect people to always get back with you within 15 minutes!

– or frequently doesn’t respond at all, they’re probably not that interested.

Same if they keep canceling plans at the last minute or are consistently noncommittal when you mention making plans together. Of course, emergencies do happen and plans can change, but if this is a pattern of be-

MORE! Want to read more about modern relationships?

“Science of Relationships” is fulla easy-to-read, fun research by relationship scientists. Check out www.scienceofrelationships.com

havior, then it’s probably time to stop pursuing them.

The way I think of it is this: If someone isn’t as enthusiastically into me as I am into them, it’s probably better for both of us if we look elsewhere. Also, if you’re not sure or are getting mixed signals, just ask!

How do we combat obsessing over someone?

For example, going mad when someone doesn’t text you back when you know that they always have their phone.

It’s important for people to keep their own friends and interests and not rely only on a partner or potential partner to fulfill all of their social and emotional needs. It’s definitely normal to feel a bit of anxiety about whether someone is into you, especially during the early stages of relationships, but that anxiety will be a whole lot harder to deal with if you’re focusing all your energy on this one person instead of keeping up with your other hobbies and relationships.

Are young folks today really hooking-up more than previous generations?

That’s a common myth that gets perpetuated. In reality though, there’s some evidence suggesting that current young adults are actually LESS sexually active than previous generations were. Similar to that, a lot of people assume that adolescents are having sex at younger and younger ages. In fact, though, adolescents now are (on average, of course) waiting longer to have sex than adolescents from 10 and 20 years ago were.

There is a heavy rejection rate on apps. It’s all swipe left or swipe right. How can someone stay positive in a rejection-heavy dating culture?

I think that remembering just how Continued on Page 15

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[love and sex]

Is technology a new trend to enter into relationships and intimacy, or has tech been a factor in love for some time?

I think technology often has huge effects on human relationships that we don’t always recognize. For example, think about how much of an impact the telephone likely had on people’s daily lives when it first became a common fixture in homes.

I do think that our current norm of having constant access to technology has been both a blessing and a curse to relationship functioning. On the one hand, people aren’t limited in how much they can contact their loved ones, which can potentially allow them to maintain a sense of closeness and connection with them. This is especially true when you and your partner are traveling separately or live far apart.

On the other hand, constant access to smartphones, even when we’re not actively using them, can negatively affect our communication with other people. One of my concerns with constant access to technology is that a lot of people let their smartphones interfere with their relationships in their real life. If you’re distractedly checking your phone while your partner is trying to talk with you or (in a more extreme example) secretly checking Tinder behind his/her back “just in case someone better comes along,” that can really undermine your

Is there such a thing as having too much sex?

The right amount of sex is the amount that both partners are satisfied with. When it comes to casual sex, the most important guidelines is whether safety precautions are taken (e.g., contraception, regular STI testing) and all parties are enthusiastically consenting. If people are using sex in order to avoid talking about problems within a relationship or relying on it as a way to fix emotional wounds, than it can be problematic. But there’s a huge range of what’s “normal” in terms of frequency.

What about such a thing as dating too many people?

I think the most important thing is being honest with both yourself and your partners. If someone you’re

seeing wants to be exclusive but you don’t, you have to have the difficult conversation.

People vary on a dimension called “sociosexuality,” which refers to the extent to which they separate love and sex. Some evidence suggests that people who have a more “unrestricted” sociosexual orientation (agree strongly that sex without love is OK, for example) are more likely to cheat on their partners. But that’s a big generalization; for example, if someone with an unrestricted sociosexual orientation is highly committed to their partner, or is in an open relationship or casually dating multiple people, that may not be a problem for them. Developing communication skills and talking openly with your partner(s) about whether or not you want to be exclusive is more important than how many people you’re seeing.

Are there elements of dating culture that will never change, even if we all end up as avatars dating each other in simulated worlds?

anxiety that people experience at the very beginning of a new dating relationship will remain, just because of the way we feel when we begin to make ourselves vulnerable to another person we’re interested in. And I definitely think that communication skills will always remain one of the most important factors in determining a good, healthy dating experience regardless of the way we date.

How does studying modern intimate relationships and attraction positively impact the world?

I think this field is valuable because our romantic partners are often some of the closest, most influential partnerships we can have. If we can understand how to navigate them effectively, we can learn how to build happy, healthy, mutually beneficial relationships. We can also prevent a lot of emotional pain both for ourselves and other people.

Interview edited and condensed for clarity.

I think that the sometimes obsessive

—— Patty Templeton

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quickly and superficially people make judgments on dating apps can help.

With dating apps, it can seem like there’s an endless possibility of potential partners. Because of this, people can fall into the pattern of thinking there’s always a better option out there, no matter what good qualities they could find in the person they’re currently looking at, so they often don’t spend a lot of time or effort considering the possibilities of each profile they see. When people swipe, they’re making a really quick decision with very limited information. A lot of stuff about a romantic partner can’t be learned in two seconds. Recognizing the limitations of this method of dating and remembering that dating apps aren’t the only way you can meet people is probably a good idea. Plus, don’t get so wrapped up in dating that you forget the other awesome aspects of your life! Stay plugged in to your friendships and hobbies.

relationships and connections. We all need to think about how to maintain a healthy balance when it comes to our smartphone habits and remember that just because we’re constantly connected doesn’t mean we’re communicating well.

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[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

Avoid getting Too High. But if you are, try these remedies Part II in a short series

T

oo High is when you are begging your significant other, while at dinner with friends on New Year’s Eve, to tell you how long the effects of the piece of cannabutter cake you ate are going to last and the abject horror that grips you when you have apparently lost your ability to understand the English language. It is when your friends drag you into the bathroom and tell you to splash some water on your face and stop talking because you have not made a lick of sense in over an hour. And then the paranoia kicks in and you begin to believe that the whole evening – the cake, the restaurant, the holiday plans – are all part of elaborate plan to embarrass you publicly ...

And then your extremities begin to tingle. Too High is not a pleasant place to be.

It can happen while smoking flower; edibles can bring it to another level entirely. Cconcentrates? Please just be careful with the concentrates until you have used them enough to have your sea legs under you before graduating from “baby dab” to “glob.”

Fortunately for us (because we all encounter, at a minimum, the ’Noids every once in a while), the sometimes overpowering psychotropic effects of THC are generally short-lived and can be lessened with some commonly available remedies and a few simple changes in behavior.

Most of the tragedy that is Too High can be avoided with some planning and information-gathering before consuming your cannabis. Ask a few questions, whether it be of your

friends who may be furnishing it, or of the budtender who is selling it to you, or of the internet (if that is the only available option), about the characteristics of what you are about to put into your system. Is it a sativa?

Good information to know because these strains are more likely to cause a racy, anxious high than most indicas. What is the THC content? If the answer is over 15 percent and you are not experienced enough to know your tolerance level or if you have not smoked in a period of more than a year or so, please, for the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary, only take one hit. What is a dab? If you have to ask this question, you had better clear your afternoon and evening schedules because you are about to be very, very, very high. How much of this edible should I eat? Half or less – that is the only acceptable answer to this question for those people who do not eat them regularly. If it has

not kicked in after an hour, wait another hour. Trust me on this one.

If you do go ’round that bend and find yourself upside down under a street sign that seems to read “Too High,” fear not, we have ways of dealing with this situation: 1. CBD, in smoked or spray form One of the downsides (I guess) of the breeding revolution of the past generation is the loss of cannabis’ natural THC-to-CBD ratio to the drastic favor of THC. CBD acts to balance out the sometimes-overwhelming effects of its chemical cousin.

2. Black peppercorns These, like cannabis, contain terpenes. The beta-carophyllene found in this common culinary spice can put a pin in the hot air balloon that is Too High and bring you back to earth.

3. Regular old food and drink THC can cause a drop in blood sugar that may leave you feeling disoriented with an incredibly dry mouth that may leave you feeling plain old bad; too much sugar or caffeine might exacerbate the situation, so you are best off eating and drinking things that would not make you feel crappier on an average day.

4. The Hippie Trifecta Nature, music, and pets. These things help, they really do.

5. Breathe Sages across the ages, from the ancient yogis to Wim Hof know what’s up.

I hope you never find yourself Too High, DGO, but if you do, I hope the above list helps you out.

Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.

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[pages]

A delicious, fantastical, can’t-miss collection “Bone Swans” is a collection of fantastical novellas written by a firebird, or maybe C.S.E. Cooney is a firebrand.

She’s certainly a damn fine writer whose quill spills heartbreak as often as hope. Her stories explore the dark edges of the mind, but not without a lil’ glitter in kind. The five tales in “Bone Swans” are swaggering beasts that strut off the page in luxuriously poetic footfalls.

Favorite in the bunch?

“The Bone Swans of Amandale,” which was a 2015 Nebula finalist for Best Novella. It’s a retelling of The Pied Piper and The Juniper Tree fairy tales narrated by a rat named Maurice who is a perfectly vile, charming creature.

The collection, with »» “Bone Swans: Stories,” by C.S.E. Cooney an introduction by fantasy icon Gene Wolfe, is devastatingly gorgeous, and it won the 2016 World Fantasy Award for Best Collection.

Hell and bless it, I could croon about Cooney for days. What you need to know is that she is The Next Big Thing. She writes in a manner so delicious you may find yourself biting an edge of “Bone Swans” to pause and savor the stories. Her current cult fame is soon to skyrocket, so get those first editions stat.

If you like melodic, mischievous writing with expansive world-building similar to Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, “Bone Swans” is for you.

—— Patty Templeton

weekly bestsellers Nov. 5–Nov. 11 »»The Spiritual Nature of Ani-

»»The German Girl, by Armando Lucas Correa (Paperback)

mals: A Country Vet Explores the Wisdom, Compassion,

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[advice]

Life Hax | Carolyn Hax

A lingerie gift after dating two months? The kids these days!

Adapted from a recent online discussion: My 17-year-old grandson bought his 17-year-old girlfriend of barely two months lingerie from Victoria’s Secret. I think this is very inappropriate.

He thinks I’m a dinosaur. Guidance, please?

Dinosaur I think if you were his parent, then this would be a great “last call” bell, telling you that you’re about to have little to zero say in your son’s sex life. If you’re a grandparent but acting as his guardian, then that applies.

If you’re a grandparent in a traditional grandparent role, then you’ve got very little to say here except as an academic exercise.

Unless, that is, you’re able to communicate with him – as guardian or grand – not the judgmental aspect of your thinking, but the substance behind it.

So, instead of shooting him down as “inappropriate,” which just begs him to get defensive without providing much enlightenment, try explaining what you believe. Do it in as accessible a way as you can: “It’s your business what you buy with your own money, of course.

Be careful about moving fast with new people, though. It takes a long time before you really know someone, and when you fall hard, it’s tempting to get serious right away.” Or similar. Stick to the theme that gifts can speak for us in ways we don’t intend.

This is, again, assuming you’re able to communicate this way with him. It’s another reminder of why it’s so helpful to establish early with kids that they can talk to you about difficult things without your freaking out on them.

That buys you a lot of leeway when they’re older and you have an I’m-Older-So-I-Know-type opinion you think it’s important to convey.

Would I use one of those precious opportunities on this specific issue? No, not unless there were context to sup-

port that his moving fast was a pattern.

All this being said: If you just think it’s too sexy for 17, then, probably best to see this as a stolen-horse/barn-locking-type situation.

Re: Gift: I am a 35-year-old woman who is not even close to prudish, and I would be super weirded out if a guy I was dating for just barely two months bought me lingerie. Can’t hurt to have a conversation about the relative intimacy of gifts.

Weirded Out Absolutely, thanks.

Your being 35 vs. 17 could make you more inclined, though, not less, to see this as too intimate.

There’s also the potential for the 17-year-old girl herself to respond to the gift as too much too soon – and natural consequences are generally more effective teachers than any third-party warning can be. Still, it’s worth a well-meaning try.

Re: Gift: I just queried the 19-year-olds in our office and they all said ICK!!!!!

Icked I am irrationally smitten with this post.

Re: Gift: Nobody knows the details of the couple’s sex life. The guy is in the best position of anyone to know if his girlfriend would like it.

Anonymous ... Or to process the information he receives from his girlfriend on its wrongness, right?

Still, if it’s possible to do both – to leave it up to him and also to have open, ongoing communication about life, love, and skivvies – then I think

we’re on to something.

My boyfriend has made it clear he won’t marry me or anyone who doesn’t want to take his last name.

I’m not willing to change it and I don’t want to live with my boyfriend for the rest of my life. I want to be married at some point.

I’m not sure how we move forward.

Any suggestions?

Name Change?

You break up or you agree to change your name upon marriage or you carry on as boyfriend and girlfriend indefinitely. There’s no magic here.

There is, though, the fact of a line in the sand to consider. When both of you draw your own, then it’s easy – he won’t, you won’t, let’s call the whole thing off.

When one of you draws an arbitrary line, though, then I could argue it’s even easier: Who wants to form a life partnership with someone who apparently gave serious thought to his priorities – for your compliance, mind you – and put you, the person, second?

At best?

He chose the idea of his name over the reality of you. How lucky you both are to have this information now. The least welcome information tends to tell us the most.

My sister, “Sarah,” is turning 30 soon.

Except during college, she has lived with my parents rent-free her entire life. I have always taken the stance of, “It’s my parents’ and sister’s business what they do,” and never brought it up.

Sarah is a kind, warm and loving person, but either due to circumstances, anxiety, or lack of motivation (I’m not sure), she has remained in the same low-paying, entry-level job for the last eight years. Recently both of my parents have come separately to ask me to “talk to your sister” and encourage her to move out, but they

refuse to confront her directly.

I would ask her to move in with me, but I share a one-bedroom apartment with my fiance.

What should I do? And is there anything I can do (other than financially) that would help my sister?

Conflicted in the Midwest Don’t throw out an excellent stance just because your parents asked you to.

This IS your parents’ and sister’s business.

You also don’t know whether Sarah needs help. She could be happy in her job and content with the simplicity of her life, not to mention completely unaware the contentment isn’t mutual.

You won’t know otherwise until your parents talk to her – as it is absolutely their job to do.

Such a conversation is likely to reveal whether Sarah has been cemented in place by a problem versus a preference, because she’ll either falter or just move out. Even then, the time to help her is when she asks you to, unless she’s plainly in trouble.

One thing you can do is something sibs in healthy families do as a matter of course: Ask about plans and hopes and dreams. Not in a judgy way – in an I-care-and-I’m-curious kind of way.

“Milestone-birthday time ... how are you doing, feeling, managing these days?”

In fact, it’s striking that you apparently haven’t asked, perhaps reflecting a family-wide aversion to speaking up.

Look: Your first thought isn’t to talk to her, it’s to absorb her.

Your chances of getting good answers to loving inquiry, by the way, are inversely proportional to your certainty that only one path through life will do.

Carolyn Hax is a syndicated advice columnist for The Washington Post. She started her advice column in 1997, after five years as a copy editor and news editor in Style and none as a therapist. Email her at tellme@washpost.com.

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[happening]

Thursday

DGO’s picks in and around Durango

Introduction to QuickBooks, 8 a.m., $246,

Rob Webster, 5 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200.

Black Velvet Trio, 7 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave., 247-5440.

La Plata County Commissioner Julie Westendorff public office hours, 10 a.m.,

Sunday

Art extravaganza at Studio & Get your ass to “Still/Unstill,” the free art opening at Studio & this weekend.

The show is curated by Maureen May and features art by “Wayward Pines” author Blake Crouch, DGO editor David Holub, Sandra Butler, Stacey Sotosky, and more. Bonus: 20Moons Dance Company will perform.

San Juan College-Quality Center for Business, 5101 College Blvd., Farmington.

Pine River Library, 395 Bayfield Center Drive, Bayfield, 884-2222.

Toddler story time, 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

Read to Rover, 3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

“Dynamics of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault” training, 5:30 p.m., Four

Details: Free, 21 and over, 9:30 p.m., Friday, Nov. 17, Balcony Backstage, 600 Main Ave., www.balconybarandgrill.com

Corners Child Advocacy Center, 140 N. Linden St., Cortez.

Lisa Blue, 5:30 p.m., Durango Crafts Spirit, 1120 Main Ave. Tim Sullivan, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Open Mic Night, 6 p.m., Eno Wine Bar and Cocktail Lounge, 723 East Second Ave. Introduction to Electronics, 6 p.m., $20-$40, Powerhouse Science Center, MakerLab, 1295 Camino del Rio.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Harlis Sweetwater Band and Hurricane Jake, 7 p.m., $15, Sunflower

Details: free, all ages, 5 to 9 p.m., Friday, Nov. 17, Studio &, 1027 Main Ave., www.anddurango.com

Foot-stomping bluegrass at Balcony Fellowship of the Strings is gonna make the Balcony bounce on Friday with power-stomping bluegrass tunes. Good vibes will roll from Durango to The Shire and you’re gonna wanna piece of that preciousness.

Nov. 20 marks the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDoR). It’s an international day of action dedicated to mourning those who have been murdered as a result of transphobia. TDoR was founded in 1999 by Gwendolyn Ann Smith to memorialize the murder of Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was murdered in Massachusetts. Durango’s Unitarian Universalist Fellowship will host a Transgender Day of Remembrance service that all are welcome to join.

Details: Free, all ages, 5-7 p.m., Sunday, Nov. 19, Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 419 San Juan Drive, www.facebook.com/DurangoUU

“Angels in America” at ACT The National Live Theatre’s production of “Angels in America: Part One” begins on Saturday, with part two being shown the following Saturday, Nov. 25. The Pulitzer Prize-winning play takes place during the 1980s and is a complex, compelling exploration of what queer life was like during the onset of the AIDS crisis and the Reagan administration’s refusal to acknowledge the epidemic.

Details: $15 for each part, all ages, 11 a.m., Saturday, Nov. 18, for part one, 11 a.m. Saturday, Nov. 25, for part two, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive, www.animascitytheatre.com

Get all ice-climby at Ska If you’re one of those badasses who likes to climb intense ice mountains while the rest of us watch Netflix docs about ice mountains, Ska is hosting a Winter Warm-up Party just for you. Local ice climbing legends Kevin Lindlau, Brandon Mathis, and Bee Alaine Mathis present on the upcoming season. Plus, there’s a “Figure Four” competition and a raffle with prizes from Petzl, Camp USA, and more.

Details: Free entry but donations encouraged, 21 and over, 4 to 6 p.m., Sunday, Nov. 19, Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St., www.facebook.com/DurangoAAC

Beer + books = YAASSS The Durango Public Library wants to get drunk with you and chat about books.

Or, ya know, at least get tipsy. Books and Brews is a monthly book club that takes place at Animas Brewing. A librarian leads an open discussion where anyone who wants to stop by the book club can rant or rave about the books in their life and hear about awesome new books from everyone else there.

Details: Free, 21 and over, boozing not required, 7 p.m., Monday, Nov. 20, Animas Brewing, 1560 East Second Ave., www.durangopubliclibrary.org

Theatre, 8 E. Main St., Cortez.

Durango Photography Club: Bring Out Your Gear!, 7 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds,

2500 Main Ave.

Friday “Live by Living” Animas River walk, 10 a.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

Preschool story time, 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

STEAM Lab, 3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

The Polar Express, 5 p.m., $32-$81, Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad, 479 Main Ave. MakerLab happy hour, 5 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, MakerLab, 1295 Camino del Rio. Dustin Burley, 7 p.m., Lady Falconburgh’s Alehouse and Kitchen, 640 Main Ave. Violinist M. Brent Williams and pianist Lisa Campi Walters, 7 p.m., $5-$20, St. Mark’s

Episcopal Church, 910 East Third Ave., 247-1129.

Jelly Belly Boogie Band, 8:30 p.m., Billy

Goat Saloon, 39848 U.S. Highway 160, Gem Village, 884-9155.

Saturday Thanksgiving Farmers Market, 9 a.m.,

La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave., 749-5582.

“The Art of Storytelling” workshop, 10 a.m., $50-$56, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

Family Arts Day, 10 a.m., Dancing Spirit Community Arts Center, 115 Ute St., Ignacio.

International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, 10:45 a.m., Fort Lewis College, Noble Hall,

Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery

and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 247-7700.

Transgender Day of Remembrance, 5

p.m., Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Durango, 419 San Juan Drive, 247-1004.

Bluemoon Ramblers, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Joel Racheff, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 375-7260.

Monday “Unleash Your Muse” workshop, 5:30

p.m., $80-$100, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

Joel Racheff, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Introduction to Laser Cutting, 6 p.m., $20-$40, Powerhouse Science Center, MakerLab, 1295 Camino del Rio.

Tuesday Physical Disabilities Peer Group,

2 p.m., Southwest Center for Independence, 3473 Main Ave. Baby story time, 2 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East Third Ave., 375-3380.

Terry Rickard, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Tuesday jam, 6 p.m., Steaming Bean, 900 Main Ave., 403-1200.

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive, 799-2281.

Tim Sullivan, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 375-7260.

Wednesday Morning meditation, 7:45 a.m., Pine River Library, 395 Bayfield Center Drive, Bayfield, 884-2222.

SMART Recovery Durango, 5:30 p.m., Suttle Street Clinic, 72 Suttle St., Suite M. Greg Ryder, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave., 247-4431.

Hello Dollface acoustic duo, 6 p.m., Eno Wine Bar and Cocktail Lounge, 723 East Second Ave., 385-0105.

Terry Rickard, 7 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 375-7260.

Ongoing Mancos Winter Holiday Arts Bazaar call for artists, submission deadline is

Dec. 9, contact Sarah Syverson, 903-8831, mcddirector@gmail.com.

Lily Russo “Mosaics, Mantras, and the Moon” art display, Nov. 7-Jan. 7, Raider Ridge Cafe, 509 East Eighth Ave.

Room 130, 1000 Rim Drive.

Henry Stoy piano, 11 a.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave., 247-7700.

Submissions

“The Exterminating Angel” new production, 11 a.m., $5-$23, Fort Lewis College,

www.swscene.com, click “Add Your Event,” enter the event info into the form and submit. Listings at www.swscene.com will appear on www.dgomag.com and in our weekly print edition. Posting an event on www.swscene.com is free and takes one day to process.

Student Union, Vallecito Room, 1000 Rim Drive, 247-7657.

Mountain Film on Tour, 1:30 p.m., $8-$20, Durango Arts Center, 802 East Second Ave., 259-2606.

To submit listings for publication in DGO and www.dgomag.com, visit

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Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) This is a passionate, romantic week for lovers. On a more mundane level, you will feel generous toward others this week, especially if they need your help or support.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) All your relationships with partners and close friends will be affectionate and easygoing this week. Your ability to deal with members of the general public is excellent!

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) A co-worker might come to you with his or her problems this week because he or she sees you as someone who can help him or her. (And if you can, you will.) For others, a work-related romance could begin.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

Bizarro

This is a fabulous week for a romantic

date! It’s also the kind of week where love at first sight will begin for some of you. You also will feel tenderhearted toward children.

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22) Family discussions will go well this week because everyone feels sympathetic toward each other. You also will be interested in redecorating and doing something to make your home look more beautiful.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) This is a lovely week! You will notice the beauty of your daily surroundings more than usual. Not only that, you’ll also see how much affection and love there is in your daily world.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) If out shopping this week, you will be tempted buy luxurious, elegant items.

However, don’t give away your money.

Be prudent.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) Relationships with others are friendly, diplomatic and warm this week. In fact, you will charm everyone you meet.

People will want to be in your presence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) You feel moved to help those who are less fortunate this week. You even will go so far as to put their interests before your own, if you have the opportunity. (That’s very noble.)

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) Friendships with others are warm this week. In particular, you will enjoy hanging out with people who are creative and artistic.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) A work-related romance, especially

with a boss or someone in a position of power, might begin this week. Others will seek out your advice about how to make something look better.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) Travel for pleasure appeals to you this week. You want to escape to wonderful places with turquoise waters and white sand.

BORN THIS WEEK You are confident, independent and lively. You also are practical and positive about life. This is a year of new beginnings, adventures and exciting changes! It’s time to take the initiative and define your goals. What you begin now will benefit you in the future. You might even take on a leadership role.

It’s the beginning of a fresh new cycle! © 2017 King Features Syndicate Inc.

[Random relationship BS] »»Supposedly, statistics say dudes know they’re falling in love after three dates. It takes women closer to 14 dates. »»Speed dating was invented by a rabbi in Los Angeles to help his congregation’s singles to have supervised get-togethers. »»One in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. »»The average female orgasm lasts 20 seconds. »»The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. »»It takes about 12 to 14 dates before a couple will trade house keys. »»It’s been researched that if you date for three months, you’re likely to make it to four years. »»Free dating sites have a higher scammer rate (of 10 percent) than paid-for dating sites. »»One third of online daters give up, one third form relationships, and one third keep trying. »»A study of over 10,000 speed daters by the psych department of the University of Pennsylvania found that most people identify if they find someone attractive within three seconds.

22 | Thursday, November 16, 2017 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[pics]

»» Lucy Schaefer/Special to DGO

»» Lucy Schaefer/Special to DGO

»» Lucy Schaefer/Special to DGO

Thrifting, radio life, and a dragon and her dog DGO contributor Lucy Schaefer trekked around Durango snapping photos of the lively weekend of locals. Here’s the innards of KDUR, thrift finding, Waffles the cat getting adopted at the La Plata County Humane Society, a dragon and her dog on 32nd St., The Barn House on County Rd. 213, and Nowhere, CO. For more photos from the Durango weekend, go to dgomag.com.

»» Lucy Schaefer/Special to DGO

»» Lucy Schaefer/Special to DGO

»» Lucy Schaefer/Special to DGO

������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ Thursday, November 16, 2017 | 23